January 19, 2022 • 56 mins
Richard and Daisy return to answer more of your relationship questions! Now that the couple is mostly recovered from Covid, they have fresh drinks and new answers for their listeners.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw Hut Media. Donner, No, I'm coming over here.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, that is delicious tequila.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I'm having a martin. I can see that because it's
tequila talk and I'm having a martini because I'm a
fucking rebel. You are you break the rule? Yeah? I
like that about you. I know you do pour yourself
a glass of your finest tequila or whatever you drink
from straw Hut Media. This is tequila talk with Daisy
(00:32):
Fointes and Richard Max. How are you feeling? I would
say I'm ninety nine percent. Yeah, I have just this
little dry cough left and uh you I'm okay. You
know still you're still a little lethargic. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
For those of you who don't know, we started twenty
two twenty two with COVID. Yeah, we believe we got
it sometime around New Year's or the night before or
New Year's.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
The point is we.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Spent the whole beginning of this year basically alone at home.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Which is is worse things, which is what we've been
doing for the last two years. As if you guys
heard us. Last week we were in Miami, so we
were excited because right after New Year's Day, after New Year's.
We flew to Miami to be with your family and
to see friends, and we were supposed to go to
twenty two at a wedding and go out to dinner
like come on. And the day we got that, we
(01:41):
went to sleep. And the next morning days you woke
come and she went, I don't feel so good. I
got it. I knew I had it. Yeah, it didn't
surprise me. That was basically isolated.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it didn't surprise me because everyone has it.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know. We did see people at New Year's.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
We saw some friends and family and they were all
just traveling and you know, your kids brought some friends over,
and it could have been anybody anywhere. Everybody's got it.
It's a super contageous variant.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
This if you're vaxxed boosted. In my case, it's it's
you know, it should be very mild.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It was a shitty cold, and my worst symptom you
can hear my cost. Yeah, my worst symptom really was
the fatigue. I was very tired. Yeah, the first two
nights I had body aches, like back aches, and it
wasn't fun. It was just like fluish.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
But then that subsided.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Pretty quickly and I was left with just you know,
some headaches, which I'm hearing a lot of people have headaches,
and just fatigue and I'm just getting over the fatigue.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
That kind of lingered for a while.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
As you remember, it was either the end of the
second day for me or the beginning of the third
where I went, I think I'm over it already. Yeah,
Like I felt total fine. We walked three miles. Yeah,
I was like, I got this is nothing. And then
a day later I was just really tired and I'm
(03:12):
not you know, I have always I always have energy. Yeah,
and I was really like feeling kind of crappy, and
I thought, wait a minute, I thought I was over this.
And then I felt shitty for a day or two,
like really shitty. But then at the end of maybe
the fifth day, sixth day, I started to feel except
for this little dry cough, which is apparently even my
(03:33):
son Lucas, who's been over it for a month and
a half, still has this lingering cop very typical. But
so this is fun. I was ninety seven percent back
and we were with your sister and brother in law
at their house, having dinner with them, and they had
(03:54):
just gotten over COVID so we weren't worried about yeah,
and obviously we weren't drinking at all. When we had
the we were full and co good. This was like
your sixth or seventh day into it, when you were
And so I hadn't had anything to you know, any
alcohol or anything like that for like a week. And
she opened a bottle of wine and I said, oh,
(04:15):
that sounds really good. I would love a glass of wine.
She pours the glass of wine. I take a sip.
You and Rosanna were in the kitchen, in her kitchen,
and I took a sip of the wine and I
was like, oh my god, this wine is awful. This
is like it's rotten. It's the worst wine. It's like rancid.
And I winced, and I wanted to get your attention
(04:38):
to go, oh my god, you got to tell Rosanna
and the wine is bad. And Daisy is talking to
Rosina and she looks over at me, and before I
can say anything, Daisy makes a face like this isn't
the wine amazing? It was so good? And I went oh,
and I realized that it wasn't that it was just rancid.
It was that I couldn't really taste it and I
(05:00):
lost my sense of smell and taste for four days. Yeah, okay,
so those of you who went through that, who experienced
the no smell, no taste, it's so weird. It's such
a weird I can only imagine it's such a weird sensation.
And some people I talked to somebody today who had
(05:23):
COVID a year ago, they never got their taste in the.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Smile would seriously be freaking out.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah. So Daisy heard about a hack on TikTok of
all places, and day before yesterday she said, look, what's
the downside, right, we can try this. So the hack
is you take an orange and you burn it over
a flame, an open flame. You burn it black, so
(05:50):
it takes a little while it catches fire. You put
it out right like a marshmallow, except way longer because
the skin is so thick on an orange. So she
burned an orange on an open flame, and then you
cut into the orange, scoop out the soft bit in
a bowl, mix it with brown sugar, and eat it.
(06:15):
And people were saying it brought my taste back, and
I smell back. Yeah. So you know, any of you
guys who listened to our podcast, you know that I'm
the most cynical guy in the world. So it's like,
this is such a fucking jerk off. But what you know,
what's the downside? Yeah, what do we have to lose?
Plus I love oranges. Yeah, so we did it. I
put it in the bowl. I could barely taste it,
(06:36):
barely because that's a really strong concoction. Smelled really strong. Yeah,
I couldn't smell it and I could barely taste it,
and I thought, yeah, it's a complete waste of time.
So cut to three hours later, I take a shower.
You were in the bathroom and I'm showering, and I went, baby,
(06:58):
I can smell the bath yell. I can smell the
shower gel. It was amazing. It brought my tations.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, it slowly came back. You had it kind of
slowly came back that night.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Well, it came back like fifty percent that night.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Right, and then the next day it came back a
little more.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, So now I would say it's almost normal. I've
learned so much on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I learned so many hacks of things that whenever everyone
everyone will tell you that there are some very good
hacks on tiktoc TikTok. Okay, you know there are it's
very informational that's on TikTok hacks on TikTok hacks on tick.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's hard to say it is.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So I just thought, you know, what do we have
to lose? And I think I don't think there's any
science behind but I think the power of suggestion in
your mind thinking that you're doing something that may work,
could have a lot to do with it.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know that the power of suggestion is powerful as fuck. Yes,
but in my case, yes, I had to overcome a
tremendous amount of cynicism, So there must be something chemically, Yes,
it works because I was not thinking, oh, this is
gonna bring my taste back.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Maybe, I mean, there may be some science behind that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I highly doubt it.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't know what the science why it would bring
your taste pooks back. But really, you're eating again while
we're doing the podcast.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, okay, okay, why because Daisy Bunch just put a
big fucking bowl of delicious, juicy grapes.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Giant grapes are gigantic in.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Front of me while we're doing podcast. What do you
think I'm gonna do? But anyway, so it worked. Yeah,
So anyway, I'm back. You're pretty much back. Yeah, how
was tennis? You played tennis today? It was rained out?
Oh that's right, you went and then you were Yeah.
I walked out the door and came back in. Right.
(08:53):
I'm supposedly playing tennis tomorrow for the first time. And
we've had such shitty weather in LA.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Winters are just rainy and cold, and you know it
does rain in southern California.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah. So I took to my social media on Monday
to ask my followers if they had good relationship questions.
So we haven't. We haven't done a relationship themed episode
(09:24):
in a little while, and that seems to be always
the most popular.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's one of my favorite subjects to talk about. I
really enjoy it. And I think that are the only
thing you.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Like talking about more than our relationship is other people's relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yes, I love to not practice what I preached.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yes, And I deliberately have not really looked at the comments.
I turned that over to you. You compile the list
of questions were great, and I don't think you shared
one with me, which I think is going to be
a good thing.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, And I don't think that we're going to get
to all of them, but I'm going to save some
for our next show because we always you know.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, what do we do back to back?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah. I just really love talking about relationships because when.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
People well, what's more important? It is the most important
thing in life.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And I think these last two years really have confirmed
that for all of us that relationships and family, friends, lovers, intimacy,
we need it. We need it desperately, and we still
haven't quite figured out how to do it right.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Knowing you're right, the pandemic sort of created to make
it or break a scenario for all kinds, not just
romantic relationships, but yeah, all relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
All relationships. It's a really important topic. I do not
get tired of talking about it. I love hearing people's stories,
people's experiences, people's advice, and it's something that we can
all relate to, you know, And and some of the
advice that we give, obviously is not professional advice, but
(11:07):
you know, we're too people who have.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Lived that it's better than most professionals. We've lived a
lot and.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
We've learned a lot, hopefully, and I think that just
hearing other people's perspective on these topics are always so helpful.
They can sometimes just remind you that you're not alone
in what you're going through and what you're feeling. It's
really important, So should we jump right into it? Okay,
this is uh, Yeah, this is one that really stood
(11:37):
out for me because I think it's uh, something that
is not unique, something that you don't really hear about.
And I noticed that there were a lot of other
people jumped in and answered her, so a lot of
people really were kind of felt her concern.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, you told me that. Yeah, this is this.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Comes from Paula and her mom passed away on January first.
Her mom was just sixty seven years old, and they
were very close. Her fiance hasn't been the best of
being there for her, she said, and so she told
him that she really needed him to step up and
be her strength. And he said, and I quote, it's
(12:20):
about time you got over it. It's been three weeks.
And Paula feels that this is a relationship breaker, and
she's asking, you know, is it a relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He's an asshole? Well look, next question.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, Look, we don't really know the backstory, and maybe
he didn't mean it to sound that harsh. The truth
is that people go through their grief process very differently.
There are some people who really don't know how to
deal with grief, cannot deal with Grief's very complex. It's
(12:56):
very complex, so it's very individual. It is very individual.
So I'm speaking for both sides. You know. So Paula
whose mom passed away, is really going through many emotions
three weeks later.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I mean, of.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Course she's still I don't believe you ever get over
something like that. Maybe time helps you heal a little bit,
maybe you deal with it a little bit better. But
three weeks and she was only sixty seven, Yeah, that's
a lot to process. It's not like the mom was
like ninety eight, and you know, it's kind of like
you're expecting it and you've had time to process it.
(13:30):
Not that that makes it any better, but Okay, so
Paula is.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
What I mean is maybe her fiance really is a
good guy, and maybe he doesn't know how to deal
with grief.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Maybe he Well then that's what you have to say, right, Well,
maybe her fiance, maybe he lost a parent, but he
wasn't close to them, so for him it was not
a totally different experience. What you can't do is ascribe
your philosophy about grief to anyone else. Absolutely, and that again,
(14:04):
we don't. I'm taking Paula at her word that that's
how it went down. That's a very insensitive thing to say.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It is a very So that's my point. I think
that the real that my my advice for Paula in
this situation would be, you know, you know your fiance
better than anyone, so you know how he meant it.
You know, if maybe he's just someone who is a
(14:34):
little emotionally troubled when it comes to dealing with grief.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
She know, whatever she knows, she would have she wouldn't
have posted what he said, had she right.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's something that is bothering her. But is it bothering
you just because he said this and the way he
said it, or is it part of a bigger perwer
or is it part of a bigger problem? Is he
generally insensitive to your needs?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
The first thing I would say if I were Paula,
is just so you know, to the fiance, I've received
more emotional support from complete strangers on Instagram than I
got from you.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Right, And you know the truth is that only she
knows it's her mom right, only she knows how he
meant it. So I think you really have to analyze here.
You know, is it worth breaking the relationship just because
he said that?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Maybe not?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
But is this part of a bigger problem where he
is generally not supportive, where he is generally where he
thinks that maybe you are too needy, where he maybe
doesn't respond to your needs, And this is just really,
you know, the straw that broke the camel's back.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Is this really it doesn't matter in that scenario.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, it was wrong. Yeah, it was a wrong thing
to say.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I'm a believer in two sides to every story, or
you know, being open to both sides of an argument.
But this is one of those rare cases where there's
nothing that gives him a pass for me.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Not for saying that. No, he really owes her an apology.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I mean saying, look, I'm I love you and I'm
sorry you're hurting, but I'm emotionally unequipped to Yeah, like
I can't deal with grief. I don't know, I'm afraid
of it. Yeah, I can't be around people who are grieving.
I get all that. I just be honest, But don't
say it's been three weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Get over it Like that is definitely the wrong thing
to say.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, we'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
You know, any time that your significant other, your fiance,
your boyfriend, your husband, it sees that you need him,
or even more specifically, you're asking, yeah for support. You're saying,
I'm really hurting right now. I really need you to
help me find my strength.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
I need you to be my.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Strength for a minute. So anyone who says that to you,
it doesn't matter how ill equipped you are to deal
with their problems. It takes nothing to have some compassion
and to say, look, I don't think there's anything I
can say or do to help you, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Here for you, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Or look, you seem to really really be struggling with this.
I don't know that i'm equipped to help you with this.
Can I help you find someone to talk to? Maybe
you should seek some therapy. Maybe we should both go
to a therapist together and really talk about our feelings
because I don't know how to deal with this either.
You know, maybe that's the right thing to say, but
(17:43):
so look, I don't know if this is a relationship ender.
I think for me that would be a huge red
flag absolutely for me personally, that would probably be the
beginning of the end for me in that relationship. But
maybe you know he is your fiance, so maybe before
you go that route, really ask yourself some tough questions
(18:06):
like is this part of a bigger problem? Is this
part of something that he does where he's just generally
not there for you emotionally When you need this person, yeah,
and I'm sorry, absolutely seek out some professional help. It
really does help to talk to someone who's experienced with
(18:27):
the grief process and who can help you really iron
out your emotions and talk about it a little bit.
And there is no timeframe. It doesn't matter if it's
been three weeks week here, just.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To point out here, if her mom was sixty seven
and things being averaged, that means Paul is probably in
her forties, mid to late forties, maybe your thirties, who knows. Yeah,
But I mean generally speaking, let's say she's in her
she's around forty, like between forty and forty five. That
(19:03):
means that she's at a time in her life where
I don't know if she has kids. A lot happens
from forty to fifty to fifty five. That is emotionally
uncharted territory for all of us. It's a time when
we're going through stuff, We're losing people, We're having to
(19:27):
come to terms with the older versions of ourselves. There's
a lot of emotional stuff that happens. If you're in
a relationship with someone who's not equipped to help you
through any of that, that's tough. You need to You're
better off alone, I think so. You know, you're better
off just to be surrounded by friends who get you,
(19:48):
who are there for you, to be in a relationship
with someone who is insensitive to those kind of you know,
those processes, I guess that's the right word. Yeah, I'm sorry, Paula.
You deserve better than that.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Everybody deserves better than that. But you know, you owe
it to yourself to to talk to someone to really
help you deal with grief. It's a tough thing to
go through.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And I'm also going to go out on a limb,
in a very short limb and say, Paula's friends have
all said what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Probably I'm sure there are people around her saying, you know,
that was a real dick move, And you know, I
hope that maybe bring it up to him. Maybe bring
it up to him and show him how insensitive it was.
I mean, all you have to do is go to
your post and see people came to her defense, you know,
(20:47):
And this was a post that you did basically asking
for hey, what do you guys want to talk about?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
And everybody just and a lot of.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
People jumped in on her thing and said, hey, I
was just scrolling through here and you know, this sounds
like this and that was not okay, and I'm sorry
for it, you know. So Paula, first of all, I'm really,
really really sorry for your loss, and I hope that
I hope that you can work it out. And yes,
he owes you an apology, and maybe it's time to
(21:14):
end the relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, I don't know. I've lost both my parents and
I can tell you, you know, very different circumstances. But
it's a process and you've got to go through it
on your own time, at your own pace. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
All right, Let's move on to Jeff who said he says,
how do you feel about the way men and women
age differently? After thirty three years of marriage, his wife
thinks that she looks terrible, even though he tells her
that she's still hot. It's a very common problem. So
she's really, I guess, not feeling very good about herself
(21:49):
after thirty three years of being together. What do you think?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
That's a really interesting question and topic. Okay, so first
of all, your sense of when I say, your Jeff's
wife after thirty three years, So Jeff, your wife, her
sense of her self, beauty, her self worth has nothing
(22:23):
to do with you. I mean, you can make it
shitty by criticizing her or being that's for sure, But
at the end of the day, it's not Jeff's responsibility
for how she feels about herself. It's hers right. And
if she feels bad about herself, it's a tricky you know,
(22:44):
it's tricky. It's a tricky thing. As I'll speak as
a man. It's tricky in that you want to be supportive,
but if you like there have been times when you
have kind of said things about yourself that I remember
one saying to you. No one talks about you like
that in front of me, including you. And the truth
(23:05):
is that two things can coexist. One is that there
are times when you don't feel great about yourself, especially
right now at this last year or two where based
upon your age and what's going on, whatever circumstances. And
the same is true for me when you and I
confide in each other our insecurities about ourselves, or our
(23:31):
sense of being older or not looking the way we did,
or you know, I can relate to this in that
I just sometimes you say things and I just sometimes
I get angry with you, and sometimes I just look
at you and it's just ludicrous because you're the most
(23:51):
beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I think that all
I can do is And maybe this is good advice
for Jeff, just keep doing what you're doing, which is
adoring your wife and telling her that she's the hottest
thing you've ever seen, because that's really all she wants
(24:11):
that from you. I can tell you that she wants
that from you, and sometimes she wants to just tell
you how she's feeling about herself. And you got to
take it all in and say, I get it. I understand.
I don't see what you see. I see something completely
different than you see. But it's valid. I hear you.
(24:33):
But I mean women are way more critical of themselves
than men.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Yeah, And the truth is that women do age differently
than men.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I don't even know that. It's that they age differently,
but the perception of their aging is different.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I think he's doing the right thing. You know, you're
telling her she's still hot. But when a woman is
confiding in her husband who has known her since she
was young, and now she sees her youth no longer there,
it's you know, you're you're going talking about grief. You're
(25:10):
going through this.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It's a bit of a morning process.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
It's a morning process where you're grieving for the person
that you used to be. Okay, so there's that okay Emotionally,
it's hard for a woman.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Because I just correct, you had to be that guy.
You're mourning the shell.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Personally, well, a lot of times the person changes along
with the shell.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Your self esteem definitely affects your personality. And if your
self esteem takes a hit because you don't feel good
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah, well but you still get a little deeper than that.
It's a little more than just a shell. So the
shell is important because, even though it is something very superficial,
society puts a lot of importance on youth. Once a
woman loses that youthfulness, it's almost like you're no longer
worthy of anything. There's a lot of agism.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Okay, there's a lot of discarding of people, a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You know, no one looks at you the same. You
almost become invisible, You almost do. So.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Women who.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Are young and attractive, they're used to getting a certain
type of attention for basically just for being young and attractive.
That's basically all you need. Then as you age, you
see that you're losing that and you're trying to cope
with it. And that's hard enough on its own right,
(26:36):
knowing that men do age different because they're seen differently
by society. You know, a man still hot when he's
sixty or sixty five or even seventy, depending on how
he carries himself, depending on what he looks like. James, Yes,
he looks amazing as a very handsome older man. But
(26:59):
women lose that. You know, the minute you're like into
your late forties or mid forties, you're already you know,
middle age. And it's very different for women. So, yes,
we do have many different things to deal with emotionally
psychologically as we age. Now, with that said, a woman's
(27:19):
body responds dramatically different with menopause and hormones, so it
is also chemically something else is going on that is
contributing to all this nonsense. So this affects everything. It
affects sex, libidos, you get sleep disturbances, you get the
hot flashes, insomnia, stress, depression, so all these emotional symptoms,
(27:44):
you know, they're very real. You get mood swings, anxiety,
weight gain. This is very frequent for women going through menopause.
You know you lack the estrogen. It affects everything.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
It's a real, mindful So it's very, very real thing.
This is not just.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You know, your wife who's complaining, Oh yeah, you know,
I don't I don't look so good anymore, and I
don't like my wrinkles. And it goes much deeper than that.
Even though we understand that, yes, you know, it's it's
a part of life. We all get older. It is
dramatically different from me fe body. There is something chemically
happening that is very real. It affects your body. It
(28:26):
affects you emotionally physically, and you know it's not an illness.
Menopause is not and there's nothing wrong with menopause. It's
a very natural part of life. But I think sometimes
men forget everything that is going on with it. I
think they forget, and I think that sometimes we just
(28:46):
need a minute, We just need someone to hear us.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
We sometimes we just need to let it out a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, because you know we're not we're not ourselves, we're
not acting like ourselves, we don't look like ourselves, we
don't feel like ourselves, and sometimes you just want to
say it.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Now.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
With that said, Jeff, I would say, let your wife
know that you understand everything that is going on, and
that even though you see her the same way that
you always have, that you're still in love with her,
that you're still hot for her, that you understand that
there is something much deeper going on here, that it
(29:25):
is a very real physical and emotional and psychological reaction,
That there is something very real going on. And maybe
you can help her find a doctor that will help
her with hormone replacement, maybe you can help her find
a therapist that will.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Help her.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Deal with what she's feeling. But also you can just
hear her out.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, and just listen to the question to ask is simple,
how can I help you with this? How can I
help you go through what you're going through? Yes, do
you want to go join a fitness program together, I'll
go with you. Do you want to go find you
want me to help you find a great doctor for
(30:11):
how can I help? Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Yeah, those are all really great things.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Instead of going you look fucking great, I'm so hot
for you. Get over it. It's almost like the last question,
Well you get any sensitive to what the individual is
going through.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Absolutely, and yes, it's it is the right thing to say, Hey,
you're still hot, I'm still hot for you. Yeah, definitely
say that and show it and show it. But there's
much more to that, you know, just go a little
bit deeper and let her know that you understand that
there is a lot going on, because there is.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
There really is, and it really is different for men
than women.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
And you do get past it, you know, I believe
that we've got to get past it. But it is
an adjustment period. You know, you're no longer the person
you used to be, and it's physical, it's real, it's emotional,
and there are things out there that can help her symptoms.
And you can really help by being supportive and just
(31:03):
understanding that it's not just that she feels like she's
getting older. It's really not that superficial. It's much deeper
than that.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's a real thing.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, but it is a great question, and I do
think that a lot of people are going through this.
I know, I personally can relate to what she's feeling
because there is a lot going on. And it's not
just that I look at myself and I look different.
You know, I've lost my youthfulness, and it's something that
(31:33):
I have to come to terms with. It's something that
I have to find ways to be comfortable with it
and deal with it, you know, especially in the business
that I'm in.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
But well, okay, that's interesting that you put it that way. Way,
the choice of word. You lost your quote youthfulness, Yes,
I do. You're fifty five, yeah, so you're not young. No.
So no fifty five yet or forty five year old
(32:03):
is youthful. No.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But you know, when you're in your forties, you still
feel really good, you know, unless you're going through early menopause,
then yes, it affects everything. But when I was in
my forties, I felt great. Sure, I didn't feel young,
but I felt great. I felt like I looked good,
I was fit, I was in a good emotional state.
And then when my hormone started changing, and especially in
(32:28):
these last two three years, you know, when I've just
been stuck at home looking at myself, literally watching myself
age in the mirror, and I think.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
We all have.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Yeah, but you add to it all these real hormonal, physical,
psychological issues, and you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
A lot and inactivity and inability to again sorry for
the cough guys, inability to carry on as you were, right,
because sometimes if you're busy and you're active, it distracts
(33:12):
you from the from the Yeah, so where it's like
it doesn't matter, like I'm busy, my life is full,
it doesn't matter that I have an extra wrinkle. Who cares? Right?
Speaker 2 (33:22):
And also you're a man, true, so it doesn't matter.
But you know there maybe talk to your girlfriends. For
some reason, this whole thing is still I think a
little taboo. I don't think a lot of people, a
lot of women talk about what they go through once
they're going through menopause, because it's almost like saying it
out loud, oh hey i'm old now, you know, and
(33:44):
you try to fight it, because that's all everybody does
is just just hide it, just you know, kind of
sweep it under the rug and carry on, and sometimes
it's not that easy. Sometimes it really does help to
talk about it, to get your girlfriends together. They're all
going through similar things.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
It makes you feel better, right when some when other
people are like, dude, you have no idea.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Sometimes you just want to hear that you're not alone
in it and that other people are going through it
and some people have found things that help them deal
with it that make life better. Yeah, there are There
are definitely many things that you can do to help
with all of these symptoms, with all of these real
things that come along.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
With aging as a woman.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
But it's a very good question, and you know, all
for all the men out there who you know, maybe
your wife isn't complaining about it, just understand that she
may be going through this silently because she's embarrassed to
say anything. So just bring up the dialogue. It's so
important to talk about it with women and to.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, go to your wife and say, I know you
haven't said anything, but are you feeling bad about how
old and you look?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Okay, maybe don't say that, Maybe don't say that no
no bad lead line, Yeah okay, but you know, maybe
say hey, I was listening to this podcast and apparently
this this is a real thing, you know, and are
you okay with it? Have you felt any.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Of this or are you you know, maybe just I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Know, just be supportive and understanding.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yes, Oh good question, Jeff.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Okay, here's another one. So Renee. She has never dated
at all and she's thirty five. She has a learning
disability and a speech impediment, but she really just wants
to be loved by someone. She's always dreamed of being
in a loving relationship. She's been taking care of herself,
she's been getting healthy and fit, and she just wants
(35:47):
to find love. So she's basically asking, you know, can
someone be loved despite having disabilities?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Of course, one hundred percent. There's someone for everyone.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
It's tough. It's a really tough question, you know, when
you really think about it. I know you're thinking, you know, hey,
I'm thirty five, I haven't really ever dated, but I
want to. And I really do think that the longer
you wait, the more difficult it is.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Well, maybe she's not waiting, maybe she just hasn't had
the opportunity yet, but you never, you know, I know
it's such a cliche to say there's someone for everyone.
But I really believe that there is there, absolutely is.
You have to keep putting yourself out there. You have
to keep being open. Yeah, you have to. You know what,
(36:34):
even in Renee's situation, it kind of makes me think
about what we've talked about many times on this podcast,
which is, in order to be a good partner in
a relationship, you have to be really good with yourself. Yeah.
So you have to get to the point where, whether
you find someone or not, you're happy. Yeah, And that's
(36:58):
usually when you'll find someone. And you know what Renee
it sounds like, and she sounds like she's doing that,
She's in the process of that.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
It sounds like she's really understanding of who she is.
She's got a good understanding of who she is and
what her disabilities are, and she's not letting that get
in her way. And I know it's difficult when I
can only imagine, you know, what you must feel when
you meet somebody new. But if you're thinking, oh, I
(37:28):
wonder if my disability is going to be an issue
for him, he's probably never gonna You know, your state
of mind is very important when you meet people. But
also there are there are groups that you can join,
whether it's online or in person, with people who are
going through similar things or people who are trying to
(37:51):
be supportive of their loved ones, And those are the
people that you want to mix with. Those are the
people who are going to be understanding. And that's going
to also help you be more prepared and be more
open when you meet people and not be concerned or
not be so thinking that this is going to be
(38:15):
a limitation for you, because I understand. I can understand
how difficult it must be for you, you know, and
especially you know, you're not a kid anymore, and you're pickier.
You want someone who is really going to be respectful,
and you want someone who's gonna be loving and compassionate
and supportive. And those are not easy things to find
in a partner, especially when you're just dating, you know.
(38:39):
But I think that there are some very kind, compassionate,
loving men out there who will fall in love with
who you are, including everything that you have to deal with,
and they will love you for exactly who you are.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But I think she's I think she's well two things.
Want to reiterate. She seems to be doing for herself
what she wants, what she feels is necessary. She's focusing
on her health and her fitness and her she's like
ready to put herself out there and the rest you
have to sort of just mentally trust the universe to
(39:20):
bring in. Yes, yeah, definitely open your mind to it,
open your heart to it. Believe and know and understand
that you are deserving of this relationship that you want.
Envision it, but also be proactive in it. Bring yourself
out there, join an online dating site where you can front,
(39:43):
you know, say yeah, here's who a little bit about
yourself and who you are, and maybe join other groups
of people who have similar situations going on, people who
will understand from the beginning what you're going through and
what you're feeling. But you know with that it doesn't
have to be someone who has disabilities. There are many
people who are loving, kind, compassionate who will fall in
(40:05):
love with your heart and who you are and everything
that you have to offer and just you know, put
yourself out there. Yes, the answer is yes, you will
definitely start dating. You will find some It may take
some time and you may have to kiss some frogs.
We all do, but it happens, It will happen. Good.
(40:28):
What else you got I think we have time for
maybe one more, yeah, this is or two more? We
got two more?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, we got two more. This is a good one.
Kim is fifty two years old, successful divorce with three kids, fit, attractive,
She's a very open minded liberal woman, but she lives
in a ridiculously conservative town. These are her words, ridiculously
conservative town, and she can't find a date.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Ah, right, because everybody's like minded but her, right. That's
that's I don't mean to laugh, but I get it. Yeah,
I get it. Yeah, that's a move, no joke. I
thought the same thing. I thought. I would for sure
pack my shit though. I wouldn't want to be surrounded
(41:16):
by ideology that doesn't well resonate with me. In fact,
we all are.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Look, we're all surrounded by people who think differently than
we do. But you find your people, and that doesn't
mean that you can't date someone who is politically who
has politically different.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Ideologies and what the differences are. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
If it's someone who's just going to go, like, listen,
just so you know, I'm going to vote Republican, that's okay.
But if it's somebody who's crazy and extreme, then I
know I couldn't date that person. But look, you clearly
are not the only uh liberal in that town. There
are many more liberal people in that town. You may
(41:58):
just not have met them yet. But what I would
do in a situation like that is I would join
an online dating site, or you know, I would take
some trips with my girlfriends, take some weekend trips to
different places, go to the town over from you, and
just meet different people.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
But I think that.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Just go online, meet people online.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, we'll be right back after this short break. You know.
It's weird because up until the last few years, the
idea of being politically having political differences of opinion, yeah,
(42:44):
still left lots of room for dialogue, right, and that
has narrowed to the point where it's almost like it's
like either or right right. I hate that. I hate
that we've come to a point where, and I'm sure
that the other side feels the same way about us, absolutely,
(43:07):
but I have gotten to the point where if you
really do support and subscribe to what's going on in
the current conservative right wing ideology, then you and I
are diametrically opposed in terms of just souls. So I'm
(43:27):
not going to find any common ground with you, it seems.
But I think that that's been distorted. I think that
there are certain people who, maybe on paper, I would say,
there's not one sentence I could say or they could
say where we're going to agree. But if you spend
enough time with someone, you start to break it down
(43:47):
and you go, oh, you're just okay, wait a minute,
you're just repeating what you've been told. You're just repeating
what you heard on Fox News. But if I really
have this conversation with you, and I wear you down
to the point where you can trust me a little bit,
you'll say, well, I actually feel like this, where I
actually feel like that, then maybe there's a sliver of
(44:09):
common ground to build on. I have to believe as
a human being that we can start to turn this around.
Because I don't like feeling the way I feel about
people in that movement. Yeah, I just can't like. And
I guess it comes from the fact that I'm so
(44:31):
not a part of any political ideology. I'm not a
quote liberal, Yeah, I'm not. I don't I've never I've
never been registered anything. Yeah, I don't, except myself an
extreme liber There are things in terms of politics that
I agree with what was the Republican Party before and
(44:52):
the Democratic Party absolutely, and I feel like a good
citizen has to leave room for both. But we've lost
a Yeah, we've lost it. And I think that that's
why she kim Is is feeling like she can't date
in her town. But you know, if I was a
(45:12):
single woman living in a ridiculously conservative town, I look,
I don't have a problem with people politically having opposing views. Politically,
I have no problem with that. I have a problem
when it goes beyond that, and it goes beyond politics
to ethics and to morals.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
You know, So if you exactly so, if your politics
are conservative, that's fine. But if along with your conservative
politics you subscribe to you know, fuck all immigrants, and
I'm racist, and you know, and and I we get
(45:56):
to tell women what to do with their bodies, and we,
you know know, just do what we say. And anybody
who doesn't do what we say.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Fuck Trump because he's a godly man.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
So yeah, so once it goes beyond politics and it
goes into morals, then I have a problem, you know,
because I don't want to hang out or even know,
you know, racist people, people who discriminate who are just
all about their white privilege. People who are tone deaf
(46:28):
to what's going on in the world, who are not sensitive,
who are disconnected too, you know, and they they're just
like me, me, me, It's all about me and what
you know, I don't care about anybody else kind of thing.
Then I have a problem with those people.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
But it's not really because of their political views. It
is because of their are and the way they think.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yes, right, So I think that this, you know, this
has gone way past political ideologies. It's it's not it's
no longer because who cares if somebody's vote so found
different differently than you.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Who cares?
Speaker 2 (47:04):
You can still hang out with and have a lot
of things in common with that person. Yeah, but it
just seems like in the last few years that is
harder and harder to find.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
So whatever town is it, Renee, No, this is Kim,
oh Kim. Also whatever town Kim lives in she's describing. Yeah,
I guarantee you that there are people who are a
political they don't give a shit. Yeah, they're not. You know,
they might be conservative in certain ways, but they don't
follow it. They're not you know, find those people too, absolutely, Yeah,
(47:34):
And the people. There are people right next door to you.
You can find some common things.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Yeah, and and be open to meeting people who may
be conservative. Maybe they vote differently than you, but maybe
they are good, good people with a kind heart, who
are compassionate, who are with you on many causes, and
just politically, maybe they're different and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Yeah, And if that's okay, once again, good luck, Kim. Okay,
one more. This is a really good point. I've seen
that we do have a lot. So next yeah, next
episode we'll tackle four or five more.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
This is a really good and important question Steph from
Long Island, so thank you for this one. She said,
what are some ways you can create a great relationship
with your own self?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
We're always talking about how to find really good relationships
and how to deal with relationships with other people, but
the most important relationship of all is that that you
have with yourself.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Well, no disrespect to Steph, but I don't know how
old Steph is, But I mean, you have to have
a sense of who you are at this point. You
may not, oh, not necessarily. Everyone everyone has a sense
of who they are. They might not be working on it.
Or focusing on it or taking it to the level
(49:10):
that they need to. But everyone has an instinctive sense
of who they are in a given moment.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
So that's I disagree with that. Not everyone has a
you can disagree with what you're wrong. No, not everyone
has a good sense of who they are that is
a really, really a good sense of who they are,
or even a sense of who they are. You may
think you know who you are and still have not
a good relationship with yourself, still not like who you are,
and this goes back to childhood traumas. This goes back
(49:39):
to how you were brought up. Maybe it's your parents,
maybe it was something that happened to you in school,
Maybe it's something that happened to you with with you know,
your friends or your lovers, but it created something where
you are not happy with yourself. You can know yourself
somewhat and still not be happy with yourself. So that
(50:01):
is the most important thing is how to have a
good relationship with yourself, how to feel good about who
you are first of all, how to find out who
you are and then how to feel good about yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I think that it is you have to figure out
first of all, what makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It's crucial to your own well being. I mean, you're
not going to have any type of solid relationships with
anyone if you're not comfortable or accepting of yourself, of course, right.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
But in order to do that, you have to figure
out what are the things in your life that make
you happy, What are the things in your life that
make you angry? What are the things in your life
that feed you that make you feel your sense of
(50:47):
self worth? Yeah, and you have to identify all of
those totally. I think that you're right.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
The first thing that you have to do is and
I talked about this in my book that I wrote
years ago, Get to Know Yourself. Everybody's always telling you, oh,
you know what, just be yourself, just be authentic. But
it is so difficult to figure out who you are
because from the moment you're born, you're being told who
(51:15):
you are. You're being told by your parents. You know
who you are, how you should be, what to believe in,
what food to eat, how to dress, what to believe in.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
From the moment you're born, you're being told who you are.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
So as we get older, we think we know who
we are. And a lot of times getting to know
who you are is unlearning a lot of things that
you think you are, unlearning a lot of things that
you've been told. So you have to get to know yourself.
You have to figure out who you are, who you're not,
Like you said, your likes, your dislikes, your triggers. You know,
(51:54):
it's really important to figure out what your strengths are,
embrace and focus on those strengths and don't focus on
your weaknesses. We don't all have it all covered, you know,
and definitely do more things that bring you joy. I
think that that tells you who you are, the things
that bring you happiness and fill you with joy. That
(52:15):
tells you where you should be, what you should be
doing more of. And I think that a lot of
times it's very easy to lose that joy, especially as
we get older. But you know, since she's asking what
you can do to really have a good relationship with yourself,
you know, spend time each day doing something for yourself,
(52:37):
whether that's meditation, food, prepping, something that you do for yourself.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
I can't stress enough how important meditation is. Yeah, I
know that a lot of people are always really late
to it. Yeah, it's so helpful, it's so really important
because it's really the only thing you can do. When
I say meditate, you don't need to crush your legs
and put your thumbs up and you know that whole thing.
Excuse me, but do something that really is quiet, where
(53:08):
it's just you with you.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
Stop judging others. This is a big one. I think
that usually when you're constantly really judgmental of other people
and critical, it's usually because it's something within yourself that
you're fearful of or you dislike in yourself. So take
a look at that and notice when you're judging other people,
because that also creates a lot of negative talk within yourself.
(53:33):
It puts you on a really bad vibrational level.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Yeah, focus on the things that you're aware you like
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (53:43):
Yeah, but also with other people. Have compassion and be
kind with other people and with yourself. And it's also
really important to recognize negative self talk. We all have it,
we all do it, you know, but we have to
get to the point where we recognize it and we
remind ourselves that those things aren't true. The things that
you're telling yourself in your head, those thoughts that really
(54:05):
put you in a bad place, they're not true.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
They don't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
You have to really learn to recognize that, you know,
remind yourself that you're worthy of love and happiness. You
have to treat yourself well, you know, take time to
wind down at the end of each day and get
yourself to a good headspace, you know, delete the bad
things that happened, and just do better the next day.
I think that that's all any of us can do,
you know, and here's another big one. I think that
(54:32):
this is really important. Don't place your happiness on anyone
or anything that could be taken away. Your happiness is
something that has to really just come from you. You
have to find that within yourself, because the minute you
put that responsibility on somebody else, you're just preparing yourself
for a letdown. That's good advice, I don't know. I
(54:57):
think that those are the things that I try to
remind myself of. And if a good friend was really
not being kind to herself, these are the things that
I would suggest and hope that you know when the
next time that you're having a bit of a negative moment,
or you know, bad thoughts about yourself, or you're really
(55:18):
down on yourself, that you can learn to recognize that
those things are not true, and that it's just a
habit of your mind to go there. Our mind is
comfortable just saying shit, and sometimes it's just a practice.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
It takes practice.
Speaker 2 (55:36):
It's recognizing it and practicing the opposite thoughts. You know,
if you say something negative about yourself to yourself, it's
a gradual education. Yeah, pretend that it's someone talking to.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
You that way and don't allow it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I always say, there's this bitch that lives in my
head and she's just such a bitch and all she
does is talk shit to me, and I have to
tell her shit tolerate that sometimes exactly. So sometimes you
have to tell that bitch in your head just shut
up and go away.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
All right, good questions, Thank you, guys, and we'll pick
up a few more at the on the next episode
for sure.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Next.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:15):
Yeah, I really enjoyed talking about all this stuff, and
I hope that maybe, uh it, it helps some people.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Have a great week you guys. Bye.
Straw Hut Media. Donner, No, I'm coming over here.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Okay, that is delicious tequila.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I'm having a martin. I can see that because it's
tequila talk and I'm having a martini because I'm a
fucking rebel. You are you break the rule? Yeah? I
like that about you. I know you do pour yourself
a glass of your finest tequila or whatever you drink
from straw Hut Media. This is tequila talk with Daisy
(00:32):
Fointes and Richard Max. How are you feeling? I would
say I'm ninety nine percent. Yeah, I have just this
little dry cough left and uh you I'm okay. You
know still you're still a little lethargic. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
For those of you who don't know, we started twenty
two twenty two with COVID. Yeah, we believe we got
it sometime around New Year's or the night before or
New Year's.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
The point is we.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Spent the whole beginning of this year basically alone at home.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Which is is worse things, which is what we've been
doing for the last two years. As if you guys
heard us. Last week we were in Miami, so we
were excited because right after New Year's Day, after New Year's.
We flew to Miami to be with your family and
to see friends, and we were supposed to go to
twenty two at a wedding and go out to dinner
like come on. And the day we got that, we
(01:41):
went to sleep. And the next morning days you woke
come and she went, I don't feel so good. I
got it. I knew I had it. Yeah, it didn't
surprise me. That was basically isolated.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it didn't surprise me because everyone has it.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know. We did see people at New Year's.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
We saw some friends and family and they were all
just traveling and you know, your kids brought some friends over,
and it could have been anybody anywhere. Everybody's got it.
It's a super contageous variant.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
This if you're vaxxed boosted. In my case, it's it's
you know, it should be very mild.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It was a shitty cold, and my worst symptom you
can hear my cost. Yeah, my worst symptom really was
the fatigue. I was very tired. Yeah, the first two
nights I had body aches, like back aches, and it
wasn't fun. It was just like fluish.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
But then that subsided.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Pretty quickly and I was left with just you know,
some headaches, which I'm hearing a lot of people have headaches,
and just fatigue and I'm just getting over the fatigue.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Now.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
That kind of lingered for a while.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
As you remember, it was either the end of the
second day for me or the beginning of the third
where I went, I think I'm over it already. Yeah,
Like I felt total fine. We walked three miles. Yeah,
I was like, I got this is nothing. And then
a day later I was just really tired and I'm
(03:12):
not you know, I have always I always have energy. Yeah,
and I was really like feeling kind of crappy, and
I thought, wait a minute, I thought I was over this.
And then I felt shitty for a day or two,
like really shitty. But then at the end of maybe
the fifth day, sixth day, I started to feel except
for this little dry cough, which is apparently even my
(03:33):
son Lucas, who's been over it for a month and
a half, still has this lingering cop very typical. But
so this is fun. I was ninety seven percent back
and we were with your sister and brother in law
at their house, having dinner with them, and they had
(03:54):
just gotten over COVID so we weren't worried about yeah,
and obviously we weren't drinking at all. When we had
the we were full and co good. This was like
your sixth or seventh day into it, when you were
And so I hadn't had anything to you know, any
alcohol or anything like that for like a week. And
she opened a bottle of wine and I said, oh,
(04:15):
that sounds really good. I would love a glass of wine.
She pours the glass of wine. I take a sip.
You and Rosanna were in the kitchen, in her kitchen,
and I took a sip of the wine and I
was like, oh my god, this wine is awful. This
is like it's rotten. It's the worst wine. It's like rancid.
And I winced, and I wanted to get your attention
(04:38):
to go, oh my god, you got to tell Rosanna
and the wine is bad. And Daisy is talking to
Rosina and she looks over at me, and before I
can say anything, Daisy makes a face like this isn't
the wine amazing? It was so good? And I went oh,
and I realized that it wasn't that it was just rancid.
It was that I couldn't really taste it and I
(05:00):
lost my sense of smell and taste for four days. Yeah, okay,
so those of you who went through that, who experienced
the no smell, no taste, it's so weird. It's such
a weird I can only imagine it's such a weird sensation.
And some people I talked to somebody today who had
(05:23):
COVID a year ago, they never got their taste in the.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Smile would seriously be freaking out.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Yeah. So Daisy heard about a hack on TikTok of
all places, and day before yesterday she said, look, what's
the downside, right, we can try this. So the hack
is you take an orange and you burn it over
a flame, an open flame. You burn it black, so
(05:50):
it takes a little while it catches fire. You put
it out right like a marshmallow, except way longer because
the skin is so thick on an orange. So she
burned an orange on an open flame, and then you
cut into the orange, scoop out the soft bit in
a bowl, mix it with brown sugar, and eat it.
(06:15):
And people were saying it brought my taste back, and
I smell back. Yeah. So you know, any of you
guys who listened to our podcast, you know that I'm
the most cynical guy in the world. So it's like,
this is such a fucking jerk off. But what you know,
what's the downside? Yeah, what do we have to lose?
Plus I love oranges. Yeah, so we did it. I
put it in the bowl. I could barely taste it,
(06:36):
barely because that's a really strong concoction. Smelled really strong. Yeah,
I couldn't smell it and I could barely taste it,
and I thought, yeah, it's a complete waste of time.
So cut to three hours later, I take a shower.
You were in the bathroom and I'm showering, and I went, baby,
(06:58):
I can smell the bath yell. I can smell the
shower gel. It was amazing. It brought my tations.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, it slowly came back. You had it kind of
slowly came back that night.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Well, it came back like fifty percent that night.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Right, and then the next day it came back a
little more.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, So now I would say it's almost normal. I've
learned so much on TikTok.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I learned so many hacks of things that whenever everyone
everyone will tell you that there are some very good
hacks on tiktoc TikTok. Okay, you know there are it's
very informational that's on TikTok hacks on TikTok hacks on tick.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's hard to say it is.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So I just thought, you know, what do we have
to lose? And I think I don't think there's any
science behind but I think the power of suggestion in
your mind thinking that you're doing something that may work,
could have a lot to do with it.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
You know that the power of suggestion is powerful as fuck. Yes,
but in my case, yes, I had to overcome a
tremendous amount of cynicism, So there must be something chemically, Yes,
it works because I was not thinking, oh, this is
gonna bring my taste back.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Maybe, I mean, there may be some science behind that.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I highly doubt it.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
I don't know what the science why it would bring
your taste pooks back. But really, you're eating again while
we're doing the podcast.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, okay, okay, why because Daisy Bunch just put a
big fucking bowl of delicious, juicy grapes.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Giant grapes are gigantic in.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Front of me while we're doing podcast. What do you
think I'm gonna do? But anyway, so it worked. Yeah,
So anyway, I'm back. You're pretty much back. Yeah, how
was tennis? You played tennis today? It was rained out?
Oh that's right, you went and then you were Yeah.
I walked out the door and came back in. Right.
(08:53):
I'm supposedly playing tennis tomorrow for the first time. And
we've had such shitty weather in LA.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Winters are just rainy and cold, and you know it
does rain in southern California.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah. So I took to my social media on Monday
to ask my followers if they had good relationship questions.
So we haven't. We haven't done a relationship themed episode
(09:24):
in a little while, and that seems to be always
the most popular.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's one of my favorite subjects to talk about. I
really enjoy it. And I think that are the only
thing you.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Like talking about more than our relationship is other people's relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yes, I love to not practice what I preached.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Yes, And I deliberately have not really looked at the comments.
I turned that over to you. You compile the list
of questions were great, and I don't think you shared
one with me, which I think is going to be
a good thing.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, And I don't think that we're going to get
to all of them, but I'm going to save some
for our next show because we always you know.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yeah, what do we do back to back?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah. I just really love talking about relationships because when.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
People well, what's more important? It is the most important
thing in life.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And I think these last two years really have confirmed
that for all of us that relationships and family, friends, lovers, intimacy,
we need it. We need it desperately, and we still
haven't quite figured out how to do it right.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Knowing you're right, the pandemic sort of created to make
it or break a scenario for all kinds, not just
romantic relationships, but yeah, all relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
All relationships. It's a really important topic. I do not
get tired of talking about it. I love hearing people's stories,
people's experiences, people's advice, and it's something that we can
all relate to, you know, And and some of the
advice that we give, obviously is not professional advice, but
(11:07):
you know, we're too people who have.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Lived that it's better than most professionals. We've lived a
lot and.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
We've learned a lot, hopefully, and I think that just
hearing other people's perspective on these topics are always so helpful.
They can sometimes just remind you that you're not alone
in what you're going through and what you're feeling. It's
really important, So should we jump right into it? Okay,
this is uh, Yeah, this is one that really stood
(11:37):
out for me because I think it's uh, something that
is not unique, something that you don't really hear about.
And I noticed that there were a lot of other
people jumped in and answered her, so a lot of
people really were kind of felt her concern.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, you told me that. Yeah, this is this.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Comes from Paula and her mom passed away on January first.
Her mom was just sixty seven years old, and they
were very close. Her fiance hasn't been the best of
being there for her, she said, and so she told
him that she really needed him to step up and
be her strength. And he said, and I quote, it's
(12:20):
about time you got over it. It's been three weeks.
And Paula feels that this is a relationship breaker, and
she's asking, you know, is it a relationship.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
He's an asshole? Well look, next question.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, Look, we don't really know the backstory, and maybe
he didn't mean it to sound that harsh. The truth
is that people go through their grief process very differently.
There are some people who really don't know how to
deal with grief, cannot deal with Grief's very complex. It's
(12:56):
very complex, so it's very individual. It is very individual.
So I'm speaking for both sides. You know. So Paula
whose mom passed away, is really going through many emotions
three weeks later.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
I mean, of.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Course she's still I don't believe you ever get over
something like that. Maybe time helps you heal a little bit,
maybe you deal with it a little bit better. But
three weeks and she was only sixty seven, Yeah, that's
a lot to process. It's not like the mom was
like ninety eight, and you know, it's kind of like
you're expecting it and you've had time to process it.
(13:30):
Not that that makes it any better, but Okay, so
Paula is.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Dealing with this.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
What I mean is maybe her fiance really is a
good guy, and maybe he doesn't know how to deal
with grief.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Maybe he Well then that's what you have to say, right, Well,
maybe her fiance, maybe he lost a parent, but he
wasn't close to them, so for him it was not
a totally different experience. What you can't do is ascribe
your philosophy about grief to anyone else. Absolutely, and that again,
(14:04):
we don't. I'm taking Paula at her word that that's
how it went down. That's a very insensitive thing to say.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It is a very So that's my point. I think
that the real that my my advice for Paula in
this situation would be, you know, you know your fiance
better than anyone, so you know how he meant it.
You know, if maybe he's just someone who is a
(14:34):
little emotionally troubled when it comes to dealing with grief.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
She know, whatever she knows, she would have she wouldn't
have posted what he said, had she right.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's something that is bothering her. But is it bothering
you just because he said this and the way he
said it, or is it part of a bigger perwer
or is it part of a bigger problem? Is he
generally insensitive to your needs?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
The first thing I would say if I were Paula,
is just so you know, to the fiance, I've received
more emotional support from complete strangers on Instagram than I
got from you.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Right, And you know the truth is that only she
knows it's her mom right, only she knows how he
meant it. So I think you really have to analyze here.
You know, is it worth breaking the relationship just because
he said that?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Maybe not?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
But is this part of a bigger problem where he
is generally not supportive, where he is generally where he
thinks that maybe you are too needy, where he maybe
doesn't respond to your needs, And this is just really,
you know, the straw that broke the camel's back.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Is this really it doesn't matter in that scenario.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yeah, it was wrong. Yeah, it was a wrong thing
to say.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
I'm a believer in two sides to every story, or
you know, being open to both sides of an argument.
But this is one of those rare cases where there's
nothing that gives him a pass for me.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Not for saying that. No, he really owes her an apology.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I mean saying, look, I'm I love you and I'm
sorry you're hurting, but I'm emotionally unequipped to Yeah, like
I can't deal with grief. I don't know, I'm afraid
of it. Yeah, I can't be around people who are grieving.
I get all that. I just be honest, But don't
say it's been three weeks.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Get over it Like that is definitely the wrong thing
to say.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, we'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
You know, any time that your significant other, your fiance,
your boyfriend, your husband, it sees that you need him,
or even more specifically, you're asking, yeah for support. You're saying,
I'm really hurting right now. I really need you to
help me find my strength.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
I need you to be my.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Strength for a minute. So anyone who says that to you,
it doesn't matter how ill equipped you are to deal
with their problems. It takes nothing to have some compassion
and to say, look, I don't think there's anything I
can say or do to help you, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Here for you, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Or look, you seem to really really be struggling with this.
I don't know that i'm equipped to help you with this.
Can I help you find someone to talk to? Maybe
you should seek some therapy. Maybe we should both go
to a therapist together and really talk about our feelings
because I don't know how to deal with this either.
You know, maybe that's the right thing to say, but
(17:43):
so look, I don't know if this is a relationship ender.
I think for me that would be a huge red
flag absolutely for me personally, that would probably be the
beginning of the end for me in that relationship. But
maybe you know he is your fiance, so maybe before
you go that route, really ask yourself some tough questions
(18:06):
like is this part of a bigger problem? Is this
part of something that he does where he's just generally
not there for you emotionally When you need this person, yeah,
and I'm sorry, absolutely seek out some professional help. It
really does help to talk to someone who's experienced with
(18:27):
the grief process and who can help you really iron
out your emotions and talk about it a little bit.
And there is no timeframe. It doesn't matter if it's
been three weeks week here, just.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To point out here, if her mom was sixty seven
and things being averaged, that means Paul is probably in
her forties, mid to late forties, maybe your thirties, who knows. Yeah,
But I mean generally speaking, let's say she's in her
she's around forty, like between forty and forty five. That
(19:03):
means that she's at a time in her life where
I don't know if she has kids. A lot happens
from forty to fifty to fifty five. That is emotionally
uncharted territory for all of us. It's a time when
we're going through stuff, We're losing people, We're having to
(19:27):
come to terms with the older versions of ourselves. There's
a lot of emotional stuff that happens. If you're in
a relationship with someone who's not equipped to help you
through any of that, that's tough. You need to You're
better off alone, I think so. You know, you're better
off just to be surrounded by friends who get you,
(19:48):
who are there for you, to be in a relationship
with someone who is insensitive to those kind of you know,
those processes, I guess that's the right word. Yeah, I'm sorry, Paula.
You deserve better than that.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Everybody deserves better than that. But you know, you owe
it to yourself to to talk to someone to really
help you deal with grief. It's a tough thing to
go through.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
And I'm also going to go out on a limb,
in a very short limb and say, Paula's friends have
all said what we're saying.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Probably I'm sure there are people around her saying, you know,
that was a real dick move, And you know, I
hope that maybe bring it up to him. Maybe bring
it up to him and show him how insensitive it was.
I mean, all you have to do is go to
your post and see people came to her defense, you know,
(20:47):
And this was a post that you did basically asking
for hey, what do you guys want to talk about?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
And everybody just and a lot of.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
People jumped in on her thing and said, hey, I
was just scrolling through here and you know, this sounds
like this and that was not okay, and I'm sorry
for it, you know. So Paula, first of all, I'm really,
really really sorry for your loss, and I hope that
I hope that you can work it out. And yes,
he owes you an apology, and maybe it's time to
(21:14):
end the relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, I don't know. I've lost both my parents and
I can tell you, you know, very different circumstances. But
it's a process and you've got to go through it
on your own time, at your own pace. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
All right, Let's move on to Jeff who said he says,
how do you feel about the way men and women
age differently? After thirty three years of marriage, his wife
thinks that she looks terrible, even though he tells her
that she's still hot. It's a very common problem. So
she's really, I guess, not feeling very good about herself
(21:49):
after thirty three years of being together. What do you think?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
That's a really interesting question and topic. Okay, so first
of all, your sense of when I say, your Jeff's
wife after thirty three years, So Jeff, your wife, her
sense of her self, beauty, her self worth has nothing
(22:23):
to do with you. I mean, you can make it
shitty by criticizing her or being that's for sure, But
at the end of the day, it's not Jeff's responsibility
for how she feels about herself. It's hers right. And
if she feels bad about herself, it's a tricky you know,
(22:44):
it's tricky. It's a tricky thing. As I'll speak as
a man. It's tricky in that you want to be supportive,
but if you like there have been times when you
have kind of said things about yourself that I remember
one saying to you. No one talks about you like
that in front of me, including you. And the truth
(23:05):
is that two things can coexist. One is that there
are times when you don't feel great about yourself, especially
right now at this last year or two where based
upon your age and what's going on, whatever circumstances. And
the same is true for me when you and I
confide in each other our insecurities about ourselves, or our
(23:31):
sense of being older or not looking the way we did,
or you know, I can relate to this in that
I just sometimes you say things and I just sometimes
I get angry with you, and sometimes I just look
at you and it's just ludicrous because you're the most
(23:51):
beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I think that all
I can do is And maybe this is good advice
for Jeff, just keep doing what you're doing, which is
adoring your wife and telling her that she's the hottest
thing you've ever seen, because that's really all she wants
(24:11):
that from you. I can tell you that she wants
that from you, and sometimes she wants to just tell
you how she's feeling about herself. And you got to
take it all in and say, I get it. I understand.
I don't see what you see. I see something completely
different than you see. But it's valid. I hear you.
(24:33):
But I mean women are way more critical of themselves
than men.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Yeah, And the truth is that women do age differently
than men.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I don't even know that. It's that they age differently,
but the perception of their aging is different.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
I think he's doing the right thing. You know, you're
telling her she's still hot. But when a woman is
confiding in her husband who has known her since she
was young, and now she sees her youth no longer there,
it's you know, you're you're going talking about grief. You're
(25:10):
going through this.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
It's a bit of a morning process.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
It's a morning process where you're grieving for the person
that you used to be. Okay, so there's that okay Emotionally,
it's hard for a woman.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Because I just correct, you had to be that guy.
You're mourning the shell.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Personally, well, a lot of times the person changes along
with the shell.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Your self esteem definitely affects your personality. And if your
self esteem takes a hit because you don't feel good
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah, well but you still get a little deeper than that.
It's a little more than just a shell. So the
shell is important because, even though it is something very superficial,
society puts a lot of importance on youth. Once a
woman loses that youthfulness, it's almost like you're no longer
worthy of anything. There's a lot of agism.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Okay, there's a lot of discarding of people, a lot.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
You know, no one looks at you the same. You
almost become invisible, You almost do. So.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Women who.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Are young and attractive, they're used to getting a certain
type of attention for basically just for being young and attractive.
That's basically all you need. Then as you age, you
see that you're losing that and you're trying to cope
with it. And that's hard enough on its own right,
(26:36):
knowing that men do age different because they're seen differently
by society. You know, a man still hot when he's
sixty or sixty five or even seventy, depending on how
he carries himself, depending on what he looks like. James, Yes,
he looks amazing as a very handsome older man. But
(26:59):
women lose that. You know, the minute you're like into
your late forties or mid forties, you're already you know,
middle age. And it's very different for women. So, yes,
we do have many different things to deal with emotionally
psychologically as we age. Now, with that said, a woman's
(27:19):
body responds dramatically different with menopause and hormones, so it
is also chemically something else is going on that is
contributing to all this nonsense. So this affects everything. It
affects sex, libidos, you get sleep disturbances, you get the
hot flashes, insomnia, stress, depression, so all these emotional symptoms,
(27:44):
you know, they're very real. You get mood swings, anxiety,
weight gain. This is very frequent for women going through menopause.
You know you lack the estrogen. It affects everything.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
It's a real, mindful So it's very, very real thing.
This is not just.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
You know, your wife who's complaining, Oh yeah, you know,
I don't I don't look so good anymore, and I
don't like my wrinkles. And it goes much deeper than that.
Even though we understand that, yes, you know, it's it's
a part of life. We all get older. It is
dramatically different from me fe body. There is something chemically
happening that is very real. It affects your body. It
(28:26):
affects you emotionally physically, and you know it's not an illness.
Menopause is not and there's nothing wrong with menopause. It's
a very natural part of life. But I think sometimes
men forget everything that is going on with it. I
think they forget, and I think that sometimes we just
(28:46):
need a minute, We just need someone to hear us.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
We sometimes we just need to let it out a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Yeah, because you know we're not we're not ourselves, we're
not acting like ourselves, we don't look like ourselves, we
don't feel like ourselves, and sometimes you just want to
say it.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Now.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
With that said, Jeff, I would say, let your wife
know that you understand everything that is going on, and
that even though you see her the same way that
you always have, that you're still in love with her,
that you're still hot for her, that you understand that
there is something much deeper going on here, that it
(29:25):
is a very real physical and emotional and psychological reaction,
That there is something very real going on. And maybe
you can help her find a doctor that will help
her with hormone replacement, maybe you can help her find
a therapist that will.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Help her.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Deal with what she's feeling. But also you can just
hear her out.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, and just listen to the question to ask is simple,
how can I help you with this? How can I
help you go through what you're going through? Yes, do
you want to go join a fitness program together, I'll
go with you. Do you want to go find you
want me to help you find a great doctor for
(30:11):
how can I help? Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Yeah, those are all really great things.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Instead of going you look fucking great, I'm so hot
for you. Get over it. It's almost like the last question,
Well you get any sensitive to what the individual is
going through.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Absolutely, and yes, it's it is the right thing to say, Hey,
you're still hot, I'm still hot for you. Yeah, definitely
say that and show it and show it. But there's
much more to that, you know, just go a little
bit deeper and let her know that you understand that
there is a lot going on, because there is.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
There really is, and it really is different for men
than women.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
And you do get past it, you know, I believe
that we've got to get past it. But it is
an adjustment period. You know, you're no longer the person
you used to be, and it's physical, it's real, it's emotional,
and there are things out there that can help her symptoms.
And you can really help by being supportive and just
(31:03):
understanding that it's not just that she feels like she's
getting older. It's really not that superficial. It's much deeper
than that.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's a real thing.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, but it is a great question, and I do
think that a lot of people are going through this.
I know, I personally can relate to what she's feeling
because there is a lot going on. And it's not
just that I look at myself and I look different.
You know, I've lost my youthfulness, and it's something that
(31:33):
I have to come to terms with. It's something that
I have to find ways to be comfortable with it
and deal with it, you know, especially in the business
that I'm in.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
But well, okay, that's interesting that you put it that way. Way,
the choice of word. You lost your quote youthfulness, Yes,
I do. You're fifty five, yeah, so you're not young. No.
So no fifty five yet or forty five year old
(32:03):
is youthful. No.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But you know, when you're in your forties, you still
feel really good, you know, unless you're going through early menopause,
then yes, it affects everything. But when I was in
my forties, I felt great. Sure, I didn't feel young,
but I felt great. I felt like I looked good,
I was fit, I was in a good emotional state.
And then when my hormone started changing, and especially in
(32:28):
these last two three years, you know, when I've just
been stuck at home looking at myself, literally watching myself
age in the mirror, and I think.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
We all have.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Yeah, but you add to it all these real hormonal, physical,
psychological issues, and you know, it's.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
A lot and inactivity and inability to again sorry for
the cough guys, inability to carry on as you were, right,
because sometimes if you're busy and you're active, it distracts
(33:12):
you from the from the Yeah, so where it's like
it doesn't matter, like I'm busy, my life is full,
it doesn't matter that I have an extra wrinkle. Who cares? Right?
Speaker 2 (33:22):
And also you're a man, true, so it doesn't matter.
But you know there maybe talk to your girlfriends. For
some reason, this whole thing is still I think a
little taboo. I don't think a lot of people, a
lot of women talk about what they go through once
they're going through menopause, because it's almost like saying it
out loud, oh hey i'm old now, you know, and
(33:44):
you try to fight it, because that's all everybody does
is just just hide it, just you know, kind of
sweep it under the rug and carry on, and sometimes
it's not that easy. Sometimes it really does help to
talk about it, to get your girlfriends together. They're all
going through similar things.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
It makes you feel better, right when some when other
people are like, dude, you have no idea.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Sometimes you just want to hear that you're not alone
in it and that other people are going through it
and some people have found things that help them deal
with it that make life better. Yeah, there are There
are definitely many things that you can do to help
with all of these symptoms, with all of these real
things that come along.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
With aging as a woman.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
But it's a very good question, and you know, all
for all the men out there who you know, maybe
your wife isn't complaining about it, just understand that she
may be going through this silently because she's embarrassed to
say anything. So just bring up the dialogue. It's so
important to talk about it with women and to.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Yeah, go to your wife and say, I know you
haven't said anything, but are you feeling bad about how
old and you look?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Okay, maybe don't say that, Maybe don't say that no
no bad lead line, Yeah okay, but you know, maybe
say hey, I was listening to this podcast and apparently
this this is a real thing, you know, and are
you okay with it? Have you felt any.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Of this or are you you know, maybe just I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Know, just be supportive and understanding.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yes, Oh good question, Jeff.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Okay, here's another one. So Renee. She has never dated
at all and she's thirty five. She has a learning
disability and a speech impediment, but she really just wants
to be loved by someone. She's always dreamed of being
in a loving relationship. She's been taking care of herself,
she's been getting healthy and fit, and she just wants
(35:47):
to find love. So she's basically asking, you know, can
someone be loved despite having disabilities?
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Of course, one hundred percent. There's someone for everyone.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
It's tough. It's a really tough question, you know, when
you really think about it. I know you're thinking, you know, hey,
I'm thirty five, I haven't really ever dated, but I
want to. And I really do think that the longer
you wait, the more difficult it is.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Well, maybe she's not waiting, maybe she just hasn't had
the opportunity yet, but you never, you know, I know
it's such a cliche to say there's someone for everyone.
But I really believe that there is there, absolutely is.
You have to keep putting yourself out there. You have
to keep being open. Yeah, you have to. You know what,
(36:34):
even in Renee's situation, it kind of makes me think
about what we've talked about many times on this podcast,
which is, in order to be a good partner in
a relationship, you have to be really good with yourself. Yeah.
So you have to get to the point where, whether
you find someone or not, you're happy. Yeah, And that's
(36:58):
usually when you'll find someone. And you know what Renee
it sounds like, and she sounds like she's doing that,
She's in the process of that.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
It sounds like she's really understanding of who she is.
She's got a good understanding of who she is and
what her disabilities are, and she's not letting that get
in her way. And I know it's difficult when I
can only imagine, you know, what you must feel when
you meet somebody new. But if you're thinking, oh, I
(37:28):
wonder if my disability is going to be an issue
for him, he's probably never gonna You know, your state
of mind is very important when you meet people. But
also there are there are groups that you can join,
whether it's online or in person, with people who are
going through similar things or people who are trying to
(37:51):
be supportive of their loved ones, And those are the
people that you want to mix with. Those are the
people who are going to be understanding. And that's going
to also help you be more prepared and be more
open when you meet people and not be concerned or
not be so thinking that this is going to be
(38:15):
a limitation for you, because I understand. I can understand
how difficult it must be for you, you know, and
especially you know, you're not a kid anymore, and you're pickier.
You want someone who is really going to be respectful,
and you want someone who's gonna be loving and compassionate
and supportive. And those are not easy things to find
in a partner, especially when you're just dating, you know.
(38:39):
But I think that there are some very kind, compassionate,
loving men out there who will fall in love with
who you are, including everything that you have to deal with,
and they will love you for exactly who you are.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
But I think she's I think she's well two things.
Want to reiterate. She seems to be doing for herself
what she wants, what she feels is necessary. She's focusing
on her health and her fitness and her she's like
ready to put herself out there and the rest you
have to sort of just mentally trust the universe to
(39:20):
bring in. Yes, yeah, definitely open your mind to it,
open your heart to it. Believe and know and understand
that you are deserving of this relationship that you want.
Envision it, but also be proactive in it. Bring yourself
out there, join an online dating site where you can front,
(39:43):
you know, say yeah, here's who a little bit about
yourself and who you are, and maybe join other groups
of people who have similar situations going on, people who
will understand from the beginning what you're going through and
what you're feeling. But you know with that it doesn't
have to be someone who has disabilities. There are many
people who are loving, kind, compassionate who will fall in
(40:05):
love with your heart and who you are and everything
that you have to offer and just you know, put
yourself out there. Yes, the answer is yes, you will
definitely start dating. You will find some It may take
some time and you may have to kiss some frogs.
We all do, but it happens, It will happen. Good.
(40:28):
What else you got I think we have time for
maybe one more, yeah, this is or two more? We
got two more?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Yeah, we got two more. This is a good one.
Kim is fifty two years old, successful divorce with three kids, fit, attractive,
She's a very open minded liberal woman, but she lives
in a ridiculously conservative town. These are her words, ridiculously
conservative town, and she can't find a date.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
Ah, right, because everybody's like minded but her, right. That's
that's I don't mean to laugh, but I get it. Yeah,
I get it. Yeah, that's a move, no joke. I
thought the same thing. I thought. I would for sure
pack my shit though. I wouldn't want to be surrounded
(41:16):
by ideology that doesn't well resonate with me. In fact,
we all are.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Look, we're all surrounded by people who think differently than
we do. But you find your people, and that doesn't
mean that you can't date someone who is politically who
has politically different.
Speaker 1 (41:34):
Ideologies and what the differences are. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
If it's someone who's just going to go, like, listen,
just so you know, I'm going to vote Republican, that's okay.
But if it's somebody who's crazy and extreme, then I
know I couldn't date that person. But look, you clearly
are not the only uh liberal in that town. There
are many more liberal people in that town. You may
(41:58):
just not have met them yet. But what I would
do in a situation like that is I would join
an online dating site, or you know, I would take
some trips with my girlfriends, take some weekend trips to
different places, go to the town over from you, and
just meet different people.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
But I think that.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
Just go online, meet people online.
Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, we'll be right back after this short break. You know.
It's weird because up until the last few years, the
idea of being politically having political differences of opinion, yeah,
(42:44):
still left lots of room for dialogue, right, and that
has narrowed to the point where it's almost like it's
like either or right right. I hate that. I hate
that we've come to a point where, and I'm sure
that the other side feels the same way about us, absolutely,
(43:07):
but I have gotten to the point where if you
really do support and subscribe to what's going on in
the current conservative right wing ideology, then you and I
are diametrically opposed in terms of just souls. So I'm
(43:27):
not going to find any common ground with you, it seems.
But I think that that's been distorted. I think that
there are certain people who, maybe on paper, I would say,
there's not one sentence I could say or they could
say where we're going to agree. But if you spend
enough time with someone, you start to break it down
(43:47):
and you go, oh, you're just okay, wait a minute,
you're just repeating what you've been told. You're just repeating
what you heard on Fox News. But if I really
have this conversation with you, and I wear you down
to the point where you can trust me a little bit,
you'll say, well, I actually feel like this, where I
actually feel like that, then maybe there's a sliver of
(44:09):
common ground to build on. I have to believe as
a human being that we can start to turn this around.
Because I don't like feeling the way I feel about
people in that movement. Yeah, I just can't like. And
I guess it comes from the fact that I'm so
(44:31):
not a part of any political ideology. I'm not a
quote liberal, Yeah, I'm not. I don't I've never I've
never been registered anything. Yeah, I don't, except myself an
extreme liber There are things in terms of politics that
I agree with what was the Republican Party before and
(44:52):
the Democratic Party absolutely, and I feel like a good
citizen has to leave room for both. But we've lost
a Yeah, we've lost it. And I think that that's
why she kim Is is feeling like she can't date
in her town. But you know, if I was a
(45:12):
single woman living in a ridiculously conservative town, I look,
I don't have a problem with people politically having opposing views. Politically,
I have no problem with that. I have a problem
when it goes beyond that, and it goes beyond politics
to ethics and to morals.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
You know, So if you exactly so, if your politics
are conservative, that's fine. But if along with your conservative
politics you subscribe to you know, fuck all immigrants, and
I'm racist, and you know, and and I we get
(45:56):
to tell women what to do with their bodies, and we,
you know know, just do what we say. And anybody
who doesn't do what we say.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Fuck Trump because he's a godly man.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
So yeah, so once it goes beyond politics and it
goes into morals, then I have a problem, you know,
because I don't want to hang out or even know,
you know, racist people, people who discriminate who are just
all about their white privilege. People who are tone deaf
(46:28):
to what's going on in the world, who are not sensitive,
who are disconnected too, you know, and they they're just
like me, me, me, It's all about me and what
you know, I don't care about anybody else kind of thing.
Then I have a problem with those people.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
But it's not really because of their political views. It
is because of their are and the way they think.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Yes, right, So I think that this, you know, this
has gone way past political ideologies. It's it's not it's
no longer because who cares if somebody's vote so found
different differently than you.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Who cares?
Speaker 2 (47:04):
You can still hang out with and have a lot
of things in common with that person. Yeah, but it
just seems like in the last few years that is
harder and harder to find.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
So whatever town is it, Renee, No, this is Kim,
oh Kim. Also whatever town Kim lives in she's describing. Yeah,
I guarantee you that there are people who are a
political they don't give a shit. Yeah, they're not. You know,
they might be conservative in certain ways, but they don't
follow it. They're not you know, find those people too, absolutely, Yeah,
(47:34):
And the people. There are people right next door to you.
You can find some common things.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
Yeah, and and be open to meeting people who may
be conservative. Maybe they vote differently than you, but maybe
they are good, good people with a kind heart, who
are compassionate, who are with you on many causes, and
just politically, maybe they're different and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Yeah, And if that's okay, once again, good luck, Kim. Okay,
one more. This is a really good point. I've seen
that we do have a lot. So next yeah, next
episode we'll tackle four or five more.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
This is a really good and important question Steph from
Long Island, so thank you for this one. She said,
what are some ways you can create a great relationship
with your own self?
Speaker 1 (48:32):
That's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
We're always talking about how to find really good relationships
and how to deal with relationships with other people, but
the most important relationship of all is that that you
have with yourself.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Well, no disrespect to Steph, but I don't know how
old Steph is, But I mean, you have to have
a sense of who you are at this point. You
may not, oh, not necessarily. Everyone everyone has a sense
of who they are. They might not be working on it.
Or focusing on it or taking it to the level
(49:10):
that they need to. But everyone has an instinctive sense
of who they are in a given moment.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
So that's I disagree with that. Not everyone has a
you can disagree with what you're wrong. No, not everyone
has a good sense of who they are that is
a really, really a good sense of who they are,
or even a sense of who they are. You may
think you know who you are and still have not
a good relationship with yourself, still not like who you are,
and this goes back to childhood traumas. This goes back
(49:39):
to how you were brought up. Maybe it's your parents,
maybe it was something that happened to you in school,
Maybe it's something that happened to you with with you know,
your friends or your lovers, but it created something where
you are not happy with yourself. You can know yourself
somewhat and still not be happy with yourself. So that
(50:01):
is the most important thing is how to have a
good relationship with yourself, how to feel good about who
you are first of all, how to find out who
you are and then how to feel good about yourself.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I think that it is you have to figure out
first of all, what makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
It's crucial to your own well being. I mean, you're
not going to have any type of solid relationships with
anyone if you're not comfortable or accepting of yourself, of course, right.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
But in order to do that, you have to figure
out what are the things in your life that make
you happy, What are the things in your life that
make you angry? What are the things in your life
that feed you that make you feel your sense of
(50:47):
self worth? Yeah, and you have to identify all of
those totally. I think that you're right.
Speaker 2 (50:55):
The first thing that you have to do is and
I talked about this in my book that I wrote
years ago, Get to Know Yourself. Everybody's always telling you, oh,
you know what, just be yourself, just be authentic. But
it is so difficult to figure out who you are
because from the moment you're born, you're being told who
(51:15):
you are. You're being told by your parents. You know
who you are, how you should be, what to believe in,
what food to eat, how to dress, what to believe in.
Speaker 1 (51:26):
From the moment you're born, you're being told who you are.
Speaker 2 (51:30):
So as we get older, we think we know who
we are. And a lot of times getting to know
who you are is unlearning a lot of things that
you think you are, unlearning a lot of things that
you've been told. So you have to get to know yourself.
You have to figure out who you are, who you're not,
Like you said, your likes, your dislikes, your triggers. You know,
(51:54):
it's really important to figure out what your strengths are,
embrace and focus on those strengths and don't focus on
your weaknesses. We don't all have it all covered, you know,
and definitely do more things that bring you joy. I
think that that tells you who you are, the things
that bring you happiness and fill you with joy. That
(52:15):
tells you where you should be, what you should be
doing more of. And I think that a lot of
times it's very easy to lose that joy, especially as
we get older. But you know, since she's asking what
you can do to really have a good relationship with yourself,
you know, spend time each day doing something for yourself,
(52:37):
whether that's meditation, food, prepping, something that you do for yourself.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
I can't stress enough how important meditation is. Yeah, I
know that a lot of people are always really late
to it. Yeah, it's so helpful, it's so really important
because it's really the only thing you can do. When
I say meditate, you don't need to crush your legs
and put your thumbs up and you know that whole thing.
Excuse me, but do something that really is quiet, where
(53:08):
it's just you with you.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
Stop judging others. This is a big one. I think
that usually when you're constantly really judgmental of other people
and critical, it's usually because it's something within yourself that
you're fearful of or you dislike in yourself. So take
a look at that and notice when you're judging other people,
because that also creates a lot of negative talk within yourself.
(53:33):
It puts you on a really bad vibrational level.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
Yeah, focus on the things that you're aware you like
about yourself.
Speaker 2 (53:43):
Yeah, but also with other people. Have compassion and be
kind with other people and with yourself. And it's also
really important to recognize negative self talk. We all have it,
we all do it, you know, but we have to
get to the point where we recognize it and we
remind ourselves that those things aren't true. The things that
you're telling yourself in your head, those thoughts that really
(54:05):
put you in a bad place, they're not true.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
They don't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (54:10):
You have to really learn to recognize that, you know,
remind yourself that you're worthy of love and happiness. You
have to treat yourself well, you know, take time to
wind down at the end of each day and get
yourself to a good headspace, you know, delete the bad
things that happened, and just do better the next day.
I think that that's all any of us can do,
you know, and here's another big one. I think that
(54:32):
this is really important. Don't place your happiness on anyone
or anything that could be taken away. Your happiness is
something that has to really just come from you. You
have to find that within yourself, because the minute you
put that responsibility on somebody else, you're just preparing yourself
for a letdown. That's good advice, I don't know. I
(54:57):
think that those are the things that I try to
remind myself of. And if a good friend was really
not being kind to herself, these are the things that
I would suggest and hope that you know when the
next time that you're having a bit of a negative moment,
or you know, bad thoughts about yourself, or you're really
(55:18):
down on yourself, that you can learn to recognize that
those things are not true, and that it's just a
habit of your mind to go there. Our mind is
comfortable just saying shit, and sometimes it's just a practice.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
It takes practice.
Speaker 2 (55:36):
It's recognizing it and practicing the opposite thoughts. You know,
if you say something negative about yourself to yourself, it's
a gradual education. Yeah, pretend that it's someone talking to.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
You that way and don't allow it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
I always say, there's this bitch that lives in my
head and she's just such a bitch and all she
does is talk shit to me, and I have to
tell her shit tolerate that sometimes exactly. So sometimes you
have to tell that bitch in your head just shut
up and go away.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
All right, good questions, Thank you, guys, and we'll pick
up a few more at the on the next episode
for sure.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Next.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:15):
Yeah, I really enjoyed talking about all this stuff, and
I hope that maybe, uh it, it helps some people.
Speaker 1 (56:23):
Have a great week you guys. Bye.
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