May 1, 2024 • 33 mins
This heart-to-heart is a dance between the tenderness of self-compassion and the rhythm of daily life's relentless pace. We tackle the art of self-parenting, a concept that intertwines the acknowledgement of our imperfections with the relentless pursuit of our dreams. You'll hear us muse about the equilibrium between granting ourselves leniency during life's storms and steadfastly keeping up with the mundane, like ensuring there's clean laundry. Sprinkled with personal memories, our dialogue is an invitation to nurture trust in oneself through dedicated self-care and to intentionally curate moments of tranquility and delight amidst our bustling existences. Sit back, sip your tea, and allow us to accompany you on this exploration of self-acceptance, with Ashley Kristeen Vega as our guest this week.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
TJ (00:11):
Hey friends, it's TJ.
And you're listening to Teawith TJ, where our love for tea,
conversation andself-improvement intersect.
So let's take a deeper diveinto my cup and let's have a
chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:34):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today we're
having a cup of Amber White.
It's a white tea, kind offloral, Kind of perfect for this
like semi-fall-ish spring dayin New York City.
But I have a very special guestwith me today that I love and
(00:56):
adore.
Go ahead and introduce yourself.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (00:59):
Hello world.
My name is Ashley ChristineVega vega.
I'm an actress, director,producer person in based in new
york city.
Tj and I have known each otherfor um what feels like 18
lifetimes, but is only a fewyears I really only met you like
(01:20):
right before everything.
Everything fell to pieces,covid-wise.
TJ (01:26):
I think we met.
What right before I went toDisney, like 2019?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (01:31):
Yeah, we met briefly before you went to
Disney.
And then you were gone for awhole long time, and then again
we got close in the bubble.
Yes, oh my God, the bubble.
TJ (01:43):
Jesus, that's another.
Oh my God, the bubble.
Jesus, that's another.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (01:48):
That's a different kind of trauma,
different time.
We'll work on that later.
TJ (01:52):
But I'm so excited to have you on the show, on the podcast
today Because you are the typeof person that I know will speak
from your heart and from yoursoul, and I've always admired
that and loved it about you, soI'm excited for our conversation
.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:11):
Don't expect anything profound, we're
just having a conversation andsipping some tea.
Can I curse on this podcast?
TJ (02:19):
Okay, great, just want to take a look at that.
Absolutely, hi, mom.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:23):
That's going to be fun.
TJ (02:25):
So when I gave you the topics of discussion, you chose
acceptance.
I sure did, which.
I am very intrigued to knowwhat spoke out to you about that
topic.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:39):
So I will say, first and foremost, the
reason I chose that, as opposedto the other things that you'd
prompted, was because it was themost scary to me okay, and I
have always um been a part ofthe camp.
That like, if something scaresyou, that means that you're on
the right path you have to do itso acceptance.
TJ (03:01):
I love it.
Yay, I love it.
What I mean?
Do you, would you, would youmind sharing what scared you
about it?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (03:07):
or I think I guess we're really
getting into it.
Let's do it.
Um so I think acceptance is alifelong journey yeah from like.
I know that I have always hadstruggles like accepting who I
(03:30):
am and accepting, like, my placein the world or what that is,
and I think finally, as I'm veryquickly approaching 30 this
summer, that Saturn return isreal.
Yeah, that is absolutely real.
But as I have been going throughthis, it's really just been
like accepting where I am, whatI have, what I have to offer,
(03:57):
and being okay with it.
TJ (03:58):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (03:59):
Instead of like fighting it yeah, and I
think that's what this wholething has been is leaning into
like I don't have to fight, yeah, if I just let it be just be
and what's so strange is thatmore opportunity has been coming
my way ever since I've beenlike you know what?
(04:20):
I accept things as they are.
We're good with what we haveand whatever happens happens.
And then it's been like amagnet and I'm like, okay, well,
we'll sleep when we can.
But yeah, it's acceptance.
I think, yeah, it's a journey.
It certainly has been for me andfor you as well.
TJ (04:41):
Oh my God, I, I, I, yeah, and for you as well, oh my God.
Acceptance is one of thosethings that I'm still learning
how to exist with it.
But the journey itself has beeneye-opening Everything from
(05:02):
accepting my sexuality,accepting my relationship status
, accepting my life choices oflike being in New York, choosing
to be an actor, all of thatkind of stuff.
But as I've gotten older and Iagree that, like as you approach
30, something just happens,something clicks in you that
opens the world up in like awhole new, different way.
(05:25):
Like I feel, like I cause Icelebrated my 30th while I was
working at Disney and I wouldsay, like within that first
month after being there, my lifekind of shifted.
Like there were certain thingsthat I was no longer willing to
put up with.
There were certain things thatI was no longer willing to put
(05:45):
up with.
There were certain things.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (05:46):
Yeah, it's like accepting that, like
this is who I am, this is what Iwant, and that's okay.
Yeah, like it's accepting thatthere are truly no rules.
TJ (05:59):
You get to decide your own.
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (06:01):
Everything it's um, it's very freeing.
TJ (06:05):
Is that?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (06:06):
too cliche.
TJ (06:07):
No, it's very freeing.
We'll say that I accept thatit's very freeing to just be
okay with where you are and whoyou are and what's going on, and
choosing to go after what youwant but not have to necessarily
drive yourself crazy to get it,you just let it be, and I feel
(06:33):
like I, on that journey of liketurning 30 and being away from
home during that time period,this idea of acceptance and this
, this new space that I wasinhabiting at the time, taught
me a lot about self-worth andfinally seeing myself and not
(06:56):
actually seeing how people sawme, which I think is a big, big,
big, big big realization tohave.
And I think, and I'm hoping,I'm hoping that once you hit 30,
you will have this kind of likeevolving moment for yourself.
But I will tell you, comingfrom 29 into 30, that 29th year
(07:21):
is going to be a little littledifficult.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:25):
It already has been a wild ride.
TJ (07:28):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:29):
As well.
You know it's been a wild ride.
TJ (07:32):
But I promise on the other side it's worth it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:36):
And that's the thing.
I was very, very or had been upuntil recently.
Actually, I was reallyconcerned not concerned, but
like nervous about approaching30.
Because, everyone's like.
It's such a big number, it's abig year, but like honey, I've
been 30 since I was six yearsold.
TJ (07:54):
Like I have very much been Same.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:56):
Like my inner soul is like a 38 year old
woman who is just like doingher own thing and living her
best life and I'm finally likestepping into that.
I love that these grays arecoming in and I'm loving them.
TJ (08:12):
They look great on you.
Thanks, you're just saying that, no no, I have a question for
you.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (08:21):
Okay, sips tea, go ahead.
TJ (08:24):
Nothing crazy, I'm just as we're having this discussion
about acceptance, what do youthink has been now, now that you
are on your way to 30 and kindof living a life, so to speak,
right, what do you think hasbeen the biggest thing for you
to, or what has been the hardestthing, I would say, for you to
like, accept about yourself?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (08:46):
So just really breezy fun topics on this
one huh.
Hardest thing to accept aboutmyself I'm a people pleaser.
I'm a people pleaser and I knowthis now and like I can see it
coming and I'm accepting keywordof the day.
(09:09):
If we made a drinking game ofevery time we said accepting,
acceptance or anything, we wouldum oh, we'd be completely, yeah
, we would be absolutelyhammered anyway um I.
I accept that part of me but,I'm also accepting that, like I
don't have to care aboutanything that anyone thinks
(09:31):
other than myself.
Exactly, and that is like arevelation.
Like what it doesn't matterwhat anyone else thinks really,
which is again kind of a mindfuck as an actor, because that's
kind of all that we want.
TJ (09:45):
You're constantly chasing this, yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (09:49):
It's so funny we spend so much time
trying to get ourselves outthere and trying to get
ourselves seen and doingeverything that we can to make
sure that our career is, youknow, put forward in this way,
is, you know, put forward inthis way?
And, uh, I feel like for mepersonally I won't speak for
(10:10):
everyone else, but for mepersonally I had not put that
amount of care into accepting myown self, and so now I don't
know if it's the start.
Mercury was in retrograde andthe saturn is returning, okay,
great, but something shiftedrecently where I was like, oh,
where have I been?
TJ (10:26):
for me, like, hmm, and that's a very special place to
be and I feel like, especiallyas an artist, especially as
creatives, where so much of ourexistence is wanting to have
approval from people and havepeople recognize our work and
our worth and the work that wedo, and we want the metaphoric
(10:50):
applause, um, from anything thatwe do, but in reality it
actually doesn't even matter.
Right, like the reality.
The reality is is that oneshould be in a place where you
are creating the work or and I'mand I'm I always speak from an
artist point of view, becausethat's the type of person that I
(11:13):
am and, like you know, and so,as an artist, you know, we
should, in theory, be proud ofwhatever we are putting out into
the world and hoping that itreaches someone, or hope that it
touches someone in whateverkind of way, without the promise
of acceptance of it, orapplause, or accolades or you
(11:35):
know whatever list of things youwant to name off.
And so that that mentality, Ithink, is what shifted in me
when it came to like reallyseeing the world and be like, oh
shit, I don't actually, I don'thave to care Like I can be
(11:59):
proud of what I do, and sure Ican.
I can be professional incertain situations, line a
certain way or you know,whatever it is, I can be OK with
just putting it out as it isand not expecting someone to be
like, oh, that was actuallyreally good.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (12:17):
As long as I'm OK with it and say oh my
God, that was such a great showLike wow, I never would have
thought of that, which is alwaysgreat.
But, like exactly to your point, I feel like I'm entering this
space where, like, I don't needthe validation.
I'm so happy to just be doingthe thing, and that hasn't
(12:40):
always been the case.
So this shit, like I don't knowwhat, I don't know what shifted
, I don't know what stars aretalking to each other, or
whatever, but like I, and maybeit's like maturity or whatever,
I'll give myself credit for that.
Actually, I am maturing, sure,but I'm getting to this spot
where it's just like I get to dothis.
And it feels great, like, andsome or sometimes it doesn't
(13:03):
feel great, but again, that'slike this journey of I don't
need someone to be like.
That was the best thing I'veever seen.
I don't care if it's the bestthing you've ever seen, it's
something I made.
TJ (13:13):
And I'm going to be proud of it Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (13:16):
You know, tj knows.
TJ (13:20):
I mean and truly, though I think that is the space that I
have actively made a choice tolive out of and operate out of
as an artist I mean, and even inmy everyday life, of like being
in this space of, because Ifeel like it does kind of equate
to self-worth and like knowingyour own self-worth and like
(13:42):
seriously seeing yourself as thefully fleshed out human being
that you are, and not some ideaof a person or how people
perceive you, cause I feel likethere's and I will touch on this
subject because, as aSoutherner, oh, oh, here we go,
(14:03):
you know we, we grow up in thisenvironment, in this community
that in this state of mind where, at least for me I don't want
to speak for you, because I'm asouthern church kid, which is
very specific- OK, yeah, they'refairly synonymous, but I grew
(14:24):
up very much under theimpression that I had to present
a certain way
Ashley Kristeen Vega (14:29):
in order to be accepted under the
impression that I had to presenta certain way in order to be
accepted.
TJ (14:32):
Right, yeah, and that there were things that you did and
didn't do in public.
Right, there were certaintitles of people that you had to
acknowledge constantly, like Icannot remember the last time
that I've said yes ma'am or noma'am, or yes sir or no sir, and
not because not out of a spaceof like disrespect, sure, but
out of, out of this realizationthat I'm like that's very
(14:55):
specific to that region, right,but also this idea of people
having to metaphorically curtsyevery time you meet someone sure
down south.
It makes sense, it works, it's apart of the culture.
I get that Living in New York,being in the North in general, I
(15:18):
think I realized that like one.
I had a very specific situationwhere I worked with someone and
I called her ma'am and she saidplease don't call me that, Like
that was disrespectful to her.
Yep, I've experienced that too.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (15:29):
And so her ma'am and she said please,
don't call me that like that wasdisrespectful to her.
Yeah, and so just and soshifting cultures.
TJ (15:34):
Coming to new york and having that realization and
being like, oh yeah, peopledon't.
People just want to be seen aspeople yeah they don't need
titles, in, in, in.
You know these things to existaround them.
They just want to be seen.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (15:48):
For sure.
It's interesting that you bringthat up and I don't mean to
speak for the entire South orthe entire North or for anybody
other than my own observationDisclaimer here no one can't see
me.
It's interesting when you saythat because I do feel like in
the North and I say the Northlike I've been all around in New
York City specifically,particularly in this artist
(16:11):
bubble that I feel like I livein, people really value
individualism and really valuelike I am my own person, I'm
doing my own thing, this is whoI am, whereas again, y'all don't
cancel me particularly in theSouth, I feel like there is that
culture of like the yes ma'am,no ma'am, and that is tied to
(16:34):
like a community structure andthat like there's an interesting
dichotomy there of like there'sa group of people, a tribe of
people that I've found in newyork that is completely
different than what I hadgrowing up in Texas and it's
(16:55):
culturally are so different, butlike I do think to your point
that that's a big reason why,like it's just clicking for me
now.
That like I don't have to curtsyto anyone.
I don't have to say yes, ma'am,no ma'am.
I do, and I will probably whenI go back home to Texas to see
family and to see those kinds ofthings, because it's different.
TJ (17:16):
There's a different pace.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:17):
There's a different thing to it all, but
that also doesn't compromise whoI am as a person and how I move
through the world.
TJ (17:24):
I feel like.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:24):
I'm moving through the world
differently.
TJ (17:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, who knew?
Who knew?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:31):
My God Also you said yes, ma'am, no
ma'am, in this little southerndrawl.
TJ (17:36):
And I said oh, it comes back .
It comes back pretty quickly,it does.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:40):
You put some whiskey in this cup.
Well, that's a different show.
TJ (17:42):
You'll hear a lot.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:43):
That's a different show, but I will never
lose y'all.
Y'all is firmly with me for therest of my life and I will
never correct it and y'all willalways live with me.
TJ (17:55):
Oh, of course, what do you think has been the biggest
lesson thus far, because I stillknow that you're going through
this journey, but what do youthink has been the biggest
lesson you've learned thus farwhen it comes to accepting
yourself?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (18:15):
Ooh, I think it's that it's hard some
things come easily, but a lot ofthem it's like you're the one
who has to show up for yourselfevery day.
You're the one who has to like.
Essentially, and again, alljourneys are very individual to
each person, but for me,recently I've had to like parent
(18:36):
myself and almost like bullymyself into doing things that I
need to be doing Because, like,who else is going to do that?
And I have to accept that.
Like I woke up this morning andI didn't do my laundry, like I
said I was going to do, so now Ihave to find time to do it
(19:06):
again.
Part of accepting yourself isaccepting your flaws and knowing
where you fall short, but thenholding yourself accountable.
TJ (19:16):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (19:17):
That is the hardest part is holding
yourself accountable.
TJ (19:20):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (19:20):
Because you can always give yourself
slack and you should Like aswell.
You know we've been working alot lately.
A lot has been happening, soI'm giving myself a little grace
, but I'm also like, honey, yougotta watch your clothes like
there's.
There's a certain point whereyou have to, um, hold yourself
accountable to the things thatyou said you were going to do
yeah because that is not onlyhow you accept yourself, but
(19:43):
that's how you build trust inyourself, is showing up for
yourself to those goals that youset.
Because if you don't like,there are lots of things that
can be done for you, andespecially if you throw money at
the problem, there's lots ofthings that can be fixed, but
there are certain things thatcan't.
No one can work out for you.
TJ (20:02):
Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (20:02):
No one can eat for you, no one can
change your mind for you exceptfor you, and there's like a lot
of internal work that has to bedone, and not all of it's easy.
TJ (20:15):
Yeah, and I think that's that is something that I have
been um answering the samequestion that I just threw to
you.
I think that has been my lessonin this is that I get to make
choices for my life, and thebeautiful aspect of this, and
the beautiful thing that I havetaken away from that space is
(20:38):
being like, like you said, we'vebeen working a lot lately,
right, and the adult brain partof me is very much like I need
to do this, I need to do this, Ineed to do this, I need to do
this.
Brain part of me is very muchlike I need to do this, I need
to do this, I need to do this, Ineed to do this, but then also
the the self, that is the parent, if you will, since you, since
(21:00):
you use that term moments ago.
Um the parent in me is like butyou need to rest.
Yeah, you have not rest inmonths.
Sit down, take a nap, dowhatever that is and, for me
specifically, do something thatbrings you joy, because you've
not had any joy in the past.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (21:23):
In a bit.
We'll say in a bit.
TJ (21:26):
Six months.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (21:28):
No, I hear you.
And good on you for parentingyourself to rest, and that, like
I parent, is the nice thing inmy head.
I'm like bullying myself likeyou dumb bitch.
Instead of getting shit done,you actually just laid in bed
today, but then I was likegetting ready to come over here
and was like I think it was wiseto rest this morning was like.
(21:50):
I think it was wise to rest thismorning, because it's about to
be super busy until probably theend of June for me, and yeah,
and that's good, that's great.
I'm very, very thankful and Iam practicing gratitude every
day, but it's also like you haveto take care of yourself too,
absolutely, and taking the timenot only to rest but exactly
(22:12):
what you said, to make sure youfeel joy at some point, because
at that point, what is it allfor?
Exactly Like if we're grindingand doing and working towards
something incredible.
There's a time for that, butthen you also have to enjoy the
fruits of your labor at acertain point, and if you don't
make time for it, it will soeasily pass you by.
TJ (22:38):
Is there a moment in time that you can remember where you
had this thought, this idea ofacceptance, like earlier on in
your life?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (22:52):
Oh, yes, Gosh.
Let me tell you a veryembarrassing story, and this
will lead to the acceptance ofit.
Picture it Tiny little Ashleywas in second grade, I believe,
back in Frisco, Texas.
(23:14):
My mom was a teacher at theelementary school that I was
going to and there was a talentshow.
I don't know if I've told youthis story.
TJ (23:24):
No, I've not heard this story there was a talent show.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (23:26):
I was so excited.
I was like I'm'm gonna do itbecause I'm a singer now had I
ever been a singer no never, um.
But I was like I'm gonna dothat.
I'm gonna sing in front of theentire school because, it was a
um.
There's a talent show in frontof the entire um student body
(23:47):
assembly, so it was um.
Stakes are high.
In second grade I was ready forit, um, and of course I chose
to sing britney spears's.
I know right, hold on, wait forthe title.
I'm not a girl, not yet a womanwow yeah okay, all right again.
(24:09):
I thought I was 35 when I was insecond grade and I was ready, I
was prepared.
I had been like really rampingmyself up for this.
I said I can do this, I can dothis.
And then the time comes, it'sjust me standing on stage with a
microphone.
I had missed my cue, which isany performer knows the second
(24:37):
that that happens.
You're like I have to recover.
I have to recover, but this ismy first time ever like being on
stage singing a solo by myself,without anybody, and I started
Weeping and I was like holdingthis microphone and just crying
and crying and the music wasstill playing.
I was like trying to say words.
Nothing was coming out, nothingwas coming.
So then my dear mother ran outon stage and she just like held
(24:59):
me and was like humming with meand I was still just crying and
they eventually just turned offthe music and everyone just like
I guess, great.
And so I was like, oh no, likemom, I messed up, it was so bad.
And she was like you're fine,you're fine.
TJ (25:19):
I love it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:21):
And I said how am I fine?
That was so embarrassing Likeeven now I'm just like, oh my,
I'm getting hot just thinkingabout it.
But she was like you're fine,accept the loss.
TJ (25:30):
Come on, mom, just thinking about it.
But she was like you're fine,accept the loss.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:34):
Come on, I love it.
It's like okay, if this is whatacceptance feels like like
letting go hmm, yeah, yeah.
TJ (25:42):
Also, moms always know exactly what to say in the right
moment.
To like bring you, I'm going tosay it, bring you back to one.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:51):
Back to one.
TJ (25:52):
You know, I love that.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:54):
And to any of those kids who saw that
performance.
You're welcome.
TJ (25:59):
You're welcome.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:00):
Look, it was entertaining.
I won't say it was good, but itwas entertaining, I'm sure.
TJ (26:04):
Oh, wow, yeah, I wish.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:05):
I could have been there was good, but it
was entertaining, I'm sure.
TJ (26:07):
Oh wow, yeah, I wish I could have been there, no, you don't
no, you don't no.
Oh, my God.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:13):
But yeah, I accepted that like.
TJ (26:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:18):
That at that point, there's truly
nothing you can do.
There's truly, truly, trulynothing you can do.
And you just say thank you andmove on truly nothing you can do
and you just say thank you andmove on and and like you've been
in auditions where you're likeI biffed that I'm so sorry to
waste your time.
Thank you so much.
I'll see myself out.
Yeah, and it's like yeah, okayyeah okay, because again none of
(26:39):
it matters exactly.
TJ (26:41):
None of it matters, none of it, none of it matters, so it
yeah, gosh matters.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:45):
So yeah, oh my gosh I think that is truly
like.
TJ (26:48):
That is a mantra that I have had to live with now of like
none of it actually matters.
Nothing matters, except for thethings that I want to matter.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:58):
And the people that you want to matter.
There should be people in yourlife whose opinions you value
deeply and who you can go to andbe like, hey, give me your
honest opinion, yeah.
And those are the people whowill hold you accountable and
those are the people who willlift you up yeah, because if you
(27:19):
don't have those people, youend up being a sissy, bad, yeah,
or a serial killer or somethingelse.
And friends are important.
A community is important yeah,but you should feel the freedom
to be an individual within yourcommunity.
Exactly, which is a hard thingto find.
TJ (27:38):
It is.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (27:38):
Which is again why it's a journey.
We should add journey to thetake a sip every time we say it,
because people will beplastered.
TJ (27:48):
So we are at time?
Nuh-uh, we are no way we are.
We've hit our mark.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (27:55):
Well, you've got some good secrets out
of me.
Oh my gosh, I have not evertold anyone that story of me in
second grade.
TJ (28:04):
It is profoundly embarrassing.
So you're welcome.
World DJ got it out for you.
Yeah, and I'm sure they'regoing to love it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:12):
We'll see .
TJ (28:14):
But before we go you know this because you listen to the
show.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:18):
I do.
I'm a big fan.
I have three questions for you.
I'm very scared of thesequestions, specifically, Don't
be afraid.
TJ (28:24):
Unrelated to the topic, just to share with our folks
listening a little nugget ofknowledge, that's all.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:31):
All right Nuggets of knowledge.
We can do that.
TJ (28:35):
What do you value the most?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:37):
What do I value the most?
Ooh, the first thing that cameto mind was compassion.
TJ (28:46):
Yes.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:51):
Absolutely .
It's a hard world out there andif you don't feel for other
people, you're gonna have areally lonely, really hard time.
TJ (28:56):
Yeah, yeah yeah, I love that yeah, I'm like that one.
Okay, um, where do you feelyour heart lives?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:10):
TJ, you and these golly.
Where do I feel my heart lives?
Where it is nurtured.
TJ (29:23):
I love that.
That's a good answer.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:29):
That changes.
I mean, and there are timeswhere the place that your heart
was, that it was nurtured,sometimes you need to take a
step away from that Absolutely,because the flavors change for a
minute, yeah, and you go dosomething else, find somewhere
else where your heart isnurtured, and then you can
always go back.
TJ (29:47):
You can always go back Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:49):
But yeah, I think which also ties into
compassion like you really haveto accept give and accept love
freely.
Because, that's the mostimportant thing to me, I agree.
TJ (30:11):
And then final question who inspires you the most?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (30:17):
These very, very deep questions, I'm
probably going to say my mom,she is just a wonderful woman.
I think moms in general aregorgeous, profound creatures who
are again full of compassion,full of love, truly are
(30:38):
nurturing people, and I thinkbeing able to give people safety
, to be able to be vulnerablelike that is a gift that my mom
gave me a long time ago.
I love that, yeah.
TJ (30:56):
Yay, yay, we did it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (30:59):
We did it and I didn't say fuck more than
once.
TJ (31:02):
Well, that's all right.
You can say it as many times asyou want.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:05):
Buggety, buggety, buggety, bug, there you
go.
Thank you, thank you.
TJ (31:08):
Thank you for doing this.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:10):
Happy to Thank you for having me, and
thank you for the tea.
This was actually really good.
TJ (31:13):
Thank you.
I try to pick.
You know, I have a littlerecipe that I follow when I pick
out teas for people, but thisis amazing.
I love you.
I adore you, um, and this willnot be your last time on the
show, okay, so you're aware, Iwill definitely have you back I
(31:36):
will be here anytime.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:37):
I also live six blocks away from you
yeah, exactly easy, easy um.
TJ (31:44):
Where can the folks find?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:44):
you.
You can find me the best is onthe Instagram at Ashley
Christine Vega, k-r-i-s-t-e-e-n.
Because we like to keep itspicy.
I have a show coming up soon.
It's called Pluto is Listeningby David James Parr at Under St
(32:05):
Mark's in May, on the 16th.
No six set.
It's in may, okay, link in biogreat, there we go.
Perfect numbers aren't for meum, yeah, but I'm around awesome
and I'm also just a big fan ofthe show, yes, and of you as a
person and as an artist, thankyou.
(32:27):
Thank you for having me.
TJ (32:28):
Of course, anytime, anytime.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (32:30):
OK, you say that, but and tomorrow on
Tea with TJ.
TJ (32:35):
I mean, look, we could yeah well we'll talk.
And on that note, friends,thanks so much for listening and
I'll see you next week.
And that's our show.
Friends, Thanks for joining uson Tea with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
(32:56):
on Instagram at Tea with TJpodcast.
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
, so you might as well do it.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
And you're listening to Teawith TJ, where our love for tea,
conversation andself-improvement intersect.
So let's take a deeper diveinto my cup and let's have a
chat.
Hey friends, it's TJ.
(00:34):
Welcome back to another episodeof Tea with TJ, and today we're
having a cup of Amber White.
It's a white tea, kind offloral, Kind of perfect for this
like semi-fall-ish spring dayin New York City.
But I have a very special guestwith me today that I love and
(00:56):
adore.
Go ahead and introduce yourself.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (00:59):
Hello world.
My name is Ashley ChristineVega vega.
I'm an actress, director,producer person in based in new
york city.
Tj and I have known each otherfor um what feels like 18
lifetimes, but is only a fewyears I really only met you like
(01:20):
right before everything.
Everything fell to pieces,covid-wise.
TJ (01:26):
I think we met.
What right before I went toDisney, like 2019?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (01:31):
Yeah, we met briefly before you went to
Disney.
And then you were gone for awhole long time, and then again
we got close in the bubble.
Yes, oh my God, the bubble.
TJ (01:43):
Jesus, that's another.
Oh my God, the bubble.
Jesus, that's another.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (01:48):
That's a different kind of trauma,
different time.
We'll work on that later.
TJ (01:52):
But I'm so excited to have you on the show, on the podcast
today Because you are the typeof person that I know will speak
from your heart and from yoursoul, and I've always admired
that and loved it about you, soI'm excited for our conversation
.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:11):
Don't expect anything profound, we're
just having a conversation andsipping some tea.
Can I curse on this podcast?
TJ (02:19):
Okay, great, just want to take a look at that.
Absolutely, hi, mom.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:23):
That's going to be fun.
TJ (02:25):
So when I gave you the topics of discussion, you chose
acceptance.
I sure did, which.
I am very intrigued to knowwhat spoke out to you about that
topic.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (02:39):
So I will say, first and foremost, the
reason I chose that, as opposedto the other things that you'd
prompted, was because it was themost scary to me okay, and I
have always um been a part ofthe camp.
That like, if something scaresyou, that means that you're on
the right path you have to do itso acceptance.
TJ (03:01):
I love it.
Yay, I love it.
What I mean?
Do you, would you, would youmind sharing what scared you
about it?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (03:07):
or I think I guess we're really
getting into it.
Let's do it.
Um so I think acceptance is alifelong journey yeah from like.
I know that I have always hadstruggles like accepting who I
(03:30):
am and accepting, like, my placein the world or what that is,
and I think finally, as I'm veryquickly approaching 30 this
summer, that Saturn return isreal.
Yeah, that is absolutely real.
But as I have been going throughthis, it's really just been
like accepting where I am, whatI have, what I have to offer,
(03:57):
and being okay with it.
TJ (03:58):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (03:59):
Instead of like fighting it yeah, and I
think that's what this wholething has been is leaning into
like I don't have to fight, yeah, if I just let it be just be
and what's so strange is thatmore opportunity has been coming
my way ever since I've beenlike you know what?
(04:20):
I accept things as they are.
We're good with what we haveand whatever happens happens.
And then it's been like amagnet and I'm like, okay, well,
we'll sleep when we can.
But yeah, it's acceptance.
I think, yeah, it's a journey.
It certainly has been for me andfor you as well.
TJ (04:41):
Oh my God, I, I, I, yeah, and for you as well, oh my God.
Acceptance is one of thosethings that I'm still learning
how to exist with it.
But the journey itself has beeneye-opening Everything from
(05:02):
accepting my sexuality,accepting my relationship status
, accepting my life choices oflike being in New York, choosing
to be an actor, all of thatkind of stuff.
But as I've gotten older and Iagree that, like as you approach
30, something just happens,something clicks in you that
opens the world up in like awhole new, different way.
(05:25):
Like I feel, like I cause Icelebrated my 30th while I was
working at Disney and I wouldsay, like within that first
month after being there, my lifekind of shifted.
Like there were certain thingsthat I was no longer willing to
put up with.
There were certain things thatI was no longer willing to put
(05:45):
up with.
There were certain things.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (05:46):
Yeah, it's like accepting that, like
this is who I am, this is what Iwant, and that's okay.
Yeah, like it's accepting thatthere are truly no rules.
TJ (05:59):
You get to decide your own.
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (06:01):
Everything it's um, it's very freeing.
TJ (06:05):
Is that?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (06:06):
too cliche.
TJ (06:07):
No, it's very freeing.
We'll say that I accept thatit's very freeing to just be
okay with where you are and whoyou are and what's going on, and
choosing to go after what youwant but not have to necessarily
drive yourself crazy to get it,you just let it be, and I feel
(06:33):
like I, on that journey of liketurning 30 and being away from
home during that time period,this idea of acceptance and this
, this new space that I wasinhabiting at the time, taught
me a lot about self-worth andfinally seeing myself and not
(06:56):
actually seeing how people sawme, which I think is a big, big,
big, big big realization tohave.
And I think, and I'm hoping,I'm hoping that once you hit 30,
you will have this kind of likeevolving moment for yourself.
But I will tell you, comingfrom 29 into 30, that 29th year
(07:21):
is going to be a little littledifficult.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:25):
It already has been a wild ride.
TJ (07:28):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:29):
As well.
You know it's been a wild ride.
TJ (07:32):
But I promise on the other side it's worth it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:36):
And that's the thing.
I was very, very or had been upuntil recently.
Actually, I was reallyconcerned not concerned, but
like nervous about approaching30.
Because, everyone's like.
It's such a big number, it's abig year, but like honey, I've
been 30 since I was six yearsold.
TJ (07:54):
Like I have very much been Same.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (07:56):
Like my inner soul is like a 38 year old
woman who is just like doingher own thing and living her
best life and I'm finally likestepping into that.
I love that these grays arecoming in and I'm loving them.
TJ (08:12):
They look great on you.
Thanks, you're just saying that, no no, I have a question for
you.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (08:21):
Okay, sips tea, go ahead.
TJ (08:24):
Nothing crazy, I'm just as we're having this discussion
about acceptance, what do youthink has been now, now that you
are on your way to 30 and kindof living a life, so to speak,
right, what do you think hasbeen the biggest thing for you
to, or what has been the hardestthing, I would say, for you to
like, accept about yourself?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (08:46):
So just really breezy fun topics on this
one huh.
Hardest thing to accept aboutmyself I'm a people pleaser.
I'm a people pleaser and I knowthis now and like I can see it
coming and I'm accepting keywordof the day.
(09:09):
If we made a drinking game ofevery time we said accepting,
acceptance or anything, we wouldum oh, we'd be completely, yeah
, we would be absolutelyhammered anyway um I.
I accept that part of me but,I'm also accepting that, like I
don't have to care aboutanything that anyone thinks
(09:31):
other than myself.
Exactly, and that is like arevelation.
Like what it doesn't matterwhat anyone else thinks really,
which is again kind of a mindfuck as an actor, because that's
kind of all that we want.
TJ (09:45):
You're constantly chasing this, yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (09:49):
It's so funny we spend so much time
trying to get ourselves outthere and trying to get
ourselves seen and doingeverything that we can to make
sure that our career is, youknow, put forward in this way,
is, you know, put forward inthis way?
And, uh, I feel like for mepersonally I won't speak for
(10:10):
everyone else, but for mepersonally I had not put that
amount of care into accepting myown self, and so now I don't
know if it's the start.
Mercury was in retrograde andthe saturn is returning, okay,
great, but something shiftedrecently where I was like, oh,
where have I been?
TJ (10:26):
for me, like, hmm, and that's a very special place to
be and I feel like, especiallyas an artist, especially as
creatives, where so much of ourexistence is wanting to have
approval from people and havepeople recognize our work and
our worth and the work that wedo, and we want the metaphoric
(10:50):
applause, um, from anything thatwe do, but in reality it
actually doesn't even matter.
Right, like the reality.
The reality is is that oneshould be in a place where you
are creating the work or and I'mand I'm I always speak from an
artist point of view, becausethat's the type of person that I
(11:13):
am and, like you know, and so,as an artist, you know, we
should, in theory, be proud ofwhatever we are putting out into
the world and hoping that itreaches someone, or hope that it
touches someone in whateverkind of way, without the promise
of acceptance of it, orapplause, or accolades or you
(11:35):
know whatever list of things youwant to name off.
And so that that mentality, Ithink, is what shifted in me
when it came to like reallyseeing the world and be like, oh
shit, I don't actually, I don'thave to care Like I can be
(11:59):
proud of what I do, and sure Ican.
I can be professional incertain situations, line a
certain way or you know,whatever it is, I can be OK with
just putting it out as it isand not expecting someone to be
like, oh, that was actuallyreally good.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (12:17):
As long as I'm OK with it and say oh my
God, that was such a great showLike wow, I never would have
thought of that, which is alwaysgreat.
But, like exactly to your point, I feel like I'm entering this
space where, like, I don't needthe validation.
I'm so happy to just be doingthe thing, and that hasn't
(12:40):
always been the case.
So this shit, like I don't knowwhat, I don't know what shifted
, I don't know what stars aretalking to each other, or
whatever, but like I, and maybeit's like maturity or whatever,
I'll give myself credit for that.
Actually, I am maturing, sure,but I'm getting to this spot
where it's just like I get to dothis.
And it feels great, like, andsome or sometimes it doesn't
(13:03):
feel great, but again, that'slike this journey of I don't
need someone to be like.
That was the best thing I'veever seen.
I don't care if it's the bestthing you've ever seen, it's
something I made.
TJ (13:13):
And I'm going to be proud of it Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (13:16):
You know, tj knows.
TJ (13:20):
I mean and truly, though I think that is the space that I
have actively made a choice tolive out of and operate out of
as an artist I mean, and even inmy everyday life, of like being
in this space of, because Ifeel like it does kind of equate
to self-worth and like knowingyour own self-worth and like
(13:42):
seriously seeing yourself as thefully fleshed out human being
that you are, and not some ideaof a person or how people
perceive you, cause I feel likethere's and I will touch on this
subject because, as aSoutherner, oh, oh, here we go,
(14:03):
you know we, we grow up in thisenvironment, in this community
that in this state of mind where, at least for me I don't want
to speak for you, because I'm asouthern church kid, which is
very specific- OK, yeah, they'refairly synonymous, but I grew
(14:24):
up very much under theimpression that I had to present
a certain way
Ashley Kristeen Vega (14:29):
in order to be accepted under the
impression that I had to presenta certain way in order to be
accepted.
TJ (14:32):
Right, yeah, and that there were things that you did and
didn't do in public.
Right, there were certaintitles of people that you had to
acknowledge constantly, like Icannot remember the last time
that I've said yes ma'am or noma'am, or yes sir or no sir, and
not because not out of a spaceof like disrespect, sure, but
out of, out of this realizationthat I'm like that's very
(14:55):
specific to that region, right,but also this idea of people
having to metaphorically curtsyevery time you meet someone sure
down south.
It makes sense, it works, it's apart of the culture.
I get that Living in New York,being in the North in general, I
(15:18):
think I realized that like one.
I had a very specific situationwhere I worked with someone and
I called her ma'am and she saidplease don't call me that, Like
that was disrespectful to her.
Yep, I've experienced that too.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (15:29):
And so her ma'am and she said please,
don't call me that like that wasdisrespectful to her.
Yeah, and so just and soshifting cultures.
TJ (15:34):
Coming to new york and having that realization and
being like, oh yeah, peopledon't.
People just want to be seen aspeople yeah they don't need
titles, in, in, in.
You know these things to existaround them.
They just want to be seen.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (15:48):
For sure.
It's interesting that you bringthat up and I don't mean to
speak for the entire South orthe entire North or for anybody
other than my own observationDisclaimer here no one can't see
me.
It's interesting when you saythat because I do feel like in
the North and I say the Northlike I've been all around in New
York City specifically,particularly in this artist
(16:11):
bubble that I feel like I livein, people really value
individualism and really valuelike I am my own person, I'm
doing my own thing, this is whoI am, whereas again, y'all don't
cancel me particularly in theSouth, I feel like there is that
culture of like the yes ma'am,no ma'am, and that is tied to
(16:34):
like a community structure andthat like there's an interesting
dichotomy there of like there'sa group of people, a tribe of
people that I've found in newyork that is completely
different than what I hadgrowing up in Texas and it's
(16:55):
culturally are so different, butlike I do think to your point
that that's a big reason why,like it's just clicking for me
now.
That like I don't have to curtsyto anyone.
I don't have to say yes, ma'am,no ma'am.
I do, and I will probably whenI go back home to Texas to see
family and to see those kinds ofthings, because it's different.
TJ (17:16):
There's a different pace.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:17):
There's a different thing to it all, but
that also doesn't compromise whoI am as a person and how I move
through the world.
TJ (17:24):
I feel like.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:24):
I'm moving through the world
differently.
TJ (17:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, who knew?
Who knew?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:31):
My God Also you said yes, ma'am, no
ma'am, in this little southerndrawl.
TJ (17:36):
And I said oh, it comes back .
It comes back pretty quickly,it does.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:40):
You put some whiskey in this cup.
Well, that's a different show.
TJ (17:42):
You'll hear a lot.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (17:43):
That's a different show, but I will never
lose y'all.
Y'all is firmly with me for therest of my life and I will
never correct it and y'all willalways live with me.
TJ (17:55):
Oh, of course, what do you think has been the biggest
lesson thus far, because I stillknow that you're going through
this journey, but what do youthink has been the biggest
lesson you've learned thus farwhen it comes to accepting
yourself?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (18:15):
Ooh, I think it's that it's hard some
things come easily, but a lot ofthem it's like you're the one
who has to show up for yourselfevery day.
You're the one who has to like.
Essentially, and again, alljourneys are very individual to
each person, but for me,recently I've had to like parent
(18:36):
myself and almost like bullymyself into doing things that I
need to be doing Because, like,who else is going to do that?
And I have to accept that.
Like I woke up this morning andI didn't do my laundry, like I
said I was going to do, so now Ihave to find time to do it
(19:06):
again.
Part of accepting yourself isaccepting your flaws and knowing
where you fall short, but thenholding yourself accountable.
TJ (19:16):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (19:17):
That is the hardest part is holding
yourself accountable.
TJ (19:20):
Yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (19:20):
Because you can always give yourself
slack and you should Like aswell.
You know we've been working alot lately.
A lot has been happening, soI'm giving myself a little grace
, but I'm also like, honey, yougotta watch your clothes like
there's.
There's a certain point whereyou have to, um, hold yourself
accountable to the things thatyou said you were going to do
yeah because that is not onlyhow you accept yourself, but
(19:43):
that's how you build trust inyourself, is showing up for
yourself to those goals that youset.
Because if you don't like,there are lots of things that
can be done for you, andespecially if you throw money at
the problem, there's lots ofthings that can be fixed, but
there are certain things thatcan't.
No one can work out for you.
TJ (20:02):
Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (20:02):
No one can eat for you, no one can
change your mind for you exceptfor you, and there's like a lot
of internal work that has to bedone, and not all of it's easy.
TJ (20:15):
Yeah, and I think that's that is something that I have
been um answering the samequestion that I just threw to
you.
I think that has been my lessonin this is that I get to make
choices for my life, and thebeautiful aspect of this, and
the beautiful thing that I havetaken away from that space is
(20:38):
being like, like you said, we'vebeen working a lot lately,
right, and the adult brain partof me is very much like I need
to do this, I need to do this, Ineed to do this, I need to do
this.
Brain part of me is very muchlike I need to do this, I need
to do this, I need to do this, Ineed to do this, but then also
the the self, that is the parent, if you will, since you, since
(21:00):
you use that term moments ago.
Um the parent in me is like butyou need to rest.
Yeah, you have not rest inmonths.
Sit down, take a nap, dowhatever that is and, for me
specifically, do something thatbrings you joy, because you've
not had any joy in the past.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (21:23):
In a bit.
We'll say in a bit.
TJ (21:26):
Six months.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (21:28):
No, I hear you.
And good on you for parentingyourself to rest, and that, like
I parent, is the nice thing inmy head.
I'm like bullying myself likeyou dumb bitch.
Instead of getting shit done,you actually just laid in bed
today, but then I was likegetting ready to come over here
and was like I think it was wiseto rest this morning was like.
(21:50):
I think it was wise to rest thismorning, because it's about to
be super busy until probably theend of June for me, and yeah,
and that's good, that's great.
I'm very, very thankful and Iam practicing gratitude every
day, but it's also like you haveto take care of yourself too,
absolutely, and taking the timenot only to rest but exactly
(22:12):
what you said, to make sure youfeel joy at some point, because
at that point, what is it allfor?
Exactly Like if we're grindingand doing and working towards
something incredible.
There's a time for that, butthen you also have to enjoy the
fruits of your labor at acertain point, and if you don't
make time for it, it will soeasily pass you by.
TJ (22:38):
Is there a moment in time that you can remember where you
had this thought, this idea ofacceptance, like earlier on in
your life?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (22:52):
Oh, yes, Gosh.
Let me tell you a veryembarrassing story, and this
will lead to the acceptance ofit.
Picture it Tiny little Ashleywas in second grade, I believe,
back in Frisco, Texas.
(23:14):
My mom was a teacher at theelementary school that I was
going to and there was a talentshow.
I don't know if I've told youthis story.
TJ (23:24):
No, I've not heard this story there was a talent show.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (23:26):
I was so excited.
I was like I'm'm gonna do itbecause I'm a singer now had I
ever been a singer no never, um.
But I was like I'm gonna dothat.
I'm gonna sing in front of theentire school because, it was a
um.
There's a talent show in frontof the entire um student body
(23:47):
assembly, so it was um.
Stakes are high.
In second grade I was ready forit, um, and of course I chose
to sing britney spears's.
I know right, hold on, wait forthe title.
I'm not a girl, not yet a womanwow yeah okay, all right again.
(24:09):
I thought I was 35 when I was insecond grade and I was ready, I
was prepared.
I had been like really rampingmyself up for this.
I said I can do this, I can dothis.
And then the time comes, it'sjust me standing on stage with a
microphone.
I had missed my cue, which isany performer knows the second
(24:37):
that that happens.
You're like I have to recover.
I have to recover, but this ismy first time ever like being on
stage singing a solo by myself,without anybody, and I started
Weeping and I was like holdingthis microphone and just crying
and crying and the music wasstill playing.
I was like trying to say words.
Nothing was coming out, nothingwas coming.
So then my dear mother ran outon stage and she just like held
(24:59):
me and was like humming with meand I was still just crying and
they eventually just turned offthe music and everyone just like
I guess, great.
And so I was like, oh no, likemom, I messed up, it was so bad.
And she was like you're fine,you're fine.
TJ (25:19):
I love it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:21):
And I said how am I fine?
That was so embarrassing Likeeven now I'm just like, oh my,
I'm getting hot just thinkingabout it.
But she was like you're fine,accept the loss.
TJ (25:30):
Come on, mom, just thinking about it.
But she was like you're fine,accept the loss.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:34):
Come on, I love it.
It's like okay, if this is whatacceptance feels like like
letting go hmm, yeah, yeah.
TJ (25:42):
Also, moms always know exactly what to say in the right
moment.
To like bring you, I'm going tosay it, bring you back to one.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:51):
Back to one.
TJ (25:52):
You know, I love that.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (25:54):
And to any of those kids who saw that
performance.
You're welcome.
TJ (25:59):
You're welcome.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:00):
Look, it was entertaining.
I won't say it was good, but itwas entertaining, I'm sure.
TJ (26:04):
Oh, wow, yeah, I wish.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:05):
I could have been there was good, but it
was entertaining, I'm sure.
TJ (26:07):
Oh wow, yeah, I wish I could have been there, no, you don't
no, you don't no.
Oh, my God.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:13):
But yeah, I accepted that like.
TJ (26:17):
Yeah, yeah.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:18):
That at that point, there's truly
nothing you can do.
There's truly, truly, trulynothing you can do.
And you just say thank you andmove on truly nothing you can do
and you just say thank you andmove on and and like you've been
in auditions where you're likeI biffed that I'm so sorry to
waste your time.
Thank you so much.
I'll see myself out.
Yeah, and it's like yeah, okayyeah okay, because again none of
(26:39):
it matters exactly.
TJ (26:41):
None of it matters, none of it, none of it matters, so it
yeah, gosh matters.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:45):
So yeah, oh my gosh I think that is truly
like.
TJ (26:48):
That is a mantra that I have had to live with now of like
none of it actually matters.
Nothing matters, except for thethings that I want to matter.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (26:58):
And the people that you want to matter.
There should be people in yourlife whose opinions you value
deeply and who you can go to andbe like, hey, give me your
honest opinion, yeah.
And those are the people whowill hold you accountable and
those are the people who willlift you up yeah, because if you
(27:19):
don't have those people, youend up being a sissy, bad, yeah,
or a serial killer or somethingelse.
And friends are important.
A community is important yeah,but you should feel the freedom
to be an individual within yourcommunity.
Exactly, which is a hard thingto find.
TJ (27:38):
It is.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (27:38):
Which is again why it's a journey.
We should add journey to thetake a sip every time we say it,
because people will beplastered.
TJ (27:48):
So we are at time?
Nuh-uh, we are no way we are.
We've hit our mark.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (27:55):
Well, you've got some good secrets out
of me.
Oh my gosh, I have not evertold anyone that story of me in
second grade.
TJ (28:04):
It is profoundly embarrassing.
So you're welcome.
World DJ got it out for you.
Yeah, and I'm sure they'regoing to love it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:12):
We'll see .
TJ (28:14):
But before we go you know this because you listen to the
show.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:18):
I do.
I'm a big fan.
I have three questions for you.
I'm very scared of thesequestions, specifically, Don't
be afraid.
TJ (28:24):
Unrelated to the topic, just to share with our folks
listening a little nugget ofknowledge, that's all.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:31):
All right Nuggets of knowledge.
We can do that.
TJ (28:35):
What do you value the most?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:37):
What do I value the most?
Ooh, the first thing that cameto mind was compassion.
TJ (28:46):
Yes.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (28:51):
Absolutely .
It's a hard world out there andif you don't feel for other
people, you're gonna have areally lonely, really hard time.
TJ (28:56):
Yeah, yeah yeah, I love that yeah, I'm like that one.
Okay, um, where do you feelyour heart lives?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:10):
TJ, you and these golly.
Where do I feel my heart lives?
Where it is nurtured.
TJ (29:23):
I love that.
That's a good answer.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:29):
That changes.
I mean, and there are timeswhere the place that your heart
was, that it was nurtured,sometimes you need to take a
step away from that Absolutely,because the flavors change for a
minute, yeah, and you go dosomething else, find somewhere
else where your heart isnurtured, and then you can
always go back.
TJ (29:47):
You can always go back Exactly.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (29:49):
But yeah, I think which also ties into
compassion like you really haveto accept give and accept love
freely.
Because, that's the mostimportant thing to me, I agree.
TJ (30:11):
And then final question who inspires you the most?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (30:17):
These very, very deep questions, I'm
probably going to say my mom,she is just a wonderful woman.
I think moms in general aregorgeous, profound creatures who
are again full of compassion,full of love, truly are
(30:38):
nurturing people, and I thinkbeing able to give people safety
, to be able to be vulnerablelike that is a gift that my mom
gave me a long time ago.
I love that, yeah.
TJ (30:56):
Yay, yay, we did it.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (30:59):
We did it and I didn't say fuck more than
once.
TJ (31:02):
Well, that's all right.
You can say it as many times asyou want.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:05):
Buggety, buggety, buggety, bug, there you
go.
Thank you, thank you.
TJ (31:08):
Thank you for doing this.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:10):
Happy to Thank you for having me, and
thank you for the tea.
This was actually really good.
TJ (31:13):
Thank you.
I try to pick.
You know, I have a littlerecipe that I follow when I pick
out teas for people, but thisis amazing.
I love you.
I adore you, um, and this willnot be your last time on the
show, okay, so you're aware, Iwill definitely have you back I
(31:36):
will be here anytime.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:37):
I also live six blocks away from you
yeah, exactly easy, easy um.
TJ (31:44):
Where can the folks find?
Ashley Kristeen Vega (31:44):
you.
You can find me the best is onthe Instagram at Ashley
Christine Vega, k-r-i-s-t-e-e-n.
Because we like to keep itspicy.
I have a show coming up soon.
It's called Pluto is Listeningby David James Parr at Under St
(32:05):
Mark's in May, on the 16th.
No six set.
It's in may, okay, link in biogreat, there we go.
Perfect numbers aren't for meum, yeah, but I'm around awesome
and I'm also just a big fan ofthe show, yes, and of you as a
person and as an artist, thankyou.
(32:27):
Thank you for having me.
TJ (32:28):
Of course, anytime, anytime.
Ashley Kristeen Vega (32:30):
OK, you say that, but and tomorrow on
Tea with TJ.
TJ (32:35):
I mean, look, we could yeah well we'll talk.
And on that note, friends,thanks so much for listening and
I'll see you next week.
And that's our show.
Friends, Thanks for joining uson Tea with TJ.
Please rate, review andsubscribe, and you can find us
(32:56):
on Instagram at Tea with TJpodcast.
And, as always, stay kind, keepsipping and remember we're here
, so you might as well do it.
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