February 16, 2022 • 54 mins
This week on Tequila Talk, Daisy and Richard discuss Valentine's Day and ponder why this new generation is more apathetic to romance and sex than previous generations.
While Richard has been working hard on his new album, Daisy has picked up a new hobby involving wildlife.
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While Richard has been working hard on his new album, Daisy has picked up a new hobby involving wildlife.
From Straw Hut Media
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw Hut Media. Oh salute HM. That's delicious and so
is that.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Pour yourself a glass of your finest tequila or whatever
you drink from straw Hut Media. This is Tequila Talk
with Daisy Pointes and Richard Max.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Welcome to Tequila Talk every one post Valentine's Day edition.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
How was your Valentine's Day? It was wonderful, was it?
Who'd you spend it with?
Speaker 3 (00:40):
My lover, Richard Marx.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I uh, I like that you and I have sort
of found this place. I think when we first started
dating we were both pretty mocky is that a word?
We still are. We kind of are, and we don't
we generally don't do your typical Valentine's bullshit, right, But
(01:07):
I also think it's like, and we've talked about this before,
this whole idea of marking a day in your calendar
to be more romantic or loving to your partner or
your spouse or like really.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah, Like we know it's a commercial thing, like just
about every other holiday has turned into a commercial thing
very much. But it's a sweet one, you know, It's
a really sweet one. The only thing that I don't
like about it is that, you know, couples feel the
pressure to do something super special and instagram worthy, and
(01:43):
single people feel like shit, and I don't like that, right,
It's just the friend.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Georgia had some pretty funny posts about it, because he's
single and he's like, when the fuck is this day
going to be over?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah? I remember when I was single out just hang
out with all my girlfriends and we would either, you know,
have a dinner out, or we would have like a
movie night in or then it was kind of fun.
It's just nice when you know, when you choose to
go against the grain.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I noticed, speaking of social media, I noticed on that
val this last Valentine's Day, I noticed people commenting basically saying,
in fact, maybe it's always been the case, but this
particular day highlighted it. So many people saying, yeah, I
gave up on that years ago, or I haven't been
(02:33):
with anybody in years, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
There's a lot of that going around. Yeah, there's a
lot of that going around. I think that this generation
has a much more cynical perception of love than other generations.
And I understand why, I you know, with what's happened
in the last couple of years on top of what
was happening already with social media, they've become much more
(02:58):
closed off and more.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
To sex as well as romance. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I was reading something that said that young people are
not really engaging in sex as much as much. Yeah,
you know, our generation, and that's mostly due again due
to social media and the internet and just doing everything online.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Including distractions and also other distractions. So you don't, I mean,
you think I would have taken a second to look
this up, although I just had this thought, Yeah, do
we know if there's some there could be Obviously it's sociological,
but is there also a potentially an environmental reason for
(03:41):
maybe a decrease in libido and younger people or I
don't think. Are young people just as horny as we were?
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I don't think so. I wonder why because I think
because porn is so readily available right anywhere, anytime. See Yeah,
and you know, and I think that there was much
more curiosity when we were younger, and now yeah, and
(04:12):
now there isn't everybody is just you know, you you
have easy access to that anytime anywhere.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And you think it's it dulls those senses.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah, because because it can't compare if you're hooked and
on porn. Again, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong
with porn, nothing at all. But if you start watching
porn when you're very young, like most people are doing today,
they're starting very very very young to watch it, and
(04:44):
you get a little addicted to watching it, and then
the only form of sex that you have is through
porn or with porn, and then when you have a partner,
it seems I can see how it would seem odd
because it's really difficult to match that or to compare
to what you're watching because it's free and porn.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
But you remind me of a conversation we had years
ago when I said something like, you know a lot
of when we were talking about porn and people getting
addicted to porn, et cetera, and oh, we were talking
about how men's perception and acceptance of porn is usually
different than most women's and and I said, you know,
(05:28):
some women feel like I've heard people say I can't
compete with that. You know, when it comes to my
boyfriend or my husband and him watching porn, I can't
compete with that. And days you went, you can try,
and I went, oh, my God, I just fell more
in live with you.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Well, you know that's the right attitude.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But I think so. I mean, certainly, when if you're
watching porn to the point where you're not really sort
of functioning or you're not or it's affecting your your libido,
your business life, your family life, whatever, then that you
have a problem.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
But yeah, but even if it's not that, what I'm
saying is if you're just addicted to getting off with
porn or that's what you're using for sex and that's
all you've ever known since you were young, then the
times that you are with somebody else is going to
be those times are going to be awkward and it's
never going to compare because you've you're used to something else, right,
(06:31):
And it's really I think that you know, people are
having a hard time even communicating and uh, socializing because
you you fall so out with all that that you're
just not used to it and it's awkward and people
have social anxiety. Well, imagine if you have social anxiety
(06:51):
just going to a party or just meeting people. Imagine
the social anxiety when you're used to sex on the
internet and now you're with a human. Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I want to comfortable. Excuse me. I wonder what the
stats are people who just watch porn, yeah, versus people
who are into interactive like where they're having online sex,
as opposed to where there is somebody on whoever you are.
You don't know who the other person is.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Really, right, but it's all connected. It's all something that
you're doing anonymously, and it's all something Essentially, you're still
kind of alone and you're not really connecting, right, and
that connection with somebody else is something that has to
happen naturally, that you have to you know, you start
when you're young having a crush on people, and the
whole process of learning how to be attracted to somebody else,
(07:47):
which you know, starts for some people very young. You
have a crush on somebody, you start by you know,
kissing someone and by you know, the small gestures. All
that is gone.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
All that, for the.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Most part is gone because kids are now very familiar
with porn. So they go they skip all of that
young puppy love sweetness, that learning curve that we should
all have. All that is skipped and they go right
to the porn. And it's it's a different experience. And
I can see how it could really screw with some kids.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's so very difficult to monitor it. Like you can
monitor in your own house. You can get blockers and
stuff like that, but they're going to go to their
friend's house and.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Well, I don't think it's anything to really block or make.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Well, it depends. I mean, if I had young kids, yeah, they're.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Going to find it somewhere else. I don't think that
that's the key. I think the key is to.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Talk to them. Yeah, but you you still have to
monitor the best you can.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You have to, you know, Well, we're past I believe
that we're past an age of monitoring because you can
monitor as much as you want in your house, and
you can't control what they're watching elsewhere. All they have
to do step outside, go to the next door neighbor's
house or any So it's more about talking to your
kids and explaining to them that they're you know, not
(09:06):
to get caught up in that. But how do you
do that when all their friends are doing it. I
was reading about this, so I was reading that kids are,
you know, more into portant than they are into actual
physical relationships. So I really think it's about talking to
them and explaining things to them. And that's even hard
to do because, as you know, when your peers are
all into something and they're all awkward in the same places,
(09:30):
then you're less likely to come out of that box
that you've put yourself into.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Then again, look, there's also just the the concept of
society tells you that you're supposed to interact and be
with someone and have a partner and have relationships. But
there are also people who if that's what works for
them and they're productive people and they seem happy, yeah,
(09:58):
then all power to them.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Absolutely that that's going to lead me right into a
topic that we've been discussing the last couple of days.
In fact, we even started watching some sort of silly
docu drama documentary on it. And I'm going to start
with a question. Okay, so what if I asked for
an open relationship, what would be your main concern and
(10:22):
what would be your initial reaction. Would you take a
second to think about it or would you initially be
like hell no, if I said I want an open
relationship where you can see whoever you want and I
can see whoever I want. But we're gonna be honest
about it and you know, be faithful to one another,
just with our you know, honesty. But we were allowed
(10:46):
to have sex with somebody else, just not fall in
love with somebody else.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, my initial reaction would be rejection. I would feel rejected.
I would feel like you need something that I'm not providing,
and so it would immediately I would immediately take it
personally really, and then I would I just believe that
(11:10):
that's not I just feel like I'm not wired to
do that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
And I just fell a little bit more in love
with you.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Well this is a surprise to you.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, I think that a lot of men would be
very excited to hear that proposition or even that possibility.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, I don't know. Maybe it's a time in my life.
I don't know. Maybe if you and I were in
a relationship when we were in our late twenties or
the early thirties and we've been together for five years
or whatever, I don't know whether I would say, oh, well,
maybe while we're still young, we should experiment, but maybe
not lose each other. But and the point is, we
(11:50):
started watching because one of us read something about Oh,
we had a conversation with somebody about swingers yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So it started with us talking to our neighbors who
have been in our neighborhood longer than we have.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, everybody listening already though, Oh they're totals.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
And they were saying that the neighbor yeah, that there's
a whole thing in the neighborhood with swingers. And I thought, well,
it's a little surprising, but again, I'm sure that happens
in every neighborhood. And they were like, yeah, there's there
are signs and there are things that you do to
let other couples know in the neighborhood that, And I
was like, what the fuck are you saying right now?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Well, I was less shocked because and I never experienced
it or could even identify anyone. But I lived for
a long time in a really small town, a suburb
of Chicago. That's where it happens Midwest, and I heard later, oh, yeah,
it's like a total swingers community in there. Really, because
(12:54):
I looked around and it was it would have been
pretty grim, but what I'm fat. So we so Daisie
and I had this conversation and then we were curious
about how people make that decision, how do they make
it work, what's the success rate of something like that. Yeah,
I don't know. And we watched one. We try to
watch one. There's really no there's nothing good because there
(13:17):
was nothing. There's nothing, no current well done documentary on it.
I think that I would love to see one. Yeah,
here's a question when it comes to and by the way,
having an open relationship is very different than being a
swingers being swingers.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, they're very different.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
We'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
So you know, there's there's being a swinger. There's polyamory
is another term that I was not familiar with, you know,
years ago. And then there's marriages, and those three things
are all different. So polyamory is where you have three
(14:09):
partners or more I suppose, I'm not really sure. You know,
it could be two guys and a girl, two girls
and a guy, or three women or three men, it
could be whatever. And you all decide to.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Live in Utah. That's a different one altogether.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
But it's where you all decide to live as a
family and even raise children together. And you know, it's
a very loving it's more than just a sexual relationship.
It's a very loving, you know, partnership, like if it
was a couple, but it's more than two people.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
But that I have heard about and seen, maybe not
documentaries about it, but I remember seeing a Dateline episode
or whatever twenty twenty about families like that, and I
think to myself, Okay, so it's Monday night and it's
the cases I saw were a man with several women,
(15:05):
with several wives, right, polygamous? Right, And if he's gett
if he feels a little frisky, and let's just say
he's one and done. He's a one and done kind
of guy. How does he decide who gets his attention?
Who gets left out? Do they get jealous of each
other even though they've all made this arrangement? How does
(15:28):
he how does he keep up with making all of
them contend exactly exactly what there was?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
There were a couple of TV shows about that. There
was a reality show about this family, right. I never
really got into I never watched it, but yeah, I'm
curious about that too. So that's different. That's polygamy. Then
there's swinging, which is when you, as a couple both
agree to exchange couples with other couples but still be
(16:00):
part of it. Where you know, if I'm having sex
with someone else you're watching or a part of it,
or you're having you know, you switch partners. So if
we go out with another couple, then you would be
with that woman and I would be with that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Manson always means swapping, but it means that everyone more
people are involved. Yes, even if they're not actively participating,
you're in the room, or yes, you're a part of it. Right.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
And then, of course, an open marriage is just when
either couple or both of you are have agreed to
have relationships outside of the marriage or sex outside of
the marriage individually.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Well, without naming names. One thing that's really interesting, let's
start with the open marriage thing. A guy I've been
friends with for many, many years. He was married a
couple times, and he's been single for the last dozen
years or so. He got in a relationship with this
woman he really really liked, but for you know, I'm
(17:03):
not judging at all. For whatever reason, he went to
her and said, I really feel like we should have
we should bring somebody else into the bedroom, another woman.
He wanted to have one designated person, and he said,
and you and I can choose her together. His girlfriend,
(17:25):
who I seem to remember, had never been with another
woman at this point agreed to it to please him, said,
I don't know how I feel about it, but if
this is something you want, I'll go with it. Flash forward,
So they found somebody they agreed on that they knew
who was up for it. Within six months, my friend's
(17:46):
girlfriend had left him for her.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Yeah, And I think that that's something that is very
troubling about swinging, is that people who participate in that
lifestyle believe that it's going to be just sex. And
it may start out that way, but it's not just sex.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Really.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
It's a lot more, and people do get jealous, people
do develop feelings, you know, And just because you've agreed
to be a part of this lifestyle doesn't mean that
you're not going to experience jealousy, or that you're not
going to fall in love with someone or just develop
more deeper feelings for the new person than you have
(18:22):
for your partner. Right, So I think that I think
that there even though I understand that there are some
couples who really navigate this and it works for them,
I think it's the minority, and I don't think it
can work in the long run, you know. I think
it's very shallow and I think it can end up
(18:42):
feeling very shallow and superficial. And you know, if you
just are like, oh, we just need to focus on
having sex with random strangers, I think that that's going
to get old really quickly.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
What if the relationship that you're in is healthy in
every way way except sexually. What if you have a
great you love each other, maybe you have children together,
but you're no longer sexually attracted to each other, or
if you are, it's just a flicker of what used
to be a fire. Do you just go, I'm going
(19:18):
to go look for the whole enchilada elsewhere, or do
you does it make sense to you for someone to
say if you both recognize it, you're both mature about it,
and you go, look, I adore you, I love you,
we have kids. I think we're a good team, we're
great friends. We just don't want to fuck anymore, like
we're not hot for each other anymore. Rather than end this,
(19:40):
what if we took on, What if we fulfilled our
sexual needs elsewhere. Don't you think that that's I mean,
I kind of get that.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, I get that too, Except that's not going to
work forever, because eventually somebody's going to fall for somebody else.
They're going to have a risk for that. Absolutely, I
think there will be They're going to have the going
to eventually find someone who they have a connection with
and who they like having sex with.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I think that people want that sexual thrill without putting
in the emotional work that is required to have a
healthy relationship, you know what I mean. I think they
go hand in hand.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I'm so fascinated by and I've heard about this for
a long time that there are men and women, although
I hear more I hear that it's more prevalent in men,
But don't judge me, No, I think it's both. I
think women finish what I'm saying, this is a specific thing.
The eroticism of seeing your partner, your spouse having sex
(20:38):
with someone else, so being in the room and watching. Yeah,
the voyeurism of women watching their husbands have sex with
another woman, or a guy watching another guy bang his wife.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And I'm fascinated by the line in the sand, if
you will, between feeling possessive and jealous versus Oh, that
really turns me on.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, that's a very fine line I think from most people, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I mean you just have to be wired in a
way that I'm not.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I just think that if you really want to have
shallow sexual relationships, why not just stay single and do
that for as long as you're having fun with that?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Okay, let me play Devil's advocate. What if a couple
in love with each other, they have a decent sex life,
they love being together, they don't want to split up
for any reason. They happen to know another couple. They
all the four of them love hanging out together. They're
(21:40):
best friends. They're attracted to each other, they love each other,
they love their time, and they spice it up by
having sex with each other's partners.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
That's an interesting word. Spice it up.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, I mean intellectually okay, But intellectually I can look
at some like that, even though I could never participate
in that, I can look at that intellectually and go, well,
good for them. Yeah, it's the way I feel about
people who are bisexual. There's a part of me intellectually
that goes good for you. Yeah, you have so many
more true, you're gonna have way more fun.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I think that the younger generations, people in their twenties
today and even late teens and twenties have a different
idea and a different perception of what a relationship is.
And I get that. It's a different world when it
comes to relationships. It's a different world when it comes
to defining partnerships and what they mean to you, and
(22:38):
really anything goes and I get it, I understand it.
I think good for them. It's time to take, you know,
some of the labels off and to take the taboo
out of different lifestyles. But with that said, I don't know.
I still, I still, even though I get it, I
(23:02):
can't having been in, you know, a few serious relationships,
having been married, I can't see how that could work
unless you are wired completely different, and as humans, we
are all wired the same in certain ways. It doesn't
matter what your sexual orientation or what you define yourself as.
(23:24):
The need for companionship, that need to be understood and
loved and to feel like you belong, like there's just
that your person that gets you.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
What if you never find that person?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Well, I don't know what I mean. Isn't there a
version of that person for everyone?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I mean, if you don't find that person, then you
should ask yourself maybe it's you.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Well, but look, you and I know several people in
our lives currently who are great people. Yeah, and they've
been single for a long time, like no relationship, if any, sex,
hardly any with other people. Right. We know these people
(24:16):
well enough that we would go, this is a cool person. Yeah.
So is it just that it's quote, it's them, or
is it that their standards have become so rigid that
they're sort of cutting off their nose despite their face,
are they? Or is it truly that maybe in some
(24:36):
people's cases, even really cool people, they can't find other
people that are cool. I think it's all of the above.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
You know. I remember the times that I've been single,
when I didn't find someone that I was really interested
in having a relationship with, I would just kind of date,
like not in a sexual way, but just date just
to kind of remember how to have that interaction with someone.
(25:07):
But I think that the people who shut down, the
longer you shut down, the more difficult it is to
jump back on the saddle, yeah and keep going and
do and remember, you know, it's very difficult. From the
people who I know, they basically just say that they
get set in their own ways, and the more time
(25:30):
that they are on their own and by themselves, the
less that they feel like being with somebody else. And
I think that it's just awkward. It gets really awkward
because you forget how to have that kind of intimate
romantic jargon and that that scenario and how to interact
in that way. Then I tell some of my single girlfriends,
(25:53):
you know, especially as we get older and they get
more set in their ways, I just say, you know,
it's just nice to be reminded, did that someone is
into you. It's nice to be reminded that you're still attractive,
that you're still desired, that you're still desirable and lovable.
And if you stay away for that from that for
too long, it's hard to get it back.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah. Yeah, it's something that.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
I think we do to ourselves. The more we become loners, the.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
More, that's for sure. Yeah, those kind of habits get
dug in deep. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
And then it's like you said, also, the standards for
some people have become so high that it gets crazy.
I know someone who is really only like she in
her mind is is still thirty, which I think is
great that you feel young, but she's really only attracted
(26:58):
to younger men and she's older. Yeah, and it doesn't
It's like, you know, a twenty five year old guy
isn't going to want to be with, you know, a
sixty year old woman. Yeah, even if you are cool
and you're in great shape and you know, you're funny
and personable, sure you may have you know, some interest there,
(27:21):
but that's really not the norm. And when a thirty
year old person guy or girl looks at you know,
another partner potential who is sixty years old, they see
their parent for the most part, they don't even see
someone sexual. So that's a very unusual relationship to develop.
But yes, in that case, the standards are so high
because you're you're stuck in the time of your life
(27:44):
and you refuse to move on to who you are now.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, I know a couple guys like that. Who the
ones I'm thinking of, they've all been married before, but
they haven't been married in a long time. They're older men,
they're considerably older than I am. So I'm talking about
guys in their late sixties early seventies who still would
(28:09):
not dream of dating a woman in her forties or fifties.
Why do you think that is because they just I
think that it's a metaphor for them for their own
age and their own mortality. So they have this thing
in their minds they have to date somebody young. And
I think to myself, dude, and a couple of them
(28:29):
are successful, handsome guys, but like you're holding out for
a thirty year old when you're seventy. It just seems crazy.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I think that there is some psychological something going on
there that's more psychological in the way that society might
view this person as more current or younger or more
I don't know, Yeah, because society has put so much
(29:00):
pressure on aging, and society is so the one couple.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
We know has a significant age gap and they've been
together for twenty something years and they're they're a great
couple and they've had a great marriage.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Yeah, I know somebody else like that too. Yeah, So
it does happen. It does work, you know, it's not
it's not like it can't work. And I do think
that an age difference isn't that big of a deal
unless someone is super super young. Yeah, because in that case,
even if you're both super super young, it's your relationship
(29:40):
is at risk.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, just for that alone. Yeahs, that just sparked before
we move on. Now, you just made me. I want
to go research. I haven't thought about this one one time,
so I've never looked it up. I want to know
what the stats are on the success rate of marriages.
We're both of both parties are in their twenties, early
(30:04):
to mid twenties when they get married. What's the current
bet on a marriage like that? Ooh, I have it.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, maybe thirty years ago it was better. So you
think the stats fifty years ago?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So you think the stats on people like us who
got married in well, I was fifty one when we
got married, but and you were in your late forties. Yeah,
so you think that the stats on those I'm gonna
sneeze not COVID, thank you. Do you think the stats
on those marriages are higher than the longevities, higher than
(30:43):
people who get married in their twenties.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Oh, I'd be willing to bet on it.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah I would too. Yeah, but I'm curious. I want
to know if it's like, oh, it's actually higher than
I thought, or if like, holy shit, it's like you're doomed.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
I think that these days it's really it's good and
it's bad that it's easy to get out of a marriage,
because why should you be stuck in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's I don't think it's good.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I never viewed divorce as something bad. I think that
you owe it to yourself to move on, to be happy.
So but you know, I do think it's a little
bit too easy, and maybe people give up a little
bit too.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Also, this whole penalty for divorce, this whole you know, Yeah,
one person decides they're just not into the marriage, and
I got to pay and pay and pay, Like, okay,
you can leave, but here's right costume. I mean, there's
something about it, and I get it that people shouldn't,
(31:39):
you know, especially women should not be left high and
dry at the drop of a hat. But there's also
there's a huge chasm between that and yeah, you know,
being paid for the rest of your life because you
were married for six years.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Well, in that case, it's just a business transaction because
you view it like that when you first get in,
knowing that that's what you're going to do. But you know,
if there are children involved in whoever the the child,
the person who takes care of the children, very important
should continue to be supported and be taken care of.
(32:17):
But if the children are grown, you know, I have that.
There's this whole thing of like, uh, well, you know,
I put in so much time into the marriage. So
even if the children are grown and I can get
a job of my own, I still want you to
pay me. Yeah, Like what is that about? Who agreed
on that?
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Like?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Who put that law into effect?
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I believed in you. I suppose I was there by
your side when you did all this stuff and became successful,
and then you decided you didn't want to be married anymore,
and so now you have to pay me forever. Yeah,
there's something about that, yeah, conceptually that it makes you go.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Really yeah, you know, And I'm not I'm not saying
that it's women or it's men, because it's both.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You can do it. It's both.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
There are women paying men and there are men paying women,
just because that's your punishment for not wanting to be
in that relationship anymore. So I don't know who put
that law into effect, and I don't know. I think
that it needs to be revised because yes, there are
many cases where you know, you signed up for something
(33:23):
and you have children and now you need to continue
to support that family, even if you are moving on,
you need to continue to help. But you both do,
you know, But in many cases it's just a business transaction.
And you know there are.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
There are prenups that stay.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
If you stay with me for a certain amount of years,
then you only owe me this much. If you stay
for this longer, you owe me this much. If you
cheat after so many years, then you owe me this
much more. What the fuck is like?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Who's going to be?
Speaker 5 (33:59):
Okay, Yeah, let's go marry. That sounds fun, Let's do that.
What are you crazy? I mean, the concept of a
prenapp just to be clear, is good. It's good, yes,
But when you have those kind of stipulations, jesus.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yeah, that's a little bit too extreme. I don't know,
And I guess that there are extreme cases.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
What do I know?
Speaker 6 (34:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
And also I picture something like because I've heard those
two like for instance, like if you cheat, I get
three million dollars or some number, some actual assigned.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
As Yeah, it's already pres The.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Guy is in a situation where it looks like he
slept with that girl, but he didn't, but he can't
prove that he didn't you can't prove a negative and
he's got to pay the like and like I did,
but I didn't, Well, but it looks like you did.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
So you know, in those cases when there is a
lot of money at stake.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
They get set up.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Well, no, people are hiring private investigators to have the
proof that you need to get the money. So the
whole thing is just so screwed up and it's just
so it's so shady. And look, I believe in a prenup.
I think that people should have a prenup because it
should be easy to get out of a situation.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
If you need to. I agree.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And if you're expecting someone to support you, if you're
getting into a situation where okay, this is our understanding
is that I'm not going to work and you're just
gonna support me, and if we break up, you're going
to continue to do this and you sign up for that,
then you're an asshole.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
If there are no kids involved and you're okay with that,
then you deserve to continue paying. Yeah. I think that
it should just be more when there are kids involved.
And obviously, if there was love for one person at
one point and you're breaking up with that person, sure,
help them out. Make sure that you don't leave anybody
out in the street their provisions. You don't have to be,
(35:55):
you know, a jerk to people.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You can. There are provisions that are but it's not
out as it is out of control.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
It's out control.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
We'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
So in the last couple of weeks, while I have
been focused on finishing my album and kind of when
we're not hanging out together, I'm focused on that finishing
lyrics doing you know, in the studio a little bit.
Tell everybody what you've been doing.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I have been building a bird sanctuary around my house
and I am fascinated with it. It has gotten a
little bit out of control, you think, just a little bit.
I mean, you know, they talk and they all told
all the other birds this is the place to be.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Oh yeah, this is the neighborhood. This is watering hole
and smorgas board. This is like this is like the
all you can eat buffet of the neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
So of course they are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Birds of them are absolutely good. What do they did?
You find out what they think?
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Most of them are finches. Finches, they're yeah, it's a
type of like finches absolutely gorgeous and they're all different colors.
And anyway, I think most people know that we lost
our Betty, our dog, and I've always had a pet,
and I love taking care of animals, and I just
(37:24):
felt like I had no purpose and so.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I, no, I love you, but.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
You don't need me to take care of you, I know,
and feed you.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Although I do feed you and take care of you.
Yes you do. There you go.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
So I, you know, once I had a little bit
of time on my hand on my hands from like
not taking care of Betty, who was very sick. In
the end, those last four months were just all consuming
with taking care of her. I said, you know, I
noticed that there were a few birds on the trees
outside of the kitchen window, and I thought, oh, it'll
(37:57):
be sweet for me to get them a little.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Feeding tree to get a little treat. Yeah, and I.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Did, and I saw that a couple of them started
coming around, so I thought I could get some more,
and so I put up some more. And then I
started reading about it, like what to feed them to
attract more birds, and that you had to have water,
and so I slowly but surely started building all of that,
and so now in the two trees outside of our kitchen,
I have a whole bird like a spa resort set up.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
They just also enjoyed by squirrels.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
There was just one who who was doing acrobatics off
the tree to try to get the thing. But no,
it's all kind of a squirrel proof in this area.
I haven't seen squirrels in this part. And sure enough,
if you build it, they will go. And I'm so
proud that I now have at you know, almost any
(38:53):
given time of the day there will be twenty to
thirty birds out there.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Daisy's glued to the kitchen windows.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
It's like meditation because it's there are very few things
that I could just look at and be fully present.
I mean, I have taken a couple of videos, but
for the most part, I don't have my phone with me.
I'm looking at these birds for the most part and
being really president what they're doing, and just looking at
their colors and feeling so happy that I'm feeding them
(39:20):
and I'm providing a little safe space for them.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
I love the uh I mean, it's literally a bird bath. Yeah,
the little circular what do you call it, the little fountain.
It's like a fountain. Yeah, but I love seeing them
in there.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah, it's so cute. It is really meditative. I mean
it really is. I will look at it for like
twenty to thirty seconds, then I'm good, and you'll stand
there for forty minutes. I love it. And I started
to walk away and he's no, come back and look.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yes, because there's so many of them. And then I
downloaded this app called the Merlin Bird Idle, which is
kind of like a plan which I have also. Yeah,
it's such a nerd. So with this, with this app,
I just take pictures out the window of these birds
and it tells me exactly what they are, like, it
pops up another picture and I'm like, oh my god,
it's the exact same bird.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Are they all indigenous to California?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
Yeah, to the US, yeah, but specifically the West coast right.
So on this app, you can specify the region that
you're in and it downloads all the possible birds that
can be in that area.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Do you have a goal in mind? Do you have
a do you have a goal of like getting them
to eat from your hand? Yes, I would love that.
I would love that even a possibility.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Sure it is really but I don't interact with them
because I know it scares them.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I want to keep them wild, yea.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
And I love that I can through the window watch
all these birds in their environment. And sure I'm somewhat
taking care of them. And I think that a lot
of the same birds are coming back. I think it's
all like the same group.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
But I like that they feel free.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
And that I don't have to, you know, baby them
or bring them by.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I'm not interrupting them. I can't believe how territorial some
of them.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Some of them aren't such dicks.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
There's such dicks to each other. Get the out of my.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Yeah, some of them will definitely not let others eat
while they're eating. But there have been times when there
have been ten of them in one tray eating all together,
and that's very sweet. And then that one jerk comes
along and spooks everybody.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
And yeah, I think because you said it's just one,
but I've seen a couple of squirrels in the other one. Yeah, yeah,
and that's hilarious to me.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
Yeah, that's fun because they literally climb inside the feeder
like they're so.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Cross, but they're like they'll do anything for a little treat.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Well, but then I started putting a whole other bowl
on the ground for the squirrels. And now it's the
cutest thing. It's actually Betty's old water ball that I
put out there, and now they'll sit at the ball
like a person next to the bowl, picking up the
food and the peanuts and opening and it's I just.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Eat bird food without any consequences.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah, because they're all nuts and seeds, right, yeah, I
mean they prefer when I just do like these sunflower
the black oil sunflower seeds for them.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
They prefer that.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
And then I also put corn dried cord and kernels.
They love that. It's funny because you can go online
and see exactly what wild squirrels and wild birds eat
and how to keep them a little bit.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
And it's all vegan. It's all vegan.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
At least these birds and these squirrels are all vegan. Yeah,
I mean, I'm sure they go out there and eat
the odd warm or so, but not for me.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Well, I need I need to find we talk We've
talked about this incessantly alone, but I think we've even
talked about it on the podcast. I need to find
something to catch to capture my attention in that way.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
You know something, I had lunch today yesterday with our
friend Paul Stanley, and he starting during the pandemic for
the first time since he was a teenager. Yeah, he
started riding his bike and he doesn't ride on the street.
He thinks that that's crazy. Yeah, he thinks it's just
(43:22):
that the risk versus reward is no good faid. But
he found a path, a bike path that's basically like
a seventeen mile round trip.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Wow, that's nice.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
And so it's great exercise. And he also he told
me I'll try to get the name of it from
him to pass it forward because I want to look
it up too, because I said, do you listen to
podcasts or music? Because that would make seem to me
to be dangerous too. He said, I listened to music,
but I he where's this thing that kind of hangs
(43:53):
around his neck. It's not in his.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Ears right, so you can still hear everything, and so he.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Can hear everything around him. But he has a sound
on track that sounds nice. That's a idea. It's a
great idea. Anyway, My point is he got to the
point where that's something he has to do four or
five days a week. That's his Yeah, that's his thing.
That's his hobby. Is like he gets on his bike.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
He clears his mind and that's how he feels good.
Well we do that with the hiking.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yeah, but I mean I kind of like you now
have your bird sectary. I need one, I need one.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Well, I'm going to suggest that you get swinging. You're
such a dick.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
I'm going to suggest that you go back to your art.
You're you draw up beautifully, You're an artist in that way.
You should start painting.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Paul. Paul's a great painter too. He's got it like
he's he's becoming like a journeyman. Like it's not enough
that he's a rock star and kiss. He's like he
paints and he guitars and he rides his bike.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
And I guess that's why you guys get along so well.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yeah, because you have all that in common. But it's
inspiring to have someone who has multiple interests. I've always
had other interests, but I feel like they've waned over
the years. And yeah, I think I.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Think maybe because of the Internet.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
I'm just all I do is look at porn. Yeah,
that's what it is. You might want to clarify that no,
of course.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
I well, I think that in time would just jump
online and.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
We're like, the internet is definitely a reason, but not
an excuse.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
I think that social media has taken up most of everyone's.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Question way like, way too much time on YouTube, really, yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Looking at retro old clips.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Of old porn, retro lots of bush, lots of massive
bush and big long mustache. Yes, and and wah wah
guitars the soundtrack. No, I as you know, I can
go down rabbit holes. Yes, and I've just found that.
(46:08):
Like I'll go in, like I'll go into our office,
and if I have twenty minutes of emails and shit
to respond to or deal with, then I tell myself,
don't google the.
Speaker 6 (46:22):
Bob Newhart Show or whatever some old retro thing that
I'm thinking about, like a show that I watched when
I was a kid, or whatever happened to this person
or because then all of a sudden, the next thing
I know, I've spent an.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Hour hours later. Yeah, and I could have been painting.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Or drawing, or that's what happens to all of us.
I will go online to just check emails before I
know what I'm distracted by whatever stupid shit yeah gets
on my screen. Yeah, and I want to do less
of that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
So, on the topic of all of this sex talk
and dysfunctional uh sexual relationships, we started watching pam and
Tommy Lee.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
We only watched the first two episodes.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Yeah, and all I have to say is that I'm
intrigued and Lily James, Sebastian Stan and Seth Rogan, who
are the three leads are?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I didn't And the first couple of minutes I'm watching
I go is that Seth Rogan.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
It's incredible because he completely transformed himself complete and so
like Lily James and Sebastian Stan do not look anything
like themselves, like you see no trace by one.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Day they were before this.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Yeah, I didn't either. I mean I knew who Lily
James was. I was familiar with who she is, even
though I couldn't name anything that I've seen with her
in it. I know that she's you know, she's a
working actress. She looks familiar, but when you see her
as Pamela Anderson, it's jaw dropping. Like I think the
main artists on this project need to win lots of
(48:03):
awards because it's really incredible And for those of you
who don't know what this is about, you know, it's
the story of Pam and Tommy Lee of their their
love affair. They were married after knowing each other only
for ninety six hours, and they divorced.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
They didn't work out.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
They divorced three years later after two kids and charges
of spousal abuse and child abuse. So's it's a crazy ride.
And of course they had a sex tape stolen from
their home in nineteen ninety five and that was released,
and I think it was the beginning of all of that.
It was the first celebrity tape that I remember very film.
(48:47):
I remember that was after and I believe that that
she or someone put that out themselves. But these guys,
this tape was stolen from their house, and I think
they came to the conclusion that it was stolen from
that a worker, Yeah, like someone who was very upset,
who had done work in their house and they weren't paid.
(49:07):
They stole a safe from their house and in it
was this tape, and then they sold it for a
lot of money and it became very popular.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
Yeah, and I started a trend. Yeah, you know, I
worked with Tommy Lee did you. Yeah, Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
He was on your asse.
Speaker 1 (49:22):
Actually a really cool story. Yeah, nineteen ninety one, ninety yeah,
I'm going to say nineteen ninety ish. Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
I remember you telling me about this.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
I had done two albums, I was off the road.
I was starting my third album called Rush Street, and
I went to a hockey game in LA. I was
still living in LA at the first time around. And
I went to a hockey game and I ended up
sitting next to Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear and we
(49:55):
just started talking and we had some mutual friends. And
he said, to you on the road, I said, no, finished,
I'm back in the studio making a new record. And
I honestly can't remember whether he said, well, you know, hey,
I'd love to play on something, or if I said
to him, you know, I chruer love to get you
to play on something, thinking he wouldn't because our music
is so different. And he turned to me and he went,
(50:17):
and of course, when do you want to When do
you want to do it? Do you have you have
something in mind? I was like, I do actually, and
I had just written this song called Streets of Pain.
It's absolutely the hardest rocking song I think I've ever written.
Really yeah, wow, it does not like if you heard
this one, you'd be like, who is that?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Anyway, it was maybe a week later I called him.
He came to the studio where we were recording this
amazing studio in Hollywood, and it was Tommy on drums,
Steve Lucather from Toto on guitar, and Randy Jackson on bass.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Wow Star all Star, But I mean.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Randy was a superstar session player at that This is
way before you know, that's a no for me, dog,
way before American Idol. And Randy is I tell everybody
like one of the greatest musicians I've ever known.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
He's done some of the biggest records. He's been on
some of the most successful projects.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
But he played on so many of my records. And
so we had this day in the studio where we
cut the song on Streets of Pain, which is on
the Rest Street album. You can listen to it on
Apple Music or Spotify. I don't care.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
Whichever one offends.
Speaker 1 (51:35):
And it was such a great day because I remember
Tommy working so hard on his groove and it was different.
I mean, even though it was a hard rock song.
It was a little different than what he'd done before,
and he hadn't played on other people's records at that point.
And I remember when we were listening to the playback,
(51:55):
he was running around the console that the engineering console
in the control room. He was so happy. He thought
it sounded so great and it did, and he was
he had this very childlike energy about him, but when
he sat behind the drum kit, it was all business
and very focused and he's he's really, you know, really cool.
(52:17):
I had a great time. We didn't end up hanging
out after that, but I loved working with him.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
Well that's another example of you know what you have
to do to be at the top of your game,
at the top of your business, you have to be
super focused and you have to be that you have
to care about it that much about doing a good job.
It doesn't matter what it is that you think you
want to do. And I know that the catchphrase these
(52:42):
days is oh listen, if you can dream it up,
you can do it. You can do anything you want,
anything that you can see yourself. It's not that simple. Yeah,
it starts with that, it starts with the vision. But
unless you focus on becoming the best at something, and
you sleep, drink, breathe, and eat whatever that project is
(53:05):
or that thing that you're trying to get really good at,
then you're not going to be in the top of
your game. You're just not going to be on the
top of your game.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
Yeah, so we have to let's watch it tonight. Yeah,
let's watch I remember I was saying to you a
couple of nights ago, didn't we start watching something? Yeah,
that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 3 (53:24):
We got a little sleepy on the last episode, but
I remember we were kind of into it. So we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (53:31):
Dig back into that. All right, kids, have a great week.
I hope you guys had sex with whomever or however,
we're just yourselves. We will see you guys next week.
Thanks for listening, and take good care of each other.
Speaker 3 (53:49):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
Thanks for listening to Tequila Talk with Daisy Pouintez and
Richard Marx. Download new episodes every week, and if you
haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us.
Speaker 4 (53:59):
A rating and review.
Speaker 2 (54:00):
And while you're at it, check out some of the
other great shows available on Strawheet Media.
Straw Hut Media. Oh salute HM. That's delicious and so
is that.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Pour yourself a glass of your finest tequila or whatever
you drink from straw Hut Media. This is Tequila Talk
with Daisy Pointes and Richard Max.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Welcome to Tequila Talk every one post Valentine's Day edition.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
How was your Valentine's Day? It was wonderful, was it?
Who'd you spend it with?
Speaker 3 (00:40):
My lover, Richard Marx.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I uh, I like that you and I have sort
of found this place. I think when we first started
dating we were both pretty mocky is that a word?
We still are. We kind of are, and we don't
we generally don't do your typical Valentine's bullshit, right, But
(01:07):
I also think it's like, and we've talked about this before,
this whole idea of marking a day in your calendar
to be more romantic or loving to your partner or
your spouse or like really.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah, Like we know it's a commercial thing, like just
about every other holiday has turned into a commercial thing
very much. But it's a sweet one, you know, It's
a really sweet one. The only thing that I don't
like about it is that, you know, couples feel the
pressure to do something super special and instagram worthy, and
(01:43):
single people feel like shit, and I don't like that, right,
It's just the friend.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Georgia had some pretty funny posts about it, because he's
single and he's like, when the fuck is this day
going to be over?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah? I remember when I was single out just hang
out with all my girlfriends and we would either, you know,
have a dinner out, or we would have like a
movie night in or then it was kind of fun.
It's just nice when you know, when you choose to
go against the grain.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I noticed, speaking of social media, I noticed on that
val this last Valentine's Day, I noticed people commenting basically saying,
in fact, maybe it's always been the case, but this
particular day highlighted it. So many people saying, yeah, I
gave up on that years ago, or I haven't been
(02:33):
with anybody in years, and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
There's a lot of that going around. Yeah, there's a
lot of that going around. I think that this generation
has a much more cynical perception of love than other generations.
And I understand why, I you know, with what's happened
in the last couple of years on top of what
was happening already with social media, they've become much more
(02:58):
closed off and more.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
To sex as well as romance. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
I was reading something that said that young people are
not really engaging in sex as much as much. Yeah,
you know, our generation, and that's mostly due again due
to social media and the internet and just doing everything online.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Including distractions and also other distractions. So you don't, I mean,
you think I would have taken a second to look
this up, although I just had this thought, Yeah, do
we know if there's some there could be Obviously it's sociological,
but is there also a potentially an environmental reason for
(03:41):
maybe a decrease in libido and younger people or I
don't think. Are young people just as horny as we were?
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I don't think so. I wonder why because I think
because porn is so readily available right anywhere, anytime. See Yeah,
and you know, and I think that there was much
more curiosity when we were younger, and now yeah, and
(04:12):
now there isn't everybody is just you know, you you
have easy access to that anytime anywhere.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And you think it's it dulls those senses.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
Yeah, because because it can't compare if you're hooked and
on porn. Again, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong
with porn, nothing at all. But if you start watching
porn when you're very young, like most people are doing today,
they're starting very very very young to watch it, and
(04:44):
you get a little addicted to watching it, and then
the only form of sex that you have is through
porn or with porn, and then when you have a partner,
it seems I can see how it would seem odd
because it's really difficult to match that or to compare
to what you're watching because it's free and porn.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
But you remind me of a conversation we had years
ago when I said something like, you know a lot
of when we were talking about porn and people getting
addicted to porn, et cetera, and oh, we were talking
about how men's perception and acceptance of porn is usually
different than most women's and and I said, you know,
(05:28):
some women feel like I've heard people say I can't
compete with that. You know, when it comes to my
boyfriend or my husband and him watching porn, I can't
compete with that. And days you went, you can try,
and I went, oh, my God, I just fell more
in live with you.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Well, you know that's the right attitude.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But I think so. I mean, certainly, when if you're
watching porn to the point where you're not really sort
of functioning or you're not or it's affecting your your libido,
your business life, your family life, whatever, then that you
have a problem.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
But yeah, but even if it's not that, what I'm
saying is if you're just addicted to getting off with
porn or that's what you're using for sex and that's
all you've ever known since you were young, then the
times that you are with somebody else is going to
be those times are going to be awkward and it's
never going to compare because you've you're used to something else, right,
(06:31):
And it's really I think that you know, people are
having a hard time even communicating and uh, socializing because
you you fall so out with all that that you're
just not used to it and it's awkward and people
have social anxiety. Well, imagine if you have social anxiety
(06:51):
just going to a party or just meeting people. Imagine
the social anxiety when you're used to sex on the
internet and now you're with a human. Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I want to comfortable. Excuse me. I wonder what the
stats are people who just watch porn, yeah, versus people
who are into interactive like where they're having online sex,
as opposed to where there is somebody on whoever you are.
You don't know who the other person is.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Really, right, but it's all connected. It's all something that
you're doing anonymously, and it's all something Essentially, you're still
kind of alone and you're not really connecting, right, and
that connection with somebody else is something that has to
happen naturally, that you have to you know, you start
when you're young having a crush on people, and the
whole process of learning how to be attracted to somebody else,
(07:47):
which you know, starts for some people very young. You
have a crush on somebody, you start by you know,
kissing someone and by you know, the small gestures. All
that is gone.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
All that, for the.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Most part is gone because kids are now very familiar
with porn. So they go they skip all of that
young puppy love sweetness, that learning curve that we should
all have. All that is skipped and they go right
to the porn. And it's it's a different experience. And
I can see how it could really screw with some kids.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's so very difficult to monitor it. Like you can
monitor in your own house. You can get blockers and
stuff like that, but they're going to go to their
friend's house and.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Well, I don't think it's anything to really block or make.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Well, it depends. I mean, if I had young kids, yeah, they're.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Going to find it somewhere else. I don't think that
that's the key. I think the key is to.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Talk to them. Yeah, but you you still have to
monitor the best you can.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
You have to, you know, Well, we're past I believe
that we're past an age of monitoring because you can
monitor as much as you want in your house, and
you can't control what they're watching elsewhere. All they have
to do step outside, go to the next door neighbor's
house or any So it's more about talking to your
kids and explaining to them that they're you know, not
(09:06):
to get caught up in that. But how do you
do that when all their friends are doing it. I
was reading about this, so I was reading that kids are,
you know, more into portant than they are into actual
physical relationships. So I really think it's about talking to
them and explaining things to them. And that's even hard
to do because, as you know, when your peers are
all into something and they're all awkward in the same places,
(09:30):
then you're less likely to come out of that box
that you've put yourself into.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Then again, look, there's also just the the concept of
society tells you that you're supposed to interact and be
with someone and have a partner and have relationships. But
there are also people who if that's what works for
them and they're productive people and they seem happy, yeah,
(09:58):
then all power to them.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Absolutely that that's going to lead me right into a
topic that we've been discussing the last couple of days.
In fact, we even started watching some sort of silly
docu drama documentary on it. And I'm going to start
with a question. Okay, so what if I asked for
an open relationship, what would be your main concern and
(10:22):
what would be your initial reaction. Would you take a
second to think about it or would you initially be
like hell no, if I said I want an open
relationship where you can see whoever you want and I
can see whoever I want. But we're gonna be honest
about it and you know, be faithful to one another,
just with our you know, honesty. But we were allowed
(10:46):
to have sex with somebody else, just not fall in
love with somebody else.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, my initial reaction would be rejection. I would feel rejected.
I would feel like you need something that I'm not providing,
and so it would immediately I would immediately take it
personally really, and then I would I just believe that
(11:10):
that's not I just feel like I'm not wired to
do that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
And I just fell a little bit more in love
with you.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Well this is a surprise to you.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Well, I think that a lot of men would be
very excited to hear that proposition or even that possibility.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, I don't know. Maybe it's a time in my life.
I don't know. Maybe if you and I were in
a relationship when we were in our late twenties or
the early thirties and we've been together for five years
or whatever, I don't know whether I would say, oh, well,
maybe while we're still young, we should experiment, but maybe
not lose each other. But and the point is, we
(11:50):
started watching because one of us read something about Oh,
we had a conversation with somebody about swingers yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So it started with us talking to our neighbors who
have been in our neighborhood longer than we have.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, everybody listening already though, Oh they're totals.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
And they were saying that the neighbor yeah, that there's
a whole thing in the neighborhood with swingers. And I thought, well,
it's a little surprising, but again, I'm sure that happens
in every neighborhood. And they were like, yeah, there's there
are signs and there are things that you do to
let other couples know in the neighborhood that, And I
was like, what the fuck are you saying right now?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Well, I was less shocked because and I never experienced
it or could even identify anyone. But I lived for
a long time in a really small town, a suburb
of Chicago. That's where it happens Midwest, and I heard later, oh, yeah,
it's like a total swingers community in there. Really, because
(12:54):
I looked around and it was it would have been
pretty grim, but what I'm fat. So we so Daisie
and I had this conversation and then we were curious
about how people make that decision, how do they make
it work, what's the success rate of something like that. Yeah,
I don't know. And we watched one. We try to
watch one. There's really no there's nothing good because there
(13:17):
was nothing. There's nothing, no current well done documentary on it.
I think that I would love to see one. Yeah,
here's a question when it comes to and by the way,
having an open relationship is very different than being a
swingers being swingers.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yeah, they're very different.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
We'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
So you know, there's there's being a swinger. There's polyamory
is another term that I was not familiar with, you know,
years ago. And then there's marriages, and those three things
are all different. So polyamory is where you have three
(14:09):
partners or more I suppose, I'm not really sure. You know,
it could be two guys and a girl, two girls
and a guy, or three women or three men, it
could be whatever. And you all decide to.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Live in Utah. That's a different one altogether.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
But it's where you all decide to live as a
family and even raise children together. And you know, it's
a very loving it's more than just a sexual relationship.
It's a very loving, you know, partnership, like if it
was a couple, but it's more than two people.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
But that I have heard about and seen, maybe not
documentaries about it, but I remember seeing a Dateline episode
or whatever twenty twenty about families like that, and I
think to myself, Okay, so it's Monday night and it's
the cases I saw were a man with several women,
(15:05):
with several wives, right, polygamous? Right, And if he's gett
if he feels a little frisky, and let's just say
he's one and done. He's a one and done kind
of guy. How does he decide who gets his attention?
Who gets left out? Do they get jealous of each
other even though they've all made this arrangement? How does
(15:28):
he how does he keep up with making all of
them contend exactly exactly what there was?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
There were a couple of TV shows about that. There
was a reality show about this family, right. I never
really got into I never watched it, but yeah, I'm
curious about that too. So that's different. That's polygamy. Then
there's swinging, which is when you, as a couple both
agree to exchange couples with other couples but still be
(16:00):
part of it. Where you know, if I'm having sex
with someone else you're watching or a part of it,
or you're having you know, you switch partners. So if
we go out with another couple, then you would be
with that woman and I would be with that.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Manson always means swapping, but it means that everyone more
people are involved. Yes, even if they're not actively participating,
you're in the room, or yes, you're a part of it. Right.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
And then, of course, an open marriage is just when
either couple or both of you are have agreed to
have relationships outside of the marriage or sex outside of
the marriage individually.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Well, without naming names. One thing that's really interesting, let's
start with the open marriage thing. A guy I've been
friends with for many, many years. He was married a
couple times, and he's been single for the last dozen
years or so. He got in a relationship with this
woman he really really liked, but for you know, I'm
(17:03):
not judging at all. For whatever reason, he went to
her and said, I really feel like we should have
we should bring somebody else into the bedroom, another woman.
He wanted to have one designated person, and he said,
and you and I can choose her together. His girlfriend,
(17:25):
who I seem to remember, had never been with another
woman at this point agreed to it to please him, said,
I don't know how I feel about it, but if
this is something you want, I'll go with it. Flash forward,
So they found somebody they agreed on that they knew
who was up for it. Within six months, my friend's
(17:46):
girlfriend had left him for her.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
Yeah, And I think that that's something that is very
troubling about swinging, is that people who participate in that
lifestyle believe that it's going to be just sex. And
it may start out that way, but it's not just sex.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Really.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
It's a lot more, and people do get jealous, people
do develop feelings, you know, And just because you've agreed
to be a part of this lifestyle doesn't mean that
you're not going to experience jealousy, or that you're not
going to fall in love with someone or just develop
more deeper feelings for the new person than you have
(18:22):
for your partner. Right, So I think that I think
that there even though I understand that there are some
couples who really navigate this and it works for them,
I think it's the minority, and I don't think it
can work in the long run, you know. I think
it's very shallow and I think it can end up
(18:42):
feeling very shallow and superficial. And you know, if you
just are like, oh, we just need to focus on
having sex with random strangers, I think that that's going
to get old really quickly.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
What if the relationship that you're in is healthy in
every way way except sexually. What if you have a
great you love each other, maybe you have children together,
but you're no longer sexually attracted to each other, or
if you are, it's just a flicker of what used
to be a fire. Do you just go, I'm going
(19:18):
to go look for the whole enchilada elsewhere, or do
you does it make sense to you for someone to
say if you both recognize it, you're both mature about it,
and you go, look, I adore you, I love you,
we have kids. I think we're a good team, we're
great friends. We just don't want to fuck anymore, like
we're not hot for each other anymore. Rather than end this,
(19:40):
what if we took on, What if we fulfilled our
sexual needs elsewhere. Don't you think that that's I mean,
I kind of get that.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah, I get that too, Except that's not going to
work forever, because eventually somebody's going to fall for somebody else.
They're going to have a risk for that. Absolutely, I
think there will be They're going to have the going
to eventually find someone who they have a connection with
and who they like having sex with.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I think that people want that sexual thrill without putting
in the emotional work that is required to have a
healthy relationship, you know what I mean. I think they
go hand in hand.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I'm so fascinated by and I've heard about this for
a long time that there are men and women, although
I hear more I hear that it's more prevalent in men,
But don't judge me, No, I think it's both. I
think women finish what I'm saying, this is a specific thing.
The eroticism of seeing your partner, your spouse having sex
(20:38):
with someone else, so being in the room and watching. Yeah,
the voyeurism of women watching their husbands have sex with
another woman, or a guy watching another guy bang his wife.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
And I'm fascinated by the line in the sand, if
you will, between feeling possessive and jealous versus Oh, that
really turns me on.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, that's a very fine line I think from most people, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I mean you just have to be wired in a
way that I'm not.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
I just think that if you really want to have
shallow sexual relationships, why not just stay single and do
that for as long as you're having fun with that?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Okay, let me play Devil's advocate. What if a couple
in love with each other, they have a decent sex life,
they love being together, they don't want to split up
for any reason. They happen to know another couple. They
all the four of them love hanging out together. They're
(21:40):
best friends. They're attracted to each other, they love each other,
they love their time, and they spice it up by
having sex with each other's partners.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
That's an interesting word. Spice it up.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, I mean intellectually okay, But intellectually I can look
at some like that, even though I could never participate
in that, I can look at that intellectually and go, well,
good for them. Yeah, it's the way I feel about
people who are bisexual. There's a part of me intellectually
that goes good for you. Yeah, you have so many
more true, you're gonna have way more fun.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I think that the younger generations, people in their twenties
today and even late teens and twenties have a different
idea and a different perception of what a relationship is.
And I get that. It's a different world when it
comes to relationships. It's a different world when it comes
to defining partnerships and what they mean to you, and
(22:38):
really anything goes and I get it, I understand it.
I think good for them. It's time to take, you know,
some of the labels off and to take the taboo
out of different lifestyles. But with that said, I don't know.
I still, I still, even though I get it, I
(23:02):
can't having been in, you know, a few serious relationships,
having been married, I can't see how that could work
unless you are wired completely different, and as humans, we
are all wired the same in certain ways. It doesn't
matter what your sexual orientation or what you define yourself as.
(23:24):
The need for companionship, that need to be understood and
loved and to feel like you belong, like there's just
that your person that gets you.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
What if you never find that person?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Well, I don't know what I mean. Isn't there a
version of that person for everyone?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I mean, if you don't find that person, then you
should ask yourself maybe it's you.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Well, but look, you and I know several people in
our lives currently who are great people. Yeah, and they've
been single for a long time, like no relationship, if any, sex,
hardly any with other people. Right. We know these people
(24:16):
well enough that we would go, this is a cool person. Yeah.
So is it just that it's quote, it's them, or
is it that their standards have become so rigid that
they're sort of cutting off their nose despite their face,
are they? Or is it truly that maybe in some
(24:36):
people's cases, even really cool people, they can't find other
people that are cool. I think it's all of the above.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
You know. I remember the times that I've been single,
when I didn't find someone that I was really interested
in having a relationship with, I would just kind of date,
like not in a sexual way, but just date just
to kind of remember how to have that interaction with someone.
(25:07):
But I think that the people who shut down, the
longer you shut down, the more difficult it is to
jump back on the saddle, yeah and keep going and
do and remember, you know, it's very difficult. From the
people who I know, they basically just say that they
get set in their own ways, and the more time
(25:30):
that they are on their own and by themselves, the
less that they feel like being with somebody else. And
I think that it's just awkward. It gets really awkward
because you forget how to have that kind of intimate
romantic jargon and that that scenario and how to interact
in that way. Then I tell some of my single girlfriends,
(25:53):
you know, especially as we get older and they get
more set in their ways, I just say, you know,
it's just nice to be reminded, did that someone is
into you. It's nice to be reminded that you're still attractive,
that you're still desired, that you're still desirable and lovable.
And if you stay away for that from that for
too long, it's hard to get it back.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah. Yeah, it's something that.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
I think we do to ourselves. The more we become loners, the.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
More, that's for sure. Yeah, those kind of habits get
dug in deep. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
And then it's like you said, also, the standards for
some people have become so high that it gets crazy.
I know someone who is really only like she in
her mind is is still thirty, which I think is
great that you feel young, but she's really only attracted
(26:58):
to younger men and she's older. Yeah, and it doesn't
It's like, you know, a twenty five year old guy
isn't going to want to be with, you know, a
sixty year old woman. Yeah, even if you are cool
and you're in great shape and you know, you're funny
and personable, sure you may have you know, some interest there,
(27:21):
but that's really not the norm. And when a thirty
year old person guy or girl looks at you know,
another partner potential who is sixty years old, they see
their parent for the most part, they don't even see
someone sexual. So that's a very unusual relationship to develop.
But yes, in that case, the standards are so high
because you're you're stuck in the time of your life
(27:44):
and you refuse to move on to who you are now.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, I know a couple guys like that. Who the
ones I'm thinking of, they've all been married before, but
they haven't been married in a long time. They're older men,
they're considerably older than I am. So I'm talking about
guys in their late sixties early seventies who still would
(28:09):
not dream of dating a woman in her forties or fifties.
Why do you think that is because they just I
think that it's a metaphor for them for their own
age and their own mortality. So they have this thing
in their minds they have to date somebody young. And
I think to myself, dude, and a couple of them
(28:29):
are successful, handsome guys, but like you're holding out for
a thirty year old when you're seventy. It just seems crazy.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
I think that there is some psychological something going on
there that's more psychological in the way that society might
view this person as more current or younger or more
I don't know, Yeah, because society has put so much
(29:00):
pressure on aging, and society is so the one couple.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
We know has a significant age gap and they've been
together for twenty something years and they're they're a great
couple and they've had a great marriage.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Yeah, I know somebody else like that too. Yeah, So
it does happen. It does work, you know, it's not
it's not like it can't work. And I do think
that an age difference isn't that big of a deal
unless someone is super super young. Yeah, because in that case,
even if you're both super super young, it's your relationship
(29:40):
is at risk.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, just for that alone. Yeahs, that just sparked before
we move on. Now, you just made me. I want
to go research. I haven't thought about this one one time,
so I've never looked it up. I want to know
what the stats are on the success rate of marriages.
We're both of both parties are in their twenties, early
(30:04):
to mid twenties when they get married. What's the current
bet on a marriage like that? Ooh, I have it.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah, maybe thirty years ago it was better. So you
think the stats fifty years ago?
Speaker 1 (30:18):
So you think the stats on people like us who
got married in well, I was fifty one when we
got married, but and you were in your late forties. Yeah,
so you think that the stats on those I'm gonna
sneeze not COVID, thank you. Do you think the stats
on those marriages are higher than the longevities, higher than
(30:43):
people who get married in their twenties.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Oh, I'd be willing to bet on it.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah I would too. Yeah, but I'm curious. I want
to know if it's like, oh, it's actually higher than
I thought, or if like, holy shit, it's like you're doomed.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
I think that these days it's really it's good and
it's bad that it's easy to get out of a marriage,
because why should you be stuck in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's I don't think it's good.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I never viewed divorce as something bad. I think that
you owe it to yourself to move on, to be happy.
So but you know, I do think it's a little
bit too easy, and maybe people give up a little
bit too.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Also, this whole penalty for divorce, this whole you know, Yeah,
one person decides they're just not into the marriage, and
I got to pay and pay and pay, Like, okay,
you can leave, but here's right costume. I mean, there's
something about it, and I get it that people shouldn't,
(31:39):
you know, especially women should not be left high and
dry at the drop of a hat. But there's also
there's a huge chasm between that and yeah, you know,
being paid for the rest of your life because you
were married for six years.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Well, in that case, it's just a business transaction because
you view it like that when you first get in,
knowing that that's what you're going to do. But you know,
if there are children involved in whoever the the child,
the person who takes care of the children, very important
should continue to be supported and be taken care of.
(32:17):
But if the children are grown, you know, I have that.
There's this whole thing of like, uh, well, you know,
I put in so much time into the marriage. So
even if the children are grown and I can get
a job of my own, I still want you to
pay me. Yeah, Like what is that about? Who agreed
on that?
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Like?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Who put that law into effect?
Speaker 1 (32:38):
I believed in you. I suppose I was there by
your side when you did all this stuff and became successful,
and then you decided you didn't want to be married anymore,
and so now you have to pay me forever. Yeah,
there's something about that, yeah, conceptually that it makes you go.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Really yeah, you know, And I'm not I'm not saying
that it's women or it's men, because it's both.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You can do it. It's both.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
There are women paying men and there are men paying women,
just because that's your punishment for not wanting to be
in that relationship anymore. So I don't know who put
that law into effect, and I don't know. I think
that it needs to be revised because yes, there are
many cases where you know, you signed up for something
(33:23):
and you have children and now you need to continue
to support that family, even if you are moving on,
you need to continue to help. But you both do,
you know, But in many cases it's just a business transaction.
And you know there are.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
There are prenups that stay.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
If you stay with me for a certain amount of years,
then you only owe me this much. If you stay
for this longer, you owe me this much. If you
cheat after so many years, then you owe me this
much more. What the fuck is like?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Who's going to be?
Speaker 5 (33:59):
Okay, Yeah, let's go marry. That sounds fun, Let's do that.
What are you crazy? I mean, the concept of a
prenapp just to be clear, is good. It's good, yes,
But when you have those kind of stipulations, jesus.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
Yeah, that's a little bit too extreme. I don't know,
And I guess that there are extreme cases.
Speaker 1 (34:18):
What do I know?
Speaker 6 (34:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
And also I picture something like because I've heard those
two like for instance, like if you cheat, I get
three million dollars or some number, some actual assigned.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
As Yeah, it's already pres The.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Guy is in a situation where it looks like he
slept with that girl, but he didn't, but he can't
prove that he didn't you can't prove a negative and
he's got to pay the like and like I did,
but I didn't, Well, but it looks like you did.
Speaker 3 (34:52):
So you know, in those cases when there is a
lot of money at stake.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
They get set up.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Well, no, people are hiring private investigators to have the
proof that you need to get the money. So the
whole thing is just so screwed up and it's just
so it's so shady. And look, I believe in a prenup.
I think that people should have a prenup because it
should be easy to get out of a situation.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
If you need to. I agree.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And if you're expecting someone to support you, if you're
getting into a situation where okay, this is our understanding
is that I'm not going to work and you're just
gonna support me, and if we break up, you're going
to continue to do this and you sign up for that,
then you're an asshole.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:35):
If there are no kids involved and you're okay with that,
then you deserve to continue paying. Yeah. I think that
it should just be more when there are kids involved.
And obviously, if there was love for one person at
one point and you're breaking up with that person, sure,
help them out. Make sure that you don't leave anybody
out in the street their provisions. You don't have to be,
(35:55):
you know, a jerk to people.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You can. There are provisions that are but it's not
out as it is out of control.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
It's out control.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
We'll be right back after this short break.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
So in the last couple of weeks, while I have
been focused on finishing my album and kind of when
we're not hanging out together, I'm focused on that finishing
lyrics doing you know, in the studio a little bit.
Tell everybody what you've been doing.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
I have been building a bird sanctuary around my house
and I am fascinated with it. It has gotten a
little bit out of control, you think, just a little bit.
I mean, you know, they talk and they all told
all the other birds this is the place to be.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
Oh yeah, this is the neighborhood. This is watering hole
and smorgas board. This is like this is like the
all you can eat buffet of the neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
So of course they are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Birds of them are absolutely good. What do they did?
You find out what they think?
Speaker 3 (37:03):
Most of them are finches. Finches, they're yeah, it's a
type of like finches absolutely gorgeous and they're all different colors.
And anyway, I think most people know that we lost
our Betty, our dog, and I've always had a pet,
and I love taking care of animals, and I just
(37:24):
felt like I had no purpose and so.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I, no, I love you, but.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
You don't need me to take care of you, I know,
and feed you.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Although I do feed you and take care of you.
Yes you do. There you go.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
So I, you know, once I had a little bit
of time on my hand on my hands from like
not taking care of Betty, who was very sick. In
the end, those last four months were just all consuming
with taking care of her. I said, you know, I
noticed that there were a few birds on the trees
outside of the kitchen window, and I thought, oh, it'll
(37:57):
be sweet for me to get them a little.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
Feeding tree to get a little treat. Yeah, and I.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Did, and I saw that a couple of them started
coming around, so I thought I could get some more,
and so I put up some more. And then I
started reading about it, like what to feed them to
attract more birds, and that you had to have water,
and so I slowly but surely started building all of that,
and so now in the two trees outside of our kitchen,
I have a whole bird like a spa resort set up.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
They just also enjoyed by squirrels.
Speaker 3 (38:31):
There was just one who who was doing acrobatics off
the tree to try to get the thing. But no,
it's all kind of a squirrel proof in this area.
I haven't seen squirrels in this part. And sure enough,
if you build it, they will go. And I'm so
proud that I now have at you know, almost any
(38:53):
given time of the day there will be twenty to
thirty birds out there.
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Daisy's glued to the kitchen windows.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
It's like meditation because it's there are very few things
that I could just look at and be fully present.
I mean, I have taken a couple of videos, but
for the most part, I don't have my phone with me.
I'm looking at these birds for the most part and
being really president what they're doing, and just looking at
their colors and feeling so happy that I'm feeding them
(39:20):
and I'm providing a little safe space for them.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
I love the uh I mean, it's literally a bird bath. Yeah,
the little circular what do you call it, the little fountain.
It's like a fountain. Yeah, but I love seeing them
in there.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah, it's so cute. It is really meditative. I mean
it really is. I will look at it for like
twenty to thirty seconds, then I'm good, and you'll stand
there for forty minutes. I love it. And I started
to walk away and he's no, come back and look.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yes, because there's so many of them. And then I
downloaded this app called the Merlin Bird Idle, which is
kind of like a plan which I have also. Yeah,
it's such a nerd. So with this, with this app,
I just take pictures out the window of these birds
and it tells me exactly what they are, like, it
pops up another picture and I'm like, oh my god,
it's the exact same bird.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Are they all indigenous to California?
Speaker 3 (40:18):
Yeah, to the US, yeah, but specifically the West coast right.
So on this app, you can specify the region that
you're in and it downloads all the possible birds that
can be in that area.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Do you have a goal in mind? Do you have
a do you have a goal of like getting them
to eat from your hand? Yes, I would love that.
I would love that even a possibility.
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Sure it is really but I don't interact with them
because I know it scares them.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
I want to keep them wild, yea.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
And I love that I can through the window watch
all these birds in their environment. And sure I'm somewhat
taking care of them. And I think that a lot
of the same birds are coming back. I think it's
all like the same group.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
But I like that they feel free.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
And that I don't have to, you know, baby them
or bring them by.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I'm not interrupting them. I can't believe how territorial some
of them.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Some of them aren't such dicks.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
There's such dicks to each other. Get the out of my.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Yeah, some of them will definitely not let others eat
while they're eating. But there have been times when there
have been ten of them in one tray eating all together,
and that's very sweet. And then that one jerk comes
along and spooks everybody.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
And yeah, I think because you said it's just one,
but I've seen a couple of squirrels in the other one. Yeah, yeah,
and that's hilarious to me.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
Yeah, that's fun because they literally climb inside the feeder
like they're so.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Cross, but they're like they'll do anything for a little treat.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
Well, but then I started putting a whole other bowl
on the ground for the squirrels. And now it's the
cutest thing. It's actually Betty's old water ball that I
put out there, and now they'll sit at the ball
like a person next to the bowl, picking up the
food and the peanuts and opening and it's I just.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Eat bird food without any consequences.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Yeah, because they're all nuts and seeds, right, yeah, I
mean they prefer when I just do like these sunflower
the black oil sunflower seeds for them.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
They prefer that.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
And then I also put corn dried cord and kernels.
They love that. It's funny because you can go online
and see exactly what wild squirrels and wild birds eat
and how to keep them a little bit.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
And it's all vegan. It's all vegan.
Speaker 3 (42:36):
At least these birds and these squirrels are all vegan. Yeah,
I mean, I'm sure they go out there and eat
the odd warm or so, but not for me.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Well, I need I need to find we talk We've
talked about this incessantly alone, but I think we've even
talked about it on the podcast. I need to find
something to catch to capture my attention in that way.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
You know something, I had lunch today yesterday with our
friend Paul Stanley, and he starting during the pandemic for
the first time since he was a teenager. Yeah, he
started riding his bike and he doesn't ride on the street.
He thinks that that's crazy. Yeah, he thinks it's just
(43:22):
that the risk versus reward is no good faid. But
he found a path, a bike path that's basically like
a seventeen mile round trip.
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Wow, that's nice.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
And so it's great exercise. And he also he told
me I'll try to get the name of it from
him to pass it forward because I want to look
it up too, because I said, do you listen to
podcasts or music? Because that would make seem to me
to be dangerous too. He said, I listened to music,
but I he where's this thing that kind of hangs
(43:53):
around his neck. It's not in his.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Ears right, so you can still hear everything, and so he.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Can hear everything around him. But he has a sound
on track that sounds nice. That's a idea. It's a
great idea. Anyway, My point is he got to the
point where that's something he has to do four or
five days a week. That's his Yeah, that's his thing.
That's his hobby. Is like he gets on his bike.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
He clears his mind and that's how he feels good.
Well we do that with the hiking.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yeah, but I mean I kind of like you now
have your bird sectary. I need one, I need one.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Well, I'm going to suggest that you get swinging. You're
such a dick.
Speaker 4 (44:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
I'm going to suggest that you go back to your art.
You're you draw up beautifully, You're an artist in that way.
You should start painting.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Paul. Paul's a great painter too. He's got it like
he's he's becoming like a journeyman. Like it's not enough
that he's a rock star and kiss. He's like he
paints and he guitars and he rides his bike.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
And I guess that's why you guys get along so well.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yeah, because you have all that in common. But it's
inspiring to have someone who has multiple interests. I've always
had other interests, but I feel like they've waned over
the years. And yeah, I think I.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Think maybe because of the Internet.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
I'm just all I do is look at porn. Yeah,
that's what it is. You might want to clarify that no,
of course.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
I well, I think that in time would just jump
online and.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
We're like, the internet is definitely a reason, but not
an excuse.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
I think that social media has taken up most of everyone's.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Question way like, way too much time on YouTube, really, yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Looking at retro old clips.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Of old porn, retro lots of bush, lots of massive
bush and big long mustache. Yes, and and wah wah
guitars the soundtrack. No, I as you know, I can
go down rabbit holes. Yes, and I've just found that.
(46:08):
Like I'll go in, like I'll go into our office,
and if I have twenty minutes of emails and shit
to respond to or deal with, then I tell myself,
don't google the.
Speaker 6 (46:22):
Bob Newhart Show or whatever some old retro thing that
I'm thinking about, like a show that I watched when
I was a kid, or whatever happened to this person
or because then all of a sudden, the next thing
I know, I've spent an.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Hour hours later. Yeah, and I could have been painting.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Or drawing, or that's what happens to all of us.
I will go online to just check emails before I
know what I'm distracted by whatever stupid shit yeah gets
on my screen. Yeah, and I want to do less
of that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
So, on the topic of all of this sex talk
and dysfunctional uh sexual relationships, we started watching pam and
Tommy Lee.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
We only watched the first two episodes.
Speaker 3 (47:13):
Yeah, and all I have to say is that I'm
intrigued and Lily James, Sebastian Stan and Seth Rogan, who
are the three leads are?
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I didn't And the first couple of minutes I'm watching
I go is that Seth Rogan.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
It's incredible because he completely transformed himself complete and so
like Lily James and Sebastian Stan do not look anything
like themselves, like you see no trace by one.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Day they were before this.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Yeah, I didn't either. I mean I knew who Lily
James was. I was familiar with who she is, even
though I couldn't name anything that I've seen with her
in it. I know that she's you know, she's a
working actress. She looks familiar, but when you see her
as Pamela Anderson, it's jaw dropping. Like I think the
main artists on this project need to win lots of
(48:03):
awards because it's really incredible And for those of you
who don't know what this is about, you know, it's
the story of Pam and Tommy Lee of their their
love affair. They were married after knowing each other only
for ninety six hours, and they divorced.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
They didn't work out.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
They divorced three years later after two kids and charges
of spousal abuse and child abuse. So's it's a crazy ride.
And of course they had a sex tape stolen from
their home in nineteen ninety five and that was released,
and I think it was the beginning of all of that.
It was the first celebrity tape that I remember very film.
(48:47):
I remember that was after and I believe that that
she or someone put that out themselves. But these guys,
this tape was stolen from their house, and I think
they came to the conclusion that it was stolen from
that a worker, Yeah, like someone who was very upset,
who had done work in their house and they weren't paid.
(49:07):
They stole a safe from their house and in it
was this tape, and then they sold it for a
lot of money and it became very popular.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
Yeah, and I started a trend. Yeah, you know, I
worked with Tommy Lee did you. Yeah, Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
He was on your asse.
Speaker 1 (49:22):
Actually a really cool story. Yeah, nineteen ninety one, ninety yeah,
I'm going to say nineteen ninety ish. Oh, that's right.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
I remember you telling me about this.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
I had done two albums, I was off the road.
I was starting my third album called Rush Street, and
I went to a hockey game in LA. I was
still living in LA at the first time around. And
I went to a hockey game and I ended up
sitting next to Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear and we
(49:55):
just started talking and we had some mutual friends. And
he said, to you on the road, I said, no, finished,
I'm back in the studio making a new record. And
I honestly can't remember whether he said, well, you know, hey,
I'd love to play on something, or if I said
to him, you know, I chruer love to get you
to play on something, thinking he wouldn't because our music
is so different. And he turned to me and he went,
(50:17):
and of course, when do you want to When do
you want to do it? Do you have you have
something in mind? I was like, I do actually, and
I had just written this song called Streets of Pain.
It's absolutely the hardest rocking song I think I've ever written.
Really yeah, wow, it does not like if you heard
this one, you'd be like, who is that?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (50:39):
Anyway, it was maybe a week later I called him.
He came to the studio where we were recording this
amazing studio in Hollywood, and it was Tommy on drums,
Steve Lucather from Toto on guitar, and Randy Jackson on bass.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
Wow Star all Star, But I mean.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Randy was a superstar session player at that This is
way before you know, that's a no for me, dog,
way before American Idol. And Randy is I tell everybody
like one of the greatest musicians I've ever known.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
He's done some of the biggest records. He's been on
some of the most successful projects.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
But he played on so many of my records. And
so we had this day in the studio where we
cut the song on Streets of Pain, which is on
the Rest Street album. You can listen to it on
Apple Music or Spotify. I don't care.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
Whichever one offends.
Speaker 1 (51:35):
And it was such a great day because I remember
Tommy working so hard on his groove and it was different.
I mean, even though it was a hard rock song.
It was a little different than what he'd done before,
and he hadn't played on other people's records at that point.
And I remember when we were listening to the playback,
(51:55):
he was running around the console that the engineering console
in the control room. He was so happy. He thought
it sounded so great and it did, and he was
he had this very childlike energy about him, but when
he sat behind the drum kit, it was all business
and very focused and he's he's really, you know, really cool.
(52:17):
I had a great time. We didn't end up hanging
out after that, but I loved working with him.
Speaker 3 (52:22):
Well that's another example of you know what you have
to do to be at the top of your game,
at the top of your business, you have to be
super focused and you have to be that you have
to care about it that much about doing a good job.
It doesn't matter what it is that you think you
want to do. And I know that the catchphrase these
(52:42):
days is oh listen, if you can dream it up,
you can do it. You can do anything you want,
anything that you can see yourself. It's not that simple. Yeah,
it starts with that, it starts with the vision. But
unless you focus on becoming the best at something, and
you sleep, drink, breathe, and eat whatever that project is
(53:05):
or that thing that you're trying to get really good at,
then you're not going to be in the top of
your game. You're just not going to be on the
top of your game.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
Yeah, so we have to let's watch it tonight. Yeah,
let's watch I remember I was saying to you a
couple of nights ago, didn't we start watching something? Yeah,
that's what it was. Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker 3 (53:24):
We got a little sleepy on the last episode, but
I remember we were kind of into it. So we're gonna.
Speaker 1 (53:31):
Dig back into that. All right, kids, have a great week.
I hope you guys had sex with whomever or however,
we're just yourselves. We will see you guys next week.
Thanks for listening, and take good care of each other.
Speaker 3 (53:49):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
Thanks for listening to Tequila Talk with Daisy Pouintez and
Richard Marx. Download new episodes every week, and if you
haven't already, subscribe and be sure to leave us.
Speaker 4 (53:59):
A rating and review.
Speaker 2 (54:00):
And while you're at it, check out some of the
other great shows available on Strawheet Media.
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