March 20, 2024 • 36 mins
In this episode, TJ and Derric discuss the topic of insecurities. They share their personal experiences with insecurities and how they have learned to overcome them. They emphasize the importance of self-love and being present in the moment. The conversation also touches on the journey of self-acceptance and the power of authenticity.
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Episode Transcript
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TJ (00:15):
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ,
where our love for tea,conversation and
self-improvement intersect, solet's take a deeper dive into my
cup and let's have a chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:35):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today let
me start with the tea that I'mhaving, which is a mad thing and
I think it's very appropriatefor the weather.
Right now in New York it'sgiving rainy day.
Stay inside.
We have a very special guestwith us today.
(00:56):
Let me introduce a new friendsoon to me.
Good friend Derek, yes, so ifyou could just introduce
yourself and give us a littlebit of background.
Derric (01:09):
Yes, so thank you for having me.
I'm very excited to be here.
I appreciate your time and Ilove that we're able to connect.
So I'm Derek, I am the host ofGrownup Podcast and I'm a
podcaster.
I'm a communications major, I'ma marketing, digital media
(01:29):
marketing certificate holder.
I am a jack of all trades.
I really try to do as much as Ican to really learn as much as
I can, be a student of life and,above all, god is the main man
that guides all that.
And, yeah, that's me.
I love it.
TJ (01:51):
Welcome to the show.
Derric (01:52):
Thank you.
TJ (01:53):
It's a pleasure to have you.
So we talked I think it waslast week or top of this week,
and this has been a long timecoming, just for folks listening
.
Derek and I have been kind oflike having conversations over
the past maybe two months now, Ithink, yeah, roughly Really
(02:13):
trying to create some contentwith each other and help each
other out and very much likesupport each other.
But when I gave you the topicsto choose from for this episode,
you tapped into insecurities.
So I'm curious to know, beforewe dive in, what spoke to you in
like choosing that topic.
Derric (02:36):
So I really have been wondering a lot lately about my
podcast and the direction thatit's going and how much
authenticity I've been actuallyputting into it.
And I remember something thatsomeone told me when I first
started it, which is be yourselfLike, and it was something that
they were close, you know,individual to me and they told
(02:59):
me, like they could hear, that Ikind of wasn't really being my
full self and really putting myfull self out there.
And so as I've been progressingwith the podcast and now going
into my fourth year, I reallyhave been analyzing myself and
the growth that I'm goingthrough and, you know, going
(03:20):
through a process of learning tolove myself.
And that word insecuritiesreally jumped out at me because
that's something that has beencoming up quite a lot for myself
and having to address thosethings and having to understand
those things within myself andknow that they are a part of me
but they're not who I am and Ican still build myself up and
(03:46):
continue to, you know, pushthose insecurities aside and
continue to grow and, you know,be the person that I know that I
can be.
TJ (03:57):
So I love that.
I echo everything that you said, because I do.
I've lived and operated in aspace similar to that.
I mean even taking the podcastout of the equation, but just
looking at my life as aperformer and trying to figure
(04:18):
out how to navigate thoseinsecurities of am I good enough
, you know?
Am I worthy to be doing this?
You know why should someonechoose me over someone else?
And even in the podcast spacewith and I will say you know I'm
not as fortunate as you, Ihaven't been doing it for four
(04:39):
years.
Derric (04:40):
You'll get there.
TJ (04:43):
But even in creating this podcast and putting myself out
there, there are stillinsecurities that linger.
Even now, and I've had peoplereach out and, like some
co-worker that I work with thatlistens to the show faithfully
like every week, is very muchlike oh, my God, I love this I
(05:03):
love that.
The conversation was great and,you know, even with that, there
are still so many insecuritiesof you know, could I be doing
something better?
Am I doing something wrong?
Because there is no.
There's no real space forfeedback with this medium right,
like, yeah, kind of just put itout into the world and hope
(05:25):
people like it and maybe someonewill, you know, tag you over
you know, message you.
So I think even just not havingthat direct line to feedback
kind of heightens thoseinsecurities right 100%.
I knowing that you have beenpodcasting for four years Is
(05:49):
there.
Is there a space that you'vearrived at now with those
insecurities that startedoriginally, where some of them
have kind of started to fall off, or do you feel like they're
all still lingering?
Derric (06:03):
Oh, that's such a great question.
I feel like I've worked throughquite a lot of them.
At first it was the postingschedule Like am I posting
enough?
At first I was posting too muchand I burnt myself out and then
I scaled back and then Ithought maybe that was not
(06:24):
enough and then I was like youknow what, forget that.
I'm just going to do what Ifeel is best for me and if it
happens to align with otherpeople and they happen to like
it and flock to within, that'sokay, you know, and however this
journey is going to be, it'sgoing to be.
(06:44):
And I think a real pivotal pointfor me was reading a book
called the Power of Now and mybrother suggested it to me and I
, before I read it, before Ipicked it up, before we had
discussed it, I was in such aspace of living in those
insecurities, like fully everyday and really being hard on
(07:10):
myself and thinking so muchabout the future and like how
can I take, do, do whatever Ican to put into the podcast, to
just quickly get it there, likeI want to be there, there, there
, and when I kind of wasexplaining this to my brother,
(07:30):
he was like, yeah, like itsounds like you.
You know, this is a book thatwould really kind of put things
into perspective for you and Iwas like, okay, I'll try this.
And I bought it.
I read it and it was like aninstant like click.
And I was like, okay, yeah, allthese insecurities that I'm
(07:53):
literally and heightened everysingle day, I can let it go,
because I'm only living forright now.
Only right now is what is mostimportant anyway.
And if I don't get right now,right Anyway, then there is not,
it's not gonna mean anything,it's going to be meaningless.
(08:13):
You know, I won't have thememories to hold on to from now
and to be able to rejoice and belike, oh, I look back at that
and that was a time that I wentthrough this.
I'm not gonna be able to havethat, because I was rushing so
much, trying to get there, andthen I was there and then it was
just like, okay, well, I'm here, and then what?
So it really helped me to scaleback a lot of those insecurities
(08:38):
.
So I feel like I've workedthrough quite a bit of them, but
of course, you know they'restill the constant little ones,
like, as you say, I've beendoing this for years but it's
still not as many downloads as Iwould like it to be.
Or, you know, I don't have asmany followers on social media
as I want to, or you know thosetype of things and those are
(09:01):
also kind of like societalthings that we have to.
You know, work through and andSometimes just be like forget
all that, like that doesn'tmatter.
As long as I feel like I'mputting in the work and the
effort and it's scaling andgrowing in the way that I feel
like it's organic and authenticto me, then you know it really
doesn't matter.
So, still working through, butwork through a lot of.
TJ (09:26):
Yeah, I, um, I Want to go back for a beat Because it's
it's and it's crazy how theuniverse will deliver things in
real time.
So I don't know where this isgonna fit in the timeline of
episodes right now, but in therecording timeline, the episode
(09:48):
that I just finished a week ago,that same book, came up.
Yeah, and so because it'sEckhart Tolle right?
Yes, it is.
We were literally just talkingabout this, and it's interesting
how Things kind of just live inthis, in this circle, and seem
(10:09):
to be always connected, evenwhen we don't think that they
are right.
Um, I Wanted to acknowledgethat because that that was a
very moment, just saying it outloud.
I did not plan that.
Derric (10:22):
Love it, not plan things .
TJ (10:26):
But in, in this, in this idea of insecurities, I think
you touched on something that isvery profound, I think, with
being present in the now and inreally focusing on when,
thinking of the things that youwere insecure about.
(10:47):
Right, the benefit of beingpresent in that, in this
singular moment, will allow youto enjoy, you know, the future,
or to be able to look back onthe moments that you're
currently in, yeah, and that onethat that just spoke to me.
So I'm just sharing that rightnow, but I believe that to be
(11:09):
true.
I think it's.
It's so worth being present inour daily lives Because we can
miss so much, and sometimesinsecurities can get in the way
of that.
However, I think as a humanbeing and as, as some would say,
like spiritual beings, I thinkit's important for us to have
(11:31):
insecurities because thatpromotes growth.
Yes, because then you'reallowed to have a certain space
in your life where you're likeokay, I feel a certain way about
this and it's not where I wouldlike it to be, or it's
something that I want to improveon.
To me, just saying this, to me,that serves as motivation to
(11:54):
get to where I ultimately wantto be.
And so, even in the pain ofinsecurities and the doubt that
exists, I think it is worth.
It's an aspect of life that isthat that's worth something,
that that's worth something andthat will allow you to to grow
up.
Yeah, yeah definitely, and Ijust want to.
Derric (12:22):
Yeah, exactly, and I just want to add that in those
Insecurities, as you were saying, like using those as motivation
and growth, that's kind ofexactly what I've been doing,
you know.
I've been using thoseinsecurities of Whatever it is
that I'm that's coming up thatday, you know, in that present
(12:44):
moment, and recognizing that andand Recognizing that within
self and being like, well, whatdo I want to do to to handle
that?
Like I can breathe or I canpray, or I can play the video
game if I want to like.
But as long as I recognize thatI'm feeling a little insecure
right now and I can do somethingto Recognize that in the moment
(13:07):
and move forward, then itdoesn't grow bigger than that
moment right there.
So you know, that's just kindof for me and in my journey.
TJ (13:18):
Has has any of your previous insecurities or current
influenced your Episodes as a asa podcaster?
Derric (13:29):
Oh yeah, a lot of my episodes.
You know, when I first startedI said my first episode was
terrible.
And you know, from there Ireally feel like I've Come into
myself and found where, where,where my space is for what I
(13:51):
want to put out into the world.
And One of those things withtrying to figure that out was
connecting with people aroundthe world, you know, and doing
that in In an unconventional way, like I'm just going on social
media and just kind of searchingfor people and there's other
people who are like hey, I kindof know this person they're
(14:12):
sending to me and you know, it'sit's been really random, but
it's also been, you know, divinetiming and purpose in this
journey and so it's all beenlike a whirlwind for me.
Honestly, like I I Can't reallyexplain it in in tomb in a bunch
(14:32):
of words, but going from thefirst year now Leading to the
fourth year, I really feel like,through the ups and downs
because there were a lot ofdowns and a lot, of, a lot of
episodes where I Put those downsinto that episode and you can
tell, and you can hear it in myvoice like this is just an
episode that I need.
(14:53):
I feel like I need to do and putout because I just want to stay
Relevant or you know somethinglike that.
But in my head I was just tryingto stay consistent and stay and
stick with something that I'vefallen in love with completely
and I would do For free whichI'm doing for free right now,
but in the hopes of making, youknow, revenue from it.
(15:16):
But I would do it for free andI love podcasting, and so I just
want to figure out how I can dothis in the most positive way
and Most educational way thatcould actually make an impact In
people's lives.
And you know, so far it feelslike I've been doing that,
especially with the guests thatI've been able to connect with
(15:36):
and bring on and also have themusic segment connecting with
all different Kinds of artistsfrom all around the world.
I mean, I've connected withartists from the UK, from
Australia, from all over theUnited States, like it's, it's
insane, you know, and it's alljust from being myself and
putting myself out there andjust saying, hey, I want to
(15:57):
connect, I want to support and Iwant to create a community
Surrounded by that.
And you know, show love anddoing that.
TJ (16:05):
So my gosh, I will say I don't think I've Said this to
you yet out loud, but listeningto your show when I first
started was very inspirationaland Served as motivation for me
as well to keep going, becausethere was a moment in time I'm
(16:27):
towards, I would say, like latefall, where I was like does this
make sense?
Am I, you know, is this just anaudio journal that you know, no
one's listening to, or whatever?
But in listening to your showit really did help in and
motivate me.
Derric (16:44):
So thank you for that.
Thank you.
TJ (16:48):
Thank you.
So I want to pivot a little,because I Said this already, but
I believe that insecurities canserve as Motivation for moving
throughout our lives and I don'twant to harp on you know what
we're insecure about and all ofthose things.
I want to really kind of put apositive spin on this idea.
So, with that being said, what?
(17:12):
What do you think has been thebiggest Change from insecurity
to motivation for you?
Derric (17:20):
Oh, I Would say most definitely transitioning.
I started transitioning about ayear after I started the
podcast and that was a reallypivotal moment for me because I
had did an episode aboutBasically coming out, like I
(17:42):
came out again.
So I came out before and justin front of my family and then I
came out again in front of, youknow, the podcast and in hopes
of coming out to my family inthat way, because Dealing with
having to face them again andcome out again was just too much
for me to bear, and so that wasa huge turning moment for me.
(18:04):
And when I Made the decisionand began to take the steps to
start transitioning and you know, everything like that, at first
it was, you know, of course itwas scary, it was crazy, it was,
you know, insane to do it allof those things, just because I
didn't have much support and so,but I did it anyway and it was
(18:28):
because I knew, like I knew, Ijust knew and once.
It's Once the years progress,and now I'm in year three,
transitioning, settling in, andit's just all the insecurities,
motivation, continuousmotivation.
(18:49):
And you know, like, if I Nowit's like if I look in the
mirror, I'm like, yeah, likelet's get it, let's, let's,
let's do the, let's do today,like let's let's go.
You know, like I'm comfortable.
I'm me and I think that youreally just have to do what
makes you feel good and and Knowthat and and stand on it.
(19:15):
You know, and no matter what,no matter if they're supportive,
not no matter if you knowpeople are telling you this, or
or they're being inspirationalor whatever.
Like it's really about yourpath and your journey, like we
all are put on this earth andhave our Specific path.
We have to be okay with it andwe have to learn to love each
(19:37):
other through our own paths andbecause we're different for a
reason, and that's that's thewhole, you know, that's the
whole beauty of it.
So, yeah, yeah.
TJ (19:52):
Yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, I just took me out.
Derric (20:03):
Sorry.
TJ (20:10):
So it's.
It's interesting to to hear youspeak on that, because I'm I am
I as an adult, because I am now34, I'm about to be 35 this year
and there is a quote that is inPop culture and in the in the
(20:38):
community at large that I don'tthink resonated with me until I
got to this age and truly cancomprehend and understand what
it means and what the intentionbehind the specific choice of
words is.
And don't judge, I'm just gonnasay it, but RuPaul statement of
(20:58):
if you can't love anybody else,how now you're gonna love
someone else, right, I, I?
You said something that broughtthat up, because it's something
that I've been thinking about alot.
Being able to stand in themirror and look at yourself and
say that you love yourself isparamount to your success in
(21:23):
this world as a human, as anindividual, as a community
member, as all of those things.
And I think, in thinking ofthis idea of being insecure and
having insecurities in our lives, that simple act, I think, gets
so overlooked and in reality,being able to, just like you
(21:48):
said, start your day with thatliterally can change lives.
Yeah, and so I'm trying not to.
Derric (21:59):
Same, same.
TJ (22:01):
Same, but it's something that resonates with me now, as
an adult and having lived alittle bit of life right, I
haven't lived a long time yet,but in the life that I've lived
of coming out to my family andmoving to New York and trying to
exist in an industry amongstmillions, being able to reckon
(22:27):
with myself and say those wordsout loud, because it's one thing
to think it, it's one thing tosay it, but to be able to say
those words out loud to myselfand believe them is paramount to
survival, to self-improvement,self-development.
Like it is huge, it is.
(22:50):
And I wish that that was aconversation earlier in life and
I think we live in a world nowwhere it's starting to surface
with specific teachers when theyhave like small children at an
early age and a part of likeearly childhood development.
(23:10):
But I wish that I had had thatso much earlier Because I think
I would have been able to viewthe world slightly differently
than how I had to view it untilarriving to that point.
Derric (23:27):
I 100% agree with that, because I started transitioning
25, so I lived 25 years female,struggling trying to figure out
(23:48):
what was wrong with me.
And you know what was it?
What is it?
And I wasn't educated as muchas I was on the internet and I
grew up in the internet age andsearching and trying to figure
it out.
My mind is also like one track,so when I understand or heard a
(24:12):
concept, it's like I'm one trackonto that and I want to know
all about that type of thing, soit's like, you know, it's not
like I'm getting much othertypes of information or watching
any other thing and then now,after going out of childhood and
then going into adulthood andbeing able to really, you know,
(24:34):
when you get anything, youreally open up and you can
finally, you know, really reallystart to.
So then I really start tounderstand.
And it still was very difficultto come to terms with that, not
just for me but, as I said,like my family and everyone that
(24:55):
I've come to know, and you know, friendship like it's changing
my entire life, and it wasn'tuntil after an experience that
led me to really being like youknow what.
(25:15):
I can't live like this, though.
I can't.
It's not fair to me.
I can't forget what everyoneelse is saying and thinking,
what about me?
And you know that only happensright now.
(25:35):
If I make that decision rightnow and yeah, it's, I haven't
looked back, I haven't lookedback and I have never been
happier, and I can't say andemphasize how much I agree that
looking in the mirror and beingable to start your day looking
to mirror and being happy andtruly loving what you're looking
(26:00):
at and starting your dayknowing that you're heading out
who you want to be.
It's like you said, it'sparamount.
I agree, yeah, it is.
TJ (26:16):
It's one of those things that and I've gotten older I've
been able to strip away the likeideas of these, like societal
ideas of like what I'm meant tobe or who I'm meant to be and
what I'm supposed to look like,how am I supposed to sound, and
(26:40):
it's really shown me one and Isay this to my therapist all the
time and to my best friends allthe time that I'm like, I'm at
a place in my life now where Iunderstand, I comprehend that
this, this vessel, this body,this is what I got Right.
(27:00):
That's right.
Yeah, it will fluctuate and dowhatever it needs to do to
survive and to be, you know, inexistence in this world.
But this is what I have, and sobeing able to appreciate it,
appreciate it, love on it, carefor it to the best of my ability
, is what is most important tome now.
Whereas years ago I wasconcerned about how I looked,
(27:24):
you know, I was concerned about,you know, my size fluctuating
up and down, not being able tofit a certain size or any of
those things.
But with that understanding,now life is a little bit easier.
It's not, you know, it's notall great, right.
Derric (27:40):
Bill still learned a thing, and money is still a
thing and we have to survive andall of that.
TJ (27:45):
But if my goal was that, if I can I don't want to say fix,
because that's not anappropriate word but if I could
reckon with myself and beappreciative and happy and
loving with all of this that Ihave in all versions of myself
(28:05):
present, past and, hopefully,future Then that is all that
matters, right?
Because at the end of the day,this has to go out into the
world, not anybody else, right?
All those interactions, thosemicro interactions we have
throughout the day.
This has to endure all of that.
So my priority is to love onall of this so that it's
(28:27):
protected and able to do itsthing out there and so that I am
able to pour into other peopleand love people.
And you know all of those,those accoutrements, if you will
.
But, it's yeah, it is.
It's something that I'velearned, I'm learning and I
(28:48):
still have so much yet to learnabout myself, and I pray that
every day that I can be a littlebit stronger than I was the day
before.
Absolutely, yeah, same.
I love that.
Derric (28:59):
I love this conversation .
It's beautiful.
It is beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah, thank you.
TJ (29:06):
Thank you so much for having me.
Derric (29:07):
It's been a pleasure and I'm whoo this energy that we
have right now my goodness.
Across across how many states,oh my gosh so many times down
everything.
TJ (29:20):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you.
Thank you for one for doingthis, but also for that, that
initial reach out.
This has been perfection, likeit's just been perfection.
But before we go, I like to doa little thing.
(29:43):
Three questions, okay, relatedto the topic.
Okay, so that we end with alittle bit of knowledge for our
folks.
What are you afraid of the most?
Derric (29:57):
Oh, wow, um, that's, that's actually going to get
kind of deep here and I that'skind of.
I hope I don't scare anybody,but what I'm afraid of the most
is my grandparents passing andme not being able to, you know,
(30:18):
show up, and that fear has kindof already recently come true.
One of my grandparents justrecently passed.
So it's been interestingdealing with you know that and
everything with that.
But yeah, just to be honest.
TJ (30:39):
I appreciate it, I love it.
Um, what inspires you the mostoh?
Derric (30:46):
my brother.
He's my biggest inspiration.
He's an actor, he's a rapper, aproducer, he has a master's.
He's you know he's, he's doingit and he's definitely my
biggest inspiration forcontinuing to strive and and not
let anything hold me back.
(31:07):
And, you know, just take the,take the life by the horns and,
you know, get it done.
So I love that.
TJ (31:16):
And then final question when do you feel the most seen?
Derric (31:21):
Oh, wow, um, where do I feel the most seen?
That's?
That's a really interestingquestion.
When I look in the mirror, now,that's when I feel the most
(31:47):
seen.
TJ (31:50):
That's beautiful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
One last thing before we gowhere can the folks find you?
Derric (32:03):
All right, y'all can find me on Instagram at the
Grana podcast, but the best wayis you can just go straight to
Grana podcastinfo.
It's got all the streaminglinks on there, all the links
for you to follow.
It's got the guest form onthere.
If you're interested in beingon the podcast as well and
that's where you can you cancheck me out at right.
(32:24):
I'll make sure to updateeverything and make sure
everything is clean.
I put this knowledge to use.
So thank you so much for havingme again and I appreciate your
spirit and I can't wait to comeback.
We also did Um.
I had him on my podcast.
We did an episode.
We weren't able to promote asmuch, but, um, definitely go and
(32:47):
check that episode out.
It was beautiful as well.
TJ (32:51):
This connection has been amazing.
Um and with that, I'll see younext week and that's our show.
Friends, thanks for joining uson T with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
on Instagram at T with TJpodcast.
(33:12):
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
.
So goodbye as well.
You, you, you, you, you.
Hey friends, it's TJ, and you're listening to Tea with TJ,
where our love for tea,conversation and
self-improvement intersect, solet's take a deeper dive into my
cup and let's have a chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:35):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today let
me start with the tea that I'mhaving, which is a mad thing and
I think it's very appropriatefor the weather.
Right now in New York it'sgiving rainy day.
Stay inside.
We have a very special guestwith us today.
(00:56):
Let me introduce a new friendsoon to me.
Good friend Derek, yes, so ifyou could just introduce
yourself and give us a littlebit of background.
Derric (01:09):
Yes, so thank you for having me.
I'm very excited to be here.
I appreciate your time and Ilove that we're able to connect.
So I'm Derek, I am the host ofGrownup Podcast and I'm a
podcaster.
I'm a communications major, I'ma marketing, digital media
(01:29):
marketing certificate holder.
I am a jack of all trades.
I really try to do as much as Ican to really learn as much as
I can, be a student of life and,above all, god is the main man
that guides all that.
And, yeah, that's me.
I love it.
TJ (01:51):
Welcome to the show.
Derric (01:52):
Thank you.
TJ (01:53):
It's a pleasure to have you.
So we talked I think it waslast week or top of this week,
and this has been a long timecoming, just for folks listening
.
Derek and I have been kind oflike having conversations over
the past maybe two months now, Ithink, yeah, roughly Really
(02:13):
trying to create some contentwith each other and help each
other out and very much likesupport each other.
But when I gave you the topicsto choose from for this episode,
you tapped into insecurities.
So I'm curious to know, beforewe dive in, what spoke to you in
like choosing that topic.
Derric (02:36):
So I really have been wondering a lot lately about my
podcast and the direction thatit's going and how much
authenticity I've been actuallyputting into it.
And I remember something thatsomeone told me when I first
started it, which is be yourselfLike, and it was something that
they were close, you know,individual to me and they told
(02:59):
me, like they could hear, that Ikind of wasn't really being my
full self and really putting myfull self out there.
And so as I've been progressingwith the podcast and now going
into my fourth year, I reallyhave been analyzing myself and
the growth that I'm goingthrough and, you know, going
(03:20):
through a process of learning tolove myself.
And that word insecuritiesreally jumped out at me because
that's something that has beencoming up quite a lot for myself
and having to address thosethings and having to understand
those things within myself andknow that they are a part of me
but they're not who I am and Ican still build myself up and
(03:46):
continue to, you know, pushthose insecurities aside and
continue to grow and, you know,be the person that I know that I
can be.
TJ (03:57):
So I love that.
I echo everything that you said, because I do.
I've lived and operated in aspace similar to that.
I mean even taking the podcastout of the equation, but just
looking at my life as aperformer and trying to figure
(04:18):
out how to navigate thoseinsecurities of am I good enough
, you know?
Am I worthy to be doing this?
You know why should someonechoose me over someone else?
And even in the podcast spacewith and I will say you know I'm
not as fortunate as you, Ihaven't been doing it for four
(04:39):
years.
Derric (04:40):
You'll get there.
TJ (04:43):
But even in creating this podcast and putting myself out
there, there are stillinsecurities that linger.
Even now, and I've had peoplereach out and, like some
co-worker that I work with thatlistens to the show faithfully
like every week, is very muchlike oh, my God, I love this I
(05:03):
love that.
The conversation was great and,you know, even with that, there
are still so many insecuritiesof you know, could I be doing
something better?
Am I doing something wrong?
Because there is no.
There's no real space forfeedback with this medium right,
like, yeah, kind of just put itout into the world and hope
(05:25):
people like it and maybe someonewill, you know, tag you over
you know, message you.
So I think even just not havingthat direct line to feedback
kind of heightens thoseinsecurities right 100%.
I knowing that you have beenpodcasting for four years Is
(05:49):
there.
Is there a space that you'vearrived at now with those
insecurities that startedoriginally, where some of them
have kind of started to fall off, or do you feel like they're
all still lingering?
Derric (06:03):
Oh, that's such a great question.
I feel like I've worked throughquite a lot of them.
At first it was the postingschedule Like am I posting
enough?
At first I was posting too muchand I burnt myself out and then
I scaled back and then Ithought maybe that was not
(06:24):
enough and then I was like youknow what, forget that.
I'm just going to do what Ifeel is best for me and if it
happens to align with otherpeople and they happen to like
it and flock to within, that'sokay, you know, and however this
journey is going to be, it'sgoing to be.
(06:44):
And I think a real pivotal pointfor me was reading a book
called the Power of Now and mybrother suggested it to me and I
, before I read it, before Ipicked it up, before we had
discussed it, I was in such aspace of living in those
insecurities, like fully everyday and really being hard on
(07:10):
myself and thinking so muchabout the future and like how
can I take, do, do whatever Ican to put into the podcast, to
just quickly get it there, likeI want to be there, there, there
, and when I kind of wasexplaining this to my brother,
(07:30):
he was like, yeah, like itsounds like you.
You know, this is a book thatwould really kind of put things
into perspective for you and Iwas like, okay, I'll try this.
And I bought it.
I read it and it was like aninstant like click.
And I was like, okay, yeah, allthese insecurities that I'm
(07:53):
literally and heightened everysingle day, I can let it go,
because I'm only living forright now.
Only right now is what is mostimportant anyway.
And if I don't get right now,right Anyway, then there is not,
it's not gonna mean anything,it's going to be meaningless.
(08:13):
You know, I won't have thememories to hold on to from now
and to be able to rejoice and belike, oh, I look back at that
and that was a time that I wentthrough this.
I'm not gonna be able to havethat, because I was rushing so
much, trying to get there, andthen I was there and then it was
just like, okay, well, I'm here, and then what?
So it really helped me to scaleback a lot of those insecurities
(08:38):
.
So I feel like I've workedthrough quite a bit of them, but
of course, you know they'restill the constant little ones,
like, as you say, I've beendoing this for years but it's
still not as many downloads as Iwould like it to be.
Or, you know, I don't have asmany followers on social media
as I want to, or you know thosetype of things and those are
(09:01):
also kind of like societalthings that we have to.
You know, work through and andSometimes just be like forget
all that, like that doesn'tmatter.
As long as I feel like I'mputting in the work and the
effort and it's scaling andgrowing in the way that I feel
like it's organic and authenticto me, then you know it really
doesn't matter.
So, still working through, butwork through a lot of.
TJ (09:26):
Yeah, I, um, I Want to go back for a beat Because it's
it's and it's crazy how theuniverse will deliver things in
real time.
So I don't know where this isgonna fit in the timeline of
episodes right now, but in therecording timeline, the episode
(09:48):
that I just finished a week ago,that same book, came up.
Yeah, and so because it'sEckhart Tolle right?
Yes, it is.
We were literally just talkingabout this, and it's interesting
how Things kind of just live inthis, in this circle, and seem
(10:09):
to be always connected, evenwhen we don't think that they
are right.
Um, I Wanted to acknowledgethat because that that was a
very moment, just saying it outloud.
I did not plan that.
Derric (10:22):
Love it, not plan things .
TJ (10:26):
But in, in this, in this idea of insecurities, I think
you touched on something that isvery profound, I think, with
being present in the now and inreally focusing on when,
thinking of the things that youwere insecure about.
(10:47):
Right, the benefit of beingpresent in that, in this
singular moment, will allow youto enjoy, you know, the future,
or to be able to look back onthe moments that you're
currently in, yeah, and that onethat that just spoke to me.
So I'm just sharing that rightnow, but I believe that to be
(11:09):
true.
I think it's.
It's so worth being present inour daily lives Because we can
miss so much, and sometimesinsecurities can get in the way
of that.
However, I think as a humanbeing and as, as some would say,
like spiritual beings, I thinkit's important for us to have
(11:31):
insecurities because thatpromotes growth.
Yes, because then you'reallowed to have a certain space
in your life where you're likeokay, I feel a certain way about
this and it's not where I wouldlike it to be, or it's
something that I want to improveon.
To me, just saying this, to me,that serves as motivation to
(11:54):
get to where I ultimately wantto be.
And so, even in the pain ofinsecurities and the doubt that
exists, I think it is worth.
It's an aspect of life that isthat that's worth something,
that that's worth something andthat will allow you to to grow
up.
Yeah, yeah definitely, and Ijust want to.
Derric (12:22):
Yeah, exactly, and I just want to add that in those
Insecurities, as you were saying, like using those as motivation
and growth, that's kind ofexactly what I've been doing,
you know.
I've been using thoseinsecurities of Whatever it is
that I'm that's coming up thatday, you know, in that present
(12:44):
moment, and recognizing that andand Recognizing that within
self and being like, well, whatdo I want to do to to handle
that?
Like I can breathe or I canpray, or I can play the video
game if I want to like.
But as long as I recognize thatI'm feeling a little insecure
right now and I can do somethingto Recognize that in the moment
(13:07):
and move forward, then itdoesn't grow bigger than that
moment right there.
So you know, that's just kindof for me and in my journey.
TJ (13:18):
Has has any of your previous insecurities or current
influenced your Episodes as a asa podcaster?
Derric (13:29):
Oh yeah, a lot of my episodes.
You know, when I first startedI said my first episode was
terrible.
And you know, from there Ireally feel like I've Come into
myself and found where, where,where my space is for what I
(13:51):
want to put out into the world.
And One of those things withtrying to figure that out was
connecting with people aroundthe world, you know, and doing
that in In an unconventional way, like I'm just going on social
media and just kind of searchingfor people and there's other
people who are like hey, I kindof know this person they're
(14:12):
sending to me and you know, it'sit's been really random, but
it's also been, you know, divinetiming and purpose in this
journey and so it's all beenlike a whirlwind for me.
Honestly, like I I Can't reallyexplain it in in tomb in a bunch
(14:32):
of words, but going from thefirst year now Leading to the
fourth year, I really feel like,through the ups and downs
because there were a lot ofdowns and a lot, of, a lot of
episodes where I Put those downsinto that episode and you can
tell, and you can hear it in myvoice like this is just an
episode that I need.
(14:53):
I feel like I need to do and putout because I just want to stay
Relevant or you know somethinglike that.
But in my head I was just tryingto stay consistent and stay and
stick with something that I'vefallen in love with completely
and I would do For free whichI'm doing for free right now,
but in the hopes of making, youknow, revenue from it.
(15:16):
But I would do it for free andI love podcasting, and so I just
want to figure out how I can dothis in the most positive way
and Most educational way thatcould actually make an impact In
people's lives.
And you know, so far it feelslike I've been doing that,
especially with the guests thatI've been able to connect with
(15:36):
and bring on and also have themusic segment connecting with
all different Kinds of artistsfrom all around the world.
I mean, I've connected withartists from the UK, from
Australia, from all over theUnited States, like it's, it's
insane, you know, and it's alljust from being myself and
putting myself out there andjust saying, hey, I want to
(15:57):
connect, I want to support and Iwant to create a community
Surrounded by that.
And you know, show love anddoing that.
TJ (16:05):
So my gosh, I will say I don't think I've Said this to
you yet out loud, but listeningto your show when I first
started was very inspirationaland Served as motivation for me
as well to keep going, becausethere was a moment in time I'm
(16:27):
towards, I would say, like latefall, where I was like does this
make sense?
Am I, you know, is this just anaudio journal that you know, no
one's listening to, or whatever?
But in listening to your showit really did help in and
motivate me.
Derric (16:44):
So thank you for that.
Thank you.
TJ (16:48):
Thank you.
So I want to pivot a little,because I Said this already, but
I believe that insecurities canserve as Motivation for moving
throughout our lives and I don'twant to harp on you know what
we're insecure about and all ofthose things.
I want to really kind of put apositive spin on this idea.
So, with that being said, what?
(17:12):
What do you think has been thebiggest Change from insecurity
to motivation for you?
Derric (17:20):
Oh, I Would say most definitely transitioning.
I started transitioning about ayear after I started the
podcast and that was a reallypivotal moment for me because I
had did an episode aboutBasically coming out, like I
(17:42):
came out again.
So I came out before and justin front of my family and then I
came out again in front of, youknow, the podcast and in hopes
of coming out to my family inthat way, because Dealing with
having to face them again andcome out again was just too much
for me to bear, and so that wasa huge turning moment for me.
(18:04):
And when I Made the decisionand began to take the steps to
start transitioning and you know, everything like that, at first
it was, you know, of course itwas scary, it was crazy, it was,
you know, insane to do it allof those things, just because I
didn't have much support and so,but I did it anyway and it was
(18:28):
because I knew, like I knew, Ijust knew and once.
It's Once the years progress,and now I'm in year three,
transitioning, settling in, andit's just all the insecurities,
motivation, continuousmotivation.
(18:49):
And you know, like, if I Nowit's like if I look in the
mirror, I'm like, yeah, likelet's get it, let's, let's,
let's do the, let's do today,like let's let's go.
You know, like I'm comfortable.
I'm me and I think that youreally just have to do what
makes you feel good and and Knowthat and and stand on it.
(19:15):
You know, and no matter what,no matter if they're supportive,
not no matter if you knowpeople are telling you this, or
or they're being inspirationalor whatever.
Like it's really about yourpath and your journey, like we
all are put on this earth andhave our Specific path.
We have to be okay with it andwe have to learn to love each
(19:37):
other through our own paths andbecause we're different for a
reason, and that's that's thewhole, you know, that's the
whole beauty of it.
So, yeah, yeah.
TJ (19:52):
Yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, I just took me out.
Derric (20:03):
Sorry.
TJ (20:10):
So it's.
It's interesting to to hear youspeak on that, because I'm I am
I as an adult, because I am now34, I'm about to be 35 this year
and there is a quote that is inPop culture and in the in the
(20:38):
community at large that I don'tthink resonated with me until I
got to this age and truly cancomprehend and understand what
it means and what the intentionbehind the specific choice of
words is.
And don't judge, I'm just gonnasay it, but RuPaul statement of
(20:58):
if you can't love anybody else,how now you're gonna love
someone else, right, I, I?
You said something that broughtthat up, because it's something
that I've been thinking about alot.
Being able to stand in themirror and look at yourself and
say that you love yourself isparamount to your success in
(21:23):
this world as a human, as anindividual, as a community
member, as all of those things.
And I think, in thinking ofthis idea of being insecure and
having insecurities in our lives, that simple act, I think, gets
so overlooked and in reality,being able to, just like you
(21:48):
said, start your day with thatliterally can change lives.
Yeah, and so I'm trying not to.
Derric (21:59):
Same, same.
TJ (22:01):
Same, but it's something that resonates with me now, as
an adult and having lived alittle bit of life right, I
haven't lived a long time yet,but in the life that I've lived
of coming out to my family andmoving to New York and trying to
exist in an industry amongstmillions, being able to reckon
(22:27):
with myself and say those wordsout loud, because it's one thing
to think it, it's one thing tosay it, but to be able to say
those words out loud to myselfand believe them is paramount to
survival, to self-improvement,self-development.
Like it is huge, it is.
(22:50):
And I wish that that was aconversation earlier in life and
I think we live in a world nowwhere it's starting to surface
with specific teachers when theyhave like small children at an
early age and a part of likeearly childhood development.
(23:10):
But I wish that I had had thatso much earlier Because I think
I would have been able to viewthe world slightly differently
than how I had to view it untilarriving to that point.
Derric (23:27):
I 100% agree with that, because I started transitioning
25, so I lived 25 years female,struggling trying to figure out
(23:48):
what was wrong with me.
And you know what was it?
What is it?
And I wasn't educated as muchas I was on the internet and I
grew up in the internet age andsearching and trying to figure
it out.
My mind is also like one track,so when I understand or heard a
(24:12):
concept, it's like I'm one trackonto that and I want to know
all about that type of thing, soit's like, you know, it's not
like I'm getting much othertypes of information or watching
any other thing and then now,after going out of childhood and
then going into adulthood andbeing able to really, you know,
(24:34):
when you get anything, youreally open up and you can
finally, you know, really reallystart to.
So then I really start tounderstand.
And it still was very difficultto come to terms with that, not
just for me but, as I said,like my family and everyone that
(24:55):
I've come to know, and you know, friendship like it's changing
my entire life, and it wasn'tuntil after an experience that
led me to really being like youknow what.
(25:15):
I can't live like this, though.
I can't.
It's not fair to me.
I can't forget what everyoneelse is saying and thinking,
what about me?
And you know that only happensright now.
(25:35):
If I make that decision rightnow and yeah, it's, I haven't
looked back, I haven't lookedback and I have never been
happier, and I can't say andemphasize how much I agree that
looking in the mirror and beingable to start your day looking
to mirror and being happy andtruly loving what you're looking
(26:00):
at and starting your dayknowing that you're heading out
who you want to be.
It's like you said, it'sparamount.
I agree, yeah, it is.
TJ (26:16):
It's one of those things that and I've gotten older I've
been able to strip away the likeideas of these, like societal
ideas of like what I'm meant tobe or who I'm meant to be and
what I'm supposed to look like,how am I supposed to sound, and
(26:40):
it's really shown me one and Isay this to my therapist all the
time and to my best friends allthe time that I'm like, I'm at
a place in my life now where Iunderstand, I comprehend that
this, this vessel, this body,this is what I got Right.
(27:00):
That's right.
Yeah, it will fluctuate and dowhatever it needs to do to
survive and to be, you know, inexistence in this world.
But this is what I have, and sobeing able to appreciate it,
appreciate it, love on it, carefor it to the best of my ability
, is what is most important tome now.
Whereas years ago I wasconcerned about how I looked,
(27:24):
you know, I was concerned about,you know, my size fluctuating
up and down, not being able tofit a certain size or any of
those things.
But with that understanding,now life is a little bit easier.
It's not, you know, it's notall great, right.
Derric (27:40):
Bill still learned a thing, and money is still a
thing and we have to survive andall of that.
TJ (27:45):
But if my goal was that, if I can I don't want to say fix,
because that's not anappropriate word but if I could
reckon with myself and beappreciative and happy and
loving with all of this that Ihave in all versions of myself
(28:05):
present, past and, hopefully,future Then that is all that
matters, right?
Because at the end of the day,this has to go out into the
world, not anybody else, right?
All those interactions, thosemicro interactions we have
throughout the day.
This has to endure all of that.
So my priority is to love onall of this so that it's
(28:27):
protected and able to do itsthing out there and so that I am
able to pour into other peopleand love people.
And you know all of those,those accoutrements, if you will
.
But, it's yeah, it is.
It's something that I'velearned, I'm learning and I
(28:48):
still have so much yet to learnabout myself, and I pray that
every day that I can be a littlebit stronger than I was the day
before.
Absolutely, yeah, same.
I love that.
Derric (28:59):
I love this conversation .
It's beautiful.
It is beautiful, isn't it?
Yeah, thank you.
TJ (29:06):
Thank you so much for having me.
Derric (29:07):
It's been a pleasure and I'm whoo this energy that we
have right now my goodness.
Across across how many states,oh my gosh so many times down
everything.
TJ (29:20):
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you.
Thank you for one for doingthis, but also for that, that
initial reach out.
This has been perfection, likeit's just been perfection.
But before we go, I like to doa little thing.
(29:43):
Three questions, okay, relatedto the topic.
Okay, so that we end with alittle bit of knowledge for our
folks.
What are you afraid of the most?
Derric (29:57):
Oh, wow, um, that's, that's actually going to get
kind of deep here and I that'skind of.
I hope I don't scare anybody,but what I'm afraid of the most
is my grandparents passing andme not being able to, you know,
(30:18):
show up, and that fear has kindof already recently come true.
One of my grandparents justrecently passed.
So it's been interestingdealing with you know that and
everything with that.
But yeah, just to be honest.
TJ (30:39):
I appreciate it, I love it.
Um, what inspires you the mostoh?
Derric (30:46):
my brother.
He's my biggest inspiration.
He's an actor, he's a rapper, aproducer, he has a master's.
He's you know he's, he's doingit and he's definitely my
biggest inspiration forcontinuing to strive and and not
let anything hold me back.
(31:07):
And, you know, just take the,take the life by the horns and,
you know, get it done.
So I love that.
TJ (31:16):
And then final question when do you feel the most seen?
Derric (31:21):
Oh, wow, um, where do I feel the most seen?
That's?
That's a really interestingquestion.
When I look in the mirror, now,that's when I feel the most
(31:47):
seen.
TJ (31:50):
That's beautiful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
One last thing before we gowhere can the folks find you?
Derric (32:03):
All right, y'all can find me on Instagram at the
Grana podcast, but the best wayis you can just go straight to
Grana podcastinfo.
It's got all the streaminglinks on there, all the links
for you to follow.
It's got the guest form onthere.
If you're interested in beingon the podcast as well and
that's where you can you cancheck me out at right.
(32:24):
I'll make sure to updateeverything and make sure
everything is clean.
I put this knowledge to use.
So thank you so much for havingme again and I appreciate your
spirit and I can't wait to comeback.
We also did Um.
I had him on my podcast.
We did an episode.
We weren't able to promote asmuch, but, um, definitely go and
(32:47):
check that episode out.
It was beautiful as well.
TJ (32:51):
This connection has been amazing.
Um and with that, I'll see younext week and that's our show.
Friends, thanks for joining uson T with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
on Instagram at T with TJpodcast.
(33:12):
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
.
So goodbye as well.
You, you, you, you, you.
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