S3E5 - How To Have a Kinky Relationship

Ever wondered how to approach your partner about exploring kinks without making it awkward or uncomfortable? On this episode of "Talk Dirty to Me," Aaron and I share our personal journeys and lessons learned from past relationships, including Aaron's experiences during his previous marriage. We discuss the critical role that open communication, mutual respect, and setting boundaries play in creating a healthy and consensual kinky experience. Tune in to hear practical advice and tips for introducing kink to your partner and navigating those tricky conversations with empathy and understanding.

Navigating non-monogamy and sexual compatibility can be incredibly challenging, especially when unresolved issues and differing sexual needs come into play. I open up about my own experiences, reflecting on the impact of my father's infidelity and how it shaped my views on monogamy. After a decade-long monogamous marriage, the conversation around non-monogamy became crucial as we explored new dynamics. Through honest discussions, we highlight the importance of addressing underlying issues in relationships and the potential for growth and healing when partners support each other's desires.

Shame and societal taboos often cast a shadow over the world of kink, making it difficult for couples to explore and enjoy these aspects of their sexuality. We dissect the fine line between what feels exciting and what feels off-putting, offering strategies for normalizing kink through entertainment and communication. From suggesting films like "Secretary" and "50 Shades of Grey" to attending burlesque shows, we provide a roadmap for opening up these conversations. Join us as we champion a safe, supportive, and fun environment to help you and your partner discover new sexual dynamics together.

Support the show

Our vampire kink discord is poppin'! It's super sexy up in there. GET INTO IT!

Click here to access the Talk Dirty To Me contact form and let us know if you have a kink story, a confession, are an advocate or an enthusiast of a kink that we should discuss, or a health or wellness professional that crosses over into the kink world, etc. Literally anything. Fill it out and submit it!

Support Talk Dirty To Me and Little Renegade Films. Your contribution not only helps us improve the quality of our content but also allows us to continue to create new podcasts and film content for you! Make a one-time donation here!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, well, well, Go ahead and open up your ears,
your mind and whatever else youneed.
You're listening to Talk DirtyTo Me.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello all you sexy beasts and welcome back to Talk
Dirty to Me, the podcast wherethree friends with three
different perspectives on kink,fetish and sex talk dirty to one
another.
And we are too strong.
Tonight we have Aaron, theexperimentalist.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Salutations.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
And myself.
Casey, your neighborhood femdom, Tosin, is out today, but we
still have a really excitingepisode for you.
Aaron and I have a specialtopic we would like to discuss.
It was actually Aaron's ideaand I fucking love it.
Aaron, you want to give it arundown?

Speaker 3 (00:54):
Yes, how to introduce kink to your partner.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
For anybody who's a long time listener to the
podcast, we had an episode wherewe kind of touched on this in
regard to one specific kink toyour partner.
For anybody who's a long timelistener to the podcast, we had
an episode where we kind oftouched on this in regard to one
specific kink, but somebodysent a question in and now we're
just going to, I think, do aseries where we kind of talk
about it a little deeper.
Aaron brought it up and I waslike, yes, all in.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
I would imagine if you are sitting on the other end
of this listening to thispodcast, there's a good chance
that you're either crazy kinky,living your craziest kinky life,
or I imagine there's quite afew of you that are interested

(01:38):
in kink and are in arelationship and perhaps haven't
have been scared to bring it up, have been scared to explore it
and it's quite a conundrum.
Coming out of a 10-yearmarriage, it was something I was
faced with and I've given itsome thought and really kind of

(01:59):
just wanted to go through andwe're going to explore and offer
advice on to how to approachyour partner about kink and just
dissect all that.
And then we want to hear backfrom you as to what's worked for
you, what hasn't worked for you, and we'll try to share some of

(02:20):
our own short stories along theway today as well.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, I'd actually like to start with you, aaron.
I was thinking about this on mycar ride home to get to this
podcast, because I agree, ifyou're listening to this podcast
, you either are kinky or youare interested in kink.
Many friends that I have sinceI started this podcast all of a
sudden are listening and they'relike I think I'm kinky and I'm
like I know I didn't know, butyou know they're listening to

(02:45):
the podcast, so it helped a lotof people.
You know, admit it tothemselves or whatever.
And I'm really interested inyou telling a little bit more
about your story, cause I knowyou faced this with your ex-wife
.
You knew that you were kinky forquite some time and couldn't
really explore that part ofyourself, right, and couldn't
really explore that part ofyourself right.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
Well, I was able to explore avenues and this is, you
know, may your story, dearlistener, have a happier ending
than mine.
But I will say that if you havea partner that isn't kinky,

(03:30):
you're not going to change thatabout them.
The advice that I have is allabout helping explore with your
partner and discovering whatthey might be into and doing
that in a way that will feelsafe.
My journey was one of havinginterests, suggesting and
introducing different things,and you know, my ex was in many

(03:55):
ways a very sweet person thatvery much wanted to please me
and that was actuallyproblematic because she wouldn't
speak to what she liked anddidn't like, even though I was
really desperately trying tofind that and as I was kind of
expressing things I wasinterested to, she drew some

(04:18):
clear lines of things she wasn'tinterested in.
For instance, she was like ahard no on pegging Bummer.
Rest of the end, for instance,she was like a hard no on
pegging bummer and I had troublewrapping my head around that.
As you know, she was okayputting stuff on my butt, just
not attached and strap oncapacity.
The journey for us was one andthis is a, I guess, something.

(04:39):
Perhaps it was idiosyncratic tomy relationship.
Perhaps this will resonate withsome with you, but it was
idiosyncratic to my relationship.
Perhaps this will resonate withsome with you, but it was one
where she is a good person andshe wanted to please me, but it
was hard for me to find out whatgave her pleasure.

(04:59):
She was uncomfortable speakingto what she liked.
That's true for many people too.
Yeah, and that's not healthylong-term for a relationship.
That is a recipe for disaster.
When you're exploring kink asyou're going to cross your

(05:25):
partner's boundaries withouteven knowing you're doing it
without them even knowing thatit's happening until afterwards
were you?

Speaker 2 (05:31):
were you very clear in what you wanted to try and
acting her, asking her directquestions like I this obviously
isn't something that you said,but like hey, I really am into
spanking, I'd love it for you tospank me or whatever.
Like were you that direct withher?

Speaker 3 (05:48):
You know that was, in particular, that was a point of
internal turmoil, as she likedbeing spanked, but she liked the
sound, the auditory effect ofit.
She was not masochistic and Ienjoyed all of it and sometimes

(06:17):
you know, not often but I did goa little too far because for me
, like there was a visual, likethere's something about her red
ass that just gets me going, andit was balancing this line of
what she was okay with and notwanting to cross that.

(06:38):
And you know she would saythings like I mean, you don't
want to cause me pain, do you?
And what I couldn't embrace atthe time and I was really just
kind of split up about, was thatI didn't want to do something
to her that she didn't want doneto her.

(06:59):
But yeah, what I've learnedsince then and have learned to
come to terms with is that Ihave a sadistic streak and that
was an internal point ofconflict, being turned on by

(07:19):
something that I couldn't cometo terms with and I knew Sheenie
couldn't come to terms with andI knew Sheenie couldn't come to
terms with, and so that wassomething where I was very much
in a, not able to admit tomyself that this was something
that I drew sexual gratificationout of, until after the

(07:41):
relationship was over and Ifound a partner that is a
masochist.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
I think the answer to that for all the audience
listeners out there is like I donot want to cause you pain that
you don't want to experience,Like you don't want to cause
pain, but I want you to wantthat pain right.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
It's okay to want to cause somebody pain, as long as
they also want that pain, andyou're clear on what that is.
So you so you were prettydirect with her is what I'm
getting at?
You were like I would like tobe pegged, how do you feel about
?
And you just like came rightout and said it and fearlessly
even though, like maybe youhadn't said it before or maybe
you did maybe you're like yourwhole life you've been very good

(08:22):
at talking to your partnersabout exactly who you are and
what you want.
So, from the beginning, you'relike?
not at all no, no okay so didyou have any apprehension when
you were first talking to herabout pegging?

Speaker 3 (08:36):
so you know and I guess that goes into a bit of
how I would recommendapproaching a partner about any
kink you're into, and that wouldbe don't jump in the deep end.
It started with hey, like youknow, will you play with my

(08:58):
butthole a little bit with yourfinger?
And over time it was more of itwas more and more of an
exploration.
It wasn't until we were alreadydoing penetrative acts with my
butt that I then approached herand was like yeah, I would like

(09:20):
you to peg me.
So I was very direct about it,but it wasn't.
There's a lead.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Yeah, you warmed her up appropriately to get to that
moment of saying pegging yeah,yeah.
And so how did you take it whenshe was like no thanks so a bit
bummed out.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
this was a communication challenge in our
relationship, though, and thatwas that no's were never firm
no's.
There was always some lingeringmaybe there, and so it was a
not right now, and so I checkedback a little bit later.

(10:02):
I was never pushy about it, butI would check in from time to
time and see if her position hadchanged, and it hadn't, and, to
her credit and my relief inretrospect, it was something
that she was consistent about.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, and I think that's a smart way to handle it.
Check back, I'm of the um, youknow.
I think that if you don't get afirm, enthusiastic yes or a
fuck yes, that a maybe is a noand a no is a no.
But it's hard to navigate thatwhen you have people who aren't
good at communicating and thisis why you go with, like,
anything but a fuck yes is a no,because they obviously have a

(10:43):
hard time saying no, and I thinkthis applies to talking about
kink as well.
If you do have somebody thatwants to please you, they could
end up doing things that they'renot that into.
And for the sake of you, whichI mean I I I'm trying to like
imagine something that I woulddo for somebody else that I
wouldn't get pleasure from.

(11:04):
I mean, I guess peeing onsomebody is a good example, like
that's fun and I'll do it, butlike I don't derive any sort of
pleasure from it.
But I could do it for somebodyand it would be fine.
But there I think there aredifferent kinks to different
acts.
That somebody doing it whenthey weren't super into it could
, um, change the sexualexperience for them if there's

(11:28):
sex involved in it which do youthink that kink?
I mean because I know that yourmarriage kind of started to
break down, which I don't knowwas that that wasn't because of
kink, was it?

Speaker 3 (11:42):
no, so that was more of a.
That happened the okay, so Ididn't know we were going to get
into all the detail like thislevel of detail so we don't have
to talk about myself.
No, I'm all right like.
Let me give some thought tothis, because inside of a
relationship spanning 10, 13years, the challenges is there

(12:09):
aren't simple through lines thatthere are multiple modalities
playing out at once Now.
So a bit of a monologue here,bear with me.
Over the years, the monogamouscommitment to someone else, the

(12:30):
reality of that sets in more andmore, that all the sexual
pleasure that you will derivefrom an individual is going to
be this one person and viceversa, and the reverse is also
true.
Over the drama of a decade,that becomes challenging as two

(12:59):
people are changing and growing,and especially in my case, I am
an experimentalist and this issomething I've learned to own
about myself and something thatI wasn't able to put words to 13
years ago when I met my ex-wife.
But yeah, I like to trydifferent things, I enjoy novel

(13:22):
sexual experiences, and that'snot her and that's a tough ride
for either person to go on.
Yeah, um, and it's easier torealize all this in retrospect.
But that put a solid layer ofjust sexual complexity, we'll

(13:46):
say, into the relationship wherethere is this dependency for
having this one other being inthe world that you can derive
sexual satisfaction from.
I would not recommend it now andthen where our relationship
started to unravel was, Irealized, so little context.

(14:13):
We're going to get into mydaddy issues.
My father was I haven't spokento him in 20 years, is an
alcoholic and was a womanizer.
The last conversation I everhad with him I was early 20s and

(14:37):
he was sitting on my frontporch as we were painting this
condo.
I had Midday.
He was through like a case ofbeer already and he was telling
me about this time when he wasmarried to my mom where he was
in the Philippines having sexwith two Filipino hookers and

(15:01):
well, he knew that for $5 morethey would do anal.
He could tell that they didn'treally want to, so he was a nice
guy about it and didn't pay himthe $5 more to insist on anal.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
I like that.
He was a nice guy because hedidn't want to make them do
something they didn't want to,all the while cheating on his
wife.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Casey, we are all heroes in our own stories, but
it was myself, myself, as us all.
We often end up definingourselves a bit of the I'm not
going to be like this aspect ofmy parents.
And one of those tenets for meis I'm never going to cheat on

(15:42):
anyone I'm with and I've neverdone that to this day.
I've never going to cheat onanyone I'm with and I've never
done that To this day.
I've never so much as kissedanother girl outside of it being
an understanding inside of therelationship.
And so, fast forwarding time,10 years into this marriage and
for the first time I startedfeeling strongly attracted to

(16:07):
other women again.
And that was troublesomebecause I wasn't going to cheat
on my ex-wife.
I knew that, but I also knewsomething had to break.
So I I approached her and said,hey, I need us to explore some

(16:28):
form of non-monogamy.
I wasn't prescriptive on any ofthe details, I just knew that
the confines of what was goingon was not sustainable.
So we did that and that removedall of that sexual expectation.
And with that, at least on myside of things, that's where,

(16:52):
without that dance of sexualdependency, some of the I would
say the real issues in ourmarriage bubbled to the surface.
So it was like the sexualdependency was this kind of like
net holding everything down andthen when that got pulled away,

(17:13):
there were no issues, as far asI know, on either our sides
with jealousy, with anythingabout well, for a large part
about the partners, large partabout the partners you know the
other partners we were with.
But what it did do was shined alight on what the real issues
in our marriage were and theyturned out to be unresolvable

(17:39):
okay, so so it wasn't kink, itwasn't non-monogamy that did it.
That the kink, I would say, wasa big factor that led to the
non-monogamy In which you'rebeing attracted to other women,
do you think?

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Not getting that sort of ability to live that aspect
of your sexuality out withinthis relationship.
Do you think that's what madeyou want to go non-monogamous?
Do you think if she had been onlike, had similar likes to you
and had been on board withpegging and whatever else, that

(18:19):
because I'm really impressedthat it took you 10 years to be
like?
Oh yeah, there other hottiesout there?
Because, truth be told, yourex-wife is a fucking bombshell.
It's not unreasonable to notsee other women for that long.
When I think to myself aboutthat, I'm like I don't think if
I really really liked a personand they were awesome, I would

(18:41):
have no trouble beingnon-monogamous and loving it for
a substantial period of time.
But I also like to be realisticand be like probably at some
point I would want to, with thatperson, experience non-monogamy
together.

Speaker 3 (18:59):
But 10 years is a long time sorry, I got lost
there for a second.
Can you ask the question again?

Speaker 2 (19:07):
that's okay.
Oh, I was asking if you thinkthat she had been into the same
things and you'd been able toexpress that in your
relationship would you havewanted to be non-monogamous
still.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
So that dynamic between us and it wasn't any one
kink.
I didn't need pegging, I didn'tneed any particular thing.
It is.
You know it's a lot of fun.

(19:42):
Don't get me wrong.
At its core, I get excited andthrive off of novel sexual
experiences.
Now, to be clear, it isn't thatnovel component isn't the
people it doesn't need to belike.
At least then it didn't need tobe a lot of different people,
it doesn't need to be a lot now.
But I have come to appreciatethat component in a relationship
so it didn't have anything todo with the pegging or anyone

(20:06):
kink.
That situation of someone who isdoes not of sexual
incompatibility, of someone thatdoesn't thrive off novel sexual
experiences but cares for theirpartner and wants to please
them, coupled with a partnerthat does thrive off of novel
sexual experiences but isn'tgetting feedback about how to go

(20:31):
about doing that in a way thatwill please their partner, that
wears, wears on you over timeand I don't think either one of
us really realized it as it wasevolving.
But she became more and moreapprehensive sexually and I
tried to figure out why that wasand she wasn't able to

(20:56):
communicate it.
We weren't able to find,frankly, just a common ground in
the bedroom where we were bothsatisfied, and so it got to the
point where, sexually like shewas very apprehensive I felt I
was walking on eggshells and itwas that it was getting to that

(21:19):
point that really led me to justinternally this wasn't really,
this was at a subconscious leveljust starting to really feel
strongly sexually attracted toother women.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
Interesting.
So, knowing that, like let'snow talk about, because this is
one person's scenario, everybodyMm-hmm, it doesn't necessarily
have to be yours, or it can ifyou want it, but what would you
recommend if you have kinkyurges and your partner does not?

Speaker 3 (22:02):
Just get divorced?
No, just kidding.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Set it on fire.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Set it on fire, there you go, burn it all to the
ground.
Well, that is a joke, but inall seriousness, the thing to be
going in eyes wide open.
You entered into a relationshipwith someone where kink was not
a component.
They could very much be quietlyon the other side was not a

(22:31):
component.
They could very much be quietlyon the other side reading all
kind like just being into allkinds of being interested in all
kinds of kinky stuff, butkeeping it quiet too, or it
might not be them, and you'regonna be faced with that tough
decision.
How important is this to you,that you have an outlet for it,

(22:52):
for exploring any kink, all thekinks, whatever it is you're
interested in exploring sexuallyand weigh that against your
relationship.
So going into this I've gotadvice of the best way to
discover and help your partnerdiscover what they might be into

(23:13):
.
But there very well may be alimit there.
So going into this, like if youthink, oh, there is a way that
I am going to convince mypartner to do this or that, oh,
you're shit out of luck.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yeah, Like no, don't go into it like that.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
You need to go into it with the mindset.
I want to explore with mypartner what they might be into
with that.
There are two key factors toconsider.
One is shame and two is yuck ison the other side of yuck.

(23:54):
So the first one, shame.
That is, that we've been taught, especially as Americans, from
a very young age that beingkinky is shameful, sexual urges
are shameful, and that you areperverse, perverted, if you are

(24:16):
into anything other thanmissionary with the lights off
in the bedroom and you're goingto need to work with your
partners.
The fact that, depending on howmuch this has influenced your
partner, they could be dealingwith self-shame, societal shame,

(24:37):
even shame of what you mightthink of them.
And so I've got some advice tonavigate that.
But shame, and navigating thatis a big one.
And second, the yuck is on theother side of yum.
Okay, so you've all heard thephrase.
You know, don't yuck someoneelse's yum.
Well, the thing is, is that forall of us, in our internal just

(25:05):
kinkometer, there is yum, yum,yum, yum, yum, yum, and it is
just crazy, kinky, exciting, butall of a sudden, right on the
other side of it, huge yuck.
For instance, like you know,we've thoroughly covered that
I've been to peggy.
I remember one of the earlytimes, like I'm pretty good
about, you know, cleaning myselfout prior.

(25:27):
But I remember one time thatlike there was a substantial
piece of fecal matter that thatcame out and it didn't bother my
partner at all but like I wasjust like oh, that's like poop
pushing on my butt.
It's not just like gettingpushed in there and it was yuck
for me and it was was right upto that crazy yum and like yuck.

(25:49):
You need to keep this in mindas you're approaching kink.
That just kind of as the storyI was telling earlier.
If you really want to trypegging, don't jump right into
that and I'll kind of offer someexamples of this.
Don't jump right into that andI'll kind of offer some examples

(26:10):
of this, but start with other.
You know, start with more mildanal play.
The reason for this is twofold.
One is you need to figure outwhere that yuck is for the other
partner.
And if you go right to and thatthere's a big, when you're

(26:31):
figuring out what you're into,there's this kind of big no
man's land where you know whatyou like, maybe even some stuff
you haven't communicated.
There's clearly what you don'tlike and there's this undecided
section in between.
You need to work with them tohelp them explore that in a way
where it's coming from that yumside, when it's coming from this

(26:55):
place where there's no shamethere, and provide a positive
context so that no man's land ofyuck or yum can be something
that can be a yum for them.
Otherwise you're going to yuckthat whole no man's land.
Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
All right.
So those are kind of the twobig things and I've got
suggestions with each.
But really the two things tokeep in mind is first, shame,
and yuck is on the other side ofyum, and being aware of those
two things are the kind of keyfactors.

(27:36):
Let me get a sip of my soda andwe can jump into some shame
suggestions, if you'd like, msCasey, I would love to, casey, I
would love to.
Okay, so first, normalizesexuality, normalize kink Work
to normalize it with yourpartner.

(27:57):
There's different ways of doingthis.
You got to meet them wherethey're at.
One great way to do it is go tosome local burlesque shows If
you've never been to one.
Go to some local burlesqueshows If you've never been to
one.
They are so much fun.
It's encouraged for theaudience to get a little rowdy
cheer along.
There's not nudity, but it isjust this sexual dance or

(28:26):
artistic performance it's.
You know, take your partner outon a date, go have dinner, go
to a burlesque show.
If they don't have a good timeat that, just pack up your bags
and call it Like.
I have yet to meet someone thatdoesn't thoroughly enjoy a
burlesque show, and so thatwould be like the first real way

(28:47):
to go about normalizingsexuality.
You're in a huge group ofpeople that are all having a
great time cheering on thisperformer on stage.
In this artistic yet sexualcontext where I've got mixed
opinions on strip clubs.
I've had fun at them but that'smainly been going with a

(29:08):
partner that enjoys going tothem.
That can feel trashy I wouldnot recommend.
You know that could reallythrow someone off if they're not
, if they feel any shame aroundsex.
But a burlesque show is likeall of the fun parts of a strip
club without any of the thingsthat could possibly like make

(29:30):
someone feel skeezy if thatmakes sense I have an offer, not
an offer, a thought let's gofuck, yeah, yeah no, I mean
strip club or burlesque show.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Okay, you choose burlesque show for sure.
I've been to a strip club and Iwas like this is uncomfortable.
Uh, I think there's a lot ofpartners in the world that also
struggle with jealousy and ifyou are, this would be.
I worry that this actuallywould be a terrible suggestion
if you're somebody who has apartner who is very jealous.

(30:04):
Also condolences if you have apartner who's very jealous.
Also condolences if you have apartner who's very jealous.
But, like I can imagine,there's some relationships where
taking your girlfriend to ashow to watch women be scantily
clad and sexy on stage would notget reaction.
That would make your life funand easy, you know.
So I think that's.
Yeah, I think that'sunfortunate because burlesque
shows are great.

(30:24):
Yeah, I think that'sunfortunate because burlesque
shows are great.
But I would like to imaginethere's another section of the
population who is dealing withthe type of person that just
does not think that's okay.
All right and doesn't want theirpartner to do that, In which

(30:45):
case I think it'll be anentirely different conversation
to try to introduce them tokinky ideas.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, like, if that is a, if you're in Austin and
that is what you're challengedwith, I would suggest
considering S and S productions,as the burlesque show is
fantastic and there are thesetwo I don't know their names,
but these two just amazing gayperformers that get up on stage

(31:07):
and it is like the same energythat all of like the beautiful
women on stage I believe theyeven have they themsters that
perform, and so that's an option.
But I think, with the extremethat you're talking about, casey
, maybe we'll move on to some athome activities.

(31:29):
So there are some movies topossibly put on.
One I recently watched that wasjust really good in general.
Have you heard of professormarston and the wonder woman?

Speaker 2 (31:44):
no, oh my god, the story around the creator of
wonder woman yeah, yeah, she wasoriginally like like it was
totally kink based right likeshe was tied up with chains and
totally kink based, yeah,totally uh, the creator was a

(32:05):
professor in a polyamorousrelationship and it's like that
entire story.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
It talks about some of and it gets into all of that
stuff Without going too heavilyinto the kink part of it.
It's more about the, therelationship dynamic, but the
kink is definitely there.
There's that.
There is just this work is thismovie?
The problem with bringing in,like older movies, is that

(32:39):
there's the what are you doinghere?
What are you trying to say?
Like it can raise an eyebrow,but, jesus, if secretary is not
like one of the pinnacle?

Speaker 2 (32:47):
works.
I love secretary so much I lovethat film when I wasn't
particularly kinky and Iwouldn't qualify myself as being
particularly kinky now, but Ifor some reason.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
That film is great so like that, that's a good good
one because it is a a-list actor.
It lots like it is definitelygot the kink in there, but the
it's like quirky kink, I don'tknow um, is it?
I think it's pretty prettystandard dom sub yes she's

(33:22):
quirky and like even him withlike how he like wrestles with
being a dom.
There's quirkiness throughout.
Yeah, that's true, they're bothweirdos.
And then, of course, 50 ShadesI watched within the last year
or two because I figured Ishould finally get around to

(33:43):
watching it and it's got thebenefit of being very recent.
Having a lot like that might bethe one I pull off the shelf if
I was looking to broach this inany way, because it's recent
enough that it wouldn't feelforced and it could be the.

(34:05):
I've heard so much.
You know god, I've heard somuch about this book in this
movie.
Let's just put it on and seewhat all the see what all the
talk is about.
So, although it is not a great,there are a lot of unhealthy
things that occur in that, inthat story it is.
It is probably the easiest oneto kind of start to normalize

(34:28):
and be able to bring upconversations and check the
temperature on.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
For sure, and actually it's easy to do that
because it's mainstream.
So it's, I mean, even if you'relike a straight guy, I think it
would be like oh, my buddy saidthat his wife really liked this
film.
Let's watch it because youmight really like it too, or
whatever.
You know, I like we're assumingthat the guy is the one with
the kink and the woman is theone we have to introduce,

(34:56):
introduce to kink, because itcould be the other way around
same if you're, if you're the,if you, if you are like worried
about now, like assuming genderidentities and marital roles and
stuff.
But for the sake of ease ofconversation, if you are the
wife in the, in the marriage,same same rules apply.
You know, my friend said thisis a really good film.

(35:18):
I want to watch it.
Come watch it with me, you know.

Speaker 3 (35:21):
I wouldn't say good film.
I would just say, like, I'veheard my friends talking about
this film and I have to see whatit's about.
Hey, gentlemen, if you've got awife that is 30 plus, let's say
35 plus, and you want somebarometer on whether they're

(35:42):
kinky, just look at what she'sbeen reading.
Just look at what she's beenreading, like I'm pretty sure,
like every kinky mom I know,like it is not even mom, but
just any kinky woman has ahealthy collection of, like,

(36:03):
great smut that they enjoyreading.
Men were very visual.
We go look at porn.
Of course, all of this is broad, general generalities.
Women keep it in theirbookshelf.
Um, they do so that, like, ifyou're curious, if you just want
to be like, I wonder if shemight be open to this or how

(36:24):
open she might be.
Look at what she's reading,gentlemen.
Then, lastly, netflix has a funtv series that's light-hearted,
called how to build a sex room.
Um, really, it's like, yeah,it's like hgtv meets, like is it
reality television?
ish, yeah, yeah, like, it's likethey it every episode.

(36:48):
They have like one or twocouples where they like, talk to
them, usually like there's abit of like dead bedroom, dead
bedroom scenario talks to them,and then they go in and they
renovate a room in their houseand turn it into a sex room
themed around them.
Um, yeah, it's great it is,it's light-hearted, it's also

(37:11):
not that long, it doesn't gettoo wild, especially in the
beginning, although there wasthis polycule where that episode
was wild, there was this onewoman, woman that clearly really
liked to be peed on, to thepoint that they designed an
entire room with drainage aroundthis.

(37:32):
Oh my God, prior to that, it'snot too crazy.
So that's a number of differentways that you can go about
exploring through entertainment,normalizing sexuality and kink.
The other thing to do and thisis going to be a bit challenging

(37:54):
, but I would recommend isfucking talk about it Again.
Like, don't jump right into.
I want to be pegged or I wantto be peed on or whatever other
crazy thing that you want to tryout.

(38:16):
Start with asking them thingsabout what they enjoyed after
sex.
Like, did you like it when Idid this?
You know, tell me about yoursexual fantasies.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Share some of your own I would start with sharing
your own, because I think goingright into asking somebody what
their sexual fantasies are allof a sudden is, like this, super
vulnerable yeah I've had peopledo that to me and it just like
if, if you haven't gone firstwith the sharing of it, I'm
usually like why?
and then because I had to dosome like on other occasions.
Then I've also like been like,oh gosh, what are the sexual

(38:54):
fantasy, the sexual, the sex isit?
Um, are just like for my headthat don't need to be real.
And what ones can I talk aboutout loud that like could be real
, like there's a differencethere as well.
But I would recommend that yougo first and say, hey, I have
this sexual fantasy, I want totell you about it and I would
love to hear about some of yours.
If you need some time to thinkabout it, that's okay, but it's

(39:19):
something that I'd like to loveto connect with you on that or
whatever.
See if we can make it happen.
If not, no worries.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
If not, no worries, yeah, and again, start at the
more vanilla end of the spectrum.
This isn't about trying to getyour wildest kinks to come true.
The goal here is to removeshame around sex with your

(39:49):
partner.
Make it something that they'recomfortable talking about with
you, as it is about breakingdown that shame.
That opens up the world, ofbeing able to explore, kink and
embrace it.

(40:11):
The last suggestion I have is anobvious one, but it needs to be
said build trust, and that isthat this kind of comes a lot
from societal shame.
They need to know that thingsthey're talking about with you

(40:34):
and this goes equally for menand women, as either party could
be the one that loved to spillthe beans to their friends Don't
fucking talk about it withother people, unless it's
something that if there's anyshame there, like if your

(40:56):
partner is struggling with anyamount of shame don't fucking
talk about what you're talkingabout with them and what you're
doing with them with otherpeople.
They need to know and trustthat you aren't going that like
they can explore things, theycan discover they don't like
things, but have done thingswith you that they don't need to

(41:21):
worry about it getting out, soto speak it, getting out, so to
speak it.
They need to feel safe with you.
You can't have kink withouttrust.
And that ties into respecttheir boundaries in and outside
of the bedroom.
Like the obvious thing is like,hey, if they say that they don't

(41:43):
like something in the bedroom,then don't do that thing.
But honestly, like this cangrow to be just when, with the
building trust, like if theyjust do what you say you're
going to do and don't do thingsthat they don't want you to do,

(42:03):
yeah, now, within reason, ifthey're like, hey, you know, I
don't want you to watch TV, thenyou've got like more deep
seated issues in therelationship and like table the
kink and really creating anenvironment where you can start

(42:29):
exploring kink is normalize itthrough different forms of
entertainment, haveconversations with them about it
and make sure that you've got asolid foundation of trust yeah,
I'll bring up some stuff too.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
I actually think a really good way to introduce
your partner to some ideas is tosend them articles and photos.
I have a client that, like wehave a pretty open communication
, like once you're in the kinkcommunity, it's significantly
less scary to be like.
By the way, I know we do thisone thing, but I'm kind of
curious about needles orwhatever.

(43:10):
Like it's just not the sameright.
But she does actually send mephotos like I she she for a
while was sending me photos ofvery severely spanked bottoms,
like the like I don't know whatimplements these people were
being spanked with, but theirentire ass was like one big
bruise, like it was very intense.

(43:32):
Obviously she sent me likeseveral photos in a row of those
going look at these bottoms.
And I was like noted, I'llspank you harder, you know.
Or she did get interested inneedles and like again it just
like she would just come out andsay it.
But maybe she did start bysending me photos like she went

(43:52):
on google and there's actuallyreally beautiful photos.
If you listen to the chalkyepisode I'm sure we talked about
it of needle play.
There's really beautiful needleplay photos if you google image
, search it, and she would just.
She just sent me a couplereally lovely photos and I was
like this is really pretty andlike, and it's easy for me to be
like, oh, you want to.
I was like this is reallypretty and like, and it's easy
for me to be like, oh, you wantto try it, like it's again not a
hard conversation for us, but Ican imagine if you wanted, if

(44:14):
you were like into something andyou're, you weren't, and you
and your partner didn't havethat dynamic, you would, I think
.
I actually think like being likeoh my God, I read this article
about this thing.
Isn't that kind of neat, readit too and then being able to
talk about it or sending likephotos, as long as they're not
like super intense and superX-rated, like there's gateway

(44:37):
photos and there's like moreintense photos and more intense
photos like start with, like theeasiest version of what it is
you're interested in, and belike and like don't just text to
them, like show to them on yourphone.
Oh my God, look at this thing.
I found that's kind of weirdand interesting, don't you think
like introduce them to?
the thing that you arepersonally interested in with
them or you that you personallyare interested in, and start a

(45:01):
dialogue that way and kind oftake the temperature, their
temperature, on where they are,like comfort level with their
own sexuality, with talkingabout sex, with being open to
other sexual ideas.
Because I think that's important, because one thing I noticed,
Aaron, the way you went aroundthis conversation, was if you
want to I don't know, maybe wewere thinking about it

(45:22):
differently, cause in my head itwas like if you have a kink and
you want to talk to yourpartner about that kink and you
explored it from the idea offind, like, if you're kinky, if
you think you're kinky, and yourpartner and you don't have that
dynamic with the person you'rein a relationship with kind of
start to talk about it andfigure out what their kinks are,
which I think is like anabsolutely necessary aspect of

(45:45):
that their kinks are, which Ithink is like an absolutely
necessary aspect of that.
But in my mind, I would also, Iwould also encourage people if
you know that you're kinky oryou're discovering that about
yourself and you have and youwant to be able to explore that,
I think it's important to like,like they may not have kink,
and that's only like half thesituation here.
I think it's also importantthat you take responsibility in
communicating your needs withinthe relationship.

(46:06):
Um, and it can be hard to comeout to somebody who seems fairly
vanilla and normal quote,unquote, normal, whatever the
fuck that means and be like hey,I think I really really, really
need to be peed on or like Ireally really need to put your
feet in my mouth or likewhatever it is that's hard for
you to say to them, Like I thinkyou have to take responsibility

(46:30):
for that and be comfortable forwith it within yourself enough
to not be super worried aboutsaying it right.
Normalize it for yourself.
Broach the topic gently withthem through articles and photos
and films, like Aaron said andwhatever and then, like have a
conversation with them througharticles and photos and films,
like Aaron said and whatever,and then have a conversation
with them.
I would really like toexperience being pegged, it

(46:55):
turns out.
Is that something that you'd beopen to?
And then be prepared for themto feel a great deal of shame or
to shame you about it.
Just don't let that shameaffect you at all.
You know, Casey.

Speaker 3 (47:12):
I think it would be a beautiful world where that
level of directness would be themost successful, the best path
forward.
I don't think that inside of alot of people that want to

(47:39):
explore kink that, that I thinkthat that would probably send
the other person runningscreaming.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Oh my gosh, but how are you ever going to get what
you want?
Then also, I think, like if Ihad a partner that was like,
really into something and theyapproached me by trying to
figure out what I was into, whenreally they had something that
they were into and wanted to getto, I just energetically the
vibe I think that would shut medown over time, especially if I
didn't know they were trying todig for some kink that did or

(48:08):
didn't exist within me.
I'd be like, what do you want?
I don't know, like I just likeI like, missionary, with the
lights off, what do you want?
I'm fine, I love that.
You know, as opposed to, iscoming up, and because I think
there's been, I know of severalsuccessful conversations that

(48:28):
take the place of like I'm just,I'm a little fascinated.
Now you think you cannot bedirect.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
I think that putting words to what you're into and
going directly for it is goingto often send the other person
just that that you're teeingthings up for a visceral

(48:55):
reaction.
My, so the the way I wouldapproach that is, and the way I
is to for things that you wantto try gradually experiment with
them in the sense that and thiscomes into a bit of permission

(49:19):
is sexy, asking isn't, and that,and what I mean by that is all
right.
Let's take, choose a kink thatsomeone might want to like
explore with a partner I'm sorry, pony play pony play.
All right now, the interestingthing about that one is that it

(49:41):
requires a good deal ofaccoutrement, um, but with that,
you know, I would probablystart by just play wrestling
with them and being like hey,ride my back for a little bit.
Um, you know, back when youwere a kid and you would crawl

(50:04):
and someone be on top of you,just, you know, have fun in a
playful context doing that, andthen roll that into like making
out with them, playfully,explore it a little bit at a
time, ask them afterwards likehey, or like say afterwards like
hey, I thought it was a lot offun when you know you were

(50:28):
writing me and then I made Idon't know that, like did
something for me, and I just,yeah, that really turned me on.
Not like jumping into beinglike check out this.
You know this chick with thissaddle and this bit gag like
what do you think?
Um, that and this goes intothat I think most people in in

(50:55):
this situation, like theirpartner, has some level of
undiscovered kink things thatthey are into, that they don't
know, that they've never triedbefore.
I think that there's a hugerange of things that they
haven't put words to, like, theyhaven't thought about, they

(51:18):
have yet to form an opinion of.
And then on the other side ofthat chasm is their yuck.

(51:49):
And what you want to do is makethat safe space, give them a
positive experience, starting toexplore into that space, making
it as comfortable as possiblewith the most mild version of
your kink that you can imagine,have, you know, kind of speak to
how you enjoyed that, and thatthen opens things up to continue
to explore.
That then allows this otherperson that can have, can start
to explore these possibilities,get comfortable with like wow,
that is something I enjoyed.

(52:10):
And you don't do it allovernight.
You're not going to go, youknow, if you want to get into
pony play with your partner, thepossibility of this and to

(52:33):
discover how much of this theymay enjoy as well.
You don't go from zero to 60with these things.
You, if you find some piece ofparticularly erotic art, share

(52:54):
it.
You can share that.
But emphasis on the art side ofthat Like if you find something
scrolling Reddit that is likejust all on the kink end of it,
even if it looks hot as shit toyou, you are going to take that
undiscovered country of whereyour partner hasn't decided

(53:16):
whether it's kink or whetherit's a yuck or a yum.
You're really setting the stagefor them to immediately get to
yuck at all that and have a hugeretraction for it.
I I think that the partnersthat you can say, hey, I really

(53:36):
want to try pony play arealready ones that are in a kink
dynamic.
I think you misunderstood me.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Oh yeah, I agree with like warming people up and like
starting with like smallerthings to introduce it.
I don't think that's bad, Ithink that's necessary,
especially if someone's like notkinky at all or just pretty
traditional or whatever, anddoesn't even talk about kink.
But I think eventually sendingthem direct, like having enough

(54:06):
conversation to get to the pointwhere you can send them
suggestive photos suggestivemeaning, like picture of pony
play and be like oh my god, lookat this thing.
It's kind of like what we talkedabout last night after like a
few months of getting up to thepoint where you can do that and
then eventually, if you reallywant, like and I think everybody
should be pretty clear with-their partners, especially if

(54:26):
it's something that if you arewilling to take six months to
work up to having thisconversation or like work, work
up to seeing if your partner'sinterested in it at some point,
you have to be willing to have adirect conversation and be like
I really, I really I send thema picture or whatever, and be
like I really would like abridal on me and to have you

(54:48):
ride me around like a pony.
Would you be willing to trythat?
I'm super curious.
I think I might actually likeit, like you have to own up to
being kinky.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
Okay, I totally agree with you.
I, before crossing a majorthreshold, like in four
different kinks, like you got tokind of figure out what that is
.
But before, like wanting tocross some major threshold of a
kink with your partner, it isconversation time.
So like, yeah, before you'relike, hey, don't just show up

(55:23):
one day with like a saddle or astrap on or whatever, like yeah
that, yes, like there's.
So I agree that you do need toget to that point.
My only encouragement or Iguess the thing that I was
harping on was that a I wouldencourage a gradual working up

(55:44):
to that point of justintroducing, exploring and then
discussing kind of minorcomponents of that Before you
know, and then, yes, like whenit's like man, okay, you know,
we've played around with thesethings.
There's even been a little,like you know, role playing in

(56:07):
bed of like neighing or whathave you.
Um, I don't know a lot aboutpony play, so I go back like I
know about the bit gag, thesaddle, the butt plugs and I'm
assuming like a good amount ofcarriages man, I've seen
pictures.
Yeah, and butt plug, tails, tail, butt plug so yeah, like
depending on what's alreadygoing on, like accoutrement is

(56:31):
usually a good threshold of whenyou need to have a conversation
, like when you're like let'sbring this thing in here.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Um, you know, when you need any props, or yeah,
like yeah, I would say props isa good threshold for it's time
to have the fucking conversationyeah, or like trying to warm
somebody up to it over a periodof time and it becomes very
clear by based on theirresponses that they're like you
know, you kind of suggestsomething.

(56:59):
They're like that's weird, Idon't want to do that.
That like they're not into thatthing and and maybe they aren't
as sexually explorative as otherpeople are willing to try stuff
, at which point it I think youhave your answer that they're
not, and I think that it isimportant at that point, if it's
so important to you to like sitthem down and have a direct
conversation.
Like I've been introducingthese things and I've noticed

(57:21):
that you've kind of not taken tothem and it's been, it's been
purposeful on my part because Iactually have discovered that
I've been.
I think I really want to trypony play, like I like it, like
I just want to give theresponsibility to the person
with the kink that feels likethey have to like share it you
know, I agree what you want.

(57:41):
It's less about like trying tofind the other person's kink,
which I think is necessary andimportant, because who knows
what like they like that theydidn't even know they like?
You know, but like it's, atsome point you just have to like
, say it even if, even if,unless it makes you so
uncomfortable and you realizethat they're saying things that
would lead you to believe thatthey would be unsupportive or

(58:04):
not interested in it or have anegative response and like the
relationship is more importantto you than whatever.
This saying this thing willchange in this case.
Like maybe you choose to notproceed and keep it a secret
forever or whatever, but justlike be braced for the
possibility that you're going totry to introduce them to things
through media, throughconversation, through pictures,

(58:24):
through like steps, like Aaronsaid.
Like hey, sit on my back andlet me ride you into the kitchen
to get some crackers, or rideme into the kitchen to get some
crackers, or whatever.
Be, prepared for them for theanswer to be clear, and that's
okay.
But then I think you have to.
If you know that's it, that'sit.
And if you want to be moredirect about it, then it's your

(58:48):
job to be more direct.
And then that is where thewhole concept of play partners
comes in, because sometimespeople don't want to ride ponies
but you really need to beridden like a pony.
So you find that other person inthe world who really needs to
ride ponies and you guys gettogether and have a hell of a
good time playing around.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
You know, doesn't have to be sex involved the
challenge there, I think, formost people, and what I want to
say that I agree 100 that you doneed to own it, and everything
I was kind of laying out beforehere was how to set things up in
the best possible way to createa space where your partner will

(59:32):
be comfortable and help yourpart and help to gently
introduce your partner to theseideas and like, because any
person that has a kink well well, I'm guessing most people that
have my personal experience withhaving a kink is that there was
quite a period of time ofcoming to terms with what turned

(59:57):
me on and that journey thatyou've taken to get to the point
of being like I have this kink,I really want to try this thing
.
You're at, you know yourpartner's going to be on this
journey with you, but they'regoing to be much earlier on and

(01:00:18):
what I guess what I wasencouraging is how to introduce
components or parts of your kinkthat aren't full bore, that
just are a gentle introduction.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
I think that's great.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
Yeah, I think that's great, but then, yeah, once
accessories are involved or newholes are penetrated, I'm sure
we could add to this list, butfor now I'll say when you want
to involve a new accessory oryou want to enter a new hole,
direct conversation ahead oftime.

(01:00:57):
Now the challenge and I don'tknow what advice to offer here
is and my heart goes out topeople in this situation because
I think it's a decent amount of, let's say, closeted kinksters
If you've got a kink that you'venever expressed or explored

(01:01:19):
before, you don't know what it'slike to experience that, you
don't know what it's like toexperience that, and I'm not
sure what advice I have to offerof how to decide.
Whether it's saying like, hey,I need to go explore this.
You know, I think that Stephaniewas a great example of someone

(01:01:43):
that recognized that she had akink, that she wanted, that she
needed to explore that.
Her partner I don't want to putany words to this, but as I
understand it, her partnerwasn't necessarily the person to

(01:02:05):
you know enact this kink withher and so she's gone elsewhere
to to get that, you know, to getthat kink satiated and the way,
one of the examples I thoughtof as somebody who eventually
didn't do any introducing had avery direct, what felt to her
like a very hard conversation,but was very direct with her her

(01:02:26):
partner who then had a verysupportive response like worked
out well.
Yeah, that spanking is a.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
I'm not even sure how you'd ease someone into that
like you just kind of back up onthem, like you kind of just
come home with like a paddle inyour pocket or like a wooden
spoon, I don't know yeah, if youwant to be spanked like I got
nothing for you, the directconversation I guess, or
professor barson and the wonderwoman secretary, who are 50
shades.

Speaker 3 (01:02:54):
All of them have spanking in them uh opens up
some conversations spanking,yeah, yeah but yeah, you know, I
wish I had something, somethingto offer people in that
situation like that clear.
Here's how you can tell If anyof our listeners have been in
this situation or have anythoughts as to.

(01:03:16):
If you have an unexplored kinkand you have a partner that's
not, and you have a partnerthat's not interested in
exploring it with you, how doyou decide whether it's worth
having that possibly probablyincredibly hard conversation

(01:03:40):
about?
You know, I want to get thissatiated elsewhere.
Like what do you decide thatthreshold is?

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
I don't know.
Yeah, I think it's verydependent on the people and the
relationship.
Like, to me it's a no-brainer.
Like if somebody came to me, Iwas trying to come up with
examples of something I wouldn'tfeel comfortable with, but
usually if somebody's going tocome to me and talk, I'm like
super open.
If somebody's like I need thisthing, I'd be like I'm happy to
try that out with you.

(01:04:11):
I won't necessarily getanything about it.
Like, if somebody came to me andwas like I really want to be
pooped on, my response would belike okay, I'll poop on you.
I don't get a lot of likesexual gratification out of that
and I'm not going to want to doit every time and I'm probably
not going to want to bang you orwhen you have my poop on you,

(01:04:32):
but like I'll have it.
And then I like flopped, likeswapped it, and I was like what
if I had a partner that was likeI really want to poop on you?
And I was like, oh, that's whenI'd have to be like, no, thank
you, no, thank you.
But I like support your urgesand I would really love for you
to find somebody who wants to bepooped on.

(01:04:54):
And my boundaries around thatare like, if we're monogamous,
this doesn't mean you're goingto go have sex with them.
This is a non-sexual playpartner doesn't mean you're
going to go have sex with them.
This is a play.
This is a non-sexual playpartner.
If it is ethical non, I'm sorry.
If it is non-monogamy orpolyamory, then, like, you can
decide like what boundaries thatplay partner relationship has

(01:05:14):
with them.
But I am like super pro peoplelike doing whatever the fuck
they need to do in life.
There's no reason to shamesomebody over needing weird
stuff.
I call it weird.
I don't mean to call it weird,but like unusual, like things
that you wouldn't expect, likewe're all weird.
Like just support people.
If you're out there and you'rein, you are the person in your

(01:05:34):
partner is talking to you aboutstuff.
I think if it makes youuncomfortable, that's something
that you have to takeresponsibility for.
That means that you probablyhave some sexual insecurity or
something like just insecurityin general, or like I haven't
like done a lot of internalexploring as to what could make
somebody feel uncomfortable iftheir partner came to them and

(01:05:55):
was like I really need to bespanked very hard.
Like there's lots of things andreasons.
But like take responsibility forthe emotional response that you
have to that person's requestand don't shame them for it,
because it's about you.
That emotional response is aboutyou and not about them and be
as supporting and loving and asyou possibly can, because if you
love this person, you want themto be their best selves and it

(01:06:19):
was probably hard to come to youand you're allowed to have hard
boundaries.
But I think it's also importantto support your partner and
just remember that kink doesn'tnecessarily mean a sexual
interaction.
Just because somebody says Ihave a kink and it has to do
with feet does not necessarilymean that they need to go get a

(01:06:41):
foot job from somebody else,Right?
So I think being supportive andlistening, as well as like
taking some time if you've notheard of something like this
before, and letting it marinateand and and deciding what your
boundaries are around it for youto feel comfortable and safe.
If you don't want to do it, orif you were like you know what,

(01:07:03):
I don't mind rubbing your peniswith my feet, let's see what
happens.

Speaker 3 (01:07:06):
You can even try it a couple times and then be like
no, I'm good, let's find you aplay partner you know and to get
a you know, as we've beentalking, if you're in this
conundrum of how to start tobring up and discuss some kink
with your partner, have themlisten to this episode yeah and

(01:07:27):
be like.
So you know, I was listening tothis episode all about kink and
introducing kink and it's beenon my mind and here's kind of
everything that they werediscussing about it.
Like, let's have a chat.

Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
Yeah, just throw this whole podcast, just throw it on
in a car trip somewhere.
I mean, I think the best waymaybe to get somebody to listen
to it is be like there's thisgirl, she thinks she's a dom and
she does the craziest shit withsome dudes.
There's this funny part abouther rubbing a pepper on a guy's
penis.
Listen to this, right.
You can even, like like pan,pick the parts you want them to

(01:08:10):
listen to before you kind of getthem hooked.
I have a friend recently thathadn't been listening to this
podcast or he had, I guess andhis wife had it cause she had
zero interest in it and for somereason they went on a car trip
somewhere and I don't know why,but they they put it on and she
will, like, was hookedimmediately, loves the podcast,
and I think as a result, we'llprobably start becoming

(01:08:33):
interested in other stuff justbecause of the kinky things,
maybe because of the nature ofwhat people think about once
they listen to this.
And you, if you're out thereand you're listening to this,
you don't have to be interestedin other kinky stuff.
That's also okay, but I findthat it is.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
It seems to be very an expansive experience for many
people who listen to this so,yes and no, just put this
episode on this one of how tointroduce kink to your partner,
put this episode on this one ofhow to introduce kink to your
partner, and then you can wrapup unless this isn't you and be
like good news.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
Honey, I don't want to poop on you, but but unless
poop is your thing and then,yeah, then be like good news.
I don't want to stick you withneedles.
Um, yeah, and, if you like, ifyou are out there and you have
had this conversation with yourspouse, regardless of how it

(01:09:30):
went, or you have a differenttactic on how to approach this
that worked really well ordidn't work well, or just
thoughts on it, we would love tohear your experience and your
journey or your knowledge orwhatever, because I think it's
super valuable for a lot ofpeople out there.
Um, so I'm asking you if youhave had an experience in this

(01:09:52):
capacity, if you have some hottips or a different take on it
or some opinions, I'm askingplease reach out and let us know
.
Um, we have a form.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
You can pull out.

Speaker 2 (01:10:03):
We'll link it in the show notes.
But if you go tolittlerenegadefilmscom, click on
podcasts, click on talk dirgeto me, there'd be a link to the
form at the top of the page.
You can fill it out.
It'll come right to my inboxand I will contact you.
Or just read whatever it is youhave to say and it'll inspire
conversation or whatever.
But or if you have a specifickink that you need to talk, that

(01:10:26):
you want to talk to your spouseabout, or whatever, and you're
not sure how to approach themabout this specific thing, give
it to us, because we would loveto have an entire conversation
about it and come up with ideasand potential conversations and
things you could say.
We'll role play it out for you.
It'll be a real good time.
Put that in the form too.

Speaker 3 (01:10:50):
I think we already have a couple on our hit list,
don't we?

Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
Kinks to talk about.

Speaker 3 (01:10:55):
Or just like, yeah, like of how to introduce, you
know, kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:11:00):
Yeah, I think the idea was to go through some
specific kinks and touch on howto introduce your spouse to the
specific kink-like things youcould do.
Because, they are drasticallydifferent and take different
materials and ideas and mediaand things.
So yeah, stay tuned what wealready have on the list.

Speaker 3 (01:11:19):
Can I spoil?

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
a bit of upcoming episodes.
Spoil it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
Yeah, we're going to do one on, I think, probably
what are the two most popular atleast male things to to want to
explore with your spouse, whichis anal and threesomes.
Those are probably going to be,you know, we'll see how long
those go, but those willprobably be two separate
episodes.
Would would love to hear thisis probably going to be a little

(01:11:48):
overrepresented by men thatwant to introduce kinks to their
significant others.
Don't let that happen.
Tell us, women, tell us aboutthe kinks that you want to
approach your men with, or justwhatever you want to approach
your men with, and we willdiscuss that.

Speaker 2 (01:12:11):
I think it could also stay gender neutral, like I'd
like to think that there'sprobably women out there who
want to peg men and need tointroduce it to them in a
general way.

Speaker 3 (01:12:25):
The.
Yeah, I guess with that theanal sex one will work both ways
.

Speaker 2 (01:12:33):
Yeah, there are women who have threesomes with their
husband, maybe a little easierto suggest that to a man than to
a woman.

Speaker 1 (01:12:38):
But you know, yeah, yeah, so much to discuss, we'll
save that for another episode.

Speaker 3 (01:12:43):
I know so much We'll save it.
We'll save it for that episode,so much We'll save it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
We'll save it for the next one.
Anyways, Lady Bia and genitals,thank you so much for tuning in
and everything in between, therainbow in between.
We are so delighted that youstuck around for this episode.
I mentioned the form.
If there's a guest, a specificguest, that you want to hear

(01:13:06):
from literally anything yourconfession, a kink you want us
to talk about, pop it up on thatform.
Yeah, this is Talk Dirty to Me.
Until next time, let's allleave sexy implements around the
house just like little hints,Folded up notes that say things
like Cleveland Steamer, GoldenShower, Step.

Speaker 3 (01:13:30):
On Me, maybe a wooden spoon in the bedroom.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
How'd that get there?
I don't know.
We should just leave it on thepillow while we make film.
Until next time, let's allleave sexy hints everywhere for
our partner.
Yeah, thanks for listening.
All you sexy beasts, we willtalk to you next time.

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
Bye, I was sobbing on our couch because I was just
like admitting this part ofmyself that I had not told
anyone about those firstexplorations are really the um,
the most intimate and the onesthat really kind of stick.

Speaker 2 (01:14:06):
That's something that I still I am still.

Speaker 1 (01:14:09):
I've been in therapy still am struggling to like turn
off in my brain.
We come out with these guardsand it's hard to then figure out
how to put them down.
I want to feel more empoweredin my body, because I grew up
not feeling that way.
Oh, sin.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
Therapy is wiping away tears.

Speaker 1 (01:14:26):
I am.

Speaker 2 (01:14:28):
That was perfect.
I look forward to the day whenour society has progressed past
the point where it's just likethis kind of universally
accepted witch hunt againstanybody who even tries to ask
for help.
So happy that a podcast likethis exists, that you guys have
a forum where you know you cantalk so openly about things, and

(01:14:48):
, just especially for me, likeevery episode is eye opening on
a different perspective.

Speaker 3 (01:14:53):
This is the podcast I always wished existed, so I'm
excited to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
Really does seem like we're helping people.

Speaker 2 (01:14:59):
This podcast really is sexy.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
Glad we're back for a third season.
Well, I guess we should do ouroutro, casey, do the thingy.

Speaker 2 (01:15:07):
but you know, do it, do it sexy talk dirty to me is a
podcast by little renegadefilms.
It stars casey sammy.
Oh, you heard what the man said.
Do it sexy, okay.
Okay, I'll do it sexy god talkdirty to me is a podcast by
Little Renegade Films.
It stars Casey Samie, TosinAwafeso and Aaron.

(01:15:31):
For more of our offerings, goto littlerenegadefilmscom.
Huh, Hmm.