#101 Ron Stotts - Mindfulness-Based Leadership Coach

Dr. Ron Stottz shares his transformational journey from Marine Corps service to becoming a mindfulness-based leadership coach who helps executives access higher states of consciousness and leadership effectiveness.

• Leadership is about supporting and bringing out the best in everyone, not being in front
• Personal development must happen alongside professional development to become an extraordinary leader
• Leaders often reach plateaus when they haven't addressed childhood wounds or disconnected parts of themselves
• The breath is our most trusted guide and advisor for developing self-awareness and mindfulness
• "Big Mind" allows leaders to access optimal solutions through present awareness rather than effortful thinking
• Higher consciousness in leadership creates workplace environments that positively impact employees' home lives
• Self-love and self-kindness are foundational to loving and supporting others effectively
• True leadership requires an open heart and mind, with neurological development that accesses our highest potential
• Authentic leadership means showing up as one integrated self rather than compartmentalizing work and home personas
• Building a proper foundation allows leaders to create lasting impact without eventually crumbling

Challenge yourself tonight or tomorrow with intentional breathing exercises: three seconds in, pause, three seconds out, pause, and repeat for two to three minutes.

Connect with Ron Stotts: -Website: ronstotts.com

🫡 My Why: I’ve seen the cost of poor leadership — how it can destroy morale, break trust, and in the worst cases, lead to lives lost, including through suicide. That’s why I’ve committed my life to helping others lead with purpose. Through Tales of Leadership, I share real stories and actionable insights on how to overcome adversity and become the kind of leader people remember for the right reasons.

👉🏽Leadership Resources: https://linktr.ee/talesofleadership

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to the Tales of Leadership podcast.
This podcast is for leaders atany phase on their leadership
journey to become a morepurposeful and accountable
leader what I like to call a pal.
Join me on our journey togethertowards transformational
leadership.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
All right team, welcome back to the Tales of
Leadership podcast.
I am your host, josh McMillian.
I'm an active duty army officer.
I'm an army leadership coach.
I am the founder of McMillianLeadership Coaching and I am on
a mission to end toxicleadership, and I plan to do
that.
My vision is to possibly impact1 million lives in the next 10

(00:42):
years by sharingtransformational stories and
skills.
At the end of the day, I wantto create more purposeful,
accountable leaders what I liketo call a pal and on today's
episode I am bringing you apurposeful, accountable leader
Dr Ron Stotz.
Dr Ron Stotz is a three-timebestselling author.
He has a PhD in psychology.

(01:04):
He is a former Marine.
He has created his ownsuccessful coaching business.
But one thing that I love aboutRon is his mindfulness, and I
think that is one of thecritical pillars that is missing
today within leadership,because we're always focused on
going now, now, now, now, but wenever stop to truly allow the

(01:27):
information to marinate so wecan make the best informed
decision, so we can go out andbe our true selves.
That is the biggest takeawaythat I've gotten from this
episode, but I don't want tospoil it for you.
As always, stay to the very end, and I will provide you the top
three takeaways from thisepisode.
Let's go ahead and bring on Ron.

(01:47):
Ron, welcome to the Tales ofLeadership podcast.
It's an honor to have you on.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Thanks Joshua.
I appreciate it, Lookingforward to it.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah, I always love ending my day work day kind of
coming in and being able todecompress, ending my day
workday kind of coming in andbeing able to like decompress.
For me, podcasting is really aform of kind of just being able
to decompress.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
But I think a great way just to start is to provide
an overview to listeners of whoyou are A bit of an overview.
Well, in terms of work, I'm anexecutive coach.
I work with people who aremoving into leadership or
they're ready to evolve.
They're really ready to taketheir life and leadership up to
the next level.
And a lot of the people I workwith they kind of led their life

(02:38):
and gotten to a certain level,and generally quite successfully
, but now they're feeling stuckor they're excited to move into
that next level but not quitesure how to do it.
And that's really where I comein.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
I love that.
I think I'm very early on inkind of the journey that you've
been on your entire life.
That's one of my passions inlife too is to help leaders kind
of break through plateaus.
I share it from a slightlydifferent point of view because
I think that veteran suicideplays directly into the quality
of leader that we have and Iknow that I think based on your

(03:16):
story.
I'm interested to hear that ifyou're willing to share within
your experience in the MarineCorps.
But before we even start, Iwould love to hear your
definition of leadership,because you've written what
three books at this point.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Yeah, yeah, you know, leadership for me really isn't
about being in front, it's aboutsupporting and bringing out the
best in everyone.
And you can really do.
Leadership can come from anylevel.
You know, I certainly saw itwhen I was in.
You know, I was a world-classathlete, rower and you know just

(03:53):
, we had a great coach and yet Icould see within the team as we
helped each other.
And then when I was in theMarine Corps, I really saw.
You know, I was a private andjust trying to figure things out
and yet just by taking action,by having perspective, by
supporting the others and doingtheir best, you become a leader.

(04:14):
I remember this one big, heavyset kid that you know, by the
time we got to advanced training, had lost probably, you know,
80 pounds or something you know.
So his skin was hanging off ofhim.
But I remember just supportinghim and supporting people that
didn't feel like they had whatit took to become a good Marine

(04:34):
and be part of the company, justbringing them in and having
them recognize what they couldcontribute, who they were.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
I think that's one of the rare characteristics
nowadays, especially with aleader being able to show other
people what they're trulycapable of.
Because I think when we thinkof what leadership is now, we
always think that we have to bein front and model the way
consistently.
But I think one of the mostpowerful tools that a leader can

(05:04):
have is to kind of step backand allow other people to really
fully embrace who they are andjust help support them along the
way.
I've never heard that.
I absolutely love that.

Speaker 3 (05:16):
Well, I mean, even you know, I've run corporations
and that type of thing, and Ifind that, you know, if I think
I'm the leader and I'm in front,then I've got to figure out
everything, I've got toanticipate what's coming, I've
got to make all the plans, I'vegot to make sure everything is
going to work perfectly, andthat's exhausting the amazing

(05:42):
qualities that the people thatyou're working with have, and so
I learned early on it's likehave them, you know, bring them
up into the leadership positionand really be working as a team,
collaborating, cooperating, andreally create a level of trust
and supportiveness where we feellike we're doing something

(06:03):
that's worthwhile and having agood time doing it.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
I love it.
I'm already going to love thisepisode.
My wife always gets mad at mebecause I say I love it all the
time.
Start off on your leadershipjourney.
Where did that start for you?

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Well, I think it did start primarily in the Marine
Corps.
I just really found myselfnaturally.
I'd been raised in the woods.
I mean I'd leave my house andgo across the street into the
woods when I was three or fourand come out at five o'clock for
dinner.
So I had a lot of naturalabilities to be out in nature

(06:41):
and so it was just reallycomfortable for me to guide
others in that journey as wewere running around in the woods
and playing Marine.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
So you joined the Marine Corps in 1967.
And I know that that's right atthe height of the Vietnam War.
And one thing that I've neverthat's, you know, right at the
height of the Vietnam War.
One thing that you know I'venever experienced that, but I've
been to Afghanistan and Iraqand I understand that.

(07:16):
You know PTSD is a real thing.
Back not necessarily yourexperience there, but how did
you overcome some of thosefeelings that?

Speaker 3 (07:30):
happened while you were deployed.
To be honest with you initiallyquite badly.
They didn't even know aboutPTSD or anything back then.
So you came back feeling likeyou should be whole and complete
and ready to go and shouldn'tshow any weakness or have any
feelings that you know.

(07:51):
I didn't know anything aboutemotional backlog and that type
of thing.
And I remember pulling into agas station near my home the
year after I got out and the guycoming out this was back when
they still came out and pumpedthe gas and that type of thing
and he was one of the guys thatI went through basic with and

(08:12):
he'd been just a handsome, happy, eager guide from Pasadena.
And as he was walking out and Irecognized him, he just looked
like he was just, it was just ashell of who he had been when I,
when I first met him and, um,you know, and his, he quietly
shared, you know some that mostthe guys hadn't made it back and

(08:37):
uh, you know, I mean literallylike only a handful of us had,
and so I remember just sort ofwandering off, not even really
staying with the conversation.
I just had that part so shutdown.
But the truth is, within a yearI'd gotten a divorce, lost

(08:58):
custody my two sons was suicidal.
I hiked into the woods andspent three days really looking
at what was next and decidedsuicide was it?
And fully attempted to commitsuicide.
So PTSD was real.
I was right in the middle of itand completely at the effect of

(09:19):
it, and what happened duringthat attempt was definitely
changed my life it was.
You know, I was kind of anathlete and regular, kind of
all-American kid and as I wastaking my hunting knife and
thrusting it into my heart, allof a sudden everything around me
dissolved.
I literally dissolved into awhite ball of light and no

(09:41):
awareness of my body or theworld around me.
A white ball of light, noawareness of my body or the
world around me, and I just feltnothing but the perfection of
life, the perfection ofeverything and deep trust that I
could have in life.
And you know, this was from amoment ago, feeling like there
was nothing left and I have noidea how long that experience

(10:02):
lasted.
But when I came out of thisexperience of oneness with
everything, you know my huntingknife was 20 yards off some
other way and I have no idea howI got there, but that began my
journey.
It was like, okay, I knowthere's more to it.

(10:23):
But that began my journey.
It was like, okay, I knowthere's more to it, somebody's
paying attention here because Icertainly had no idea what that
was at 19 or 20, 21.
And so I had to really begin toexplore what life was about.
And that's really when I becamemore self-aware, more
other-aware, more stepping intothose places of leadership where

(10:47):
I was supporting others andfinding their way through life
and helping them do that.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
Before you transition , and thank you for sharing that
.
That's deeply impactful and Idon't know if you've ever read
the book I'm sure you have, butthe Map of Consciousness.
So that was a book that I readand it's funny that I think your
story is almost eerily similarto that author's.

(11:13):
And if you remember that onepoint where he got stuck in a
blizzard and he dug a kind of alittle hole for him to kind of
stay safe, and in that momentyou, you know, almost to the
point of death, he felt like hewas surrounded by light about,
or almost like just a perfectperfection, in a way of like

(11:34):
where everything that wasworldly just dissolved.
And hearing you say that kindof gives me goosebumps, because
I just finished.
I just finished reading thatbook, you know not, that's maybe
like four months ago.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
I missed that part, so thanks for sharing that.

Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, no.
That's truly incredible.
When you were in the MarineCorps, before you transitioned
out, did you have some leadersthat embodied what great
leadership was, and potentiallyeven what poor leadership was?

Speaker 3 (12:06):
No, I think that's what got me into leadership
eventually is I really did getout.
My dad was a great guy.
He really was A great model forwhat a human being can be and
should be like, so that probablywas always in there, but it was
really watching other leaders.

(12:28):
I went on to a spiritual pathand really saw how those leaders
were really abusing their powerand watching, as I began to you
know, as executive VP ofIntergame Corporation at one
point and working with AT&T andjust watching patients that I
was working with really how theego of the leaders was just

(12:51):
being watched and having to bedealt with by everybody in the
organization.
You know the spiritual teachers,just you know abused, sexual
abused, whatever they had healedas a child.
They are in that from thechildhood.
It was just being played outand and but every time and this
is really what brought me to aplace of the work that I'm doing

(13:14):
now is they would have reacheda place where they were at the
height of her and huge levels ofinfluence and, but everything
was falling apart, everythingwas crumbling and what I began
to recognize is that, yes, youcan really create something
amazing, but if it's not on aproper foundation.

(13:35):
It's going to crumble.
Their foundation just wasn'tthere.
They hadn't dealt with theirinner child stuff.
They hadn't healed their past.
They hadn't.
They hadn't dealt with theirinner child stuff.
They hadn't healed their past.
They hadn't dealt with theparts of them that they really
needed to access to be able totake themselves up to the next
levels that they're at.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
So, yeah, that is extremely important, I think.
To kind of go back on, I'veseen that too, especially in the
military.
When people get to certainranks, it's like they almost get
a lobotomy in a way.
The best way to think about itis that they forget about people
and they're solely focused ontheir position, their title, the

(14:16):
authority that comes with it,the perks that come with it, and
they slowly forget who they are.
And then they start leadingfrom this fear-based culture
because they are afraid oflosing that.
They're afraid of losing theirpower, their title, their
authority, but they forgot thatthe reason they're there is
because they were a servantleader.
They were helping other peoplealong the way.

(14:38):
Why do you think people makethat shift from all your
experience that you've gleaned?

Speaker 3 (14:48):
I think you hit it.
You hit it well.
It's fear.
You know they feel competent ata certain level and they are
that ladder of leadership.
All of a sudden you begin torun into all your feelings of
not being good enough, not beingenough, not being authentic,
not feeling confident, notfeeling that you're the person

(15:12):
that can really do the job.
When you look at any level ofmanagement or leadership where
you put somebody in chargethat's over their capacity, they
start bringing in all sorts ofrules and regulations and
controls and limitations.
You know they turn into thisauthority that is trying to
manage things as best they can,from that fear base that they're

(15:35):
coming from, you know, andtheir ego steps in and tries to
protect them and, of course,just makes it worse.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
I think you just described the US government in a
nutshell.
So, transitioning from theMarine Corps, you got your PhD
in psychology.
If memory serves me right,You're a highly credentialed

(16:03):
athlete US rowing champion.
Then you work in the privatesector for a while.
When did you decide like, hey,I am fed up with these types of
leaders.
I believe I'm called forsomething bigger and really take
that leap into seeking yourstarting your own company.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
You know, I was out in my yard trimming a Japanese
maple, and I happen to haveabout 30-some thousand hours of
meditation, so my mind's prettyquiet.
And while I'm trimming aJapanese maple, my mind since
that's something I comfortablydo I didn't have to do it.
And I realized I sort of caughtmyself having a subconscious
thought, a subconsciousdiscussion with my

(16:46):
great-grandsons.
It wasn't a real conversationbecause they were older than
they actually were at the time,and but I was listening to them
asking me why am I leaving theworld?
And we're shaped.
And when I found it, you know,why am I leaving the world?
For them that's not as good asthe one that I had.
And then I was kind of tryingto explain why.

(17:07):
And all of us recognized thatit was all bullshit.
And so I caught myself and Isaid I just made that.
And people always want to knowtheir highest purpose, their
greatest aspiration.
The truth is, you make that up.
And what is your reason forliving?
Why are you here?

(17:28):
Choose something and make itimportant enough to guide your
life, to move forward in yourlife.
So you know, in that moment Ireally saw that I was out of
integrity and that I didn't wantto leave the world in worse
shape.
And so, with a bit of research,I really saw that the people who

(17:51):
can have the greatest influenceand impact on a lasting basis
on an organizational or societallevel are high-level conscious
leaders.
So I was talking to mypublicist about that at the time
and he said do you realize thatyour, your really truly unique
talent is being able to takepeople into those highest levels

(18:15):
of leadership and consciousness?
And I hadn't thought about that.
You know, from my earlier, youknow more spiritually oriented
personal growth days.
But that's exactly what I do doand and I started studying
leadership and who are, who arethese select, higher conscious
leaders that are so successful?

(18:35):
And it turns out they reallyjust have been on a journey of
personal development,self-awareness, becoming more
conscious.
Becoming more consciousconsciousness really means how
aware are you of your, your ownthoughts, your, your feelings,
both physical and emotional, andand your level of consciousness

(18:56):
that you're playing on, howaware of that at any time?
And I you know my clients are agood reference for that for me,
because they'll be talking andthey're going.
Well, I'm becoming aware, I'mwatching myself do this, I'm
recognizing when I'm feeling andI'm, you know, in talking with
this other person, I reallycould see and be compassionate
with what they were feeling.

(19:17):
In other words, all of thosethings are just stages of
consciousness that they'reexpanding into and through as
they continue to evolve.
And so, yeah, in all the booksthey talk about, they know how
to take people from kind ofmid-management leadership into
the lower levels of higher levelleadership, but they all

(19:38):
acknowledge they don't know.
They recognize thecharacteristics, but they don't
know how to take people in thosehigher levels.
And that happens to be exactlywhat I know how to do.
And when I saw that then Irealized oh, if I just can get
enough people and move them intothose levels, then we could
really have the impact that I'dlike to make in the world so we

(19:59):
can create a more conscious andcaring world for all of us,
including my two grandgreat-grandsons for all of us,
including my two great-grandsons.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
I think that that is extremely motivating because one
of my goals is I want to impact1 million lives in the next 10
years.
And when you start thinkingabout that and that's why I
think leadership specifically iswhere my time, talents and
treasures should be applied,because if I can positively
impact and show other people howto use transformational skills

(20:33):
to be a positive leader, thenthey can impact thousands of
lives in the course of 10 years.
I don't have to physically helpa million people, because if I
pick the right people, they canhelp thousands.
And I love, too, how youconnect that to your, your
grandchildren.
And one of my key motivators ismy son and my daughter, you

(20:53):
know, if they ever decide towear the military, and I think
my experience was slightlydifferent than yours because
we're really an all volunteerforce and I and I've had some
phenomenal leaders.
I call it, you know, clintEastwood movie the good, the bad
, the ugly.
I've had a little bit of each,but mostly all good.
But when my son and my daughterget ready to enter the
workforce, I want the leadersthat they work for to be

(21:17):
top-notch, to lead with aservant heart, have a
transformational ability toinspire other people, and you
and I are, I think, cut from thesame cloth, and I love how you
talk about conscious leadershiptoo, of just being self-aware,
and I think that's a really goodtransition point into your

(21:40):
coaching process, because I knowyou've broken into really three
different steps.
I think is that you have yourfoundation.
Step one is creating yourinspired life, and I think step
two is really where you take itup a notch and what you just
said you're shifting from moreof like a direct management
leadership style to a moretransformational journey of the

(22:02):
path that you're going to go on.
Would you mind walking methrough, you know, your coaching
process?

Speaker 3 (22:09):
yeah, but I recognized early on and we, you
know, took a quick look at itearlier I saw leaders going,
reaching these higher levels andyet without that foundation it
just began to crumble.
And so it's like, okay, well,what is it?
What are those foundationalpieces that are necessary?

(22:30):
And of course, you know I'mkind of into building things
anyway, but you know, the higherthe building you're going to
create, the stronger that, thedeeper that foundation has to be
so you can get away with astructure that's only you know a
couple stories of stories, on amuch smaller foundation than
you can if you want to build astructure.

(22:50):
That's multiple stories and ora multiple story life, if you
will, when you're leadingorganizations and having more
and more employees and that typeof thing.
And so what I really recognizedin every case, quite honestly,
is that the pieces that weresabotaging the leaders were

(23:12):
really stemming from theirchildhood.
So I began it's like, well, ifyou want to become aware,
self-aware, let's explore whatthat inner child looks like.
You know who's that little boy,who's that little girl.
What did they have to do?
You know you've got kids, soyou know that a child wants love

(23:33):
more than anything else, andthey actually want unconditional
love more than anything elseand they'll just do about
whatever it takes to get it.
So you just ask, well, what didyou do to get it?
And in, in looking andexploring your life, at what you
did to get love, thatunconditional love.
I'm not saying we ever got it,but we got as much love as we

(23:53):
needed, at least to to.
You know, grow up and move intothe world.
What we do is, you know, wetake parts of ourselves.
If I'm, you know, for example,in my generation, feeling fear
was really not acceptable.
It just wasn't.
You know, as a male, that justwasn't acceptable.
You know emotion to beacknowledging and I'll be quite

(24:16):
honest with you, I don'tremember even acknowledging it
to myself growing up.
And so, you know, and anger inmy family wasn't really
acceptable.
My parents had a very loving,supportive relationship.
They'd come from reallyhorrendous childhoods, so anger
wasn't something that I saw muchof.
So here I am growing up andcoming into the world and not

(24:40):
knowing really that I have anyfear, not knowing that I have
any issues, not able to showanger, not able to show quite a
few feelings of vulnerability.
And you know, the truth is, youknow, I married a woman who
came from a family that was verygood at arguing and anger and I
got my butt kicked for a fewyears before I left that

(25:02):
relationship.
But you know, so I really guidepeople back into their
childhood to take a look at well, what parts of them did they
disconnect from, what parts ofthemselves did they leave behind
because they weren't able toemotionally process something
back then?
You know if a child.

(25:23):
Really something emotionallycomes up for a child which is
happening all the time.
If they don't know how toprocess it, they stuff it down
into their gut.
If they don't feel safeprocessing it, if they don't
have somebody to help themprocess it, they shove that down
into their gut and they reallythey're looking for what do?
What do I need to do to beacceptable?

(25:45):
Who do I need to be loved?
Who do I I?
What should I feel?
How should I share my feelings?
All of those things, not onlyin our family of origin.
But you know you get into gradeschool, on up, and so they begin
.
You know they have a lot ofdiscarded parts, a lot of
ignored parts, a lot of parts ofthemselves that they shove into

(26:06):
this cave and lock the door onand hide the key and either
ignore themselves or at leasthide from others.
And you know that cave isreally.
My mentor, joseph Campbell,said you know you've got to
enter the cave within to findthe treasure that you seek and
of course that treasure isyourself.
That treasure is thatunconditional love that you've

(26:26):
always wanted, because that'sreally the only place you seek.
And of course that treasure isyourself.
That treasure is thatunconditional love that you've
always wanted, because that'sit's really the only place
you'll ever find it, and so youhave to.
You know, when people move intohigher levels of leadership,
they find that they don't feellike they're enough and they
don't know.
They look outside of themselvesas to where to to get more, to

(26:49):
become more, to be more.
You know, just show me how tobe emotionally intelligent, show
me how to be a authentic.
Show me, you know, they don'twant to become that, or at least
they're not folk, they justwant to act as if, and so my
work takes them down into thoseplaces where they get to
reconnect, reintegrate andbecome an actually whole,

(27:10):
authentic, integrated person.
And they become emotionallyintelligent because they become
connected to their own emotionsthat they discarded or ignored
when they were younger out ofnecessity, and so they become.
They just learn to evolve, theylearn to reparent that inner
child, they learn to become, asI said, whole and integrated,

(27:33):
and that process quite literallyquiets the mind and it becomes
an integrated, whole brain thatbecomes a much better receiver,
much more mature mind, if youwill.
In other words, the amygdala,that emotional center, isn't in
control.
The forebrain begins to takeover, and that's really a more

(27:55):
what's better for everybody,because whatever's better for
everybody is what's better forme.
If I'm really wanting to makelife better for my family, I
don't want to build walls aroundour home.
I want to make the area that Ilive in safe, and so, yeah,
let's go ahead.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
No, I'm just listening and taking feverish
notes and I think one of thethings that you said.
That's why I love podcasting too, because I'm actively in a
leadership role and I don't planto get out of the army anytime
soon, so, selfishly, I lovebringing on too, because I'm
actively in a leadership roleand I don't plan to get out of
the army anytime soon, so,selfishly, I love bringing on
people like you that I can justpull wisdom from.
But there's one thing that yousaid that I've seen is that

(28:38):
people want to be shown how tobe vulnerable.
They want to be shown how to beempathetic.
And you hit the nail on thehead, and one of my superpowers
is I can.
I can do that, but the reason Ican do that is that I have
looked deep in my cave and Ihave unlocked some of my
treasure probably not all of it,but like you and I share that

(29:02):
you can't be vulnerable and youcan't be authentic, you can't be
empathetic all of those thingsunless you first really unlock
it within you, and that is fire.
That is a beautiful way ofsaying that, because I've
thought about that for a verylong time.
But you just hit the nail onthe head.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
An easy way to look at it is anything in your life
that's limiting you, anything inyour life that's limiting you,
anything in your life that's achallenge or struggle, you know
that's created in relationshipto other people and it needs to
be healed in relationship toother people.
So often you know I'm the firstother person that they go on

(29:43):
that exploration.
I mean even in the initial call, when I'm working with somebody
, they'll recognize and discoverthings that they never even
thought before, never realizedbefore, and so you know you
start working with me for youknow, intensively for a bit, all
of a sudden your whole lifeopens up to you and you realize

(30:05):
what's holding you back, whatyou need to do to heal that and
how amazingly that'll move youforward, not only in your
leadership but in your life.
A lot of people come and theygo oh well, my marriage is fine,
I'm great with my kids, it'sjust this job thing.
It doesn't take them very longbefore they realize they're
really not, their heart reallyisn't open in their relationship

(30:28):
with their kids and their wifeor their husband, and so they
begin to really all of thosethings change.
I mean I had a fellow come tome a few years ago and you know
he's got five internationalbusinesses and you know worth.
You know close to nine figureseach of them, and you know he
felt like he was losingeverything.
Close to nine figures each ofthem, and you know he felt like

(30:50):
he was losing everything and hewas.
He'd reached that ceiling wewere talking about and within
two months he's restructuringhis businesses.
The woman who had left him andshe had been a client of mine a
couple years earlier andreferred him to me, you know
they were getting back togetherand they ended up getting
married.
You know his relationship withhis kids, which you know they
were getting back together andthey ended up getting married.
You know his relationship withhis kids, which you know was not

(31:11):
in good shape at all, healedand really became amazing.
And so you know, I mean hereally more than doubled the
value of several of hisorganizations within a year.
And so it's just, it's a matter.
It's just the same as in ourlife as you begin to heal that
backlog, you begin to recognizewhat's most important to you,

(31:34):
what's your highest intention,what's your greatest aspiration,
what you think in terms of thatis what you need to breathe
into.
You know, which means it's notcomfortable, it's not safe, it's
like you really have to bepresent and conscious and
curious enough to stay with thatprocess and breathe into that
new place of who and being whoand what you need to be to to

(31:58):
serve in that role.
And so you know, I I watch itall the time people coming in
who feel they aren't worthy ofbeing a ceo or they want to make
more money, but they also wantto create this amazing life
that's really optimal living andand they feel like they just
don't know how.

(32:18):
And the truth is, all I do isshow them how to look within and
access all that they need tocreate that life, to be that
person, to not only create alife.
My job isn't just to take themup another level.
My job is to support and guidethem into creating a life that's
filled with mindfulnessprocesses, that fills with

(32:41):
really significant personalchallenges that allow them to
continue to grow, so that theyreally recognize oh, I don't
want to go from this comfortzone to that comfort zone, to
this.
You know that stuttered sort oflifestyle that most people live
.
They become an integrated wholebeing that's really optimizing
their living and their life andtheir leadership.

(33:03):
But they're.
It's an evolving sense, it's anongoing sense of continued
development, growth and and Iwould have to say I'm in, you
know that's certainly the boatI'm on is just, I don't want to,
I don't want to retire.
I love what I do.
I wouldn't want to not be doingwhat I do.

(33:25):
You know, I still have time forboating and playing golf and
all these, you know, hanging outwith my wife and enjoying life.
But, uh, that really, comingfrom a place of curiosity, that
place of appreciation, thatplace of trust and love in life,
is really it's so rewardingthat, um, you know, I see

(33:47):
everybody get quite excited asthey step into that life.

Speaker 2 (33:51):
Tim, let's take a quick break from this episode
and I want to share anadditional leadership resource
with you, and that is one-on-oneleadership coaching through
McMillian Leadership Coaching.
So what do I do?
I help leaders discover theirpurpose, create a long-term
growth plan and take inspiredaction.
I believe everything rises andfalls on leadership and,

(34:13):
regardless of where you are inlife, one fact is true you are a
leader of others, you are aleader of your family and, most
importantly, you are a leader ofyourself.
To lead others well, thatstarts by leading yourself well
of yourself.
To lead others well, thatstarts by leading yourself well.
If you want to learn more, youcan go to
mcmillianleadershipcoachingcomand schedule a free call today.

(34:34):
Back to the episode.
That's amazing.
Two things that really stuckwith me, and I like to break it
down into an acronym T-BallThoughts, beliefs, actions,
legacy.
So how we think shapes ourbeliefs, our beliefs drive our
action, our legacy how we showup in the world.
And another one you get to knowon the head of like inside-out

(34:57):
thinking.
We're always focused on theoutcome, but we don't think
about the processes and who wewant to be at the core.
That's what we need to solvefirst who do we want to be, how
do we want to be, how do we wantto show up?
What is the process to achievethat?
And the outcomes are abyproduct.
They will happen, naturally.
We don't need to focus on that.

(35:17):
It's beautiful and I would loveto hear some of your mindful
practices that you have, andwhich one serves you best.

Speaker 3 (35:24):
You know, the tool that has really become my most
trusted guide and advisor is mybreath.
You know, very long time ago,you know, in fact, after what we
talked about, when I tried tocommit suicide, I really just I
recognized that as I was in acabin up on an island in the

(35:46):
middle of nowhere for a fewmonths, I watched myself just
beginning to breathe, beginningto quiet my mind, beginning to
focus.
It was an old wood fireplaceand outhouse and everything.
It was pretty basic, so therewasn't a lot of distraction
there, but I found myself reallyquieting my mind.

(36:07):
And what allowed me?
You know, if I try and quiet mymind, that's just my mind
trying to, you know, manipulateitself.
So you have to give the mindsomething to do, and so it's
like, okay, this breathing givesme something to do.
It also seems to calm me downand relax me.
So as I began sitting andbreathing, I began to gain more.

(36:29):
You know, sitting with myself.
I was sitting on an island inthe middle of nowhere, so I had
to really become more aware ofmyself.
And that journey, really, thatturns into meditation, that
turns into mindfulness, thatturns into really emotional
intelligence, that turns intobecoming a better leader that

(36:51):
turns into moving into higherstates of consciousness, which
turns into really creating youroptimal living and leadership
life.
So it's a, it's a very clearpath and and the tools are all
about, uh, you know, I'vecertainly meditated, you know,
probably 30, 35, 000 hours whenI was especially younger.

(37:14):
It was a big part of my life.
But I've also studied martialarts.
I've also done, you know, allthe tai chi and taekwondo and
all of that type of thing.
But I've also done yoga and butyou can turn I I really like to
support people into turningeverything in their life into
mindfulness.
You know, I play golf, but II'm not out there trying to beat

(37:37):
somebody else or do anythingelse, I'm I'm just out there
doing my mindfulness exercises.
It happens to make me a bettergolfer, which is good.
It happens to make me a bettergolfer, which is good.
But uh, you know, and and whenI'm leading and when I'm working
with others, it's really doingit mindfully, doing in a way
that allows me to be present andcurious and uh, and caring

(38:00):
about life, about whatever'sgoing on around me I love that
you can apply mindfulness toanything in life.
Exactly, and.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
I think that's I got to bump my numbers up.
So I just started recentlydoing mindfulness.
When I say recent, I would saymaybe like two or three years
ago.
And me coming from and I knowyou get this because you came
from the Marine Corps being likein the infantry and within
special operations command,currently within the job, very

(38:29):
alpha driven organizations.
Mindfulness is something thatyou wouldn't think necessarily
goes hand in hand with that.
But I truly believe the reasonthat I can be more present and
intentional is because some ofmy mindfulness exercises and I
also try to stack things thatput me in uncomfortable
situations.
So I love to meditate in thesauna because that forces me to

(38:53):
kind of be present in the momentand like breathe and I I can
shut my mind off because my bodyis like in that um, I guess
fight or flight response ofwhere I can just really just be
truly intentional and have aclear mind.
And another one that I lovedoing is when I do cold plunges,
which is brutal and I do notenjoy it at all, but I'm so

(39:17):
focused and intentional in thatmoment that I use that to really
help me meditate.
But I've never thought of itfrom the standpoint is that you
can use those mindfulnessexercises in multiple different
areas of your life all areas,all areas.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
There is not an area of my life that is not mindful.
My relationship with my wife is.
You know, when I first got intoit, it was, like you know,
trying to figure out andnegotiate how we're going to do
life together.
And now it's about how do weopen up our hearts more fully.
Now it's about how do weconnect more our hearts more
fully.
Now it's about how do weconnect more fully, how do we
impact the world in a more, youknow, empowered way.

(39:54):
It's, yeah, just you know, whenI have about a few acres around
me in the woods, here and bythe water, and you know, my
clients come here and when theydrive in the driveway, I want
them to all of a sudden feelsafe, feel like they've just
arrived at a retreat centerthat's just for them and that's

(40:19):
where they can actually go inand find out who they are, where
they can begin to feelcomfortable, and so just
everything can become a part ofyour spiritual journey or
leadership in your life.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Yeah, Is that also the concept of like big mind?
So I wanted to ask you thatquestion specifically, like what
do you, what do you mean whenyou say big mind?
What?
What is that to you?

Speaker 3 (40:48):
If you're going to be a high-level leader, whether
it's in the military or anywhere, especially in business, at
this point there's such a rapidchange and increased complexity
in the world that you reallydon't have time to be thinking
out everything and tryingdifferent avenues.
You have to be present andreally able to optimize your

(41:12):
choices and recognize what's thebest choice for you.
And literally it comes fromquieting the mind.
As you quiet the mind, more,you could see it as an artist
who has an inspirational imagethat comes in, or an author that
has an inspirational idea forthe next chapter, whatever it

(41:32):
might be.
But a leader in business has tobe able to really just stop
their thought and, rather thanefforting and forcing and trying
to come up with solutions,quiet their mind and just put
out there what they're lookingfor and trust that it'll come in
.
And it's basically when I firstcame up with this.

(41:57):
It was just my experience, butnow it's fortunately
neurologically explained.
It's just what's happening isall the different brain
frequencies get in.
There's a bridge, called thealpha bridge, that connects in
that place of quietness andtrust that allows you to really
access the best of all thedifferent brain frequencies.
In other words, if you were inthe heights of meditation, if

(42:20):
you're in the heights ofcreativity, if you're in the
heights of intellectualconversation, all of those
things you can access the bestof.
And so what comes forward isyou know the best of what's
available.
Your mind is like a receiverand you're just trusting how to
you know what you're going toreceive.

(42:42):
I mean, you don't have time.
You know, I have a kind of aside note.
I happen to be a creator ofJapanese gardens, and so you
know, I was in the middle ofworking with a CEO in a big tech
firm in San Francisco and hefound out that I created

(43:02):
Japanese gardens and he had tohave one for his wife.
Of course, he wanted a milliondollar one, not just this little
corner thing.
He wanted an acre of hisproperty redone, and I didn't
have time, and so what I did wasI went home and went up on a
little driftwood bench behind myhouse in Mill Valley and just

(43:23):
put out these are the peoplethat I'm creating it for, this
is my intention to reallyenhance their life and creating
a Japanese garden and that wasreally all that I put out there.
And as I sat there waiting forthat inspiration, just as would
any artist, any leader in anysituation, it started coming in

(43:44):
Within an hour and a half.
This most beautiful garden I'dever seen came into my life
Within three months.
I put it together, woninternational awards for it, for
the design and technology, andI never put anything down on
paper, and so, rather than goingmonths of back and forth, you

(44:06):
can do it in just that moment ofreceiving that information, and
it's learning to trust that,and the more you learn to trust
that when I'm working withclients, if I'm thinking of what
should I do next, that's justthey're only going to get a very
limited perspective on what I'mcapable of accessing for them

(44:30):
to really understand, and so Ijust sit there in silence and
watch what comes in, watch whatcomes through, watch what I
share and watch what I supportthem in doing or looking at next
.
And it's that level of insightthat always allows me to be on
the next level of consciousnesswhere I can always find the
answer.
Because I know that if I don'thave the answer on this level of

(44:53):
consciousness, all I have to dois breathe and let go and trust
and get quiet and curious andI'll find it on the next level
of consciousness.
And that's you know.
Oftentimes, that's you know,especially in my advanced
leadership training.
That's what I'm doing is I'msharing a new perspective.
Just, they're working on theirstuff, they're integrating

(45:16):
everything they're doing well,but they kind of like, oh, I'm
getting stuck about this, andit's like all I have to do is be
in that next level ofconsciousness to share a
perspective that allows them tomove into and through that and
that allows them then to be, youknow, inspired to continue
their development so they can gointo that level, which they can
easily, and that's what I showthem how to do.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
So, yeah, I love that and I am going to try to get
better and more intentional withthat kind of concept of big
mind and allowing to ask thequestion and just let, I guess,
the universe in a way kind ofjust inspire me through silence,
because I think we all have theanswers inside of us.

(45:59):
Too often, especially in thisgeneration, we're always looking
for the easy answer and otherpeople to shorten our learning
curve.
But some of the best times Iremember journaling about what
my time, talents and treasureswere, and you can ask my wife, I
have a thinking chair andthat's kind of like a form of
meditation for me because I lovejournaling, and I just broke

(46:20):
down, you know, physically,started crying when it all hit
me.
It all just came in at once andI could see it Before.
I had a really hard time doingthat and how you just described
that.
It kind of puts me back in thatpresent state of mind.
All right, so kind ofcontinuing on.

(46:40):
You are an author of severalbooks, so overscheduled by
success in and outs ofmindfulness and leadership on
the edge.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
Transformational leadership is what that book's
about.
The third one yes.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
What inspired you to write all those different books?

Speaker 3 (47:00):
I saw what was needed , the initial book oversched by
Success.
Really, you know, I saw a lotof high-level leaders, very
successful people, doing reallywell in life, but in
conversation with them there wasalways this pet project.
There was always this thingthat they wished they could get
to.
There was always something intheir life that was being left

(47:24):
behind because they were so lostinto doing just the regular
stuff that they've beensuccessful in doing, and so it
really teaches them how to sloweverything down and to really
become a better leader by havingeverybody else do everything
support them in developing theirleadership.

(47:46):
A high-level leader, whetherthey're running one organization
or multiple organizations,should really be not doing very
much at all.
They should be, you know, onthis perspective, they should be
the umbrella, not the baseballcap.
They should have this bigcoverage that everything's being
done and their job is to reallybe aware enough and present

(48:08):
enough so that they recognizewhen they need to step in, when
something needs to get handled.
I mean I had a very successful.
I mean I made a ton more moneylandscaping than I ever had
doing what I consider my realwork, landscaping than I ever

(48:30):
have doing what I consider myreal work.
But you know, as I was workingwith clients, I would get
information from time to timeduring the day.
It's like oh, I need to call, Ineed to check in, I need to,
and you know you can you just ifyou're open and present, that
information comes to you?
You don't have to micromanage,you don't have to check on
everybody.
You don't have to, you know,waste your time with that

(48:51):
because everything was beingdone.
It's just that there's momentswhere you need to step in and
support and give that nextperspective or that insight or
handle a challenge that's comeup.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I love that concept because I think it's true.
When we get to a certain levelin leadership, we're really I
call this leadershipintelligence.
At least for me, is that wehave tactical, operational, like
strategic level leadershipintelligence.
Tactical is we are in the fight.
Then our work directlycorrelates to our worth in that

(49:23):
organization, like our role andas we grow on our leadership
bridge, our specific work thatwe do is less frequent but the
more we need to be connected topeople and the workforce and
there's a certain point of whereyou're doing less work but your
predominant work is really justdeveloping other people and I

(49:44):
think that's the mark of asuccessful leader of spending
the time needed to mature otherpeople so they can continue to
expand on that leadership bridgewith you exactly, yeah, and I
mean the difference.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
I see it.
You know, somebody comesthrough my programs and not only
has their life changed, but youknow, if they have a couple
thousand employees, all thoseemployees lives have changed
also, and all the children thatare being raised by those
employees changes, because youknow the the boss is coming in
and creating a more trusting,supportive environment, rather

(50:19):
than one where people areworried and being judged and
criticized and that type ofthing, and so they go home
feeling better, they feel likethey're part of something that
they're proud to be a part ofand doing something with their
life that they feel really goodabout, and they go home feeling
like a success and treat theirkids from that perspective,
rather than their fear or theiranger or their anguish.

(50:42):
And so they treat their spousesthat way.
And so, you know, they treattheir spouses that way and those
kids don't have all theemotional baggage that others
have.
I mean, I see the kids that arecoming out of the parents that I
worked with 30 years ago andthey're incredible.
They are absolutely incrediblekids.

(51:04):
They just don't have all thehangups and baggage that most
people have, including myself,and so, yeah, it is that inner
journey, though you know fromthat early childhood, when we're
looking outside of ourself forlove and acceptance, we get
addicted to that looking outsideand continue it throughout our

(51:24):
life, and so maybe a big part ofthe journey that I offer is
that they, within a couple ofmonths, fall in love with
themselves and begin to lookinside, and the nine months and
other programs are really aboutjust integrating that direction
into their life, where theybegin to trust, ultimately, to

(51:47):
look inside for everything, andinside, of course, is connected
to everything at that point,because they're in a conscious
place.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
So I think that that is the one to be the hardest
thing to to teach other peoplebecause you have to force them.
It's a counter-cultural norm oflike, hey, you need to slow
down and you need to think andreflect, Um, but I agree with
you wholeheartedly.
I agree with you because Ibelieve that that is what's made
me highly successful and someof the leadership roles that

(52:16):
I've had is my ability to slowdown.
I call it stop um, silence yourmind, take a tactical pause,
observe your surroundings andthen pursue with purpose.
That's been my whole kind oflife motto.
In a way, when I can and I havethe luxury to do that, Even in
firefights, that was somethingthat we would try to implement.

Speaker 3 (52:42):
Well, I think you get good and I'm going to use your
example If you practice thatenough, you really don't have to
stop.
You just breathe and keepmoving forward into it.
You know, in a firefight youdon't have time to be wondering
about and questioning and tryingto come up with plans.
You've got to be present andreally see the optimum direction
to take yourself and everyoneelse.

(53:03):
You need to see what's best foreverything and that's what a
leader needs to do.
On, you know, certainly not, asyou know, on the edge as that,
but they're doing that all thetime and so it just all the
struggle in their life becomesease and it really changes
everything dramatically.

(53:24):
And in terms of just a sidenote on that is I've never
guiding, I'm never trying toforce them to do anything, and I
know you didn't indicate that,but it's really a matter of
guiding them.
It's.
You know.
You just let them see wheretheir limitations are and where
they come from and what theyneed to do to change that, and

(53:45):
they'll just keep moving in thatdirection into the higher
states and the highest states.

Speaker 2 (53:53):
Do you have any more projects on the horizon?
Are you going to write any morebooks?
Do you have any more booksinside of you?

Speaker 3 (53:59):
I do, I do, I'm really, and I just touched on it
earlier.
My wife was putting togethersome programs for the women that
she works with and I wastouched on it earlier.
My wife was putting togethersome programs for the women that
she works with and I wasexplaining something.
I went, oh, maybe that would bean interesting direction to go.
And that is that first breath,when I have them begin to
breathe, which is challengingfor a lot of people, because if

(54:22):
you breathe then you feel andyou start connecting and you
start to open up your heart andyou start to feel, and so
breathing can initially be achallenging thing, but as I get
them to breathe and then moveinto the mindfulness and move
into a greater degree ofemotional awareness and self and
other awareness and move intowhat I would really consider

(54:43):
higher levels of consciousness,I I'm it's kind of coming full
circle for me where I used toteach meditation back decades
ago Not that I haven't beendoing it all this time, but when
I started.
It's really a matter of there'sa path, there's a very clear,
direct path into the higherstates of consciousness, and

(55:04):
consciousness back in the daywas like, oh, spiritual or
something like that, and it'slike no consciousness is about
living and working in the worldfrom a really present, conscious
, loving, open-hearted,open-mind place.
And so, yeah, just to reallydelineate those steps so that
people have a clear sense ofthat journey, that path, that's

(55:27):
kind's kind of, I think, what'sgoing to come out next.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
So yeah, I would love to read that book.
I think that's going to beextremely interesting.
I love how you do this, too,along with your wife, um, so you
, you're on the journey together, and that's one thing that, at
least that I've learned is thatif you're not growing together,
you're growing apart a hundredpercent.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
And that's true for an organization, that's true for
everybody.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
A hundred percent.
And that goes back to a pointof what you talked about too is
that leadership is holistic.
It's not just about you leadingan organization.
You have to lead yourself.
You have to lead a family, youhave to lead, most likely, in a
community.
You have other responsibilitiesthat people are depending on
you.
It's not just you showing up towork and being a great leader,

(56:13):
because the hallmark of a greatleader is that there's only one
self, if that makes sense.
When you go to work, you shouldnot be someone else.
You're the same person that youare when you're at home with
your family.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
I applaud you completely.
Yeah, I hear people going well,you know, I've got my work self
and my workout self, my healthself and it's like no, you've
got one self and you've got tobring those selves together to
really find out who you are andto feel that authenticity and
confidence so you can contributeto the world at the level

(56:44):
you're capable of.

Speaker 2 (56:49):
So last question before we get to our final show
segment.
I'll try to keep respect ofyour time, but what would be one
piece of advice that you wouldoffer someone who's just getting
ready to start their leadershipjourney?

Speaker 3 (57:00):
Recognize that your personal development goes hand
in hand with your professionaldevelopment.
I watch people go well, if I'lltake this class and that class
and figure out how to market andfigure out all those things,
and then I'll pay attention todevelop personal development,
and it's like it just doesn'twork that way.

(57:21):
You've got to do the personaldevelopment either before or
concurrent with the professionaldevelopment, either before or
concurrent with with theprofessional development, and it
doesn't stop.
You know it's really.
You know it's like aprofessional athlete.
The best of them still havecoaches and you really have to
have either a good mentor or acoach or community or something

(57:46):
that's supporting you and reallycontinuing your development,
growth, so that you really havethe chance to find out how
amazing life is.
Life is so incredible, it's soperfectly designed to support us
, and enjoying this experienceand most people find themselves

(58:07):
struggling and in difficultywith it and it's like, no,
that's not it.
Yeah, all those are just astruggle in your life is nothing
but an indicator thatsomething's ready to be healed,
and then, healing that part ofyourself, you will then access
the next level of who and whatyou're capable of being, and

(58:29):
that is really the truth of it.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
I think that's one reason a lot of I always think
about this, like why aresuccessful entrepreneurs
typically having, like, militarybackgrounds?
At least from what I've seen,they have some form of military
background and I think themilitary forces you not only
professionally to developyourself, but it also personally
challenges you and personallydevelops you, like physically

(58:54):
and mentally.
You know, thinking about goingback through ranger school and
some of the more challengingcourses that I had to go through
, it wasn't necessarily thetasks that were complicated, it
was mentally preparing myself todo hard things and when it was
hard, being in that moment andgetting through it.
If that makes sense and thatthat's it.

(59:17):
That takes a level of mentalFortitude and personal
development that a lot of peopleI don't think get the
opportunity to explore.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
I think the military.
You don't look at it as whatare my?

Speaker 2 (59:29):
other options.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Exactly, it's like I've got to walk through the
swamp.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
so, okay, we're going through the swamp and go
through this.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
And that's tremendous training, because life is going
to continue to present you withwhatever you need so that you
can evolve into the best personthat you're capable of being.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
It's time for our final show segment that I like
to call the killer bees.
These are the same fourquestions that I ask every guest
on the Tales of Leadershippodcast Be brief, be brilliant,
be present and be gone.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
Question one what do you believe separates a good
leader from an extraordinaryleader?

Speaker 3 (01:00:12):
well, certainly their level of consciousness, but
it's their level of of humility,vulnerability, their it's
really, in the essence of it,how fully if you're protecting
your heart, it's disconnectingyou from yourself and others.
So your heart has to be open,your mind has to be open, and

(01:00:35):
that you know.
I would, yeah, I'll have tocome around, and what I would
say is that neurologicaldevelopment, which comes from
all of the things that we'vebeen talking about, is really
the key of the things that we'vebeen talking about.
It's really the key becausewhen somebody's coming from any
level of fear, you're cuttingoff the height of your
intellectual, what you haveavailable, and so you can be a

(01:00:56):
great leader, you can be a goodleader, but if you want to be
the top level leader, you haveto literally have neurologically
rewired your brain to accessthe best of who and what you are
.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
So number two what is one resource that you would
recommend to our listeners?

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
Their own breath being learn to be present with
himself.
And if you don't know how to dothat, then you know, buy one of
my books.
Buy, you know.
Take now to Han's book.
Buy, you know.
Find a mentor, find somebodywho you see can do that and
doesn't have their ego involvedin you becoming, you know, a

(01:01:33):
student or something like that.
Yeah, the resources areavailable and they've been, you
know, found out.
You know, emotionalintelligence, you can find out
about all these things, butunderstanding you.
But understanding is notinformation, is not
transformation, so don't confusethe two.
Trust me, I've read more booksthan I'd possibly ever remember

(01:02:00):
and that's not where thetransformation comes from.
That might give me the impetusto move forward, but it's not
going to create thetransformation.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
I think that that is beautiful and that I love when
other people share things thatwe all possess, like resources
within us, especiallymindfulness resources, because I
think that's absolutelycritical.
All right, so question threeI'm breaking one of my rules.
If you could give your youngerself one piece of advice, what
would it be?

Speaker 3 (01:02:28):
Love yourself, absolutely love yourself and be
kind to yourself, because thenyou'll be able to love and be
kind to others, and that's goingto create a different life, a
different world.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
The last question is how can our listeners find you
and how can they add value toyour mission?

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
Well, I think the easiest way is just to go to
ronstotscom that's my website.
There's free information there.
There's ways to access thoseprograms, those blogs.
There's a lot of informationout there and so they'd be
welcome to go there and they canget on a discovery call with me
if they want to actually talkwith me.
Next level discovery callcom isan easy way to set up a time to

(01:03:15):
work with me or talk with meabout whatever, and I really am
open to just helping people.
So it's not a sales call, it'sa way to help and reach out a
sales call.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
It's a way to help and reach out.
Ron, this has been a phenomenalepisode.
Thank you so much for beingintentional and sharing your
wisdom with me and all of mylisteners.
I've gotten tremendous valueout of it.
I think I'm on page six of mynotebook, so it's a good day.

Speaker 3 (01:03:42):
Yeah Well, thank you very much.
It's been a privilege being onand I certainly enjoyed the
conversation.
Yeah, reminded me of moments inmy past that I kind of was
hidden away.

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
I love that.
Well, have a great night andhave a great workout.

Speaker 3 (01:03:57):
I will Thank you very much.
You will be well no-transcriptwithin the infantry.

Speaker 2 (01:04:34):
I remember that I got yelled at from my platoon
sergeant when I was inAfghanistan because I was always
in the lead vehicle everysingle time, because if we were
to hit an IED, I wanted to bethere with my men.
My mindset was I don't want toask my men and women to do
something that I would notnaturally do myself.
So I always wanted to be putinto the front.

(01:04:55):
But as a leader and that's anextreme example you need to
position yourself to allow yourmen and your women to do what is
needed, and you do that bybeing supportive.
You're in the arena with yourteam.
Make sure they are also in thearena with your team, because
when you do that, you buildtrust, you begin to hold people

(01:05:19):
accountable, everyone clearlyunderstands their roles and you
make a more unified andstrengthened organization.
And a lot of the times exactlywhat Ron talked about people
begin to lead from fear.
Why do you lead from fear?
I think people leave from fearbecause they are afraid of

(01:05:41):
giving away power.
They're afraid of giving awayinfluence and authority that is
given with title, and I want youto hear me when I say this.
Title and authority does notmean jack squat.
You are holding a positionbecause someone, somewhere,
believed in you and thinks thatyou have the time, talents and

(01:06:01):
treasures to do a great job.
So, while you were in that role, try to impact as many lives as
possible because Ron eventalked about that too is that
when you can create anorganization where people want
to come to work when they gohome, they bring that attitude
with them, and I will tell youthat is a hundred percent true.

(01:06:22):
I used to do that when I was inthe command, when I was a
platoon leader, when I had agreat day, even if I was work
till 1830 at night 630 for youcivilians out there I still had
a great attitude because I lovedwhat I did and I knew that I
made an impact.
Today, I made other people'slives better today.

(01:06:44):
Second key takeaway that I haveis that you need to create a
foundation.
The taller your building is,the more you want to accomplish
in life, the deeper your rootsneed to be, or your support
beams and I always talk about tomy house of leadership.
My base foundation of what I ambuilt upon is meekness, and if

(01:07:10):
you want to hear me define that,I've created an episode that is
solely focused on defining whatmeekness is, but I think it's
absolutely critical.
But where you build yourfoundation is going to hinge
upon if you are successful or ifyou gain all of those goals,

(01:07:32):
accomplish all of those goalsand everything crumbles.
And part of that of what Rontalked about which I love and
it's true is really going backin time and exploring some of
the most pivotal experiencesthat you had in your life, and
some of those are from ourchildhood experiences and trauma
.
Me thinking about thatespecially in this episode.

(01:07:55):
I had childhood experiences andtrauma and a point of
vulnerability.
I was highly overweight.
If you saw pictures of me nowand then you'd be like that's
not the same person it was, andI got bullied all the time for
that.
I always had teachers tell methat I wasn't smart enough
because I had dyslexia.
I even had a teacher at onepoint give me books on cassettes

(01:08:16):
because she thought that Icouldn't read, and the fire that
that brought inside of mepushed me to be better, and it
still pushes me every single day.
That's probably why I'm sodriven and so competitive,
because I refuse to allow otherpeople tell me that I cannot do
something.
I can do anything that I put mymind to, but that comes from
that childhood trauma that Iexperienced.

(01:08:41):
Some people worse, but it'scritical that you go back and
you explore that.
And the last key takeaway ismeditation and there's multiple
different ways we can talk aboutthis and how Ron talks about it
is your breath.
But think of it in big mind andwe talked about this is that
there's a concept of an alphabrain, right and within alpha

(01:09:03):
brain.
I think it's funny too, becauseJoe Rogan's like brain pills
that he talks about that I heardon this episode.
But there is an optimal brainfrequency of where everything is
just working fine in tune.
It's because I'm intentionaland I'm focused, but I also

(01:09:25):
spend the time when it's neededfor breathing and meditation and
recovery and self.
Remember.
One of the concepts that I'vetalked about is work, family,
self Three simple bins in life.
We always have a work self.
We always have a family.
We always have our self-self,intentionally, who we are.
Those should all be the sameperson.

(01:09:47):
But we do that throughmeditation and I want to
challenge you tonight, tomorrowit doesn't matter Try
intentional breathing exercisesthree minutes in or sorry, not
three minutes in three secondsin, pausing for a couple seconds
, three seconds out and pausingfor a couple seconds, three
seconds out and pausing for acouple seconds, and do that for

(01:10:10):
a period of two to three minutes, you will naturally feel better
.
And where I prefer to do mymeditation is when I'm doing hot
and cold therapy, because I'mputting myself in a discomfort
position anyway, and if I canmeditate in those moments at one
, it helps me get through that.

(01:10:30):
But also, too, I have such adeep level of clarity.
So this was a phenomenalepisode, guys, and if you've
gotten anything out of this, dome a favor make sure you share
this podcast, make sure you ratethis podcast or wherever you're
listening, because that helpsme achieve my vision of
impacting 1 million lives in thenext 10 years.

(01:10:52):
And if you want to support thischannel, you can do that by
going tomcmillianleadershipcoachingcom
and you can find different waysto support or donate to the show
.
But I also have tons ofdifferent leadership content and
I do it freely because I wantto make an impact.
I release a blog every singlemonth.
This episode will have its ownblog associated with it, so I

(01:11:14):
distilled down the facts andthat's all at
mcmillianleadershipcoachingcom,and you can also go follow me on
social media.
Follow me on Instagram, joinour Purposeful Accountable
Leaders private Facebook groupand then follow me on LinkedIn
and just continue to share whatI'm doing with other leaders so

(01:11:35):
I can begin to make the impactthat I want to make.
As always, team, I'm your host,josh McMillian, saying every
day is a gift.
Don't waste yours.
I'll see you next time.