Creating Harmony at Home: Transformative Strategies for Supporting Children on the Spectrum

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone, I really missed you.
I know I've been gone for acouple months here Holidays very
busy, back to work and I gotsick with that virus.
There's a couple viruses goingaround and I ended up getting
both of them, so I was sick mostof my holiday time off from
work.
But I'm back to work and I'mgoing to do the next three

(00:23):
Mondays we're going to talkabout behaviors.
I've been seeing a lot onFacebook with some of the
parents' groups that there's alot of issues going around,
especially people that arehomeschooling and having some
difficulties with their kids,getting them to do what they
need them to do, and a lot oftimes it's because you know to

(00:45):
them school is school and homeis home, and then now mixing the
both can kind of be a littledifficult for them, as it is for
you as well.
So we know that life can bekind of messy.
There's really nothing you cando to deal with that.
To deal with our kids is hardenough, but dealing with kids on

(01:07):
the spectrum can be evenmessier.
So what can we do to change it?
The one thing that you can doto change it is to accept it and
to keep moving forward, and byaccepting it, you give yourself
some peace too.
This is the life.
Some days are great, some daysare not great, and it's that way
with everybody.
It doesn't matter, and rememberyou're not alone.

(01:29):
There are thousands of you outthere, and so just connect with
other people and get some advice.
I know the one on the Facebookthat I belong to.
When a parent is asking abouttheir child, that's on the
spectrum.
There's a lot of people thatgive great advice, and those are
your resources.

(01:50):
Whatever you've been through,they've been through too, and
maybe more than once.
So what we're going to do todayis we're going to talk about
the behaviors, and why do wehave the behaviors, what are the
reasons for that and what canwe do to help eliminate those

(02:10):
behaviors that we're seeing inour kids?
Basically, it's why behaviorshappen the before and the after.
Sometimes you don't know why.
You just don't understand.
Why is this happening?
Why is this happening right now?
Everything was okay one second.
The next second, they aregetting upset.

(02:32):
It could be post-trauma, itcould be lack of sleep, it could
be medication, they could befeeling sick, but don't know how
to tell you.
I had a case where a littlegirl just kept pointing to her
stomach and her bottom, and Iknew she was sick but she
couldn't tell me exactly whatshe was feeling because she was
nonverbal and it's on thespectrum, but also with Down

(02:55):
syndrome.
But I figured it out and calledmom and everything worked out
okay.
She did have a tummy ache, sowe need to find the patterns.
Worked out okay, she did have atummy ache, so we need to find
the patterns.
So like, for example, if I sayif you tell your child, go get
your coat, and that child throwshimself on the floor and has a
crying and a fit for two minutesand then you go get the coat,

(03:17):
guess what's going to happen thenext time you're going to go
get the coat?
So if you don't wait for themto just move through what
they're feeling at that moment,you know, just sit down and wait
, look at them and just say givethem a minute or two and say
are you done, can you go getyour coat now?
That would be one way to solvethat situation.

(03:41):
But if you're going to be theone to go get the coat every
time, then I wouldn't bother toask, I would just go get the
coat.
Same way in the classroom If achild raises their hand and then
the teacher calls on them andthey answer the question, that
child is going to raise theirhand every time.
But if people just shout outall the time, then the teacher
ignores that and then that wayyou don't have everybody

(04:04):
shouting at you all at once.
So there are the reasons why.
Here's what.
There's, four of them.
One is attention.
They want that type ofattention, even the nose, and
don't do that or stop.
Those negatives are also givethem attention.
So if they're laying on thefloor when you say go get your

(04:26):
coat, and you're giving them theattention like come on, you
know, stop doing that, go getyour coat, we're running late,
blah, blah, blah, they're goingto keep doing it.
But if you just ignore it andjust tell yourself, you know,
give yourself that extra time,then they're going to stop doing
it.
The other thing is access.
Maybe there's something theywant and you told them no, or

(04:47):
not right now, or wait which Ithink sometimes we need to, even
if they don't need to wait thatwe set a timer and say you got
to wait one minute.
I think that's very goodpractice to do from time to time
.
You don't have to do it everytime, but from time to time say
just wait one minute, you canhave it, have it and everything
instant, and they need to learnthat sometimes they just have to

(05:08):
wait.
So if you could start workingon that and build that into them
, then that would help.
Even if you did like, let's say, you did a task on reading and
after they were done readingthey get a reward and then just
set a timer and say after theone minute you could have it,
just so they have thatexperience and they can build
that into their system.

(05:29):
Sometimes you just have to wait.
None of us like to.
The third reason is they're justtrying to escape, and this is
not so much trying to elope orout of the classroom or out of
the house, but they just want toescape.
They want to get away from it.
They need a calm down area, aplace where they can just go and
just decompress for a littlebit, and that's the kind of

(05:52):
escape that I'm talking aboutwith this.
The fourth one is sensory.
So maybe they're not feelinggood, or they need help with
self-regulating, or they don'tneed something from the teacher
right now.
They don't want to hear yourvoice.
They don't want to hear youtalk.
So sometimes it's the sounds,it can be the smells, all those

(06:15):
things.
He might be overheated or itmight be too cold, those things
that you have to kind of look at.
That could be the fourth reasonthat they are having a meltdown
.
Once you have identified thereasons of the behavior, then
move on to some learningstrategies.
So you have to think ofstrategies for each one of them,

(06:38):
and so the four that I said wasattention, access to something,
escape and sensories.
So those are the things thatthose four things that you have
to kind of identify, and after awhile you kind of get the
feeling kind of know what'sgoing to happen with the kids.
Sometimes, if they're throwingthemselves on the floor because

(06:59):
you said go get your coat, itmay be a transition.
Even if it's a positivetransition, it could be a
transition that they don't wantto do.
So those could be one of thereasons, and so that's kind of
he's trying to escape from thatsituation.
So if it's attention that you'vesaid, okay, I know this kid is
just wanting my attention, I'vepaid too much attention to

(07:22):
something or someone else.
So you need to prime them, givethem advance notice, say okay,
you got.
Let's say they're on their iPadand you say, okay, I got, you
got five more minutes.
Or if they're watching TV, fivemore minutes and it'll be
dinner time, or five moreminutes we get ready for bed.
So give them some some advancenotice and then redirect.

(07:43):
You want them to come to dinnerfor, but can you can help them
by redirecting them.
So let's say you give them nowyour five minute warning, you
give them a two minute warningnow let's redirect them.
Hey, you know, we're gonna havethis, your favorite, for dinner
tonight.
So let's come on, let's turnoff the tv.
That's kind of like aredirection.

(08:03):
Or let's take a bath.
We got that new bubble bath.
You're gonna get to play withthat.
Or a toy or something in thetub.
So if they're younger or somehowwhatever they are kind of a
reward type thing to get them toget that attention that they
need.
Give them the attention theyneed.

(08:24):
It also could be just listeningto them If they're able to talk
or sign or whatever howeverthey're communicating, to listen
to them at that time, becausethey're seeking some kind of
attention.
Access Pick three rewards fortheir success.
So if they did their homework,then they get that reward that

(08:48):
they want.
They want access to their iPadfor 30 minutes.
Then they have to finish thistask or that task, or it could
be chores around the house, gomake your bed, pick up your toys
and we're going to talk aboutthat in a minute here.
So those are access to stuff.
So they want to get something.
You want to be able to havethem get a reward for doing what

(09:08):
you need them to do.
Or sometimes access tosomething could be okay.
You know, at six o'clock youhave 30 minutes, so 630.
It doesn't even have to be thatthey did something to get
something, that they just havethat set time and they're
allowed to have that item,whatever it is that they want.

(09:29):
Oh, escape, give verbalinstructions and wait five
minutes.
If they come right away,reinforce that.
If they don't come right away,start gesturing.
It's like come on, we got to.
You know, model what you wantthem to do.
We're going to go this way orwe're going to do this.
If they come again, you know,if they do it after you modeled

(09:53):
and stuff, do a reinforcementfor them.
If not, you need to physicallyhelp them along.
That don't mean, you know, grabthem by the neck and drag them
there, but just kind of, youknow, push them in their back or
you know, put your hand ontheir back or kind of help them
along, take their hand and let'swalk and things like that.
So they may need someredirections or a physical guide

(10:17):
type thing.
Okay, and then let's say they,you want them to pick up
everything in the room.
You go into the room and it's amess, everything, all their
toys are out and everything.
You say, instead of sayingclean up this mess or clean up
your room, and they're going tobe overwhelmed and they're going
to want to escape that.
So instead of doing that, say,hey, where do your books go?

(10:39):
Let's put the book up here.
Or have them pick up their toytrucks and put them in there.
Do a few items or even, if youhave to, an item at a time and
encourage them and after a whileit'll be, you know, routine for
them.
But they just may notunderstand too.
Sometimes kids don't understandwhat clean up the room really

(11:03):
means and you go in there andyou think what did they do?
And it's, nothing is what itshould be.
So just kind of help guide them.
Another thing is and I've saidthis before to teach kids to
pick up their room is go inthere and help them the first
one or two times and then takepictures and put those pictures
up.
This is what I want your deskto look like.

(11:25):
This is what I want your bed tolook like.
This is what I want your floorto look like.
This is what I want your floorto look like.
So they have some comparisons,some visuals to be able to
compare what it is that you'reasking for in their room.
So that was number three, andnumber four is the sensory.
Basically, like I said before,you have to figure out what it

(11:48):
is.
If it's a sensory thing, itcould be that they're too tired,
too hot, too cold, they're notfeeling well, they have a
headache.
They may not understand exactlywhat they're hearing.
They may need visuals tounderstand what is being said,
even though it could besomething simple.
Maybe you're saying it reallyfast and they just didn't get it

(12:11):
.
It didn't register to them andyou think that they're ignoring
you.
Well, maybe they just don'tunderstand and so they're, in a
way, eloping from the situation.
They want to get away from it.
So what you do is you know firstif they're doing something that
they shouldn't be doing.
That's unsafe.
You want to block that at alltimes.
And then you want to firstidentify what's going on.

(12:33):
If they feel too hot or warm orthey're not feeling well, try
to figure out if any of thosethings are happening and try to
correct the problem and thenmodel what you want them to do.
If you want them to ask you aquestion or say something, teach
them how to ask you a questionand move on from that, and then,

(12:57):
by doing that, you can modellike turn your head away and tap
on your shoulder and then, whenthey tap on your shoulder,
reply.
So that's one way that you canteach them to ask you for things
if they don't understandsomething.
So, anyway, those are the fourthings that I have for today,
and I hope you guys are having agreat New Year's.

(13:19):
2025 already.
Can't believe it.
Time goes so fast, especiallyas you get older.
It does so.
Anyway, I hope that this helpeda little bit with somebody,
maybe gave you some insight andI hope you have a blessed day.
Thank you, bye-bye.