May 23, 2025 • 12 mins
"Let us know what you think about this episode"
A powerful home birth story highlighting the incredible strength of women and the sacred honor of supporting birthing families. Doula Debra shares her evolving approach to home birth support and the beautiful outcome of a recent birth where connection, trust and protecting oxytocin flow created magic.
• Creating deeper connections with birthing families before labor begins
• Understanding the importance of protecting oxytocin flow during labor
• Preparing spiritually and emotionally as a birth worker
• Recognizing transition signs even when contraction patterns aren't textbook
• Witnessing the power of women birthing on their own terms
• Sharing positive birth stories to help women trust their bodies again
• Standing as a support without taking up space in the birthing room
If you find the right doula, she'll help you find your strength, your voice, and your peace in your birth journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey Mamas, you're listening to Tend and Befriend,
a podcast about women's mentaland physical health.
This is Debra.
I'm a mom of two, a labor andbirth coach and birth advocate,
a health professional, and todayI'm your host.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Host.
(00:27):
Let's dive into today's episode.
Any information you hear orthat is suggested or recommended
on these episodes is notmedical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hi friends, welcome back to Tend and Befriend.
This is doula Debra, and todayI'm going to tell you a story.
It's the story of a home birththat I attended recently as a
birth doula.
I, of course, won't be sharingnames, because that would be a
breach of confidentiality, but Ido want to share this
experience because I think thatthese kinds of stories help us
(00:54):
all remember just how powerfulbirth can be and how capable
birthing people truly are.
This family found me through alocal community resource.
They were specifically lookingfor an experienced doula for a
home birth.
We set up a short 15-minutemeet and greet, which I like to
do when someone reaches out tome for doula care.
Sometimes we'll meet for coffeeat a local coffee shop, but
(01:16):
usually it's done here at theclinic.
At the end of that meeting Ifelt a little buzz in my chest
and in my heart, that spark ofjoy about being back in the home
birth world.
I obviously wasn't sure theywere going to hire me at this
point.
I only knew that I feltsomething deep within me, and
some of that is because of inthe last few home births that
(01:38):
I'd attended, I had startednoticing a shift in myself, in
how I was showing up for thesebirthing persons and I realized
that in order to really supporthome birth in the way that it
deserves, I really needed toconnect more deeply with the
birthing family before the dayof their birth, especially
because at a home birth, I'moften the first one there.
(02:03):
Besides the birthing couple,there's no hospital staff,
there's no outside energy, andthat means protecting the
oxytocin flow really landssquarely on my shoulders.
And for those of you who arenewer to this world, oxytocin is
the hormone that fuels laborand love.
It's the hormone of connectionand one of the main rules that I
(02:23):
take on as a doula is toprotect that flow, that energy,
keeping that oxytocin movingthrough the mom's body and
creating space for that to flowwell, and if I'm going to do
that effectively, especially insomeone's home, I need to be
ego-free, fully attuned anddeeply connected with the
(02:45):
birthing person and theirpartner.
With this family, we did all ofthe work.
We created a birth preferenceslist, we talked about their
values and I learned thebirthing mother's love language
and her why she wanted a homebirth, the heart behind her
(03:06):
choice for this home birth.
We even had clear conversationsabout what not to say, so that
every word in that space wouldbe aligned with her needs and
her beliefs.
I always do a detailed prepwork with any doula contract,
(03:27):
but the shift that had happenedto me had taught me that, in
order for me to be the bestdoula that I can be in a home
birth, there was something morethat I needed to do.
A few weeks before the due dateof this expecting family, I had
this feeling that I needed alittle more connection with the
birthing partner, so I asked ifshe'd be open to going for a
(03:50):
walk in her neighborhood and ifwe could do that just the two of
us.
There wasn't any logical reasonwhy I felt this, I just knew.
I see it every day in mymassage therapy practice, the
moment when someone fully letsgo on my table, and I needed to
(04:10):
know that she could do that withme in the birth space.
On the birthday, as weapproached her estimated due
date, I felt the bond hadsolidified.
There was real trust happeningbetween us and I found myself
wanting to fiercely protect herbirth experience like it was my
own.
(04:30):
Early one morning, actually onthe due date, I got a text from
the birth partner.
Things were starting.
The labor had begun overnight.
I asked all my usual questionsand encouraged mom to eat,
hydrate and rest.
I let them know that I'd loveto hear mom's voice on a quick
phone call, because as a birthworker, I can tell a lot just by
(04:52):
listening to a couple ofcontractions.
As I listened in, it soundedpretty early still, so I
reminded them that I was readyto come as soon as they felt
they needed support, and we hungup.
They were coping well and I wascomfortable with letting them
have some time alone.
Now, one of the reasons that Iwas ready for this delivery was
(05:14):
because I had just come off of abirth the day before actually
two back to back.
My bag was still packed and inthe car, but before I headed
over to this home birth, I knewthat I needed to ground myself.
I needed to ask my spiritguides to help me show up
authentically and to leave myego at the door and to be
exactly what this birthingfamily needed me for.
(05:38):
And wouldn't you know it?
Just as I finished groundingmyself, they texted and said can
you come now?
When I arrived, I walked intothe most thoughtful, love-filled
space that I've ever steppedfoot into.
I've been at a home birthbefore, but this was exceptional
(06:01):
.
This birthing family hadcreated a sanctuary.
Exceptional.
This birthing family hadcreated a sanctuary.
Salt lamps, candles, stringlights, photos of cherished
memories and powerfulaffirmations were everywhere.
Everything that we had talkedabout that helps make the flow
of oxytocin was present in thisroom.
(06:23):
It was beautiful.
I felt so honored to be there.
Labor progressed steadily andthe birthing mom moved through
her contractions with so muchstrength.
I took intimate photos, as I dooftentimes with permission,
while the couple found ways tolaugh, to hold each other and
(06:46):
tell stories about theirhoneymoon and their proposal
everything to fuel that oxytocin.
We laughed throughout her birth.
We cried throughout her birth.
We prayed throughout her birth.
I barely used any tools.
This mama didn't need them.
Any tools this mama didn't needthem.
She had a birth tub, anincredibly powerful partner and
(07:09):
my hands and voice when it wasnecessary.
Mostly, she needed presence, awitness, someone to remind her
now and then that she was strongenough, power enough and that
she was doing it.
After about seven hours, thingsbegan to feel a little more
intense, but the contractionpattern didn't look textbook.
(07:32):
Sometimes that happens in adelivery and, unfortunately,
when you're with a medicalprofessional, typically they're
like oh, you know, nothing'shappening yet because it doesn't
look like 411 or 511.
Oh, you know, nothing'shappening yet because it doesn't
look like 411 or 511.
But my instincts told me thatthis mom was definitely in
(07:53):
active labor.
I felt a little bit like shewas skirting active labor and
there were no external signs toconfirm that she was in active
labor.
But yet I knew.
One big difference between homeand hospital birth is that in
the hospital you've got extrahands, extra opinions and extra
energy.
But here it was just us.
I asked the birthing mother doyou feel like we need another
(08:15):
pair of hands right now?
And she confidently said to meno, not just.
Yet.
I turned to the birth partnerand asked him as well.
He said I think maybe we shouldcall and make a plan for the
evening.
So we did.
We let the midwives know whatwas happening and what the
contraction pattern was lookinglike and right after that, call
(08:40):
something shifted.
Gosh, if I could bottle thatenergy and share it with the
world, it would be the best giftthat you ever received.
Something happened in the mom.
She began making deep primalsounds, more rocking, more
(09:00):
intensity, and then came themusic to my ears.
She was tired and she wasn'tgetting enough of a break and
she wasn't sure if she couldkeep going.
And that, my friends, is whenall doulas and birth
practitioners know we're in it,it's happening.
We were moving quickly intotransition.
(09:24):
Within a few more contractions,they decided it was time to have
the midwife come and check.
Though the birthing mom wasn'ttotally sure about being
assessed, she chose to go aheadwith it because she felt that
the information was needed atthis point to kind of assess
where she was.
Again, that goes hand in handwith I'm not sure I can do this,
(09:44):
so let me see where I am so Ican make that judgment.
And, of course, as a birthworker, I know exactly where she
is.
By the way that she's talkingand I'm not saying anything, I'm
just telling her she'sincredible and powerful.
When the midwife arrived and didthe check, she confirmed what I
already felt in my bones.
This mama was already at sixcentimeters, her cervix was soft
(10:08):
and anterior, her membraneswere still intact and the baby
was pretty close.
Within a few more contractions,mama's membranes released on
their own.
Wow, and from there it was gameon.
Their urge to push arrivedwithin half an hour of that and,
true to herself.
(10:28):
This mama pushed when she feltready and pushed in a position
that she felt comfortable with.
That baby was born about anhour and a half after the
midwives arrived.
She did it.
She birthed her baby right athome, on her own terms,
surrounded by love and support.
I left that home birth feelingtwo things very deeply that
(10:51):
night the incredible power ofwomen and the deep honor of
being invited into that space.
I love my job and I do not takethat privilege lightly at all.
I always want to show up forbirthing women and not take up
(11:11):
space in the birth room.
I want to hold it.
I want to offer what's neededand only what's needed.
I won't make decisions.
I will only offer information.
I am a tool and not the center,and I absolutely love this life
that I have cultivated.
So why am I telling you thisbeautiful and incredibly
(11:33):
powerful story?
Because I believe that if weheard more of these stories real
, raw, sacred birth stories we'dstart trusting our bodies again
.
We'd remember that birthdoesn't have to be fear-filled,
that with the right support, itcan be powerful and even joyful.
This work is not easy and it'snot light, but it is so worth it
(11:56):
, and I wanted to share a momentof that with you because, as
doulas, we also needencouragement.
And I wanted to share a momentof that with you because, as
doulas, we also needencouragement.
We need encouragement fromother birth workers.
We need to believe in ourselvesand in our training and, most
importantly, in our experienceswith birth.
To the birthing family whoallowed me in, thank you.
I'll never forget the honor ofstanding by your side and to
(12:19):
everyone listening, I want thiskind of experience for you too.
It's possible, and if you findthe right doula, she'll help you
find your strength, your voiceand your peace.
As for me, I'm going to lay myhead down tonight knowing that I
was that doula for one birthingfamily this week Actually three
, but who's counting?
(12:39):
This is Doula Debra, and Ithank you so much for listening.
Hey Mamas, you're listening to Tend and Befriend,
a podcast about women's mentaland physical health.
This is Debra.
I'm a mom of two, a labor andbirth coach and birth advocate,
a health professional, and todayI'm your host.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Host.
(00:27):
Let's dive into today's episode.
Any information you hear orthat is suggested or recommended
on these episodes is notmedical advice.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hi friends, welcome back to Tend and Befriend.
This is doula Debra, and todayI'm going to tell you a story.
It's the story of a home birththat I attended recently as a
birth doula.
I, of course, won't be sharingnames, because that would be a
breach of confidentiality, but Ido want to share this
experience because I think thatthese kinds of stories help us
(00:54):
all remember just how powerfulbirth can be and how capable
birthing people truly are.
This family found me through alocal community resource.
They were specifically lookingfor an experienced doula for a
home birth.
We set up a short 15-minutemeet and greet, which I like to
do when someone reaches out tome for doula care.
Sometimes we'll meet for coffeeat a local coffee shop, but
(01:16):
usually it's done here at theclinic.
At the end of that meeting Ifelt a little buzz in my chest
and in my heart, that spark ofjoy about being back in the home
birth world.
I obviously wasn't sure theywere going to hire me at this
point.
I only knew that I feltsomething deep within me, and
some of that is because of inthe last few home births that
(01:38):
I'd attended, I had startednoticing a shift in myself, in
how I was showing up for thesebirthing persons and I realized
that in order to really supporthome birth in the way that it
deserves, I really needed toconnect more deeply with the
birthing family before the dayof their birth, especially
because at a home birth, I'moften the first one there.
(02:03):
Besides the birthing couple,there's no hospital staff,
there's no outside energy, andthat means protecting the
oxytocin flow really landssquarely on my shoulders.
And for those of you who arenewer to this world, oxytocin is
the hormone that fuels laborand love.
It's the hormone of connectionand one of the main rules that I
(02:23):
take on as a doula is toprotect that flow, that energy,
keeping that oxytocin movingthrough the mom's body and
creating space for that to flowwell, and if I'm going to do
that effectively, especially insomeone's home, I need to be
ego-free, fully attuned anddeeply connected with the
(02:45):
birthing person and theirpartner.
With this family, we did all ofthe work.
We created a birth preferenceslist, we talked about their
values and I learned thebirthing mother's love language
and her why she wanted a homebirth, the heart behind her
(03:06):
choice for this home birth.
We even had clear conversationsabout what not to say, so that
every word in that space wouldbe aligned with her needs and
her beliefs.
I always do a detailed prepwork with any doula contract,
(03:27):
but the shift that had happenedto me had taught me that, in
order for me to be the bestdoula that I can be in a home
birth, there was something morethat I needed to do.
A few weeks before the due dateof this expecting family, I had
this feeling that I needed alittle more connection with the
birthing partner, so I asked ifshe'd be open to going for a
(03:50):
walk in her neighborhood and ifwe could do that just the two of
us.
There wasn't any logical reasonwhy I felt this, I just knew.
I see it every day in mymassage therapy practice, the
moment when someone fully letsgo on my table, and I needed to
(04:10):
know that she could do that withme in the birth space.
On the birthday, as weapproached her estimated due
date, I felt the bond hadsolidified.
There was real trust happeningbetween us and I found myself
wanting to fiercely protect herbirth experience like it was my
own.
(04:30):
Early one morning, actually onthe due date, I got a text from
the birth partner.
Things were starting.
The labor had begun overnight.
I asked all my usual questionsand encouraged mom to eat,
hydrate and rest.
I let them know that I'd loveto hear mom's voice on a quick
phone call, because as a birthworker, I can tell a lot just by
(04:52):
listening to a couple ofcontractions.
As I listened in, it soundedpretty early still, so I
reminded them that I was readyto come as soon as they felt
they needed support, and we hungup.
They were coping well and I wascomfortable with letting them
have some time alone.
Now, one of the reasons that Iwas ready for this delivery was
(05:14):
because I had just come off of abirth the day before actually
two back to back.
My bag was still packed and inthe car, but before I headed
over to this home birth, I knewthat I needed to ground myself.
I needed to ask my spiritguides to help me show up
authentically and to leave myego at the door and to be
exactly what this birthingfamily needed me for.
(05:38):
And wouldn't you know it?
Just as I finished groundingmyself, they texted and said can
you come now?
When I arrived, I walked intothe most thoughtful, love-filled
space that I've ever steppedfoot into.
I've been at a home birthbefore, but this was exceptional
(06:01):
.
This birthing family hadcreated a sanctuary.
Exceptional.
This birthing family hadcreated a sanctuary.
Salt lamps, candles, stringlights, photos of cherished
memories and powerfulaffirmations were everywhere.
Everything that we had talkedabout that helps make the flow
of oxytocin was present in thisroom.
(06:23):
It was beautiful.
I felt so honored to be there.
Labor progressed steadily andthe birthing mom moved through
her contractions with so muchstrength.
I took intimate photos, as I dooftentimes with permission,
while the couple found ways tolaugh, to hold each other and
(06:46):
tell stories about theirhoneymoon and their proposal
everything to fuel that oxytocin.
We laughed throughout her birth.
We cried throughout her birth.
We prayed throughout her birth.
I barely used any tools.
This mama didn't need them.
Any tools this mama didn't needthem.
She had a birth tub, anincredibly powerful partner and
(07:09):
my hands and voice when it wasnecessary.
Mostly, she needed presence, awitness, someone to remind her
now and then that she was strongenough, power enough and that
she was doing it.
After about seven hours, thingsbegan to feel a little more
intense, but the contractionpattern didn't look textbook.
(07:32):
Sometimes that happens in adelivery and, unfortunately,
when you're with a medicalprofessional, typically they're
like oh, you know, nothing'shappening yet because it doesn't
look like 411 or 511.
Oh, you know, nothing'shappening yet because it doesn't
look like 411 or 511.
But my instincts told me thatthis mom was definitely in
(07:53):
active labor.
I felt a little bit like shewas skirting active labor and
there were no external signs toconfirm that she was in active
labor.
But yet I knew.
One big difference between homeand hospital birth is that in
the hospital you've got extrahands, extra opinions and extra
energy.
But here it was just us.
I asked the birthing mother doyou feel like we need another
(08:15):
pair of hands right now?
And she confidently said to meno, not just.
Yet.
I turned to the birth partnerand asked him as well.
He said I think maybe we shouldcall and make a plan for the
evening.
So we did.
We let the midwives know whatwas happening and what the
contraction pattern was lookinglike and right after that, call
(08:40):
something shifted.
Gosh, if I could bottle thatenergy and share it with the
world, it would be the best giftthat you ever received.
Something happened in the mom.
She began making deep primalsounds, more rocking, more
(09:00):
intensity, and then came themusic to my ears.
She was tired and she wasn'tgetting enough of a break and
she wasn't sure if she couldkeep going.
And that, my friends, is whenall doulas and birth
practitioners know we're in it,it's happening.
We were moving quickly intotransition.
(09:24):
Within a few more contractions,they decided it was time to have
the midwife come and check.
Though the birthing mom wasn'ttotally sure about being
assessed, she chose to go aheadwith it because she felt that
the information was needed atthis point to kind of assess
where she was.
Again, that goes hand in handwith I'm not sure I can do this,
(09:44):
so let me see where I am so Ican make that judgment.
And, of course, as a birthworker, I know exactly where she
is.
By the way that she's talkingand I'm not saying anything, I'm
just telling her she'sincredible and powerful.
When the midwife arrived and didthe check, she confirmed what I
already felt in my bones.
This mama was already at sixcentimeters, her cervix was soft
(10:08):
and anterior, her membraneswere still intact and the baby
was pretty close.
Within a few more contractions,mama's membranes released on
their own.
Wow, and from there it was gameon.
Their urge to push arrivedwithin half an hour of that and,
true to herself.
(10:28):
This mama pushed when she feltready and pushed in a position
that she felt comfortable with.
That baby was born about anhour and a half after the
midwives arrived.
She did it.
She birthed her baby right athome, on her own terms,
surrounded by love and support.
I left that home birth feelingtwo things very deeply that
(10:51):
night the incredible power ofwomen and the deep honor of
being invited into that space.
I love my job and I do not takethat privilege lightly at all.
I always want to show up forbirthing women and not take up
(11:11):
space in the birth room.
I want to hold it.
I want to offer what's neededand only what's needed.
I won't make decisions.
I will only offer information.
I am a tool and not the center,and I absolutely love this life
that I have cultivated.
So why am I telling you thisbeautiful and incredibly
(11:33):
powerful story?
Because I believe that if weheard more of these stories real
, raw, sacred birth stories we'dstart trusting our bodies again
.
We'd remember that birthdoesn't have to be fear-filled,
that with the right support, itcan be powerful and even joyful.
This work is not easy and it'snot light, but it is so worth it
(11:56):
, and I wanted to share a momentof that with you because, as
doulas, we also needencouragement.
And I wanted to share a momentof that with you because, as
doulas, we also needencouragement.
We need encouragement fromother birth workers.
We need to believe in ourselvesand in our training and, most
importantly, in our experienceswith birth.
To the birthing family whoallowed me in, thank you.
I'll never forget the honor ofstanding by your side and to
(12:19):
everyone listening, I want thiskind of experience for you too.
It's possible, and if you findthe right doula, she'll help you
find your strength, your voiceand your peace.
As for me, I'm going to lay myhead down tonight knowing that I
was that doula for one birthingfamily this week Actually three
, but who's counting?
(12:39):
This is Doula Debra, and Ithank you so much for listening.
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