April 30, 2025 • 41 mins
Sometimes, the best friendships are the ones you never saw coming. In this episode, Kristen chats with her friend Emily about how a casual connection through a dance class turned into a meaningful friendship—despite a 16-year age gap. From running (and sometimes walking) 5Ks together to swapping life updates over coffee, their story is a reminder that friendship doesn’t have a rulebook. You can find your people at any stage of life, in the most unexpected places. Because when values, interests, and authenticity align, age becomes just a number. If you've ever felt unsure about where or how to make new friends as an adult, this cozy conversation is for you.
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Episode Transcript
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Kristen (00:01):
Hey everybody.
Welcome back today.
We are so excited because wehave a new friend joining us on
the podcast today.
Not that she's a new friend tome, but a new friend to all of
you because you haven't met heryet.
So please welcome Emily.
Hi Emily.
Hello.
do you wanna tell the listenersa little bit about you?
Emily (00:24):
Sure.
So my name is Emily, and I am alocal business owner I own a
dance studio and I've done thatfor about seven years now.
Seven full years this May.
Kristen (00:37):
Okay.
Emily (00:38):
And then, recently engaged and getting married this
summer.
So big life changes on top ofall of that.
Kristen (00:45):
Do you have the countdown for how many days till
the wedding now?
Emily (00:47):
we check in every once in a while.
We're try not to pressureourselves.
Okay, that's fine.
That's fine.
So we haven't checked in aboutweek.
It's within two months though,so we'll say it's within
Kristen (00:55):
two
Emily (00:55):
Yes.
Kristen (00:56):
So that's exciting.
I'm excited for you.
today we are talking about nosurprise'cause it's during our
Friendship series.
We're talking about friendship.
Now, the part that Emily didn'tmention is that we do have a
slight age gap betweenourselves.
Just a little.
Which is kind of what we'retalking about.
Because you know, as we'vetalked some of the previous
episodes about how makingfriends as children is super
(01:18):
easy.
It's the kids in your class, thekids in the neighborhood.
It's almost always people yourage.
even when you're a little oldergoing into college or starting
work at entry level, it's stillpeople around your age, then it
gets to a point where you meetpeople outside that there's
older people, there's youngerpeople, and what would've been
weird when you were 12 andsomebody was 27.
Now isn't as weird when you'relike, you know, 22 and they're,
(01:41):
35 or whatever it is.
so kind of curious to hear whatyour thoughts are or we could
start with talking, about ourfriendship a little bit.
Emily (01:50):
Yeah.
Do you wanna start with that?
Yeah, absolutely.
This summer of 21 Is when youguys first were at the studio.
Kristen (01:57):
Yeah.
Emily (01:58):
I would've been 21 when you first met me.
Kristen (02:00):
Oh, wow.
And I would've been 37, going on38.
17 years?
Yeah.
'cause you were born in 2000.
I was in 99.
Okay.
Right, right, right.
Yes.
Close enough.
So there's, 16 years between us.
if I had been a teen mom, Iwould be old enough to be your
(02:22):
mom.
Which is weird.
Like we don't look at it thatway.
Emily (02:24):
Or you'd have just been the cool cousin.
Kristen (02:26):
Yes, that's what I would've been.
There you go.
Much better.
we met in 2021'cause my son cameto dance for your summer hip hop
class.
at recital, he did such a greatjob and I was like, I could do
that.
So then I joined dance class andthen we kind of became friends
outside of that too.
'cause of shared interests.
Emily (02:46):
Yeah.
We kind of knew similar peoplein town.
I love that you like the historyof I'm obsessed with
Kristen (02:52):
trying to find out the history of the town.
Emily (02:54):
So that was how we first, started talking Yes.
Kristen (02:56):
right?
Emily (02:57):
I gave you all my yearbooks.
For you.
'cause I
Kristen (03:00):
want to know everybody, which is kind of another one of
the weird things.
Like everybody in this town isconnected.
So I have this timeline in myhead.
Whenever I meet someone, I'mlike, oh, what year did you
graduate?
And I put them on my timeline.
And I know people back from likethe graduated in like 1980,
whatever, all the way up too.
I mean, I guess if you countsome of your kids that I know
from, I know some seniors rightnow.
(03:21):
Really?
Yeah.
So I like to know a little bitof everybody and how they're all
connected, So I looked at allyour yearbooks,
Emily (03:26):
so that's kind of how we started, our non-client
friendship.
That's right.
Kristen (03:33):
Yeah.
'cause that was before we didthe 5K together.
Emily (03:36):
Yes.
Kristen (03:37):
Mm-hmm.
And then we did,
Emily (03:39):
and that's what led us into talking about.
things that we were interestedin.
Yes.
And doing things together.
And we both go to the samecoffee shop.
Yep.
So we started seeing each otherEvery, that's right.
Tuesday morning.
Yes.
And then you would dance Tuesdayevenings.
Kristen (03:55):
We started spending a lot of time together then.
Emily (03:57):
So then one spring break we did.
Kristen (03:59):
spring break.
Yes.
Our indoor 5K, our
Emily (04:01):
indoor 5K.
And then that summer we did theoutdoor 5K with our other, which
was actually
Kristen (04:07):
Yes.
because you guys were like, youcan go farther.
Right?
I'm like, I'll go farther.
If we go to the wandering bean,which is our coffee shop, and we
get coffee.
And we did.
So it was great.
I don't think we did another oneafter that.
It was just those two, right?
Emily (04:19):
That was it.
Kristen (04:20):
Okay.
Yeah.
But then most recently, therewas the book stuff too.
You lent me some books.
Emily (04:27):
I sent you some books.
We both have a love forstrawberry shortcake.
So we talk about that all thetime.
Kristen (04:32):
I see strawberry stuff, I almost did today we stopped at
Hobby Lobby and I have a wholestrawberry kitchen section right
now.
But then you just had yourbridal shower.
I'm like, she doesn't needanything else right now.
But there is some really cutestrawberry things out right now.
Emily (04:44):
I love the spring.
Kristen (04:45):
So fun brings
Emily (04:46):
all the strawberry stuff.
Kristen (04:47):
yes, we both love strawberry shortcake.
We have different strawberryshortcakes though, which is kind
of the age gap thing.
Because Strawberry Shortcake hasrebranded herself several times.
So I'm the one from the early tomid eighties.
yours was what?
2002?
2003.
Is that when she came out Withthe wide hat?
Yes.
And she's come out once or twicemore after that too.
(05:09):
So we love strawberry ShortCake.
And then, our love for thetheater.
Emily (05:14):
Yes.
That brought us to our mostrecent Activity that we did
together.
My gosh, that was
Kristen (05:19):
so fun.
so the friendship has kind ofjust morphed into different
things because what it startedas, like you said, kind of
client, customer dancer,instructor, has then kind of
blossomed into beautifulfriendship But there is the age
gap.
Emily (05:35):
Which like when we sit and talk, you don't notice.
Kristen (05:39):
I don't feel it at all.
Emily (05:41):
No.
Kristen (05:42):
It's interesting because I feel like some of it
may be your maturity level too.
'cause I think there are somepeople and like age becomes kind
of irrelevant after a certainpoint.
It's more where you are in yourlife and your thoughts and
beliefs and values and all thatother stuff that I don't think
it plays as much into how oldyou are.
Emily (06:01):
Yes.
I found myself at a younger age,always sitting at the adult
table.
I was always with my grandma andher sisters.
And so my great aunts and myaunts and I was just a listener.
Okay.
I would sit and I would listen,like family stories, and I
always found myself gravitatingtowards people who brought me
that home comfort.
(06:22):
going to school.
People always said you're theteacher's pet.
I was always running, fillingthe water bottles, doing the
coffee.
Like doing more of the adultstyle work.
And then graduating high school,moving into college,
Kristen (06:36):
mm-hmm.
Emily (06:36):
So it's a total melting pot of people,
Kristen (06:40):
right.
Emily (06:41):
You have people who.
Are in high school, still doingtheir associates program, moving
to, the states to play soccer.
Kristen (06:50):
Okay.
Emily (06:51):
And then you have your local, high school kids?
Mm-hmm.
Or your local County kids whojust, right.
This is close to home.
So this is where I'm going.
Mm-hmm.
You have your returning to theworkforce people.
Kristen (07:03):
that's right.
Emily (07:04):
cause they're such a big,
Kristen (07:05):
To get all the programs.
Yeah, like continuing educationprograms, So you have
Emily (07:08):
all those people who maybe they're switching careers
or they have to get like a newcertification.
Right.
And even in those classes, Iwasn't sitting with the other
18, 19 year olds.
I was sitting with the3-year-old guy who just was
like, Hey, I gotta be here forthe day, like the year
Kristen (07:26):
No, and that was similar for me.
I spent a lot of time with mygrandma growing up.
And I do think part of it isbecause of the people that
you're around and that's kind ofthe way you are not necessarily
raised, but what you're nurturedaround.
Like that's the environment youbecome comfortable with and what
you gravitate towards with otherpeople.
Now, since we tend to lean moreon the older side.
(07:47):
Have you gotten into like oldlady habits?
Emily (07:50):
Yes, I needlepoint.
Do you?
Yes.
cooking.
Recipes.
I like hand write recipes.
And I put'em in a recipe box.
Everybody thinks that's soweird.
Kristen (08:00):
No, that's perfect.
Because I collect old recipes.
Oh, I remember that.
And I've got boxes and boxes.
and anytime we are antiquing,sometimes I'll see a really cute
recipe box.
But if it still has the recipesin it, it's gold.
Emily (08:13):
Yes.
I
Kristen (08:13):
love old recipes, love stuff like that.
Emily (08:15):
Antiquing is a big one.
We'll spend hours in thesmallest antique store.
Kristen (08:19):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (08:20):
I have my old lady.
Kristen (08:21):
Yeah.
Well'cause you wanna know likeevery story about it.
Like I'll find something, I'mlike, oh my gosh, I wonder who
owned this and what the storywas behind it.
Or if there's anything that haslike writing in it.
Like I bought one time an oldledger book or something.
And they'd written down a bunchof different things about like,
it was kinda like a diary.
And I was like, this isbrilliant.
I wonder what happened to Henryand Matilda or whoever it was.
Emily (08:40):
never know
Kristen (08:41):
the end of the story.
And there's some stuff that it'slike.
It's almost sad, like somebody'swhole life and it was just an
estate sale or just given awayby the family but everything has
a story.
Emily (08:51):
Yeah,
Kristen (08:54):
I love anti.
I think I found that I've leanedmore towards older people, which
is funny'cause you're youngerthan I am, But I know that as
I've gotten older, it's notweird to be friends with old
ladies.
Emily (09:09):
People who are just older and not that, like you were
saying, 16 years, that's notlike in reality the biggest jump
mm-hmm.
That you can be friends with.
But for me personally, I work bymyself.
I don't have coworkers.
So I have parents of the kidsthat I teach.
And kids that I teach.
Which I always just refer tolike my students as my kids.
(09:33):
Oh, my kids are here, my kidsare doing this.
And in reality, I have nochildren.
I feel this instinct towardsthem'cause I'm with them and I
watch them grow.
Yes.
Year to year.
I'm even like that, the youngerside of it, I have these girls
that are in high school thatthey.
Will reach out to me.
(09:53):
They have problems or they justwanna talk to somebody that they
know is just gonna listen.
Not necessarily gonna fixanything for their high school
drama.
Yes.
And then, just feeling confidentin that relationship of being
almost like a role model.
Kristen (10:09):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (10:10):
And showing them more like you can be yourself.
And that's perfectly okay.
And that's one reason I reallylike your podcast I'm able to
pull them.
Like it's not just me thinkingthat yes, it's other people are
relating to this.
So I can use that knowledge thenfor my younger friends.
Kristen (10:26):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (10:27):
be like bringing them along with me in life Girls, you
can do it right.
Kristen (10:31):
which is so important because I feel like in some
aspects, there's not a lot ofthat in the world.
Like what you see on socialmedia.
And all the fakeness and bethis, be that.
It is hard, I think even harderfor girls now than when we were
growing up about being able tofocus on that, be yourself and
kind of get through things.
Emily (10:50):
Yeah.
Kristen (10:51):
So how do you navigate that, teacher to student or
mentor to person, to friend?
Like how do you navigate thoserelationships so that, like how
you keep their confidences, buthow, just how do you navigate
those?
Emily (11:09):
I a lot of times have to remind myself that.
You can have friends, you canhave people that you're close
with and you can haveacquaintances.
Yeah.
And that's a big thing for me,personally remembering these,
yes, I'm gonna call'em myfriends in conversation.
But they're children, I'm anadult.
And they're more of anacquaintance, somebody that I
(11:29):
know Kind of thinking of it as aschool teacher perspective.
There are certain things that,if you were to tell a school
teacher, the school teacher hasto tell, right?
An authoritative figure.
Mm-hmm.
Or they have to call your parentand they know there's a certain
line that Sure, there'sinappropriate things to talk
about and there's appropriatethings to talk about.
Mm-hmm.
And that could be anything from.
(11:50):
Going on a date with a boy,like, I don't necessarily wanna
hear that.
I hope you had fun.
I hope you're, you know, doingwhat you're supposed to be
doing.
Wear your seatbelt in the car.
Yes.
I always tell them when theyleave, drive safe, like mm-hmm.
Still having that authoritativefigure over them Right.
Is I am the authority in theroom.
Mm-hmm.
And kind of knowing that my veryfirst year teaching.
(12:12):
Was a knockdown, drag out powerstruggle.
Kristen (12:15):
some of those students were ones that you had just been
dancing with before.
Emily (12:18):
them for years and then I go into the front of the room
and they're supposed to listento me.
Kristen (12:24):
Yeah.
Emily (12:25):
And it was kids that I had babysat.
My cousins and family, friendsand people and it, that was the
hardest thing as 18 to be like,okay, you're an adult now.
You have to set the boundary,right?
You have to tell them, we cantalk about certain things when
(12:45):
we're stretching or when we havedowntime, but once I'm teaching.
That's it.
That's all we're doing.
I feel like we even have that inour class where.
The groups start talking andeverybody's having their side
conversations and I'm like, okayguys, let's go.
at that point I'm the youngerperson in the room.
Kristen (13:04):
That's right.
Emily (13:07):
Because I also teach adults.
Kristen (13:09):
Yeah.
that's interesting.
I've noticed sometimes, italways becomes more later on,
especially because this is mythird year dancing, and every
year it's been different people.
We have some of the samestudents, but then we have new
people that come and then thenext year some of those new
people left or stayed.
Then we get more new people.
the first.
A couple months of class.
It's not as Gier Japery.
(13:31):
Yeah.
Like it's just, we're all thereto learn and it's all new but
it's like as people become morecomfortable and more relaxed,
then it's more of a socialsetting than it is the dance
part.
And that's not necessarily a badthing.
But I have noticed too,sometimes it's like.
Poor Miss Emily just standing atthe front and nobody's paying
(13:52):
attention.
Like, Hey girls.
And they said, the teacher's petparts.
And I'm like, well, I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
Emily (13:58):
that's kind of across the board how.
all my classes are even from mylittle bitties up to my adult
classes.
It's that beginning of the yeareverybody's trying to find their
ground.
Who am I friends with in theclass?
Who am I gonna stand next to?
Who am I talking to?
She's talking, so I'm listening.
Kristen (14:15):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (14:16):
I try to set those boundaries early on, like we're
coming here to work.
Kristen (14:20):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (14:20):
This is a fun space.
This is a safe space.
And I want you to be able totalk to me and be relatable.
But we're working.
you're here for a reason.
You're not just getting droppedoff for an hour.
Kristen (14:33):
That's how some of them treat it.
But that's okay.
You know, everybody's gonna dotheir thing our friend Mary,
who's in my class, she has saidthat it's like a slumber party.
And it is because we catch up onpeople's lives and what's going
on.
But you're right, there is thatwork aspect.
we still have to learn it andknow the steps because when we
dance at recital, we're really areflection of you too, because
(14:55):
it's your instruction and howwell you have taught the classes
to do it.
Emily (14:59):
And I think that helps with my younger kids knowing
that.
We're not best friends.
Yeah.
Like they are going out there toprove to themself that they
learned something.
Mm-hmm.
And to put on a show.
my friends are the people thatcome from my studio, my youngers
And my olders.
I have my friends from myschool.
But on one hand I can count whoI talk to
Kristen (15:21):
Since
Emily (15:21):
we graduated.
Kristen (15:22):
Yeah.
Emily (15:23):
And it's just kinda that thing where we grew up, we grew
apart, we don't see each otherevery day.
Kristen (15:28):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (15:29):
My students I see every week.
Multiple times a week.
So it's just being kind of intheir lives a little bit more.
Kristen (15:36):
Well, I think that's part of a friendship thing too.
It's that proximity piece.
Like you can have friends, liketexting friends and people that
you keep up with from afar.
But there is something to besaid about seeing everybody,
whether it's daily weeklys, somerecurring basis because you're
more in their life and you knowwhat's going on.
Emily (15:54):
I think that has a big thing to do with, who I consider
to be that close friend.
Kristen (15:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (16:00):
Is that proximity, just like.
Going to school.
Mm-hmm.
And you see the same kids everyday.
Right.
You sit in the same classroomevery day.
It's who do I see at the gym?
Mm-hmm.
Who do I see at the grocerystore?
Yes.
And it's not necessarily thatthose people are friends, but
they're familiar.
Kristen (16:17):
I see that I go to the same checkout girls at Walmart
and I start to feel like I know,and I have, there's a girl who,
she was a fantastic cashier, atWalmart for a while and we would
go through her line all the timeyou kind of get to know people.
now she works at the eyedoctor's office, like there's,
'cause again, small town life.
but it's, and it like, and she'spregnant now and I'm friends
(16:37):
with her on Facebook I'm excitedabout her having her second
baby.
we're not, real friends.
But friends, like air quotefriends, like, I am interested
in her life and wanna keep upwith what's going on.
So I do think it depends on whoyou're seeing.
have you transitioned some ofyour kids when they're your
students and that you've becomefriends with them outside in the
real world after they're yourstudents?
(16:58):
Do you have any of thosecontinuing relationships?
Emily (17:00):
This group that's leaving this year is really special to
me.
Mm-hmm.
and I think maybe they will bepeople that I see outside of the
studio.
Okay.
it kind of works into, okay, wejust graduated, now we're
friends on Facebook.
Mm-hmm.
Now we're friends on Instagram.
We're seeing each other's livesin a different perspective.
Kristen (17:19):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (17:19):
'cause before then, I try not to have any social media
contact With my students.
Kristen (17:25):
Right.
Emily (17:26):
Things like that.
I still use Remind as how I talkto them because I can set an age
limit on there.
And anyone under the age of 13has to be approved by an adult.
Kristen (17:37):
Okay.
Emily (17:38):
And that 13 to 16 is the same way.
I think I have it set to wherethey have to be double approved
'cause they're underage.
Kristen (17:45):
Okay.
Emily (17:46):
And then, pretty much after recital every year I get,
you know, everybody wants to beMiss Emily's friend.
before then I'm friends withtheir parents.
And I see their lives againthrough a different perspective
Their parental view of theirlife.
I see their photos, theirhighlights of their sports, of
their prom.
Kristen (18:03):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:04):
And then you friend them and you start seeing a
different.
View of Places that they hangout their interests that maybe
we didn't talk about in the timethat we were friends all these
years.
Kristen (18:16):
Right.
Emily (18:17):
some of the kids that have graduated, they move on and
go away to college or dodifferent things.
honestly, I haven't had thatmany seniors in my seven years.
Kristen (18:26):
That's true.
Emily (18:27):
Last year was my first.
Big group.
Kristen (18:29):
And this
Emily (18:30):
I have six leave.
Kristen (18:31):
Wow.
Emily (18:33):
So I think some of mine from last year we're kind of
getting into that social mediafriendship.
Kristen (18:38):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:39):
Where we're commenting on each other's posts, we're liking
each other's posts, thatperspective of friends.
Kristen (18:46):
So what is it that you look for in a friend?
Emily (18:49):
similar interests.
Okay.
Like is what would capture myattention first?
Kristen (18:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:53):
Like Frank saying, Frank wining the same places.
Kristen (18:58):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:59):
Okay.
She looks like she could be myfriend and kind of go from
there.
I would be like my number one.
Kristen (19:06):
Okay.
What would your number two ornumber three be like if that's
your entryway one?
because I've talked on thepodcast in previous episodes,
and ones that are still maybecoming up in the friendship
series, About how I havestruggled in my life to get past
those shallow friendships.
Like I find people that maybelike the same things I do or
have something in common, but toget to those where you're having
heart to heart conversations andsharing your vulnerabilities, I
(19:29):
have a harder time getting tothat.
So has that something thenyou've experienced?
Emily (19:34):
Absolutely.
That is right on it.
I always considered myself to bethe optional friend.
Kristen (19:40):
Of
Emily (19:41):
the friend group.
I could be invited, I could notbe invited.
even at a really young age, Ifelt like probably fifth and
sixth grade.
Awkward times more towards sixthgrade.
Is when I realized that I hadall these friends because we
were in school together.
(20:01):
And then you would start seeing,that's really when Instagram
became,
Kristen (20:08):
I was trying to do the time in my head of like, when
social media entered your life.
Emily (20:12):
So I had an iPod In sixth grade and I think I had
Instagram.
That would've been 2011.
Kristen (20:21):
yeah, it was around then.
Emily (20:22):
So
Kristen (20:23):
that's when I was beauty blogging and using
Instagram a lot, all thefilters.
Emily (20:28):
So not until I was in seventh grade
Kristen (20:29):
Okay.
Emily (20:30):
I had Instagram and I started noticing they hang out
without me.
Kristen (20:34):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (20:35):
And not necessarily that's a bad thing.
But you start just feeling alittle different.
I had one best friend growing upfrom kindergarten to seventh
grade.
I had one best friend.
We did everything.
We went everywhere.
Sleepovers, our moms knew eachother, things like that.
And she was a friend that I madeat school.
And it wasn't like a, because welived in the same neighborhood,
(20:56):
it was just a school friend.
Kristen (20:58):
Right.
Emily (21:00):
And then.
She went on to do other thingsin junior high, and I went on to
do other things in junior high.
But we were still just friends.
But that's where I startedmaking my new friends too,
because she had her new friendsand I had my new friends.
Yeah.
But it was always me sitting atthe lunch table with my friend
and their friends.
Like I always felt like I wasthe outsider Of every group
(21:23):
Again, not that it was a badthing.
I was friends with everybody inhigh school.
But I think that's why I leanedmore towards my teachers'cause
they were a constant.
Kristen (21:30):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (21:31):
And at home I have three siblings and my mom and dad and
cousins.
Kristen (21:38):
So
Emily (21:38):
it's not like I needed to hang out with somebody outside
of school because I had otherpeople to hang out
Kristen (21:44):
with.
Emily (21:45):
Even now, I think about some of the friend groups that
I'm in, and how I got there isbecause I knew somebody who was
in a friend group.
So I would even say that is howI've made most of my friends as
an adult, is by having onemutual friend with a group of
friends.
And then kind of learning.
(22:07):
Other friends and, okay, I couldbe friends with this person, or
these are my kind of people.
Kind of fitting into that.
Kristen (22:15):
Yeah.
And it's hard to do that becauseI've been in similar situations
where you're brought into agroup And you're like, okay, but
you always feel like, they'rethe friends and I'm just kind of
here.
Or I've done it too, where I'veknown this person and I know
this person and then I introducethem and they're friends and I'm
like.
Okay.
Like I'm still a part of it andlike you said, there's nothing
(22:36):
wrong with it.
It's just weird to see dynamics.
So for a lot of my life, it'sbeen kind of that, like where do
I fit?
like you said, where are mypeople?
Like everybody has their, theirpeople, their tribes, their
group.
Mm-hmm.
Whatever you wanna call it.
And I'm like.
I think I'm a fun person.
a good friend.
Why is it so hard to get mygroup?
(22:58):
I've mentioned on the podcastbefore and I need to share the
video on my socials so peoplecan see it.
But Brene Brown has this greatconversation about the
difference fitting in andbelonging, and I never explain
it as good as she does, butthere's this thing where like.
Fitting in is where you try tomake yourself fit or you'll
change or you'll do something sothat you fit the area you're at.
(23:21):
Belonging is when like you'rereally a part of it and it's a
part of you.
And that's where like I can fitin anywhere.
I'll be whatever you want me tobe, which.
Is a problem in itself, but I'llmorph to fit whatever is there,
but then I'm left feeling emptybecause I'm not being
authentically me.
I'm changing something about meto be what I think other people
(23:42):
want me to be.
And it's not that belongingpiece.
Emily (23:45):
That's another thing I would say I've always had
something in common witheverybody.
Or I've found what we have incommon.
Yes.
And we kind of build off of thatwhy am I pulling all of this
material that I'm digging for tomake this friendship
Kristen (24:00):
work?
Emily (24:00):
not that I've ever had a bad experience.
I've never had a messy friendbreakup.
I've never lost anything likethat.
We've just grown apart or Wehave different things in common
with other people that maybepull us closer to them.
Kristen (24:13):
Right.
Emily (24:14):
I was, I still am friends with everybody that I meet, but
that's where I have to tellmyself, this is an acquaintance.
Mm-hmm.
You're not necessarily gonna bebest friends.
Right.
But life.
Is crazy, just like in itself ofmm-hmm.
who's going where and who'sgoing to do this.
meeting people's girlfriends,meeting people's boyfriends.
(24:36):
That was always a big thing too.
And maybe they had friends.
Mm-hmm.
And now, like me and Chase aregetting married and getting to
know all of his friends mm-hmm.
That I went to school with.
Kristen (24:46):
Right.
Emily (24:47):
I never talked to.
Kristen (24:48):
Right.
This is a different friendgroup.
Mm-hmm.
Different
Emily (24:50):
circle.
Like he had his friend group, Ihad my friend group, and we went
to the same high school.
We went to the same school for13 years.
And these were all kids that Iknew.
So now as an adult going intothis relationship and it's like,
wow, we all have something incommon.
And that's really nice to justkind of go to somebody's house
and hang out and talk It's notlike you're trying to make
(25:12):
everything happen.
That's where the belonging isvery important That relationship
should almost be natural.
Kristen (25:18):
Well, and'cause you all kind of have shared memories
too.
Like even if you weren't in thesame classroom as each other,
you were in the same class orsimilar classes.
So you can be like, Hey,remember that time in eighth
grade when so and so didwhatever, and you've kind of got
that memory, together.
So it's almost like a sharedculture too, because of
everything that you guys hadbeen through back in the day
Emily (25:40):
and just like learning new things that.
I like to do.
I'm still learning things that Ilike to do and places I like to
go and meeting somebody wholikes to do that too.
My cousin is a big person in mylife.
We're the same age.
We grew up two hours away fromeach other, but she's like my
family best friend.
Kristen (25:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (26:00):
She's not my best friend.
Right.
She's my family best friend andshe has friends
Kristen (26:05):
mm-hmm.
Emily (26:06):
That I'm friends with now because.
Hey, we're gonna come up andwe're gonna do this together.
Do you wanna go with us?
Yeah.
Oh sure.
We'll go hang out.
And now we've got friends thatwe went to Alabama with last
year.
She knows because of me, and Iknow because of her and building
that little group, but they'renot friends we see all the time.
Kristen (26:24):
Yeah.
Emily (26:25):
But that belonging is there.
Kristen (26:28):
But
Emily (26:28):
Hey, we're really good friends.
Mm-hmm.
How did this happen?
Kristen (26:31):
It's just the shared experiences and the time
together Now, do you find if afriendship that you're trying to
work on seems to be too hard, doyou keep trying or do you know
when to be like, okay, I'mtrying too hard, It's not
working, and then you stop.
How do you handle situationslike that?
Emily (26:47):
I think I am the type of person that.
will exhaust every mm-hmm.
Kristen (26:53):
Like,
Emily (26:53):
I'm just not devastated when it doesn't happen, but it's
like I've drained myself.
Kristen (26:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (27:00):
And that's that like almost the people pleasing in me
To be like, okay, but we, wehave a good time together.
So how could we, make it wherewe're friends,
Kristen (27:10):
doesn't always work though.
Emily (27:12):
It doesn't always work.
And that's okay.
everybody's not gonna be yourcup of tea.
Right.
You tried it.
And maybe you learn somethingfrom that person
Kristen (27:19):
I think it's important to look at it the other way too,
which is something I've kind ofdone more recently,
introspectively, is I'm notgoing to be everyone's cup of
tea you mentioned the peoplepleasing thing and it is so hard
for me to think somebody doesn'tlike me or somebody's mad at me.
'cause then I'm all like, what'swrong with me?
Why don't they like me?
What did I do?
And get in my head.
(27:39):
When really, and I think it wasmy friend Sarah who brought this
up you've gotta take a step backand be like, but do I wanna be
friends with them?
maybe it's not about me.
Or maybe it is, I don't know.
But when you try to forcesomething with somebody over and
over again, you have to stop andthink why am I doing this?
Yeah.
And that's okay because noteverybody is supposed to be best
(28:00):
friends with everybody.
there are people out there thatyou Meld with better and your
whole life is a journey and asyou go along, there's different
people you meet along the waythat may be with you for a
stretch of a journey.
And that's okay.
Emily (28:12):
Yeah.
I definitely have a friend thatI have reached out, Hey, let's
get coffee, let's get dinner,let's, mm-hmm.
Over months and months and it'salways, yeah, we'll do it.
We never do it.
And it's not that we don't wantto, but our schedule is just
never aligned.
Kristen (28:33):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (28:33):
We live in the same town, so you would think, it's gonna
be so easy.
Kristen (28:37):
You would, but it's not,
Emily (28:39):
being an adult is not, after I do homework, we can ride
our bikes down and meet overhere.
It's, well now I have to dolaundry, I have to clean my
house.
Like there's other things ofbeing an adult that just
sometimes get in the way of.
Being a friend.
Kristen (28:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (28:57):
And it's again, not necessarily a bad thing'cause
you have to take care of you andyour life.
She has to take care of her andher life.
And that is where I get to thepoint where I'm like, okay, I
texted her five times in threemonths and it's just not gonna
work out.
It's okay.
Kristen (29:15):
And see, going back to the age difference thing, I
think that is something that Ihave found beneficial I was
friends with some older ladiesand they were a different place
in their life, so they didn'thave kids.
So that was one thing theydidn't have to worry about, like
their schedules.
You know, they had work orwhatever still in a husband, but
they weren't, you know,navigating soccer games and
basketball practice.
their schedules were more open,so it made it easier to schedule
(29:37):
them When you have people whohave jobs, families, kids, their
own activities, that gets harderbecause you only have so much
time to dedicate and you have todecide where your priorities
are.
And I think friendship, to me isa priority.
But I can't put it, ahead of myhusband and son.
I'm sure sometimes they feellike I do.
Like you're going out again, Butit's so important to make that
(29:59):
time for you and makingfriendship a priority if that's
something good for your mental,emotional health.
Emily (30:06):
And I think me being like the younger is.
I don't have kids and so youwanna come to my kid's soccer
game?
Absolutely.
I'll come sit aside and notwatch your kid play soccer.
Yeah.
We get to hang out.
We get to watch your kid play.
Like that's a big thing.
I have been to so many footballgames.
Kristen (30:27):
Basketball
Emily (30:27):
games.
I've watched cheerleaders.
I watch my dancers, like I sitwith their parents and
Kristen (30:32):
mm-hmm.
Emily (30:33):
I think that's how I performed that relationship as
well with especially my studentsI will come support you.
Mm-hmm.
Do something, but I also havefriends who are moms who I will
come support you being the mom.
Mm-hmm.
I'll help you.
I'll load your wagon, I'll helpdrag it behind you while you're
getting your kid dressed.
Oh, so it kind of like you weresaying.
(30:55):
Mm-hmm.
the schedule is just different.
Kristen (30:58):
And sometimes that works out when you're not both
busy and in the Chaos ofwhatever season you are in.
Being able to be in differentseasons.
You can be there for someoneelse and they can be there for
you which is why it's importantto have people.
Different areas.
Yeah.
And stages.
as we're talking about being indifferent stages of life, how do
you navigate different lifeexperiences?
(31:20):
have you had any struggles withpeople and maybe, what was going
on in their life was harder foryou Friends that are your age, a
lot of them have already beenmarried or not married.
How do you navigate when thefriends that you are friends
with when their season changes?
how do you navigate that?
Emily (31:37):
so that's kind of going back to my friend that I talked
about, trying to plan somethingto just see each other.
She got married right outta highschool.
Oh,
Kristen (31:45):
wow.
Emily (31:46):
And it was just one of those things, like I had to
understand her life was changingfaster than mine was.
we text.
Social media is a big thing Wesee each other's lives, but we
just aren't in each other'slives.
I still consider her my friendBecause she knows what's going
on, but she might not know thedeep nitty gritty stuff I've
also had some friends and lostsome friends over the last
(32:08):
couple years of being in and outof a relationship and going to
those who are married andsaying, I really don't know what
I'm doing.
to hear their perspective of,we're married, but we really
don't know what we're doingEither.
We're all just living andworking it out.
Kristen (32:27):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:28):
But I was in a position for a long time of like limbo
almost.
Like being stuck in the middleof a long-term relationship with
somebody and being super closeto his family and having all
those people.
And then it didn't work out.
(32:48):
So we're moving on with life andlosing all of those people.
Kristen (32:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:54):
And that's probably the biggest friendship shift I've
ever had.
Even graduating high school.
Kristen (33:00):
Well, yeah, because that had gone on for so long in
your life and so much of your.
Young adult life and becoming awoman kind of thing.
That it was very pivotal and Ifeel like losing those
friendships was really almostlike grieving a loved one nobody
died.
to be clear, But I feel likethat's kind of the way it would
(33:23):
be, in any other long friendshipwhere you've had that.
Yeah.
I think that's even people, I'mnot divorced, but I imagine
that's what some people goingthrough divorce might have too.
Because you have all thesefriends that you've built
together.
And maybe some you've brought inor they've brought in, but then
it's been this thing.
And then how do you choose, youcan't all be friends with the
same people still I just feellike it's difficult.
Emily (33:46):
I feel like that's where we fall back into that.
social media friendship.
Kristen (33:51):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (33:52):
Where you know what's going on in their lives.
They know what's going on in mylife, but we're not necessarily
seeing each other and speak Toeach other.
But we still run into each otherat the grocery store.
At the coffee shop.
We have those little moments offriendship together.
And nothing's wrong.
Nothing's bad.
It's all friendship.
It's just a different type offriendship.
(34:13):
And like you were saying, it'sthat grieving of.
What you had.
Kristen (34:17):
And what could
Emily (34:18):
have been like knowing that they would've been a really
good friend to have goingthrough planning my wedding?
Yeah.
Or a really good friend to havejust marital questions.
Mm-hmm.
'cause they have been marriedfor years.
Yeah.
But then you also have to lookat, I've gained a whole new set
of friends mm-hmm.
Who they'll never replace.
(34:40):
That new friendship with thesepeople.
Mm-hmm.
They're all older than me.
They're all married, they allhave kids, and we don't, they've
all been a group for years andfeeling like that outsider
again.
Kristen (34:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (34:54):
But my biggest thing is not feeling intimidated by the
group.
They're always welcoming.
inviting me to do things with'em.
Life's always gonna change.
Kristen (35:03):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (35:04):
always gonna have people in your corner that are older
than you, younger than you,everybody has a different life
experience regardless of whatyou're going through.
Kristen (35:14):
And you can learn so much from everybody.
But you brought up a point,we've talked about social media
friendships, I think of it asObserving friendships.
Yeah, like you're observingtheir life.
It's almost like watching areality TV show.
you see what's going on, but youmay not actually know what's
going on behind the scenesbecause you feel like, oh yeah,
I saw so-and-so went to this, orSo-and-so's kid is doing that.
(35:35):
But it's just from what you seeand what they choose to show,
which is a different aspect too.
Yeah.
But it is weird when you runinto people like that,'cause
I've had it too where there'speople, and like you said,
people kind of grow apart and godifferent ways.
You're not not friends for anyreason, but you're still like
social media friends.
And when you see them in reallife, it is kind of a weird
thing too.
Because it's like, you knowwhat's going on with them, but
(35:56):
you haven't talked in real lifein so long.
the dynamics of friendship areso crazy.
what encouragement would yougive listeners to embrace
unexpected friendships?
Emily (36:11):
You always have to take a chance'cause you never know.
you're meeting somebody for thefirst time and you have to be
open with yourself and withthem.
Kristen (36:22):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (36:22):
So just kind of waiting.
You gotta give it time.
Waiting it out, giving them timeto open up, giving yourself time
to open up, I texted you today.
I'm in your driveway.
I know that anxiety I'm not justgonna walk up and knock on our
door.
I'm not just gonna go over to aperson and say.
I just saw you.
(36:43):
Let's be friends.
Mm-hmm.
You gotta have the icebreakerfirst.
giving it time to see where itgoes.
Kristen (36:50):
I agree with all that.
one of the words you said that,spoke to me was open.
just be open to meeting newpeople sometimes when you go
looking for friends, you may notalways find the right ones.
But if you are Open to meetingpeople, you may find new friends
that way too.
being open to people that aredifferent than you.
Also, because, you know, we'vetalked about having things in
(37:12):
common, but just seeing someoneyou don't know right off the bat
if she has something in commonor he or whatever.
Yeah, if they have something incommon with you.
I think it goes back to the agegap thing too.
Like there may be somebody.
Who's 10, 15 years older thanyou.
There may be somebody who's 10,15 years younger than you, and
they may like all the samethings you do, and you just have
to be open to giving theopportunity of getting to know
(37:35):
them, but also being open to letother people get to know you.
Emily (37:40):
I think that's a great way to put it, like just the
openness of relationships,because you could go.
Really far with somebody oneway.
Or just completely shut themdown within a conversation.
So hearing them out, what theyhave to say, but also hoping
(38:01):
they're hearing you out.
Kristen (38:02):
Yes.
Emily (38:03):
And if they're not, you can try again.
Kristen (38:05):
Well, to not be too judgey too.
just because somebody shares apost or likes something and you
don't agree with it, doesn'tnecessarily mean you shouldn't
be friends with'em.
maybe that gives you anopportunity to talk about
something like, Hey, why is itthat you think this?
can we talk about this?
I don't wanna get too deep intopolitics or any of those touchy
subjects, but still getting toknow why people think what they
(38:26):
do or why they do what they do.
Being open and honest to hearingtheir answers and just don't
judge them right away.
Emily (38:33):
Having different interests.
I look for people with similarinterests.
But having different interestsis what keeps you friends.
Because you have to be able todo your own thing.
You are your own person.
you're not the plastics.
You're all not the same.
Kristen (38:48):
Yes.
It'd be boring if we were.
you can learn new and differentactivities with other people
too, we have some friends thatvery much enjoy hiking, like a
lot.
I'm not an outdoorsy personunless I'm laying out at the
pool.
So when they first asked me togo hiking with them I
immediately texted back and Iwas like, guys, does this seem
(39:09):
like something I would do withNo thank you.
I don't exactly what I said, butthat was like the attitude.
And then my husband, he's like,yeah, but if you wanna be their
friends, you sometimes have todo things they wanna do because
if there's something you wannado that they don't wanna do, you
still want them to do it withyou.
So again, back to the word open,being open to other experiences.
went hiking with him the firsttime.
(39:29):
Loved it.
I was like, this is fantastic.
Got myself some hiking shoes.
I'm like, this is great.
Let's go hiking all the time.
Second time, not as great'causewe went on a black diamond and
it was terrible and I felt likeI was gonna die, climbing a
literal mountain.
but I survived too and it wasfine.
I'll probably go back with themagain if they in.
Me.
Emily (39:48):
Yeah.
New experiences.
And you are the type of personthat can share an experience
that maybe they don't havealready.
Kristen (39:55):
Right.
Emily (39:56):
So everybody has that in them.
Everybody has their owninterests.
They're not always everybody'sfavorite thing to do.
But it keeps you friends to havedifferent interests and.
Something to talk about
Kristen (40:08):
that's kind of how we did it as kids too, right?
maybe you wanted to jump rope atrecess and this other girl
wanted to swing, so you would goswing with her and then she
would come jump rope with you.
it's so simple to just try newthings and be open to
experiences and open to people.
Regardless of what age they areor what they have going on in
their lives.
Emily (40:27):
You never know if you don't try.
Kristen (40:29):
Well, Emily, this has been wonderful.
I wanna thank you so much forcoming on.
You are invited back anytime.
Emily (40:36):
Thank you.
Kristen (40:36):
do you have any final comments you would like to share
with the listeners?
Emily (40:40):
I would like to thank for having for your Friendship
podcast.
Kristen (40:45):
All right, we'll talk to you again soon.
Hey everybody.
Welcome back today.
We are so excited because wehave a new friend joining us on
the podcast today.
Not that she's a new friend tome, but a new friend to all of
you because you haven't met heryet.
So please welcome Emily.
Hi Emily.
Hello.
do you wanna tell the listenersa little bit about you?
Emily (00:24):
Sure.
So my name is Emily, and I am alocal business owner I own a
dance studio and I've done thatfor about seven years now.
Seven full years this May.
Kristen (00:37):
Okay.
Emily (00:38):
And then, recently engaged and getting married this
summer.
So big life changes on top ofall of that.
Kristen (00:45):
Do you have the countdown for how many days till
the wedding now?
Emily (00:47):
we check in every once in a while.
We're try not to pressureourselves.
Okay, that's fine.
That's fine.
So we haven't checked in aboutweek.
It's within two months though,so we'll say it's within
Kristen (00:55):
two
Emily (00:55):
Yes.
Kristen (00:56):
So that's exciting.
I'm excited for you.
today we are talking about nosurprise'cause it's during our
Friendship series.
We're talking about friendship.
Now, the part that Emily didn'tmention is that we do have a
slight age gap betweenourselves.
Just a little.
Which is kind of what we'retalking about.
Because you know, as we'vetalked some of the previous
episodes about how makingfriends as children is super
(01:18):
easy.
It's the kids in your class, thekids in the neighborhood.
It's almost always people yourage.
even when you're a little oldergoing into college or starting
work at entry level, it's stillpeople around your age, then it
gets to a point where you meetpeople outside that there's
older people, there's youngerpeople, and what would've been
weird when you were 12 andsomebody was 27.
Now isn't as weird when you'relike, you know, 22 and they're,
(01:41):
35 or whatever it is.
so kind of curious to hear whatyour thoughts are or we could
start with talking, about ourfriendship a little bit.
Emily (01:50):
Yeah.
Do you wanna start with that?
Yeah, absolutely.
This summer of 21 Is when youguys first were at the studio.
Kristen (01:57):
Yeah.
Emily (01:58):
I would've been 21 when you first met me.
Kristen (02:00):
Oh, wow.
And I would've been 37, going on38.
17 years?
Yeah.
'cause you were born in 2000.
I was in 99.
Okay.
Right, right, right.
Yes.
Close enough.
So there's, 16 years between us.
if I had been a teen mom, Iwould be old enough to be your
(02:22):
mom.
Which is weird.
Like we don't look at it thatway.
Emily (02:24):
Or you'd have just been the cool cousin.
Kristen (02:26):
Yes, that's what I would've been.
There you go.
Much better.
we met in 2021'cause my son cameto dance for your summer hip hop
class.
at recital, he did such a greatjob and I was like, I could do
that.
So then I joined dance class andthen we kind of became friends
outside of that too.
'cause of shared interests.
Emily (02:46):
Yeah.
We kind of knew similar peoplein town.
I love that you like the historyof I'm obsessed with
Kristen (02:52):
trying to find out the history of the town.
Emily (02:54):
So that was how we first, started talking Yes.
Kristen (02:56):
right?
Emily (02:57):
I gave you all my yearbooks.
For you.
'cause I
Kristen (03:00):
want to know everybody, which is kind of another one of
the weird things.
Like everybody in this town isconnected.
So I have this timeline in myhead.
Whenever I meet someone, I'mlike, oh, what year did you
graduate?
And I put them on my timeline.
And I know people back from likethe graduated in like 1980,
whatever, all the way up too.
I mean, I guess if you countsome of your kids that I know
from, I know some seniors rightnow.
(03:21):
Really?
Yeah.
So I like to know a little bitof everybody and how they're all
connected, So I looked at allyour yearbooks,
Emily (03:26):
so that's kind of how we started, our non-client
friendship.
That's right.
Kristen (03:33):
Yeah.
'cause that was before we didthe 5K together.
Emily (03:36):
Yes.
Kristen (03:37):
Mm-hmm.
And then we did,
Emily (03:39):
and that's what led us into talking about.
things that we were interestedin.
Yes.
And doing things together.
And we both go to the samecoffee shop.
Yep.
So we started seeing each otherEvery, that's right.
Tuesday morning.
Yes.
And then you would dance Tuesdayevenings.
Kristen (03:55):
We started spending a lot of time together then.
Emily (03:57):
So then one spring break we did.
Kristen (03:59):
spring break.
Yes.
Our indoor 5K, our
Emily (04:01):
indoor 5K.
And then that summer we did theoutdoor 5K with our other, which
was actually
Kristen (04:07):
Yes.
because you guys were like, youcan go farther.
Right?
I'm like, I'll go farther.
If we go to the wandering bean,which is our coffee shop, and we
get coffee.
And we did.
So it was great.
I don't think we did another oneafter that.
It was just those two, right?
Emily (04:19):
That was it.
Kristen (04:20):
Okay.
Yeah.
But then most recently, therewas the book stuff too.
You lent me some books.
Emily (04:27):
I sent you some books.
We both have a love forstrawberry shortcake.
So we talk about that all thetime.
Kristen (04:32):
I see strawberry stuff, I almost did today we stopped at
Hobby Lobby and I have a wholestrawberry kitchen section right
now.
But then you just had yourbridal shower.
I'm like, she doesn't needanything else right now.
But there is some really cutestrawberry things out right now.
Emily (04:44):
I love the spring.
Kristen (04:45):
So fun brings
Emily (04:46):
all the strawberry stuff.
Kristen (04:47):
yes, we both love strawberry shortcake.
We have different strawberryshortcakes though, which is kind
of the age gap thing.
Because Strawberry Shortcake hasrebranded herself several times.
So I'm the one from the early tomid eighties.
yours was what?
2002?
2003.
Is that when she came out Withthe wide hat?
Yes.
And she's come out once or twicemore after that too.
(05:09):
So we love strawberry ShortCake.
And then, our love for thetheater.
Emily (05:14):
Yes.
That brought us to our mostrecent Activity that we did
together.
My gosh, that was
Kristen (05:19):
so fun.
so the friendship has kind ofjust morphed into different
things because what it startedas, like you said, kind of
client, customer dancer,instructor, has then kind of
blossomed into beautifulfriendship But there is the age
gap.
Emily (05:35):
Which like when we sit and talk, you don't notice.
Kristen (05:39):
I don't feel it at all.
Emily (05:41):
No.
Kristen (05:42):
It's interesting because I feel like some of it
may be your maturity level too.
'cause I think there are somepeople and like age becomes kind
of irrelevant after a certainpoint.
It's more where you are in yourlife and your thoughts and
beliefs and values and all thatother stuff that I don't think
it plays as much into how oldyou are.
Emily (06:01):
Yes.
I found myself at a younger age,always sitting at the adult
table.
I was always with my grandma andher sisters.
And so my great aunts and myaunts and I was just a listener.
Okay.
I would sit and I would listen,like family stories, and I
always found myself gravitatingtowards people who brought me
that home comfort.
(06:22):
going to school.
People always said you're theteacher's pet.
I was always running, fillingthe water bottles, doing the
coffee.
Like doing more of the adultstyle work.
And then graduating high school,moving into college,
Kristen (06:36):
mm-hmm.
Emily (06:36):
So it's a total melting pot of people,
Kristen (06:40):
right.
Emily (06:41):
You have people who.
Are in high school, still doingtheir associates program, moving
to, the states to play soccer.
Kristen (06:50):
Okay.
Emily (06:51):
And then you have your local, high school kids?
Mm-hmm.
Or your local County kids whojust, right.
This is close to home.
So this is where I'm going.
Mm-hmm.
You have your returning to theworkforce people.
Kristen (07:03):
that's right.
Emily (07:04):
cause they're such a big,
Kristen (07:05):
To get all the programs.
Yeah, like continuing educationprograms, So you have
Emily (07:08):
all those people who maybe they're switching careers
or they have to get like a newcertification.
Right.
And even in those classes, Iwasn't sitting with the other
18, 19 year olds.
I was sitting with the3-year-old guy who just was
like, Hey, I gotta be here forthe day, like the year
Kristen (07:26):
No, and that was similar for me.
I spent a lot of time with mygrandma growing up.
And I do think part of it isbecause of the people that
you're around and that's kind ofthe way you are not necessarily
raised, but what you're nurturedaround.
Like that's the environment youbecome comfortable with and what
you gravitate towards with otherpeople.
Now, since we tend to lean moreon the older side.
(07:47):
Have you gotten into like oldlady habits?
Emily (07:50):
Yes, I needlepoint.
Do you?
Yes.
cooking.
Recipes.
I like hand write recipes.
And I put'em in a recipe box.
Everybody thinks that's soweird.
Kristen (08:00):
No, that's perfect.
Because I collect old recipes.
Oh, I remember that.
And I've got boxes and boxes.
and anytime we are antiquing,sometimes I'll see a really cute
recipe box.
But if it still has the recipesin it, it's gold.
Emily (08:13):
Yes.
I
Kristen (08:13):
love old recipes, love stuff like that.
Emily (08:15):
Antiquing is a big one.
We'll spend hours in thesmallest antique store.
Kristen (08:19):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (08:20):
I have my old lady.
Kristen (08:21):
Yeah.
Well'cause you wanna know likeevery story about it.
Like I'll find something, I'mlike, oh my gosh, I wonder who
owned this and what the storywas behind it.
Or if there's anything that haslike writing in it.
Like I bought one time an oldledger book or something.
And they'd written down a bunchof different things about like,
it was kinda like a diary.
And I was like, this isbrilliant.
I wonder what happened to Henryand Matilda or whoever it was.
Emily (08:40):
never know
Kristen (08:41):
the end of the story.
And there's some stuff that it'slike.
It's almost sad, like somebody'swhole life and it was just an
estate sale or just given awayby the family but everything has
a story.
Emily (08:51):
Yeah,
Kristen (08:54):
I love anti.
I think I found that I've leanedmore towards older people, which
is funny'cause you're youngerthan I am, But I know that as
I've gotten older, it's notweird to be friends with old
ladies.
Emily (09:09):
People who are just older and not that, like you were
saying, 16 years, that's notlike in reality the biggest jump
mm-hmm.
That you can be friends with.
But for me personally, I work bymyself.
I don't have coworkers.
So I have parents of the kidsthat I teach.
And kids that I teach.
Which I always just refer tolike my students as my kids.
(09:33):
Oh, my kids are here, my kidsare doing this.
And in reality, I have nochildren.
I feel this instinct towardsthem'cause I'm with them and I
watch them grow.
Yes.
Year to year.
I'm even like that, the youngerside of it, I have these girls
that are in high school thatthey.
Will reach out to me.
(09:53):
They have problems or they justwanna talk to somebody that they
know is just gonna listen.
Not necessarily gonna fixanything for their high school
drama.
Yes.
And then, just feeling confidentin that relationship of being
almost like a role model.
Kristen (10:09):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (10:10):
And showing them more like you can be yourself.
And that's perfectly okay.
And that's one reason I reallylike your podcast I'm able to
pull them.
Like it's not just me thinkingthat yes, it's other people are
relating to this.
So I can use that knowledge thenfor my younger friends.
Kristen (10:26):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (10:27):
be like bringing them along with me in life Girls, you
can do it right.
Kristen (10:31):
which is so important because I feel like in some
aspects, there's not a lot ofthat in the world.
Like what you see on socialmedia.
And all the fakeness and bethis, be that.
It is hard, I think even harderfor girls now than when we were
growing up about being able tofocus on that, be yourself and
kind of get through things.
Emily (10:50):
Yeah.
Kristen (10:51):
So how do you navigate that, teacher to student or
mentor to person, to friend?
Like how do you navigate thoserelationships so that, like how
you keep their confidences, buthow, just how do you navigate
those?
Emily (11:09):
I a lot of times have to remind myself that.
You can have friends, you canhave people that you're close
with and you can haveacquaintances.
Yeah.
And that's a big thing for me,personally remembering these,
yes, I'm gonna call'em myfriends in conversation.
But they're children, I'm anadult.
And they're more of anacquaintance, somebody that I
(11:29):
know Kind of thinking of it as aschool teacher perspective.
There are certain things that,if you were to tell a school
teacher, the school teacher hasto tell, right?
An authoritative figure.
Mm-hmm.
Or they have to call your parentand they know there's a certain
line that Sure, there'sinappropriate things to talk
about and there's appropriatethings to talk about.
Mm-hmm.
And that could be anything from.
(11:50):
Going on a date with a boy,like, I don't necessarily wanna
hear that.
I hope you had fun.
I hope you're, you know, doingwhat you're supposed to be
doing.
Wear your seatbelt in the car.
Yes.
I always tell them when theyleave, drive safe, like mm-hmm.
Still having that authoritativefigure over them Right.
Is I am the authority in theroom.
Mm-hmm.
And kind of knowing that my veryfirst year teaching.
(12:12):
Was a knockdown, drag out powerstruggle.
Kristen (12:15):
some of those students were ones that you had just been
dancing with before.
Emily (12:18):
them for years and then I go into the front of the room
and they're supposed to listento me.
Kristen (12:24):
Yeah.
Emily (12:25):
And it was kids that I had babysat.
My cousins and family, friendsand people and it, that was the
hardest thing as 18 to be like,okay, you're an adult now.
You have to set the boundary,right?
You have to tell them, we cantalk about certain things when
(12:45):
we're stretching or when we havedowntime, but once I'm teaching.
That's it.
That's all we're doing.
I feel like we even have that inour class where.
The groups start talking andeverybody's having their side
conversations and I'm like, okayguys, let's go.
at that point I'm the youngerperson in the room.
Kristen (13:04):
That's right.
Emily (13:07):
Because I also teach adults.
Kristen (13:09):
Yeah.
that's interesting.
I've noticed sometimes, italways becomes more later on,
especially because this is mythird year dancing, and every
year it's been different people.
We have some of the samestudents, but then we have new
people that come and then thenext year some of those new
people left or stayed.
Then we get more new people.
the first.
A couple months of class.
It's not as Gier Japery.
(13:31):
Yeah.
Like it's just, we're all thereto learn and it's all new but
it's like as people become morecomfortable and more relaxed,
then it's more of a socialsetting than it is the dance
part.
And that's not necessarily a badthing.
But I have noticed too,sometimes it's like.
Poor Miss Emily just standing atthe front and nobody's paying
(13:52):
attention.
Like, Hey girls.
And they said, the teacher's petparts.
And I'm like, well, I'm doingwhat I'm supposed to be doing.
Emily (13:58):
that's kind of across the board how.
all my classes are even from mylittle bitties up to my adult
classes.
It's that beginning of the yeareverybody's trying to find their
ground.
Who am I friends with in theclass?
Who am I gonna stand next to?
Who am I talking to?
She's talking, so I'm listening.
Kristen (14:15):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (14:16):
I try to set those boundaries early on, like we're
coming here to work.
Kristen (14:20):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (14:20):
This is a fun space.
This is a safe space.
And I want you to be able totalk to me and be relatable.
But we're working.
you're here for a reason.
You're not just getting droppedoff for an hour.
Kristen (14:33):
That's how some of them treat it.
But that's okay.
You know, everybody's gonna dotheir thing our friend Mary,
who's in my class, she has saidthat it's like a slumber party.
And it is because we catch up onpeople's lives and what's going
on.
But you're right, there is thatwork aspect.
we still have to learn it andknow the steps because when we
dance at recital, we're really areflection of you too, because
(14:55):
it's your instruction and howwell you have taught the classes
to do it.
Emily (14:59):
And I think that helps with my younger kids knowing
that.
We're not best friends.
Yeah.
Like they are going out there toprove to themself that they
learned something.
Mm-hmm.
And to put on a show.
my friends are the people thatcome from my studio, my youngers
And my olders.
I have my friends from myschool.
But on one hand I can count whoI talk to
Kristen (15:21):
Since
Emily (15:21):
we graduated.
Kristen (15:22):
Yeah.
Emily (15:23):
And it's just kinda that thing where we grew up, we grew
apart, we don't see each otherevery day.
Kristen (15:28):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (15:29):
My students I see every week.
Multiple times a week.
So it's just being kind of intheir lives a little bit more.
Kristen (15:36):
Well, I think that's part of a friendship thing too.
It's that proximity piece.
Like you can have friends, liketexting friends and people that
you keep up with from afar.
But there is something to besaid about seeing everybody,
whether it's daily weeklys, somerecurring basis because you're
more in their life and you knowwhat's going on.
Emily (15:54):
I think that has a big thing to do with, who I consider
to be that close friend.
Kristen (15:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (16:00):
Is that proximity, just like.
Going to school.
Mm-hmm.
And you see the same kids everyday.
Right.
You sit in the same classroomevery day.
It's who do I see at the gym?
Mm-hmm.
Who do I see at the grocerystore?
Yes.
And it's not necessarily thatthose people are friends, but
they're familiar.
Kristen (16:17):
I see that I go to the same checkout girls at Walmart
and I start to feel like I know,and I have, there's a girl who,
she was a fantastic cashier, atWalmart for a while and we would
go through her line all the timeyou kind of get to know people.
now she works at the eyedoctor's office, like there's,
'cause again, small town life.
but it's, and it like, and she'spregnant now and I'm friends
(16:37):
with her on Facebook I'm excitedabout her having her second
baby.
we're not, real friends.
But friends, like air quotefriends, like, I am interested
in her life and wanna keep upwith what's going on.
So I do think it depends on whoyou're seeing.
have you transitioned some ofyour kids when they're your
students and that you've becomefriends with them outside in the
real world after they're yourstudents?
(16:58):
Do you have any of thosecontinuing relationships?
Emily (17:00):
This group that's leaving this year is really special to
me.
Mm-hmm.
and I think maybe they will bepeople that I see outside of the
studio.
Okay.
it kind of works into, okay, wejust graduated, now we're
friends on Facebook.
Mm-hmm.
Now we're friends on Instagram.
We're seeing each other's livesin a different perspective.
Kristen (17:19):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (17:19):
'cause before then, I try not to have any social media
contact With my students.
Kristen (17:25):
Right.
Emily (17:26):
Things like that.
I still use Remind as how I talkto them because I can set an age
limit on there.
And anyone under the age of 13has to be approved by an adult.
Kristen (17:37):
Okay.
Emily (17:38):
And that 13 to 16 is the same way.
I think I have it set to wherethey have to be double approved
'cause they're underage.
Kristen (17:45):
Okay.
Emily (17:46):
And then, pretty much after recital every year I get,
you know, everybody wants to beMiss Emily's friend.
before then I'm friends withtheir parents.
And I see their lives againthrough a different perspective
Their parental view of theirlife.
I see their photos, theirhighlights of their sports, of
their prom.
Kristen (18:03):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:04):
And then you friend them and you start seeing a
different.
View of Places that they hangout their interests that maybe
we didn't talk about in the timethat we were friends all these
years.
Kristen (18:16):
Right.
Emily (18:17):
some of the kids that have graduated, they move on and
go away to college or dodifferent things.
honestly, I haven't had thatmany seniors in my seven years.
Kristen (18:26):
That's true.
Emily (18:27):
Last year was my first.
Big group.
Kristen (18:29):
And this
Emily (18:30):
I have six leave.
Kristen (18:31):
Wow.
Emily (18:33):
So I think some of mine from last year we're kind of
getting into that social mediafriendship.
Kristen (18:38):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:39):
Where we're commenting on each other's posts, we're liking
each other's posts, thatperspective of friends.
Kristen (18:46):
So what is it that you look for in a friend?
Emily (18:49):
similar interests.
Okay.
Like is what would capture myattention first?
Kristen (18:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:53):
Like Frank saying, Frank wining the same places.
Kristen (18:58):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:59):
Okay.
She looks like she could be myfriend and kind of go from
there.
I would be like my number one.
Kristen (19:06):
Okay.
What would your number two ornumber three be like if that's
your entryway one?
because I've talked on thepodcast in previous episodes,
and ones that are still maybecoming up in the friendship
series, About how I havestruggled in my life to get past
those shallow friendships.
Like I find people that maybelike the same things I do or
have something in common, but toget to those where you're having
heart to heart conversations andsharing your vulnerabilities, I
(19:29):
have a harder time getting tothat.
So has that something thenyou've experienced?
Emily (19:34):
Absolutely.
That is right on it.
I always considered myself to bethe optional friend.
Kristen (19:40):
Of
Emily (19:41):
the friend group.
I could be invited, I could notbe invited.
even at a really young age, Ifelt like probably fifth and
sixth grade.
Awkward times more towards sixthgrade.
Is when I realized that I hadall these friends because we
were in school together.
(20:01):
And then you would start seeing,that's really when Instagram
became,
Kristen (20:08):
I was trying to do the time in my head of like, when
social media entered your life.
Emily (20:12):
So I had an iPod In sixth grade and I think I had
Instagram.
That would've been 2011.
Kristen (20:21):
yeah, it was around then.
Emily (20:22):
So
Kristen (20:23):
that's when I was beauty blogging and using
Instagram a lot, all thefilters.
Emily (20:28):
So not until I was in seventh grade
Kristen (20:29):
Okay.
Emily (20:30):
I had Instagram and I started noticing they hang out
without me.
Kristen (20:34):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (20:35):
And not necessarily that's a bad thing.
But you start just feeling alittle different.
I had one best friend growing upfrom kindergarten to seventh
grade.
I had one best friend.
We did everything.
We went everywhere.
Sleepovers, our moms knew eachother, things like that.
And she was a friend that I madeat school.
And it wasn't like a, because welived in the same neighborhood,
(20:56):
it was just a school friend.
Kristen (20:58):
Right.
Emily (21:00):
And then.
She went on to do other thingsin junior high, and I went on to
do other things in junior high.
But we were still just friends.
But that's where I startedmaking my new friends too,
because she had her new friendsand I had my new friends.
Yeah.
But it was always me sitting atthe lunch table with my friend
and their friends.
Like I always felt like I wasthe outsider Of every group
(21:23):
Again, not that it was a badthing.
I was friends with everybody inhigh school.
But I think that's why I leanedmore towards my teachers'cause
they were a constant.
Kristen (21:30):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (21:31):
And at home I have three siblings and my mom and dad and
cousins.
Kristen (21:38):
So
Emily (21:38):
it's not like I needed to hang out with somebody outside
of school because I had otherpeople to hang out
Kristen (21:44):
with.
Emily (21:45):
Even now, I think about some of the friend groups that
I'm in, and how I got there isbecause I knew somebody who was
in a friend group.
So I would even say that is howI've made most of my friends as
an adult, is by having onemutual friend with a group of
friends.
And then kind of learning.
(22:07):
Other friends and, okay, I couldbe friends with this person, or
these are my kind of people.
Kind of fitting into that.
Kristen (22:15):
Yeah.
And it's hard to do that becauseI've been in similar situations
where you're brought into agroup And you're like, okay, but
you always feel like, they'rethe friends and I'm just kind of
here.
Or I've done it too, where I'veknown this person and I know
this person and then I introducethem and they're friends and I'm
like.
Okay.
Like I'm still a part of it andlike you said, there's nothing
(22:36):
wrong with it.
It's just weird to see dynamics.
So for a lot of my life, it'sbeen kind of that, like where do
I fit?
like you said, where are mypeople?
Like everybody has their, theirpeople, their tribes, their
group.
Mm-hmm.
Whatever you wanna call it.
And I'm like.
I think I'm a fun person.
a good friend.
Why is it so hard to get mygroup?
(22:58):
I've mentioned on the podcastbefore and I need to share the
video on my socials so peoplecan see it.
But Brene Brown has this greatconversation about the
difference fitting in andbelonging, and I never explain
it as good as she does, butthere's this thing where like.
Fitting in is where you try tomake yourself fit or you'll
change or you'll do something sothat you fit the area you're at.
(23:21):
Belonging is when like you'rereally a part of it and it's a
part of you.
And that's where like I can fitin anywhere.
I'll be whatever you want me tobe, which.
Is a problem in itself, but I'llmorph to fit whatever is there,
but then I'm left feeling emptybecause I'm not being
authentically me.
I'm changing something about meto be what I think other people
(23:42):
want me to be.
And it's not that belongingpiece.
Emily (23:45):
That's another thing I would say I've always had
something in common witheverybody.
Or I've found what we have incommon.
Yes.
And we kind of build off of thatwhy am I pulling all of this
material that I'm digging for tomake this friendship
Kristen (24:00):
work?
Emily (24:00):
not that I've ever had a bad experience.
I've never had a messy friendbreakup.
I've never lost anything likethat.
We've just grown apart or Wehave different things in common
with other people that maybepull us closer to them.
Kristen (24:13):
Right.
Emily (24:14):
I was, I still am friends with everybody that I meet, but
that's where I have to tellmyself, this is an acquaintance.
Mm-hmm.
You're not necessarily gonna bebest friends.
Right.
But life.
Is crazy, just like in itself ofmm-hmm.
who's going where and who'sgoing to do this.
meeting people's girlfriends,meeting people's boyfriends.
(24:36):
That was always a big thing too.
And maybe they had friends.
Mm-hmm.
And now, like me and Chase aregetting married and getting to
know all of his friends mm-hmm.
That I went to school with.
Kristen (24:46):
Right.
Emily (24:47):
I never talked to.
Kristen (24:48):
Right.
This is a different friendgroup.
Mm-hmm.
Different
Emily (24:50):
circle.
Like he had his friend group, Ihad my friend group, and we went
to the same high school.
We went to the same school for13 years.
And these were all kids that Iknew.
So now as an adult going intothis relationship and it's like,
wow, we all have something incommon.
And that's really nice to justkind of go to somebody's house
and hang out and talk It's notlike you're trying to make
(25:12):
everything happen.
That's where the belonging isvery important That relationship
should almost be natural.
Kristen (25:18):
Well, and'cause you all kind of have shared memories
too.
Like even if you weren't in thesame classroom as each other,
you were in the same class orsimilar classes.
So you can be like, Hey,remember that time in eighth
grade when so and so didwhatever, and you've kind of got
that memory, together.
So it's almost like a sharedculture too, because of
everything that you guys hadbeen through back in the day
Emily (25:40):
and just like learning new things that.
I like to do.
I'm still learning things that Ilike to do and places I like to
go and meeting somebody wholikes to do that too.
My cousin is a big person in mylife.
We're the same age.
We grew up two hours away fromeach other, but she's like my
family best friend.
Kristen (25:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (26:00):
She's not my best friend.
Right.
She's my family best friend andshe has friends
Kristen (26:05):
mm-hmm.
Emily (26:06):
That I'm friends with now because.
Hey, we're gonna come up andwe're gonna do this together.
Do you wanna go with us?
Yeah.
Oh sure.
We'll go hang out.
And now we've got friends thatwe went to Alabama with last
year.
She knows because of me, and Iknow because of her and building
that little group, but they'renot friends we see all the time.
Kristen (26:24):
Yeah.
Emily (26:25):
But that belonging is there.
Kristen (26:28):
But
Emily (26:28):
Hey, we're really good friends.
Mm-hmm.
How did this happen?
Kristen (26:31):
It's just the shared experiences and the time
together Now, do you find if afriendship that you're trying to
work on seems to be too hard, doyou keep trying or do you know
when to be like, okay, I'mtrying too hard, It's not
working, and then you stop.
How do you handle situationslike that?
Emily (26:47):
I think I am the type of person that.
will exhaust every mm-hmm.
Kristen (26:53):
Like,
Emily (26:53):
I'm just not devastated when it doesn't happen, but it's
like I've drained myself.
Kristen (26:59):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (27:00):
And that's that like almost the people pleasing in me
To be like, okay, but we, wehave a good time together.
So how could we, make it wherewe're friends,
Kristen (27:10):
doesn't always work though.
Emily (27:12):
It doesn't always work.
And that's okay.
everybody's not gonna be yourcup of tea.
Right.
You tried it.
And maybe you learn somethingfrom that person
Kristen (27:19):
I think it's important to look at it the other way too,
which is something I've kind ofdone more recently,
introspectively, is I'm notgoing to be everyone's cup of
tea you mentioned the peoplepleasing thing and it is so hard
for me to think somebody doesn'tlike me or somebody's mad at me.
'cause then I'm all like, what'swrong with me?
Why don't they like me?
What did I do?
And get in my head.
(27:39):
When really, and I think it wasmy friend Sarah who brought this
up you've gotta take a step backand be like, but do I wanna be
friends with them?
maybe it's not about me.
Or maybe it is, I don't know.
But when you try to forcesomething with somebody over and
over again, you have to stop andthink why am I doing this?
Yeah.
And that's okay because noteverybody is supposed to be best
(28:00):
friends with everybody.
there are people out there thatyou Meld with better and your
whole life is a journey and asyou go along, there's different
people you meet along the waythat may be with you for a
stretch of a journey.
And that's okay.
Emily (28:12):
Yeah.
I definitely have a friend thatI have reached out, Hey, let's
get coffee, let's get dinner,let's, mm-hmm.
Over months and months and it'salways, yeah, we'll do it.
We never do it.
And it's not that we don't wantto, but our schedule is just
never aligned.
Kristen (28:33):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (28:33):
We live in the same town, so you would think, it's gonna
be so easy.
Kristen (28:37):
You would, but it's not,
Emily (28:39):
being an adult is not, after I do homework, we can ride
our bikes down and meet overhere.
It's, well now I have to dolaundry, I have to clean my
house.
Like there's other things ofbeing an adult that just
sometimes get in the way of.
Being a friend.
Kristen (28:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (28:57):
And it's again, not necessarily a bad thing'cause
you have to take care of you andyour life.
She has to take care of her andher life.
And that is where I get to thepoint where I'm like, okay, I
texted her five times in threemonths and it's just not gonna
work out.
It's okay.
Kristen (29:15):
And see, going back to the age difference thing, I
think that is something that Ihave found beneficial I was
friends with some older ladiesand they were a different place
in their life, so they didn'thave kids.
So that was one thing theydidn't have to worry about, like
their schedules.
You know, they had work orwhatever still in a husband, but
they weren't, you know,navigating soccer games and
basketball practice.
their schedules were more open,so it made it easier to schedule
(29:37):
them When you have people whohave jobs, families, kids, their
own activities, that gets harderbecause you only have so much
time to dedicate and you have todecide where your priorities
are.
And I think friendship, to me isa priority.
But I can't put it, ahead of myhusband and son.
I'm sure sometimes they feellike I do.
Like you're going out again, Butit's so important to make that
(29:59):
time for you and makingfriendship a priority if that's
something good for your mental,emotional health.
Emily (30:06):
And I think me being like the younger is.
I don't have kids and so youwanna come to my kid's soccer
game?
Absolutely.
I'll come sit aside and notwatch your kid play soccer.
Yeah.
We get to hang out.
We get to watch your kid play.
Like that's a big thing.
I have been to so many footballgames.
Kristen (30:27):
Basketball
Emily (30:27):
games.
I've watched cheerleaders.
I watch my dancers, like I sitwith their parents and
Kristen (30:32):
mm-hmm.
Emily (30:33):
I think that's how I performed that relationship as
well with especially my studentsI will come support you.
Mm-hmm.
Do something, but I also havefriends who are moms who I will
come support you being the mom.
Mm-hmm.
I'll help you.
I'll load your wagon, I'll helpdrag it behind you while you're
getting your kid dressed.
Oh, so it kind of like you weresaying.
(30:55):
Mm-hmm.
the schedule is just different.
Kristen (30:58):
And sometimes that works out when you're not both
busy and in the Chaos ofwhatever season you are in.
Being able to be in differentseasons.
You can be there for someoneelse and they can be there for
you which is why it's importantto have people.
Different areas.
Yeah.
And stages.
as we're talking about being indifferent stages of life, how do
you navigate different lifeexperiences?
(31:20):
have you had any struggles withpeople and maybe, what was going
on in their life was harder foryou Friends that are your age, a
lot of them have already beenmarried or not married.
How do you navigate when thefriends that you are friends
with when their season changes?
how do you navigate that?
Emily (31:37):
so that's kind of going back to my friend that I talked
about, trying to plan somethingto just see each other.
She got married right outta highschool.
Oh,
Kristen (31:45):
wow.
Emily (31:46):
And it was just one of those things, like I had to
understand her life was changingfaster than mine was.
we text.
Social media is a big thing Wesee each other's lives, but we
just aren't in each other'slives.
I still consider her my friendBecause she knows what's going
on, but she might not know thedeep nitty gritty stuff I've
also had some friends and lostsome friends over the last
(32:08):
couple years of being in and outof a relationship and going to
those who are married andsaying, I really don't know what
I'm doing.
to hear their perspective of,we're married, but we really
don't know what we're doingEither.
We're all just living andworking it out.
Kristen (32:27):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:28):
But I was in a position for a long time of like limbo
almost.
Like being stuck in the middleof a long-term relationship with
somebody and being super closeto his family and having all
those people.
And then it didn't work out.
(32:48):
So we're moving on with life andlosing all of those people.
Kristen (32:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:54):
And that's probably the biggest friendship shift I've
ever had.
Even graduating high school.
Kristen (33:00):
Well, yeah, because that had gone on for so long in
your life and so much of your.
Young adult life and becoming awoman kind of thing.
That it was very pivotal and Ifeel like losing those
friendships was really almostlike grieving a loved one nobody
died.
to be clear, But I feel likethat's kind of the way it would
(33:23):
be, in any other long friendshipwhere you've had that.
Yeah.
I think that's even people, I'mnot divorced, but I imagine
that's what some people goingthrough divorce might have too.
Because you have all thesefriends that you've built
together.
And maybe some you've brought inor they've brought in, but then
it's been this thing.
And then how do you choose, youcan't all be friends with the
same people still I just feellike it's difficult.
Emily (33:46):
I feel like that's where we fall back into that.
social media friendship.
Kristen (33:51):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (33:52):
Where you know what's going on in their lives.
They know what's going on in mylife, but we're not necessarily
seeing each other and speak Toeach other.
But we still run into each otherat the grocery store.
At the coffee shop.
We have those little moments offriendship together.
And nothing's wrong.
Nothing's bad.
It's all friendship.
It's just a different type offriendship.
(34:13):
And like you were saying, it'sthat grieving of.
What you had.
Kristen (34:17):
And what could
Emily (34:18):
have been like knowing that they would've been a really
good friend to have goingthrough planning my wedding?
Yeah.
Or a really good friend to havejust marital questions.
Mm-hmm.
'cause they have been marriedfor years.
Yeah.
But then you also have to lookat, I've gained a whole new set
of friends mm-hmm.
Who they'll never replace.
(34:40):
That new friendship with thesepeople.
Mm-hmm.
They're all older than me.
They're all married, they allhave kids, and we don't, they've
all been a group for years andfeeling like that outsider
again.
Kristen (34:53):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (34:54):
But my biggest thing is not feeling intimidated by the
group.
They're always welcoming.
inviting me to do things with'em.
Life's always gonna change.
Kristen (35:03):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (35:04):
always gonna have people in your corner that are older
than you, younger than you,everybody has a different life
experience regardless of whatyou're going through.
Kristen (35:14):
And you can learn so much from everybody.
But you brought up a point,we've talked about social media
friendships, I think of it asObserving friendships.
Yeah, like you're observingtheir life.
It's almost like watching areality TV show.
you see what's going on, but youmay not actually know what's
going on behind the scenesbecause you feel like, oh yeah,
I saw so-and-so went to this, orSo-and-so's kid is doing that.
(35:35):
But it's just from what you seeand what they choose to show,
which is a different aspect too.
Yeah.
But it is weird when you runinto people like that,'cause
I've had it too where there'speople, and like you said,
people kind of grow apart and godifferent ways.
You're not not friends for anyreason, but you're still like
social media friends.
And when you see them in reallife, it is kind of a weird
thing too.
Because it's like, you knowwhat's going on with them, but
(35:56):
you haven't talked in real lifein so long.
the dynamics of friendship areso crazy.
what encouragement would yougive listeners to embrace
unexpected friendships?
Emily (36:11):
You always have to take a chance'cause you never know.
you're meeting somebody for thefirst time and you have to be
open with yourself and withthem.
Kristen (36:22):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (36:22):
So just kind of waiting.
You gotta give it time.
Waiting it out, giving them timeto open up, giving yourself time
to open up, I texted you today.
I'm in your driveway.
I know that anxiety I'm not justgonna walk up and knock on our
door.
I'm not just gonna go over to aperson and say.
I just saw you.
(36:43):
Let's be friends.
Mm-hmm.
You gotta have the icebreakerfirst.
giving it time to see where itgoes.
Kristen (36:50):
I agree with all that.
one of the words you said that,spoke to me was open.
just be open to meeting newpeople sometimes when you go
looking for friends, you may notalways find the right ones.
But if you are Open to meetingpeople, you may find new friends
that way too.
being open to people that aredifferent than you.
Also, because, you know, we'vetalked about having things in
(37:12):
common, but just seeing someoneyou don't know right off the bat
if she has something in commonor he or whatever.
Yeah, if they have something incommon with you.
I think it goes back to the agegap thing too.
Like there may be somebody.
Who's 10, 15 years older thanyou.
There may be somebody who's 10,15 years younger than you, and
they may like all the samethings you do, and you just have
to be open to giving theopportunity of getting to know
(37:35):
them, but also being open to letother people get to know you.
Emily (37:40):
I think that's a great way to put it, like just the
openness of relationships,because you could go.
Really far with somebody oneway.
Or just completely shut themdown within a conversation.
So hearing them out, what theyhave to say, but also hoping
(38:01):
they're hearing you out.
Kristen (38:02):
Yes.
Emily (38:03):
And if they're not, you can try again.
Kristen (38:05):
Well, to not be too judgey too.
just because somebody shares apost or likes something and you
don't agree with it, doesn'tnecessarily mean you shouldn't
be friends with'em.
maybe that gives you anopportunity to talk about
something like, Hey, why is itthat you think this?
can we talk about this?
I don't wanna get too deep intopolitics or any of those touchy
subjects, but still getting toknow why people think what they
(38:26):
do or why they do what they do.
Being open and honest to hearingtheir answers and just don't
judge them right away.
Emily (38:33):
Having different interests.
I look for people with similarinterests.
But having different interestsis what keeps you friends.
Because you have to be able todo your own thing.
You are your own person.
you're not the plastics.
You're all not the same.
Kristen (38:48):
Yes.
It'd be boring if we were.
you can learn new and differentactivities with other people
too, we have some friends thatvery much enjoy hiking, like a
lot.
I'm not an outdoorsy personunless I'm laying out at the
pool.
So when they first asked me togo hiking with them I
immediately texted back and Iwas like, guys, does this seem
(39:09):
like something I would do withNo thank you.
I don't exactly what I said, butthat was like the attitude.
And then my husband, he's like,yeah, but if you wanna be their
friends, you sometimes have todo things they wanna do because
if there's something you wannado that they don't wanna do, you
still want them to do it withyou.
So again, back to the word open,being open to other experiences.
went hiking with him the firsttime.
(39:29):
Loved it.
I was like, this is fantastic.
Got myself some hiking shoes.
I'm like, this is great.
Let's go hiking all the time.
Second time, not as great'causewe went on a black diamond and
it was terrible and I felt likeI was gonna die, climbing a
literal mountain.
but I survived too and it wasfine.
I'll probably go back with themagain if they in.
Me.
Emily (39:48):
Yeah.
New experiences.
And you are the type of personthat can share an experience
that maybe they don't havealready.
Kristen (39:55):
Right.
Emily (39:56):
So everybody has that in them.
Everybody has their owninterests.
They're not always everybody'sfavorite thing to do.
But it keeps you friends to havedifferent interests and.
Something to talk about
Kristen (40:08):
that's kind of how we did it as kids too, right?
maybe you wanted to jump rope atrecess and this other girl
wanted to swing, so you would goswing with her and then she
would come jump rope with you.
it's so simple to just try newthings and be open to
experiences and open to people.
Regardless of what age they areor what they have going on in
their lives.
Emily (40:27):
You never know if you don't try.
Kristen (40:29):
Well, Emily, this has been wonderful.
I wanna thank you so much forcoming on.
You are invited back anytime.
Emily (40:36):
Thank you.
Kristen (40:36):
do you have any final comments you would like to share
with the listeners?
Emily (40:40):
I would like to thank for having for your Friendship
podcast.
Kristen (40:45):
All right, we'll talk to you again soon.
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