October 23, 2025 • 28 mins
Meech gets brutally honest about five toxic mindsets he carried for years in the Marine Corps—judging Marines by appearance, shaming light/limited duty, putting mission before family, dismissing mental health, and treating MCMAP tabs like power levels. Stories include the moment he finally chose medical over pride, almost leaving the delivery room for a tasker, and a post-injury Marine who redefined what leadership looks like. This isn’t Corps-bashing—it’s growth: keep the standards, keep the humanity.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
My wife was in the hospital about to give birth to our third
child. My Staffs aren't calling me
about some bullshit on the readyline you know what I mean.
I told him hold on Staffs aren'tI'm on my way.
Mind you she 5 centimeters dilated.
The birth bout to happen. I'm putting my cami blouse on,
(00:20):
talking about, hey, I got to go back to work real quick.
I'll be right back. I always say something applies,
motherfucker. This episode is sponsored by
(00:44):
Better Help. What's going on everybody?
As we all know, mental health isa huge piece for me.
And recently, as I become a better version of myself, I've
decided that it's time for me togo to therapy because I
understand how life can be a little overwhelming and we all
need help navigating through thetrenches of military service in
and out of uniform. Better Help connects you with a
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(01:05):
helpful, unbiased advice. 1st all.
You got to do is go to their site.
Matter of fact you can use my link right here.
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discount on your first month. What's going on everybody?
(01:46):
It's that ordinary podcaster with the extraordinary thoughts
that tells you to stop being great and be extraordinary.
I'm Demetrius Thakpin, also known as meetspeed.
So welcome back to another episode of the Talking Crazy
podcast. Now, before we get started with
this podcast, don't forget to head on over to your favorite
streaming platform, whether that's Apple podcast or Spotify
podcast and leave this podcast ahonest review because this
podcast deserves to grow just. As much as.
(02:08):
We do. Now, one thing about me, I can
say that I've grown one thing about me, I promise you I'm not
the same person that started creating content back in 2020.
In fact, I promise you those twopeople like I'm talking about
Meech now versus Meech then two different people.
(02:29):
If you would have met Sergeant Thicke Pen before he became
Meech Speaks, I promise you a lot of y'all probably wouldn't
even like me. You know what I mean?
Like a lot of y'all, probably even like me to be honest with
you, as I think back on who I used to be, I'm so grateful that
I grew and this, this really came from this.
This episode really came from today's trip to medical.
(02:52):
Now, for those who don't know, knee fucked up all right.
Messed my knee up last week, been limping around, ain't been
able to put a lot of pressure onit, barely been able to train.
And I finally decided I was like, you know what?
Let me just go ahead and go to medical.
I need to get seen. I need to see what the fuck's
wrong with it. And as I was leaving medical,
driving back to my job, I sat back and I was like, damn, man.
(03:14):
There was a time when I wouldn'teven did this.
You know what I mean? Like there's a time when I would
have pretended like I was OK. There was a time right where I
had certain ideologies, a certain type of mindset, certain
traits about myself that just would, that just didn't make
(03:34):
sense to be honest with you. It was very toxic.
So with that, as we dive into today's episode, this episode is
all about me unlearning the toxic military traits that I had
acquired throughout my military service.
Let's go ahead and get started #1 All right, Once again, I
(03:55):
don't think like this, all right?
I do not think like this, all right?
This is who I used to be. But number one, I used to judge
the fuck out of fat Marines. OK, not only did I used to judge
fat marines, but if you was out of shape, if you was bad at PT,
you was never going to get any love out of me.
All right? I'ma just be honest with you.
You was not getting any love outof me if you was out of shape,
(04:19):
all right? I just never understood how some
people could be, you know, 19 years old, already have a dab by
shit didn't sit right with me. If you was unsightly in uniform,
you weren't getting love out of me.
And if you was on BCP, automatically you was a shit
bag, you feel me? And I know for a fact this was
not my own ideology. This was a mindset that a lot of
(04:42):
people thought of, you feel me? This is a mindset that a lot of
people thought, you feel me? Like if you were fat, if you
were out of shape, if you were bad at PT, then honestly, you
probably weren't a good fucking Marine.
You could have been great at your job, bro.
Like you could have been great at your job.
But because you fall out of runs, you're probably a piece of
shit. And I say that because that's
how I thought as APFC. I just could not take a leader
(05:05):
serious if you were terrible at PT, you feel me?
Damn, don't be talking to me if you fat.
And that carried from Lance Corporal to corporal to
Sergeant, you feel me? And I remember one time walking
in to a locker room and I think I had walked in as the Marines
from BCP had just got done working out and they were
changing over and one of them like he was talking and he was
(05:28):
like man, you know, like my condition, it runs in my family.
I interjected and I was like condition, I was like brother,
nobody runs in your family. That's why y'all here, it smells
like a fucking Taco Bell in here.
I was wrong. I was 100% wrong for saying
that. You know what I mean?
Just because that Marine is fat,that didn't give me the right to
(05:49):
say that. Just because a Marine fall out
of PT that don't necessarily mean that he is shit back.
I didn't learn that until I would, you know, mature in the
Marine Corps. And what I mean by it is, is
because please understand, I am not making an excuse for no fat
Marine period. I'm not making an excuse for a
Marine that falls out. However, usually there's a
(06:09):
reason me as a recruiter, man, Ialready know that guy.
In order for him to go to boot camp, he's got to be within a
certain height and weight standards.
I know for a fact in boot camp he going to lose weight.
Somewhere along the line something happened, you feel me?
And I remember being a Sergeant and I Once again, Stassar Noti
(06:30):
really brought the human out of Sergeant Thick pen, you feel me?
He didn't talk to me like a Marine.
He talked to me like a dad. He talked to me like a brother.
He talked to me like a human would talk to another human.
And I always will appreciate that because that would carry on
with me. You feel me?
And one thing that I learned is,is that and I and I and I
(06:52):
challenge anybody that sees a fat marine or sees a Marine out
of shape or sees a Marine that'skind of like falling out in PT,
Like ask yourself, like, what happened?
You feel me? Like what happened?
You know, fun factor today. Some people, man, like
depression, they eat, they stop going to the gym.
It's a clear indicator, you know, we, we sit back and we are
(07:15):
berate the Marine for being fat,but fine, you know, the Marine
probably got hurt, probably ended up on like duty, probably
end up having to get surgery, you know what I mean?
And because he had to get surgery, he ended up putting on
a couple of pounds, you know what I mean?
Like, so there's so many things that go into that and we ignore
it because of the simple fact that oh God, you're fat, you're
(07:37):
fat. Get away from me.
You fell out of PT. You're a piece of shit, you
know, crazy mindset. Crazy mindset.
I'm talking about if you didn't run a first class PFT, you were
trash to me. And before I go on to the second
point, I will never forget a Marine that I came across.
All right, I was at my second duty station.
His name was Packer. All right, I think Packer ended
(07:59):
up becoming landscape or probably even a corporal, but I
remember Packer. Packer, solid, solid Marine, you
feel me? Solid Marine.
And then we were playing soccer.This is why I don't really care
too much about like unit P TS. But we were playing soccer and
Packer tore his fucking MCL and meniscus playing soccer.
Obviously he had to get surgery,you know what I mean?
(08:21):
Packer was in like this bionic cast for I want to say like 6
months up to a year. They couldn't do anything with
him so they put him in dispatch.All Packer could do was sit
down, do his job and eat. Needless to say, this Marine who
was a 300 PF tier ended up becoming, you know, third class
(08:42):
PFT, got a little chunky, got a little heavy, and it was very
apparent. It was very apparent.
But the one thing that never changed about Packer, I'm
talking about Packer put on somefucking Packer was packing.
You know what I mean? He was packing, but the one
thing that never changed about him was about his smile.
Packer still smile. He still showed up.
He still, he still had the highest customs and courtesies,
(09:05):
knew so much about his job. You feel me?
He was literally like a like a lot for me.
He was just hefty, you know whatI mean?
And he had to get that weight off.
And I remember saying to myself,like, damn, man, like I wish
Packer wasn't fat, bro, because he'd be solid.
But that wasn't even his fault. And I would carry that mindset.
And I will always think about Packer when I would get on a
(09:25):
Marine for being fat. You know what I mean?
Once again, I, I make it an excuse.
But at the exact same time, I know now that there is a why #2
and war. I tell you right now, you, you,
you just had to be in. You just had to be in when we
thought like this. OK, but man, it used to be a
(09:48):
time that you would get shunned for going to medical.
OK, You would get shunned. You would get shamed for going
to medical. You on what you on like duty?
You on limited, dude? Oh, oh, what you trying to get
out of PT? What you trying to get out of a
hike? You ain't really hurt, you know,
(10:08):
I've had worse injuries and I still toughed it out.
That used to be the mindset, bro.
And that type of mindset is exactly what I had, you feel me?
I'm talking about we used to. There was a time when we would
shame Marines for going to medical.
Mind you, medical is fucking free bro.
(10:29):
That's why it's there. But we would shame them for
going to medical. Now, once again, this mindset,
this comes from CN Marines. Finesse the medical program, You
know what I mean? Like, oh shit, all of a sudden
you got an injury when we got a hike.
Oh shit, you, you, you got to goto medical.
Now that you hear that so and sois about to run PT.
You fear me. Oh, really?
(10:49):
You hurt. But I'll be seeing you do all of
that. That's where that came from.
But once again, just like the previous one, and I feel like
what a lot of these mindsets, a lot of these traits, they
started off small and reasonableand evolved into extreme and
just just just no, no logic to it.
You feel like there's no real fucking logic.
(11:10):
But there used to be a time, bro, like we would shame you for
for being on light duty, for forbeing on limited duty.
You know, even if we didn't say it to your face, we kind of
would look at you like, I don't know if you could be in a
leadership position. I don't know if I could trust
you on light duty. You feel me?
Do you know how stupid that is? Like, like, let's let's dial it
(11:32):
back for a second. You get hurt, right?
You twist your ankle, you can barely walk on it, let alone
even put pressure on it. And instead of going to medical,
you go on a three mile hike, yougo on a three mile hike and
because you can't use your leg, you start falling out of the
hike. And you continue to keep going.
(11:53):
And not only do you continue to keep going, you're putting this
unnecessary pressure and strain on something that is clearly,
clearly messed up and injured more now that that that that
sprain turns into a fracture. That fracture turns into a full
on break. Yo ass is on fucking crutches or
(12:13):
now walking around with a cane. Now you got to fucking get
surgery. All because you wanted to
pretend like you were OK, All because you wanted to pretend
like you were tough. Fucking dumb.
God, Oh my gosh. But once again, just like what I
said, I had to unlearn that because I got hurt once and I
(12:38):
remember falling down a fucking hill because my leg was messed
up in my leg. It couldn't keep up with my
other leg and it couldn't keep up with the momentum of me going
down the hill. And because of that, I ended up
just tripping over my other leg and just falling down it.
And even then, my Sergeant forced me to go to medical.
(13:01):
I remember in MCMAP, I took a fucking concussion.
And rather than go to medical, you feel me?
Because I felt like if I went tomedical, I was a weak leader.
And rather than go to medical, Iwould just say that I, I had
been drinking. I have been drinking.
That's why I'm a little loopy. You know how stupid that
sounded. And then I'll pull my stats on
(13:23):
off to the side and say, no, I, I got hurt.
Just don't tell the Marines. It was that pride, that pride
aspect of of me fucking not wanting to be portrayed as a
weak leader, not being portrayedas somebody that's weak now,
man, I'll go to medical in a heartbeat.
I'll go to medical in a heartbeat.
(13:43):
Because at the end of the day, when it's all said and done,
ain't nobody going to remember. Damn, man, he was tough.
No, they're going to say that. You're fucking stupid.
They're going to say you're stupid.
Now you got a fucking entry thatcould have been prevented, but
instead you was tough and now here you are with no fucking
cartilage in your knee. Now here you are about to get
fucking steroids in your back. Now here you are fucking about
(14:05):
to get reconstructive surgery onsomething that could have been
fucking avoided. It just didn't make sense back
then. Now the next one, I ain't even
proud of it to be honest with you.
I've been in the Marine Corps for 16 years.
I thought longer like this than I did like this.
You feel me? Like for the past 10 years, I
(14:25):
didn't stop thinking like this until probably like, I want to
say like 2020, you feel me? But the Marine Corps over my
family, I know some Marines right now, Marine Corps, the
Marines family. You see what I'm saying?
Me 100%. You know what I mean?
I'm talking about family. Could come down from Michigan.
(14:47):
We'd be on the East Coast if theMarines need me.
Let me rephrase that. If the Marine Corps lead needs
me, I'm out of here. You feel me?
Hey, peace, I got to go. I remember at the time my wife
was in the hospital about to give birth to our third child.
My Staffs aren't calling me about some bullshit on the ready
(15:08):
line you know what I mean. I told him hold on Staffs aren't
I'm on my way. Mind you she 5 centimeters
dilated. The birth bout to happen.
I'm putting my cami blouse on talking about hey I got to go
back to work real quick. I'll be right back.
I'm willing to miss family memories, school recitals, I'm
(15:30):
willing to skip a parent teachers conference for the sake
of the mission. Let me rephrase that.
I'm willing to skip lifetime events for a day-to-day task.
And I prided myself on the simple fact that that is that's
what I'm supposed to do as a leader.
(15:52):
Not realizing how much of A example I set with my Marines.
Let me rephrase that, How much of a bad example I'm setting to
my Marines? You ever wonder why?
Why divorce be at an all time high in the military?
I asked him how many times he set his family in second place.
I asked him how many times he put his family in second place.
(16:13):
It took me damn near 10 years tounlearn that type of mindset.
It took me 10 years to realize that when all of this is said
and done, the only people that Iwill have in my corner is my
family and my friends. Because at the end of the day,
and one thing that I've learned is that the military was there
(16:34):
before me. It will be there after I'm gone,
dude. But the people, the people who
will be there are the people that I constantly keep putting
in the second place. So that, that, that one right
there, I had to really, I had toreally unlearn because I
remember I was sitting in a house.
I was sitting in a house, nothing but boxes all around me.
(16:56):
Family that moved out talking about they leaving me and all I
can think of, man, I got to go ahead and train the Marines.
Dumb shit, dumb shit #4 Once again, I feel like #3 and #4
probably took me the longest to unlearn, you know what I mean?
Because of the simple fact that if I wasn't stepping into the
(17:19):
self-care space, if I wasn't really paying attention to
mental health, if I wasn't really proactive with these
things, I don't think I would have really learned them.
You know what I mean? But #4 there was a time when I
thought the Marine Corps was allthat I had, OK?
And I'm going to just be honest with you.
There are a couple of Marines right now that think that the
Marine Corps is all that they have, You feel me?
(17:41):
And I don't know who need to hear this, but this is very
short term, OK? That's not me talking bad about
the Marine Corps. I love the Marine Corps, you
feel me. But at the exact same time, as
somebody that's been in for 16 years, we have to realize that
the most that you probably goingto do 20 years, maybe 20-2,
maybe 20-4, maybe, you know, 20,maybe 30, who knows?
(18:06):
But it ain't long, baby. It ain't long, all right, I
promise you that. And the problem is, is when you
think that the Marine Corps is the only thing that you have,
you don't even look at the things that you could
potentially have. Let me rephrase.
You don't even try to create other things while you're in,
(18:27):
you feel me? I can't tell you how many
Marines that I met in my entire career that have gotten out of
the Marine Corps or or or essentially retired.
And it's always the retirees. It's not necessarily EAS ones.
The EAS guys like they do they 4turn they do they four years and
they already know that they about to go to college, work in
a different field, etcetera. It's usually the ones that's 10
(18:49):
years, 16 years, 20 years, bro dedicate their entire lives to
the military. And then when it's it's finally
said and done, ain't got nothingto show for it, ain't got
nothing to show for it about to go to fucking college.
That's all they can say. And they scared.
It took me damn near 10 years torealize there's other things out
(19:13):
there, bro. It took me going to job fairs.
It took me building a resume. It took me finding a passion.
It took me chasing dreams to realize, man, to realize that
there are other things out thereand if you don't look on the
other side of the fence, you ain't going to know.
(19:36):
You cannot be thinking that thisis all that there is, bro.
Motherfuckers be scared to get out of the military, man,
because they don't know anythingelse, man.
And, and, and then on top of that, not only are they scared
to get out of the military, theyfear monger everyone else to
stay in the military because yo ass is fucking scared.
You scared that Lance Corporal? That corporal?
(19:59):
Oh, no, he's not. He plans on going to college.
Oh, no, you talking about that corporal right there that you
used to get on for going to college?
Oh, no, no, no, no, he already got a job lined up.
Oh, you talking about that Marine right there?
You know the one that you used to laugh about doing social
media? Well, he was actually making
connections and setting himself up and creating a exit plan for
(20:22):
when he taught decided to get out.
Trust me, it's, it's it's other things out there.
Number 5. I used to think that MCMAP
(20:43):
actually worked. All right, let me, let me, let
me clear it up man, so that way y'all don't twist this up.
I became a martial arts instructor trainer 2014.
You feel me? I have been, I've been teaching
MCMAP longer than submarines. I've been in the Marine Corps.
You feel me? I used to think that MCMAP was
(21:06):
the end all be all. You feel me?
Like I thought. And when I say this, I'm talking
about like typical Mcmapper shit.
Not me, Like not me talking bad about the program, all right?
I'm talking about some Mcmapper shit.
Like you stand there in a staticposition and I'm supposed to
execute this technique on you and that's going to fucking
work. And I can do that out in a live
(21:26):
environment even though I've never done it on a live
opponent. And when somebody would give me
some type of resistance, I wouldthink like, why are you fighting
me? Just let me do it.
Not realizing that that's exactly what a real person would
actually do. I used to think that these
little tabs, these little stripes that were on my belt
were my power level and meant that I could beat a tan belt, I
(21:51):
could beat a Gray belt. I could beat a green belt, brown
belt, black belt. I could beat anybody under my
power level. And if you had a higher level,
like more stripes to me, like third degree, 4th degree, 5th
degree, that means that you could beat me.
Yeah, That's not true. Yeah, that's not true.
(22:12):
Brother, Brother, that's not true.
I learned that as soon as I got to the Mace shit.
I learned that day one. Once I got to the base, learned
that day one, first and foremost, for those who have
fought before, whether that's wrestling, jiu jitsu, Muay Thai,
boxing, craw McGraw, karate, fucking kickboxing, you know for
(22:35):
a fact that just because you learnt something, tested it,
tested out on it, that don't mean that it's going to work.
If you ain't never used it in a live sparring engagement, if you
ain't never used it live, that means it won't work.
That's a fact. 2 Just because hehad tan belt that don't mean
that he ain't been, I don't know, doing wrestling his entire
(22:57):
life. Just because he a Gray belt,
that don't mean that he wasn't doing boxing before he came into
the Marine Corps. You feel me?
I can't tell you how many boxers, wrestlers, guys that
have been doing jiu jitsu way before they ever met the Marine
Corps Martial Arts program. But The thing is, is that I was
(23:19):
an instructor. So I, I, I didn't know no
better. I don't understand why this guy
is doing an arm drag. And, and the thing that I had to
really learn, learn a phrase that I had to unlearn it so I
could learn it is that because you don't practice, because you
don't spar, because you're not actively doing this, you don't
even realize that you're in danger.
(23:40):
You don't even realize that you standing in front of somebody
that has completely outclassed you and he about to ball you up,
he about to do you bowl once again, number 3-4 and five took
me damn near 10 years to unlearnand it had to it had to happen
with experience. You feel me?
Now here's the other cat. Here's the other thing about
(24:01):
this. I had to already understand that
motherfuckers that don't that usually say MCMAP don't work,
probably don't don't practice it, OK?
And I don't know who need to hear this.
You actually have to practice. You have to spar, you have to
condition. You have to treat this like any
other martial arts in order for it to work.
You cannot just be doing this onsome fucking static aggressor
(24:24):
and think that it's going to work just because you test it
out, promise you, you, you don'tknow shit.
You don't know shit. But as we come to a close to
this episode, I can't stress this enough.
A lot of these things it took melike 10 years to unlearn.
You feel me. And as I look back on it, do am
(24:44):
I ashamed? Not really, because that was
really a part of me back there. You know what I mean?
That was that wasn't just my mindset.
That was an overall mindset. But I do move forward making
amends. You feel me?
I do for do move forward making amends because of the simple
fact that I just didn't know better back then.
(25:05):
And once I learned better, I hadto do better.
Was this type of thought process, was it productive?
Did it make me a good Marine? Probably.
But I did go off on the deep end.
And I will say this though, as Ias I went through all of these,
in theory, some of these things are good.
You feel me like you don't want to be fat.
(25:26):
All right, We are in a war fighting organization.
You do want to be in some type of functional shape, you feel
me? But once you go to the extreme,
that's when you start to go wrong number.
I mean #2 all right. There are going to be moments
where you are you hurt or are you injured?
Can you push through? Can you get through this or do
(25:48):
you really need to take a step back?
But once again, taking it to theextreme, when you know for a
fact that you should be sitting out and now you're, you're still
in, that's when you end up getting hurt #3 you know,
thinking, putting the family first.
Is it a priority? Absolutely.
(26:10):
And we can do that in Garrison. We can do that in Garrison.
But is there a time and place? 100% I never put my family over
a Marine. That's, that's that needs me.
You feel me? I never do that when I'm
deployed in the Auster environment.
I understand I got to handle business but when I'm home in
Garrison you feel me and I have the opportunity to be able to
(26:32):
put my family 1st and God damn it guess what?
I'm a put my family first numberfour.
Once again man I can't stress this enough.
Is there life outside of the military?
100% But just because there's life outside of the military
does not mean that I have to start neglecting the military or
treating it as if it's a backup plan while I'm still a primary
(26:56):
player while in the military. And #5 and I, and this goes
without saying, the program is only going to work as long as
you work in the program. If you don't train, then the
things that you learn, you ain'tgoing to be able to do.
And that's just a fact. I say all of this and I bring it
all back in to say one thing, OK, Are these things, Can you
use these things? What does make you a good
(27:16):
Marine? Yes, but you have to have a
balance because the moment that you start going into these
extremes, that's when you start developing that toxic mindset
that I make a Marine get out. That's when you develop that
toxic Marine Corps. That's when you develop that
toxic mindset that it gets you divorced, have you in a house by
yourself and all your family that moved out.
(27:37):
That's that toxic mindset that it gets you fucking injured
beyond repair. That's that toxic mindset that
leave you out of plan. So with that, if that's you who
thinks like that, take a step back and self reflect.
If you know somebody that think like that, pull them off to the
side. It's time to reflect.
But at the same time, just because that's what we knew,
(27:57):
then once you know better, you got to do better.
And just like that, another extraordinary thought left this
ordinary mind. I hope you enjoyed this episode
half as much as I enjoy making it.
Don't forget to head on over to your favorite streaming
platform, whether that's Apple Podcast or Spotify Podcast, and
leave this podcast an honest review because this podcast
deserves to grow just as much aswe do.
(28:18):
Also, don't forget to. Head on over to TikTok or
Instagram and follow me at Meech.
Speaks. That's right.
Meech speaks. Meech is spelled M EE Ch.
Stay motivated, stay healthy. I'm out.
My wife was in the hospital about to give birth to our third
child. My Staffs aren't calling me
about some bullshit on the readyline you know what I mean.
I told him hold on Staffs aren'tI'm on my way.
Mind you she 5 centimeters dilated.
The birth bout to happen. I'm putting my cami blouse on,
(00:20):
talking about, hey, I got to go back to work real quick.
I'll be right back. I always say something applies,
motherfucker. This episode is sponsored by
(00:44):
Better Help. What's going on everybody?
As we all know, mental health isa huge piece for me.
And recently, as I become a better version of myself, I've
decided that it's time for me togo to therapy because I
understand how life can be a little overwhelming and we all
need help navigating through thetrenches of military service in
and out of uniform. Better Help connects you with a
licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you
(01:05):
helpful, unbiased advice. 1st all.
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Visit betterhelp.com/meech Speaks and enjoy a special
discount on your first month. What's going on everybody?
(01:46):
It's that ordinary podcaster with the extraordinary thoughts
that tells you to stop being great and be extraordinary.
I'm Demetrius Thakpin, also known as meetspeed.
So welcome back to another episode of the Talking Crazy
podcast. Now, before we get started with
this podcast, don't forget to head on over to your favorite
streaming platform, whether that's Apple podcast or Spotify
podcast and leave this podcast ahonest review because this
podcast deserves to grow just. As much as.
(02:08):
We do. Now, one thing about me, I can
say that I've grown one thing about me, I promise you I'm not
the same person that started creating content back in 2020.
In fact, I promise you those twopeople like I'm talking about
Meech now versus Meech then two different people.
(02:29):
If you would have met Sergeant Thicke Pen before he became
Meech Speaks, I promise you a lot of y'all probably wouldn't
even like me. You know what I mean?
Like a lot of y'all, probably even like me to be honest with
you, as I think back on who I used to be, I'm so grateful that
I grew and this, this really came from this.
This episode really came from today's trip to medical.
(02:52):
Now, for those who don't know, knee fucked up all right.
Messed my knee up last week, been limping around, ain't been
able to put a lot of pressure onit, barely been able to train.
And I finally decided I was like, you know what?
Let me just go ahead and go to medical.
I need to get seen. I need to see what the fuck's
wrong with it. And as I was leaving medical,
driving back to my job, I sat back and I was like, damn, man.
(03:14):
There was a time when I wouldn'teven did this.
You know what I mean? Like there's a time when I would
have pretended like I was OK. There was a time right where I
had certain ideologies, a certain type of mindset, certain
traits about myself that just would, that just didn't make
(03:34):
sense to be honest with you. It was very toxic.
So with that, as we dive into today's episode, this episode is
all about me unlearning the toxic military traits that I had
acquired throughout my military service.
Let's go ahead and get started #1 All right, Once again, I
(03:55):
don't think like this, all right?
I do not think like this, all right?
This is who I used to be. But number one, I used to judge
the fuck out of fat Marines. OK, not only did I used to judge
fat marines, but if you was out of shape, if you was bad at PT,
you was never going to get any love out of me.
All right? I'ma just be honest with you.
You was not getting any love outof me if you was out of shape,
(04:19):
all right? I just never understood how some
people could be, you know, 19 years old, already have a dab by
shit didn't sit right with me. If you was unsightly in uniform,
you weren't getting love out of me.
And if you was on BCP, automatically you was a shit
bag, you feel me? And I know for a fact this was
not my own ideology. This was a mindset that a lot of
(04:42):
people thought of, you feel me? This is a mindset that a lot of
people thought, you feel me? Like if you were fat, if you
were out of shape, if you were bad at PT, then honestly, you
probably weren't a good fucking Marine.
You could have been great at your job, bro.
Like you could have been great at your job.
But because you fall out of runs, you're probably a piece of
shit. And I say that because that's
how I thought as APFC. I just could not take a leader
(05:05):
serious if you were terrible at PT, you feel me?
Damn, don't be talking to me if you fat.
And that carried from Lance Corporal to corporal to
Sergeant, you feel me? And I remember one time walking
in to a locker room and I think I had walked in as the Marines
from BCP had just got done working out and they were
changing over and one of them like he was talking and he was
(05:28):
like man, you know, like my condition, it runs in my family.
I interjected and I was like condition, I was like brother,
nobody runs in your family. That's why y'all here, it smells
like a fucking Taco Bell in here.
I was wrong. I was 100% wrong for saying
that. You know what I mean?
Just because that Marine is fat,that didn't give me the right to
(05:49):
say that. Just because a Marine fall out
of PT that don't necessarily mean that he is shit back.
I didn't learn that until I would, you know, mature in the
Marine Corps. And what I mean by it is, is
because please understand, I am not making an excuse for no fat
Marine period. I'm not making an excuse for a
Marine that falls out. However, usually there's a
(06:09):
reason me as a recruiter, man, Ialready know that guy.
In order for him to go to boot camp, he's got to be within a
certain height and weight standards.
I know for a fact in boot camp he going to lose weight.
Somewhere along the line something happened, you feel me?
And I remember being a Sergeant and I Once again, Stassar Noti
(06:30):
really brought the human out of Sergeant Thick pen, you feel me?
He didn't talk to me like a Marine.
He talked to me like a dad. He talked to me like a brother.
He talked to me like a human would talk to another human.
And I always will appreciate that because that would carry on
with me. You feel me?
And one thing that I learned is,is that and I and I and I
(06:52):
challenge anybody that sees a fat marine or sees a Marine out
of shape or sees a Marine that'skind of like falling out in PT,
Like ask yourself, like, what happened?
You feel me? Like what happened?
You know, fun factor today. Some people, man, like
depression, they eat, they stop going to the gym.
It's a clear indicator, you know, we, we sit back and we are
(07:15):
berate the Marine for being fat,but fine, you know, the Marine
probably got hurt, probably ended up on like duty, probably
end up having to get surgery, you know what I mean?
And because he had to get surgery, he ended up putting on
a couple of pounds, you know what I mean?
Like, so there's so many things that go into that and we ignore
it because of the simple fact that oh God, you're fat, you're
(07:37):
fat. Get away from me.
You fell out of PT. You're a piece of shit, you
know, crazy mindset. Crazy mindset.
I'm talking about if you didn't run a first class PFT, you were
trash to me. And before I go on to the second
point, I will never forget a Marine that I came across.
All right, I was at my second duty station.
His name was Packer. All right, I think Packer ended
(07:59):
up becoming landscape or probably even a corporal, but I
remember Packer. Packer, solid, solid Marine, you
feel me? Solid Marine.
And then we were playing soccer.This is why I don't really care
too much about like unit P TS. But we were playing soccer and
Packer tore his fucking MCL and meniscus playing soccer.
Obviously he had to get surgery,you know what I mean?
(08:21):
Packer was in like this bionic cast for I want to say like 6
months up to a year. They couldn't do anything with
him so they put him in dispatch.All Packer could do was sit
down, do his job and eat. Needless to say, this Marine who
was a 300 PF tier ended up becoming, you know, third class
(08:42):
PFT, got a little chunky, got a little heavy, and it was very
apparent. It was very apparent.
But the one thing that never changed about Packer, I'm
talking about Packer put on somefucking Packer was packing.
You know what I mean? He was packing, but the one
thing that never changed about him was about his smile.
Packer still smile. He still showed up.
He still, he still had the highest customs and courtesies,
(09:05):
knew so much about his job. You feel me?
He was literally like a like a lot for me.
He was just hefty, you know whatI mean?
And he had to get that weight off.
And I remember saying to myself,like, damn, man, like I wish
Packer wasn't fat, bro, because he'd be solid.
But that wasn't even his fault. And I would carry that mindset.
And I will always think about Packer when I would get on a
(09:25):
Marine for being fat. You know what I mean?
Once again, I, I make it an excuse.
But at the exact same time, I know now that there is a why #2
and war. I tell you right now, you, you,
you just had to be in. You just had to be in when we
thought like this. OK, but man, it used to be a
(09:48):
time that you would get shunned for going to medical.
OK, You would get shunned. You would get shamed for going
to medical. You on what you on like duty?
You on limited, dude? Oh, oh, what you trying to get
out of PT? What you trying to get out of a
hike? You ain't really hurt, you know,
(10:08):
I've had worse injuries and I still toughed it out.
That used to be the mindset, bro.
And that type of mindset is exactly what I had, you feel me?
I'm talking about we used to. There was a time when we would
shame Marines for going to medical.
Mind you, medical is fucking free bro.
(10:29):
That's why it's there. But we would shame them for
going to medical. Now, once again, this mindset,
this comes from CN Marines. Finesse the medical program, You
know what I mean? Like, oh shit, all of a sudden
you got an injury when we got a hike.
Oh shit, you, you, you got to goto medical.
Now that you hear that so and sois about to run PT.
You fear me. Oh, really?
(10:49):
You hurt. But I'll be seeing you do all of
that. That's where that came from.
But once again, just like the previous one, and I feel like
what a lot of these mindsets, a lot of these traits, they
started off small and reasonableand evolved into extreme and
just just just no, no logic to it.
You feel like there's no real fucking logic.
(11:10):
But there used to be a time, bro, like we would shame you for
for being on light duty, for forbeing on limited duty.
You know, even if we didn't say it to your face, we kind of
would look at you like, I don't know if you could be in a
leadership position. I don't know if I could trust
you on light duty. You feel me?
Do you know how stupid that is? Like, like, let's let's dial it
(11:32):
back for a second. You get hurt, right?
You twist your ankle, you can barely walk on it, let alone
even put pressure on it. And instead of going to medical,
you go on a three mile hike, yougo on a three mile hike and
because you can't use your leg, you start falling out of the
hike. And you continue to keep going.
(11:53):
And not only do you continue to keep going, you're putting this
unnecessary pressure and strain on something that is clearly,
clearly messed up and injured more now that that that that
sprain turns into a fracture. That fracture turns into a full
on break. Yo ass is on fucking crutches or
(12:13):
now walking around with a cane. Now you got to fucking get
surgery. All because you wanted to
pretend like you were OK, All because you wanted to pretend
like you were tough. Fucking dumb.
God, Oh my gosh. But once again, just like what I
said, I had to unlearn that because I got hurt once and I
(12:38):
remember falling down a fucking hill because my leg was messed
up in my leg. It couldn't keep up with my
other leg and it couldn't keep up with the momentum of me going
down the hill. And because of that, I ended up
just tripping over my other leg and just falling down it.
And even then, my Sergeant forced me to go to medical.
(13:01):
I remember in MCMAP, I took a fucking concussion.
And rather than go to medical, you feel me?
Because I felt like if I went tomedical, I was a weak leader.
And rather than go to medical, Iwould just say that I, I had
been drinking. I have been drinking.
That's why I'm a little loopy. You know how stupid that
sounded. And then I'll pull my stats on
(13:23):
off to the side and say, no, I, I got hurt.
Just don't tell the Marines. It was that pride, that pride
aspect of of me fucking not wanting to be portrayed as a
weak leader, not being portrayedas somebody that's weak now,
man, I'll go to medical in a heartbeat.
I'll go to medical in a heartbeat.
(13:43):
Because at the end of the day, when it's all said and done,
ain't nobody going to remember. Damn, man, he was tough.
No, they're going to say that. You're fucking stupid.
They're going to say you're stupid.
Now you got a fucking entry thatcould have been prevented, but
instead you was tough and now here you are with no fucking
cartilage in your knee. Now here you are about to get
fucking steroids in your back. Now here you are fucking about
(14:05):
to get reconstructive surgery onsomething that could have been
fucking avoided. It just didn't make sense back
then. Now the next one, I ain't even
proud of it to be honest with you.
I've been in the Marine Corps for 16 years.
I thought longer like this than I did like this.
You feel me? Like for the past 10 years, I
(14:25):
didn't stop thinking like this until probably like, I want to
say like 2020, you feel me? But the Marine Corps over my
family, I know some Marines right now, Marine Corps, the
Marines family. You see what I'm saying?
Me 100%. You know what I mean?
I'm talking about family. Could come down from Michigan.
(14:47):
We'd be on the East Coast if theMarines need me.
Let me rephrase that. If the Marine Corps lead needs
me, I'm out of here. You feel me?
Hey, peace, I got to go. I remember at the time my wife
was in the hospital about to give birth to our third child.
My Staffs aren't calling me about some bullshit on the ready
(15:08):
line you know what I mean. I told him hold on Staffs aren't
I'm on my way. Mind you she 5 centimeters
dilated. The birth bout to happen.
I'm putting my cami blouse on talking about hey I got to go
back to work real quick. I'll be right back.
I'm willing to miss family memories, school recitals, I'm
(15:30):
willing to skip a parent teachers conference for the sake
of the mission. Let me rephrase that.
I'm willing to skip lifetime events for a day-to-day task.
And I prided myself on the simple fact that that is that's
what I'm supposed to do as a leader.
(15:52):
Not realizing how much of A example I set with my Marines.
Let me rephrase that, How much of a bad example I'm setting to
my Marines? You ever wonder why?
Why divorce be at an all time high in the military?
I asked him how many times he set his family in second place.
I asked him how many times he put his family in second place.
(16:13):
It took me damn near 10 years tounlearn that type of mindset.
It took me 10 years to realize that when all of this is said
and done, the only people that Iwill have in my corner is my
family and my friends. Because at the end of the day,
and one thing that I've learned is that the military was there
(16:34):
before me. It will be there after I'm gone,
dude. But the people, the people who
will be there are the people that I constantly keep putting
in the second place. So that, that, that one right
there, I had to really, I had toreally unlearn because I
remember I was sitting in a house.
I was sitting in a house, nothing but boxes all around me.
(16:56):
Family that moved out talking about they leaving me and all I
can think of, man, I got to go ahead and train the Marines.
Dumb shit, dumb shit #4 Once again, I feel like #3 and #4
probably took me the longest to unlearn, you know what I mean?
Because of the simple fact that if I wasn't stepping into the
(17:19):
self-care space, if I wasn't really paying attention to
mental health, if I wasn't really proactive with these
things, I don't think I would have really learned them.
You know what I mean? But #4 there was a time when I
thought the Marine Corps was allthat I had, OK?
And I'm going to just be honest with you.
There are a couple of Marines right now that think that the
Marine Corps is all that they have, You feel me?
(17:41):
And I don't know who need to hear this, but this is very
short term, OK? That's not me talking bad about
the Marine Corps. I love the Marine Corps, you
feel me. But at the exact same time, as
somebody that's been in for 16 years, we have to realize that
the most that you probably goingto do 20 years, maybe 20-2,
maybe 20-4, maybe, you know, 20,maybe 30, who knows?
(18:06):
But it ain't long, baby. It ain't long, all right, I
promise you that. And the problem is, is when you
think that the Marine Corps is the only thing that you have,
you don't even look at the things that you could
potentially have. Let me rephrase.
You don't even try to create other things while you're in,
(18:27):
you feel me? I can't tell you how many
Marines that I met in my entire career that have gotten out of
the Marine Corps or or or essentially retired.
And it's always the retirees. It's not necessarily EAS ones.
The EAS guys like they do they 4turn they do they four years and
they already know that they about to go to college, work in
a different field, etcetera. It's usually the ones that's 10
(18:49):
years, 16 years, 20 years, bro dedicate their entire lives to
the military. And then when it's it's finally
said and done, ain't got nothingto show for it, ain't got
nothing to show for it about to go to fucking college.
That's all they can say. And they scared.
It took me damn near 10 years torealize there's other things out
(19:13):
there, bro. It took me going to job fairs.
It took me building a resume. It took me finding a passion.
It took me chasing dreams to realize, man, to realize that
there are other things out thereand if you don't look on the
other side of the fence, you ain't going to know.
(19:36):
You cannot be thinking that thisis all that there is, bro.
Motherfuckers be scared to get out of the military, man,
because they don't know anythingelse, man.
And, and, and then on top of that, not only are they scared
to get out of the military, theyfear monger everyone else to
stay in the military because yo ass is fucking scared.
You scared that Lance Corporal? That corporal?
(19:59):
Oh, no, he's not. He plans on going to college.
Oh, no, you talking about that corporal right there that you
used to get on for going to college?
Oh, no, no, no, no, he already got a job lined up.
Oh, you talking about that Marine right there?
You know the one that you used to laugh about doing social
media? Well, he was actually making
connections and setting himself up and creating a exit plan for
(20:22):
when he taught decided to get out.
Trust me, it's, it's it's other things out there.
Number 5. I used to think that MCMAP
(20:43):
actually worked. All right, let me, let me, let
me clear it up man, so that way y'all don't twist this up.
I became a martial arts instructor trainer 2014.
You feel me? I have been, I've been teaching
MCMAP longer than submarines. I've been in the Marine Corps.
You feel me? I used to think that MCMAP was
(21:06):
the end all be all. You feel me?
Like I thought. And when I say this, I'm talking
about like typical Mcmapper shit.
Not me, Like not me talking bad about the program, all right?
I'm talking about some Mcmapper shit.
Like you stand there in a staticposition and I'm supposed to
execute this technique on you and that's going to fucking
work. And I can do that out in a live
(21:26):
environment even though I've never done it on a live
opponent. And when somebody would give me
some type of resistance, I wouldthink like, why are you fighting
me? Just let me do it.
Not realizing that that's exactly what a real person would
actually do. I used to think that these
little tabs, these little stripes that were on my belt
were my power level and meant that I could beat a tan belt, I
(21:51):
could beat a Gray belt. I could beat a green belt, brown
belt, black belt. I could beat anybody under my
power level. And if you had a higher level,
like more stripes to me, like third degree, 4th degree, 5th
degree, that means that you could beat me.
Yeah, That's not true. Yeah, that's not true.
(22:12):
Brother, Brother, that's not true.
I learned that as soon as I got to the Mace shit.
I learned that day one. Once I got to the base, learned
that day one, first and foremost, for those who have
fought before, whether that's wrestling, jiu jitsu, Muay Thai,
boxing, craw McGraw, karate, fucking kickboxing, you know for
(22:35):
a fact that just because you learnt something, tested it,
tested out on it, that don't mean that it's going to work.
If you ain't never used it in a live sparring engagement, if you
ain't never used it live, that means it won't work.
That's a fact. 2 Just because hehad tan belt that don't mean
that he ain't been, I don't know, doing wrestling his entire
(22:57):
life. Just because he a Gray belt,
that don't mean that he wasn't doing boxing before he came into
the Marine Corps. You feel me?
I can't tell you how many boxers, wrestlers, guys that
have been doing jiu jitsu way before they ever met the Marine
Corps Martial Arts program. But The thing is, is that I was
(23:19):
an instructor. So I, I, I didn't know no
better. I don't understand why this guy
is doing an arm drag. And, and the thing that I had to
really learn, learn a phrase that I had to unlearn it so I
could learn it is that because you don't practice, because you
don't spar, because you're not actively doing this, you don't
even realize that you're in danger.
(23:40):
You don't even realize that you standing in front of somebody
that has completely outclassed you and he about to ball you up,
he about to do you bowl once again, number 3-4 and five took
me damn near 10 years to unlearnand it had to it had to happen
with experience. You feel me?
Now here's the other cat. Here's the other thing about
(24:01):
this. I had to already understand that
motherfuckers that don't that usually say MCMAP don't work,
probably don't don't practice it, OK?
And I don't know who need to hear this.
You actually have to practice. You have to spar, you have to
condition. You have to treat this like any
other martial arts in order for it to work.
You cannot just be doing this onsome fucking static aggressor
(24:24):
and think that it's going to work just because you test it
out, promise you, you, you don'tknow shit.
You don't know shit. But as we come to a close to
this episode, I can't stress this enough.
A lot of these things it took melike 10 years to unlearn.
You feel me. And as I look back on it, do am
(24:44):
I ashamed? Not really, because that was
really a part of me back there. You know what I mean?
That was that wasn't just my mindset.
That was an overall mindset. But I do move forward making
amends. You feel me?
I do for do move forward making amends because of the simple
fact that I just didn't know better back then.
(25:05):
And once I learned better, I hadto do better.
Was this type of thought process, was it productive?
Did it make me a good Marine? Probably.
But I did go off on the deep end.
And I will say this though, as Ias I went through all of these,
in theory, some of these things are good.
You feel me like you don't want to be fat.
(25:26):
All right, We are in a war fighting organization.
You do want to be in some type of functional shape, you feel
me? But once you go to the extreme,
that's when you start to go wrong number.
I mean #2 all right. There are going to be moments
where you are you hurt or are you injured?
Can you push through? Can you get through this or do
(25:48):
you really need to take a step back?
But once again, taking it to theextreme, when you know for a
fact that you should be sitting out and now you're, you're still
in, that's when you end up getting hurt #3 you know,
thinking, putting the family first.
Is it a priority? Absolutely.
(26:10):
And we can do that in Garrison. We can do that in Garrison.
But is there a time and place? 100% I never put my family over
a Marine. That's, that's that needs me.
You feel me? I never do that when I'm
deployed in the Auster environment.
I understand I got to handle business but when I'm home in
Garrison you feel me and I have the opportunity to be able to
(26:32):
put my family 1st and God damn it guess what?
I'm a put my family first numberfour.
Once again man I can't stress this enough.
Is there life outside of the military?
100% But just because there's life outside of the military
does not mean that I have to start neglecting the military or
treating it as if it's a backup plan while I'm still a primary
(26:56):
player while in the military. And #5 and I, and this goes
without saying, the program is only going to work as long as
you work in the program. If you don't train, then the
things that you learn, you ain'tgoing to be able to do.
And that's just a fact. I say all of this and I bring it
all back in to say one thing, OK, Are these things, Can you
use these things? What does make you a good
(27:16):
Marine? Yes, but you have to have a
balance because the moment that you start going into these
extremes, that's when you start developing that toxic mindset
that I make a Marine get out. That's when you develop that
toxic Marine Corps. That's when you develop that
toxic mindset that it gets you divorced, have you in a house by
yourself and all your family that moved out.
(27:37):
That's that toxic mindset that it gets you fucking injured
beyond repair. That's that toxic mindset that
leave you out of plan. So with that, if that's you who
thinks like that, take a step back and self reflect.
If you know somebody that think like that, pull them off to the
side. It's time to reflect.
But at the same time, just because that's what we knew,
(27:57):
then once you know better, you got to do better.
And just like that, another extraordinary thought left this
ordinary mind. I hope you enjoyed this episode
half as much as I enjoy making it.
Don't forget to head on over to your favorite streaming
platform, whether that's Apple Podcast or Spotify Podcast, and
leave this podcast an honest review because this podcast
deserves to grow just as much aswe do.
(28:18):
Also, don't forget to. Head on over to TikTok or
Instagram and follow me at Meech.
Speaks. That's right.
Meech speaks. Meech is spelled M EE Ch.
Stay motivated, stay healthy. I'm out.
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