March 19, 2025 • 56 mins
This podcast features an in-depth conversation with Melanie, who is in a recovery program. Melanie shares the challenges and hardships she has faced, including multiple abusive relationships, substance abuse, and legal issues. She recounts significant moments such as her teenage pregnancy, struggles with addiction, and manipulative relationships. Despite her tumultuous past, Melanie expresses her determination to change, the importance of support in her recovery, and her aspirations for the future, including publishing a book and pursuing a business degree. The discussion also highlights the role of mental health in her journey and the impact of family dynamics on her recovery process.
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Episode Transcript
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Tara (00:18):
Today we're talking with a very special friend of mine,
Melanie.
She is in a recovery program,and she has had several trials
and tribulations along her way,and today she's gonna be telling
us her story, and I'm sure someof us can relate to it but it's
about her getting her story outthere and feeling better about
herself.
(00:39):
'cause one day she's gonna bewriting a book about all this.
Melanie?
How are you doing?
My love.
Melanue (00:44):
It's going good.
Tara (00:45):
So you're in recovery And last time we talked We were
going over your Story
Melanue (00:51):
Yes.
Tara (00:53):
And we lost we left off at the age of 17, is that what you
said?
Melanue (00:56):
That what you said?
Tara (01:03):
Let's get into it.
Melanue (01:04):
So last time we were talking I had just gotten
pregnant with Ariana and My, Ihad told my mom and dad that,
there's no way in hell that Iwas, having an abortion with
this baby.
And so I had her.
From that point on I had hadher, moved into my own
(01:24):
apartment.
At that point J.
P.
had found out that was not hisbaby.
Oh, and he was crushed.
I knew that she was not hisbaby.
Told him from the beginning andhe didn't want to believe it.
So he ripped up my abortionmoney to begin with, as I think
(01:47):
I said on the other podcast, butConfirmation came out when she
was born, but she's my twin,she's got my blue eyes, and Came
out who her father was whichwas, I wouldn't call them
friends, but I guess I wouldcall them Frenemies.
Because they turned intoenemies, I guess you would say.
Tara (02:08):
Yeah, they were associates.
They were, yeah, they werefriends at one time.
Then they turned intoassociates, then they turned
into enemies.
Frenemies.
Frenemies.
Yeah, for sure.
That
Melanue (02:17):
was the word for it.
I moved.
Got my own apartment.
And then I broke up with JP andstarted dating my boss's
brother.
And JP was following me allaround,
Tara (02:32):
Stalking you.
Melanue (02:33):
stalking me in Columbus.
Robbed my new boyfriend,,
Tara (02:38):
Did he mace him?
Melanue (02:39):
No, he maced me
Tara (02:41):
I knew mace was in there somewhere,
Melanue (02:43):
he maced me we were
Tara (02:44):
at a club.
Melanue (02:44):
I don't remember who was with me but He was like,
here, let me help you out, andthen Ziggy came over and, here,
let me help you out, she makesme too.
So when my boyfriend picked meup from the club, and I'm like,
they're pouring gallons of milkin my eyes,
Tara (02:59):
Yeah.
Melanue (03:00):
so we seen Ziggy walking down the road, and my
new boyfriend fucking got afucking big club and fucking
clubbed on the back of the head.
He fell face first, and that'show he lost his two front teeth.
Tara (03:13):
Zarek.
Wow.
I was wondering how he lost histwo front teeth.
Melanue (03:17):
It was me
Tara (03:20):
I found out later.
Go ahead.
Melanue (03:22):
But We got back together later on after that and
That's when like a lot of themental physical emotional all
that fucking abuse startedbetween me and him I mean, I
think I said before like he Ithink I had stabbed him.
I think I had told you aboutthat story about me stabbing
him, but this time, like he ourfriend
Tara (03:44):
A
Melanue (03:44):
friend of ours that we used to hang out with.
She, he was like, Every time wego out together and he catches
us, he
Tara (03:52):
rips your shirt off and you're always wearing
Melanue (03:54):
my shirt! laughing Yeah,
Tara (04:01):
It's her clothes getting fucked up, not mine.
I felt bad, yeah.
It was
Melanue (04:05):
of our good friends.
Tara (04:06):
Damn.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now I see why the whiny voice.
Melanue (04:10):
love you,
Tara (04:12):
you girl.
But I know exactly who she'stalking about.
Melanue (04:15):
about.
From all the abuse and stuffthat happened between me and him
he he started beating my ass sobad that I was going to doctors.
I started pill shopping.
I started getting on pills.
I started I got pregnant again.
Hold on, let me move to thesecond sheet here.
Tara (04:30):
I know eventually you got pregnant with Noah.
Melanue (04:32):
I did.
I got pregnant.
Let's see.
First let me say this.
I was at the bar.
We were at the bar.
Tara (04:39):
We?
We were at the bar
Melanue (04:41):
like four to five days a week.
Tara (04:43):
Girl, it was six days.
I was trying to be gentle withthat.
No, bitch.
I know it was six.
Monday through motherfuckingSunday.
Or seven days, yeah.
Seven days each night we wouldhave a different bar.
Keep going.
Melanue (05:00):
But
Tara (05:00):
I became
Melanue (05:02):
Manager of Diamond Dolls.
It was an
Tara (05:08):
that's right.
Escort agency.
Go ahead.
Melanue (05:11):
It was an escort agency.
Tara (05:13):
And
Melanue (05:14):
I started doing coke like crazy.
Cocaine was my best friend, andevery time somebody
Tara (05:20):
was going home with someone's
Melanue (05:22):
boyfriend, I was like, I'm good, and I'd
Tara (05:25):
hold up my bag of
Melanue (05:26):
cocaine, and I would be going home with my Ball of
Cocaine or I'd be doing SneakyLinks with Baby Daddy and nobody
knew about.
And that was my Baby Daddy atthe time.
Tara (05:39):
He
Melanue (05:39):
he was just dating somebody else at the time.
Tara (05:42):
Yeah, we know.
You guys like to share.
No, it was just had a little
Melanue (05:47):
competition thing going between me.
Tara (05:49):
between you and Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember those days.
I used to have to fight hersister.
And now me and her sister arefriends.
I'm actually decent
Melanue (05:58):
with all of
Tara (05:59):
That's good.
But It took fuckin twenty someyears.
Yeah, it did.
It
Melanue (06:02):
It definitely did.
Tara (06:04):
Damn, bitch.
And I was a hard headed,stubborn Yes, we are.
Yes, we are.
Yes, we
Melanue (06:10):
were.
Yes.
Tara (06:11):
That's,
Melanue (06:11):
I, so when we were drinking at the bar at the time
I was bla I was blacking in andout all the time.
How about, I remember, do youremember my 1999 Mitsubishi
Eclipse?
Tara (06:21):
No, I, Did not.
I remember you, I heard aboutyou having it.
That's when the time that wewasn't talking.
In between there.
Or maybe we was.
I think you called me and toldme you were in the top of a
tree.
Tara (2) (06:34):
dude, like
Tara (06:36):
in the middle of your accident, you called me and was
like, I'm in a tree.
I'm like, what do you meanyou're in a tree?
You're like, I wrecked myfucking car, bitch.
Okay, but, okay, that was
Melanue (06:45):
back during them days, yes.
So I was blacking in and out allthe time.
But I was, I had a pill habitreal bad.
The coke would heat me up.
Tara (06:54):
That happened.
You were speedballing.
Melanue (06:56):
I was all the time.
All the time.
Tara (06:59):
you're doing downers and uppers at the same time, you're
speedballing.
I was
Melanue (07:02):
leaving, I was going to Baby Daddy's, and I was meeting
him at our friend's house over,Off of in Blinden Square.
And
Tara (07:13):
All I know
Melanue (07:14):
that I wake up, and I'm standing on my windshield.
Tara (07:17):
Yeah.
And you called me
Melanue (07:19):
And then,
Tara (07:21):
I like
Melanue (07:21):
kick the door open, and I like, I looked down and
there's a pine tree and I had tojump down out of the car My
phone's in the car.
Everything's in my car.
I was scared Then
Tara (07:31):
I blacked
Melanue (07:32):
again, and then
Tara (07:33):
I woke up.
Melanue (07:34):
i'm walking down 270 And i'm like trying to get
somebody to pick me up on theside of the freeway nobody would
pick me up on the side of it'swinter.
I don't have no I don't want mycoat By the time I got there I
had my head like frostbite on myfreaking hands They're putting
my hands in warm water and shitand
Tara (07:50):
all I could think about was,
Melanue (07:52):
Do you got my
Tara (07:53):
coke, do you got my Coke?
And he is fuck the Coke.
Where's your car?
And I'm like.
Melanue (08:01):
I'm like,
Tara (08:01):
fuck the car
Melanue (08:02):
and he gave me my coke.
Bro,
Tara (08:03):
You were bad, weren't you?
I was so bad.
Melanue (08:08):
It was so bad.
Tara (08:09):
How many times do you think that you've went from
being clean to going back?
How many times have you done
Melanue (08:15):
Let's just say from the age of 11, 12 9, 10, 11, 12,
something around that, up untilthe age of 32, when they did the
what do you call it, Would theycome in and
Tara (08:31):
I was asleep
Melanue (08:32):
and they're like you want to wake up for this?
Tara (08:35):
And I'm like, no,
Melanue (08:36):
why and I'm like, why is everyone here?
Tara (08:39):
Intervention.
Intervention.
Melanue (08:40):
There you go.
And everybody had letters andlike my kids were small and I'm
like And they're like we thinkyou have a problem and I'm
looking at my mom and I'm likeyou think I have a problem
Tara (08:53):
Yeah.
Melanue (08:54):
You think I have a fucking problem?
But that was not until I waslike 32 years old and they're
like we're gonna send you toAdams Recovery Center
Tara (09:03):
How many recovery centers have you been to?
Melanue (09:06):
Honestly
Tara (09:07):
let's be honest.
Melanue (09:08):
From 20 to 25
Tara (09:10):
Wow.
Melanue (09:11):
Yeah.
Some of them multiple times.
Last time we spoke, I was atSeacrest in
Tara (09:17):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Melanue (09:18):
I am now back in Columbus.
Tara (09:20):
Okay.
Melanue (09:21):
Because I had charges that I had picked up after I got
out of prison.
And they were from Whitehall.
And it was a warrant where itcouldn't be lifted.
And I had to go to jail.
Yeah.
But
Tara (09:35):
we,
Melanue (09:37):
and I was just, I was like, no, I'm not, I don't want
to go to jail, but I reached outto some other some people from a
court, like a re, like a drugcourt type
Tara (09:45):
thing that
Melanue (09:46):
in.
And they said if you come andyou plead into our courts, the
court system again, I've alreadygraduated this program.
So they said, you come up hereand you do this, then.
We'll take it from a felony andmove it down to a misdemeanor
Tara (10:00):
There you go.
Melanue (10:01):
So i'm down here.
I plead in on the 20th, whichi've already signed my paperwork
But i've I get sworn in on the20th.
And so I also have to do I.
O.
P.
Tara (10:13):
Explain IOP.
Melanue (10:14):
Intensive outpatient.
Tara (10:16):
And that's what you're doing now?
Melanue (10:17):
I'm doing now I'm, I came back to live at my mom's
house to do this.
Ugh,
Tara (10:24):
But you're considering getting your own place, aren't
you?
Melanue (10:26):
Okay, so there's two options
Tara (10:29):
Right
Melanue (10:29):
now.
I'm broke, I'm waiting on socialsecurity, with my mental health
type thing, right?
And I'm.
Tara (10:35):
right now
Melanue (10:36):
I don't think it would be a wise decision for me to
live on my own because, leftwith my own devices, it gets me
every time.
Why not give this program thatI'm in a shot?
It's a year long program, and,what's a year?
You know what I mean?
I've wasted how much time of mylife already.
This it's longer than theprogram I was just in, so I've
(10:57):
been there for two weeks now.
I like the program.
I'm trying to get into housingthere, though.
And because the situation justwith my mom and dad
Tara (11:05):
It would just be best for you to get out on your own in
the program.
It would.
Melanue (11:09):
My mom and dad at this point have ears clean, but We
just, my mom has 20 plus years,
Tara (11:16):
okay.
Melanue (11:17):
my dad has 15 plus years, but that doesn't mean
they don't have old behaviors.
My mom is like the passage ofMalibu dude the Holy Ghost saved
her and she's no longer anaddict.
I wish I was so lucky, but Goddid not heal me, and that is not
my recovery.
Tara (11:35):
in your process of healing now.
Melanue (11:37):
Yeah,
Tara (11:37):
You never really
Melanue (11:38):
gonna always be an addict.
Tara (11:40):
Of course.
Melanue (11:41):
She said she's healed.
Tara (11:42):
Oh.
I can see where she's comingfrom, though.
Yeah.
Because once you've been cleanfor so long, you no longer
consider yourself an addict.
Because you don't think aboutthose tendencies at all.
Melanue (11:53):
not true.
That's not true.
You
Tara (11:55):
don't think?
Melanue (11:55):
No, not at all.
Because there's people that aregoing to use this program for
the rest of their life.
Because you're, it's, that'sthat's a relapse waiting to
happen.
Tara (12:03):
Do you think?
Melanue (12:04):
I know.
I see it in the meetings all thetime.
I do N.
A.
right now.
You know what I mean?
And there's people who's gotYeah, they got 32 years clean
and they're still doingmeetings.
You know why?
Because it's like their dailyrent.
They gotta pay, they gotta payit forward.
They have sponsees and differentthings that they do in order to
(12:24):
keep their recovery.
If you just sit at home Withyour husband and think that
you're all good.
What's going to happen in theday that, you're not raising my
grandson anymore?
And
Tara (12:38):
you,
Melanue (12:38):
It's just you and him.
What if you just, all of
Tara (12:40):
a sudden
Melanue (12:41):
someone gets some fish brain, idea like, let's go to
Columbus and pick up some dopefor old time's sake.
They're going to be off andrunning and go through the
retirement for the rest of theyear.
I don't know.
They have old behaviors.
Tara (12:53):
But they've been clean for a long time.
Melanue (12:55):
They have old behaviors.
Tara (12:57):
What do you mean by old behaviors?
Melanue (12:59):
behaviors?
Okay.
I have some resentments that Ihaven't let go of from my
childhood and I get very angryat her because she gets
Tara (13:09):
upset at me about the
Melanue (13:10):
dumbest crap and my stuff is more.
Over things that I can't getover my childhood and different
things that have happened.
And then she just my car, mythis, my that, and I'm like you
asked me to come here to helpwith our money.
You know this was, like, youknew I'm gonna need to use your
car to go to treatment.
(13:31):
You know that I have court oncea week.
You know that I have to see acounselor, and I have to see
this, and I have this going on,and I have a probation officer,
and I have this going on.
You know I have these thingsgoing on.
But you want to constantly causeconflict and stress and anxiety
in my life, so So
Tara (13:50):
you're thinking she's making it harder on you.
Melanue (13:52):
Yes.
She does make it harder on me.
And she says I make it harder onher when I complain about it.
But you just made it harder onme.
How can I not complain about it?
If
Tara (14:04):
I had my own
Melanue (14:05):
vehicle, like why do they go out their way?
Okay, so here's another exampleWhy do they go out their way to
give out their money to?
my son to my daughters to not mydaughters my daughter in prison
Tara (14:20):
to Joe Blow Down the
Melanue (14:24):
Road, but when I say, hey, I need 10 for parking
because I'm going downtown todayand I don't have a job and I'm
waiting on Social Security,
Tara (14:33):
I'm the problem.
I'm the problem.
Melanue (14:36):
When
Tara (14:36):
they're like,
Melanue (14:38):
Noah owes us 500, but we're gonna keep giving him
money.
Okay,
Tara (14:46):
Okay, let's get back to your recovery.
Melanue (14:48):
anyway, back to
Tara (14:49):
my recovery.
Alright, let's get back to yourrecovery.
They have
Melanue (14:52):
behaviors in the way that they just don't understand
my recovery.
Tara (14:57):
And Everybody's recovery is different.
Melanue (15:00):
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
And they look at me and they'realways waiting on that shoe to
drop.
That's what I'm saying.
They're like, this is behaviorthat you had last time you was
here.
Tara (15:10):
You gotta understand this is what, 25, 26?
Melanue (15:14):
Understandably, but how many times did, it doesn't even
matter.
Correct.
Tara (15:18):
I will
Melanue (15:18):
take responsibility for what my actions are.
Okay.
I will, and that's the firsttime I'll ever do that.
Because this is
Tara (15:25):
the first time
Melanue (15:26):
I'm ever really wanting to stay clean.
Tara (15:28):
is the first time you've ever wanted it for yourself?
Melanue (15:31):
myself.
Tara (15:32):
Yes.
I had six
Melanue (15:33):
and a half years at one point in time, and that was for
my children.
Tara (15:36):
My purpose
Melanue (15:37):
my children.
But now, my purpose is Finding apurpose in me.
Tara (15:42):
For yourself.
Melanue (15:43):
For myself.
Tara (15:44):
That's right.
Melanue (15:45):
Yes,
Tara (15:45):
And no one can do it but you.
Exactly.
And you've been on this longjourney.
Melanue (15:50):
Yes.
Tara (15:51):
And it's been a minute now.
Hold on.
Melanue (15:54):
actually.
You're kicking it.
Tara (15:57):
Oh, sorry.
And I can hear it.
Melanue (16:02):
So
Tara (16:03):
actually I have,
Melanue (16:04):
today's my 90 days.
I have 90 days clean
Tara (16:06):
So today you have 90 days.
Melanue (16:08):
I do.
Tara (16:08):
Okay.
That, congratulations.
Thank you.
And do you get a coin for thator something?
When you go to I don't do
Melanue (16:15):
AA, I do NA, and it's like a red key tag.
Okay.
You see how these key tags areright here?
Yeah.
I just get a red one.
Tara (16:23):
Okay.
Melanue (16:23):
I get six months, I'll get a blue one.
Okay.
And then when I get nine months,I'll get a yellow one.
Okay.
And then when I get a year, I'llget a see through glow in the
dark one.
Tara (16:31):
Okay.
Melanue (16:32):
And then when you get like 18 months, you get a gray
one.
And then when you get multipleyears up to two years, you get a
black one.
Tara (16:39):
Okay awesome.
You're really sticking to itthis time.
You really want it this time.
Melanue (16:45):
For me, yes.
Tara (16:47):
That's good that you say that.
For me, I want it for me.
Melanue (16:50):
For me, yes.
Tara (16:51):
And that's awesome.
I
Melanue (16:52):
school this February 25th.
I'm going to
Tara (16:56):
you already have your culinary.
Melanue (16:58):
have my culinary, but I'm going for a business in
leadership entrepreneurship.
Tara (17:03):
There you go.
To start your own business.
Melanue (17:04):
start my own business.
Tara (17:05):
and manage it yourself.
Melanue (17:07):
Yes, I want to buy a food truck.
Tara (17:08):
There you go.
Yes.
I'm so excited for you.
Melanue (17:11):
Yes.
I'm excited for me.
Tara (17:13):
Yeah.
So after you got done havingNoah and you're well let
Melanue (17:19):
see.
Hold on.
Tara (17:20):
We're bouncing around.
I know.
Melanue (17:21):
know I'm bouncing around.
It just cut me off.
Tara (17:23):
It's a story that needs to be told guys.
Her and I were talking on theway here and she was telling me
how her daughter didn't know thereal story and I like literally
broke down in the car was happythat Her daughter got to
actually hear her side of herstory.
The real story that she's nevershared before.
(17:45):
So this is very interesting andit really does open up people's
minds to be able to walk in yourshoes.
Melanue (17:53):
Yeah, she, sorry, it makes me it makes me a little
choked up and emotional becausethat was a moment I got to share
with her because she told me,she said, I've, I've heard bits
and pieces of your story before,but never from your mouth.
(18:14):
Without anybody shutting you up,without anybody, saying
something back fully througheverything.
And she said and I believe you,I believe every word of your
story because I lived that lifetoo.
But I didn't know how strong youwere Because of everything
you've gone through is, it'sjust, you're a very resilient
(18:34):
and strong woman, and she saidshe had the utmost respect for
me, and this is a child that haswanted her mother her whole life
and probably had the wrongperspective, at times, about me.
But I, I think it's because Icouldn't speak my truth to her a
lot of the time and tell her Inever just want to go out and
(18:55):
tell my children this is mystory, and let them read my
stuff.
Noah and Ariel were, like, theygot a hold of my four step and
my journals when I was anamethyst, and they were nosy AF.
And That put a damper on me andI couldn't even journal when I
(19:15):
got into the program I'm, I wasin, in Seacrest.
And
Tara (19:19):
very important too, part of the steps, isn't it?
Melanue (19:21):
it?
Not even that it's I justputting a pen to paper is
relieving
Tara (19:26):
For you.
Melanue (19:27):
Like my counselor told me like You think of the ink in
here as all of your pain andToro the tournament The
Tara (19:36):
torment
Melanue (19:38):
you went through and that when you put the pen to
paper and the words start comingout that's releasing it
Tara (19:44):
Yeah.
Melanue (19:47):
So
Tara (19:47):
That's another reason why we're talking about your story
as well, and getting it outthere.
Because when you release yourstory, and you tell everybody
about yourself, it's a wholeanother level.
Of dealing with your shit.
And I've and, yeah.
And the last couple of mypodcasts has been about dealing
(20:09):
with your shit.
Not reflecting your shit onother people and actually
stepping up and
Melanue (20:16):
Accepting
Tara (20:17):
it.
I
Melanue (20:17):
think a lot comes down to being accountable for your
own actions and finding yourlike even if like you don't
think that you have a part insomething you have to find your
part in everything like even ifit was I stood around and I
dealt with it and I didn't leavewhen I knew I should have Or I
(20:39):
allowed it to continue to happenfor years and years and years
and years.
Maybe when everything first Itstarted to happen in my life.
Maybe I didn't have a choice onsome things, but later on I
began to have a choice,
Tara (20:52):
And you didn't change that?
Melanue (20:53):
I didn't change things.
I let them develop and grow tothis monster, this demon that
grew inside of me, That to thispoint, this level that where not
only is my mental health messedup, But my soul is messed up.
My, my mindset's messed up.
(21:13):
My heart is messed up.
I'm this evil frickin person andnobody likes me.
Nobody wants to be around me.
I'm miserable and misery lovescompany and nobody wants to be
around a negative frickinperson.
Tara (21:26):
right.
I have gotten rid of everybodythat's negative around me.
If they don't serve a purpose,and I don't serve them a
purpose, then there's no reasonfor each other to be in each
other's lives.
It's the way I see it anymore.
Melanue (21:36):
No there's not.
Tara (21:38):
you got negative energy, I don't need it, nor do I want it.
Melanue (21:41):
And that's another thing about my mother I tell her
I'm an empath.
I can feel everything thatyou're feeling inside.
And she's I don't know whatyou're talking about.
And I'm like, Mom, calm down.
It's fine.
We can talk about things.
You know that.
I'm an adult now.
We can talk.
If you're feeling some type ofway about me, you can tell me.
And I'm an adult.
I can handle it.
(22:01):
We can talk about it.
We can get through it.
Tara (22:03):
And we can deal with
Melanue (22:04):
We can deal with
Tara (22:05):
it.
Yeah.
Melanue (22:06):
I don't feel no type of way, Melanie.
And
Tara (22:11):
I'll be like
Melanue (22:13):
Wow, for somebody that's not, I'm not stressing
out.
That was a big deep breath.
Maybe
Tara (22:20):
just dealing with it in her own way.
But let's get back to yourrecovery.
Let's
Melanue (22:25):
get back to my recovery.
I think what I would like abouteverything is, I wish, because
there was two parts of myrecovery.
Tara (22:33):
And
Melanue (22:34):
And the first part about it was when I had my six
and a half years,
Tara (22:38):
and a half
Melanue (22:39):
J.
P.
I wanted, I needed to forgivehim
Tara (22:44):
For
Melanue (22:44):
of everything,
Tara (22:45):
For all
Melanue (22:46):
of everything, and there's a lot to our story.
Tara (22:48):
Oh yeah.
Melanue (22:49):
There's a whole lot to our story, and I needed to let
that go.
And that six and a half years, Ilet that go.
I never dealt with my mother andmy father and all of this.
Tara (23:01):
So you dealt with some of your shit, but you didn't deal
with all your shit?
All
Melanue (23:04):
of it.
Tara (23:05):
And now you're dealing with all of your shit.
Melanue (23:07):
And now I think I'm dealing with the missing puzzle
piece because it's the one thingthat irks me in life.
Other than that, I'm cool.
It's the one thing that keepsevery, she's my one person I
fall back on because I want toforgive her.
Okay, so here's the thing I wantto forgive her, and I want, but,
Tara (23:27):
don't know how.
Melanue (23:28):
No I've she's been there for me.
She's picked me up when I wasbroken and pulled me out of
situations and tried to help meout.
But what, but once I'm out themplaces, she don't want to
continue helping.
And I'm like,
Tara (23:41):
but at this
Melanue (23:41):
point in time I still need you.
You can't just pick me up out ofthe mud and then drop me back in
it
Tara (23:47):
no, you got to continue the process.
Or maybe
Melanue (23:49):
could just have a conversation with me.
If she would just, if she wouldjust identify that maybe I just
need a her to say her part, andI say my part,
Tara (24:01):
Maybe
Melanue (24:01):
could forgive that.
Maybe I could forgive myself forall my parts with her shit and
her Accept all her parts with myshit.
Tara (24:10):
Maybe I can
Melanue (24:10):
move on.
I don't know, but when I askedher the other day if she would
be willing to go to mediationwith me, she's not willing.
Tara (24:17):
What?
Melanue (24:18):
She's not willing.
Tara (24:19):
Didn't she be a, wasn't she a drug and counselor?
A drug and alcohol counselor?
Melanue (24:24):
No, she worked the front desk.
Tara (24:26):
Oh.
I thought she was a counselor.
Okay.
Melanue (24:28):
she didn't go back to school.
She was not a counselor.
She
Tara (24:32):
Okay.
Melanue (24:32):
You know what I mean?
And going back to the car thing.
So When I reported my vehiclestolen, and the insurance
adjuster come to talk to me, shesent him up to the strip club I
was working at because DiamondDolls had been shut down.
And, I had just had Noah
Tara (24:52):
right before this.
And
Melanue (24:56):
insurance adjuster took me in the back, and I gave him
some VIP dances in the champagneroom, and the next day They paid
off my car.
But who tells on their daughterAfter this happened to my car
and all this stuff going on andI'm back to stripping And she
thought like I don't know like Iwas gonna get in trouble or
(25:17):
something, but they paid my caroff it was a good thing that it
happened, but she's I didn'ttell him which one.
There's mom.
There's only Two bars rightthere
Tara (25:26):
there's only a couple step bars right there on 1 61.
Are you kidding me?
I
Melanue (25:29):
I think he just assumed and it just went to him looking
for me.
Tara (25:32):
Yeah, he found you all right.
Melanue (25:34):
Yeah.
Tara (25:34):
All right, so moving on.
Melanue (25:35):
Yeah.
So moving on.
Tara (25:38):
Excuse me.
Melanue (25:39):
Had Noah,
Tara (25:40):
let's bounce a little forward because you've already
been over we had Noah
Melanue (25:44):
No,
Tara (25:45):
That's what I had Noah
Melanue (25:46):
and then the wreck happened and then the end
deterrence is just her.
And then then
Tara (25:51):
I got pregnant with
Melanue (25:52):
Ariel.
Tara (25:53):
and I remember this I was living with you at the time.
Okay, so first off Him and I hadnot
Melanue (25:58):
getting along for a very
Tara (25:59):
you were clean at this time.
Melanue (26:01):
No, I was not.
Tara (26:03):
I was not clean.
Melanue (26:05):
I was oh, I was clean during my pregnancy.
Yes,
Tara (26:08):
I was clean
Melanue (26:09):
during my pregnancy, but I was not
Tara (26:11):
When I, bitch, when I was living with you over there off
of Worthington Road, you wasn'tclean with the babies.
When you had the apartment orcondo?
I would ship them to
Melanue (26:19):
my mom's for the weekend and I would still like
Tara (26:21):
Party every now and then.
Melanue (26:22):
Party every now and
Tara (26:23):
But you had a job.
You got up every day.
You went to work.
You were going to school.
You were fucking doing it all.
Yes, I did.
I was so proud of you.
Melanue (26:30):
Yes, I did.
I didn't use it, like I, I
Tara (26:33):
wasn't abusing.
Melanue (26:34):
I wasn't abusing, I was a functional
Tara (26:35):
addict at that point.
Okay.
Because I lived with you.
But.
And then you let John move in.
And then I moved out and I don'tknow what happened after that.
Melanue (26:43):
First off,
Tara (26:44):
I lost that apartment
Melanue (26:45):
right before I had Ariel.
I lost that apartment rightbefore I had a room
Tara (26:50):
Wow.
And I went back
Melanue (26:50):
my mom's.
My mom was using it at the time.
Tara (26:52):
Oh.
Melanue (26:53):
And my, remember all the diamonds I used to have, My
hands had swelled up and I had,he put, he, he bought me a gold
necklace and I put them on thereand we hit him in there and I
went and he got all fucked upone night and I'm like, You
better stop, you better getyourself together, because I'm
telling you right now, we'regonna have this baby in the next
couple days.
And sure as shit, I went to thedoctor appointment by my fuckin
(27:17):
self, cause he was fucked up.
And
Tara (27:19):
Oh my god, he
Melanue (27:21):
he
Tara (27:22):
freakin fucked
Melanue (27:25):
hospital later on.
I'm in, I'm doing all this bymyself in the hospital.
Nobody's there.
It's just me and Here comesfucking John.
He got his shit together alittle bit.
And, but
Tara (27:37):
his eyes,
Melanue (27:38):
you know how he is when he's using the pills.
His eyes is all red underneathhere, his nose.
He's blowing his nose a lot, andI'm over there looking at him
like, you fucking jackass.
I'm pissed as fuck.
Tara (27:49):
But my mom
Melanue (27:50):
never shows up at the hospital.
I'm like, where's my mom?
Like, where's my mom?
I'll never forget this.
One nurse had to hold one leg,he had to hold the other, and
he's looking at my leg like,that's a big motherfucking leg.
And I'm like, fuck you,
Tara (28:04):
you.
God.
I'm
Melanue (28:05):
pregnant.
He was like, but that's why wecall you Moo.
And I'm like, oh my god.
Tara (28:10):
I have not forgotten that name.
Oh my, or I had forgotten aboutthat nickname.
Oh my goodness, girl.
Moo.
What the fuck?
We have
Melanue (28:20):
Ariel.
We take her home.
And,
Tara (28:24):
I
Melanue (28:24):
go to get my jewelry.
Tara (28:26):
My mom's, I don't
Melanue (28:27):
my mom's been there the entire time.
She takes all my jewelry.
Sells it to god knows who, godknows where, god knows what.
Tara (28:36):
She found your shit and stole it?
Melanue (28:37):
it?
Yeah.
Just like half the shit of mycloset.
Now, you know back in this wasthe early 2000s What was big
back then like guess and allthat shit.
Like I had
Tara (28:49):
FUBU Like, there were so many name brands.
So
Melanue (28:53):
had my whole closet was neighbor and shit and
Eventually, when I startedsmoking crack I got introduced
to this girl.
And she was like, you can picksomething out of my closet.
And I started looking throughit.
I said, you mean mymotherfucking closet?
Bitch, them are mine.
That's mine.
That's mine.
That's mine.
That's that's all mine.
What are you talking about?
She had the bulbs for myChristmas trees growing up.
Tara (29:15):
I'm like, my
Melanue (29:16):
motherfucking mom is a motherfucker, bro.
Tara (29:20):
Wow.
Melanue (29:22):
But What happened was, she sold to an undercover, and
the marshal's come in and got mymom.
She went to jail for 45 days,and then had to end up going to
rehab.
I got a lawyer, I'm not gonnasay his name I got a lawyer to
take the case, and the judgethat she had said, I don't send
(29:44):
people with these kind of cases.
To rehab and not give themprison time.
She was the first person theyever did that for
Tara (29:54):
Wow
Melanue (29:55):
So she cleaned her shit up real quick she got clean and
sober Me therefore, I thinkwithin two years Okay, so let's
back up a little bit thoughbecause John I had ran somebody
over with the Cadillac and aboutripped at the strip club over
(30:16):
some other girl and about rippeda dude's arm off and was getting
ready to go to prison.
It was Valentine's Day and I'mlike, I couldn't get ahold of
him.
Tara (30:29):
Is that why he went to prison?
Melanue (30:30):
Over the car?
Yes.
About ripping this dude's armoff?
Yes.
Tara (30:34):
I had no idea why he went.
That's why.
Melanue (30:37):
but.
I pull up.
At his mom's Sugar Daddy's houseor whatever.
And I knew he was in there, Ifucking knew he was in there.
And this man's you, Melanie, youcan't come in here.
I said, the fuck I am,
Tara (30:51):
I can't, I'm comin in.
I said, motherfucker,
Melanue (30:54):
I'm coming up in that motherfucker.
I don't give a fuck what yousay.
I'm coming up in there and I'mcoming in now.
I moved him the fuck aside.
And I'm like, where the fuck you
Tara (31:04):
at?
And I heard
Melanue (31:05):
a female and I'm like.
Bitch, I'm about to fucking beatyour ass.
I knew exactly who it was.
Tara (31:13):
Oh my.
All of a sudden, here
Melanue (31:15):
comes this naked bitch running down the hallway.
She
Tara (31:19):
jumps in
Melanue (31:20):
room and jumps underneath the bed.
He
Tara (31:22):
grabs me by
Melanue (31:22):
back of my head, pulls me in there, barricades me,
beats me with a gun, fucking
Tara (31:28):
Broke pictures
Melanue (31:29):
my fucking head.
Did all this sh
Tara (31:32):
I will show you
Melanue (31:33):
my booking picture right now from this thing from
Tara (31:35):
Where you went to jail?
Did you both go to jail?
What?
Because you were in his home.
Melanue (31:41):
No because
Tara (31:43):
so He shot the gun off.
Melanue (31:47):
and it
Tara (31:47):
By my head.
I
Melanue (31:48):
it go, shoom.
And she
Tara (31:52):
called 9
Melanue (31:52):
for me, and he said, and she said, I think he killed
the
Tara (31:57):
Oh my God.
It would end
Melanue (32:02):
being his other baby's mom.
Tara (32:04):
While after he
Melanue (32:05):
had me he told me after I had Ariel, he was like, this
is our family.
I don't never want it to growanymore.
I think this is enough for us.
I got Tyler from somebody else.
And then we had Ariana and thenwe had Noah and Ellie.
We had four kids.
He was like, you tie your tubesand I'll get a vasectomy.
So I tied my tubes.
He never got the vasectomy andhe got her pregnant.
(32:29):
I was fucking broken hearted.
I was mad as fuck.
So he tells me she's pregnant.
So I'm coming over there andthen
Tara (32:37):
he's with the girl on
Melanue (32:38):
Day.
I was madder than amotherfucker.
Tara (32:42):
I can imagine.
Melanue (32:43):
The police pull up.
He got me barricaded in afucking room.
Tara (32:47):
They pull
Melanue (32:48):
me out and they're asking me, did he hurt me?
And I'm like, nope, he didn't donothing to me.
And they're like, why would youprotect him?
And I said, I don't know whatyou're talking about.
I was in there talking to himabout, and I started telling him
about everything he did andwhatnot.
But I didn't tell him about himhitting me and
Tara (33:03):
But I'm sure they could see it all over you if he hit
you with a gun.
I'm going to
Melanue (33:07):
you this booking picture.
Yeah, they could see it.
They
Tara (33:12):
said what's wrong
Melanue (33:12):
your head?
I said, I was in a car accident.
They said today,
Tara (33:15):
I said, a couple of days
Melanue (33:16):
ago, they said then why the fuck is your head bleeding
right now?
Tara (33:19):
I said, Oh, I said
Melanue (33:21):
When I tripped, it
Tara (33:23):
must have split back open.
They said,
Melanue (33:26):
you do not tell us right now that he did this to
you, you're, we're taking youdown for domestic violence.
So
Tara (33:34):
I went
Melanue (33:35):
fucking jail.
Tara (33:36):
did you protect him for so long?
Melanue (33:41):
why do we get in these relationships where?
We think we love somebody
Tara (33:49):
And
Melanue (33:49):
wouldn't even, I don't think I ever, I loved him, but
is
Tara (33:53):
You don't think you were ever in love
Melanue (33:54):
I would,
Tara (33:55):
It
Melanue (33:56):
to be like, you make me sick.
Like I'm not in love with you,but it's comfortable.
And I wanted my children to havehim, but he's so abusive and so
nasty and he cheats on me witheverybody.
Like he literally had a cardthat said two single.
On the license plate.
And I'm like, but you're withme.
You keep me hidden away, and Iraise your fucking children, and
(34:18):
I do all this shit.
And then now you're gonna go tofucking prison, and you want me
to sell your dope, and you wantme to do all this shit.
And you got
Tara (34:25):
me You're the baby's mom.
You're the one that he kepthidden away for a reason.
Yeah.
Isn't that weird how that worksthat way?
I don't get it.
Melanue (34:32):
Don't get it.
Why do
Tara (34:35):
Yeah, let me be, yeah.
If you're gonna be like
Melanue (34:38):
while you
Tara (34:40):
Why do you have to keep me hidden away while you go out and
cheat and
Melanue (34:44):
find
Tara (34:44):
I would go out and have
Melanue (34:46):
find you,
Tara (34:47):
you, yeah, he would find you.
He would find me.
At the bar and drag you out andtake you home.
Or, he would find, I would,
Melanue (34:55):
one of his friends would try to protect me and take
me somewhere else and he wouldcome back and he would like,
destroy my house, like one dayhe
Tara (35:03):
ripped
Melanue (35:04):
refrigerator door off, ruined all my food, he bleached
all my clothes, he,
Tara (35:09):
I got
Melanue (35:09):
out of my house
Tara (35:10):
for that shit.
He broke every
Melanue (35:12):
in that whole house, they sued Me for that shit.
Like he, it's an abusiverelationship.
Tara (35:20):
Why do we stay in him though?
There's got to be more than wedon't want to be alone.
Melanue (35:23):
told me he would kill me.
He would kill me.
Tara (35:27):
If you left.
He said, I would,
Melanue (35:28):
kill.
I will
Tara (35:29):
find you and I will kill you
Melanue (35:31):
if you leave me.
So
Tara (35:34):
I was
Melanue (35:34):
scared.
I'm gonna be honest.
And then so I'm gonna tell youanother thing he did to me He
had me so
Tara (35:41):
I was on
Melanue (35:42):
It's really bad So he had this girl start selling me
methadone instead of Percocet.
I thought they were Percocet andThen when he went to jail and
like I was
Tara (35:56):
I,
Melanue (35:57):
He had her cut me off the methadone.
And I know nothing aboutmethadone at this point.
I didn't, I thought they werePercocet.
But I couldn't figure out why.
It's been three weeks and Ican't get off the couch.
And I couldn't take care of mychildren.
And I had to move back, I losteverything.
I had to move back in with mymom and dad again.
And my dad's screaming in myface like, Get the fuck up!
(36:17):
Change your kids diaper!
Tara (36:19):
I could not.
Melanue (36:21):
But I got your pack of dope underneath my fucking head
and whenever anyone comes in,I'm still selling your dope and
I'm making people, I'm makingsure you're well in jail.
What do you mean,
Tara (36:30):
Yeah, you got money on your books, huh?
You
Melanue (36:32):
You sure the fuck do?
And then one day he said, you'resmoking crack.
I said, what?
I've never in my life smokedcrack.
What are you talking about?
I know you are.
And something in me justclicked.
And I said, Motherfucker, I'mgonna show you smoke crack So I
(36:54):
took four and a half In thebathroom and I taught myself how
to cook crack smoked the wholefour and a half Went to his dude
said hey, I got robbed Took thatfour and a half Smoked that too.
Two weeks later.
(37:15):
I walked out on my children Hewas in jail He kept calling me
and calling me, and I was like,shwoop, pop, to voicemail.
I think we're done here, buddy.
And then I went and got thatgirl that I said that ran to the
bedroom.
I got her smoking crack.
(37:38):
Now, I know everybody has theirown choices, but I have
malicious intent.
Yeah.
Tara (37:43):
Yeah.
Melanue (37:44):
I have malicious intent with this shit.
Tara (37:47):
Cause she used to shoot the shit.
Melanue (37:50):
She used
Tara (37:53):
to shoot it.
I used to watch her.
Who do you think she learnedthat from?
I have no fucking clue.
You?
Seriously?
Yes.
I shot heroin, Tara.
Oops, sorry.
It's alright.
Wow.
Melanue (38:04):
Is that why you almost
Tara (38:09):
Is that why you almost lost your arm?
Yeah.
Melanue (38:12):
What happened was a mutual friend of ours, Marco
picked me up on Cleveland Avenueafter I left my children, with
her and somebody else, and hesaid, let me introduce you to
somebody so you don't have towalk the street.
He said, at least I know you'reokay, and he'll take care of
you, and just.
Tara (38:32):
Who was it?
Melanue (38:33):
It was Gorilla Joe.
I got my first pimp.
And I never, I made money.
I was used to making money.
That man bought me a Lexus.
That man did a lot for me.
I took care of him.
I made sure he ate.
I made sure he had his insulin.
(38:54):
I had new clothes, new shoesevery day.
I had all the drugs I wanted inthe world.
When nobody else could get ahold of them, I could.
I could.
Tara (39:04):
So you had your first pimp then.
Melanue (39:06):
Yes, but at this point, I'm with twelve other women,
they all do heroin.
I only smoke crack at thispoint.
And I'm looking around at thesegirls and I'm like, What is
this?
And he used to tell me don'tbother with these girls.
You just do what you're doing,and
Tara (39:28):
don't bother with
Melanue (39:29):
girls.
He was like, you don't ever wantto put that shit in your arm.
He used to tell me don't do
Tara (39:33):
it.
Don't do it.
Melanue (39:35):
I got too curious.
What
Tara (39:36):
is the deal with
Melanue (39:37):
with this shit?
Tara (39:40):
No, you fucking didn't.
Go ahead, tell me.
What happened?
About
Melanue (39:44):
two years in it, I caught a heart infection.
I caught endocarditis,pericarditis,
Tara (39:52):
pericarditis.
I
Melanue (39:52):
I was septic MRSA.
Tara (39:56):
Wow.
Melanue (39:58):
I found out I had Hep C.
Tara (39:59):
C.
Melanue (40:00):
And they had to induce a coma.
When I went into the hospital, Ihad a fever of 104.
9.
And how they got me out of thathotel room to go
Tara (40:10):
Heh.
Melanue (40:13):
To the hospital, they told me we were going to go get
more dope.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then when we got, we pulledup, I'm like, what are we doing
at the hospital?
They're like, you're gettingout.
You're not dying on our watch.
Something's wrong with you.
Tara (40:30):
Good.
Melanue (40:32):
I can't even remember who I was with at that point.
Oh, I remember who I was with.
Tara (40:35):
Okay.
But, we don't need no names.
Melanue (40:37):
No.
Tara (40:38):
no.
After you Was with your pimp.
How long were you with yourpimp?
So after I
Melanue (40:45):
that infection
Tara (40:46):
yeah,
Melanue (40:46):
He told me to stay the fuck away.
He said I'm not gonna be the onewho blows up your heart No, you
stay the fuck away because Isnuck out a couple times out of
the hospital I don't one time
Tara (40:57):
I took the Are you kidding me?
IV
Melanue (41:01):
And put in the back of somebody's van and went and
smoked crack
Tara (41:07):
a while Girl.
Melanue (41:11):
Now
Tara (41:11):
listen
Melanue (41:12):
I pissed dirty for cocaine for six months.
Six months.
Six months.
Tara (41:21):
After you quit?
Melanue (41:22):
Yes.
Yes.
Tara (41:25):
Girl.
Melanue (41:26):
That's how much drugs I was doing.
And
Tara (41:30):
Enough to kill a fucking elephant it sounds
Melanue (41:32):
I was also shooting it up.
I carried around cocaine,liquid, and I put water to
Tara (41:38):
Wait a minute.
Did you take your fucking IV andshoot up in your IV?
Melanue (41:41):
Yes, I did.
Tara (41:42):
did.
Oh my.
It had a PICC
Melanue (41:44):
line in my arm and then I left again and I went over to
somebody's trap house and I wasover chillin with my friend,
which was one of J.
P.
's friends and got caught in aSWAT raid.
Tara (41:58):
No.
Melanue (41:59):
Swear to God.
Tara (42:00):
From the fucking hospital?
Did they take you back to thehospital where you were?
Melanue (42:03):
No, so
Tara (42:06):
So look, my eyes were probably this big.
Yeah.
My mouth, this lip
Melanue (42:10):
probably right here.
This lip was probably over there
Tara (42:13):
and I was scared to death.
I
Melanue (42:14):
hadn't talked in three days because I hadn't been high
in a while.
And when they finally, they had
Tara (42:21):
us zip tied
Melanue (42:22):
in our noses to the wall.
And when they turned me around,they said, what the fuck?
What's in your arm?
I said, Pick line they said
Tara (42:31):
for what?
Melanue (42:31):
and I said I've been in the hospital I'm sick and they
said and you're and we caught
Tara (42:35):
you here?
You're about a fucking dumbass.
Smile for the camera, asshole.
Melanue (42:40):
He took a kid.
Tara (42:42):
I would
Melanue (42:42):
hate to see that picture
Tara (42:46):
Girl.
Melanue (42:47):
So
Tara (42:48):
they
Melanue (42:49):
cut the zip tie off me,
Tara (42:50):
pushed me out the back
Melanue (42:51):
and said
Tara (42:52):
Don't
Melanue (42:53):
ever come back.
Tara (42:55):
Good.
So I ran down the street,
Melanue (42:57):
used someone's phone, called my mom and said Can you
pick me up?
I was just in a SWAT raid.
She
Tara (43:03):
said, What do you mean you were in a SWAT raid?
You're in the hospital.
Melanue (43:05):
I said, I've been gone from the hospital for three
days, and I was in a SWAT raid.
Tara (43:08):
she said, Oh my fucking God, Melanie.
Melanue (43:11):
Oh my God.
Tara (43:12):
Oh my God.
Melanue (43:13):
And she picked me up, took me back to the hospital.
She's clean at this time.
Tara (43:16):
Good.
Good.
Wow.
Just fucking wow, girl.
At that point in
Melanue (43:24):
time, I went back to the hospital.
They
Tara (43:26):
took me all the way
Melanue (43:28):
fuck out of Columbus.
They had
Tara (43:30):
They had to.
Melanue (43:31):
I know.
Tara (43:32):
But
Melanue (43:33):
when I left, I was I walked out of that, I walked out
of that nursing home.
I was not pissing dirty fornothing.
I was clean.
Was never sick a day in my life.
Tara (43:47):
Never.
But
Melanue (43:48):
I picked up alcohol that very first day when I came
home.
And I picked up that crack rock.
And within six months I was inprison.
Tara (43:58):
What?
What did you go to prison for?
Melanue (44:01):
Forgery.
Forgery.
Tara (44:03):
Checks?
Checks.
Okay.
Melanue (44:06):
Yep, checks.
I started running with some
Tara (44:09):
How long were you in prison?
Melanue (44:10):
Six months that time.
That was my first time.
Tara (44:13):
How many times have you been in prison?
Melanue (44:15):
Twice.
Bitch.
Tara (44:18):
once wasn't enough.
I spent 21 day days in thefucking Jackson Pike, and that
was good enough for me.
Okay.
I never got a number.
Thank God.
Knock on wood.
I don't have a felony.
I've done a lot of bad shit inmy time.
Not a lot, but I've done somedirt, but I don't have a felony.
Thank goodness.
I have
Melanue (44:38):
if you were to print my record, It's pages upon pages,
Tara (44:43):
I can imagine.
When you look up my name, I'm 42percent top notch too, because I
got a record, so I feel you.
Yeah,
Melanue (44:50):
Yeah, a lot of it's misdemeanors and paraphernalias
and things of
Tara (44:54):
mine are too, paraphernalia and weed.
But
Melanue (44:57):
my first charge ever was assault on a police officer
in a DUI in Grandview.
You
Tara (45:03):
fucking hit a cop.
Melanue (45:05):
No,
Tara (45:06):
I, okay.
Is that where you tossed thehandcuffs?
Melanue (45:09):
No,
Tara (45:09):
that was Ariel
Melanue (45:10):
tossed the handcuffs in in, in prison.
No, it was when I was drunk.
coming from the strip club and Iwas drunk as hell and he said I
went left of center and hepulled me over and when he asked
me to get out of the car heopened the door and I fell flat
on my face.
Tara (45:26):
Damn.
Melanue (45:27):
And.
Tara (45:28):
was like, you're done.
Yeah.
He said,
Melanue (45:30):
you're done.
And then, so I need, I'm like, Igotta pee, I gotta pee and he
was like you got to wait on afemale cop.
And
Tara (45:38):
I was like, I will
Melanue (45:39):
all over the backseat of your car.
He said you'll piss all overyourself.
I said piss all over thebackseat of his car and he got
mad at me and as I was justtrying to
Tara (45:47):
pull me out of the car, my
Melanue (45:48):
went up and kicked one of them by accident and they
charged me with assault on apolice officer.
And so
Tara (45:56):
baby daddy
Melanue (45:56):
number one had to come pick me up from jail, and
Tara (46:01):
I had to repay
Melanue (46:01):
him I had the money like in my house,
Tara (46:03):
And that
Melanue (46:04):
when I was living in Grandview and he So when I got
my I don't remember peeing onmyself So when I spent in the
county jail downtown
Tara (46:14):
I spent five days
Melanue (46:16):
there because it was the weekend and it was like a
holiday
Tara (46:18):
And
Melanue (46:19):
Like he literally had to drive with his head out the
window
Tara (46:22):
Because you smelled like urine so bad.
In ass, probably, because Ihadn't showered the whole
Melanue (46:29):
I was there.
Tara (46:29):
Oh, girl! Okay, I've never jailed
Melanue (46:33):
That was my first time in jail.
Tara (46:35):
And I was Alright, I'll give it to you.
It took me a couple days to getin that shower too.
It did.
I was bougie.
But bitch, I could not No, Icouldn't stink.
Okay.
You're a bougie.
Bougie a bitch would get in theshower.
Okay.
Dirty butt.
Melanue (46:49):
there, no,
Tara (46:50):
god, it was horrible.
Melanue (46:51):
guess it was.
Tara (46:52):
my god, it was horrible.
Okay, I've been to Jackson Pikeat least 30, 45 times.
Oh my god, I've only been onceand I'll never go back.
I'm good.
I learned my lesson.
Melanue (47:01):
to Delaware County a couple a few times.
Tara (47:04):
Oh, I heard that one was nice.
I've
Melanue (47:06):
to Lincoln County a couple times.
Tara (47:08):
I never went there, but I did get in a point court.
I've once.
Jesus Christ, girl.
I've got
Melanue (47:13):
hell of a record.
Tara (47:14):
Your record definitely succeeds mine.
You're,
Melanue (47:18):
Yes, I have so I have four or five felonies, and they
just pleaded the one
Tara (47:24):
That's good.
Jesus.
Melanue (47:27):
Yes.
Tara (47:28):
a felon.
Girl.
All right.
So now that you're back on yourhealing journey and you're
getting well for yourself thistime,
Melanue (47:39):
Yes.
Tara (47:40):
when you went to the mental hospital,
Melanue (47:42):
did they,
Tara (47:43):
They put you on mental meds, right?
Cause you're schizophrenic?
Melanue (47:46):
I'm not schizophrenic.
Tara (47:47):
I'm sorry.
Okay, someone I just found outis schizophrenic.
I can't remember.
Oh, yeah, never mind.
That's not you.
Melanue (47:53):
I am bipolar.
I have PTSD.
Tara (47:55):
Huh.
Melanue (47:55):
I have borderline personality disorder.
I have an anxiety disorder.
I have DID.
Tara (48:02):
What is DID?
It's dissociative identitydisorder.
So you don't know who the fuckyou are?
Sometimes.
I have alternates or you havealternate personalities.
Melanue (48:12):
Haven't you ever noticed that?
Tara (48:13):
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Bitch Oh my goodness.
Have you, does it all
Melanue (48:20):
together now for
Tara (48:21):
It does make a lot of sense.
It really does make a lot ofsense.
Some
Melanue (48:25):
names that I've used to go by
Tara (48:28):
Yeah.
Melanue (48:29):
have stuck.
Tara (48:30):
Yeah.
Wow.
Ashley.
Billy Uhhuh
Melanue (48:33):
there's a Patricia.
Tara (48:35):
Okay.
Melanue (48:36):
there's a couple more.
There's the baby.
Tara (48:40):
Yeah, I've seen the baby.
Yeah, I've seen the baby before.
I've known you since I was 18years old and you were 17.
So I've known you quite a longtime.
And we went through a lot ofshit together.
Yes, we have.
Growing up and stuff.
Since you've been on thisjourney, what is the one thing
that you can tell people?
(49:01):
A good reason why you're doingthis, like a positive.
Let's rephrase that.
Can you tell people a positiveresult of going to the rehab
that you're doing?
Melanue (49:12):
Okay.
So I'll say I came into Seacrestkicking and screaming.
I didn't like after the seizure.
After the seizure and thenwaking me up telling me I was
dead and I can either go backout and Die, or I can talk to
the social worker and find sometreatment and try to live my
life I have anger problems.
(49:34):
I have a lot of issues that Ineed to work on So after they
set me down and they said lookanger is a secondary emotion We
need you to take this herejournal and write in it, and
write down, okay, you may comeoff as anger, but what
Tara (49:53):
are
Melanue (49:54):
your real emotions?
And I'm like, what are youtalking about?
Tara (49:57):
Yeah.
Real emotions.
Yeah.
It's hard for someone to knowwhat real emotion is when all
you've felt is anger.
Melanue (50:03):
I literally had to look at a wheel, and then if I sit
and look at it and be like, oh,yeah, I'm anxious, yes, I'm very
overwhelmed.
Yes, I'm irritable.
Yes, I'm this.
Yes, I'm that.
And I think I got my angerjournal with me right now,
actually.
Tara (50:22):
with me right now, actually.
Anger,
Melanue (50:25):
Anger, sadness, depression, emotional, journal.
So writing
Tara (50:29):
this journal has done what for you?
Melanue (50:33):
It has helped me progress from anger to realizing
that it's a secondary emotion.
That it's, that I don't need tobe so impulsive.
So I'm bipolar, I'm impulsive.
So even not on drugs, even whenI'm, so if I'm not on drugs and
I'm not on my meds,
Tara (50:52):
I can
Melanue (50:53):
still be up for days and go into psychosis and so I
used to wonder being out on thestreets like why am I still the
only one up and everybody elseis falling asleep and going and
I'm like
Tara (51:07):
I'm ready
Melanue (51:08):
go still and everybody, and I would stay up weeks and
weeks till I would go intopsychosis, and I would hear
things and see things, andthings would go crazy in my
brain.
Tara (51:17):
Yeah.
Melanue (51:17):
And one positive thing for me is realizing that I'm not
crazy.
I'm not crazy.
Tara (51:25):
baby, you're not.
Melanue (51:26):
I have mental health issues, and as long as I keep my
meds
Tara (51:30):
Huh.
Together.
Yeah.
Melanue (51:32):
as long as I continue to work on myself to be a better
person and not give in to myanger And my depression, And I
be a better person, look out forpeople that are coming in the
door to so I have 90 days, theperson's coming in the door
today, if I could just give thema little bit of advice would be
great.
Stay in the day.
Tara (51:53):
Live for today.
Melanue (51:54):
for today.
And it might get a little bitbetter tomorrow.
But you can't Okay, so anxietyis looking on the past.
Or, no, I'm sorry.
Depression is looking on thepast.
Anxiety is looking on thefuture.
Your today is the present.
And it's the present for areason.
It's the gift of today.
Tara (52:16):
Because you don't ever know if tomorrow's ever
Melanue (52:17):
promised to you.
Tara (52:19):
right.
Yeah.
Melanue (52:21):
yeah
Tara (52:22):
And I live by that.
Melanue (52:23):
so I'm, I try to be very optimistic and even though
people drive me crazy and eventhough things don't always
happen that I, how I want themto happen and even though I,
frustration happens and I'manxious and this is going on.
Tara (52:40):
Just slow down, take a breath, and realize.
And
Melanue (52:43):
realize, I'm, look where I've come from.
Tara (52:46):
Yeah,
Melanue (52:46):
I've been in way worse situations.
But what I do realize is that ifI keep going back out there, I'm
not gonna have this seatanymore.
It's gonna take my life.
Tara (52:57):
So you do know that if you don't stop, you're gonna die.
Melanue (53:01):
Yes, it's a life and death situation for me right now
and It's only 90 days So as longas I keep progressing one day at
a time I'll have tomorrow totalk about what happened
yesterday Thank you.
(53:21):
And I started my book.
I just want you to know.
You did?
I've got half a chapter done.
Not much, but I'm going to takeit very slow because it's got to
be a little bit more detailoriented and everything, but
Yeah.
I did.
I sat down last weekend.
Tara (53:37):
I am so happy for you.
Melanue (53:39):
I did.
Tara (53:39):
That is going to be incredible.
It's going to be a documentary?
Melanue (53:44):
It's more like a memoir.
Okay.
I don't know, it's what wouldyou call that?
A memoir, a documentary abiography.
Tara (53:51):
a biography.
That's what I would go by.
A biography.
Melanue (53:54):
Yeah,
Tara (53:55):
Definitely.
Melanue (53:56):
I'm just a nobody from Ohio but I got a short, I got a
story to tell, and
Tara (54:02):
We all have a story to tell.
It's just do you want to tell itor not?
Do you want it out there or not?
Melanue (54:07):
I do.
I do want it out there.
Tara (54:09):
That's good.
Melanue (54:10):
I someday hope that maybe my son might pay attention
to one of your podcasts.
And, he's aware, as my daughteris, of some of my stories.
Will he listen?
And will he really take inconsideration all the trauma
that I've been through in mylife?
Tara (54:25):
Oh yeah.
He's young and naive though yettoo.
He's still very young, gottagive him time to grow up some.
Melanue (54:30):
but I love all my
Tara (54:31):
Oh, of course you do.
Melanue (54:33):
they may not remember it, but I was a great fucking
mom.
Tara (54:37):
when you were there.
Yes you were.
'cause I do remember
Melanue (54:40):
I was a great fucking mom.
Tara (54:41):
Yes.
Melanue (54:42):
I fell off, but I still want to be a great fucking mom.
If they let me
Tara (54:47):
you're going to be a great grandmother now.
Melanue (54:49):
I am a great grandmother now.
You see them
Tara (54:51):
crying at the door.
Yes, I was so shocked.
I was like, wow.
Melanue (54:54):
He
Tara (54:54):
said, let me come.
Let me come.
So cute.
Her grandson is adorable, guys.
All right.
We're going to stop there fortoday.
And we will pick back up and dopart three real soon.
Alright listeners, forget, don'tforget to stay sexy, stay
confident, and remember, takecare of your shit, don't reflect
(55:18):
it on other people.
It's time to grow up.
Melanue (55:23):
Yep.
One day at a time.
Tara (55:24):
That's right, one day at a time guys.
Until next time.
VO (55:27):
Thanks for listening to today's podcast.
Follow all of Terra's socialmedia, but going to
TalkingTabooWithTerra.
com.
Also subscribe to this podcastand our YouTube channel.
Today we're talking with a very special friend of mine,
Melanie.
She is in a recovery program,and she has had several trials
and tribulations along her way,and today she's gonna be telling
us her story, and I'm sure someof us can relate to it but it's
about her getting her story outthere and feeling better about
herself.
(00:39):
'cause one day she's gonna bewriting a book about all this.
Melanie?
How are you doing?
My love.
Melanue (00:44):
It's going good.
Tara (00:45):
So you're in recovery And last time we talked We were
going over your Story
Melanue (00:51):
Yes.
Tara (00:53):
And we lost we left off at the age of 17, is that what you
said?
Melanue (00:56):
That what you said?
Tara (01:03):
Let's get into it.
Melanue (01:04):
So last time we were talking I had just gotten
pregnant with Ariana and My, Ihad told my mom and dad that,
there's no way in hell that Iwas, having an abortion with
this baby.
And so I had her.
From that point on I had hadher, moved into my own
(01:24):
apartment.
At that point J.
P.
had found out that was not hisbaby.
Oh, and he was crushed.
I knew that she was not hisbaby.
Told him from the beginning andhe didn't want to believe it.
So he ripped up my abortionmoney to begin with, as I think
(01:47):
I said on the other podcast, butConfirmation came out when she
was born, but she's my twin,she's got my blue eyes, and Came
out who her father was whichwas, I wouldn't call them
friends, but I guess I wouldcall them Frenemies.
Because they turned intoenemies, I guess you would say.
Tara (02:08):
Yeah, they were associates.
They were, yeah, they werefriends at one time.
Then they turned intoassociates, then they turned
into enemies.
Frenemies.
Frenemies.
Yeah, for sure.
That
Melanue (02:17):
was the word for it.
I moved.
Got my own apartment.
And then I broke up with JP andstarted dating my boss's
brother.
And JP was following me allaround,
Tara (02:32):
Stalking you.
Melanue (02:33):
stalking me in Columbus.
Robbed my new boyfriend,,
Tara (02:38):
Did he mace him?
Melanue (02:39):
No, he maced me
Tara (02:41):
I knew mace was in there somewhere,
Melanue (02:43):
he maced me we were
Tara (02:44):
at a club.
Melanue (02:44):
I don't remember who was with me but He was like,
here, let me help you out, andthen Ziggy came over and, here,
let me help you out, she makesme too.
So when my boyfriend picked meup from the club, and I'm like,
they're pouring gallons of milkin my eyes,
Tara (02:59):
Yeah.
Melanue (03:00):
so we seen Ziggy walking down the road, and my
new boyfriend fucking got afucking big club and fucking
clubbed on the back of the head.
He fell face first, and that'show he lost his two front teeth.
Tara (03:13):
Zarek.
Wow.
I was wondering how he lost histwo front teeth.
Melanue (03:17):
It was me
Tara (03:20):
I found out later.
Go ahead.
Melanue (03:22):
But We got back together later on after that and
That's when like a lot of themental physical emotional all
that fucking abuse startedbetween me and him I mean, I
think I said before like he Ithink I had stabbed him.
I think I had told you aboutthat story about me stabbing
him, but this time, like he ourfriend
Tara (03:44):
A
Melanue (03:44):
friend of ours that we used to hang out with.
She, he was like, Every time wego out together and he catches
us, he
Tara (03:52):
rips your shirt off and you're always wearing
Melanue (03:54):
my shirt! laughing Yeah,
Tara (04:01):
It's her clothes getting fucked up, not mine.
I felt bad, yeah.
It was
Melanue (04:05):
of our good friends.
Tara (04:06):
Damn.
Oh.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now I see why the whiny voice.
Melanue (04:10):
love you,
Tara (04:12):
you girl.
But I know exactly who she'stalking about.
Melanue (04:15):
about.
From all the abuse and stuffthat happened between me and him
he he started beating my ass sobad that I was going to doctors.
I started pill shopping.
I started getting on pills.
I started I got pregnant again.
Hold on, let me move to thesecond sheet here.
Tara (04:30):
I know eventually you got pregnant with Noah.
Melanue (04:32):
I did.
I got pregnant.
Let's see.
First let me say this.
I was at the bar.
We were at the bar.
Tara (04:39):
We?
We were at the bar
Melanue (04:41):
like four to five days a week.
Tara (04:43):
Girl, it was six days.
I was trying to be gentle withthat.
No, bitch.
I know it was six.
Monday through motherfuckingSunday.
Or seven days, yeah.
Seven days each night we wouldhave a different bar.
Keep going.
Melanue (05:00):
But
Tara (05:00):
I became
Melanue (05:02):
Manager of Diamond Dolls.
It was an
Tara (05:08):
that's right.
Escort agency.
Go ahead.
Melanue (05:11):
It was an escort agency.
Tara (05:13):
And
Melanue (05:14):
I started doing coke like crazy.
Cocaine was my best friend, andevery time somebody
Tara (05:20):
was going home with someone's
Melanue (05:22):
boyfriend, I was like, I'm good, and I'd
Tara (05:25):
hold up my bag of
Melanue (05:26):
cocaine, and I would be going home with my Ball of
Cocaine or I'd be doing SneakyLinks with Baby Daddy and nobody
knew about.
And that was my Baby Daddy atthe time.
Tara (05:39):
He
Melanue (05:39):
he was just dating somebody else at the time.
Tara (05:42):
Yeah, we know.
You guys like to share.
No, it was just had a little
Melanue (05:47):
competition thing going between me.
Tara (05:49):
between you and Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember those days.
I used to have to fight hersister.
And now me and her sister arefriends.
I'm actually decent
Melanue (05:58):
with all of
Tara (05:59):
That's good.
But It took fuckin twenty someyears.
Yeah, it did.
It
Melanue (06:02):
It definitely did.
Tara (06:04):
Damn, bitch.
And I was a hard headed,stubborn Yes, we are.
Yes, we are.
Yes, we
Melanue (06:10):
were.
Yes.
Tara (06:11):
That's,
Melanue (06:11):
I, so when we were drinking at the bar at the time
I was bla I was blacking in andout all the time.
How about, I remember, do youremember my 1999 Mitsubishi
Eclipse?
Tara (06:21):
No, I, Did not.
I remember you, I heard aboutyou having it.
That's when the time that wewasn't talking.
In between there.
Or maybe we was.
I think you called me and toldme you were in the top of a
tree.
Tara (2) (06:34):
dude, like
Tara (06:36):
in the middle of your accident, you called me and was
like, I'm in a tree.
I'm like, what do you meanyou're in a tree?
You're like, I wrecked myfucking car, bitch.
Okay, but, okay, that was
Melanue (06:45):
back during them days, yes.
So I was blacking in and out allthe time.
But I was, I had a pill habitreal bad.
The coke would heat me up.
Tara (06:54):
That happened.
You were speedballing.
Melanue (06:56):
I was all the time.
All the time.
Tara (06:59):
you're doing downers and uppers at the same time, you're
speedballing.
I was
Melanue (07:02):
leaving, I was going to Baby Daddy's, and I was meeting
him at our friend's house over,Off of in Blinden Square.
And
Tara (07:13):
All I know
Melanue (07:14):
that I wake up, and I'm standing on my windshield.
Tara (07:17):
Yeah.
And you called me
Melanue (07:19):
And then,
Tara (07:21):
I like
Melanue (07:21):
kick the door open, and I like, I looked down and
there's a pine tree and I had tojump down out of the car My
phone's in the car.
Everything's in my car.
I was scared Then
Tara (07:31):
I blacked
Melanue (07:32):
again, and then
Tara (07:33):
I woke up.
Melanue (07:34):
i'm walking down 270 And i'm like trying to get
somebody to pick me up on theside of the freeway nobody would
pick me up on the side of it'swinter.
I don't have no I don't want mycoat By the time I got there I
had my head like frostbite on myfreaking hands They're putting
my hands in warm water and shitand
Tara (07:50):
all I could think about was,
Melanue (07:52):
Do you got my
Tara (07:53):
coke, do you got my Coke?
And he is fuck the Coke.
Where's your car?
And I'm like.
Melanue (08:01):
I'm like,
Tara (08:01):
fuck the car
Melanue (08:02):
and he gave me my coke.
Bro,
Tara (08:03):
You were bad, weren't you?
I was so bad.
Melanue (08:08):
It was so bad.
Tara (08:09):
How many times do you think that you've went from
being clean to going back?
How many times have you done
Melanue (08:15):
Let's just say from the age of 11, 12 9, 10, 11, 12,
something around that, up untilthe age of 32, when they did the
what do you call it, Would theycome in and
Tara (08:31):
I was asleep
Melanue (08:32):
and they're like you want to wake up for this?
Tara (08:35):
And I'm like, no,
Melanue (08:36):
why and I'm like, why is everyone here?
Tara (08:39):
Intervention.
Intervention.
Melanue (08:40):
There you go.
And everybody had letters andlike my kids were small and I'm
like And they're like we thinkyou have a problem and I'm
looking at my mom and I'm likeyou think I have a problem
Tara (08:53):
Yeah.
Melanue (08:54):
You think I have a fucking problem?
But that was not until I waslike 32 years old and they're
like we're gonna send you toAdams Recovery Center
Tara (09:03):
How many recovery centers have you been to?
Melanue (09:06):
Honestly
Tara (09:07):
let's be honest.
Melanue (09:08):
From 20 to 25
Tara (09:10):
Wow.
Melanue (09:11):
Yeah.
Some of them multiple times.
Last time we spoke, I was atSeacrest in
Tara (09:17):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Melanue (09:18):
I am now back in Columbus.
Tara (09:20):
Okay.
Melanue (09:21):
Because I had charges that I had picked up after I got
out of prison.
And they were from Whitehall.
And it was a warrant where itcouldn't be lifted.
And I had to go to jail.
Yeah.
But
Tara (09:35):
we,
Melanue (09:37):
and I was just, I was like, no, I'm not, I don't want
to go to jail, but I reached outto some other some people from a
court, like a re, like a drugcourt type
Tara (09:45):
thing that
Melanue (09:46):
in.
And they said if you come andyou plead into our courts, the
court system again, I've alreadygraduated this program.
So they said, you come up hereand you do this, then.
We'll take it from a felony andmove it down to a misdemeanor
Tara (10:00):
There you go.
Melanue (10:01):
So i'm down here.
I plead in on the 20th, whichi've already signed my paperwork
But i've I get sworn in on the20th.
And so I also have to do I.
O.
P.
Tara (10:13):
Explain IOP.
Melanue (10:14):
Intensive outpatient.
Tara (10:16):
And that's what you're doing now?
Melanue (10:17):
I'm doing now I'm, I came back to live at my mom's
house to do this.
Ugh,
Tara (10:24):
But you're considering getting your own place, aren't
you?
Melanue (10:26):
Okay, so there's two options
Tara (10:29):
Right
Melanue (10:29):
now.
I'm broke, I'm waiting on socialsecurity, with my mental health
type thing, right?
And I'm.
Tara (10:35):
right now
Melanue (10:36):
I don't think it would be a wise decision for me to
live on my own because, leftwith my own devices, it gets me
every time.
Why not give this program thatI'm in a shot?
It's a year long program, and,what's a year?
You know what I mean?
I've wasted how much time of mylife already.
This it's longer than theprogram I was just in, so I've
(10:57):
been there for two weeks now.
I like the program.
I'm trying to get into housingthere, though.
And because the situation justwith my mom and dad
Tara (11:05):
It would just be best for you to get out on your own in
the program.
It would.
Melanue (11:09):
My mom and dad at this point have ears clean, but We
just, my mom has 20 plus years,
Tara (11:16):
okay.
Melanue (11:17):
my dad has 15 plus years, but that doesn't mean
they don't have old behaviors.
My mom is like the passage ofMalibu dude the Holy Ghost saved
her and she's no longer anaddict.
I wish I was so lucky, but Goddid not heal me, and that is not
my recovery.
Tara (11:35):
in your process of healing now.
Melanue (11:37):
Yeah,
Tara (11:37):
You never really
Melanue (11:38):
gonna always be an addict.
Tara (11:40):
Of course.
Melanue (11:41):
She said she's healed.
Tara (11:42):
Oh.
I can see where she's comingfrom, though.
Yeah.
Because once you've been cleanfor so long, you no longer
consider yourself an addict.
Because you don't think aboutthose tendencies at all.
Melanue (11:53):
not true.
That's not true.
You
Tara (11:55):
don't think?
Melanue (11:55):
No, not at all.
Because there's people that aregoing to use this program for
the rest of their life.
Because you're, it's, that'sthat's a relapse waiting to
happen.
Tara (12:03):
Do you think?
Melanue (12:04):
I know.
I see it in the meetings all thetime.
I do N.
A.
right now.
You know what I mean?
And there's people who's gotYeah, they got 32 years clean
and they're still doingmeetings.
You know why?
Because it's like their dailyrent.
They gotta pay, they gotta payit forward.
They have sponsees and differentthings that they do in order to
(12:24):
keep their recovery.
If you just sit at home Withyour husband and think that
you're all good.
What's going to happen in theday that, you're not raising my
grandson anymore?
And
Tara (12:38):
you,
Melanue (12:38):
It's just you and him.
What if you just, all of
Tara (12:40):
a sudden
Melanue (12:41):
someone gets some fish brain, idea like, let's go to
Columbus and pick up some dopefor old time's sake.
They're going to be off andrunning and go through the
retirement for the rest of theyear.
I don't know.
They have old behaviors.
Tara (12:53):
But they've been clean for a long time.
Melanue (12:55):
They have old behaviors.
Tara (12:57):
What do you mean by old behaviors?
Melanue (12:59):
behaviors?
Okay.
I have some resentments that Ihaven't let go of from my
childhood and I get very angryat her because she gets
Tara (13:09):
upset at me about the
Melanue (13:10):
dumbest crap and my stuff is more.
Over things that I can't getover my childhood and different
things that have happened.
And then she just my car, mythis, my that, and I'm like you
asked me to come here to helpwith our money.
You know this was, like, youknew I'm gonna need to use your
car to go to treatment.
(13:31):
You know that I have court oncea week.
You know that I have to see acounselor, and I have to see
this, and I have this going on,and I have a probation officer,
and I have this going on.
You know I have these thingsgoing on.
But you want to constantly causeconflict and stress and anxiety
in my life, so So
Tara (13:50):
you're thinking she's making it harder on you.
Melanue (13:52):
Yes.
She does make it harder on me.
And she says I make it harder onher when I complain about it.
But you just made it harder onme.
How can I not complain about it?
If
Tara (14:04):
I had my own
Melanue (14:05):
vehicle, like why do they go out their way?
Okay, so here's another exampleWhy do they go out their way to
give out their money to?
my son to my daughters to not mydaughters my daughter in prison
Tara (14:20):
to Joe Blow Down the
Melanue (14:24):
Road, but when I say, hey, I need 10 for parking
because I'm going downtown todayand I don't have a job and I'm
waiting on Social Security,
Tara (14:33):
I'm the problem.
I'm the problem.
Melanue (14:36):
When
Tara (14:36):
they're like,
Melanue (14:38):
Noah owes us 500, but we're gonna keep giving him
money.
Okay,
Tara (14:46):
Okay, let's get back to your recovery.
Melanue (14:48):
anyway, back to
Tara (14:49):
my recovery.
Alright, let's get back to yourrecovery.
They have
Melanue (14:52):
behaviors in the way that they just don't understand
my recovery.
Tara (14:57):
And Everybody's recovery is different.
Melanue (15:00):
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
And they look at me and they'realways waiting on that shoe to
drop.
That's what I'm saying.
They're like, this is behaviorthat you had last time you was
here.
Tara (15:10):
You gotta understand this is what, 25, 26?
Melanue (15:14):
Understandably, but how many times did, it doesn't even
matter.
Correct.
Tara (15:18):
I will
Melanue (15:18):
take responsibility for what my actions are.
Okay.
I will, and that's the firsttime I'll ever do that.
Because this is
Tara (15:25):
the first time
Melanue (15:26):
I'm ever really wanting to stay clean.
Tara (15:28):
is the first time you've ever wanted it for yourself?
Melanue (15:31):
myself.
Tara (15:32):
Yes.
I had six
Melanue (15:33):
and a half years at one point in time, and that was for
my children.
Tara (15:36):
My purpose
Melanue (15:37):
my children.
But now, my purpose is Finding apurpose in me.
Tara (15:42):
For yourself.
Melanue (15:43):
For myself.
Tara (15:44):
That's right.
Melanue (15:45):
Yes,
Tara (15:45):
And no one can do it but you.
Exactly.
And you've been on this longjourney.
Melanue (15:50):
Yes.
Tara (15:51):
And it's been a minute now.
Hold on.
Melanue (15:54):
actually.
You're kicking it.
Tara (15:57):
Oh, sorry.
And I can hear it.
Melanue (16:02):
So
Tara (16:03):
actually I have,
Melanue (16:04):
today's my 90 days.
I have 90 days clean
Tara (16:06):
So today you have 90 days.
Melanue (16:08):
I do.
Tara (16:08):
Okay.
That, congratulations.
Thank you.
And do you get a coin for thator something?
When you go to I don't do
Melanue (16:15):
AA, I do NA, and it's like a red key tag.
Okay.
You see how these key tags areright here?
Yeah.
I just get a red one.
Tara (16:23):
Okay.
Melanue (16:23):
I get six months, I'll get a blue one.
Okay.
And then when I get nine months,I'll get a yellow one.
Okay.
And then when I get a year, I'llget a see through glow in the
dark one.
Tara (16:31):
Okay.
Melanue (16:32):
And then when you get like 18 months, you get a gray
one.
And then when you get multipleyears up to two years, you get a
black one.
Tara (16:39):
Okay awesome.
You're really sticking to itthis time.
You really want it this time.
Melanue (16:45):
For me, yes.
Tara (16:47):
That's good that you say that.
For me, I want it for me.
Melanue (16:50):
For me, yes.
Tara (16:51):
And that's awesome.
I
Melanue (16:52):
school this February 25th.
I'm going to
Tara (16:56):
you already have your culinary.
Melanue (16:58):
have my culinary, but I'm going for a business in
leadership entrepreneurship.
Tara (17:03):
There you go.
To start your own business.
Melanue (17:04):
start my own business.
Tara (17:05):
and manage it yourself.
Melanue (17:07):
Yes, I want to buy a food truck.
Tara (17:08):
There you go.
Yes.
I'm so excited for you.
Melanue (17:11):
Yes.
I'm excited for me.
Tara (17:13):
Yeah.
So after you got done havingNoah and you're well let
Melanue (17:19):
see.
Hold on.
Tara (17:20):
We're bouncing around.
I know.
Melanue (17:21):
know I'm bouncing around.
It just cut me off.
Tara (17:23):
It's a story that needs to be told guys.
Her and I were talking on theway here and she was telling me
how her daughter didn't know thereal story and I like literally
broke down in the car was happythat Her daughter got to
actually hear her side of herstory.
The real story that she's nevershared before.
(17:45):
So this is very interesting andit really does open up people's
minds to be able to walk in yourshoes.
Melanue (17:53):
Yeah, she, sorry, it makes me it makes me a little
choked up and emotional becausethat was a moment I got to share
with her because she told me,she said, I've, I've heard bits
and pieces of your story before,but never from your mouth.
(18:14):
Without anybody shutting you up,without anybody, saying
something back fully througheverything.
And she said and I believe you,I believe every word of your
story because I lived that lifetoo.
But I didn't know how strong youwere Because of everything
you've gone through is, it'sjust, you're a very resilient
(18:34):
and strong woman, and she saidshe had the utmost respect for
me, and this is a child that haswanted her mother her whole life
and probably had the wrongperspective, at times, about me.
But I, I think it's because Icouldn't speak my truth to her a
lot of the time and tell her Inever just want to go out and
(18:55):
tell my children this is mystory, and let them read my
stuff.
Noah and Ariel were, like, theygot a hold of my four step and
my journals when I was anamethyst, and they were nosy AF.
And That put a damper on me andI couldn't even journal when I
(19:15):
got into the program I'm, I wasin, in Seacrest.
And
Tara (19:19):
very important too, part of the steps, isn't it?
Melanue (19:21):
it?
Not even that it's I justputting a pen to paper is
relieving
Tara (19:26):
For you.
Melanue (19:27):
Like my counselor told me like You think of the ink in
here as all of your pain andToro the tournament The
Tara (19:36):
torment
Melanue (19:38):
you went through and that when you put the pen to
paper and the words start comingout that's releasing it
Tara (19:44):
Yeah.
Melanue (19:47):
So
Tara (19:47):
That's another reason why we're talking about your story
as well, and getting it outthere.
Because when you release yourstory, and you tell everybody
about yourself, it's a wholeanother level.
Of dealing with your shit.
And I've and, yeah.
And the last couple of mypodcasts has been about dealing
(20:09):
with your shit.
Not reflecting your shit onother people and actually
stepping up and
Melanue (20:16):
Accepting
Tara (20:17):
it.
I
Melanue (20:17):
think a lot comes down to being accountable for your
own actions and finding yourlike even if like you don't
think that you have a part insomething you have to find your
part in everything like even ifit was I stood around and I
dealt with it and I didn't leavewhen I knew I should have Or I
(20:39):
allowed it to continue to happenfor years and years and years
and years.
Maybe when everything first Itstarted to happen in my life.
Maybe I didn't have a choice onsome things, but later on I
began to have a choice,
Tara (20:52):
And you didn't change that?
Melanue (20:53):
I didn't change things.
I let them develop and grow tothis monster, this demon that
grew inside of me, That to thispoint, this level that where not
only is my mental health messedup, But my soul is messed up.
My, my mindset's messed up.
(21:13):
My heart is messed up.
I'm this evil frickin person andnobody likes me.
Nobody wants to be around me.
I'm miserable and misery lovescompany and nobody wants to be
around a negative frickinperson.
Tara (21:26):
right.
I have gotten rid of everybodythat's negative around me.
If they don't serve a purpose,and I don't serve them a
purpose, then there's no reasonfor each other to be in each
other's lives.
It's the way I see it anymore.
Melanue (21:36):
No there's not.
Tara (21:38):
you got negative energy, I don't need it, nor do I want it.
Melanue (21:41):
And that's another thing about my mother I tell her
I'm an empath.
I can feel everything thatyou're feeling inside.
And she's I don't know whatyou're talking about.
And I'm like, Mom, calm down.
It's fine.
We can talk about things.
You know that.
I'm an adult now.
We can talk.
If you're feeling some type ofway about me, you can tell me.
And I'm an adult.
I can handle it.
(22:01):
We can talk about it.
We can get through it.
Tara (22:03):
And we can deal with
Melanue (22:04):
We can deal with
Tara (22:05):
it.
Yeah.
Melanue (22:06):
I don't feel no type of way, Melanie.
And
Tara (22:11):
I'll be like
Melanue (22:13):
Wow, for somebody that's not, I'm not stressing
out.
That was a big deep breath.
Maybe
Tara (22:20):
just dealing with it in her own way.
But let's get back to yourrecovery.
Let's
Melanue (22:25):
get back to my recovery.
I think what I would like abouteverything is, I wish, because
there was two parts of myrecovery.
Tara (22:33):
And
Melanue (22:34):
And the first part about it was when I had my six
and a half years,
Tara (22:38):
and a half
Melanue (22:39):
J.
P.
I wanted, I needed to forgivehim
Tara (22:44):
For
Melanue (22:44):
of everything,
Tara (22:45):
For all
Melanue (22:46):
of everything, and there's a lot to our story.
Tara (22:48):
Oh yeah.
Melanue (22:49):
There's a whole lot to our story, and I needed to let
that go.
And that six and a half years, Ilet that go.
I never dealt with my mother andmy father and all of this.
Tara (23:01):
So you dealt with some of your shit, but you didn't deal
with all your shit?
All
Melanue (23:04):
of it.
Tara (23:05):
And now you're dealing with all of your shit.
Melanue (23:07):
And now I think I'm dealing with the missing puzzle
piece because it's the one thingthat irks me in life.
Other than that, I'm cool.
It's the one thing that keepsevery, she's my one person I
fall back on because I want toforgive her.
Okay, so here's the thing I wantto forgive her, and I want, but,
Tara (23:27):
don't know how.
Melanue (23:28):
No I've she's been there for me.
She's picked me up when I wasbroken and pulled me out of
situations and tried to help meout.
But what, but once I'm out themplaces, she don't want to
continue helping.
And I'm like,
Tara (23:41):
but at this
Melanue (23:41):
point in time I still need you.
You can't just pick me up out ofthe mud and then drop me back in
it
Tara (23:47):
no, you got to continue the process.
Or maybe
Melanue (23:49):
could just have a conversation with me.
If she would just, if she wouldjust identify that maybe I just
need a her to say her part, andI say my part,
Tara (24:01):
Maybe
Melanue (24:01):
could forgive that.
Maybe I could forgive myself forall my parts with her shit and
her Accept all her parts with myshit.
Tara (24:10):
Maybe I can
Melanue (24:10):
move on.
I don't know, but when I askedher the other day if she would
be willing to go to mediationwith me, she's not willing.
Tara (24:17):
What?
Melanue (24:18):
She's not willing.
Tara (24:19):
Didn't she be a, wasn't she a drug and counselor?
A drug and alcohol counselor?
Melanue (24:24):
No, she worked the front desk.
Tara (24:26):
Oh.
I thought she was a counselor.
Okay.
Melanue (24:28):
she didn't go back to school.
She was not a counselor.
She
Tara (24:32):
Okay.
Melanue (24:32):
You know what I mean?
And going back to the car thing.
So When I reported my vehiclestolen, and the insurance
adjuster come to talk to me, shesent him up to the strip club I
was working at because DiamondDolls had been shut down.
And, I had just had Noah
Tara (24:52):
right before this.
And
Melanue (24:56):
insurance adjuster took me in the back, and I gave him
some VIP dances in the champagneroom, and the next day They paid
off my car.
But who tells on their daughterAfter this happened to my car
and all this stuff going on andI'm back to stripping And she
thought like I don't know like Iwas gonna get in trouble or
(25:17):
something, but they paid my caroff it was a good thing that it
happened, but she's I didn'ttell him which one.
There's mom.
There's only Two bars rightthere
Tara (25:26):
there's only a couple step bars right there on 1 61.
Are you kidding me?
I
Melanue (25:29):
I think he just assumed and it just went to him looking
for me.
Tara (25:32):
Yeah, he found you all right.
Melanue (25:34):
Yeah.
Tara (25:34):
All right, so moving on.
Melanue (25:35):
Yeah.
So moving on.
Tara (25:38):
Excuse me.
Melanue (25:39):
Had Noah,
Tara (25:40):
let's bounce a little forward because you've already
been over we had Noah
Melanue (25:44):
No,
Tara (25:45):
That's what I had Noah
Melanue (25:46):
and then the wreck happened and then the end
deterrence is just her.
And then then
Tara (25:51):
I got pregnant with
Melanue (25:52):
Ariel.
Tara (25:53):
and I remember this I was living with you at the time.
Okay, so first off Him and I hadnot
Melanue (25:58):
getting along for a very
Tara (25:59):
you were clean at this time.
Melanue (26:01):
No, I was not.
Tara (26:03):
I was not clean.
Melanue (26:05):
I was oh, I was clean during my pregnancy.
Yes,
Tara (26:08):
I was clean
Melanue (26:09):
during my pregnancy, but I was not
Tara (26:11):
When I, bitch, when I was living with you over there off
of Worthington Road, you wasn'tclean with the babies.
When you had the apartment orcondo?
I would ship them to
Melanue (26:19):
my mom's for the weekend and I would still like
Tara (26:21):
Party every now and then.
Melanue (26:22):
Party every now and
Tara (26:23):
But you had a job.
You got up every day.
You went to work.
You were going to school.
You were fucking doing it all.
Yes, I did.
I was so proud of you.
Melanue (26:30):
Yes, I did.
I didn't use it, like I, I
Tara (26:33):
wasn't abusing.
Melanue (26:34):
I wasn't abusing, I was a functional
Tara (26:35):
addict at that point.
Okay.
Because I lived with you.
But.
And then you let John move in.
And then I moved out and I don'tknow what happened after that.
Melanue (26:43):
First off,
Tara (26:44):
I lost that apartment
Melanue (26:45):
right before I had Ariel.
I lost that apartment rightbefore I had a room
Tara (26:50):
Wow.
And I went back
Melanue (26:50):
my mom's.
My mom was using it at the time.
Tara (26:52):
Oh.
Melanue (26:53):
And my, remember all the diamonds I used to have, My
hands had swelled up and I had,he put, he, he bought me a gold
necklace and I put them on thereand we hit him in there and I
went and he got all fucked upone night and I'm like, You
better stop, you better getyourself together, because I'm
telling you right now, we'regonna have this baby in the next
couple days.
And sure as shit, I went to thedoctor appointment by my fuckin
(27:17):
self, cause he was fucked up.
And
Tara (27:19):
Oh my god, he
Melanue (27:21):
he
Tara (27:22):
freakin fucked
Melanue (27:25):
hospital later on.
I'm in, I'm doing all this bymyself in the hospital.
Nobody's there.
It's just me and Here comesfucking John.
He got his shit together alittle bit.
And, but
Tara (27:37):
his eyes,
Melanue (27:38):
you know how he is when he's using the pills.
His eyes is all red underneathhere, his nose.
He's blowing his nose a lot, andI'm over there looking at him
like, you fucking jackass.
I'm pissed as fuck.
Tara (27:49):
But my mom
Melanue (27:50):
never shows up at the hospital.
I'm like, where's my mom?
Like, where's my mom?
I'll never forget this.
One nurse had to hold one leg,he had to hold the other, and
he's looking at my leg like,that's a big motherfucking leg.
And I'm like, fuck you,
Tara (28:04):
you.
God.
I'm
Melanue (28:05):
pregnant.
He was like, but that's why wecall you Moo.
And I'm like, oh my god.
Tara (28:10):
I have not forgotten that name.
Oh my, or I had forgotten aboutthat nickname.
Oh my goodness, girl.
Moo.
What the fuck?
We have
Melanue (28:20):
Ariel.
We take her home.
And,
Tara (28:24):
I
Melanue (28:24):
go to get my jewelry.
Tara (28:26):
My mom's, I don't
Melanue (28:27):
my mom's been there the entire time.
She takes all my jewelry.
Sells it to god knows who, godknows where, god knows what.
Tara (28:36):
She found your shit and stole it?
Melanue (28:37):
it?
Yeah.
Just like half the shit of mycloset.
Now, you know back in this wasthe early 2000s What was big
back then like guess and allthat shit.
Like I had
Tara (28:49):
FUBU Like, there were so many name brands.
So
Melanue (28:53):
had my whole closet was neighbor and shit and
Eventually, when I startedsmoking crack I got introduced
to this girl.
And she was like, you can picksomething out of my closet.
And I started looking throughit.
I said, you mean mymotherfucking closet?
Bitch, them are mine.
That's mine.
That's mine.
That's mine.
That's that's all mine.
What are you talking about?
She had the bulbs for myChristmas trees growing up.
Tara (29:15):
I'm like, my
Melanue (29:16):
motherfucking mom is a motherfucker, bro.
Tara (29:20):
Wow.
Melanue (29:22):
But What happened was, she sold to an undercover, and
the marshal's come in and got mymom.
She went to jail for 45 days,and then had to end up going to
rehab.
I got a lawyer, I'm not gonnasay his name I got a lawyer to
take the case, and the judgethat she had said, I don't send
(29:44):
people with these kind of cases.
To rehab and not give themprison time.
She was the first person theyever did that for
Tara (29:54):
Wow
Melanue (29:55):
So she cleaned her shit up real quick she got clean and
sober Me therefore, I thinkwithin two years Okay, so let's
back up a little bit thoughbecause John I had ran somebody
over with the Cadillac and aboutripped at the strip club over
(30:16):
some other girl and about rippeda dude's arm off and was getting
ready to go to prison.
It was Valentine's Day and I'mlike, I couldn't get ahold of
him.
Tara (30:29):
Is that why he went to prison?
Melanue (30:30):
Over the car?
Yes.
About ripping this dude's armoff?
Yes.
Tara (30:34):
I had no idea why he went.
That's why.
Melanue (30:37):
but.
I pull up.
At his mom's Sugar Daddy's houseor whatever.
And I knew he was in there, Ifucking knew he was in there.
And this man's you, Melanie, youcan't come in here.
I said, the fuck I am,
Tara (30:51):
I can't, I'm comin in.
I said, motherfucker,
Melanue (30:54):
I'm coming up in that motherfucker.
I don't give a fuck what yousay.
I'm coming up in there and I'mcoming in now.
I moved him the fuck aside.
And I'm like, where the fuck you
Tara (31:04):
at?
And I heard
Melanue (31:05):
a female and I'm like.
Bitch, I'm about to fucking beatyour ass.
I knew exactly who it was.
Tara (31:13):
Oh my.
All of a sudden, here
Melanue (31:15):
comes this naked bitch running down the hallway.
She
Tara (31:19):
jumps in
Melanue (31:20):
room and jumps underneath the bed.
He
Tara (31:22):
grabs me by
Melanue (31:22):
back of my head, pulls me in there, barricades me,
beats me with a gun, fucking
Tara (31:28):
Broke pictures
Melanue (31:29):
my fucking head.
Did all this sh
Tara (31:32):
I will show you
Melanue (31:33):
my booking picture right now from this thing from
Tara (31:35):
Where you went to jail?
Did you both go to jail?
What?
Because you were in his home.
Melanue (31:41):
No because
Tara (31:43):
so He shot the gun off.
Melanue (31:47):
and it
Tara (31:47):
By my head.
I
Melanue (31:48):
it go, shoom.
And she
Tara (31:52):
called 9
Melanue (31:52):
for me, and he said, and she said, I think he killed
the
Tara (31:57):
Oh my God.
It would end
Melanue (32:02):
being his other baby's mom.
Tara (32:04):
While after he
Melanue (32:05):
had me he told me after I had Ariel, he was like, this
is our family.
I don't never want it to growanymore.
I think this is enough for us.
I got Tyler from somebody else.
And then we had Ariana and thenwe had Noah and Ellie.
We had four kids.
He was like, you tie your tubesand I'll get a vasectomy.
So I tied my tubes.
He never got the vasectomy andhe got her pregnant.
(32:29):
I was fucking broken hearted.
I was mad as fuck.
So he tells me she's pregnant.
So I'm coming over there andthen
Tara (32:37):
he's with the girl on
Melanue (32:38):
Day.
I was madder than amotherfucker.
Tara (32:42):
I can imagine.
Melanue (32:43):
The police pull up.
He got me barricaded in afucking room.
Tara (32:47):
They pull
Melanue (32:48):
me out and they're asking me, did he hurt me?
And I'm like, nope, he didn't donothing to me.
And they're like, why would youprotect him?
And I said, I don't know whatyou're talking about.
I was in there talking to himabout, and I started telling him
about everything he did andwhatnot.
But I didn't tell him about himhitting me and
Tara (33:03):
But I'm sure they could see it all over you if he hit
you with a gun.
I'm going to
Melanue (33:07):
you this booking picture.
Yeah, they could see it.
They
Tara (33:12):
said what's wrong
Melanue (33:12):
your head?
I said, I was in a car accident.
They said today,
Tara (33:15):
I said, a couple of days
Melanue (33:16):
ago, they said then why the fuck is your head bleeding
right now?
Tara (33:19):
I said, Oh, I said
Melanue (33:21):
When I tripped, it
Tara (33:23):
must have split back open.
They said,
Melanue (33:26):
you do not tell us right now that he did this to
you, you're, we're taking youdown for domestic violence.
So
Tara (33:34):
I went
Melanue (33:35):
fucking jail.
Tara (33:36):
did you protect him for so long?
Melanue (33:41):
why do we get in these relationships where?
We think we love somebody
Tara (33:49):
And
Melanue (33:49):
wouldn't even, I don't think I ever, I loved him, but
is
Tara (33:53):
You don't think you were ever in love
Melanue (33:54):
I would,
Tara (33:55):
It
Melanue (33:56):
to be like, you make me sick.
Like I'm not in love with you,but it's comfortable.
And I wanted my children to havehim, but he's so abusive and so
nasty and he cheats on me witheverybody.
Like he literally had a cardthat said two single.
On the license plate.
And I'm like, but you're withme.
You keep me hidden away, and Iraise your fucking children, and
(34:18):
I do all this shit.
And then now you're gonna go tofucking prison, and you want me
to sell your dope, and you wantme to do all this shit.
And you got
Tara (34:25):
me You're the baby's mom.
You're the one that he kepthidden away for a reason.
Yeah.
Isn't that weird how that worksthat way?
I don't get it.
Melanue (34:32):
Don't get it.
Why do
Tara (34:35):
Yeah, let me be, yeah.
If you're gonna be like
Melanue (34:38):
while you
Tara (34:40):
Why do you have to keep me hidden away while you go out and
cheat and
Melanue (34:44):
find
Tara (34:44):
I would go out and have
Melanue (34:46):
find you,
Tara (34:47):
you, yeah, he would find you.
He would find me.
At the bar and drag you out andtake you home.
Or, he would find, I would,
Melanue (34:55):
one of his friends would try to protect me and take
me somewhere else and he wouldcome back and he would like,
destroy my house, like one dayhe
Tara (35:03):
ripped
Melanue (35:04):
refrigerator door off, ruined all my food, he bleached
all my clothes, he,
Tara (35:09):
I got
Melanue (35:09):
out of my house
Tara (35:10):
for that shit.
He broke every
Melanue (35:12):
in that whole house, they sued Me for that shit.
Like he, it's an abusiverelationship.
Tara (35:20):
Why do we stay in him though?
There's got to be more than wedon't want to be alone.
Melanue (35:23):
told me he would kill me.
He would kill me.
Tara (35:27):
If you left.
He said, I would,
Melanue (35:28):
kill.
I will
Tara (35:29):
find you and I will kill you
Melanue (35:31):
if you leave me.
So
Tara (35:34):
I was
Melanue (35:34):
scared.
I'm gonna be honest.
And then so I'm gonna tell youanother thing he did to me He
had me so
Tara (35:41):
I was on
Melanue (35:42):
It's really bad So he had this girl start selling me
methadone instead of Percocet.
I thought they were Percocet andThen when he went to jail and
like I was
Tara (35:56):
I,
Melanue (35:57):
He had her cut me off the methadone.
And I know nothing aboutmethadone at this point.
I didn't, I thought they werePercocet.
But I couldn't figure out why.
It's been three weeks and Ican't get off the couch.
And I couldn't take care of mychildren.
And I had to move back, I losteverything.
I had to move back in with mymom and dad again.
And my dad's screaming in myface like, Get the fuck up!
(36:17):
Change your kids diaper!
Tara (36:19):
I could not.
Melanue (36:21):
But I got your pack of dope underneath my fucking head
and whenever anyone comes in,I'm still selling your dope and
I'm making people, I'm makingsure you're well in jail.
What do you mean,
Tara (36:30):
Yeah, you got money on your books, huh?
You
Melanue (36:32):
You sure the fuck do?
And then one day he said, you'resmoking crack.
I said, what?
I've never in my life smokedcrack.
What are you talking about?
I know you are.
And something in me justclicked.
And I said, Motherfucker, I'mgonna show you smoke crack So I
(36:54):
took four and a half In thebathroom and I taught myself how
to cook crack smoked the wholefour and a half Went to his dude
said hey, I got robbed Took thatfour and a half Smoked that too.
Two weeks later.
(37:15):
I walked out on my children Hewas in jail He kept calling me
and calling me, and I was like,shwoop, pop, to voicemail.
I think we're done here, buddy.
And then I went and got thatgirl that I said that ran to the
bedroom.
I got her smoking crack.
(37:38):
Now, I know everybody has theirown choices, but I have
malicious intent.
Yeah.
Tara (37:43):
Yeah.
Melanue (37:44):
I have malicious intent with this shit.
Tara (37:47):
Cause she used to shoot the shit.
Melanue (37:50):
She used
Tara (37:53):
to shoot it.
I used to watch her.
Who do you think she learnedthat from?
I have no fucking clue.
You?
Seriously?
Yes.
I shot heroin, Tara.
Oops, sorry.
It's alright.
Wow.
Melanue (38:04):
Is that why you almost
Tara (38:09):
Is that why you almost lost your arm?
Yeah.
Melanue (38:12):
What happened was a mutual friend of ours, Marco
picked me up on Cleveland Avenueafter I left my children, with
her and somebody else, and hesaid, let me introduce you to
somebody so you don't have towalk the street.
He said, at least I know you'reokay, and he'll take care of
you, and just.
Tara (38:32):
Who was it?
Melanue (38:33):
It was Gorilla Joe.
I got my first pimp.
And I never, I made money.
I was used to making money.
That man bought me a Lexus.
That man did a lot for me.
I took care of him.
I made sure he ate.
I made sure he had his insulin.
(38:54):
I had new clothes, new shoesevery day.
I had all the drugs I wanted inthe world.
When nobody else could get ahold of them, I could.
I could.
Tara (39:04):
So you had your first pimp then.
Melanue (39:06):
Yes, but at this point, I'm with twelve other women,
they all do heroin.
I only smoke crack at thispoint.
And I'm looking around at thesegirls and I'm like, What is
this?
And he used to tell me don'tbother with these girls.
You just do what you're doing,and
Tara (39:28):
don't bother with
Melanue (39:29):
girls.
He was like, you don't ever wantto put that shit in your arm.
He used to tell me don't do
Tara (39:33):
it.
Don't do it.
Melanue (39:35):
I got too curious.
What
Tara (39:36):
is the deal with
Melanue (39:37):
with this shit?
Tara (39:40):
No, you fucking didn't.
Go ahead, tell me.
What happened?
About
Melanue (39:44):
two years in it, I caught a heart infection.
I caught endocarditis,pericarditis,
Tara (39:52):
pericarditis.
I
Melanue (39:52):
I was septic MRSA.
Tara (39:56):
Wow.
Melanue (39:58):
I found out I had Hep C.
Tara (39:59):
C.
Melanue (40:00):
And they had to induce a coma.
When I went into the hospital, Ihad a fever of 104.
9.
And how they got me out of thathotel room to go
Tara (40:10):
Heh.
Melanue (40:13):
To the hospital, they told me we were going to go get
more dope.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then when we got, we pulledup, I'm like, what are we doing
at the hospital?
They're like, you're gettingout.
You're not dying on our watch.
Something's wrong with you.
Tara (40:30):
Good.
Melanue (40:32):
I can't even remember who I was with at that point.
Oh, I remember who I was with.
Tara (40:35):
Okay.
But, we don't need no names.
Melanue (40:37):
No.
Tara (40:38):
no.
After you Was with your pimp.
How long were you with yourpimp?
So after I
Melanue (40:45):
that infection
Tara (40:46):
yeah,
Melanue (40:46):
He told me to stay the fuck away.
He said I'm not gonna be the onewho blows up your heart No, you
stay the fuck away because Isnuck out a couple times out of
the hospital I don't one time
Tara (40:57):
I took the Are you kidding me?
IV
Melanue (41:01):
And put in the back of somebody's van and went and
smoked crack
Tara (41:07):
a while Girl.
Melanue (41:11):
Now
Tara (41:11):
listen
Melanue (41:12):
I pissed dirty for cocaine for six months.
Six months.
Six months.
Tara (41:21):
After you quit?
Melanue (41:22):
Yes.
Yes.
Tara (41:25):
Girl.
Melanue (41:26):
That's how much drugs I was doing.
And
Tara (41:30):
Enough to kill a fucking elephant it sounds
Melanue (41:32):
I was also shooting it up.
I carried around cocaine,liquid, and I put water to
Tara (41:38):
Wait a minute.
Did you take your fucking IV andshoot up in your IV?
Melanue (41:41):
Yes, I did.
Tara (41:42):
did.
Oh my.
It had a PICC
Melanue (41:44):
line in my arm and then I left again and I went over to
somebody's trap house and I wasover chillin with my friend,
which was one of J.
P.
's friends and got caught in aSWAT raid.
Tara (41:58):
No.
Melanue (41:59):
Swear to God.
Tara (42:00):
From the fucking hospital?
Did they take you back to thehospital where you were?
Melanue (42:03):
No, so
Tara (42:06):
So look, my eyes were probably this big.
Yeah.
My mouth, this lip
Melanue (42:10):
probably right here.
This lip was probably over there
Tara (42:13):
and I was scared to death.
I
Melanue (42:14):
hadn't talked in three days because I hadn't been high
in a while.
And when they finally, they had
Tara (42:21):
us zip tied
Melanue (42:22):
in our noses to the wall.
And when they turned me around,they said, what the fuck?
What's in your arm?
I said, Pick line they said
Tara (42:31):
for what?
Melanue (42:31):
and I said I've been in the hospital I'm sick and they
said and you're and we caught
Tara (42:35):
you here?
You're about a fucking dumbass.
Smile for the camera, asshole.
Melanue (42:40):
He took a kid.
Tara (42:42):
I would
Melanue (42:42):
hate to see that picture
Tara (42:46):
Girl.
Melanue (42:47):
So
Tara (42:48):
they
Melanue (42:49):
cut the zip tie off me,
Tara (42:50):
pushed me out the back
Melanue (42:51):
and said
Tara (42:52):
Don't
Melanue (42:53):
ever come back.
Tara (42:55):
Good.
So I ran down the street,
Melanue (42:57):
used someone's phone, called my mom and said Can you
pick me up?
I was just in a SWAT raid.
She
Tara (43:03):
said, What do you mean you were in a SWAT raid?
You're in the hospital.
Melanue (43:05):
I said, I've been gone from the hospital for three
days, and I was in a SWAT raid.
Tara (43:08):
she said, Oh my fucking God, Melanie.
Melanue (43:11):
Oh my God.
Tara (43:12):
Oh my God.
Melanue (43:13):
And she picked me up, took me back to the hospital.
She's clean at this time.
Tara (43:16):
Good.
Good.
Wow.
Just fucking wow, girl.
At that point in
Melanue (43:24):
time, I went back to the hospital.
They
Tara (43:26):
took me all the way
Melanue (43:28):
fuck out of Columbus.
They had
Tara (43:30):
They had to.
Melanue (43:31):
I know.
Tara (43:32):
But
Melanue (43:33):
when I left, I was I walked out of that, I walked out
of that nursing home.
I was not pissing dirty fornothing.
I was clean.
Was never sick a day in my life.
Tara (43:47):
Never.
But
Melanue (43:48):
I picked up alcohol that very first day when I came
home.
And I picked up that crack rock.
And within six months I was inprison.
Tara (43:58):
What?
What did you go to prison for?
Melanue (44:01):
Forgery.
Forgery.
Tara (44:03):
Checks?
Checks.
Okay.
Melanue (44:06):
Yep, checks.
I started running with some
Tara (44:09):
How long were you in prison?
Melanue (44:10):
Six months that time.
That was my first time.
Tara (44:13):
How many times have you been in prison?
Melanue (44:15):
Twice.
Bitch.
Tara (44:18):
once wasn't enough.
I spent 21 day days in thefucking Jackson Pike, and that
was good enough for me.
Okay.
I never got a number.
Thank God.
Knock on wood.
I don't have a felony.
I've done a lot of bad shit inmy time.
Not a lot, but I've done somedirt, but I don't have a felony.
Thank goodness.
I have
Melanue (44:38):
if you were to print my record, It's pages upon pages,
Tara (44:43):
I can imagine.
When you look up my name, I'm 42percent top notch too, because I
got a record, so I feel you.
Yeah,
Melanue (44:50):
Yeah, a lot of it's misdemeanors and paraphernalias
and things of
Tara (44:54):
mine are too, paraphernalia and weed.
But
Melanue (44:57):
my first charge ever was assault on a police officer
in a DUI in Grandview.
You
Tara (45:03):
fucking hit a cop.
Melanue (45:05):
No,
Tara (45:06):
I, okay.
Is that where you tossed thehandcuffs?
Melanue (45:09):
No,
Tara (45:09):
that was Ariel
Melanue (45:10):
tossed the handcuffs in in, in prison.
No, it was when I was drunk.
coming from the strip club and Iwas drunk as hell and he said I
went left of center and hepulled me over and when he asked
me to get out of the car heopened the door and I fell flat
on my face.
Tara (45:26):
Damn.
Melanue (45:27):
And.
Tara (45:28):
was like, you're done.
Yeah.
He said,
Melanue (45:30):
you're done.
And then, so I need, I'm like, Igotta pee, I gotta pee and he
was like you got to wait on afemale cop.
And
Tara (45:38):
I was like, I will
Melanue (45:39):
all over the backseat of your car.
He said you'll piss all overyourself.
I said piss all over thebackseat of his car and he got
mad at me and as I was justtrying to
Tara (45:47):
pull me out of the car, my
Melanue (45:48):
went up and kicked one of them by accident and they
charged me with assault on apolice officer.
And so
Tara (45:56):
baby daddy
Melanue (45:56):
number one had to come pick me up from jail, and
Tara (46:01):
I had to repay
Melanue (46:01):
him I had the money like in my house,
Tara (46:03):
And that
Melanue (46:04):
when I was living in Grandview and he So when I got
my I don't remember peeing onmyself So when I spent in the
county jail downtown
Tara (46:14):
I spent five days
Melanue (46:16):
there because it was the weekend and it was like a
holiday
Tara (46:18):
And
Melanue (46:19):
Like he literally had to drive with his head out the
window
Tara (46:22):
Because you smelled like urine so bad.
In ass, probably, because Ihadn't showered the whole
Melanue (46:29):
I was there.
Tara (46:29):
Oh, girl! Okay, I've never jailed
Melanue (46:33):
That was my first time in jail.
Tara (46:35):
And I was Alright, I'll give it to you.
It took me a couple days to getin that shower too.
It did.
I was bougie.
But bitch, I could not No, Icouldn't stink.
Okay.
You're a bougie.
Bougie a bitch would get in theshower.
Okay.
Dirty butt.
Melanue (46:49):
there, no,
Tara (46:50):
god, it was horrible.
Melanue (46:51):
guess it was.
Tara (46:52):
my god, it was horrible.
Okay, I've been to Jackson Pikeat least 30, 45 times.
Oh my god, I've only been onceand I'll never go back.
I'm good.
I learned my lesson.
Melanue (47:01):
to Delaware County a couple a few times.
Tara (47:04):
Oh, I heard that one was nice.
I've
Melanue (47:06):
to Lincoln County a couple times.
Tara (47:08):
I never went there, but I did get in a point court.
I've once.
Jesus Christ, girl.
I've got
Melanue (47:13):
hell of a record.
Tara (47:14):
Your record definitely succeeds mine.
You're,
Melanue (47:18):
Yes, I have so I have four or five felonies, and they
just pleaded the one
Tara (47:24):
That's good.
Jesus.
Melanue (47:27):
Yes.
Tara (47:28):
a felon.
Girl.
All right.
So now that you're back on yourhealing journey and you're
getting well for yourself thistime,
Melanue (47:39):
Yes.
Tara (47:40):
when you went to the mental hospital,
Melanue (47:42):
did they,
Tara (47:43):
They put you on mental meds, right?
Cause you're schizophrenic?
Melanue (47:46):
I'm not schizophrenic.
Tara (47:47):
I'm sorry.
Okay, someone I just found outis schizophrenic.
I can't remember.
Oh, yeah, never mind.
That's not you.
Melanue (47:53):
I am bipolar.
I have PTSD.
Tara (47:55):
Huh.
Melanue (47:55):
I have borderline personality disorder.
I have an anxiety disorder.
I have DID.
Tara (48:02):
What is DID?
It's dissociative identitydisorder.
So you don't know who the fuckyou are?
Sometimes.
I have alternates or you havealternate personalities.
Melanue (48:12):
Haven't you ever noticed that?
Tara (48:13):
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Bitch Oh my goodness.
Have you, does it all
Melanue (48:20):
together now for
Tara (48:21):
It does make a lot of sense.
It really does make a lot ofsense.
Some
Melanue (48:25):
names that I've used to go by
Tara (48:28):
Yeah.
Melanue (48:29):
have stuck.
Tara (48:30):
Yeah.
Wow.
Ashley.
Billy Uhhuh
Melanue (48:33):
there's a Patricia.
Tara (48:35):
Okay.
Melanue (48:36):
there's a couple more.
There's the baby.
Tara (48:40):
Yeah, I've seen the baby.
Yeah, I've seen the baby before.
I've known you since I was 18years old and you were 17.
So I've known you quite a longtime.
And we went through a lot ofshit together.
Yes, we have.
Growing up and stuff.
Since you've been on thisjourney, what is the one thing
that you can tell people?
(49:01):
A good reason why you're doingthis, like a positive.
Let's rephrase that.
Can you tell people a positiveresult of going to the rehab
that you're doing?
Melanue (49:12):
Okay.
So I'll say I came into Seacrestkicking and screaming.
I didn't like after the seizure.
After the seizure and thenwaking me up telling me I was
dead and I can either go backout and Die, or I can talk to
the social worker and find sometreatment and try to live my
life I have anger problems.
(49:34):
I have a lot of issues that Ineed to work on So after they
set me down and they said lookanger is a secondary emotion We
need you to take this herejournal and write in it, and
write down, okay, you may comeoff as anger, but what
Tara (49:53):
are
Melanue (49:54):
your real emotions?
And I'm like, what are youtalking about?
Tara (49:57):
Yeah.
Real emotions.
Yeah.
It's hard for someone to knowwhat real emotion is when all
you've felt is anger.
Melanue (50:03):
I literally had to look at a wheel, and then if I sit
and look at it and be like, oh,yeah, I'm anxious, yes, I'm very
overwhelmed.
Yes, I'm irritable.
Yes, I'm this.
Yes, I'm that.
And I think I got my angerjournal with me right now,
actually.
Tara (50:22):
with me right now, actually.
Anger,
Melanue (50:25):
Anger, sadness, depression, emotional, journal.
So writing
Tara (50:29):
this journal has done what for you?
Melanue (50:33):
It has helped me progress from anger to realizing
that it's a secondary emotion.
That it's, that I don't need tobe so impulsive.
So I'm bipolar, I'm impulsive.
So even not on drugs, even whenI'm, so if I'm not on drugs and
I'm not on my meds,
Tara (50:52):
I can
Melanue (50:53):
still be up for days and go into psychosis and so I
used to wonder being out on thestreets like why am I still the
only one up and everybody elseis falling asleep and going and
I'm like
Tara (51:07):
I'm ready
Melanue (51:08):
go still and everybody, and I would stay up weeks and
weeks till I would go intopsychosis, and I would hear
things and see things, andthings would go crazy in my
brain.
Tara (51:17):
Yeah.
Melanue (51:17):
And one positive thing for me is realizing that I'm not
crazy.
I'm not crazy.
Tara (51:25):
baby, you're not.
Melanue (51:26):
I have mental health issues, and as long as I keep my
meds
Tara (51:30):
Huh.
Together.
Yeah.
Melanue (51:32):
as long as I continue to work on myself to be a better
person and not give in to myanger And my depression, And I
be a better person, look out forpeople that are coming in the
door to so I have 90 days, theperson's coming in the door
today, if I could just give thema little bit of advice would be
great.
Stay in the day.
Tara (51:53):
Live for today.
Melanue (51:54):
for today.
And it might get a little bitbetter tomorrow.
But you can't Okay, so anxietyis looking on the past.
Or, no, I'm sorry.
Depression is looking on thepast.
Anxiety is looking on thefuture.
Your today is the present.
And it's the present for areason.
It's the gift of today.
Tara (52:16):
Because you don't ever know if tomorrow's ever
Melanue (52:17):
promised to you.
Tara (52:19):
right.
Yeah.
Melanue (52:21):
yeah
Tara (52:22):
And I live by that.
Melanue (52:23):
so I'm, I try to be very optimistic and even though
people drive me crazy and eventhough things don't always
happen that I, how I want themto happen and even though I,
frustration happens and I'manxious and this is going on.
Tara (52:40):
Just slow down, take a breath, and realize.
And
Melanue (52:43):
realize, I'm, look where I've come from.
Tara (52:46):
Yeah,
Melanue (52:46):
I've been in way worse situations.
But what I do realize is that ifI keep going back out there, I'm
not gonna have this seatanymore.
It's gonna take my life.
Tara (52:57):
So you do know that if you don't stop, you're gonna die.
Melanue (53:01):
Yes, it's a life and death situation for me right now
and It's only 90 days So as longas I keep progressing one day at
a time I'll have tomorrow totalk about what happened
yesterday Thank you.
(53:21):
And I started my book.
I just want you to know.
You did?
I've got half a chapter done.
Not much, but I'm going to takeit very slow because it's got to
be a little bit more detailoriented and everything, but
Yeah.
I did.
I sat down last weekend.
Tara (53:37):
I am so happy for you.
Melanue (53:39):
I did.
Tara (53:39):
That is going to be incredible.
It's going to be a documentary?
Melanue (53:44):
It's more like a memoir.
Okay.
I don't know, it's what wouldyou call that?
A memoir, a documentary abiography.
Tara (53:51):
a biography.
That's what I would go by.
A biography.
Melanue (53:54):
Yeah,
Tara (53:55):
Definitely.
Melanue (53:56):
I'm just a nobody from Ohio but I got a short, I got a
story to tell, and
Tara (54:02):
We all have a story to tell.
It's just do you want to tell itor not?
Do you want it out there or not?
Melanue (54:07):
I do.
I do want it out there.
Tara (54:09):
That's good.
Melanue (54:10):
I someday hope that maybe my son might pay attention
to one of your podcasts.
And, he's aware, as my daughteris, of some of my stories.
Will he listen?
And will he really take inconsideration all the trauma
that I've been through in mylife?
Tara (54:25):
Oh yeah.
He's young and naive though yettoo.
He's still very young, gottagive him time to grow up some.
Melanue (54:30):
but I love all my
Tara (54:31):
Oh, of course you do.
Melanue (54:33):
they may not remember it, but I was a great fucking
mom.
Tara (54:37):
when you were there.
Yes you were.
'cause I do remember
Melanue (54:40):
I was a great fucking mom.
Tara (54:41):
Yes.
Melanue (54:42):
I fell off, but I still want to be a great fucking mom.
If they let me
Tara (54:47):
you're going to be a great grandmother now.
Melanue (54:49):
I am a great grandmother now.
You see them
Tara (54:51):
crying at the door.
Yes, I was so shocked.
I was like, wow.
Melanue (54:54):
He
Tara (54:54):
said, let me come.
Let me come.
So cute.
Her grandson is adorable, guys.
All right.
We're going to stop there fortoday.
And we will pick back up and dopart three real soon.
Alright listeners, forget, don'tforget to stay sexy, stay
confident, and remember, takecare of your shit, don't reflect
(55:18):
it on other people.
It's time to grow up.
Melanue (55:23):
Yep.
One day at a time.
Tara (55:24):
That's right, one day at a time guys.
Until next time.
VO (55:27):
Thanks for listening to today's podcast.
Follow all of Terra's socialmedia, but going to
TalkingTabooWithTerra.
com.
Also subscribe to this podcastand our YouTube channel.
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