April 2, 2025 • 20 mins
In this special bonus episode, Kristen introduces the podcast’s upcoming Friendship Series, exploring why making and maintaining friendships as an adult often feels more challenging than in childhood or college. She reflects on the evolving nature of friendships, the impact of social media, and common struggles in building meaningful connections. She also shares a sneak peek at the series’ topics—ranging from long-distance and age-gap friendships to navigating friendships at work—while announcing the podcast’s first-ever virtual book club launching in May, featuring Perfect Is Boring (And It Tastes Like Kale).
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristen (00:01):
Hey everyone.
Welcome back, and how excitedare we for this little bonus
episode.
it's just me today, but I wantedto share what's in store in the
coming months, because April andMay are going to be very
exciting and a little bitdifferent from what we have been
doing here on the podcastlately.
(00:22):
the first couple months gave youa broad range of topics.
We're gonna cover differentguests, different things, just
trying to see what's out there,what people wanna listen to,
what my friends wanna talkabout, for April, we're actually
going to do a series.
So every episode this month isgoing to be on a specific topic,
although We're coveringdifferent aspects of it.
(00:44):
we're talking about friendshipand the reason I felt the need
to dedicate a whole month, maybemore to this is, it seems that
every time I have a guest,almost every single person has
wanted to talk about friendshipor something about friendship
has come up.
I see that it's somethingimportant, on people's minds,
things they want to talk about,and for me, it's something very
(01:08):
near and dear to my heart.
You'll hear it, we've probablyalready heard it in previous
episodes, and you're definitelygoing to hear it in the upcoming
ones.
The different thoughts andfeelings I have towards
friendship, how I've struggledwith friendships, how I've had a
hard time making friends, notmaking acquaintances.
I can pretty much get anybody tobe an acquaintance to me, I just
(01:29):
love people.
I love talking with people.
Obviously I am dedicating awhole podcast to talking with
me, so I've got that handled.
But being able to take those,shallow or superficial
friendships and getting them tothe next level where they are
actually meaningful, impactful,that is something I've had a
(01:49):
hard time with.
And I can go through all thedifferent reasons of why I think
that is, but that's notsomething we need to get to in
this little intro episode.
So that's where I am coming fromis talking about friendship and
the different aspects of it.
And because friendships are sucha huge part of our lives, I've
(02:10):
got something even more excitingcoming up in May that ties right
into this series.
I am going to be hosting ourvery first.
Virtual book club.
Stay tuned throughout theepisode to get the details.
So why friendship and why doesfriendship matter so much in
adults?
I think it's because it's beenharder to make them.
(02:32):
When you're making kids as afriend, it's easy.
You know, you just, you show up,you play, and your friends booth
is ever there.
It can be the kids in theneighborhood.
It can be the kids in your classwhen you're at school.
It's focused on that proximityof.
Was there, they're usually aboutthe same age as you.
Oftentimes they're usually thesame sex as you, and you just
(02:53):
kind of clinging to whoever'sthere and around you.
And it's funny, as I've beentalking to my son, he's 12 and
asking him about, you know,well, how is it that you make
friends and how is it, you know,who are you friends with at
school?
And I've asked him, you like,what about the girls in your
class?
He's like, oh no, I don't talkto the girls.
the boys just talk to the boysand the girls just talk to the
(03:14):
girls.
And I'm sure it's not like thatin every sixth grade, but that's
how they're at that age now.
And that's how it is.
You kind of clinging to what islike you and who is around you.
And I think for a lot of ourlives, that's how it is.
when you go off to college, it'swhoever's living with you in
your dorm on your floor or inyour unit.
(03:35):
the people you're in class withthat you may be in different
social groups with.
Sorority.
Fraternity, it's whoever'saround is who you become friends
with and especially in college,it's more of those social
aspects, the people you're goingout with, the people you're
studying with, and it kind ofbonds you together.
Then you get to adulthood andit's like the wild west.
(03:57):
Sure, you can do the proximitything and maybe be friends with
your neighbors, but they couldbe at different stages of their
lives and you may not be able tofind.
Common ground to really developdeep relationships.
It could be the people you workwith, and that's a great
opportunity to make friends.
But again, they may not be atthe same place of life you are.
Maybe they live far away.
(04:17):
Maybe it's hard to hang out withthem outside of work, Maybe you
meet people in your church oryou meet people in social groups
that you're in.
So there's all these placeswhere we can find people.
But actually getting intoknowing people and connecting
with people is sometimes wherepeople like myself have more of
a challenge.
(04:38):
Research shows that 8% of adultssay they have zero close friends
and only 38% say they have fiveor more.
And that's a huge shift fromdecades ago.
I remember when I was younger, Ialways had lots and lots of
friends, you know, like whenyou're younger, everybody's your
friend.
But I had a lot of them and Ihad a lot of people I'd hang out
(05:00):
with.
And when I say younger, I'mthinking, you know, junior high,
high school.
I had a whole group of friends.
I was always going out, alwaysdoing something.
I had my youth group friends, myschool friends, we were
everywhere.
I had lots of friends.
And I remember my dad tellingme, you know, hey, when you're
older, if you can even count thefriends you have, on one hand
you're very lucky.
And at the time I thought thatwas crazy.
(05:20):
Like only five friends.
Like that's impossible.
I'm always gonna have like.
50 friends or whatever, butlooking back, he was right.
I still have a lot ofacquaintances.
I have Facebook friends, I haveInstagram friends, I have real
life friends.
Some of them overlap in thosedifferent worlds, but the people
(05:41):
that I actually count as closefriends is a much smaller
number.
I don't know if that's the samefor you, Not just the people you
go and hang out with, but thepeople that you can sit and have
those heart-to-heartconversations with.
How many of those do you have?
And even looking back when I wasyounger, I don't know how many
(06:03):
of those I actually had.
There were girls I hung out withmore than others, and honestly,
my friend Becky was my bestfriend forever for probably in
like, I think third or fourthgrade until the early two
thousands after college.
So we've been friends for 15, 16years, which to me was a really
(06:27):
long time and she was myabsolute best friend.
And we just kind of grew apartand went our different ways.
But I still think of her and allthe fun we had.
We had so many inside jokes.
and there's things that stillremind me of her all the time,
when I was in Virginia, I had areally close friend.
We spent a lot of time togetherand really had, some of those
deeper conversations too.
(06:48):
My friend Rose.
Then she moved away and then Imoved away and things happen.
So I feel like for a very longtime I have still been looking
for that one true best friend.
You know, they talk about how,oh, you're one true love.
But I think in some aspects I'vetaken that on a friendship level
too, and I don't know if that'ssomething I was ever taught or
(07:11):
just something that kind of.
Came to me I feel like I'malways supposed to have this one
friend or this group of friends.
And you'll hear this come up inthe episodes later this month
too.
But when you see what friendshipis reflected in the media and
you see, the Golden Girls, fourwomen sex in the city.
(07:33):
Four women, and you see showslike this and you're like, oh,
well clearly I'm supposed tohave three other women.
There's supposed to be four ofus, and we're supposed to be
this perfect group of friendsand we'll all have different
personalities so we can fit allthe different character types
and we will be friends.
And that's not really how itworks.
if that's how it's worked foryou, that's awesome.
(07:53):
I'm probably actually veryenvious of that, but for me,
that hasn't been how it's beenworking out.
So when we look at thefriendships that we have, not
only are we having fewer of themthan we used to, but the time
we're spending with them isless.
Americans now spend less thanthree hours a week with friends
down from six hours a decadeago, Life gets busy, career
(08:19):
takes over.
We have families, but suddenlymaintaining friendships feels
like another to-do list item.
when there's only so much timein a day or a week and you've
got your job and family, spouse,partner, children, maybe just
people in your life care about,and then things taking care of
(08:39):
you, whether it's working out orinvolved in a hobby or a sport
or some kind of activity, makingtime for friends.
It does become like one of thosethings on a to-do list, and it's
harder to make time for itbecause they're not necessarily
at the top of your prioritylist.
And I'm not saying they shouldbe.
Obviously your family should bethere, if you have a job for
(09:01):
your living.
That's a priority too.
So it's not like we don't thinkabout friends or make time for
friends.
It just becomes harder to findthat time and actually being
really intentional about it.
And the other thing that Ipersonally think has affected a
lot of the close connections andin real life community is social
(09:23):
media.
Because on the one hand, socialmedia helps us stay connected.
But on the other, it creates theillusion of friendship while
making real life interactionsfeel less necessary.
And you'll hear this in one ofthe episodes later this month
too.
Where we really look at it, it'salmost like fake friendships.
(09:46):
I refer to Facebook as the fakebook very often because I feel
like none of it is really real.
There are parts that are real.
I just have a lot of strongopinions and feelings towards
social media.
But that's another episode foranother day.
In regards to looking at socialmedia.
With friendship it's just likethat.
when you are liking yourfriend's post or commenting it's
(10:09):
easy to think, oh, I'm engagingwith them.
I'm involved in their life.
I see what's going on.
we're friends.
But sometimes people are postingthings that may not be what's
actually going on.
It may not be their reality.
They may be covering upsomething So you're interacting
with the version of themselvesthat they're putting out there.
(10:30):
It's not the same as meetingwith a friend in real life over
a cup of coffee and saying, Hey,what's going on?
And even commenting onsomebody's post is not the same
thing as texting them or callingthem and seeing how they're
doing.
So.
I feel like social mediafriendships really build that
facade where you feel likeyou're having friends and you
(10:52):
don't.
And honestly, it goes the otherway too.
Not just with you interactingwith your friends, but how
people are with you.
Like you can look and say, ohlook, I have, 298 Facebook
friends and 1100 Instagramfriends and they're all caring
about me and involved in mylife.
And they're not.
There's probably some peopleinterested in your life, but
most of them are probably not.
(11:13):
even when you feel like they maybe real friendships and some of
them are I don't wanna go toodown this because I know it's
just gonna cause controversy,but I'll leave you with this.
Have your social media friends,but don't use that as a
replacement for your in reallife friends.
We'll leave it at that, howabout you?
(11:33):
Have you ever felt like makingor maintaining friendships is
harder than it should be?
Because I think it is.
I'd love to hear what you think.
I've teased about some thingsthat will be coming up this
month, to give you a littlesneak peek, we're gonna be
talking about making friends.
As an adult, why is it soawkward?
(11:54):
How do you actually do it?
Friendship challenges, All thedifferent conflicts that come
up.
Issues you have, boundariesgrowing apart.
Just all the differentchallenges.
We're gonna try to cover themall and come up with some ideas
or solutions or ways to navigateadult friendships, long distance
(12:14):
friendships.
Long distance friendships for meeither go one way or another.
Either it doesn't work out, oryou are able to maintain a
friendship by being intentionalwith calling and texting and
staying involved.
we're gonna have a whole episodeon different aspects of long
distance friendship and how itcan be done.
(12:35):
I'm also hoping we get to talkabout age gap friendships.
When you are older than a friendor they're older than you,
you're at different phases ofyour life, but sometimes it's
exactly what you need.
But again, how do you find thosefriendships?
How do you make them work?
Speaking of work, work,friendships.
sometimes that's a place whereyou can find friends because
(12:56):
you're in the same area, butthen how does that dynamic work
when you're working together ona project or one of them is your
boss?
How do you handle all of thosedifferent aspects and does it
affect your friendship?
And maybe a few other friendshiptopics, and we're definitely
gonna have a lot of guests, someyou've already met in previous
episodes.
(13:16):
Some are new ones that I am soexcited to introduce you to.
So we're gonna have a lot of funwith this.
friendship is more than just whowe text or grab coffee with.
It's about how we see ourselves,the way we grow, how we support
each other, and that is why I'mso excited about launching our
(13:37):
first ever virtual book club inMay.
The reason I'm tying it intofriendship is because it's the
book titled Perfect is Boringand it tastes like Kale by Jess
Johnston.
So I'll read you the summary ofthe book and then you'll see why
I think this is so important.
What if we accepted ourstruggles and stopped trying to
(13:57):
be someone we're not in thispoignant, hilarious book, the
bestselling co-author of, I'llBe There, but I'll be Wearing
Sweatpants, shares herexperiments in finding our way
back to each other.
Jess Johnston used to feel alonein her mess.
Then in a random burst ofcourage, she started sharing
those insecurities and strugglesout loud, and what she found
(14:19):
shocked her again and again.
Women replied.
Me too.
I thought I was the only one.
Women are really hard onthemselves.
We often believe that if we justdid better, worked harder and
were less messy, flawed human,our lives would be infinitely
better and we'd receive thebelonging we crave.
(14:42):
The exact opposite is true.
It isn't our lack of perfectionthat isolates us.
Rather, it's our authenticity,about our imperfections that
brings us together with honesty,heart, and humor.
Johnston takes on the lies she'sbelieved and the lessons she's
learned and is still learning,including if I'm rejected, I
(15:04):
will die.
We won't.
I'm a junior varsity adult andthe best spot for me is usually
on the bench.
Nope, we've gotta get in thereand play.
My job is to keep people happyand make sure they like me,
excuse me, while I go hide in mycloset and have an anxiety
attack.
Jess Johnston reminds us thatthe answers are in us already,
(15:26):
and accepting that we are a lot,a lot of mess and a lot of great
too.
So if that resonated with you atall, and I think if you're
listening to my podcast andyou're like me even a little
bit, it probably did then Ithink you'd like to read the
book too.
So I'm excited about having thisand I'm still working out the
details, so I can't tell youeverything right now.
(15:48):
Basically, we're gonna read thebook together and we're gonna
talk about the book together.
And whether that's you sendingin emails or doing voice clips,
or if we actually do a livestreaming thing sometime and we
talk about it together, Ipromise you it's gonna be so
much fun and I'm so excitedabout being able to interact
(16:12):
with you all and find a way toget us to be closer together.
And I think this book is theperfect one.
spoiler alert, I've alreadystarted reading it.
I did wanna make sure that it'sgonna work for this.
It is so good.
As I'm reading it, I'm like, ohmy gosh, this is exactly what
I've been saying.
This is exactly how I'm feelingand I'm pretty sure I'm not the
(16:32):
only one.
there's a whole book about itand it's amazing.
this book highlights the themesof self-acceptance, connection,
and personal evolution, thingsthat directly impact our
friendships.
And really play into everythingwe're gonna be talking about in
April, which is why I thoughttalking about friendships in
(16:53):
April and maybe going into May alittle bit too, and then doing
this virtual book club in May.
It's gonna connect so well thatwe're gonna be so ready for
summer.
We're gonna be living our mostauthentic, confident life.
We're gonna have friendsabounding.
It's gonna be beautiful.
I can't promise the wholefriends abounding part, but I
can definitely promise you thatwe'll be more authentic and more
(17:16):
confident going into the summer.
I would love to hear yourthoughts.
What's been your biggestchallenge or joy in friendship?
What struggles have you had?
What tips do you have to makefriends not just the regular run
of the mill.
We grab coffee friends, but theones that you can be vulnerable
with and open your heart andyour messy house too, like what
(17:41):
are the tips that you have?
You can message me on Instagramat talk with Kristen with an E,
or email me at talk with Kristenwith an e@gmail.com the more you
send me, the more you engage,the more we can get your
thoughts out here too, so it'snot just me talking and we can
be a team Friendships areconstantly evolving, this month
(18:04):
we're gonna dive into all of it.
The messy, the beautiful, thescary, the wonderful parts of
friendship.
Make sure you are subscribed andjoining the conversation on
Instagram or Facebook, you canalso find out all the details
for our upcoming book club.
(18:24):
Yay.
Now, the first episode comingup, that will also be today.
So after you listen to this, youcan go listen to that one or
maybe you already have.
Uh, XIS and I are reflecting onour own experiences.
And we're talking about thepressures of maintaining large
social circles and how sometimesjust having a few close friends
really is better.
(18:45):
Plus the episode starts withAlexis and I reflecting on how
we met, and that's a pretty goodstory on its own.
So I definitely hope that youwill listen to not just today's
episodes, but the whole month,and that you'll share your
thoughts because friendship isso important.
And while I don't know all ofyou.
Yet, I'm sure that we'd bereally good friends too, so I
(19:07):
would love to get to know you.
So please reach out, like,subscribe, do all the things,
and, uh, yeah.
We'll.
Hey everyone.
Welcome back, and how excitedare we for this little bonus
episode.
it's just me today, but I wantedto share what's in store in the
coming months, because April andMay are going to be very
exciting and a little bitdifferent from what we have been
doing here on the podcastlately.
(00:22):
the first couple months gave youa broad range of topics.
We're gonna cover differentguests, different things, just
trying to see what's out there,what people wanna listen to,
what my friends wanna talkabout, for April, we're actually
going to do a series.
So every episode this month isgoing to be on a specific topic,
although We're coveringdifferent aspects of it.
(00:44):
we're talking about friendshipand the reason I felt the need
to dedicate a whole month, maybemore to this is, it seems that
every time I have a guest,almost every single person has
wanted to talk about friendshipor something about friendship
has come up.
I see that it's somethingimportant, on people's minds,
things they want to talk about,and for me, it's something very
(01:08):
near and dear to my heart.
You'll hear it, we've probablyalready heard it in previous
episodes, and you're definitelygoing to hear it in the upcoming
ones.
The different thoughts andfeelings I have towards
friendship, how I've struggledwith friendships, how I've had a
hard time making friends, notmaking acquaintances.
I can pretty much get anybody tobe an acquaintance to me, I just
(01:29):
love people.
I love talking with people.
Obviously I am dedicating awhole podcast to talking with
me, so I've got that handled.
But being able to take those,shallow or superficial
friendships and getting them tothe next level where they are
actually meaningful, impactful,that is something I've had a
(01:49):
hard time with.
And I can go through all thedifferent reasons of why I think
that is, but that's notsomething we need to get to in
this little intro episode.
So that's where I am coming fromis talking about friendship and
the different aspects of it.
And because friendships are sucha huge part of our lives, I've
(02:10):
got something even more excitingcoming up in May that ties right
into this series.
I am going to be hosting ourvery first.
Virtual book club.
Stay tuned throughout theepisode to get the details.
So why friendship and why doesfriendship matter so much in
adults?
I think it's because it's beenharder to make them.
(02:32):
When you're making kids as afriend, it's easy.
You know, you just, you show up,you play, and your friends booth
is ever there.
It can be the kids in theneighborhood.
It can be the kids in your classwhen you're at school.
It's focused on that proximityof.
Was there, they're usually aboutthe same age as you.
Oftentimes they're usually thesame sex as you, and you just
(02:53):
kind of clinging to whoever'sthere and around you.
And it's funny, as I've beentalking to my son, he's 12 and
asking him about, you know,well, how is it that you make
friends and how is it, you know,who are you friends with at
school?
And I've asked him, you like,what about the girls in your
class?
He's like, oh no, I don't talkto the girls.
the boys just talk to the boysand the girls just talk to the
(03:14):
girls.
And I'm sure it's not like thatin every sixth grade, but that's
how they're at that age now.
And that's how it is.
You kind of clinging to what islike you and who is around you.
And I think for a lot of ourlives, that's how it is.
when you go off to college, it'swhoever's living with you in
your dorm on your floor or inyour unit.
(03:35):
the people you're in class withthat you may be in different
social groups with.
Sorority.
Fraternity, it's whoever'saround is who you become friends
with and especially in college,it's more of those social
aspects, the people you're goingout with, the people you're
studying with, and it kind ofbonds you together.
Then you get to adulthood andit's like the wild west.
(03:57):
Sure, you can do the proximitything and maybe be friends with
your neighbors, but they couldbe at different stages of their
lives and you may not be able tofind.
Common ground to really developdeep relationships.
It could be the people you workwith, and that's a great
opportunity to make friends.
But again, they may not be atthe same place of life you are.
Maybe they live far away.
(04:17):
Maybe it's hard to hang out withthem outside of work, Maybe you
meet people in your church oryou meet people in social groups
that you're in.
So there's all these placeswhere we can find people.
But actually getting intoknowing people and connecting
with people is sometimes wherepeople like myself have more of
a challenge.
(04:38):
Research shows that 8% of adultssay they have zero close friends
and only 38% say they have fiveor more.
And that's a huge shift fromdecades ago.
I remember when I was younger, Ialways had lots and lots of
friends, you know, like whenyou're younger, everybody's your
friend.
But I had a lot of them and Ihad a lot of people I'd hang out
(05:00):
with.
And when I say younger, I'mthinking, you know, junior high,
high school.
I had a whole group of friends.
I was always going out, alwaysdoing something.
I had my youth group friends, myschool friends, we were
everywhere.
I had lots of friends.
And I remember my dad tellingme, you know, hey, when you're
older, if you can even count thefriends you have, on one hand
you're very lucky.
And at the time I thought thatwas crazy.
(05:20):
Like only five friends.
Like that's impossible.
I'm always gonna have like.
50 friends or whatever, butlooking back, he was right.
I still have a lot ofacquaintances.
I have Facebook friends, I haveInstagram friends, I have real
life friends.
Some of them overlap in thosedifferent worlds, but the people
(05:41):
that I actually count as closefriends is a much smaller
number.
I don't know if that's the samefor you, Not just the people you
go and hang out with, but thepeople that you can sit and have
those heart-to-heartconversations with.
How many of those do you have?
And even looking back when I wasyounger, I don't know how many
(06:03):
of those I actually had.
There were girls I hung out withmore than others, and honestly,
my friend Becky was my bestfriend forever for probably in
like, I think third or fourthgrade until the early two
thousands after college.
So we've been friends for 15, 16years, which to me was a really
(06:27):
long time and she was myabsolute best friend.
And we just kind of grew apartand went our different ways.
But I still think of her and allthe fun we had.
We had so many inside jokes.
and there's things that stillremind me of her all the time,
when I was in Virginia, I had areally close friend.
We spent a lot of time togetherand really had, some of those
deeper conversations too.
(06:48):
My friend Rose.
Then she moved away and then Imoved away and things happen.
So I feel like for a very longtime I have still been looking
for that one true best friend.
You know, they talk about how,oh, you're one true love.
But I think in some aspects I'vetaken that on a friendship level
too, and I don't know if that'ssomething I was ever taught or
(07:11):
just something that kind of.
Came to me I feel like I'malways supposed to have this one
friend or this group of friends.
And you'll hear this come up inthe episodes later this month
too.
But when you see what friendshipis reflected in the media and
you see, the Golden Girls, fourwomen sex in the city.
(07:33):
Four women, and you see showslike this and you're like, oh,
well clearly I'm supposed tohave three other women.
There's supposed to be four ofus, and we're supposed to be
this perfect group of friendsand we'll all have different
personalities so we can fit allthe different character types
and we will be friends.
And that's not really how itworks.
if that's how it's worked foryou, that's awesome.
(07:53):
I'm probably actually veryenvious of that, but for me,
that hasn't been how it's beenworking out.
So when we look at thefriendships that we have, not
only are we having fewer of themthan we used to, but the time
we're spending with them isless.
Americans now spend less thanthree hours a week with friends
down from six hours a decadeago, Life gets busy, career
(08:19):
takes over.
We have families, but suddenlymaintaining friendships feels
like another to-do list item.
when there's only so much timein a day or a week and you've
got your job and family, spouse,partner, children, maybe just
people in your life care about,and then things taking care of
(08:39):
you, whether it's working out orinvolved in a hobby or a sport
or some kind of activity, makingtime for friends.
It does become like one of thosethings on a to-do list, and it's
harder to make time for itbecause they're not necessarily
at the top of your prioritylist.
And I'm not saying they shouldbe.
Obviously your family should bethere, if you have a job for
(09:01):
your living.
That's a priority too.
So it's not like we don't thinkabout friends or make time for
friends.
It just becomes harder to findthat time and actually being
really intentional about it.
And the other thing that Ipersonally think has affected a
lot of the close connections andin real life community is social
(09:23):
media.
Because on the one hand, socialmedia helps us stay connected.
But on the other, it creates theillusion of friendship while
making real life interactionsfeel less necessary.
And you'll hear this in one ofthe episodes later this month
too.
Where we really look at it, it'salmost like fake friendships.
(09:46):
I refer to Facebook as the fakebook very often because I feel
like none of it is really real.
There are parts that are real.
I just have a lot of strongopinions and feelings towards
social media.
But that's another episode foranother day.
In regards to looking at socialmedia.
With friendship it's just likethat.
when you are liking yourfriend's post or commenting it's
(10:09):
easy to think, oh, I'm engagingwith them.
I'm involved in their life.
I see what's going on.
we're friends.
But sometimes people are postingthings that may not be what's
actually going on.
It may not be their reality.
They may be covering upsomething So you're interacting
with the version of themselvesthat they're putting out there.
(10:30):
It's not the same as meetingwith a friend in real life over
a cup of coffee and saying, Hey,what's going on?
And even commenting onsomebody's post is not the same
thing as texting them or callingthem and seeing how they're
doing.
So.
I feel like social mediafriendships really build that
facade where you feel likeyou're having friends and you
(10:52):
don't.
And honestly, it goes the otherway too.
Not just with you interactingwith your friends, but how
people are with you.
Like you can look and say, ohlook, I have, 298 Facebook
friends and 1100 Instagramfriends and they're all caring
about me and involved in mylife.
And they're not.
There's probably some peopleinterested in your life, but
most of them are probably not.
(11:13):
even when you feel like they maybe real friendships and some of
them are I don't wanna go toodown this because I know it's
just gonna cause controversy,but I'll leave you with this.
Have your social media friends,but don't use that as a
replacement for your in reallife friends.
We'll leave it at that, howabout you?
(11:33):
Have you ever felt like makingor maintaining friendships is
harder than it should be?
Because I think it is.
I'd love to hear what you think.
I've teased about some thingsthat will be coming up this
month, to give you a littlesneak peek, we're gonna be
talking about making friends.
As an adult, why is it soawkward?
(11:54):
How do you actually do it?
Friendship challenges, All thedifferent conflicts that come
up.
Issues you have, boundariesgrowing apart.
Just all the differentchallenges.
We're gonna try to cover themall and come up with some ideas
or solutions or ways to navigateadult friendships, long distance
(12:14):
friendships.
Long distance friendships for meeither go one way or another.
Either it doesn't work out, oryou are able to maintain a
friendship by being intentionalwith calling and texting and
staying involved.
we're gonna have a whole episodeon different aspects of long
distance friendship and how itcan be done.
(12:35):
I'm also hoping we get to talkabout age gap friendships.
When you are older than a friendor they're older than you,
you're at different phases ofyour life, but sometimes it's
exactly what you need.
But again, how do you find thosefriendships?
How do you make them work?
Speaking of work, work,friendships.
sometimes that's a place whereyou can find friends because
(12:56):
you're in the same area, butthen how does that dynamic work
when you're working together ona project or one of them is your
boss?
How do you handle all of thosedifferent aspects and does it
affect your friendship?
And maybe a few other friendshiptopics, and we're definitely
gonna have a lot of guests, someyou've already met in previous
episodes.
(13:16):
Some are new ones that I am soexcited to introduce you to.
So we're gonna have a lot of funwith this.
friendship is more than just whowe text or grab coffee with.
It's about how we see ourselves,the way we grow, how we support
each other, and that is why I'mso excited about launching our
(13:37):
first ever virtual book club inMay.
The reason I'm tying it intofriendship is because it's the
book titled Perfect is Boringand it tastes like Kale by Jess
Johnston.
So I'll read you the summary ofthe book and then you'll see why
I think this is so important.
What if we accepted ourstruggles and stopped trying to
(13:57):
be someone we're not in thispoignant, hilarious book, the
bestselling co-author of, I'llBe There, but I'll be Wearing
Sweatpants, shares herexperiments in finding our way
back to each other.
Jess Johnston used to feel alonein her mess.
Then in a random burst ofcourage, she started sharing
those insecurities and strugglesout loud, and what she found
(14:19):
shocked her again and again.
Women replied.
Me too.
I thought I was the only one.
Women are really hard onthemselves.
We often believe that if we justdid better, worked harder and
were less messy, flawed human,our lives would be infinitely
better and we'd receive thebelonging we crave.
(14:42):
The exact opposite is true.
It isn't our lack of perfectionthat isolates us.
Rather, it's our authenticity,about our imperfections that
brings us together with honesty,heart, and humor.
Johnston takes on the lies she'sbelieved and the lessons she's
learned and is still learning,including if I'm rejected, I
(15:04):
will die.
We won't.
I'm a junior varsity adult andthe best spot for me is usually
on the bench.
Nope, we've gotta get in thereand play.
My job is to keep people happyand make sure they like me,
excuse me, while I go hide in mycloset and have an anxiety
attack.
Jess Johnston reminds us thatthe answers are in us already,
(15:26):
and accepting that we are a lot,a lot of mess and a lot of great
too.
So if that resonated with you atall, and I think if you're
listening to my podcast andyou're like me even a little
bit, it probably did then Ithink you'd like to read the
book too.
So I'm excited about having thisand I'm still working out the
details, so I can't tell youeverything right now.
(15:48):
Basically, we're gonna read thebook together and we're gonna
talk about the book together.
And whether that's you sendingin emails or doing voice clips,
or if we actually do a livestreaming thing sometime and we
talk about it together, Ipromise you it's gonna be so
much fun and I'm so excitedabout being able to interact
(16:12):
with you all and find a way toget us to be closer together.
And I think this book is theperfect one.
spoiler alert, I've alreadystarted reading it.
I did wanna make sure that it'sgonna work for this.
It is so good.
As I'm reading it, I'm like, ohmy gosh, this is exactly what
I've been saying.
This is exactly how I'm feelingand I'm pretty sure I'm not the
(16:32):
only one.
there's a whole book about itand it's amazing.
this book highlights the themesof self-acceptance, connection,
and personal evolution, thingsthat directly impact our
friendships.
And really play into everythingwe're gonna be talking about in
April, which is why I thoughttalking about friendships in
(16:53):
April and maybe going into May alittle bit too, and then doing
this virtual book club in May.
It's gonna connect so well thatwe're gonna be so ready for
summer.
We're gonna be living our mostauthentic, confident life.
We're gonna have friendsabounding.
It's gonna be beautiful.
I can't promise the wholefriends abounding part, but I
can definitely promise you thatwe'll be more authentic and more
(17:16):
confident going into the summer.
I would love to hear yourthoughts.
What's been your biggestchallenge or joy in friendship?
What struggles have you had?
What tips do you have to makefriends not just the regular run
of the mill.
We grab coffee friends, but theones that you can be vulnerable
with and open your heart andyour messy house too, like what
(17:41):
are the tips that you have?
You can message me on Instagramat talk with Kristen with an E,
or email me at talk with Kristenwith an e@gmail.com the more you
send me, the more you engage,the more we can get your
thoughts out here too, so it'snot just me talking and we can
be a team Friendships areconstantly evolving, this month
(18:04):
we're gonna dive into all of it.
The messy, the beautiful, thescary, the wonderful parts of
friendship.
Make sure you are subscribed andjoining the conversation on
Instagram or Facebook, you canalso find out all the details
for our upcoming book club.
(18:24):
Yay.
Now, the first episode comingup, that will also be today.
So after you listen to this, youcan go listen to that one or
maybe you already have.
Uh, XIS and I are reflecting onour own experiences.
And we're talking about thepressures of maintaining large
social circles and how sometimesjust having a few close friends
really is better.
(18:45):
Plus the episode starts withAlexis and I reflecting on how
we met, and that's a pretty goodstory on its own.
So I definitely hope that youwill listen to not just today's
episodes, but the whole month,and that you'll share your
thoughts because friendship isso important.
And while I don't know all ofyou.
Yet, I'm sure that we'd bereally good friends too, so I
(19:07):
would love to get to know you.
So please reach out, like,subscribe, do all the things,
and, uh, yeah.
We'll.
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