Televised: The TV Movie Story

Eliza asked nicely, Gordon agreed, and so she has made a season of the reality show Big Brother featuring all your favorite characters from the films we've watched this year.

If you don't know what Big Brother is, that's okay! If you don't know any of the movies we've watched, that's okay too! Just hop along for the ride. There's betrayals, blindsides, and a Gordon desperate to understand what's ...

Gordon and Eliza have dreams of Paris, buying a nice dress of Dior, and changing the lives of everyone around us. But alas, we are just poor podcast hosts, we can't go to Paris and get nice dresses! But what if... we saved up enough money from work to get ourselves over there and buy one dress, maybe, just maybe, we can end up inspiring people to be good.

Nah, that's too hard. We'll just watch Angela Lansbury do it i...

Oh no! Gordon and Eliza have found themselves in the middle of the next major American conflict! As the President forces US States to take in planefuls of orphans, refugees, and immigrants, only the governor of Idaho is brave enough to stand up against the policies and forbids more immigrants from entering their state, while the President INSISTS they take them. The world watches on in awe, wondering if this really will be the star...

HEY! DOES ANY OF THIS APPLY TO YOU?

• Is your fiancé a workaholic asshole?
• Does he know all your secrets, including that you're afraid of the dark?
• Do you actually want to fuck the construction worker/shoe salesman you met while wearing an eyepatch?
• Do you want to kill yourself?
• Will your fiancé and boytoy proceed to have a long, intense shirtless indoor basketball match where they fight-out their feelings for each other and you?
<...

Beverly and Laurence are hosting a little get together in order to get acquainted with their new neighbors, Angela and Tony, also inviting over the long-divorced Sue, to give her a place to be while her daughter Abigail hosts a party at her place.

That is the premise. And what follows is some of the most painfully awkward and banal conversation ever spoken on a television screen. For 100 minutes, you are trapped with these char...

Which Cheetah Girl are you?

Q1: What is your name reminiscent of?

A. A shopping center

B. A perfume brand or fashion icon

C. Water

D. Other

Q2: If you were in a band, what would your role be?

A. Leader

B. Speaking Spanish

C. Costume Designer

D. Choreographer

Q3: If the band were to break apart, how would YOU be at fault?

A. Being bossy

B. Cheating on your group with a side-singer

C. ????

D. Fucking a twink

Q4: If you were in a movi...

To kick off our Month of Guest Stars: Karl, a major Whovian, has brought with him the one Doctor Who TV Movie. Well, it was intended to be a pilot but once it flopped it now stands as just a lone TV movie with an incarnation of The Doctor only seen in this film (but heard many other places), a version of the Master played by Eric Roberts, and companions that are legally not allowed to appear anywhere else, even though this film fea...

For Eliza's last pick of the month, she brought on friend of the podcast (and its hosts) to talk about a legendary German TV Movie. Locked away for decades, The Million Game had built up a mythic reputation as a film that felt so real yet so disturbing that it had never been allowed to be shown again (when, really, it was just because the people who made it didn't actually have the rights to do so.)

When the film was finally allowe...

When her daughter fails to get on the Cheerleading Team, Wanda Holloway (Holly Hunter, in an Emmy-winning role) goes to drastic measures in order to try and right this wrong and get her on the team. The drastic measures in question? Talking to her ex-Husband's brother (Beau Bridges, also in an Emmy-winning role)? And for this crime she is arrested and it all becomes a big media scandal. Yes, the Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom did ...

For our Thanksgiving Episode, we review everyone's favorite TV Movie based on an early 2000s web series that also aired on TV after episode of Queer as Folk that features gay anthropomorphic animals with a cast and crew comprising of almost exclusively straight people. It's Queer Duck! The Movie!

Join Gordon and Eliza as we try to wrap our heads around this movie that is simultaneously awful and amazing in ways that are...

Gordon and Eliza have decided they are sick of the modern world and sick of writing terrible poetry and decide to live in A DEPARTMENT STORE!!! Perhaps, when they get there, they'll instead find a commune of elderly people who live there, along with their young maid (Ella Harkins, played by Charmian Carr), kept as a slave to prevent her from spilling their secrets to the outside world. Perhaps Charles Snell (Anthony Perkins) will b...

In our conclusion to our first ever Brapril Dennehypril, we finally get a movie that features the man of the hour in a lead role! In Broad Daylight is based on the true story of Ken McElroy (played here by Brian Dennehy, with the character renamed to Len Rowan), who was, to put it lightly, a local menace. Indicted for a wide assortment of crimes, from burglary and assault to arson and statutory rape, but was able to weasel his way ...

Gordon and Eliza find themselves in a PANIC at Lakewood Manor as an ant colony, after being disturbed by a nearby construction project, have decided to start attacking all humans! Doesn't sound threatening? Well what if I told you that these ants are actually poisonous. Not like arsenic, simple and unchangeable, no, no... but TODAY'S POISONS! Which are so complicated that one day they may turn on us...

AND TODAY IS THAT DAY!

Listen a...

After not watching the prequel to last week's When a Stranger Calls Back, Eliza decides she must make it up to Gordon and the audience by watching the entirety of The Ultimate... Trilogy in preparation for The Ultimate Legacy. Through this, Eliza learns the story of Jason Stevens and his journey to forgive his grandfather and how he learned to become a better husband, and she has received The Ultimate Gift of mediocre movies.

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Gordon and Eliza are home alone, looking after two children (themselves). Do they hear the phone ring with a mysterious stranger on the other end, and the phone call is actually coming from inside the house?

No, actually. Not this time. Actually the phone line is dead (cut?), but a stranger is actually at Julia Jenz's (Jill Schoelen) door as she babysits two children. As he accosts Julia, making her more and more scared, suddenly he...

He saved her life, and they killed him for it.

Four men, led by Postman Otis P. Hazelrigg (Charles Durning), seek out Bubba (Larry Drake) after they believe he killed a young girl. Quick for vengeance but slow to ask questions, they quickly find and kill Bubba, only to hear shortly after that it was all a misunderstanding. The girl is alive, and Bubba was her savior. The four men are cleared by the law, but there is other justi...

It is 1992. In an unprecedented move, Jay Leno has strong-armed his way into hosting The Tonight Show in spite of deals and expectations of another party that they will be the host of The Tonight Show instead. This will never happen again.

Gordon and Eliza watch on in horror as Daniel Roebuck (as Jay Leno) seems to be eaten alive by chin prosthetics while someone has clearly set John Michael Higgins (as David Letterman)'s ha...