Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristen (00:00):
Hey everybody.
Welcome back.
I am very excited about today'sepisode.
Today, I have my friend andsister-in-law Kelly with us, and
we're gonna be talking aboutsome really cool things that,
probably everyone hasexperienced, and it's about
friendship, but it's a differentpart of friendship.
So before we get into that,Kelly, hi.
(00:21):
Do you wanna do a quick intro ofwho you are or a little bit
about you?
Sure.
Kelly (00:27):
So thanks for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
I am, Kelly and I live in Maine.
We moved here a couple of yearsago.
My husband and I have beenmarried for just over 10 years
now.
fun fact, we have lived in fourdifferent states in those 10
years.
We have one son who just turnedseven last week and I homeschool
(00:51):
him, and I also work full-timeremotely.
So yeah, I stay pretty busy, butexcited to be here today.
Kristen (00:58):
I'm excited you're here
too.
And I was thinking about fourstates.
But for me, mine's been a littlebit longer.
We've been together for almost20 years now and we've lived in
three states, so we're onebehind you.
But we've also moved around abit, so that's why this topic
will be good.
Yeah.
Kelly (01:15):
And I always say, yeah,
we've lived in all these states
and we're not even military.
I know, right?
We just moved just
Kristen (01:21):
Because my husband just
wants to go different places.
That's how I feel your storygoes.
but anyways, so yeah guys, ifyou haven't figured out yet
today, the part of friendshipwe're talking about is long
distant friendships and talkingabout.
How to develop them, maintainthem, keep them there.
And also maybe a little bit ofwhat happens if it doesn't work
or when it's time for them tofade away.
(01:42):
So just long distance friendshipis what we're looking at.
And sometimes they do workreally well and sometimes they
don't.
And that's okay.
But we wanna break it down andtalk about all of them.
Kelly, thinking about your longdistance friendships, what are
some of the.
Reasons.
We've talked about the moving.
Is that it or are there otherways that we've developed long
distance friendships?
Kelly (02:04):
So for me, there's
definitely other ways.
Moving has been, a big part ofthat, whether it was me moving
or a friend moving, I'veexperienced both.
But I've also developed longdistance friendships with people
that never actually lived nearme to begin with.
And most of those developed frommy days in MLM companies, which
(02:28):
is a whole different episode,but I am thankful for the
people.
That are still in my life as aresult of those days.
Kristen (02:34):
Mine's not MLM, but I
was thinking about the friends
that I have long distance.
a lot of it is from moving, Imoved, they moved, we just, some
of them were from college and wenever really, were gonna be in
the same place afterwardsanyway.
But I also have, my friendAriel, who we used to be beauty
bloggers together back in likethe 2010s, and she and I are
still friends to this day.
We've never met in real life,but we've been main.
(02:57):
A friendship over social media,texting, things like that.
So it is, you yeah, you buildyour network from wherever.
And when the internet cameabout, there was a different way
to meet people too.
being in different companies ororganizations it's a way to meet
people and sometimes you justclick with them.
Kelly (03:14):
Yeah, exactly.
And that is one of the beautiesof social media, I think.
There's a lot of pain pointswith it and things that I like
less the older I get.
But, the fact that I have beenable to develop and maintain
some of these long distancefriendships because of social
media relationships thatwould've never come to be
without social media.
(03:35):
For that I am very thankful.
Kristen (03:37):
So can you give us some
examples of some of the
friendships that you have beenable to maintain that have been
thriving over distance?
What are some of those examplesthat have worked?
Kelly (03:49):
Yeah, the very first long
distance friendship that I
experienced, started when I wasabout seven or eight years old.
My family had really closefriends.
At the time we all lived inVirginia when I say close
friends, I mean we were at theirhouse or they were at ours every
single night of the week almost.
(04:09):
They're like practically family,
Kristen (04:10):
They're like a second
family, pretty much.
Kelly (04:11):
I called their parents
auntie and uncle, and they did
the same with my parents.
long story short, their mom wasactually from Australia.
Oh, wow.
And they, decided back in 2000,2001, somewhere in there that
they were going to move toAustralia, back to where she was
from.
that was actually, it had to be2000, it was pre nine 11 because
(04:35):
I remember.
We got to go to the airport thenight that they left and we
actually got to go throughsecurity and sit at their gate
with them.
And watch them get on the plane.
that's a very vivid memory forme, as young as I was.
that was the start of, learninglong distance friendships for
me.
Our families stayed very closethrough the years and they came
(04:56):
back to the States multipletimes and visited and eventually
they actually moved back when wewere in high school and we just
picked back up right where weleft off.
that was my first experiencewith long distance.
And then it happened to me againwhen I was in junior high.
My bestest friend fromkindergarten on up, her family
(05:17):
moved away from Virginia toColorado, and it was
devastating, junior high, isreally dramatic.
And hard that's another vividmemory I have from when I was
younger.
I remember the day my friendtold me that her dad was taking
that job in Colorado, and I justremember the devastation that I
felt.
But we were able to maintainthat friendship for several
(05:39):
years throughout high school.
She came back and visited, Iflew to Colorado and visited.
We chose the same college androomed together our freshman
year.
So we were reunited at thatpoint.
then throughout college thingsjust changed a little made
different groups of friends and,just different life things
happen.
And so that friendship dideventually grow apart.
(06:01):
We do still chat now and then,and, I'll always love her and
cherish our memories together.
that's another talking point Ithink that we'll get to is just
seasons of friendships.
Yes.
so my experience with longdistance started young and then
it carried throughout, my,college days and then into
adulthood when I got married andstarted moving around.
Kristen (06:22):
I don't know that I
have any that early that I
remember.
'cause I'm trying to think whatlong distance friendships did I
have as a child we moved, I wasborn in New Hampshire and we
moved to Pennsylvania at thattime I was still too little to
really have any friends.
in Pennsylvania.
I don't think people really cameand.
Left as much, then I changedschools.
(06:43):
while not completely longdistance, that was a little
change of when I would go fromone school to a different one
and keeping up any of thosefriendships.
And, so again, some of themwork, some of them didn't.
I think a lot of mine were morelike college days because you
make friends with the peopleyou're living with in college
You always say, oh, we're gonnakeep in touch.
it's gonna be the same.
Like nothing ever happened.
(07:03):
And I know there's people thatare able to do that.
I didn't really do that as much,but the college I ended up
graduating from, I was onlythere for two years, so I also
wonder if part of it was, Ididn't have as strong of roots
with some of those people.
My friend Alexis, who we'veheard from before, she and I are
friends from college and stillfriends and long distance and
it's been on again, off again.
We've always been a little bitin each other's lives, but the
(07:26):
past couple years we've mademore of an effort to.
Text regularly or call and catchup, and that's been really nice.
when we moved from Virginia toFlorida.
I had a really good group ofgirlfriends in Virginia, we kept
up for a long time, and we'restill connected on social media,
but I feel like that's notreally a connection.
(07:47):
Like you see pictures from themevery once in a while, but you
are not really involved in theirlife anymore.
for me it lasted for a littlewhile and then it just fades
off.
I don't think there's anythingwrong with that.
People change and it is hard tokeep it up when you're not in
somebody's bubble, physicallyclose to you in the same city
(08:09):
state.
Same area, it's just differentand harder to keep it up.
Yeah.
Kelly (08:15):
Yeah, definitely.
Kristen (08:16):
So what do you think
some of the hardest parts are in
maintaining the long distancefriendship.
Kelly (08:23):
For me in this season of
my life, I am still good friends
with the friend I mentioned frommy childhood.
She, moved back in high schooland then she ended up going back
to Australia about three yearsago she now is married and so I
think she's there to stay.
Aw.
Which really is for me.
Did she marry Australian guy?
(08:45):
Yes she did.
Okay.
She married someone from thereSo I think they're staying put
She does still have family herein the us.
Her dad and her brother andsister-in-law and soon to be two
nephews are here.
she'll be back.
But now I'm not in Virginiaanymore.
So that, plays a whole differentpart into it.
we still talk and, she is one ofthose friendships that just
(09:07):
doesn't require a lot of upkeep.
I don't say that to sound bad.
Like there's no effort needed,but maybe it's because it
started so young.
we just have always had thatcapability of picking back up
wherever we left off.
And we still have that to thisday.
And it doesn't matter how muchtime passes for us that we can
(09:28):
just pick up the phone and havea really deep conversation.
And so that is a beautifulthing.
And when you have those peoplein your life.
Cherish that.
Because it really is rare.
It is so rare and you realizethat the older you get.
But apart from that friendship,I would say my two closest
(09:49):
friends in life both live veryfar away from me now.
my very best friend, we metthrough.
And we actually met at aconference, did not really talk
a lot at that conference, butthen started connecting more
through a team page that we hadon Facebook and ended up just
(10:13):
slowly realizing that, we jokewe're the same person, like so
much so that it scares ourhusbands sometimes.
Oh wow.
And so we just.
decided a few years ago to meetup in Tennessee.
Our husbands had never met.
We had only met once, and like Isaid, didn't talk a lot at that
(10:34):
conference.
But we met and we shared a cabinin Tennessee and we had the best
time.
And so we were really forced togrow our friendship, in a very
authentic way because.
We never lived near each other.
When we met, she was living inMissouri.
We were in Virginia we lived thesame life, so the same year
(10:54):
within a few months of eachother.
Her husband decided he wanted tomove to Florida where they
vacationed every year because heloved it, She said she didn't
want to because all of herfamily and friends were in
Missouri.
And Florida was 12 hours away.
A few months later, my husbanddecided, Hey, I wanna move to
Maine.
And I said, why?
All of our family is here.
(11:15):
And, Maine is 12 hours away,long story short, they headed
south.
We headed north, and now we live24 hours apart.
So that, does require effort forsure.
She has four kids now.
She's a stay at home mom.
She homeschools, so she staysvery busy.
(11:35):
I have one kid, but I work fulltime We're involved in different
activities and sports so we bothlive very busy lives, and that
does require a level of justcommitment.
But I think when you have, andyou will know the friendships
that are worth putting in that,effort.
(11:55):
that is one of those friendshipsthat has come into my life and
it's worth all of the, effortsand just it's hard and it's a
bummer.
It's a real bummer to live 24hours away from your bestest
friend.
But there are so many ways tomaintain those friendships, and
we'll get into that.
you're gonna know the peoplethat are worth it and whether
(12:17):
that's for a season, becausesometimes it is just for a
season.
And that's okay.
it's hard when those seasonsend, whether it's, one specific
thing that ends it or justnatural fading of the
friendship.
But again, you're gonna know thepeople that.
You just know when they're therefor life.
my friend Rachel who moved backto Australia, that's one of
(12:39):
those lifelong friendships nomatter how far apart we are or
how little we get to see eachother.
I found that in my friend Paigeas well.
Kristen (12:48):
I love that.
And see, I think one of thethings you brought up at the
beginning too is how thefoundation is laid for the
friendship.
I think the stronger thefriendship is to start the
easier, maybe not easier, Idon't know what the right word
is, The more willing you are toput the work into it, to
maintain it.
What I've found in my life isthat a lot of the friends I make
(13:09):
are shallow friends.
And I don't mean this, thatthey're shallow.
I make the friends that like,oh, we do things with, these are
my brunch friends and these aremy shopping friends and these
are my, talking about parentingfriends and all my friends are
in different buckets and theynever actually get more deep
into the.
The people you call at three inthe morning or the people that
(13:29):
you open your soul with ofeverything that is inside, all
the insecurities you have.
So I think for me, a lot of itis, I had these superficial
friends and when I would go to anew place, I would just make
more superficial friends thatkind of replace them.
And I realized as I'm sayingthat, that sounds terrible, the
saying has always been friendsfor a reason, friends for a
(13:50):
season, or friends for life.
And you've mentioned the seasonthing a lot.
I think that's what happenedwhether that's physically or
where I am at life.
There were certain people thatwere my friends during that time
and that was fine.
I moved either physically oremotionally, and I didn't need
to maintain those as much.
But the ones that I was able toget through.
More of just then thatsuperficial level and actually
(14:12):
build a foundation offriendship.
I think those are the ones thatare more likely to.
Be successful in long distancefriendships.
At least that's what I'veexperienced.
it's interesting, talking abouthow you guys had those different
life experiences, but at thesame time, because I think that
bonds people too.
(14:33):
When you go through something,there's people that go through a
traumatic thing together andthey're bonded for life.
you see that a lot.
I have not been in the military,but I have a lot of friends who
have been, and when you gothrough something like that.
it really does bond youtogether.
And you have that sharedexperience, which again, lays a
stronger foundation, which Ibelieve builds a stronger
friendship, a more lastingfriendship regardless of where
(14:55):
you are.
even though you and yourMissouri now Florida friends,
were still going through thosesimilar things of dealing with
your husband's wanting to moveand you having to go to a new
place and learn new things anddevelop new local friendships
there too.
So it's nice when you have thosepeople that you can still go
through those things togetherAlso strengthens the friendship,
(15:16):
but the actual main, yeah.
Kelly (15:18):
I think that, like you
were saying, when you go through
certain things in life that'sgoing to naturally bond you
closer to people.
And I think that's a lot oftimes maybe why, you know my
story, you said, you didn't keepa lot of close friends from
college and my story is thesame.
I had, really great friends incollege that I enjoyed being
with We were close at the time,but looking back, those
(15:40):
friendships were just easy,you're literally living in a
dorm together Forced to befriends all the time.
Forced proximity.
And you're not necessarily goingthrough a lot of life things.
And that's not to say that lifedoesn't happen in college
because it does, you're.
Away from home and you're justcaught up in this bubble.
(16:01):
that's what college was for me.
It was just a bubble, like lifewas going on back home, but my
life was just the everydaycollege things.
And so when you're walkingthrough those friendships,
they're just easy.
obviously everyone's story isdifferent and some people
probably do go through somereally traumatic times in their
college days, but I think, that,for me at least, and maybe for
you, those friendships, some ofmost of them just didn't last
(16:25):
until like long, lifelong,meaningful friendships.
We still have social mediaconnections and things.
People I keep up with that Iwent to college with, but we
didn't go through a lot of reallife together.
Whereas, my friend Rachel, whenthey moved back in high school,
we ended up walking through alot of life together through,
loss and a lot of hard things,and that does just bond you.
(16:49):
And then, with my friend Paige,even though our friendship was
built from the start at adistance, because that's all we
had.
We couldn't just grab coffeetogether and Sit and scroll on
our phones.
some of those friendships youget together and you're.
Distracted by the things aroundyou.
When you're building afriendship long distance, you're
forced to just talk.
(17:10):
And so that's what happened tous.
we talked through a lot of hardlife things, not just.
Both of us moving, but a lot ofother really hard things.
that definitely built ourfriendship and strengthened it.
that brings me to anotherfriendship that I just, I don't
wanna not mention here.
It was another friend who I alsomet through DM LM World, several
(17:33):
years ago, probably 10 years agonow.
she lived in Maine.
and we would vacation to NewEngland almost every year.
it never worked out for us toactually meet up But we talked
very often we both ended uphaving our.
Sons, within about three and ahalf weeks of each other.
And so I remember walkingthrough pregnancy together and
(17:55):
all of those, like first timemom feelings when my husband
decided to move us to Maine, weended up moving about 20 minutes
away from her.
But we already had a very solidfriendship because it had been
built on conversation.
like with any relationship,communication strengthens those
friendships.
(18:16):
And that's what happened withus.
we were able to do lifealongside each other for, about
a year and a half.
then.
I don't know what it is about meand people leaving me for
Australia, but her husband isfrom Australia.
He grew up there.
They met in college atCalifornia.
And so he wanted to go back homethey moved to Australia this
(18:40):
past September.
And we've been navigating a,long distance friendship.
Not for the first time, but forthe first time after getting to
do, honestly a lot of lifetogether.
In a year and a half's time, wewalked through a lot of things.
She walked alongside me through,infertility struggles that, my
husband and I went through and,a lot of hard things.
(19:03):
Our sons born three and a halfweeks apart.
became the best of friends Ihave now had to help my son
navigate those feelings, justlike I did at the same age when
my friend moved to Australia.
It's very crazy, the parallels.
Life experiences definitelystrengthen friendships.
not to say that you can't haveauthentic friendships with
(19:26):
people that you haven'texperienced really hard things
with, but it definitely helpsand it changes the entire
dynamic.
Kristen (19:33):
I think you're right
about all of that I do have a
lot of friends that I get coffeewith.
I love coffee, I love people.
It works for me.
But again, what's going on atwork?
How are things at home?
We don't get to the deep things.
Yeah.
Which is something that I havewanted to do for years.
Partly why I started thispodcast.
So people would talk with meabout all their feelings and
about mine.
I think that you're right.
when all you have is thecommunication with a long
(19:55):
distance friend to build thatand get to know them, you open
yourself up more too.
Because there is some distancethere and it gives you a little
bit of buffer where maybe youdon't feel as, I don't know what
the word I'm looking for is, butyou don't feel as open about,
like you're able to be more openbecause you're not as
self-conscious.
There's not somebody justlooking at you as you're telling
them things.
(20:16):
And it reminds me, oh,absolutely.
Like we hear about how, in WorldWar ii, the husband would be off
and they'd be writing letters toeach other.
so many great love letters camefrom that time period, that's
what I think of.
And that's what I imagine someof these friendships that start
as long distance, like it'salmost like you're writing
letters to each other and reallyopening up and being vulnerable
(20:36):
and sharing what's on your mind.
And it leads to that.
And I did think when you weretalking about how different,
times in your life bond people.
I did think of other examplestoo.
When I was pregnant, I joinedone of those first time moms in
2013 Facebook groups orwhatever, and I am.
Still friends, using the termfriends loosely'cause we're only
(20:58):
Facebook friends, but we stillkeep in touch Our boys were born
just a couple weeks apart we hadjust talked on Facebook
Messenger a couple weeks agoabout how it is cool that some
of us have stayed connected.
The only thing we had in commonwas that we were all pregnant at
the same time.
Because we were first time moms,we were going through all of it
at the same time.
Hey, is this normal?
Hey, are you having this symptomyet?
(21:20):
Hey, what about this?
What was your glucose test like,you know What should I expect
here?
it was a way for us to be in asafe space and all learn
together.
now we're all, moms and stilllearning from each other.
that's been a fun way.
Kelly (21:36):
Yeah, definitely.
I think sometimes distancealmost makes it easier to be
vulnerable.
Because let's be honest, I thinkeveryone in some way probably
struggles with vulnerability inrelationships something about
being able to open up tosomeone.
(21:56):
Knowing that you're not gonnasee them the next day at work.
Or at the coffee shop or atchurch You're not gonna have to
look them in the eye after justsharing.
something really deeplypersonal.
it is sometimes easier to openup to people in those,
situations.
And I think that's exactly whathappened.
Especially with my best friendPaige.
(22:18):
We just started, after realizingthat we had a lot of
similarities and things incommon, talking about really
deep things.
And, you know that will spillover if by chance you end up
getting to do real life with thelong distance friends.
Like I did with Mikayla, havingbuilt that solid foundation of
vulnerability and authenticconversation that spills into
(22:41):
real life, because that's whatyou've gotten used to with that
person,
Kristen (22:45):
It's become familiar.
it's what the foundation of thefriendship is built on.
So it's totally normal than whenyou are together.
Yeah.
So what are some of thestrategies you've found that
actually work to maintain a longdistance friendship?
Kelly (22:59):
Sometimes you have to get
creative.
It can be really tough to be faraway.
I think of the example, my bestfriend when they were getting
ready to move to Florida, herhusband had to go start his new
job, but she broke her arm,while doing things around their
house, getting it ready to sell.
at the time she had.
Two?
(23:19):
she had three, I believe she hadjust had her son.
So she had a newborn.
he was a few months old andbroke her arm.
the chaos of packing up thehouse and having to have surgery
It was one of those times whereyou just feel helpless because
you're so far away and you wannado something.
And I actually looked at flightsto go to Missouri and be there
(23:40):
when she had her surgery.
But at the time it was, theflights were expensive.
It was really expensive and itjust wasn't doable for me, to
book a flight Last minutereally.
And so I'm like, what can I do?
And so the only thing I couldcome up with was I sent the
money to get takeout the nightthat she came home from her
surgery.
(24:00):
it seems so minor, but you dohave to think outside the box.
you can't just.
Make a meal and drop it off whenthey're sick or recovering from
surgery or, whatever the casemay be.
And those are some of the thingsthat just life happens and it,
that's when you realize man,this really stinks that we're so
far away.
just thinking outside the box,get creative, do what you can.
(24:23):
Strategies that, we havepersonally developed, include
just.
Trying to, and this isn't forevery long distance friendship I
have, I do have several, somethat are more just, like we
check in here and there.
But I do have a handful of longdistance friendships that I keep
up with and we talk quiteregularly.
(24:44):
out of those, there are a couplethat are much closer and, we.
Make a point to be like, okay,when could we possibly get
together again?
Whether that's meeting up in themiddle we did when we went to
Tennessee with Paige's family,or, last year, she loved me
enough to pack up her threechildren 33 weeks pregnant, I
(25:10):
believe.
They packed up and drove toMaine.
her husband was all about it.
He wanted to vacation here, andshe'd never been, her
grandparents used to live here,so she grew up hearing about it
and wanted to see the state.
they drove 24 hours to Maine.
You have to be willing to put inthe work.
Sometimes it's really just notdoable.
But, figure out the things youcan do and be willing to put the
(25:32):
effort in.
It's not always gonna beconvenient, but with the friends
that really mean the most toyou.
You're gonna figure out ways toinvest in those relationships,
Kristen (25:44):
right?
Because it's worth it to you.
for some of mine, I have found,Alexis and I, we would schedule
calls because she's got multiplekids too.
Like you.
She homeschools, she's workingfrom home.
I work full-time outside of thehouse and I've got other stuff
going on with my son.
All of his activities.
Sometimes it's hard to pin down.
Time.
It's hard enough getting yourreal life friends to get
(26:05):
together.
And then you got time zones too.
And then it's okay, so this ismy time for your Australia
friend.
For me and Alexis, it's just anhour one way.
You and me, it's an hour theother way.
time zone math is hard, but whatI found is we schedule it.
So it'll almost be like a dateokay, so we're gonna call at
this time at this day.
So we're already prepared forit, whereas just calling.
(26:26):
And then, it's not a good time.
Or, I'm busy, or she's busy.
sometimes those spontaneouscalls are still needed and still
happen.
But we found that, schedulingtime to talk has been good and
obviously, texts throughout likeAriel and I'll usually text
throughout the week about,whatever we're watching or what
we're doing to our nailsdifferent friendships require
different things.
meeting in the middle, Alexisand I have tried to look at like
(26:48):
where could we meet together.
Ariel and I are going on a bookclub retreat later this year
where we're meeting at a centrallocation.
Very excited about that.
We'll.
Share that on the podcast after.
it's looking for those ways andthen you've gotta factor in
expenses and how you're doing itand plan for it.
So it's definitely harder, but Ithink it's exactly like you
said, that the ones that areworth it, you will make the
(27:09):
effort for and you will put thework into it because it's worth
it.
Kelly (27:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
I like that you said thatdifferent friendships will
require different strategies.
like you were talking aboutscheduling calls I do have a
friend, who lives in anotherstate and we have had those
moments where she's Hey I wannaFaceTime soon.
Can we do it on this day, atthis time?
we've had to work it out thatway.
But then there are otherfriendships that allow more
(27:37):
spontaneity.
I think of an example.
So Paige and her, she has threeboys now, but her oldest son,
and Ethan get along.
They both love Mario for awhile, and again, seasons,
right?
for a season we were schedulingFaceTime play dates.
the boys would get on the iPadsand they would go, to their room
(28:01):
and show each other toys and dowhatever little boys do.
just get creative.
Sometimes it can be fun.
you're always gonna have thatlittle bit of oh, If only we
could grab a coffee.
If only you were closer
Kristen (28:13):
pop in.
Yes.
Kelly (28:13):
You have to just make the
best of.
The season you're in.
we often joke about when youmove to Maine one day, because
when they visited, her husbandloved it here and was like, I
could absolutely live in Maine.
so I joke with her often thatyou're gonna be my neighbor one
day.
Just manifest it.
You're gonna come to me.
Kristen (28:31):
I think you guys should
all be like snowbirds together
and live in Maine in the, summerand fall, and then go down to
Florida for the winter andspring.
I think that's perfect.
Sign me up.
I will move and live with all ofyou.
Under that arrangement.
Kelly (28:46):
maybe I could handle
Florida in the winter time.
That's probably the only time.
Kristen (28:51):
Yeah.
So we've mentioned the seasonsthing a lot, so let's talk about
that now.
Like, how do you recognize whena friendship is drifting apart?
Versus when it needs effort.
Like how do you know yeah, it'sworth saving this, or it's done
the course and I'm okay lettingthis one go.
Kelly (29:10):
Yeah.
I think this is just differentfriendship to friendship.
There are going to be somefriendships that are harder to
let go of.
Then there are going to be somethat just naturally start to
fade away.
I can think of a couple ofexamples.
When I first finished college, Idid maintain those friendships
(29:32):
for a little while and tried totext and keep up.
But then life happens and you'rein different seasons.
I got married before most of mycollege friends did.
I was in a whole differentseason of life at that point.
they were still single andmeeting up for different things
in other states.
(29:52):
I can't do that now.
I'm busy.
I have one friendship inparticular that we were very
close for a long time, longdistance, and then I don't know
what changed.
I think just, life was busy and,maybe we hadn't built a solid of
a foundation as otherfriendships have.
I think as you get older too,you realize, It's okay.
Kristen (30:16):
Yeah.
Like you don't take it aspersonally.
I feel as I'm getting older.
It's not that I focus on whatdid I do wrong, what could I
have done differently.
I think it's just theacceptance, like that's just the
way life goes.
people are in your life.
And then they're not, andthere's nothing wrong with that.
And I think sometimes they fadenaturally.
for me, I know if I haven'ttalked to somebody in a while, I
almost feel guilty and I'm likeI can't write them now'cause I
(30:38):
haven't written them 6, 7, 8,whatever months it's been, and
oh, they may not wanna hear fromme anymore and maybe I should
just leave it.
And I feel like there's that,when things have run its course,
it's just that's okay.
Like I, I don't think that it'ssome, sometimes it's worth
putting the effort in and tryingto rekindle it.
And sometimes it's just no, thatperson was a great friend for
(30:59):
this period of my life, or this.
Season that I was in, or thisreason that I needed them there
for support or I was there forthem, And it's moved on, the
situation's gone and that'sokay.
Kelly (31:13):
Yeah.
Same thing for me.
When I was, younger, earlytwenties, I did overthink and
try to figure out what happened?
I just don't do that anymore.
And it's really freeing.
it's not to say that you justdon't care anymore.
I have friendships that havefaded that, I will always, care
(31:35):
for that person.
there are some that I do stillfrom time to time.
Even if it's only a couple timesa year, I'll just send a, Hey,
like, how are you?
I hope things are good.
I saw X, Y, Z on your Facebook.
And, they might text back and weexchange a couple of texts.
and that's okay.
But I do think that it's alsookay to have some of those
(31:58):
relationships where you maybedon't text even a couple times a
year anymore.
And that's okay.
Kristen (32:05):
Yeah, because every
friendship is different and the
needs of the friendship aredifferent and what you're
putting in and getting out canbe different too.
So as we're coming towards theclose, what are some of the best
advice you would give somebodystruggling with a long distance
friendship?
Kelly (32:24):
Again, I just wanna
reiterate that if you have
someone far away, whether it'salways been that way or they've
recently become a distantfriend, if they are someone that
you have been able to share alot of life with and, really
walk through things and when Isay that, I mean someone who's.
(32:44):
Been there in a way that you'vebeen able to talk with them, not
just someone that you see allthe time.
Someone who really is willing toconverse and dive into the nitty
gritty of life.
Don't just let it go, becauseit's so rare.
It is so rare to have thosepeople.
And even when it's hard, it isso worth knowing that you have
(33:06):
someone like that who is just aphone call away, they might not
be able to come over and youmight not be able to plan fun
weekend trips to meet in themiddle.
But having someone who's a phonecall away can make life so much
less lonely than having a wholecommunity of people that live 20
(33:27):
minutes from you that you.
can't really talk to.
just be willing to put in theeffort.
don't underestimate God'sability to provide you with a
beautiful community that isnearby.
I have experienced that as well.
Since we moved here, my bestfriend is 24 hours away.
(33:47):
One of my closest friends I'veever had is on a whole different
continent now.
But I have been so blessed witha community here, that I've met
through various avenues since wemoved.
I was in a book club when wefirst moved, and then I've, made
friendships at church and beenintroduced to people in some
(34:10):
different ways.
I might not call those people mybest friend.
But we have really beautifulfriendships and we are able to
get together and let our kidshang out and while we just sit
and sip on an op Oh, and kidsrun around.
That's one of my favorite thingsto do with my friends here.
yes, invest in your longdistance friendships, but don't
(34:33):
write off the ability to havesome really awesome friendships
nearby.
And that, that takes work too.
Just finding those friendships.
And, creating nearby community,but it's definitely doable.
Kristen (34:46):
And that's what I was
gonna say, there's pros and cons
to both far away friends andnearby friends, but they are
both so important and being ableto maintain those relationships
I think will give you a morefulfilled friendship feeling
when you are able to put thework in and really have it worth
it, but still not neglecting thepeople that are right there near
(35:08):
you too.
So different friends fordifferent times, like we said,
for.
Reason for a season and forever.
So it always, there's alwaysgonna be people coming in and
out of your life and just Beaccepting of that and make the
most of it.
Kelly (35:25):
Yeah.
And one more thing I would addtoo is if you have a long
distant friend who you are veryclose with, and.
You start to feel like maybethere's some, tension, distance
growing between you.
Don't be afraid to haveconversations about that.
(35:45):
You know when it's someone nearand dear to your heart, it's
worth.
Just saying, Hey, I know we'reboth busy and life is crazy
right now.
I just feel like we're nottalking a whole lot.
My best friend and I joke thatwe're very needy friends, but
only with each other.
it's okay if I don't talk tosome of my other friends for a
while, but I need you to talk.
(36:07):
you get to know each other theirneeds.
and, what each of you needs tofeel loved and valued.
we had a conversation like thatrecently where we had just been
in this season after the newyear of just really busyness, on
her end.
I.
Jokingly said I am feelingreally needy, right now.
(36:30):
I feel like we're not talkingand entered it in a joking
manner, but we were able toconfront that head on and talk
about what was going on in lifebecause it is so easy to get
caught up in the busyness ofwhat's here and around us.
Not that you're not thinkingabout the person, but it can be
(36:50):
easy to just get caught up andthen be like, oh my gosh.
Like I haven't talked to hersince Monday.
And it's now Saturday.
And it's rare for us to have aweek like that.
But when we do.
We try to make a point of justsetting aside a little bit of
time to be like, how are you?
What's been going on?
(37:11):
it's important to have thosevulnerable conversations where
you just have to say, Hey, Ifeel like we need to do a little
better.
We're not talking like wenormally do.
keep the conversation flowing.
That's the biggest key is justcommunication.
'cause really that's all youhave when they're far away.
Kristen (37:27):
Yeah, a hundred percent
agree.
it's just like any otherrelationship in your life,
communication is really the mostimportant part to it.
just make sure you'recommunicating about your needs,
communicating about what youwant out of it, and being open
and honest.
I think those are the keys to asuccessful long distance
friendship.
Kelly (37:47):
I think in our world
today with.
Social media, we can sometimeslet that become a wall between
friendships you feel like, oh, Isaw that they were doing this
today they posted these picturesof the kids and they went here
yesterday with their husband.
(38:08):
it can be really easy to feellike.
We know what's going on.
And feel like we're in the loopand talking to them just because
we swiped up on their Instagramstory and said something about
it.
it's a careful line we have towalk of not letting those little
tidbits that are getting sharedon social to replace what's
(38:30):
really going on behind thescenes.
Knowing those friendships thatwe want to have a lot of deep
authenticity in.
Don't let social media replacethe real conversations because
it's really easy to do.
Kristen (38:44):
Great, and I think
that's something we'll probably
talk about later too, is all thedifferent social media and how
it's not real life and actinglike you're a part of somebody's
life just because you're seeingwhat they've got going on their
social media doesn't replaceactually being a part of their
life.
So we'll get more into thatanother time, but a hundred
(39:06):
percent agree.
Thanks Kelly, so much for comingand talking about long distance
friendship.
Before we close, did you haveany other final comments,
anything you wanna share withthe listeners?
Kelly (39:19):
If you're dealing with
time zones, iPhone has the
option to add a world clock toyour.
clock app.
I, have done that for Australia,for the, they're, both of my
friends that moved there areboth in like the Sydney area,
suburbs of Sydney.
And so they're, thankfullythey're in the same time zone
(39:40):
and I'm not having to figure outOh, that's good.
Yeah.
Anything super crazy you can addthat world clock.
And I learned last night thatit's helpful to use that more
often.
I'm like, I just know what timeit is.
I just sit and think for asecond we actually deal with
three different time zonesthere, depending on,'cause
they're heading into.
Winter and so they were about tofall back and we're gonna spring
(40:01):
forward.
it doesn't happen at the sametime, so we're always 14, 15, or
16 hours apart.
Just depending on when it is.
in my head I've been able tokeep it pretty straight Until
last night I was on Instagramand my friend, she was sharing.
A bunch of stories.
They kept popping up and Ifinally messaged her and said,
(40:25):
why are you awake?
as soon as I sent it, I had tostop and I'm like.
Oh, because it's 2:00 PM onSunday there It's 2:00 AM in my
head.
It was 2:00 AM She responded andwas like it's two o'clock and I
don't usually take naps.
Kristen (40:43):
I know it's right.
Yeah, it is.
It's so funny because I've gotsome friends in Australia and I
joke about how they're living inthe future.
'cause it is, it's like the 14,15 hours or whatever and I'm
like you're already experiencingtomorrow.
Like you are living in thefuture.
Kelly (40:57):
Yeah, my friend's
birthday is today, technically
in Australia, so there's Mondaythere and she is 30 today.
Yeah.
Happy birthday to.
But I, when I woke up thismorning, I was let me post
something on Instagram.
About Mikayla's birthday.
even though for me, herbirthday's tomorrow, it's
(41:20):
actually today for her.
So weird in my head.
But I guess it just means thatwe get to celebrate her for two
days.
Kristen (41:27):
Yes.
Kelly (41:27):
So anyways, if you're not
dealing with time
Kristen (41:30):
Timezone math is super
hard.
All right, Kelly.
Thank you so much for beinghere, and I can't wait to talk
to you again.
Thanks.