June 2, 2024 • 63 mins
Is it time to reframe how we talk about non-monogamous relationships? Join us as Aaron leads a thought-provoking debate on the term "ethical non-monogamy." Why add the word "ethical" anyway? Dive into this fiery discussion as we question societal norms and explore the inherent honesty in non-monogamous relationships. We even cheekily suggest flipping the script and calling monogamous folks "ethically monogamous" to underscore the absurdity of needing such labels.
Ever wondered if a $1,200 sex toy is worth the investment? We share our exhilarating (and sometimes awkward) experiences with the high-end Sibian, examining how its mechanical nature can both enhance and detract from intimacy. From hilarious stories of loaning the toy to friends to practical tips on maintaining connection while using it, this segment is an eye-opener. Plus, we touch on other expensive toys and the importance of prioritizing intimacy amidst the gadgets.
Power dynamics in BDSM relationships can be both thrilling and complex. We delve into the responsibilities of dominants, the gift of submission, and the essential need for mutual respect. Discover why clear communication and equal footing are crucial at the start of any BDSM relationship. As we wrap up, we celebrate our third season and the impact of our candid conversations, knowing we're helping listeners navigate their own intimate journeys. Don't miss it, and check out more at littlerenegadefilms.com!
Ever wondered if a $1,200 sex toy is worth the investment? We share our exhilarating (and sometimes awkward) experiences with the high-end Sibian, examining how its mechanical nature can both enhance and detract from intimacy. From hilarious stories of loaning the toy to friends to practical tips on maintaining connection while using it, this segment is an eye-opener. Plus, we touch on other expensive toys and the importance of prioritizing intimacy amidst the gadgets.
Power dynamics in BDSM relationships can be both thrilling and complex. We delve into the responsibilities of dominants, the gift of submission, and the essential need for mutual respect. Discover why clear communication and equal footing are crucial at the start of any BDSM relationship. As we wrap up, we celebrate our third season and the impact of our candid conversations, knowing we're helping listeners navigate their own intimate journeys. Don't miss it, and check out more at littlerenegadefilms.com!
Our vampire kink discord is poppin'! It's super sexy up in there. GET INTO IT!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Well, well, well, Go ahead and open up your ears,
your mind and whatever else youneed.
You're listening to Talk Dirtyto Me.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello all you sexy beasts and welcome back to Talk
Dirty to Me, the podcast withthree friends with three
different perspectives on kinkfetish and sex Talk dirty to one
another.
And today we have myself, yourneighborhood femdom Casey, we
have Tosin Aoufesso, the kinkoracle Oi, and we have the
(00:42):
experimentalist Aaron.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Salutations.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hope everybody out there, all you sexy beasts, are
doing great.
We're going to kick off the daywith a little conversation on
the word ethical that Aaron hasbrought to the table.
Aaron, why don't you kick usoff?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Yeah.
So, man, I thoroughly enjoyedour conversation with Eric last
week as I was just advocatingfor, hey, you can be
non-monogamous without beingpoly, and there's a real
(01:22):
spectrum to enjoy.
The phrase ethical non-monogamystarted to just bother me for a
number of reasons, and I'mgoing to try to stop using the
phrase ethical non-monogamy.
Not because I plan on startingto do a lot of sleazy stuff,
(01:43):
mind you.
Not because I plan on—sorry, Ididn't do a lot of sleazy stuff,
mind you, I'll know more thanusual.
But because no one says they'reethically monogamous.
Implicit in the phrase ethicalnon-monogamy is stigmatizing the
idea of non-monogamy, that youhave to say that it's ethical.
It feels reactionary,reactionary to the idea that
(02:06):
someone might think oh well,you're just fucking around, and
I think it's kind of meaninglesstoo.
One is the fact that everybodyis the hero in their own story,
everybody is righteous in theirown mind.
Anyone that's non-monogamousthinks they're ethical.
(02:27):
So that kind of lays it flat onits ass.
I've met individuals who claimto be ethically non-monogamous
and were just treated otherpeople like trash and so great,
you think you're ethical.
But what does that mean?
Conversely, I have known lovelypeople stuck in sexless
(02:51):
marriages that have decided todiscreetly step outside the
marriage and does that make themunethical?
Well, that depends on what yourdefinition is.
So from that perspective,ethical just doesn't mean
(03:15):
anything.
And then, inversely, monogamywhy is that by default
considered?
Oh, you're ethical becauseyou're monogamous.
Of the ethical versusnon-ethical, of the monogamous
versus non-monogamous people Ihave met, when it comes to the
(03:37):
way they approach relationships,I would say the people that are
open and honest about beingnon-monogamous are by far more
likely to be ethical and kindindividuals and kind to their
partners than the monogamouspeople.
(04:00):
And of course this isn't anabsolute.
Nothing's an absolute.
And of course this isn't anabsolute.
Nothing's an absolute.
But cheating happens.
It is possible, but cheatinghappens a lot less in
non-monogamous relationshipsthan monogamous relationships,
not as much resentment builds up.
For all of these reasons, theattaching the word ethical to
(04:23):
non-monogamous just seemsreactionary and unnecessary.
So end of rant.
I am non-monogamous.
I am not ethicallynon-monogamous or I'm no longer
going to describe myself as such.
I'm going to try my bestbecause it is.
(04:44):
Yeah, it's just a reaction andalmost inherently, odds are, if
someone tells me they'renon-monogamous, they're more
likely to be ethical, kind orcompassionate than those that
are monogamous.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You know, you bring up a really good point now that
you've laid it out on the table.
Like that, I think people feellike they have to state that
they're ethically non-monogamousbecause by default, the phrase
non-monogamous means you'recheating.
We just don't live in a worldwhere non-monogamous means
something acceptable or ethicalright, because everybody by
(05:27):
standard, by default, ismonogamous.
Their title is monogamous and Ithink we're lucky.
We live in Austin where it'sprogressive and there's a lot of
different relationship styles.
But if you go to other parts ofTexas, that doesn't exist and
it's a lot of differentrelationship styles.
But if you go to like otherparts of texas, that doesn't
exist and it's, you know, apretty traditional way of
(05:49):
thinking.
So non-monogamous has like adifferent, a different weight to
it.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
But, like I think there's a difference between how
one describes themselves andhow someone else describes them,
so that if I were going to talkto if how one describes
themselves and how someone elsedescribes them, so that if I
were going to talk about someoneelse being non-monogamous,
saying they're ethicallynon-monogamous might be
appropriate.
But if I'm saying I'mnon-monogamous, implicit in that
(06:21):
is ethically non-monogamous,because I am communicating that
Also.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I think what's more fascinating is you bring up
another really good point thatthat would imply that by default
, if you're monogamous you'reethical, and that's just not
true.
You're right.
If we have to say ethicallynon-monogamous, you should
probably also have to sayethically monogamous.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I don't think a lot of people can do that I think it
would be fun to start referringto people as ethically
monogamous, though I I wouldlike to see the look on their
face.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I would a more interesting experiment about.
That is actually just like,start talking to your friends
and just being and being like ohyeah, this is my friend,
non-racist Casey, and this is myfriend, you know, doesn't beat
his wife just brings about thepoint that you're saying that
(07:25):
like, why do you, why do I needto clarify this about this
person, when it's just somethingyou should know about the
person.
Having to have theclarification because of a label
that I pick to like, prove thatI'm doing that.
I am doing it in a moral,upstanding, societally
acceptable way.
Um, doesn't make sense also.
It doesn't make sense.
Also, it doesn't.
It also doesn't make sensestatistically, like there are
(07:49):
more.
There are statistically moreethical issues inside of
monogamous relationships that weshould have to mention that, if
we're going to say it becauseof non-monogamy, solely because
we associate that with cheating,like I was looking, I'm looking
upset about monogamy, like 43%of people about monogamy.
Like 43 percent of people inmonogamous relationships have
experienced domestic abuse.
(08:09):
27 percent of ever partneredwomen between 15 and 49 are to
have experienced some type ofthing in that, and all of those
are happening in monogamousrelationships.
It's like a giant chunk ofmonogamous relationships that
occur have ethical issues withthem.
So if you're asking people in,not, why are we asking people
(08:29):
with non-monogamousrelationships to label it?
As I'm engaging in thisethically and it's supposed to
be implicit in monogamousrelationships what has?
Which has a marked series ofissues that happened with it and
again that has?
I'm not saying that, likemonogamous relationships are
(08:51):
inherently bad or monogamy isbad on its own.
I'm just saying, if we're goingto start having to clarify it
because of the possibility orthe viewpoint that it could be
bad, then let's be scientificabout it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And they or not do it at all, and we judge it by the
person that we're looking at,describing their lifestyle, and
that's where the qualifiers comefrom yeah, and and saying
ethically non-monogamous doesn'tmean that you're not going to
not be a narcissist or you'renot going to not violate agreed
(09:28):
upon rules or boundaries or keepsecrets right.
So the I think it's just sayingthat the, the agreed up, it's
basically just the relationshipstyle is the ethical style of
non-monogamy, but it's just likeit's.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I feel like it's so stupid now that you pointed it
out yeah, and and I also thinkit's like counterintuitive,
especially for trying to makenon-monogamy more acceptable,
because you know how manyfriends would I have if I
introduced myself as like hello,I'm not creepy, tosin.
And it would be like, yeah,most people would be like are
(10:12):
you sure?
And because we have this likequalifier that lets all the
people who are like lying aboutit, because you know, I would
consider myself not creepy and I, I, but because I said that,
more people are going to thinkthat, and I think the same thing
occurs when we say ethicallynon-monogamous.
(10:33):
That in and of itself, ismaking more people be like.
What do you mean, though?
Like, so what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
you know I get where it came from.
Right Inside of our lifetimeit's become more socially
acceptable, let's say to benon-monogamous, and it's grown
in popularity.
Initially, from that concept ofoh wait, you can do this, it's
(11:09):
like yeah, you can do that andbe a good person.
I think the ethical slut did alot to move that forward.
Excellent book, by the way.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It is better known, it is more societally acceptable
.
And to continue to move thisforward dare I even say
normalizing non-monogamy thatnext step is to say the word
ethnical.
I am ethnically non-monogamous.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I fuck around.
You just can't be in my raceSorry.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I mean at first I was thinking about, like my dad's,
my grandparent on my dad's side.
He's ethnically non-monogamousand it's culturally what they do
.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
But yeah, I just want to call it non-monogamous now.
It's just a relationship styleand then you can continue being
like douchebags and continuebeing douchebags.
And awesome people continuebeing awesome people Because you
know people, because you know,just because you're monogamous
does not mean you're a goodperson let's start the movement
(12:33):
here now as we've so seen.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right, yeah, what is it where we call it labias
and genitals?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
labias and genitals drop the ethical, just be
non-monogamous yeah, I'll usesexy beast, just be
non-monogamous.
Thank you, we appreciate itthis is our psa yeah, good, good
rant, aaron, good rant, thankyou.
(13:04):
Can I hear the story about youloaning out your Sibian?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
yes, so I guess the preamble to that is I have a
Sibian explain that to thepeople who may not know so a
Sibian is large.
It is something that typicallyused on women.
I have not tried it myself.
(13:28):
You can mount it like straddleit.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
You can like a horse saddle, Exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
And when I say large, let's say like one foot in
diameter, maybe a foot and ahalf in diameter and maybe a
foot and a half in diameter andmaybe a foot and a half give or
take I'm bad at units ofmeasurement.
Deep and it's a semicircle, soyou get the idea Inside this
thing and it plugs into the wall.
(13:59):
Inside of this thing is just aOlympic grade motor and it has
two dials on it.
One causes it, this top littlepad, to vibrate ferociously, and
then there are optionalattachments that have a
(14:21):
protrusion and that protrusionwill spin and stimulate the
g-spot.
So in a prior relationship mypartner really enjoyed magic
wand.
I was like I've got an ideahold my beer yes, so I went, got
one of these.
They are a significantinvestment, um, it's like $1,200
(14:42):
, right yeah, and you know itwasn't her jam, so it kind of
just collected dust.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You know, that's fascinating to me because I feel
like the magic wand is Toshiba,right, yes, the magic wand is
Hitachi.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Hitachi, that's right .
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I feel like the magic wand is equally as aggressive.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Well, if you want to do a taste test someday, come on
over.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Thanks, Aaron.
I say that not ever havingtried a Sivian, Everybody.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
It's 20 times more aggressive.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Easily Like from sound alone.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I know it would fall off.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Yeah, you can control the intensity.
The other thing is is that itis it requires the writer to
assume a position, right likeit's, and this is a bit of where
this loaning it out story goes,but it in.
It's easy for it to be not veryintimate where you're kind of
(15:45):
just mounted on this thing.
Now, it never had reallyoccurred to me how myself and my
current partner, who loves it,play with it, and but she was
talking to a friend in thelifestyle, hopefully we're going
to get on for a future episodeand her boyfriend was like, can
(16:07):
we borrow it?
And I was like, fuck, yeah,just use water-based lube.
And they borrowed it, radiosilence.
They bring it back like a weekor two later, radio silence.
Finally, we were out to dinnerand I was like, okay, I got to
know.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Wait, they brought it back without any words or
anything.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
They were just like dropping it off at your door.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I mean, there was like gratitude, but there wasn't
any Explanation or story, therewere no reviews.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
yeah, Okay, and so another important thing to know
is that there is a remotecontrol on a wire attached to
this cable Wire is too thin todescribe this, this cable and
you kind of get to play DJ withthe two little knobs the one
that causes it to vibrateintensely and the other one that
causes that to spin on theG-spot.
(16:56):
And evidently how they wereusing it was she got on it and
he was standing separate fromher and so she was kind of on
display and he was doing DJ.
Okay, if you ever get a chanceto try a symbiont with a partner
, do not do that, because itremoves intimacy from something
(17:21):
that's already very mechanical.
How I found using it to beenjoyable with a partner is get
them all set up and on it andthen you are kind of standing
over them, allow them to hug you, stand up close enough that
(17:43):
they can wrap themselves aroundyou, because it's going to be
one hell of a ride and that canmake it something very intimate.
It's also an amazing way to gethit.
Yeah, so, and I think this isan important thing to kind of
(18:05):
keep in mind personally as anexperimentalist, but for all you
kinksters out there is, thereare so many different things to
play with and experiment without there, and they are all, and
some of them can be complicated, some of them can be
(18:27):
intimidating.
Keep intimacy in mind.
Find ways to stay connected toyour partner as you're trying
whatever crazy, weird shit youhave in mind.
So wait what?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
happened.
Eventually, you took them, youguys had dinner together and
you're like so what's the deal,How'd it go?
And they were like it was notintimate.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Well, she was just like, yeah, it wasn't for me.
I kind of felt like I was ondisplay and just it was awkward.
Oh yeah, yeah.
So, anyhow, that is my loaningout the Sibian story and a bit
of advice or reflection from theexperience.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Did you feel weird about loaning it out?
Because it's expensive and it'slike touching genitals?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The expensive part, not really.
I trust them.
They're both professionals.
If they were to have screwed itup, I am a neat freak, clean
(19:40):
freak.
I have for all of my toys.
I have antiviricidal wipes,which is basically just like the
Lysol wipes that are sent torubbing alcohol, which is
basically just like the Lysolwipes that are sent to rubbing
alcohol.
I will.
Anything that is dishwashersafe, I will send through the
(20:01):
dishwasher and that top pad partthat is dishwasher safe.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So what they're sitting on, basically.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yes, so the part that was in direct contact with
their genitals?
So, the part that was in directcontact with their genitals,
threw in the dishwasher, rubbedthe whole thing down with
rubbing alcohol and you're goodto go.
And not to mention, you know, Imean I do a lot more than that
(20:36):
with other people's genitals.
That's true.
It would have been different ifthey were strangers.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Oh yeah, the answer to that would have been no.
Yes, you cannot have my Sibian.
It would have been weird for astranger to ask you that anyway,
and how would they know?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Well, after this podcast.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
After this podcast.
But after this podcast, ifyou'd like to rent out bro
aaron's sibian his email addressis aaron at, just kidding.
Sibian is a really extravagantsex toy.
Is it the most expensive sextoy that we can think of?
You?
Speaker 3 (21:16):
you've heard of more sex toys than me um, so it
depends on what you put in thecategory of sex toy.
There are these like thrustingmachines.
I don't know how much they cost.
I think some can get into thatsame price range.
There are vac beds.
Some can get into that sameprice range.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
There are vac beds.
Does that induce orgasms?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
though I mean.
So does Sibiont.
No, a vac bed is two hugesheets of latex.
You put a person in betweenthem, a hole for the mouth,
sometimes another hole for thegenitals, and then you put a
vacuum cleaner essentially up toit.
It sucks out all of the air andyou're between the two sheets,
(22:05):
it pins you in there, and so itis a type of restraint or
bondage where you can't move atall.
You're restricted by latex.
You can't move at all, you'rerestricted by latex.
I haven't gone about pricingthose, but I would imagine that
whole setup is probably prettypricey yeah, that doesn't sound
(22:26):
cheap.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I did.
I'm doing a quick search forthe most expensive sex toy.
Hold on, let me check this linkbecause this is fascinating.
This $1.3 million vibrator isone of the world's most
expensive sex toys 1.3.
Oh, that's lame.
It's just covered in jewels.
(22:49):
It's called the Pearl Royal.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
All right, so I'm holding back a really
inappropriate joke.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
What.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Listeners at at home.
This is just a joke.
I would say the most expensivesex toy I've ever had was my ex
drops mike just kidding, uh,people are not toys, uh, unless
they want to be objectified inthat way and then go on with
(23:16):
your bad self.
Yeah, but I couldn't let thatone go.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, this is interesting.
I didn't know vibrators werethis expensive.
What do you do if that thingbreaks?
It goes in a vagina.
Why do you want like this $1.3million vibrator is one of a
carefully curated luxurycollection of similar high-end
erotic accoutrements offered byFornicari.
(23:43):
It's target consumer high networth clients.
It's a progeny of Alice inBradford.
It's interesting, it'sinteresting.
I mean, if you are like a, asheik or Saudi royalty maybe,
(24:08):
but you know what's interestingis like the orgasm you get from
this sex toy is really nodifferent than the orgasm you're
going to get from like anon-jewel encrusted vibrator.
It's all vibration.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I mean you say that, but if I got to keep the
vibrator afterwards that mightbe a pretty incredible orgasm
vibrator.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Afterwards that might be a pretty incredible orgasm.
If you can make me come withthis vibrator, you can keep the
vibrator.
That's a good game.
What else was on your list?
I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
One that I brought up that I would love to hear
y'all's perspectives on, as it'sbeen something I was reflecting
on myself is the concept ofworthiness inside of a BDSM
dynamic.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Oh yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I'll go ahead and kick it off with some of my
initial thoughts and then, giventhe kink oracle's depth, I want
to hear that, and then Casey,with all Casey, all your issues
of unworthiness.
And or your femdom experiencesas well.
(25:30):
Yes, so you know I am anenjoyer of pornography.
I might have even watched itonce or twice.
Scandalous.
How dare you?
In that and in a lot of justcontent I've seen created,
you'll see the dom speak to thesub as kind of like you aren't
(25:56):
even worthy of my dominance ormy you know.
Prove that you're a worthyslave.
That degradation dynamic, Iguess, puts the concept of the
(26:23):
submissive being the one thatneeds to prove or whose
worthiness is in question.
But that's not what I've beengiven this gift of the other's
(26:47):
submission, and that it isincumbent upon me and a
responsibility to me to beworthy of this gift that the
submissive has given me.
And so that was really theentirety of the thought that I
was having is what I've seenportrayed in various forms of
(27:11):
content creation and how.
That is just diametricallyopposed to what my personal
experiences have been what about?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
y'all yeah, I have a.
One of the first poems that Iever wrote, a erotic poem was.
It's called cage dom and it hasa line in there um, the hold on
.
I'm looking for it.
Let's start from the beginning.
(27:40):
The preamble is always the giftof your submission, because
once I have your permission tonever ask your permission again,
then I can begin.
And that lines in there, becauseit I have like always viewed it
as done on either side of thedynamic.
You're both like offeringthat's the role that you're
(28:05):
going to play to each other andit's both like set up to be
worthiness.
It is both set up that I amdeciding that you are worthy of
what I'm about to offer you,from both the dominant and
submissive side.
And so the idea that before weare in the playing, before we
(28:27):
are in the role that we're aboutto step in, the sometimes
correlated to what is your truedesires, but it's not who you
are practically in reality, thatthen trying to back that up
practically and in reality,saying like I'm dominant because
you are less, is bad.
(28:50):
Please do not go in therelationships, or especially
power dynamic relationships thatare predicated on a person's
actual worldview that they havemore power than you.
That's going to be a problem.
You're the practical part of apower dynamic should be equal.
That's especially importantsince you're about to step into
(29:13):
a dynamic where someone is goingto give up some portion of
their power.
Whoever that person is has themore important or more important
, like one word I'm looking forpermissioning to give, because
they're the one giving somethingup and trusting you with a lot
of things.
So I definitely, I definitelyagree with the sentiment that
(29:36):
the person giving up power in apower dynamic is the more is the
person who has the most say,and whether you are worth or
whether you are worthy or not,if we're going to put like some
type of in inequality to thatequation, I agree with that.
(29:59):
I agree with that, but I alsohave trouble like do we need to
use the word worthy at all?
Why do you not?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
want to use it.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I just think judging somebody unworthy is
unacceptable.
It is a personal reflection ofmaking sure that I'm being
careful with this gift that wasgiven.
Also, I saw a lot of Wayne'sWorld when I was growing up.
(30:45):
We're not worthy.
I would say that the other sideof that dynamic, where I think
that a submissive is very wellentitled to decide, this person
is not worthy of my submission.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
There's the one side that is like someone's
self-worth should not bepredicated, quantified or
calculated by another person.
Right, that's where I'm comingfrom and I think I agree with.
(31:32):
I think your self-worth shouldhave its own box, right, I think
they're in different lanes, iswhere I feel like I'm.
I.
I think I think they're indifferent.
They're in different lanes, iswhat?
What is where I feel like I'mlanding.
So if I ask to submit tosomeone and or we'll do the
other way around if I'm in talkswith being someone's dom and
(31:54):
they say to me you are notworthy of my, you are not worthy
of my submission, I and that'swhere and that's all they say,
then I'm like that's fine, youget to decide who you're going
to submit to.
If they say to me you are notworthy of being anyone's dom,
(32:18):
that's them attacking myself-worth, saying that, like
you, holistically, are not worththe pleasure of anything that
you're interested in doing,that's cruel, um and glad.
We're not going to be doingbeing a relationship of any kind
because you seem like a badperson, or at least you're being
(32:39):
mean to me right now, forwhatever reasons you want to be
mean.
But, yeah, I think your, yourself-worth shouldn't, no one
should, try to quantify yourself-worth.
That's yours, Um, and youshould, and like, and personally
, if someone tried to tell me melike you're not worthy to be
anybody's dom, I'm going tolaugh at them because that's
(33:01):
feel silly say I mean, why issaying you are worthy of my
submission any different orbetter than saying you have
earned my submission?
Speaker 2 (33:12):
you have won my submission.
You have won my submission.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, I think all of those are I mean all of those
are all saying like I trust youwith this gift.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Actually, now that we're talking about it, I've
never heard this phrase.
You mean, it's just the idea.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
For me it's more of an internal dialogue in the
dynamics that I've seen incontent creation I I think it's
been wrapped inside of adegradation kink when it's been
communicated to the other personas, like you, aren't even worth
the spit on my boot it's alittle different so this is more
(34:03):
of like an internal monologue.
I guess it speaks to like whatwhat you see out in the world
before you have personalexperiences that this I guess
(34:27):
the power dynamic or where thething that didn't fully hit me
or internalize until I startedentering into these type of
dynamics myself was the factthat there's a lot of
(34:51):
responsibility with being adominant and there is a gift
that's given to you that youneed to be careful with and with
that.
That's where I guess thisconcept of worthiness came from.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Yeah from yeah and I would.
I would also say that, like Ialso think I would find it
strange if out of someone'smouth was unless we're like role
playing as the medieval lordsand ladies, like if they were to
(35:32):
say I, I deem you worthy of mysubmission, would be an odd
thing to hear.
I I definitely run personallyon a day-to-day basis of anyone
that I am a like dominant daddy,of any of that I run the
personal model I was like, I try, I am, I want to live not only
(35:54):
my day-to-day life, myinteractions with you, worthy of
the gift that you gave me andalso if I am, you know, my
general submissive stance is,like you know, worshiping.
So I am attempting to be worthyour attention and worth the
(36:14):
gift of your very existence andground that your feet walk on.
So I think I internally makethose ideals I have heard people
bring use, those type of deemyou worthy of my phrases and
like rituals in beginning powerdynamics though usually there
(36:38):
are degradation or humiliationcentered or goddess worship
centered.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
But yeah, go ahead oh , I wanted to circle back around
to something that you mentionedat the beginning of this
conversation, which is that whenyou initially meet someone,
make sure y'all are on equalfooting.
Great thing to see as a redflag when you go and are looking
(37:06):
to establish a new dynamic Ifthe other person immediately
sees themselves as being, ifthey immediately want to be
submissive, and just if theydon't see themselves as an equal
(37:28):
on either end of that.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
no, thank you and run no, thank you, not necessarily
run I yeah, that might have beenfair enough.
Yeah, no, I mean there areversions of run, but like I also
see I see that happen a lot.
Like I, I tend not to get intosexual relationships with people
(37:53):
who are who, kind of likesubspace.
Well, before a conversationhappens that I generally want to
, like I was, like I want togive you a hug and I want to let
you know that, like you, you,you, I have questions, I have
questions.
Before we get into playing agame where we will do things, or
(38:18):
I may say things, or we'regoing to act in a way that you
are and believe that in yourreal life, then I don't.
It's playing.
(38:43):
That game is a very differenttype of thing.
I'm not I again, I don't speakfor how everybody wants to do or
live their life, and it can bevery healing for someone who,
like is that does struggle withfeeling less than or less than
other people are, like notworthy of things to play with
power dynamics.
But you know, be clean, like,try to be clear about everything
(39:07):
that's going on as as much asyou possibly can, especially
when you're going to like startplaying a game with people that
is going to be nearby thosethings that they are dealing
with and really struggling withand really coping with and like
one of the major ones.
When you're building powerdynamic is like if you've never
talked about it.
You were discussed what thatdynamic is going to look like
(39:30):
and you're just like meetingpeople and you are slipping into
subspaces and like doing thosetype of power dynamic things and
you have no clue of wherereality and playtime is ending
for each other.
That's that ends badly moreoften than not.
In which ways I've seen, andthat I've seen anecdotally in my
(39:52):
own life.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
One of my big concerns there in seeing that
from a submissive would be alack of boundaries and that
inside of any type of play ordynamic, as the dom that you
(40:30):
aren't going to that, you can'tbe confident that you know what
their limits are, that they willcommunicate them, and I'd like
to say that they'll safe wordwhen necessary.
But there is a play there wheresometimes as a dom, you need to
know that like hey, they're notgoing to safe word but they've
reached that limit.
But yeah, there is that concernwhere if someone doesn't show
(40:55):
up initially on equal footing,that you can go too far and that
they will let you without evenknowing yeah, I mean, that's
(41:15):
like that's one of my largestfears in general.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And so, you know, I have the you know tiny baby dom
hands for exactly that reason,where it's just like you know I
need, I need man, a stadium fullof shore before I'm even like
swinging past two percent ofwhat I can do.
This for exactly those reasons,like it's just like I don't
(41:42):
know every corner of your souland every corner of your system,
and like I, you know I I wantto incrementally get to the
point where I have found wherewe can and can't trust each
other.
But but now that I've marinatedon this more, now that I've
marinated on this more, I feellike the worst part of it is an
(42:10):
internal investigation 100%.
On the side of the Dom.
In general right, 100 on theside of the dom in general right
.
Like I think if, if I'm, I'm asfar as speaking the word
worthworthiness out loud toanother person would either be
in a scene because, please,casey, tell me I'm not worth the
(42:32):
grapes in your toes anytime,love it that's different, that's
different yeah, exactly, but I,I think also I don't know if
this is because this is whatthis isn't this is intriguing to
my brain now because I wasgonna say like, no, don't say it
, don't bring it up, don't do it.
But now I'm guessing.
Now I'm thinking about is likeis this because I have a lot of
people around me who needencouragement about their own
(42:57):
worth, and so do I have to stoptalking about it externally
because it wouldn't be helpful?
Now I'm just rambling out loud.
I'm done with my train ofthought, I mean I think that's
true.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
I think that a lot of people do need external
validation when it comes toworthiness, and if you are
seeking that through kink orbeing worthy of somebody else in
kink to get that validation, Idon't think that leads to the
healthiest kink relationshippossible, because then at some
point that person's going tobehave in a way that makes you
think feel unworthy and then you, like, are triggered Right and
(43:36):
then it's a real situationinstead of a fun kink situation.
Yeah, no totally.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I mean, that's a lot of, a lot of the reason a lot of
people, so many people, havepraise kings.
It's because they like theexternal validation that they're
good and doing a good job andor make there are making the
people in their life happy.
And are you know I think a lotof you know if we are, if we are
(44:03):
to draw lines between likekinks and things that you're
think emotional, things thatyou're dealing with internally,
like praise, kink and self-worth, are there are do-si-do-ing.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
This is so tough because I see how worthiness,
and using worthiness in a phrase, can be a part of many kinks,
right, I think, in a situationwhere you're accepting one as
worthy or not worthy of engagingin a kink with you is where the
line is drawn for me, andperhaps somebody isn't worthy of
it, but it's not your job tolook at them and go.
You're not worthy of this.
(44:47):
For me, it's your job to go.
I don't think we're going to begood play partners together.
Thanks so much, though, unlessyou just want to be an absolute
monster, because they're anabsolute monster you know?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
oh no, I mean inside like outside of the realm of
degradation kink.
Saying something like that tosomeone else is I believe the
technical term is a dick move.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah that's what I mean.
Like why would you, even if youknow, even like if I'm entering
into, if I'm looking for a domand I am interviewing many, and
there's one and he's a guy andhe's fine, but he's just not my
vibe, like I just, or like Ithink he's a dick, for whatever
(45:34):
reason, I just don't think it'sworth saying you are not worthy
of my submission.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Yeah, like, because people take things personally
and that's and I know I'm, Iknow where my stance is now okay
you you're you yourself caseyin that conversation you're
talking about should know theanswer to the question whether
that person is worth being yourdom, and I think it's rude to
give that answer.
I think we should discuss, likenot entering into kink
(46:03):
relationships with people in youknow, this isn't like I don't
trust this will be good.
I don't think we're going to bea good match.
Well, there's other things, butI also think it is very
important for you me, anyoneentering into a power play
dynamic to know internallywhether this person is worth
(46:24):
your submission or this personis worth like that.
Because it's important that youare standing, that you enter
into those things from a placeof firm self-worth, because not
being on firm self-worth,especially a power dynamic, is
bad yeah because that's, that'show you let things happen to you
(46:44):
, that you would exactly whataaron's talking about, where you
, like you don't know what yourlimits are, or you will talk
yourself into accepting thingsthat you don't enjoy because
you're coming at it not on afirm foundation of self-worth.
So I think, knowing the answerinternally whether that person
(47:05):
is worth it.
One of the things I tell a lotof my friends when they're in
cycles of low self-worth is Iwas like would Beyonce acceptce?
Actually, you know, I made awhole album about in 600 million
dollars, so and you're justthat's funny but and and I and I
(47:26):
you know I'm saying that as ajoke, but I I do I do think
every, every human being is abeautiful, wonderful, exciting
rainbow of excitement andmarvelous wonder.
And even if you're not somebodythat I would want around me,
because you are currently goingthrough something that is making
you behave in a way that isdangerous or bad, that doesn't
(47:50):
make you worthless, that justmakes you.
You know you have things thatyou need to work on and you are
worth working on those things.
You are worth growing into thetype of person who can integrate
better in society and do andlive in whatever dream that you
want to be.
I think that's important andwhen you decide to be in a power
dynamic, you should be comingfrom that vantage point,
(48:13):
standing on that firm ground ofknowing whether this person is
or is not worth your submissionor time for your own, for your
own purposes, for your ownknowing your own self-worth yeah
, your own knowing is great um,to add to that something perhaps
a bit personal or aspirational,is that if you are going to
(48:37):
accept someone's submission, bemindful that you are being the
type of person that you believeto be worth that gift.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah, 100%, 100%.
But back to the beginning,think I do think you're right.
It is the submissive's gift ofallowance or worthiness.
I'm sorry, it is a submissive'schoice, like to a lot, to
(49:16):
choose a dom, as opposed theother way around, like really in
that relationship it's always asubmissive that has all the
power it should be.
If you're a submissive and youdon't feel that way, you should
leave all submissives 100.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Plug your ears real quick, don't hear this, but uh,
but the ones that really holdall the power yeah, I can ruin
it I can hear the bratsunionizing.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
See, I told you, I listened to a podcast, daddy,
that said I'm the boss, youwrite the lines.
Good luck, good luck with that.
Good luck with that, everybody.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
I I have a sweet little brat that would literally
be saying that right now.
I told you I have all the power.
Let's see how that goes.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
We'll make sure she never hears this yeah, honestly,
that's actually one of thereasons why I really I really
enjoy that dynamic of brad bradtamer in general because of the
game that is playing with thatit's, it's a meta game and a
meta game and a meta game that'slike just really fun and it's
and it's also a really greatcommunication mechanism for like
(50:31):
, especially impact player, any,any type of thing that involves
like delivering pain at a highlevel, like there's the easiest
mechanism to like stay in sceneand if I'm doing baby little,
baby dom hands, like the easiestway to tell me it was like hey,
I just want to let you knowthat it's fine if you go ahead
(50:52):
and hit me harder, which is, youknow, if you're looking at it
like at a theatrical level, likeyou're breaking out of the
scene to go ahead and do that,but you know, if you're in a
brat dynamic, then it's just tobe like oh, that's the best you
can do, that's fine.
I was just, you know what, Idon't need to book the massage I
needed to get yesterday, whichthe metagame of that is hey,
tosin, you're good, you can goahead and hit me harder, it's no
(51:14):
problem, you're doing great,we're not.
We're not on that limit yeah,yeah, it's super.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I find the bratting in that very important because
it it informs if I can go harderor not like yep it's great it
also keeps the whole thingplayful and fun, like yeah
there's well, fun for me, lessfun for them.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
I'm kidding, they're having fun hey you know, I think
that there are some people outthere that take their dynamic
very seriously and, just for me,like it's gotta be fun if I'm
(51:56):
not like laughing along the way.
I mean, come on, like sex stuffis ridiculous, like you gotta
have room to laugh yeah, like Ithink, if you brat, brat tamer
gives you all the room in theworld to do that.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah it really does, and I I think that if you can't
view your partner, whetherthey're dominant or submissive,
as your equal, below it all, youknow that you're both humans
and it can stop at any time,like I don't think that creates
a great dynamic or a greatrelationship over time.
Um, the thought of that makesme uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
I agree and so that's I mean I honestly like in in
(52:54):
most of the dynamics that I'm inwhen I, the sub, is
specifically about various typesof service giving.
But even then it's like as adom, you're creating a space
that that person is allowed toenter into, some form of bliss
and peace that has specificrequirements that require the
(53:17):
letting go and trust of a lot ofthings about the person.
Like that is a service that Iam providing to this person and
I was like and even though itlooks like you know putting my
feet on you or you're handlingstuff for me, you're handling
things for me, or I'm callingyou, mean names or whatever it
is Like, all of that is likehere's the package you asked me
(53:39):
to package so that you can feela certain way.
Speaker 3 (53:41):
All right, I got a question for the the group.
Do you think it is possible ordo you think it becomes more
challenging to maintain thatequality inside of the dynamic
(54:03):
when it enters into a 24-7dynamic?
Speaker 2 (54:07):
What quality.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
So that fact of both partners being equal and on
equal footing and that therebeing this idea of hey, as Tosa
was speaking to it, it is verymuch like there is a level of
responsibility and service thatthe dom is presenting to the sub
(54:32):
.
We're talking about shh.
This hub really has all thepower.
Do you think I want to enter inthe wrinkle, as it's something
that I would never want to dopersonally?
And if we have any listenersthat have been in a long-term
(54:58):
24-7 dynamic where they havemaintained a healthy balance,
and especially if they've gonethrough a journey to get there,
we would love to have you on theshow.
But until then, speculationfrom three assholes on a mic.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Hold on, let me turn it over um.
Hold on, let me turn over um.
And so there's two pieces tothat that are brought up.
So the the, the part about like, how is power maintained in a
dynamic that is persistentlyabout the power exchange.
So I think about being anactual parent to chill to my
(55:42):
children, and I view my childrenas equal, but it is my 24,
seven response.
I have a 24, sevenresponsibility of them, right,
they are not less important,their needs are not less
important than mine, and lots ofways they're more important
than mine and they you know theycan, they have limited
(56:05):
capabilities and various thingsbecause of their experience and
and things like that I find iteasy to have decide, to decide
as a couple that you know, thisis the way that we're going to
interact with this, with thesetype of responsibilities,
expectations of my capabilitiesand expectations of, like, what
(56:26):
we're going to do as a coupleand that does, and that not
meaning that one of you is lessthan the other, um, so I think
it's feasible and in the andthen the second thing is, like,
in the execution of a 24-7, likea tpe relationship I do not
know of a single one thatdoesn't have timeout mechanisms
(56:49):
and like ways of communicatingthat like something needs to
change like most of them, I knowhave regular check-ins about it
, where it's like we're going tosuspend it for this
conversation so that we can talkabout anything that needs to
change, or a way of call likesafe wording out of it to
(57:09):
discuss something back on equalplaying field.
Um, I have not heard of one thatdoesn't have some type of
mechanism like that in thecontract.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
Yeah, similarly.
I mean, I imagine if you're24-7, eventually it just starts
to feel normal and you losetrack of the fact that you're
equals.
I would never want to dosomething like that because it's
too much work.
That because it's too much work, but like I would think you'd
want to have like a day offevery other week so you could
appreciate the dynamic in fulland having it again, and also
(57:44):
just to allow one another to beequals and have equal
conversations and check ins andthings like that.
I mean, if I was a dom and Iwas like in a 24-7 TBE with
somebody maybe I'm wrong, but itseems like it would become less
(58:08):
sexy if that person was timidI'd like want to see their,
their non-submissive personalityonce in a while, to be reminded
that they willingly submit.
Speaker 1 (58:26):
Oh yeah, no, I totally agree.
Like my, my 24, I have a 24,seven TPE fantasy that is the
way that I describe it is.
Like you know, I would love tohave a partner that, like has to
respond to anything that I askfor as long for at any point in
(58:48):
time, but doesn't necessarilylive with me, can live their own
life like I will take on theresponsibility of encouraging
and making your dreams come true.
But let's say, this personbecomes, you know, the with the,
the press secretary to thepresident of the united states,
then, like, the sexy thing to meis like sitting at my sitting
(59:10):
at home and watching them givelike their press secretary thing
and then calling them andbecause and it's like and it's
on a phone that they know thatthey need to answer, and being
like having to excuse themselvesfor a moment on national
television and be like and belike excuse me a second, I'll be
right back and me just beinglike there's a like you have a
(59:30):
plane ticket in your email andyou're spending the weekend with
me, um, to do this, and thenyou can go home, go back, and
then having to figure it outBecause their real life, that
they go live, is like that isexciting to me and that
qualifies as a 24-7 dynamic Now,like a 24-7 nested living in
(59:55):
partnership, nonstop, like likea parenting type of thing.
I don't I'm not interested in,but something like that where
it's just like at the.
Our dynamic is that at any pointin time, if I, if I summon you,
you have to come, even ifyou're the press secretary of
the united states, which I hopeyou are, which I would, and
(01:00:15):
which I hope that I participated, I hope that I participated, I
hope that our dynamicparticipated in making it
possible for you to get to thatlevel of whatever your dreams
are.
That's my role in this is beinglike what do you want out of
the world?
I will help you get there inany way possible.
And all I ask is every once ina while, don't get a phone call.
(01:00:36):
And I like that fantasy.
And all I ask is every once ina while, don't get a phone call.
And cause I and I liked, Iliked that fantasy like
practically probably has somethings to work out, but that I
think about that a lot.
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Kareem.
Uh, jean Pierre, I'm probablymispronouncing that, but if
you're hearing this, you I'm.
I just looked up who thecurrent press secretary is.
She's kind of cute.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
I want this for you Shout out I think I think her
name is Corinne.
But yeah, no, I mean sure, Iheard that, yeah now I mean sure
hi that's gonna be a sillyapology tweet to the White House
(01:01:25):
that we're gonna have to makeoh god, alright, all you sexy
beasts out there.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
This has been another dirty, dirty episode of talk.
Dirty to me.
Thank you for listening in.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Until next time drop the ethical, start a
non-monogamous movement laterbye, bye I was sobbing on our
couch because I was just likeadmitting this part of myself
that I had not told anyone aboutthose first explorations
areations are really the mostintimate and the ones that
(01:02:01):
really kind of stick.
That's something that I still Iam still I've been in therapy
still am struggling to like turnoff in my brain.
We come out with these guardsand it's hard to then figure out
how to put them down.
I want to feel more empoweredin my body because I grew up not
feeling that way.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Oh sin.
Everybody's wiping away tears.
I am.
That was perfect.
I look forward to the day whenour society has progressed past
the point where it's just likethis kind of universally
accepted witch hunt againstanybody who even tries to ask
for help.
So happy that a podcast likethis exists, that you guys have
(01:02:41):
a forum where you know you cantalk so openly about things, and
just especially for me, likeevery episode is eye opening on
a different perspective.
Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
This is the podcast I always wished existed, so I'm
excited to be a part of itReally does seem like we're
helping people.
Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
This podcast really is sexy.
Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Glad we're back for a third season.
Well, I guess we should do ouroutro, Casey.
Do the thingy, but do it sexy.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
Talk Dirty to Me is a podcast by Little Renegade
Films.
Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
It stars Casey Samuel you heard what the man said Do
it sexy.
Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Okay, okay, I'll do it sexy.
God Talk Dirty to Me is apodcast by Little Renegade Films
.
It stars Casey Sammi, TosinAwafeso and Aaron.
For more of our offerings, goto littlerenegadefilmscom.
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Ah, ah, ah, mmm, ooh, ah, ah, mm.
Well, well, well, Go ahead and open up your ears,
your mind and whatever else youneed.
You're listening to Talk Dirtyto Me.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello all you sexy beasts and welcome back to Talk
Dirty to Me, the podcast withthree friends with three
different perspectives on kinkfetish and sex Talk dirty to one
another.
And today we have myself, yourneighborhood femdom Casey, we
have Tosin Aoufesso, the kinkoracle Oi, and we have the
(00:42):
experimentalist Aaron.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Salutations.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hope everybody out there, all you sexy beasts, are
doing great.
We're going to kick off the daywith a little conversation on
the word ethical that Aaron hasbrought to the table.
Aaron, why don't you kick usoff?
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Yeah.
So, man, I thoroughly enjoyedour conversation with Eric last
week as I was just advocatingfor, hey, you can be
non-monogamous without beingpoly, and there's a real
(01:22):
spectrum to enjoy.
The phrase ethical non-monogamystarted to just bother me for a
number of reasons, and I'mgoing to try to stop using the
phrase ethical non-monogamy.
Not because I plan on startingto do a lot of sleazy stuff,
(01:43):
mind you.
Not because I plan on—sorry, Ididn't do a lot of sleazy stuff,
mind you, I'll know more thanusual.
But because no one says they'reethically monogamous.
Implicit in the phrase ethicalnon-monogamy is stigmatizing the
idea of non-monogamy, that youhave to say that it's ethical.
It feels reactionary,reactionary to the idea that
(02:06):
someone might think oh well,you're just fucking around, and
I think it's kind of meaninglesstoo.
One is the fact that everybodyis the hero in their own story,
everybody is righteous in theirown mind.
Anyone that's non-monogamousthinks they're ethical.
(02:27):
So that kind of lays it flat onits ass.
I've met individuals who claimto be ethically non-monogamous
and were just treated otherpeople like trash and so great,
you think you're ethical.
But what does that mean?
Conversely, I have known lovelypeople stuck in sexless
(02:51):
marriages that have decided todiscreetly step outside the
marriage and does that make themunethical?
Well, that depends on what yourdefinition is.
So from that perspective,ethical just doesn't mean
(03:15):
anything.
And then, inversely, monogamywhy is that by default
considered?
Oh, you're ethical becauseyou're monogamous.
Of the ethical versusnon-ethical, of the monogamous
versus non-monogamous people Ihave met, when it comes to the
(03:37):
way they approach relationships,I would say the people that are
open and honest about beingnon-monogamous are by far more
likely to be ethical and kindindividuals and kind to their
partners than the monogamouspeople.
(04:00):
And of course this isn't anabsolute.
Nothing's an absolute.
And of course this isn't anabsolute.
Nothing's an absolute.
But cheating happens.
It is possible, but cheatinghappens a lot less in
non-monogamous relationshipsthan monogamous relationships,
not as much resentment builds up.
For all of these reasons, theattaching the word ethical to
(04:23):
non-monogamous just seemsreactionary and unnecessary.
So end of rant.
I am non-monogamous.
I am not ethicallynon-monogamous or I'm no longer
going to describe myself as such.
I'm going to try my bestbecause it is.
(04:44):
Yeah, it's just a reaction andalmost inherently, odds are, if
someone tells me they'renon-monogamous, they're more
likely to be ethical, kind orcompassionate than those that
are monogamous.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You know, you bring up a really good point now that
you've laid it out on the table.
Like that, I think people feellike they have to state that
they're ethically non-monogamousbecause by default, the phrase
non-monogamous means you'recheating.
We just don't live in a worldwhere non-monogamous means
something acceptable or ethicalright, because everybody by
(05:27):
standard, by default, ismonogamous.
Their title is monogamous and Ithink we're lucky.
We live in Austin where it'sprogressive and there's a lot of
different relationship styles.
But if you go to other parts ofTexas, that doesn't exist and
it's a lot of differentrelationship styles.
But if you go to like otherparts of texas, that doesn't
exist and it's, you know, apretty traditional way of
(05:49):
thinking.
So non-monogamous has like adifferent, a different weight to
it.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
But, like I think there's a difference between how
one describes themselves andhow someone else describes them,
so that if I were going to talkto if how one describes
themselves and how someone elsedescribes them, so that if I
were going to talk about someoneelse being non-monogamous,
saying they're ethicallynon-monogamous might be
appropriate.
But if I'm saying I'mnon-monogamous, implicit in that
(06:21):
is ethically non-monogamous,because I am communicating that
Also.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
I think what's more fascinating is you bring up
another really good point thatthat would imply that by default
, if you're monogamous you'reethical, and that's just not
true.
You're right.
If we have to say ethicallynon-monogamous, you should
probably also have to sayethically monogamous.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
I don't think a lot of people can do that I think it
would be fun to start referringto people as ethically
monogamous, though I I wouldlike to see the look on their
face.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
I would a more interesting experiment about.
That is actually just like,start talking to your friends
and just being and being like ohyeah, this is my friend,
non-racist Casey, and this is myfriend, you know, doesn't beat
his wife just brings about thepoint that you're saying that
(07:25):
like, why do you, why do I needto clarify this about this
person, when it's just somethingyou should know about the
person.
Having to have theclarification because of a label
that I pick to like, prove thatI'm doing that.
I am doing it in a moral,upstanding, societally
acceptable way.
Um, doesn't make sense also.
It doesn't make sense.
Also, it doesn't.
It also doesn't make sensestatistically, like there are
(07:49):
more.
There are statistically moreethical issues inside of
monogamous relationships that weshould have to mention that, if
we're going to say it becauseof non-monogamy, solely because
we associate that with cheating,like I was looking, I'm looking
upset about monogamy, like 43%of people about monogamy.
Like 43 percent of people inmonogamous relationships have
experienced domestic abuse.
(08:09):
27 percent of ever partneredwomen between 15 and 49 are to
have experienced some type ofthing in that, and all of those
are happening in monogamousrelationships.
It's like a giant chunk ofmonogamous relationships that
occur have ethical issues withthem.
So if you're asking people in,not, why are we asking people
(08:29):
with non-monogamousrelationships to label it?
As I'm engaging in thisethically and it's supposed to
be implicit in monogamousrelationships what has?
Which has a marked series ofissues that happened with it and
again that has?
I'm not saying that, likemonogamous relationships are
(08:51):
inherently bad or monogamy isbad on its own.
I'm just saying, if we're goingto start having to clarify it
because of the possibility orthe viewpoint that it could be
bad, then let's be scientificabout it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
And they or not do it at all, and we judge it by the
person that we're looking at,describing their lifestyle, and
that's where the qualifiers comefrom yeah, and and saying
ethically non-monogamous doesn'tmean that you're not going to
not be a narcissist or you'renot going to not violate agreed
(09:28):
upon rules or boundaries or keepsecrets right.
So the I think it's just sayingthat the, the agreed up, it's
basically just the relationshipstyle is the ethical style of
non-monogamy, but it's just likeit's.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I feel like it's so stupid now that you pointed it
out yeah, and and I also thinkit's like counterintuitive,
especially for trying to makenon-monogamy more acceptable,
because you know how manyfriends would I have if I
introduced myself as like hello,I'm not creepy, tosin.
And it would be like, yeah,most people would be like are
(10:12):
you sure?
And because we have this likequalifier that lets all the
people who are like lying aboutit, because you know, I would
consider myself not creepy and I, I, but because I said that,
more people are going to thinkthat, and I think the same thing
occurs when we say ethicallynon-monogamous.
(10:33):
That in and of itself, ismaking more people be like.
What do you mean, though?
Like, so what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
you know I get where it came from.
Right Inside of our lifetimeit's become more socially
acceptable, let's say to benon-monogamous, and it's grown
in popularity.
Initially, from that concept ofoh wait, you can do this, it's
(11:09):
like yeah, you can do that andbe a good person.
I think the ethical slut did alot to move that forward.
Excellent book, by the way.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
It is better known, it is more societally acceptable
.
And to continue to move thisforward dare I even say
normalizing non-monogamy thatnext step is to say the word
ethnical.
I am ethnically non-monogamous.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I fuck around.
You just can't be in my raceSorry.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I mean at first I was thinking about, like my dad's,
my grandparent on my dad's side.
He's ethnically non-monogamousand it's culturally what they do
.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
But yeah, I just want to call it non-monogamous now.
It's just a relationship styleand then you can continue being
like douchebags and continuebeing douchebags.
And awesome people continuebeing awesome people Because you
know people, because you know,just because you're monogamous
does not mean you're a goodperson let's start the movement
(12:33):
here now as we've so seen.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right, yeah, what is it where we call it labias
and genitals?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
labias and genitals drop the ethical, just be
non-monogamous yeah, I'll usesexy beast, just be
non-monogamous.
Thank you, we appreciate itthis is our psa yeah, good, good
rant, aaron, good rant, thankyou.
(13:04):
Can I hear the story about youloaning out your Sibian?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
yes, so I guess the preamble to that is I have a
Sibian explain that to thepeople who may not know so a
Sibian is large.
It is something that typicallyused on women.
I have not tried it myself.
(13:28):
You can mount it like straddleit.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
You can like a horse saddle, Exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
And when I say large, let's say like one foot in
diameter, maybe a foot and ahalf in diameter and maybe a
foot and a half in diameter andmaybe a foot and a half give or
take I'm bad at units ofmeasurement.
Deep and it's a semicircle, soyou get the idea Inside this
thing and it plugs into the wall.
(13:59):
Inside of this thing is just aOlympic grade motor and it has
two dials on it.
One causes it, this top littlepad, to vibrate ferociously, and
then there are optionalattachments that have a
(14:21):
protrusion and that protrusionwill spin and stimulate the
g-spot.
So in a prior relationship mypartner really enjoyed magic
wand.
I was like I've got an ideahold my beer yes, so I went, got
one of these.
They are a significantinvestment, um, it's like $1,200
(14:42):
, right yeah, and you know itwasn't her jam, so it kind of
just collected dust.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You know, that's fascinating to me because I feel
like the magic wand is Toshiba,right, yes, the magic wand is
Hitachi.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Hitachi, that's right .
Speaker 2 (14:59):
I feel like the magic wand is equally as aggressive.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Well, if you want to do a taste test someday, come on
over.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Thanks, Aaron.
I say that not ever havingtried a Sivian, Everybody.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
It's 20 times more aggressive.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Easily Like from sound alone.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I know it would fall off.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Yeah, you can control the intensity.
The other thing is is that itis it requires the writer to
assume a position, right likeit's, and this is a bit of where
this loaning it out story goes,but it in.
It's easy for it to be not veryintimate where you're kind of
(15:45):
just mounted on this thing.
Now, it never had reallyoccurred to me how myself and my
current partner, who loves it,play with it, and but she was
talking to a friend in thelifestyle, hopefully we're going
to get on for a future episodeand her boyfriend was like, can
(16:07):
we borrow it?
And I was like, fuck, yeah,just use water-based lube.
And they borrowed it, radiosilence.
They bring it back like a weekor two later, radio silence.
Finally, we were out to dinnerand I was like, okay, I got to
know.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Wait, they brought it back without any words or
anything.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
They were just like dropping it off at your door.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I mean, there was like gratitude, but there wasn't
any Explanation or story, therewere no reviews.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
yeah, Okay, and so another important thing to know
is that there is a remotecontrol on a wire attached to
this cable Wire is too thin todescribe this, this cable and
you kind of get to play DJ withthe two little knobs the one
that causes it to vibrateintensely and the other one that
causes that to spin on theG-spot.
(16:56):
And evidently how they wereusing it was she got on it and
he was standing separate fromher and so she was kind of on
display and he was doing DJ.
Okay, if you ever get a chanceto try a symbiont with a partner
, do not do that, because itremoves intimacy from something
(17:21):
that's already very mechanical.
How I found using it to beenjoyable with a partner is get
them all set up and on it andthen you are kind of standing
over them, allow them to hug you, stand up close enough that
(17:43):
they can wrap themselves aroundyou, because it's going to be
one hell of a ride and that canmake it something very intimate.
It's also an amazing way to gethit.
Yeah, so, and I think this isan important thing to kind of
(18:05):
keep in mind personally as anexperimentalist, but for all you
kinksters out there is, thereare so many different things to
play with and experiment without there, and they are all, and
some of them can be complicated, some of them can be
(18:27):
intimidating.
Keep intimacy in mind.
Find ways to stay connected toyour partner as you're trying
whatever crazy, weird shit youhave in mind.
So wait what?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
happened.
Eventually, you took them, youguys had dinner together and
you're like so what's the deal,How'd it go?
And they were like it was notintimate.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Well, she was just like, yeah, it wasn't for me.
I kind of felt like I was ondisplay and just it was awkward.
Oh yeah, yeah.
So, anyhow, that is my loaningout the Sibian story and a bit
of advice or reflection from theexperience.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Did you feel weird about loaning it out?
Because it's expensive and it'slike touching genitals?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The expensive part, not really.
I trust them.
They're both professionals.
If they were to have screwed itup, I am a neat freak, clean
(19:40):
freak.
I have for all of my toys.
I have antiviricidal wipes,which is basically just like the
Lysol wipes that are sent torubbing alcohol, which is
basically just like the Lysolwipes that are sent to rubbing
alcohol.
I will.
Anything that is dishwashersafe, I will send through the
(20:01):
dishwasher and that top pad partthat is dishwasher safe.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So what they're sitting on, basically.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yes, so the part that was in direct contact with
their genitals?
So, the part that was in directcontact with their genitals,
threw in the dishwasher, rubbedthe whole thing down with
rubbing alcohol and you're goodto go.
And not to mention, you know, Imean I do a lot more than that
(20:36):
with other people's genitals.
That's true.
It would have been different ifthey were strangers.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Oh yeah, the answer to that would have been no.
Yes, you cannot have my Sibian.
It would have been weird for astranger to ask you that anyway,
and how would they know?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Well, after this podcast.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
After this podcast.
But after this podcast, ifyou'd like to rent out bro
aaron's sibian his email addressis aaron at, just kidding.
Sibian is a really extravagantsex toy.
Is it the most expensive sextoy that we can think of?
You?
Speaker 3 (21:16):
you've heard of more sex toys than me um, so it
depends on what you put in thecategory of sex toy.
There are these like thrustingmachines.
I don't know how much they cost.
I think some can get into thatsame price range.
There are vac beds.
Some can get into that sameprice range.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
There are vac beds.
Does that induce orgasms?
Speaker 3 (21:41):
though I mean.
So does Sibiont.
No, a vac bed is two hugesheets of latex.
You put a person in betweenthem, a hole for the mouth,
sometimes another hole for thegenitals, and then you put a
vacuum cleaner essentially up toit.
It sucks out all of the air andyou're between the two sheets,
(22:05):
it pins you in there, and so itis a type of restraint or
bondage where you can't move atall.
You're restricted by latex.
You can't move at all, you'rerestricted by latex.
I haven't gone about pricingthose, but I would imagine that
whole setup is probably prettypricey yeah, that doesn't sound
(22:26):
cheap.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
I did.
I'm doing a quick search forthe most expensive sex toy.
Hold on, let me check this linkbecause this is fascinating.
This $1.3 million vibrator isone of the world's most
expensive sex toys 1.3.
Oh, that's lame.
It's just covered in jewels.
(22:49):
It's called the Pearl Royal.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
All right, so I'm holding back a really
inappropriate joke.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
What.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Listeners at at home.
This is just a joke.
I would say the most expensivesex toy I've ever had was my ex
drops mike just kidding, uh,people are not toys, uh, unless
they want to be objectified inthat way and then go on with
(23:16):
your bad self.
Yeah, but I couldn't let thatone go.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, this is interesting.
I didn't know vibrators werethis expensive.
What do you do if that thingbreaks?
It goes in a vagina.
Why do you want like this $1.3million vibrator is one of a
carefully curated luxurycollection of similar high-end
erotic accoutrements offered byFornicari.
(23:43):
It's target consumer high networth clients.
It's a progeny of Alice inBradford.
It's interesting, it'sinteresting.
I mean, if you are like a, asheik or Saudi royalty maybe,
(24:08):
but you know what's interestingis like the orgasm you get from
this sex toy is really nodifferent than the orgasm you're
going to get from like anon-jewel encrusted vibrator.
It's all vibration.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
I mean you say that, but if I got to keep the
vibrator afterwards that mightbe a pretty incredible orgasm
vibrator.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Afterwards that might be a pretty incredible orgasm.
If you can make me come withthis vibrator, you can keep the
vibrator.
That's a good game.
What else was on your list?
I can't remember.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
One that I brought up that I would love to hear
y'all's perspectives on, as it'sbeen something I was reflecting
on myself is the concept ofworthiness inside of a BDSM
dynamic.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Oh yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I'll go ahead and kick it off with some of my
initial thoughts and then, giventhe kink oracle's depth, I want
to hear that, and then Casey,with all Casey, all your issues
of unworthiness.
And or your femdom experiencesas well.
(25:30):
Yes, so you know I am anenjoyer of pornography.
I might have even watched itonce or twice.
Scandalous.
How dare you?
In that and in a lot of justcontent I've seen created,
you'll see the dom speak to thesub as kind of like you aren't
(25:56):
even worthy of my dominance ormy you know.
Prove that you're a worthyslave.
That degradation dynamic, Iguess, puts the concept of the
(26:23):
submissive being the one thatneeds to prove or whose
worthiness is in question.
But that's not what I've beengiven this gift of the other's
(26:47):
submission, and that it isincumbent upon me and a
responsibility to me to beworthy of this gift that the
submissive has given me.
And so that was really theentirety of the thought that I
was having is what I've seenportrayed in various forms of
(27:11):
content creation and how.
That is just diametricallyopposed to what my personal
experiences have been what about?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
y'all yeah, I have a.
One of the first poems that Iever wrote, a erotic poem was.
It's called cage dom and it hasa line in there um, the hold on
.
I'm looking for it.
Let's start from the beginning.
(27:40):
The preamble is always the giftof your submission, because
once I have your permission tonever ask your permission again,
then I can begin.
And that lines in there, becauseit I have like always viewed it
as done on either side of thedynamic.
You're both like offeringthat's the role that you're
(28:05):
going to play to each other andit's both like set up to be
worthiness.
It is both set up that I amdeciding that you are worthy of
what I'm about to offer you,from both the dominant and
submissive side.
And so the idea that before weare in the playing, before we
(28:27):
are in the role that we're aboutto step in, the sometimes
correlated to what is your truedesires, but it's not who you
are practically in reality, thatthen trying to back that up
practically and in reality,saying like I'm dominant because
you are less, is bad.
(28:50):
Please do not go in therelationships, or especially
power dynamic relationships thatare predicated on a person's
actual worldview that they havemore power than you.
That's going to be a problem.
You're the practical part of apower dynamic should be equal.
That's especially importantsince you're about to step into
(29:13):
a dynamic where someone is goingto give up some portion of
their power.
Whoever that person is has themore important or more important
, like one word I'm looking forpermissioning to give, because
they're the one giving somethingup and trusting you with a lot
of things.
So I definitely, I definitelyagree with the sentiment that
(29:36):
the person giving up power in apower dynamic is the more is the
person who has the most say,and whether you are worth or
whether you are worthy or not,if we're going to put like some
type of in inequality to thatequation, I agree with that.
(29:59):
I agree with that, but I alsohave trouble like do we need to
use the word worthy at all?
Why do you not?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
want to use it.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
I just think judging somebody unworthy is
unacceptable.
It is a personal reflection ofmaking sure that I'm being
careful with this gift that wasgiven.
Also, I saw a lot of Wayne'sWorld when I was growing up.
(30:45):
We're not worthy.
I would say that the other sideof that dynamic, where I think
that a submissive is very wellentitled to decide, this person
is not worthy of my submission.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
There's the one side that is like someone's
self-worth should not bepredicated, quantified or
calculated by another person.
Right, that's where I'm comingfrom and I think I agree with.
(31:32):
I think your self-worth shouldhave its own box, right, I think
they're in different lanes, iswhere I feel like I'm.
I.
I think I think they're indifferent.
They're in different lanes, iswhat?
What is where I feel like I'mlanding.
So if I ask to submit tosomeone and or we'll do the
other way around if I'm in talkswith being someone's dom and
(31:54):
they say to me you are notworthy of my, you are not worthy
of my submission, I and that'swhere and that's all they say,
then I'm like that's fine, youget to decide who you're going
to submit to.
If they say to me you are notworthy of being anyone's dom,
(32:18):
that's them attacking myself-worth, saying that, like
you, holistically, are not worththe pleasure of anything that
you're interested in doing,that's cruel, um and glad.
We're not going to be doingbeing a relationship of any kind
because you seem like a badperson, or at least you're being
(32:39):
mean to me right now, forwhatever reasons you want to be
mean.
But, yeah, I think your, yourself-worth shouldn't, no one
should, try to quantify yourself-worth.
That's yours, Um, and youshould, and like, and personally
, if someone tried to tell me melike you're not worthy to be
anybody's dom, I'm going tolaugh at them because that's
(33:01):
feel silly say I mean, why issaying you are worthy of my
submission any different orbetter than saying you have
earned my submission?
Speaker 2 (33:12):
you have won my submission.
You have won my submission.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Yeah, I think all of those are I mean all of those
are all saying like I trust youwith this gift.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Actually, now that we're talking about it, I've
never heard this phrase.
You mean, it's just the idea.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
For me it's more of an internal dialogue in the
dynamics that I've seen incontent creation I I think it's
been wrapped inside of adegradation kink when it's been
communicated to the other personas, like you, aren't even worth
the spit on my boot it's alittle different so this is more
(34:03):
of like an internal monologue.
I guess it speaks to like whatwhat you see out in the world
before you have personalexperiences that this I guess
(34:27):
the power dynamic or where thething that didn't fully hit me
or internalize until I startedentering into these type of
dynamics myself was the factthat there's a lot of
(34:51):
responsibility with being adominant and there is a gift
that's given to you that youneed to be careful with and with
that.
That's where I guess thisconcept of worthiness came from.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Yeah from yeah and I would.
I would also say that, like Ialso think I would find it
strange if out of someone'smouth was unless we're like role
playing as the medieval lordsand ladies, like if they were to
(35:32):
say I, I deem you worthy of mysubmission, would be an odd
thing to hear.
I I definitely run personallyon a day-to-day basis of anyone
that I am a like dominant daddy,of any of that I run the
personal model I was like, I try, I am, I want to live not only
(35:54):
my day-to-day life, myinteractions with you, worthy of
the gift that you gave me andalso if I am, you know, my
general submissive stance is,like you know, worshiping.
So I am attempting to be worthyour attention and worth the
(36:14):
gift of your very existence andground that your feet walk on.
So I think I internally makethose ideals I have heard people
bring use, those type of deemyou worthy of my phrases and
like rituals in beginning powerdynamics though usually there
(36:38):
are degradation or humiliationcentered or goddess worship
centered.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
But yeah, go ahead oh , I wanted to circle back around
to something that you mentionedat the beginning of this
conversation, which is that whenyou initially meet someone,
make sure y'all are on equalfooting.
Great thing to see as a redflag when you go and are looking
(37:06):
to establish a new dynamic Ifthe other person immediately
sees themselves as being, ifthey immediately want to be
submissive, and just if theydon't see themselves as an equal
(37:28):
on either end of that.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
no, thank you and run no, thank you, not necessarily
run I yeah, that might have beenfair enough.
Yeah, no, I mean there areversions of run, but like I also
see I see that happen a lot.
Like I, I tend not to get intosexual relationships with people
(37:53):
who are who, kind of likesubspace.
Well, before a conversationhappens that I generally want to
, like I was, like I want togive you a hug and I want to let
you know that, like you, you,you, I have questions, I have
questions.
Before we get into playing agame where we will do things, or
(38:18):
I may say things, or we'regoing to act in a way that you
are and believe that in yourreal life, then I don't.
It's playing.
(38:43):
That game is a very differenttype of thing.
I'm not I again, I don't speakfor how everybody wants to do or
live their life, and it can bevery healing for someone who,
like is that does struggle withfeeling less than or less than
other people are, like notworthy of things to play with
power dynamics.
But you know, be clean, like,try to be clear about everything
(39:07):
that's going on as as much asyou possibly can, especially
when you're going to like startplaying a game with people that
is going to be nearby thosethings that they are dealing
with and really struggling withand really coping with and like
one of the major ones.
When you're building powerdynamic is like if you've never
talked about it.
You were discussed what thatdynamic is going to look like
(39:30):
and you're just like meetingpeople and you are slipping into
subspaces and like doing thosetype of power dynamic things and
you have no clue of wherereality and playtime is ending
for each other.
That's that ends badly moreoften than not.
In which ways I've seen, andthat I've seen anecdotally in my
(39:52):
own life.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
One of my big concerns there in seeing that
from a submissive would be alack of boundaries and that
inside of any type of play ordynamic, as the dom that you
(40:30):
aren't going to that, you can'tbe confident that you know what
their limits are, that they willcommunicate them, and I'd like
to say that they'll safe wordwhen necessary.
But there is a play there wheresometimes as a dom, you need to
know that like hey, they're notgoing to safe word but they've
reached that limit.
But yeah, there is that concernwhere if someone doesn't show
(40:55):
up initially on equal footing,that you can go too far and that
they will let you without evenknowing yeah, I mean, that's
(41:15):
like that's one of my largestfears in general.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And so, you know, I have the you know tiny baby dom
hands for exactly that reason,where it's just like you know I
need, I need man, a stadium fullof shore before I'm even like
swinging past two percent ofwhat I can do.
This for exactly those reasons,like it's just like I don't
(41:42):
know every corner of your souland every corner of your system,
and like I, you know I I wantto incrementally get to the
point where I have found wherewe can and can't trust each
other.
But but now that I've marinatedon this more, now that I've
marinated on this more, I feellike the worst part of it is an
(42:10):
internal investigation 100%.
On the side of the Dom.
In general right, 100 on theside of the dom in general right
.
Like I think if, if I'm, I'm asfar as speaking the word
worthworthiness out loud toanother person would either be
in a scene because, please,casey, tell me I'm not worth the
(42:32):
grapes in your toes anytime,love it that's different, that's
different yeah, exactly, but I,I think also I don't know if
this is because this is whatthis isn't this is intriguing to
my brain now because I wasgonna say like, no, don't say it
, don't bring it up, don't do it.
But now I'm guessing.
Now I'm thinking about is likeis this because I have a lot of
people around me who needencouragement about their own
(42:57):
worth, and so do I have to stoptalking about it externally
because it wouldn't be helpful?
Now I'm just rambling out loud.
I'm done with my train ofthought, I mean I think that's
true.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
I think that a lot of people do need external
validation when it comes toworthiness, and if you are
seeking that through kink orbeing worthy of somebody else in
kink to get that validation, Idon't think that leads to the
healthiest kink relationshippossible, because then at some
point that person's going tobehave in a way that makes you
think feel unworthy and then you, like, are triggered Right and
(43:36):
then it's a real situationinstead of a fun kink situation.
Yeah, no totally.
Speaker 1 (43:41):
I mean, that's a lot of, a lot of the reason a lot of
people, so many people, havepraise kings.
It's because they like theexternal validation that they're
good and doing a good job andor make there are making the
people in their life happy.
And are you know I think a lotof you know if we are, if we are
(44:03):
to draw lines between likekinks and things that you're
think emotional, things thatyou're dealing with internally,
like praise, kink and self-worth, are there are do-si-do-ing.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
This is so tough because I see how worthiness,
and using worthiness in a phrase, can be a part of many kinks,
right, I think, in a situationwhere you're accepting one as
worthy or not worthy of engagingin a kink with you is where the
line is drawn for me, andperhaps somebody isn't worthy of
it, but it's not your job tolook at them and go.
You're not worthy of this.
(44:47):
For me, it's your job to go.
I don't think we're going to begood play partners together.
Thanks so much, though, unlessyou just want to be an absolute
monster, because they're anabsolute monster you know?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
oh no, I mean inside like outside of the realm of
degradation kink.
Saying something like that tosomeone else is I believe the
technical term is a dick move.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
Yeah that's what I mean.
Like why would you, even if youknow, even like if I'm entering
into, if I'm looking for a domand I am interviewing many, and
there's one and he's a guy andhe's fine, but he's just not my
vibe, like I just, or like Ithink he's a dick, for whatever
(45:34):
reason, I just don't think it'sworth saying you are not worthy
of my submission.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Yeah, like, because people take things personally
and that's and I know I'm, Iknow where my stance is now okay
you you're you yourself caseyin that conversation you're
talking about should know theanswer to the question whether
that person is worth being yourdom, and I think it's rude to
give that answer.
I think we should discuss, likenot entering into kink
(46:03):
relationships with people in youknow, this isn't like I don't
trust this will be good.
I don't think we're going to bea good match.
Well, there's other things, butI also think it is very
important for you me, anyoneentering into a power play
dynamic to know internallywhether this person is worth
(46:24):
your submission or this personis worth like that.
Because it's important that youare standing, that you enter
into those things from a placeof firm self-worth, because not
being on firm self-worth,especially a power dynamic, is
bad yeah because that's, that'show you let things happen to you
(46:44):
, that you would exactly whataaron's talking about, where you
, like you don't know what yourlimits are, or you will talk
yourself into accepting thingsthat you don't enjoy because
you're coming at it not on afirm foundation of self-worth.
So I think, knowing the answerinternally whether that person
(47:05):
is worth it.
One of the things I tell a lotof my friends when they're in
cycles of low self-worth is Iwas like would Beyonce acceptce?
Actually, you know, I made awhole album about in 600 million
dollars, so and you're justthat's funny but and and I and I
(47:26):
you know I'm saying that as ajoke, but I I do I do think
every, every human being is abeautiful, wonderful, exciting
rainbow of excitement andmarvelous wonder.
And even if you're not somebodythat I would want around me,
because you are currently goingthrough something that is making
you behave in a way that isdangerous or bad, that doesn't
(47:50):
make you worthless, that justmakes you.
You know you have things thatyou need to work on and you are
worth working on those things.
You are worth growing into thetype of person who can integrate
better in society and do andlive in whatever dream that you
want to be.
I think that's important andwhen you decide to be in a power
dynamic, you should be comingfrom that vantage point,
(48:13):
standing on that firm ground ofknowing whether this person is
or is not worth your submissionor time for your own, for your
own purposes, for your ownknowing your own self-worth yeah
, your own knowing is great um,to add to that something perhaps
a bit personal or aspirational,is that if you are going to
(48:37):
accept someone's submission, bemindful that you are being the
type of person that you believeto be worth that gift.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah, 100%, 100%.
But back to the beginning,think I do think you're right.
It is the submissive's gift ofallowance or worthiness.
I'm sorry, it is a submissive'schoice, like to a lot, to
(49:16):
choose a dom, as opposed theother way around, like really in
that relationship it's always asubmissive that has all the
power it should be.
If you're a submissive and youdon't feel that way, you should
leave all submissives 100.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
Plug your ears real quick, don't hear this, but uh,
but the ones that really holdall the power yeah, I can ruin
it I can hear the bratsunionizing.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
See, I told you, I listened to a podcast, daddy,
that said I'm the boss, youwrite the lines.
Good luck, good luck with that.
Good luck with that, everybody.
Speaker 2 (49:57):
I I have a sweet little brat that would literally
be saying that right now.
I told you I have all the power.
Let's see how that goes.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
We'll make sure she never hears this yeah, honestly,
that's actually one of thereasons why I really I really
enjoy that dynamic of brad bradtamer in general because of the
game that is playing with thatit's, it's a meta game and a
meta game and a meta game that'slike just really fun and it's
and it's also a really greatcommunication mechanism for like
(50:31):
, especially impact player, any,any type of thing that involves
like delivering pain at a highlevel, like there's the easiest
mechanism to like stay in sceneand if I'm doing baby little,
baby dom hands, like the easiestway to tell me it was like hey,
I just want to let you knowthat it's fine if you go ahead
(50:52):
and hit me harder, which is, youknow, if you're looking at it
like at a theatrical level, likeyou're breaking out of the
scene to go ahead and do that,but you know, if you're in a
brat dynamic, then it's just tobe like oh, that's the best you
can do, that's fine.
I was just, you know what, Idon't need to book the massage I
needed to get yesterday, whichthe metagame of that is hey,
tosin, you're good, you can goahead and hit me harder, it's no
(51:14):
problem, you're doing great,we're not.
We're not on that limit yeah,yeah, it's super.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
I find the bratting in that very important because
it it informs if I can go harderor not like yep it's great it
also keeps the whole thingplayful and fun, like yeah
there's well, fun for me, lessfun for them.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
I'm kidding, they're having fun hey you know, I think
that there are some people outthere that take their dynamic
very seriously and, just for me,like it's gotta be fun if I'm
(51:56):
not like laughing along the way.
I mean, come on, like sex stuffis ridiculous, like you gotta
have room to laugh yeah, like Ithink, if you brat, brat tamer
gives you all the room in theworld to do that.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah it really does, and I I think that if you can't
view your partner, whetherthey're dominant or submissive,
as your equal, below it all, youknow that you're both humans
and it can stop at any time,like I don't think that creates
a great dynamic or a greatrelationship over time.
Um, the thought of that makesme uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
I agree and so that's I mean I honestly like in in
(52:54):
most of the dynamics that I'm inwhen I, the sub, is
specifically about various typesof service giving.
But even then it's like as adom, you're creating a space
that that person is allowed toenter into, some form of bliss
and peace that has specificrequirements that require the
(53:17):
letting go and trust of a lot ofthings about the person.
Like that is a service that Iam providing to this person and
I was like and even though itlooks like you know putting my
feet on you or you're handlingstuff for me, you're handling
things for me, or I'm callingyou, mean names or whatever it
is Like, all of that is likehere's the package you asked me
(53:39):
to package so that you can feela certain way.
Speaker 3 (53:41):
All right, I got a question for the the group.
Do you think it is possible ordo you think it becomes more
challenging to maintain thatequality inside of the dynamic
(54:03):
when it enters into a 24-7dynamic?
Speaker 2 (54:07):
What quality.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
So that fact of both partners being equal and on
equal footing and that therebeing this idea of hey, as Tosa
was speaking to it, it is verymuch like there is a level of
responsibility and service thatthe dom is presenting to the sub
(54:32):
.
We're talking about shh.
This hub really has all thepower.
Do you think I want to enter inthe wrinkle, as it's something
that I would never want to dopersonally?
And if we have any listenersthat have been in a long-term
(54:58):
24-7 dynamic where they havemaintained a healthy balance,
and especially if they've gonethrough a journey to get there,
we would love to have you on theshow.
But until then, speculationfrom three assholes on a mic.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
Hold on, let me turn it over um.
Hold on, let me turn over um.
And so there's two pieces tothat that are brought up.
So the the, the part about like, how is power maintained in a
dynamic that is persistentlyabout the power exchange.
So I think about being anactual parent to chill to my
(55:42):
children, and I view my childrenas equal, but it is my 24,
seven response.
I have a 24, sevenresponsibility of them, right,
they are not less important,their needs are not less
important than mine, and lots ofways they're more important
than mine and they you know theycan, they have limited
(56:05):
capabilities and various thingsbecause of their experience and
and things like that I find iteasy to have decide, to decide
as a couple that you know, thisis the way that we're going to
interact with this, with thesetype of responsibilities,
expectations of my capabilitiesand expectations of, like, what
(56:26):
we're going to do as a coupleand that does, and that not
meaning that one of you is lessthan the other, um, so I think
it's feasible and in the andthen the second thing is, like,
in the execution of a 24-7, likea tpe relationship I do not
know of a single one thatdoesn't have timeout mechanisms
(56:49):
and like ways of communicatingthat like something needs to
change like most of them, I knowhave regular check-ins about it
, where it's like we're going tosuspend it for this
conversation so that we can talkabout anything that needs to
change, or a way of call likesafe wording out of it to
(57:09):
discuss something back on equalplaying field.
Um, I have not heard of one thatdoesn't have some type of
mechanism like that in thecontract.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
Yeah, similarly.
I mean, I imagine if you're24-7, eventually it just starts
to feel normal and you losetrack of the fact that you're
equals.
I would never want to dosomething like that because it's
too much work.
That because it's too much work, but like I would think you'd
want to have like a day offevery other week so you could
appreciate the dynamic in fulland having it again, and also
(57:44):
just to allow one another to beequals and have equal
conversations and check ins andthings like that.
I mean, if I was a dom and Iwas like in a 24-7 TBE with
somebody maybe I'm wrong, but itseems like it would become less
(58:08):
sexy if that person was timidI'd like want to see their,
their non-submissive personalityonce in a while, to be reminded
that they willingly submit.
Speaker 1 (58:26):
Oh yeah, no, I totally agree.
Like my, my 24, I have a 24,seven TPE fantasy that is the
way that I describe it is.
Like you know, I would love tohave a partner that, like has to
respond to anything that I askfor as long for at any point in
(58:48):
time, but doesn't necessarilylive with me, can live their own
life like I will take on theresponsibility of encouraging
and making your dreams come true.
But let's say, this personbecomes, you know, the with the,
the press secretary to thepresident of the united states,
then, like, the sexy thing to meis like sitting at my sitting
(59:10):
at home and watching them givelike their press secretary thing
and then calling them andbecause and it's like and it's
on a phone that they know thatthey need to answer, and being
like having to excuse themselvesfor a moment on national
television and be like and belike excuse me a second, I'll be
right back and me just beinglike there's a like you have a
(59:30):
plane ticket in your email andyou're spending the weekend with
me, um, to do this, and thenyou can go home, go back, and
then having to figure it outBecause their real life, that
they go live, is like that isexciting to me and that
qualifies as a 24-7 dynamic Now,like a 24-7 nested living in
(59:55):
partnership, nonstop, like likea parenting type of thing.
I don't I'm not interested in,but something like that where
it's just like at the.
Our dynamic is that at any pointin time, if I, if I summon you,
you have to come, even ifyou're the press secretary of
the united states, which I hopeyou are, which I would, and
(01:00:15):
which I hope that I participated, I hope that I participated, I
hope that our dynamicparticipated in making it
possible for you to get to thatlevel of whatever your dreams
are.
That's my role in this is beinglike what do you want out of
the world?
I will help you get there inany way possible.
And all I ask is every once ina while, don't get a phone call.
(01:00:36):
And I like that fantasy.
And all I ask is every once ina while, don't get a phone call.
And cause I and I liked, Iliked that fantasy like
practically probably has somethings to work out, but that I
think about that a lot.
Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Kareem.
Uh, jean Pierre, I'm probablymispronouncing that, but if
you're hearing this, you I'm.
I just looked up who thecurrent press secretary is.
She's kind of cute.
Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
I want this for you Shout out I think I think her
name is Corinne.
But yeah, no, I mean sure, Iheard that, yeah now I mean sure
hi that's gonna be a sillyapology tweet to the White House
(01:01:25):
that we're gonna have to makeoh god, alright, all you sexy
beasts out there.
Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
This has been another dirty, dirty episode of talk.
Dirty to me.
Thank you for listening in.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Until next time drop the ethical, start a
non-monogamous movement laterbye, bye I was sobbing on our
couch because I was just likeadmitting this part of myself
that I had not told anyone aboutthose first explorations
areations are really the mostintimate and the ones that
(01:02:01):
really kind of stick.
That's something that I still Iam still I've been in therapy
still am struggling to like turnoff in my brain.
We come out with these guardsand it's hard to then figure out
how to put them down.
I want to feel more empoweredin my body because I grew up not
feeling that way.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
Oh sin.
Everybody's wiping away tears.
I am.
That was perfect.
I look forward to the day whenour society has progressed past
the point where it's just likethis kind of universally
accepted witch hunt againstanybody who even tries to ask
for help.
So happy that a podcast likethis exists, that you guys have
(01:02:41):
a forum where you know you cantalk so openly about things, and
just especially for me, likeevery episode is eye opening on
a different perspective.
Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
This is the podcast I always wished existed, so I'm
excited to be a part of itReally does seem like we're
helping people.
Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
This podcast really is sexy.
Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
Glad we're back for a third season.
Well, I guess we should do ouroutro, Casey.
Do the thingy, but do it sexy.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
Talk Dirty to Me is a podcast by Little Renegade
Films.
Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
It stars Casey Samuel you heard what the man said Do
it sexy.
Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Okay, okay, I'll do it sexy.
God Talk Dirty to Me is apodcast by Little Renegade Films
.
It stars Casey Sammi, TosinAwafeso and Aaron.
For more of our offerings, goto littlerenegadefilmscom.
Ooh.
Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
Ooh.
Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Ah, ah, ah, mmm, ooh, ah, ah, mm.
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