April 25, 2023 • 30 mins
In this episode, Trinity discusses the spiritual journey and how it can lead to inner wisdom and enlightenment. She shares her own personal experiences with spirituality and offers advice for those who are on their own spiritual path.Trinity has explored the spiritual journey and how it can lead to greater wisdom and enlightenment. She has offered insights and advice for those on the path and emphasized the importance of self-compassion, community, and staying committed to the journey.CHECK ME OUT!EMAIL ANY QUESTIONSFacebook/Instagram/Youtube:Trinity's Intuitive Light and TarotWebsite:http://trinitystarot.comEMAIL :trinity@trinitystarot.comSUPPORT MY PODCAST!Cashapp: $MistressSaika
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Okay.
(00:29):
Okay.
Just getting a little bit ready here.
Alright. Alright, alright.
How is everybody doing today?
How are y'all feeling? How are y'all feeling? I hope everybody is doing well. Doing well.
(00:53):
So, let's talk. Hello guys and welcome to Talk It Out Sessions with Trinity.
And we're going to start talking about navigating through your spiritual journey.
Where the hell do you even start? What do you even do?
I think I covered this a few times and I still get a few questions here and there.
(01:19):
And I never actually talked about going on that journey as a spiritualist, right?
You may have said that you have like an intuition or you could be a prophet.
And you know, what does all of that even mean? How do you even begin?
(01:44):
And I know I talked about this like back in March of last year when you know I talk about going from like woke to woke.
And you know what? I didn't really go over kind of what goes on after that.
And it's really difficult to navigate that spiritual journey if you don't have like any resources.
(02:07):
And TikTok honestly is the best resource if you just need very straight and to the point information and just kind of general direction on where to go.
But don't just use like TikTok and Facebook for your only like research.
You need to actually delve deep into like the Internet. You can do Wikipedia.
(02:32):
And I know people say Wikipedia is not a good source. It actually is. Because if you scroll down to the bottom of Wikipedia, the things that they say are cited.
So they actually have citations in Wikipedia that link back to credible sources.
And you can just spiral down from there.
Like for me, it took me years to actually get settled into my spirituality because I had a lot more religious freedom than my average, you know, counterparts, my friends, things of that nature.
(03:05):
Meaning I was Wicca, I was pagan. And then for the longest time, like for the longest time, I was actually a spiritual Satanist.
And that is where I really started getting into my spiritual growth because I had to research a lot about that.
(03:26):
And a lot of despite popular belief, they are the most in depth when it comes to spirituality.
And that's what kind of really started my catalyst, which wasn't all love and light and stuff like that.
Because Wicca, I feel genuinely is for people, I'd say who are white.
(03:53):
And it doesn't cater to the cultural background of African Americans or Hispanics or things of that nature.
And it can get really hard when you have certain ancestors that you want to work with and you're in a completely like different alignment.
So at the time when I researched Wicca and even paganism, it was nothing really about meditation or prayer or anything to focus on self really.
(04:24):
When I talked about it with my friends, it wasn't really anything deeper than lighting candles and burning herbs and sage.
It was very, very superficial. And once I really transitioned out of that into like spiritual Satanism per se,
(04:46):
I learned a lot more mental fortitude through that.
And it wasn't about sacrificing a goat. It wasn't about sacrificing anything.
But it was more so becoming one with yourself and actually maintaining control over your own physical body and your own mentality.
So I wasn't pressured into doing anything. I wasn't pressured to attend any churches or anything.
(05:12):
And keep in mind, the church is saying it's completely fucking different than I think Lave.
So like I said, there are two different things to those.
So finally, like when I looked up spiritual Satanism, the first thing that came to mind was, oh my God, am I going to have to like do a blood bond?
(05:38):
And no, the first thing that was on that website and it was like Angelfire666 or something was how to build your own astral temple.
And I'm like, what? A lot of the work didn't come from me having to buy things. It didn't have to come from me having to buy anything.
(05:59):
Like with the New Age spirituality, they tell you to buy this and buy that. And no, they straight up.
If you don't, you should probably have some candles, but you can use any candle back.
And then keep in mind, this was like over 10 years ago where I didn't, you know, I didn't have to talk or anything.
It was YouTube and Facebook and Google. And it's strange to say that because I'm almost 30, but I'm just like, yo, like the hell.
(06:27):
But even then, like it took me a long time to get to that place.
And honestly, it took me all throughout high school because I started that journey when I was about 13.
And by the time I became like by the time I became like 17 or 18, I did a way more research and became way more settled in it.
And I didn't start reading tarot until like I was about 23 or so.
(06:53):
And I was able to meditate. I was able to without having like any sort of physical alter, I was able to meditate and go into a state where I can visualize my own alter.
Where I can visualize the things that I'm doing. It was very, very active imagery.
(07:17):
And I was able to do things and manifest things for myself where I didn't need anything physically with me.
Now, again, I had kids and stuff during this time and I wasn't able to have those candles and stuff like that around.
And even still, like I was more I was better trained mentally in spirituality before I transitioned to what I do now, which is essentially like Synthetia.
(07:50):
And what I mean to tell you, it made a difference coming from Wicca to like spiritual Satanism and then now to Synthetia, which I've had the money to pay for ancestry tests and kind of get closer to my roots and see where my people came from and things like that.
(08:16):
I had the more I had more resources to really go in depth, get these tests and things of that nature.
And it doesn't matter what age you are, you can go through these cycles yourself.
I feel like a lot of people should where you need to kind of test the waters and explore different spiritualities to see where you fit in.
Even before you go and get that ancestry test and stuff done, which is fine.
(08:39):
And there's like a train horn in the background, so take that as confirmation as what I'm saying, because a lot of time people don't have got the money to spend on that.
You don't have time to spend money on things.
But again, things are 10 years ago is completely different than now where technology is your greatest asset.
But it's also it's it's also full of like fiction and fallacies where you can it's harder to verify and people can just genuinely use your ignorance to either get money off you or feed you the wrong information and fuck up your life and your karma.
(09:17):
So just be very meticulous with the research that you do.
There is a lot of it out here.
And trust me, you can go down a citation rabbit hole and I can even see if my website I went to all them years ago is still up because it's crazy.
(09:40):
But definitely.
What is it?
Definitely.
I think I kind of felt it.
I think I kind of found it.
It's still up.
That is bonkers.
I think I found it.
Oh, wait.
(10:03):
I definitely did.
But yeah, like, I'm sorry, I just have to look I'm like damn I did find it.
It's still up.
They have an A updated in 1299 Jesus Christ. But yeah, like I don't disown I don't doubt and I have my own kids like I don't disown or doubt anybody on their spiritual journey you take it how you take that path how you want to take it because it is your own journey.
(10:35):
The only thing that I tell people is that make sure you do plenty of shadow work first before you do anything.
There were two phases where, number one, I realized I was deeply spiritually connected, and I did some fuck around to find out. And I didn't like I didn't know any better, but I like accidentally like some of the demon of my own making and it scared me so I banished it.
(11:08):
I had problems with my intuition and my gates, but you know my own access to the other side.
But I wasn't ready for that. And when you don't be ready for that shit is very alarming because I was like yo no, I did not just see that G and I did a protection spell and it just went, and I was like, cool.
(11:33):
Cool.
But like I said now that I'm in a better space and I did more research and I'm way more careful now.
I definitely understand the pros and cons of what I do with energy exchange, which was like I said I tell people make sure you're ready for what you're about to go down and make sure you're healed enough to really deal with the things that are going to trigger you along this
(11:56):
journey. Like, and trigger running here. Sexual assault things.
One of my very first incidences and this is something I never told my parents or anything like that so welcome to the podcast, where I discloses, but I actually had a friend like who she was bigger than me.
(12:18):
She was interested in like witchcraft and stuff but what I mean to tell you like, when I invited her over, she started like touching on me and stuff, and I like that.
And it was like, yo like get the fuck out.
Like I told her no and I keep in mind she was bigger than me, her ass like fucking Mark Henry I'm sorry I'm going I know I'm going somewhere for that I will see all y'all down the hill, but I swear to God she looked like Mark Henry G.
(12:48):
For a fucking 15 14 year old she was big as hell. And I was tired of all the things so I was like, no, I know I did what the best I could but I was like no you need to leave, like we'll talk later and she was like okay.
I don't give you my book and I'm okay just come over and get my book and that was that. Like, it was one of those times where I experienced like my, myself being violated and I didn't tell I was kind of depressed I didn't tell anybody but my fucking.
(13:20):
My boyfriend at the time. And it was just like yo like I didn't tell anybody. So, like I said it wasn't bad, like, but it was like, yo.
So it's just one of those moments where like I had my boundaries violated, and I had to really deal with that. Like as a 15 year old I was like yo, the fuck.
(13:44):
And as I got older. I really like reflected on it and it was just kind of okay.
I'm never gonna let that happen to myself again I'm going to establish my boundaries and I'm not going to put myself in a position, which is, you know, with anybody to be violated like that again.
(14:05):
And if I do anything I'll be ready to knock a motherfucker out because that's kind of how my dad was just like if you ever get in trouble and people do this this and this, this is what you need to do and meet meet meet, because me and my dad used to like play fight all the time but he made sure that I know how to defend myself is fucking psychotic ass.
But I see kind of the relevance of it today.
I had multiple situations again after that, and even recently over the past like four or five years where I had to leave the father of my children who was abusing me.
(14:36):
And I also hit that and it kind of mirrored me.
You know, having a flashback to when I was like 1415 and that Mark Henry girl.
Like violated my boundaries and slowly but surely I was alone I was isolated I didn't go to anime conventions anymore people kind of faded away from me and the only relief that I got was going to a convention and hanging out with the people from the same medical team.
(15:08):
And I actually disclosed to them that I was being abused.
And it was traumatic, because when I went home that night.
He choked me.
Like he choked me and sent me on my way.
Like, he hit me with my kids toys, things of that nature and again it was it was something that I didn't deal with.
(15:33):
And but it was a part. I didn't deserve it. It was a part of my spiritual journey, and I'll get to the reason why I was telling you this, because everything in my life was going to shit.
I had, I was on my third car when I was with him. I was losing my family my friends, and I was essentially losing everything.
(15:57):
Even my kids, even my, my cat.
And once I finally let go of that karmic ass relationship that abusive ass relationship. And this is when I started really getting into spirituality and tarot and astrology and twin flames.
Now this is the point where I started really getting into spirituality, and I tried to go back to the church, I really did.
(16:22):
Something just did not feel right about the church and I felt unwelcome there and no it wasn't because like oh I was following Satan and shit. But no it was like, I just didn't feel connected there so I got deeper in touch with my cultural spirituality.
And once that started.
Honestly.
(16:44):
Things started to turn around and I was forced to deal with things, even through therapy, like I was forced into shadow work for real.
It was at that point I was forced into shadow work for real, and I had to really acknowledge that there were things I was allowing that was hindering my growth.
And that my fear that was caused by the abuse I endured for years and the children that I bore to my abuser kept me trapped. I was trapped in a mental prison, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
(17:25):
And here's why COVID was so relevant, at least for me, because everybody called it coronavirus, corona is the crown and I had like a crown chakra awakening at that point. So right before, right before COVID,
my, my baby daddy did something, he ripped the balusters, you know the beams supporting the banister. He ripped the balusters off, I texted my friend, my address and said 911.
(17:55):
And she sent the police to my house.
And I had some very very good officers I wish I kind of knew who they were. I had some very very good officers and they saw the state of the house, they saw how I looked.
I had an order of protection on him, and they took him to jail and then I pressed charges.
I was depressed, I went through it. I definitely went through it.
(18:19):
Why I'm going to tell you that was probably the turning point for my spiritual awakening.
Because then I ran into my twin flame.
I had great friends.
And I met my life partner who is my partner on the ambulance for over six seven years.
(18:43):
And we're, and we're together to this day.
So it was crazy how
it was crazy how that was a catalyst for my growth. Spirituality literally saved my life.
And I definitely forced me to deal with some stuff that I refused to deal with and COVID really amplified that energy, because baby I was not trying to, you know, release that motherfucking man.
(19:11):
I was not trying to release that person.
And between COVID, spirituality, and just overall being tired I released all of that stuff and I never been in such a better headspace.
But when you start that spiritual journey, it is going to take you through so many things and so many emotions that you just never want to deal with in your life.
(19:33):
I'm not saying I'm completely healed. I'm not saying that I am the best person in the world, but I know damn well I am 87% healed 85 90 I'm a good almost there I'm almost done.
You know what I'm saying, and I'm human I still make mistakes.
But I deal with them better.
Through spirituality and therapy together I was able to maintain a lifestyle for myself my children manifest my life partner, who is literally perfect for me.
(20:07):
And we're both in school.
I am getting my second degree in nursing, and he's getting his degree in nursing, but I mean to tell you that when you finally do that spiritual awakening, your life does an entire three fucking 60, especially once you do the appropriate shadow work.
I still got a little bit of work to do because I do you know I'm a tourist you know I don't like change but
(20:33):
when you finally kind of come to terms with the fact that we come to terms with the fact that you are not healed, but you're trying to grow spiritually.
One has to give one one definitely has to give you have to heal before you continue with your journey, because when you hit you hit a plateau.
(21:04):
You definitely hit a plateau in your journey where you can't go any further until you deal with this.
And that's what it was like for me, I can go any further.
I can go any further in my spirituality until I dealt with my abuser until I left that relationship that was killing me essentially because I was, I have premonitions, I had very vivid premonitions about my future.
(21:33):
And there was a point where
intuitively I knew.
Intuitively I knew that if I did not leave my baby's father I was going to die.
And so that's when essentially I made that decision because I stopped having premonitions about my future.
(21:57):
I completely stopped having dreams about my future, my future with my kids, you know, having other kids graduating I completely stopped having dreams about my future. And that is what I knew I was going to die.
Once I left him once I moved on I moved I got my kids out we all left with my life partner.
(22:20):
We relocated completely no one knows where we are.
And when I relocated, I started having my dreams again.
Dreams of getting married having another baby. That is the most significant because my life partner who was also inherently spiritual he has family ties to Marie Laveau.
(22:46):
He definitely has shared dreams. We both have shared dreams and it's completely insane. And that's how you know that this person is here for me in my life.
And I know this is a very long, this is going to be probably a long episode because I want to be very transparent with this journey because I'm not going to give it any fluff I'm not going to give it any, you know,
(23:16):
like rose colored glasses I'm not going to lie and say that that shit was easy. I spent over 10 years finding myself getting settled into my journey. This is not no two year I picked up some card shit.
No, this is some I really sat here and did the work type of shit.
(23:39):
And it's not to hate on any of the readers that I see today.
But there are some people that have literally picked up a tarot deck and their gifts come in on that's fine. But there are some people that have literally been reading cards and they have done not a single work and they're just in it for the money and you can tell.
(24:06):
I've had people tell me, especially patients they have told me that my gift. I don't want my gifts, tell them, tell God to give it to take it away.
Tell them to take it away.
He not gonna take away a gift.
He not gonna do that. Your God spiritual, whoever it is they are not going to take away the gifts that you are meant to use in the world to help yourself and your children, or tell anybody because some people have a higher purpose, and that is to help others.
(24:41):
But like I said it's a very hard thing to kind of
turns with depending on where you are in your age because you might not be ready for that transformation. And people who are in their 40s or 50s and go through this transformation.
It's fine.
(25:02):
There's nothing to worry about it you can change humans are meant to grow and evolve and to explore your brain didn't even fully developed until you were 30.
Your prefrontal cortex didn't develop until you were 30 years old. So relax.
I mean technically it's 25 but you didn't start realizing the weight of your mistakes and the choices that you made until you were that age and now you got to kind of sit with it.
(25:30):
You're going through that stage of life where, you know, if you know about Ericsson's stages of development, you know, intimacy versus isolation. You're still learning.
You're still learning.
And even now I'm still learning I'm still going through it.
(25:51):
And even I'm going through that phase of I'm going through my Saturn return right now honestly.
And I'm having a complete.
I'm having a change in my spirituality expressively. That's why I see it.
The most being affected I see that becoming more spiritual, and I'm becoming more deeper into it and be more consistent, you know with my, my website and things of that nature.
(26:21):
And,
like I said, everybody is going to be different no no spiritual journey.
No spiritual journey is going to be the same.
Mine is mine is completely different than yours will be.
And the only thing you can do is find somebody that you trust is on the same journey as you or can guide you appropriately.
(26:47):
That won't leave out days that will not, you know, leave out certain aspects of the journey, because that's important.
That is insanely important when you when you start is finding a good mentor or guide or incredible resource that is not only transparent but willing to help you go through this.
(27:09):
No matter how old you are, no matter how you get there whether you were Christian or Catholic, and you want to switch to being pagan, or you want to start worshiping the North gods or the seven African powers.
Whatever man just find what works for you, and just make sure that it feels right, make sure it feels good for you.
(27:32):
Because standardized religion never fit for me with our paganism never fit for me.
I grew out of spiritual Satanism but they gave me the bare bones structure and foundation that I needed to go on this spiritual journey.
I was more mentally prepared for my journey, more than anything, and now getting a second hit with my Saturn return.
(27:54):
And honestly my Saturn return is even that bad guys, it genuinely isn't.
But that's another that's another story.
But I hope this guys help. I hope this helps guys and I hope this lets you know that you're not alone.
You know it's okay to be confused, it's okay to not know where to start, it's okay to be on TikTok and kind of figure it out.
(28:18):
It's okay to not want the gifts, it's okay to you know, just know, just know when to ask for help or search out somebody.
They don't have to have a hundred K and a hundred million followers, no.
They can be somebody who's who's kind of small like me.
(28:39):
I only have like I have literally four thousand followers all together between my Instagram, my YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook.
But I still try to remain transparent because somebody might need to hear this, somebody might need some more help than that.
The only thing I would ever tell people that I would help with is I don't care how you go about it.
(29:03):
Just make sure you are safe and you do your proper research because research is there.
It is there. And if you need any extra help, I am here, email me or book a session with me.
I have spiritual guidance sessions. I have resources. I try to post things on my website.
I try to stay updated with my website. I post these podcasts whenever I definitely feel channeled.
(29:28):
And I feel like this is something that that is needed. This is needed.
This is a talk that I guess people that follow me needed.
So I hope you guys enjoy this. Happy Tuesday. And I love you guys so so much.
I know I'm pretty sporadic with my my postings on this podcast anyway.
(29:54):
But please, please, please, if I don't talk to you, so my birthday is coming up.
So wish me a happy, happy birthday. Happy birthday to me. All right.
So I love you guys so so much. This has been Pocket Out Sessions with Trinity.
And I'll see you guys later. Bye.
(30:39):
Bye.
Okay.
(00:29):
Okay.
Just getting a little bit ready here.
Alright. Alright, alright.
How is everybody doing today?
How are y'all feeling? How are y'all feeling? I hope everybody is doing well. Doing well.
(00:53):
So, let's talk. Hello guys and welcome to Talk It Out Sessions with Trinity.
And we're going to start talking about navigating through your spiritual journey.
Where the hell do you even start? What do you even do?
I think I covered this a few times and I still get a few questions here and there.
(01:19):
And I never actually talked about going on that journey as a spiritualist, right?
You may have said that you have like an intuition or you could be a prophet.
And you know, what does all of that even mean? How do you even begin?
(01:44):
And I know I talked about this like back in March of last year when you know I talk about going from like woke to woke.
And you know what? I didn't really go over kind of what goes on after that.
And it's really difficult to navigate that spiritual journey if you don't have like any resources.
(02:07):
And TikTok honestly is the best resource if you just need very straight and to the point information and just kind of general direction on where to go.
But don't just use like TikTok and Facebook for your only like research.
You need to actually delve deep into like the Internet. You can do Wikipedia.
(02:32):
And I know people say Wikipedia is not a good source. It actually is. Because if you scroll down to the bottom of Wikipedia, the things that they say are cited.
So they actually have citations in Wikipedia that link back to credible sources.
And you can just spiral down from there.
Like for me, it took me years to actually get settled into my spirituality because I had a lot more religious freedom than my average, you know, counterparts, my friends, things of that nature.
(03:05):
Meaning I was Wicca, I was pagan. And then for the longest time, like for the longest time, I was actually a spiritual Satanist.
And that is where I really started getting into my spiritual growth because I had to research a lot about that.
(03:26):
And a lot of despite popular belief, they are the most in depth when it comes to spirituality.
And that's what kind of really started my catalyst, which wasn't all love and light and stuff like that.
Because Wicca, I feel genuinely is for people, I'd say who are white.
(03:53):
And it doesn't cater to the cultural background of African Americans or Hispanics or things of that nature.
And it can get really hard when you have certain ancestors that you want to work with and you're in a completely like different alignment.
So at the time when I researched Wicca and even paganism, it was nothing really about meditation or prayer or anything to focus on self really.
(04:24):
When I talked about it with my friends, it wasn't really anything deeper than lighting candles and burning herbs and sage.
It was very, very superficial. And once I really transitioned out of that into like spiritual Satanism per se,
(04:46):
I learned a lot more mental fortitude through that.
And it wasn't about sacrificing a goat. It wasn't about sacrificing anything.
But it was more so becoming one with yourself and actually maintaining control over your own physical body and your own mentality.
So I wasn't pressured into doing anything. I wasn't pressured to attend any churches or anything.
(05:12):
And keep in mind, the church is saying it's completely fucking different than I think Lave.
So like I said, there are two different things to those.
So finally, like when I looked up spiritual Satanism, the first thing that came to mind was, oh my God, am I going to have to like do a blood bond?
(05:38):
And no, the first thing that was on that website and it was like Angelfire666 or something was how to build your own astral temple.
And I'm like, what? A lot of the work didn't come from me having to buy things. It didn't have to come from me having to buy anything.
(05:59):
Like with the New Age spirituality, they tell you to buy this and buy that. And no, they straight up.
If you don't, you should probably have some candles, but you can use any candle back.
And then keep in mind, this was like over 10 years ago where I didn't, you know, I didn't have to talk or anything.
It was YouTube and Facebook and Google. And it's strange to say that because I'm almost 30, but I'm just like, yo, like the hell.
(06:27):
But even then, like it took me a long time to get to that place.
And honestly, it took me all throughout high school because I started that journey when I was about 13.
And by the time I became like by the time I became like 17 or 18, I did a way more research and became way more settled in it.
And I didn't start reading tarot until like I was about 23 or so.
(06:53):
And I was able to meditate. I was able to without having like any sort of physical alter, I was able to meditate and go into a state where I can visualize my own alter.
Where I can visualize the things that I'm doing. It was very, very active imagery.
(07:17):
And I was able to do things and manifest things for myself where I didn't need anything physically with me.
Now, again, I had kids and stuff during this time and I wasn't able to have those candles and stuff like that around.
And even still, like I was more I was better trained mentally in spirituality before I transitioned to what I do now, which is essentially like Synthetia.
(07:50):
And what I mean to tell you, it made a difference coming from Wicca to like spiritual Satanism and then now to Synthetia, which I've had the money to pay for ancestry tests and kind of get closer to my roots and see where my people came from and things like that.
(08:16):
I had the more I had more resources to really go in depth, get these tests and things of that nature.
And it doesn't matter what age you are, you can go through these cycles yourself.
I feel like a lot of people should where you need to kind of test the waters and explore different spiritualities to see where you fit in.
Even before you go and get that ancestry test and stuff done, which is fine.
(08:39):
And there's like a train horn in the background, so take that as confirmation as what I'm saying, because a lot of time people don't have got the money to spend on that.
You don't have time to spend money on things.
But again, things are 10 years ago is completely different than now where technology is your greatest asset.
But it's also it's it's also full of like fiction and fallacies where you can it's harder to verify and people can just genuinely use your ignorance to either get money off you or feed you the wrong information and fuck up your life and your karma.
(09:17):
So just be very meticulous with the research that you do.
There is a lot of it out here.
And trust me, you can go down a citation rabbit hole and I can even see if my website I went to all them years ago is still up because it's crazy.
(09:40):
But definitely.
What is it?
Definitely.
I think I kind of felt it.
I think I kind of found it.
It's still up.
That is bonkers.
I think I found it.
Oh, wait.
(10:03):
I definitely did.
But yeah, like, I'm sorry, I just have to look I'm like damn I did find it.
It's still up.
They have an A updated in 1299 Jesus Christ. But yeah, like I don't disown I don't doubt and I have my own kids like I don't disown or doubt anybody on their spiritual journey you take it how you take that path how you want to take it because it is your own journey.
(10:35):
The only thing that I tell people is that make sure you do plenty of shadow work first before you do anything.
There were two phases where, number one, I realized I was deeply spiritually connected, and I did some fuck around to find out. And I didn't like I didn't know any better, but I like accidentally like some of the demon of my own making and it scared me so I banished it.
(11:08):
I had problems with my intuition and my gates, but you know my own access to the other side.
But I wasn't ready for that. And when you don't be ready for that shit is very alarming because I was like yo no, I did not just see that G and I did a protection spell and it just went, and I was like, cool.
(11:33):
Cool.
But like I said now that I'm in a better space and I did more research and I'm way more careful now.
I definitely understand the pros and cons of what I do with energy exchange, which was like I said I tell people make sure you're ready for what you're about to go down and make sure you're healed enough to really deal with the things that are going to trigger you along this
(11:56):
journey. Like, and trigger running here. Sexual assault things.
One of my very first incidences and this is something I never told my parents or anything like that so welcome to the podcast, where I discloses, but I actually had a friend like who she was bigger than me.
(12:18):
She was interested in like witchcraft and stuff but what I mean to tell you like, when I invited her over, she started like touching on me and stuff, and I like that.
And it was like, yo like get the fuck out.
Like I told her no and I keep in mind she was bigger than me, her ass like fucking Mark Henry I'm sorry I'm going I know I'm going somewhere for that I will see all y'all down the hill, but I swear to God she looked like Mark Henry G.
(12:48):
For a fucking 15 14 year old she was big as hell. And I was tired of all the things so I was like, no, I know I did what the best I could but I was like no you need to leave, like we'll talk later and she was like okay.
I don't give you my book and I'm okay just come over and get my book and that was that. Like, it was one of those times where I experienced like my, myself being violated and I didn't tell I was kind of depressed I didn't tell anybody but my fucking.
(13:20):
My boyfriend at the time. And it was just like yo like I didn't tell anybody. So, like I said it wasn't bad, like, but it was like, yo.
So it's just one of those moments where like I had my boundaries violated, and I had to really deal with that. Like as a 15 year old I was like yo, the fuck.
(13:44):
And as I got older. I really like reflected on it and it was just kind of okay.
I'm never gonna let that happen to myself again I'm going to establish my boundaries and I'm not going to put myself in a position, which is, you know, with anybody to be violated like that again.
(14:05):
And if I do anything I'll be ready to knock a motherfucker out because that's kind of how my dad was just like if you ever get in trouble and people do this this and this, this is what you need to do and meet meet meet, because me and my dad used to like play fight all the time but he made sure that I know how to defend myself is fucking psychotic ass.
But I see kind of the relevance of it today.
I had multiple situations again after that, and even recently over the past like four or five years where I had to leave the father of my children who was abusing me.
(14:36):
And I also hit that and it kind of mirrored me.
You know, having a flashback to when I was like 1415 and that Mark Henry girl.
Like violated my boundaries and slowly but surely I was alone I was isolated I didn't go to anime conventions anymore people kind of faded away from me and the only relief that I got was going to a convention and hanging out with the people from the same medical team.
(15:08):
And I actually disclosed to them that I was being abused.
And it was traumatic, because when I went home that night.
He choked me.
Like he choked me and sent me on my way.
Like, he hit me with my kids toys, things of that nature and again it was it was something that I didn't deal with.
(15:33):
And but it was a part. I didn't deserve it. It was a part of my spiritual journey, and I'll get to the reason why I was telling you this, because everything in my life was going to shit.
I had, I was on my third car when I was with him. I was losing my family my friends, and I was essentially losing everything.
(15:57):
Even my kids, even my, my cat.
And once I finally let go of that karmic ass relationship that abusive ass relationship. And this is when I started really getting into spirituality and tarot and astrology and twin flames.
Now this is the point where I started really getting into spirituality, and I tried to go back to the church, I really did.
(16:22):
Something just did not feel right about the church and I felt unwelcome there and no it wasn't because like oh I was following Satan and shit. But no it was like, I just didn't feel connected there so I got deeper in touch with my cultural spirituality.
And once that started.
Honestly.
(16:44):
Things started to turn around and I was forced to deal with things, even through therapy, like I was forced into shadow work for real.
It was at that point I was forced into shadow work for real, and I had to really acknowledge that there were things I was allowing that was hindering my growth.
And that my fear that was caused by the abuse I endured for years and the children that I bore to my abuser kept me trapped. I was trapped in a mental prison, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
(17:25):
And here's why COVID was so relevant, at least for me, because everybody called it coronavirus, corona is the crown and I had like a crown chakra awakening at that point. So right before, right before COVID,
my, my baby daddy did something, he ripped the balusters, you know the beams supporting the banister. He ripped the balusters off, I texted my friend, my address and said 911.
(17:55):
And she sent the police to my house.
And I had some very very good officers I wish I kind of knew who they were. I had some very very good officers and they saw the state of the house, they saw how I looked.
I had an order of protection on him, and they took him to jail and then I pressed charges.
I was depressed, I went through it. I definitely went through it.
(18:19):
Why I'm going to tell you that was probably the turning point for my spiritual awakening.
Because then I ran into my twin flame.
I had great friends.
And I met my life partner who is my partner on the ambulance for over six seven years.
(18:43):
And we're, and we're together to this day.
So it was crazy how
it was crazy how that was a catalyst for my growth. Spirituality literally saved my life.
And I definitely forced me to deal with some stuff that I refused to deal with and COVID really amplified that energy, because baby I was not trying to, you know, release that motherfucking man.
(19:11):
I was not trying to release that person.
And between COVID, spirituality, and just overall being tired I released all of that stuff and I never been in such a better headspace.
But when you start that spiritual journey, it is going to take you through so many things and so many emotions that you just never want to deal with in your life.
(19:33):
I'm not saying I'm completely healed. I'm not saying that I am the best person in the world, but I know damn well I am 87% healed 85 90 I'm a good almost there I'm almost done.
You know what I'm saying, and I'm human I still make mistakes.
But I deal with them better.
Through spirituality and therapy together I was able to maintain a lifestyle for myself my children manifest my life partner, who is literally perfect for me.
(20:07):
And we're both in school.
I am getting my second degree in nursing, and he's getting his degree in nursing, but I mean to tell you that when you finally do that spiritual awakening, your life does an entire three fucking 60, especially once you do the appropriate shadow work.
I still got a little bit of work to do because I do you know I'm a tourist you know I don't like change but
(20:33):
when you finally kind of come to terms with the fact that we come to terms with the fact that you are not healed, but you're trying to grow spiritually.
One has to give one one definitely has to give you have to heal before you continue with your journey, because when you hit you hit a plateau.
(21:04):
You definitely hit a plateau in your journey where you can't go any further until you deal with this.
And that's what it was like for me, I can go any further.
I can go any further in my spirituality until I dealt with my abuser until I left that relationship that was killing me essentially because I was, I have premonitions, I had very vivid premonitions about my future.
(21:33):
And there was a point where
intuitively I knew.
Intuitively I knew that if I did not leave my baby's father I was going to die.
And so that's when essentially I made that decision because I stopped having premonitions about my future.
(21:57):
I completely stopped having dreams about my future, my future with my kids, you know, having other kids graduating I completely stopped having dreams about my future. And that is what I knew I was going to die.
Once I left him once I moved on I moved I got my kids out we all left with my life partner.
(22:20):
We relocated completely no one knows where we are.
And when I relocated, I started having my dreams again.
Dreams of getting married having another baby. That is the most significant because my life partner who was also inherently spiritual he has family ties to Marie Laveau.
(22:46):
He definitely has shared dreams. We both have shared dreams and it's completely insane. And that's how you know that this person is here for me in my life.
And I know this is a very long, this is going to be probably a long episode because I want to be very transparent with this journey because I'm not going to give it any fluff I'm not going to give it any, you know,
(23:16):
like rose colored glasses I'm not going to lie and say that that shit was easy. I spent over 10 years finding myself getting settled into my journey. This is not no two year I picked up some card shit.
No, this is some I really sat here and did the work type of shit.
(23:39):
And it's not to hate on any of the readers that I see today.
But there are some people that have literally picked up a tarot deck and their gifts come in on that's fine. But there are some people that have literally been reading cards and they have done not a single work and they're just in it for the money and you can tell.
(24:06):
I've had people tell me, especially patients they have told me that my gift. I don't want my gifts, tell them, tell God to give it to take it away.
Tell them to take it away.
He not gonna take away a gift.
He not gonna do that. Your God spiritual, whoever it is they are not going to take away the gifts that you are meant to use in the world to help yourself and your children, or tell anybody because some people have a higher purpose, and that is to help others.
(24:41):
But like I said it's a very hard thing to kind of
turns with depending on where you are in your age because you might not be ready for that transformation. And people who are in their 40s or 50s and go through this transformation.
It's fine.
(25:02):
There's nothing to worry about it you can change humans are meant to grow and evolve and to explore your brain didn't even fully developed until you were 30.
Your prefrontal cortex didn't develop until you were 30 years old. So relax.
I mean technically it's 25 but you didn't start realizing the weight of your mistakes and the choices that you made until you were that age and now you got to kind of sit with it.
(25:30):
You're going through that stage of life where, you know, if you know about Ericsson's stages of development, you know, intimacy versus isolation. You're still learning.
You're still learning.
And even now I'm still learning I'm still going through it.
(25:51):
And even I'm going through that phase of I'm going through my Saturn return right now honestly.
And I'm having a complete.
I'm having a change in my spirituality expressively. That's why I see it.
The most being affected I see that becoming more spiritual, and I'm becoming more deeper into it and be more consistent, you know with my, my website and things of that nature.
(26:21):
And,
like I said, everybody is going to be different no no spiritual journey.
No spiritual journey is going to be the same.
Mine is mine is completely different than yours will be.
And the only thing you can do is find somebody that you trust is on the same journey as you or can guide you appropriately.
(26:47):
That won't leave out days that will not, you know, leave out certain aspects of the journey, because that's important.
That is insanely important when you when you start is finding a good mentor or guide or incredible resource that is not only transparent but willing to help you go through this.
(27:09):
No matter how old you are, no matter how you get there whether you were Christian or Catholic, and you want to switch to being pagan, or you want to start worshiping the North gods or the seven African powers.
Whatever man just find what works for you, and just make sure that it feels right, make sure it feels good for you.
(27:32):
Because standardized religion never fit for me with our paganism never fit for me.
I grew out of spiritual Satanism but they gave me the bare bones structure and foundation that I needed to go on this spiritual journey.
I was more mentally prepared for my journey, more than anything, and now getting a second hit with my Saturn return.
(27:54):
And honestly my Saturn return is even that bad guys, it genuinely isn't.
But that's another that's another story.
But I hope this guys help. I hope this helps guys and I hope this lets you know that you're not alone.
You know it's okay to be confused, it's okay to not know where to start, it's okay to be on TikTok and kind of figure it out.
(28:18):
It's okay to not want the gifts, it's okay to you know, just know, just know when to ask for help or search out somebody.
They don't have to have a hundred K and a hundred million followers, no.
They can be somebody who's who's kind of small like me.
(28:39):
I only have like I have literally four thousand followers all together between my Instagram, my YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook.
But I still try to remain transparent because somebody might need to hear this, somebody might need some more help than that.
The only thing I would ever tell people that I would help with is I don't care how you go about it.
(29:03):
Just make sure you are safe and you do your proper research because research is there.
It is there. And if you need any extra help, I am here, email me or book a session with me.
I have spiritual guidance sessions. I have resources. I try to post things on my website.
I try to stay updated with my website. I post these podcasts whenever I definitely feel channeled.
(29:28):
And I feel like this is something that that is needed. This is needed.
This is a talk that I guess people that follow me needed.
So I hope you guys enjoy this. Happy Tuesday. And I love you guys so so much.
I know I'm pretty sporadic with my my postings on this podcast anyway.
(29:54):
But please, please, please, if I don't talk to you, so my birthday is coming up.
So wish me a happy, happy birthday. Happy birthday to me. All right.
So I love you guys so so much. This has been Pocket Out Sessions with Trinity.
And I'll see you guys later. Bye.
(30:39):
Bye.
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