September 11, 2024 • 31 mins
How much of our lives would change if we truly listened to our parents and embraced their wisdom earlier? Join me for an enlightening conversation with my dear friend Q Smith, a multifaceted actress, voiceover artist, and educator thriving in New York City. From our serendipitous meeting at a musical's stage door in Chicago to the cherished memory of the introduction to sticky rice, we explore how small acts of kindness leave lasting impressions. Q opens up about the lessons she wishes she had learned before turning 40, including the importance of taking education seriously and facing fears head-on. These reflections resonate deeply as she now navigates the complexities of raising a child in the vibrant, and sometimes chaotic NYC.
In Our conversation Q shares the impact of her grandmother's wisdom on leading with love and joy. We discuss how avoiding unnecessary conflicts and focusing on the bigger picture helps us let go of what’s beyond our control, illustrated through Q's own experiences in the theater world. From a missed job to an unexpected fulfilling role, her journey highlights the significance of patience and acceptance. We round off this heartfelt episode by delving into how motherhood has transformed Q’s career and personal life, showcasing how her family now guides her decisions and enriches her artistry. This episode is brimming with wisdom, humor, and genuine inspiration that you won't want to miss.
You can find Q on:
IG: @qperstar
Website: www.qdotsmith.com
Coaching: www.yourstageyourmoment.com
Vlog: @stallingsontherise
Join us in conversation on socials:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
TJ (00:15):
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ,
where our love for tea,conversation and
self-improvement intersect.
So let's take a deeper diveinto my cup and let's have a
chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:36):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today I
have a very special guest, adear friend of mine.
We've known each other forquite some time, q Smith, so Q,
if you could just introduceyourself really quick.
Q Smith (00:51):
Hey, tj, good to see you.
Yes, I was calculating in myhead we met in 2009.
TJ (00:59):
So what is that?
Q Smith (01:02):
13 years or something my math is not good A long, but
yes, I'm q smith.
I live in new york city and Iam from omaha, nebraska,
originally love it, love it umand do you want?
Yes, I am a go-go dancer and Iam an actress and voiceover
(01:32):
artist and educator and a loverof life.
TJ (01:40):
So let's just give a little bit of background on how we met
For our folks listening.
So while I was in college inChicago, we met while you were
doing Mary Poppins the musicalthe first national tour, if I'm
thinking that correctly and youplayed Mrs Corey.
(02:03):
Yes, right, yes, and you playedMrs Corey.
Yes, beautiful performance, bythe way, if you've never seen
the show, that role in the showis amazing and it's a fun show
to watch In general.
But I remember and I'm curiousto see your Accounting of this
moment.
In your life because it's adifferent perspective than mine.
(02:23):
But when we met we were at thestage door of chicago the
musical right yeah, and we kindof just bumped into each other
and I feel like there was anenergy exchange that kind of
happened, where it felt as if weknew each other yes even though
we had never met before.
(02:44):
I'm curious to know from you inthat experience because I don't
think we've ever talked aboutthis Like did you feel that,
that like?
Kind of energy exchange.
Q Smith (02:56):
Absolutely, and I don't feel that from everybody.
And it's like these two youngblack men waiting at the stage
door of musical, of a musical.
I'm so curious what their storyis and we just kind of like who
are you waiting for?
Who are you waiting for, kindof thing.
And I just love that y'all areyoung and black and excited
(03:19):
about theater and you're just soeasy to talk to and just
excited.
You're just excited about youknow, your future.
And I was like when people areexcited, I get excited over the
smallest things too, by the way.
Like if you ever need acheerleader for anything, if you
want to shake your booty offthe corner, I'll be like I will
(03:41):
be your biggest cheerleader.
I love supporting people thatare excited about life and y'all
were.
Y'all were excited.
So, yeah, we exchangedinformation and went out to
dinner.
Y'all had me over for dinner atyour apartment by the beach and
that was so kind.
(04:02):
Anybody that opens their hometo me and offers a meal, like I
feel like meals can be verysacred.
Meals can really show a personwho they are typically except
because I want most of the time,because I want to get to know
(04:29):
the people and the person and tosort of see what's behind you
know, see what's I don't know,just to see who they are.
And y'all invited me to yourhome and it was spaghetti, I
remember.
TJ (04:38):
Yeah.
Q Smith (04:39):
She's very thoughtful.
TJ (04:40):
Also.
Q Smith (04:41):
Yeah.
TJ (04:42):
I don't know if you remember this, but you introduced me to
Thai food and sticky rice.
I had never had sticky ricethat place changed my life.
Yeah right, you will never noteat Thai food, ever again yeah,
exactly so I want to just jumpin because I know we are very
(05:09):
specific with our time today,but you picked the topic of
discussion today, which isthings I wish I knew before
turning 40, which I find veryinteresting, because no one ever
picks that topic.
No one ever seems to want totalk about lessons they've
learned or, um, a specificbracket of time in their life,
(05:30):
um.
Q Smith (05:31):
So I'm curious to know what spoke to you when it came
to picking that subject Ibecause I work with a lot of
young people, that's a bigquestion of theirs is like what
would you, what would you have?
Told your younger self, andevery time I answer it it's
different and I'm like I shouldjust write a book on, like, all
the things I I would have donedifferently.
(05:52):
But then, at the same time, Itell myself, if I did things
differently, I probably wouldn'tbe here.
So, um, that's true, there'sadvice I would have taken more,
and one of them would be listento your parents more.
Now that I'm a parent I becamea parent at age 43, and my son
(06:14):
is four and I go, I remembercalling my mom when he was a
baby, baby, and I was like howdid you do it?
How did you do it?
Like we're three kids and youknow our pain, you know the
makeup of the family is sodifferent to each person and I'm
like we only have one here innew york city.
How did you do it with three ofus, you know, and um, so that
(06:38):
would be one suggestion.
The other one would be takeeducation more serious.
I was not a grade, I wasn't an Astudent.
I was more like B plus, b minusstudent.
I had the potential to be an Aplus student, but I didn't
(06:59):
always apply myself and so Ifeel like I'm still catching up.
I'm a student of life, I lovelearning.
I'm thinking catching up.
I'm a student of life, like Ilove learning.
I'm thinking about going backto school, actually, but, um, I
would take my education a bitmore serious.
Um, I would um have done morethings that scared me earlier on
(07:23):
.
They say do something every daythat scares you, and I'm afraid
of heights.
There's a couple of things youknow I'm afraid of and I think,
and once I sort of faced thosefears, just sort of my whole
life just sort of opened up.
I see why people say face yourfears.
One of my professors at collegesaid you know, what are you
(07:44):
going to do after graduation?
I was, I was like I don't know,maybe do a tour or this or that
.
And she's like, and I don'tknow what else.
She's like go do something thatscares you, go for it.
It's like okay.
So me and my friend went likebungee jumping or whatever the
six flags where you pull thething yourself and you just it,
(08:06):
just lets you.
I don't know if it's calledbungee jumping, but whoo sued
the superman or something likethat, and I would have done more
things that scared me earlieron.
I mean, I was fearless as ayoung person, but I can't
imagine what I would have beenif I would have kept pushing
myself.
TJ (08:23):
Yeah.
Q Smith (08:23):
So those are three things that oh, and probably
listen to, exactly listen toyour parents more my dad was
really.
He grew up really, really,really, really poor and he had
all these financial books, youknow, and all these things, and
he'd be like you know, come andsit down, let's learn about the
stock today.
Come on, sit down, let's learnabout you know what's a 401k?
(08:43):
Come on, not be like that.
No, I'm not.
No, no, no, I should have.
TJ (08:50):
I should have no, I get that .
I um, I echoed that idea that Iwish that I could have been in
a position when I was younger toactually listen to some of
those people in my life thatsaid you should have this to set
yourself up for 20, 40, 50years down the line, and I feel
(09:12):
like that is one of those,especially as a black person in
this country it is one of thoselessons.
That falls semi on deaf ears atthat age, especially in your
teens and early 20s, becauseyou're so hungry for life and
wanting to pursue your dreams.
And at least from an artist'sperspective I can't speak for
(09:32):
you know, quote, unquote, normalpeople, but I feel like taking
myself back to when we met,which was like my early 20s.
You know, I was not thinkingabout retirement, I wasn't
thinking about you know.
Should I not thinking aboutretirement?
I wasn't thinking about youknow.
Should I put a little money tothe side or have something, even
in the idea of moving to NewYork?
I moved to New York with a fewhundred dollars, in a dream.
(09:56):
It was you know, not necessarilyrealistic, but, like I, looking
back on it now, I'm like I wishI could have actually set
myself up to be more successfulin that moment.
Um, thank god that you knowthings worked out, but I could
have prepared myself a littlebit better.
(10:18):
Um, and I think that is just inthinking of this idea of things
that we wish we knew.
I think that is the actualphrase of like wanting to be
more prepared than we actuallyare, giving ourselves more space
to be prepared.
What would you say in being onthe other side of 40, why do you
(10:39):
think 40 is kind of like thetime frame that you're looking
at Outside of it being the spacethat you're inhabiting right
now?
But what is kind of like thetime frame that you're looking
at outside of it being the spacethat you're inhabiting right
now?
But what is kind of special foryou right now in your 40s?
Q Smith (10:51):
that's a great question .
You're good at this man, youshould do this, thank you, you
should do this.
Um, I chose 40s because it hasbeen my favorite decade so far.
It has been my absolutefavorite decade.
When I was coming out of my 30s, I was sweating.
I was like, oh lord, I do not.
Oh lord, once I hit 40s over,you know, and it's inevitable,
(11:14):
maybe you know, god willing andyou know, got me to my 40s and
um, I have, I've loved everyminute of it.
My dreams have come true.
A lot of my dreams have cometrue my 40s and um, I have, I've
loved every minute of it.
My dreams have come true.
A lot of my dreams have cometrue in my 40s and um, I just
felt like I finally woke up.
In my 20s I had no clue.
(11:35):
I was touring, traveling theworld, honey, living my life.
Wow, just like my 30s, I waslike, okay, I'm tired, let me
just grow up a little bit, letme just sort of sit down, get,
get a little more um, focused Iwas like I'm.
I'm grown.
Now, my 30s, I'm kind of grown.
I got my own place, I'm livingin New York City, I'm supporting
(11:57):
myself.
I'm grown, but I was still.
I didn't know it at the time,but I was still like clueless to
so many things.
And 40s hit and it justeverything sort of clicked.
And not that I'm saying I'mwise by any means or I'm like
have it all together, but I, Iwas.
(12:17):
The thing is I'm okay with whatI don't know now you know, I
mean 30s.
I was like, yes, I know that,yes, yes, uh, and be frustrated
with the things that I didn'tknow.
And I was just frustrated likeoh but now I'm so settled in who
I am, I'm so settled in thethings that I don't know, I'm
(12:38):
settled and happy about thethings that I, the little that I
do know, and I'm able to shareand give back, um, and so, yeah,
that's why I chose 40s, becauseit's been, it's been a great, a
great ride yeah, I want toacknowledge a moment.
TJ (12:57):
Um, you just said something that hit, that spoke to me
specifically, because I don'twant to speak for everybody, but
you just said that you are okaywith being you're.
You're okay not knowing thethings that you don't know,
which I think is such a powerfulstatement to say, especially at
the age of 40, because thatthat speaks to the type of human
(13:20):
that you are.
That speaks to the type ofperson that you are, the journey
that you're on, um that you are.
You mentioned earlier of likebeing a student of life, but
you're so receptive to life andI feel like that is that is a
very special place to be, that,at least for my generation, I
feel like not a lot of usinhabit that space.
(13:41):
Um, do you find yourself to bethat kind of person that is um
very specific in how you viewlife and how you view the world
and how you view your journey?
Q Smith (13:57):
I don't think I'm specific, I think I'm the person
that, um my grandmother I mean,all she would say is love,
people, love love people and shewas a very hardcore church
christian, like woman.
You know you would think that ifyou know my gay friends would
(14:17):
come over to her house orsomething.
She'd be like, sit down, let metalk to you about the bible.
You know she was so, not thatshe'd be like, come on in what
y'all want to eat, peter, fixthem some food, because she
didn't cook and she would leavethe door open.
She lived.
My grandmother lived in thehood.
When I tell you the hood, I'mfrom Nebraska.
People don't think that blackpeople live in Omaha in Nebraska
(14:40):
, but we do.
She lived in the hood and shenever locked the doors.
We would wake up in the morninglike I didn't live with her.
But you know, be there spendingthe night, the grandkids and
stuff.
And we wake up and there'ssomebody drunk on the couch who
just opened her door and slepton the couch last night.
She'd be like there's littlejoey, he's got drunk, right,
(15:03):
wake up, let's eat.
You know it's just like peoplefrom the streets just come on in
.
They know they could findrefuge in her home and she lived
her life like that, lovedpeople.
And so I just kind of try to dothat too love people.
I'm not perfect or anything likethat, but, like I said, I want
(15:25):
to be people's cheerleadersBecause I feel like when they're
living their best life, they'reinspiring me to live my best
life too.
So I look for the joy, I lookfor the sunshine, I look for I
don't know if that's, if that'swhat you would call specific,
but I always look for the joy,always, and I just sort of lead,
(15:47):
lead with love, lead with joy.
That's really it.
I mean politics and religionand I don't know all those, all
these, the war and so much war.
There's so many things thatpeople can discuss until they
(16:08):
die and bad argue until they die.
You know, and I just I letpeople believe what they want to
believe.
Live the way life, live yourbest life.
And yeah, if you want to talkabout something specific, yeah,
we can, but I don't want toargue with you, I don't want to
just live your life, I guess Iget that and definitely, um, I
(16:32):
agree with that wholeheartedly.
TJ (16:33):
It is that is a position that I think I have been in
realistically my entire life,because I've always um, not
necessarily played neutralground when it comes to
confrontation or disagreements,but I have always seemed to fall
on the side of like.
Whatever the problem is, it canbe talked through, right, this
(16:58):
idea that disagreement has toend in, or even start with
arguments and very high energy,and all of this excess, um,
emotion, um, from my earliestmemories, like as a child, like
I don't think I've evervoluntarily argued with anybody
(17:19):
like if it, if there was adisagreement that I had with
someone, it was a conversationum.
So I've, I've, I see that in youand I wanted to acknowledge
that.
Q Smith (17:37):
What do you think has been your biggest lesson you've
learned thus far?
To let go on both ends.
Let go.
Once you walk out the door ofthat audition, you just have to
let it go.
You know, when I'm having adisagreement with my husband,
I'm like let's take a deepbreath and just let it go.
And we both have to do that andlet it go.
(18:06):
Because, at the end of the day,it's mostly not.
It's not even about you.
It's not even about you.
It's not even about you.
They didn't cast you becausethe producer promised his
college friend, once he gets a,the director promises from
college, if he ever gets adirecting gig, you're going to
be the person I cast.
They have to hold auditionsbecause it's part of you have to
(18:28):
be with this.
Because it's part of this youhave to witness.
I have lived enough to be likeit's really not about if you
don't, especially if you don'tbook it.
It's like it's so out of yourhead so just let it go.
And also because there arethings when I was younger that I
really thought I was going toget and I was holding on to it.
(18:50):
I'm like I need it, I need thisjob, I'm blah, blah, blah and I
was like crying in a ball, likehow am I going to pay my rent?
And that's the position I wasin sort of with after I closed
Mary Poppins on Broadway.
I was unemployed for a whileand I moved apartments and I
(19:12):
needed to pay this rent.
I needed to have enough moneyto move out of my old apartment,
move into my new apartment withyou know all the.
I needed thousands of dollarsand I've been on for months, you
know.
It's like okay, well, I don'thave it.
And so this audition came up andI was like I was for sure.
I was like, okay, these peopleknow me, is it Disney?
I got this, I had this perfecttime and I walked in there.
(19:36):
I was very confident and theywere like, thank you.
And that made me call me backtwo more times.
And I didn't get it.
And I was like I didn't get it.
I was like full of myself.
I was like I didn't get it andI was like I didn't get.
I was like full of myself.
I was like I didn't get it.
Are you kidding me?
And I was a mess.
I was like how am I gonna dothat?
(19:57):
How am I gonna do this?
And I cried.
I got a call from my agent.
You know, this is where I'mjust shortening the story, so
it's a little longer story, butthere's a show coming out.
They're you know they'relooking for one more actor.
It's about 9-11.
I don't know if you'reinterested and I was like I
(20:17):
don't want to do a musical about9-11.
I was here for 9-11.
It was terrible.
I don't, I'm not interested.
And I said next of them next day, they really want to see you
just put something on tape.
Just it's like can I see thescript?
And they're like it's not doneyet, it's not finished or
whatever it is.
And I was like I got the sidesand it was so weird.
(20:39):
I was like all these characters, it's like this is so weird.
And I said who's doing this show?
And they said la jollaplayhouse.
And la jolla is a place thatI've always wanted to perform
like, always wanted to have anopportunity to perform, because
most of their shows go toBroadway, they house new shows,
original shows, and I was likeLa Jolla, okay, I'll audition.
(21:01):
That's the only reason why I'llreally audition, because I was
like with La Jolla, I didn'tknow the meat of the show.
I didn't know much about theshow at all until the first day
of the show.
So I got cast in it and if Iwould have booked that other
show I would have been in acontract that I probably
couldn't have gotten out of.
Looking back, I have to say Itold myself I should have just
(21:24):
let it go.
I was like my stomach was in aknot.
Just let it go, because God hadsomething in store for me that
I had no idea.
So after that I was like I'mdone, it's out of my hands.
It's out of my hands.
TJ (21:39):
Yeah, that is.
I don't think I ever knew that.
Q Smith (21:44):
No.
TJ (21:45):
And for those that don't know, the name of the show is
Come From Away.
And for those that don't know,the name of the show has come
from away Honestly, one of myfavorite shows, I think after
moving to New York.
It changed everything in how Iview musical theater and how I
viewed my career after beinghere, and I want to acknowledge
(22:08):
in this moment with you, in thismedium thank you for saying yes
to that um.
Thank you for being a part ofthat because that show, I think,
spoke to so many people andhelped shaped so many young um
performers out there because, ofyour contribution to that, to
that show, so thank you with youbeing on the other side of 40
(22:32):
now and also being a mother, howhas that influenced, like, your
life, your goals, youraspirations?
because I'm always curious,because, based off of how we met
and our interactions throughoutthe time of, like, being in New
York and you being on tour, um,I've always known you to be
(22:54):
this, um, creative, that isfocused and that is going after
what you want, and that maybeit's just been my perspective of
being on the sidelines, butI've always known you to be like
I feel like every time I wouldtext you, you'd be like, oh, I'm
on tour, I'm going to Japan forsix months.
Or oh, yeah, I'll be in NewYork for like a month doing this
(23:16):
and then I'll be gone again,which I loved, like you gave me
so much inspiration because Iremember those moments and be
like, wow, I want to be like you, like I'm trying to, I'm trying
to be out there.
Um, so now that like with withthat in mind or at least my
perspective of you, you know, atthat moment in time and now
(23:38):
being a mother, how has thatkind of shifted things for you?
Q Smith (23:43):
that's a great question .
Um, you know there's this.
Let's see, nothing else mattersexcept my family.
Nothing else matters.
When it was just me, like Iwould take this job.
It was was paying $2, I wouldtake that job.
(24:05):
I would just do work because Iliked working and I liked
meeting people and even if Icouldn't pay my rent for two
months, I was like I want to dothis show, so I would just do
the show and just pay my rent,$100 a week.
If I could, you know, and Iwould just do.
It was just me, you know,soloing life and with my son,
(24:27):
like I have turned down a numberof auditions and a few offers.
Um, because nothing matters.
Nothing more matters than myson.
And so I, if I, if I get anaudition, I put my son in the
forefront of my mind.
I'm like is this serving him?
(24:48):
Will he be proud of his bottom?
Will I bring enough money infor my family?
If I take this, is this selfish?
He's always at the front of mymind and there are things I
would have said yes to if I weresolo in a heartbeat and those
same things, you know, they comeup today.
(25:08):
I sometimes I would have to sayno, um, because he matters so
much to me and I want him to beproud of me and I want my
husband to be proud of me and Iwant young black and brown
little girls to look at me andbe like, yeah, she, she did that
, she's, I want to do that too.
Um, so nothing.
(25:30):
If I don't book, if I don'tbook that gig, if I don't, um,
hit that note like I wanted toin a, in a performance or a show
, if I get a lot, if I forget aline, it doesn't matter, it
really doesn't matter.
When I used to back in the daylike, oh, I just beat myself up,
oh my gosh, I didn't do thatright, I didn't obsess over it
(25:52):
and I'm like I ain't got timefor it.
I got to go home and put thisboy to bed.
You know I need to go to theplayground today.
I'm so tired, tired.
I need to study these lines.
For this last minute auditionthey gave me five scenes.
I got two songs to learn.
My son wants to go play, so I'mgonna show up to that audition
(26:14):
with my sides in my hand and domy best, and if it's for me,
it's for me, if it is not, itdoes it doesn't matter.
And so he has helped me reallyput things in focus and my world
is open.
I feel like I'm even a betterperformer because of him, artist
because of him.
I'm better human because of myson.
TJ (26:37):
I love that.
I can only imagine themagnitude of what life is when
you cross that threshold ofhaving a child.
I have been told that I havevery much dad energy and I
believe that to a certain degree, but I can only imagine the
(27:04):
shift that happens once thatactually happens and I am, I
will say, that, to have beenwitness to again from the
sidelines, to have been witnessto the birth of this child and
this child coming into the worldand you becoming a mother has
been beautiful.
You have such a beautifulfamily and we're going to plug
because I also know that youhave a YouTube channel now oh
yeah, yes, stallings, and we'regoing to plug, because I also
know that you have a YouTubechannel now.
Q Smith (27:27):
Oh yeah, yes, stallings on the rise, stallings on the
rise, and he is full out.
My son is full out, so is myhusband Full out.
Five, six, seven, eight Go andthey crack me up.
But yes, we have a website andwe.
(27:47):
You know I was pregnant withCaleb in my income for six
months.
His first six months helistened to Welcome to the Rock
eight times.
And I was like I wonder, whenhe comes out out, if I play the
song he would react to it, youknow he didn't.
He was like but yeah, that wascool.
(28:11):
I was like I was hoping hewould.
But yeah, I was the first timeI felt him move in my tummy was
during the song make me achannel of your peace.
All the different faiths in thesame room respecting one
another, and I started singingmake me a channel of your peace
and he went.
I was like it was a trip.
TJ (28:39):
It was a trip.
Oh my god that trip oh my God,that's beautiful, that is
amazing.
I never knew that.
Q Smith (28:45):
That was the hardest thing I've done Do eight shows a
week.
TJ (28:51):
So before we go, we have three questions for you.
It's a little thing that we doon Tea with TJ and before we
shift into that, would you liketo share your social media
channels where people can findyou?
Q Smith (29:04):
Yeah, shift into that.
Would you like to share yoursocial media channels where
people can find you?
Yeah, if you're looking forcoaching or a um, if you have a
group looking for a master classor workshop, we have our own
coaching business me and myhusband.
It's called your stage, yourmoment.
Click the little video in itand watch what we offer.
Um, my website is QSmithcom,that's Q-D-O-T-S-M-I-T-Hcom, and
(29:36):
my Instagram is QperstarQ-P-E-R-S-T-A-R.
TJ (29:44):
So three questions, yes, and then I'll let you go.
What brings you the most peace?
Water, mm-hmm, love that.
Q Smith (29:56):
Love that Because is it just one word?
Answers.
TJ (30:03):
However, you want to answer sometimes, yeah because god is.
Q Smith (30:10):
I feel like god is in nature.
God is everywhere and I feel soclose to god when I'm by a body
of water or in nature.
It's just so much peace I lovethat.
TJ (30:22):
Where do you find the most joy?
My son where does your heartthrive?
Q Smith (30:34):
people hands down.
If I had a dollar for everyperson that I met or talked to,
I just found them fascinating.
I would be a millionaire.
I love people.
I love people, I lovesupporting people and I love.
I just love people, I do.
TJ (30:58):
I love that.
That's perfect.
Yeah, that's good and with thatI'll see you next week, friends
.
I love that.
That's perfect.
Yeah, that's good.
And with that I'll see you nextweek, friends.
And that's our show.
Friends, thanks for joining uson Tea with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
(31:20):
on Instagram at Tea with TJPodcast.
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
, so we might as well do it.
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ,
where our love for tea,conversation and
self-improvement intersect.
So let's take a deeper diveinto my cup and let's have a
chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:36):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today I
have a very special guest, adear friend of mine.
We've known each other forquite some time, q Smith, so Q,
if you could just introduceyourself really quick.
Q Smith (00:51):
Hey, tj, good to see you.
Yes, I was calculating in myhead we met in 2009.
TJ (00:59):
So what is that?
Q Smith (01:02):
13 years or something my math is not good A long, but
yes, I'm q smith.
I live in new york city and Iam from omaha, nebraska,
originally love it, love it umand do you want?
Yes, I am a go-go dancer and Iam an actress and voiceover
(01:32):
artist and educator and a loverof life.
TJ (01:40):
So let's just give a little bit of background on how we met
For our folks listening.
So while I was in college inChicago, we met while you were
doing Mary Poppins the musicalthe first national tour, if I'm
thinking that correctly and youplayed Mrs Corey.
(02:03):
Yes, right, yes, and you playedMrs Corey.
Yes, beautiful performance, bythe way, if you've never seen
the show, that role in the showis amazing and it's a fun show
to watch In general.
But I remember and I'm curiousto see your Accounting of this
moment.
In your life because it's adifferent perspective than mine.
(02:23):
But when we met we were at thestage door of chicago the
musical right yeah, and we kindof just bumped into each other
and I feel like there was anenergy exchange that kind of
happened, where it felt as if weknew each other yes even though
we had never met before.
(02:44):
I'm curious to know from you inthat experience because I don't
think we've ever talked aboutthis Like did you feel that,
that like?
Kind of energy exchange.
Q Smith (02:56):
Absolutely, and I don't feel that from everybody.
And it's like these two youngblack men waiting at the stage
door of musical, of a musical.
I'm so curious what their storyis and we just kind of like who
are you waiting for?
Who are you waiting for, kindof thing.
And I just love that y'all areyoung and black and excited
(03:19):
about theater and you're just soeasy to talk to and just
excited.
You're just excited about youknow, your future.
And I was like when people areexcited, I get excited over the
smallest things too, by the way.
Like if you ever need acheerleader for anything, if you
want to shake your booty offthe corner, I'll be like I will
(03:41):
be your biggest cheerleader.
I love supporting people thatare excited about life and y'all
were.
Y'all were excited.
So, yeah, we exchangedinformation and went out to
dinner.
Y'all had me over for dinner atyour apartment by the beach and
that was so kind.
(04:02):
Anybody that opens their hometo me and offers a meal, like I
feel like meals can be verysacred.
Meals can really show a personwho they are typically except
because I want most of the time,because I want to get to know
(04:29):
the people and the person and tosort of see what's behind you
know, see what's I don't know,just to see who they are.
And y'all invited me to yourhome and it was spaghetti, I
remember.
TJ (04:38):
Yeah.
Q Smith (04:39):
She's very thoughtful.
TJ (04:40):
Also.
Q Smith (04:41):
Yeah.
TJ (04:42):
I don't know if you remember this, but you introduced me to
Thai food and sticky rice.
I had never had sticky ricethat place changed my life.
Yeah right, you will never noteat Thai food, ever again yeah,
exactly so I want to just jumpin because I know we are very
(05:09):
specific with our time today,but you picked the topic of
discussion today, which isthings I wish I knew before
turning 40, which I find veryinteresting, because no one ever
picks that topic.
No one ever seems to want totalk about lessons they've
learned or, um, a specificbracket of time in their life,
(05:30):
um.
Q Smith (05:31):
So I'm curious to know what spoke to you when it came
to picking that subject Ibecause I work with a lot of
young people, that's a bigquestion of theirs is like what
would you, what would you have?
Told your younger self, andevery time I answer it it's
different and I'm like I shouldjust write a book on, like, all
the things I I would have donedifferently.
(05:52):
But then, at the same time, Itell myself, if I did things
differently, I probably wouldn'tbe here.
So, um, that's true, there'sadvice I would have taken more,
and one of them would be listento your parents more.
Now that I'm a parent I becamea parent at age 43, and my son
(06:14):
is four and I go, I remembercalling my mom when he was a
baby, baby, and I was like howdid you do it?
How did you do it?
Like we're three kids and youknow our pain, you know the
makeup of the family is sodifferent to each person and I'm
like we only have one here innew york city.
How did you do it with three ofus, you know, and um, so that
(06:38):
would be one suggestion.
The other one would be takeeducation more serious.
I was not a grade, I wasn't an Astudent.
I was more like B plus, b minusstudent.
I had the potential to be an Aplus student, but I didn't
(06:59):
always apply myself and so Ifeel like I'm still catching up.
I'm a student of life, I lovelearning.
I'm thinking catching up.
I'm a student of life, like Ilove learning.
I'm thinking about going backto school, actually, but, um, I
would take my education a bitmore serious.
Um, I would um have done morethings that scared me earlier on
(07:23):
.
They say do something every daythat scares you, and I'm afraid
of heights.
There's a couple of things youknow I'm afraid of and I think,
and once I sort of faced thosefears, just sort of my whole
life just sort of opened up.
I see why people say face yourfears.
One of my professors at collegesaid you know, what are you
(07:44):
going to do after graduation?
I was, I was like I don't know,maybe do a tour or this or that
.
And she's like, and I don'tknow what else.
She's like go do something thatscares you, go for it.
It's like okay.
So me and my friend went likebungee jumping or whatever the
six flags where you pull thething yourself and you just it,
(08:06):
just lets you.
I don't know if it's calledbungee jumping, but whoo sued
the superman or something likethat, and I would have done more
things that scared me earlieron.
I mean, I was fearless as ayoung person, but I can't
imagine what I would have beenif I would have kept pushing
myself.
TJ (08:23):
Yeah.
Q Smith (08:23):
So those are three things that oh, and probably
listen to, exactly listen toyour parents more my dad was
really.
He grew up really, really,really, really poor and he had
all these financial books, youknow, and all these things, and
he'd be like you know, come andsit down, let's learn about the
stock today.
Come on, sit down, let's learnabout you know what's a 401k?
(08:43):
Come on, not be like that.
No, I'm not.
No, no, no, I should have.
TJ (08:50):
I should have no, I get that .
I um, I echoed that idea that Iwish that I could have been in
a position when I was younger toactually listen to some of
those people in my life thatsaid you should have this to set
yourself up for 20, 40, 50years down the line, and I feel
(09:12):
like that is one of those,especially as a black person in
this country it is one of thoselessons.
That falls semi on deaf ears atthat age, especially in your
teens and early 20s, becauseyou're so hungry for life and
wanting to pursue your dreams.
And at least from an artist'sperspective I can't speak for
(09:32):
you know, quote, unquote, normalpeople, but I feel like taking
myself back to when we met,which was like my early 20s.
You know, I was not thinkingabout retirement, I wasn't
thinking about you know.
Should I not thinking aboutretirement?
I wasn't thinking about youknow.
Should I put a little money tothe side or have something, even
in the idea of moving to NewYork?
I moved to New York with a fewhundred dollars, in a dream.
(09:56):
It was you know, not necessarilyrealistic, but, like I, looking
back on it now, I'm like I wishI could have actually set
myself up to be more successfulin that moment.
Um, thank god that you knowthings worked out, but I could
have prepared myself a littlebit better.
(10:18):
Um, and I think that is just inthinking of this idea of things
that we wish we knew.
I think that is the actualphrase of like wanting to be
more prepared than we actuallyare, giving ourselves more space
to be prepared.
What would you say in being onthe other side of 40, why do you
(10:39):
think 40 is kind of like thetime frame that you're looking
at Outside of it being the spacethat you're inhabiting right
now?
But what is kind of like thetime frame that you're looking
at outside of it being the spacethat you're inhabiting right
now?
But what is kind of special foryou right now in your 40s?
Q Smith (10:51):
that's a great question .
You're good at this man, youshould do this, thank you, you
should do this.
Um, I chose 40s because it hasbeen my favorite decade so far.
It has been my absolutefavorite decade.
When I was coming out of my 30s, I was sweating.
I was like, oh lord, I do not.
Oh lord, once I hit 40s over,you know, and it's inevitable,
(11:14):
maybe you know, god willing andyou know, got me to my 40s and
um, I have, I've loved everyminute of it.
My dreams have come true.
A lot of my dreams have cometrue my 40s and um, I have, I've
loved every minute of it.
My dreams have come true.
A lot of my dreams have cometrue in my 40s and um, I just
felt like I finally woke up.
In my 20s I had no clue.
(11:35):
I was touring, traveling theworld, honey, living my life.
Wow, just like my 30s, I waslike, okay, I'm tired, let me
just grow up a little bit, letme just sort of sit down, get,
get a little more um, focused Iwas like I'm.
I'm grown.
Now, my 30s, I'm kind of grown.
I got my own place, I'm livingin New York City, I'm supporting
(11:57):
myself.
I'm grown, but I was still.
I didn't know it at the time,but I was still like clueless to
so many things.
And 40s hit and it justeverything sort of clicked.
And not that I'm saying I'mwise by any means or I'm like
have it all together, but I, Iwas.
(12:17):
The thing is I'm okay with whatI don't know now you know, I
mean 30s.
I was like, yes, I know that,yes, yes, uh, and be frustrated
with the things that I didn'tknow.
And I was just frustrated likeoh but now I'm so settled in who
I am, I'm so settled in thethings that I don't know, I'm
(12:38):
settled and happy about thethings that I, the little that I
do know, and I'm able to shareand give back, um, and so, yeah,
that's why I chose 40s, becauseit's been, it's been a great, a
great ride yeah, I want toacknowledge a moment.
TJ (12:57):
Um, you just said something that hit, that spoke to me
specifically, because I don'twant to speak for everybody, but
you just said that you are okaywith being you're.
You're okay not knowing thethings that you don't know,
which I think is such a powerfulstatement to say, especially at
the age of 40, because thatthat speaks to the type of human
(13:20):
that you are.
That speaks to the type ofperson that you are, the journey
that you're on, um that you are.
You mentioned earlier of likebeing a student of life, but
you're so receptive to life andI feel like that is that is a
very special place to be, that,at least for my generation, I
feel like not a lot of usinhabit that space.
(13:41):
Um, do you find yourself to bethat kind of person that is um
very specific in how you viewlife and how you view the world
and how you view your journey?
Q Smith (13:57):
I don't think I'm specific, I think I'm the person
that, um my grandmother I mean,all she would say is love,
people, love love people and shewas a very hardcore church
christian, like woman.
You know you would think that ifyou know my gay friends would
(14:17):
come over to her house orsomething.
She'd be like, sit down, let metalk to you about the bible.
You know she was so, not thatshe'd be like, come on in what
y'all want to eat, peter, fixthem some food, because she
didn't cook and she would leavethe door open.
She lived.
My grandmother lived in thehood.
When I tell you the hood, I'mfrom Nebraska.
People don't think that blackpeople live in Omaha in Nebraska
(14:40):
, but we do.
She lived in the hood and shenever locked the doors.
We would wake up in the morninglike I didn't live with her.
But you know, be there spendingthe night, the grandkids and
stuff.
And we wake up and there'ssomebody drunk on the couch who
just opened her door and slepton the couch last night.
She'd be like there's littlejoey, he's got drunk, right,
(15:03):
wake up, let's eat.
You know it's just like peoplefrom the streets just come on in
.
They know they could findrefuge in her home and she lived
her life like that, lovedpeople.
And so I just kind of try to dothat too love people.
I'm not perfect or anything likethat, but, like I said, I want
(15:25):
to be people's cheerleadersBecause I feel like when they're
living their best life, they'reinspiring me to live my best
life too.
So I look for the joy, I lookfor the sunshine, I look for I
don't know if that's, if that'swhat you would call specific,
but I always look for the joy,always, and I just sort of lead,
(15:47):
lead with love, lead with joy.
That's really it.
I mean politics and religionand I don't know all those, all
these, the war and so much war.
There's so many things thatpeople can discuss until they
(16:08):
die and bad argue until they die.
You know, and I just I letpeople believe what they want to
believe.
Live the way life, live yourbest life.
And yeah, if you want to talkabout something specific, yeah,
we can, but I don't want toargue with you, I don't want to
just live your life, I guess Iget that and definitely, um, I
(16:32):
agree with that wholeheartedly.
TJ (16:33):
It is that is a position that I think I have been in
realistically my entire life,because I've always um, not
necessarily played neutralground when it comes to
confrontation or disagreements,but I have always seemed to fall
on the side of like.
Whatever the problem is, it canbe talked through, right, this
(16:58):
idea that disagreement has toend in, or even start with
arguments and very high energy,and all of this excess, um,
emotion, um, from my earliestmemories, like as a child, like
I don't think I've evervoluntarily argued with anybody
(17:19):
like if it, if there was adisagreement that I had with
someone, it was a conversationum.
So I've, I've, I see that in youand I wanted to acknowledge
that.
Q Smith (17:37):
What do you think has been your biggest lesson you've
learned thus far?
To let go on both ends.
Let go.
Once you walk out the door ofthat audition, you just have to
let it go.
You know, when I'm having adisagreement with my husband,
I'm like let's take a deepbreath and just let it go.
And we both have to do that andlet it go.
(18:06):
Because, at the end of the day,it's mostly not.
It's not even about you.
It's not even about you.
It's not even about you.
They didn't cast you becausethe producer promised his
college friend, once he gets a,the director promises from
college, if he ever gets adirecting gig, you're going to
be the person I cast.
They have to hold auditionsbecause it's part of you have to
(18:28):
be with this.
Because it's part of this youhave to witness.
I have lived enough to be likeit's really not about if you
don't, especially if you don'tbook it.
It's like it's so out of yourhead so just let it go.
And also because there arethings when I was younger that I
really thought I was going toget and I was holding on to it.
(18:50):
I'm like I need it, I need thisjob, I'm blah, blah, blah and I
was like crying in a ball, likehow am I going to pay my rent?
And that's the position I wasin sort of with after I closed
Mary Poppins on Broadway.
I was unemployed for a whileand I moved apartments and I
(19:12):
needed to pay this rent.
I needed to have enough moneyto move out of my old apartment,
move into my new apartment withyou know all the.
I needed thousands of dollarsand I've been on for months, you
know.
It's like okay, well, I don'thave it.
And so this audition came up andI was like I was for sure.
I was like, okay, these peopleknow me, is it Disney?
I got this, I had this perfecttime and I walked in there.
(19:36):
I was very confident and theywere like, thank you.
And that made me call me backtwo more times.
And I didn't get it.
And I was like I didn't get it.
I was like full of myself.
I was like I didn't get it andI was like I didn't get.
I was like full of myself.
I was like I didn't get it.
Are you kidding me?
And I was a mess.
I was like how am I gonna dothat?
(19:57):
How am I gonna do this?
And I cried.
I got a call from my agent.
You know, this is where I'mjust shortening the story, so
it's a little longer story, butthere's a show coming out.
They're you know they'relooking for one more actor.
It's about 9-11.
I don't know if you'reinterested and I was like I
(20:17):
don't want to do a musical about9-11.
I was here for 9-11.
It was terrible.
I don't, I'm not interested.
And I said next of them next day, they really want to see you
just put something on tape.
Just it's like can I see thescript?
And they're like it's not doneyet, it's not finished or
whatever it is.
And I was like I got the sidesand it was so weird.
(20:39):
I was like all these characters, it's like this is so weird.
And I said who's doing this show?
And they said la jollaplayhouse.
And la jolla is a place thatI've always wanted to perform
like, always wanted to have anopportunity to perform, because
most of their shows go toBroadway, they house new shows,
original shows, and I was likeLa Jolla, okay, I'll audition.
(21:01):
That's the only reason why I'llreally audition, because I was
like with La Jolla, I didn'tknow the meat of the show.
I didn't know much about theshow at all until the first day
of the show.
So I got cast in it and if Iwould have booked that other
show I would have been in acontract that I probably
couldn't have gotten out of.
Looking back, I have to say Itold myself I should have just
(21:24):
let it go.
I was like my stomach was in aknot.
Just let it go, because God hadsomething in store for me that
I had no idea.
So after that I was like I'mdone, it's out of my hands.
It's out of my hands.
TJ (21:39):
Yeah, that is.
I don't think I ever knew that.
Q Smith (21:44):
No.
TJ (21:45):
And for those that don't know, the name of the show is
Come From Away.
And for those that don't know,the name of the show has come
from away Honestly, one of myfavorite shows, I think after
moving to New York.
It changed everything in how Iview musical theater and how I
viewed my career after beinghere, and I want to acknowledge
(22:08):
in this moment with you, in thismedium thank you for saying yes
to that um.
Thank you for being a part ofthat because that show, I think,
spoke to so many people andhelped shaped so many young um
performers out there because, ofyour contribution to that, to
that show, so thank you with youbeing on the other side of 40
(22:32):
now and also being a mother, howhas that influenced, like, your
life, your goals, youraspirations?
because I'm always curious,because, based off of how we met
and our interactions throughoutthe time of, like, being in New
York and you being on tour, um,I've always known you to be
(22:54):
this, um, creative, that isfocused and that is going after
what you want, and that maybeit's just been my perspective of
being on the sidelines, butI've always known you to be like
I feel like every time I wouldtext you, you'd be like, oh, I'm
on tour, I'm going to Japan forsix months.
Or oh, yeah, I'll be in NewYork for like a month doing this
(23:16):
and then I'll be gone again,which I loved, like you gave me
so much inspiration because Iremember those moments and be
like, wow, I want to be like you, like I'm trying to, I'm trying
to be out there.
Um, so now that like with withthat in mind or at least my
perspective of you, you know, atthat moment in time and now
(23:38):
being a mother, how has thatkind of shifted things for you?
Q Smith (23:43):
that's a great question .
Um, you know there's this.
Let's see, nothing else mattersexcept my family.
Nothing else matters.
When it was just me, like Iwould take this job.
It was was paying $2, I wouldtake that job.
(24:05):
I would just do work because Iliked working and I liked
meeting people and even if Icouldn't pay my rent for two
months, I was like I want to dothis show, so I would just do
the show and just pay my rent,$100 a week.
If I could, you know, and Iwould just do.
It was just me, you know,soloing life and with my son,
(24:27):
like I have turned down a numberof auditions and a few offers.
Um, because nothing matters.
Nothing more matters than myson.
And so I, if I, if I get anaudition, I put my son in the
forefront of my mind.
I'm like is this serving him?
(24:48):
Will he be proud of his bottom?
Will I bring enough money infor my family?
If I take this, is this selfish?
He's always at the front of mymind and there are things I
would have said yes to if I weresolo in a heartbeat and those
same things, you know, they comeup today.
(25:08):
I sometimes I would have to sayno, um, because he matters so
much to me and I want him to beproud of me and I want my
husband to be proud of me and Iwant young black and brown
little girls to look at me andbe like, yeah, she, she did that
, she's, I want to do that too.
Um, so nothing.
(25:30):
If I don't book, if I don'tbook that gig, if I don't, um,
hit that note like I wanted toin a, in a performance or a show
, if I get a lot, if I forget aline, it doesn't matter, it
really doesn't matter.
When I used to back in the daylike, oh, I just beat myself up,
oh my gosh, I didn't do thatright, I didn't obsess over it
(25:52):
and I'm like I ain't got timefor it.
I got to go home and put thisboy to bed.
You know I need to go to theplayground today.
I'm so tired, tired.
I need to study these lines.
For this last minute auditionthey gave me five scenes.
I got two songs to learn.
My son wants to go play, so I'mgonna show up to that audition
(26:14):
with my sides in my hand and domy best, and if it's for me,
it's for me, if it is not, itdoes it doesn't matter.
And so he has helped me reallyput things in focus and my world
is open.
I feel like I'm even a betterperformer because of him, artist
because of him.
I'm better human because of myson.
TJ (26:37):
I love that.
I can only imagine themagnitude of what life is when
you cross that threshold ofhaving a child.
I have been told that I havevery much dad energy and I
believe that to a certain degree, but I can only imagine the
(27:04):
shift that happens once thatactually happens and I am, I
will say, that, to have beenwitness to again from the
sidelines, to have been witnessto the birth of this child and
this child coming into the worldand you becoming a mother has
been beautiful.
You have such a beautifulfamily and we're going to plug
because I also know that youhave a YouTube channel now oh
yeah, yes, stallings, and we'regoing to plug, because I also
know that you have a YouTubechannel now.
Q Smith (27:27):
Oh yeah, yes, stallings on the rise, stallings on the
rise, and he is full out.
My son is full out, so is myhusband Full out.
Five, six, seven, eight Go andthey crack me up.
But yes, we have a website andwe.
(27:47):
You know I was pregnant withCaleb in my income for six
months.
His first six months helistened to Welcome to the Rock
eight times.
And I was like I wonder, whenhe comes out out, if I play the
song he would react to it, youknow he didn't.
He was like but yeah, that wascool.
(28:11):
I was like I was hoping hewould.
But yeah, I was the first timeI felt him move in my tummy was
during the song make me achannel of your peace.
All the different faiths in thesame room respecting one
another, and I started singingmake me a channel of your peace
and he went.
I was like it was a trip.
TJ (28:39):
It was a trip.
Oh my god that trip oh my God,that's beautiful, that is
amazing.
I never knew that.
Q Smith (28:45):
That was the hardest thing I've done Do eight shows a
week.
TJ (28:51):
So before we go, we have three questions for you.
It's a little thing that we doon Tea with TJ and before we
shift into that, would you liketo share your social media
channels where people can findyou?
Q Smith (29:04):
Yeah, shift into that.
Would you like to share yoursocial media channels where
people can find you?
Yeah, if you're looking forcoaching or a um, if you have a
group looking for a master classor workshop, we have our own
coaching business me and myhusband.
It's called your stage, yourmoment.
Click the little video in itand watch what we offer.
Um, my website is QSmithcom,that's Q-D-O-T-S-M-I-T-Hcom, and
(29:36):
my Instagram is QperstarQ-P-E-R-S-T-A-R.
TJ (29:44):
So three questions, yes, and then I'll let you go.
What brings you the most peace?
Water, mm-hmm, love that.
Q Smith (29:56):
Love that Because is it just one word?
Answers.
TJ (30:03):
However, you want to answer sometimes, yeah because god is.
Q Smith (30:10):
I feel like god is in nature.
God is everywhere and I feel soclose to god when I'm by a body
of water or in nature.
It's just so much peace I lovethat.
TJ (30:22):
Where do you find the most joy?
My son where does your heartthrive?
Q Smith (30:34):
people hands down.
If I had a dollar for everyperson that I met or talked to,
I just found them fascinating.
I would be a millionaire.
I love people.
I love people, I lovesupporting people and I love.
I just love people, I do.
TJ (30:58):
I love that.
That's perfect.
Yeah, that's good and with thatI'll see you next week, friends
.
I love that.
That's perfect.
Yeah, that's good.
And with that I'll see you nextweek, friends.
And that's our show.
Friends, thanks for joining uson Tea with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
(31:20):
on Instagram at Tea with TJPodcast.
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
, so we might as well do it.
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