July 24, 2024 • 47 mins
Buckle up for the outrageous second part of “The Girl Who Pretended to Be a Boy,” where dragons are fought, flowers are tested, and identity is anything but straightforward.
In true Tales of Bedlam fashion, Micah (Knob Twister), Dustin (Sofa Sitter), Dr. Knowall, and the ever-creepy Mr. Death Hades tear through a fairy tale full of sexist tests, magical horses with Netflix passwords, and genius-level absurdity. Will our heroine outwit her nosy hosts and ridiculous social expectations? Will Mr. Death bake more soul bread? Will Dr. Knowall earn his paycheck?
This episode mixes clever commentary with unhinged humor, poking fun at the bizarre gender tropes in classic folklore—while somehow making room for beatboxing unicorns. If you missed part one, catch up before diving into this hilarious second episode. And tune in for our third and final episode of “The Girl Who Pretended to Be a Boy.”
This episode is a replay from 2019-2021; please ignore any announcements during the episode.
For more Fairy Tale fun, follow, like, and share at...
If you have a question for us, email us at talesofbedlam@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:00):
Is that some good honey whiskey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:04):
It's not got any honey in it.
They made this one a littlestronger.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:09):
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host.
Mr. Death Hades (00:12):
Knob Twister, I am you shall not be named ever
again.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:19):
Oh, you're sounding like death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:21):
Death can suck it.
Herd, you're back.
I invited you again.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:27):
Welcome back.
Part two of the Girl whoPretended to Be a Boy.
We will be joined again byworld-renowned psychiatrist Dr
Knowall.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:40):
And for some reason, mr Death Hades is
apparently not enough to donowadays.
Hello, just sit down, please.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:50):
Dustin, we have a long story ahead of us
with lots of commentary.
Will you get us started please?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:58):
I will kick this horse in the butt.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:01):
Nice.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:02):
The Princess Road, on and on.
Do we need a recap?
If you need a recap, just goback and listen to the last
episode.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:09):
Oh, if you're listening to this and you
haven't listened to part one,you're going to be sorely
confused.
Go back and listen to part onefirst.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:18):
Yeah.
So let's just say where we leftoff the Princess won.
Wait, we left off, the princesswon.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:26):
Wait, we gotta go further back than that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:28):
No, we don't.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:28):
Yes, because her father is an emperor
of a country, but he's gettingtoo old and tired to take care
of the country, so he wants togo ahead and surrender to the
bigger emperor who lives nextdoor.
But that bigger emperorrequires a son to give 12 years
of service in order to for himto surrender to him.
He has no sons.
He only has three daughters.
The first two failed at thetask that he put before them,
(01:52):
which was to cross the copperbridge, where he became a wolf
and scared them away.
But the third daughter she, won.
She went across the bridgedespite her father looking like
a wolf.
Then her father created anotherbridge of gold and became a
12-headed dragon.
And she defeated the dragonafter hours of fighting and cut
(02:15):
one of its heads off.
And the father's like you areawesome, I love you.
You're going to be a great boy.
Go out into the world and win.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:26):
That was a lovely sum up, I'd have to say.
The only thing you forgot wasthe weird horse.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:32):
Oh yeah, the talking horse.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:35):
And there's a talking wise horse
who's also a magician.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:39):
The talking horse is also a magician
and is an amateur beatboxer.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:44):
Now you're all caught up, but go listen to
the first episode anyway.
So the princess rode on and ontill at last she came to the
mountains which hold up the roofof the world.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:56):
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:57):
Yeah, are these flat earthers?
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:59):
This is a flat earth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:00):
Because I'm telling you right now, I'm
not down with that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:03):
Flat earth .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:05):
There she met two geniuses, and in some
mythologies a genius was thoughtto be a guardian spirit.
Ah, not a really smart person.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:18):
A powerful creature.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:20):
When I read that I thought it was like
two Albert Einsteins sitting onthe side of the road.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:27):
Slapping each other.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:29):
This is more like a genie than a genius.
Anyway, she met two genii, okay, who had been fighting fiercely
for two years.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:40):
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:41):
Without one having got the least
advantage over the other?
What Without one having got the?
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:44):
least advantage over the other, seeing
what they took to be a youngman seeking adventures, one of
the combatants called out Fitfair nurse, deliver me from my
enemy and I will give you thehorn that can be heard the
distance of three days journey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:04):
What would you do with a horn like?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:06):
that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:06):
Blow people's eardrums out.
Yeah you could blow the hornand three days later somebody
would hear you what?
No, that meant if you blew thehorn, they could hear it.
If they were three days away,what?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:21):
I like my way better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:25):
It's a delayed horn.
It seems useless either way.
Well, the other cried but fronthorse, help me to conquer this
pagan thief and you shall havemy horse.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:41):
Sunlight.
Before answering, the princessconsulted her own horse as to
which offer she should accept,and he advised her to side with
the genius who was master ofsunlight?
Oh yeah, his own youngerbrother.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:59):
What Twist .
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:01):
And still more active than himself.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:03):
Oh, I can hardly believe it.
So the girl at once attackedthe other genius and soon clove
his skull.
Why would she have to be soviolent?
Then, the one who has leftVictor begged her to come back
with him, to his horse, to hishouse, and he would hand over
(05:26):
sunlight, as he had promised.
Mr. Death Hades (05:28):
Huzzah, a head cleaving, that nut was cracked.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:36):
It really never ends with you, does it?
Mr. Death Hades (05:39):
It goes on and on and on Okay.
Time never ends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:47):
Oh, you're getting a little wacky with the
sickle again.
Sit down, take a deep breath.
Jeez, can I continue the storynow, please do?
The mother of the genius wasrejoiced to see her son return
safe and sound and prepared herbest room for the princess who,
(06:09):
after so much fatigue, neededrest badly, as one does after
fatigue.
After cleaving heads yeah, it'stiring work, I hear, but the
girl declared that she mustfirst make her horse comfortable
in his stable.
But this was really only anexcuse, as she wanted to ask his
advice on several matters andbinge-watch.
(06:30):
Their favorite Netflix show Washer iPad in the list of things
she packed.
I don't remember that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:38):
Well, the horse is a magical unicorn.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:42):
So she just types the password into his
butt.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:44):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:45):
And then, it comes out his mouth on a
projector.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:47):
It's unfortunate.
You have to hold the tail up,wow, the entire time.
Stop, it's like a switch.
But the old woman had suspectedfrom the very first that the
boy who had come to the rescueof her son was a girl in
disguise.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:07):
Why would she suspect?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:08):
that.
No, I'd like to think that Iwould suspect it also Kind of
hard for a female to oh yep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:20):
We're going down that road, are ya?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:23):
And told the genius that she was exactly
the wife he needed.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:30):
Oh, she wanted him to have a wife.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:32):
The genius scoffed and inquired what
female hand could ever wield asaber like that Sex?
As much male hand could everwield a saber like that Sexist
much.
But in spite of his sneers, hismother persisted and, as a
proof of what she said, laid atnight on each of their pillows a
(07:54):
handful of magic flowers.
So much magic, it's justeverywhere that fade at the
touch of man.
What's some weird magic flowers, but remain eternally fresh in
the fingers of a woman.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:11):
What use would those flowers be other
than this very specific instance?
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:16):
Well, you could give them to your wife.
You just would have to wear aglove to hand them to her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:21):
Yeah, and hope that they don't wither,
whoops.
Dr. Know All (08:25):
Oh, oh, yes, hope that they don't wither Whoops.
Oh, oh.
Yes, I have a little concernabout the overbearing mother
here.
This can lead to some severeantisocial and possibly
psychopathic behavior.
We can see some of this comingout already with the blatant
sexism of this genius.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:41):
Hmm, I agree, there's a lot of sexism
in this, too bad.
There just wasn't a lot of sex.
Wow, it was very clever of her,but unluckily the horse had
warned the princess what toexpect and when the house was
silent the horse quietlybeatboxed the Mission Impossible
(09:02):
theme as she stole very softlyto the geniuses room.
And exchanged his faded flowersfor those she held.
Then she crept back to her ownbed and fell fast asleep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:23):
Why did she just not touch them?
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:28):
That's a good point I don't understand.
Well, I guess it would be morebelievable if the genius's
mother came in the next day andshe was she was holding them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:41):
They'd fade.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:42):
So she just moved them.
Well no, because his hadalready faded.
So now she's holding them andthey'd fade.
So she just moved them.
Well no, because his hadalready faded.
So now she's holding them andthey've already been faded.
So she had to get the geniuses'flowers.
Oh, she needed the fadedflowers yeah she needed the male
Because he had already touchedthem, I guess, and they've
already faded she needed thefaded ones.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:01):
Alright, I get it.
I got it.
Now I get this weird ruse withthe magic flowers.
I don't approve of it, but Iget it.
At break of day, the old womanran to see her son and found, as
she knew she would, a bunch ofdead flowers in his hand.
What, woo-hoo?
Yay, she is a boy, great.
(10:23):
She next passed on to thebedside of the princess, who
still lay asleep grasping thewithered flowers.
Man, my tongue doesn't work.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:38):
There's so much magic in this.
They might as well be wizardflowers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:44):
Why don't the people have useful magic?
But she did not believe any themore that her guest was a man,
and so she told her son.
So they put their headstogether and laid another trap
for her.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:58):
So now, all of a sudden, the son's on
board I think he just got to dowhat mommy says, Even though
he's a great and mighty genius.
Wow, After breakfast, thegenius gave his arm to his guest
and asked her to come with himinto the garden.
For some time they walked aboutlooking at the flowers, the
(11:20):
genius all the while pressingher to pick any she fancied.
But the princess, suspecting atrap, inquired roughly why they
were wasting precious hours inthe garden when, as men, they
should be in the stables lookingafter their horses and gawking
at the lady's ankles.
(11:42):
Then the genius told his motherthat she was quite wrong and his
deliverer was certainly a man.
But the old woman was notconvinced of all that.
Dr. Know All (11:56):
All this pretense seems unnecessary.
I fear it will lead to a skewedworld view.
I think it's time for some ofthat honey whiskey, I agree.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:05):
Dr Noel, thank you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:07):
Never has a truer thing been said.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:11):
She would try once more, she said, and her
son must lead his visitor intothe armory where hung every kind
of weapon used all the world,some playing and bear, others
ornamented with precious stones,and begged her to make a choice
of one of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:31):
This is a terribly sexist story Because,
uh, what I'll just tell youright now, I've been picking the
crap out of the flowers and Idon't give a crap about any of
the weapons in the room, and I'ma man, so I fail the test.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:49):
I don't understand why you're picking
crap out of flowers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:53):
I would pick the crap out of flowers.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:55):
Somebody's walking me through a garden and
said why is there crap onflowers to begin with?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:00):
Oh, it's just a figure of speech.
You're not getting my Making mypoint.
This is a sexist story.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:08):
I agree, it's just full of stereotypes.
But we're gonna shatter thosestereotypes yes, we are.
Right, right, dr Knowall.
Dr. Know All (13:17):
I'm very much enjoying this honey whiskey and
I don't feel that I need tocomment at this time.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:23):
What are we paying him, for we're paying
him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:27):
Yes, I thought he was a guest.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:30):
You're cut off A paid guest.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:33):
I'm not paying him.
The princess looked closely.
The princess looked at themclosely and felt the edges and
points of their blades.
And felt the edges and pointsof their blades.
Then she hung at her belt anold sword with a curved blade
that would have done credit toan ancient warrior.
After this, she informed thegenius that she would start
early the next day and takesunlight with her.
Mr. Death Hades (13:56):
I wonder if there was a sickle.
I prefer the sickle.
Its uses are innumerable Toreap souls and wheat to make my
bread.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:09):
I can't believe.
I don't know what to say to you, but you need to put that thing
down in the room before youhurt somebody.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:20):
So this is like soul bread.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:23):
Soul bread .
Don't encourage him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:27):
I might want to try that.
It might be the secretingredient to everlasting life.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:35):
Oh my gosh , why don't you two get a room
to discuss soul bread?
Mr. Death Hades (14:41):
It is delicious .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:43):
Oh my god.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:45):
Surely we can move on, and there was
nothing for the mother to do butto submit, though she still
stuck to her own opinion.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:54):
As women do, whoa.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:58):
Wow, now you're being sexist.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:01):
I had to throw it in there.
Is it sexist?
If it's the truth, though wedon't, I apologize.
The princess mounted sunlightand touched him with her spur
when the old horse who wasgalloping at her side suddenly
said Up to this time, mistress.
(15:25):
You have obeyed my counsels andall has gone well.
Listen to me once more and dowhat I tell you.
I am old, and now there issomeone to take my place.
I will confess it, I'm afraid,that my strength is not equal to
the task that lies before me.
(15:47):
Give me my leave, therefore, toreturn home, and you continue
your journey under the care ofmy brother, put your faith in
him, as you put it, in me, andyou will never be sorry.
Wisdom has come early tosunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:12):
Yes, my friend, you have served me well,
and it is only through yourhelp that, up to now, I have
been victorious.
So grieved though I am to sayfarewell, I might have the
vapors, I will obey you yet oncemore and will listen to your
(16:36):
brother as I would to yourself.
Only I must have proof that heloves me as well as you do.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:43):
Why are all these people improving
everything?
Jiminy Christmas?
Oh, I gotta do a differenthorse's voice.
Now it's a younger one, right?
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:56):
And more lively.
His name is Sunlight.
How should I not love you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:04):
Answered Sunlight.
How should I not be proud toserve as a warder?
Not love you?
Answered Sunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:06):
How should I not be proud to serve a
warrior such as you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:10):
Trust me, mistress, and you shall never
regret the absence of my brother.
I know there will bedifficulties in our path, but we
will face them together Wow.
Wow, nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:28):
That was beautiful, Dr Nowell.
It looks like you havesomething to say.
Dr. Know All (17:34):
I'm surprised at the maturity and presence of the
mind the young lady shows here.
Despite her questionableupbringing and possible
dracophobia, she seemswell-adjusted.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:48):
Then, with tears in her eyes, the princess
took leave of her old horse,who began to beatbox the main
score from the Secret Life ofWalter Mitty.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:58):
I don't even know that one.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:59):
She had ridden only a few miles further
when she saw a golden curl lyingon the road before her Checking
her horse, she asked whether itwould be better to take it or
let it lie.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:13):
A golden curl.
Oh, I remember Tear Shh.
Sorry, gosh Spoiler.
If you take it, said sunlight,you will be sorry, and if you
don't, you'll be sorry as well.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:33):
So take it .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:37):
That was the dumbest advice I ever heard.
If you take it, you'll be sorry.
If you don't take it, you'll besorry, Yep.
If you take it, you'll be sorry.
If you don't take it, you'll besorry, yep.
On this.
The girl dismounted and pickingup the curl wound it around her
neck for safety.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:54):
That was a long curl.
They passed by hills, theypassed by mountains, they passed
through valleys, leaving behindthem thick forests and fields
covered with flowers that shedidn't stop to pick, apparently,
and at where she's got a partto play now.
And at length they reached thecourt of the Overlord.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:18):
It's an awfully long ways away.
Oh, is he sleeping?
Oh shh, just let him be, it'sfine, you just take your nap
over there.
Grab his sickle.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:39):
Mr Death Hades is sleeping.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:43):
Get a sickle while he's sleeping.
Mr. Death Hades (19:47):
We have like ten pages left.
This is the longest story we'veever done.
Oh my god.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:53):
Where are they?
What?
Okay, they're going to theOverlord.
He was sitting on his throne,surrounded by the sons of the
other emperors who served him aspages, surrounded by the sons
of the other emperors who servedhim as pages.
These youths came forward togreet their new companion and
wondered why they felt soattracted to him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:12):
That's a good looking boy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:13):
What the crap is going on?
Could they just smell thepheromones on her?
However, there was no time fortalking and concealing her
fright.
The princess was led straightto the throne and explained in a
low voice the reasoning of hercoming.
The emperor received her kindlyand declared himself fortunate
(20:34):
in finding a vassal so brave andso charming and begged the
princess to remain in attendanceon his person.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:42):
She was, however, very careful in her
behavior towards the other pageswhose way of life did not
please her.
One day, however, she had beenamusing herself by making sweet
meats.
When two of the young princeslooked in to pay her a visit,
(21:02):
she offered them some of thefood which was already on the
table, and they thought it sodelicious that they even licked
their fingers so as not to losea morsel.
Of course, they did not keepthe news of their discovery to
themselves, but told all theircompanions that they had just
been enjoying the best supperthey had had since they were
(21:24):
born.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:26):
When did she learn to do all this cooking
?
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:28):
Because she was barely out of her.
She's a girl.
Wow, I can't rightly say that,because up until recently I did
all the cooking here in my house.
I still do all the cooking.
No, my wife has become anexcellent cook.
(21:49):
Anyways, boys can cook too.
Where were we?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:54):
at Boys cook better what Since they were
born.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:00):
Since they were born, and from that moment
the princess had had no peace,oh no, until she had promised to
cook them all a dinner Movienight at the Overlord's castle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:14):
Dinner and a movie night.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:16):
Nice, I bet Netflix is involved.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:21):
Netflix better be writing us a big fat.
Check is involved.
That's better.
We're writing us a big fatcheck Humblefried.
Dr. Know All (22:28):
this is quite sexist.
I'm sure the only girl in thepalace wasn't the only one who
could cook.
These antiquated genderstereotypes must not be
tolerated.
Where is that honey whiskey?
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:42):
I could use some more honey whiskey and
I would agree, Because this is avery sexist story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:50):
Are we just paying him to drink?
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:52):
I think so , and he's drinking our whiskey
Now.
It happened that on the verynext day, all the cooks in the
palace became intoxicated.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:05):
Nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:06):
And there was no one to make up the fire.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:09):
They were too drunk to light a fire.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:11):
That's a lot of honey whiskey.
When the pages heard of thisshocking state of things, they
went to their companion andimplored her to come to the
rescue so she could light thefire and cook, apparently.
And cook some sweet meat, mmm,sweet meats.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:33):
The princess was fond of cooking and
was, besides, a verygood-natured person, so she put
on an apron and went down to thekitchen without delaying.
Put on an apron, it's gettingweird.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:47):
Well, chefs wear aprons.
True that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:52):
When the dinner was placed before, the
emperor found it so nice that heate much more than was good for
him.
Clutton.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:00):
We do that often.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:02):
I don't anymore.
The next morning, as he wokewoke, he sent for his head cook
and told him to send up the samedishes as before.
The cook seized with fright atthis command, which he knew he
could not fulfill, fell on hisknees and confessed the truth.
Mr. Death Hades (24:23):
Did someone speak of an execution?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:26):
Oh, it's been so peaceful.
You just go back to sleep.
Nobody's dying here.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:31):
The emperor was so astonished that
he forgot to cry.
Mr. Death Hades (24:34):
Off with his head.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:36):
What.
And while he was thinking overthe matter, some of the pages
came in and said that their newcompanion had been heard to
boast that he knew where Ilionwas to be found.
The celebrated Ilion of Songwhich begins.
Oh God, it's time to get sexy.
(24:59):
In the yarn of the curling hair, the laughing teeth and the
bashful air, our bridal morn isdawning fair.
Golden hair, golden hair.
(25:22):
In the yarn of the golden hair,golden hair, golden hair, ilium
of the golden hair, golden hair, golden hair Ilium.
Wake, a billion of the grownWake, trembling, stainless
virgin dove.
Wake nestling in a parent'slove.
(25:42):
Wake nestling in a parent'slove.
Golden hair, golden hair In theyarn of the golden hair.
Golden hair, golden hair.
In the yarn.
I'm no stranger proud and gay Towin thee from your home away
(26:04):
and find thee for a distant day.
And yet to see what love can doThrough calm.
My hope is burned and true.
My cheek is pale and warm foryou, my eyes are sunk in two.
(26:29):
Ooh oh, golden hair, goldenhair, in the yarn of the golden
hair.
Golden hair, golden hair,you're the yarn of the golden
hair.
Golden hair, golden hair,you're the yarn.
(26:50):
But soon my love shall be mybride, and happy by our fireside
.
My vein shall feel thy rosytide, the lingering hope denies
Vang shall feel thy rosy tide,the lingering holy night.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:09):
This is painful.
Oh, is that the end of?
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:11):
it and that, to their certain knowledge
, he had a curl of her hair inhis possession.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:21):
Oh, now the curl.
Hmm, how do they know it washer curl?
Oh, now the curl.
How did they know it was hercurl?
This?
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:30):
seems very abrupt.
I guess there's only onegolden-haired woman in the world
at this time, and her name isIllion.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:38):
So he was going to have people executed
for the meal thing, and thenjust out of nowhere oh, by the
way, it just seems very abrupt.
I guess the story didn't needto be well 60 pages long
obviously due to that amazingsong.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:57):
Ilion was a very well-known princess and
he's it piqued the emperor's,his interest.
He's like, hey, I want to checkthis golden haired, goddess out
well, who doesn't?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:13):
I don't know.
Are we close?
No, we're not even close no, westill have like six pages.
When heard that the emperordesired the page to be brought
before him, and as soon as theprincess obeyed his summons, he
said to her abruptly Britfroners, you have hidden from me the
(28:37):
fact that you knew the goldenhair of the Iliad.
Why did you do this?
I have treated you more kindlythan all my other pages.
Then, after making the princessshow him the golden curl which
she wore around her neck, headded Listen to me.
Unless, by some means or other,you bring me the owner of this
lock, I will have your head cutoff in the place where you stand
(29:00):
Now go.
Mr. Death Hades (29:02):
Huzzah, I knew there was going to be an
execution.
Dr. Know All (29:08):
Mr Death, do you want to try some of this whiskey
?
It could calm you down a bit.
Normally, I'd recommend a goodantipsychotic medication, but it
seems they are in short supplyaround here.
Mr. Death Hades (29:19):
How would you like to meet my sickle?
Then I might drink this whiskeyfrom your skull, ugh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:26):
What did we tell you about threatening
the guest Death?
Settle down.
I'm sorry.
You're always sorry.
Micah (Knob Twister) (29:35):
In vain.
The poor girl tried to explainhow the lock of hair came into
her possession.
The emperor would listen tonothing and, bowing low, she
left his presence and went toconsult sunlight.
Oh great.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:54):
The happy horse again.
At his first words shebrightened up.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:01):
Do not be afraid mistress.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (30:05):
Only last night my brother appeared to me
in a dream With the sick beatboxbeat take from the movie
Inception you have problems.
He planted the idea into mysubconscious that the genius had
(30:26):
carried off.
Illion, whose hair you pickedup on the road.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:33):
But Illion declares that before she
marries her captor, he mustbring her as a present the whole
stud mares which belong to her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (30:50):
This is so much.
The genius have crazy with love, things of nothing, night and
day, but how this can be done,and meanwhile she is quite safe
in the island swamps of the seaGo back to the emperor and ask
(31:13):
him for twenty ships filled withprecious merchandise.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:19):
The rest, you shall know by and by.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (31:25):
Now my throat hurts.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:26):
Very good, very, very well done.
Dr. Know All (31:29):
Now, that is very interesting.
Dreams can be a window into thesoul.
I think this horse's mother mayhave weaned him a little late.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:39):
On hearing this advice, the princess went
at once into the emperor'spresence.
May a long life be yours.
She's pretending to be a poet.
Oh, sovereign almighty.
She's trying to be a poet, Iknow, but you're reading it in a
southern girl's voice.
And she's pretending to be aboy, oh boy.
(31:59):
So oh, sovereign almighty, shesaid, said she.
I have come to tell you that Ican do as you command If you
will give me my 20 ships and aload.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (32:27):
You kidding me.
Micah (Knob Twister) (32:34):
Oh.
I gotta uncompose myself andload them with the most precious
wares in your kingdom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (32:48):
You shall have all that I possess if you
will bring me the golden-hairedalien, said the emperor.
The ships were soon ready andthe princess entered the largest
and finest, with sunlight ather side.
Then the sails were spread andthe voyage began.
For seven weeks the wind blewthem straight towards the west,
(33:10):
and early one morning theycaught sight of the island's
swamps of the sea they castanchor in a little bay and the
princess made haste to disembarkwith sunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:22):
But before the ship she tied to her belt a
pair of tiny golden slippersadorned with precious stones.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (33:30):
Right, well, why wouldn't you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:32):
Why wouldn't you adorn them with
precious stones?
Why would you put them on yourbelt?
I don't have an answer for that.
Then, mounting sunlight, sherode about till she came to
Several palaces Built on hingesso that they could Always turn
(33:53):
towards the sun.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (33:54):
I can't even wrap my head around that
and I don't even want to thinkabout it.
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:58):
I think it's a great idea.
The most splendid of these wasguarded by Three slaves Whose
greedy eyes were caught by theglistening gold of the slippers.
Dr. Know All (34:09):
There, you go.
Micah (Knob Twister) (34:11):
They hastened up to the owner of
these treasures and inquired whoshe was, he was, he was, oh, a
merchant, replied the princesswho had somehow missed his road
and lost himself among theisland swamps of the sea.
(34:31):
This is a pretty sexy soundingboy, it's cheapy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (34:37):
I just can't, I'm not, I'm not going
there, not knowing if it wasproper to receive him or not.
The slaves returned to theirmistress and told her all they
had seen, but not before she hadcaught sight of the merchant
from the roof of her palace.
Luckily, her jailer was away.
Micah (Knob Twister) (34:56):
Luckily, that was pure luck.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (34:59):
Always trying to catch the stud of
mares.
Micah (Knob Twister) (35:02):
Huh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:03):
With nothing better to do, apparently
.
So for the moment she was freeand alone, but she wants her
stud of mares.
Who doesn't want a stud ofmares?
Micah (Knob Twister) (35:15):
Well, remember, that's what she's
requiring for the genius tomarry her or the prince to marry
her.
Oh right, that's why ourprincess is there to acquire her
.
And oh, that's foretellingSorry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:32):
Stop spoiling.
Dr. Know All (35:35):
I'm very confused.
This story is causing me unduestress.
I might need a little rest.
Mr. Death Hades (35:41):
You can come over here and lay with me and my
sickle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:45):
Okay, that's it.
You need to go take a break andjust go outside for a little
bit and lie down.
I don't know what you do, buttry not to kill anything on your
way out.
Mr. Death Hades (35:58):
I'll have some rest.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (36:00):
Yes, you will Behave yourself.
Micah (Knob Twister) (36:04):
The slaves told their tale so well that
their mistress insisted on goingdown to the shore and seeing
the beautiful slippers forherself.
They were even lovelier thanshe expected, and when the
merchant besought her to come onboard inspect some that he
thought was finer still, hercuriosity was too great to
(36:25):
refuse and she went once onboard the ship.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (36:30):
She was so busy turning over all the
precious things stored therethat she never knew the sails
were spread and they were flyingalong with the wind behind them
.
And when she did know, sherejoiced in her heart, though
she pretended to weep and lamentat being carried captive a
second time.
Thus they arrived at the courtof the emperor.
Micah (Knob Twister) (36:51):
I guess she assumed that her second
captor was better than the first.
They were just about to landwhen the mother of the genius
stood before them.
She had learned that Ilion hadfled from her prison in company
with a merchant, and as her sonwas absent because he was the
(37:12):
jailer, Right looking for thestud of mares, had come herself
in pursuit, striding over theblue waters, hopping from wave
to wave, one foot reaching toheaven and the other planted in
the foam.
She was close to their heels,breathing fire and flame, when
(37:33):
they stepped on shore from theship.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (37:36):
Wow, she's crazy.
One glance told Ilion who thehorrible old woman was, and she
whispered hastily to hercompanion.
Without saying a word, theprincess swung into sunlight's
saddle and, leaping up behindher, they were off like a flash.
Ah, bazing.
(37:58):
It was not till they drew nearthe town that the princess
stooped and asked sunlight whatthey should do.
Oh great.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:09):
Put your hand into my left ear said he
what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:15):
Put your hand into my ear.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:17):
And take out a sharp stone which he must
throw behind you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:23):
Logical that's a horse just keeps sharp
stones in his ear.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:27):
The princess did as she was told,
and a huge mountain sprang upbehind them.
Yeah, the mother of the geniusbegan to climb up it, and though
they galloped quickly, she wasquicker still.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:41):
Ah, magic horses, I forgot.
They heard her coming faster,faster, and again the princess
stooped To ask what was to bedone now.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:52):
Put your hand Into my right ear Said the
horse.
And throw the brush you findthere behind you.
Hmm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (39:02):
She got stones in one ear and brush in
the other ear.
Okay, the princess did so, anda great forest sprang up behind
them, and so thick were itsleaves that even a wren could
not get through.
Micah (Knob Twister) (39:14):
The wren is a small bird, whoa, but the
old woman seized hold of thebranches and flung herself like
a monkey from one to the othersand always she drew nearer.
Always, always.
Like a monkey Till their hairwas singed by the flames of her
(39:35):
monkey mouth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (39:36):
It doesn't say that Monkey mouth.
It doesn't say that.
It doesn't say monkey mouth.
What?
How do Romanians know aboutmonkeys?
That is a very good point.
No, monkeys in Romania oh.
Dr. Know All (39:53):
Flung herself like a monkey.
Micah (Knob Twister) (39:56):
Uh-huh.
Dr. Know All (39:58):
I'm not sure what condition that would predicate.
I think perhaps this could be asymptom of bipolar mania.
I'm going to need my researchbooks and another drink.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:10):
More to drink?
Huh, Of course you do.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (40:13):
You've been a lot of help.
He's already drank a couplebottles then, in despair, the
princess again bent down andasked if there was nothing more
to be done, and sunlight repliedquick quick, take off the
patrol, the ring on the fingerof alien and throw it behind you
(40:36):
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:37):
Hmm, I forgot that Ilion was on the
horse too.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (40:40):
That's weird, yeah, but that makes
sense.
This is all just weird stuff.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:44):
This time there sprung up a great tower of
stone, smooth as ivory, hard assteel, which reached up to
heaven itself, and the mother ofthe genius gave a howl of rage,
knowing that she could neitherclimb it nor get through it, but
(41:07):
didn't think to go around it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:13):
Why would you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (41:15):
She was beaten.
But she was not beaten yet and,gathering herself together, she
made a prestigious leap.
How about a prodigious leap?
A prodigious leap which landedher on top of the tower?
Whoa, I thought she couldn'tget over it.
No, she didn't get over it.
(41:36):
She got on top of it Prettydang close, right in the middle
of Illion's ring, uh-oh, whichlay there and held her tight.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:44):
Oh, magic ring.
Micah (Knob Twister) (41:46):
Only her claws could be seen grasping the
battlements.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:50):
Holy crap, what is going on?
Mother genius, all that couldbe done the old witch did With
the fire that poured from hermouth never reached the
fugitives, though it laid waste,the country, the country.
A hundred miles around thetower, she had some nasty breath
(42:12):
, wow.
She made a tic-tac Like theflames of a volcano.
Then, with one last effort tofree herself, her hands gave way
and, falling down to the bottomof the tower, she was broken in
pieces.
Mr. Death Hades (42:28):
Oh yeah, volcano, fire and broken witches
that's what I'm talking about.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (42:36):
Oh, you can't even imagine how glad we
are that you're back.
Micah (Knob Twister) (42:40):
I am.
I think you offer a lot to thishumble group of folklore
telling geeks.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (42:52):
No, you don't offer anything but
drooling over things that die.
But it's volcano fire.
Well, true that Just sit anddon't touch your sickle.
When the flying princess sawwhat happened?
When the flying princess Flying, she's flying.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:15):
She's running away quickly.
She's flying.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:17):
Yeah, I think that's what they meant
right when the flying princesssaw what had happened, she rode
back to the spot as sunlightcounseled her and placed her
finger on top of the tower.
That's a long reach up toheaven it took a prodigious leap
to get to it the first time.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:35):
Maybe she was flying.
She had to have been flying.
Maybe this horse is a magiciantoo.
I mean, he's pulling thingsfrom his ears.
Maybe he can also fly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:47):
We have to read what's after the comma.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:49):
Oh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:50):
Which was gradually shrinking into the
earth, so it was getting smaller.
Oh, oh oh.
We didn't read ahead in aninstant.
The tower had vanished as if itnever had been, and in its
place was the finger of theprincess with a ring around it
that was a lot to take in.
Micah (Knob Twister) (44:10):
We're gonna have to take a break here
again and be back with theconclusion next time is it 28
more pages?
No, just 10 more.
We're getting there.
We're getting there, Dr Knowall.
Any final thoughts?
Dr. Know All (44:27):
They must take this time to reflect and perhaps
catch up on a little Netflixbinging and you're out of
whiskey.
Mr Death, are you coming over?
Mr. Death Hades (44:38):
I will be there shortly after midnight.
I will bring chicken wings withblood sauce.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (44:44):
Oh, okay, you two have a wonderful evening
together and I don't want tohear about any of it.
I hope you have a beautifullife and many children.
Micah (Knob Twister) (44:57):
So Princess has gotten away.
She's going to deliver Ilion tothe prince.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (45:04):
I have no idea what's going to happen?
Micah (Knob Twister) (45:05):
Will Ilion the golden haired?
Will she marry the prince?
What's going to happen to ourprincess, who's pretending to be
a boy?
Will she have to pretendforever?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (45:19):
princess who's pretending to be a boy.
Will she have to pretendforever?
Was this some weird like tunein next week?
That's right for the excitingconclusion of the girl who
pretended to be a boy.
Micah (Knob Twister) (45:26):
Part three .
Our final conclusion we don'tknow or shadow, but in the go to
our website at TalesOfBedlamcomand leave comments on this
episode.
Do it now.
Good night, bye.
Holy crap, 50 minutes.
(46:15):
How was that one?
20 minutes longer than the lastone?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:19):
I don't know, it was all the extra
whiskey, I think.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:24):
I mean I made a lot of mistakes so I'll
probably get cut down another 10minutes, but that's a long one.
Yeah, we didn't split that upvery well, I don't know Just
more words in those 10 pagesthan the first ten pages.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:39):
Was it ten and ten?
Yeah, it's split ten ten andten.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:43):
Well, it was like ten and a half on this
one, and the last one has nineand a half.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:49):
I don't know, but still you were singing
and I had to do the horse voiceover and over.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:54):
And we added a lot of extra stuff that
wasn't on the strip but nextweek's gonna be awesome, or next
time.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (47:05):
Tune in next time, as we see whether the
princess marries Iliad or theemperor.
Is that some good honey whiskey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:04):
It's not got any honey in it.
They made this one a littlestronger.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:09):
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host.
Mr. Death Hades (00:12):
Knob Twister, I am you shall not be named ever
again.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:19):
Oh, you're sounding like death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:21):
Death can suck it.
Herd, you're back.
I invited you again.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:27):
Welcome back.
Part two of the Girl whoPretended to Be a Boy.
We will be joined again byworld-renowned psychiatrist Dr
Knowall.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:40):
And for some reason, mr Death Hades is
apparently not enough to donowadays.
Hello, just sit down, please.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:50):
Dustin, we have a long story ahead of us
with lots of commentary.
Will you get us started please?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:58):
I will kick this horse in the butt.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:01):
Nice.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:02):
The Princess Road, on and on.
Do we need a recap?
If you need a recap, just goback and listen to the last
episode.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:09):
Oh, if you're listening to this and you
haven't listened to part one,you're going to be sorely
confused.
Go back and listen to part onefirst.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:18):
Yeah.
So let's just say where we leftoff the Princess won.
Wait, we left off, the princesswon.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:26):
Wait, we gotta go further back than that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:28):
No, we don't.
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:28):
Yes, because her father is an emperor
of a country, but he's gettingtoo old and tired to take care
of the country, so he wants togo ahead and surrender to the
bigger emperor who lives nextdoor.
But that bigger emperorrequires a son to give 12 years
of service in order to for himto surrender to him.
He has no sons.
He only has three daughters.
The first two failed at thetask that he put before them,
(01:52):
which was to cross the copperbridge, where he became a wolf
and scared them away.
But the third daughter she, won.
She went across the bridgedespite her father looking like
a wolf.
Then her father created anotherbridge of gold and became a
12-headed dragon.
And she defeated the dragonafter hours of fighting and cut
(02:15):
one of its heads off.
And the father's like you areawesome, I love you.
You're going to be a great boy.
Go out into the world and win.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:26):
That was a lovely sum up, I'd have to say.
The only thing you forgot wasthe weird horse.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:32):
Oh yeah, the talking horse.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:35):
And there's a talking wise horse
who's also a magician.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:39):
The talking horse is also a magician
and is an amateur beatboxer.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:44):
Now you're all caught up, but go listen to
the first episode anyway.
So the princess rode on and ontill at last she came to the
mountains which hold up the roofof the world.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:56):
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:57):
Yeah, are these flat earthers?
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:59):
This is a flat earth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:00):
Because I'm telling you right now, I'm
not down with that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:03):
Flat earth .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:05):
There she met two geniuses, and in some
mythologies a genius was thoughtto be a guardian spirit.
Ah, not a really smart person.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:18):
A powerful creature.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:20):
When I read that I thought it was like
two Albert Einsteins sitting onthe side of the road.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:27):
Slapping each other.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:29):
This is more like a genie than a genius.
Anyway, she met two genii, okay, who had been fighting fiercely
for two years.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:40):
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:41):
Without one having got the least
advantage over the other?
What Without one having got the?
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:44):
least advantage over the other, seeing
what they took to be a youngman seeking adventures, one of
the combatants called out Fitfair nurse, deliver me from my
enemy and I will give you thehorn that can be heard the
distance of three days journey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:04):
What would you do with a horn like?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:06):
that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:06):
Blow people's eardrums out.
Yeah you could blow the hornand three days later somebody
would hear you what?
No, that meant if you blew thehorn, they could hear it.
If they were three days away,what?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:21):
I like my way better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:25):
It's a delayed horn.
It seems useless either way.
Well, the other cried but fronthorse, help me to conquer this
pagan thief and you shall havemy horse.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:41):
Sunlight.
Before answering, the princessconsulted her own horse as to
which offer she should accept,and he advised her to side with
the genius who was master ofsunlight?
Oh yeah, his own youngerbrother.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:59):
What Twist .
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:01):
And still more active than himself.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:03):
Oh, I can hardly believe it.
So the girl at once attackedthe other genius and soon clove
his skull.
Why would she have to be soviolent?
Then, the one who has leftVictor begged her to come back
with him, to his horse, to hishouse, and he would hand over
(05:26):
sunlight, as he had promised.
Mr. Death Hades (05:28):
Huzzah, a head cleaving, that nut was cracked.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:36):
It really never ends with you, does it?
Mr. Death Hades (05:39):
It goes on and on and on Okay.
Time never ends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:47):
Oh, you're getting a little wacky with the
sickle again.
Sit down, take a deep breath.
Jeez, can I continue the storynow, please do?
The mother of the genius wasrejoiced to see her son return
safe and sound and prepared herbest room for the princess who,
(06:09):
after so much fatigue, neededrest badly, as one does after
fatigue.
After cleaving heads yeah, it'stiring work, I hear, but the
girl declared that she mustfirst make her horse comfortable
in his stable.
But this was really only anexcuse, as she wanted to ask his
advice on several matters andbinge-watch.
(06:30):
Their favorite Netflix show Washer iPad in the list of things
she packed.
I don't remember that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:38):
Well, the horse is a magical unicorn.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:42):
So she just types the password into his
butt.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:44):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:45):
And then, it comes out his mouth on a
projector.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:47):
It's unfortunate.
You have to hold the tail up,wow, the entire time.
Stop, it's like a switch.
But the old woman had suspectedfrom the very first that the
boy who had come to the rescueof her son was a girl in
disguise.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:07):
Why would she suspect?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:08):
that.
No, I'd like to think that Iwould suspect it also Kind of
hard for a female to oh yep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:20):
We're going down that road, are ya?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:23):
And told the genius that she was exactly
the wife he needed.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:30):
Oh, she wanted him to have a wife.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:32):
The genius scoffed and inquired what
female hand could ever wield asaber like that Sex?
As much male hand could everwield a saber like that Sexist
much.
But in spite of his sneers, hismother persisted and, as a
proof of what she said, laid atnight on each of their pillows a
(07:54):
handful of magic flowers.
So much magic, it's justeverywhere that fade at the
touch of man.
What's some weird magic flowers, but remain eternally fresh in
the fingers of a woman.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:11):
What use would those flowers be other
than this very specific instance?
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:16):
Well, you could give them to your wife.
You just would have to wear aglove to hand them to her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:21):
Yeah, and hope that they don't wither,
whoops.
Dr. Know All (08:25):
Oh, oh, yes, hope that they don't wither Whoops.
Oh, oh.
Yes, I have a little concernabout the overbearing mother
here.
This can lead to some severeantisocial and possibly
psychopathic behavior.
We can see some of this comingout already with the blatant
sexism of this genius.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:41):
Hmm, I agree, there's a lot of sexism
in this, too bad.
There just wasn't a lot of sex.
Wow, it was very clever of her,but unluckily the horse had
warned the princess what toexpect and when the house was
silent the horse quietlybeatboxed the Mission Impossible
(09:02):
theme as she stole very softlyto the geniuses room.
And exchanged his faded flowersfor those she held.
Then she crept back to her ownbed and fell fast asleep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:23):
Why did she just not touch them?
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:28):
That's a good point I don't understand.
Well, I guess it would be morebelievable if the genius's
mother came in the next day andshe was she was holding them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:41):
They'd fade.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:42):
So she just moved them.
Well no, because his hadalready faded.
So now she's holding them andthey'd fade.
So she just moved them.
Well no, because his hadalready faded.
So now she's holding them andthey've already been faded.
So she had to get the geniuses'flowers.
Oh, she needed the fadedflowers yeah she needed the male
Because he had already touchedthem, I guess, and they've
already faded she needed thefaded ones.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:01):
Alright, I get it.
I got it.
Now I get this weird ruse withthe magic flowers.
I don't approve of it, but Iget it.
At break of day, the old womanran to see her son and found, as
she knew she would, a bunch ofdead flowers in his hand.
What, woo-hoo?
Yay, she is a boy, great.
(10:23):
She next passed on to thebedside of the princess, who
still lay asleep grasping thewithered flowers.
Man, my tongue doesn't work.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:38):
There's so much magic in this.
They might as well be wizardflowers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:44):
Why don't the people have useful magic?
But she did not believe any themore that her guest was a man,
and so she told her son.
So they put their headstogether and laid another trap
for her.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:58):
So now, all of a sudden, the son's on
board I think he just got to dowhat mommy says, Even though
he's a great and mighty genius.
Wow, After breakfast, thegenius gave his arm to his guest
and asked her to come with himinto the garden.
For some time they walked aboutlooking at the flowers, the
(11:20):
genius all the while pressingher to pick any she fancied.
But the princess, suspecting atrap, inquired roughly why they
were wasting precious hours inthe garden when, as men, they
should be in the stables lookingafter their horses and gawking
at the lady's ankles.
(11:42):
Then the genius told his motherthat she was quite wrong and his
deliverer was certainly a man.
But the old woman was notconvinced of all that.
Dr. Know All (11:56):
All this pretense seems unnecessary.
I fear it will lead to a skewedworld view.
I think it's time for some ofthat honey whiskey, I agree.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:05):
Dr Noel, thank you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:07):
Never has a truer thing been said.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:11):
She would try once more, she said, and her
son must lead his visitor intothe armory where hung every kind
of weapon used all the world,some playing and bear, others
ornamented with precious stones,and begged her to make a choice
of one of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:31):
This is a terribly sexist story Because,
uh, what I'll just tell youright now, I've been picking the
crap out of the flowers and Idon't give a crap about any of
the weapons in the room, and I'ma man, so I fail the test.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:49):
I don't understand why you're picking
crap out of flowers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:53):
I would pick the crap out of flowers.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:55):
Somebody's walking me through a garden and
said why is there crap onflowers to begin with?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:00):
Oh, it's just a figure of speech.
You're not getting my Making mypoint.
This is a sexist story.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:08):
I agree, it's just full of stereotypes.
But we're gonna shatter thosestereotypes yes, we are.
Right, right, dr Knowall.
Dr. Know All (13:17):
I'm very much enjoying this honey whiskey and
I don't feel that I need tocomment at this time.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:23):
What are we paying him, for we're paying
him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:27):
Yes, I thought he was a guest.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:30):
You're cut off A paid guest.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:33):
I'm not paying him.
The princess looked closely.
The princess looked at themclosely and felt the edges and
points of their blades.
And felt the edges and pointsof their blades.
Then she hung at her belt anold sword with a curved blade
that would have done credit toan ancient warrior.
After this, she informed thegenius that she would start
early the next day and takesunlight with her.
Mr. Death Hades (13:56):
I wonder if there was a sickle.
I prefer the sickle.
Its uses are innumerable Toreap souls and wheat to make my
bread.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:09):
I can't believe.
I don't know what to say to you, but you need to put that thing
down in the room before youhurt somebody.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:20):
So this is like soul bread.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:23):
Soul bread .
Don't encourage him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:27):
I might want to try that.
It might be the secretingredient to everlasting life.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:35):
Oh my gosh , why don't you two get a room
to discuss soul bread?
Mr. Death Hades (14:41):
It is delicious .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:43):
Oh my god.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:45):
Surely we can move on, and there was
nothing for the mother to do butto submit, though she still
stuck to her own opinion.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:54):
As women do, whoa.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:58):
Wow, now you're being sexist.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:01):
I had to throw it in there.
Is it sexist?
If it's the truth, though wedon't, I apologize.
The princess mounted sunlightand touched him with her spur
when the old horse who wasgalloping at her side suddenly
said Up to this time, mistress.
(15:25):
You have obeyed my counsels andall has gone well.
Listen to me once more and dowhat I tell you.
I am old, and now there issomeone to take my place.
I will confess it, I'm afraid,that my strength is not equal to
the task that lies before me.
(15:47):
Give me my leave, therefore, toreturn home, and you continue
your journey under the care ofmy brother, put your faith in
him, as you put it, in me, andyou will never be sorry.
Wisdom has come early tosunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:12):
Yes, my friend, you have served me well,
and it is only through yourhelp that, up to now, I have
been victorious.
So grieved though I am to sayfarewell, I might have the
vapors, I will obey you yet oncemore and will listen to your
(16:36):
brother as I would to yourself.
Only I must have proof that heloves me as well as you do.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:43):
Why are all these people improving
everything?
Jiminy Christmas?
Oh, I gotta do a differenthorse's voice.
Now it's a younger one, right?
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:56):
And more lively.
His name is Sunlight.
How should I not love you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:04):
Answered Sunlight.
How should I not be proud toserve as a warder?
Not love you?
Answered Sunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:06):
How should I not be proud to serve a
warrior such as you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:10):
Trust me, mistress, and you shall never
regret the absence of my brother.
I know there will bedifficulties in our path, but we
will face them together Wow.
Wow, nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:28):
That was beautiful, Dr Nowell.
It looks like you havesomething to say.
Dr. Know All (17:34):
I'm surprised at the maturity and presence of the
mind the young lady shows here.
Despite her questionableupbringing and possible
dracophobia, she seemswell-adjusted.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:48):
Then, with tears in her eyes, the princess
took leave of her old horse,who began to beatbox the main
score from the Secret Life ofWalter Mitty.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:58):
I don't even know that one.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:59):
She had ridden only a few miles further
when she saw a golden curl lyingon the road before her Checking
her horse, she asked whether itwould be better to take it or
let it lie.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:13):
A golden curl.
Oh, I remember Tear Shh.
Sorry, gosh Spoiler.
If you take it, said sunlight,you will be sorry, and if you
don't, you'll be sorry as well.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:33):
So take it .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:37):
That was the dumbest advice I ever heard.
If you take it, you'll be sorry.
If you don't take it, you'll besorry, Yep.
If you take it, you'll be sorry.
If you don't take it, you'll besorry, yep.
On this.
The girl dismounted and pickingup the curl wound it around her
neck for safety.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:54):
That was a long curl.
They passed by hills, theypassed by mountains, they passed
through valleys, leaving behindthem thick forests and fields
covered with flowers that shedidn't stop to pick, apparently,
and at where she's got a partto play now.
And at length they reached thecourt of the Overlord.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:18):
It's an awfully long ways away.
Oh, is he sleeping?
Oh shh, just let him be, it'sfine, you just take your nap
over there.
Grab his sickle.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:39):
Mr Death Hades is sleeping.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:43):
Get a sickle while he's sleeping.
Mr. Death Hades (19:47):
We have like ten pages left.
This is the longest story we'veever done.
Oh my god.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:53):
Where are they?
What?
Okay, they're going to theOverlord.
He was sitting on his throne,surrounded by the sons of the
other emperors who served him aspages, surrounded by the sons
of the other emperors who servedhim as pages.
These youths came forward togreet their new companion and
wondered why they felt soattracted to him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:12):
That's a good looking boy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:13):
What the crap is going on?
Could they just smell thepheromones on her?
However, there was no time fortalking and concealing her
fright.
The princess was led straightto the throne and explained in a
low voice the reasoning of hercoming.
The emperor received her kindlyand declared himself fortunate
(20:34):
in finding a vassal so brave andso charming and begged the
princess to remain in attendanceon his person.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:42):
She was, however, very careful in her
behavior towards the other pageswhose way of life did not
please her.
One day, however, she had beenamusing herself by making sweet
meats.
When two of the young princeslooked in to pay her a visit,
(21:02):
she offered them some of thefood which was already on the
table, and they thought it sodelicious that they even licked
their fingers so as not to losea morsel.
Of course, they did not keepthe news of their discovery to
themselves, but told all theircompanions that they had just
been enjoying the best supperthey had had since they were
(21:24):
born.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:26):
When did she learn to do all this cooking
?
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:28):
Because she was barely out of her.
She's a girl.
Wow, I can't rightly say that,because up until recently I did
all the cooking here in my house.
I still do all the cooking.
No, my wife has become anexcellent cook.
(21:49):
Anyways, boys can cook too.
Where were we?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:54):
at Boys cook better what Since they were
born.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:00):
Since they were born, and from that moment
the princess had had no peace,oh no, until she had promised to
cook them all a dinner Movienight at the Overlord's castle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:14):
Dinner and a movie night.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:16):
Nice, I bet Netflix is involved.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:21):
Netflix better be writing us a big fat.
Check is involved.
That's better.
We're writing us a big fatcheck Humblefried.
Dr. Know All (22:28):
this is quite sexist.
I'm sure the only girl in thepalace wasn't the only one who
could cook.
These antiquated genderstereotypes must not be
tolerated.
Where is that honey whiskey?
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:42):
I could use some more honey whiskey and
I would agree, Because this is avery sexist story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:50):
Are we just paying him to drink?
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:52):
I think so , and he's drinking our whiskey
Now.
It happened that on the verynext day, all the cooks in the
palace became intoxicated.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:05):
Nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:06):
And there was no one to make up the fire.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:09):
They were too drunk to light a fire.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:11):
That's a lot of honey whiskey.
When the pages heard of thisshocking state of things, they
went to their companion andimplored her to come to the
rescue so she could light thefire and cook, apparently.
And cook some sweet meat, mmm,sweet meats.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:33):
The princess was fond of cooking and
was, besides, a verygood-natured person, so she put
on an apron and went down to thekitchen without delaying.
Put on an apron, it's gettingweird.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:47):
Well, chefs wear aprons.
True that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:52):
When the dinner was placed before, the
emperor found it so nice that heate much more than was good for
him.
Clutton.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:00):
We do that often.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:02):
I don't anymore.
The next morning, as he wokewoke, he sent for his head cook
and told him to send up the samedishes as before.
The cook seized with fright atthis command, which he knew he
could not fulfill, fell on hisknees and confessed the truth.
Mr. Death Hades (24:23):
Did someone speak of an execution?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:26):
Oh, it's been so peaceful.
You just go back to sleep.
Nobody's dying here.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:31):
The emperor was so astonished that
he forgot to cry.
Mr. Death Hades (24:34):
Off with his head.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:36):
What.
And while he was thinking overthe matter, some of the pages
came in and said that their newcompanion had been heard to
boast that he knew where Ilionwas to be found.
The celebrated Ilion of Songwhich begins.
Oh God, it's time to get sexy.
(24:59):
In the yarn of the curling hair, the laughing teeth and the
bashful air, our bridal morn isdawning fair.
Golden hair, golden hair.
(25:22):
In the yarn of the golden hair,golden hair, golden hair, ilium
of the golden hair, golden hair, golden hair Ilium.
Wake, a billion of the grownWake, trembling, stainless
virgin dove.
Wake nestling in a parent'slove.
(25:42):
Wake nestling in a parent'slove.
Golden hair, golden hair In theyarn of the golden hair.
Golden hair, golden hair.
In the yarn.
I'm no stranger proud and gay Towin thee from your home away
(26:04):
and find thee for a distant day.
And yet to see what love can doThrough calm.
My hope is burned and true.
My cheek is pale and warm foryou, my eyes are sunk in two.
(26:29):
Ooh oh, golden hair, goldenhair, in the yarn of the golden
hair.
Golden hair, golden hair,you're the yarn of the golden
hair.
Golden hair, golden hair,you're the yarn.
(26:50):
But soon my love shall be mybride, and happy by our fireside
.
My vein shall feel thy rosytide, the lingering hope denies
Vang shall feel thy rosy tide,the lingering holy night.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:09):
This is painful.
Oh, is that the end of?
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:11):
it and that, to their certain knowledge
, he had a curl of her hair inhis possession.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:21):
Oh, now the curl.
Hmm, how do they know it washer curl?
Oh, now the curl.
How did they know it was hercurl?
This?
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:30):
seems very abrupt.
I guess there's only onegolden-haired woman in the world
at this time, and her name isIllion.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:38):
So he was going to have people executed
for the meal thing, and thenjust out of nowhere oh, by the
way, it just seems very abrupt.
I guess the story didn't needto be well 60 pages long
obviously due to that amazingsong.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:57):
Ilion was a very well-known princess and
he's it piqued the emperor's,his interest.
He's like, hey, I want to checkthis golden haired, goddess out
well, who doesn't?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:13):
I don't know.
Are we close?
No, we're not even close no, westill have like six pages.
When heard that the emperordesired the page to be brought
before him, and as soon as theprincess obeyed his summons, he
said to her abruptly Britfroners, you have hidden from me the
(28:37):
fact that you knew the goldenhair of the Iliad.
Why did you do this?
I have treated you more kindlythan all my other pages.
Then, after making the princessshow him the golden curl which
she wore around her neck, headded Listen to me.
Unless, by some means or other,you bring me the owner of this
lock, I will have your head cutoff in the place where you stand
(29:00):
Now go.
Mr. Death Hades (29:02):
Huzzah, I knew there was going to be an
execution.
Dr. Know All (29:08):
Mr Death, do you want to try some of this whiskey
?
It could calm you down a bit.
Normally, I'd recommend a goodantipsychotic medication, but it
seems they are in short supplyaround here.
Mr. Death Hades (29:19):
How would you like to meet my sickle?
Then I might drink this whiskeyfrom your skull, ugh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:26):
What did we tell you about threatening
the guest Death?
Settle down.
I'm sorry.
You're always sorry.
Micah (Knob Twister) (29:35):
In vain.
The poor girl tried to explainhow the lock of hair came into
her possession.
The emperor would listen tonothing and, bowing low, she
left his presence and went toconsult sunlight.
Oh great.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:54):
The happy horse again.
At his first words shebrightened up.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:01):
Do not be afraid mistress.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (30:05):
Only last night my brother appeared to me
in a dream With the sick beatboxbeat take from the movie
Inception you have problems.
He planted the idea into mysubconscious that the genius had
(30:26):
carried off.
Illion, whose hair you pickedup on the road.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:33):
But Illion declares that before she
marries her captor, he mustbring her as a present the whole
stud mares which belong to her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (30:50):
This is so much.
The genius have crazy with love, things of nothing, night and
day, but how this can be done,and meanwhile she is quite safe
in the island swamps of the seaGo back to the emperor and ask
(31:13):
him for twenty ships filled withprecious merchandise.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:19):
The rest, you shall know by and by.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (31:25):
Now my throat hurts.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:26):
Very good, very, very well done.
Dr. Know All (31:29):
Now, that is very interesting.
Dreams can be a window into thesoul.
I think this horse's mother mayhave weaned him a little late.
Micah (Knob Twister) (31:39):
On hearing this advice, the princess went
at once into the emperor'spresence.
May a long life be yours.
She's pretending to be a poet.
Oh, sovereign almighty.
She's trying to be a poet, Iknow, but you're reading it in a
southern girl's voice.
And she's pretending to be aboy, oh boy.
(31:59):
So oh, sovereign almighty, shesaid, said she.
I have come to tell you that Ican do as you command If you
will give me my 20 ships and aload.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (32:27):
You kidding me.
Micah (Knob Twister) (32:34):
Oh.
I gotta uncompose myself andload them with the most precious
wares in your kingdom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (32:48):
You shall have all that I possess if you
will bring me the golden-hairedalien, said the emperor.
The ships were soon ready andthe princess entered the largest
and finest, with sunlight ather side.
Then the sails were spread andthe voyage began.
For seven weeks the wind blewthem straight towards the west,
(33:10):
and early one morning theycaught sight of the island's
swamps of the sea they castanchor in a little bay and the
princess made haste to disembarkwith sunlight.
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:22):
But before the ship she tied to her belt a
pair of tiny golden slippersadorned with precious stones.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (33:30):
Right, well, why wouldn't you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:32):
Why wouldn't you adorn them with
precious stones?
Why would you put them on yourbelt?
I don't have an answer for that.
Then, mounting sunlight, sherode about till she came to
Several palaces Built on hingesso that they could Always turn
(33:53):
towards the sun.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (33:54):
I can't even wrap my head around that
and I don't even want to thinkabout it.
Micah (Knob Twister) (33:58):
I think it's a great idea.
The most splendid of these wasguarded by Three slaves Whose
greedy eyes were caught by theglistening gold of the slippers.
Dr. Know All (34:09):
There, you go.
Micah (Knob Twister) (34:11):
They hastened up to the owner of
these treasures and inquired whoshe was, he was, he was, oh, a
merchant, replied the princesswho had somehow missed his road
and lost himself among theisland swamps of the sea.
(34:31):
This is a pretty sexy soundingboy, it's cheapy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (34:37):
I just can't, I'm not, I'm not going
there, not knowing if it wasproper to receive him or not.
The slaves returned to theirmistress and told her all they
had seen, but not before she hadcaught sight of the merchant
from the roof of her palace.
Luckily, her jailer was away.
Micah (Knob Twister) (34:56):
Luckily, that was pure luck.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (34:59):
Always trying to catch the stud of
mares.
Micah (Knob Twister) (35:02):
Huh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:03):
With nothing better to do, apparently
.
So for the moment she was freeand alone, but she wants her
stud of mares.
Who doesn't want a stud ofmares?
Micah (Knob Twister) (35:15):
Well, remember, that's what she's
requiring for the genius tomarry her or the prince to marry
her.
Oh right, that's why ourprincess is there to acquire her
.
And oh, that's foretellingSorry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:32):
Stop spoiling.
Dr. Know All (35:35):
I'm very confused.
This story is causing me unduestress.
I might need a little rest.
Mr. Death Hades (35:41):
You can come over here and lay with me and my
sickle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (35:45):
Okay, that's it.
You need to go take a break andjust go outside for a little
bit and lie down.
I don't know what you do, buttry not to kill anything on your
way out.
Mr. Death Hades (35:58):
I'll have some rest.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (36:00):
Yes, you will Behave yourself.
Micah (Knob Twister) (36:04):
The slaves told their tale so well that
their mistress insisted on goingdown to the shore and seeing
the beautiful slippers forherself.
They were even lovelier thanshe expected, and when the
merchant besought her to come onboard inspect some that he
thought was finer still, hercuriosity was too great to
(36:25):
refuse and she went once onboard the ship.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (36:30):
She was so busy turning over all the
precious things stored therethat she never knew the sails
were spread and they were flyingalong with the wind behind them
.
And when she did know, sherejoiced in her heart, though
she pretended to weep and lamentat being carried captive a
second time.
Thus they arrived at the courtof the emperor.
Micah (Knob Twister) (36:51):
I guess she assumed that her second
captor was better than the first.
They were just about to landwhen the mother of the genius
stood before them.
She had learned that Ilion hadfled from her prison in company
with a merchant, and as her sonwas absent because he was the
(37:12):
jailer, Right looking for thestud of mares, had come herself
in pursuit, striding over theblue waters, hopping from wave
to wave, one foot reaching toheaven and the other planted in
the foam.
She was close to their heels,breathing fire and flame, when
(37:33):
they stepped on shore from theship.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (37:36):
Wow, she's crazy.
One glance told Ilion who thehorrible old woman was, and she
whispered hastily to hercompanion.
Without saying a word, theprincess swung into sunlight's
saddle and, leaping up behindher, they were off like a flash.
Ah, bazing.
(37:58):
It was not till they drew nearthe town that the princess
stooped and asked sunlight whatthey should do.
Oh great.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:09):
Put your hand into my left ear said he
what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:15):
Put your hand into my ear.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:17):
And take out a sharp stone which he must
throw behind you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:23):
Logical that's a horse just keeps sharp
stones in his ear.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:27):
The princess did as she was told,
and a huge mountain sprang upbehind them.
Yeah, the mother of the geniusbegan to climb up it, and though
they galloped quickly, she wasquicker still.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (38:41):
Ah, magic horses, I forgot.
They heard her coming faster,faster, and again the princess
stooped To ask what was to bedone now.
Micah (Knob Twister) (38:52):
Put your hand Into my right ear Said the
horse.
And throw the brush you findthere behind you.
Hmm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (39:02):
She got stones in one ear and brush in
the other ear.
Okay, the princess did so, anda great forest sprang up behind
them, and so thick were itsleaves that even a wren could
not get through.
Micah (Knob Twister) (39:14):
The wren is a small bird, whoa, but the
old woman seized hold of thebranches and flung herself like
a monkey from one to the othersand always she drew nearer.
Always, always.
Like a monkey Till their hairwas singed by the flames of her
(39:35):
monkey mouth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (39:36):
It doesn't say that Monkey mouth.
It doesn't say that.
It doesn't say monkey mouth.
What?
How do Romanians know aboutmonkeys?
That is a very good point.
No, monkeys in Romania oh.
Dr. Know All (39:53):
Flung herself like a monkey.
Micah (Knob Twister) (39:56):
Uh-huh.
Dr. Know All (39:58):
I'm not sure what condition that would predicate.
I think perhaps this could be asymptom of bipolar mania.
I'm going to need my researchbooks and another drink.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:10):
More to drink?
Huh, Of course you do.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (40:13):
You've been a lot of help.
He's already drank a couplebottles then, in despair, the
princess again bent down andasked if there was nothing more
to be done, and sunlight repliedquick quick, take off the
patrol, the ring on the fingerof alien and throw it behind you
(40:36):
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:37):
Hmm, I forgot that Ilion was on the
horse too.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (40:40):
That's weird, yeah, but that makes
sense.
This is all just weird stuff.
Micah (Knob Twister) (40:44):
This time there sprung up a great tower of
stone, smooth as ivory, hard assteel, which reached up to
heaven itself, and the mother ofthe genius gave a howl of rage,
knowing that she could neitherclimb it nor get through it, but
(41:07):
didn't think to go around it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:13):
Why would you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (41:15):
She was beaten.
But she was not beaten yet and,gathering herself together, she
made a prestigious leap.
How about a prodigious leap?
A prodigious leap which landedher on top of the tower?
Whoa, I thought she couldn'tget over it.
No, she didn't get over it.
(41:36):
She got on top of it Prettydang close, right in the middle
of Illion's ring, uh-oh, whichlay there and held her tight.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:44):
Oh, magic ring.
Micah (Knob Twister) (41:46):
Only her claws could be seen grasping the
battlements.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (41:50):
Holy crap, what is going on?
Mother genius, all that couldbe done the old witch did With
the fire that poured from hermouth never reached the
fugitives, though it laid waste,the country, the country.
A hundred miles around thetower, she had some nasty breath
(42:12):
, wow.
She made a tic-tac Like theflames of a volcano.
Then, with one last effort tofree herself, her hands gave way
and, falling down to the bottomof the tower, she was broken in
pieces.
Mr. Death Hades (42:28):
Oh yeah, volcano, fire and broken witches
that's what I'm talking about.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (42:36):
Oh, you can't even imagine how glad we
are that you're back.
Micah (Knob Twister) (42:40):
I am.
I think you offer a lot to thishumble group of folklore
telling geeks.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (42:52):
No, you don't offer anything but
drooling over things that die.
But it's volcano fire.
Well, true that Just sit anddon't touch your sickle.
When the flying princess sawwhat happened?
When the flying princess Flying, she's flying.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:15):
She's running away quickly.
She's flying.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:17):
Yeah, I think that's what they meant
right when the flying princesssaw what had happened, she rode
back to the spot as sunlightcounseled her and placed her
finger on top of the tower.
That's a long reach up toheaven it took a prodigious leap
to get to it the first time.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:35):
Maybe she was flying.
She had to have been flying.
Maybe this horse is a magiciantoo.
I mean, he's pulling thingsfrom his ears.
Maybe he can also fly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:47):
We have to read what's after the comma.
Micah (Knob Twister) (43:49):
Oh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (43:50):
Which was gradually shrinking into the
earth, so it was getting smaller.
Oh, oh oh.
We didn't read ahead in aninstant.
The tower had vanished as if itnever had been, and in its
place was the finger of theprincess with a ring around it
that was a lot to take in.
Micah (Knob Twister) (44:10):
We're gonna have to take a break here
again and be back with theconclusion next time is it 28
more pages?
No, just 10 more.
We're getting there.
We're getting there, Dr Knowall.
Any final thoughts?
Dr. Know All (44:27):
They must take this time to reflect and perhaps
catch up on a little Netflixbinging and you're out of
whiskey.
Mr Death, are you coming over?
Mr. Death Hades (44:38):
I will be there shortly after midnight.
I will bring chicken wings withblood sauce.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (44:44):
Oh, okay, you two have a wonderful evening
together and I don't want tohear about any of it.
I hope you have a beautifullife and many children.
Micah (Knob Twister) (44:57):
So Princess has gotten away.
She's going to deliver Ilion tothe prince.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (45:04):
I have no idea what's going to happen?
Micah (Knob Twister) (45:05):
Will Ilion the golden haired?
Will she marry the prince?
What's going to happen to ourprincess, who's pretending to be
a boy?
Will she have to pretendforever?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (45:19):
princess who's pretending to be a boy.
Will she have to pretendforever?
Was this some weird like tunein next week?
That's right for the excitingconclusion of the girl who
pretended to be a boy.
Micah (Knob Twister) (45:26):
Part three .
Our final conclusion we don'tknow or shadow, but in the go to
our website at TalesOfBedlamcomand leave comments on this
episode.
Do it now.
Good night, bye.
Holy crap, 50 minutes.
(46:15):
How was that one?
20 minutes longer than the lastone?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:19):
I don't know, it was all the extra
whiskey, I think.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:24):
I mean I made a lot of mistakes so I'll
probably get cut down another 10minutes, but that's a long one.
Yeah, we didn't split that upvery well, I don't know Just
more words in those 10 pagesthan the first ten pages.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:39):
Was it ten and ten?
Yeah, it's split ten ten andten.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:43):
Well, it was like ten and a half on this
one, and the last one has nineand a half.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (46:49):
I don't know, but still you were singing
and I had to do the horse voiceover and over.
Micah (Knob Twister) (46:54):
And we added a lot of extra stuff that
wasn't on the strip but nextweek's gonna be awesome, or next
time.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (47:05):
Tune in next time, as we see whether the
princess marries Iliad or theemperor.
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