The Truth About Teen Sexual Health: What Parents and Young People Need to Know Right Now

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Dr. Natasha Ramsey, pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist, joins me for a candid conversation about breaking the silence around puberty, periods, sexuality, and consent to empower young people with knowledge that protects them.

In this episode, we're covering
•  How our Caribbean upbringings shape approaches to discussing taboo topics like reproductive health
• Comprehensive sexual education includes relationships, communication, boundaries, and consent – not just "the sex talk."
• Knowledge is power – using correct anatomical terms with children helps protect them from abuse
• Parents must check their own biases and knowledge gaps to create open dialogue with teens
• Puberty education should start early and build progressively, including proper terminology
• Mental health directly connects to reproductive health through hormonal cycles
• Young people need to know their rights in healthcare settings to advocate for themselves
• Communication patterns at home translate directly to dating relationships
• Normalizing celebrating periods rather than stigmatizing or shaming
• Building self-trust helps both teens and adults navigate health decisions

Follow Dr. Ramsey on Instagram and follow her amazing work @gorgeous_sexed, or visit her website at gorgeousdoc.com,  where she Curates Intentional and Beautiful Sex Ed Resources for All Youth.

There's a problem with sexual health education, and Dr. Ramsey is here to solve it!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Tea with Tanya.
I'm your host, tanya Ambrose,an average millennial navigating
life as a maternal healthprofessional, non-profit founder
and grad student.
Join me in the tea tasting roomwhere we spill the tea on
finding balance and promotingpositive living while doing it
all, hey friend, welcome back toanother episode of Tea with

(00:27):
Tanya, your cozy space for real,honest and transformative
conversations about health,wellness and promoting positive
living.
Now listen.
This episode right here is oneI've been so excited to share
with you.
Not only are we continuing ourseries on whole woman health
across the lifespan, but I amjoined by someone I deeply
admire and I have been low-keysocial media stalking them, but

(00:49):
in the best way possible.
Okay, but before we dive intothis conversation, I'm going to
keep it real for a quick second.
You know, like I would havementioned last episode, I had a
bit of a health scare and thatmoment just reminded me just how
much our bodies are constantlychanging and evolving.
So it was a wake-up call for meto slow down, to listen in and

(01:11):
to keep advocating for my health, especially as I navigate my
life in my 30s.
And I'm encouraging you as wellto slow down, listen to your
body and do your best toadvocate for yourself, for your
health as well.
All right, and that's whyconversations like the one we're
about to hear matter so much.
We're talking about pubertyperiod, sexuality, consent and

(01:33):
everything in between, becauseour young people deserve more
than silence or shame.
So today I'm thrilled towelcome Dr Natasha Ramsey to the
Tea Tasting Room.
She's a pediatrician andadolescent medicine specialist
and the creative mind behindgorgeous sex.
Ed Sis is not just brilliant,she's real, relatable and doing

(01:55):
the work to educate and empoweryoung people and families
through inclusive, affirminghealth education.
We talk about everything fromhow our Caribbean upbringings
shaped our career path to howparents can create open,
shame-free environments to talkabout periods, sex and mental
health and, of course, we dropsome gems for our teens and

(02:15):
parents alike.
So grab your tea, get comfy andlet's get into it.
Let me tell you this guest I'vebeen stalking her social media
for the last couple of monthsright now and she is doing
amazing work.
And, of course, when I see myBlack queens, my Black sisters,
doing something in the communitythat aligns with what I do in
my everyday life, it's always ablessing to have them on the

(02:36):
podcast in the Tea Tasting Room.
Now, when I mustered up thecourage to send her this email,
I honestly thought she was goingto say no or not even respond,
because you know, sometimes whenyou send these emails you don't
get to respond all the time,and I think it was between 24 to
48 hours Might've been less,I'm going to be honest, but I'm
going to just give myself thebenefit of the doubt.
In less than 24 to 48 hours sheresponded and all I saw was yes

(02:59):
or sure, whatever.
And let me tell you you guysshould know by now that Beyonce
is my favorite artist.
Right when I saw that email, itfelt like Beyonce told me yes,
I'm going to be honest, I'm justbeing.
You guys should see herlaughing, but I'm so serious
when she said yes, you could nottell me that Beyonce or
Michelle Obama said yes tocomment on my podcast and I was
just screaming.
I think I was at work that day.

(03:19):
I don't know where I was, but Iwas.
But I was with one of myfriends and she was like girl,
what's wrong with you?
I said girl, one of myinspiration replied to my email
wanting to be a guest on TV withTanya.
So that made me feel really,really good, and, of course
she's an island sister, so youknow it's even more special to
have her on the podcast.
So I'm going to let her tell usabout herself, because she know
we know the people here.

(03:39):
So give us all the tea, drNatasha.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Ramsey.
Hi everyone, my name is DrNatasha Ramsey, and what Tanya
didn't know is that I was alsostalking her and also very, very
happy about the work that shewas doing and eager to partner.
So when she emailed me, itprobably was less than 24 hours
it was absolutely.
Yes, like we need to link upbecause I had heard about her

(04:05):
work from multiple people.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
And good things right Maybe Exactly.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
I'm just really happy to be here.
So, yes, my name is Dr NatashaRamsey.
I am a board certifiedpediatrician and also an
adolescent medicine specialistand what that means is that I
take care of specifically youngadults and young people ages 11,
all the way up to 25.
And I handle all the thingsthat come with that transition

(04:33):
period, including puberty andperiods and birth control and
substance use and all the things.
That is my nine to five and Iwork in a school, high school
actually so I have a lot ofexposure to teenagers every
single day.
But then my five to nine, or myside hustle and my passion and
my joy is gorgeous doc orgorgeous sex ed.

(04:56):
So I started an organizationwhere I draw and create my own
sexual health images thatfeature different body types,
different people of color thatare also inclusive, feature
different body types, differentpeople of color that are also
inclusive of different gendersand different people.
And then I take those resourcesof those images and create
resources.
So I create presentations,handouts and things of that

(05:16):
nature.
So I always used to draw when Iwas a kid and kind of like tuck
that skill away until when itcame time for me to start making
content on social media.
I couldn't find anything thatlooked like what I was looking
for, so I was like, let me justtry, and I started drawing it
myself.
So that's how I got started,and it has just exploded from
there.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Amazing, amazing, amazing.
So what would you say?
Because you know we're from theCaribbean and sometimes going
up they're often like, oh, you'dhave to become a doctor, a
lawyer, teacher.
You know these differentprofessions Because, might I add
, my friend she is MD, mph, andyou guys know how I feel about
that, because I'm going to havethe MPH behind my name in the
next couple of months, so I'msuper excited.
But how did your upbringinginfluence your career path?

(05:58):
And I ask this question becauseat one point I wanted to become
a nurse, went to nursing school, failed out by 0.5 points,
going to always put that inthere, but you know I ended up
pivoting to public health andnow I can't get away from public
health.
Even if I try, no matter what Itry, to pivot or go back to
nursing school, public healthalways still calls me and you
know, at the time having toexplain to my family, you know

(06:19):
I'm not going to nursing schoolanymore, I'm going into public
health, having to over-explainthe type of career you can have
in public health.
So how has your upbringing,especially in a Caribbean
household, influenced yourcareer path?

Speaker 2 (06:32):
So, interestingly enough, both my parents are from
Jamaica.
They both immigrated to theUnited States, where they met
each other, and then they had me.
So I was born and raised in NewJersey, actually, but now I
live in New York, so I'm a NewYorker too.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
You're a Jersey girl first of all.
Hey, no, no, no Jersey girl.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Ok, yes, Jersey second, new York third.
Yes, so growing up in aCaribbean household, education
was very important.
It was not negotiable that part.
Very early on it was very clearthat school was my number one
job and that if I didn't do wellin school there was going to be
a problem.
But after a while I became soself-motivated my parents really

(07:12):
didn't even have to push me.
I was just a nerd.
I was one of those people thatcarried a book bag with all the
books in it and I would do myhomework for the next day.
The day before I was just acomplete dweeb, like I would
read a lot.
I was just nerdy y'all, but Ialso was very artsy.
Like I said, I used to love todraw and paint and my dad
actually does.
He paints and he taught me howto paint and how to draw.

(07:33):
And my mom, she was a patientcare technician, so she worked
in a hospital and so I rememberwhen she was doing her training
she would come home and likehave to draw my dad's blood to
like practice for her phlebotomy.
And so I grew up kind of withthis mix of like.
And my dad is an entrepreneurand he had his own business

(07:56):
doing floor installations.
So my dad was like theentrepreneur and my mom was more
of like the healthcare provider, healthcare worker.
But then also my mom loved towrite and loved to read.
So then I kind of took on allof those qualities and growing
up I really thought I was goingto be a journalist.
I was like I loved to write andI loved to draw.
I was a very artsy kid, eventhough I was very nerdy and
loved science and math as well.
And so when I was in highschool I went to a science high

(08:20):
school, a health science highschool.
I wanted to go to the regularhigh school.
My mom was like, absolutely notSpeaking of being from the
Caribbean household.
She was like I don't care whereyour friends are going, they're
going to the science school,and we wore uniforms there too,
so that was a plus for her.
She was like yes, you're goingto that school.
So I was exposed to a lot ofhealthcare fields at that school

(08:43):
, but I was dead set on being ajournalist and being a writer.
I was like I don't want to doanything in the healthcare field
.
That's not interesting to me.
I want to be a writer, I wantto travel the world, I want to
tell people's stories.
And so I had found out aboutthis teen magazine that was
looking for writers.
So I was like, amazing, I'mgoing to join.

(09:04):
So I signed up and it was asexual health teen magazine,
which was even more cool.
It also dealt a lot withempowerment and with education
and teaching young people abouttheir health and advocating for
young people to get like all theeducation and services that
they needed.
So it was like the perfect mixof like, advocacy and writing.
And then they found out that Icould draw, and so I started

(09:28):
helping them create some visualimages for their website and for
their magazine and I helpedthem design the first magazine
and it was just a really coolexperience.
So that was what sparked myinterest in public health, like
you said.
And at the time, of course, myparents didn't know what that
was.
And my parents actually didn'tpush me to go into medicine.

(09:48):
They weren't like, oh, you needto be a doctor.
They just were like, dowhatever makes you happy, which
was really nice that they didn'tlike force me into medicine.
So I kind of came into medicineon my own and I had studied
public health in undergrad and Iwas sold on getting an MPH.
I was like I'm getting an MPHno matter what.
I don't even want to do medicalschool.

(10:09):
Like I'm more interested inlike the population and
understand the socialdeterminants impact people's
health and how can we createinterventions that are going to
change people's lives, and notjust the one person but the
every population.
But when I was in college I hada mentor who was like God, spoke
to me and said you're going tobe a doctor, Like you should do
it, and I was like I'm going totell you that and he was also

(10:32):
from the Caribbean.
Shout out to Dr Khan.
Dr Khan is from Trinidad andTobago Trini boy.
So yes, he was like God spoketo me and told me you're going
to be a doctor and I said Godlied to you.
I don't know why he said thatto you, but it kind of sparked
that thought in my mind becauseI thought I'd never really
thought about it because Ididn't think I could do it.
But then I started having myfriends around me who were also

(10:54):
doing it and then there wereother classmates who were doing
it and there was a lot ofsupport in place at the college.
I went to University in NewJersey.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, I wanted to go there too.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
I was in a program called ODASIS, which stands for
the Office for Diversity andSuccess in the Sciences, and
that program they literallywrapped us in love and care and
helped push us through theentire process of becoming a
doctor.
So I just kind of stumbled intoit along the way and then I
realized how synergisticmedicine and the MPH were the
public health and the medicinepart because now I understand

(11:29):
the intricate pieces of whataffects each individual and I
understand the bigger picture ofwhat affects populations, and
so I could cross both pathways.
So that was a long drawn outanswer, but long story short, I
didn't want to be a doctor andthen I ended up doing it anyway.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
No, we love all the tea here in the tea tasting room
because, again, it's kind oflike me fitting out of nursing
school and I was trying tofigure out what do I want to do
and then my aunt told me youshould take, you should check
out public.
I said public health.
What is that?
You know, started doing my.
As I was in my last year of myundergrad, I did a study abroad
in Uganda and that's when Irealized, you know what I can
make an impact without being inthe clinical setting per se.

(12:11):
And that's what led me toforming my nonprofit.
When I did, because I was stillthinking, you know, I have to
be a millionaire to start thisnonprofit in XYZ.
And I'm like, no, you can bringabout change then.
And then he sat me down in hisoffice.
I will never forget, shout outto Dr Cormier.
He said what do you want to do?
And everything that I said ledback to, you know, nonprofit

(12:34):
work or maternal reproductivehealth, and I was like wow, I
didn't realize that that was apassion per se, and I will never
forget this.
One day I was driving frommaking children to Atlanta and
let me tell you I've been takingthis route for like two, three
years nonstop.
Natasha or Dr Ramsey, I shouldsay I've never seen this
billboard with a.
It was a black mom holding herbaby and they were advertising
the role of a doula.
Mind you, a few days before, hetold me you should become a

(12:55):
doula to get yourself, you know,get your foot wet or step into
maternal and childhood, and Iwas like I ain't never seen this
billboard all this time I'mdriving here, me and my sisters.
So I felt like it was justdivine, it was meant to happen,
and I became a doula and Istarted doing work in this space
.
And here I am now doing the workas it relates to health,
education, especiallyreproductive health, and I think

(13:16):
it's a big, broad topic.
And what I realized in my lineof work and the people that I
work with is that when I thinkthat people have access to
information or education, theydon't and we live in a country
because we both live in theUnited States, where I often
call it the good, the bad andthe ugly, because there's a

(13:37):
little bit of everything andwhen you realize that, for
instance, I moved away to finishmy or start college here to you
know better myself, of courseyou know.
Obviously then, from theCaribbean, you got to go to
college.
You know, you know how it is,but realizing that for me it was
a privilege to come here andget the education, the access to
everything that was thereavailable for me by way of being

(13:57):
a green card holder at the time, right, and then the people who
have born and raised they nevereven left their state, who
don't even know what resourcesare available to them.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
There's people coming to their town.
Yes, right, Live in New YorkCity.
There's people who don't evenleave their borough.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
I have an aunt that she wouldn't leave her city
unless my other aunt is driving,and she's been living in this
country for over 40 years.
So I get that.
And then coming here to the USand you're realizing that for me
, everything feel like you knowwhat.
You can touch, this, you canget access to this, and people
don't even know what resourcesis available to them.
And then when you look at thesocial determinants of health
and all these different thingsthat play a major role into what

(14:38):
people have access to, you knowit makes me feel like the work
that we are doing, especiallywhen it relates to our young
people, is very, very important.
And recently listen to me, I cantalk okay, so if I'm talking
too much, I'm sorry my friendshere in the TTSA they're not
telling me I can talk, but I hadmy nonprofit, had an event

(15:00):
recently because we were doing afocus group, trying to get some
information about.
You know how can we help peopleas it relates to menstruation
or even sexual and reproductivehealth education, because,
coming from the Caribbean, we'revery Christian-based, as we say
, and certain topics are just so, so taboo that it's why we're
in the predicament that we're inas a society right now,
comprehensive sexual education,especially for our teens, or

(15:23):
just across the lifespan as well.
Because how can we get peopleto understand that comprehensive
sexual education is very, veryimportant for our teenagers,
especially in today's climate?

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Yes.
So just to define comprehensivesexual health education, it is
encompassing of all of thethings related to sexuality, so
not just the bad things but alsothe positive things.
So what I mean by that iscomprehensive sex ed, it's

(15:55):
sexual positivity.
So talking about sex not justfrom a standpoint of you can get
pregnant and ruin your life,you can get an STI or sexually
transmitted infection and dieit's talking about it from a
standpoint of how do youcommunicate with your partner?
What is a healthy relationship?
What is not a healthyrelationship?
How do you communicate yourboundaries with someone that

(16:16):
you're dating?
What is sexuality?
What is your?
You know you have a questionabout like, what type of people
you're attracted to.
It's encompassing of all ofthose things, including
abstinence, not having sex, andwhat the research and the data
shows is that comprehensivesexual health education is far
more effective in decreasingthose outcomes that we talk

(16:39):
about all the time teenpregnancy, unplanned pregnancy,
sexually transmitted infectionsAcross the board.
Those types of educationalprograms are more effective in
preventing those outcomes.
Abstinence-only programs do notwork.
When you only talk aboutabstinence, we are doing

(17:00):
children and youth a disservice,because their friends are doing
things.
They may be doing things.
They need the informationbefore they are engaging in
these activities or thinkingabout engaging in these
activities, so that they areprepared.
So the problem is, people arelike, oh, we don't want to talk
about those things because it'sgoing to make the kids want to

(17:21):
do it.
I'm going to tell you somethingas someone who works in a high
school with kids ages 13 all theway up to 21,.
They're going to do it.
They're going to do it Whetheryou tell them, not to whether
you lock them in.
I know I have seen some things.
Y'all, I have seen some things.
Kids will find a way.

(17:42):
They will find a way.
I know kids who have donethings in the school, kids who
have done things in the morningbefore school.
Their parents left and went towork.
They snuck somebody into thehouse.
I know kids who do things inthe park, in the train, in the
rain, you name it.
Okay.
So we have to make sure thatthey are equipped with that

(18:05):
information.
But that also means that, aseducators, as doctors, as
parents, as adults who work withyouth, anyone who's youth
facing we have to be comfortablewith it too, right, and we have
to and say listen you can comeand talk to me at any time about
anything.
You can come and talk to me atany time about anything and it's
important to create thatrelationship and not judge kids

(18:28):
when they bring it to you andsay, like, are you doing that?
Sometimes they just havequestions, sometimes they just
want to know so that they couldthink about it and be prepared
if something were to come up.
But we have to create this opendialogue with young people.
We can't just say you shouldn'tbe doing it, don't do it,
because that's not effective.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
And it's funny that you said that Cause I remember,
cause I was back in Antiguarecently and we did a session at
one of the primary schools inAntigua and that was my first
thing, cause we only have onemale in a part of our
organization, our lone maleshout out to Carol Knight.
But he came with me to do thesession and everyone was having
a good time and I remember the.
I mean, granted, I don't knowthese children, but I didn't see

(19:12):
any movements that they wereuncomfortable in.
I remember asking the class doyou want Mr Knight to leave?
They're like 99% said no,except for one child which I
think she was coerced by theteacher as well.
So, of course, respecting theirprivacy or their level of
comfort, we had to ask him tostep outside for a second, but
he did give a little speechsaying you know what?

(19:32):
We're here to break the stigma,because you're going to have a
father, uncle, a brother, cousin, whoever it is, that's a maid,
that's going to be in your life,and we should be able to have
these conversations.
But then I later found out thatit was the teachers who had an
issue, who were uncomfortableactually with him being present,
talking about a girl's bodypart and or like a girl's body
part, and I'm like, again, thisis where we are.

(19:53):
We're keeping that stigmaaround because we're not
engaging in the conversationwith everyone.
It shouldn't be a boy versusgirl or a man versus woman
conversation, and I think that'swhat we are missing in our
society for today, because,again, I'm having this
conversation and, of course, thegirls are like, oh my God, ew,
you're saying vulva and X, andI'm like, cause we have to call

(20:18):
them the right terms, and eventhe teachers were like you know
what?
Oh, I actually learnedsomething today.
So I think for me, it made methink about, like you know, what
are the myths, or evenmisconception of sexual health
education?
Cause these are people who arein grade five, so let's say
they're from like ages 10 and up, 10 to 12, essentially, and,
like I said, kids are going todo it.
I had a friend recently becausethey're going to do it.
I had a friend recently, herdaughter, who's not even might
have just turned 10 this yearand she found a message in her
phone of them talking about itand she came to me asking how do

(20:40):
I approach this topic.
She was all nervous andeverything, which is fine.
Again, I'm not saying you'renot saying it's going to be
comfortable, but what are someof the misconceptions about sex
education that you oftenencounter in your everyday life,
as far as your practice goes?

Speaker 2 (20:54):
The main problem that I see is that people think of
comprehensive sex ed as just sexand, like all the other things
I mentioned before, there's somany other things.
So, really, young people,children, should be learning
about some of these topics veryearly on.
You should learn the correctwords for your body parts.
We don't call your arm athingamadoo, sure don't, right.

(21:18):
We say arm, mommy, my stomachhurts.
Right, your kid can tell you mystomach hurts.
Your kids should be able toalso tell you about their
genitals and their body parts.
We need to start theseconversations early on, right,
and this is completely off topic, but I'm going to bring it in

(21:39):
now, because there are childrenand young people who are
inappropriately touched orinappropriately, you know, have
situations with adults who aredoing things to them that they
don't, that should not be doneto them, or people are touching
them in places they don't wantto be touched and they don't
have the language and the wordsto use to say, mommy, somebody
touched me on my vulva and Ididn't like it.

(21:59):
Right, we have to give ourchildren and empower our
children, give them the words tobe able to use, because it
protects them.
Right, that knowledge is power,that knowledge protects them.
Ok, then puberty.
Okay, then puberty.
Puberty starts.
Speak on it, right.
Well, if we're going to educatepeople, puberty is a part of sex

(22:23):
ed.
Right, it's a part of sexualhealth education.
The whole purpose of puberty isyour body going from being a
child to being an adult, andduring that time your body goes
through a lot of sexualcharacteristic changes.
So that is a part of sexualhealth too.
You have to have thatconversation with your kid.
Listen, you're going to startgetting taller.
You're going to notice thatyou're growing hair in places,
you're going to start sweating.
You need to put on deodorant.
You're having theseconversations and we're leaving

(22:45):
out the other important piece ofyou're going to start to have a
period.
Let's talk about what a periodis.
So it's really like a buildingblocks and a lot of times people
just jump to the sex part andthey're like oh my God, I got to
talk to my kid about sex.
It's like you should be havingthese other conversations with
your kids that lead up to thatconversation about sex and leads

(23:06):
up to the conversations aboutanything else menstruation,
everything else?

Speaker 1 (23:10):
Yeah, because one of the things that we do at my
nonprofit Scrub Life Cases wetalk about good touch, bad touch
and consent, because I think,like I say, starting with the
basics, we just automaticallyjump to sex.
What is my personal space?
Teaching that?
No, is a complete answer.
And how can you like I think Ieven said today you know what
try to find a trusting adult,because sometimes that's not

(23:31):
even our parents.
If you're being honest, that issome people.
That's not even our parents.
If you're being honest, that issome people.
It's not your parents, not evenlike a family member.
It could be a teacher, a friend, it could be anyone else, but
someone in your immediate family.
But I want to ask, because it'ssomething that I get asked a
lot too, like even as the editor, I say, oh, how do I have this
conversation with my child?
And I was like, I mean, that'syour child, but I get it.

(23:51):
It's very uncomfortable.
So how can parents, and even usas educators, create an
environment where it's, you know, talking about sexual health,
reproductive health with teens?
How can we create anenvironment where it's welcoming
then?
Because we know, in certaincultures you can't even utter
the word S-E-X at all as it'sbeing looked down upon.
You're being punished.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
You know again if we're not educating or creating
that environment, then we're not.
We don't deserve it.
So how can they create thatenvironment to have a discussion
openly?
The first step is you have tocheck your own bias.
Oh, I love that you got tocheck your own stigma and you
have to check your own knowledgebase.
Okay, one thing about kids.
They're going to ask you why,how, when, right you start a
conversation with a kid aboutany topic and they're going to
have a million questions to fireat you.

(24:39):
So it's important, as adultsthat work with young people,
that we check our own biases andwe say you know what, growing
up, my mother didn't talk to meabout this, or I didn't learn
about this in school.
So I need to do my research andI need to make sure that I'm
prepared so that I can have thisconversation comfortably with
my kid Right.

(25:00):
So that's the first step.
You have to really take a stepback and be like whew, this is
going to be hard, but I got thisright.
The same way people when theyhad kids.
You know, when you're pregnantand you're preparing and you're
looking through the baby bookand you're buying the crib and
you're doing this and you'remaking sure you're Googling and
searching everything.
Is this normal?
My baby just did that.
My baby didn't roll over.

(25:20):
You have to remember thatadolescence is the equivalent of
the developmental changes thathappen during infancy, right
when a baby is sitting tostanding, to walking.
We know that when they go frombabbling to talking, we see that
transition and we're like wow,look how much they've grown.
But adolescents are goingthrough the same exact process.

(25:42):
So you have to do your research.
The same way you studied yourkid when they were little, you
got to study your kid now thatthey're an adolescent.
So you got to do your research.
And you have to read on yourown and make sure that your
knowledge base is good and thatyou're comfortable with it.
So you practice saying thewords.

(26:02):
If you call it a vajayjay orsomething you can't even say,
the word vagina, how do youexpect your kid to be able to
say it right?
So it comes with practice and itcomes with reading.
It comes with learning and onceyou do that, then you could sit
your kid down and say hey, andmaybe sometimes parents have

(26:24):
built-in time already with theirkids.
Maybe on Saturdays or Fridaysthey do game night, or Saturdays
they go to basketball practicetogether and they drive in the
car together and most parentshave a time to have
conversations with their kids.
Dinner time, how's you knowhow's school Like?
There's opportunities whereyou're talking with your kid

(26:44):
when it comes to sex ed orsexual health related topics.
They're probably going to laugh.
I don't want to talk about it.
Oh, they will.
This is awkward, mom, I don'twant to talk about it, but they
still hear you.
Think about how many othertimes you may have talked to
your kid and you're like, oh,they heard me, they saw me do

(27:06):
that thing, and now they'redoing it.
They pick up things here andthere.
So take that time, thoseopportunities, those special
times that you have togetherwith your kid, and you just say,
hey, I wanted to talk to youbecause you're 13 now and I know
that.
You know you haven't gotten yourperiod yet, but let's talk

(27:26):
about it.
What questions do you haveabout it?
And then you could tell them aperiod is when blood comes out
of your vagina and the reasonwhy that happens is because your
body is getting ready forpregnancy.
It's a normal, natural processthat all people who have a
uterus, all women and girls, gothrough.
Most women and girls go through, right, so, and you have to be

(27:48):
comfortable using that languageyou might have to practice, but
you have to be comfortable justlaying it out there Also doing
your research and findingcredible sources, right, because
they may not want to talk aboutit, but guess what they're
going to do?
They're going to go on Instagram, tiktok on TikTok.
They're going to learn it fromsocial media.

(28:09):
So, if you can, you can directthem to resources that are
credible and resources where youknow the information is
accurate.
That is teen friendly.
So that way, even if they don'twant to talk to you, they could
at least go and read it ontheir own time.
There's a lot of books thatpeople use.
There's a lot of differenttechniques, but ultimately, do

(28:30):
not avoid the conversation.
Don't avoid talking to themabout it, because they're
thinking about it.
Their body is going through abunch of changes.
They're feeling awkward,they're feeling out of place.
They may have gotten theirperiod during school.
They may have not gotten theirperiod yet, but their friends
got their period.
They may be afraid to get theirperiod.
There's so many differentpieces to it, so you have to
just face it head on.

(28:50):
Do your own research, do yourdue diligence and just do the
best you can.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
And I think I want to add as well, because I know I
mentioned about having finding atrusting person, trusted person
for the young person.
But what about the parents?
Because, again, they, you knowwhatever, because trauma it
follows us throughout life, nomatter what.
You know, everybody havedifferent levels, of course, but
maybe they may not becomfortable, because I've seen
people not even come to astandard word, vagina, as you

(29:16):
mentioned.
So maybe we should try tofoster an environment also, not
only for our young people butfor our parents as well, whereas
, you know, bridge that gap.
And that's what I try to do aswell, cause I'm like you know
what, I know it's awkward, butsomebody has to have that
conversation.
You can't leave it up to oneperson to educate your child
either, because they're cominghome with you at the end of the

(29:36):
day.
You know what I mean.
So I think we have to sometimesthink about that.
We're talking about our youngpeople, but maybe the parents
also.
They need that little extrapush or extra support so that
they can also find a level ofcomfort to have these
conversations, because if notthem, then who?
As you say, the TikTok is takingover.
Oh, I started on TikTok andit's like was it accurate, you
know?
Was it evidence-based?

(29:57):
You start thinking like thatand we know for the most part
it's not.
And yeah, but I kind of want toshift a little bit, because you
were mentioning periods,periods, periods.
You know we're the period,girly, but tell us a little bit

(30:19):
about the menstrual cycle.
Talk to me like I'm five yearsold or maybe 10 years old.
I don't know anything about myperiod, I just know I got it the
other day and I'm just upsetabout seeing my period.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
So tell me about the menstrual cycle.
Yes, so, like I had mentionedearlier, the menstrual cycle is
a normal process in which yourbody prepares for pregnancy and
releases blood out of yourvagina once a month or around
once a month.
So this process actually startsin your brain.

(30:44):
Your brain releases hormones.
Those hormones communicate withyour ovaries.
Hormones are little chemicalsthat control all the things that
happen in your body.
They communicate with yourovaries.
Ovaries are the organs thatpeople who are female have.
Your ovary makes an egg.
That egg is what would turninto a pregnancy if it comes in

(31:07):
contact with sperm.
Sperm is made by males who havetesticles.
Now, if that egg and spermdon't come together and that
happens by sex, from sex and sexis another topic that we can
talk about later but if that eggis not fertilized by that sperm

(31:31):
, the egg breaks down and alsothe lining of the uterus, which
is where the pregnancy wouldgrow, also builds up to get
ready for a pregnancy.
The uterus, which is where thepregnancy would grow, also
builds up to get ready for apregnancy.
That breaks down as well, andall of that comes out of the
vagina and that is a period.
Now what happens is your bodysenses a drop in the hormones
and it sends a signal back toyour brain and it tells your

(31:51):
brain let's do it all over again, and so that's why it's called
the menstrual cycle.
Now, other thing that peopledon't, and so that's why it's
called the menstrual cycle.
Now, other thing that peopledon't realize is that we are
always in our menstrual cycle.
The menstruation, or the period, is just one phase of the
menstrual cycle, but we areconstantly having fluctuations
in the hormone levels throughoutthe month, so we're always in

(32:13):
our menstrual cycle.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
Always.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
There's different phases of the menstrual cycle.
Like I mentioned before,there's the follicular phase.
That's the first half of thecycle.
That's when you have highestrogen levels, estrogen is
released from your ovaries.
There's ovulation, that's whenthe egg is released, and then
there's the luteal phase, whichis mostly high levels of
progesterone.
And then there's the lutealphase, which is mostly high
levels of progesterone, and thenthere's menstruation, and that

(32:38):
repeats every single month and,depending on what phase of your
menstrual cycle you're in, itcould change the way you feel.
So during your follicular phase, you have more energy, you have
high levels of estrogen, you'refeeling great, your skin is
glowing, you're living your bestlife Ovulation a lot of people
during that time also feel great.
Your luteal phase is when yourbody feels like it's attacking

(33:02):
you Loaded acne.
You're feeling sad, you'refeeling down, you're feeling
tired, you have brain fog, andthen you have your period and
then it starts all over again.
So those are some tips aboutthe menstrual cycle.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yes, and one of the things that you mentioned first
is that you know it's obviouslypreparing your body for
pregnancy.
But that wouldn't be me if Ididn't bring up the negative
stigma that comes with having aperiod as well, because you know
, growing up in the Caribbean aswell, or in certain households,
the minute you get a period wewere just talking about how we
can talk to our children aboutsexual health and even periods

(33:42):
now but the minute you startseeing your period, you could be
10, 11, 12.
It doesn't matter how old youare at this point, because once
you start getting your period,your mom or dad, somebody goes
oh, you're too fast or don'thave sex, don't get pregnant.
That's the immediate thing thatthey say.
And it's like you know, if youtell a child I mean, if you tell
me something not to do, I'mgoing to try to figure out.
Why shouldn't I have done it?
So I'm going to go do somethingand then learn the hard way and

(34:08):
suffer the consequences and thechildren that were in again
being influenced by social mediaheavily.
What can we do essentially tofoster or just debunk certain
myths that comes with seeing aperiod?
Because, again, yes, you know Ican get pregnant.
But I'm 12 years old, I'm noteven thinking about a boy, or my
hormones aren't even changingyet.
You know, I'm just about to gointo puberty.
Why is that the first thingthat my parent or somebody is

(34:32):
telling me?
So how can we really and trulyget to have a better
understanding of this naturalprocess but also debunk any sort
of myth that may come with?
Oh, a girl is in her period.
Know what?

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Yes.
So I think that's a veryimportant point.
Once someone starts theirperiod, they can get pregnant,
and I think that that's thebiggest concern that most people
have.
When I got my first period, Iwas 13.
I remember it was a month afterI turned 13, my birthday's in
March.
I got my period in April.
It was literally like April14th, March 14th it was

(35:03):
literally like a month away, andI was so pissed.
I was not ready for this.
I didn't want this right now.
I was just just living mylittle, you know teenage life
and I remember my mom.
I think she was at work, but Ithink when she got home she gave
me some pads and she basicallysaid you can get pregnant.

(35:26):
Now I'm telling you there wasno kind of explanation of like
what was happening, why it'shappening.
You know how it can affect mymood, how to like manage it.
There was none of that and Godbless my mom, because she didn't
know either.
She couldn't really teach mebecause she didn't know work.

(35:50):
That I do as well is educatingthe parents and educating adult
women as well about theirmenstrual cycle so that they can
be equipped to, and men toeducate their kids.
So that's part of it.
So, once again, the purpose ofthe menstrual cycle is for
reproductive purposes.

(36:10):
Your body has a menstrual cyclein order to prepare for
pregnancy but, like I said, weare in our menstrual cycle every
single day.
It affects every aspect of ourhealth and our life.
Right, If someone is in theirstudio phase, that can impact

(36:31):
their performance in the sport.
That can impact their mood,that can impact their ability to
the sport.
That can impact their mood,that can impact their ability to
get their homework done in atimely fashion.
There's a lot of differentfactors that come into play.
So it's not, yes, the menstrualcycle, yes, you starting,
having a period can put you atrisk for pregnancy, but the

(36:53):
aspect is an aspect of being awoman.
It's important that weunderstand and embrace the other
pieces that come with themenstrual cycle and not just the
pregnancy part.
So I love when people throwlike period parties for their
kids celebrate their period,because also there are some
people who don't have a period.
There's some people who havemedical problems.
There are some people who haveother anatomical reasons why

(37:17):
they can't have a period.
There are some people who havemedical problems.
There are some people who haveother anatomical reasons why
they can't have a period.
And so celebrating your period,celebrating a normal, natural
thing that happens to your body,that gives you the ability to
give birth and have a child, isan amazing thing.
And once adults do the innerwork of learning, then we can

(37:37):
teach our children and teach theyoung people.
So really it has to start witheducation.
The parents have to educatethemselves, understand that the
menstrual cycle is not just thislittle thing that happens once
a month.
It's this whole complex processthat's going on over and over
and over and over until you getto menopause, and then menopause

(37:58):
, perimenopause.
That's a whole, nothercomplicated, understudied,
underfunded topic.
But women are dealing with thisfrom the beginning of time
until the end of time.

Speaker 1 (38:13):
No, no, that is true.
And I want to pivot a bit totalk about sex because, again,
the minute someone starts seeingtheir period, that's the first
thing.
Most times, that's what ourparents or people who are older
than us will go to oh, you canget pregnant, don't have sex,
and then that's it.
And I think, when we talk aboutempowering our young people in
today's society becausesometimes we often forget about

(38:35):
them, if we're being honest,like you know, they're young,
they go into the motion.
That's it, keep it moving.
We can keep them sheltereduntil they're 18 years old, and
by then it's kind of too late,you know.
So how can, how can we approachthe topic of sex to our young
people?
Because, like you mentionedearlier, they are going to do it
, they're going to find ways todo it and, especially if you
tell them they can't orshouldn't do something, they're
going to want to find out forthemselves why.

(38:56):
So?
Why is it important for ouryoung people to know about the
physical and even the emotionalaspects of sex, and how can this
impact their well-being asyoung people?

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yes.
So, like we talked about alittle bit earlier, the
important thing is relationshipsand communication Like that.
That is the part that I thinkparents really have great power
to be able to influence andsupport their kids.
Talking to your kid about whatare some things that you're

(39:32):
looking for in somebody thatyou're dating, what are some
things that are important to you, what are some things that are
like a deal breaker for you.
Talking with your kids aboutboundaries, empowering them
about how to communicate andsome parents are not going to
want to hear this, but the waythat you communicate with your
kids and with your teenager canshow up in the way that they

(39:53):
date.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Say that part again.
I'm sorry, that was a word.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
They're not.
Y'all not going to hear it, butit is true.
If you and in Caribbeanhouseholds we know how it goes,
right, don't?
You can't ask questions.
You can't talk back.
Instead, what I said isnon-negotiable there's no room
for discussion.
There's no room for questions,right?

(40:21):
I said pick up your pants offthe floor.
There's nothing else to discuss.
So the problem that thatcreates is that we're teaching
young people, we're taking awaytheir agency, we're taking away
their ability to ask questions,their ability to create
boundaries, and that translatesdirectly into the way that

(40:43):
people date.
If they have been taught youknow what, my opinion doesn't
matter, I can't speak up formyself when they start dating
somebody, they're going to dothe same thing.
So it really starts at homewith the way that you
communicate with your kid, theway that you communicate with
your child.
Your child is like oh, whycan't I go to this party?
Because I said so.

(41:03):
That's not how you do it.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
We got a gentle parent out here just a little
bit.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
And you could be stern but still leave room for
discussion.
Bobby, you can't go to thisparty because there are not
going to be any parents at thisparty and I'm worried that
something is going to happen andI want you to be safe because I
love you.
So we have to create theseopportunities to communicate
with our kids so that we modelthat behavior and then they can

(41:30):
then use that and use thoseskills to communicate with the
people that they're dating.
So that's that first piece.
Now the other piece is toacknowledge that people are
going to feel attracted topeople and are going to think
about sex.
So you have a conversation withyour kid hey, bobby, is there
anybody at school that you like?

(41:50):
And then you could like I said,you can go into this
conversation of what are somethings that you like about her,
like, what are things?
What is it if you were to datesomebody like?
What is it that you would want?
You know, we can have theseopen conversations with our kids
, hypothetical conversationsabout what is it that's
important to you, what are yourvalues?
Right, values come fromparenting, they come from your

(42:12):
community.
These are things that you, as aparent, that's your domain,
this is your job.
You know what I mean.
So having that conversation ingeneral about what are some
things that are important to you, not waiting until they got a
girlfriend or waiting until theyhave a boyfriend I don't like
Susie, no, no, we need to havethese conversations upfront.

(42:34):
When your kid is 10 and theystart to have a crush on
somebody, right, you mightnotice they have a little crush
on someone.
Then you say it's normal forpeople, for teenagers your age,
to have a crush on somebody.
I see that you have a crush onSusie.
What is it about Susie that youlike?
What are you know what are somethings that are important to
you?
You have those conversations upfront.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
Yeah, you know, because you want to create that
safe space like we talked aboutearlier, because if not your
immediate family, then who Then?
That crush is not an issue thatwe are trying to eliminate as
well.
But for our teens listeninglet's say, they're in the car,
listening to this podcast withtheir parents, whatever it is
talk to them in a way that theycan understand how can they

(43:14):
balance peer pressure?
Because we know, back in ourdays we had peer pressure, but
we also had a little bit of abetter understanding of you know
what.
Even if my friend is doing that, I may not want to do it,
because I know what house I'mgoing home to.
I know what house I'm goinghome to, you know.
But no, you know people,parents are having two and three
jobs because you know, we knowhow the economy is, or they just
don't have the time to spendwith their child or children,

(43:37):
you know.
So how can our teens or youngpeople even us at this point
balance peer pressure with theirpersonal values when it comes
to making a decision about sexor their sexual health?
Because that's a big thing thatpeer pressure is so big a
decision about sex or theirsexual health.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
So that's a big thing that peer pressure is so big.
Yeah, so once again, knowledgeis power.
So, as a young person, it'simportant to have the
information that you need tomake the decisions that are best
for you.
So that means finding credibleplaces, credible sources,
trusted adults that may be yourparents, that may be your aunt,
that may be a coach, that may bea coach, that may be a church

(44:12):
member who you could talk toabout certain topics or if you
have certain questions aboutsexual health.
So arming yourself with theknowledge is the most important.
Contrary to a lot of people'sbelief, everyone is not doing it
and in fact, there is adecrease in the number of kids
who are having sex or number ofteenagers that are having sex.
The age at which people arestarting to have sex is actually

(44:34):
much older.
Teens are actually deciding tohold off on having sex.
Most teens, most young peopleby age 21, do have sex, but
there's been a shift in whenpeople are doing it.
So it's important to understandthat.
You may think everyone's doingit, but they may not be, and
once again, it comes down tovalues.

(44:56):
What's important to you?
What is it that you want foryour future?
What is it that you want foryourself?
Also, what is your relationshiplike with this person that
you're dating?
Do they treat you with love andrespect and dignity?
Do you feel that this persongenuinely cares about you?
Do they give you your space?
Do they allow you to have otherhobbies and things that you

(45:17):
enjoy?
Right, all these things about ahealthy relationship.
So it comes down to once again,I feel it is yeah,
understanding what's normal foryou, understanding what's not
normal for you, understandingwhat your values are, what's
important to you, what works foryou, what doesn't work for you.
And I will tell you this youngpeople.

(45:40):
As an elder now, I have onegroup of teens that I work with.
They call me Dr Auntie Tashabecause they're like you're like
the cool aunt.
We can talk to you aboutanything, and I love that.
That's sweet.
But what I will tell y'allteens who are listening, it's
going to be okay.
The people who are meant to bein your life will be in your
life.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
Ooh, that's a word.
Talk to me, honey, not eventhem.
Talk to me.

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Listen, don't like that.
They are not meant to be inyour life.
If you are not ready to engagein some type of sexual behavior
or encounter with someone, thatis your right.
We talked about consent.
Good touch, bad touch, right.
You have the right to say no, Idon't want to do this or this
is too fast, this is too much.
I need to slow down.
And if someone doesn't want tobe with you or date you because

(46:34):
of that, they are not the personfor you.
And let me say something elsethere are plenty of fish in the
sea.
Ok, that little boy or thatlittle girl, because it goes
both ways.
There are girls who pressureboys to have sex as well.
If that person does not respectyour boundaries, they are not
the person for you.
And there are more people.
You will find someone who willunderstand and respect those

(46:57):
boundaries.
So that person, you keep themmoving.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I'm glad you said that because I think for me,
well, a few years ago, if I washaving this conversation, I
would be like you know, I haveto wait till I'm 21, 25 to
respect myself or know myboundaries, and it's like no, it
starts from a very young age.
You know we shouldn't be outhere.
It's okay when I turn 16 andwhen I turn 18, that's when I

(47:23):
want to practice, you know,boundary setting or the world of
consent and these different.
It's like no, you can startfrom a young age because by the
time you get to that age now,you're so educated, you have
that knowledge now, that nobody,that little boy or girl, can
come and tell you anything.
I just say I can't come andtell you.
It starts with the parenting.
It starts with the parenting.
That's where it starts.
To be honest, and even sayingthat, I want us to shift a bit
to mental health, because youknow we can't have this

(47:43):
conversation when we're talkingabout mental health, because we
know how it is in this day andage, today.
But what I'm realizing in thesessions that I've done with
these young people, the commontheme that I've been hearing is
oh, you know, mom, when I'm onmy period, I just get so moody,
I don't want anybody to talk tome.
I'm in my bed, you know thethings that they're saying, and
then they're saying it to anextent jokingly, but then you're

(48:04):
realizing that of course youknow our mental health and your
reproductive health system, howyou are in life.
There's like an intersection.
So how do mental health and oursexual and reproductive health
intersect, especially when itcomes to young people?
Because, again, we often tend todismiss their feelings, if that
makes sense.
Oh, you know, you're too young.

(48:24):
Why do you have all theseissues?
You're a young person, you haveno bills to pay.
Why are you so depressed or sador all lined up yourself?
It's like no, there are otherthings that happen.
So how do mental health andreproductive health intersect,
especially when it comes to ouryoung people, so that our
parents and our adults can knowthat you know what.
It doesn't just happen to us,it can happen to them as well.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
Yeah.
So back to the topic about themenstrual cycle and the
fluctuations in hormones.
Once again, during the lutealphase, a lot of people do
experience anxiety or depressivesymptoms, moodiness,
irritability, and once again,this is happening every single
month.
So definitely the menstrualcycle plays a role in that.

(49:05):
The other piece is that mostmental health disorders are
actually diagnosed or startsomewhere in adolescence, right.
So when a teenager is sufferingand having all of these mental
health concerns, to brush it offand say like, oh, you're just
being dramatic or you don't haveanything to worry about, is not

(49:26):
a good idea, because they couldbe showing early signs of
anxiety or depression or someother you know trauma like all
these other things.
So we cannot dismiss youngpeople's mental health concerns
because it could be the start ofsomething that does need like
further attention, therapy,sometimes even medication.

(49:48):
When it comes to the menstrualcycle, there's a specific
disorder called PMDD.
Oh yes, talk about that, honey.
Yes, so it's premenstrualdysphoric disorder.
It's a very severe form of PMS,which is premenstrual syndrome.
So premenstrual syndrome isthose symptoms I talked about
before, like moodiness, bloating, etc.

(50:10):
Right before your period.
Pmdd is a severe form of that,in which people have anxiety,
depression.
Sometimes it's debilitating tothe point that they can't even
go to school, they can't even goto work, things like that.
So once again, it's directlycorrelated to the menstrual

(50:31):
cycle.
And then, when it comes tosexual health, people who are
anxious or depressed it could goone way or the other right.
They could maybe not want toengage in any interactions with
other people, so they may havetrouble dating or creating
relationships, formingfriendships, forming healthy
relationships with other people.

(50:51):
Or sometimes people can use sexas a way to cope with their
mental health disorder.
And then also, when people havemental health issues, it may
make it difficult once again toexercise their boundaries, be in
a healthy relationship.
They may trauma, bond withsomeone.
Oh, you have depression, I havedepression, you know it could

(51:17):
be a very sticky situation.
So it definitely is directlyaligned sexual health and mental
health and menstruation.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
You mentioned PMS and PMDD.
So for those listening who maynot quite understand what the
symptoms may look like, youcould just be like, oh, she's
miserable, she's on her period,because you know people like to
do.
Oh, she's on her period.
Why is she acting that way?
And, like I said, we have fourphases of the menstrual cycle
and I say we have one good weekout of a month.
Honestly, as a menstruatingperson, you know where we can

(51:47):
actually feel like our bestselves, you know.
So what are some signs and evensymptoms that you know.
A teen or young person, orwhoever is even listening, that
experience or could bestruggling with their mental
health.
So how do we know that is aresult of their reproductive
health issue, which is what'scausing them to have a little
bit of a struggle with theirmental health?

Speaker 2 (52:06):
Yeah, so depression and anxiety can look different
in teenagers and young peoplethan it does in adults.
Young people can sometimes bemore irritable.
They can lose pleasure in doingthe things they used to do.
So maybe they used to playfootball and now they don't play
anymore.
They used to do dance and nowthey don't want to dance anymore
.
They used to hang out withtheir friends and now they don't
want to hang out anymore.

(52:27):
It can look like they're noteating as much or they're eating
too much.
They're not sleeping or they'resleeping too much.
So teenagers it could be kindof tough to just like
immediately pick up on it,because teenagers are going to
say like I'm depressed.
Now teens have some more of thelanguage, so they may.
But sometimes, especially withthe young teens, they may not
even know.
And then anxiety can look likeworrying.

(52:50):
Sometimes people have panicattacks, sometimes people don't
want to go to school.
So there's all these differentways that mental health symptoms
can show up.
Now, if these symptoms arecorrelated with the phases of
the menstrual cycle, that wouldbe an indication that somebody
may have PMDD or premenstrualdysphoric disorder.

(53:11):
So, for instance, someone isfine the first two weeks of the
month and then the week beforetheir period comes.
They're depressed, they'reanxious, they don't want to get
up, they don't want to doanything, and then they have
their period and then they'rebetter.
That would be an indicationthat it's related to their

(53:35):
menstrual cycle, and people whohave anxiety and depression
that's not related to theirmenstrual cycle, they're going
to have these symptoms for anextended period of time.
It's not going to get betterand get worse and get better and
get worse.
It's just going to beconsistent.
So normally for like two weeks,two weeks and then two months,
that's when we start to like say, okay, this is like a

(53:56):
consistent issue.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
All right.
How can our young people orteens advocate for themselves in
health settings, especiallywhen it comes to sexual health?
And I ask this question because, again, just learning from
these sessions that I've beendoing with these young people,
some are afraid to talk, becauseone person even asked me when I
said about finding a trustingperson or being an advocate for
yourself, and they asked me.

(54:18):
Well, ma'am, what if a doctortouches me inappropriately or
doesn't make me feel like I'mbeing seen?
I was like, oh, I was notprepared.
I was not prepared for thatanswer, for that question, but
it's a valid question.
How can we prepare them?
Because, again, we're trainedto respect our elders or look up
to our healthcare providers,who should be a safe space for

(54:40):
us.
So how can a young person or ateen advocate for themselves in
a health setting, especiallywhen it comes to discussing
their sexual and reproductivehealth, because it's a very
sensitive topic.
But, again, also, they have tolearn how to advocate for
themselves.
How can they do that?
Yes, Once again knowledge ispower, knowledge is power.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
So if you understand what's normal for you, what's
not normal for you, what'snormal and what is supposed to
happen during a menstrual cycleor supposed to happen with your
anatomy, what your anatomynormally looks like and now you
notice a bump or a lump orwhatever, that is key Knowing
and understanding your body andhaving the information and the

(55:21):
words to be able to communicatethat with another person.
The other thing is knowing yourrights.
Now, depending in the UnitedStates, depending on what state
you live in, there are differentrights, different legal
structures in place to protectteenagers and to protect their
confidentiality and their rights.
But it varies by states and itvaries by country.

(55:43):
So, depending on where you'reat in the Caribbean, there may
be certain laws and rules andprotections and not protections.
So it's important for you toknow that.
So, for instance, in New York,it is all sexual and
reproductive health isconfidential.
So if a medical provider wereto tell your information to your
parent without your consent,they are actually violating and

(56:07):
breaking the law.
So knowing that is importantbecause it gives you the
ammunition, as a young person,to say this information is not.
I do not want my parent to knowthis information.
And if they do tell your parent, then you have a case and you
could actually sue that doctor.
That's that piece.
The other piece isunfortunately, and this is

(56:31):
really terrible but there aresome health care providers who
do take advantage of people andwho do violate people's rights.
They do things to patients andto people that are not right,
inappropriately, touch them orsay inappropriate things.
Touch them or say inappropriatethings.
It's not uncommon, it doeshappen.
But once again, knowing yourrights, if something like that

(56:57):
happens, having a person thatyou could talk to about it,
hopefully you can talk to yourparent and say mom, that doctor
touched me in a way that feltuncomfortable.
Also, you can advocate foryourself in the visit.
If you're uncomfortable and thehealthcare provider is going to
do a sensitive exam on you, youcan always ask I would like a
chaperone, I would like anotherperson in the room, or do you

(57:19):
have a female provider thatcould do this exam?
You have a right to ask forthose things.
Another thing is we have so muchtechnology these days there's
certain things that just don'tneed to be done anymore.
A pelvic exam A teenager doesnot need a pelvic exam unless
they are having pelvic pain orsymptoms.
That would be worrisome, but aroutine pelvic exam not

(57:42):
necessary.
A breast exam no longer a partof the guidelines?
Oh really yes, unless you havea lump or a bump that you want
the provider to feel.
There is no evidence to supporta healthcare provider doing a
breast exam.
You can do your own exam andmake sure that you don't feel

(58:02):
anything every month, becauseyour breast tissue can change
with your menstrual cycle, butyour healthcare provider during
a routine visit does not need tofeel or examine your breasts.
Understanding and knowing thesethings helps for you to be able
to advocate for yourself.
The other thing I want to shoutout is doing a self swab.
So sometimes when people have ayeast infection or they may

(58:25):
even have vaginal discharge,they're worried that they might
have an STI, a sexuallytransmitted infection.
You can actually take the swabin the bathroom and swab
yourself and hand the tube tothe healthcare provider.
And if you're ready to test,they don't need to do a full
exam and put the speculum andthe light and all this stuff.
You can go in the bathroom andswab yourself.

(58:47):
We have enough technology nowthat we can run that test and
figure out if you actually whatthe cause of your vaginal
discharge.
So it's important for you toknow these options so that way
when you go and this is some ofthe work that I do on TikTok and
Instagram I know we talkedpoorly about social media, but
I'm on social media so I cancombat all this combat all this,

(59:13):
but these are some of thethings I talk about of, like,
these are your rights and theseare the things that you can ask
for, and these are the thingsthat you can do to get the best
healthcare and to get what youdeserve.
So those are just a few tips.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
I love that answer.
I don't want this episode tocome to an end, but we are
pretty much almost at the end.
But I have some questions foryou that I want you to answer.
Okay, we're going to cause likea little rapid fire T-side
question.
I'll probably answer them too.
But what's the best advice youwould give your teenage self?

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Wow, do not betray yourself Ooh.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
How can I up this one ?
No, I don't even think I can.
I think I would say betrayyourself.
Ooh, how can I up this one?
No, I don't even think I can.
I think I would say trustyourself, cause let me tell you,
if I trusted myself back in theday, I probably would have
turned out to be a better person.
I have a good person.
But you know, I guess sometimessome of these lessons that we
have, that we you know, they'relessons essentially, what my
best advice would be?
To trust myself, because evensometimes, to this day, I still
struggle with trusting myself,because when I don't trust

(01:00:11):
myself or my gut, some crapalways happens, you know.
So I'm learning more and moreabout that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Yeah, I'm learning more and more to not betray
myself, because I'm so used to,as a woman from the Caribbean,
grown up in a Caribbeanhousehold, putting everybody
else's needs in front of my own.
Listen household, puttingeverybody else's needs in front
of my own, and there's timeswhere people may want something
from me and it may not work forme, because I need rest or it's

(01:00:40):
inconvenient or whatever, andinstead of me honoring my needs,
I will go out of my way to helpsomebody else, but I won't go
out of the way for myself.
So now I go out of the way formyself.
Well, now I'm out of the wayfor myself.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
I'm still learning that part.
It's funny you said thatbecause I would go above and
beyond for everyone.
The glass could be empty.
You can't even drip anythingfrom that glass and I'm going
above and beyond.
But now I'm learning to honormyself as well.
Sometimes it's hard, I'll behonest.
It's not always easy, but Ilike to say I'm a recovering
people pleaser.
It's tough, but one day at atime.

(01:01:13):
So, even though this episodewas about talking to our teens,
like my young people, we also gothrough this as adults as well.
It happens, but again, we liveand we learn.
As it relates to how life isNow next one now, if you could
change one myth about healththat everyone believes, what
would it be?

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
I would say that you are the expert on your own
health.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Say that part again for me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
You're the expert on your own health.
I think a lot of times peoplethink that it's somebody else's
responsibility and job to knowwhat's best for them and once
again, you have to trustyourself and you know your body.
You live in it every single day.
You know when something is notright, you know when something
is off, you know when you'refeeling sad down.
Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
That's what I would say.
You're the expert on yourhealth.
I'm glad you said that, becauseI often tell people that I mean
again we have all this powerand belief in our healthcare
providers as we should but againthey can only go based on what
we're telling them as well, youknow.
So I like that you said thatwhat is one myth about
menstruation or sexual healthyou wish would disappear forever
?

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
That menstruation is dirty.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Oof.
Yes, I don't even have acomeback for that one.
That is true.
I still can't believe in 2024.
We're still thinking that.
You know, it's a natural way oflife and for some reason I
don't know, we're still thinkingthat of life and for some
reason, I don't know.
We're still thinking that, Stilltaboo, Still taboo.
But that's why we're doing thework you and I here continue to
do the work to remove the stigmaand break that barrier.

(01:02:37):
So I got two more.
What's one book, movie orpodcast that every teen should
check out?

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
That's a good question.
If I had a book and a podcast,I would say mine, but I don't
have one yet One day, five years?
That's a good question.
I don't.
I can't really think of.
There's um.
There's a few books aboutpuberty and stuff like that and
changes Um.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
I'll tell you what think about it and then we'll
put it in the show notes so thatthey can have an idea where
they can go and find it.
We'll find it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
We got you I have a lot of websites and I know some
social media accounts, but bookskids don't read books like they
used to.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
It's one of my dreams to write a children's book too,
as it relates to period,something to do with public
health, because we don't oftensee that as well.
So maybe, as I said, in thenext five years we'll come
together and, like you know,have a New York Times bestseller
.
The name of the book isCelebrate.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
Your Body.
Ooh, celebrate your Body.
That book I've looked at and Iliked it.
And there's another book calledUology and there's another book
called Uology.
Yeah, so they used to have abook called Girlology and they
changed it to Uology.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
I think I feel like I've seen that, honestly,
recently.
To be honest, I might have seenthat recently somewhere when I
was doing my Googles.
All right, last question beforeI let you go If you had a
superpower to help teens, whatwould it be?
I feel like you already have italready, but what would it be?

(01:04:12):
Oh, to just spread knowledge.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
I wish I could just like Open their brains and just
put it in.
I wish I could just like havetelekinesis and just like go
inside teenagers' brains andjust power them and fill them
with like knowledge and likelove.
You know, like I just wantteens and young people to be
like the best version ofthemselves that they can be.
I love working with teenagersbecause you can literally see

(01:04:34):
just from some a little bit oflike love and a little bit of
like support.
It could just like change theworld.
So I would say I wish that Icould just spread this like love
and joy and knowledge that Ihave to all the kids everywhere.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
No, I love that.
I love that.
But before we go, first of all,thank you so much again.
Like I told you in thebeginning, you were a dream
guest.
I was slightly nervous in thebeginning, I don't know why,
because I already I already knowhow the energy was going to be
anyway.
But I am happy that you tookthe time out of your busy
schedule because we know you arefor being here in the tea
tasting room, as we call it.
But before you go, tell themwhere they can find you.

(01:05:13):
Don't hold anything back.
Let them know how they cansupport you and the work that
you do in the community.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
Yes, so my personal Instagram is gorgeousdoc, so
it's G-O-R-J-U-S-D-O-C, and thatsocial media account is where
you're going to see me going tothe gym and honoring myself,
like we talked about notbetraying yourself and going out
for brunch and living my life.
Yeah, she should.

(01:05:38):
My Instagram account where I domy do sexual health education,
is gorgeous G-O-R-J-U-Sunderscore sex ed, s-e-x-e-d,
and that's where all myinformation and sexual health
content is all housed.
And then my website iswwwgorgeousdoc

(01:06:04):
G-O-R-J-U-S-D-O-Ccom.
Right now it's underconstruction because we're
trying to revamp the website tohave all of the resources and
the images and the presentationsand the handouts more easily,
easily accessible.
So please join the subscriberlist so that way, when I drop

(01:06:26):
the website, you'll be the firstto know.
And I'm on TikTok as well, also, gorgeous, underscore sex ed.
And I would take anything thatyou guys are willing to give.
I do the work that I do becauseI love it, because I care for
children and for the youngpeople and I care for parents

(01:06:46):
who are parenting these youngpeople, and I do it all by
myself.
I have like a very minimalstaff, like I have like maybe a
couple interns working with me,but I'm sitting in here day in
and day out, so one night showRight, drawing these images,
making these resources, doingthese presentations, and so any
connections that people have, Iwould surely appreciate.

(01:07:08):
If you work in a school, youwant me to come and speak at
your school.
If you work for a youth groupand you want me to come and
speak at your youth group, anyopportunities I would totally
appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
And then also you can Venmo me Listen we're going to
put everything in the show notes, okay, because I tell people
the work that we do is athankless job and we're not
necessarily looking for a thankyou.
It does feel good, don't get mewrong, but it comes straight
from the heart, so of course itdoesn't hurt to get blessed from
working from your heart.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
I believe my Venmo is also gorgeous sex ed or
gorgeous underscore sex ed.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
Yes, we'll put it in the show notes so we can support
Dr Natasha Ramsey.

Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
I know that I'm a doctor, but this, this takes a
lot of work.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
It probably takes more work than when you got to
go do something for a patient.
You know what I mean.
That's just.
That's just keeping it real,but thank you so much for
joining me here in the TeaTasting Room.
Thank you for joining me foranother episode of Tea with
Tanya.
If you liked this episode, besure to share it with a friend.
Don't forget to follow onInstagram at Tea with Tanya.
If you liked this episode, besure to share it with a friend.
Don't forget to follow onInstagram at Tea with Tanya

(01:08:15):
Podcast.
Be sure to subscribe to theweekly Tea Talk newsletter and,
of course, rate on Apple orSpotify and subscribe wherever
you listen.
See you next time.
I love you for listening.