November 12, 2024 • 48 mins
As the holiday season approaches, it often brings a mix of joy and stress. Join Tanya and her guest, Regina Apparicio, Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Mental Health at Scrub Life Cares, as they explore maintaining mental well-being during this festive yet challenging time. Regina's journey, shaped by personal experiences and her childhood curiosity about the brain, sheds light on the cultural challenges of pursuing a career in mental health within Caribbean society. Together, they discuss how therapy can help balance the happiness of family gatherings with personal moments of reflection.
Discover how to manage holiday expectations and traditions effectively, particularly within culturally diverse families. Tanya and Regina address the pressures of holiday traditions and offer practical strategies for parents to meet these expectations without compromising their resources or capacity. They highlight the importance of adapting traditions to fit cultural identities, such as those in the Caribbean context. By planning early and sharing responsibilities like potluck gatherings, families can create more enjoyable and peaceful holiday experiences.
The episode also explores the importance of supporting children’s mental health beyond the holiday season. Tanya emphasizes self-care for parents and the significance of being present and responsive to children's needs, recognizing their unique tolerance for holiday activities. Regina delves into creating a supportive environment for open emotional communication, ensuring children feel secure and understood. This holistic approach, which includes understanding verbal and non-verbal cues, helps foster emotional resilience in children, preparing them to face new and unfamiliar situations confidently.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Tea with Tanya.
I'm your host, tanya Ambrose,an average millennial navigating
life as a maternal healthprofessional, non-profit founder
and grad student.
Join me in the tea tasting roomwhere we spill the tea on
finding balance and promotingpositive living while doing it
all.
(00:20):
Hey friend, welcome back toanother episode of Tea with
Tanya, and today we're going tobe diving into a topic that's
very important because itaffects many families,
especially the way in which thisworld has been going the last
11 months now, and that ismental health during the
(00:40):
holidays, because, you know,this time of the year can be
full of warmth and joy, orshould be, but it can also be
very overwhelming, especiallyfor parents managing their own
expectations and the needs oftheir children.
So today I'm very excited fortoday's guest, like I always am.
She's an amazing person.
She's a director of health Imean mental health in Scrub Life
(01:01):
Care.
It's my non-profit organizationand we're going to be talking
about, you know, family andmentor health.
So, regina, welcome to Tea withTanya.
I think you're finally on here.
You're on the Instagram liveseries, but you're now finally
on the actual podcast.
So welcome to the Tea TastingRoom.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited for beinghere, tanya, because, of course,
I have been looking forward tothis moment.
I have seen many of yourpodcasts being circulated and so
you know, when you did reachout to me, I said, yay, finally
I get to really sit in thisspace with you and for us to
(01:38):
converse on a topic that is verymuch important, and even one
that had me thinking quite a bitfor myself, not just from the
standpoint of being a mentalhealth provider and advocate,
but even one of being a parent.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, that's very important because, again, when
you think about the stress thatcomes with just being a parent
throughout the entire year, butthen when you think about the
holiday season, you know there'sso many things that interplay
there.
So tell us a little bit beforewe get into the meat of the
episode.
How did your upbringing orbackground lead you to this
career that you decided tochoose, that you chose from?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That's a very loaded question, because I feel as if I
was influenced by a variety ofexperiences, one starting out
with you know.
When I take my mind as far backas I can, I remember genuinely
having a curiosity about thebrain and the way in which it
(02:38):
functioned, and that wasstemming from having a family
member who had a condition thatwas, you know, a disability, I
would say, and I believe it wascerebral palsy from you know,
and so I couldn't understandwell, why did I develop the way
(02:59):
in which I was developing, butthis family member somehow
couldn't develop along the samepath?
And so when I was told that,you know, the condition is one
that is connected to some ofwhat is happening in the brain
and so forth, it really piquedmy curiosity.
And then, of course, I wentfurther into high school and I
(03:23):
started to do the naturalsciences, and then I started to
realize I have interest in maybebeing a neurologist,
neurosurgeon, but I reallydidn't like chemistry and
physics and all of the thingsthat were necessary for me to
have that foundation to moveforward in the medical field.
So you know, I still maintainthe curiosity.
(03:45):
And then I remember one timebeing told that you know what
you would make a really goodtherapist, and I didn't even
know what it meant.
And then I remember someoneelse saying to me that you know
that maybe you could be apsychologist.
And at that time, you know itwas a big word for me and I
still didn't have a fullunderstanding of what it meant.
And around that time, you know,it was a big word for me and I
still didn't have a fullunderstanding of what it meant.
(04:07):
And around that period Iremember sharing with someone.
You know what I really like tohelp people, and perhaps nursing
is one of those professions.
I go into and I had someone inmy life discourage me from it.
She scared me by saying to mewell, you know, if you were to
follow that path, then it meansthat you would need to prepare
(04:28):
yourself to have to clean upafter persons and their body
wastes.
And I said nah, and they werevery raw about it.
You know, I am being veryfiltered, but it was very
unhinged the way in which theperson went into depth around
what I would experience, and soit scared me away, but it didn't
(04:50):
scare me away from wanting tohelp people.
And so when I did do theresearch around what it meant to
be a psychologist and what theprofession entailed and the
responsibility, it's almost likea fire lit within me that I
said to myself this is who Iwant to be, and that was from
since high school and I've nevershifted from that up until this
(05:15):
point.
So I'm really glad and reallyprivileged to be here in that
capacity.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And I love talking about you, talking to you
because, again, the way in which, coming from a Caribbean, our
brain, we know, when it comes toour mental health, that's
something that we don't oftentalk about.
So see you leading the chargewith mental health back in
Antigua.
It's always a joy and aprivilege because, again, our
thing is to not become a doctoror a teacher, but then who's
going to take care of our mentalhealth?
(05:42):
We can't talk about our overallwellbeing if we're not talking
about our mental health.
You know, and I think aboutlike the holidays can be such a
mixed experience For me.
It's happiness and it's also alittle bit of sadness because,
again, it's the one time where Iwould have lost my grandmother,
but I've got the tools by wayof therapy, you know as to how
to manage my stress or myanxiety, or even a depression
(06:04):
from time to time as well.
And then, on one hand, you knowthere's the excitement that you
know, and family time, becauseyou know what we're going to
come together, we're going tofellowship, but then there's
also a lot of stress that comesalong with it, especially for
parents juggling so manydifferent responsibilities.
So what are some of thechallenges, or common challenges
you've seen parents face,especially during the holiday
season.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Immediately, what comes to mind for me is finance,
and that is because of thesocial expectations around the
holiday season, whether it behaving to, let's say, provide
additional resources and I and Isay that I say that in a way
that, um, you know, it makes mechuckle because of course it
(06:47):
really isn't coming from a placeof necessity it is more so of
resourcing a child with wants,and when I say that, what I mean
is even having to purchase toys, which is an additional
financial burden on a parent, orgifts.
And whilst you may be expectedfrom a societal or social
(07:09):
standpoint because, of course,what you're being bombarded with
is a lot of advertisement withreference to the gifts of the
season and joy and fulfillment,and what those ads tend to focus
on are all the ways in whichparents should shower their
children with these fancy toysand gadgets.
And so there is thisexpectation that, in coming into
(07:34):
this time of year, that parentsare expected, of course, to
find the ways and the means todish out more money, all right,
and so that's coming from thestandpoint of the responsibility
as a parent, and it may notjust be for the individual child
(07:54):
, but of course you may evenhave things like Christmas
parties and programs.
There are additional moniesthat are expected to be expended
by the family and that can besomewhat stressful.
And then, of course, we havethe actual preparation of the
household.
You know you made reference toour Caribbean upbringing and let
(08:14):
me tell you, you know, in otherparts of the world we would
talk about things like springcleaning.
In the Caribbean household, itis it is Christmas where a lot
is done, that is, persons areeven painting over their houses,
outfitting their homes withbrand new furniture and all
(08:35):
these fancy curtains.
Every room needs to berefurnished in some way, and it
is a significantly financiallyburdensome experience and very
tiring too in terms of thepreparation.
So even many Caribbean mothersare oftentimes spending late
(08:57):
hours at night doing a ton ofcleaning in order to make sure
that the home is ready for theholiday, for the Christmas
period itself leading up, and somany persons don't oftentimes
think about the impact that has.
And that is because ofessentially wanting to be in
(09:17):
keeping with cultural traditionand also wanting to be sometimes
in competition with theirneighbors, because of who has
the nice and fanciest layout.
Curtains and yep Curtains, andso it is a lot to keep up with
and it is oftentimes notnecessarily focused on, I would
(09:38):
say, in terms of the impact thatthat holds on a person in terms
of wanting to be able to keepup with the Joneses.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
And I think you know that's a very good answer,
because I think, again, we thinkabout having to live up to
certain expectations.
Why, I don't even know how.
When was that even created?
You know?
You just know that we weretrying to cram in everything in
December leading up to one daywhich is Christmas.
You know, here in the UnitedStates we have Thanksgiving and
Black Friday, but for us in theCaribbean, our spring cleaning,
(10:11):
so to speak, happens in themonth of December.
I've had my mom ironing curtaincloths on the iron board the
night before on Christmas Eve.
That was our tradition.
We had all this time.
We had 11 months essentially todo these things and we're
trying to cram everything in oneweek to lead up to one special
day, you know.
And then we think about again,you have to live up to the
expectations, you know, betweengift giving, attending different
events, like you mentioned,keeping up the traditions, that
(10:31):
can be overwhelming Because Imean, I know, for me I'm like in
my own house now I'm trying todo the same thing, but it
becomes a lot for me.
So what are some effective waysyou think parents can manage
these pressures?
Because, again, how can theyset boundaries or how can they
manage these pressures of livingup to, I'll just say, keeping
with the Joneses?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I would first of all say, indicate that it's
important for parents to bemindful of their own personal
situation and circumstance, sothat it's starting there Having
an understanding of your ownresources and your own capacity
and what it is that you canrealistically manage to do with.
(11:11):
Maybe one child is able topurchase a Christmas tree and
place all of the gifts onto thattree for this one child.
A family that has five childrenmay not be able to shower each
of those children with multiplegifts, and so that's the reality
of the situation.
And do we even need to maintain, let's say, standards and
(11:34):
traditions that are coming fromother cultures, like even I made
mention of having a Christmastree?
That may not even be atradition, that is, you know, it
is common for a Caribbeanhousehold.
We do have Western influences,of course, yet it is important
for us to stay true to what Iwould consider to be our
cultural identity.
So it doesn't rob you from yourexperience if you're not able
(11:58):
to do what you see is happeningon TV, okay.
So what I would also say is toeven pace oneself, and, as you
mentioned, tanya, that many ofour parents, particularly our
mothers, would wait until thatChristmas Eve, because, of
course this is the tradition,and they are busy ironing
(12:18):
curtains, curtains thatotherwise throw the other 360.
Who are not being used, whoneed to be ironed, you know, and
they're pressuring themselvesfor all of this when, in fact,
it is the same family who hasbeen existing in this household,
who have been very much okaywith the wrinkle curtains.
Okay.
(12:39):
So I would say for parents youknow, if that is what you want
to do, because of course Iwouldn't say to move away from
what brings you happiness andjoy in that moment.
You know everybody wants to havea nice decorated space.
Yet, pace yourself leading up,even if it means identifying
well what it is that I want tobe able to do from this moment,
(13:00):
and can I begin to do it earlier, so I am not stuck on Christmas
Eve rushing to get the housetogether, going out to do last
minute Christmas shopping andknowing that I also perhaps need
to attend services at my church, because of course that is
another tradition that we have.
So, going into Christmas Dayitself, which should be a period
(13:23):
of celebration where weexperience peace, happiness, joy
, fulfillment, many persons aregoing in exhausted and then
having to wake up very earlyChristmas morning to prepare
traditional breakfasts and evenmore extensive meals for family
gathering.
So, even as I'm on the dayitself, what I would say is you
(13:45):
know, one thing I can appreciateabout the Caribbean tradition
is that we engage in a lot oflike potlucks around.
Christmas.
So you know, the task is reallyon the person who is hosting
for them to have their spaceavailable and to undertake the
additional work of thepreparation and perhaps the
(14:05):
cleanup after.
And in some households and Ican say even for my own there
are instances where we wouldeach send out, like we would
have a list prepared, andpersons are dividing up and
conquering.
You know you're saying, ok, Iwill take on the turkey this
year, another family membertakes on the ham and so forth,
and then we create an entiredinner experience from each
(14:29):
person taking on a task.
So it isn't overwhelming.
That works in larger familiesand extended families.
For smaller families, though, itmay not be that helpful to have
an extensive menu, unless, ofcourse, perhaps one may be
seeking to, let's say, outsourceby purchasing.
So that way you're not stuckover the fire, literally just
(14:53):
there cooking up a ton of mealsand by the end of it you're so
tired, you're so exhausted,you're so overwhelmed you can't
even enjoy the meal that you'rehaving.
So what I would definitely sayis that it's helpful to continue
those types of traditions, thatis, to share up tasks,
responsibility, and I've evenseen in some households that
persons you know, even thoughit's not their home that they're
(15:15):
going to.
They would even volunteer atthe end to help to clean back up
, so the person posting is notleft again with the burden of
okay, now everybody has clearedout, here I am stuck with all of
these dirty dishes and with ahouse that's unkempt, and now
here I am overwhelmed again, andit's just an ongoing experience
(15:36):
of, of course, stress, whichcan be impactful, yeah, and I
think the idea of, you knowagain, wanting to keep up with
the family traditions or evencreating traditions that are
manageable, it makes for abetter day, a better time during
this season as well.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
but I think, one thing that comes to mind,
because having a conversationthe other day with a friend of
mine and she was like no, I'mgoing to put up my Christmas
tree the weekend after Halloweenand everything, and she was
asking me if I was going to doit I said, girl, I don't have
the time.
I said I'm a one personhousehold at this point in time,
you know.
But at the same time I toldmyself, you know what?
I'm?
(16:12):
A social media era right nowand you see all the things from
the TikToks to the Instagramreels of what people are doing,
the different things which youmentioned earlier, that can have
a financial strain onindividuals trying to keep up
because of what they see onsocial media.
Knowing good and well you knowwhat I can only afford, let's
say, $10 worth of Christmasitems, whatever that may be.
(16:33):
But because I see Susie overhere on TikTok and Mary on
Instagram, I'm trying to putmyself in a stressful position
so that I can.
Who are we pleasing essentially,then?
And I think for me, I'mthinking about, like self-care,
because we oftentimes we talkabout self-care any other day of
the year, but then, when itcomes to the holiday season, now
, for some reason moms aregetting into super mom's role.
(16:55):
Fathers are over here trying tomake sure that the house is
ready, or whatever renovation isneeded, so that we can show
people who we are hosting, thatyou know, here we are with this
perfect family, or we have itall together, or whatever the
case is.
This is our norm.
When it's not so, could youspeak to why?
You know self-care is essential, especially for parents during
this time, like what are some,what are some ways they can,
(17:19):
like prioritize their mentalwellbeing during this time,
because we know it's a season ofoverwhelm and excess stress?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I would say that, parents, you know, even though
there is a lot of focus onessentially wanting to make your
children happy and, by doing so, providing them with some of
the toys you know, fulfillingthis wishlist that many of them
have, it's still important thatparents focus on themselves as
well, and focusing on oneselfdoesn't necessarily mean that
(17:45):
you are selfish as a parent.
It is ensuring that you are,first of all, fulfilled, that
you are able to fill up your ownjuice mug so that you can pour
into their little cups, and thatis your children who come
before you.
Because if you're in a state ofstress and overwhelm and you
have literally burnt throughyour finances in order to
(18:08):
fulfill what you know based onsocial media, as you mentioned,
tanya, and those sort ofpressures and expectations that
are dished out, which areoftentimes unrealistic and I'm
not even in keeping with thereality of the persons who are
posting online, but I digress.
But essentially, you know,parents should really take stock
of their needs, even whilsttrying to fulfill the wants of
(18:32):
their children, and what thatmay mean is ensuring that the
family's needs are prioritized,that the parent doesn't
necessarily burn through theirsavings, their budget isn't
significantly disrupted in a waythat, literally after Christmas
morning, the family isstruggling to go into January
(18:53):
Because, in the Caribbean inparticular, struggling to go
into January because, in theCaribbean in particular, many
persons are paid ahead ofChristmas, and so what that
means is that January seems toend up being a long month and
many persons don't take stock ofthat, the impact that that has,
because, of course, the billsare still coming, and so parents
(19:15):
really need to keep that intheir focus.
That, whilst I am seeking to buythese items, I also need to
ensure that I am prioritizingthe needs for myself, that I'm
still able to eat a nutritionalmeal after Christmas, that I am
not essentially putting thefamily in a position of
struggling, that I'm still ableto, let's say, if I'm active in
(19:38):
the gym, I can still keep upwith my gym membership, I can
keep the utilities on that.
They are basic essentials thatare still being made available
to the family and, of course, Ieven give to myself.
So even whilst we're trying tomake sure that our children have
the nice necessities and whatwe figure it is that it's really
(19:59):
cool on the market, parentsalso need to ensure that they're
prioritizing their own needs,their overall wellness and
health, so that to shift a bitto focus on our children.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I know we spoke briefly about our parents or
caregivers, but for children,you know, the holidays can be
full of joy and excitement, butthen that could also lead to
overstimulation or evendisappointment sometimes, if
you're being honest, especiallyif things don't go as expected
for our children, who don't knowany better most times right.
So what are some ways ourparents can support their
(20:37):
children's mental health duringthis season?
Not only this season, eventhough we're talking about that,
but even to continue, becausewe don't want to start something
and then we don't continue oncethe holiday season is over.
We got to think about the next11 months again before we get
back to where we are.
So how can they support theirchildren's mental health during
this season and even beyond?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
their children's mental health during this season
and even beyond.
We need to definitely ensure, asparents and you know, and I say
as parents because, like Imentioned, at the start that I
am one myself that we're notjust focusing on and dishing out
the gadgets and putting theseitems and products in front of
them in hopes that it would filla void.
Our presence is still very muchneeded and so, even if we,
(21:16):
let's say, give them a game as agift, we need to be playing
these games with them.
We need to be active in theirlives.
We need to ensure that, evenwhilst we're preparing the home,
that we're still actuallyspending time with them.
They're not being neglectedwhilst we are chasing around and
(21:37):
wanting to fulfill all of theseexpectations, because what is
really important at that timeand that is what needs to be the
focus how it is that ourchildren's needs are being met,
how we are being responsiveparents, because, of course,
every child at differentdevelopmental stages may show
indicators of overwhelm, thatoverstimulation, as you
(21:59):
mentioned, tanya.
That's very different.
Not every child can handle allof these big parties or
gatherings that some familiestend to host, and they may not
be able to be a part of thesetypes of gatherings for extended
hours.
So we need to be mindful thatthe capacity and tolerance level
(22:20):
of an adult to all of the lightand the sound and the music and
even the abundance of personswho are perhaps chatting a lot
and everything, all the activityessentially that is happening
in the space.
Some children may not be ableto handle it for different
reasons.
It could be because of varyingmental health conditions like
(22:42):
autism and ADHD, which makes itdifficult for them to manage the
sensory overload and beingoverly stimulated in those
moments, versus it could bebecause of their age, their
developmental stage.
Like a newborn child, a baby,an infant can't necessarily
handle so many persons beingaround them and overstimulating
(23:04):
the brain in that way, eventoddlers.
When I think about my daughter,more recently I took her to a
graduation ceremony and you know, tanya, that Caribbean
graduation ceremonies they canbe long and they can be drawn
out and at one point sheliterally said to me.
She said to me first mommy, Iwant you to put back on my shoes
(23:26):
, so she's ready to go.
She's ready to go and I neededto know, as a parent, what the
signals were because, of course,after, let's say, if I were to
decide that I'm going to justignore her because I just want
to be in his graduation ceremonyand I'm going to see it through
to the end what I'm going to beleft with is a child that is
(23:46):
throwing a tantrum, that iscrying, that is squirmy, that is
getting restless, that isgetting irritable and, through
no fault of her own, becausewhat she has been faced with is
just too much for her to handle.
And shortly after the shoeswent on, she literally turned to
me and said mommy, I am readyto go home.
(24:08):
And so I just had to say to herokay, once we just get past
this little moment here, thenwe're able to make that
transition out of that ceremony.
What worked in my favor is thatshe found another little child
who she could play with.
That took her attention awayfrom all of the stimulation,
(24:28):
particularly involving theadults and what was happening
there.
So she was able to find somesort of distraction in the
moment, but even that wasshort-lived.
So it's important for parentsto be mindful and aware of what
their children can actuallytolerate.
What it may look likepractically is, let's say, going
(24:48):
to the event maybe earlier,before the entire crowd is
present, or waiting until muchlater along, or a midpoint, and
ensuring that you maintain aboundary around time.
So if the child can only manage, let's say, an hour, hour and a
half, then you stick to that.
We're not forcing our childrento stay into these environments
(25:12):
beyond what it is that they cantruly manage.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
You know it's funny that you mentioned that because
I think, again, I'm not a parentyet, but as a parent yourself
and for those listening, youknow you think about okay, I'm
going to get my child ready,we're going to go to this
graduation, we're going to go tothis event, not thinking about
maybe what kind of stress oremotional response they would
have, just in general.
But when you think about theholiday season, you know their
(25:42):
routines are being disruptedbecause now you're no longer in
your safe or common environment,you're somewhere else now and
whatever routine we had when wewere home it gets interrupted
because again, you know you'recooking, you're cleaning, you're
mingling with friends andfamily, so baby's usual bedtime
may not even be that anymore,because you know what we are on
vacation or it's a holiday time.
Everything goes out the window,you know.
And so, like, I wonder, likewhat kinds of stressors or even
emotional responses you thinkchildren often experience during
(26:04):
the holiday time when thingsare just disrupted across our
boards?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
so what you may find is that a child may become
irritable as an emotionalresponse.
They may basically expressbeing overwhelmed, and express
it through crying spells,throwing tantrums, because
sometimes children may not haveall the words to really say to
you well, mommy, right now thisis too much.
(26:29):
And so what we tend to noticeis that they act out their
feelings because of course, theydon't necessarily have the
emotional growth at that pointin order for them to truly
identify what is happening.
So that's why we have to payvery keen attention to our
children and almost notice thedifference in the behavior when
(26:53):
the routine is disrupted, asyou've mentioned, tanya, because
of course you know, the childmay be accustomed to going to
bed at, let's say, eight o'clock, but then when we're traveling
or when we are going to theseevents, the child is now forced
to go to bed later because allof the activities that is taking
(27:15):
place around them, it is hardfor them to settle and wind down
.
So we definitely have to beaware and we have to find ways
to soothe our children too whenthey're experiencing the
discomfort.
Some children are soothed wellvia objects, whether it be a
teddy bear, a blanket, anythingthat helps to establish that
sense of comfort, sometimes evenjust cradling them, rocking
(27:38):
them, so that they feel thissense of OK.
Well, my, you know that warmth,that connection to their
caregiver, this responsiveresponsiveness to their needs,
is important.
It's important that, evenwhilst we're engaging in the
festivities, that we still checkin on them, ensuring that
they're eating on time.
(27:59):
But sometimes we can get reallycarried away in the host you
know that we are not payingattention to if, let's say, the
child has a particular timingwithin which they need to eat,
or if the child is being pottytrained, keeping up with their
schedule, that is, they need togo to the bathroom at this time
and they may need thatadditional support from the
(28:19):
parent.
And even all of that gets verydisrupted when you travel
because there is still so muchhappening outside of your
control.
For instance, when I thinkabout when I traveled to the US
and you're going through thelong line at TSA and children
can't manage it, they reallycan't.
There are times when I have tokeep looking all around like a
surveillance camera for mydaughter, because I know I need
(28:44):
to stand up in this line and Ihave no choice but to do so.
She's literally sometimestugging me along and saying to
me Mommy, let's go, let's go.
And so we need to be preparedfor even instances like that,
that we have helpful and healthydistractions for them, whether
it mean a book, having a bookthat they're interested in.
(29:05):
You know, parents oftentimesuse the gadgets, but even the
gadgets sometimes can beoverstimulating.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Even having a warm cup of their favorite tea, hot
milk, porridge, whatever it isthat helps that child to feel
more settled and grounded in themoment is helpful and, you know
, I think I think that ishelpful indeed, because I think
it's wise that parents areproactive when it comes to their
children and this holiday timeand this busy season.
So what are some advice, or whatis it?
(29:33):
What is the best approach, youthink, in preparing children for
changes in their routine?
You know, like the gatheringsand the travel, because, like we
mentioned, it's going to bedisrupted, we, we're going to be
up late, we're laughing, we'remingling.
You know, let's say, you don'tlive, like for me, I don't live
with my, my family and myparents anymore because I'm in a
different country.
So then when we go home now,everybody's just like, so happy
to see each other, we to aroutine one way, and then, you
know, the disruption of thatroutine now can, can have a long
(30:03):
lasting effect by the time youreturn to where you know you,
you, you live.
So what is the best approach inpreparing children, whether
it's as a toddler, even ifyou're a teen, whatever it is,
for changes in their routine,especially when it comes to
holiday gatherings and traveland stuff like that?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
I like that you mentioned teen, because with
teen or teenagers in particular,they're the ones who you may be
able to actually speak to aboutthe experience and what to
expect and have further dialoguewith them and get them involved
in the process of thepreparations and the planning,
(30:38):
so that they're taking objectsor they're pulling together
their own resources.
That could help them to managethe experience and they would be
better able to readjust than,let's say, a much smaller child.
So they're the ones who youcould take some risk with in
terms of if their bedtime is youor their curfew, however it is,
(30:59):
that you may look at.
It is usually, let's say, um,at 10 o'clock and the garden
you're out at a gathering up to,let's say, midnight, which is
very common in some caribbeanhouseholds where you are staying
at these festivities for long,long hours, all the way down
into four in the morningdepending and so it's important
(31:20):
for them to be told ahead whatit is that they can expect, and
if it is that they're able tohave similar age peers around
them too, that they can engagein activities that they're
interested in, then that couldhelp with the experience.
And you know, parents also needto be willing to adjust
themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
So once you can, or before you had a child, you
could decide you're going tostay at this event until
whenever you feel like leaving.
It's still important that weshift our own approaches and
understand that we still areparents and we need to be
mindful of what happens to ourchildren and even what happens
(32:00):
to ourselves, Because for me, Ifeel as if my body operates very
differently now after having achild.
Whereas I could stay up beforeand just do whatever, I could be
sleep deprived and I could getup the next day and I'm okay, or
I could sleep in longer.
That doesn't happen anymore.
When you're a parent, you stillneed to be able to get up the
(32:21):
next day, get up early and getthe children prepared.
So even having to leave theevent early is for your benefit
as well.
Now, when we look at more sosmaller children, the
responsibility then shifts moreto the parents in terms of
understanding, based on theexperience with them, what it is
(32:42):
that your child may actuallyfeel more connected to, what it
is that could help your child tomanage the experience in the
moment and when it is that theycould no longer manage, and
that's the point within whichyou may need to make a decision
to leave some of these eventsand if it is not an event, I
(33:04):
would say that it's important,even as an example we spoke
about traveling that you findeven spaces, quiet spaces,
spaces where the light isn't asbright that it could help quiet
the child down, that they couldactually get a restful night's
sleep.
For me in particular, Tanya,sometimes what I would do,
(33:24):
especially if I know it involvesnight travel I would most
importantly ensure that I havemy daughter's stroller and,
trust me, that's only used whenI'm traveling, because in
Antigua you don't really needmuch of those things because we
are short distances.
But when it is that I am inenvironments where the distance
is longer, I try to make surethat I have some of the clothing
(33:47):
that she would typically wearlater at night, like the longer
sleeves I would ensure I have,like a blanket.
I would have what is necessaryto begin to almost organically
create an environment for herthat is supportive of a restful
night that she can begin to winddown as best as possible in
(34:08):
line with the routine that hasbeen established.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You know, I love that idea of you know, creating a
safe space even for children, nomatter how old or how young
they may be, because they havefeelings.
They're going to have differentemotions as well.
I think sometimes our childrentend to feel overwhelmed, but as
a parent or as an adult, we'renot expecting them to feel that
(34:31):
way Because, oh, you're a child,what can you be stressed about?
Why are you overwhelmed?
It's all on me, but sometimesthey don't even have the words
to explain how they're feeling.
It's all on me, you know, butsometimes they don't even have
the words to explain how they'refeeling.
Whether you're two years old oryou're even 17, you know.
So how can our parents create anenvironment where children feel
safe to talk about theirfeelings?
Because I think that's what'smissing in today's society to an
(34:52):
extent, not only during theholiday time, but definitely
throughout the entire year.
Our children don't know how tocommunicate their feelings or
their emotions, especiallyduring a busy season.
So how can our parents createan environment where their
children feel safe to talk aboutanything, doesn't matter how
they're feeling upset, angry,happy.
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Parents need to first of all start off with even
identifying times throughout theday, despite how busy our
schedules can be, where we areable to even sit and have
conversations with our children,and having genuine
conversations around.
How did your day go?
Didn't anything interestinghappen at school?
(35:31):
What did you enjoy the mostabout your day?
What came up for you?
How are you getting along withyour friends, with your
schoolwork, with your teachers?
What is happening?
And if you getting along withyour friends, with your
schoolwork, with your teachers,what is happening?
And if you notice that thechild is quiet, you could even
say well, I noticed that you'requiet today.
What's going on?
And you're allocating the time,excuse me, in order to do so,
(35:53):
and time that allows the childto have that free opportunity
without judgment, and thatyou're not rushing them along
too.
So it's one thing to be tryingto do so when you're trying to
get them out of the door andyou're in the car and you're
hustling from one activity tothe next.
What's important is that thechild is aware that there is a
slower period in that day wherethey can have that moment to
(36:17):
either mommy or daddy andundivided, meaning that there is
nothing else occupying yourattention, that you're fully
attuned with them, with theirresponsiveness, even to perhaps
some of the questions that youmay be asking or some of the
statements that you're making,that you're not just paying
attention to what they verbalize, but also in the way in which
(36:41):
they are behaving, because, likeI mentioned earlier, children
are oftentimes acting out theirfeelings.
So they may be saying to youwell, I'm good, I'm okay, but is
the child crying?
Does the child seem afraid?
Does the child seem nervous?
Based on their behaviors, is thechild presenting to you as if
(37:03):
they're somewhat guarded, likethey're reluctant to say things
to you, that they're very vaguewith their responses and it's
almost as if, okay, somethingmay be there, but they're not
fully forthcoming with what theissue is.
So, as parents, we need to befully attuned with what is
happening with our children andwe need to be fully responsive
(37:26):
to their needs, as best as wecan, and even ask persons around
them, whether it be othercaregivers, other family members
, other persons in the household, asking them what has their
interaction been with the child,what are they noticing, so that
you're not just relying on whatis being said to you or your
(37:48):
own thoughts, because, of course, other persons may be with them
throughout other times in theday, and they may be privy to
things that you are not.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
What is a good way to help all children identify and
communicate the emotions ingeneral, but also during the
busy season and I ask thatquestion because, again, we
mentioned about going to thesedifferent gatherings or going to
a family event, or whatever thecase may be Sometimes as
parents we tend to forget ourchildren.
(38:17):
What I mean is the fact that,oh, go play with your cousins in
the yard, wherever, and thenknowing that sometimes maybe
that child could be, you know,insecure about something, or
they could be an introvert,they're really, really shy, so
it takes a while even for themto get used to where they are in
that particular environment.
But again, as parents,sometimes or at least you know,
(38:37):
back in our day, I don't know,you know we would just tell you
know what you're here, we'regoing to be here for the next
couple of days or how many hours.
Go find something to do, gopray to your cousin, go pray to
your sister, do whatever, butagain, we don't want to.
But then sometimes that fear ofessentially one, probably,
speaking back to your parents,it depends on what kind of
environment you're used to inyour household, right?
So then you're there, feelinguncomfortable, you're sad, you
(39:01):
know it can even create a senseof anxiety now, because you know
what I'm not comfortable aroundthese people or in this
particular environment, but Icannot tell my mom or my dad, I
cannot tell my grandma, I cannottell whoever it is as an adult
how I'm feeling.
So what's a good way to helpchildren identify and
communicate their emotionsduring this time, this busy
season, but just in general,when it comes to our parents?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I think it's important for us to sometimes
try to put ourselves in theirshoes, in their little tiny
shoes, remembering where we oncecame from and what it was like
for us, even at their age.
So it is very difficult forjust as it is for adults,
sometimes to go into spaces thatare not familiar, and what it
(39:43):
does is that it creates fear,worry, concern, and some
children would even simply saywell, I feel scared, and whilst
there isn't necessarily amonster in the room, there is
the perception that I can'tmanage because of how unfamiliar
this feels to me.
(40:03):
And so what I oftentimes try todo for myself, and I would
encourage parents to do, is,even before you come out of the
car, like as you're pulling upto where it is that you're going
, or even before you do so, youstart to have little
conversations with the child,reassuring them that you let
them know, in a language thatthey could understand, that this
(40:24):
is where you're going.
This is what could happen interms of you're going to see
people that are new to you, oryou may even see someone that is
familiar to you and feelcomfortable to connect with the
person that you feel comfortablewith in some way, sometimes
when the child may hear okay,well, your favorite cousin is
(40:46):
going to be there or you knowyour sister or your brother is
coming along with you.
Then it helps the child to feelmore reassured that, okay,
somebody else is there or thereis an object of familiarity to
me that I can go back towards mysafe base that allows me to
navigate what feels like it's sounfamiliar.
(41:09):
Then it's important to even uselanguage.
That's reassuring, that you'resaying to the child that you
know, okay, I get it, that youfeel scared but you're gonna be
okay and that I am here and thatif, let's say, something
happens, the child needs to knowwhat part of the environment
you are, that they can come backto you as their secure base.
(41:31):
So some children are able to gointo these environments or I
should say at least most whenthey do notice that the
caregiver is within their reach.
So my daughter, I notice, getsvery settled in unfamiliar
spaces if she just even sees me.
I don't have to be thereactually interacting with her,
(41:53):
but if she can see me, it thenallows her to feel free enough
to roam out at a distance withother children who are not
familiar, and then she knowsthat I'm there to come back and
if, let's say, I do need toleave the space briefly, I would
even still reassure her andtell her I am going to come back
.
I won't just disappear, right?
(42:15):
I let her know and I know shehas no sense of time, but I
still even try to communicate atime.
But I reassure her that I willbe back and I try to maintain
that time frame within whichI've committed to as best as
possible.
So you know, and even if, let'ssay, the child gets scared and
is tearful about it, it'simportant that we are not
(42:38):
punitive in our approach, thatwe still hug the child, embrace
the child, help them tounderstand that even their fear
and their worry are appropriatefor the situation and that you
are still there to comfort them.
Because the child needs to knowwhen I get scared, my mommy is
(42:59):
still going to be as responsiveor my daddy as when I'm happy,
or when I am sad, or when I amangry, that we're still
available and that we're evenhelping them to identify and
name the emotions, becausesometimes I offer it.
I will ask do you feel sad?
Are you scared?
All right, and I know mydaughter, because of her age,
(43:23):
she may not be able to fullyarticulate why I may offer it.
Are you scared because you'reseeing people you don't know?
That it's somebody that youdon't know?
Anybody here, or your favoritecousin isn't he?
And then I would get a littlenod, and then I would then go
further to acknowledge becauseof course I would if I were her.
(43:44):
I would feel afraid sometimes,even as an adult, I go into
spaces that are unfamiliar to meand if I were to be true to
myself, I get scared yeahbecause I don't know what to
expect and I have more toolsthan she does to manage and to
stay grounded in that moment,and so I need to be
acknowledging that and embracingof that.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
You know, and I think that comes back again to being
that safe space or place foryour children as well.
Again, I know sometimes lifegets overwhelming, and sometimes
we lash out in a way that wedidn't mean to, but once you
create that safe environment, asyou said you mentioned, if
you're in the same space or areawhere your daughter is, she
knows I'm safe still because mymom is present, and I think
(44:27):
that's something that we oftentend to forget.
Something as simple as thatreally and truly goes a long way
as well.
So I want to thank you, regina,for the insight that you gave
us, because I know whoever islistening can take it.
They weren't thinking aboutthis.
You know they'll have a newperspective in general.
So, as we wrap up, though, I'dlove to hear if you have any
(44:48):
last words for parents who wantto make this holiday season a
little bit stressful and morejoyful.
What's one piece of advice youcan give to them?
Speaker 2 (45:08):
To focus on the reason for the season, like
what's one piece of advice youcan give to them that can
provide that long lasting forour children, and so it's
important that we find ways totruly enjoy being at home with
our families, to truly enjoybuilding connections with our
(45:34):
loved ones in a way that allowsus to create memories that when
they look back at them, whenthey are able to elicit them,
that it is not one where youknow there is a feeling of
discontent or sadness, but, moreso, opportunities that they can
bask in, enjoy, and that iswhat I would say is most
(45:57):
important.
I would wish for anyone that islistening to this podcast that
they are able to take that awayand ensure that they apply it
beyond even the holiday season,if we can embrace it every day
even better.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
So I want to thank you, regina, for joining us
today in the Tea Tasting Room,and I do think that everyone
listening will take away somesort of tool or even find a new
perspective again on navigatingthe holiday season.
So, as you said your last words, I want to tell everybody as
well Remember that taking careof your mental health is the
best gift you can give yourselfand your loved ones, especially
(46:35):
this holiday season.
So, of course, have a peaceful,joyful holiday season, and I
will see you back here in theTea Tasting Room next week for
another episode.
Oh wait, regina, before we go,hold on, hold on, hold on, I'm
back now.
I'm back now.
Tell the people where they canfind you, sure.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
So I can be found on Instagram.
My page is, or my handle, asthe younger people would say
although I'm not that oldbrigade, you dot transform self.
So I'm very much more active onInstagram.
It's one of my more favoriteplatforms, for whatever reason,
(47:12):
and I am also very active behindthe scenes, yet still in front
of the scenes sometimes, withregards to mental health talk
and TIGA, and so we areaccessible via both Facebook and
also on Instagram.
And I must say in my shamelessplug, I am a proud, proud member
(47:35):
of Scrub Life Kids.
So if you haven't alreadylistened to Tanya and gone ahead
to follow the respectiveplatforms for Scrub Life Cares,
I would encourage that you do so.
That is the only wish that Ihave for Christmas from the
listeners that you do find waysto connect with those platforms
(47:58):
and, of course, most importantly, support the initiatives.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yes, yes.
Thank you so much for joiningus here in the Tea Tasting Room.
You heard Regina support,support, support.
Of course, be sure to followher because she also does a lot
of work in the mental healthspace and, let me tell you,
sometimes it goes unnoticed, butat the same time it doesn't,
because again, we know we'rehere trying to break the stigma
as it relates to our mentalhealth.
So, of course, again, my friend, have a peaceful and joyful
(48:22):
holiday season and I'll see youback here next week in the Tea
Tasting Home.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Tea with
Tanya.
If you liked this episode, besure to share it with a friend.
Don't forget to follow onInstagram at Tea with Tanya
Podcast.
Be sure to subscribe to theweekly Tea Talk newsletter and,
(48:43):
of course, rate on Apple orSpotify and subscribe wherever
you listen.
See you next time.
I love you for listening.
Welcome to Tea with Tanya.
I'm your host, tanya Ambrose,an average millennial navigating
life as a maternal healthprofessional, non-profit founder
and grad student.
Join me in the tea tasting roomwhere we spill the tea on
finding balance and promotingpositive living while doing it
all.
(00:20):
Hey friend, welcome back toanother episode of Tea with
Tanya, and today we're going tobe diving into a topic that's
very important because itaffects many families,
especially the way in which thisworld has been going the last
11 months now, and that ismental health during the
(00:40):
holidays, because, you know,this time of the year can be
full of warmth and joy, orshould be, but it can also be
very overwhelming, especiallyfor parents managing their own
expectations and the needs oftheir children.
So today I'm very excited fortoday's guest, like I always am.
She's an amazing person.
She's a director of health Imean mental health in Scrub Life
(01:01):
Care.
It's my non-profit organizationand we're going to be talking
about, you know, family andmentor health.
So, regina, welcome to Tea withTanya.
I think you're finally on here.
You're on the Instagram liveseries, but you're now finally
on the actual podcast.
So welcome to the Tea TastingRoom.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm really excited for beinghere, tanya, because, of course,
I have been looking forward tothis moment.
I have seen many of yourpodcasts being circulated and so
you know, when you did reachout to me, I said, yay, finally
I get to really sit in thisspace with you and for us to
(01:38):
converse on a topic that is verymuch important, and even one
that had me thinking quite a bitfor myself, not just from the
standpoint of being a mentalhealth provider and advocate,
but even one of being a parent.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, that's very important because, again, when
you think about the stress thatcomes with just being a parent
throughout the entire year, butthen when you think about the
holiday season, you know there'sso many things that interplay
there.
So tell us a little bit beforewe get into the meat of the
episode.
How did your upbringing orbackground lead you to this
career that you decided tochoose, that you chose from?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That's a very loaded question, because I feel as if I
was influenced by a variety ofexperiences, one starting out
with you know.
When I take my mind as far backas I can, I remember genuinely
having a curiosity about thebrain and the way in which it
(02:38):
functioned, and that wasstemming from having a family
member who had a condition thatwas, you know, a disability, I
would say, and I believe it wascerebral palsy from you know,
and so I couldn't understandwell, why did I develop the way
(02:59):
in which I was developing, butthis family member somehow
couldn't develop along the samepath?
And so when I was told that,you know, the condition is one
that is connected to some ofwhat is happening in the brain
and so forth, it really piquedmy curiosity.
And then, of course, I wentfurther into high school and I
(03:23):
started to do the naturalsciences, and then I started to
realize I have interest in maybebeing a neurologist,
neurosurgeon, but I reallydidn't like chemistry and
physics and all of the thingsthat were necessary for me to
have that foundation to moveforward in the medical field.
So you know, I still maintainthe curiosity.
(03:45):
And then I remember one timebeing told that you know what
you would make a really goodtherapist, and I didn't even
know what it meant.
And then I remember someoneelse saying to me that you know
that maybe you could be apsychologist.
And at that time, you know itwas a big word for me and I
still didn't have a fullunderstanding of what it meant.
And around that time, you know,it was a big word for me and I
still didn't have a fullunderstanding of what it meant.
(04:07):
And around that period Iremember sharing with someone.
You know what I really like tohelp people, and perhaps nursing
is one of those professions.
I go into and I had someone inmy life discourage me from it.
She scared me by saying to mewell, you know, if you were to
follow that path, then it meansthat you would need to prepare
(04:28):
yourself to have to clean upafter persons and their body
wastes.
And I said nah, and they werevery raw about it.
You know, I am being veryfiltered, but it was very
unhinged the way in which theperson went into depth around
what I would experience, and soit scared me away, but it didn't
(04:50):
scare me away from wanting tohelp people.
And so when I did do theresearch around what it meant to
be a psychologist and what theprofession entailed and the
responsibility, it's almost likea fire lit within me that I
said to myself this is who Iwant to be, and that was from
since high school and I've nevershifted from that up until this
(05:15):
point.
So I'm really glad and reallyprivileged to be here in that
capacity.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
And I love talking about you, talking to you
because, again, the way in which, coming from a Caribbean, our
brain, we know, when it comes toour mental health, that's
something that we don't oftentalk about.
So see you leading the chargewith mental health back in
Antigua.
It's always a joy and aprivilege because, again, our
thing is to not become a doctoror a teacher, but then who's
going to take care of our mentalhealth?
(05:42):
We can't talk about our overallwellbeing if we're not talking
about our mental health.
You know, and I think aboutlike the holidays can be such a
mixed experience For me.
It's happiness and it's also alittle bit of sadness because,
again, it's the one time where Iwould have lost my grandmother,
but I've got the tools by wayof therapy, you know as to how
to manage my stress or myanxiety, or even a depression
(06:04):
from time to time as well.
And then, on one hand, you knowthere's the excitement that you
know, and family time, becauseyou know what we're going to
come together, we're going tofellowship, but then there's
also a lot of stress that comesalong with it, especially for
parents juggling so manydifferent responsibilities.
So what are some of thechallenges, or common challenges
you've seen parents face,especially during the holiday
season.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Immediately, what comes to mind for me is finance,
and that is because of thesocial expectations around the
holiday season, whether it behaving to, let's say, provide
additional resources and I and Isay that I say that in a way
that, um, you know, it makes mechuckle because of course it
(06:47):
really isn't coming from a placeof necessity it is more so of
resourcing a child with wants,and when I say that, what I mean
is even having to purchase toys, which is an additional
financial burden on a parent, orgifts.
And whilst you may be expectedfrom a societal or social
(07:09):
standpoint because, of course,what you're being bombarded with
is a lot of advertisement withreference to the gifts of the
season and joy and fulfillment,and what those ads tend to focus
on are all the ways in whichparents should shower their
children with these fancy toysand gadgets.
And so there is thisexpectation that, in coming into
(07:34):
this time of year, that parentsare expected, of course, to
find the ways and the means todish out more money, all right,
and so that's coming from thestandpoint of the responsibility
as a parent, and it may notjust be for the individual child
(07:54):
, but of course you may evenhave things like Christmas
parties and programs.
There are additional moniesthat are expected to be expended
by the family and that can besomewhat stressful.
And then, of course, we havethe actual preparation of the
household.
You know you made reference toour Caribbean upbringing and let
(08:14):
me tell you, you know, in otherparts of the world we would
talk about things like springcleaning.
In the Caribbean household, itis it is Christmas where a lot
is done, that is, persons areeven painting over their houses,
outfitting their homes withbrand new furniture and all
(08:35):
these fancy curtains.
Every room needs to berefurnished in some way, and it
is a significantly financiallyburdensome experience and very
tiring too in terms of thepreparation.
So even many Caribbean mothersare oftentimes spending late
(08:57):
hours at night doing a ton ofcleaning in order to make sure
that the home is ready for theholiday, for the Christmas
period itself leading up, and somany persons don't oftentimes
think about the impact that has.
And that is because ofessentially wanting to be in
(09:17):
keeping with cultural traditionand also wanting to be sometimes
in competition with theirneighbors, because of who has
the nice and fanciest layout.
Curtains and yep Curtains, andso it is a lot to keep up with
and it is oftentimes notnecessarily focused on, I would
(09:38):
say, in terms of the impact thatthat holds on a person in terms
of wanting to be able to keepup with the Joneses.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
And I think you know that's a very good answer,
because I think, again, we thinkabout having to live up to
certain expectations.
Why, I don't even know how.
When was that even created?
You know?
You just know that we weretrying to cram in everything in
December leading up to one daywhich is Christmas.
You know, here in the UnitedStates we have Thanksgiving and
Black Friday, but for us in theCaribbean, our spring cleaning,
(10:11):
so to speak, happens in themonth of December.
I've had my mom ironing curtaincloths on the iron board the
night before on Christmas Eve.
That was our tradition.
We had all this time.
We had 11 months essentially todo these things and we're
trying to cram everything in oneweek to lead up to one special
day, you know.
And then we think about again,you have to live up to the
expectations, you know, betweengift giving, attending different
events, like you mentioned,keeping up the traditions, that
(10:31):
can be overwhelming Because Imean, I know, for me I'm like in
my own house now I'm trying todo the same thing, but it
becomes a lot for me.
So what are some effective waysyou think parents can manage
these pressures?
Because, again, how can theyset boundaries or how can they
manage these pressures of livingup to, I'll just say, keeping
with the Joneses?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I would first of all say, indicate that it's
important for parents to bemindful of their own personal
situation and circumstance, sothat it's starting there Having
an understanding of your ownresources and your own capacity
and what it is that you canrealistically manage to do with.
(11:11):
Maybe one child is able topurchase a Christmas tree and
place all of the gifts onto thattree for this one child.
A family that has five childrenmay not be able to shower each
of those children with multiplegifts, and so that's the reality
of the situation.
And do we even need to maintain, let's say, standards and
(11:34):
traditions that are coming fromother cultures, like even I made
mention of having a Christmastree?
That may not even be atradition, that is, you know, it
is common for a Caribbeanhousehold.
We do have Western influences,of course, yet it is important
for us to stay true to what Iwould consider to be our
cultural identity.
So it doesn't rob you from yourexperience if you're not able
(11:58):
to do what you see is happeningon TV, okay.
So what I would also say is toeven pace oneself, and, as you
mentioned, tanya, that many ofour parents, particularly our
mothers, would wait until thatChristmas Eve, because, of
course this is the tradition,and they are busy ironing
(12:18):
curtains, curtains thatotherwise throw the other 360.
Who are not being used, whoneed to be ironed, you know, and
they're pressuring themselvesfor all of this when, in fact,
it is the same family who hasbeen existing in this household,
who have been very much okaywith the wrinkle curtains.
Okay.
(12:39):
So I would say for parents youknow, if that is what you want
to do, because of course Iwouldn't say to move away from
what brings you happiness andjoy in that moment.
You know everybody wants to havea nice decorated space.
Yet, pace yourself leading up,even if it means identifying
well what it is that I want tobe able to do from this moment,
(13:00):
and can I begin to do it earlier, so I am not stuck on Christmas
Eve rushing to get the housetogether, going out to do last
minute Christmas shopping andknowing that I also perhaps need
to attend services at my church, because of course that is
another tradition that we have.
So, going into Christmas Dayitself, which should be a period
(13:23):
of celebration where weexperience peace, happiness, joy
, fulfillment, many persons aregoing in exhausted and then
having to wake up very earlyChristmas morning to prepare
traditional breakfasts and evenmore extensive meals for family
gathering.
So, even as I'm on the dayitself, what I would say is you
(13:45):
know, one thing I can appreciateabout the Caribbean tradition
is that we engage in a lot oflike potlucks around.
Christmas.
So you know, the task is reallyon the person who is hosting
for them to have their spaceavailable and to undertake the
additional work of thepreparation and perhaps the
(14:05):
cleanup after.
And in some households and Ican say even for my own there
are instances where we wouldeach send out, like we would
have a list prepared, andpersons are dividing up and
conquering.
You know you're saying, ok, Iwill take on the turkey this
year, another family membertakes on the ham and so forth,
and then we create an entiredinner experience from each
(14:29):
person taking on a task.
So it isn't overwhelming.
That works in larger familiesand extended families.
For smaller families, though, itmay not be that helpful to have
an extensive menu, unless, ofcourse, perhaps one may be
seeking to, let's say, outsourceby purchasing.
So that way you're not stuckover the fire, literally just
(14:53):
there cooking up a ton of mealsand by the end of it you're so
tired, you're so exhausted,you're so overwhelmed you can't
even enjoy the meal that you'rehaving.
So what I would definitely sayis that it's helpful to continue
those types of traditions, thatis, to share up tasks,
responsibility, and I've evenseen in some households that
persons you know, even thoughit's not their home that they're
(15:15):
going to.
They would even volunteer atthe end to help to clean back up
, so the person posting is notleft again with the burden of
okay, now everybody has clearedout, here I am stuck with all of
these dirty dishes and with ahouse that's unkempt, and now
here I am overwhelmed again, andit's just an ongoing experience
(15:36):
of, of course, stress, whichcan be impactful, yeah, and I
think the idea of, you knowagain, wanting to keep up with
the family traditions or evencreating traditions that are
manageable, it makes for abetter day, a better time during
this season as well.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
but I think, one thing that comes to mind,
because having a conversationthe other day with a friend of
mine and she was like no, I'mgoing to put up my Christmas
tree the weekend after Halloweenand everything, and she was
asking me if I was going to doit I said, girl, I don't have
the time.
I said I'm a one personhousehold at this point in time,
you know.
But at the same time I toldmyself, you know what?
I'm?
(16:12):
A social media era right nowand you see all the things from
the TikToks to the Instagramreels of what people are doing,
the different things which youmentioned earlier, that can have
a financial strain onindividuals trying to keep up
because of what they see onsocial media.
Knowing good and well you knowwhat I can only afford, let's
say, $10 worth of Christmasitems, whatever that may be.
(16:33):
But because I see Susie overhere on TikTok and Mary on
Instagram, I'm trying to putmyself in a stressful position
so that I can.
Who are we pleasing essentially,then?
And I think for me, I'mthinking about, like self-care,
because we oftentimes we talkabout self-care any other day of
the year, but then, when itcomes to the holiday season, now
, for some reason moms aregetting into super mom's role.
(16:55):
Fathers are over here trying tomake sure that the house is
ready, or whatever renovation isneeded, so that we can show
people who we are hosting, thatyou know, here we are with this
perfect family, or we have itall together, or whatever the
case is.
This is our norm.
When it's not so, could youspeak to why?
You know self-care is essential, especially for parents during
this time, like what are some,what are some ways they can,
(17:19):
like prioritize their mentalwellbeing during this time,
because we know it's a season ofoverwhelm and excess stress?
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I would say that, parents, you know, even though
there is a lot of focus onessentially wanting to make your
children happy and, by doing so, providing them with some of
the toys you know, fulfillingthis wishlist that many of them
have, it's still important thatparents focus on themselves as
well, and focusing on oneselfdoesn't necessarily mean that
(17:45):
you are selfish as a parent.
It is ensuring that you are,first of all, fulfilled, that
you are able to fill up your ownjuice mug so that you can pour
into their little cups, and thatis your children who come
before you.
Because if you're in a state ofstress and overwhelm and you
have literally burnt throughyour finances in order to
(18:08):
fulfill what you know based onsocial media, as you mentioned,
tanya, and those sort ofpressures and expectations that
are dished out, which areoftentimes unrealistic and I'm
not even in keeping with thereality of the persons who are
posting online, but I digress.
But essentially, you know,parents should really take stock
of their needs, even whilsttrying to fulfill the wants of
(18:32):
their children, and what thatmay mean is ensuring that the
family's needs are prioritized,that the parent doesn't
necessarily burn through theirsavings, their budget isn't
significantly disrupted in a waythat, literally after Christmas
morning, the family isstruggling to go into January
(18:53):
Because, in the Caribbean inparticular, struggling to go
into January because, in theCaribbean in particular, many
persons are paid ahead ofChristmas, and so what that
means is that January seems toend up being a long month and
many persons don't take stock ofthat, the impact that that has,
because, of course, the billsare still coming, and so parents
(19:15):
really need to keep that intheir focus.
That, whilst I am seeking to buythese items, I also need to
ensure that I am prioritizingthe needs for myself, that I'm
still able to eat a nutritionalmeal after Christmas, that I am
not essentially putting thefamily in a position of
struggling, that I'm still ableto, let's say, if I'm active in
(19:38):
the gym, I can still keep upwith my gym membership, I can
keep the utilities on that.
They are basic essentials thatare still being made available
to the family and, of course, Ieven give to myself.
So even whilst we're trying tomake sure that our children have
the nice necessities and whatwe figure it is that it's really
(19:59):
cool on the market, parentsalso need to ensure that they're
prioritizing their own needs,their overall wellness and
health, so that to shift a bitto focus on our children.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I know we spoke briefly about our parents or
caregivers, but for children,you know, the holidays can be
full of joy and excitement, butthen that could also lead to
overstimulation or evendisappointment sometimes, if
you're being honest, especiallyif things don't go as expected
for our children, who don't knowany better most times right.
So what are some ways ourparents can support their
(20:37):
children's mental health duringthis season?
Not only this season, eventhough we're talking about that,
but even to continue, becausewe don't want to start something
and then we don't continue oncethe holiday season is over.
We got to think about the next11 months again before we get
back to where we are.
So how can they support theirchildren's mental health during
this season and even beyond?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
their children's mental health during this season
and even beyond.
We need to definitely ensure, asparents and you know, and I say
as parents because, like Imentioned, at the start that I
am one myself that we're notjust focusing on and dishing out
the gadgets and putting theseitems and products in front of
them in hopes that it would filla void.
Our presence is still very muchneeded and so, even if we,
(21:16):
let's say, give them a game as agift, we need to be playing
these games with them.
We need to be active in theirlives.
We need to ensure that, evenwhilst we're preparing the home,
that we're still actuallyspending time with them.
They're not being neglectedwhilst we are chasing around and
(21:37):
wanting to fulfill all of theseexpectations, because what is
really important at that timeand that is what needs to be the
focus how it is that ourchildren's needs are being met,
how we are being responsiveparents, because, of course,
every child at differentdevelopmental stages may show
indicators of overwhelm, thatoverstimulation, as you
(21:59):
mentioned, tanya.
That's very different.
Not every child can handle allof these big parties or
gatherings that some familiestend to host, and they may not
be able to be a part of thesetypes of gatherings for extended
hours.
So we need to be mindful thatthe capacity and tolerance level
(22:20):
of an adult to all of the lightand the sound and the music and
even the abundance of personswho are perhaps chatting a lot
and everything, all the activityessentially that is happening
in the space.
Some children may not be ableto handle it for different
reasons.
It could be because of varyingmental health conditions like
(22:42):
autism and ADHD, which makes itdifficult for them to manage the
sensory overload and beingoverly stimulated in those
moments, versus it could bebecause of their age, their
developmental stage.
Like a newborn child, a baby,an infant can't necessarily
handle so many persons beingaround them and overstimulating
(23:04):
the brain in that way, eventoddlers.
When I think about my daughter,more recently I took her to a
graduation ceremony and you know, tanya, that Caribbean
graduation ceremonies they canbe long and they can be drawn
out and at one point sheliterally said to me.
She said to me first mommy, Iwant you to put back on my shoes
(23:26):
, so she's ready to go.
She's ready to go and I neededto know, as a parent, what the
signals were because, of course,after, let's say, if I were to
decide that I'm going to justignore her because I just want
to be in his graduation ceremonyand I'm going to see it through
to the end what I'm going to beleft with is a child that is
(23:46):
throwing a tantrum, that iscrying, that is squirmy, that is
getting restless, that isgetting irritable and, through
no fault of her own, becausewhat she has been faced with is
just too much for her to handle.
And shortly after the shoeswent on, she literally turned to
me and said mommy, I am readyto go home.
(24:08):
And so I just had to say to herokay, once we just get past
this little moment here, thenwe're able to make that
transition out of that ceremony.
What worked in my favor is thatshe found another little child
who she could play with.
That took her attention awayfrom all of the stimulation,
(24:28):
particularly involving theadults and what was happening
there.
So she was able to find somesort of distraction in the
moment, but even that wasshort-lived.
So it's important for parentsto be mindful and aware of what
their children can actuallytolerate.
What it may look likepractically is, let's say, going
(24:48):
to the event maybe earlier,before the entire crowd is
present, or waiting until muchlater along, or a midpoint, and
ensuring that you maintain aboundary around time.
So if the child can only manage, let's say, an hour, hour and a
half, then you stick to that.
We're not forcing our childrento stay into these environments
(25:12):
beyond what it is that they cantruly manage.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
You know it's funny that you mentioned that because
I think, again, I'm not a parentyet, but as a parent yourself
and for those listening, youknow you think about okay, I'm
going to get my child ready,we're going to go to this
graduation, we're going to go tothis event, not thinking about
maybe what kind of stress oremotional response they would
have, just in general.
But when you think about theholiday season, you know their
(25:42):
routines are being disruptedbecause now you're no longer in
your safe or common environment,you're somewhere else now and
whatever routine we had when wewere home it gets interrupted
because again, you know you'recooking, you're cleaning, you're
mingling with friends andfamily, so baby's usual bedtime
may not even be that anymore,because you know what we are on
vacation or it's a holiday time.
Everything goes out the window,you know.
And so, like, I wonder, likewhat kinds of stressors or even
emotional responses you thinkchildren often experience during
(26:04):
the holiday time when thingsare just disrupted across our
boards?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
so what you may find is that a child may become
irritable as an emotionalresponse.
They may basically expressbeing overwhelmed, and express
it through crying spells,throwing tantrums, because
sometimes children may not haveall the words to really say to
you well, mommy, right now thisis too much.
(26:29):
And so what we tend to noticeis that they act out their
feelings because of course, theydon't necessarily have the
emotional growth at that pointin order for them to truly
identify what is happening.
So that's why we have to payvery keen attention to our
children and almost notice thedifference in the behavior when
(26:53):
the routine is disrupted, asyou've mentioned, tanya, because
of course you know, the childmay be accustomed to going to
bed at, let's say, eight o'clock, but then when we're traveling
or when we are going to theseevents, the child is now forced
to go to bed later because allof the activities that is taking
(27:15):
place around them, it is hardfor them to settle and wind down
.
So we definitely have to beaware and we have to find ways
to soothe our children too whenthey're experiencing the
discomfort.
Some children are soothed wellvia objects, whether it be a
teddy bear, a blanket, anythingthat helps to establish that
sense of comfort, sometimes evenjust cradling them, rocking
(27:38):
them, so that they feel thissense of OK.
Well, my, you know that warmth,that connection to their
caregiver, this responsiveresponsiveness to their needs,
is important.
It's important that, evenwhilst we're engaging in the
festivities, that we still checkin on them, ensuring that
they're eating on time.
(27:59):
But sometimes we can get reallycarried away in the host you
know that we are not payingattention to if, let's say, the
child has a particular timingwithin which they need to eat,
or if the child is being pottytrained, keeping up with their
schedule, that is, they need togo to the bathroom at this time
and they may need thatadditional support from the
(28:19):
parent.
And even all of that gets verydisrupted when you travel
because there is still so muchhappening outside of your
control.
For instance, when I thinkabout when I traveled to the US
and you're going through thelong line at TSA and children
can't manage it, they reallycan't.
There are times when I have tokeep looking all around like a
surveillance camera for mydaughter, because I know I need
(28:44):
to stand up in this line and Ihave no choice but to do so.
She's literally sometimestugging me along and saying to
me Mommy, let's go, let's go.
And so we need to be preparedfor even instances like that,
that we have helpful and healthydistractions for them, whether
it mean a book, having a bookthat they're interested in.
(29:05):
You know, parents oftentimesuse the gadgets, but even the
gadgets sometimes can beoverstimulating.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Even having a warm cup of their favorite tea, hot
milk, porridge, whatever it isthat helps that child to feel
more settled and grounded in themoment is helpful and, you know
, I think I think that ishelpful indeed, because I think
it's wise that parents areproactive when it comes to their
children and this holiday timeand this busy season.
So what are some advice, or whatis it?
(29:33):
What is the best approach, youthink, in preparing children for
changes in their routine?
You know, like the gatheringsand the travel, because, like we
mentioned, it's going to bedisrupted, we, we're going to be
up late, we're laughing, we'remingling.
You know, let's say, you don'tlive, like for me, I don't live
with my, my family and myparents anymore because I'm in a
different country.
So then when we go home now,everybody's just like, so happy
to see each other, we to aroutine one way, and then, you
know, the disruption of thatroutine now can, can have a long
(30:03):
lasting effect by the time youreturn to where you know you,
you, you live.
So what is the best approach inpreparing children, whether
it's as a toddler, even ifyou're a teen, whatever it is,
for changes in their routine,especially when it comes to
holiday gatherings and traveland stuff like that?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
I like that you mentioned teen, because with
teen or teenagers in particular,they're the ones who you may be
able to actually speak to aboutthe experience and what to
expect and have further dialoguewith them and get them involved
in the process of thepreparations and the planning,
(30:38):
so that they're taking objectsor they're pulling together
their own resources.
That could help them to managethe experience and they would be
better able to readjust than,let's say, a much smaller child.
So they're the ones who youcould take some risk with in
terms of if their bedtime is youor their curfew, however it is,
(30:59):
that you may look at.
It is usually, let's say, um,at 10 o'clock and the garden
you're out at a gathering up to,let's say, midnight, which is
very common in some caribbeanhouseholds where you are staying
at these festivities for long,long hours, all the way down
into four in the morningdepending and so it's important
(31:20):
for them to be told ahead whatit is that they can expect, and
if it is that they're able tohave similar age peers around
them too, that they can engagein activities that they're
interested in, then that couldhelp with the experience.
And you know, parents also needto be willing to adjust
themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
So once you can, or before you had a child, you
could decide you're going tostay at this event until
whenever you feel like leaving.
It's still important that weshift our own approaches and
understand that we still areparents and we need to be
mindful of what happens to ourchildren and even what happens
(32:00):
to ourselves, Because for me, Ifeel as if my body operates very
differently now after having achild.
Whereas I could stay up beforeand just do whatever, I could be
sleep deprived and I could getup the next day and I'm okay, or
I could sleep in longer.
That doesn't happen anymore.
When you're a parent, you stillneed to be able to get up the
(32:21):
next day, get up early and getthe children prepared.
So even having to leave theevent early is for your benefit
as well.
Now, when we look at more sosmaller children, the
responsibility then shifts moreto the parents in terms of
understanding, based on theexperience with them, what it is
(32:42):
that your child may actuallyfeel more connected to, what it
is that could help your child tomanage the experience in the
moment and when it is that theycould no longer manage, and
that's the point within whichyou may need to make a decision
to leave some of these eventsand if it is not an event, I
(33:04):
would say that it's important,even as an example we spoke
about traveling that you findeven spaces, quiet spaces,
spaces where the light isn't asbright that it could help quiet
the child down, that they couldactually get a restful night's
sleep.
For me in particular, Tanya,sometimes what I would do,
(33:24):
especially if I know it involvesnight travel I would most
importantly ensure that I havemy daughter's stroller and,
trust me, that's only used whenI'm traveling, because in
Antigua you don't really needmuch of those things because we
are short distances.
But when it is that I am inenvironments where the distance
is longer, I try to make surethat I have some of the clothing
(33:47):
that she would typically wearlater at night, like the longer
sleeves I would ensure I have,like a blanket.
I would have what is necessaryto begin to almost organically
create an environment for herthat is supportive of a restful
night that she can begin to winddown as best as possible in
(34:08):
line with the routine that hasbeen established.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You know, I love that idea of you know, creating a
safe space even for children, nomatter how old or how young
they may be, because they havefeelings.
They're going to have differentemotions as well.
I think sometimes our childrentend to feel overwhelmed, but as
a parent or as an adult, we'renot expecting them to feel that
(34:31):
way Because, oh, you're a child,what can you be stressed about?
Why are you overwhelmed?
It's all on me, but sometimesthey don't even have the words
to explain how they're feeling.
It's all on me, you know, butsometimes they don't even have
the words to explain how they'refeeling.
Whether you're two years old oryou're even 17, you know.
So how can our parents create anenvironment where children feel
safe to talk about theirfeelings?
Because I think that's what'smissing in today's society to an
(34:52):
extent, not only during theholiday time, but definitely
throughout the entire year.
Our children don't know how tocommunicate their feelings or
their emotions, especiallyduring a busy season.
So how can our parents createan environment where their
children feel safe to talk aboutanything, doesn't matter how
they're feeling upset, angry,happy.
What can we do?
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Parents need to first of all start off with even
identifying times throughout theday, despite how busy our
schedules can be, where we areable to even sit and have
conversations with our children,and having genuine
conversations around.
How did your day go?
Didn't anything interestinghappen at school?
(35:31):
What did you enjoy the mostabout your day?
What came up for you?
How are you getting along withyour friends, with your
schoolwork, with your teachers?
What is happening?
And if you getting along withyour friends, with your
schoolwork, with your teachers,what is happening?
And if you notice that thechild is quiet, you could even
say well, I noticed that you'requiet today.
What's going on?
And you're allocating the time,excuse me, in order to do so,
(35:53):
and time that allows the childto have that free opportunity
without judgment, and thatyou're not rushing them along
too.
So it's one thing to be tryingto do so when you're trying to
get them out of the door andyou're in the car and you're
hustling from one activity tothe next.
What's important is that thechild is aware that there is a
slower period in that day wherethey can have that moment to
(36:17):
either mommy or daddy andundivided, meaning that there is
nothing else occupying yourattention, that you're fully
attuned with them, with theirresponsiveness, even to perhaps
some of the questions that youmay be asking or some of the
statements that you're making,that you're not just paying
attention to what they verbalize, but also in the way in which
(36:41):
they are behaving, because, likeI mentioned earlier, children
are oftentimes acting out theirfeelings.
So they may be saying to youwell, I'm good, I'm okay, but is
the child crying?
Does the child seem afraid?
Does the child seem nervous?
Based on their behaviors, is thechild presenting to you as if
(37:03):
they're somewhat guarded, likethey're reluctant to say things
to you, that they're very vaguewith their responses and it's
almost as if, okay, somethingmay be there, but they're not
fully forthcoming with what theissue is.
So, as parents, we need to befully attuned with what is
happening with our children andwe need to be fully responsive
(37:26):
to their needs, as best as wecan, and even ask persons around
them, whether it be othercaregivers, other family members
, other persons in the household, asking them what has their
interaction been with the child,what are they noticing, so that
you're not just relying on whatis being said to you or your
(37:48):
own thoughts, because, of course, other persons may be with them
throughout other times in theday, and they may be privy to
things that you are not.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
What is a good way to help all children identify and
communicate the emotions ingeneral, but also during the
busy season and I ask thatquestion because, again, we
mentioned about going to thesedifferent gatherings or going to
a family event, or whatever thecase may be Sometimes as
parents we tend to forget ourchildren.
(38:17):
What I mean is the fact that,oh, go play with your cousins in
the yard, wherever, and thenknowing that sometimes maybe
that child could be, you know,insecure about something, or
they could be an introvert,they're really, really shy, so
it takes a while even for themto get used to where they are in
that particular environment.
But again, as parents,sometimes or at least you know,
(38:37):
back in our day, I don't know,you know we would just tell you
know what you're here, we'regoing to be here for the next
couple of days or how many hours.
Go find something to do, gopray to your cousin, go pray to
your sister, do whatever, butagain, we don't want to.
But then sometimes that fear ofessentially one, probably,
speaking back to your parents,it depends on what kind of
environment you're used to inyour household, right?
So then you're there, feelinguncomfortable, you're sad, you
(39:01):
know it can even create a senseof anxiety now, because you know
what I'm not comfortable aroundthese people or in this
particular environment, but Icannot tell my mom or my dad, I
cannot tell my grandma, I cannottell whoever it is as an adult
how I'm feeling.
So what's a good way to helpchildren identify and
communicate their emotionsduring this time, this busy
season, but just in general,when it comes to our parents?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I think it's important for us to sometimes
try to put ourselves in theirshoes, in their little tiny
shoes, remembering where we oncecame from and what it was like
for us, even at their age.
So it is very difficult forjust as it is for adults,
sometimes to go into spaces thatare not familiar, and what it
(39:43):
does is that it creates fear,worry, concern, and some
children would even simply saywell, I feel scared, and whilst
there isn't necessarily amonster in the room, there is
the perception that I can'tmanage because of how unfamiliar
this feels to me.
(40:03):
And so what I oftentimes try todo for myself, and I would
encourage parents to do, is,even before you come out of the
car, like as you're pulling upto where it is that you're going
, or even before you do so, youstart to have little
conversations with the child,reassuring them that you let
them know, in a language thatthey could understand, that this
(40:24):
is where you're going.
This is what could happen interms of you're going to see
people that are new to you, oryou may even see someone that is
familiar to you and feelcomfortable to connect with the
person that you feel comfortablewith in some way, sometimes
when the child may hear okay,well, your favorite cousin is
(40:46):
going to be there or you knowyour sister or your brother is
coming along with you.
Then it helps the child to feelmore reassured that, okay,
somebody else is there or thereis an object of familiarity to
me that I can go back towards mysafe base that allows me to
navigate what feels like it's sounfamiliar.
(41:09):
Then it's important to even uselanguage.
That's reassuring, that you'resaying to the child that you
know, okay, I get it, that youfeel scared but you're gonna be
okay and that I am here and thatif, let's say, something
happens, the child needs to knowwhat part of the environment
you are, that they can come backto you as their secure base.
(41:31):
So some children are able to gointo these environments or I
should say at least most whenthey do notice that the
caregiver is within their reach.
So my daughter, I notice, getsvery settled in unfamiliar
spaces if she just even sees me.
I don't have to be thereactually interacting with her,
(41:53):
but if she can see me, it thenallows her to feel free enough
to roam out at a distance withother children who are not
familiar, and then she knowsthat I'm there to come back and
if, let's say, I do need toleave the space briefly, I would
even still reassure her andtell her I am going to come back
.
I won't just disappear, right?
(42:15):
I let her know and I know shehas no sense of time, but I
still even try to communicate atime.
But I reassure her that I willbe back and I try to maintain
that time frame within whichI've committed to as best as
possible.
So you know, and even if, let'ssay, the child gets scared and
is tearful about it, it'simportant that we are not
(42:38):
punitive in our approach, thatwe still hug the child, embrace
the child, help them tounderstand that even their fear
and their worry are appropriatefor the situation and that you
are still there to comfort them.
Because the child needs to knowwhen I get scared, my mommy is
(42:59):
still going to be as responsiveor my daddy as when I'm happy,
or when I am sad, or when I amangry, that we're still
available and that we're evenhelping them to identify and
name the emotions, becausesometimes I offer it.
I will ask do you feel sad?
Are you scared?
All right, and I know mydaughter, because of her age,
(43:23):
she may not be able to fullyarticulate why I may offer it.
Are you scared because you'reseeing people you don't know?
That it's somebody that youdon't know?
Anybody here, or your favoritecousin isn't he?
And then I would get a littlenod, and then I would then go
further to acknowledge becauseof course I would if I were her.
(43:44):
I would feel afraid sometimes,even as an adult, I go into
spaces that are unfamiliar to meand if I were to be true to
myself, I get scared yeahbecause I don't know what to
expect and I have more toolsthan she does to manage and to
stay grounded in that moment,and so I need to be
acknowledging that and embracingof that.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
You know, and I think that comes back again to being
that safe space or place foryour children as well.
Again, I know sometimes lifegets overwhelming, and sometimes
we lash out in a way that wedidn't mean to, but once you
create that safe environment, asyou said you mentioned, if
you're in the same space or areawhere your daughter is, she
knows I'm safe still because mymom is present, and I think
(44:27):
that's something that we oftentend to forget.
Something as simple as thatreally and truly goes a long way
as well.
So I want to thank you, regina,for the insight that you gave
us, because I know whoever islistening can take it.
They weren't thinking aboutthis.
You know they'll have a newperspective in general.
So, as we wrap up, though, I'dlove to hear if you have any
(44:48):
last words for parents who wantto make this holiday season a
little bit stressful and morejoyful.
What's one piece of advice youcan give to them?
Speaker 2 (45:08):
To focus on the reason for the season, like
what's one piece of advice youcan give to them that can
provide that long lasting forour children, and so it's
important that we find ways totruly enjoy being at home with
our families, to truly enjoybuilding connections with our
(45:34):
loved ones in a way that allowsus to create memories that when
they look back at them, whenthey are able to elicit them,
that it is not one where youknow there is a feeling of
discontent or sadness, but, moreso, opportunities that they can
bask in, enjoy, and that iswhat I would say is most
(45:57):
important.
I would wish for anyone that islistening to this podcast that
they are able to take that awayand ensure that they apply it
beyond even the holiday season,if we can embrace it every day
even better.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
So I want to thank you, regina, for joining us
today in the Tea Tasting Room,and I do think that everyone
listening will take away somesort of tool or even find a new
perspective again on navigatingthe holiday season.
So, as you said your last words, I want to tell everybody as
well Remember that taking careof your mental health is the
best gift you can give yourselfand your loved ones, especially
(46:35):
this holiday season.
So, of course, have a peaceful,joyful holiday season, and I
will see you back here in theTea Tasting Room next week for
another episode.
Oh wait, regina, before we go,hold on, hold on, hold on, I'm
back now.
I'm back now.
Tell the people where they canfind you, sure.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
So I can be found on Instagram.
My page is, or my handle, asthe younger people would say
although I'm not that oldbrigade, you dot transform self.
So I'm very much more active onInstagram.
It's one of my more favoriteplatforms, for whatever reason,
(47:12):
and I am also very active behindthe scenes, yet still in front
of the scenes sometimes, withregards to mental health talk
and TIGA, and so we areaccessible via both Facebook and
also on Instagram.
And I must say in my shamelessplug, I am a proud, proud member
(47:35):
of Scrub Life Kids.
So if you haven't alreadylistened to Tanya and gone ahead
to follow the respectiveplatforms for Scrub Life Cares,
I would encourage that you do so.
That is the only wish that Ihave for Christmas from the
listeners that you do find waysto connect with those platforms
(47:58):
and, of course, most importantly, support the initiatives.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yes, yes.
Thank you so much for joiningus here in the Tea Tasting Room.
You heard Regina support,support, support.
Of course, be sure to followher because she also does a lot
of work in the mental healthspace and, let me tell you,
sometimes it goes unnoticed, butat the same time it doesn't,
because again, we know we'rehere trying to break the stigma
as it relates to our mentalhealth.
So, of course, again, my friend, have a peaceful and joyful
(48:22):
holiday season and I'll see youback here next week in the Tea
Tasting Home.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Tea with
Tanya.
If you liked this episode, besure to share it with a friend.
Don't forget to follow onInstagram at Tea with Tanya
Podcast.
Be sure to subscribe to theweekly Tea Talk newsletter and,
(48:43):
of course, rate on Apple orSpotify and subscribe wherever
you listen.
See you next time.
I love you for listening.
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