Episode Transcript
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Kristen (00:01):
Hey everybody.
Welcome back.
I am so excited because ourfriend Emily decided to come
back today to talk with me somemore.
hi, Emily.
Hello.
Welcome back.
Emily (00:14):
Thank you
Kristen (00:14):
So I'm excited about
today's topic.
we went back and forth a littlebit to figure out what we wanted
to talk about because there arejust so many good topics to
cover, but we're gonna talkabout.
Women Expectations Society hason women if we don't fit the
mold like we're supposed to, Sodo you wanna kick us off Emily?
Where do you wanna start withthis one?
Emily (00:35):
Sure.
We'll start with what we kind oflike.
Got our idea rolling with Sure.
Is like women or girls.
Mm-hmm.
Because it's taught at the youngage.
Yes.
That you need to be quieter.
Kristen (00:49):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (00:49):
Yes.
Than a man or a boy.
Kristen (00:52):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (00:53):
So really the biggest
thing I've ever found with that
is just speaking in theclassroom.
Like growing up, you raise yourhand and you wait to be called
on and the teacher calls on youand.
Everybody starts to whisper.
Kristen (01:09):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (01:10):
And they'll be like, oh,
I'm sorry, you need to speak up.
And then you kind of find thisroom voice, like the inside
voice and you speak in that.
But when the guys raise theirhand and they start just
blurting out the answer, they'renever told to, Hey, you should
use your inside voice.
Right.
Bring it back down.
Kristen (01:31):
and I don't know if
it's forcefully taught or if
it's something that we justabsorb that inside voice is what
you're supposed to use all thetime.
Emily (01:37):
yeah,
Kristen (01:38):
never be too loud.
Never speak up, speak only whenspoken to, Be mindful and demure
or whatever, like be pretty,there's all these things that
we're taught and like I said,while it may not be like.
Plaster said, this is what youshould do.
It's learned behavior that weall see because how people are
reacting to us even in thatsmall age.
Emily (01:57):
Yeah.
And children are just like asponge, right?
Mm-hmm.
Everybody always says thatthey're watching and they're
observing.
So we notice when you arecalling out like our flaws.
Mm-hmm.
So being too loud is a flaw, butalso being too quiet is a flaw.
Mm-hmm.
You have to use that soft voice.
I feel like.
(02:17):
I can have a really deeper likevoice.
Kristen (02:21):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (02:22):
But when I'm speaking, I
tend to go higher.
Yes.
And use like my attic voice aslike in choir they're always
like sing in the attic andyou're like in the front of your
head.
Yes.
Like really high.
And I don't know if that's likean excited thing or like a
nervous thing.
Mm-hmm.
And I feel like I need to.
(02:43):
Bring my octave up.
Mm-hmm.
But I find myself like right upin the front of my head using
that voice of excitement almost.
Yes.
For just talking.
Yes.
In front of people.
Kristen (02:56):
Yes.
I already have a naturallyhigher pitched voice, but it
will be so high sometimes, likewhen I'm at work and people will
be like, Hey, hi.
I'm like, I'm good.
How are you?
And I'm like, what the heck?
it just happens.
I put on my work face, I'm like,Hey everybody, how's it going?
Hi.
I hear it and I'm like, that'snot really what I sound like.
Like you said, it's almost likean excitable voice, or it's
(03:17):
almost like the actor I'mportraying for this role will
now speak like this.
And that's how I talk all thetime, and it's so annoying
Emily (03:27):
and it's like, why, why
do only women have that?
no men a man don't get excited.
I need to lower my
Kristen (03:33):
I need to, like,
there's nobody does that.
we're supposed to fit this moldinto whatever we're supposed to
be,
Emily (03:41):
and then there's sitting
like a lady.
Kristen (03:43):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (03:44):
I'm sitting comfortable.
I am.
I'm chitchatting.
Kristen (03:46):
Yes.
you're right.
Sit like a lady.
Emily (03:49):
Sit like a lady.
You learn that at a really youngage too.
I always wore skirts anddresses.
Same.
And if I didn't have shorts onunderneath, which 90% of the
time I had to Right.
Because I was gonna do acartwheel at any given moment,
of course.
Or I was gonna sit crisscrossapplesauce.
And my skirt could come up.
But boys don't have to evenworry about that because they
(04:11):
have longer shorts and they wearpants.
Girls in dresses, you have tosit like a lady so you know
you're not exposing anything.
Or your dress isn't coming upand you just hear those things.
Again, a learned behavior of sitnicely in your seat or sit like
a lady.
Kristen (04:29):
It's like be prim and
proper.
Like everything just has to beperfect.
You know, we don't go to, whatwere those like classes that
used to send people to likeetiquette classes and like
walking with the book on yourhead and everything for good
posture.
Like, we don't necessarily dothat anyway, but I still feel
like that's how we treat younggirls.
Like, you know, just be puttogether, be quiet.
Emily (04:51):
I definitely agree there
is a place for that.
Mm-hmm.
But I think that men shouldhave, or boys should be taught
that same thing and sitting onan airplane.
Mm-hmm.
okay, I'll sit in the middleseat, I'm the woman, the man can
sit on the edge so he can pokehis foot out.
Yes.
You never wanna see a man sit inthe middle seat
Kristen (05:12):
he's got long legs.
He needs to be able to spreadout.
He needs to open himself up.
Emily (05:16):
Here I am with my legs
crossed or my ankles crossed.
Yes.
Like my arms pulled in, pullingmy shoulders in.
Yes.
Kristen (05:22):
yeah.
If you guys can see us.
we just made ourselves as smallas possible, and it's like your
arms come the whole way, so yourshoulders almost fold themselves
in and you keep your legs inlike, so you have like, you're
just this like
Emily (05:33):
Yes,
Kristen (05:33):
Like you're not even
there, like they can't even see
you.
Like if you're behind a pole,you'd blend right in with the
pole.
There is nobody there,
Emily (05:39):
Just doing those things
are, it's so silly.
Mm-hmm.
When you start to do them.
Kristen (05:47):
But it's even just,
you're not even correcting boys.
Like you said, if boys speak outin the classroom or if they're
loud and rowdy and rambunctiouson the playground, nobody's
telling them to slow down or becareful.
But like, if a girl were, do thesame thing, it's like, well, be
careful.
You don't wanna hurt yourself.
you shouldn't be doing that.
Even the activities like, girlscan play tag or make little
(06:07):
Bouquets of dandelions whereasboys are climbing trees and
jumping from the monkey bars.
But girls, we don't do that.
Let's do the safe things overhere.
And I do think it trains girlsto be kind of, risk adverse too,
and to not go for big things.
You know, they've talked aboutin the working world that a man
will read a job description andbe like, yeah, I don't have all
(06:28):
those qualifications, butwhatever I'm putting in, I'm the
best.
Person, they should pick me.
But a woman could read the samejob description and be like, I
don't have that onequalification.
They would never pick me.
I'm not going to apply like it.
It changes your confidence too,with men are very confident in
putting themselves out there,but girls and women are left to
question themselves because ofhow they've been raised along
(06:50):
that way.
Emily (06:50):
Yeah, absolutely.
And again, it's just like alearned behavior.
It's not necessarily taught Toanyone.
Kristen (06:57):
Well, and it's
reinforced too when you see
people exhibiting thosebehaviors.
If there's a loud woman orsomething like, oh my gosh,
she's so loud.
And that's like a negativething.
even if it's her speaking outabout something good or having a
lot of personality, sometimesthat's a bad thing and people
will judge it, whether it's onsocial media or in real life.
(07:18):
then you see that behavior beingjudged and you're like, well, I
don't wanna be like that.
So you kind of change and modifyyour behavior by what you see
other people reacting to
Emily (07:29):
Everybody wants to be
accepted.
Kristen (07:30):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (07:31):
So you see who's not
getting accepted and you're
like, I'm not doing that.
Kristen (07:35):
Right.
Emily (07:36):
It turns you away from
doing that, and she might be
living her best life doing whatshe needs to do and not giving a
care, but we're looking at thatas.
She should tone it down.
Kristen (07:48):
So recently, there was
this guy at work and he's
retiring.
We're very excited for it.
And he had stopped by my office,tell me who's retiring?
I'm like, that's great.
I'm so excited for you.
This is a great thing.
are you gonna have a party?
And he's like, no, I think theremight just be a luncheon or
something.
I'm like, well, if there is, Iwould love to be invited.
He goes, yeah, I don't know if Iwould, because you're so loud
and obnoxious.
(08:08):
And I was like, crying and hewalked away.
Because it's one of those thingswhere I'm 99% sure he was just
kidding.
But you know how they say,whenever you say something, even
in jest, there's a little bit oftruth.
So I'm like, do people think I'mloud and obnoxious?
that happened on a Monday orTuesday and by Thursday or
Friday, it was still on my mind.
So I talked to another friend atwork and I'm like, Hey.
(08:28):
This guy, said, I was loud andobnoxious, do you think I'm loud
and obnoxious?
And it's a friend I trust, so Ireally thought I was gonna get,
real feedback.
And she's like, well.
That already made me nervous.
Like if it's not automatic, no,where is this answer going?
And she's like, well, you know,you're a very extroverted person
and there's a lot of introvertedpeople here.
(08:49):
So like anytime that you arekind of, you know, you've got a
big personality.
And so that, I can see how somepeople might think that it's
loud and noxious and I was like,oh.
Okay, so then I'm even more inmy head because in my mind, loud
and obnoxious is like that drunkgirl at the club who's making a
(09:11):
whole spectacle of herself thatyou don't wanna be around She's
so annoying.
And I'm just like, if peoplethink I'm loud and obnoxious,
and that's what I think loud andobnoxious is, is that me.
because nobody wants to be theloud and obnoxious girl, I
thought that was a pertinentstory to share at this point.
Emily (09:30):
And it's just something
that, we learn as children and
we see it our whole lives thisis good, this is bad, this is
praised, this is not, yes, thisis acceptable, this is not
acceptable.
And or a social setting, it'sacceptable mm-hmm.
To do it here.
It's, it's acceptable to go to asporting event and cheer And be
loud and have fun, but.
(09:51):
You don't wanna take it too far.
Even there, you don't wanna bethe drunk girl Screaming or the
drunk girl in the bathroom thateverybody's, fawning over.
Because she's just, oh, I justcan't go out there looking like
this.
anything that she has to say isjust like, okay.
I don't wanna look like that.
I don't wanna act like that.
Kristen (10:10):
but it's hard because
how do you deal with other
people's perceptions of you?
Emily (10:15):
I am always worried I'm
making the wrong choice.
did I say the right thing?
Did I say the right thing forthem?
Did they hear it right?
I always question myself first,I'm sure that stems from
somewhere.
Along my childhood as well.
But I.
Need to know that it's definite,you like me or you don't like
(10:37):
me, I need to know that.
We're meshing Well or we'refitting in.
Yes.
Kristen (10:41):
Yes.
Because there's so much fakenesstoo.
And so it's hard to tell like,do they really like me?
Are they just acting like theylike me?
Is it a mean girl situation?
And they're being nice to myface and they're all talking
about me behind my back.
Like, where am I?
I try to not care.
But yes, that needing to beliked and needing to be
validated, that I'm worthsomething to someone.
(11:04):
Is so hard for me it's somethingI'm really trying to work on to
get that validation from myselfand not depend on my self worth
from what other people thinkabout me.
That's really hard.
Emily (11:14):
Yes.
Kristen (11:16):
I think that goes into
trying to fit into the mold that
people want us to be.
you talked a little bit abouthow we kind of have molds for
girls, but what do you see, asadult women?
What are some things that aretaught that we're supposed to be
or do or not be and not do asadult women?
Emily (11:35):
I think the big one right
now is you should be able to.
Be really good at your job.
Be that boss babe.
Mm-hmm.
Or be that business woman.
You go, you hold your steadyjob, but have your house all
together too.
Kristen (11:47):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (11:48):
And this is something
that I am stepping into for the
first time of having a home.
Kristen (11:52):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (11:53):
Knowing that everything
in this home relies on me and
being a business owner
Kristen (11:59):
mm-hmm.
Emily (12:00):
Everything in my business
relies on me.
Kristen (12:02):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (12:04):
And we're just expected
to do both.
at the same time.
Kristen (12:08):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (12:08):
Expected.
That's the only word.
at school they teach you, youhave your books, your work, your
homework, your tests.
So that's just your job.
I was very fortunate to grow upin a house where we also had,
not necessarily chores, but jobsYou see it needs to be done and
you do it.
we're all part of this familyand we're a team at home being
(12:31):
able to cook and clean is aluxury for some people.
Mm-hmm.
So we are very fortunate to beable to have a clean home and
food on the table.
But then you become an adult.
And they just throw you into itand you say, here's your job and
here's your house.
And then maybe one day you havekids.
Kristen (12:50):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (12:51):
Keep up with it.
Kristen (12:52):
Yep.
be perfect at all of it.
Emily (12:54):
smile
Kristen (12:54):
Yep.
And don't mess up anything,because if you mess up one area,
then you're a failure in all ofthem.
So don't mess up anything.
Be the perfect worker.
Be the perfect wife.
Be the perfect homeowner.
Be the perfect parent.
be perfect at everything.
Okay, no problem.
You've got this, but you know,if you don't Then we're all
gonna judge you.
Emily (13:12):
Because how many of us
have heard, you know that, women
belong in the kitchen.
Mm-hmm.
Children should be seen and notheard.
Kristen (13:19):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (13:20):
So still have a place and
a time, but if I don't prep
dinner before I go to work.
We're not eating dinner when Icome home from work.
Because there's just not enoughtime when you come home to do
everything.
So you also have to have, youknow, your boundaries I can't do
it all.
(13:40):
I can't wake up in the morningand immediately start my day if.
My laundry from last night isn'tfinished.
Because the first thing on thelist is to finish the laundry.
Everything else has to wait.
Kristen (13:54):
Right?
and it's hard because you dowanna be perfect at all the
things.
You don't wanna fail anything.
And even a little mistake cansometimes be seen as a failure
for people like us Maybe somepeople pleasing tendencies.
And want all the things.
it's hard because you're tryingto be what everybody else wants
(14:14):
you to be or what you thinkyou're supposed to be.
does it really matter if yourlaundry isn't done that morning?
Does it really matter if you aremaking dinner or if you pick up
pizza on the way home?
the world doesn't end if thosethings happen.
Emily (14:28):
And that fear of failure
and I've never truly failed at
anything.
Same.
You know, I was a B student.
Mm-hmm.
Growing up.
I danced growing up was fairlygood at that.
I own the studio now Pretty goodI think.
I, helped around the house didwhat we were supposed to do we
(14:49):
went to church.
Kristen (14:51):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (14:51):
I taught it Bible school.
All those things never trulyhave failed, but that is the
biggest fear we're failing atlife.
Kristen (15:01):
Yeah, it's hard because
with social media you see what
everybody else is doing withtheir life and how they're
succeeding, whether it's real ornot.
it plays into you.
And then I end up playing thecomparison game.
I have a really hard time withstuff,'cause I'll see people
buying this stuff or going onthis trip and I'm like, I don't
have that stuff.
(15:21):
I'm not going on that trip.
I don't have this thing.
And I start to feel like I'mfailing at something like you.
Straight a's forever.
I never failed at anything.
I was the good girl the wholetime growing up, you know, never
did drugs, wasn't drinking,wasn't getting in trouble.
I was the perfect girl.
So I always felt that even theslightest bit of failure, the
(15:43):
slightest, hint of failure, mademe think like I was just the
most horrible person.
I have failed at everything.
And that's not true.
I think some of it isself-imposed and I'm trying to
get better with it.
You know, they say, fail early,fail often.
You learn from your mistakes,which in theory sounds great.
I love that idea, but failingeven a little bit, even if I
make a mistake at work, I'mlike, oh my gosh.
(16:05):
what are they gonna think aboutme?
They're gonna think I'mincompetent and now I can't do
this.
I blow everything out ofproportion.
I think it comes from some ofthat early learning that, you
know, be perfect.
Emily (16:15):
I am finding a lot of
times.
People that I've gotten closewith who maybe also have similar
jobs to me, they are danceteachers at other studios
locally, or I meet peoplethrough, Facebook pages And
conventions.
They don't have it all togethereither.
Kristen (16:33):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (16:34):
And it's becoming more
talked about, and this is a
fairly mixed gender role.
So it's not just.
Me as a woman, as a danceteacher, or me as a woman, as a
homeowner.
There are male dance teachers,there are male homeowners.
everybody is doing the samething.
Everybody is feeling those samethings and I, that's why I think
(16:58):
everything is kind of changing,you know, every so many years we
have a new thing that comes up,but it always still stems back
to those basic.
Male female roles.
Kristen (17:11):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (17:11):
Like in the house, you
have the male takes out the
trash or the female cooks.
And not necessarily does it haveto be that way, but you hear
more often than not that that'sthe way that it is.
So to talk to somebody else in asimilar age that I am to a
similar job that I am.
(17:33):
Maybe she's feeling the sameway.
I dunno how to keep my car cleanand my house clean and get to my
job on time and do all of this.
Like, okay, not alone.
Kristen (17:43):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (17:44):
I like social media for
reaching out and seeing that
everybody doesn't have it alltogether and thinking you're
priorities.
Kristen (17:51):
Well, I think that's so
important.
So two things on that.
So this is where I kind of, I.
I don't wanna use the wordcrazy, but it's the first word
that came to mind.
So I'm a very traditional personin so many ways, but when it
comes to that kind of thing, weare a little role reversal in
our house because I work, and myhusband's a stay at home dad, so
(18:12):
he does the cooking andcleaning.
I take the trash out.
He would say not as often as Ishould, but I like to wait for
it to actually be full so I'mnot wasting trash bags.
But we do kind of have thoserole reversals where he does do
a lot, but that's the choicewe've made.
he works in the house, does allthe laundry, lawn mowing,
cleaning, fixing, And I just goto work and make money so we can
(18:34):
survive.
which works for us.
But, you're right, it's weirdbecause I don't have the same
struggles as some people becauseI'm not having to do all of the
things, but we each kind of haveour own roles to play.
Everybody's got their struggleof trying to keep up with
whatever.
Emily (18:51):
Yeah.
it has to be done.
it's just figuring out who'sgonna do it, what time is it
getting done?
Kristen (18:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (18:57):
Are we able to do it now
or does it have to wait?
Kristen (18:59):
Right.
And I do like what you saidabout, people being more
comfortable with talking about,and I think that's an
opportunity for social media forpeople to be more real and say,
this is my life.
I have seen some of that wherepeople will post pictures of,
their messy living room andthey're like normalized not
having a perfectly aestheticpleasing house.
And it's, it's interestingbecause I feel like there's
(19:22):
still.
And maybe it's just me kind offear about that.
Like I say, I want to beauthentically me and this is me
and I wanna be the same personon the internet as I am in real
life.
But then when there's a pictureof me that I'm gonna post, I'm
like, oh, but it's not a greatangle or this doesn't look
great.
I wanna be authentically me If Idon't like how it looks, that's
(19:43):
still what I look like.
And having that balance of beinglike, what if I put this picture
on, whether it's of me or myhouse or something else, people
are going to judge it and maybethey're not.
I read something that you onlythink people are thinking
negative thoughts about youbecause you are thinking
negative thoughts about you orsomething.
And maybe it's not true, but Ihave like, sometimes people post
(20:04):
another picture.
I'll zoom in on their picture,see what's in their background
It kind of in a judgy way, andthat's just who I am, but I'm
working on it.
Emily (20:12):
You're curious about
other people's lives, not
necessarily that you're judgingthem.
Right?
Kristen (20:16):
That's right.
I didn't mean judging like in anegative way.
It's more like evaluating.
Yes.
because especially friends whomay be your only friends with on
social media or friends thatlive far away that you don't see
a lot.
Or even if they live nearby andyou don't see them a lot.
I think if there's somebody youcare about, you are interested
in their life and you're tryingto look for more than just what
they're piecing together.
Or you are trying to piecetogether more than just the
(20:37):
little pieces they're puttingout.
Emily (20:39):
One thing growing up, I
very fortunate to have a mom and
a dad Who stayed together andare still together.
Kristen (20:47):
Same.
Emily (20:47):
And a lot of kids my age
didn't have that.
Kristen (20:50):
Like,
Emily (20:51):
didn't really realize it
till you're a little bit older
that you do have maybe, youknow, two moms and two dads.
Right.
And you have a stepparent Butthat plays a role into things
too, like.
Being able to stay in the samehouse and grow up with the same
structure is a lot differentthan kids who are bouncing back
and forth.
(21:12):
They're learning differentbehaviors than somebody who is
in the same household.
I learned very early on that ithad to get done, so who's gonna
do it?
Right.
It didn't matter if it was amale job or a female job.
Kristen (21:26):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (21:27):
I was always working with
my dad.
you need your car worked on Ican tell you how to troubleshoot
it.
And then I would let him knowlike, Hey, this is what I
already tried.
This is what I already did, andthen we'd work on it from there.
But male jobs,
Kristen (21:42):
mm-hmm.
Emily (21:43):
Female jobs weren't
really a thing in my house.
My dad loves to cook and he'sreally good at it.
Biggest thing was my mom hadfour kids.
So she was busy doing otherstuff, so my dad would come home
and cook.
Kristen (21:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (21:58):
Which, just how it worked
for us.
But To hear friends who werelike, oh, my dad didn't even
come home last night because hehad to work two jobs or
Kristen (22:06):
mm-hmm.
Emily (22:06):
I never experienced that.
Kristen (22:08):
And it's interesting
too, from a different
perspective,'cause like you, myparents still married, that's
what I grew up in.
But I did have friends that had,you know, their mom and stepdad
and then their dad and theirstepmom.
I had one friend and it didn'tseem like a big deal, every
other weekend she was with, herdad and Patty, and during the
week she was with her mom andNathan.
Well, I remember parents' namesfrom like forever ago.
(22:30):
it wasn't that weird at the timebecause that's just how it was,
but now as an adult that has achild of my own, that seems so
crazy to me.
when I've heard someco-parenting stories from
friends too.
it's almost like sometimesdifferent environments what they
can do at one house opposed towhat they can't do in another
house, or how the structure inthe home is.
(22:50):
And it's kind of like they'renot getting an overall.
Childhood.
Yeah.
And I think that does turn intoadults who can be broken too,
because of how they've had tocome about in dealing with that.
And I mean, I get it.
Like there's a time and a placefor divorce, like this isn't
what that's about.
But seeing it now from myperspective as an adult instead
of a child, I feel like it'seven more complicated.
(23:11):
Both for the parents and thechildren involved.
Emily (23:14):
Yeah.
Obviously that's a situationthat nobody expects to find
themselves in.
Right.
Maybe that's the reason why Idon't see a gender role and they
do.
Or maybe that's the reason whythey don't see the gender role
and I do.
And it's like, wow, I neverreally thought about this as a
child.
I spent the night at your houseand I didn't realize your mom
did all of the yard work.
(23:36):
It's like, my mom doesn't mowgrass.
My dad mows grass.
But your mom mows the grass.
Kristen (23:39):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (23:40):
And that is something.
Obviously you talk with yourpartner whoever you're living
with, I've got a couplegirlfriends that rented a house
together for years so they mowedtheir own grass.
I.
Moved in with a man and said, Iwill not be mowing grass.
That's not a job for me.
Kristen (23:55):
I would like to hire a
landscaper, please.
Or a gardener.
Emily (24:00):
I love that you know how
to work and that is a working
man job, right?
Kristen (24:06):
I can do the ride on
lawnmower.
I would do that.
then my husband's joke to me, heis like, yeah, you would do that
if you could figure out how toget it started.
Do you even know how to do that?
Look, dude, if you weren't here,I would figure it out
Emily (24:18):
My joke all the time is
I'm just as good as any man, and
it's not necessarily a joke.
if I didn't have a male figureto do it for me I 100% could
figure it out I grew up workingwith my dad on all sorts of
things, I worked on trucks withmy dad.
I worked on cars with my dad.
I had a vehicle that wouldn'tstart if it was too cold or it
(24:40):
would run outta coolant and mydad's not always gonna be there
to pick me back up.
I had to figure it out myself.
Obviously everybody has to havea little guidance, so I was
lucky that it was him.
To guide me in that direction.
But now if something happenswith my vehicle, I'm not stuck
on the side of the road freakingout.
Kristen (24:56):
Right.
You're not like some damsel indistress.
Like, what was me?
I need a man to come save me.
And with YouTube now too,there's so many things you can
figure out.
I use this story, it was, it'sbeen years now, but, our garbage
disposal stopped working.
So, and, at the time, husband,but he was, my boyfriend then
wasn't home and I wasn't gonnawait for him.
So I'm like, I'll figure out howto fix this then.
(25:17):
And like, I watched a YouTubevideo, try to figure out what's
wrong and push the littlebuttons.
Got the little Allen wrenchFigured it out and I fixed the
garbage disposal.
so it's things like that whereif I want something to be done,
I will just figure it out on myown.
Or find somebody to do it forme.
after trying it myself, you knowwhat I mean?
it's not like I'm this hugefeminist, independent woman.
(25:37):
I still love having a man whodoes wanna take care of me and
will do things for me, but hemay not be here forever.
I do wanna be able to beself-sufficient in some ways
where I can do things myself.
Or if I have to take my car to amechanic, I'm not gonna be one
of those dumb girls that's like,oh really?
You think I need a new waterpump?
Okay.
I wanna have already done itmyself, even if it's Googling my
(25:59):
car's symptoms.
You know what I mean?
I don't wanna be taken advantageof.
he has raised me in a way that Iknow more about how an engine
works and I'm not just gonna betaken advantage of, Normally he
fixes everything but sometimesit's too much time.
if the labor's too much, we takeit to get fixed.
they did try to tell mesomething like they wanted to
tell me something else.
I'm like, that's not what'swrong with my car.
But anyway, all that to say,it's important to be confident
(26:23):
know it and speak up about ityou don't always need somebody
else to be there for you.
Emily (26:27):
Absolutely.
I have seen, women and girls,Grow up in a very traditional
household.
Where they are only doing theinside work, cooking and
cleaning, worrying about thingslike that.
And then now they're a littlebit older and they're asking
what kind of wiper fluid theyhave to buy for their car.
how do I put wiper fluid in mycar?
(26:49):
And it's things that I grew upjust.
expected, like This is yourvehicle now, so you take care of
it.
Again, obviously with someguidance But realizing that some
people didn't have that at all,and seeing now as adult women
who have no idea what's going onwith their vehicle.
Or don't feel confident asking aman for help.
(27:11):
Because that's just not whatthey did.
Kristen (27:14):
Yeah.
That's interesting too, becauseasking for help is kind of a.
it's interesting because I neverwant people to think that I
can't do something.
asking for help is hard for me.
Not unlike my car stuff, butlike in general, right?
Like I will try to exhaust alloptions of try to figure
something out on my own.
Even like if I'm at work and mycomputer isn't working, like if
(27:34):
there's some kind of IT issue.
I will try everything.
I'll turn it on, turn it off, doa hard restart.
I will do all the things, andthen by the time I call the help
desk, I'll be like, look, I didthis and this and this, and I
can't get it, and now I needhelp.
I want them to know, I'm notjust this weak minded person
who's like, oh, this isn'tworking.
I'm just gonna call for help.
I want to solve problems on myown first.
(27:55):
Yes.
Emily (27:56):
I think that's a big
thing that by teaching little
girls to only fit.
This standard or this mold.
Mm-hmm.
You're taking that away, likeyou were talking about the risk
earlier.
Mm-hmm.
Like you're taking away thatdecision making for them.
They're not problem solving,they're not figuring it out for
themselves.
Mm-hmm.
Then they're on top of thatscared to ask for help.
(28:19):
Mm-hmm.
but now we've put them in thislittle.
Square.
Kristen (28:24):
Yeah, we've made them
helpless and we've not given
them any option to ask for help,so we just kind of keep them
down the whole time.
Which is why we try minimizingwomen and I don't know how.
So how do you think we canchange that?
Like you're around a lot ofyoung girls, how do you maybe
(28:44):
try to give them a differentperspective of what being a girl
is?
Emily (28:49):
I try to lead by example
especially if something's broken
around the studio, I try to fixit.
Kristen (28:54):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (28:54):
And problem solving as a
group.
So even just the littlest thingsof so and so lost their shoe.
Why don't we all look in ourbag?
Everybody look at what's on thebottom of your shoot.
Does it say your name does, doyou have an extra, do you have
three shoes?
You don't have three feet.
Trying to get them to think forthemselves, asking questions and
(29:17):
giving them a multiple choice,that clearly there's only one
answer to.
Kristen (29:21):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (29:22):
I'm seeing who's paying
attention and who's gonna speak
out.
Letting them all speak is thebiggest thing.
Kristen (29:29):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (29:30):
And for class purposes
might not always be the best.
Right.
I want them all to feel heard.
And I want them all to know thattheir voice matters.
'cause there are so few spacesthat everybody gets the chance
to say something.
Even at work, you're sitting ina meeting and three people talk
maybe.
Not everybody gets to say it.
(29:51):
And then you and your group ofpeople go back and you talk
about it on your own.
So letting them all have thatspace to talk and feel heard.
Kristen (30:03):
I think that's huge
because we started by talking,
girls are kind of told to bequiet and to take up less space.
do you find, in the classroomsetting, there's a time and a
place to talk, but how do youfeel that you are teaching them
that it's okay to find theirvoice and it's okay to be their
big personalities?
How do you encourage some ofthat with the kids that you work
with?
Emily (30:24):
For the personality part.
Every kid is, you know, cominginto their own at every stage of
life.
If you learn a trick outside ofthe studio and you come in and
show me, and you canconsistently do it, of course I
will work that in for you tohave some sort of spotlight.
Then tells all the other kidsthey have to work on something
too.
Kristen (30:43):
Mm.
Emily (30:43):
Okay.
So we got eight counts of she'sgonna do this, what are you
gonna do?
Can you show me something thatyou like?
Kristen (30:50):
Oh wow.
And then I
Emily (30:51):
try to go to each girl
and work on something with them.
Kristen (30:55):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (30:55):
And you don't have to do
the same thing as your neighbor.
You can do something different.
What do you like to do?
just trying to give them thatspace.
Kristen (31:03):
as a student who's had
you Teach that way.
in the finale dance for recitalthis year when you're like, and
then you do two poses, I'm like,wait a minute, I gotta come with
my own poses.
the whole time I'm practicing,I've just been doing everything
you do.
And then it wasn't until thispast week, I'm like, I'm gonna
come with poses on my own.
for me again, that's like, whatif I picked the wrong thing?
What if I do something silly?
What if they think that's dumb?
(31:23):
And I realize this is such aminor thing, but I feel it fits
into what you're saying.
The girls who are very confidentand comfortable with themselves
and know exactly what they wannado, and this is them.
And then there's the other girlswho are like, this is really
nervous.
How can I pick something?
How can I do something thatisn't what everybody else is
doing?
And what if that makes me lookdumb?
because, you know, you're soused to, especially in dance,
(31:45):
having the structure.
You do this move, you countthis, you do this, then all of a
sudden that freedom of wait aminute, do something else, it's
kind of scary.
And I think it does go back tothat both.
The fear of failure because whatif I do it wrong?
And the what?
I need to be quiet and keep tomyself and not do whatever.
So, yeah.
(32:06):
Do you have that though?
Are there any girls who you dotell them like, what do you
wanna do?
And they're like, I don't know.
Emily (32:13):
I have so many of them
look at me and they have like, I
don't know what I like, can youjust tell me what to do?
And I'm like, that's where we gointo the conversation of this is
just for fun.
This is not the end all be all.
You're not gonna die.
Your life is not riding on this.
Kristen (32:31):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:32):
And sometimes that takes
kids out of the moment and they
actually have to start thinkingabout it because they just hear
like that perfectionist in themis just, this is it.
You have to do this and it needsto be perfect.
Or maybe they're in multiplethings.
I got a lot of kids who dosports.
Kristen (32:50):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (32:52):
A lot of them who dance
outside of the studio, maybe for
school or for another team, theycompete.
And it's drilled into them thatif they are not perfect, it is
wrong.
I got basketball girls who,well, all I did was ride the
bench this year, so I'm not evengonna try out.
well, let's evaluate why youwere there.
(33:12):
How did you start there?
Well, at the beginning of theseason, I was injured.
Kristen (33:17):
play into it then.
Emily (33:18):
are you building yourself
back up?
Are you coming back from thatinjury like where you thought
you were going to?
Well, no, it took a little bitmore time.
So we're on the bench a littlebit more.
It does mean that you're anyless for sitting there, you're
still part of the team.
And this might be where mypeople pleasing and my instinct
(33:38):
comes into, Not necessarily fixeach person, but have that
relationship with each kid.
Kristen (33:43):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (33:43):
I try to connect with
each student about something.
I want them to feel heard.
I want them to know that this isa safe space and that they can
be themselves.
Kristen (33:54):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (33:54):
And I've got a couple
girls who get really loud and
excited and they'll be like,watch this and do this.
then they notice other peoplelooking at them and they get,
Ugh.
it's like, no, you were doinggood.
I want you to do it just likethat again.
Or I'll call girls out, whenthey're dancing and they can see
themselves and they're likedoing this big arm movement.
Mm-hmm.
I'm like, I really like how youdid that.
(34:15):
Can everybody else do it likethis?
sometimes the person who getscalled out starts to shut down.
Because now everybody's lookingat them.
And it's not a bad thing.
That was a good thing.
Kristen (34:24):
It's because of how
we've been ingrained.
Don't be too big.
Don't be too loud.
Don't be too much.
Emily (34:29):
Don't be the center of
attention.
don't draw attention fromeverybody else to yourself.
Kristen (34:33):
Yes.
And that's so hard.
And the perfectionism thing too.
And it's interesting because youare not a competitive dance
studio, so it doesn't matter asmuch Yeah, you want everybody to
get the dance, but it's not liketheir scores being taken off if
they don't.
But it's interesting because.
I have a hard time too mentally,I was in theater my whole life
and missing a line or doingsomething wasn't as big of a
(34:57):
deal.
I could just keep going.
Or if somebody else missed aline, I could still pick up, it
wasn't a big deal.
But if I miss a step, if I dosomething wrong, it's like
mentally I'm like.
Oh my gosh, it takes me longerto get back.
And it's so weird I don't knowif it's a confidence thing
Obviously I acted a lot longerthan I've danced, but so much of
it is mental.
And I think even that piece ofthe girls, shying away from
(35:20):
being too much, it's all amental thing.
I don't know how we get peoplepast that.
Emily (35:26):
I don't know, because I
still struggle with that.
As the teacher, it justtransfers into something
different like you were sayingearlier, it's a reflection of me
at the end of the year.
What these girls learned and howthey perform, and I always at
the end, come out with themicrophone and I give a speech
and I thank everyone and I amterrified.
(35:48):
I am shaking.
I am reading my word for word,that I've practiced this script
and I'm holding the paper infront of me and I'm like, I am
gonna mess this up.
I'm gonna say the wrong thing.
Nobody knows what I wrote onthat paper.
Kristen (36:00):
it's not like it's
somebody in the audience being
like, oops, she got that wordwrong.
Oh, she pronounced this onewrong.
This is not what she wrote atall.
Emily (36:07):
Nobody in that whole room
knows what I was gonna say
except for me.
So if I didn't say it right,that's okay.
Or if I skipped a line and Imoved on and I started talking
about something else, that'sokay.
Kristen (36:19):
And some of them
probably aren't even listening
to you because all theperformers are on the stage.
They're all like waving to theirlittle girl.
some of them may not even bepaying attention.
Emily (36:28):
They have no idea what's
going on.
They're not paying attention tome.
They're paying attention to whothey're there to see.
Kristen (36:33):
they're already
gathering their items.
They're like, all right, it'sbeen two hours.
We gotta get outta here.
But I do think you know about itbeing mental.
I think we worry about whatother people think about us more
than people are actually eventhinking about us.
Emily (36:46):
I'm worried that I'm not
doing enough or I'm not
performing right.
Kristen (36:50):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (36:51):
And I think that's
something else we teach.
Just kids in general you'reperforming to look like
something maybe you're not
Kristen (36:58):
mm-hmm.
Emily (36:59):
On the inside,
Kristen (37:00):
I feel like that
performance piece is not even
when you're performing, it'sjust in life.
maybe this is the theater girlin me, all the world's a stage.
But I feel like when I go towork, I have a certain.
Character that I'm playing I'mthe boss and I do this and talk
like this.
and then when I am around myfamily, I'm a different version
of myself because I'm performinga different role or when I'm
(37:23):
with my friends.
And different groups of friends.
the way I perform arounddifferent people, I may say
things differently or I may usedifferent words or my voice
fluctuates.
Like we talked earlier about howmy voice is higher around these
people or not.
it's weird because I do feellike there's these different
characters that I play.
in real life situations.
(37:45):
Do you experience that at all?
Emily (37:46):
It's funny that that's
how you described it, because at
the beginning of every year, Isay, all right, it's time to
pretend to be Miss Emily.
Kristen (37:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (37:57):
That's who I am.
I'm not pretending
Kristen (37:59):
Right.
Emily (38:00):
I am a teacher, I am a
dance teacher, I always say I'm
pretending to be Miss Emilytoday.
And where that comes from, Ihave no idea I have always said
it since I started.
Kristen (38:12):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (38:13):
And when I taught Bible
study at school or at church, I
only have ever taught ittybitties like 2, 3, 4, 5 year
olds.
Kristen (38:26):
little.
That's
Emily (38:26):
all I've ever taught.
Okay, I'm gonna pretend to bethe teacher now.
Mm-hmm.
I'm not pretending I am theteacher.
Yes.
So that play, pretend that weplay as kids.
Mm-hmm.
You're playing teacher.
I still play that now as anadult and I don't know if that's
a way to mental map where I'm atduring my day.
(38:50):
Because.
I only teach at night, right?
So it's like, okay, two o'clockrolls around, I'm switching into
Miss Emily mode.
Kristen (38:56):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (38:58):
Why I've been Miss
Kristen (38:59):
Emily all day.
Right.
But it is different and I think,you know, whether it's a mental
map or it's kind of, Like yousaid, you're getting into that
mode.
Like it's where you're going andit's kind of how you prepare.
And it's almost like if you areplaying a role, like if you are
this character, then if somebodydoesn't like you for some
(39:19):
reason, it's not you, they don'tlike, it's that character.
They don't like, so I think it'salmost like a barrier.
And I feel like maybe that's howI distance myself too, because,
if they don't like me, it's notreally me.
They don't like, because theydon't actually know me.
They just know.
this part I was playing.
And I also wonder If it's partlyimposter syndrome, like there
(39:41):
are times where I don't feellike I belong here.
I don't feel like I should bedoing this.
what am I doing at this table,at this meeting?
I'm not as smart as these otherpeople, But then I, you know, I
have my pen in my notebook andI'm, you know, like boss Kristen
making big decisions and tellingpeople what we should do so I
don't know If it's my way oftricking myself.
Like fake it till you make itand you know, you're like, I'm
going to pretend to be anassembly now and then that's who
(40:04):
you are.
I don't know what it is.
Emily (40:07):
I've heard other people
have similar things to that, but
I've never heard anyone be likepretending or like role playing.
Yeah.
It's like I'm just roleplayingmy actual life.
Kristen (40:18):
Yes.
But that's what it feels likesometimes.
Like I am playing differentparts and I'm the different
characters in the scenes of mylife.
during friendship episodes we'vetalked about opening up and
getting to those deeper levelfriendships and authenticity.
since I haven't let people in toreally know who I am, then
nobody really knows me anyway.
They just know these roles thatI play.
(40:40):
I don't ever feel like I'm fullybelonging or connected because I
don't let people in past themask that I'm wearing.
Emily (40:47):
I feel like very few
people truly know who I am.
Kristen (40:51):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (40:52):
And most people know what
I stand for, my beliefs or what
I like, but not everybody does.
Mm-hmm.
Miss Emily doesn't need to show.
Right.
you need to know that your childis safe here.
Mm-hmm.
That your child is learningsomething here and that your
child's gonna make it home withall their things
Kristen (41:10):
unless they leave their
shoes behind and their names
aren't on it.
Yeah.
But that's a parent problem.
Emily (41:14):
Unless I have a shelf.
The Lost and Found Shelf.
Right?
Yes.
That always has multiple pairsof shoes.
Right.
Kristen (41:22):
that's a good point I
think that goes back to what we
first started with about howgirls are taught to be.
I think some of that is why wecreate these characters or
pretend to be a certain waywe're told to be this way, but
in the comfort of our own home.
We don't have to take up space.
We don't have to sit like alady.
We don't have to be quiet anddemure.
We can be whoever it is, and befully open with who we are.
(41:48):
Sometimes that's hard too,because we've spent so much time
playing all the roles and beingall the people to everybody else
that we lose who we are.
Emily (41:57):
Like you were saying
earlier, minimizing women.
So minimize your interest to fitthis or moving in with a man has
really put this into perspectiveas well.
He has his man cave.
Kristen (42:12):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (42:13):
He has his basement with
his tools and interests.
Kristen (42:15):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (42:16):
Everywhere.
But my living room should looklike nobody lives there.
Mm.
You know, mentally I'm like, Ican't have a lived in home.
I can't have things that I like.
And then realizing this is myhouse.
Kristen (42:30):
It should be what you
like.
Emily (42:32):
I'm hanging up the things
I wanna hang up.
I'm painting the walls, thecolor, I wanna paint the walls.
Things like that.
And maybe making that house moreof a home and more of that safe
space where you can beauthentically you.
Kristen (42:45):
Well, I think it's hard
too, you talk about interests
and the way trends are, and howpeople get on trends and it's
like, if you don't like whateverybody else is liking, if
you're not into all thismainstream or whatever is big on
pop culture, like If you likesome niche area over here that
nobody else does and you're aweirdo, or back to what you were
saying, minimize it.
(43:05):
Like, well, nobody else likesthat.
people are gonna think you'reweird, so maybe don't talk about
that.
And you end up hiding who youare and then you're like, oh
sure.
I also have a Stanley and drinkpumpkin spice lattes.
And yes, I also am very basic,even if you're not, but that's
what you want to be to fit in.
Emily (43:23):
You're fitting into the
mold that society is telling you
Kristen (43:26):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (43:27):
Not your own being.
Kristen (43:30):
Yeah.
And especially, you know, withsocial media and not just
regular social media, but likethe reels, like ones that come
out that are trending, that arefunny, that show like
stereotypical whatever.
I think we start to think thatthat's how everybody is.
I'm in my forties now and like,well, this is what 40-year-old
women should be doing and thisis what I should be doing.
And it's not because I stillfeel like I am like the
(43:52):
22-year-old girl that graduatedcollege and is still wearing
sparkles in her everything.
I feel like I'm not what societysays I'm supposed to be.
But like what do they know?
Emily (44:02):
I, that is so funny
because it immediately brought
me back to my very first recitalthat I ever hosted, and it
honestly went so great and Ipanicked the entire time, but
nothing went wrong.
Everything went so smooth.
But the biggest thing I canremember is getting ready that
morning and putting my makeupon, and I also danced.
(44:24):
so I was doing my hair andputting my makeup on, and I had
this really pretty white.
Three quarter length dress thatcame down right below my knees
because I'm an adult.
I needed to wear, something thatmade me look like it and feel
like an adult.
And then I looked at my glitterhairspray.
And I just thought, no, you'rean adult.
(44:45):
So for my first,
Kristen (44:46):
you didn't glitter
yourself.
Emily (44:48):
I didn't put glitter in
my hair.
90% of the time I have glitterin my hair.
everybody comments on it and Idon't care.
The chunky gel glitter that'strending right now.
I have got glitter in my hairand older women will be looking
at me Almost judging me rightout in the open I have a fun
job.
I work with children, It'spartly for them.
It's mostly for me.
Kristen (45:09):
Because it's something
you enjoy.
Emily (45:11):
It brings me joy and it's
not hurting you.
Kristen (45:14):
Right.
And that's the thing we need tobe more open about letting
people express themselves thatway lately I've been trying to
be the girl in the sparkly shoesand I have like five.
pairs they're the cutest littleKate Spade kids.
I've got them in silver, gold,black, pink, blue.
Okay.
So yeah, five, of sparkly shoes.
And I try to wear them witheverything.
Even when I go to work, I'm likein dress pants and I have
(45:35):
sparkly shoes and I've joke withpeople, like I'm trying to be
the girl in the sparkly shoes.
And I've passed people in thehall and somebody will be like,
Hey, sparkle shoes.
I'm like, see, it's working.
I've always loved that, likewhen body glitter was big, when
I was in high school I'd have itall over my chest, all over my
cheeks.
Like body glitter was life Ilove the sparkles.
a few weeks ago I had on a dressit was kind of like a really
(45:57):
cute frilly dress.
Puff sleeves had like littleflowers on it, and I had a pair
of my sparkly shoes on.
I thought it looked super cute.
I came home from work that day.
I got compliments at work too.
and I come home and my husbandgoes, you look like a
5-year-old.
And I was like.
Oh, and I really kind of did,like if you picture a little
girl going to Sunday school andshe's got her dress on, but she
(46:17):
has little tennis shoes like Idid I guess, but it was still
cute.
But that's something I strugglewith because again, like
40-year-old women don't dresslike that.
Like what are you doing?
But at the same time, Who getsto say what a 40-year-old woman
does, who gets to say what a25-year-old woman does?
Like that's nobody's business tosay what we can or can't do.
(46:39):
If it's something that makesyou, We're really big, both of
us on pink eye shadows.
Yeah.
And it looks really good withour skin tones.
It looks phenomenal, and it'slike, but again, it's when I do
pink sparkly eyes, which looksgreat.
I know there's people that arelike, Ugh, like why are you
wearing so much makeup?
Or why are you doing that?
Well.
I like it though.
Emily (46:57):
It's something that I
like and it brings me joy in
doing those simple things thatare like elevating your life.
That's why we're here.
That's why we're living.
What your life is for is to makeyour life better.
So me putting glitter on my lidsAnd mascara on every day, that
makes me feel good.
I'm confident in doing that, andI don't need anybody else to
(47:19):
tell me that that doesn't lookgood.
Kristen (47:21):
Yeah.
'cause there's enough negativityand garbage in the world that if
we can bring a little bit ofsunshine and radiance to our
little corners of it by someglitter, eyeshadow, or glitter
in our hair, or sparkles on ourshoes.
That's what we should dohonestly, the world probably
needs more of that.
When we talk about minimizinggirls and having them not be
(47:41):
seen and not take up space,we're out here being like, look
at me.
I'm doing something that bringsme joy.
I'm happy with me.
Emily (47:49):
Mm-hmm.
Kristen (47:50):
That should be enough.
Emily (47:51):
That's something for the
studio.
I tell the girls like.
I have boys who dance at mystudio too.
I don't know why I always say, Itell my girls,
Kristen (48:01):
well that's, the
majority right now.
You've got, what, three boysthis year?
Emily (48:05):
I have four.
Kristen (48:06):
Oh, right.
Preschool, Yes.
Four.
Emily (48:07):
Yes.
I have four boys this year.
it was two or three years ago Ihad seven.
that's when I updated.
The logo to have a male danceras well.
Because they deserve to beincluded I tell my students at
the end of the year that this isyour time to show up and to show
out.
Kristen (48:26):
Mm-hmm.
Emily (48:26):
So you get to start
adding your flare to this dance.
We wanna see who you are as aperformer.
Not everybody's gonna make thesame face as we put our hand
here.
Some people are gonna do likethe big smile, like the cheesy,
overdone smile.
Some people are gonna do likethe little sassy, like pout.
what's you, how do you feel?
(48:47):
And that's something I do loveabout dance is it's so
expressional.
Kristen (48:51):
And it can be
expressive and it should be
because nobody wants to see adancer up there looking like he
or she is not having fun.
your eyes are going to gravitateto the dancers who look like
they're having a fun timebecause when you've got a class
of five, seven.
14 people on stage, you can'twatch all of them for the entire
two and a half minute song.
So you may look from dancer todancer, but the ones that are
(49:14):
the happiest, like I always havefavorite dancers in each of the
dances.
And I'll know who'cause I see alot of the dancers.
All the shows.
But there's certain ones thatlike, oh, she's gonna be
dancing.
I wanna make sure I am out thereto see this girl dance because
she's so fun to watch.
Emily (49:28):
the people who light up
the stage Not because they're
hitting every mark.
Mm-hmm.
And they're nailing every step.
Right.
It's the kids who are havingfun.
Yeah.
it's the people who are smilingand enjoying and are laughing at
themselves.
Mm-hmm.
They're having a good time.
They're proud of all the workthat they've done.
Yes.
And that's what that's for.
Kristen (49:49):
And I think that's a
great way to wrap this up
because as a point for life.
It's not that you're making theperfect moves, the perfect
steps, it's that you're having agood time, you're enjoying
yourself, you're doing somethingthat makes you happy and you're
proud of the work you put in.
what you just said about dance.
Is true to life and encapsulateseverything.
(50:09):
We talk about society tellinggirls to be quiet, to stay in
line, to sit like a lady, to notbe too much, to not take risks.
I think the message should be dowhat you wanna do.
Don't worry about being perfect,just have fun and do what makes
you happy so that you are fullof life and leading a life of
(50:30):
fullness.
Emily (50:31):
Absolutely.
'cause even though we're allmaybe showing up to the same job
or grocery shopping at the samestore
Kristen (50:38):
mm-hmm.
Emily (50:38):
Or we're all doing the
same choreographed dance,
everybody's differentphysically, mentally, expressly.
Everybody is gonna do their ownthing.
So this is your time to show up.
Show out, be authentically you.
I always tell the kids, keep ondancing and just fake it till
you make it.
Kristen (50:59):
Yep.
And mic drop, because we can'tsay anything beyond that.
That's just brilliant.
we've just solved all theworld's problems right there,
Emily (51:07):
right there.
Kristen (51:08):
Well, Emily, this was
fantastic.
you are welcome back anytime andI can't wait to hear about what
we talk about next.
Emily (51:14):
Thank you
Kristen (51:15):
All right.