Torn Between Love and Trust

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Episode Transcript

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Female.

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20 have been with my boyfriend,male, 22 for 11 months.
He's my first love.
We've been through a lottogether, good and bad, but
lately it's been mostly bad.
He cheated on me before and gavehim an, I gave him another
chance.
Because he promised to change,he said he would cut off the

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girl and rebuild my trust.
I truly believed him, butrecently I found out he never
stopped talking to her.
He just made a secret Instagramaccount to keep communicating
with her behind my back.
He blocked her on his mainaccount just to make me feel

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safe.
I only found out because Irandomly tried logging into his
Instagram and discoveredmultiple hidden accounts.
I saw messages and posts wherehe and that girl are celebrating
three months anniversary, whichwas literally a day before his

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birthday, the same day we weretogether.
When I confronted him, headmitted to it and said all the
usual things.
Hmm, that he regrets it and thathe doesn't know how to end
things with her.
That he was trying to impresshis friends, that his, that he's

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still in love with me and thateven though I don't, I didn't
take him, even though I didn'ttake him back.
He regrets everything.
Here's the problem.
I know I should leave.
This is what, let's see, I knowI should leave.
That's what his, that was hislast chance and he knew I, and

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he knew he blew it, but I can'tbring myself to actually do it.
He's my first love.
I am terrified.
He actually does take care ofme, really good care of me.

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I'm terrified of losing that.
I'm terrified of someone elsefinding out.
Part of me is numb.
Part of me feels scared.
Part of me feels like I stillam.
I still love him enough though.
I know I deserve better.
Of course, girl, you do?
Yeah.
How do I actually leave someoneyou love but can't trust

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anymore?
Is it normal to still want themafter they've betrayed you like
this?
How do you move on from yourfirst love without feeling like
you've lost everything?
Any advice, personal stories orreality checks would help.

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I just feel sick.
So sick, so sick to my stomach.
Please help.
What's your thoughts?
What would you do in thissituation?
Um.