Picture this: navigating the whirlwind of dating in Atlanta while juggling a creative passion and a full-time job. That's where our journey begins, with personal stories that uncover the profound intersections of emotional intelligence, self-discovery, and the complex dance of dating. Joined by the insightful DJ, a passionate advocate for love and relationships, we share transformative experiences that redefine success and happiness. From the pressures faced by podcasters to the intricacies of dating in a vibrant city, we explore how community support is vital in this creative odyssey.
Curious about how emotional intelligence can transform your dating life? We introduce the concept of integrating tests for mental compatibility into dating apps, offering a fresh perspective on fostering authentic connections. Through candid discussions, we address the frustrations of deceptive online personas and the crucial role of self-reflection before diving into new relationships. By understanding emotional and sexual compatibility, we uncover strategies to enhance transparency and awareness in dating experiences, helping to navigate the societal pressures that often lead to hasty decisions and high divorce rates.
In an era where financial ambition and lifestyle compatibility are often misunderstood, we challenge traditional narratives. We discuss the importance of aligning personal goals and aspirations with those of a partner, advocating for self-reflection and therapeutic growth. Highlighting innovative dating app features and an exciting upcoming dating game show, we invite listeners to engage in a celebration of love, healing, and accountability. Join us as we honor lost loved ones and cherish the power of community in our creative journeys, promising an episode filled with insights, reflection, and meaningful connections.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh yeah, I was doing a lot the most.
And he had a psych class and inthis class they had to take an
emotional intelligence test tosee kind of where they were.
I took it and then I was like,ok, you should take it, because
I mean you, because I startedunderstanding.
Ok yeah, you could be smart,like on a logical level, like on
(00:24):
an iq level, but your eq couldbe super low and that's what I
used to think of him back then.
Now I think everything is lownow that I've grown.
But, um, you know, and that'show it kind of started.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And then, um, shit happens to you and me it doesn't
matter if you're a wizard, aking or a queen, even if you are
magic, you've got to agree it'sworth it to talk shit out, no
matter how messy Shit happensShit happens.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
just an f this episode was recorded February of
2024, and it is now February of2025.
But, figured, it's still worthsharing, especially now being
February, the month of love.
(01:47):
Now being February the month oflove, I feel like this episode
is worth a listen for theperfect month of February.
Enjoy.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
We are back for another shit happen.
Yo, this week has been wicked.
I'm ready for tomorrow, becausetomorrow I am literally not
going gonna do shit because I amtired.
I don't know if you can tell it.
Somebody called me and they'relike yeah, I don't like this
(02:14):
energy you're giving me.
This is not the energy I'm usedto.
So call me when you're back tolife, because I that's how much
I feel like my energy has beendrawn.
But I could not reschedule thisbecause we are about to talk
about one of my favorite thingsand that's dating and love.
And you know it's FebruaryValentine's was just a few days
(02:36):
ago and I have the right personto have this conversation with.
And it's funny because werecently just connected on
instagram, like literally twodays before the atlanta pod meet
up, and then I went to podcastand I came back.
But I already fucking love thisgirl, like I fucking support
(02:57):
everything she's doing andhopefully she'll show up to the
atlanta meet up in februarybecause she may meets me in
January so that I can finallysee her, because how the fuck
are we in Atlanta?
We're not seeing each other,right?
So let me go ahead and bring onDJ.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Welcome to shit happens hey, I'm so happy to be
here.
Thank you for inviting me oh,definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
thank you for saying yes, cause I know I know
initially I was the one supposedto be coming to your podcast,
but you know how shit happens.
But I am definitely coming toyours because I have stories
Like I have stories.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I want to hear them, so I'm excited.
How are you doing, baby?
My week has been hell too,actually.
I've had a pretty tough-assweek, so I am happy it's
Saturday After our podcast.
I'm fucking going to sleep too.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And it's funny because everybody we've
interacted with this weekthey're like yo, I'm just glad
the week is over, yo, I'm justglad I made it to the week.
It's been one of those weekswhere it just drained you with
the workload, personal shit,life, family, friends, community
, whatever.
There's something that justdrained the fuck out of you.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
At the same kind of week.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
But you just had your .
I believe you just had yourValentine events.
Right, wait, say that one moretime.
But you just had your.
Um, I believe you just had yourvalentine events.
Right, wait, say that one moretime.
You just had your valentine'sevent, didn't you have an?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I didn't no, so I wasn't able to throw a
valentine's event this year,which I hate, but I'm getting,
I'm getting set up.
So I got another partnershipwith uh, the jb's bar and grill
in forest park.
I'm gonna be doing weeklysingles events, so I'm gonna
make up for that.
But no, this, no, like thisweek was hell.
(04:51):
Like I'm glad I didn't, becausejust I'll have a child too, so
just all of that, just it was.
It was a bad week it'd be toomuch.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It'd be too much it do and people forget that we, as
podcasters or content creators,we're still not making the
money.
People assume we are everythingwe are doing by ourselves.
We are creating that we canfinally start making the money,
but that process is raining.
To have to show up on somethingthat's not giving you back
(05:23):
financially but you gotta put inso much finances into it.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Oh my god, girl, you, you, girl.
Yeah, that's something that I'mgoing through right now and
kind of like what you saideverybody think that you just
have it and it's like I'm notthere yet, not yet, so it might
look like it.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I just put a lot into it, like I gotta work a fucking
job that I don't like so thatit can support all the shit that
I wanna do, so I can end updoing them and have them support
me like it's a whole process.
So kudos for you, because Iknow you have a full-time job,
you have a child and you do thisand you do it amazingly because
you're all over my social mediaand it takes a lot.
(06:02):
It does.
So watch yourself, Watchyourself.
We see you, we acknowledge youand we are proud of you and in
any way that we're going tosupport you.
I got you, girl.
You know that I do so.
You have a dating app andyou're all about love.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I'm curious as you yourself, because you get to
interview people, so I don'tthink you get to share your
story as much.
I want to get into your datinglife and everything, but I also
want to get into your datinglife in Atlanta, because, god, I
know how dating can be inAtlanta.
So what was your process untilyou decided, like fuck it, I'm
(06:43):
going to make my own dating app,because you got to go through
shit for you to decide you do soI'll share a little bit of my
story.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I'm not dating right now, like I had to take a pause
because I'm still kind of goingthrough my own like
self-discovery journey.
It's been some years now, butI'll kind of go into how the app
came about, because it's a long, long story.
So, um, I had this.
I had an ex who we all had oneof those I had an ex who really
(07:16):
he, he, he, he rung me throughthe ringer we'll put it that way
like, but during therelationship, um, I would try to
get him to take different umtests, like love language tests.
Um, there was an emotionalintelligence test.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I tried to get and he was being bad, because I'm
trying to imagine a black mantrying to to get to do them
tests and he didn't do not nearone girl, not near freaking one,
right?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
um, he didn't do it.
And then eventually it got tothe point where he ended up
breaking up with me and, um,this breakup hurt it really bad
because I was somebody in thepast that made myself super
resourceful, so that means Ipoured myself into relationships
and then, once I got tired, Imoved, moved on.
Like nobody ever broke up,right?
(08:05):
Nobody ever broke up with meper se, but this guy did, and it
forced me to kind of look atmyself.
So I started digging intodifferent things.
I learned about attachmenttheory, learning about emotional
intelligence, learning aboutall of these things and what
ties back to the dating app wasyo, it'd be dope.
Back to the dating app was yo,it'd be dope.
(08:29):
My first initial intention wasyo, it'd be dope if I can trick
these dudes into taking thesetests because they were not
taking it.
I was like it makes sense Putit on a dating app.
They have to match withsomebody in order for you to
even message that girl that you,like you, got to take a test.
She needs to know where you atmentally.
So that was my first intention.
But then, as I grew and as Ilearned more about emotional
(08:53):
intelligence, attachment theory,my own toxic dating cycles, why
I picked the men that I pickedall of that stuff, that
intention grew into wanting tohelp other people become more
self-aware of their toxic datingtraits and the podcast came
about and now that's my goal now, not just trying to trick me
(09:14):
into I would have loved to see,to see you accomplish that
because, boys, this, every timeyou start talking like I, I know
there would be like one in ahundred who would take the test,
but trying to get a hundred,right now.
But I'm like I know if a dudewant to match with a girl, he'll
(09:36):
take a quick test and if youmake it interesting with
scenarios, they'll do it.
So that was my original idea.
But, yeah, trying to get thatguy that I was dating to take
different tests, it was a hell.
Nah, uh, I think one of thelove language tests I showed him
it was like pink and whatever,and he was like this is like
some girly ass shit it was.
It was just really so.
(09:57):
No, I wasn't successful.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Um, because you remember back in the days when
this was, when I actually usedto buy magazines, those gossip
like us weekly and everything,and you always look forward into
those tests, right, every guywould be like, oh, you're doing
that trashy magazine test,aren't you like, oh, is that
from that trashy magazine?
(10:22):
yes, I remember that so what gotyou, like, into getting your
dude to do tests like why didyou want to do this test with
you?
Like because not a lot of womenare out here trying to have
these men do some?
Yeah, in relationships we dothis test, right so the test,
the first test, came about.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So for the dude, I was actually doing his college
school work and it was um rightand it was a yeah, I was doing a
lot the most.
and he had a psych class and inthis class they had to take an
emotional intelligence um testto see kind of where they were.
(11:03):
I took it and then I was like,okay, you should take it because
, I mean you cause I startedunderstanding, like, okay, yeah,
you could be smart, like on alogical level, like on an IQ
level, but your EQ could besuper low, and that's what I
used to think of him back then.
Now I think everything is low,not that I've grown, but, um,
(11:24):
you know, and that's how it kindof started.
And then, um, I was talking tomy sister I hate to put her out
there like that.
I was talking with my sister andshe ended up having a situation
where she ended up taking itand, um, she thought her EQ
would be super high and itwasn't.
(11:44):
So she was talking to me abouta particular situation that
happened to her personally, andthen it just clicked Like it
would be dope if I could createa data nap that incorporated
these different, um, thesedifferent tests so people can
know where they are.
So it started off with just theemotional intelligence one, and
then it grew into lovelanguages and then it grew into
(12:05):
attachment theory and then itgrew into.
I also have a sexualcompatibility game also in there
as well, so people can kind ofsee where they're at sexually
and where the people they'rematching with are at sexually
too, because I'm big on that,like if you went to bdsm and you
went to.
So I need to know beforehand,know what I'm saying.
Let me see if we that's just myopinion.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
If you go both ways, let me know I don't want to be
halfway already into you.
then you're coming with me withsome bullshit, because baby,
right, you know what I'm sayingthis is I tell men, I'm going to
screw the fuck out of you forwasting my time, like, put it
out there, like I'm like it'snot even a bullshit, right,
(12:46):
aren't you white?
First of all, I want to say youshould have gone to his fucking
university, school, whatever,and asked for a degree Because
you graduated.
On behalf of that motherfucker,I'm just saying that was your
guy, that was your guy Right.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
That was my damn degree, at least for the first
year, I think.
He ended up up he went for abachelor's.
I think he ended up onlygetting an associate's because I
think I helped him for thefirst full year and then, after
um, he broke up with me.
That was, of course, that'swhat he was trying to get me to
do, but it was just like no.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But yeah, yeah, he got his helper was no longer
there like he was doing all thework.
So, but but also um and true,why?
Because I know these men lie.
Even in this dating app I'veencountered people who I read
their bios and they're talkingabout I'm ready to settle and
shit.
And then you meet them andthey're like okay, I want to
(13:39):
take it slow, I'm not ready, I'mexcuse me, that's not what your
bio literally say, like Iwouldn't have come out if I knew
you were still not sure.
Or I would have come to themindset of oh, I'm just going to
go have fun, but you know so,aren't you like?
Weren't you concerned thatthey're still going to lie on
the stairs just to get,especially on the sexual side?
(14:00):
You know how men want to gameon on a on a level instead of
actually being truthful, so youcan get a partner who can,
absolutely I agree.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So, on the on the test that I have there, there's
different scenarios, so it's andsome of the scenarios are kind
of tricky, where you can't justlie and then you'll
automatically get, like thisgreat score of like.
Okay, let's say for the anxious, um, attachment theory, uh,
(14:31):
compatibility game.
Um, you might be thinking youanswering all the right
questions, all the right ways tothe questions, and then you
don't come out with the oh, I'ma securely attached person.
You might come out with, oh,you anxious, and with anxious
people, they'rey they do crazyass shit in a relationship Like
you.
So there's no point of lyinglike on my app because you don't
(14:52):
know where the answers willfall.
Um, unless you know aboutattachment theory, unless you
know about emotionalintelligence, which most of them
don't.
Right, you will screw yourself,okay?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And you'll get a test and you'll be like what the
fuck?
Right, you know what I'm saying.
You're fucking lying.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Right.
So yeah, it wouldn't be smartto do that, Not on mine anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I like that you incorporated the emotional
attachment, because these arereal things that people really
don't talk about them.
And even when you talked abouttaking time off, my last ex like
I have gone on dates, I havehad situations, but to say I've
been in a relationship.
I haven't been in arelationship since 2020.
When I broke up with my ex and,um, because I kind of jumped
(15:46):
into something and then Irealized I'm not ready and I was
gonna go end up cheatingbecause my ex started hitting me
up and I was very comfortableentertaining him.
I was like I'm too grown to becheating and doing all this.
This just shows that I am notready.
And that's when I started to belike let me just work on myself
and take a step back.
(16:06):
Like I can find boys to havefun with, but right to just be
in a.
Yeah, I was like I'm not readyand and now that I've finally
done some work, I'm like youhave to be something extra
special for me to even actuallyentertain being in a
relationship with you.
Because I've done work, I knowwhat I fucking want and I think
(16:27):
that's the beauty of actuallytaking time off, because again,
back in the days, I used to justjump from relationship to
relationship because I didn't.
I didn't want to be alone.
I didn't like that sort ofbeing alone, very similar, um,
yeah.
So it was like to the extentthat you don't even know, even
if you're living thisrelationship and even if this
(16:47):
man done some shit, something isalso not working with you, for
you to constantly be in arelationship where you're
constantly not in thoserelationships.
I was like I always blame it onthem.
But I also have to point thefinger and look in myself.
Like what do I actually want?
Do I even know what I want?
Or because the guy was cute andhe said the right thing, right,
(17:10):
the dick game was good, and nowI'm in this shit because you
know, I mean, stigmatize is areal thing.
Yeah, I'm just saying so.
I needed to cut that circle andreally work on myself to be
able to know who am I, what do Iwant out of a relationship with
somebody, and to also becomfortable being alone, because
(17:32):
I think sometimes we jump intorelationships because we are not
comfortable being alone.
We don't like being alone andpeople, there's a difference
between being alone and beinglonely.
People assume, just becauseyou're alone, you're lonely,
bitch.
No, I like my company, like I,rather be by myself than be with
, because you can be withsomebody and in a group of
(17:53):
people and still be lonelybecause they're not the right
people for you absolutely youhit something on the nail.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I know for me, like I was in like long-term
relationships, like thedifferent relationships I had,
but I didn't know my why.
So I thought I knew what Iwanted, because society will
tell you okay, this is what youshould do, this is what you
should want, and then I neverdiscovered why I wanted those
things.
So that's kind of why I'm stillon my break, too is because,
(18:21):
okay, I want this long-termrelationship and then I gotta
dig into the why, like why do Iwant it?
And for me it's really learning, like about myself.
Okay, I'm business oriented, soI want somebody who's also
business oriented.
I need somebody who's somewhatat least somewhat ambitious,
because you can't at first Ithought I wanted somebody all up
under me.
Now I know I don't want thatshit, experiencing that you know
(18:43):
what I'm saying Right, right,and I had to learn that the hard
way too.
Like thinking like that'sprobably the only type of man I
could be with and it'd be along-term relationship.
So really ironing out like notjust your want but then also
your why as to what you want,and then just trial and error
and really nailing down what youneed and then just going to
(19:07):
find that person.
So eventually I'm going to getback out there in a dating scene
, cause I know everybody keepstalking about how hard it is,
which it is but it's trash.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's trash, but that doesn't mean you should stay
with somebody who's not rightfor you.
I know that you'll be out herethen speaking to somebody just
because out here, is that?
But your why is reallyimportant.
And I was telling people likemy friends, when they come to me
and they're like, oh my God, Ican't believe I'm this age and
(19:39):
I'm not married.
I'm 35 and I'm not eventhinking about marriage because
you, you, you have to be verybecause marriage is tough,
relationships are hard.
I'm not gonna be quick to jumpinto a marriage when we can't
even figure out relationships.
So when people come to me andtell me, oh, I want to get
married, and I ask them why?
Oh, because I'm 35 or becauseit's the time, no, then you
(20:02):
shouldn't be getting married.
If that's your why you want toget married right that's not
gonna work, because anybodywho's gonna come and propose to
you you're just gonna say yes,even if they're not the right
person for you.
And I think that's why we haveso many divorces going on,
because people will get married.
Because society says you go toschool, you find your person,
(20:22):
you get married.
But sometimes it's not evenyour person, because you're just
dating them and you're justwaiting for that ring.
Like, oh, I've already investedthree years so I should get a
ring.
No, and then, oh, because ofthe society.
I remember when my friendsstarted getting married, right,
they were always welcome to theclub, all these welcome to the
club.
(20:43):
Now you're in the club.
So now we all want this feelingof belonging somewhere, right,
that's why we joined communities, podcasting communities, that's
why we joined all these things,because there's something about
belonging in a community or aclub.
So everybody wanted to jumpinto the wifey club, the husband
club.
So people are getting married,literally.
(21:05):
You're getting married todayand then the next week your
husband is in my DMs and you'reout here telling people proudly
I'm married.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, see, see.
And that's people who aredesperate in that way and this
is something I had to learn formyself Like you're desperate to
be in a relationship and you getinto this relationship and
people dragging you through themud as well.
Some people will stay just tosave face.
You know, that's something Ialso had to get over for myself,
(21:35):
like relationship was straighttrash and just stay for a long
time.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Exactly yeah, because they don't want to be alone.
You know comfortability we getso much comfortable we.
We like the lifestyle, we likethe routine, so you don't want
to disrupt that.
There are people they also usedto like oh my god, if I leave,
I have to pay everything bymyself, especially people
already living together andthings are half.
So they're thinking no.
(21:59):
Also because we had, for thosepeople who go, my, we had so
much shame in divorce, right,but in the beginning especially
me coming from africa likethere's a lot of shame if you
get divorced.
So people also scared to livebecause, oh my god, people are
gonna think I failed because I'mgetting divorced.
I'm a fail, so I really don'tblame them.
(22:19):
But that's why I like when wehave this conversation so people
can be like yo, fuck thatsociety, fuck whatever.
Do what's best for you, becauseat the end of the day, you're
the one who has to live withyourself.
And I realized once I startedworking on myself, I realized
how much important and how muchI enjoy being in a peaceful
state of mind.
(22:40):
Once I ended up I was was likenobody's coming to disrupt my
peace.
I don't care who you are likeand when you're in that place,
nobody can faze you.
But then you also.
You also did mention somethingabout um, knowing your why and
finding your person.
I always tell people because,uh, I don't know if it's a good
(23:00):
thing or a bad thing.
I've been blessed that most ofmy exes were very financially
incredible, but that didn't meanalso they were not assholes.
So that's what I thought waslike I'm not sure if I really
want a person who's already rich, because they kind of treat you
like and they want to takecredit for every little thing
they help you, even though it'scoming out of love, or anything.
(23:22):
Take credit for every littlething they help you, even though
it's coming out of love oranything.
And I also don't want, like Iwas saying, people I don't mind
dating somebody who's brokebecause I am not there yet, but
as long as they have thementality of hustling, of
wanting a better life.
Because I want a big life, likeI want to be traveling the
world and living large andeverything.
so if you're not wanting thatlifestyle, don don't come and
(23:44):
talk to me please, because Idon't care right now where you
are.
I care about where you want tobe and what you're doing to get
there At that part, what youjust said, what you're doing
right now.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I remember I was talking to another guy who you
know was talking about how womennowadays don't want to deal
with the man who's broke orwho's quote, unquote building.
But I know one mistake that Iwould make.
I would get with guys with thekind of like, with the mentality
I don't care how much money Imake, I'll just stand the third.
And I would get with these guysand they would say, oh well, I
(24:17):
want to start a business, I wantto start real vague stuff.
And then me I would jump in andbe like, well, this is what you
do.
And then I'm building the boatand they're kind of sitting back
not doing anything, like theguy really needs to be, he
already needs to have momentum,like don't get fooled by that.
And then on top of that, we canall dream about.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I want to do this.
I want to do this.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
But what are you doing to do that right?
And I know a lot of women, meincluded, in the past, like I
had this issue with.
I have to prove myself, becausethat's what I thought love
meant.
You know, for you, to provethat you can be this, you, you,
the, you, the top girl who canpull all the resources to do all
the things.
And then, in reality, it's thatthat man wasn't looking for
that for real.
You know what I'm saying?
Not in a relationship aspect.
So that's something else I hadto learn too, like to learn to
(25:12):
just sit back and just be and bemyself, and not be myself in a
way of just overdoing that'swhat I saw, a post recently
that's saying anybody who comesout of a relationship,
especially a long-termrelationship, should go to
therapy before they datesomebody.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
And I think that's true because we really need to
look into ourselves tounderstand and see what we need,
because sometimes the thingsthat we were doing was the
reason that these men wereacting out, because we were
letting them be like thatwithout ourselves knowing.
So it takes working on yourselfto have these realizations.
(25:51):
Oh shit, I was doing this.
Oh shit, I did this.
Like, um, I have a friend andnot to put anybody's business
out there, but I have a friendright and she's a hustler like
me and her.
Whenever we meet her, like, yes, we'll go sleep, we'll, we'll
catch up, we'll have a good time, but we'll always talk business
and give each other ideas andcollaborate.
(26:12):
She puts me on, I put her on,like our conversations never end
without that.
And then there was this guy whokind of they're kind of working
it out and you know the guy wassaying what he wanted to do,
but he wasn't doing shit to dothat.
And this guy likes to travel.
She has been to Greece, shegoes here, she goes here, she
(26:33):
leaves the country.
This guy has never even leftthe state and all these things
right.
And he would say wants to dothis, this, this.
And the girl would literallyhelp her, like okay, I got this,
you want to do this.
And you say no, not today, no,not today.
So she ended up chucking thedude, right.
(26:54):
But me and the dude are alsofriends.
So one time he came to me and Iwas like you know what,
sometimes it's okay tounderstand.
No matter even if you like thatperson or you want to date the
baddest chick or the hottest guy, if your lifestyles don't match
, it will never happen.
You can't even leave the city.
(27:15):
He wants to travel the entireworld, right, every birthday
vacation, we plan trips.
You can't even do that.
Do you think your lifestyle istoo much?
She's constantly on the go,hustling, trying to make life,
and you you go to your 9 to 5,and then you're home smoking
your weed, playing games.
(27:35):
Ain't nobody doing that.
I'm like, look, and that's okay, there's nothing bad about that
.
Just look for a girl who's lessambitious, who that will match
your lifestyle, right?
That's why even I hated whenguys would say, oh, she's a gold
digger.
No, she wants a man to takecare of her and she has the
right to choose that lifestyle.
(27:56):
Just because you don't want todo it or you can't afford to do
it, doesn't mean just leave.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Go to a girl who's in your lifestyle in your lane
Right because, despite whatsocial media is saying, there's
plenty.
There's all levels of femalesout there.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And I, yeah, we'll be getting fed by women and taken
care of by women.
We don't say shit.
But then, as soon as a girldoes it, oh, she a gold digger.
No, she just likes a goodlifestyle and she wants a man to
take care of her.
What's so bad about that?
Because here we come again.
You're going to bring that oh,if I'm paying all the bills,
(28:35):
then a woman should be in thekitchen and shit and all that.
So what does that say about you?
But then a girl who likes agood lifestyle and a man to take
care of her, she are golden.
Like, just see, she's not onyour lane and go find somebody
who's on your lane and that'sperfectly fine, that's it.
And also, women date people inyour lane.
Because I'll be damned if I'mdating somebody who I'm hustling
(28:56):
way more than he is, becausefirst he's a fucking man.
Okay, men are meant to behustling, like men are meant to.
In reality, we were taught menare meant to provide.
But now you find women who,well, me, I don't care if you're
constantly providing, I don'tmind chipping in, like whenever
we have those discussions, or50-50 or whatever it's.
(29:17):
Whatever we decide, don't letthe society tell you, your man
should pay all the bills andeverything.
You find a man, if that's theman you want, go find that.
If you're okay with paying 5050 with your man, go do that.
Like that's the beauty aboutrelationship you can make it
whatever you want to cater toyou and your needs.
So I'm like if I'm hustlingmore and I'm getting drained,
(29:39):
working nine to five on a job Ihate, just so it can pay my
bills and also help me buildthis brand I'm building and this
business I'm building, and youain't doing shit.
We can't be together.
I'm sorry, don't even talk tome.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, that's something I had to learn.
The hard way was not matchingup with people who wasn't doing
as much as I was doing, but thenalso was expecting me to push
them up, elevate them up in sometype of way, even when it came
down to just pouring in a wholebunch of time into them.
Like I said, somebody who don'tgot too much going on and then
(30:16):
they just too clingy.
You don't mean their mama Right, that's what I was for a very
long time.
Somebody mama.
It was terrible.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And I'm too grown to be somebody's mama.
I still go to my dad for him tobaby me.
I will baby you if I see youputting in the work, because
that's how love is we'resupposed to pour on each other.
But I'm not going to pour onyou.
If you're not doing shit, I'msorry.
You if you're not doing shit,I'm sorry, but if you're doing
shit, I will be your fuckingmother.
(30:48):
If I see you grinding andnursing and building, I'll be
your mother, I'll be your.
Whatever you need me to be, Iwill be.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
I feel that you said something, though like I feel
kind of affects like women, likeokay, you said you could still
go to your daddy and he can helpyou, right.
I know that's something Ididn't have per se.
My dad was there, but I didn'thave that strong rapport with my
dad.
My dad wasn't that type offather so subconsciously I would
(31:18):
get with guys who were superdismissive, similar to him, and
I found myself trying to provemyself I am worthy of this love
that I'm trying to get fromsomewhere because I wasn't
getting it from home, believe itor not.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
even for me, who had my dad available which I'm very
grateful and I tell this to alot of people like I battle with
depression and I have thoughtabout suicide the only reason
I've never done it is because Idon't want to put my dad through
that.
Like I can literally call mydad and talk about anything and
everything and he'll find a wayto help me, even if he doesn't
(31:55):
have it right there.
So for me that is like why putyour father through this when
you know you have that?
Because some people don't havethat.
So sometimes that's thereminder I need.
But that doesn't meanrelationship-wise I didn't have
daddy issues as well.
People assume that when youhave your father full-time you
don't have daddy issues, butthey come in different ways.
(32:19):
So my daddy issues are nooffense.
Offense.
I hope my dad never listens tothis.
My dad and he knows it is much asofter person, but, um, he got
into marriage and having kids ata younger age.
So I don't blame him, right,and when you're a kid you don't
understand.
But once you start growing upand actually going through stuff
yourself, you get it and youactually start having those
conversations.
(32:39):
Because when you're a kid, youjust get it and you actually
start having those conversationsbecause when you're a kid you
just get angry and mad and theycan't really talk to you to
explain because you're a child.
So my dad was an asshole growingup but he loved me.
He was an asshole but I wasalways on his side.
I was his ride or die.
When you talk about ride or die, he was my ride or die.
(33:01):
No, you talk about ride or die,he was my ride or die, like no
matter what.
I know my dad is an asshole butI'm a ride with him kind of
shit and he didn't do my momright and me and my mom have a
very fucked up relationship butshe's still alive and I'm
blessed to have her, howeverfucked up our relationship is.
So all the men I ended updating, especially this last one
(33:22):
the one in 2020, and him and mydad get along so well because
their characters.
So I dated people who had mydad's characters, but then they
have been in souls.
I think you should see whatthey are for me.
(33:43):
I feel you.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I feel you, I feel, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
No, I feel you and even my friends tell me they're
like Paula, your exes, when welook like they have similar
features.
But they don't all look alike.
Some are tall, some are short,like not short, but like most of
them are on six feet, like Ilike dating men who are six feet
because I weigh his all thetime and shit, but I've dated on
five feet right, and some havebeen like I used to be like I
(34:13):
want that hot guy, but now forsome reason I'm into dad boards,
like give me a dad bod, give mea big joon.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I need something.
I need something for me.
I need something that I cangrab for real when I cuddle with
you.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
I don't want to feel the moms, I want to feel the
emotions, yes.
So my friends are like you havea type.
I'm like what do you mean?
I don't think I have a type andI'm trying here to show all my
pictures of all my exes.
They're not similar wise, butcharacter wise.
You fucking have a time.
(34:51):
Oh, your exes are sweet andnice, but they are also fucking
assholes.
And I'm like, I know, I don'tknow why I keep picking assholes
.
So there we go.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Okay, got you.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
No, let's take it back, cause I want to make sure
we talk about your app, so sharea little bit more about playing
for kids up.
Cause I haven't checked it outyet.
Cause that's why I haven'tapplied yet, because because I
came back and there was too muchgoing and I want, when I really
sit down to download it, I wantto actually be in my mind like
(35:29):
I'm doing this for the right way, not just doing it to get
through it so that I can come onyour show kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
So no, no, no, you know you are good um downloads.
Right at the stage that I'm atright now, downloading and
creating a profile is helpful tome anyway because I'm building
and I'm pushing out marketingand the more people that's on
the app in Atlanta.
If people can find it throughmarketing and download it, it's
going to help push the algorithmup.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Oh, then I'm definitely downloading it right
after this conversation.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Yeah, so that helps me anyway.
But a little bit about the app,kind of like what I was
explaining.
So when two people actuallymatch, they have to play a game
before they could message eachother.
Um, so I'm only looking for notme looking people who are
intentional are only going to beinterested in my app.
So you, you can't just swipeand then when y'all match, I can
(36:23):
just go to message each other,get y'all phone numbers.
No, you have to play a game.
I got four different types ofgames.
So one is based on attachmenttheory.
So we all have an attachmentstyle and it's developed and
cultivated Like as soon as we're, like as soon as we're months
(36:43):
into growing up, and there'sfour different types.
I won't get too much into it,but there's the anxiously
attached, there's the dismissiveavoidant, there's the fearful
avoidant and then there's thesecurely attached.
So that's one compatibilitygame.
Then I have one based onemotional intelligence.
You play the scenario game withyour match and you can see if
(37:05):
the person is low, middle orhigh in emotional intelligence.
Then I have the sexualcompatibility game that two
people can play and it's kind ofbased on, like, your sexual
style.
So if you're somebody who'slike super adventurous.
There's kind of a score forthat If you're somebody who's
adaptable, like you kind of gowith the flow of whoever you're
(37:28):
with Open-minded yeah,open-minded.
And then there's also somebodywho's like real reserved, kind
of.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Vanilla baby.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, you will fall into a certain category.
And then, lastly, there's likethe I call it the love styles,
but it's basically just showingyou, through different scenario
type questions, what your lovelanguage is.
So you pick one game and foreach game there's five questions
.
So you answer the fivequestions, your match has to
(37:57):
answer the five questions, andthen a compatibility score pops
up and then y'all can messageeach other just like any other
dating app.
And then I have the podcastwhich we briefly spoke about
within the app.
Or I have people all overAtlanta.
They come on, they tell a funny, crazy or lesson learned dating
story and we'll dive into thestory to get the lessons out of
(38:19):
the story.
And then I also invitetherapists and dating coaches to
come on the show as well sothey can give us advice and tips
on just how to end our toxicdating cycles here.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So I have an incredible dating story that I
can't wait to come and show you.
Baby, baby, baby.
Like shout out to black men,even black women, who are out
here just doing the damn thing,like go ahead, right.
(38:55):
So, with that said, right, youalso have a game show coming out
.
You wanna share a?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
bit about that, okay, so I am still looking for men
and women to sign up for mydating game show where,
basically, we'll match twopeople, or even if you just
starting to talk to somebody andyou want to get to know them on
a deeper level.
So the dating game show that Ihave, it's kind of a card game
(39:24):
that I've created, where twopeople get together and they
play this quick card game.
It probably will take about 20,30 minutes and you'll get to
know the person on a deeperlevel than you probably would on
a first date.
And after the game, if you likethe person and after the game,
if you like the person, we willpay for your first date.
So that's a little bit aboutthe dating game show.
(39:46):
I've had plenty of women signup.
I think I've only had maybe oneor two men and that's unequally
balanced.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
What specific men are you looking for?
So, amy, I know that I have one.
I did some work for you.
I thought I found a perfectperson for you, but then he's
kind of still.
I'm trying to still smooth himoff Because he is African old
(40:14):
school, so that could also bevery tricky, Right?
Especially with it being like ashow, especially with it being
like a show, but he really islooking to not just date, but he
wants a wife.
Right now his intention is I'mdating with a purpose, I want to
(40:34):
get married, I want a wife.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I'm not dating for dating he would love the dating
game show because, yes, you wantcamera, but you're going to dig
in and find out if this personIs for you and if you wanna,
yeah, no team must stay and youget a free First date.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Do people pick the place or you guys pick the place
?
I?
Speaker 1 (40:55):
got one restaurant that I have on board, but I also
will give a gift card, okayma'am, listen, I love cheesecake
.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
I was looking at that girl like please don't make me
all this stupid and crazy outhere, because have you, have you
had the caramari at cheesecake?
Have you had the?
You spending money, yo, bro,and it's not that cheap.
Like cheesecake is not cheap,okay no, it's not at all so now
I'm not doing too much,especially for fucking first
(41:30):
dates, like I would have takenyou for coffee.
Actually I walk in the park,you know people go for I like
that actually.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Personally, I like walks in the parks and coffee
because yeah, no, no, yeah.
People getting killed anddisappearing right, yeah,
there's, don't do that.
I'm also too big to be hiking.
I'm not trying to hike.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
I don't like hiking.
Every time I read on a profilesomebody says hiking, or they go
to the gym five times a week orthey have too many gym pictures
.
I know you're going to tell meone time to be like.
You don't even go to the gymwith me, or anytime I complain
about a weight or something.
That's why you should go to thegym with me.
So now we're not about to do itswiping on you.
(42:13):
I'm sorry.
I will enjoy your gym pictures,but no I feel that but sorry,
continue.
The men you're looking for foryour dating all types of men, as
you pointed out.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
I have one, um.
I have one guest who went aheadand filled out the form.
She is looking for an AfricanKing.
Okay, um, somebody who was fromAfrica, who has, you know, I
guess, who has the values andall of that stuff.
Um, yeah, that's what she'slooking for.
I think she anywhere between,um, I think it's thirties to
(42:50):
forties, so anywhere in there,maybe mid forties, if I'm
remembering right.
Um, that's the only one that'sspecific, but every everything
else is free range, free game.
I'm trying to match people, um,and, like I say, if you got
somebody that you kind of knowalready and you want to get to
know them deeper, hit me up.
I can set up a time for us tohave y'all play this game.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Don't be out here saying it's hard on the streets.
You have somebody who's willingto do the job for you and make
it easier.
And to my African kings there'sa woman who's seeking y'all out
there, so go do the damn thing.
And I feel like you know at onepoint right, this is no offense
, but it's just the reality oflife we, as Africans were being
(43:38):
looked at some type of way.
And then now, since most of thehousewives have started dating
Africans, so now everybody willbe wanting an African man.
We went from being less quieton to now being like I want me
(44:00):
an African man.
Like the amount of friends whoI have who are dating African
men is ridiculous.
And two days ago one of themposted something right, uh,
actually it was posted on shaderoom and she reposted it and I
love.
She was like this is me, likethey're talking about me because
she now dates a nigerian man,but you know how people are not
listening to afro beats.
(44:20):
And then she's like everybody'slistening like.
If you hear me playing andconstantly listening to africa
just now, I am fucking anafrican.
And now I'm in this for real.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
That's funny.
Now I love my Nigerian brothersand sisters.
I didn't have a good experiencein the past, so I have a little
PTSD personally.
That's just me, though.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
And that's just me, though.
So, and that's the thing likewith Nigerians, specifically
because I went to school inMalaysia and I hanged out a lot
with Nigerians, so I got toexperience the good, the bad,
the ugly.
And when I was coming from UK,we had a group of Nigerian
friends there, but these were,like you know, the high
(45:09):
classclass Nigerians who went togood schools.
They're Muslim families, theyhave money and they really do
their religion serious, likeIslam.
So they don't drink as much,they don't party as much, but
they rent cinemas, like theywill rent a cinema in the movie
theater for the whole day andjust go in there and watch
movies.
They'll even buy the VIPsection in a club and all the
(45:33):
things, because they know wedrink but they wouldn't, but
they were nicer.
So when I left that mentality,because I left UK going to
Malaysia I went thinking thatall Nigerians are amazing,
because that's the Nigerians Iexperienced there.
Then I went to Malaysia and Igot boomed with the lovers, the
kind-hearted, the good souls,all types, all types.
(45:57):
And then when I came to america, I was like I ain't fucking
chilling with nigerians anymore,and especially when I hear oh
yeah, there's this aj I met andhe was in malaysia.
I'm like don't talk about me,don't ask me and don't ever put
me in the same area with him.
No offense, I love you all, butI want to love you all from
(46:19):
afar.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
So you can relate a little bit.
Yeah, I didn't have it.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
Even in Malaysia they started being racist to
Africans because of the thingsNigerians were doing.
So Nigerians makes all thesepeople hate Africans.
Because, also, I hate whenpeople consider Africa like a
country but it's a continent.
So don't tell us all Africansare the same, Because, no, call
Nigerians, that's West.
I'm Tanzanian, that's East.
(46:45):
Like we are fucking different,we don't talk the same language,
we are in different times.
Don't include me, but sadlythat's the world we live in.
Any country you're going to go,you're going to experience the
good people, the bad people.
I lived in UK.
I experienced more love outsideof London than London.
I hated London and I grew up inLondon and people were mean,
(47:06):
People were sad.
It was literally depressingcity.
I went to France.
I hated Paris because peoplewere just mean and rude.
But then I went to Toulouse,south of France, and people were
nice and welcoming and I had agood experience that we have
friends with cafe owners onFacebook who they keep on
messaging us when are you comingback?
(47:26):
So I feel like every placethey're always going to be the
you remember that saying therotten apple, the original apple
.
Yeah it sounds like that.
Just like in your family, likethere's going to be that one
child, who's very good, and thatone child who's not?
So it is what it is.
(47:47):
You got to take the good andjust fuck off the bad Facts, but
I get it giving you PTSDdepending on the experience
you've had.
Right, it affects differentlyand works itself differently.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
That's something I would try again, though Like I
just after that.
I ain't had no opportunity, andthen, when I do, I think I did
Like I met.
I almost met somebody else offof the dating app that was
Nigerian, and then I changed mymind because I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Are you going to use your own dating app once you
decide to come back?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
I think so.
Yeah, I think so.
You know, I got to test it out.
Well, test it out more with thepeople and get thoughts and all
of that stuff.
So yeah, I think so I'm onthere now.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I'm on there now.
I mean you have to because it'sjust to kind of just feel the
I'm on every dating app, but amI dating?
No, really.
Actually, I use my dating appto promote my podcast and I also
get a lot of listeners alsoguests to come on my show
because of my dating app andpeople.
I get a lot of listeners, alsoguests, to come on my show
because of my dating app andpeople were literally thinking I
(48:52):
was joking until I startedscreenshotting and showing and
they're like are you fuckingkidding me?
I'm like, yeah, if I'm alreadyon these dating apps and I'm not
meeting people.
Might as well promote my fuckingpodcast.
I need to get with you on that,because somebody else was
telling me that I was like nah,that seems kind of shady but you
know whatble used to be muchbetter than tinder and okay, it
(49:16):
used to be there, but now I feellike all of them are just the
fucking same.
So I mean, if I meet aconnection cool and I've met
people who it wasn't a loveconnection but it was a deeper
connection of friendship orworking together or
collaborating together.
So these days I just leave itin there for whatever connection
it brings me, because I amliterally not seeking love.
(49:39):
I want love to find me.
I feel like when God thinks I'mready for that person, they'll
bring to me.
But until now I'm just havingfun and using the app or
whatever fucking I want to usebefore, for which is promoting
my podcast.
I feel that I do.
Yep, you got to do what you gotto do.
You know you got to market itanywhere, henny, whatever places
(49:59):
you can.
So go, put yourself on thosedating apps and promote your
podcast, and actually you have apodcast and a dating app.
You have a podcast and a datingapp.
You can promote those to makepeople know that if this app
ain't working for you, I knowthe app that will work for you
fact, you know what I'm going todo, that I'm going to be bold
(50:20):
today.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
That's going to be another project I'm going to do.
You see, we have each other.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
I have to go download your app and get myself in
there and you have to godownload all those apps and get
get myself in there and you haveto go download all those apps
and get your podcast in there.
Period, we have Ildi here.
Oh my god, I owe Ildi a call toknow.
Paula is to love.
Oh my god, I love that.
Thank you so much.
So, before we come to an end ofthis right, you were talking
(50:49):
about heal the inner child,check their ego and take
accountability for their toxicdating cycles.
So why is that so important incause?
You know, most people reallydon't care when they create
dating apps who are trying toactually date people.
They think about the dollarsign they don't care about.
(51:10):
Like you don't see peopletalking about healing your inner
child in a dating app or other.
So why was those three thingsimportant for you, especially
with your upcoming game show?
Speaker 1 (51:21):
I got you.
So, um, for me, like I said,the dudes would drag me through
the ringer.
Okay, and for the longest Ididn't put two and two together
that it had a lot to do with mychildhood, a lot to do with my
mother and my father.
Wounds, you know things that Isaw that I thought relationships
(51:41):
were supposed to be.
So I didn't put those twothings together until, um, I got
hurt and I feel like a lot ofus don't, right, and we're
constantly complaining about um,oh, the, the, the dating pool
has P in it, this, that and thethird.
But at the end of the day, wehave to be accountable for what
we do and how we play in therelationships as well.
(52:05):
And majority of the time whenwe do that, whether you're the
good person or the bad person orwhatever, because I know for me
, like I said, I was the onealways doing, doing, doing,
doing, doing in the relationship.
So I thought, well, I'm thegood girl, you know what I'm
saying.
But for me, the deeper lessonwas okay, but you didn't have to
be the good girl to thosepeople.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (52:25):
Yeah, yeah, and being mistreated.
But due to my childhood andwatching my mother and father
relationship dynamic, I thoughtthat's what I was supposed to do
.
So I just wanted to bring thatout into the world, like as far
as okay if I can peel back myown layers and learn to heal,
(52:46):
because I'm still healing,because there's a lot more to my
story.
I wanted to help others and Iwanted to help others through
the dating app.
So, um, that's kind of my whyreally just wanted to to help
people understand that we allplay a part in this and it's not
just toxic because of the otherperson.
How can you learn to heal foryourself so you can choose
(53:08):
better, you know so and that'sthe truth.
Speaker 2 (53:11):
Thank you, I appreciate you doing that,
because that's why.
That's why I also decided totake a break and actually work
on myself and realize that itcan't be all their fault.
And that's the thing, whetherit's in relationship or
friendship, when somebody'salways coming, being the person
who's arguing with everybodyright you can't blame everybody.
(53:32):
You gotta look at yourself likeso, even if I'm the one breaking
up with them.
But why weren't it working likeI needed to to search deeper
and find out?
Where am I going wrong or whatam I expecting that I don't know
?
Or who do I?
Who am I really am all thosethings.
So I appreciate you doing thatand I'm looking forward to
(53:53):
checking you out.
So thank you so much forhanging out with me today.
This was so much fun and I'mdefinitely gonna have you back
because I feel like we have somuch more to talk about, but I
will be on your podcast before Ihave you back.
That way, we balance and areequal.
Before we go, let the peopleknow where they can find you,
what they can expect from you.
(54:14):
This is the time to sharewhatever projects you have, all
your social medias and how theycan connect with you Got you.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
You can find me on all platforms at Playing4Keeps
app, that's on Instagram, tiktok, twitter, even though I'm not
active on there.
Um, you can find me at those,those three platforms, mainly.
Um what I got going on rightnow.
I'm always doing podcasts, soif you want to come on my
podcast, it is in person.
So if you're in Atlanta, you'reinterested?
(54:43):
Um follow me on Instagram,message me.
I'm always responsive in my DMs.
And yes, and then I got thedating game show that I'm still
trying to build up and film.
So if you're single, or maybeyou just met somebody and you
want a fun activity to do, hitme up as well.
That's something that I cancoordinate too.
(55:05):
So, and then also just tryingto get the app out there and
grow it.
So that's what I got going onright now.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Good.
I want to give people theopportunity to introduce
themselves, talk about what they, what they're doing and ask for
what help they need, causethat's necessary in community.
You never know somebody.
That help that you need isright there in the room, but
because we're not picking it out, you're not going to get it.
I always say this closed mouthsdon't get fed.
(55:32):
So I'm always talking aboutwhat I'm going through, what I
need help, because somebody outthere is listening and will help
.
So thank you for hanging outwith me.
By the way, do you people knowthat when me and her connected
and then she even applied to?
She filled out to come on here.
I was connected and then sheeven applied to?
(55:52):
Uh, she filled out to come onhere.
I was like, wait a minute, Idon't know what your name is
because she uses.
I was like, sorry, but what,what's your name?
Like it was.
It's not something you want toask people.
It's like you know when you hadsex with somebody and then in
the morning you're like did weeven exchange names, right?
So thank you for giving me thatmoment.
But for everybody who was liveand watching, thank you for
(56:15):
hanging out with us.
Hildy, thank you for tuning inFor all those who are going to
watch the replay thank you forwatching and if you know anybody
who is looking into, who issingle and ready to mingle, and
if you know an African king outthere who needs that push,
because sometimes people I meandating can scar people right.
(56:37):
That's why sometimes we get outof it.
So push your friends, Like givethem a little push and apply
for them to come on the game.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
They'll have fun.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
And so until then, I will be back at 6 p Shannon and
we will be honoring Lee, who wejust lost on Valentine's Day.
So until then, keep tuning into.
Shit Happens when Shit AlwaysHappens.
Speaker 3 (57:00):
Peace, thank you, shit happens, shit happens.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Shit happens.
Oh yeah, I was doing a lot the most.
And he had a psych class and inthis class they had to take an
emotional intelligence test tosee kind of where they were.
I took it and then I was like,ok, you should take it, because
I mean you, because I startedunderstanding.
Ok yeah, you could be smart,like on a logical level, like on
(00:24):
an iq level, but your eq couldbe super low and that's what I
used to think of him back then.
Now I think everything is lownow that I've grown.
But, um, you know, and that'show it kind of started.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
And then, um, shit happens to you and me it doesn't
matter if you're a wizard, aking or a queen, even if you are
magic, you've got to agree it'sworth it to talk shit out, no
matter how messy Shit happensShit happens.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
just an f this episode was recorded February of
2024, and it is now February of2025.
But, figured, it's still worthsharing, especially now being
February, the month of love.
(01:47):
Now being February the month oflove, I feel like this episode
is worth a listen for theperfect month of February.
Enjoy.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
We are back for another shit happen.
Yo, this week has been wicked.
I'm ready for tomorrow, becausetomorrow I am literally not
going gonna do shit because I amtired.
I don't know if you can tell it.
Somebody called me and they'relike yeah, I don't like this
(02:14):
energy you're giving me.
This is not the energy I'm usedto.
So call me when you're back tolife, because I that's how much
I feel like my energy has beendrawn.
But I could not reschedule thisbecause we are about to talk
about one of my favorite thingsand that's dating and love.
And you know it's FebruaryValentine's was just a few days
(02:36):
ago and I have the right personto have this conversation with.
And it's funny because werecently just connected on
instagram, like literally twodays before the atlanta pod meet
up, and then I went to podcastand I came back.
But I already fucking love thisgirl, like I fucking support
(02:57):
everything she's doing andhopefully she'll show up to the
atlanta meet up in februarybecause she may meets me in
January so that I can finallysee her, because how the fuck
are we in Atlanta?
We're not seeing each other,right?
So let me go ahead and bring onDJ.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Welcome to shit happens hey, I'm so happy to be
here.
Thank you for inviting me oh,definitely, definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
thank you for saying yes, cause I know I know
initially I was the one supposedto be coming to your podcast,
but you know how shit happens.
But I am definitely coming toyours because I have stories
Like I have stories.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I want to hear them, so I'm excited.
How are you doing, baby?
My week has been hell too,actually.
I've had a pretty tough-assweek, so I am happy it's
Saturday After our podcast.
I'm fucking going to sleep too.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And it's funny because everybody we've
interacted with this weekthey're like yo, I'm just glad
the week is over, yo, I'm justglad I made it to the week.
It's been one of those weekswhere it just drained you with
the workload, personal shit,life, family, friends, community
, whatever.
There's something that justdrained the fuck out of you.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
At the same kind of week.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
But you just had your .
I believe you just had yourValentine events.
Right, wait, say that one moretime.
But you just had your.
Um, I believe you just had yourvalentine events.
Right, wait, say that one moretime.
You just had your valentine'sevent, didn't you have an?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I didn't no, so I wasn't able to throw a
valentine's event this year,which I hate, but I'm getting,
I'm getting set up.
So I got another partnershipwith uh, the jb's bar and grill
in forest park.
I'm gonna be doing weeklysingles events, so I'm gonna
make up for that.
But no, this, no, like thisweek was hell.
(04:51):
Like I'm glad I didn't, becausejust I'll have a child too, so
just all of that, just it was.
It was a bad week it'd be toomuch.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
It'd be too much it do and people forget that we, as
podcasters or content creators,we're still not making the
money.
People assume we are everythingwe are doing by ourselves.
We are creating that we canfinally start making the money,
but that process is raining.
To have to show up on somethingthat's not giving you back
(05:23):
financially but you gotta put inso much finances into it.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Oh my god, girl, you, you, girl.
Yeah, that's something that I'mgoing through right now and
kind of like what you saideverybody think that you just
have it and it's like I'm notthere yet, not yet, so it might
look like it.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I just put a lot into it, like I gotta work a fucking
job that I don't like so thatit can support all the shit that
I wanna do, so I can end updoing them and have them support
me like it's a whole process.
So kudos for you, because Iknow you have a full-time job,
you have a child and you do thisand you do it amazingly because
you're all over my social mediaand it takes a lot.
(06:02):
It does.
So watch yourself, Watchyourself.
We see you, we acknowledge youand we are proud of you and in
any way that we're going tosupport you.
I got you, girl.
You know that I do so.
You have a dating app andyou're all about love.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Yes so.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I'm curious as you yourself, because you get to
interview people, so I don'tthink you get to share your
story as much.
I want to get into your datinglife and everything, but I also
want to get into your datinglife in Atlanta, because, god, I
know how dating can be inAtlanta.
So what was your process untilyou decided, like fuck it, I'm
(06:43):
going to make my own dating app,because you got to go through
shit for you to decide you do soI'll share a little bit of my
story.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I'm not dating right now, like I had to take a pause
because I'm still kind of goingthrough my own like
self-discovery journey.
It's been some years now, butI'll kind of go into how the app
came about, because it's a long, long story.
So, um, I had this.
I had an ex who we all had oneof those I had an ex who really
(07:16):
he, he, he, he rung me throughthe ringer we'll put it that way
like, but during therelationship, um, I would try to
get him to take different umtests, like love language tests.
Um, there was an emotionalintelligence test.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I tried to get and he was being bad, because I'm
trying to imagine a black mantrying to to get to do them
tests and he didn't do not nearone girl, not near freaking one,
right?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
um, he didn't do it.
And then eventually it got tothe point where he ended up
breaking up with me and, um,this breakup hurt it really bad
because I was somebody in thepast that made myself super
resourceful, so that means Ipoured myself into relationships
and then, once I got tired, Imoved, moved on.
Like nobody ever broke up,right?
(08:05):
Nobody ever broke up with meper se, but this guy did, and it
forced me to kind of look atmyself.
So I started digging intodifferent things.
I learned about attachmenttheory, learning about emotional
intelligence, learning aboutall of these things and what
ties back to the dating app wasyo, it'd be dope.
Back to the dating app was yo,it'd be dope.
(08:29):
My first initial intention wasyo, it'd be dope if I can trick
these dudes into taking thesetests because they were not
taking it.
I was like it makes sense Putit on a dating app.
They have to match withsomebody in order for you to
even message that girl that you,like you, got to take a test.
She needs to know where you atmentally.
So that was my first intention.
But then, as I grew and as Ilearned more about emotional
(08:53):
intelligence, attachment theory,my own toxic dating cycles, why
I picked the men that I pickedall of that stuff, that
intention grew into wanting tohelp other people become more
self-aware of their toxic datingtraits and the podcast came
about and now that's my goal now, not just trying to trick me
(09:14):
into I would have loved to see,to see you accomplish that
because, boys, this, every timeyou start talking like I, I know
there would be like one in ahundred who would take the test,
but trying to get a hundred,right now.
But I'm like I know if a dudewant to match with a girl, he'll
(09:36):
take a quick test and if youmake it interesting with
scenarios, they'll do it.
So that was my original idea.
But, yeah, trying to get thatguy that I was dating to take
different tests, it was a hell.
Nah, uh, I think one of thelove language tests I showed him
it was like pink and whatever,and he was like this is like
some girly ass shit it was.
It was just really so.
(09:57):
No, I wasn't successful.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Um, because you remember back in the days when
this was, when I actually usedto buy magazines, those gossip
like us weekly and everything,and you always look forward into
those tests, right, every guywould be like, oh, you're doing
that trashy magazine test,aren't you like, oh, is that
from that trashy magazine?
(10:22):
yes, I remember that so what gotyou, like, into getting your
dude to do tests like why didyou want to do this test with
you?
Like because not a lot of womenare out here trying to have
these men do some?
Yeah, in relationships we dothis test, right so the test,
the first test, came about.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So for the dude, I was actually doing his college
school work and it was um rightand it was a yeah, I was doing a
lot the most.
and he had a psych class and inthis class they had to take an
emotional intelligence um testto see kind of where they were.
(11:03):
I took it and then I was like,okay, you should take it because
, I mean you cause I startedunderstanding, like, okay, yeah,
you could be smart, like on alogical level, like on an IQ
level, but your EQ could besuper low, and that's what I
used to think of him back then.
Now I think everything is low,not that I've grown, but, um,
(11:24):
you know, and that's how it kindof started.
And then, um, I was talking tomy sister I hate to put her out
there like that.
I was talking with my sister andshe ended up having a situation
where she ended up taking itand, um, she thought her EQ
would be super high and itwasn't.
(11:44):
So she was talking to me abouta particular situation that
happened to her personally, andthen it just clicked Like it
would be dope if I could createa data nap that incorporated
these different, um, thesedifferent tests so people can
know where they are.
So it started off with just theemotional intelligence one, and
then it grew into lovelanguages and then it grew into
(12:05):
attachment theory and then itgrew into.
I also have a sexualcompatibility game also in there
as well, so people can kind ofsee where they're at sexually
and where the people they'rematching with are at sexually
too, because I'm big on that,like if you went to bdsm and you
went to.
So I need to know beforehand,know what I'm saying.
Let me see if we that's just myopinion.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
If you go both ways, let me know I don't want to be
halfway already into you.
then you're coming with me withsome bullshit, because baby,
right, you know what I'm sayingthis is I tell men, I'm going to
screw the fuck out of you forwasting my time, like, put it
out there, like I'm like it'snot even a bullshit, right,
(12:46):
aren't you white?
First of all, I want to say youshould have gone to his fucking
university, school, whatever,and asked for a degree Because
you graduated.
On behalf of that motherfucker,I'm just saying that was your
guy, that was your guy Right.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
That was my damn degree, at least for the first
year, I think.
He ended up up he went for abachelor's.
I think he ended up onlygetting an associate's because I
think I helped him for thefirst full year and then, after
um, he broke up with me.
That was, of course, that'swhat he was trying to get me to
do, but it was just like no.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
But yeah, yeah, he got his helper was no longer
there like he was doing all thework.
So, but but also um and true,why?
Because I know these men lie.
Even in this dating app I'veencountered people who I read
their bios and they're talkingabout I'm ready to settle and
shit.
And then you meet them andthey're like okay, I want to
(13:39):
take it slow, I'm not ready, I'mexcuse me, that's not what your
bio literally say, like Iwouldn't have come out if I knew
you were still not sure.
Or I would have come to themindset of oh, I'm just going to
go have fun, but you know so,aren't you like?
Weren't you concerned thatthey're still going to lie on
the stairs just to get,especially on the sexual side?
(14:00):
You know how men want to gameon on a on a level instead of
actually being truthful, so youcan get a partner who can,
absolutely I agree.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So, on the on the test that I have there, there's
different scenarios, so it's andsome of the scenarios are kind
of tricky, where you can't justlie and then you'll
automatically get, like thisgreat score of like.
Okay, let's say for the anxious, um, attachment theory, uh,
(14:31):
compatibility game.
Um, you might be thinking youanswering all the right
questions, all the right ways tothe questions, and then you
don't come out with the oh, I'ma securely attached person.
You might come out with, oh,you anxious, and with anxious
people, they'rey they do crazyass shit in a relationship Like
you.
So there's no point of lyinglike on my app because you don't
(14:52):
know where the answers willfall.
Um, unless you know aboutattachment theory, unless you
know about emotionalintelligence, which most of them
don't.
Right, you will screw yourself,okay?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And you'll get a test and you'll be like what the
fuck?
Right, you know what I'm saying.
You're fucking lying.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Right.
So yeah, it wouldn't be smartto do that, Not on mine anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I like that you incorporated the emotional
attachment, because these arereal things that people really
don't talk about them.
And even when you talked abouttaking time off, my last ex like
I have gone on dates, I havehad situations, but to say I've
been in a relationship.
I haven't been in arelationship since 2020.
When I broke up with my ex and,um, because I kind of jumped
(15:46):
into something and then Irealized I'm not ready and I was
gonna go end up cheatingbecause my ex started hitting me
up and I was very comfortableentertaining him.
I was like I'm too grown to becheating and doing all this.
This just shows that I am notready.
And that's when I started to belike let me just work on myself
and take a step back.
(16:06):
Like I can find boys to havefun with, but right to just be
in a.
Yeah, I was like I'm not readyand and now that I've finally
done some work, I'm like youhave to be something extra
special for me to even actuallyentertain being in a
relationship with you.
Because I've done work, I knowwhat I fucking want and I think
(16:27):
that's the beauty of actuallytaking time off, because again,
back in the days, I used to justjump from relationship to
relationship because I didn't.
I didn't want to be alone.
I didn't like that sort ofbeing alone, very similar, um,
yeah.
So it was like to the extentthat you don't even know, even
if you're living thisrelationship and even if this
(16:47):
man done some shit, something isalso not working with you, for
you to constantly be in arelationship where you're
constantly not in thoserelationships.
I was like I always blame it onthem.
But I also have to point thefinger and look in myself.
Like what do I actually want?
Do I even know what I want?
Or because the guy was cute andhe said the right thing, right,
(17:10):
the dick game was good, and nowI'm in this shit because you
know, I mean, stigmatize is areal thing.
Yeah, I'm just saying so.
I needed to cut that circle andreally work on myself to be
able to know who am I, what do Iwant out of a relationship with
somebody, and to also becomfortable being alone, because
(17:32):
I think sometimes we jump intorelationships because we are not
comfortable being alone.
We don't like being alone andpeople, there's a difference
between being alone and beinglonely.
People assume, just becauseyou're alone, you're lonely,
bitch.
No, I like my company, like I,rather be by myself than be with
, because you can be withsomebody and in a group of
(17:53):
people and still be lonelybecause they're not the right
people for you absolutely youhit something on the nail.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I know for me, like I was in like long-term
relationships, like thedifferent relationships I had,
but I didn't know my why.
So I thought I knew what Iwanted, because society will
tell you okay, this is what youshould do, this is what you
should want, and then I neverdiscovered why I wanted those
things.
So that's kind of why I'm stillon my break, too is because,
(18:21):
okay, I want this long-termrelationship and then I gotta
dig into the why, like why do Iwant it?
And for me it's really learning, like about myself.
Okay, I'm business oriented, soI want somebody who's also
business oriented.
I need somebody who's somewhatat least somewhat ambitious,
because you can't at first Ithought I wanted somebody all up
under me.
Now I know I don't want thatshit, experiencing that you know
(18:43):
what I'm saying Right, right,and I had to learn that the hard
way too.
Like thinking like that'sprobably the only type of man I
could be with and it'd be along-term relationship.
So really ironing out like notjust your want but then also
your why as to what you want,and then just trial and error
and really nailing down what youneed and then just going to
(19:07):
find that person.
So eventually I'm going to getback out there in a dating scene
, cause I know everybody keepstalking about how hard it is,
which it is but it's trash.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's trash, but that doesn't mean you should stay
with somebody who's not rightfor you.
I know that you'll be out herethen speaking to somebody just
because out here, is that?
But your why is reallyimportant.
And I was telling people likemy friends, when they come to me
and they're like, oh my God, Ican't believe I'm this age and
(19:39):
I'm not married.
I'm 35 and I'm not eventhinking about marriage because
you, you, you have to be verybecause marriage is tough,
relationships are hard.
I'm not gonna be quick to jumpinto a marriage when we can't
even figure out relationships.
So when people come to me andtell me, oh, I want to get
married, and I ask them why?
Oh, because I'm 35 or becauseit's the time, no, then you
(20:02):
shouldn't be getting married.
If that's your why you want toget married right that's not
gonna work, because anybodywho's gonna come and propose to
you you're just gonna say yes,even if they're not the right
person for you.
And I think that's why we haveso many divorces going on,
because people will get married.
Because society says you go toschool, you find your person,
(20:22):
you get married.
But sometimes it's not evenyour person, because you're just
dating them and you're justwaiting for that ring.
Like, oh, I've already investedthree years so I should get a
ring.
No, and then, oh, because ofthe society.
I remember when my friendsstarted getting married, right,
they were always welcome to theclub, all these welcome to the
club.
(20:43):
Now you're in the club.
So now we all want this feelingof belonging somewhere, right,
that's why we joined communities, podcasting communities, that's
why we joined all these things,because there's something about
belonging in a community or aclub.
So everybody wanted to jumpinto the wifey club, the husband
club.
So people are getting married,literally.
(21:05):
You're getting married todayand then the next week your
husband is in my DMs and you'reout here telling people proudly
I'm married.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Yeah, see, see.
And that's people who aredesperate in that way and this
is something I had to learn formyself Like you're desperate to
be in a relationship and you getinto this relationship and
people dragging you through themud as well.
Some people will stay just tosave face.
You know, that's something Ialso had to get over for myself,
(21:35):
like relationship was straighttrash and just stay for a long
time.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Exactly yeah, because they don't want to be alone.
You know comfortability we getso much comfortable we.
We like the lifestyle, we likethe routine, so you don't want
to disrupt that.
There are people they also usedto like oh my god, if I leave,
I have to pay everything bymyself, especially people
already living together andthings are half.
So they're thinking no.
(21:59):
Also because we had, for thosepeople who go, my, we had so
much shame in divorce, right,but in the beginning especially
me coming from africa likethere's a lot of shame if you
get divorced.
So people also scared to livebecause, oh my god, people are
gonna think I failed because I'mgetting divorced.
I'm a fail, so I really don'tblame them.
(22:19):
But that's why I like when wehave this conversation so people
can be like yo, fuck thatsociety, fuck whatever.
Do what's best for you, becauseat the end of the day, you're
the one who has to live withyourself.
And I realized once I startedworking on myself, I realized
how much important and how muchI enjoy being in a peaceful
state of mind.
(22:40):
Once I ended up I was was likenobody's coming to disrupt my
peace.
I don't care who you are likeand when you're in that place,
nobody can faze you.
But then you also.
You also did mention somethingabout um, knowing your why and
finding your person.
I always tell people because,uh, I don't know if it's a good
(23:00):
thing or a bad thing.
I've been blessed that most ofmy exes were very financially
incredible, but that didn't meanalso they were not assholes.
So that's what I thought waslike I'm not sure if I really
want a person who's already rich, because they kind of treat you
like and they want to takecredit for every little thing
they help you, even though it'scoming out of love, or anything.
(23:22):
Take credit for every littlething they help you, even though
it's coming out of love oranything.
And I also don't want, like Iwas saying, people I don't mind
dating somebody who's brokebecause I am not there yet, but
as long as they have thementality of hustling, of
wanting a better life.
Because I want a big life, likeI want to be traveling the
world and living large andeverything.
so if you're not wanting thatlifestyle, don don't come and
(23:44):
talk to me please, because Idon't care right now where you
are.
I care about where you want tobe and what you're doing to get
there At that part, what youjust said, what you're doing
right now.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I remember I was talking to another guy who you
know was talking about how womennowadays don't want to deal
with the man who's broke orwho's quote, unquote building.
But I know one mistake that Iwould make.
I would get with guys with thekind of like, with the mentality
I don't care how much money Imake, I'll just stand the third.
And I would get with these guysand they would say, oh well, I
(24:17):
want to start a business, I wantto start real vague stuff.
And then me I would jump in andbe like, well, this is what you
do.
And then I'm building the boatand they're kind of sitting back
not doing anything, like theguy really needs to be, he
already needs to have momentum,like don't get fooled by that.
And then on top of that, we canall dream about.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
I want to do this.
I want to do this.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
But what are you doing to do that right?
And I know a lot of women, meincluded, in the past, like I
had this issue with.
I have to prove myself, becausethat's what I thought love
meant.
You know, for you, to provethat you can be this, you, you,
the, you, the top girl who canpull all the resources to do all
the things.
And then, in reality, it's thatthat man wasn't looking for
that for real.
You know what I'm saying?
Not in a relationship aspect.
So that's something else I hadto learn too, like to learn to
(25:12):
just sit back and just be and bemyself, and not be myself in a
way of just overdoing that'swhat I saw, a post recently
that's saying anybody who comesout of a relationship,
especially a long-termrelationship, should go to
therapy before they datesomebody.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
And I think that's true because we really need to
look into ourselves tounderstand and see what we need,
because sometimes the thingsthat we were doing was the
reason that these men wereacting out, because we were
letting them be like thatwithout ourselves knowing.
So it takes working on yourselfto have these realizations.
(25:51):
Oh shit, I was doing this.
Oh shit, I did this.
Like, um, I have a friend andnot to put anybody's business
out there, but I have a friendright and she's a hustler like
me and her.
Whenever we meet her, like, yes, we'll go sleep, we'll, we'll
catch up, we'll have a good time, but we'll always talk business
and give each other ideas andcollaborate.
(26:12):
She puts me on, I put her on,like our conversations never end
without that.
And then there was this guy whokind of they're kind of working
it out and you know the guy wassaying what he wanted to do,
but he wasn't doing shit to dothat.
And this guy likes to travel.
She has been to Greece, shegoes here, she goes here, she
(26:33):
leaves the country.
This guy has never even leftthe state and all these things
right.
And he would say wants to dothis, this, this.
And the girl would literallyhelp her, like okay, I got this,
you want to do this.
And you say no, not today, no,not today.
So she ended up chucking thedude, right.
(26:54):
But me and the dude are alsofriends.
So one time he came to me and Iwas like you know what,
sometimes it's okay tounderstand.
No matter even if you like thatperson or you want to date the
baddest chick or the hottest guy, if your lifestyles don't match
, it will never happen.
You can't even leave the city.
(27:15):
He wants to travel the entireworld, right, every birthday
vacation, we plan trips.
You can't even do that.
Do you think your lifestyle istoo much?
She's constantly on the go,hustling, trying to make life,
and you you go to your 9 to 5,and then you're home smoking
your weed, playing games.
(27:35):
Ain't nobody doing that.
I'm like, look, and that's okay, there's nothing bad about that
.
Just look for a girl who's lessambitious, who that will match
your lifestyle, right?
That's why even I hated whenguys would say, oh, she's a gold
digger.
No, she wants a man to takecare of her and she has the
right to choose that lifestyle.
(27:56):
Just because you don't want todo it or you can't afford to do
it, doesn't mean just leave.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Go to a girl who's in your lifestyle in your lane
Right because, despite whatsocial media is saying, there's
plenty.
There's all levels of femalesout there.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And I, yeah, we'll be getting fed by women and taken
care of by women.
We don't say shit.
But then, as soon as a girldoes it, oh, she a gold digger.
No, she just likes a goodlifestyle and she wants a man to
take care of her.
What's so bad about that?
Because here we come again.
You're going to bring that oh,if I'm paying all the bills,
(28:35):
then a woman should be in thekitchen and shit and all that.
So what does that say about you?
But then a girl who likes agood lifestyle and a man to take
care of her, she are golden.
Like, just see, she's not onyour lane and go find somebody
who's on your lane and that'sperfectly fine, that's it.
And also, women date people inyour lane.
Because I'll be damned if I'mdating somebody who I'm hustling
(28:56):
way more than he is, becausefirst he's a fucking man.
Okay, men are meant to behustling, like men are meant to.
In reality, we were taught menare meant to provide.
But now you find women who,well, me, I don't care if you're
constantly providing, I don'tmind chipping in, like whenever
we have those discussions, or50-50 or whatever it's.
(29:17):
Whatever we decide, don't letthe society tell you, your man
should pay all the bills andeverything.
You find a man, if that's theman you want, go find that.
If you're okay with paying 5050 with your man, go do that.
Like that's the beauty aboutrelationship you can make it
whatever you want to cater toyou and your needs.
So I'm like if I'm hustlingmore and I'm getting drained,
(29:39):
working nine to five on a job Ihate, just so it can pay my
bills and also help me buildthis brand I'm building and this
business I'm building, and youain't doing shit.
We can't be together.
I'm sorry, don't even talk tome.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, that's something I had to learn.
The hard way was not matchingup with people who wasn't doing
as much as I was doing, but thenalso was expecting me to push
them up, elevate them up in sometype of way, even when it came
down to just pouring in a wholebunch of time into them.
Like I said, somebody who don'tgot too much going on and then
(30:16):
they just too clingy.
You don't mean their mama Right, that's what I was for a very
long time.
Somebody mama.
It was terrible.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
And I'm too grown to be somebody's mama.
I still go to my dad for him tobaby me.
I will baby you if I see youputting in the work, because
that's how love is we'resupposed to pour on each other.
But I'm not going to pour onyou.
If you're not doing shit, I'msorry.
You if you're not doing shit,I'm sorry, but if you're doing
shit, I will be your fuckingmother.
(30:48):
If I see you grinding andnursing and building, I'll be
your mother, I'll be your.
Whatever you need me to be, Iwill be.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
I feel that you said something, though like I feel
kind of affects like women, likeokay, you said you could still
go to your daddy and he can helpyou, right.
I know that's something Ididn't have per se.
My dad was there, but I didn'thave that strong rapport with my
dad.
My dad wasn't that type offather so subconsciously I would
(31:18):
get with guys who were superdismissive, similar to him, and
I found myself trying to provemyself I am worthy of this love
that I'm trying to get fromsomewhere because I wasn't
getting it from home, believe itor not.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
even for me, who had my dad available which I'm very
grateful and I tell this to alot of people like I battle with
depression and I have thoughtabout suicide the only reason
I've never done it is because Idon't want to put my dad through
that.
Like I can literally call mydad and talk about anything and
everything and he'll find a wayto help me, even if he doesn't
(31:55):
have it right there.
So for me that is like why putyour father through this when
you know you have that?
Because some people don't havethat.
So sometimes that's thereminder I need.
But that doesn't meanrelationship-wise I didn't have
daddy issues as well.
People assume that when youhave your father full-time you
don't have daddy issues, butthey come in different ways.
(32:19):
So my daddy issues are nooffense.
Offense.
I hope my dad never listens tothis.
My dad and he knows it is much asofter person, but, um, he got
into marriage and having kids ata younger age.
So I don't blame him, right,and when you're a kid you don't
understand.
But once you start growing upand actually going through stuff
yourself, you get it and youactually start having those
conversations.
(32:39):
Because when you're a kid, youjust get it and you actually
start having those conversationsbecause when you're a kid you
just get angry and mad and theycan't really talk to you to
explain because you're a child.
So my dad was an asshole growingup but he loved me.
He was an asshole but I wasalways on his side.
I was his ride or die.
When you talk about ride or die, he was my ride or die.
(33:01):
No, you talk about ride or die,he was my ride or die, like no
matter what.
I know my dad is an asshole butI'm a ride with him kind of
shit and he didn't do my momright and me and my mom have a
very fucked up relationship butshe's still alive and I'm
blessed to have her, howeverfucked up our relationship is.
So all the men I ended updating, especially this last one
(33:22):
the one in 2020, and him and mydad get along so well because
their characters.
So I dated people who had mydad's characters, but then they
have been in souls.
I think you should see whatthey are for me.
(33:43):
I feel you.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
I feel you, I feel, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
No, I feel you and even my friends tell me they're
like Paula, your exes, when welook like they have similar
features.
But they don't all look alike.
Some are tall, some are short,like not short, but like most of
them are on six feet, like Ilike dating men who are six feet
because I weigh his all thetime and shit, but I've dated on
five feet right, and some havebeen like I used to be like I
(34:13):
want that hot guy, but now forsome reason I'm into dad boards,
like give me a dad bod, give mea big joon.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I need something.
I need something for me.
I need something that I cangrab for real when I cuddle with
you.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
I don't want to feel the moms, I want to feel the
emotions, yes.
So my friends are like you havea type.
I'm like what do you mean?
I don't think I have a type andI'm trying here to show all my
pictures of all my exes.
They're not similar wise, butcharacter wise.
You fucking have a time.
(34:51):
Oh, your exes are sweet andnice, but they are also fucking
assholes.
And I'm like, I know, I don'tknow why I keep picking assholes
.
So there we go.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Okay, got you.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
No, let's take it back, cause I want to make sure
we talk about your app, so sharea little bit more about playing
for kids up.
Cause I haven't checked it outyet.
Cause that's why I haven'tapplied yet, because because I
came back and there was too muchgoing and I want, when I really
sit down to download it, I wantto actually be in my mind like
(35:29):
I'm doing this for the right way, not just doing it to get
through it so that I can come onyour show kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
So no, no, no, you know you are good um downloads.
Right at the stage that I'm atright now, downloading and
creating a profile is helpful tome anyway because I'm building
and I'm pushing out marketingand the more people that's on
the app in Atlanta.
If people can find it throughmarketing and download it, it's
going to help push the algorithmup.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Oh, then I'm definitely downloading it right
after this conversation.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Yeah, so that helps me anyway.
But a little bit about the app,kind of like what I was
explaining.
So when two people actuallymatch, they have to play a game
before they could message eachother.
Um, so I'm only looking for notme looking people who are
intentional are only going to beinterested in my app.
So you, you can't just swipeand then when y'all match, I can
(36:23):
just go to message each other,get y'all phone numbers.
No, you have to play a game.
I got four different types ofgames.
So one is based on attachmenttheory.
So we all have an attachmentstyle and it's developed and
cultivated Like as soon as we're, like as soon as we're months
(36:43):
into growing up, and there'sfour different types.
I won't get too much into it,but there's the anxiously
attached, there's the dismissiveavoidant, there's the fearful
avoidant and then there's thesecurely attached.
So that's one compatibilitygame.
Then I have one based onemotional intelligence.
You play the scenario game withyour match and you can see if
(37:05):
the person is low, middle orhigh in emotional intelligence.
Then I have the sexualcompatibility game that two
people can play and it's kind ofbased on, like, your sexual
style.
So if you're somebody who'slike super adventurous.
There's kind of a score forthat If you're somebody who's
adaptable, like you kind of gowith the flow of whoever you're
(37:28):
with Open-minded yeah,open-minded.
And then there's also somebodywho's like real reserved, kind
of.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Vanilla baby.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah, you will fall into a certain category.
And then, lastly, there's likethe I call it the love styles,
but it's basically just showingyou, through different scenario
type questions, what your lovelanguage is.
So you pick one game and foreach game there's five questions
.
So you answer the fivequestions, your match has to
(37:57):
answer the five questions, andthen a compatibility score pops
up and then y'all can messageeach other just like any other
dating app.
And then I have the podcastwhich we briefly spoke about
within the app.
Or I have people all overAtlanta.
They come on, they tell a funny, crazy or lesson learned dating
story and we'll dive into thestory to get the lessons out of
(38:19):
the story.
And then I also invitetherapists and dating coaches to
come on the show as well sothey can give us advice and tips
on just how to end our toxicdating cycles here.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
So I have an incredible dating story that I
can't wait to come and show you.
Baby, baby, baby.
Like shout out to black men,even black women, who are out
here just doing the damn thing,like go ahead, right.
(38:55):
So, with that said, right, youalso have a game show coming out
.
You wanna share a?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
bit about that, okay, so I am still looking for men
and women to sign up for mydating game show where,
basically, we'll match twopeople, or even if you just
starting to talk to somebody andyou want to get to know them on
a deeper level.
So the dating game show that Ihave, it's kind of a card game
(39:24):
that I've created, where twopeople get together and they
play this quick card game.
It probably will take about 20,30 minutes and you'll get to
know the person on a deeperlevel than you probably would on
a first date.
And after the game, if you likethe person and after the game,
if you like the person, we willpay for your first date.
So that's a little bit aboutthe dating game show.
(39:46):
I've had plenty of women signup.
I think I've only had maybe oneor two men and that's unequally
balanced.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
What specific men are you looking for?
So, amy, I know that I have one.
I did some work for you.
I thought I found a perfectperson for you, but then he's
kind of still.
I'm trying to still smooth himoff Because he is African old
(40:14):
school, so that could also bevery tricky, Right?
Especially with it being like ashow, especially with it being
like a show, but he really islooking to not just date, but he
wants a wife.
Right now his intention is I'mdating with a purpose, I want to
(40:34):
get married, I want a wife.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I'm not dating for dating he would love the dating
game show because, yes, you wantcamera, but you're going to dig
in and find out if this personIs for you and if you wanna,
yeah, no team must stay and youget a free First date.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Do people pick the place or you guys pick the place
?
I?
Speaker 1 (40:55):
got one restaurant that I have on board, but I also
will give a gift card, okayma'am, listen, I love cheesecake
.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
I was looking at that girl like please don't make me
all this stupid and crazy outhere, because have you, have you
had the caramari at cheesecake?
Have you had the?
You spending money, yo, bro,and it's not that cheap.
Like cheesecake is not cheap,okay no, it's not at all so now
I'm not doing too much,especially for fucking first
(41:30):
dates, like I would have takenyou for coffee.
Actually I walk in the park,you know people go for I like
that actually.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Personally, I like walks in the parks and coffee
because yeah, no, no, yeah.
People getting killed anddisappearing right, yeah,
there's, don't do that.
I'm also too big to be hiking.
I'm not trying to hike.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
I don't like hiking.
Every time I read on a profilesomebody says hiking, or they go
to the gym five times a week orthey have too many gym pictures
.
I know you're going to tell meone time to be like.
You don't even go to the gymwith me, or anytime I complain
about a weight or something.
That's why you should go to thegym with me.
So now we're not about to do itswiping on you.
(42:13):
I'm sorry.
I will enjoy your gym pictures,but no I feel that but sorry,
continue.
The men you're looking for foryour dating all types of men, as
you pointed out.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
I have one, um.
I have one guest who went aheadand filled out the form.
She is looking for an AfricanKing.
Okay, um, somebody who was fromAfrica, who has, you know, I
guess, who has the values andall of that stuff.
Um, yeah, that's what she'slooking for.
I think she anywhere between,um, I think it's thirties to
(42:50):
forties, so anywhere in there,maybe mid forties, if I'm
remembering right.
Um, that's the only one that'sspecific, but every everything
else is free range, free game.
I'm trying to match people, um,and, like I say, if you got
somebody that you kind of knowalready and you want to get to
know them deeper, hit me up.
I can set up a time for us tohave y'all play this game.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Don't be out here saying it's hard on the streets.
You have somebody who's willingto do the job for you and make
it easier.
And to my African kings there'sa woman who's seeking y'all out
there, so go do the damn thing.
And I feel like you know at onepoint right, this is no offense
, but it's just the reality oflife we, as Africans were being
(43:38):
looked at some type of way.
And then now, since most of thehousewives have started dating
Africans, so now everybody willbe wanting an African man.
We went from being less quieton to now being like I want me
(44:00):
an African man.
Like the amount of friends whoI have who are dating African
men is ridiculous.
And two days ago one of themposted something right, uh,
actually it was posted on shaderoom and she reposted it and I
love.
She was like this is me, likethey're talking about me because
she now dates a nigerian man,but you know how people are not
listening to afro beats.
(44:20):
And then she's like everybody'slistening like.
If you hear me playing andconstantly listening to africa
just now, I am fucking anafrican.
And now I'm in this for real.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
That's funny.
Now I love my Nigerian brothersand sisters.
I didn't have a good experiencein the past, so I have a little
PTSD personally.
That's just me, though.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
And that's just me, though.
So, and that's the thing likewith Nigerians, specifically
because I went to school inMalaysia and I hanged out a lot
with Nigerians, so I got toexperience the good, the bad,
the ugly.
And when I was coming from UK,we had a group of Nigerian
friends there, but these were,like you know, the high
(45:09):
classclass Nigerians who went togood schools.
They're Muslim families, theyhave money and they really do
their religion serious, likeIslam.
So they don't drink as much,they don't party as much, but
they rent cinemas, like theywill rent a cinema in the movie
theater for the whole day andjust go in there and watch
movies.
They'll even buy the VIPsection in a club and all the
(45:33):
things, because they know wedrink but they wouldn't, but
they were nicer.
So when I left that mentality,because I left UK going to
Malaysia I went thinking thatall Nigerians are amazing,
because that's the Nigerians Iexperienced there.
Then I went to Malaysia and Igot boomed with the lovers, the
kind-hearted, the good souls,all types, all types.
(45:57):
And then when I came to america, I was like I ain't fucking
chilling with nigerians anymore,and especially when I hear oh
yeah, there's this aj I met andhe was in malaysia.
I'm like don't talk about me,don't ask me and don't ever put
me in the same area with him.
No offense, I love you all, butI want to love you all from
(46:19):
afar.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
So you can relate a little bit.
Yeah, I didn't have it.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
Even in Malaysia they started being racist to
Africans because of the thingsNigerians were doing.
So Nigerians makes all thesepeople hate Africans.
Because, also, I hate whenpeople consider Africa like a
country but it's a continent.
So don't tell us all Africansare the same, Because, no, call
Nigerians, that's West.
I'm Tanzanian, that's East.
(46:45):
Like we are fucking different,we don't talk the same language,
we are in different times.
Don't include me, but sadlythat's the world we live in.
Any country you're going to go,you're going to experience the
good people, the bad people.
I lived in UK.
I experienced more love outsideof London than London.
I hated London and I grew up inLondon and people were mean,
(47:06):
People were sad.
It was literally depressingcity.
I went to France.
I hated Paris because peoplewere just mean and rude.
But then I went to Toulouse,south of France, and people were
nice and welcoming and I had agood experience that we have
friends with cafe owners onFacebook who they keep on
messaging us when are you comingback?
(47:26):
So I feel like every placethey're always going to be the
you remember that saying therotten apple, the original apple
.
Yeah it sounds like that.
Just like in your family, likethere's going to be that one
child, who's very good, and thatone child who's not?
So it is what it is.
(47:47):
You got to take the good andjust fuck off the bad Facts, but
I get it giving you PTSDdepending on the experience
you've had.
Right, it affects differentlyand works itself differently.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
That's something I would try again, though Like I
just after that.
I ain't had no opportunity, andthen, when I do, I think I did
Like I met.
I almost met somebody else offof the dating app that was
Nigerian, and then I changed mymind because I don't know.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
Are you going to use your own dating app once you
decide to come back?
Speaker 1 (48:21):
I think so.
Yeah, I think so.
You know, I got to test it out.
Well, test it out more with thepeople and get thoughts and all
of that stuff.
So yeah, I think so I'm onthere now.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I'm on there now.
I mean you have to because it'sjust to kind of just feel the
I'm on every dating app, but amI dating?
No, really.
Actually, I use my dating appto promote my podcast and I also
get a lot of listeners alsoguests to come on my show
because of my dating app andpeople.
I get a lot of listeners, alsoguests, to come on my show
because of my dating app andpeople were literally thinking I
(48:52):
was joking until I startedscreenshotting and showing and
they're like are you fuckingkidding me?
I'm like, yeah, if I'm alreadyon these dating apps and I'm not
meeting people.
Might as well promote my fuckingpodcast.
I need to get with you on that,because somebody else was
telling me that I was like nah,that seems kind of shady but you
know whatble used to be muchbetter than tinder and okay, it
(49:16):
used to be there, but now I feellike all of them are just the
fucking same.
So I mean, if I meet aconnection cool and I've met
people who it wasn't a loveconnection but it was a deeper
connection of friendship orworking together or
collaborating together.
So these days I just leave itin there for whatever connection
it brings me, because I amliterally not seeking love.
(49:39):
I want love to find me.
I feel like when God thinks I'mready for that person, they'll
bring to me.
But until now I'm just havingfun and using the app or
whatever fucking I want to usebefore, for which is promoting
my podcast.
I feel that I do.
Yep, you got to do what you gotto do.
You know you got to market itanywhere, henny, whatever places
(49:59):
you can.
So go, put yourself on thosedating apps and promote your
podcast, and actually you have apodcast and a dating app.
You have a podcast and a datingapp.
You can promote those to makepeople know that if this app
ain't working for you, I knowthe app that will work for you
fact, you know what I'm going todo, that I'm going to be bold
(50:20):
today.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
That's going to be another project I'm going to do.
You see, we have each other.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
I have to go download your app and get myself in
there and you have to godownload all those apps and get
get myself in there and you haveto go download all those apps
and get your podcast in there.
Period, we have Ildi here.
Oh my god, I owe Ildi a call toknow.
Paula is to love.
Oh my god, I love that.
Thank you so much.
So, before we come to an end ofthis right, you were talking
(50:49):
about heal the inner child,check their ego and take
accountability for their toxicdating cycles.
So why is that so important incause?
You know, most people reallydon't care when they create
dating apps who are trying toactually date people.
They think about the dollarsign they don't care about.
(51:10):
Like you don't see peopletalking about healing your inner
child in a dating app or other.
So why was those three thingsimportant for you, especially
with your upcoming game show?
Speaker 1 (51:21):
I got you.
So, um, for me, like I said,the dudes would drag me through
the ringer.
Okay, and for the longest Ididn't put two and two together
that it had a lot to do with mychildhood, a lot to do with my
mother and my father.
Wounds, you know things that Isaw that I thought relationships
(51:41):
were supposed to be.
So I didn't put those twothings together until, um, I got
hurt and I feel like a lot ofus don't, right, and we're
constantly complaining about um,oh, the, the, the dating pool
has P in it, this, that and thethird.
But at the end of the day, wehave to be accountable for what
we do and how we play in therelationships as well.
(52:05):
And majority of the time whenwe do that, whether you're the
good person or the bad person orwhatever, because I know for me
, like I said, I was the onealways doing, doing, doing,
doing, doing in the relationship.
So I thought, well, I'm thegood girl, you know what I'm
saying.
But for me, the deeper lessonwas okay, but you didn't have to
be the good girl to thosepeople.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (52:25):
Yeah, yeah, and being mistreated.
But due to my childhood andwatching my mother and father
relationship dynamic, I thoughtthat's what I was supposed to do
.
So I just wanted to bring thatout into the world, like as far
as okay if I can peel back myown layers and learn to heal,
(52:46):
because I'm still healing,because there's a lot more to my
story.
I wanted to help others and Iwanted to help others through
the dating app.
So, um, that's kind of my whyreally just wanted to to help
people understand that we allplay a part in this and it's not
just toxic because of the otherperson.
How can you learn to heal foryourself so you can choose
(53:08):
better, you know so and that'sthe truth.
Speaker 2 (53:11):
Thank you, I appreciate you doing that,
because that's why.
That's why I also decided totake a break and actually work
on myself and realize that itcan't be all their fault.
And that's the thing, whetherit's in relationship or
friendship, when somebody'salways coming, being the person
who's arguing with everybodyright you can't blame everybody.
(53:32):
You gotta look at yourself likeso, even if I'm the one breaking
up with them.
But why weren't it working likeI needed to to search deeper
and find out?
Where am I going wrong or whatam I expecting that I don't know
?
Or who do I?
Who am I really am all thosethings.
So I appreciate you doing thatand I'm looking forward to
(53:53):
checking you out.
So thank you so much forhanging out with me today.
This was so much fun and I'mdefinitely gonna have you back
because I feel like we have somuch more to talk about, but I
will be on your podcast before Ihave you back.
That way, we balance and areequal.
Before we go, let the peopleknow where they can find you,
what they can expect from you.
(54:14):
This is the time to sharewhatever projects you have, all
your social medias and how theycan connect with you Got you.
Speaker 1 (54:21):
You can find me on all platforms at Playing4Keeps
app, that's on Instagram, tiktok, twitter, even though I'm not
active on there.
Um, you can find me at those,those three platforms, mainly.
Um what I got going on rightnow.
I'm always doing podcasts, soif you want to come on my
podcast, it is in person.
So if you're in Atlanta, you'reinterested?
(54:43):
Um follow me on Instagram,message me.
I'm always responsive in my DMs.
And yes, and then I got thedating game show that I'm still
trying to build up and film.
So if you're single, or maybeyou just met somebody and you
want a fun activity to do, hitme up as well.
That's something that I cancoordinate too.
(55:05):
So, and then also just tryingto get the app out there and
grow it.
So that's what I got going onright now.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Good.
I want to give people theopportunity to introduce
themselves, talk about what they, what they're doing and ask for
what help they need, causethat's necessary in community.
You never know somebody.
That help that you need isright there in the room, but
because we're not picking it out, you're not going to get it.
I always say this closed mouthsdon't get fed.
(55:32):
So I'm always talking aboutwhat I'm going through, what I
need help, because somebody outthere is listening and will help
.
So thank you for hanging outwith me.
By the way, do you people knowthat when me and her connected
and then she even applied to?
She filled out to come on here.
I was connected and then sheeven applied to?
(55:52):
Uh, she filled out to come onhere.
I was like, wait a minute, Idon't know what your name is
because she uses.
I was like, sorry, but what,what's your name?
Like it was.
It's not something you want toask people.
It's like you know when you hadsex with somebody and then in
the morning you're like did weeven exchange names, right?
So thank you for giving me thatmoment.
But for everybody who was liveand watching, thank you for
(56:15):
hanging out with us.
Hildy, thank you for tuning inFor all those who are going to
watch the replay thank you forwatching and if you know anybody
who is looking into, who issingle and ready to mingle, and
if you know an African king outthere who needs that push,
because sometimes people I meandating can scar people right.
(56:37):
That's why sometimes we get outof it.
So push your friends, Like givethem a little push and apply
for them to come on the game.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
They'll have fun.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
And so until then, I will be back at 6 p Shannon and
we will be honoring Lee, who wejust lost on Valentine's Day.
So until then, keep tuning into.
Shit Happens when Shit AlwaysHappens.
Speaker 3 (57:00):
Peace, thank you, shit happens, shit happens.
Speaker 2 (57:37):
Shit happens.
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