Rats vs. Commoners

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Tall Tale Tavern, the podcast that knows
pretending is serious business. I am your Tavern master and host
Kyle and we are here for Rats versus Commoners A1 shot
adventure where the players are all playing as literal commoners
using the commoner stat block with no bonuses and four HP.

(00:21):
Joining me at the bar tonight, taking none of the blame if this
episode is a mess, but all the credit if it's a success.
Scott Esmond. Welcome, Scott.
As is always my my mode of operation here.
Also here, hailing from the landof mayonnaise jello salad
abominations, Tiddly is preparedfor whatever monstrosities await

(00:44):
in this adventure, culinary or otherwise.
She might eat a rat, you never know.
You can find Tiddly on Twitch peddling her brand of auditory
caffeine. Weekday mornings welcome,
Tiddly. Hello.
I think Tiddly is playing a chefor something trying to that's
going to eat the rats. I have no idea.
I have no idea what you guys have prepped for your first

(01:07):
character. Also here, you ever wonder what
happened to that dancing bar guy?
Well, here she is. Daisy.
Welcome, Daisy. Hi everyone, thanks for having
me. Welcome.
Welcome, welcome. And last but not least, somebody
once told him that the world wasgoing to roll him, and he
definitely isn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

(01:30):
Tyler. Welcome, Tyler.
Hey, thanks for having me back. Yes, it's great to have you
back. I am very excited to have you
all here in this one shot. Each player is playing a
commoner stat block with four HP.
There will be no healing or death saving throws.
They have only been allowed to prep a single character.

(01:50):
When that character dies, they will make a series of roles that
will help determine the flavor of their new character that they
will have to make up on the spot.
They will then roll initiative at the start of the next round
and enter the fight. We will go over how those roles
work once it happens, but for now, let's get started and head
to the Tavern in the heart of the Sword Coast of Feyron, in

(02:12):
the small town of Daggerford, along a busy downtown St.
squeezed between the shops of a tailor and a florist.
Like an old dusty book getting its binding re stitched, the
Tall Tale Tavern is being built anew.
An active construction zone is abuzz between the shops.
Many workers are in and out as rubble is being cleared out,

(02:33):
walls lifted, and a large sinkhole is filled in.
Inside. The tallest man you've ever seen
with a railroad track sheathed on his back holds up a large
beam by himself while a middle-aged janitor hammers it
into place using arms that stretch a little too far to be
normal. 1/2 troll is drawing outlines on a large piece of wood,

(02:53):
working on a door that will havemultiple smaller doors in it for
smaller creatures. A harangue girl walks in with a
glass with glasses of water and hands them out to the workers,
encouraging them to take a breakin the space where the front
door will be. A plain looking older man steps
through and takes a look around.My Oh my, I probably walked past

(03:15):
this place 100 times and didn't think to stop.
What is this place? A fire?
Jenasi steps forward. Hello my friend, my name is
Emtero Berstero and these are mymagnificent friends Namby
Pembleton and Huguenard Rockbridge.
And let me be the first to welcome you to the new

(03:35):
refurbished and reinforced Tall Tale Tavern, a place of truth
and of lies. Grab a drink of any size and
listen to the wisdom of the wisein this place where the ink
never dries. Can I get you a glass of water?
Unfortunately, that is all the libations I have to offer you
right now. Oh sure, that'd be nice.

(03:55):
Now you say this place is all about stories.
Well, I got one you probably haven't heard before.
Ever heard of a small town called the Commonwealth of
Planktonville? No, probably not, seeing as it's
pretty far from here. Well anyways, they had this rat
problem. And thus begins the
extermination of rats by the people of the Commonwealth of

(04:18):
Planktonville. Or alternatively, rats versus
commoners. Roll the intro.

(04:54):
We travel to the world of Alaria, to the eastern edge of
the continent of Tervora, to thesmall remote town of the
Commonwealth of Planktonville, atown that, despite its name, is
quite diverse, but nonetheless plain.
The sky is cloudy and a slight drizzle of rain falls on the
town. The citizens have gathered in

(05:15):
the Commons, where Brandon Billworth, the son of the mayor,
addresses a restless crowd. Yes, the rumors are true.
Last night yet another giant ratcame up from the ground claiming
another three lives. Poor Mary Mathron was just
knitting in her living room whenthe rat came up from the cellar

(05:37):
and scared her so bad she fell out of her chair directly on her
own knitting needle. Then her husband ran in to see
what was the matter, but trippedon the carpet and fell into a
bowl of hot soup, dead instantly.
Finally, our own sheriff, John Mcclancy, arrived at the scene
and was scared half to death at the sight of the bodies.

(05:58):
Then the sight of the rat scaredhim.
The other half. That makes 16 rat attacks in the
past six weeks. What have we done about it?
Well, my father, the mayor, has sent for heroes.
Heroes to come and exterminate the rats beneath our city.
So far, none have answered the call.

(06:19):
This morning, I've been told that old man Jimothy has found a
door to his to an old crypt in his basement.
A door we believe leads to the rat's nest itself.
And so I come before you now with a proposal.
People of the Commonwealth of Planktonville, it's time we stop

(06:39):
waiting for heroes to show up and rescue us.
It's time we stand up and face the rats beneath our floors,
commoners. It's time we become the heroes
of our own story. And the crowd erupts.
Who will go with me? And the crowd goes quiet,

(07:01):
everyone waiting for someone to speak up first.
Scott, how does your character respond to the call?
Old Lady Withers raises her rolling pin into the air.
Those damnable rats took my precious pumpernickel away from

(07:22):
me. I will beat them all into a
pump. And she shuffles forward to join
him. Excellent.
Tyler, how does your character respond to the call?
Yeah, you, you. Everyone around hears the of a

(07:43):
switchblade and kind of standingproud bare chested, but in, you
know, denim overalls. Well, I'm Dorkus Dingleberry of
the Dangleberry extermination services, the best Dang
environment catchers in the Commonwealth of Platonville.
I don't know why we weren't called before, but we're here

(08:05):
now and we're here to help out with this problem and hopefully
get rid of these rats. Excellent tiddly your character.
Please describe them and how they respond to this call.
OK, so my character steps forward.
It is the village cat Ginger, who is an old rangy is.

(08:31):
That you and. Basically, this is the town cat
definitely just eats scraps fromthe butcher shop.
And everyone knows this cat. You know, he's been living in
the town for 20 years and he's, you know, big and kind of matted
hair. And he, he, he, he steps forward

(08:52):
and you know, perhaps a job for a cat.
That's. Just that damn tomcat that's are
we sniffing at my pumpernickel that thing out of here.
Is that the cat's name Tomcat? Ginger.
Ginger, right. Ginger right.
Ginger. Gotcha.
Ginger the Tomcat, yes. Excellent.

(09:15):
And Daisy, how does your character respond to the call?
Yeah. So there's, I think, like a
group of people that all like turn and start whispering
towards each other and then theyall like part like the Red Sea.
And there's one very I'll looking very tall, slender man

(09:38):
in in a very nice suit with a parasol next to him who goes Oh,
Oh yes, I, Johann von Habsburg is happy to be democratically
elected by the people here, seeing as my my family has has

(10:01):
been a noble of of Plaintonvillefor so long and happy to to to
be on this expedition. Guess.
Great, excellent. Brandon Billworth on the on the
Stage accepts your, your, your valiant volunteering.

(10:23):
We will go together into the crypt beneath Old Jimothy's
house. And if we die, we'll die knowing
that the rest of the Commonwealth will be behind us.
And together we will slay the vermin.
And the crowd cheers and Brandonsteps down off the stage onto a
mossy wet step. And I need to make a Dexterity

(10:46):
saving throw for Mr. Brandon. Oh no.
Which he fails and he steps on this step and slips and I am
going to roll AD 6 of bludgeoning damage.
He also only has four HP as a commoner himself debuting.
I'll show it on this Tavern rolled camera because we'll do a

(11:09):
camera Tavern roll for this, butthis is AD 6.
That's just a skull. And so going to roll this and
see how much damage he's going to take.
Only one point of damage trips and falls, rolls his ankle,
stands up. The crowd like gasps.
Because anytime anything small happens to anybody in this town,

(11:30):
you got to pay attention. Careful dearie, that's what
happened to my Herald. He could.
He never walked the same again. But he did.
Is this going to take me down? Did your Herald survived A
sprained ankle? I mean he was barely alive ever,
at least in the sack. Oh.

(11:53):
Rub some dirt on it. You'll be fine, boy.
Great. A lot of information.
Too much information there. Great.
Anyways, old man Jimothy and yousee this really old guy like
walk up with this like Lantern in his hand.
All right, let's head down to tomy cellar.

(12:14):
I'll show you the mural. And you all head down to old
Jimothy's cellar and you walk down there and, and you walk up
to this big mural on the wall. Now we found this big beautiful
mural down in our cellar when wemoved in and it was just so
beautiful. We didn't want to take it down.

(12:36):
And so we kind of erected this little shrine.
You see some some candles aroundlighting up this this massive
like stone door that has this evil looking like God rat like
above, like creeping down on these humans that are just
getting like slaughtered beneaththem, like nibbled on by rats.
And like, just like the swarm ofrats as big.

(12:57):
This mural is like horrifying. We just thought it was so
wonderful. And then, well, a couple weeks
ago, if you see that noose rightthere, that noose around that
human's head, right, there's actually a door handle and he
like clicks it out. And so I guess this might take

(13:17):
you to take us down there. And So what would you guys like
to do? Large.
Yeah. So it just looks like the
massacre of of rats. Yes, this mural is like this
evil rat like like looking down upon these a massacre of humans

(13:40):
by rats, like like getting eatenalive by rats in this big stone
old looking door in this man's cellar.
Yeah, I can see why you wouldn'twant to paint over this
beautiful piece, but yeah, we'regoing to have to go in and see
what we can do about this rat problem.
Ginger Ginger's going to look atthe mural and just kind of lick

(14:02):
his lips a little bit. Like looks looks pretty tasty.
All the rats on that mural. Great.
Did my grandson paint this? He's always painting things.
He's a wonderful artist. But what your grandson wait is
that? Is that you, Lady Withers?

(14:24):
That's your grandson. No, he didn't paint that.
No. This has been around since I was
a child. Since we moved in.
So. Well, yeah, just my.
Pumpernickel down there and I I walked toward the door.
I'm pushed on it. OK, great, great.
You open the door. I need everyone to make a
perception check. Good.

(14:49):
And you all have a flat 0 to this one.
I was going to say let me check my.
Stat. I know.
I don't know why it looked. I know it's going to.
Be flat for you, not. Seeing anything today?
6. 6 Dilly and Tyler got five. Oh my God, Scott.
Tidley wins because I got a fourso.

(15:11):
Daisy, what'd you get? I could have Matt, 20.
Matt, 20. Amazing, amazing. 20 door opens.
It's like dust flies everywhere.Daisy, your character, Johann
von Hepsburg, notice it's something that the others don't.
You get this waft of natural gaskind of hit your nose and that

(15:35):
gas, you look over it at the old, the old man standing there
and you see his torch light up, lit up with his, with his
Lantern that he's holding. You see that natural gas hit it
and woosh, enter into the chamber.
Everybody needs to make a Dexterity saving throw from this
explosion with a Nat 20. I'm going to let you

(15:58):
automatically succeed on this. And so Johann von Hepsburg, you
are able to to to notice this scent and block off and get away
from the fire and not take any damage from this.
And so the deck save on this is going to be ADC 16.
So did anybody pass it? Great kids.

(16:19):
Nope, you 3 I do not pass it so you will take the full 6 fire
damage. Whoosh explosion.
I should roll it for Brandon andfor the other guy, no?
Than last long. Yeah, good thing super attached
to these characters we prepared.Old man Timothy survives.

(16:44):
Brandon, unfortunately does not.But old man Jimothy is standing
there, absolutely toasted. Like just absolutely burned to a
crisp. But he's still standing there,
this old man with his Lantern, and the three of your characters
are dead, burnt on the ground. And Johann von Hetzberg, you
continue forward with your new party members.

(17:04):
And when we get to initiative, we will go through the roles and
have you guys introduce your newcharacters in this next spot.
At least you're with Pumpernickel now.
So RIP to old lady Withers. Dorcas Dingleberry and Ginger
the cat are gone. Bam, Johan, you continue down

(17:26):
with your new party members downinto the into the depths of this
crypt. You go down these stairs and
enter into this big room with columns.
And there's like when you walk in, old man Jimothy has given
you the Lantern. He stayed back.
The Lantern is lit and the that natural gas effect is is gone.

(17:46):
It's not like causing any explosion.
So you're able to see a little bit as you walk in, but you walk
in and you see these big like scary rat statues in this room
that kind of startle you. This like rat statue that's
looking at you. And you look in this big room
and there's like refuse on the ground.
There's lots of hay and straw and just like rat droppings and

(18:10):
big rat droppings from these giant rats, these giant rats
that are like sizes of dogs, butyou and your party Mosey in and
then you hear rat noises from all around you as two giant rats
pop out from either side of you and everybody roll initiative
all. Right.

(18:32):
So, Daisy, what was your initiative?
I'm. 18. You're rolling strong just.
Carry. Us through this.
I love it. Damn, Barney, you're nice.
Daisy's going to her first character's going to live the
whole time. The only character to make it
the whole time. Yeah.

(18:54):
And Scott, what was your initiative?
7. 7 Tiddly. 16. And Tyler?
11. 11 OK, so we will go throughthe roles that you guys are
going to make to make your new characters.
So the what you guys are rollingnow to create your characters,

(19:14):
you're going to roll AD 81-D8 ishow many HP your new character
will have and then you're going to roll AD 12 and the D12 will
be the type of damage your new character will do.
And that's, you know, bludgeoning, slashing, piercing,
fire, cold, etcetera. And then you will either flip a
coin or roll AD 4 to see if you are going to be doing ranged or

(19:36):
melee. And so each character, each new
character that's going to come in from this town is going to
have a specific damage type, ranged or melee.
And it's your job to come up with a new character for this
initiative to see how long they last.
I guess this setting is in is ina world that's similar to Fey

(20:00):
runes. So there's all sorts of the
magical species and races. And there truly is no limit to
flavor that is allowed for this.And so up first with the
initiative of 21 is the giant rats.
And so they are going to jump out and attack Johann von

(20:22):
Hetzberg here. OK, Johann, you're going to be
great. It's fine for.
Shit can't hit anything. The first one is going to jump
out and they do have pack tactics, so they do have
advantage to this role. Oh.
Why wouldn't they? That's a Nat 20 on the first one

(20:44):
all. Right P Johan.
I definitely think Johan was super confident walking in
there, being the only one alive immediately you take it out.
That's a lot of gumption to watch everyone who's with you
die in like a fiery blinks. So yes, Johan, you take, you're

(21:07):
going to take 6 points of damagefrom this bite attack and the
rat jumps out, bites into Johan,and what are you?
What's Johan's last thoughts as he dies?
Johan's last thoughts as he diesare Somebody tells my family to
keep our money safe. Excellent.

(21:30):
And Johann passes away. I I will go ahead and have you
go last in this initiative, Daisy, with your new character.
And so so you can go ahead and prep a new character.
The second giant rat technicallydoes have an attack and will hit

(21:51):
a character just for fun. I'm not going to make you redo
these roles, but we're going to see which person's character it
attacks in case it does kill you.
That will be Scott's character. Great that this second giant
rack is going to dot this unnamed character.
We don't know anything. About you get to invent it, we
don't. Even know anything about yet and

(22:12):
does one point of piercing damage.
Great, they're dead. Really.
I rolled 1 HP on my second character so they're amazing.
Amazing. Who is your second character?
Tell us about this character. Yeah, my second character was PD
Olson, ace reporter coming in totry to take photos of this all.

(22:34):
And now they're dead. So goodbye PD Olson.
The second rat jumps out and bites at PD Olson and PD Olson
is gone. The last thoughts of PD Olson
thinking about his next story. Maybe he'll have a new story in
the afterlife. Maybe he'll have a first story.

(22:55):
Seems like he has had his story cut short.
His last thoughts are I'm finally gonna get the scoop and
then he gets bit and dies. So great.
But tiddly, you are up. Please tell us about your new
character. Absolutely.
So I have two hit points I rolled for psychic damage and
ranged. My new character is Bartles, the

(23:17):
town fool who enacts psychic damage on all of the villagers
with his terrible jokes. Yeah, great, excellent.
So you have there are two giant rats that are nearby.
Are you doing ranged attacks? Yeah, I have ranged attacks, so
I'm going to tell my first joke.And three rats walk into a bar.

(23:42):
Squeak, squeak, squeak. Get it?
They walked into a bar. Literally.
Great. So that's my attack.
Yes. So roll your attack roll.
OK, 13. Hey, that just hits.
It's AC we. Have less than 50% chance to

(24:02):
hit. Go ahead and roll your damage.
OK, which one is damage? Oh yeah, they believe the
commoners have. It's AD 4.
D4 damage. OK, that's one point of damage.
Ouch. We're.

(24:22):
Off to a great start. Great start.
The joke did not really land. It was very bad joke.
Just barely. You see the ear twitch a little
bit on one of the rats. Rats are a little bit audience.
Jokes. It's a rat.
That's good. Boo, Boo.
Tyler, you're up. Tell us about your new
character. You here running down, you know,

(24:46):
into the into this catacomb, just you see a small sickly
young boy, like just barely skinand bones wearing the exact
type, you know, same pair of overalls.
And he he runs in. His name is Dewey Dingleberry.
Dangleberry also, Yeah, also very sickly.

(25:10):
He rolled A1 HP and he's holdingrocks in his hand because he got
ranged bludgeoning on his role and he would, he would run in
and oh, Papa, oh, I can't believe.
I can't believe you killed my Papa.
I'm going to get you, you darn rats.

(25:31):
And he's ready to throw some rocks.
Excellent. Chuck some rocks.
Oh, that's going to hit. That's a 16.
That hits. Let's go.
For three damage. Just chucking.
Rocks. He killed my pup.
That rock clocks the one of the rats in the head, the one that

(25:52):
had its ear twitch earlier. It is bloodied now.
So you have bloodied one rat, all right.
Oh. You rock.
Good job. Anything else for your child I
should be asking Anything else for for Dewey Stern?
No, he would, you know, probablyjust get out a handkerchief and

(26:12):
and wipe the blood from his lipsbecause he's obviously got like
tuberculosis or something. Good because he's got one HP.
Yeah, because he's got one HP. He's on death's door already.
Scott, tell us about your character.
Great. Coming down the stairs all right
way to hustle. Come on, Dewey.
Great job is Coach Carl the those Little League softball

(26:35):
coach who also is doing bludgeoning range damage?
Oh no, we're. Just sharing baseballs.
That he's going to be throwing at the rats.
So amazing that we rolled the exact same thing.
Amazing. Wow.
Way to go, way to go, buddy. Come on everybody, let's hustle.
Let's hustle and then. We got to scoot.

(26:57):
Yeah, that's right. Remember the airplane?
Airplane throw, airplane throw. And he's going to demonstrate,
he's going to try to do a rangedattack, one of these lads with a
baseball. Airplane throw.
You do it. You're supposed to, you're
supposed to put both arms out like this and then you step and
throw like that. You point your glove at who
you're aiming at. I I had Little League practice

(27:17):
today with Dottie so it's fresh on my mind. 15 to hit.
Yeah, 15 or hit. Coach Carl knows how to roll
baby. He's doing 2 damage to that rat.
That's. Damage.
That baseball flies in the air and clocks the rat in the head,
and it falls down and stands back up.

(27:39):
It's still up, just barely. Walk it off.
Walk it off. Walk it off.
Daisy, you are up. There's.
One rat with with barely any health left another rat that
hasn't been touched yet. Excellent.
Earlier this day, somewhere on the edge of the Commonwealth of

(28:02):
Planktonville, a magical alarm clock goes off.
It's like 6 in the morning, the sun's just coming over the like
the clips. There's a human man balding who
stretches as he gets out of bed.He puts on grey like overalls
with a little name tag that saysBill on them.

(28:24):
His wife is out like making him some like breakfast before he
heads off to to his work. She kisses him on the cheeks.
She says, oh, you know, keep at it, honey, you only got one more
week till you retire. He goes high nose just looking
forward to spending the rest of my life with you.
And then he, you know, heads off, gets in his little magical
car and drives off into the citywhere he goes off and to work

(28:46):
and he he works at the he's a a plumber and, and ends up sort of
I, I imagine like kind of comingin from the side as he's like
investigating some other problem.
I do range radiant damage. So he definitely just like turns
a flashlight on in the rats faces.

(29:07):
He's like, what's going on down here?
That's a three. So it's just a three weekly.
Misses. That's amazing, Petey Olson did.
Ranged radiant damage too. That's crazy.
I'm rolling the same damage types as everyone.
What is that? What was that character's name?

(29:29):
Bill. Bill, right?
Gotcha. Bill walks down into the crypt
trying to investigate some of the plumbing down there and has
joined the party, but unfortunately he messes with his
flashlight attack and we are up at the top of the initiative and
I'm going to roll for who these rats are going to attack.

(29:51):
First one is going to attack Daisy and second one is going to
attack Scott. We should have at the end of
this we need a tally of how manycharacters each person did.
Yes, I'm writing them down the attack first one was going to

(30:15):
attack Daisy right? Yes.
What is there to hit modifier? Oh they they have a good hit.
They do hit because your AC is only 10 I believe so Yep, that
giant rat does hit Daisy. Let's see how much damage five

(30:35):
points of blood of of of piercing damage to Bill who just
came down for his his plumbing bill.
Bill, we hardly knew you. What's Bill's last spots here,
as he, as he, as he dies? Definitely just one week from
retirement as he fades away. And Bill is gone.

(31:02):
The second rat attacks at Scott's character, Coach Carl
comes in with a tend to hit. If it meets, it beats.
And Coach Carl is going to take five points of piercing damage.
He's. Still up, baby?

(31:28):
The the giant rat comes in and, and you pull out a bat and just
like, hold back this giant rat gnawing at you.
Coach Carl's still up. Daisy, why don't you roll
initiative again and we'll see where you come about this time.
11. That was technically Tyler's
initiative. You go after Tyler so tiddly,

(31:50):
you are up. All right, this is Bartles.
Yeah, Bartles. Yeah, the town fool.
All right. I was just warming up with that
last one. I got a great one for you.
You guys ready to hear this one?Yeah.
It's important to warm up. It's important to.
Warm up. OK, All right.
I'm ready. I'm ready.
Let's go. All right.
Three rats walk into a bar. Bartender says oh, rats.

(32:12):
Not again. That was that's the funniest
thing I've ever heard. Amazing.
Hold ahead. Willing to hit that is an 11. 11
misses. The rats just don't seem to get
it. They just don't get your humor.

(32:33):
Not enough fall through. Not enough fall through?
On that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's okay.
I got more. I got more jokes coming.
I got more. Tyler, we got Dewey.
Dingleberry is up. Yes, Dewey.
Now with his coach here cheeringhim on, You got this one, coach.
Oh, I caught it. And he's going to throw a

(32:54):
rock'n'roll in that one. You know what?
Your coach is there and giving you some inspiration.
Roll with advantage. Roll with advantage.
That is plus 213 to hit. 13 to hit.
Yes, that will hit. Awesome.
You have a + 2 to hit. What is that what you said?

(33:16):
Yeah, yeah, we have +2. To we all have +2.
Yeah, cuz you're proficient withyour.
Yeah, I forgot. You think I didn't stay up all
night studying this Commodore stat sheet?
There's so much on it. There's a lot of zeros.
But it's a lot. Yeah.
That is another three bludgeoning damage just knocking

(33:37):
rocks. You kill my father.
Great. The coach gives you that
inspiration. You take that rock in your hand
and you whip it like a fastball at the giant rat that's almost
dead and clocks him right in thehead.
Giant rat's dead. The other one's still there.
Can I start next week, coach? You're you're our star player,
Dewey, but we need you rooting on the bench, all right?

(33:59):
We really need you. OK, I'll go back to polishing
the bench. Polishing the bench.
What with your butt? What?
Yeah, You know, you kind of scoot all the way down so that
when everyone comes back, when they come back, you can be like,
how warmed up. How warmed up your?
Spot on the band. Dewey's really good at polishing

(34:21):
the bench with his with his butt.
Amazing. Who's up, Daisy?
You're up, Daisy. Tell us about your new This is a
new character for you, right? Yes, Bill is dead.
Bill the plumber man. RIP Bill.
RIP Bill. Come coming shuffling in is
Granny Mitzwell dressed head to toe in fully hand knit like 100%

(34:49):
wool attire, including like thick wool socks that she's knit
herself. Granny Nitzwell does melee
lightning damage, so she's just like shuffling and building
static charge as she is walking towards these rats.

(35:09):
That's awesome. That's a natural 20 Nitzwell 6
points of damage. Six points of damage.
Nice good rolls. Guys are standing there as
you're getting mauled by these rats and dying one after the
after another. And then granny knits well,

(35:30):
shuffles in between you, puts out her finger and zaps one of
the rats, taking it almost all the way down.
I really wish it was 7 that you had rolled, but this board, this
poor rat had 7 HP. It's down to one with that ZAP
and just like is not looking good at all.
Amazing granny knits? Well, Scott, that means that you

(35:53):
are up for your turn. All right, great hustle.
Great hustle, Granny, great hustle.
Let's let's, let's get this rat put to bed.
No, that's an 8 to hit from Coach Carl.
He he goes for his patented curveball.
He gets too excited and it fliesat the rat and just curves
around it instead. You know, sorry about that guy.

(36:13):
Sometimes I just get, you know, a little too tricky with the
pitches. That's why I couldn't make the
majors. OK, it is the back up to the
top. It is the rat's turn.
He's alone and so he doesn't gethis pack tactics anymore, but
we'll see who he's going to try to attack.
Roll Daisy again. Damn.

(36:34):
Why do you hate Daisy? Granny Nitzwell, I don't know
this dice does. Apparently it doesn't get
advantage this time and Rolls does a 17 hit.
Oh yes. Granny knit I like.
That you still instincts really looked though, like we all
can't. Yeah, I was like, are we just
can't see you? Does it hit?

(36:55):
Granny knit well is gonna take 7points of piercing damage.
Our IP. Damn Granny.
She's gone, right? Oh yeah, Granny knit well, did
not didn't. Granny Knitwell does the ZAP, is
shocked by her own shock, just like visibly shocked that she
just did that to the rat. The rat jumps at her and scares

(37:17):
her. She stumbles backward, falls,
hits her head in a rock, and Granny Knitwell is gone.
Tidley, you are up. There is a rat that just mauled
Granny Knitwell or scared GrannyKnitwell and has one HP left.
All right, all right, all right,all right, all right so the last
one wasn't that good, but I got a doozy for you Are you guys

(37:39):
ready? Ready here, I got it All right,
all right three rats walk into abar Bartender says it's so nice
to see you. I.
Think this one's going to hit? I feel good about.
That, that's a 12, that's a 12/12.
That's. That's great.

(38:06):
Everyone present, make a wisdom saving throw.
Good. DC's low.
DC's low. Like 5.
Yeah, really. Five agreed super well.
What's your role? I also roll the six.
Get off my rolls I. Can't help it, I'm sorry.

(38:28):
Daisy, did you roll a Wisdom saving throw?
1212 OK, so at a DC of 10 you will take one point of psychic
damage from the from the terrible jokes.
They're actually great. All right, P Coach Carl.
This. Comes to his rat bite.

(38:50):
Coach Carl, Coach Carl was laughing so hard, just so
incredibly hard at that joke that he stumbles down and falls.
There's like this part of The Cave that's just open and he
just tumbles away and trips and falls down the hole.
And that's the last we see of Coach Carl.
That will also take out Dewey. He.

(39:12):
Had one start with. Right.
Yeah. The fact that he made it through
a few rounds is pretty, pretty impressive.
Dewey coughs and coughs and blood starts coming up as he's
laughing from the joke and. I love that joke so much.
And Dewey unfortunately passes away as well.

(39:34):
The sports team immediately justtaken out by the by the joke.
Excellent. So that will bring us to Daisy.
You are up. Tell us about your new
character. Yeah, my new character, his name
is Timmy. Timmy.

(39:57):
And you see a like 10 year old kid dressed in like full snow
gear. Rundown, carrying a cooler
behind him, yelling snowball bite.
He does cold range damage so he's just Hawking snowballs at

(40:17):
the rats. Excellent.
That's an 18 to hit. 18 will hit.
For one point of damage. Amazing.
You throw that snowball and and hits the hits the the rat.
A rat opens its mouth and just that snowball gets into its

(40:40):
mouth and lodges in there, does that one point of damage as the
rat tries to choke it down but can't and very well packed
snowball that makes it cough andchoke to death and the rat is
gone. So we have Timmy and we have
Bartles, the town fool, and we have Scott and Tyler's new

(41:01):
characters. Tyler, why don't you tell us
about your new character? Yeah, Doug Dingleberry is the
second, the oldest son of DorcasDingleberry.
And he heard snowball fight and got so freaking excited.
He was like, oh, we're having a snowball fight.
I'm I'm in this and but instead of snowballs, he's throwing

(41:24):
icicles because he also rolled ranged cold damage and I didn't
want to steal the snowball thingbecause that's literally where
my brain went. So he's throwing, he's throwing
like ice javelins. Like it's not a real snowball
fight till you're throwing ice javelins.
God, that's so. Cool.
And Scott, your new character. My new character is Fen Banklin

(41:46):
who does lightning melee damage because he recently was struck
by lightning while flying a kiteoutside and he'll become
supercharged with lightning. And he comes in and he's he
looks a little Dewey and he saysdon't throw stones at your
neighbors if your own windows are glass.
Which is a Ben Franklin quote that I just looked at.

(42:09):
Love. It great.
OK amazing. So you 4 stand in this in this,
this dark dank crypt. It's got all this like rat
refuse on the ground, two dead giant rats.
It's fairly it's quiet in here. Now you look in this area, lots
of you know, like just like stone rat statues that are like
scary and scary poses. You know, you turn the corner

(42:30):
with this Lantern and it like lights up one of these statues
and looks scary. You you kind of walk around the
area just exploring it and you can see that there is some
stairs that continue to go downward and by the stairs there
are 4 chests on the ground. What would you like to do?

(42:56):
For for like treasure chests or like human chests?
Treasure. I'm just worried here what these
rats are doing. We know they want to kill
everybody. I don't think Timmy would have
self restraint, I think he'd go dibs and run towards the closest
chest. OK.
Remember too. As that happens, Doug's running
too. Remember, a true friend is the

(43:18):
best possession. Be careful all.
Right, dibs on friends transfer chest.
OK, great. I.
Get 2 of them. So, so Daisy, Timmy runs up to
the we'll have you go to the first chest and we'll have Doug
go to two and three. If, if Ben, if Ben Banklin is

(43:43):
not going to go to a chest, are you going to go to a chest?
No gains without pains. I shan't be touching one of.
These and tiddly your character what would AP or not PDL Bartles
the town Bartles. Partake.
I think viral. So partake, yeah.
Great, great, great. Unreal.

(44:06):
You guys go up to the chest and open them up 1 by 1.
Timmy, you run up to your chest and go to open it up and it
opens up and there are these large teeth and this large
tongue that swings out as you realize this chest opens up its
beady eyes and it's a mimic and it attacks you and it's going to

(44:29):
get advantage on this attack andthat is a 21 to hit.
Bye, Jimmy. And that is going to be 6 points
of damage. He had two HP Remember Timmy

(44:50):
wish not to live long as to livewell.
You say that as the chest completely wraps its tongue
around Timmy and picks him up and bites him and consumes him
into the chest, and the mimic chest kind of slinks off down
into like a hole in the side of the this like decrepit crypt and
is gone. Timmy is gone.

(45:12):
Fuck. Well, this can't happen twice,
so I'm going to open the next one.
You guys open the next three chests?
I rolled. I rolled to see which test chest
was going to be the mimic and itwas 1 so.
What did I tell you? You guys open it and each of you
find, well, one of you finds twoof these.

(45:35):
I suppose you find pendants of the common Knights and they give
you a + 1 to attack girls and damage while wearing them.
And so Tyler your character has found two of them and Tiddly has

(45:56):
found one. I suppose you can wear both of
them if you would like, but. Why not?
Why not? I love it.
So Doug Dingleberry puts on his two and you have a + 2 to to
attacks and to to damage. I think Doug's going to do all
right now. He's all blinged out.

(46:18):
You guys continue on through this, through this crypt and
head down the stairs and into a hallway and you see you walk and
and it's fairly quiet dank down here.
You're not hearing any rat sounds necessarily, but you come
up to a large pit that kind of spans the entire hallway, and

(46:42):
there is a rope hanging from themiddle of the pit that you can
swing across. What would your characters like
to do? Haste makes waste and I go to
swing across the rope. OK, this is an athletics check,
so go ahead and give me an athletics check.

(47:03):
Got this. It's a It's a plus 00.
Thank you. Just remind me, roll the check
because I can't help myself. That's a nine on that athletics
check. A9 How's that dude?
Is that? Win ADC 10 would have would have
gotten you the win there. You jump and grab onto the rope
and think you have it and you'reswinging across and you just

(47:25):
lose your grip. Fenn, Fenn Banklin does, and you
fall. The rest of you see Fen Banklin
fall into the darkness. And Fen Banklin, you fall for a
bit and you land in this like soft pile and it's like squeaks
all around you. Good.
And then you start to feel nibbles all around you.

(47:45):
Nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble as you realize you've fallen
into a swarm of rats, and the swarm of rats consume Fen
Banklin. It is better to take many
injuries than to give one. So Ben Finn Banklin has not made
it across other characters. Who's up next?

(48:08):
Yeah, that can't happen. Twice.
I think, I think Doug's going for it.
OK, Doug Athletics. Ben had an 8 health too so that
really sucks. Then he went down.
Man, he could have lasted I. Know.
Well. That's a nine. 9 again.

(48:29):
Because you, Scott and I are arelocked at the hip today.
You swing across and you make itto the other side, but just on
the edge and you see try to balance yourself.
Balance, balance, balance. Fall back into the darkness,
down falling into this pit next to the corpse of Fenn Banklin as
the rats nibble you away. Taking my 2 pendants with me.

(48:53):
Yes, your two pendants are gone.Yes, they're at the bottom of
the pit, unfortunately. And tiddly.
Or Daisy's new character. I'm glad you guys go next.
So Bartles rolls a nine also. At a certain point, there's too
many bodies, this hole's going to fill up and we'll just.

(49:15):
Go, I need, I need I need Fenn Banklin's or not, but I need I
need Bartles last, last moment. What does it look like I'm
swinging across this rope or attempting to then?
So, so he's never been terribly athletic.
He's skinny, not a lot of muscles.

(49:35):
He's like tries to swing across and he just drops immediately
and on his way down he's like ohdurats great and dies as he has
lived telling terrible jokes. Right Daisy, your new character

(49:57):
is up. Please tell us about your new
character SO. All night so far, as soon as my
first character dies, I start like coming up like, oh, what
can I do, right? I come up with these, these
funny little things, I think, and then they die immediately.
And so Val Thorne, the formerly Valiant, was a disgraced knight

(50:19):
and currently drunk. As he comes down he's a
Dragonborn with hiccups that does ranged fire damage and
rolled A5 so he just stumbles off immediately.
So you all have fallen in. Nobody is past in this first
round. Amazing.
All dead. We will go through this again
with your new characters after this.

(50:39):
If you don't, if you do not succeed with these next
characters, you will roll athletics until you hit it and
then we will just count how manypeople have died trying to get
across this. So so Scott or Tyler, if one of
you are ready to go with your next.
Character. I mean, I'm ready because I died
first. Yeah, go.

(51:01):
Ahead Out down comes from comingstraight from marching band
practices. Clary Nettle doing Thunder range
damage with their extremely out of tune clarinet and
unfortunately they roll the six when they're fucking dead.
You can't tell if they're screaming or if it's their
clarinet as they go down that. Hole.

(51:22):
It sounds awful. So, Scott, go ahead and just
roll athletics and keep track ofhow many times you're rolling it
until you hit it. Another one dead and then in
that 20 so only one more person.Died.
So that's OK. Yeah, well, unnamed dead
character for Scott and Tyler. You're up.

(51:45):
Yeah, coming down the stairs andyet again, overalls, denim
overalls is Dylan Dingleberry. You killed my brother.
You killed my nephews. I'm I'm going to I'm going to
take this. And he's going to try to try to
jump as well. And he rolls a 15.
He's over, He's across. Dylan Dingleberry.

(52:08):
What's his damage type that he'sgoing to be doing?
He does psychic melee, so I think Dylan being the older
brother of Dorcas, he gives wet willies and it really just
messes with people so he's constantly just wet willying.
I think that's maybe the best depiction of psychic damage that

(52:31):
I can, like, think of like that.Because wet willies don't hurt,
but they hurt, you know? Yeah, They the the IT was
either. That or wedgies, but I figured
wedgies was, I mean they're ratsso it makes more sense to give
them wet willies with those ears.
Wedgie is forced damage, that's what.
Oh, absolutely. Tiddly.

(52:52):
Or let's see, was it tiddly or Daisy?
Who is up with their next character?
I think Tiddly died before. I died first, OK?
Bartle died. Before the valiant night man or.
Yeah, Val Thorne, the valiant knight that was drunk, Yes.
OK. So coming coming up is Billy the

(53:13):
Town Smithy. He is a dwarf, covered in soot,
4 foot tall, swarthy. He's he's going to give it a go.
Let's see if Billy survived. Oh, Billy Cutter, that 20.
Yes, doesn't even use the rope, just just leaps across with his.

(53:33):
Tiny chunky body. Yeah, yeah, he's a dwarf.
I forgot he he runs across the wall like a like matrix style
or, you know, just like runs around the runs around the pit.
Excellent Billy, the town Smithyhas made it across and Daisy,
tell us about your new character.

(53:55):
Yes so my new character is called Heckler Ben.
He does range psychic damage andjust goes Boo.
Heckler Ben rolled in 11 in. 1111 makes it yes Heckler Ben
swings across, just barely making it.

(54:17):
He lands on on the ledge, balances for a second, but he is
across. And I think that brings us to
back to Scott with his character.
Yes, we'll make it. My character who made it across
much like the real world. What's the name of the town
we're in? I already forgot the
Commonwealth of what? The common of Planktonville,

(54:37):
yes. Planktonville also has climate
change issues, and due to that heating, a caveman was recently
thawed out. His name is Lunk and he comes in
carrying a fire stick doing fire.
Melee, damaged smash rat. That's it.
That's Lunkest. Amazing.
Great. Does he look like?
Brendan Monk, actually. He does okay.

(54:59):
Good Lunk actually doesn't use the rope.
He climbs down the pit and you hear some like walloping down at
the base of the pit and then yousee him climb up the other side
and he's got a couple rats he just brushes off and he is on
the other side. Monk.
Monk Smash. What's his name?
What'd you say, Monk? Lunk.
Lunk we have Lunk Heckler, Ben, Billy the Town, Smithy and Dylan

(55:24):
Dingleberry who have made it across across the pit after
having was that 12345. I I had three people myself die
in the pit. I'll tell you that much.
Turtles I. Think.

(55:44):
I've had two Bartles and Ginger.Oh, I was.
Just in the pit. The Pit.
Oh, in the pit in. The Pit was Ben Banklin was the
1st and then Val Thorne, then Clary Nettle, then unnamed dead
character. The the joke teller died in

(56:05):
there, and so did one of Tyler'scharacters.
So it's Bartles because I had three in there.
And a dodge. Person.
Doug with his ice javelins. Everybody lost their pendants of
plus one or whatever that they. Yeah, they have not.
They have not made it. Yeah, cool.
You know what, Lunk? Give me an investigation because
you climbed down there. Give me an investigation.

(56:27):
Roll lunk flying jewels. 14. You find 2 of them, so you find
2 of the pendants and so you canput them on or.
Lunky lunk, Lunky fun monkey lunk.
Oh, nice lunk. Oh, you got some?
Oh, you got some bling there. Wish I had some bling.
All right, let's go. Great, great.

(56:47):
That's +2 to hit and damage. Nice.
Nice. Yeah, yeah, you got, you got
that. How much HP does Lunk have?
Lunk's got 6 HP so. Oh Lunk is going to.
Lunk's going to do well for himself, I think.
So you guys have swung across this pit and we have Dylan
Dingleberry, Billy the Town, Smithy, Heckler, Ben and Lunk

(57:09):
traveling down the the corridor and you guys walk for a little
bit in this dark dungeon. Somehow the the Lantern got
across as well with you. Someone's holding it, providing
some light, and you come into this part of the hallway where
you look down on the ground and see a three by three square of

(57:32):
large pressure plates on the ground.
They take up the full width of the hallway.
It's three by three. And you step up and look at
these pretty obvious pep pressure plates on the ground.
And then you hear from behind you this, this the squeaking,
but not the squeaking of the giant rats you heard before.

(57:55):
Tiny squeaking and tiny little feet pattering on the ground.
It's getting louder and louder and suddenly you look behind you
and this large swarm of rats that have come up from that hole
from before. The lunk had killed a lot of
them, but they have come back for revenge.
Behind you all the swarm of ratsattacks you.
Everyone roll initiative. Rolling initiative.

(58:19):
All right, Scott, what did you get?
Lunk got a 14. And tiddly. 17.
And Daisy. 9. Niner and Tyler.
I also got a 14. This is weird.
Roll off you guys are. Rolling In Sync.

(58:41):
We really are. It's a roll off.
What are you? What?
What? What?
1? You rolling roll the D20?
Yeah. You roll D6, I'll roll D20.
Perfect. One of you roll Athletics, one
roll Acrobatics. I got a 10 on my.
I got a 2. OK, excellent.

(59:06):
Tiddly. You are up first and you can see
these kind of nondescript pressure plates three by three
arrangement in front of you. These the swarm of of rats that
is in your space. Now these rats are coming to
attack all of you. What would you like to do?
Billy. Billy is no coward.
Billy's going to brandish his hammer and say to him, my name's

(59:31):
Billy. I'm here to chew gum and kill
rats and I'm all out of gum. He's going to the hammer, charge
towards the rat horn and throw ahammer.
OK, great. Is he a ranged?
Is this a ranged attack? He's a ranged attack, yeah.
So if you so they are right nextto you.
So this will be with disadvantage being around.
That's fine. That's fine if you do.

(59:51):
Want to leave yeah, you the the the the swarm is so large you
can't really leave their space unless you step out onto the
pressure plate. They would get an opportunity
attack if. You did.
Well, I mean, I did go on the wall before.
Maybe he goes on the wall. Oh my God, I'll roll a
disadvantage. We'll roll a disadvantage.
OK. Oh it can't be worse than that.

(01:00:11):
Oh my God I got a 4A4. Throw your hammer and it just
just whifts through a hole. The rats like part their ways as
in like this hole this and and the hammer like flies through
misses anything else for your turn movement if you would like
to use it. No, Billy is.

(01:00:33):
Billy is just going to, you know, Billy's getting in there.
Stand your ground, Billy. Yeah, stand your ground, Billy
does. Billy's not afraid of the rats.
A lunk, you are up. You really should be lunk.
He should be, yeah. Lunk swings for an 18 to hit on
this swarm of rats. No Hell yeah.
Take these fuckers down and that's six damage thanks to the

(01:00:55):
pendants. Hell yeah, 6 fire damage.
Fire damage like big explosion of fire, says this rat squeak
squeak tweak like like like moveout of the way boy that like
took out like half of the rats they're bloodied excellent job
lunk anything else for your turnany movement that you've.

(01:01:16):
Been long, Lunk is Lunk moves into the middle of the rats if
he can. Go Lunk and Billy.
Billy looks over at Lunk and just nods his head.
Like what was that? Respect.
Respect. Tyler, you're up.
Yeah, Dylan is, is absolutely going to start checking out this

(01:01:40):
room, these these platforms and is going to move back, like to
give them space to fight. He's going to move back into the
room. So he's just kind of like
backing up slowly. Where where you're at, you are
up against the pressure plates. You know that the torch kind of
illuminated so to to. So I would have to.

(01:02:01):
Wait, from the rats you would bestepping on one of the pressure
plates. Absolutely, that's what's
happening. OK, there's three and it's a a
grid of three by three. Do you step on the left one, the
middle one, or the right one? The middle one.
Middle one. Middle safe.
Middle safe. It's all going to be great.
Be good. You step on the middle platform

(01:02:25):
and the a light a rune lights upthat shows a rat and on the
other two no rune lights up and instead fire blasts up and you
are safe. Fire, fire.
Good. You are safe on this middle
platform. You will be taking an

(01:02:45):
opportunity attack from the swarm of rats as you moved away
from them. Do they get disadvantaged
because they're in melee with me?
I don't even know if that's how it works.
I can't remember what these are disadvantaged because I'm in the
middle of the swarm swinging by fire, playing at them.
I don't think so. I think you.
Should I think they do? The rules is written Swarm of

(01:03:08):
France gets disadvantage on opportunity attacks.
If there's a caveman in the middle of them swinging A fiery
stick, that's that's in the play.
Right now, you know what? We'll read that.
Yeah, you're right. I think.
I think you, you might be right.Well, we'll, we'll, we'll put a,
a official message out on the toto Wizards of the Coast, See if
we can get that changed, becausethat just makes sense. 19 to

(01:03:30):
hit. Fuck.
I don't. I think that'll hit, yeah,
that'll hit of. Course 3 points of piercing
damage he. Stepped Dylan stepped on this
platform. He led the way.
Three points will take him down,and he will.
He will fall the 4th Dingleberryman to to to go.

(01:03:53):
Out 4th dingleberry has fallen. That's what happens when my cat
eats too much cat food too. Dingleberry Where's?
So many. Yeah.
They fall. Where's our George Bush meme?
The 4th Dingleberry. Dingleberry.
A rat nibbled your leg and you jumped and fell into the fire as

(01:04:14):
it blasted high and he is gone. Family will avenge me.
Daisy, you're up. So yeah, Heckler Ben is going to
try to follow the latest Dingleberry's footsteps.

(01:04:35):
I will. I will step on the the middle
platform and then I'm going to go middle again.
Try to try to go to. Bold strategy.
Heckler, Ben. You step on the middle section

(01:04:56):
and fire on either side of you raises up.
That rat rune lights up on that middle section and you are safe.
Excellent SO. How?
The platforms are only like 5 feet right?
They are, they're actually 10 feet.
They're they're, they're very large pressure plates.

(01:05:19):
Gotcha. OK, nevermind then.
I'm going to use the range attack and turn back and Boo the
swarm of rats behind. Great.
And they do not get an opportunity attack because they
already used their reaction. That's.
An 8 an 8 an 8 does not hit the swarm of rats.
Unfortunately, Boo does nothing.Unfortunately, you don't they

(01:05:42):
they don't seem dejected at all.Great.
So we have, we have, we have youwho are at range kind of out of
their range. We have Lunk who's in the middle
of them and we have, let's see, Billy is in the middle of them
as well. Yes, yes.

(01:06:03):
OK. So it'll be a roll between you
2. I'm just picturing them like
back-to-back in the middle of. The caveman and the dwarf clash.
Yeah, we're like arms locked, like we're like ready, all
sides, you know? Unreal this dice wants to kill

(01:06:23):
Daisy so many times lunk and it's the swarm of rats attack
lunk after I rolled A3 yet againon this dice but they're out of
range and so lunk you will be getting attack as these rats are
swarming around lung that is a 24 to or 23 to hit.

(01:06:47):
No it doesn't. Lung AC is actually 25.
That's crazy. I don't know if.
You knew that. So weird.
Yeah, yeah, that'll hit. You lunk gets bitten, bit bit
bit bit, bit all over for five points of piercing damage.
Lunk is still up. Lunk.
Lunk is still up. Great, that is the swarm's turn.

(01:07:10):
Tiddly, we are back up to you. All right, Billy has still got
the hammer, so let's try again. Chuck another, Hammer it.
Chuck another hammer, a disadvantage that is A9.
A9 unfortunately missed the. Plague of the Nines.
It is a plague of nines. You missed hammer just hits

(01:07:34):
against the wall, does nothing. Anything else for your turn?
No, no, I'm going to, I'm just going to like stay back-to-back
with Lunk. Just like no, we're in it
together. Lunk great.
Lunk, it is your turn. You are up.
Here we go baby. Big rolls, 21 to hit.

(01:07:58):
Yep, that hits. And come on, big damage, big
damage, 5 fire damage. This swarm had five HP left.
Everyone has taken down. The swarm himself slams down
with the fire. Boom.
Just a blast of fire goes away from this, this, this.

(01:08:21):
Do stick with fire on it and just the rats are incinerated
and gone and we are out of initiative.
I want to pick up one of the dead bodies and throw it on the
centre the last centre pressure plate.
Great, One of the one of the human bodies.
Yeah, one of the dead people. Amazing.
OK, so I need weight. Amazing Lunk's thinking.

(01:08:46):
Lunk and thunk, lunk and thunk. Who died?
Dylan died. So you're picking Dylan.
Dylan's. Dylan's the one who died, so
Dylan's body. You pick.
Up Dylan's dead body and you Chuck it the center 1.
You toss it on the center one. His body gets incinerated.

(01:09:08):
Though it's not the middle one, do are there any other dead
bodies we throw another one on? I think he was the only, yeah,
he was the only dead body. We throw some rats.
They're not heavy enough. It is a swarm of rats on the
ground. I'm gonna say it's not gonna be
enough. You.
What about my? Hammer you throw you throw all

(01:09:30):
the rats on there if you let's see if you want to go without
your weapon like. I could do like on on our.
Cameras. Is that OK?
Yeah, you could. You could.
It's only a. 5050 shot that you lose them anyway.
That's true. That's why I would hit single in
a day hammer. I'm just saying like.

(01:09:52):
You guys work to pile the rats. Which one do you want to put the
pile on? Left or right?
Let's do. Left.
Left or right? OK, left.
You pile on the rats and I'm going to, I guess roll.
I kind of want to just know if this is going to be enough

(01:10:13):
weight with like kind of a A roll with a really like low DC
to hit. Can I go and like, collect one
of the dead bodies from the pit?I mean, I've already climbed
down there once. That's true.
Yeah, that's true. Maybe you'll find another
pendant. A lunk.
You go back, go back and drag upthe body of Fenn Fenn Banklin.
BANKLIN Yeah, The first one wentall the way down to the first

(01:10:35):
body and took it up. And and throw it on to the one
on the left and it depresses down and the rune lights up in
the third one on the right blasts.
And so you guys, have you found the path forward over this?
Nicely done to. We got this.

(01:10:57):
Easy, easy. Lunc's still got one HP.
Things are looking good. I have the newest dingleberry
running down the hallway to catch up.
Past just a trail of his dead family.
Oh yeah. So you have.
Bodies does he go by? I guess all my cousins have

(01:11:20):
died. So tell us about this.
Family the dingleberries. Tell us about your character
Tyler. So the, the, the newest
Dingleberry, the 1-2, this is the fifth now is durian
Dingleberry. He's a wild card.
He's a wild card. You never know what you're going
to get. And he he comes in and he's just

(01:11:42):
holding an electric eel and he'sbecause he does lightning melee
damage. So he's going to be swinging
electric eels. At these rats.
Excellent. You come up and join the group
and the group moves forward. OK.

(01:12:03):
So you continue forward through this, this hallway, where did
you get like for quite a while, for quite a while.
You have the the Lantern with you that's providing some light
in this dark dank hallway. You see some rat rough use here
and there, some, you know, strawhay, some nests maybe, but it's

(01:12:24):
all fairly empty. You do see some small rats kind
of skittering around and as you go, Lunk smashes him with his,
you know, giant fire thing as you go.
And maybe you you 3 you know, take swings at him as well.
But you move through this dungeon and continue down and,

(01:12:45):
and if your Lantern kind of lights up and you walk through
kind of the area's bit is kind of decrepit.
So you see some of the walls arekind of broken down.
You walk into this large cavern and there are some
bioluminescent mushrooms lighting the area.
So you can kind of see this big room and down on the floor you

(01:13:08):
see a small portal lit up on theground with these giant rats
popping out. Just rats kind of coming out of
this portal popping out one by one.
And you hear squeaks around the Tavern or not Tavern around the

(01:13:28):
cavern. You hear squeaks around the
cavern and you, you can see likeglinting eyes from kind of all
around of all these rats that you assume are around this
cavern, hearing their squeaks. And then out of the portal, a
rat man crawls out. He's wearing some kind of like

(01:13:51):
wooden armor. And in his hands he holds a red
orb. And he stands up, this like, red
orb that's like swirling with this dark energy.
And he looks forward and there is a pedestal in front of him
about 30 feet from him. And he looks like he's going to
place this orb on the pedestal. What would you like to do?

(01:14:17):
I think this might be the, you know, the rat, Dan.
And I think we got to close thatportal.
Long smash. Long, long.
Smash. Yeah, Billy probably throw the
hammer to try to hit the orb. Yeah, go Billy, throw the hammer
long. Smash, Billy, you throw the
hammer. Everyone roll initiative.
All right. Rolling Initiative 84 Billy.

(01:14:43):
OK, one second tiddly, you rolled an 8.
Yes, Chef. Scott Lunk got a 1313 Daisy.
I. Got a 55 and Tyler.
Scott and I have to roll off again.
God. Damn it, 113 no copy.

(01:15:06):
Scott gone. OK.
You say I rolled another. I rolled another 13.
I got a 16 good. You go first, Lunk goes first.
Lungs faster than durian monk. OK, lunk lung smash, you are up
first. Good run right at that fucking

(01:15:26):
rat dude and swing at. That I guess.
So you look at this cavern and right now the rat man is is 60
feet away from you. Shit.
The pedestal is 30 feet away from you.
And so it's like in a line, you're a 30 feet from the
pedestal. The rat man in front of the

(01:15:47):
portal is 30 feet from that. And so and it's you can see sort
of in this, in this, in this cavern.
What would you like to do? I guess I'll I'm just going to
dash to him. OK, so you dash and you dash

(01:16:08):
forward and on your way past, kind of coming up to the
pedestal, there is this boulder and a giant rat that pops out
that you didn't see and is goingto get an opportunity.
I. Wouldn't have dashed.
Damn rats. Well, you can you're in the
middle of this is the first partof your movement.
And so this will like interrupt that dash so I.

(01:16:30):
Would I would stop if there if Isaw a rat lungs smashing the the
first enemy he sees. So if the rat pops out, he would
stop and try. To stop, we won't do the
opportunity attack after well, it's still it's so it's an
unseen attacker and so it is getting like a surprise hit on
you as you pass. So you will it will get an

(01:16:50):
opportunity to attack on you. You will be able to stop and
like fight it though and get. I will stop if it doesn't kill
me then to try and hit it. That is, that's a 23 to hit.
Lungstad fucking mile. Adios.
Lung and trips over the rat. The rat bites him and just falls

(01:17:13):
and lung goes down in a lung. Burning out his throat, that
one. Happens.
Yeah. The blood is spurting out and
hitting the pedestal, and that is Lung's turn.
Tyler, you're up. Yeah, Durian's gonna run at the
move to the pedestal where Lunk just fell and attempt to attack

(01:17:35):
the rat that just got him. OK.
Does that make sense? Yes.
OK, cool. Yeah, swing in an electric eel
that oh, that's not going to hit.
That's a 2 + 2. That's a four to hit with my
electric eel. 4 does not hit, are you?
Sure, it's electric. It is electric.

(01:17:58):
Funky, funky, funky, funky. Super.
Funky. All right.
Is this the first time he's usedan electric heel as a weapon or
is this like a skill that he has?
I would say that he has the skill of using a variety of
animals and pests and varmints as weapons.
Durian's, Durian's kind of, he'snot all there.

(01:18:21):
And he absolutely like, if he sees a squirrel, he's like,
that's just something you can throw at somebody.
Like woo woo, it's a cow trop now.
Whoa, there you go. Like things like that.
So yeah, he's swung an electric eel before.
Excellent. You try to the electric eel just
doesn't cooperate this time, just squirms a little bit more
than usual and you unable to hitwith the electric eel anything

(01:18:46):
else for your turn. I don't think so, unless I can
take a quick look at this pedestal and just see if it has
like anything on it like. The pedestal is empty.
It looks like it's got the perfect shape for an orb to sit
on the top of it and you are 15 feet from it.
Where you are? OK, OK, Nope.
That'll be it for my turn then. OK, but we think like the.

(01:19:09):
Orb probably gets rid of all therats, right?
Clearly. Yeah, OK.
And tiddly you are up and you can see your friends have moved
halfway to the pedestal. The rat man is still standing in
front of the portal like 60 feetaway, just holding this this red
orb and just looking sickly and mangy.
What would you like to do? All right.

(01:19:29):
So I have 30 feet on my range attack, correct?
Yes. Yeah, 30.
I think there's the four. 60 with disadvantage.
So I could try to attack the ratthat's 30 feet away, or I could
try to attack with disadvantage the rat man.
OK, Is there any way to get closer to the rat man without

(01:19:51):
getting an opportunity attack from the rat that's in the
middle? That rat has not had its turn
yet. Technically, and so it had used
its opportunity attack already, so it doesn't have his
opportunity attack. OK, all right, so I'm going to
move up 30 feet and try to throwmy hammer at the orb.

(01:20:12):
So like range attack on the rat man?
Cool. And that's a four Billy's
that's. Terrible.
You throw your. You throw your hammer.
Yeah, shut. The hammer flies in the air and
ducks the rat man and the the orb, just like ducks around it

(01:20:35):
and the orb flies into the portal and goes away.
Anything else? For turn with a hammer.
Excellent. It is the rat man's turn.
The rat man runs up with to the pedestal with the orb and places
it on the pedestal, and as he places the orb on the pedestal,

(01:20:58):
the portal behind him opens larger and larger till it fills
the entire cavern. And beyond the portal, in
another world you see darkness, a dark sky, a big tall black
tower. Lightning crashes across the sky
and you see legions and legions of rat men in formation in front

(01:21:21):
of the tower, and a voice carrying over all of them.
Ratman of Ratovia, the day has finally arrived.
Arrived, arrived. 1000 years we have been banished here, 1000
years since the Common Knights sealed us away.

(01:21:43):
Today we return to Alaria. Today we enact our revenge.
Today we turn men into rat food.The the legions are chanting.
They start moving toward the portal.
A Daisy, It is your turn. After all that, have a turn.

(01:22:05):
Yeah, I think Boo, Boo. Ben just sort of looks down at
the rat and just goes Boo because that should be 30 feet
from him. Now.
Yeah, he's 30 feet from you now.I won't attack him.
I got a four. 4 misses. He shakes his head at you.

(01:22:28):
Like what are you talking about?Anything else for your turn?
No. OK, it is the giant rat's turn.
It is going to bite down Tyler right next to him.
This is still Dylan, Dingleberryor no.

(01:22:49):
This is Dorian Durian. Come on.
Obviously Durian, obviously. Yeah, but he is in not, he does
not get packed tactics. He does not.
OK. Loser.
That is a 14 to hit. That'll hit.
Giant Rex bites down on you for five points of piercing.

(01:23:11):
Damn. Oof, he had four.
Durian the eel man the rat bitesthe eel out of the out of the
mouth, out of out of your hands and swings it around and then
tackles you and claws you and Durian the animal Master fighter
is dead. I miss you most of all, Durian.

(01:23:36):
And that is the end of its turn.We are back up at the top of the
initiative Scott, your new character who runs down and
takes the place of where where you where Lunk was, which is
right next to the giant rat. Tell us about your new
character. My new character does acid melee
damage. He comes in, he says don't worry

(01:23:59):
it's a me Giuseppe Limon and he's holding 2 halves of lemons
in his hands. He's the town fruit vendor.
He he just comes running in I guess swinging with some lemons
at this rat man just. OK.

(01:24:20):
Never fear when Giuseppe is near.
So you're going to go for the rat man?
I guess. Or should I go for like the orb
on the pedestal? Can I hit the orb on the
pedestal? It's sitting right there.
Then yeah, I'm going to try to hit that, I guess, if I can.
And Giuseppe rolled a 15 to hit.15 that will hit the orb.

(01:24:45):
Excellent. I'm going to do guess 4 acid
damage to the. Wise.
Giuseppe runs lemons all over. Lemons all over the orb, like
the, the orb doesn't like it at all.
It's like sizzling red and, and some of it's like melting away a
little bit as you do that acid damage.

(01:25:08):
Great. Anything else for your turn as
you're standing above, it's likea bowl.
It's like you're like you're in your kitchen just squeezing
lemons over something. Nothing else but just a big he
does a big kiss. Great.
Tyler, you are up. Tell us about Oh, wait, actually

(01:25:31):
I didn't. Yeah.
So I was having you roll initiative when your character
died. So we'll keep that the for this
round if we're ready to go. But next, next time someone
dies, we'll reroll initiative atthe top.
But yeah, no, absolutely. In runs Darius Dingleberry and
he is the second cousin of Durian and in his hand he's got

(01:25:59):
like a like a fire poker, like abrand like are you young, like
livestock kind of brand thing because he's doing fire melee
damage. And so that's what he's going to
attempt to like brand people with.
And so he'll run in and let's see, we've got some acid damage

(01:26:20):
on the on the orb. Has the Rat Man taken any damage
yet? He has not taken any damage and
he did not do any attacks on histurn.
He just placed the orb there. Now he looks now he looks like
he is. He's got some big claws.
He looks like he's ready to to fight to keep this thing there.

(01:26:43):
OK, yeah, I'll go for the rat man.
Yeah, Darius. Darius runs in and he's like,
I'm going to get you for killingall my family walked past all
their bodies. It was traumatizing.
He rolls a gnat one. God.
Damn it, a natural one. Yeah, he rolled a Gnat 1.

(01:27:05):
Great. You Roland, What was your damage
that you were how? How does he do damage again?
Fire melee so it's like a a brand.
Great fire melee on a natural 1.You swing past the rat man and
fall, tumble forward and completely miss.
Fall out of out of his opportunity attack range and he

(01:27:26):
is going to scratch at you who only is 7 to hit.
And won't hit. Misses.
So you fall past the rap man, you're about 10 feet from him,
and he swings at you with his opportunity attack and misses.
Free movement on your turn. I mean, really, that's that was
great. He can't go wrong, man.
Yeah, when the DM throws it yourway, you take it.

(01:27:52):
Tiddly, you're up. OK, so we're going to try to get
nada for this time. I'm going to go.
I think the the rap man is further away, correct?
So I'm going to try to hit him. No, so he is.
He's right next. To you right there.
Yeah, he's right next to you now.
OK, so there's nothing ranged, is there?
But you can't throw an opportunity attack on you

(01:28:14):
because he just did one on Tyler.
OK, so I'm going to step back and try to attack the rat man
and I roll the Gnat 20. Finally, Billy.
Billy branches the hammer after missing so many times.
Give me that crit damage on the rat man.

(01:28:34):
OK, and that's the which one's the damage one?
This is like the second time I'mdone damage D4D4.
OK, OK. That's A1A big old one.
But you get to roll twice because you quit.
To roll twice because you quit. That's a 2.
So the. Three points total 3.

(01:28:58):
That kills the rat man, obviously.
You step back, throw it as you hit him in the head.
You didn't like it. Anything else for your turn?
No. Amazing.
He's finally done it. He's finally hit He.
Finally hit. Just barely grazes off his head
though with that with that damage.

(01:29:19):
Like everybody who's seen you miss is dead.
So to all the people who are here, it's like, wow, look at
this person who's great at this.Is the balance?
Yeah, great. So rap man is going to scratch
at you. Tiddly at at your hammer man.
Hammer Man. 21 to hit. Yeah.

(01:29:44):
After after Billy had thrown thehammer and hit him in the head,
Rat Man comes up and scratches you for six points of of
scratching damage. Wait rat man?
Did Rat Man have to leave Giuseppe's area to come on to to
try to attack? I will say yes because there's
a, it's a weird pedestal situation.

(01:30:06):
And so I'm going to say yes, that he's technically would
could stay in range, but he didn't.
So he kind of went around the thing.
So yes, get an opportunity attack on him.
That doesn't matter. It was 6 that was not worth.
OK, OK, that was no rat man scratches everyone.
You see this valiant effort fromthe from the dwarf throwing the

(01:30:27):
hammer, hitting in the head and the rat man just slashing at
him, killing poor Billy. Oh no, Billy.
What's Billy's last thought as he dies?
Man, I should have practiced my throat.

(01:30:47):
And Billy has left this plane into the great beyond where he
can practice as much as he wantswith his new coach who is there
as well. Remember the airplane throw,
Billy Airplane throw? Rat man does have multi attack
and so he is going to go after poor Giuseppe.

(01:31:09):
That is another 21 to hit. Yeah.
And that is going to be 4 pointsof still alive, still alive.
Giuseppe is still up. Giuseppe is beefy.
I've been rolling pretty good onHP for these last few.
He slashes out you slashes and your your your sack with all

(01:31:29):
your lemons in it opens up and just spills out.
So your lemons have spilled on the.
Ground Mamiya, my lemons. Daisy, you are up.
OK, hear me out for a second. Good start.
The rat just got hit in the in the head in the face by Billy,

(01:31:50):
correct? Yeah, yes.
And it was a critical. Hit.
So it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility to suggest
that the rat man might have somesome head damage, some some
light. Maybe like my own concussion.
Oh yeah, absolutely. A hammer hit his head.

(01:32:12):
Absolutely. So Ackler Ben would like to try
to take advantage of any confusion that the Rat Man might
be experiencing right now and try to persuade the Rat Man and
say, hey, what you're doing right now, real lame.
Real. Not cool.

(01:32:35):
But you know what? It is cool taking that that red
rock thing off of that portal stopping all this.
OK, roll up persuasion check. Could I also looking at the
commoner stat sheet here commoners have training.

(01:32:56):
Could. I.
Oh. Suggest maybe Heckler Ben has
training. You know what?
Persuasion. Heckler Ben has been to so many
sporting events and he has booedso many times.
And he knows how to get into thein, into the ref's mind, into
the enemy's mind, you know, and he has proficiency in, in, in

(01:33:17):
persuasion checks because of that.
Absolutely he does. Great, amazing, amazing,
amazing. That is a 16.
We're good. The the rat man stops.
What? What do you mean?
I, we're doing something wrong? I mean, I, I don't know about

(01:33:39):
the whole killing everybody whenwe come out of the portal thing.
I just, we just want to escape Rotovia.
We've been banished there for solong, you know.
You were. You were just telling me though
that you really liked it in Rotovia.
I mean, I don't, I don't mind itin Ratovia, You know, it's kind
of, it's kind of what are you? It's kind of.

(01:34:01):
Crazy head wound right now. You gotta.
You gotta trust me. You're right, I think.
I think I do need a little bit of, of of wait a second.
What am I doing? No.
You guys are humans. You guys are.
You guys are people. We're trying to kill you.
You confuse him for a second. That's going to affect him on
his turn. Anything else for your turn?

(01:34:26):
No, I think when Ben realizes that it doesn't work, he's going
to go and then like try to run alittle bit.
OK, you can, you can go ahead and do a we'll have that be a
free persuasion check. You can do a Boo attack at him
as he decided against. Boo's decision to not help.

(01:34:47):
That is a 10. A10 Oh I know a 10 doesn't hit
the rat man unfortunately. Rats, the Boo misses Heckler
Ben. He was still kind of at
distance, wasn't he? He hadn't moved yet.
I was, yes. The giant rat that was there

(01:35:07):
that is now left alone is looking for a target and he does
see Heckler Ben after all of that noise and that Boo and is
going to run up to Heckler Ben for an attack for a Nat one and
miss. But the giant rat is now next to
Heckler Ben going back, back up to the top of the initiative.

(01:35:29):
You see the forces in the portalmoving forward, getting closer
and closer, very close to the edge of this portal.
Scott, you are up. Well, Giuseppe's going for this
orb some more I guess, and it's going to be a A6 to hit

(01:35:53):
Giuseppe. It's fumbling with his lemons
that are falling out of his bag and he can't seem to get a hold
of them in this. Can't seem to get a hold of
them. Drops a weapon, lemons, fumbles
them. Is unable to make that attack on
the on the orb. Anything else for your turn?
No, I got nothing else I can think of.

(01:36:16):
Yeah. Tyler, you're up.
All right, Darius is obviously going to use half of his
movements be to stand up and then seeing the orb has has
taken some damage, I'm going to take a swing at the orb with my

(01:36:36):
brand poker Dari, hopefully. Come on, Darius.
Nope, Nope, Nope. That's a four fuck.
You're rolling like Billy. We have.
Cursed Wings misses. I miss fire pumpers.
Not a great detective. Tidley, you are back up.

(01:37:00):
I guess we are still keeping thenormal initiative that we're
keeping with the new character who has joined the commoners,
who has joined us. All right, so Darren has been
he's he's 92. So he's been kind of like
hobbling along this entire episode trying to get catch up

(01:37:21):
to everybody. He finally made it.
OK. He's got this large cloak with
many pockets inside. He's the town herbalist.
He's the slightly addled Darren Jed, slightly addled.
Sometimes he's very confused. So go, go get treated by him at

(01:37:41):
your own peril. So he's gonna go ahead and try
to make a ranged potion a poisonattack.
Great. OK.
There we go. Who's he attacking?
He's who's who's further away? I feel like I feel like my last
character stepped back to attack.

(01:38:01):
So yeah, walking into the area, Darren is walking into this area
and sees a giant rat attacking Heckler Ben.
On the right you see the pedestal with with Giuseppe and
Tyler's character Darius or Darius, Darius and Giuseppe
around it with the rat man thereand the red orb sitting on the

(01:38:23):
pedestal. All right, he's going to aim
kind of in the direction of of the pedestal, and that's a 5, by
the way. Fuck.
Damn it, so. Unfortunately, misses.
So he's going to pull out, pull out, pull out like something
that it's like basically the wrong thing out of.

(01:38:46):
His coat. That's a.
That's a potion. Yeah, so he's actually going to
heal. Well, let's see.
So Scott and Tyler go ahead and roll a Constitution saving
throw. Oh no.
Just. Pull up something.
Darren's trying. He's just really addled.

(01:39:10):
Been nice getting to know Giuseppe and Darius but I don't.
Think they're one for this world?
OK, one second, one second. Darius and Giuseppe, what did
you guys roll on your Constitution saving throws?
A. 7 for Giuseppe. And a three for Darius.
Both fail. No, what?

(01:39:32):
I'm shocked. And it's time to break out the D
1000. No, yay, it's.
AD 100, I don't think it will. I will do a, we'll do a Tavern
roll, but I don't think it's going to show up.
But it's still fun to use this. But by the way, the Tavern roll
here, this dice tower made by our own Tyler Adelsperger, who

(01:39:54):
is with us right now. This is a love to see you dice
tower. It's so cool.
Yeah. Here's that D100 roll.
That's not showing up. Not at all.
It is a 7 as you can clearly seeon the yes A7 this potion

(01:40:17):
splashes and you 2 grow this bigbeard and chest hair and it's
just growing on your body. Giuseppe and and and Darius.
Oh, Darren. And that is Darren's turn.
At least we didn't like take damage.
I can deal with the I. Mean for the beard.
Yeah, that's true. That's true.

(01:40:39):
You just. Beard is totally normal.
Well. That kind of that brings us to
the rat man's turn, who is goingto make a couple scratch attacks
on the people right around him. Giuseppe.
That is a 17 to hit on Giuseppe.Shit.
Yeah, obviously. And Giuseppe, with his big beard

(01:41:02):
and chest hair, takes eight points of oh.
There's no walking that one off.Oh no.
Slashes right through the chest of Giuseppe.
Giuseppe is gone. What's?
Giuseppe's last thought? Just how I want to do a Mario
Death set. And at at Darius is a 12 to hit.

(01:41:28):
That'll hit. And that is 7 points of slashing
damage. Another one down the drain.
He had five though. I mean he was stronger than his
brothers, but not much. OK, Giuseppe and Darius now dead
and that is the rat man's turn. Daisy, you are up.

(01:41:51):
Cool. So Heckler Ben is going to
recall that in his cargo shorts is a piece of very stinky cheese
so that he could pull it out andthrow it at refs and go hey
Ruff, you stink. But he's going to pull it out
this time and instead attempt toroll an animal handling chick to

(01:42:12):
convince the giant rat to join me.
Or at least not attack me. Go for the cheese at least,
yeah? Roll Roll a persuasion or an
Animal handling. Animal Handling.
That's a. That's A7.
Yes, giant rat. I'm going to make the giant rat
actually roll to see if it can beat.

(01:42:33):
If it beats A7 on, its on a wisdom saving throw.
Maybe it won't. It does.
It rolls a natural 18 so the giant rat does not get
distracted by the stinky cheese.Yeah, you can make a Boo attack
if you would like. I I will.

(01:42:54):
It's strange. So I'm going to have to take
that opportunity attack roll unnatural one, OK.
So you take a, you know, are youhaving to step forward away from
the rat to do the Oh yeah. Yeah.
Why do I have to step away from it and take the opportunity
attack or just take the opportunity attack so.

(01:43:15):
The giant rat looks at the stinky cheese is not distracted
and bites at you for a 23 to hitand bites at Heckler Ben for
seven points of. Piercing damage by Heckler.
Ben Heckler Ben boos his way to to the afterlife.
Any last any last thoughts for Heckler Ben?

(01:43:37):
He lasted quite a little. Just I think he dies thinking.
I really thought that cheese thing was going to work, man.
And he dies while the rat is is chomping on his body great That
brings us to the giant rats turngiant rat is away from all the

(01:44:03):
action. There's a couple dead people by
the rat man. Now the giant rat is going to
slink away from the battle because there's not really a
target insight and it he doesn'thave any agitators right next to
him. Even as new people are coming
in, it is going to kind of slinkoff into the shadows.

(01:44:30):
The army moves forward into the portal and the army steps foot
through the portal as rat men are entering into the cavern.
Your characters who are in here see the rat men coming in and
see this orb on the pedestal, the orb that has taken some

(01:44:50):
damage, not quite half damage, but it is there looking decent.
The rat man who looks pretty darn good right next to it.
And there's a Lantern sitting onthe floor.
And as you, the your characters are looking, you see this
Lantern on the floor and you seea crevice that is close by

(01:45:13):
nearby in the earth that's goingdown.
And you smell and you can smell this faint scent of natural gas.
Again, you look and you think it's coming from the direction
of this crevice in the ground. We are back up at the top of the
initiative. Scott, you have a new character

(01:45:35):
to introduce. Running down into the pit, face
painted white in a striped shirt, is Monty the Mime doing
psychic range damage. OK.
He sees the rat man and he says OK.

(01:45:58):
It's an audio platform. It's amazing audio format by the
way. To those of you at home.
Scott pointed at his camera. And I know you just gave us a
really obvious clue, but I stillwant to try to do psychic range
damage once as a mime, so I don't care.
I'm going to try to make an attack at the orb by doing like

(01:46:21):
a really overly exaggerated sneeze to try to blow it off of
the off the pest hole with a ranged attack.
OK, gotcha. OK.
So go ahead and do the ranged attack, yeah?
God damn it, it's a nine to hit.9 misses.

(01:46:41):
He accidentally misses. I choose out.
Loud and ruins the illusion so it does nothing.
Yes, it does. The rat men are coming through
this portal and these legions and the the voice behind them
today we destroy the humans, we turn them into rat food, we kill
everyone. And the rats are, and this,

(01:47:02):
they're walking forward. Tyler, you have a new character
as well. Yes, Dingus Dingleberry, the
fourth cousin of Dorcas, runs in.
As a child, he was playing a game.
It's a family game called lightning rods.
During lightning storms, you stand on the roof and the first
one to get struck by lightning winds.
Dingus won that particular day and so now he has the ability to

(01:47:25):
actually shoot lightning out of his fingertips because he got he
rolled lightning ranged and so this is his like 1 like little
party trick is he can shoot a little burst of lightning, a
little lightning bolt from his his finger.
He runs in seeing all of this and, and he, he thinks to
himself, well, man, there's a big bunch of natural gas there.

(01:47:49):
Maybe we should light it up. And he doesn't know any of these
people. He's just walked past all of the
dead bodies of his family. And so he's going to make a
ranged attack at the crevice that opened with the natural
gas. OK, so yeah, so you run in, go
ahead and do an attack roll on the crevice.

(01:48:11):
Come on, let's hit something. Come on, that is a 19. 19 will
hit and so the lightning out of your finger shoot this this
lightning like static electricity effect goes and hits
the natural gas area. And you've you see this like
like puff of of like fire that looks like it needs a little bit

(01:48:36):
more than just a lightning strike to get something ignited.
But it does ignite a little bit.But this is like electricity
hitting it in like a puff. It's not like fire because fire
would have like totally ignited it.
But you see that not quite do it.
It looks like it needs a better source than than lightning.

(01:49:00):
Anything else for your turn? Just continue into the room,
maybe move toward the pedestal. OK, tiddly, you are up.
All right, good old Darren. Well, he has poison damage, so
he's not going to be going to beable to do a lot to the crevice,
so he's going to try to hit the orb again.

(01:49:23):
We are pulling out another potion.
The entirety of the party cringes as Darren reaches inside
of his cloak. I wonder what will happen this
time. He rolls A2.
The miss? That's great.
So so Darren, you are throwing arage attack at the at the orb or

(01:49:45):
the rat man or? Yeah, the Rat Man orb that area,
that area, yeah. Great.
I think right now the only person around the orb is the rat
man I think. It's just him, OK?
Gotcha. So so he's going to make a
constitution saving throw, whichhe fails.
Nice. Of course, I said.

(01:50:05):
Maybe we wouldn't need the Tavern thing.
It didn't really. We're going to roll the D100,
just I'm going to roll it because it didn't work on the
Tavern. I'll use the previous roll and
I'll just put a different numberover it because it's not like
anyone could see it anyway and it's.
Just he's making it up as he goes along.
The potion hits and splashes onto the rap man and rolls an

(01:50:27):
18. Turns into a potion of eternal
flame and lights the crack on bio.
Oh my gosh, the potion hits and it's like this pink red like
like smoke that like lingers andit hits the IT hits the rat man
and suddenly to everyone in the room, it's like he looks more

(01:50:47):
attractive. He stands up and just smiles and
gleams and just has a charm to him now and it looks like he has
a little bit more sex appeal now.
This this rat man that's. Sexy.
Yeah, he's standing up. He's actually taller than you
think. You know, when you get, when you
look up, he's got a little, got a little height to him.
You know he's a little buck. Oh man.

(01:51:09):
That's one. That's one pretty rat.
Monty does that thing where you put your arm in your shirt and
make it look like your heart is something.
Yeah. I agree with Monty over there.
You're a good looking feather. Daisy, your new character walks
in. Please describe your your new
character as they as they enter into the into the cavern.

(01:51:32):
Yeah, so you all see an adolescent turtle who practices
martial arts and is also a mutant come running into the
chamber, and as he spots the rapman at the bottom, he goes
Master Splinter, No. Caravaggio runs.

(01:52:00):
Forward What'd you say, the nameCaravaggio?
You mean like the painter? Of course.
Yes, Caravaggio is going to. I'm going to make a, I'm going
to make a beeline for the the Lantern.
I want to try to grab the Lantern.

(01:52:22):
OK, you run up and grab the Lantern.
What would you like to do with it?
Can I Hock it at the crack? You absolutely can Hock it at
the crack so. What does that give?
Me an athletics check as you throw this Lantern.
As a practitioner of the martialarts, can I argue that

(01:52:47):
Carvaggio? Has athletics proficiency?
Absolutely he does. Yeah.
Oh no, that's a nine. That's a nine.
You throw it and it lands just short of the crevice.
It is sitting right in front of the crevice.
At this point, the the rat man looks back at the portal.

(01:53:15):
He had his turn and he didn't doanything because he does not
actually feel threatened by any of you.
He's just standing there to protect the orb.
But he looks back at the at the portal and he's yes, my family.
They're here. We've come, come here.
I've opened the portal for you. And the rat men flood into this

(01:53:35):
cavern and the IT is filling up with these rat men that are
everywhere. At this point, there is a
Lantern that's still there. Scott, it is your turn.
All right, Monty Mime pulls out his trusty invisible slingshot,
eyes at the Lantern to make a psychic attack to try to knock

(01:53:56):
it that last little bit. OK, great.
Come on, Monty, I'm going to kill someone.
It's a nine again. The Curse of the Nines.
This thing has an AC of AC of 10.
Guys, these items have an AC of 10.

(01:54:17):
Yeah, these things have ACS of 10.
The psychic attack just missed. You guys see unexplainably see
some dirt like like pot like puff up right next to the
Lantern. Monty looks like the slingshot
rubber band broke and starts like restringing the invisible
slingshot there. You you can make a run for it.

(01:54:38):
At this point there are rat men around.
You can assume that you will have to probably take an
opportunity attack by the rat men, but you can get to the
Lantern with your movement speedif you so desire.
I can just get there and like put it in the hole.

(01:55:01):
You could do that. You had to be invoking
opportunity attacks. I don't think Monty is that
brave. I think instead Monty attempts
to slow down the rat men by building an invisible wall.
OK, that's amazing. Give me a performance check with
with with your proficiency bonus.
Oh good, Monty's really not all one either.

(01:55:25):
I wrote fucking 7, so even if I had a proficiency bonus it would
probably be a nine so it wouldn't matter.
You guys see as Monty runs up infront of the rat men as they're
coming out in the legions, miming an invisible wall, and
they chuckle and step right through it and they pick up
Monty and they are walking off with Monty.

(01:55:46):
No, Tyler, you are up. Dingus Dingus sees what was
trying to go down and he will not let his brethren fall like
this. For those of you at home, Scott
is rolling around on the floor like a mine who is dying.

(01:56:08):
It's fantastic and I just wish for this audio media you were
able to witness this Ding Dingusis absolutely going to run.
Do as best as he can to maybe push or, or just, you know, grab
that Lantern and and dive right into this natural gas deposit.

(01:56:29):
Give me an acrobatics check as you are trying to dart in and
out of these rat men. 17. You're going to take one
opportunity attack on your way to the Lantern.
This is a Tavern roll if there ever was 1 so.
Dingus, dingus. Dingus Dingleberry as he darts

(01:56:54):
through the rats, tries to make it to the Lantern, is able to
avoid a lot of them, but does take one opportunity attack as
one of them does notice with an AC of 10, this needs that they
have a + 5 to hit. Scratch attack.
Kyle Roll. Kyle Roll.

(01:57:15):
Kyle Roll. Here it is.
Oh. Boy.
That is an 8. Maybe he'll live.
Maybe he'll live. There's an. 8 on the dice with a
13 to so a 13 to hit and how many?
How many HP does Dingus have? 6.
He has 6 HP. These rat men do one D 6 + 3

(01:57:41):
slashing damage. The odds of that are bad.
The odds about. 5050 they're. Not terrible.
Well, I guess it's less than 5050.
We're going to do the the the Tavern roll with the skull dice
as well and, and so AD 6 + 3. And so if it hits, A345 dingus

(01:58:04):
does not make it and that is a four fuck.
Dingus. Dingus.
Dingus, almost to the Lantern, almost gets there and then falls
short as a scratch slashes him in the back and you stop and
fall to your knees and Dingus flops over dead in front of the

(01:58:28):
Lantern. Tiddly.
You were up. All right.
So Darren is going to Darren is not very good at mobility
because he is totally old, so, but he's going to try to get
close enough to throw a potion at the Lantern.
OK. And Darren?

(01:58:52):
Rolls an 11 an 11 to hit the Lantern.
To hit the Lantern with a with awith a potion.
Hit the Lantern. I'm going to roll AD 100.
See what the boat we'll. See what the potion was?
Let's see what the. Potion was.
Let's see what. The potion is I mean.
Is it Dingus's? The body is right there too, so.

(01:59:14):
Maybe you could? Revive.
Maybe. Maybe you come back, I don't
know. Healing potion for Dingus?
52 on the D100, OK. Hold on, Sir.
You you throw the potion and as you throw it like a little bit
comes out and like splashes on you as you throw it and you gain

(01:59:38):
insight like you have never dreamed about.
Oh no. You learn everything because you
become omniscient. For 5 minutes you feel the
presence of all of your friends around all the rat men.
These rat who've been trapped inRatovia 1000 years ago after
they had a war with the Common Knights of of of Planktonville.

(02:00:02):
This war where the rats, these vicious creatures were just
trying to murder, kill and destroy the people in the common
nights. Push them back and and push them
into this this this place that was their worship place for
their God and banish them into this realm called Rotovia.
You gain all of this knowledge and and sucked into you as you

(02:00:24):
throw this potion and it splashes, hits the Lantern,
splashes on the Lantern, is ableto fire the Lantern just enough
for that fire to go into this crevice and you see it then go
down and you feel this like rumble.
All of you feel this rumble in the cavern.
All of you stop and look to see what's about to happen.

(02:00:44):
And then out of the crevice, this spout of fire comes in.
Woosh, woosh. All of you make a Dexterity
saving throw, Scott. Make it with disadvantage
because you are being carried. It's fair.
Well, it's Jesus. And Daisy, do we have a
character for you right now? Is.

(02:01:07):
Is Carvaggio still alive? I think Carvaggio is still
alive. Carvaggio is still alive.
I'm. Not sure that's right.
OK, Carvaggio is still alive. It's hard to keep.
Track. It is a lot of people.
You are so Daisy. Yeah, I know.
Daisy, what was your Dexterity saving throw?
11. 11 Scott. I My disadvantage didn't matter

(02:01:30):
much about A5 and A4, so A4. Tyler.
I do have a new character running in.
Oh yes, a new character describeyour character just runs into
the scene. That you have never seen someone
who looked more like a hero running in.
Just handsome face wearing the overalls though, but brandishing

(02:01:55):
an actual sword. Dirk Dingleberry, the estranged
cousin of the Dingleberry familyrunning in and says you killed
my whole family, I got to take you out and he runs in.
He rolled a 14 on that deck safe.
OK, and tiddly. All right, Darren rolled A12. 12

(02:02:22):
The DC was 18 on that. It's a massive As this entire
cavern fills with fire, the lastthing that all of four of your
characters sees is a bright flash of light and then
darkness. Five years later, a child in the

(02:02:42):
small town of the Commonwealth of Planktonville puts on a
homemade rat mask. Junie, come on.
We're going to be late. Just a second, mom, we're
leaving without you. Just a second.
She runs out of the house and catches up to her mom.
As they walk to the Commons, to a festival.
A parade marches by. Music is being played from a
bandstand. There are streamers flying,

(02:03:03):
people dancing. Mayor Bill Billworth addresses
the crowd. Today we recognize and remember
the valiant efforts of the people who gave their lives to
save our town, who upheld who upheld what our ancestors
apparently did by keeping the evil rat men sealed away in

(02:03:24):
their own strange rat dimension.We remember them by name.
Brandon Billworth. Old Man Jimothy, Old Lady
Withers. Dorcas Dingleberry, Ginger
Johann von Hetzberg, PD Olson, Ace Reporter.
Bartles, The Town Fool. Dewey Dingleberry, Coach Carl

(02:03:46):
Bill, Granny Nitzwell, Timmy, Doug Dingleberry, Fenn Banklin,
Val Thorne, The Valiant. Night Clary Nettle, An unnamed,
unnamed person. We're not sure who they were
named. Drifter, An unnamed strifter who
wandered, who wandered into the caves, but nonetheless a hero.

(02:04:07):
Dylan Dingleberry, Billy the Town, Smithy Heckler, Ben Lunk,
Durian Dingleberry, Giuseppe Lemon, Darius Dingleberry, The
Slightly Addled Darren, Jed, Monty the Mime Dingus,
Dingleberry, Carvaggio and Dirk Dingleberry. 30 People dead, 28

(02:04:30):
PCs. Today we honor them as commoners
who stood up against evil, who fought with their lives, who
became the new Knights of the Commonwealth of Planktonville.
I present to you. And he pulls the curtain off a
giant statue behind him, the common Knights of Planktonville.
And it's this massive statue depicting all of your

(02:04:53):
characters, all thirty of these people, including, you know,
Bill, Bill Worth and and old manJimothy takes the the towel off
and reveals this beautiful statue.
And the camera pans out out of the town as the people cheer and
celebrate the end of this rat incursion and the victory that

(02:05:16):
the Kamenites had. And it pans out back into the
construction zone of the Tavern as the plain looking man
finishes the story. Yeah, that's my hometown.
I'd love to get back there someday, but I need another
Starship or portal or something to take me back since it's on
another planet, you know? Well anyways, let me know when

(02:05:37):
the Tavern is finished and I'll sure to be be I'll be sure to be
back. And he walks out, and then all
is quiet in the Tavern for a moment.
Then the rustling of pages is heard and papers from around the
room start swirling rapidly through the air between the
workers and underneath the construction equipment,
coalescing in the center into a very plain looking book.

(02:05:58):
The air is quiet once again as letters engrave themselves on
the cover of the book with the title Rats Versus Commoners.
The book gracefully makes its way to one of the walls that has
a makeshift bookshelf that has just been put together and it
finds its place on the shelf. And thus concludes Rats versus

(02:06:19):
Commoners. Great job guys.
Thank you to all the players this week, Tyler, Daisy, Tiddly
and Scott. Their socials can be found in
the description. Thank you to Scott for editing
and producing this podcast. If you want to see the video of
this episode, it will be up on our YouTube follow us at Tall
tale Tavern podcast on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok.
If you like us, give us one of those good five good five star

(02:06:41):
reviews like and share the video, etcetera, etcetera.
Join our discord 2. If you have questions about the
episode, ask them in the chaser questions channel and we will
answer them in the chaser episode.
Thank you to Tyler Adelsperger for our intro music.
Thank you to Zazar. For our artwork.
And with that, we will see you next time at the Tall Tale
Tavern.

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