S3E9 - Dating Rant

What if your rigid relationship goals are holding you back from true connection? Today, Aaron opens up with a personal story that challenges the notion of dating with a set agenda. Together with Tosin and myself, we dive into the pitfalls of this approach, such as missing out on genuine connections and ignoring red flags, all because of preconceived relationship goals. We explore how dating with intention doesn't necessarily mean aiming for marriage or kids, but any form of predetermined milestones that can force compatibility instead of fostering natural relationships.

Navigating the fine line between intention and natural growth in relationships is complex. We discuss how rigid criteria can stifle genuine connections, and why reducing potential partners to a checklist isn't the way to go. We also tackle the world of dating apps, examining the balance between knowing what you want and staying open to new possibilities. The conversation touches on the importance of mutual understanding and growth, highlighting how people's desires can evolve and why flexibility is key.

The stakes get even higher when we talk about parenthood, especially for those feeling the pressure of time constraints. From the financial and emotional costs of artificial insemination and IVF to the risks of rushing into relationships, we weigh all angles. Setting boundaries and having clear expectations before embarking on parenthood are crucial, particularly when raising children with unique challenges like autism. Our chat underscores the need for thoughtful consideration and intentionality, all while keeping an open mind and heart for what the future may hold.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, well, well, go ahead and open up your ears,
your mind and whatever else youneed.
You're listening to Talk Dirtyto Me.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello all you sexy beasts and welcome back to Talk
Dirty to Me.
The podcast with three friendswith three different
perspectives on kink, fetish andsex.
We talk dirty to one another.
Today we have with us TosinAwufeso, our kink oracle.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Ahoy.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Aaron, the experimentalist, and myself,
casey, your neighborhood femdom,the experimentalist, and myself
, Kasey, your neighborhoodfemdom.
Hello friends, thanks forcoming back Today.
We're going to do, I believe,what has been described a bit of

(00:58):
a rant on dating with intention.
Everybody has pretty strongopinions about it.
I am like the outlier thatdoesn't have a strong opinion.
I mean, I have opinions, but Ifeel like Aaron and Tosin, you
guys are like we can go.
We have a soapbox.
My body's ready, your body isready.
Okay, aaron, how about?
This was your concept?
You had something happen inyour life that made you want to
rant about this, so you kick usoff.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah.
So going to put it out there upfront.
I think that dating withintention is ultimately a very
personally just destructivething to do.
And how this came up is so I'vegot a friend who we used to
date former play partner and wasgoing over to her house.

(01:43):
Possibly we were going to endup playing, but I care for her
as a friend and she, you know,has been going through a bit of
a dry spell at dating and she'swas kind of just bemoaning it
and she's like you know it's,it's so tough.
I'm just out there and you knowI'm trying to date with

(02:03):
intention or purpose and therecord scratched in my head and
had ended up not having sex withher but spending like an hour
and a half, maybe two hours,with this heart to heart and
sharing why that can bedestructive and I'm sure we'll
kind of really dig into it.

(02:24):
But at its core, dating withintention is also kind of it's
the idea of hey, here's well,here's how it's been presented,
hey, I am looking for my foreverpartner, and if the person I
meet is not that, then I'm goingto move on.

(02:47):
The person I meet is not that,then I'm going to move on.
The poor problem with that isthat it doesn't allow you to
have an authentic experiencewith the person you're with.
And if you think that you'regoing to know that the person
you're with is your foreverpartner upon that initial
meeting, and if you haveexpectations that it has to get
to a certain point inside of acertain period of time, then you

(03:07):
are like forever is a longfucking time.
If you think that for somereason that, like you need to
take those next stepsimmediately, you're not going to
end up building a solidfoundation of a relationship and
you are going to end up missingthat person a person because I
don't believe that there is oneperson for everyone but you're

(03:30):
going to miss out on thatrelationship.
That could have been exactlywhat you were hoping, yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
And my beef with the concept is it's like it's
circular and makes itselfimpossible to do so in in a
dating with intentions person'sperfect idea.
Again, this is I'm not speakingfor people, ever that everyone

(03:58):
is nuanced, which is the pointI'm making, but the way this
concept sounds is one personsays the next person I date I
want to marry and have a childwith, because that's the future
that they're planning, and sothat's what they want to do next
.
So then the person that they goon a date with needs to also
have the intention of I want toget married and have a child.

(04:23):
Now, that's just two thingsthat you've picked and generally
, people that are dating withintention.
The way that I've heard it is Ihave these three things that I'm
looking for in a future partner.
This is the future that I wantto have.
I don't want to waste time withpeople who don't want to do
that.
So we take those two things andthese two people meet.

(04:43):
Now.
If they decide at that pointthat, like great, the criteria
that I have, the criteria thatperson one and person two has
are the same.
You are now and you continue togo and, in the idea of not
wasting time you decide to makea ton of assumptions about

(05:03):
everything else.
Right, you don't know if you'regoing to live well together,
you don't know if you're goingto enjoy each other's company,
you don't know if any anythingelse.
And you also, I've also seenplenty of times that, like well,
there are red flags and thereare things that I don't like,
but I've already invested timein this person that met my two
starting criteria, and so I'mgoing to press on.

(05:26):
I'm going to press on because Idon't want to have to start
over, because I don't want towaste time, because this is the
intention I wanted to build.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Can I ask a question before we go on?
Yes, because I like have.
Maybe it's silly, but I neverI've really never, heard anybody
discuss dating with intention,or never was that a thought that
I had, or think that it was thething that existed.
So, aaron, when you said datingwith intention, something else
came to mind.
So, but just to make sure thatI clearly understand what dating
with intention means, is itspecifically geared toward

(05:53):
wanting to get married and havea baby and finding somebody else
, or is it just like I wantsomebody who wants to do the
relationship escalator and livetogether?
Is just like being like, veryclear on what it is you your end
goal is and then only executingon people that can fulfill
those specific things in yourend goal.
Is that dating with intention?

Speaker 3 (06:15):
so and this is a slight difference from from
toast and in general, yes, thatthe kids part is often part of
it.
With my friend it's not and,but it is typically a it is that
I'm looking for that lifepartner and that could go into.

(06:35):
Yeah, I'm looking thatrelationship escalator.
Essentially that, like, I'mlooking for someone where we are
going, we are on a track ofgrowing commitment, where we are
going to commit to each othermore and more and more, and if
it's not going in that directionwith the first opportunity for

(07:00):
that next step, then I'm movingon to the next person.
Right?

Speaker 1 (07:05):
And and those.
Those two criterias are just anexample of the many bullet
points that could be.
Whatever your intention is, sothis also qualifies for I am
only going to date somebody whois interested in, uh, swinging.
I'm only going to date peoplewho are interested in, like,
having lots of threesomes withspecific types of people, like

(07:28):
any.
Any time that you decide,before I know a person, uh, I
have these criteria before I'mgoing to spend more time with
them.
You, you move away from the pathof creating a genuine
relationship with someone.
And, like, a genuinerelationship with someone is

(07:48):
going to lead to betterlong-term relationships than not
.
And people change their mindall the time, like I don't know
how many people in my life who,when we were in college together
, were like, uh, I never wantkids.
And then met somebody that thatthey grew and grew to know and
started dating and then theywanted to have kids with them.

(08:10):
Or somebody who was like I'llnever be, I'll never be poly and
then met somebody.
Well, that's right, that can getbad, but people change their
minds because a relationshipwith a person opens their eyes
to like new possibilities andnew ideas and makes it help them
realize things that they wouldand wouldn't like and you're

(08:30):
deleting the opportunity to dothat if you have like deal
breakers that aren't like, basedon like like I think there's a
ground floor Like I'm not goingto date somebody abusive, I'm
not going to date somebody who'sdoes, who has habits or
addictions that arecounterintuitive to my life or

(08:53):
triggering for me, or people whodon't understand like what my
life is.
Like a marginalized person.
Like I think havingexpectations of people that
they'll respect you are gooddeal breakers to have, but
things like I definitely want mylife plan and steps to go
exactly like this.

(09:13):
I think it.
I think it doesn't help ingeneral.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Are you saying?
What's bad about it is thatpeople are so focused on those
end goals they don't do a goodjob of really evaluating if the
person that they have in frontof them that also wants the same
end goals is ultimately thebest person to be with.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
I think more just the first part that instead of
making a connection with theperson in front of you, you are
quizzing them and before you,before you start the genuine
connection thing, you arerunning them through a
questionnaire which isimpossible to answer at the time
.
It's like you're saying do youknow what your future is going

(09:57):
to look like?
Um, and I, I understand theinclination of being like if you
want to do one thing andanother person is saying to your
face, I never want to do that,then I can see why you're like
no, I'm not going to continuedating that person I don't know.

(10:19):
Starting with the idea that youmeet these criteria, so now
let's date seems backwards to me, instead of you seem
interesting and I want to get toknow you more and seeing if
there's a connection that isbuilt genuinely, and then
deciding if you want to create arelationship or going forward

(10:40):
based on getting to know eachother more and being like okay,
based on getting to know eachother more and being like okay,
because you need more than adate to evaluate how someone's
future is going to go Like.
You're also just makingassumptions.
Even if you both say yes, Iwant these things, there's still
tons of things that you'reassuming that you're never going
to really know about each other.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Are people really syncing up on two things and
then not evaluating the rest ofthe compatibility?

Speaker 3 (11:07):
I've seen it, so you know the well.
I agree with pretty mucheverything you said, tosin.
I think that my perspective onit it is just a bit more niche
of you know.
I remember when I startedgetting on the dating apps and I
briefly spent some time onMatchcom.
Is that that one?

(11:28):
Is that that one?
No, it's not.
Match, oh crap.
What's the one that, likeeveryone's on?
It's not Bumble, it's not.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Hinge.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
Hinge.
There we go.
You know, I spent some time onthat and the quickest way for me
to pass on a profile is if itsaid dating with intention.
Because that dating withintention and dating with
purpose inside of the dating appworld is, as I understand it,
unilaterally code.
For if you're not looking forcommitment and this is not going

(12:06):
and this is not like taking adirect route into a committed
relationship, then I'm notinterested.
And while I agree witheverything you're saying to us
and the experiences I have hadand the people I've spoken to,
I've always understood thatdating with intention to be code

(12:30):
for a, a just kind of a fastlane to commitment.
And if it's not that, then I'mnot interested.
And that's where and I justthink that has so many issues
with it as well Like, I agreewith what you're saying that,
hey, you're not really givingthe other person a chance.

(12:51):
If you've got things you'relooking for, but also if you
know what you're about andyou're not interested in related
like and you're looking to, ifyou know you want kids, that's
just part of your life plan andyou're having a romantic

(13:14):
experience with someone thatdoesn't want kids, and that
relationship is naturallygrowing towards commitment
relationship is naturallygrowing towards commitment.
Like it's one of those thingswhere just y'all are both
becoming more and more justfalling deeper in love and but

(13:35):
you know that the that you wantsomething different than that,
then, yeah, that is, by yourdefinition, like dating with
intention.
But I you, you know, for me Ithink it's perfectly fine to be
like, hey, like there are somethings that I am looking for
that you clearly don't want, andso I need to move on.

(13:58):
It's that great.
It is just the thing thatbothers me so much, or that I
think is so destructive, isescalating commitment at the
first opportunity to commityourself more.
Because so before I was married, I was engaged to two other

(14:21):
women in my life.
Like, I was addicted to thatcommitment that, ooh, we're, you
know, we're sleeping together.
We should be boyfriend andgirlfriend.
Ooh, boyfriend's girlfriend'sgoing really well.
We should live together Ooh,we've been doing that for a
little while.
We should get married, and it'sjust not a solid foundation to

(14:43):
build a relationship off of.
I would far more advocate for,if you want to build a solid
foundation, take that next stepin commitment, not at the first
reason why you could, but whenthe last reason not to is no
longer.
There is no longer there.

(15:03):
Forever is a long time.
Being in a committedrelationship is, whether it be
monogamous or not.
If it is made, if it is meantto be forever, then it will be
forever.
Then it will persist.
Don't rush this.

(15:25):
You'll be building your castleon a foundation of sand.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
But what if a woman is 38 and she wants to have
babies and all the men arefucking yanking her around and
so her only option is to be likemy intention is to have
children.
I only have time to date peoplewho have this same goal.
Even like I'm still going toget to know you, but like,
please move on if that's not you, because I'm running out of

(15:52):
time.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
If artificial insemination, ivf treatment yes,
you can, absolutely.
And so the thing about datingwith intention of, like wanting
a kid, that is the only way thatthat ends up working.
Because that attitude ofescalating commitment and kind

(16:15):
of being blinded to the otherperson is that can get you
through a year and a half, maybeto the point that you're
pregnant, and then y'all arekind of stuck in it and it
becomes about the kids.
But you are going to like, youare committing to this other
person, like there is no greatercommitment that one can have
than having a child with someone.

(16:36):
Like that's more of acommitment than marriage.
Cause that is like you aregoing to be in my life for at
least the next 18 years, butrealistically, in one sense or
another, for the rest of it.
If you want to have kids and youhaven't found someone, so one.
That's something I have troubleempathizing with.
So if this sounds tone deaf,then I never wanted kids.

(17:01):
I'm a guy.
So the idea of having kids likeit's not, it's not like uh oh,
I would get you know ivf, and soit might be dismissive to say,
but man, it seems like you couldend up in a far worse situation
by just running through dudesas fast as you can to try to

(17:25):
find someone that's willing toknock you up I have to, I have
to argue with that, not argue,but like, the other side of that
is that's really expensive andpeople can't necessarily afford
that.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Um, and that is asking somebody not only to have
children but like raise them ontheir own, which is like doubly
expensive.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Yeah, it's not financially possible for a lot
of people we all don't get whatwe want to auto, to auto tune,
to auto tune your tone deafnessa little bit, um.
So I'm not talking yeah, whenI'm talking about like the
dating with intention andobscuring.
I like have my feet on bothsides, want to have kids and I

(18:25):
need to have, and I need to havekids within the next couple of
years, especially if you don'thave access to all of the
fertility things that make itpossible to go to do it for
longer or wait or things likethat.
That is a reasonable, I feellike that is a reasonable ask
and a reasonable reason to sayto someone, to someone who isn't
a hundred percent sure thatthey want to have kids right now
, that you want to move on.
I'm like I think a way you putit before like dating with

(18:48):
intention, like I'm a hundredpercent sure that I want to move
to this level of commitment,you're obscuring everybody who's
less than a hundred percentsure and you could you could be
have a genuine connection withsomebody who's 50% sure that
you're saying no to that youwant to move forward with Now.
That isn't if you have someonewho is 50% sure they want to
have children, that and you're awoman that's looking to have

(19:09):
kids.
I think it's reasonable to sayno.
But I also agree with Aaron insaying that Tread carefully on
who you, on who you pick if thatis a goal.
The pool of the pool of men,because and this is mostly
because men are terrible but thepool of men who are willing to

(19:33):
be on a first date with someonewho says I need to have children
a year, and they're like, yeah,and I'm going to raise that
child with you and and I'm goingto do it the whole time An
unfortunate percentage of them,yeah.
The unfortunate percentage ofthem is.
Weird Would be.
I would side eye most men.

(19:56):
That would be like, yeah, let'sdo that.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
That is your financially affordable, totally
economical solution to in vitro.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
And again, if you're, if you personally are electing
to be a single mom, then like,that's a different story.
Like if you're just like I justneed a sperm donor, that in,
that's free and I don't have togo through the fertility system,
then, yeah, just pick the mostfit, genetically feasible,
feasible man nearby and thenthey don't have that

(20:27):
responsibility.
But if you're looking for, like, a life partner to raise
children with and that was yourdream and you're running out of
time, man, I'm scared of ofrushing that choice.
And this is, this is fromsomeone who has kids and like,

(20:53):
also, you know the, the day my,me and my partner hung out, we
she spent the night at my houseand we've lived together ever
since.
So the fastest committer of alltime, we had a kids within a
year.
We've been, we've been together, we have lived together ever
since.
So, the fastest committer of alltime, we had kids within a year
.
We've been together, we havelived together.
We have been through tons ofstuff.
We've been together for eightyears and nine now Some number

(21:17):
and also to that point when wemet.
We met because at the time wewere currently in love with our
best friends and we're like,yeah, we can hang out because,
specifically because it's like,well, neither of us are, like,
really looking for a commitmentin any way, because, you know,

(21:37):
right now our hearts are forother people and we like
connected on that.
And then we touched each otherand then we were like, oh, we're
in trouble.
And then, like, and likeorganically and genuinely, we're
just like, yeah, it doesn'tmake sense for you to leave,
like I don't know why you would,let's just stay here.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Let's just live together now.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
And so there's other extenuating circumstances for
our particular situation.
But I, I feel like, had we bothof us, in any way, shape or
form had any type of likecommitment, brackets or
expectations we would have likeif, especially me at that time I

(22:22):
was like I just left arelationship, and it was a
relationship I left where Idecided I was going to be poly,
I was just like I'm not doing amonogamous relationship again,
if, like they've been, like I'mlooking for a commitment and you
know, for to be somebody Iwould have, I would have, even I
would have ran the other way.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
And that's another version of dating with intention
.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
No, totally.
I agree wholeheartedly and I'mI'm not going to not build a
connection with a person becausethey're monogamous.
Um, I'm happy to.
Whatever our connection becomesis what it becomes.
Um, I'm not going to be like,no, let's not hang out because

(23:06):
there's no way that we're goingto date, or let's not spend time
together because there's no waythat we're going to date or be
in a relationship.
And especially if, like, I findthem cool in general and so and
maybe I'm also an outlier inthis way, in that, like, I am

(23:26):
always open to almost all typesof connections with anyone.
So, and I'm happy to takewhatever configuration that is,
I want, whatever the me and yousong is going to be, to be
played rather than not playedbecause it's not the song I
wrote.
To be played rather than notplayed because it's not the song

(23:48):
I wrote, and I find that to bemore rewarding in general.
Absolutely, it is.
Hold on, casey, you can get aface that I want to hear about.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
I just think that the term dating with intention is
is is like more wishy-washy,because, like and this is what I
thought about when you firstsaid dating with intention I was
like is is like morewishy-washy, cause, like and
this is what I thought aboutwhen you first said dating with
intention I was like, oh, I canget that.
As a heterosexual woman thatdates heterosexual man men, I
understand why somebody wouldshow up one day and be like fuck
all y'all.
I'm dating with intentionbecause my intention is to avoid

(24:21):
fuck boys, cause it's not agood use of my time and they're
everywhere, and so putting downcriteria, that's like this is
what I'm available for, this iswhat I'm available for, and this
is what I'm available for, andif you cannot return my text
message, then I'm out.
Like that's my.
I'm dating with intention, likeif you can't get back to me in
a reasonable amount of time orread my fucking text or respond

(24:41):
to, it's the same with likehaving children.
Like I was dating somebody andwe're in a really good
relationship and he shows up oneday and he was older than me.
And he shows up one day andit's like I was in college, he
was not, and he said I want tobe.
It's just like, randomly out ofthe blue, it's like he had a
thought, he thought to himselfhe was thinking about life goals
or whatever the fuck ever Causethat's the kind of person he is
and he shows up and I'm hangingout at his house and he's like

(25:02):
so, I want to be married andhave babies in five years, do
you?
And I was like no, and in thatmoment we broke up, not like we
didn't like we didn't like.
It's like, it wasn't like well,I guess this is it.
But like.
That conversation was like I, he, I was leaving his house at
that point and I left and I waswalking.
I was leaving his house at thatpoint and I left and I was

(25:22):
walking.
Remember walking down hisdriveway and being like that
just ended and he's a lovelyperson and I'm sad to see him go
.
And it did shortly thereafterlike it left.
And that is dating withintention too.
That's a guy wanting to havebabies and be married because
that's what they want for theirlife.
But, like when you said datingwith intention, it was like I
could get on that because Idon't want to have babies and I

(25:42):
don't necessarily know what kindof relationship style I want,
or if I want to get married, butI do know that I will date with
intention to have people whoare capable of being kind,
thoughtful and considerate andwho are adult and emotionally
mature.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
So that's dating with standards.
That's not an intention.
Well so, and these are the kindof people that I want to

(26:29):
associate with and you know,with what you're saying, it's
really like hey, you know, I'minteracting with these people,
you know people, and what'sbeing offered is not something
I'm interested in.
So I'm going to move on asdating with an intention that,

(26:50):
as I've seen, it has always beena thin wrapper, for I really
like that phrase, the commitmentescalator, and it's a new term.
It is a term that helps peoplewith an anxious attachment style
justify their anxiousattachment style in dating.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Okay, yeah, I think I can figure out where we're.
I think we're confused on likeboundaries and this concept of
like rushed commitment and thisconcept of like rushed
commitment, and so I think it'sso far.
It sounds like all of us arelike on the same page of like

(27:34):
dating with boundaries andstandards is fine.
Like I'm not going to give a,I'm not going to give a racist
white lady a chance, right, likeif I go on a date and they're
like I don't like black people,I'm going to be like, yeah,
let's not do this.
Then I'm not going to see if wecan, you know, move forward
with that.
And like, if you have goals andexpectations for your future and

(27:55):
you're going in obviousdifferent directions, that also
feels like reasonable, like areasonable, and I use the
children and you know marriedexample, because and the part
that I was forgetting was havingthat, saying that that's what
you're interested in is fine,both of you deciding that yes,

(28:16):
I'm interested in being marriedand having children, and then
pulling out a calendar and beinglike in March we're going to
get a house together.
In April we're going to get a.
We're going to go a housetogether In April.
We're going to go get fertilitytested.
In June we're going to go dothese type of things and in
December we need to be pregnantor we need to start seeing
counseling and surrogates.
Right, that is the part thatI'm just like you are, and if

(28:40):
someone's not willing to agreeto that, like escalated schedule
of like the events mean we'recommitted, not the commitment
means we're committed, that's adangerous road to be traveling.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
So I looked up the definition of dating with
intention.
I have two.
One is dating with intentionmeans being purposeful in your
approach to finding a potentialpartner.
It involves having a clearunderstanding of your standards,
including the type of personyou want to be with and the
qualities they should possess.
It also means adjusting yourdating process accordingly and
choosing who to date with an endgoal in mind.

(29:19):
For Christians and this is adifferent definition for
Christians this often meansdating with the end goal of
finding a goodly spouse.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
A goodly spouse it's dating.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
It's like entering the dating scene with a clear
purpose and goal in mind, ratherthan casually dating for fun or
out of loneliness.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
The yeah, it's funny because when you first said
dating with intention, my churchcamp definition is what showed
up, which is what, at least whatthey said to the dudes, and it
was just like you need to checkand see if who you're dating is
a Proverbs 31 woman, whicheverybody go go have a read,
read of Proverbs 31.
It is hilarious, proverbs 31.
It is hilarious.
And but I was talking about it.
I realized we were talkingabout something else, so that

(30:12):
definition seems reasonable tome as well.
I think we needed.
I think I agree, like with Aaron, anytime that I've seen dating
with intention or on like adating app and have talked to
that person that very quickly inthat conversation is something

(30:33):
along the lines of I'm lookingto be, you know, married and
living with a partner within sixmonths and I'm well, that's not
impossible, but I'm not goingto.
The thing that will make melive with someone and get
married in six months will notbe decided prior.

(30:57):
Like it.
Like that will just have thereason we do.
That can't be because wedecided we wanted to do that in
the beginning, and I think if wewere to rename this dating with
anxious intention is the thingthat we're advocating against.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
I've yet to meet someone that was saying one and
didn't meet the other.
Mean the other yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
I mean even the yeah, even the christian example is
also anxious intention, butthat's fueled more by horniness
than anything else, because theyalso have the blocker of like
marriage is when I get to havesex for the first time.
So they're like do you want toget married?
Because it's been a while, thewhole time actually.

(31:48):
Or it's been a while and God'snot mad about it.
That God isn't mad about it.

Speaker 3 (31:55):
So I want to take a moment and speak to those that
are dating with intention, andthat intention is I'm looking
for my forever person, possibly.
I want to have children, and ifyou are not, it I am going to

(32:19):
say thank you and politely moveon to the next person.
You're not guaranteed you willever find someone.
That's not something that anyof us are guaranteed.
You are not guaranteed that youwill have children.
These are all wonderfulpossibilities and wonderful

(32:42):
experiences that you can have.
Wanting it is not going to makeit so.
That process is going to causeyou to discover exactly what
you're willing to settle for andend up with exactly what you're
willing to settle for, and thatis a miserable place.

(33:05):
Go out into the world, meetpeople, accept what is offered.
If it is something that feedsyou, if it's something that you
enjoy In that journey, you mayfind a similar soul.

(33:28):
If you want the absolute formula, here is a formula of how to go
out there in the world and dateand increase your chances to
the absolute greatest amount tofind someone that you would want
to be in a committedrelationship with and would want

(33:48):
to be in committed relationshipwith you.
You're going to meet all kindsof different people.
Go out and meet as many aspossible.
Going out with women make sureyou're safe.
But there's basically fourscenarios for a date.
Outside of that, only one isunforgivable they're boring.

(34:13):
That is the only sin in datingis being boring.
Maybe they're crazy as shit andyou have that story and you
will be able to share that storywith everyone.
Perhaps it's a new romanticinterest Fantastic, that's
always fun and exciting.

(34:33):
Or you could make a new friend.
Two out of those four are peoplethat you should bring into your
life, and it is all right tomeet someone from a dating
website and be like you areawesome, but I'm not connecting
with you like that.
I would love to be your friend.

(34:54):
Go be their friend If they'recool, but there's not that thing
.
You can go and meet theirfriends.
This will give you theopportunity to meet people in a
lot of different contexts andyou'll have the stories to share
and, along the way, focus onbecoming the kind of person that

(35:20):
you would want to date.
And this is not likeself-spiritual work.
This is be into interestingshit, do interesting shit.
That combination right there ofnot focused on trying to find
the person, but just meetingpeople and being okay with

(35:44):
whatever occurs and focus onjust being the kind of person
that you would want to date.
That is your best chance offinding that.
You know someone a life part,not going out there churning

(36:04):
through people expect until youfind that person.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
I also.
You know, I think that there'sthree people here.
One of them has children, twoof them do not and don't want to
have children.
So it's hard for us to speak tothis, but I believe the
evolutionary pull to procreateand have babies is absolutely
ridiculous in some people andyou are assuming that somebody

(36:35):
gives a fuck about finding alife partner.
I think some people theirintention is to have a baby.

Speaker 3 (36:45):
Oh yeah, go be miserable if you want to.
I'm not talking to you.
You're assuming?

Speaker 2 (36:47):
they're going to be miserable.
I'm like fascinated at how likeErin's stealing Christmas today
, you are not guaranteed to havea baby you will never find love
.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
I know Jesus.

Speaker 3 (36:56):
These are not guaranteed to have a baby.
You will never find love.
I know Jesus.
These are not things that anyof us are guaranteed.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
It is wonderful when it happens.
You're not wrong, I'm justamused.
I'm going to finish my thought.
I'm going to finish my thought.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
If somebody is quote unquote dating with intention
and they show up and they'relike I don't care who it's with,
I want, don't care who it'swith, I want to have a baby.
That's my goal in life.
And they're going to differentpeople and be like if you don't
have a baby, get the fuck outand that's fine.
Their intention isn't to find alife.
What if their intention isn'tto find a lifelong partner?
It's literally to find somebodyto have a baby with, and if
that goes well, great.
And if not, great.
They still have the baby.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
That was their own goal that person will be in
their life for in capacity,probably for the next 18 years,
if not for the rest of theirlife.
That's OK and I'm not talkingabout the kid, but I'm talking
about the person.
We're kind of talking directlyabout women right now, the sperm

(37:51):
donor, which is what we'rediscussing that they're going
out there and like, if you'redoing that, then just don't try
to pull this into a relationship.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Why not?
Because of all of because beingtied to someone that you aren't

(38:32):
compatible with is recipe formisery.
But the baby was had.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
That was the intention of the dating so,
dating so yeah, but it comeswith baggage.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
You're assuming that they care.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Yeah, okay, so yeah I'm trying to figure out how
that person.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
If you do not give a shit.
You are just on a mission tobreed go, do, do it.
I were, you know, but you aresetting yourself up for just a
really sad and probably, yeah, asad and hollow life.
Well, and we know those people,you meet those people that,

(39:12):
like, will only talk about theirkids, have no identity outside
of their kids.
And, yeah, we know them andthey're not my people yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
So I'm trying to figure out actually how I feel
on this, this particularchildren part of it.
So I going to think out loudfor a second.
So there's at one end of thespectrum, a woman who wants to
have a child.
That's the only thing thatmatters.
They'll deal with any othersituation that occurs.

(39:49):
And so they're just like areyou willing to get me pregnant?
And you have no response.
I don't care about how youparticipate with the raising of
the child, I just care abouthaving a child that exists.
I know people like that.
They are very.
Some of them are happy, some ofthem are unhappy, and my main

(40:11):
concern with that track ingeneral is a good percentage of
people in that camp Againanecdotally, um, also want to
have a child for to solveproblems that should be solved
in therapy.
Um, so I I'm.
If there's the perfect idea ofa woman who wants to have a

(40:36):
child, that is all that matters.
They are healthy, well, they'rehealthy, well-sustained, can
financially support it on theirown and want to have a child
because that has been theirdream and dream to be a mother
and not to solve and escape anyother problems.
Beautiful, do it, do it howeveryou want.
Call me, I'll do it.
I have a vasectomy, I can't doit, but somebody can do it.
Do it however you want.

(40:56):
Call me, I'll do it.
I know I'm having a vasectomy,I can't do it, but somebody can
do it.
The then there's the other sideof the spectrum.
That is a woman who is lookingfor a family and that's like
them, and a partner or manypartners, or a family unit so
they can grow and have familytraditions with and want to like

(41:19):
live the family dream that theygrew up thinking about.
And it could be running out oftime.
And that is where Aaron'sscenario comes up of like.
That's where people startsettling for people who don't
meet all of the things that theywere looking for in a family,
but satisfy that I'm willing tohave kids and I'm financially

(41:40):
stable enough to support them,but they're, you know, a fuck
boy in one way or one way oranother.
And that's on the opposite endof the spectrum of like the idea
of children being a focus goingforward in picking your dating
life.
So if I'm saying, if I'm giving, if I'm giving advice, it would

(42:06):
be know why you wanna havechildren.
If you wanna have children,because you wanna be a parent
and you are aware of how muchwork it is, then do it go for it
.
As a father of two autisticchildren, it is a lot of work.
Parents being only talkingabout their children or their
life being identified by theirchildren is just that is what it

(42:29):
becomes.
Your world shrinks to thatbecause they consume and require
everything.
And it also to Aaron's point itforces you to maintain some.
It doesn't force you tomaintain but, like the, you will
make compromises you would nothave made about another person

(42:52):
simply for your children, andyou are.
You are buying into that.
If you do, if you decide tohave children with someone and
you are attempting to raise themin any type of like, ethical,
moral way, you're going to makechoices, that and compromises
about another human being thatyou wouldn't have made for the

(43:14):
sake of the child, which is youshould know before you start
making decisions.
I think generally, my generalpiece of advice is there is a
line with which you should notsettle under Like, make sure you
have good boundaries about,like, the relationship you want
to build, make sure the personfits all of those and then go
forward and don't you can't goback in the children front and

(43:43):
so make sure that all of thoseboundaries and all those things
that are important to you aremet.
And, like you said, some peoplecould be nothing, some people
could be literally I need yoursperm.
Everything else doesn't matter,then that's fine.
Just make sure you know thatSome people can be full family.
I want the seventh heavenexperience and you can do that.
The end of thought out loud.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
So part of the reason why I didn't want to have
children is it fundamentallychanges your priorities.
It changes what matters to you.
It is a roll of the dice as towhether, from what matters to

(44:30):
you now and your existence now,as to whether it's going to be
better or not, you, it puts youin a situation where, if you do
not fundamentally change as aperson, you're probably
psychotic, um, and if that is,your sole driver is to go and do

(44:50):
to roll the dice and the factthat you're going to just find
someone to do that, that is likea gamble on top of a gamble.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
You're talking about a huge percentage of the
population.
Oh, I mean, I agree with himwholeheartedly.
And that's having children.
When you have kids, the lifeyou knew before it's.
There's no guessing as to whatit will be after.
Before I had oh, I might cryabout this.
Nope, brief, ok, wanted to be adad was like I love the idea of

(45:38):
like teaching and growing mychildren and creating like a
creative musical family andwatching them learn things and
and and helping go like.
I really love helping people inmy life and making their life
better.
And so many times I havethought I was like, ah, if I
could have been involved in thebeginning.
Like what would it be like if Icould like raise and love

(46:00):
someone the whole time and teachthem the things that I know and
show them the things that Iknow and like show them how
music helped me understand andspeak to the world.
And that was my.
I thought, I thought about it ahundred times.
I'm like I'm going to make alittle music band and we're
going to talk and we're going to.
I'm going to make a littlemusic band and we're going to
talk and we're going to.
I'm going to come home, they'regoing to tell me about

(46:20):
everything and I'm going to helphelp piece through and parse
through all of that stuff andwe'll explore the world together
and we'll be curious togetherand we'll think about all these
things together.
And I have I can't do any ofthat.
The entire basis for myparenthood is impossible with my
children currently.
So because they don'tcommunicate in any way that I
can connect with them they don't.
We have our.
The way we interact with eachother is them announcing needs

(46:43):
and me fulfilling them.
And because they can't tell meabout their inner world, they
can't tell me how they feel.
They can't.
I can teach them something.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
This is because they're on the spectrum.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because they're autistic, they
don't have that skill set yetthey're progressing in it.
Like my littlest is learningsign language on his own.
Just like comes up to me nowand like makes me do sign
language, so I'm going to teachmyself that.
But you know, I walked intowanting to be a parent, with my
core, main focus, reasondepending on being able to

(47:16):
communicate with them in the waythat I communicate with
everyone else.
That I know and so, and it'sand it's not there.
And so, just just like that,the like I, you know, I, the
whole, the whole plan's gone,the whole idea of it is gone,
and that's the case.
Like you do not know how yourchildren are going to be, what
they're going to want to be,like, what you're, what life's

(47:38):
going to throw at you None of it.
You are rolling the dice indeciding to have children, and
so parenthood is.
Is that?
I agree wholeheartedly.
Now the the part that the otherside of it that I will say is
it is worth it.
Not only is it worth it, it isa I'm going to sound like those

(48:01):
parents to people withoutparents, so I'm going to try to
say this as neutrally aspossible.
There's, there is a significant, there's a significant part of
the human experience that canonly be experienced in giving

(48:23):
life to you, or a piece of you,like making tiny use that you
then raise and then watch turninto the combination of all of
that and grow and love you theway that they do, just like all
of the, all of the physiologicaland chemical things that happen
.
And creating a family is isinformation and an experience

(48:49):
that is only accessible that way.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Having children, and you think that's not accessible
from adoption.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
I.
I think parts of it areaccessible from adoption, but I
would say there's there is adifference, and this is not to
say don't adopt, please adopt,have children.
The, I think, the essence ofselflessness to raise another
human being and all of the giftsthat gives you in learning the

(49:18):
human experience you can getfrom adoption the getting to
re-watch your own childhood,like getting to it, made me
immediately understand why myparents wanted to be
grandparents so bad, becauseit's like you're when you have
kids and you are watchingyourself grow again with the

(49:41):
vantage point that you now haveas an adult and and I'm just
very quickly I'm thinking, oh,it's going to be I can't wait
until I watch my children havethat moment with their children,
watch them see themselvesgrowing up and get the type of
heart, physiologicalreprioritization that happens.

(50:04):
That is just like I'll burn thewhole world down for you, the
whole world.
I will.
I will set it on fire and likeand I think that's a fundamental
experience that is unique tobecoming a parent that is
valuable and incredibly fuckinghard, and you have no idea what

(50:27):
it's going to be.
You think you do and you have noidea, and so I recommend doing
it with someone else.
It's being crazy to do byyourself.
Do it with somebody else whowants to do it and you like,
because you're going to spend alot of time together for doing
it together and because we livein a capitalist society.

(50:49):
Try and try not to be broke.
Good God, I don't even knowwhat I would do if I wasn't
making a lot of money.
I don't even know what I woulddo if I wasn't making a lot of
money.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
Tosin, I am grateful that there are people like you
in the world that are smart andcompassionate, out there having
children.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
And in the same breath no, fucking thank you,
don't have kids.
If you don't have kids, please.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
No one do that.
I was also born without thatswitch.
I find it interesting that youhave such a strong opinion about
dating with intention, becauseit yields bad results.

Speaker 3 (51:39):
As if dating without intention yields better results
From personal experience.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
So let me offer like kind of my story.
I mean, you were divorced, didyou date, without intention,
your ex-wife?

Speaker 3 (51:50):
Yes, I did, and I will say that I we spent 11
beautiful years together and twohorrible.
There is no amount ofprequalification that you can do
inside of the dating process ordeciding to marry someone
that's going to ensure that itis for the rest of your life.

(52:13):
You are committing to grow withanother individual and that you
are going to.
You're both going to try yourhardest to grow together, but
there is not a guarantee thaty'all are going to continue to
grow and discover that you'recompatible.
No part of however you approachdating is a formula for

(52:35):
absolutely happily ever after.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Yeah, I just don't think that there's a wildly
different percent like moresuccess.
If somebody said, likerelationships turn into dumpster
fires, no matter if you'redating with intention or without
, I just don't think there'senough.
Allow me to retort, I love that.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
We fight actually.
What was that from?
Was it Paul fiction?
We fight actually, keep going,keep going.
What was that from?
Was it Pulp Fiction?
Anyhow so, if you date forauthentic experiences right, you
got pro-life, pro-choice.
If you're dating with intention, iall are able to appreciate

(53:47):
where the relationship is andwhere y'all are at and just
thoroughly indulge in that, andthen from there you let it get,
even maybe a little awkwardlylong before you take that next
step.
You know that it's not forcedinto that next step, that this
was because just there was noreason.

(54:07):
There was no reason why itshouldn't be there anymore.
That slow process of justhaving a full and rich
relationship with someone, eachstep along the way is building,
is putting in building blocks ofa solid foundation.
You're not guaranteed that it'sgoing to be forever, but you

(54:32):
know that you got here notbecause you were riding the
oxytocin high of greater andgreater commitment until you
found yourself at the altar orknocked up.
You know that you got therebecause, wow, we were friends

(54:55):
and that friendship just grewand grew and grew.
And then we were boyfriend andgirlfriend.
Or you know we were romantic,you know we were sexual partners
, and that grew and grew andgrew and we were boyfriend and
girlfriend and that grew andgrew and grew to the point of

(55:18):
this is ridiculous.
Like we have half of our stuffat each other's places.
Have half of our stuff at eachother's places.
The worst reason to ever movein with someone else is because,
hey, it's just convenient, mylease is up, I need some place
to stay.
These steps in a relationship.
You go the slow route.

(55:41):
You get to the point whereeverything, every reason not to,
is removed.
Not that you're worried, that,oh, you know, if we don't decide
to be committed, whatever thatmeans inside of the context of
your relationship, you know Imight lose this person to

(56:03):
someone else.
I might lose this person tosomeone else Because that's a
lot of what that initial likelet's make this exclusive.
It's if you stare into your soul.
It is fear-based.
It is not from the fact of wow,there is absolutely no reason

(56:33):
not to take this next step.
Everything up until that point,the oh we need to get to get
you know where is this going.
This should be exclusive.
That is all fear-based.
That is an anxious attachmentstyle or the last you know, the
last vestige of it in you.
And if you are super duper,honest with yourself.

(56:55):
That's what's driving you.
It's not because, wow, this isso overwhelming.
This is so overwhelming andwe've been here so long.
We've been here long enoughthat we have thoroughly just
sucked the marrow out of thisand let's cautiously explore

(57:20):
what that next step would be.
You do that.
You build a solid foundation ona relationship where it's not
out of fear.
The avoidant attachment style isalso fear-based, yeah, so I had
to get over a bit of anxious.
So that's kind of where Iidentify and the journey I had

(57:42):
to take, so it might be avoidantas well.

Speaker 2 (57:47):
But yeah, no, it's all.
It's all of them, yeah Wellavoidant attachment style is.

Speaker 1 (57:53):
It is oh yeah, they're all fear-based for sure.
Avoiding attachment style ismore about.
I started looking it up becauseyou did say something that is
like you did repeat a couple oftenants of an avoidant
attachment style in yourdescription of why you shouldn't
date with intention.
Yeah, I got that too, All right, call me out.

(58:14):
I'm here for it.
Yeah, I think you keep sayingwait as long as possible until
there's no other reason to do it, like let's not move in
together until there's no reasonfor us to not move in together.
I think it needs to be morelike a Goldilocks type of thing,
like there's definitely you'redoing it too fast and there's
definitely doing it too slow,like I think you can like.

(58:35):
If I was in a relationship andI felt like I was like oh, it
makes sense for us to move intogether, and the other person
was just like, well, there'sstill reasons for us to not move
in together, then I would bethat eventually, that will make
it.
That will make me feel like, ohwell, then let's just not, you
don't want to, right?
Not not necessarily like that.

(58:57):
That is still creating anarbitrary reason for why we
haven't moved in together.
And I am advocating for likejust do what feels.
Do what feels right because ofthe information you have in
front of you.
Do not bring in arbitraryclauses to your relationship

(59:18):
choices.
That's actually where I'velanded on this, because I've
I've, I have gone back and forthon it.
Now I I don't think dating withattention is holistic.
It was something that casey saidactually was just like
relationships that end up indumpster fires for all kinds of
reasons because, like I is, withthe exception of dating with
intention, every other thingthat you said is exactly what I
did with sofia.

(59:38):
Like we met, we lived togetherbecause she didn't have a place
to live at the time and itdidn't make sense for me to like
send her home and all, andwhich was actually living in her
car.
And you know, we decided tolive together.
Like the reason we livedtogether, if you look at it on
paper, was because she didn'thave a place to live and we were
dating and I made that decisionthe day we met.
You know, we decided we.

(01:00:00):
The way we decided to havechildren was, like, know,
emotionally fraught.
It was just like a spur of themoment, like madly in love with
each other evening and that weactually miscarried that child
and when we conceived the nextone, like that was basically
like out of, like mourning theloss of the other one, of the of

(01:00:22):
the miscarried child, which,again on on paper.
You know, maybe that is not agood reason to decide to go
forward to have children, but Idon't regret any of it.
Maybe, maybe having childrenyounger or maybe waiting a year
will be a thing I would havechanged, just to have gotten
more money and more settled in acouple of places.
But you know I, you know I'm,I'm.

(01:00:46):
I don't regret.
I don't regret doing it, but II did follow the rule of like
this feels correct, this is whatI want to be doing.
If I don't want to do it, I'mnot going to do it, and that's
where I stand on it now.
It's like it's the arbitraryclauses, it's the.
It's the.
I follow this rule aboutrelationships and this rule

(01:01:12):
doesn't care about the person infront of me, and that's that's
where I put I planted my feet at.
It's just like you shouldn'tmake choices about how the
relationship in front of you isgoing to go based on anything
but the information in front ofyou.
Do I want to live with thisperson?
Do I want to marry this person?
Do I want to have kids withthis person?

(01:01:33):
Do I know enough about thisperson?
Is like do I have enoughinformation to decide that
forever is going to work?
Like that's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
That's where I've landed on it, cause I strongly
agree with relationships end upin dumpster fires in every
configuration that yeah, agreed,and I think that's because,
ultimately, no matter how you'redating, you are living out and
fulfilling your pattern as ahuman being and to have a really

(01:02:03):
awesome relationship with areally awesome person, you have
to have a really awesomerelationship with a really
awesome person.
You have to do a lot of work onyourself.
We'll circling back to bothavoidant and anxious attachment
styles, like that is notsomething that you should name
with yourself and be like ohgreat, I named it, my work is
done.
I'm an anxious attachment style, so I know I need somebody to
show up here here, here, herehere.

(01:02:23):
Absolutely not.
If you know you're an ancientattachment style, go heal
yourself.
Go be introspective and solvethat.
If you're avoiding attachmentstyle, do the same.
Until then, you're going tohave the same kind of
relationships with the same kindof result.
You're going to be the samekind of hurtful person to
everybody in the past and inyour present.

(01:02:44):
You are 100% responsible foryour relationships and how they
turn out.
Like end of story and I knowthere's people out there that
are probably setting theinternet on fire right now
because they don't think they'reresponsible for themselves
being cheated on or whatever isthe answer that's happening, but
ultimately you date yourpattern, not your type.
So if you're attracting peoplethat cheat on you, if you take

(01:03:06):
100 hundred percentresponsibility for that and
figure out what is it withinyourself that you need to change
, to have boundaries and attracta different type of person,
that won't happen anymore.
I think it's okay to know thatyou want to have a baby and be
looking for somebody to have ababy with, and I think the real
work needs to be done withinyourself to make that
relationship work or not.
Like if you are settled andactualized and enlightened, you

(01:03:28):
will find another awesome personthat also wants to have a baby.
If you are an anxiousattachment, style not guaranteed
um, well, neither is the otherone.
Yeah, neither is the other one,dude.
Like it could work outmagically.
Who hurt you, aaron?
Who hurt you?

(01:03:48):
What's going on here?

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
we're gonna watch a couple of disney movies together
.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
No, no, I've been fortunate to experience love
many times and have had somebeautiful relationships.
I think the attitude, though,of this is going to happen like
that I deserve this, or if Ihave the right attitude, then
I'm going to get that is aself-destructive attitude.

Speaker 1 (01:04:16):
Yeah, no, I agree with that.
I think the I think for me, itis just as likely that magic is
going to happen as magic is notgoing to happen, and I think
it's dangerous on either side ofit.
If you're, if you staunchlybelieve magic won't happen or
it's nearly impossible, thatcreates a pattern of like

(01:04:38):
dismissiveness that will obscurethe possibility of magic.
And if you're a person who islike magic is going to happen,
then you don't work on yourself.
You're just like I'm Oda, I'm a, I'm owed a girlfriend and I'm
going to get that Like the samethat's how incels happen is
believing you deserve things.
This is fun.

(01:04:58):
We should fight more, I really.
And I don't think we'refighting, I just think like
we're doing what we say at thebeginning all the time, cause I
think we've had a lot ofepisodes where we all have very
near the same perspective andthis one we're all like way
under besides anyway.
But, yeah, I think, be yourfirst priority.

(01:05:19):
If you are looking for arelationship or looking to date,
somebody should be you.
Your first priority should belike I want to make sure that
you are working to be the personthat would work in the
relationship that you want.
Like.
Fix the broken things inyourself as to the best of your
ability, and I'm a firm believerin finding partners.

(01:05:43):
Doing what you love doingalmost always is better.
Like I like, also go out and dowhat you love the people in
that space you're going to havea better shot at.
That's a better pool to workfrom than Tinder in general.
And again, this is somebody Imet my partner on from a person

(01:06:05):
I met on OKCupid.
So someone I met on OKCupidintroduced me to Sophia.
So I'm not saying it can't work, that I'm just I go do what you
love doing, be happy, work onyourself.
That is a better foundation forrelationship finding.

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
To tie this into kink with perhaps a personal closing
remark.
Dating with intention is likethe ultimate sadomasochism for
your soul.

Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
It is one man's opinion.

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
Yeah, I think that that's.
That's an interesting arena.
You've you've decided to box in.
If you're like, I have this,this clause, and that's what I'm
.
That's what I'm walking forwardwith.
I'm not saying it's, I'm notsaying you can't be doing it,
but that's you've picked thepath.
That is, you've picked the path.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Anyways, I feel like we could continue to argue about
this for quite some time, but,uh, we, we shan't, we'll call it
there.
Um, you guys, y'all you sexybeasts out there, do you have
any opinions on dating withintentions, a perspective that
we didn't touch on?
Drop us a line.
Find us on tiktok.
Find us on instagram.
Leave it in the comments below.
Um, we do have.

Speaker 1 (01:07:19):
I'd love to hear other people's opinions yeah, on
this one I absolutely would.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
Uh, we have a form you can fill out on our website.
Uh, our production house islittle renegade films.
Uh, go to little renegadefilmscom.
It'll be in the uh show notes.
Uh, you can go to podcasts.
Talk dirty to me, and thenyou'll find a form that you can
fill out with whatever you wantand we will read it.

Speaker 1 (01:07:42):
Uh, put your, put your stuff there I'd love to
we'd all love to read it andcontinue the conversation, which
it sounds like we will at somepoint, because unfinished
business actually I'm gonna ifyou haven't joined the discord
that is also in there, um, Igotta make a note on the
calendar because this is comingout later to drop a poll in the

(01:08:02):
discord about this question, um,so if you aren't in the discord
, join the discord, um, and join, and we'll have a poll about
this.
I want to hear people'sthoughts about, like, what is
dating and intent with intentionmean to you?
What do you think about what wesaid?
I like, I want, I wantdiscourse on this, I want any, I
want more insights.

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
Yeah yeah, uh, so until next time, let's all um as
fast as we can find the firstavailable person to have a baby
with.

Speaker 1 (01:08:31):
Let's just go quickly , run to them make a serious
commitment get a baby in you, goget pregnant if you don't have
a uterus go get one and thenhave a baby yes, literally the
first person you see after thispodcast.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
That's your person.

Speaker 1 (01:08:45):
Just do it yeah, I'll be at mcdonald's everyone toast
and drop a pin, yeah all right,we'll get it done.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
I'll get my balls reconnected, just to just
perfect, all right, all you sexybees, thanks for listening in
and we will catch you on thenext one.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
Bye, bye I was sobbing on our couch because I
was just like admitting thispart of myself that I had not
told anyone about those firstexplorations are really the um,
the most intimate and the onesthat really kind of stick.

Speaker 2 (01:09:20):
That's something that I still I am still.

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
I've been in therapy.
Still am struggling to liketurn off in my brain.

Speaker 2 (01:09:27):
We come out with these guards and it's hard to
then figure out how to put themdown.

Speaker 1 (01:09:33):
I want to feel more empowered in my body because I
grew up not feeling that way.

Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
Oh sin, Everybody's wiping away tears.
I am.
That was perfect.
I look forward to the day whenour society has progressed past
the point where it's just likethis kind of universally
accepted witch hunt againstanybody who even tries to ask
for help.
So happy that a podcast likethis exists, that you guys have

(01:09:58):
a forum where you know you cantalk so openly about things, and
just especially for me, likeevery episode is eye-opening on
a different perspective, this isthe podcast I always wished
existed, so I'm excited to be apart of it.

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
It really does seem like we're helping people.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
This podcast really is sexy.

Speaker 1 (01:10:15):
Glad we're back for a third season.
Well, I guess we should do ouroutro, Casey.
Do the thingy, but do it sexy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Talk Dirty to Me is a podcast by Little Renegade
Films.
It stars Casey Samuels, youheard?

Speaker 3 (01:10:28):
what the man?

Speaker 2 (01:10:28):
said Do it sexy.
Okay, okay, I'll do it sexy.

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
God.

Speaker 2 (01:10:40):
Talk Dirty to Me is a podcast by Little Renegade
Films.
It stars Casey Samuels, tosinAwafeso and Aaron.
For more of our offerings, goto littlerenegadefilmscom.
Thank you.