March 4, 2025 • 18 mins
Hey, friend! This week on Tea with Tanya, we’re diving into something we ALL need to hear—stepping into our power and taking up space. If you’ve ever caught yourself apologizing for no reason, downplaying your wins, or hesitating to speak up, this episode is for you.
It’s time to stop shrinking and start showing up as the main character in your own life.
Key Takeaways from This Episode:
- You were never meant to be small. Society has conditioned women to shrink, but we’re unlearning that today.
- Confidence isn’t about being fearless—it’s about showing up anyway. You belong in every room you step into.
- Taking up space is an act of self-love and self-respect. No more apologizing for existing.
Listen now and take your power back!
Thank you so much for tuning in to Tea with Tanya! If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to rate and leave a review — it helps the show grow and reach more listeners. Join the conversation on Instagram using #teawithtanya #Teawithtanyapodcast, and don’t forget to tag us!
Visit my website at tanyakambrose.com for more resources. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @teawithtanyapodcast and @tanyakambrose, and sign up for my Tea Talk newsletter to stay updated with all things wellness and self-care!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Tea with Tanya podcast.
Every week, I'll be brewing upa perfect blend of public health
stories, which will includematernal and reproductive health
, career and academic advice,self-love, health and wellness
tips.
Join me, your host, tanya.
I'm a public healthprofessional working in maternal
(00:21):
health.
I'm a birth and postpartumdoula, a placenta encapsulation
specialist and certifiedlactation counselor by day, and
I'm your average tea lovingmillennial and content creator
by night.
So pour yourself up a cup oftea and join me in the tea
tasting room for your weeklydose of inspiration, where you
(00:41):
are the center of ourconversation.
This podcast is here to serveyou, so come, take a sip with me
and let's start promotingpositive living together.
Hey friend, welcome back toanother episode of Tea with
Tanya, your go-to space for real, honest and transformative
conversations about health,wellness and promoting positive
(01:06):
living.
It is March, my friend.
I cannot believe that we're inmonth three of 2025.
I feel like I haven't had thetime to even nap or take a break
.
I mean, of course I've beensleeping, but I feel like the
world has just been spinningfaster than it usually is.
February came under the UsainBolt.
You know, I don't know, butnevertheless, I am happy that we
(01:29):
are progressing along in thisyear and I hope that you've done
something for yourself, if notwithin the last week, that we
met, at least one time this yearwithin the three months that
we're now living in.
For me, I've just been on thego constantly, so I haven't had
the time to truly sit andreflect like I usually would,
but that's neither here northere.
(01:49):
You know again, one day at atime for me right now is also
one moment at a time, but I justcan't believe that March is
here because I am with this newmonth I have.
You know, you guys are a bitemotional because that means
she's at least very close tograduation day and, of course,
my birthday in May.
But graduation day in May andyour girl is going through a
(02:11):
little identity crisis.
So send me some positive energywhen you hear this episode.
Send me all the good loving,because I am just getting sad
thinking about what life isgoing to be like after grad
school.
I have had the time of my lifeat the University of South
Carolina that I just don't know.
I'm sad.
The community, the support,everything that I got, I'm
(02:34):
getting at this school is what Icouldn't even imagine or even
dream of you know what I mean.
So that's why I'm going througha little bittersweet moment
Happy that I get to you know,elevate and evolve, but what is
life going to be like after gradschool?
So that's something that I'malready thinking about.
So just definitely send me a DMwhen you hear this episode.
(02:55):
Just send your girl somepositive energy, some
encouraging words, because sheneeds it, because she is a bit
in between happy and sad as hergraduation day approaches.
All right, speaking of March, itis March, so, which means it's
Women's History Month, andthat's usually a time to reflect
(03:15):
on the incredible women whocame before us and honor their
resilience, contributions andsacrifices.
But I also want us to use thismonth, my friend, to turn the
lens inward, because while wecelebrate history, we're also
making history every single dayby how we choose to show up for
(03:36):
ourselves.
This month, on the podcast,we're going to be talking about,
you know, health and wellness.
We're going to be talking aboutfocusing on the power that we
hold over our wellbeing.
That's whether it's ourself-love, whether it's hormonal
health, fertility, oradvocating for ourselves in
medical spaces, because,ultimately, taking care of
(03:57):
ourselves isn't just personal.
It's a part of a biggermovement of women reclaiming
their health and their voices.
So you guessed it on today'sepisode, it's all about stepping
into your power, claiming yourspace and owning your main
character energy.
Now let me ask you this, myfriend have you ever felt like
(04:20):
you were holding yourself back?
Maybe you hesitated to shareideas in a meeting because you
didn't want to sound pushy.
Or you apologized for somethingthat wasn't even your fault,
just to keep the peace.
Or you don't played youraccomplishments because you
didn't want to come across asbragging.
My friend, if any of thatsounds familiar, then this
(04:42):
episode is for you, becausetoday we're going to be talking
about why so many women shrinkthemselves, where this
conditioning comes from and howyou can break free and start
stepping into your maincharacter energy.
Because here's the truth, myfriend you were never meant to
be small.
You were meant to take up space.
You are meant to be bold, tolive fully in your truth,
(05:06):
without apology.
Okay, I think, from the momentwe are born, society teaches us,
directly and indirectly, to besmarter.
Think about it when boys wereallowed, they were leaders.
When girls are loud, they arelabeled as bossy.
When men assert themselves,they are strong.
(05:27):
But when women assertthemselves, they're too much.
And let me tell you this I havehad this happen to me and I'm
like wow, it's just crazy howthings change on different end
of the spectrum as well.
So, no, we're not doing that in2025.
And you know, you think aboutwhere does this even show up in
our daily life?
And think about it.
(05:47):
First thing is over apologizing,and as you're listening to this
episode, fred, I want you toreally sit and think.
This shows up in our daily lifeby way of over apologizing.
Sometimes we tend to do oursorry Can I say something?
Instead, my friend, just do Ihave something to add For me.
I am big under sorry for thedelay.
Instead, just say thanks foryour patience.
(06:09):
And another thing that I'm bigfor is sorry for bothering you.
Instead, just say do you have amoment?
I think this is going to changethe way in which how we show up
in our lives, cause you knowasking oh, I'm so sorry, you
over-apologize Like no.
You know if you're like me atone point in my life, you know
you avoid confrontation to keepthe peace.
Even when something isbothering you, you stay quiet to
(06:32):
avoid being labeled difficult.
Now, can you relate to that?
Another one.
For me and I've seen this in thepast year is don't play in your
success.
Have you, like, ever been in asituation where you've
accomplished something major but, instead of owning it, what you
say oh, it was nothing, oh, Ijust got lucky.
Those are my two favorite lines.
Me, I have a hard time,honestly, with taking a
(06:55):
compliment or, essentially, evenjust standing in the fact that
I have accomplished what I haveaccomplished, and it's just.
We can't carry on.
I cannot carry on like thatgoing forward.
Neither should you, my friend.
And of course, if you're likeme and I hope you're not you
(07:15):
take on extra work because youdon't want to disappoint anyone.
So you end up saying yes toeverything, even when you're
already overwhelmed.
I was big on that and I had tolearn that lesson the hard way.
Sometimes I got to go back tothe lesson book to see girl, we
need to refresh the course whenit comes to you taking on work
because you don't want todisappoint anyone.
When you think about it from ahistorical context, you know
women who refused to shrinkthemselves.
(07:37):
They were resilient.
The truth is, every woman whohas ever made a difference had
to first decide that she wasworthy of taking up space.
You look at Sojourner Troop.
She stood in front of a roomfull of men and challenged their
beliefs with her famous wordsAin't I a woman?
(07:57):
She demanded space when otherstried to deny her existence.
You look at Rosa Parks.
She refused.
I feel like I would have beenon Rosa Parks, but she refused
to give up her seat on the bus,which is an act of defiance that
essentially, in the end, helpedignite what we know as the
civil rights movement.
Then you have Maya Angelou.
(08:19):
She used her voiceunapologetically, through poetry
and storytelling, despite theworld telling her that Black
women's voices weren't important.
Can you imagine that?
And then you have Malala.
She stood up for education whenpeople told her to be silent at
a very young age.
These women, my friend, theydidn't shrink themselves, and
(08:41):
neither should you.
That's the bottom line when youthink about.
Well, you're walking into aroom.
No, they didn't.
They had to fight and they wereresilient.
They did not shrink themselvesone bit because they deserve,
they knew they deserve to be inthe roles that they took up,
took up upon themselves, butalso for the greater good of
society.
How do you start stepping intoyour power?
And that's the question I'vehad to ask and answer answered
(09:04):
in my therapy sessions.
You know how do you stopplaying small and truly embrace
that main character energy, andit's going to start with these
key shifts and I'm sharing.
What I'm sharing with you iswhat I'm I currently do and I
have been doing over the lastseven months.
I'm not always perfect, I'll behonest, but at the end of the
day, these they're in my brain,etched in my brain.
(09:25):
It's up to me if I choose toshow up in that capacity.
You know what I mean, but Iwant us to do that.
So the first thing is we'regoing to drop the
over-apologizing habit at thispoint and drop it.
Ask yourself and I've had toask myself this question
literally about two, three daysago am I actually sorry or am I
just saying it out of habit?
Think about that.
Then you want to replace sorryfor speaking up with.
(09:47):
I have something to contributebecause you do.
You want to replace sorry forbothering you with?
Do you have a moment?
I think sometimes as well, withthat you earn more respect with
the person in which order,whatever relationship that you
have, you can earn more respectby speaking up and just dropping
the over apologizing habit thatyou have created by way of
(10:08):
directly, indirectly, throughsociety as well.
The second one and this is a bigone for me these days is stop
explaining yourself, foreverything is stop explaining
yourself for everything, myfriend.
You do not owe anyone.
You do not owe anyone anexplanation for taking care of
yourself.
You don't have to justify whyyou're saying no.
You don't need permission toput yourself first, and that's
(10:31):
something that I had to learnthe hard way to an extent,
because one thing about me I'mgoing over explain why I'm
saying no, I'm giving you awhole thesis and I'm like girl,
why am I doing this?
It's because I don't have thecapacity.
Why should I explain why Idon't have the capacity?
Why should I explain why I'mputting myself first?
That should not be because,again, sometimes we open up
doors and give people thatpassageway to treat us or not
(10:55):
necessarily respect ourboundaries.
So it becomes harder now whenyou're actually putting your
foot down and you're puttingyourself first.
I think sometimes we becomesomewhat guilty of feeling some
type of way for doing that.
But no, the fact of the matteris you're going to stop
exploiting yourself foreverything.
The other one is to take upphysical space, and yes, I'm
(11:16):
talking about literal space.
You know, when you get into aroom or whatever space you're in
, you're going to sit upstraight, your posture is going
to be on point, you're going towalk in with confidence, you're
going to own the room when youenter.
And I say this because recentlyI was in a room with a lot of,
as they call them, heavy hitters, execs, and I'm like, wow, you
(11:36):
know, tanya, you know the thingsthat you prayed for, you wrote
on in your journal, the thingthat you've been asking for.
You know, a lot of the thingsare manifesting in a sense.
But even while I know I put inthe work to be at that table
with these execs, I was stillshrinking myself.
I was, you know, shoulder wascrouched, I was obviously being
nervous.
I mean, if I wasn't nervous,that means I wasn't necessarily,
(11:58):
to me, that passionate aboutwhat I'm doing.
So I was nervous in that regard.
But I'm like, you know, shouldI talk?
Because you know, for me, eventalking to you in the podcast,
for however long I've been doingthis, for I still got to think
about my brain sometimes movesfaster than my mouth, or vice
versa, because I think about OK,you know she's an island girl,
she has an accent, she speaksfast.
When she starts speaking fastand get excited, she stutters.
(12:20):
So all these are things that Ithink about.
I'm like girl, you know what?
No, I often go back to mynursing school instructor and I
cannot remember her name, but itwas one of my clinical
instructors while I was innursing school and every day
after clinicals we were going tothe conference room and discuss
the cases that we had or whatwe could have done better, x, y,
(12:40):
z.
And I remember one time she saidto me you know, tanya, you know
, I want you to be brave, I wantyou to walk into a room with
confidence, you know.
And I said to her well, youknow, she's like, you know
you're too quiet when you'redoing this assessment.
I said well, you know again one, I have an accent.
I'm not ashamed of my accentbecause I'm very proud.
I am very, very proud.
But the point is I was animmigrant, still am, but I'm an
(13:04):
immigrant living coming from theCaribbean to the United States.
So many things happen.
People look at you in adifferent way.
I'm already black, living inthe South.
It's just so many differentthings to think about.
And I just remember she said tome use your accent as your
superpower, use your accent tobuild rapport with your patient.
And let me tell you the minuteI did that listen, you don't
even understand.
The minute I did that, it waslike I was just, I just
(13:25):
unleashed something inside of me.
So every now and then, when Ifind myself going back to that
type of mentality of you know,oh, you have an accent, you talk
fast or I'm apologizing I saidno, here is the girl with the
island accent.
If you hear an accent claim youdon't mind, I'm trying to hide
it.
I'm like girl, no, we're notdoing it anymore.
(13:46):
So again, you want to sit upstraight, walk with confidence
and own the room that you enterbecause you deserve to be there.
The next thing, again, is speakwith confidence, drop the whole
I think, and just say I know,own your accomplishments, don't
downplay them, don't be tanya,do not downplay your, your
accomplishments and just usedirect language, my friend,
instead of just softeningstatements with just or maybe
sometimes that essentially makesyour argument or your text a
(14:09):
little bit weak.
So just use direct language asto what you're trying to say or
what you're trying to bringacross to that other person.
And then the last thing is toset boundaries like a boss.
Okay, saying no is a fullsentence I know you've probably
heard that before my friend, butthat it really is no period, no
, full stop.
You know, prioritize your needsbefore saying yes to everything
(14:31):
else.
And the last thing, which iswhat I've been leaning into more
and more, is to choose spacesthat celebrate you, not tolerate
you.
All right, so let me give you alittle recap.
Here's how you're going to tapinto your main character energy.
One, you're going to drop theover apologizing habit.
Two, you're going to stopexplaining yourself for
(14:53):
everything.
Three, you're going to take upphysical space yes, literally.
Three, you're going to take upphysical space.
Yes, literally.
Four, you're going to speakwith confidence, accent and all.
And five, you're going to setboundaries like a boss Because,
again, you're choosing spacesthat celebrate you, not tolerate
you.
So, as we come to the end of theepisode, my friend, I want you
(15:18):
to take a moment to think aboutwhere in your life you've been
shrinking yourself.
Is it at work, in yourrelationships, in how you talk
about yourself?
Think about these threequestions and try to answer that
Now.
I want you to imagine what itwould feel like to take up space
unapologetically.
What would that version of youlook like apologetically?
What would that version of youlook like?
(15:40):
What would she say yes to?
What would she say no to?
And every time I hear the wordunapologetic, I often go back to
the Rihanna album Unapologetic,I think it was Unapologetic, I
think that's what it was.
I often associate that wordwith her because you know this
album was a pivotal point in hercareer, essentially after she
went through the good girl gonebad era.
You know the drama that she hadin her personal life at one
(16:02):
point in time that the world hadunfortunately had privilege to
witness in.
And every time I think aboutthat album, the things that she
was saying in that album, Ithink that's probably my
favorite Rihanna album.
To be honest, I mean crazy,come from the behind.
But when I think about that,because you know she shows up in
a way in a space where shecommands that attention, she is,
even if she may not fit there.
(16:22):
You know I often look at heressentially from a Caribbean
standpoint because you know shehas a very, very deep, thick
Bajan accent and if you're fromthe Caribbean you know how you
feel about Bajan accent, butnevertheless, she never switched
up who she was because she hadan accent.
So I often think about herhonestly.
So think about again.
What version of you, what wouldthat version of you look like
(16:44):
when you're showing up foryourself, when you're not
shrinking yourself and thisweek's post-it note affirmation
is going to be I am worthy oftaking up space.
I will no longer shrink myselfto fit into places that were
never meant for me.
My voice matters, my presencematters and I am stepping fully
into my power.
(17:05):
Again, you're going to get thatpost-it note and even if you
don't have a post-it note,you're going to get a piece of
paper and some tape and you'regoing to stick it somewhere that
you frequent, a room in yourhouse that you frequent.
You go in often.
It could be a bathroom, a, abathroom mirror, and I want you
to write this out.
I am worthy of taking up space.
I will no longer shrink myselfto fit into places that were
(17:26):
never meant for me.
My voice matters, my presencematters and I'm stepping fully
into my power.
So, my friend, I want to thankyou again for joining me here in
the t-testing room.
Dm me on Instagram and tell meone way you're stepping into
your power this month.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it in your stories
and tag me, tell a friend andtell a friend, and let's just
(17:47):
spread the main character energymovement.
I love you for listening andI'll see you back here next week
.
Thank you.
Welcome to Tea with Tanya podcast.
Every week, I'll be brewing upa perfect blend of public health
stories, which will includematernal and reproductive health
, career and academic advice,self-love, health and wellness
tips.
Join me, your host, tanya.
I'm a public healthprofessional working in maternal
(00:21):
health.
I'm a birth and postpartumdoula, a placenta encapsulation
specialist and certifiedlactation counselor by day, and
I'm your average tea lovingmillennial and content creator
by night.
So pour yourself up a cup oftea and join me in the tea
tasting room for your weeklydose of inspiration, where you
(00:41):
are the center of ourconversation.
This podcast is here to serveyou, so come, take a sip with me
and let's start promotingpositive living together.
Hey friend, welcome back toanother episode of Tea with
Tanya, your go-to space for real, honest and transformative
conversations about health,wellness and promoting positive
(01:06):
living.
It is March, my friend.
I cannot believe that we're inmonth three of 2025.
I feel like I haven't had thetime to even nap or take a break
.
I mean, of course I've beensleeping, but I feel like the
world has just been spinningfaster than it usually is.
February came under the UsainBolt.
You know, I don't know, butnevertheless, I am happy that we
(01:29):
are progressing along in thisyear and I hope that you've done
something for yourself, if notwithin the last week, that we
met, at least one time this yearwithin the three months that
we're now living in.
For me, I've just been on thego constantly, so I haven't had
the time to truly sit andreflect like I usually would,
but that's neither here northere.
(01:49):
You know again, one day at atime for me right now is also
one moment at a time, but I justcan't believe that March is
here because I am with this newmonth I have.
You know, you guys are a bitemotional because that means
she's at least very close tograduation day and, of course,
my birthday in May.
But graduation day in May andyour girl is going through a
(02:11):
little identity crisis.
So send me some positive energywhen you hear this episode.
Send me all the good loving,because I am just getting sad
thinking about what life isgoing to be like after grad
school.
I have had the time of my lifeat the University of South
Carolina that I just don't know.
I'm sad.
The community, the support,everything that I got, I'm
(02:34):
getting at this school is what Icouldn't even imagine or even
dream of you know what I mean.
So that's why I'm going througha little bittersweet moment
Happy that I get to you know,elevate and evolve, but what is
life going to be like after gradschool?
So that's something that I'malready thinking about.
So just definitely send me a DMwhen you hear this episode.
(02:55):
Just send your girl somepositive energy, some
encouraging words, because sheneeds it, because she is a bit
in between happy and sad as hergraduation day approaches.
All right, speaking of March, itis March, so, which means it's
Women's History Month, andthat's usually a time to reflect
(03:15):
on the incredible women whocame before us and honor their
resilience, contributions andsacrifices.
But I also want us to use thismonth, my friend, to turn the
lens inward, because while wecelebrate history, we're also
making history every single dayby how we choose to show up for
(03:36):
ourselves.
This month, on the podcast,we're going to be talking about,
you know, health and wellness.
We're going to be talking aboutfocusing on the power that we
hold over our wellbeing.
That's whether it's ourself-love, whether it's hormonal
health, fertility, oradvocating for ourselves in
medical spaces, because,ultimately, taking care of
(03:57):
ourselves isn't just personal.
It's a part of a biggermovement of women reclaiming
their health and their voices.
So you guessed it on today'sepisode, it's all about stepping
into your power, claiming yourspace and owning your main
character energy.
Now let me ask you this, myfriend have you ever felt like
(04:20):
you were holding yourself back?
Maybe you hesitated to shareideas in a meeting because you
didn't want to sound pushy.
Or you apologized for somethingthat wasn't even your fault,
just to keep the peace.
Or you don't played youraccomplishments because you
didn't want to come across asbragging.
My friend, if any of thatsounds familiar, then this
(04:42):
episode is for you, becausetoday we're going to be talking
about why so many women shrinkthemselves, where this
conditioning comes from and howyou can break free and start
stepping into your maincharacter energy.
Because here's the truth, myfriend you were never meant to
be small.
You were meant to take up space.
You are meant to be bold, tolive fully in your truth,
(05:06):
without apology.
Okay, I think, from the momentwe are born, society teaches us,
directly and indirectly, to besmarter.
Think about it when boys wereallowed, they were leaders.
When girls are loud, they arelabeled as bossy.
When men assert themselves,they are strong.
(05:27):
But when women assertthemselves, they're too much.
And let me tell you this I havehad this happen to me and I'm
like wow, it's just crazy howthings change on different end
of the spectrum as well.
So, no, we're not doing that in2025.
And you know, you think aboutwhere does this even show up in
our daily life?
And think about it.
(05:47):
First thing is over apologizing,and as you're listening to this
episode, fred, I want you toreally sit and think.
This shows up in our daily lifeby way of over apologizing.
Sometimes we tend to do oursorry Can I say something?
Instead, my friend, just do Ihave something to add For me.
I am big under sorry for thedelay.
Instead, just say thanks foryour patience.
(06:09):
And another thing that I'm bigfor is sorry for bothering you.
Instead, just say do you have amoment?
I think this is going to changethe way in which how we show up
in our lives, cause you knowasking oh, I'm so sorry, you
over-apologize Like no.
You know if you're like me atone point in my life, you know
you avoid confrontation to keepthe peace.
Even when something isbothering you, you stay quiet to
(06:32):
avoid being labeled difficult.
Now, can you relate to that?
Another one.
For me and I've seen this in thepast year is don't play in your
success.
Have you, like, ever been in asituation where you've
accomplished something major but, instead of owning it, what you
say oh, it was nothing, oh, Ijust got lucky.
Those are my two favorite lines.
Me, I have a hard time,honestly, with taking a
(06:55):
compliment or, essentially, evenjust standing in the fact that
I have accomplished what I haveaccomplished, and it's just.
We can't carry on.
I cannot carry on like thatgoing forward.
Neither should you, my friend.
And of course, if you're likeme and I hope you're not you
(07:15):
take on extra work because youdon't want to disappoint anyone.
So you end up saying yes toeverything, even when you're
already overwhelmed.
I was big on that and I had tolearn that lesson the hard way.
Sometimes I got to go back tothe lesson book to see girl, we
need to refresh the course whenit comes to you taking on work
because you don't want todisappoint anyone.
When you think about it from ahistorical context, you know
women who refused to shrinkthemselves.
(07:37):
They were resilient.
The truth is, every woman whohas ever made a difference had
to first decide that she wasworthy of taking up space.
You look at Sojourner Troop.
She stood in front of a roomfull of men and challenged their
beliefs with her famous wordsAin't I a woman?
(07:57):
She demanded space when otherstried to deny her existence.
You look at Rosa Parks.
She refused.
I feel like I would have beenon Rosa Parks, but she refused
to give up her seat on the bus,which is an act of defiance that
essentially, in the end, helpedignite what we know as the
civil rights movement.
Then you have Maya Angelou.
(08:19):
She used her voiceunapologetically, through poetry
and storytelling, despite theworld telling her that Black
women's voices weren't important.
Can you imagine that?
And then you have Malala.
She stood up for education whenpeople told her to be silent at
a very young age.
These women, my friend, theydidn't shrink themselves, and
(08:41):
neither should you.
That's the bottom line when youthink about.
Well, you're walking into aroom.
No, they didn't.
They had to fight and they wereresilient.
They did not shrink themselvesone bit because they deserve,
they knew they deserve to be inthe roles that they took up,
took up upon themselves, butalso for the greater good of
society.
How do you start stepping intoyour power?
And that's the question I'vehad to ask and answer answered
(09:04):
in my therapy sessions.
You know how do you stopplaying small and truly embrace
that main character energy, andit's going to start with these
key shifts and I'm sharing.
What I'm sharing with you iswhat I'm I currently do and I
have been doing over the lastseven months.
I'm not always perfect, I'll behonest, but at the end of the
day, these they're in my brain,etched in my brain.
(09:25):
It's up to me if I choose toshow up in that capacity.
You know what I mean, but Iwant us to do that.
So the first thing is we'regoing to drop the
over-apologizing habit at thispoint and drop it.
Ask yourself and I've had toask myself this question
literally about two, three daysago am I actually sorry or am I
just saying it out of habit?
Think about that.
Then you want to replace sorryfor speaking up with.
(09:47):
I have something to contributebecause you do.
You want to replace sorry forbothering you with?
Do you have a moment?
I think sometimes as well, withthat you earn more respect with
the person in which order,whatever relationship that you
have, you can earn more respectby speaking up and just dropping
the over apologizing habit thatyou have created by way of
(10:08):
directly, indirectly, throughsociety as well.
The second one and this is a bigone for me these days is stop
explaining yourself, foreverything is stop explaining
yourself for everything, myfriend.
You do not owe anyone.
You do not owe anyone anexplanation for taking care of
yourself.
You don't have to justify whyyou're saying no.
You don't need permission toput yourself first, and that's
(10:31):
something that I had to learnthe hard way to an extent,
because one thing about me I'mgoing over explain why I'm
saying no, I'm giving you awhole thesis and I'm like girl,
why am I doing this?
It's because I don't have thecapacity.
Why should I explain why Idon't have the capacity?
Why should I explain why I'mputting myself first?
That should not be because,again, sometimes we open up
doors and give people thatpassageway to treat us or not
(10:55):
necessarily respect ourboundaries.
So it becomes harder now whenyou're actually putting your
foot down and you're puttingyourself first.
I think sometimes we becomesomewhat guilty of feeling some
type of way for doing that.
But no, the fact of the matteris you're going to stop
exploiting yourself foreverything.
The other one is to take upphysical space, and yes, I'm
(11:16):
talking about literal space.
You know, when you get into aroom or whatever space you're in
, you're going to sit upstraight, your posture is going
to be on point, you're going towalk in with confidence, you're
going to own the room when youenter.
And I say this because recentlyI was in a room with a lot of,
as they call them, heavy hitters, execs, and I'm like, wow, you
(11:36):
know, tanya, you know the thingsthat you prayed for, you wrote
on in your journal, the thingthat you've been asking for.
You know, a lot of the thingsare manifesting in a sense.
But even while I know I put inthe work to be at that table
with these execs, I was stillshrinking myself.
I was, you know, shoulder wascrouched, I was obviously being
nervous.
I mean, if I wasn't nervous,that means I wasn't necessarily,
(11:58):
to me, that passionate aboutwhat I'm doing.
So I was nervous in that regard.
But I'm like, you know, shouldI talk?
Because you know, for me, eventalking to you in the podcast,
for however long I've been doingthis, for I still got to think
about my brain sometimes movesfaster than my mouth, or vice
versa, because I think about OK,you know she's an island girl,
she has an accent, she speaksfast.
When she starts speaking fastand get excited, she stutters.
(12:20):
So all these are things that Ithink about.
I'm like girl, you know what?
No, I often go back to mynursing school instructor and I
cannot remember her name, but itwas one of my clinical
instructors while I was innursing school and every day
after clinicals we were going tothe conference room and discuss
the cases that we had or whatwe could have done better, x, y,
(12:40):
z.
And I remember one time she saidto me you know, tanya, you know
, I want you to be brave, I wantyou to walk into a room with
confidence, you know.
And I said to her well, youknow, she's like, you know
you're too quiet when you'redoing this assessment.
I said well, you know again one, I have an accent.
I'm not ashamed of my accentbecause I'm very proud.
I am very, very proud.
But the point is I was animmigrant, still am, but I'm an
(13:04):
immigrant living coming from theCaribbean to the United States.
So many things happen.
People look at you in adifferent way.
I'm already black, living inthe South.
It's just so many differentthings to think about.
And I just remember she said tome use your accent as your
superpower, use your accent tobuild rapport with your patient.
And let me tell you the minuteI did that listen, you don't
even understand.
The minute I did that, it waslike I was just, I just
(13:25):
unleashed something inside of me.
So every now and then, when Ifind myself going back to that
type of mentality of you know,oh, you have an accent, you talk
fast or I'm apologizing I saidno, here is the girl with the
island accent.
If you hear an accent claim youdon't mind, I'm trying to hide
it.
I'm like girl, no, we're notdoing it anymore.
(13:46):
So again, you want to sit upstraight, walk with confidence
and own the room that you enterbecause you deserve to be there.
The next thing, again, is speakwith confidence, drop the whole
I think, and just say I know,own your accomplishments, don't
downplay them, don't be tanya,do not downplay your, your
accomplishments and just usedirect language, my friend,
instead of just softeningstatements with just or maybe
sometimes that essentially makesyour argument or your text a
(14:09):
little bit weak.
So just use direct language asto what you're trying to say or
what you're trying to bringacross to that other person.
And then the last thing is toset boundaries like a boss.
Okay, saying no is a fullsentence I know you've probably
heard that before my friend, butthat it really is no period, no
, full stop.
You know, prioritize your needsbefore saying yes to everything
(14:31):
else.
And the last thing, which iswhat I've been leaning into more
and more, is to choose spacesthat celebrate you, not tolerate
you.
All right, so let me give you alittle recap.
Here's how you're going to tapinto your main character energy.
One, you're going to drop theover apologizing habit.
Two, you're going to stopexplaining yourself for
(14:53):
everything.
Three, you're going to take upphysical space yes, literally.
Three, you're going to take upphysical space.
Yes, literally.
Four, you're going to speakwith confidence, accent and all.
And five, you're going to setboundaries like a boss Because,
again, you're choosing spacesthat celebrate you, not tolerate
you.
So, as we come to the end of theepisode, my friend, I want you
(15:18):
to take a moment to think aboutwhere in your life you've been
shrinking yourself.
Is it at work, in yourrelationships, in how you talk
about yourself?
Think about these threequestions and try to answer that
Now.
I want you to imagine what itwould feel like to take up space
unapologetically.
What would that version of youlook like apologetically?
What would that version of youlook like?
(15:40):
What would she say yes to?
What would she say no to?
And every time I hear the wordunapologetic, I often go back to
the Rihanna album Unapologetic,I think it was Unapologetic, I
think that's what it was.
I often associate that wordwith her because you know this
album was a pivotal point in hercareer, essentially after she
went through the good girl gonebad era.
You know the drama that she hadin her personal life at one
(16:02):
point in time that the world hadunfortunately had privilege to
witness in.
And every time I think aboutthat album, the things that she
was saying in that album, Ithink that's probably my
favorite Rihanna album.
To be honest, I mean crazy,come from the behind.
But when I think about that,because you know she shows up in
a way in a space where shecommands that attention, she is,
even if she may not fit there.
(16:22):
You know I often look at heressentially from a Caribbean
standpoint because you know shehas a very, very deep, thick
Bajan accent and if you're fromthe Caribbean you know how you
feel about Bajan accent, butnevertheless, she never switched
up who she was because she hadan accent.
So I often think about herhonestly.
So think about again.
What version of you, what wouldthat version of you look like
(16:44):
when you're showing up foryourself, when you're not
shrinking yourself and thisweek's post-it note affirmation
is going to be I am worthy oftaking up space.
I will no longer shrink myselfto fit into places that were
never meant for me.
My voice matters, my presencematters and I am stepping fully
into my power.
(17:05):
Again, you're going to get thatpost-it note and even if you
don't have a post-it note,you're going to get a piece of
paper and some tape and you'regoing to stick it somewhere that
you frequent, a room in yourhouse that you frequent.
You go in often.
It could be a bathroom, a, abathroom mirror, and I want you
to write this out.
I am worthy of taking up space.
I will no longer shrink myselfto fit into places that were
(17:26):
never meant for me.
My voice matters, my presencematters and I'm stepping fully
into my power.
So, my friend, I want to thankyou again for joining me here in
the t-testing room.
Dm me on Instagram and tell meone way you're stepping into
your power this month.
If this episode resonated withyou, share it in your stories
and tag me, tell a friend andtell a friend, and let's just
(17:47):
spread the main character energymovement.
I love you for listening andI'll see you back here next week
.
Thank you.
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