May 3, 2021 • 27 mins
It's time for another round of Unsatisfactories! This week, we discuss gaslighting and how to spot it in a relationship as well as discuss some of our own experiences with this sneaky tactic of emotional abuse and manipulation. We also provide an unintentional cautionary tale of not doing enough research on the interwebs.... ahem... Amanda... DO... YOUR... RESEARCH!
Links to stories covered:
https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting#narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting
https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyAnimalFacts/comments/m18g5y/this_phidippus_audax_spider_gets_its_vibrant/?sort=top
If you prefer looking and listening, you can find our episodes in video form over at YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOfvqpv0LvHGC7ss3USYuEA. Be sure to subscribe/rate/review and why not go ahead and satisfy your curiosity and check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/terriblepeopledoingterriblethings. We appreciate the continued support!
All music (Creepy Comedy and Monsters in Hotel) is adapted from Rafael Krux original works (https://filmmusic.io/artists/rafael-krux) and is licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 International (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Links to stories covered:
https://www.healthline.com/health/gaslighting#narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting
https://www.reddit.com/r/ShittyAnimalFacts/comments/m18g5y/this_phidippus_audax_spider_gets_its_vibrant/?sort=top
If you prefer looking and listening, you can find our episodes in video form over at YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOfvqpv0LvHGC7ss3USYuEA. Be sure to subscribe/rate/review and why not go ahead and satisfy your curiosity and check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/terriblepeopledoingterriblethings. We appreciate the continued support!
All music (Creepy Comedy and Monsters in Hotel) is adapted from Rafael Krux original works (https://filmmusic.io/artists/rafael-krux) and is licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 International (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Hey guys, we wanted to takea second for a quick announcement that we'll
be taking a break from this podcast, but we will be starting a new
podcast called Everything Hurts and I'm Dying, which basically is just going to be
discussing some of our fun medical issuesand other life topics. So be sure
to follow us on social media tofind out more. Welcome to Terrible People
(00:27):
doing terrible things. I'm Laura,a horror and true crime fan who enjoys
looking at terrible stuff. And I'mAmanda, and I'm a licensed psychologist who
enjoys studying the worst of humanity.So today, Laura, we're gonna do
another one of these minisos, soanother unsacks reefs, and we're gonna talk
a little bit about gaslighting, myfavorite. I know I've been gaslighted,
(00:51):
but I'm not one hundred percent surewhat the definition of it is. Yeah,
so I and I think for themost part, if you need to
put people are using the term correctly. I'm sure there's a little bit of
misunderstanding and misapplication, but I thinkwhat I've encountered, you guys are getting
it correctly. If you don't fullyunderstand the definition. So Gaslighting is simply
(01:15):
a form of emotional abuse. Nosurprise. There where someone and this could
be a friend, a doctor,a partner, a family member, is
making you question your own reality.So they are doing something to either manipulate
the truth or actively lie and distortit so that you then have to question,
(01:36):
is it that? Did that happen? Did that not happen? Didn't
I see that? Didn't I seethat with my own fucking eyes. Yep.
So it is sometimes hard to pinpointand hard to spot, but extremely
damaging. It's a sneaky motherfucker.Oh yeah, it is so sneaky because
I'll tell you what. First ofall, I didn't even know what gaslighting
(01:57):
was until maybe my mid twe funnies. Second of all, I've been was
gaslighted from the age of like eighteenin a previous like relationship. And it's
really really difficult too, because there'sa certain amount of Look, I have
anxiety, I overthink things, umso a lot of times I can be
wrong in my emotional responses to things, and I can get upset about things
(02:21):
that aren't necessarily so in my currentrelationship, my partner will tell me that
Cedre will be like, hey,I don't need to be like, you
know, okay, you know whatever. Yeah, But like in previous relationships,
I've had people be like you know, either it's it's like a subtle
way of saying you're crazy, Okay, yeah, like a well, it's
trying to kind of get you there. It's almost like they're trying trying to
(02:44):
make a lie yes and question yourown reality, which would make you think
you're crazy. It does. Itdoes because you're like, oh, like
it's me and you, but likeyou're telling me that you don't see this,
I'm seeing this, Like what's youknow, what's the disconnect there?
Yeah? Well, and it happensin stages like it. Your response to
(03:06):
being gaslight changes over time, andI'll kind of try to break that down
a little bit. So like initiallyyou're you're not going to really believe the
person gaslighting you, or maybe Ishouldn't say the person gaslighting you. But
like the first couple of times you'veexperienced gaslighting, you may not quite believe
it. You may think that like, oh, they're just wrong, they
(03:27):
just don't understand. It's a missingright. You walk away from the thing
being like, well I'm still right, but yeah, you know, maybe
they're just misunderstood or whatever. Yeah, exactly, so it doesn't land too
heavy. And then like over time, if this keeps happening, if it's
happening in multiple relationships, are happeningmultiple times in the course of relationship,
you're going to start to question maybethey have a point, maybe I'm not
(03:51):
remembering things correctly, maybe maybe Iam kind of out of it. So
that's going to start happening, andin eventually you're going to buy in to
the narrative they're sewing about you.Now question, so gaslating is that or
(04:11):
is that what you would call likein an abusive relationship if the person is
like, oh, well, likewhen people make excuses for why people hit
them it was me, Yeah,yeah, I you know, I said
this or I did this, orI is that like a symptom of gaslighting
to where like, is that likepast the point of you know, you
know what I mean? Because Ifeel like it someone telling you something over
(04:35):
I guess I must understand gaslighting andsomebody just kind of like indoctrinating you.
Sure well, And I would saygaslighting is a way of indoctrinating you.
So it's like a type of indoctrinationand kind of what you were describing with
the abuse and the person kind ofblaming themselves or it over time, because
the person abusing them and hitting them, let's say, is probably telling them,
(04:59):
telling them I did make it.Look what you made me do?
Yes, look what you made medo. So that's not gaslighting exactly,
but it's it's akin to it inthe sense that they are both making you
question reality and they are it's diffusingthe blame. They're shifting the blame to
you for their own behavior, andso it's actually a to put it,
(05:20):
very mildly boundary violation because that's nothow responsibilities work um. And it also
makes you start to question yourself,like I would think it could have similar
effects as gaslighting would, because you'relike, maybe I am bad, Maybe
I do deserve this, Maybe itis my fault. Yeah, And gaslighting
breaks down your self confidence and eventuallyjust don't trust yourself. You learn not
(05:44):
to trust yourself well, and you'veyou've trusted well. In my experience,
I didn't trust myself but put mytrust in the other person, yes,
who was gaslighting me, Yes,And and that gave them full control over
what I believed Yeah, it givesthem power in the relationship. And that's
what abuse does. It's power andcontrol, it's dominance in control, and
(06:08):
so gaslighting is just a means tothat. It happens a lot though,
well, gaslighting, like I thinkit can if it's if the relationship is
unhealthy and the person is abusive,it probably does happen a lot. Yeah.
I think we're also just hearing aboutit more because it's out there.
(06:28):
That's true. That's true. Alot of um things and like the like
the mental health category have been likediscussed a lot more. I see a
lot of videos, probably because oflike you know, TikTok, like yeah,
points stuff towards you. So I'veseen a lot of things about like
gaslighting and and stuff like that.Is there a waiter? How do you
(06:48):
combat that? Like, like soI understand, like, hey, you
don't want to get gas lit,right, Yeah, it's such a sneaky
mother fuck. I mean it islike you don't even see it coming.
So I think the first thing iskind of just recognizing that it's happening.
(07:08):
Yeah, kind of checking in withyourself about like okay, like affirming what
you know is true, affirming whatyou know check with a third party,
if someone else experienced the situation orcan give you a different perspective. Also,
I think it's very important to considerthe audience in that phrase. Consider
the audience applies to a lot ofthings when it comes to mental health and
(07:30):
checking with yourself. If you're onlybeing if you're only feeling like you're going
crazy in one relationship and everything elsein your life is going smoothly get to
the relationship, there's probably something wrongin that relationship, and maybe that person
is doing some things that are unsavoryto say the least. Yeah. It
(07:51):
can be tough too though, too, because I know, like when I
went through my relationship, I wouldconfide in friends because yeah, you know,
I mean, why wouldn't you,and my friends would side with me,
yes, because what was happening waswrong. But when I would come
back with that to try and combatthe situation, which I should have just
(08:13):
gotten out of the situation, yeah, but I didn't, because you know,
fucking nah, it just happens.Yeah, but you know, I
would go back with that, andthen that person would be like, oh,
well, that's just because they're yourfriends, Like, of course they
go back you are because they don'tlike me, you know, because they
like whatever. And then it waslike a whole another layer of like fucking
(08:37):
emotional manipulation, discrediting your friends andstuff. Yeah, well and making themselves
the victim because that can be acomponent of narcissistic abuse, yeah as well.
So yeah, when it's always uh, that was that was part of
the relationship, was it was alwaysalways somebody else. You are always a
(08:58):
everything, always apologizing, and noteven just me, but literally everybody.
Yeah, like whoever, like everybodyagainst that person. It's like the whole
world is not against you, andyou're being kind of a dick. Yeah,
to put it mildly, Ultimately,to answer the question about gas lighting,
if it's happening frequently, it prettymuch becomes one of those situations where
(09:20):
you need to walk away, youneed to distance yourself from that person.
And that's hard. That's that's reallyreally hard when it comes to relationships.
And I cannot imagine trying to counselpeople in really because you know, you
can know something's bad for somebody,but yeah, because you know, it
doesn't mean that you can make themwell. And I can't necessarily come out
(09:41):
and say, like I have oneyou said so many words, But I'm
sure that depends on the severity ofthe situation. Well, and if somebody
is like getting beat to the sport, you're like, oh, the next
time you go home you might die. Yeah, I would tell you to
leave. Yeah. Yeah, itdepends on the situation. And it's that
same kind of that analogy. Youcan lead a horse to water, you
(10:01):
can't make them drink it. Ican't do the work for people. They
have to They have to do thework and make those decisions, but it
takes time. And same thing forlike parents with your kids. Like I
know I had some shitty relationships asa teenager that my parents hated, And
I know you want to you wantto push your kids out of it,
and you want to tell them thatthey can't ever see this person again,
(10:22):
and yeah, you know, butthat stuff actually has such a fucking reverse
reaction being understanding and kind of justlike, I don't know, maybe just
trying to be the person that theycan come and talk to. Ye like,
don't try to Like you can't makethem do anything, even even teenagers.
It doesn't matter that they're under age. They live in your house.
(10:43):
You cannot force another person to andthey'll just do it behind your back.
Oh yeah, you know, youguy would rather be involved in the relationship,
you know what I mean, I'drather be you know, hearing things.
And then at least that way,maybe you can kind of come back
with some pait of advice and tryto push, because that is the end
(11:03):
all be all of it is youcan't make and especially when it comes to
relationships and love and who think they'rein love and yeah, you gotta you
have to handle that very carefully.Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. Well,
and I want to say one lastthing about gaslighting because I think it
is a very popular topic on alot of social media outlets. Someone disagreeing
(11:28):
with you is not gaslighting. No, no, no, There's a big
difference between disagreeing with you and tryingto make you believe what they're telling you.
Well even that, like, justbecause someone's trying to get you to
kind of come to their side ofthings, doesn't mean they're gaslighting you,
like true, if that helps youdefine the difference. So see, this
(11:52):
is what makes it a sneaky motherfucker. Well, and let's say I want
people to understand that climate change isreal, of correct, if I tell
them the facts about climate change andtry to get them to buy in when
I know that they have a differentopinion. That's not gaslight. Now if
I kill somebody that the conversation,that's not the best example because now I'm
(12:15):
like trying to come up with howto personalize that. Okay, so oh,
let me let me do a differentone. I've got a different one.
So let's say that a couple isarguing about doing the dishes, and
let's say one partner just doesn't care, they don't mind if the sink piles
up. The other partner cares andreally wishes their partner would help do the
(12:39):
dishes. Gotcha. So let's saythat they're trying to encourage their partner like,
hey, I know this just isn'tyour thing, but it'd be really
important to me if you would chipin and try to do the dishes.
So that's not gaslighting. That isjust trying to kind of appeal to them
about these are my preference, howI feel, Yeah, and I would
like you to help, even thoughI know it's not you don't want to.
(13:03):
Gam sliding would be the person comingin and like trying to do the
dishes and doing the dishes and thenyou saying that ever happens, you never
did that, right, So that'skind of the difference. It's like so
like, so I wish I couldcome up with a bettering people. So
from like a I can give youan exam from from like a parentage kind
(13:24):
of point of view from it froma parent same thing, dishes, chores,
whatever. Say you're a teenager andyour parents are like, do the
fucking dishes. Do the fucking dishes. My parents were always on me about
the dishes. Yeah, it's notsomething you want to do as a teenager.
You don't remember to dude, youdon't think about it. You just
got other shit you want to do. But let's say that you do do
(13:46):
it occasionally. Let's say you don'tdo it every time, but let's say
you do it occasionally when you rememberor whatever. And then that parent like
screams at you more about like,oh, you never do the dishes,
and you're like, I do,and they're like, no, I've never
seen you do the dishes. You'venever like just yeah, like the that
falls more into that gaslighting side.Yeah, just like you're you're telling somebody
(14:07):
that they didn't do or did dosomething that they didn't do. Yeah,
that's pretty much. That's like you'retrying to convince me of something that isn't
real. And right, it's again, it's like it's not just disagreeing about
something. It's like it's telling someonetheir reality is not real. Yeah,
(14:28):
yeah, exactly. It's like it'slike fabricating a reality. It's just lying
to somebody, and it's it's that'sit's such a weird. It's such a
weird thing because it seems like disagreeingand trying to convince somebody of something like
that seems like and I understand whypeople are getting that confused, yea and
(14:50):
whatever. But like in reality,it's so much more subtle and deeper than
that and detrimental. It's like,and it's very it's usually meant to hurt.
It's meant to jab kind of cutand make you feel bad about yourself
or like you know, oh thisis a thing you don't do. Yeah.
Well, And I could see wherelike conversations about politics and religion could
(15:15):
get miss misconstrued as gas lighting whenit's just disagreements, especially when you're like
you know, like um, extraordinarynot extraordinary extreme like extreme thank you extreme,
Like obviously, if it's an extremeopinion and this person is screaming it
at you in your face and themegaphone, it may seem like but you
don't have to listen to that,well, you know what I mean.
(15:37):
And just because you're uncomfortable with somethingdoesn't necessarily mean the other person did anything
wrong. And I think that's andwe have to be careful. Yes,
we have to be careful about that, because do you get offended really easily
these days? And like we needto take a little step back and like,
yeah, people are allowed to disagreewith you. Yes, you're not
always right. You could be wrong. Yep, you know what I mean.
(15:58):
The other opinion maybe correct, Butwe're not allowed to do is you
know, manipulate somebody into thinking thinkingit is it is. It really does
make you feel like you're crazy.You literally sit there and you go like
did I yeah, did I like? Did I dream it? Am I
(16:19):
too sensitive? Am I too sensitive? Am I too jealous? Am I
too you know? Yeah? Whatever? Yeah? Yeah, and I don't
know my ex partner. It wouldoften be like, um, I'm not
sure if this counts. Is thesame thing either It would be like,
oh, well, he would dosomething that would bother me, like emotionally,
(16:42):
and I would be like, well, wouldn't this bother you if if
if I did this, if Idid this exact same fucking thing, do
you wouldn't that bother you? Hisanswer was always no, yeah, because
then it's because then it makes youquestion yourself. Well, it makes you
question yourself again. And that's whatI did. That's what I did.
I questioned myself and I was like, am I too sensitive about this?
(17:03):
Am I? Like? You know? And I eventually left because eventually my
like came around to it, andI had friends and stuff, and I
was like, no, I'm notfucking crazy at least not that type of
crazy, like different type of crazy, but not that crazy. So we
gotta I know. So that's gaslightingis just a big, big red flag.
(17:26):
It is a big symptom of otherissues. And if you notice ittfo,
I know, check in with otherpeople. Yes, always other people.
When it's two people, there's always, um, what do they say?
There's three sides to the story,his hers and the truth. Ye,
like, it's always somewhere in between, you know what I mean.
(17:47):
So it's it's good to get someyou know, some advice and some insight
from other people sometimes, So Iwanted to talk about this other literally thing
um kind of in the vein ofthe animals inside of I don't know these
segments that i've animals worked because that'swhat I like to do. So there
(18:08):
is a spider and it is Um. I think it's just that standard little
um white spider with yellow spots thatkind of hops sideways. I think it's
one of those little bro lit upspiders little jump like oh, like the
ones we have here. Yes,it's it's the jumping spider. Yeah,
the bold jumping spider that's got kindof the cute little face. Yeah.
(18:30):
They move really like, they movereally quickly, yes, like skin around.
So I think this is the sameone. And it is the pips
at docks docks spider. And there'sthis picture let me share the screen with
you. I'm not gonna like thisof the spider. And apparently it gets
(18:53):
a green mouth by covering itself inthe blood of its vanquished foes. That's
why it's mouth is green. That'swhat this is saying. And I looked
it up. Um, there's likeanother little yeah, green mouth, black
jumping spider with three white dots.There's the little one. Yeah, is
(19:15):
there blood green? Why is itgreen? I'm confused the blood it's a
very very prey. It's the bloodof there. I know. It's like
a kelly green, a little bitpretty like it's like shiny, like it's
really pretty. It's the blood ofmy enemies. Say but yeah, it's
like it's the blood of their enemies. But it's so green. It's green.
(19:37):
He thinks killed and wiped on itsface. Why does it do that?
Is it like? Um? Idon't. I don't know the function
of it. So it's like,yeah, just just to fucking freak all
the other bugs. I'm not surethe function of it. Um just see
career indescent green I met you.It has something to do with um like
(20:00):
predators or something like that. NowI'm wondering if this is not real,
Laura. It's real, but I'mnot sure it's why those are green?
Damn it? Like I looked itup and I found it in two spots.
Y'all the internet lies Jesus. That'slovable mouthpart with fang. Okay,
(20:26):
let me like Laura Spider's mouths.Green iridescent green frequently have an iridescent green
cue. I don't think this isreal. God damn it, God damn
it. Internet. Uh yeah,welcome to unsatisfactories. And that would definitely
(20:48):
be ounce. They they are poisonousthough, which I mean, I know.
I guess it's venomous. I guessall spiders are venomous. Yes,
because the reptile freak over here.Yeah, there's a big difference between venomous
and poisons. Yes, yes,venomous. If it bites you, it'll
kill you. Poisonous if you eatbite it, it will kill you.
(21:11):
Ah, there you go. Yeah, it's a poisonous mushrooms, venomous animals,
poisonous frogs. You lick them,get die. Oh that's true too.
And amiss they injected or somehow implantedinto this pisses me off. I
found false information. You have todo your research. Do your research,
your research. Just because it's cooland you're like, man, that's so
(21:32):
interesting doesn't mean it's true. Iget I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie
to you. I get fucking bamboozledall the time through like TikTok, and
like also, see because I thinkit's funny or something, He's like that
didn't happen. I know, Ithink usually like really good at doing my
research on these things. It isso excited because I was like, it's
(21:52):
so blood enemies, it's pretty cool. I still want I would be so
awesome, and it's like I'm gonnalet you. I'm gonna let you gaslight
me, and I'm gonna believe isthe god damn it? Oh well,
the internet one today. Hey,y'all, it happens. Man. You
can tell. We do our researchon the fly all the time. We
(22:14):
look up stuff as we say itbecause we never want to say something that
is Yeah, I'm like, holdon a second, on a second,
as I'm saying out loud that thethings are green because insects have green blood,
I'm like, hold on a second, is that what made you think
about it? Yeah? I waslike, insects don't fucking I was like,
that's such a pretty color. LikeI mean, maybe you're sure that
(22:34):
motherfucker is just born with it feelinglightning bugs and it's just getting all that
stuff all over them that maybe it'sinsect blood. Maybe it's maybe aliens it's
alien blood. Yeah, Oh,it happens to the best of us,
guys. It happens to the bestof us. Next time, I'll tell
you about an animal, but I'llbe I mean it does have green face.
(22:57):
Yeah, it does have green things, and they do jump, and
I do think they're adorable. Theyare. They are venomous. It's a
hard time with an insects. Butthey're hairy. Also, they're venomas.
They're the kind of spiders that can'tbite us. Yeah, they don't bite
us. I think it's very rare. Mouths are too small. Yeah,
kind of like the what is thedaddy long legs, like the one of
(23:18):
the most venomous. I've heard that, but I'm not sure that's true.
Are you sure? I google it? Since we're googling things that are untrue.
I've always been told that if alike, if you ate a daddy
long leg and it bit you onthe inside of the mouth or any of
your soft memories. I've heard thattoo, and like, I don't fuck
(23:40):
oh no, soak um Daddy longlegs blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah. So they do not actuallyhave venom glands, so true. Daddy
long legs live in dark places,eat mostly vegetables, and decomposing animal matter,
and they do not have venom glandsor fangs. Now is a traditional
(24:02):
daddy long leg what I'm thinking ofas a daddy long leg. So there
are full kids, which are daddylong legs spiders that are venomous. Those
are daddy long leg spiders. Theones that are like outside. Yeah,
but there we haven't done research.We don't know if they're actually super venomous
or not. That's true. Okay, That's what I've been told my entire
(24:23):
life is that they're super but apparentlyno busters MythBusters tested this and busted the
myth. Really, yeah, sothey're not supersomous. So there's the non
venomous at all version of a daddylong legs that people see, and then
there is the venomous version and theyit's just it does nothing. There's a
(24:44):
term for this, the Mandola effect. Okay, maybe that doesn't exactly equate.
Yeah, I know what means.It's just the thing that people like
as a whole believe but isn't true. Kind of a yeah wives tale to
you. Yeah, yeah, guys, we don't know what fucking spiders are
venomous and what we don't know whythe things are green. I'm not an
(25:07):
incomologist. I'm still I really,I'm excited. I'm gonna choose to believe
anytime that I see a small jumpingspider, now that he has wiped the
blood of his enemies across his face, he's just jumping your next give us
our freedom jumps off if they giveme freedom slat, Yeah, I'll give
(25:32):
you death. In this house,you can collect all your little weird jumping
You'll just you'll come over when thewhen it's safe, and I'll just be
covered in a fur coat of venomousjumping spiders. I would fucking lose my
ship and possibly set me on fire. I might, I might set you
(25:52):
on fire if you just have acoat of fucking SPI I'm gonna be really
upset with you. How are yougoing to get them to stay? I
don't know. I just I guessyou're just happy to procure enough of them
that as one jumps off, anotherone's jumping on. I'd like to think
that you just sit in your houseand then you just call them to you
and then like a spider dress,and then you can yeah, all right,
(26:19):
wow, okay, that is it. Gasolighting and fake spiders, yes,
fikes fike, real spots that mightbe venomous but aren't biting in the
blood of their victims. I know, too bad, all right, Well,
uh, you guys can check usout social media or website which is
(26:44):
terrible people doing terrible things dot WordPressdot com. We'll see you next.
Come thet thetat of the taking,the taking take became
Hey guys, we wanted to takea second for a quick announcement that we'll
be taking a break from this podcast, but we will be starting a new
podcast called Everything Hurts and I'm Dying, which basically is just going to be
discussing some of our fun medical issuesand other life topics. So be sure
to follow us on social media tofind out more. Welcome to Terrible People
(00:27):
doing terrible things. I'm Laura,a horror and true crime fan who enjoys
looking at terrible stuff. And I'mAmanda, and I'm a licensed psychologist who
enjoys studying the worst of humanity.So today, Laura, we're gonna do
another one of these minisos, soanother unsacks reefs, and we're gonna talk
a little bit about gaslighting, myfavorite. I know I've been gaslighted,
(00:51):
but I'm not one hundred percent surewhat the definition of it is. Yeah,
so I and I think for themost part, if you need to
put people are using the term correctly. I'm sure there's a little bit of
misunderstanding and misapplication, but I thinkwhat I've encountered, you guys are getting
it correctly. If you don't fullyunderstand the definition. So Gaslighting is simply
(01:15):
a form of emotional abuse. Nosurprise. There where someone and this could
be a friend, a doctor,a partner, a family member, is
making you question your own reality.So they are doing something to either manipulate
the truth or actively lie and distortit so that you then have to question,
(01:36):
is it that? Did that happen? Did that not happen? Didn't
I see that? Didn't I seethat with my own fucking eyes. Yep.
So it is sometimes hard to pinpointand hard to spot, but extremely
damaging. It's a sneaky motherfucker.Oh yeah, it is so sneaky because
I'll tell you what. First ofall, I didn't even know what gaslighting
(01:57):
was until maybe my mid twe funnies. Second of all, I've been was
gaslighted from the age of like eighteenin a previous like relationship. And it's
really really difficult too, because there'sa certain amount of Look, I have
anxiety, I overthink things, umso a lot of times I can be
wrong in my emotional responses to things, and I can get upset about things
(02:21):
that aren't necessarily so in my currentrelationship, my partner will tell me that
Cedre will be like, hey,I don't need to be like, you
know, okay, you know whatever. Yeah, But like in previous relationships,
I've had people be like you know, either it's it's like a subtle
way of saying you're crazy, Okay, yeah, like a well, it's
trying to kind of get you there. It's almost like they're trying trying to
(02:44):
make a lie yes and question yourown reality, which would make you think
you're crazy. It does. Itdoes because you're like, oh, like
it's me and you, but likeyou're telling me that you don't see this,
I'm seeing this, Like what's youknow, what's the disconnect there?
Yeah? Well, and it happensin stages like it. Your response to
(03:06):
being gaslight changes over time, andI'll kind of try to break that down
a little bit. So like initiallyyou're you're not going to really believe the
person gaslighting you, or maybe Ishouldn't say the person gaslighting you. But
like the first couple of times you'veexperienced gaslighting, you may not quite believe
it. You may think that like, oh, they're just wrong, they
(03:27):
just don't understand. It's a missingright. You walk away from the thing
being like, well I'm still right, but yeah, you know, maybe
they're just misunderstood or whatever. Yeah, exactly, so it doesn't land too
heavy. And then like over time, if this keeps happening, if it's
happening in multiple relationships, are happeningmultiple times in the course of relationship,
you're going to start to question maybethey have a point, maybe I'm not
(03:51):
remembering things correctly, maybe maybe Iam kind of out of it. So
that's going to start happening, andin eventually you're going to buy in to
the narrative they're sewing about you.Now question, so gaslating is that or
(04:11):
is that what you would call likein an abusive relationship if the person is
like, oh, well, likewhen people make excuses for why people hit
them it was me, Yeah,yeah, I you know, I said
this or I did this, orI is that like a symptom of gaslighting
to where like, is that likepast the point of you know, you
know what I mean? Because Ifeel like it someone telling you something over
(04:35):
I guess I must understand gaslighting andsomebody just kind of like indoctrinating you.
Sure well, And I would saygaslighting is a way of indoctrinating you.
So it's like a type of indoctrinationand kind of what you were describing with
the abuse and the person kind ofblaming themselves or it over time, because
the person abusing them and hitting them, let's say, is probably telling them,
(04:59):
telling them I did make it.Look what you made me do?
Yes, look what you made medo. So that's not gaslighting exactly,
but it's it's akin to it inthe sense that they are both making you
question reality and they are it's diffusingthe blame. They're shifting the blame to
you for their own behavior, andso it's actually a to put it,
(05:20):
very mildly boundary violation because that's nothow responsibilities work um. And it also
makes you start to question yourself,like I would think it could have similar
effects as gaslighting would, because you'relike, maybe I am bad, Maybe
I do deserve this, Maybe itis my fault. Yeah, And gaslighting
breaks down your self confidence and eventuallyjust don't trust yourself. You learn not
(05:44):
to trust yourself well, and you'veyou've trusted well. In my experience,
I didn't trust myself but put mytrust in the other person, yes,
who was gaslighting me, Yes,And and that gave them full control over
what I believed Yeah, it givesthem power in the relationship. And that's
what abuse does. It's power andcontrol, it's dominance in control, and
(06:08):
so gaslighting is just a means tothat. It happens a lot though,
well, gaslighting, like I thinkit can if it's if the relationship is
unhealthy and the person is abusive,it probably does happen a lot. Yeah.
I think we're also just hearing aboutit more because it's out there.
(06:28):
That's true. That's true. Alot of um things and like the like
the mental health category have been likediscussed a lot more. I see a
lot of videos, probably because oflike you know, TikTok, like yeah,
points stuff towards you. So I'veseen a lot of things about like
gaslighting and and stuff like that.Is there a waiter? How do you
(06:48):
combat that? Like, like soI understand, like, hey, you
don't want to get gas lit,right, Yeah, it's such a sneaky
mother fuck. I mean it islike you don't even see it coming.
So I think the first thing iskind of just recognizing that it's happening.
(07:08):
Yeah, kind of checking in withyourself about like okay, like affirming what
you know is true, affirming whatyou know check with a third party,
if someone else experienced the situation orcan give you a different perspective. Also,
I think it's very important to considerthe audience in that phrase. Consider
the audience applies to a lot ofthings when it comes to mental health and
(07:30):
checking with yourself. If you're onlybeing if you're only feeling like you're going
crazy in one relationship and everything elsein your life is going smoothly get to
the relationship, there's probably something wrongin that relationship, and maybe that person
is doing some things that are unsavoryto say the least. Yeah. It
(07:51):
can be tough too though, too, because I know, like when I
went through my relationship, I wouldconfide in friends because yeah, you know,
I mean, why wouldn't you,and my friends would side with me,
yes, because what was happening waswrong. But when I would come
back with that to try and combatthe situation, which I should have just
(08:13):
gotten out of the situation, yeah, but I didn't, because you know,
fucking nah, it just happens.Yeah, but you know, I
would go back with that, andthen that person would be like, oh,
well, that's just because they're yourfriends, Like, of course they
go back you are because they don'tlike me, you know, because they
like whatever. And then it waslike a whole another layer of like fucking
(08:37):
emotional manipulation, discrediting your friends andstuff. Yeah, well and making themselves
the victim because that can be acomponent of narcissistic abuse, yeah as well.
So yeah, when it's always uh, that was that was part of
the relationship, was it was alwaysalways somebody else. You are always a
(08:58):
everything, always apologizing, and noteven just me, but literally everybody.
Yeah, like whoever, like everybodyagainst that person. It's like the whole
world is not against you, andyou're being kind of a dick. Yeah,
to put it mildly, Ultimately,to answer the question about gas lighting,
if it's happening frequently, it prettymuch becomes one of those situations where
(09:20):
you need to walk away, youneed to distance yourself from that person.
And that's hard. That's that's reallyreally hard when it comes to relationships.
And I cannot imagine trying to counselpeople in really because you know, you
can know something's bad for somebody,but yeah, because you know, it
doesn't mean that you can make themwell. And I can't necessarily come out
(09:41):
and say, like I have oneyou said so many words, But I'm
sure that depends on the severity ofthe situation. Well, and if somebody
is like getting beat to the sport, you're like, oh, the next
time you go home you might die. Yeah, I would tell you to
leave. Yeah. Yeah, itdepends on the situation. And it's that
same kind of that analogy. Youcan lead a horse to water, you
(10:01):
can't make them drink it. Ican't do the work for people. They
have to They have to do thework and make those decisions, but it
takes time. And same thing forlike parents with your kids. Like I
know I had some shitty relationships asa teenager that my parents hated, And
I know you want to you wantto push your kids out of it,
and you want to tell them thatthey can't ever see this person again,
(10:22):
and yeah, you know, butthat stuff actually has such a fucking reverse
reaction being understanding and kind of justlike, I don't know, maybe just
trying to be the person that theycan come and talk to. Ye like,
don't try to Like you can't makethem do anything, even even teenagers.
It doesn't matter that they're under age. They live in your house.
(10:43):
You cannot force another person to andthey'll just do it behind your back.
Oh yeah, you know, youguy would rather be involved in the relationship,
you know what I mean, I'drather be you know, hearing things.
And then at least that way,maybe you can kind of come back
with some pait of advice and tryto push, because that is the end
(11:03):
all be all of it is youcan't make and especially when it comes to
relationships and love and who think they'rein love and yeah, you gotta you
have to handle that very carefully.Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. Well,
and I want to say one lastthing about gaslighting because I think it
is a very popular topic on alot of social media outlets. Someone disagreeing
(11:28):
with you is not gaslighting. No, no, no, There's a big
difference between disagreeing with you and tryingto make you believe what they're telling you.
Well even that, like, justbecause someone's trying to get you to
kind of come to their side ofthings, doesn't mean they're gaslighting you,
like true, if that helps youdefine the difference. So see, this
(11:52):
is what makes it a sneaky motherfucker. Well, and let's say I want
people to understand that climate change isreal, of correct, if I tell
them the facts about climate change andtry to get them to buy in when
I know that they have a differentopinion. That's not gaslight. Now if
I kill somebody that the conversation,that's not the best example because now I'm
(12:15):
like trying to come up with howto personalize that. Okay, so oh,
let me let me do a differentone. I've got a different one.
So let's say that a couple isarguing about doing the dishes, and
let's say one partner just doesn't care, they don't mind if the sink piles
up. The other partner cares andreally wishes their partner would help do the
(12:39):
dishes. Gotcha. So let's saythat they're trying to encourage their partner like,
hey, I know this just isn'tyour thing, but it'd be really
important to me if you would chipin and try to do the dishes.
So that's not gaslighting. That isjust trying to kind of appeal to them
about these are my preference, howI feel, Yeah, and I would
like you to help, even thoughI know it's not you don't want to.
(13:03):
Gam sliding would be the person comingin and like trying to do the
dishes and doing the dishes and thenyou saying that ever happens, you never
did that, right, So that'skind of the difference. It's like so
like, so I wish I couldcome up with a bettering people. So
from like a I can give youan exam from from like a parentage kind
(13:24):
of point of view from it froma parent same thing, dishes, chores,
whatever. Say you're a teenager andyour parents are like, do the
fucking dishes. Do the fucking dishes. My parents were always on me about
the dishes. Yeah, it's notsomething you want to do as a teenager.
You don't remember to dude, youdon't think about it. You just
got other shit you want to do. But let's say that you do do
(13:46):
it occasionally. Let's say you don'tdo it every time, but let's say
you do it occasionally when you rememberor whatever. And then that parent like
screams at you more about like,oh, you never do the dishes,
and you're like, I do,and they're like, no, I've never
seen you do the dishes. You'venever like just yeah, like the that
falls more into that gaslighting side.Yeah, just like you're you're telling somebody
(14:07):
that they didn't do or did dosomething that they didn't do. Yeah,
that's pretty much. That's like you'retrying to convince me of something that isn't
real. And right, it's again, it's like it's not just disagreeing about
something. It's like it's telling someonetheir reality is not real. Yeah,
(14:28):
yeah, exactly. It's like it'slike fabricating a reality. It's just lying
to somebody, and it's it's that'sit's such a weird. It's such a
weird thing because it seems like disagreeingand trying to convince somebody of something like
that seems like and I understand whypeople are getting that confused, yea and
(14:50):
whatever. But like in reality,it's so much more subtle and deeper than
that and detrimental. It's like,and it's very it's usually meant to hurt.
It's meant to jab kind of cutand make you feel bad about yourself
or like you know, oh thisis a thing you don't do. Yeah.
Well, And I could see wherelike conversations about politics and religion could
(15:15):
get miss misconstrued as gas lighting whenit's just disagreements, especially when you're like
you know, like um, extraordinarynot extraordinary extreme like extreme thank you extreme,
Like obviously, if it's an extremeopinion and this person is screaming it
at you in your face and themegaphone, it may seem like but you
don't have to listen to that,well, you know what I mean.
(15:37):
And just because you're uncomfortable with somethingdoesn't necessarily mean the other person did anything
wrong. And I think that's andwe have to be careful. Yes,
we have to be careful about that, because do you get offended really easily
these days? And like we needto take a little step back and like,
yeah, people are allowed to disagreewith you. Yes, you're not
always right. You could be wrong. Yep, you know what I mean.
(15:58):
The other opinion maybe correct, Butwe're not allowed to do is you
know, manipulate somebody into thinking thinkingit is it is. It really does
make you feel like you're crazy.You literally sit there and you go like
did I yeah, did I like? Did I dream it? Am I
(16:19):
too sensitive? Am I too sensitive? Am I too jealous? Am I
too you know? Yeah? Whatever? Yeah? Yeah, and I don't
know my ex partner. It wouldoften be like, um, I'm not
sure if this counts. Is thesame thing either It would be like,
oh, well, he would dosomething that would bother me, like emotionally,
(16:42):
and I would be like, well, wouldn't this bother you if if
if I did this, if Idid this exact same fucking thing, do
you wouldn't that bother you? Hisanswer was always no, yeah, because
then it's because then it makes youquestion yourself. Well, it makes you
question yourself again. And that's whatI did. That's what I did.
I questioned myself and I was like, am I too sensitive about this?
(17:03):
Am I? Like? You know? And I eventually left because eventually my
like came around to it, andI had friends and stuff, and I
was like, no, I'm notfucking crazy at least not that type of
crazy, like different type of crazy, but not that crazy. So we
gotta I know. So that's gaslightingis just a big, big red flag.
(17:26):
It is a big symptom of otherissues. And if you notice ittfo,
I know, check in with otherpeople. Yes, always other people.
When it's two people, there's always, um, what do they say?
There's three sides to the story,his hers and the truth. Ye,
like, it's always somewhere in between, you know what I mean.
(17:47):
So it's it's good to get someyou know, some advice and some insight
from other people sometimes, So Iwanted to talk about this other literally thing
um kind of in the vein ofthe animals inside of I don't know these
segments that i've animals worked because that'swhat I like to do. So there
(18:08):
is a spider and it is Um. I think it's just that standard little
um white spider with yellow spots thatkind of hops sideways. I think it's
one of those little bro lit upspiders little jump like oh, like the
ones we have here. Yes,it's it's the jumping spider. Yeah,
the bold jumping spider that's got kindof the cute little face. Yeah.
(18:30):
They move really like, they movereally quickly, yes, like skin around.
So I think this is the sameone. And it is the pips
at docks docks spider. And there'sthis picture let me share the screen with
you. I'm not gonna like thisof the spider. And apparently it gets
(18:53):
a green mouth by covering itself inthe blood of its vanquished foes. That's
why it's mouth is green. That'swhat this is saying. And I looked
it up. Um, there's likeanother little yeah, green mouth, black
jumping spider with three white dots.There's the little one. Yeah, is
(19:15):
there blood green? Why is itgreen? I'm confused the blood it's a
very very prey. It's the bloodof there. I know. It's like
a kelly green, a little bitpretty like it's like shiny, like it's
really pretty. It's the blood ofmy enemies. Say but yeah, it's
like it's the blood of their enemies. But it's so green. It's green.
(19:37):
He thinks killed and wiped on itsface. Why does it do that?
Is it like? Um? Idon't. I don't know the function
of it. So it's like,yeah, just just to fucking freak all
the other bugs. I'm not surethe function of it. Um just see
career indescent green I met you.It has something to do with um like
(20:00):
predators or something like that. NowI'm wondering if this is not real,
Laura. It's real, but I'mnot sure it's why those are green?
Damn it? Like I looked itup and I found it in two spots.
Y'all the internet lies Jesus. That'slovable mouthpart with fang. Okay,
(20:26):
let me like Laura Spider's mouths.Green iridescent green frequently have an iridescent green
cue. I don't think this isreal. God damn it, God damn
it. Internet. Uh yeah,welcome to unsatisfactories. And that would definitely
(20:48):
be ounce. They they are poisonousthough, which I mean, I know.
I guess it's venomous. I guessall spiders are venomous. Yes,
because the reptile freak over here.Yeah, there's a big difference between venomous
and poisons. Yes, yes,venomous. If it bites you, it'll
kill you. Poisonous if you eatbite it, it will kill you.
(21:11):
Ah, there you go. Yeah, it's a poisonous mushrooms, venomous animals,
poisonous frogs. You lick them,get die. Oh that's true too.
And amiss they injected or somehow implantedinto this pisses me off. I
found false information. You have todo your research. Do your research,
your research. Just because it's cooland you're like, man, that's so
(21:32):
interesting doesn't mean it's true. Iget I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie
to you. I get fucking bamboozledall the time through like TikTok, and
like also, see because I thinkit's funny or something, He's like that
didn't happen. I know, Ithink usually like really good at doing my
research on these things. It isso excited because I was like, it's
(21:52):
so blood enemies, it's pretty cool. I still want I would be so
awesome, and it's like I'm gonnalet you. I'm gonna let you gaslight
me, and I'm gonna believe isthe god damn it? Oh well,
the internet one today. Hey,y'all, it happens. Man. You
can tell. We do our researchon the fly all the time. We
(22:14):
look up stuff as we say itbecause we never want to say something that
is Yeah, I'm like, holdon a second, on a second,
as I'm saying out loud that thethings are green because insects have green blood,
I'm like, hold on a second, is that what made you think
about it? Yeah? I waslike, insects don't fucking I was like,
that's such a pretty color. LikeI mean, maybe you're sure that
(22:34):
motherfucker is just born with it feelinglightning bugs and it's just getting all that
stuff all over them that maybe it'sinsect blood. Maybe it's maybe aliens it's
alien blood. Yeah, Oh,it happens to the best of us,
guys. It happens to the bestof us. Next time, I'll tell
you about an animal, but I'llbe I mean it does have green face.
(22:57):
Yeah, it does have green things, and they do jump, and
I do think they're adorable. Theyare. They are venomous. It's a
hard time with an insects. Butthey're hairy. Also, they're venomas.
They're the kind of spiders that can'tbite us. Yeah, they don't bite
us. I think it's very rare. Mouths are too small. Yeah,
kind of like the what is thedaddy long legs, like the one of
(23:18):
the most venomous. I've heard that, but I'm not sure that's true.
Are you sure? I google it? Since we're googling things that are untrue.
I've always been told that if alike, if you ate a daddy
long leg and it bit you onthe inside of the mouth or any of
your soft memories. I've heard thattoo, and like, I don't fuck
(23:40):
oh no, soak um Daddy longlegs blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah. So they do not actuallyhave venom glands, so true. Daddy
long legs live in dark places,eat mostly vegetables, and decomposing animal matter,
and they do not have venom glandsor fangs. Now is a traditional
(24:02):
daddy long leg what I'm thinking ofas a daddy long leg. So there
are full kids, which are daddylong legs spiders that are venomous. Those
are daddy long leg spiders. Theones that are like outside. Yeah,
but there we haven't done research.We don't know if they're actually super venomous
or not. That's true. Okay, That's what I've been told my entire
(24:23):
life is that they're super but apparentlyno busters MythBusters tested this and busted the
myth. Really, yeah, sothey're not supersomous. So there's the non
venomous at all version of a daddylong legs that people see, and then
there is the venomous version and theyit's just it does nothing. There's a
(24:44):
term for this, the Mandola effect. Okay, maybe that doesn't exactly equate.
Yeah, I know what means.It's just the thing that people like
as a whole believe but isn't true. Kind of a yeah wives tale to
you. Yeah, yeah, guys, we don't know what fucking spiders are
venomous and what we don't know whythe things are green. I'm not an
(25:07):
incomologist. I'm still I really,I'm excited. I'm gonna choose to believe
anytime that I see a small jumpingspider, now that he has wiped the
blood of his enemies across his face, he's just jumping your next give us
our freedom jumps off if they giveme freedom slat, Yeah, I'll give
(25:32):
you death. In this house,you can collect all your little weird jumping
You'll just you'll come over when thewhen it's safe, and I'll just be
covered in a fur coat of venomousjumping spiders. I would fucking lose my
ship and possibly set me on fire. I might, I might set you
(25:52):
on fire if you just have acoat of fucking SPI I'm gonna be really
upset with you. How are yougoing to get them to stay? I
don't know. I just I guessyou're just happy to procure enough of them
that as one jumps off, anotherone's jumping on. I'd like to think
that you just sit in your houseand then you just call them to you
and then like a spider dress,and then you can yeah, all right,
(26:19):
wow, okay, that is it. Gasolighting and fake spiders, yes,
fikes fike, real spots that mightbe venomous but aren't biting in the
blood of their victims. I know, too bad, all right, Well,
uh, you guys can check usout social media or website which is
(26:44):
terrible people doing terrible things dot WordPressdot com. We'll see you next.
Come thet thetat of the taking,the taking take became
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