How Do I Handle Parents Who Are Upset About Their Child's Grades?

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"Hello, and welcome back to Teaching with Valor, where we dive deep into the questions and challenges that teachers face every day in their classrooms. I’m your host, Don Fessenden, and today, we’re going to talk about an issue that every teacher faces sooner or later: How do I handle a parent who disagrees with my teaching methods?

As teachers, we each bring our unique approach to the classroom. We develop teaching methods that we believe best support learning, foster engagement, and build confidence in our students. However, not every parent may see it that way. Whether it’s a difference in philosophy, expectations, or simply a matter of style, encountering a parent who questions your methods can feel intimidating. But with the right mindset, these conversations can actually lead to mutual understanding and even greater support for the student.

Show Notes

For more information on this topic checkout the following resources:

•Edutopia – Navigating Parental Disagreements in Education: www.edutopia.org - Practical strategies for building positive relationships with parents.
•National PTA – Tips for Productive Parent-Teacher Conversations: Resources for understanding and managing differences in educational approaches.
•Understood – Engaging Parents in Constructive Dialogue: Guides for handling disagreements with empathy and professionalism.
•Scholastic – Building Parent-Teacher Partnerships: Tips on establishing trust and effective communication with parents.
•Harvard Family Research Project – Improving Parent-Teacher Communication: Research and strategies for building strong communication with families.

Stay tuned for more episodes, and remember, every student is unique, and every classroom can be a place where all students succeed. Keep teaching with valor!

Episode Transcript

Don (00:07):
"Welcome back to Teaching with Valor, the podcast where we
tackle the everyday questionsand challenges teachers face
with actionable insights andpractical advice.
I’m your host, Don Fessenden,and today, we’re diving into a

tough but important topic (00:21):
How do I handle parents who are
upset about their child'sgrades?
This scenario is a rite ofpassage for every teacher.
At some point, you’ll have aparent who questions,
challenges, or outrightdisagrees with the grades their
child has received.
Maybe they feel the grades don’treflect their child’s abilities.

(00:44):
Maybe they’re worried about theimpact on college applications
or eligibility forextracurriculars.
Or maybe, they just don’t fullyunderstand how you grade or what
their child is being assessedon.
Conversations like these can beuncomfortable, but they’re also
opportunities to build trust,clarify expectations, and work

(01:04):
together to support the student.
In today’s episode, we’ll breakthis down step by step.
We’ll explore how to prepare forthese discussions, handle them
with professionalism andempathy, and leave parents with
a clear understanding of theirchild’s progress.
Whether you teach elementary,middle, or high school, these

(01:24):
strategies will help younavigate grading complaints with
confidence.
And for our parent listeners,stay tuned for our bonus
segment, where we’ll answer aquestion many parents ask: What
should I do if I disagree withmy child’s grade but don’t want
to damage the parent-teacherrelationship?
Let’s jump in." In our firstsegment we look at why

(01:47):
Preparation is Key.
"Before we talk about how tohandle upset parents, let’s
start with the importance ofbeing prepared.
A conversation about grades cango off the rails quickly if
you’re not ready with the rightinformation and a clear
explanation of how grades weredetermined.
The first step is to review thestudent’s work thoroughly.

(02:09):
Take a look at theirassignments, tests,
participation records, and anyother materials you’ve used to
assess their progress.
This will give you a solidfoundation to explain how the
grades were earned.
If your grading includessubjective elements like
participation or effort, beprepared to explain how you
assess those fairly andconsistently.

(02:31):
It’s also essential to have yourgrading policy at your
fingertips.
Whether you’re teachingelementary, middle, or high
school, parents need tounderstand the criteria you’re
using to evaluate their child.
For example, if a project isworth 30% of the final grade, or
if late work is docked points,make sure you can explain this

(02:53):
clearly.
If you have a written syllabusor a grading rubric, have it
ready to share.
Finally, try to anticipate theparent’s concerns.
Are they likely upset about aparticular test or assignment?
Is it possible they don’tunderstand how their child’s
performance compares to the restof the class?

(03:13):
Thinking through these questionsahead of time can help you stay
calm and focused during theconversation.""Once you’re
prepared, the next step is tocreate an environment where the
parent feels heard andrespected.
Let’s talk about setting thetone for the discussion.""When a
parent approaches you abouttheir child’s grades, emotions

(03:34):
can run high.
For many parents, grades feelpersonal—they’re tied to their
hopes and dreams for theirchild.
This is why setting the righttone at the beginning of the
conversation is so important.
Start by listening.
When a parent is upset, one ofthe best things you can do is
let them express their concernsfully before jumping in with

(03:56):
explanations or defenses.
You might say something like,‘Ican see that you’re really
concerned about[child’s name]’sgrade.
I want to understand yourperspective so we can work
together to address this.’ Thisshows that you’re not just there
to defend yourself but togenuinely engage with their
concerns.
As you listen, try to identifythe underlying issue.

(04:20):
Are they worried that theirchild isn’t getting enough
support?
Do they believe the gradingcriteria are unfair?
Or are they upset because theirchild’s grade doesn’t match
their expectations?
Understanding the root of theirconcern will help you respond in
a way that feels relevant andconstructive.
It’s also important to remaincalm and professional, even if

(04:42):
the parent is emotional.
Remember, this isn’t aboutyou—it’s about their child.
By staying calm and focused, youcan help de-escalate the
situation and steer theconversation toward solutions."
"Once the parent has had achance to share their concerns,
it’s time to explain the gradesand provide context.

(05:04):
Let’s explore how to do thateffectively.""Now that the
parent has expressed theirconcerns, it’s your turn to
explain how the grades weredetermined.
This is where your preparationwill pay off.
Start by walking them throughyour grading criteria.
Explain how you assess differenttypes of work, such as tests,

(05:24):
projects, homework, orparticipation.
If you use rubrics or othertools to ensure fairness and
consistency, show them how thosetools work.
For example, if the parent isupset about a low test grade,
you might explain the specificskills or concepts the test was
designed to assess.

(05:44):
Show them their child’s answersand point out where they
performed well and where theystruggled.
If possible, share examples ofsimilar work from other students
(anonymized, of course) to givecontext about class-wide
expectations.
It’s also helpful to frame theconversation in terms of growth.
Instead of focusing solely onthe grade, talk about what their

(06:07):
child is learning and howthey’re progressing.
For instance,‘I know this grademay feel disappointing, but I’ve
noticed that[child’s name] isimproving in[specific area].
We’re working on strategies tobuild their skills, and I’m
confident they’ll continue tomake progress.’ If the parent
raises valid points—such asunclear instructions on an

(06:30):
assignment or inconsistentfeedback—acknowledge them
openly.
Parents will respect yourhonesty and your willingness to
consider their perspective.
At the same time, stand firm ongrades that reflect a fair and
accurate assessment of thestudent’s work.""After
explaining the grades, the nextstep is to work collaboratively

(06:51):
with the parent to support thestudent moving forward.
Let’s talk about how to dothat.""Once the parent
understands the grades, shiftthe focus to how you can work
together to support thestudent’s success.
This collaborative approachhelps parents see that you’re on
the same team and that your goalis to help their child thrive.

(07:13):
Start by discussing strategiesyou’re using in the classroom to
support the student.
For example, if the student isstruggling with time management,
you might explain how you’rehelping them break down
assignments into smaller tasks.
Or if they’re having troublewith a particular subject, you
could mention any extra helpyou’re offering, such as small

(07:34):
group instruction orafter-school tutoring.
Then, invite the parent to shareideas about how they can support
their child at home.
This might include setting up aconsistent homework routine,
reviewing class materialstogether, or using online
resources to reinforce keyconcepts.
Be specific andactionable—parents appreciate

(07:56):
clear guidance.
If the parent suggests changesto your teaching or grading
practices, listen with an openmind but be prepared to explain
the reasoning behind yourmethods.
For example, if they ask forextra credit opportunities, you
could say,‘I understand whyyou’d like to see extra credit
options, but I’ve found thatfocusing on regular assignments

(08:19):
is the most effective way tohelp students improve their
skills.’ End this part of theconversation by emphasizing your
shared commitment to thestudent’s growth.
For instance,‘I reallyappreciate your involvement, and
I’m confident that by workingtogether, we can help[child’s
name] succeed.’ This reinforcesthe idea that you’re partners in

(08:41):
the student’s education.""Handling conversations about
grades requires patience,preparation, and empathy.
Now, let’s turn to our bonussegment, where we’ll address a

question many parents have (08:53):
What should I do if I disagree with
my child’s grade but don’t wantto damage the parent-teacher
relationship?" It’s a greatquestion because maintaining a
positive partnership with theteacher is so important for your
child’s success.
First, approach the conversationwith curiosity rather than

(09:14):
confrontation.
Instead of saying,‘Why did yougive my child this grade?’ try
asking,‘Can you help meunderstand how this grade was
determined?’ This opens the doorfor a productive discussion
without putting the teacher onthe defensive.
Second, be specific about yourconcerns.
If you’re worried about aparticular assignment or test,

(09:37):
mention it directly and ask forclarification.
Teachers appreciate when parentscome to the conversation with a
clear focus.
Finally, remember that gradesare just one part of your
child’s overall learningjourney.
Focus on what the grade revealsabout their strengths and areas
for growth, and ask the teacherfor strategies to support their

(09:59):
progress.
This collaborative approachhelps keep the conversation
solution-focused." Now, letslook at todays episode
takeaways.
"Conversations about grades canbe challenging, but they’re also
opportunities to build trust andsupport for your students.
By preparing thoroughly,listening with empathy,

(10:20):
explaining grades clearly, andworking collaboratively on
solutions, you can navigatethese discussions with
confidence and professionalism.
Thank you for tuning in toTeaching with Valor.
For more resources on handlingparent-teacher communication and
supporting student growth, checkout the links in our episode
description.

(10:41):
Remember, every conversation isa chance to strengthen the
partnership between school andhome—and that’s where true
learning begins.
Until next time, keepconnecting, keep growing, and as
always, keep teaching withvalor."