Effective Techniques for Fostering Growth in Children

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone.
I hope you're having a blessedday.
Today I am.
It's been a little chilly herein Florida and it's like, okay,
the joke's over Florida, let'sget back to normal.
But it's been cold and I guessthat's why so many people keep
getting colds and bronchitis.
I've been, I had it four timesand enough's enough.

(00:22):
So let's get back to normal.
If I wanted cold, I'd go backup north and live, anyway.
So what we're going to do isI'm going to talk about
different situations anddifferent ways that maybe you
can handle and things that weuse and why do we use them, kind
of thing.
It's going to be a short one,probably maybe less than 10

(00:44):
minutes, but I've got threedifferent things that I'll talk
about.
The first one is in schools.
We use this a lot, and you canuse this at home too where you
have a board and they say firstdo this, then that, and so you
have like a picture of themworking and then them doing

(01:06):
something they want or somethingthey want to have.
So we use that to build themotivation to get them to be
able to do a non-preferred task.
So you're going to work on thisfor 10-15 minutes and then
we're going to work on this for10, 15 minutes and then we're
going to let you do whateveryou'd like to do and give them

(01:29):
options, because they need that.
Control.
The first, then tax reward, youknow.
Have them pick out two or threethings.
So, because it's what you want,your goal is, okay, we're going
to work for 10, 15 minutes orwhatever you decide to do.
Then they get this reward.
Then they come back to thetable and work, maybe for

(01:50):
another 10, 15 minutes.
Remember, if you'rehomeschooling, you don't have to
sit there for two, three hoursand do something you know.
Pick what you'd like them tolearn today and just focus on
that.
Like to them to learn today andand just focus on that.
Be specific when you're askingthem to do something.
Don't just say we're going todo math or we're going to do

(02:13):
reading.
Tell them okay, we're going todo these six math problems and I
like the visual timers, andmost of the kids do that too.
They like those visual timersand there's different ones that
kids like.
They like the sand ones, ormaybe you're on your phone or

(02:34):
different types of timers areout there for kids.
Or if you're going to read, say, okay, we're going to read for
15 minutes and then set thattimer for that too.
This way, it gives them okay,this is exactly what I'm doing.
Not, I don't know what I'mdoing, you're just saying math.

(02:58):
That doesn't mean anything tome.
What am I doing in math?
So be specific in what you wantthem to do and don't be afraid
to keep revisiting the cards.
You know the card that you havefirst then and say, okay,
remember, you know you do this.
And then you get that.
You know it's okay to keeprevisiting those cards.
You need to do that.
So for step one, there's threesteps.

(03:20):
So for step one, first do andthen decide what they're going
to do.
Then you can then put that inthere.
So that's step one.
You're going to figure out whatthey're going to do.
They're going to do math, sixproblems, and then they're going
to watch TV for 15 minutes.
Step two follow through.

(03:41):
So if you decided that they'regoing to do these six math
problems, you have to followthrough.
So if you decided that they'regoing to do these six math
problems, you have to followthrough, and it doesn't matter
if they're throwing a tantrum orwhatever.
You have to follow through withthat task.
So think about you know theirendurance, what it is you're
asking.
It doesn't take a hundredproblems to figure out if they

(04:02):
know how to add single digits.
So if you do three or four ofthem, do that.
If you are a parent or aguardian that has a tendency to
not follow through, they throw afit, and they throw a fit for
five minutes.
They wear you down.
You need to start trainingyourself not to do that, because

(04:26):
if they throw a fit and youcave in, guess what's going to
happen the next time?
The same thing, and before youknow it, you're saying to
yourself okay, it's been likethree weeks and they haven't
hardly done anything.
Well, no, because they know howto, you know, manipulate you.
So you've got to be able tofollow through and keep.
And if they throw a tantrum, andit doesn't matter, you have to

(04:48):
struggle with them to get themto the table.
That task has to be done andyou need to follow through, and
it doesn't matter how long ittakes to do it.
You have to follow through withwhatever you decided that they
want to do.
So think about it before you doit, because it doesn't have to
be a long endurance of something.
You can build up to that later.

(05:10):
Just do small little chunks ofsomething and then, once they
are engaged and they start ifthey are still resisting, you
know, go back to the first step,say remember, we're doing this
to get this and just keep doingthat.
And the younger the better youstart, the better it is as they

(05:30):
get older, because as they getolder it gets worse.
But even if they are older, youstill need to follow through
and let them be.
Let them know that you're theboss, not them.
And so if you have those badhabits of caving in, throwing up
your hands I've had enough youneed to start training yourself
not to do that anymore.

(05:51):
And then the third thing isreinforcements.
I talked about that in my lastpodcast and remember to do it
immediately.
And there's all different kindsof things that you can do.
Figure out what's best for yourchild and what works for your
child.
I know a lot I talk a lot aboutI hope I kind of share, both in

(06:13):
the classroom and at home,because I'm seeing like a lot of
people doing homeschooling andhaving difficulty, you know
doing that at home, because I'mseeing like a lot of people
doing homeschooling and havingdifficulty, you know doing that
at home, and it is because thekids think school, school,
home's home.
But if they're going to be athome, you have to say okay,
during this time of day, and itdoesn't have to be from eight

(06:36):
o'clock to two o'clock or threeo'clock, it can be from eight
o'clock to, or, if they're liketo sleep in, it can be from 10
o'clock to 12 o'clock, itdoesn't matter, and it doesn't
have to be you.
You can get a tutor to come inor maybe a relative or somebody
to help you with some of thesetasks.
So the second thing that I wantto talk about is this can

(07:00):
happen at home or at school.
So the first one is for at home.
You want to make your like.
Let's say you're saying to them, give them choices.
So you say you want to makeyour bed first or pick up your
toys, so you want both of thosetasks to be done.

(07:21):
But give them a choice whichwould you prefer to do?
Or do you want to wash yourface or brush your teeth first?
Those kind of choices they needthat.
We need to give them as muchchoices as we possibly can.
Sometimes you can at school, youcan do like a vision board, you
know, pick out four things orthree things and say, okay, when

(07:44):
you're done with this task,pick out one of the things you
do.
I do that at my school.
I kind of came in in the middleof the year so they weren't
used to doing a lot of thingsand they had a lot of to me kind
of downtime and too much of it,I thought.
And so I do task boxes and theydo too.

(08:07):
They pick, and sometimes I pickand they do two task boxes, and
then I have a board that theyget to choose from, and it may
be, you know, sit and reading abook and having a snack, an
extra snack, or it may be extra50 minutes on your iPad has to
be educational, though, becausethat's just one of my things.
So I have three or fourdifferent things, or they can

(08:33):
play with Legos or somethinglike that, just something that
they can do and they get tochoose, you know, at different
times, and I try to mix it upand give them different choices.
And I try to mix it up and givethem different choices, and so
that's something that you can doat school and you can do it at
home, but they need choices.
That's the second thing.
The third thing is ways to sayno.

(08:57):
Now, this is kind of hard forme, to be honest with you.
I catch myself saying nosometimes and getting upset and
saying no, and it's a bad, badhabit to do.
So I try to break that.
So let's say they ask you aquestion Can I have some

(09:18):
chocolate or some candy?
So how can I address that?
So I can say and this is athome or at school, no, but
provide something different.
Say no, not right now, butwould you like an apple or an
orange or something like that,and I usually have something at
school too that it's a littlemore healthier than candy.

(09:40):
Or you can say there's threeways to say no no, but given no,
but how about this kind ofthing?
And the second one is just yes,but later let's have dinner, or
at my school would be lunch.
Okay, so after lunch, yes, youcan have that.
It's less engaging than justsaying no response.

(10:03):
It's less engaging than justsaying no response.
And even with a no response, ifyou just say no, but how about
this?
It's less engaging.
They're given a choice if yousay no, but I'll provide this
alternative for you.
Or if you say yes, but afteryou finish your lunch or dinner
or whatever the case may befinish your lunch or dinner or

(10:28):
whatever the case may be so thatway you don't get so much of a
negative response from them.
And then the third thing is justsaying wait until after dinner,
and wait is kind of a goodthing to do.
I want to talk a little bitmore about that.
Sometimes, even if it's okayfor them to have it if they've
done a task, and then you set atimer for one minute because

(10:48):
they need that practice ofwaiting, because, as you know
life, you wait a lot in life, sothey need that practice too,
that everything is an instant tothem.
So if you say to them, yes, butlet's wait two minutes, even
after they eat dinner, say, yes,you can still have your dessert

(11:09):
, but let's wait two minutes andset a timer for them, and most
likely they're not going tothrow a tantrum, especially if
they get in the practice ofdoing it, and you don't have to
do it every time, but just everyonce in a while say, no, let's
wait a minute, or can you wait aminute for me or something, so
they give them that time to kindof wait.

(11:30):
So that's all I have for onthis one.
I'm going to do another one fornext week too.
These are working on somebehaviors and hopefully they
help you in managing theirbehaviors at school and at home,
or whatever the case may be.
And it also can be like, ifyou're going somewhere too,
think about that, that you'regoing somewhere and you want to

(11:53):
control their behavior.
Say, you do good at churchtoday or at shopping, you'll get
this or that.
Okay, anyway, have a great dayand I will do another one soon.
Bye-bye.