How to Build Authentic Friendships & Navigate Conflict Like a PRO🔥

Episode Transcript
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DeShawn Snow (00:22):
Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of
Ten Steps Ahead. What up, Skido?

Skido Ortiz (00:27):
What's up, Dee? What's going on?

Not much.

Hey, a I ain't gonna lie to you. I'm sorry to
jump, but You see these cards?

Got our note cards.

I love these cards. This is so fire. I appreciate
you making all the business ison point.

Of course, of course.

Yeah, man. How are you doing?

I am doing well. I had a blessed weekend, lots of
activities, and I'm ready tostart the week.

You know, of this, we be on our business. We be
traveling, doing a lot ofbusiness out here. So I'm happy
to be back on the show doingthis with you.

Amen. Let's go. Let's go. So we got a lot of
good topics today. Wanna talkabout friendships and nurturing
relationships and things likethat.

Absolutely.

So, like, I have, like, a very tight inner circle.
I have a couple of my friends,I've known them for, like, since
I was, like, six years old.-Yeah. -And then I have a couple
from the different phases of mylife, but that are really close
to me. So do you travel?
Do you have a lot of friends orjust a really

tight couple I got a lot of friends, but I'm always
have a lot of great friends. Butit's small, but I know thousands
of people. But I'm always alone.Yeah. A lot.
But when I do spend that timewith them, I spend that time
with them. Okay. Which is Ijust, I have so much, I can't,
you know, it spreads too thinsometimes.

Right, right. So how do you determine who makes
it into your inner circle?

Wow, boy, I put you through a mess. Because my
personality's crazy. I don't saythem, I'm just dealing with me.

Right, right.

And I just have a short I'm learning more
patience. You know, we weretalking about that. But through
friends, I mean, used to be atrip, but actually through good
friends, learn to be better.Yes. Been listening They hold
you accountable.
Yeah. They hold me accountable.They've been telling me a lot
when I'm doing good, when I'moff. You know, I don't hang up

(02:11):
on them quick. I don't, youknow, buy before buy, I'm
hanging up.
You know, all kind of badhabits. But it's good to have.

So do you have certain friends that, you know,
that you can talk to aboutcertain things, certain friends
you bring to certain events?Like, you know, as a collective,
they're all there. But do youhave gravitate to one for a
particular thing?

Does that make sense? To be honest with you,
the real serious issues, I giveit to God. I learned that. I
can't give it to people becausethey'll sometimes they just stir
you in two different ways, but Ialways can trust And two, I
can't bring all some of myfriends, you gotta understand.

They don't collect.

Come from the hood. So I done grew out the hood, but
I still have family in the hood.I can't invite them to certain
things because their triggersare different. Right. No, you're
not coming to this red carpetbecause next to you there's a
bro going on to the left.
So I know who to invite incertain places and have a bunch
of different How about you?

Same, same. So I have, like, several friends. I
have one friend, my one I mean,they're all my good friends, my
homegirl Kenya, we've been knowneach other, we stayed across the
street from each other foryears. She is a place where I
can feel emotionally safe. I canbe vulnerable.
I can be transparent. I mean,knows

She's your best. One of

Karesia Davis (03:22):
your besties.

She's the besties. Yeah. I mean, with her, because
she Like, she won't let me talkbad about her friend. So when I
get to talking, like, thenegative self talk and all of
that She shuts it down. Sheshuts it down.

That's what stops

her into me.

That's a friend.

They all do. Yeah. But then I have my homegirl,
Kianna, which you know her, and,you know, she's

Kianna's crazy.

Yeah. And I know her from the NBA world. So
whenever I have stuff to do withthat, I call up Key. She knows
how to move in those circles,and she keeps she's my she holds
me down as well. So I haveseveral I have about five or six
really,

really In your circle?

In my circle.

In rest

of the close circle. And then, of course, I
have my sisters too.

Oh, your sisters and Elijah and all, you know,
y'all, they hold every when Isee them, I see them. Yeah. Of
Especially Elijah. Course.Always making in the same time,
business and making sure youlook good.

That's right. Because sometimes friends,
family, friends become family.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

So let's talk about authenticity in
friendship. How how important isit to you to be able to show up
what does it mean to show upauthentically in a friendship?

Okay. To show up. Break that down. What's your
life?

So, like, you know, as your true self. Like,
because obviously there has tobe trust there. You have to be
safe, feel safe so that you canshow up. Because really
authenticity because, you know,you can give you have surface
level friends, you know, whichyou can't really go deep, and
you can't really trust them.

I come as myself.

In all

Without the gate. Okay.

So because I don't got time I don't I'm not here to
make your world comfortable orprove who I am to anybody. Yeah.
I'm just me. So at the end ofthe day and I I try to throw it
all on the table to get it outthe way. If you can't mess with
it, I'd be bi.
Because my heart is in a goodplace, but my time means
everything to me. Right. Howabout you?

Same. And then I like that my really good
friends, although they will pullme to the side, because
sometimes not so much now,though, actually, because I'm in
a good space. Oh. I'm, like, thehappiest I've ever been. Oh,
good.
But, a lot of times in the past,like, I was shut down and then,
like, they calling me, checkingon me, won't even call them
back. Not to be rude oranything, it's just that I just

(05:29):
didn't feel like talking.

What made you shut that what do you mean, your
reason? Made you shut?

Life. If I'm going through something and I don't
feel like talking about

Was it something I mean, look because you just
smile, you glowing right now.

Because I ain't on that no more. Nothing can

help me out.

Different things. It could be disappointing, you
know, if I don't get a client.

It shut you down that quick?

Because I was it was triggering.

Triggering from what?

Just rejection, abandonment, things like I got
you. So sometimes or even justwhatever, if I'm just having the
blues. And so I will not answeror whatever. And then But they
would get upset a little bitbecause they just trying to make
sure I'm okay. So sometimesthey'll be like, look, you ain't
gonna answer the phone, just hitthe like button or something,
let me know you're okay.

You're breathing.

Right.

They wanna make sure you're okay. That's love
right there.

But the good friends, you know, they not
like, you ain't called me andyou ain't you know, because even
if I'm busy or something, theyunderstand. So I have some
girlfriends I don't talk to allthe time, but then when I talk
to them, then I'm on the phonewith them for two or three
hours.

I gotcha.

And it's like we never miss a beat.

Nah, that's good. Every friend is different. All
my people understand me.

First,

you gotta have friends that understand you. And
then they don't take it personalwhen you don't call them Now,
you'll hear it when they hityou, man, you can't call it it
don't be that high. But theyknow I'm not ignoring them on
purpose.

Right.

I'm working. I'm taking care of my family. I'm
trying and at the same time, Igot friends doing great things.
Mhmm. So when they're trying todo great things, me just being a
team, wanting everybody to win,I'm always trying to pull people
in in everything I do to show,just like right now, affiliated.
This is my man's design. This isone of my friends in twenty

(07:10):
five, thirty years.

Oh, wow.

You know what saying? Play with purpose. This
is the hottest shit. I had to goget a hat, fly a chair. I spent
the day with him.
Mhmm. And I don't see him. He'straveling to London. And now
he's about to do the Olympics. Imean, this is we'll have that
down the road.
But I love seeing growth. Yousee? I love seeing people help
each other.

So

that on that note, you know?

And then sometimes, like, I may not
always be on top of things ormay not always call, but they
know whenever any of them needme, I show up. So even if I'm
not returning the calls or evenif I'm not initiating the
things, they know they can counton me when it's going You

need that. You being around fake yes people.
And then when shit hits the fanand you done, all them yes
people are gone. Like, you needpeople to hold you accountable.
You need like, people don'twanna hear truth.
Right. Sometimes I getaggravated. I'd be like, yo, I
don't wanna hear that. But thenit's real, so I gotta accept it.
Yeah.
To be real is you can't say I'mreal. They don't accept real

(08:09):
when they talk to you. Thenthat's you kinda that's, you
know

Contradictive.

Yeah. Come on. Stop. So on that note, I love
the real because it shows howmuch love they got for me.

Yourself, and you don't have to feel judged or
fearful or anything like Yeah.

People live for I don't I know. You know this. The
thing is with me, everybody'sdifferent. I don't judge. I let
everybody be themselves.
I used to get aggravated and go,yo, why are you worrying about
that? Why are you so sensitiveabout that? Till I prayed and
God was like, let everybody bethem. Everybody's not you. Don't
try to put you in them.
Let them be them.

Have to work on that too.

Yeah. That's why I could tell you, I could relate,
that sometimes we we moving a100 miles, they moving 20. Yeah.
But you gotta come down and meetthem

because of this, you

know, emotions and feelings, everybody, man or
woman,

everybody's So have you ever had, like, a
situation where a friend, like,showed up for you where you
really needed it?

Yes. Okay. Tell me a little bit I have man, I have
friends show up to me differenttimes because I

showed up

You you would think the people that was around you
showing up, and theydisappeared. Then I have some
come out the blue, like, yo,man, I love you, man. I love
you. I love your family. I wannawhat can I do?
Mhmm. You know what I'm saying?And I'm hard to for me, been
taking care of myself all mylife. The thing I have one
problem. I know what I I knowwhen I do something for

(09:34):
somebody, I don't there'snothing behind it.

Yes.

There's no it's just solid, and I forget about
it. But when people ain't likethat, so I'd rather give than
receive. Mhmm. Because I don'tknow what's gonna I don't know
what your intentions are, but Iknow when you're doing
something, it's always forsomething. And then that bothers
me.
And then but

Or if they do

it, they Yeah. But now learning, it comes with
life. So let them be whateverthey're gonna be. Just do me.

Just do you. Yeah. Okay. All right. So then let's
talk about navigating conflict.

This one. You gotta hit this one first. I gotta hit
this one first.

Friendships and No.

Now you tell me.

This is a hot topic for us because we are
friends, but we're alsopartners, business partners.
Talk. Talk. And so, anyway, sonavigating relationship. We are
totally different people.
And I know we had a little tiff.Not a tiff. It was just wasn't
was what it was.

We just We we speak

in We disagreement.

Let's keep it a 100.

What would you call it?

It was it was We was at the table having a meet
We agreed or disagree.

Right.

But sometimes Go ahead. Especially I want

you to believe And so anyways, I I felt I was not
being heard.

Yeah. I got it.

And so a lot of times, what I will do is just
shut down. Okay. Because I'mlike, I'm not gonna keep saying
the same thing over and over.

I got you.

So I at the table while you were talking But it
was other people, so it's notlike you were talking directly
to me and it was one or No, no,just wanna set the stage. It was
a lot of people. Was a groupconversation. And I was just
pulling out my phone, checkingmy emails, sending text messages

to Being rude.

Well, I wasn't intentionally being rude, but
you called me out on

it. I did?

Well, afterwards, not in the Oh, we talked.

Yeah, we talked. I got love for you. I love you.

Yeah, but and then you explained to me that that
was hurtful because it wasdisrespectful. And it was not my
intention to be disrespectful,but I felt it was disrespectful
not listening to what I wassaying.

And and and to on my and I'm I hear I heard you
clear, we talked after. And yousaid, know, that's something I
gotta work on. Yes. And I say,you know what, son, I gotta work
on my patience. Because I don'tdon't have emotions and
feelings.
I be really I mean, I don't getlike, oh, you're my I don't I
don't have that in me. Yeah. ButI feel for the people around me.

(11:51):
You understand?

Mhmm.

So when I say I'm always standing up for the
people around me, like, listen,you might have not hurt me, but
you hurt the other two. Theymight have they might have
needed your attention witheverything. But when you shut
down when you're hurt, it itshuts down, and I'm
understanding that. You know I'msaying? I mean, I'm
understanding how people dodifferent things when they're
upset or don't feel heard.
And that's why we had a greatdiscussion.

So, I guess, you know, I'm working on that. I
mean, I can work on that. I willwork on that.

Hey, whatever worked for you, man. You know,
the only thing we could do is bebetter. We can't be the same.
Yes. You understand?
And if you ain't taking truthfrom family and friends, then
you you trapped in your ownhead, in your bubble. You ain't
gonna you'll never grow in life.

That's true.

You'll never and then you gotta wonder something.
Y'all be trying, and I didn'twanna do that, and I'm a throw
this at you. Y'all be wantingrelationships, but you gotta
change within yourself to get arelationship. And sometimes you
be thinking, what's wrong withthem? And sometimes it

be what's wrong What's the common denominator?

It's that's wrong with you, but you ain't So when
men talk, they feel certainthings. But if you're trapped in
your own bubble and the way youset, it might not be attractive
to men or women, I'm not justjudging, but

Yeah.

And in your way, I'm throwing something at you,
like, you know, women are goingthrough it, men are going
through it. You have to learn tochange.

That's true.

You can't be the same person stuck in your ways.
And how do you feel about that?

No, I agree, because I often wonder how it
will be when I do finally get ina relationship. Get in. -Because
not that I'm so set in my ways,but I've been by myself for so
long. And I do have a, I don'tknow, I can't tolerate, like,
mediocracy

your face? You're serious.

So I don't you know, and I know with men,
respect is big, love is big forwomen, respect is big for men. I
don't not that I wouldintentionally disrespect, but I
think maybe my nonverbals and mycadence and stuff like that
might come off as disrespectful.

Well, actually, son, this is gonna be fun. So
we're on a date, right? And Isee your facial expressions,
because you don't

make facial I'm very expressive.

Yeah, and I think your family be you know, as a
man, I'm a tell you, when welook, we always see a queen.
You're beautiful. You got all ofthat. We're looking. But when
you get serious, that could shuta man down too.
They get men get intimidated. II don't be know,

I must say, But you make serious in the face?

Yeah. They get one thing that irritates you, like,
and they'll see it. Oh. And thenthey'll just stop talking. I'm
just giving you the real.

I'm just giving you the Because, like, it's in
my eyes or I stop smiling?

It just gets cold. What the nigga? What you talking
about? That's the shit I

be seeing. I think I've been that too.

But it's real. That's that

deep have to try to post her face.

Atlanta and the big house. Detroit look be like,
what?

I have to, you know, I wanna work on that
because obviously I wanna, Idon't wanna be like And I don't
want anyone to feel bad. But Ialso don't want anyone that runs
scared because I do that. Like,me You know, explain, like, you
know, babe, don't

You're a boss, that's beautiful and And there's
a lot of men that need that. Butyou gotta balance it. You can't
be that. Boss is aggressive. Oh,I'm

happy to be soft.

No, no, no. There's nothing wrong with it. What you
are is what you are. Men lovewomen that are boss and stand up
because they're not dependent onthem all the time.

But I'm happy to not be.

No, but the thing it's working on is, especially,
it's just like, I gotta know tobalance it. And that's the big
thing. I mean, what you think?

I agree. I agree. I mean, I have a lot to work,
you know. But I have I need topractice.

So what I do Practice in the show, practice
talks shit to me. Know, I don'tthink y'all say whatever.

Man to practice with in real Oh, no. Yeah. For
the relationships. Because howdo you get

to You ain't on there, but

I know what to do, you know, in my mind, but, you
know

What would you mean? How you gonna practice?

I mean, I'm just saying, like, I am out of
practice.

Go go in a mirror. Start making facial expressions
when you're

talking to No. Wanna talk to somebody. A real
No.

Don't know. Like, go in there. Be cute. You know,
you look at a mirror. You'realways looking in a camera.
Look at the mirror and justlike, this

wanna look in a man's But

you gotta lock in a facial, because if you got
facial impression problems, yougotta start practicing.

Impression problems. Okay. Fine. All right.

Go ahead.

What's up? Another thing we could talk about is
nurturing relationships. Andmore so, this is personal and
professional. So in this seasonof my life, I'm being very
intentional. I have a lot ofpeople, I know a lot of people.
And so I'm having to, like,reach out and initiate, meetings
and things like that, which forme, that was I wasn't used to

(16:21):
that. I mean, I wasn't ascomfortable doing it because
that's not what I had to do. Notthat I have to do it now, but so
many people before was reachingout to me.

I got you.

So because I want to be intentional and I'm
challenging myself, I am doingthat, and I'm having fun doing
it. But what advice because Iknow your whole business,
everything is built based onyour relationships.

No, to go back to your question, you said people
were always reaching out to you.

In the past.

It was because of the business and

reaching Well, out, they would call me. I
wasn't called.

So now you're doing the calling?

Now I'm doing the calling.

And how does that feel?

It's a I'm getting used to it. I mean, I'm grateful
that they've taken my calls, AndI'm, you know, I'm pushing
myself outside of my

comfort because you're building your brand.

Yeah. And I'm it's outside of my comfort zone, but
I'm pushing myself outside of

the Really?

Because growth happens outside of the comfort
zone.

That's what's up. I like that. Growth happens
outside

of the Growth happens outside of the comfort
You

hear it on TXT, why I'm doing this, because this is
fly. Go ahead, sorry.

So how do you differentiate,

like,

you know, because you want I want genuine there's
genuine relationships, andtransactional relationships. You
know, a lot of things istransactional, are
transactional, but, you know,you wanna, when you build a
relationship, you want it to begenuine.

-Yes.

-So talk to me a little bit about how your
strategies and your, how you'reintentionally building your
relationships and nurturingthose established relationships.

In business?

Isn't it the same across the board, or do you find
it I

I just well, now you through years of being in
this industry, I mean, and thisis seventeen, eight, you know
how to deal with peopledifferently.

Okay, yeah.

And one thing I learned is, you know, when
you're doing business, to letthem do more of the talking and
you do more Yes. Yep. And thenif you're in their home and
you're in their business, letthem host you, and let them talk
and do most of Some people justtalk and don't listen. Yeah.
When you're in business, here'ssome advice.
Go in there. If he bring you inyour company, if you're in his

(18:18):
office or whatever, they wannatalk.

Mhmm.

Let them talk. You'll read it better. You'll
know what to say. Just chill.They like that.
They like it. People wanna beheard. Even people that are
worth hundreds of millions ofdollars wanna be heard.

Right.

You know what I'm saying? And that's one thing I
do good.

And then also I know it's important to add
value. How can I so what are youworking on? What can I do to
help you? You know I'm saying?Add value.
Not asking them for anything,but seeing how you can serve
them. That goes a long way asThat goes

a long way too. Adding value is just, you know,
knowing who you are knowing whoyou are as a boss, not allowing
yourself to be-

Caught up either.

Caught up in their bullshit. But at the same time,
keep your integrity, keep your,know, who you are as an
authentic person, a real person,and just be you. Real recognizes
real.

Facts.

You understand? It's something I don't listen,
I've been on a yacht. I've beensitting in rooms with people
worth from 10,000,000 to100,000,000. Just people. But
all of that don't make themhappy.
It doesn't make them a beautifulrelationship or marriage. It
doesn't make nothing. A emptyperson's an empty person.

That's right.

At that time, you gotta be filled. Don't let
nobody drag you into their mess.Right. And keep staying on what
you believe and staying on yourshit.

But that takes confidence. Yes. Mean, so you
have to be confident. You haveto believe in what you believe
Absolutely. Even in what

How you feeling right now? Aren't you feeling

different? I'm feeling You lit? Yeah, I am. I'm
like, prepared to be sick of me.

It's on, fellas. She's on a different. -she's a
mess.

But anyways She's

a wide mess. Pinked out, all that. See, come on.
Y'all see what it is? I'm proudof you, man.
You became a long way.

I came a long way, Okay.

That's what's up.

So we're gonna continue the conversation, keep
it going. We got Keresha in thehouse and she has her segment,
Let's Talk About Let's TalkAbout It. After this, have Kay
in the house.

You know Kay don't, she be speaking what she wanna
say. It's at that D town ofDetroit. Amen.

Welcome back to Ten Steps Ahead. I'm your girl,
DeShawn Snow.

No Skido Ten Steps Ahead. I'm sorry.

And we got my baby sis Kay in the house.

Kay, you feel okay? So

what's going on, Kay? Let's talk about it.

Alright. So let's talk about it. We have these
brand new cards. They're socute. There's nothing on there
because this is gonna comestraight from me.

It looks

so Work differently.

Okay. So let's see. You I wanted to piggyback
because you said something aboutfriendships. Sure. What and this
question's for both of y'all.
What is a deal breaker for afriendship? Like, for me, it's
like the one-sided friendship.Like, sometimes people do have
the discernment to be inpeople's lives for a reason and
a season, right? And sometimesit's hard for people to let that

(21:15):
go. Sometimes their loyaltyshine through more and it's hard
to cut too even when they giveyou the scissors, right?
So what would be a deal breaker,like, for a friendship for you?
Would it be like messing withyour man?

Well, you know, that happened to me, but that
was when I was younger. It did.Yeah. And, you know, so, I mean,
we're not gonna say no names.But when I was in high school,
it was my very best friend.
Uh-huh. And she slept myboyfriend. I was so hurt. But,
so,

you know, I've grown,

I've grown, but no, it was Is she cookies? No,
it wasn't her, that was somebodyelse.

Because she get down. Kid Fresh was in the
building.

Wasn't high, was, I stopped talking to her and I
ended up talking back to theguy, that was wrong Crazy.

That's the

wrong message. We do

give men a whole bunch of chances

and when it

comes to the argument with the chick, we get
so ready to cut.

But in my adult life, though, I don't really
fall out with friends because,you know, I will cut somebody
off, but not the people that'sclose to me, I try not to cut
them off. I don't cut them off.

You try.

Try. Loyalty.

Loyalty. Yeah.

This loyalty

is And trust.

Just burns through me.

Yeah. You

know what I'm saying? And and wanting the best
for me, just as much as I wantthe best for you. Yeah. But when
you're some trifling shit andyou're on that bullshit, it's
like, yo, I can't deal withthat.

But would it be like is it deal breaker for you,
like, if somebody mess up amoney deal or, like, somebody
try to get at your girl? Whatabout your ex girl?

Girl, I don't be like Okay, I'm a little
different. If you get at

my girl

and she entertained that you got out

She was never your girl, boom.

I'm a real man. Don't care about that. Like, you
trying get at my wife and youtrying to do that, I'm putting
hands on you. And then I'mletting you go. That's just how
I move.
Because you in my house, thatmeans all that shit start
playing in my head. You wasn'tcoming in with respect. You walk
in my house, you eating at mytable, you doing all that shit.
That shit, a lot of people gethurt. Yeah.

(23:11):
I'm not saying hurt andsometimes killed. I'm not on
that.

Has that ever happened to you?

Not that I know of.

Okay.

You know, I don't know what had happened behind it
that I don't know of, but it'snever been in front of me where
somebody's gonna walk aroundsaying I did that.

Yeah. Yeah.

I definitely put hands on you.

Now, is that from an egotistical standpoint, or is
that

just what it No, I don't. Like, because even my
exes, whatever, I wouldn't knowif who hooked up, if they got
married. Now, I don't care. Youknow what I'm But at the time,
it was never in front of me thatsomebody disrespected me or did
it. Now, when I was younger, Ihad a girl that would break my
heart when I was 13.
That shit hurt like hell. Aw.Then she went remember her in
Yonkers, or say her name.

No. Don't say her name. Said don't say her out,

and she keeps me now. She broke my

heart. I

tried to go over 50. I'm more for garnish like a
little kid. I was like, oh.

You're not too calling

her out.

And she

told me 50. That was the last time I ever felt I
wanted to feel that hurt again.But that was when, really, when
she left me for

the Now speaking on relationships, I got one more
question. Yeah. Because, youknow, I gotta wrap it up. No.
Let me see.
Let's see. When you let's howabout dealing with somebody
during your healing stages?Because now, you know, sis is
all like, she's out here. She'sready to date, like, ready. But
could you possibly say that youcould still be in your healing

(24:30):
stages right now?
How does that look? Becausesometimes the man catch the
backlash from stuff that youshould be working on. Right. You
know what I'm saying? And thenthat don't mesh well with And
then y'all don't make it.
And then you go back to anotherone and so on and so forth.

So I think I am a lot healing is evolving. I mean,
it's this evolution of healing,right? I mean, I'm a lot further
along than what I used to Andeven my mindset, I'm not
operating from a place ofbrokenness, so ideally I'm not
gonna attract brokenness. So, Ithink before, because I tried to
date, and I wasn't completelyhealed, I was trying to date,

(25:07):
but then I was attractingbrokenness.

The clowns.

The clowns.

Okay.

Okay, it's established

that Universal. A couple of clowns.

Right. But, But I think you can still talk to
people, and you can't just waittill you fully heal. Like, life
is about having, like

And it's not fully healing, it's just certain
things. Like, you know, youdidn't trust a man, so now all
of a sudden when he don't answerthe phone, now you tripping.
Like, now you got your GPStrying find Like,

trust. Like, I I don't really maybe it should,
but I don't have

trust issues. And from the man's point of it, and
that's a great question, I'mjust this is when the man goes
into a relationship knowing whatit is, if it's too early, his
job is to make you feel secure.

Right.

Period. Phones are there. Everything's open. You
know where I'm at. I'm nothiding nothing because I'm
comfortable.
They could light whatever. Andif she start tripping, it's
okay, because they gottaunderstand you came from
something that's cheated on you,so you're devastated. But you
gotta balance that shit too,because you start putting too
much on a person that's realwith you, you'll lose them.

You're gonna lose them. Now, if you flip that from
a man perspective, because menhave they healing seasons too.

Yes, it takes time. But men got this thing where
sleeping with somebody andlaying down with somebody
doesn't heal you.

Y'all run from emotions.

Yeah, like we just think that's bad. That just
makes it worse. But if theylearn to be patient and learn to
just take time for themselves,just like women, they'll go into
another situation better. Theywon't take out that backlash on
that woman. They don't deservethat.

So you're saying men don't do that?

Yeah, they do that. Yeah. We just do it different.
Either we're sleeping around tofight off the pain Mhmm. Or
we're just or we're bringingmore pain.

Right.

You get what I'm saying? But nobody knows how to
take time for themselves. We'rewe're hard headed like that.

Yeah. Because y'all like to not deal or
identify the emotion that you'refeeling from the previous
relationship. You don't have bein with somebody else, but that
mental gets stuck, and it messesup the relationship.

So We're prideful, hard headed, and it takes a lot
of hitting in our in our head torealize we need to change and do
things different.

Okay. And so what about athletes? I see the little
wave is, you know, the girliesare dating a lot of athletes
now. Cardi B with I think hisname is Stephan.

That's what think.

You got Cashed Out with old boy. What, since
you are like a vet and datingthese and dating an athlete,
Well,

married to but I have married.

I said vet now. What you want what thought

you Well, just need to clarify, because you
said dating,

she got with him before he had a ball. Let's
clear

that up.

Let's clear that up.

Did you date an athlete?

We started out. And I

will date athletes after.

What's the difference? She's like, what's

go ahead. So what would be some advice that you
would probably Do you thinkdating an athlete, is it more
like glam, glitz and glam? Is itall about the glitz and glam or
No, I mean, obviously Is thatsomething that you would do
again or would you encouragesomebody to do it again?

I wouldn't So basically, what I would say is
you have to be secure in who youare and have your own stuff
going on. But yes, I would dateagain, an athlete again, I
wouldn't, like I mean, you know,athletes have this reputation,
and a lot of athletes do messup, but I'm not gonna be like,
I'm not gonna never talk to anathlete again.

Well, it's not I don't think it's really a
reputation because it's, like,out there. Like, I think because
of the mentality, like, mentalThey have all The pressures that
they hold, they kinda do take itout on women. You know, like,
you got a lot on Instagram whereyou see football players
dragging women and just want tostart chilly.

But that's not, that's not, that's a weak man.
That's not like a becausethey're a athlete. It's because
they because you shouldn't betalking about no I mean, you
dragging a woman, what would

you Whether you got a football or not, you're
whole ass nigga. Remember Ibought it up Yes. Whole ass
nigga.

I wouldn't call it that, but yes. That's what

she wants

to would

call it a clown. She wants to say whole ass nigga
song.

I'm a say it. A Clown.

There we go.

Nigga, negro.

Yeah. Well, whatever you wanna use use a
hoe. Use You not right, and yourmama needs to know.

But it needs to be, like, you know, people think
like, oh, you know, it's not Notugly. Not No, I mean, for the
situation with me, like, We weretogether freshman year in
college. I was with him beforeall this We came into that
together. You didn't even know

he was a basketball player for the
college.

Yeah, we met and, yep. And then I had a boyfriend
and then we, so we dated afterwe You ain't even

need a nigga. No, right.

I know, it's not about needing, but so, we have a
relation, because I can imaginefor an athlete it could be hard
not knowing if the girl is therebecause of they like you or
because of what you So I thinkin that respect they are guarded
or they try to be, you know, howthey act because of that. But I
think once you have a real oneand somebody that was with you
from the beginning, then youshould do what you need to do to

(29:56):
keep A A what? A real one.

Oh, that's that D coming out, baby. Okay, so,

you know And that's to piggyback off that, me being
in the industry dealing withthese athletes, a lot of them,
they don't know. But they're nottaught anything. They're not
schooled. They're paying forthese

Which makes no sense to me.

Why you gotta pay for And they spend 100,000 on a
mile 200 because they don't haveno game. Right. Oh. See, they've
been playing sports all theirlife, age. That's weird.

They not have no game. All

that money games. That. But they never because
they little fly, they all that.But even the fly dudes be corny
because they don't Game is game.

They really don't got no street smarts, for No,
for They so

used to being coached. Just know that to just
Louis Vuitton, money, money,money, money. They're not like,
nah, they can't size up thewoman because nobody They've
been playing sports, but nobodybeen teaching them game. That's
the other thing with consulting.Like, now they come out of there
wildly, spending millions ofdollars, and then they meet the
woman or the wrong woman.

(31:01):
I'm not gonna call her stripperor all that because it's
business to business. Women, Iknow nice strippers, just good
women, but Exactly. No, you knowwhat I'm saying?

Exactly. Exactly. But, yeah. Yeah, I understand
that part.

No, no, good people.

Know? They are great.

Great. Great. Yeah.

So, would you ever date an athlete? I don't think
we should stereolite what youdated.

No, was about to ask, like, from your because you
are a male, so from yourperspective, do you think that
it even matters about datingwhether For me, I don't think
the position matters. It's you Iyou have dealt with dope boys,
you have dealt with boys thathold balls, eight balls. Like,
whatever the case may be, youunderstand? Like, if you you

(31:41):
know what I If you do eight

balls, make eight balls.

If you want my opinion Don't dope.

I don't know

if my opinion having a daughter, I just want
everybody I just want a personto be a gentleman and treat my
daughter as a That's right.Y'all worrying about how much
money. I know people like Isaid, you don't know their
issues. They're gonna give youmoney and treat you like shit.
What do you want?
You wanna be treated like shitor like a queen?

True.

You wanna have the best in life, or you wanna be
part of five or 10 other girlsthat are having the same thing?
A man is a man. If he can takecare of you, I ain't saying a
broke man, man should know howto take care

of Financial stability.

Financial stability. Ain't happiness the
key to making you? Some peopleain't sad about it. That's my
opinion. Don't put a title onhim.
If he work hard and take care ofyou good see, they don't know
that till later. Then they wantthat We don't get that in the
they don't get that in thebeginning. You get that later
after you've been beat up andused and abused. My thing

go to the nice man?

Look for them in the beginning.

Yeah. Some new ones you kinda skip over. Yeah.
But you know, my son, shout outto him, he said the other day
when we was kicking it, he waslike, Ma, you know, people tend
to love the ones that hurt themand hurt the ones that love
them. Right?
That was E18.

E18 again? Shout out to my son.

He my son.

You gonna tease it all right. He gonna be all Yeah.

You know, so I don't, like, I don't think some
people might stay in thesituation for the money or some
people might stay in it becausethey don't have nothing and and
they might want that sense ofsecurity. Mhmm. So people put up
with a lot of stuff. But I thinkwhether you're an athlete or you
work at McDonald, a nigga gonnabe a nigga regard a man gonna be

(33:22):
a man regardless. Right?
And if he want if he decides totreat you in that manner, he
gonna treat you in that manner.My uncle used to say, you know,
you would wanna get cheated onby a broke nigga or a paid
nigga, either either one. Hestill gonna do it.

He still I wanna say to you though, with my
friends a lot of my friends thatwere married and now divorced
from NBA players and stuff, andeven I see people saying stuff,
like, nobody's in it for thethey don't just stay for the
money because you can still getthe money by leaving,

-some -It's not about -Some people, because if
you came from nothing, right, ornot even necessarily nothing,

if you

came from a struggle

the marriage is one thing, but if you came from
nothing

If you came from a struggle and somebody put you
up in a position not to go backthrough that struggle with your
family

Right.

It kinda crossed the line. I mean, every man that
pays financially, there's alwayssome benefit to the female. So
they kinda put up with it. I sawsome females be like, I mean,
nigga, you want me to I'm notabout to let you talk to me
crazy and I still gotta figurethis bill out at the end of the
day, you know? So some peoplehad their reasons, but I was
just wondering because it's likeeverybody just it seemed like a

(34:26):
wave, not how they just pickingathletes and

I think they're just making it trendy and stuff.
I don't think it's

I mean,

it's nothing new on this show.

They're coming from warm relationship, rappers,
whatever, in the industry, andthen they going over to

that I could see them being used to that type of
lifestyle. Not necessarilymoney, just everything. I know

chicks I went to school with that they NFL
players now, but I also knowthose that left them too. So,
you know.

And, you know, athlete, whatever it is, man, I
just want all y'all to be happyand just Right, sir. And watch
game. Whenever you allowsomebody in your house and
anybody you're trying to allowinto your life, take your time
and get to know him. Don't bejumping in because he driving up
or pulling up because he couldbe crazy too. You know, on that
note, man Max.
That's what I want to

tell Let's Let's go.

Let's go.

All right, everyone. Well, we thank you for
tuning in today's episode of TenSteps Ahead.

We'll you soon.

We'll catch you on the next episode . Love and
light.

Loving it. Next episode. Let's go.

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