April 1, 2024 • 52 mins
Have you ever considered the thin line where unconditional love could turn into something akin to Stockholm syndrome? This episode embarks on a journey to uncover the nuances of personal growth and relationships. We start by contemplating Elon Musk's capacity for emotional presence, despite the demands of his life—could the tech mogul also find success in the realms of fatherhood? We'll also tackle the Ship of Theseus paradox, revealing how life's transformations are mirrored in our mental and physical evolutions, especially through the community experiences like those found in CrossFit.
Navigating the intricate world of parenting, this conversation is a call to all those steering the ship of a child's future. We weigh the responsibilities and the impact of the digital age, considering the delicate dance between granting autonomy and imparting wisdom. The art of parenting requires a balance between discipline and freedom, success and failure, guidance and independence. Whether it's the challenges of ensuring our children engage with the tangible world or giving them the space for valuable introspection, we explore the methods to foster resilience and character in the leaders of tomorrow.
Finally, we touch upon the parallels between parenting and leadership, pondering the impact of adversity and the importance of equipping our youth for life's inevitable challenges. Steve Young's household discipline offers a lens into the power of consequences, and we reflect on how to maintain authority in an era of constant digital distraction. Through candid personal anecdotes and philosophical musings, this episode promises to light your way like a gentle moonbeam, guiding you through the complex yet rewarding journey of raising and guiding the next generation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dylan (00:00):
This is the Terribly Unoblivious Podcast.
Brad (00:03):
Yep.
Dylan (00:05):
I said it before and I'll say it again Life moves pretty
fast.
Brad (00:10):
You don't stop and look around once in a while, you
could miss it.
Dylan (00:22):
Physically present, emotionally unavailable.
I, emotionally that's.
That's the complete opposite ofhow I feel now emotionally
available but physically notpresent oh, I feel emotionally
at the so brad.
If I'm on mars and I'm here,which one's me?
Brad (00:40):
not mars.
You can't live there yet, ohbut.
If you do live there, growpotatoes I thought I was on
elon's.
Dylan (00:48):
I thought I was on elon's .
Uh, tesla, no, you're on elon'sshit list.
I hope not, do you think?
Elon musk is a good dad um, Ithink elon musk is probably a uh
neurodivergent father and heprobably feels some modicum of
emotion for the child.
(01:08):
I think he's emotionallyunavailable, but I just don't
think he knows how.
That is purely Conjecture.
Brad (01:17):
Conjecture.
Dylan (01:18):
Could you see?
Brad (01:19):
him suing his own kids.
Dylan (01:22):
If he thought it was yeah , I could see yes.
Short answer.
Brad (01:26):
short answer yes, okay, that's all I need to know.
Scariest place imaginable.
Dylan (01:31):
I can see my dad suing me like, let's be honest, wow I
don't need wow.
Brad (01:36):
My dad's too smart, he knows he wouldn't get anything I
don't know, I don't.
Dylan (01:45):
That's what.
What's the term we're lookingfor here?
With love, uh, comes greatresponsibility or you just, you
just love somebody unconditional, unconditional love, Is it?
Yeah, I don't know.
I there's a, there's a pointwhere you gotta be able to just
stop and protect yourself.
Brad (02:03):
Yeah, but do you think the people that really do that like
that have that unconditionallove?
Um, I think their brain's okayor they have stockholm syndrome
oh well then their brain's notokay that's what I mean, yeah
yeah, but it would kind of bethe opposite of that, like what
if you were a?
Yeah, that'd be tough.
Uh, like you watch somebodykill somebody else you know and
you love the that'd be tough.
(02:23):
Like you watch somebody killsomebody else you know and you
love the person that.
Dylan (02:28):
I go to the place right away and make sure I tell them
in exact detail what I saw,because, guess what?
You made that choice, not me.
I'm not going to jail.
Brad (02:36):
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not saying that, I'm sayinglike I love them.
Dylan (02:39):
Like it turned you on.
Brad (02:50):
No, no, no, no, no, like they did that in uh the like the
most awful evil, whatever waypossible, and people are still
like I love them.
Dylan (02:53):
I still love them yeah, well, this goes back to our last
episode, which is, um, you'reidentifying certain
characteristics, traits, maybeboards, if people remember that
episode correctly, that aren'tthere anymore.
That maybe aren't there anymore.
They're different, different,yeah, so again, it's that
hardware software debate.
Brad (03:12):
So you're hugging a picture, yeah, sort of.
Dylan (03:16):
I think there are people, um, I don't know.
I think this happens inrelationships.
You get in a relationship withsomebody and, um, you start to
love each other and then afterbabies maybe, and you know some
instances that go for a verylong time, but I totally I
I understand the idea wherecouples just say at some point
(03:40):
we didn't recognize each other,and I'm not saying that there
wasn't work put in that couldhave avoided that you know when
that usually happens.
But it's also that we've talkedabout people change.
It's the theseus ship you knowwhen that happens, minotaur?
What when they joined crossfitgyms?
(04:01):
I've talked about this withsome people recently.
It's funny.
It's funny.
You say that it's not just thatanymore.
Brad (04:07):
I think it covers some more lines.
Dylan (04:12):
The CrossFit gym one is an easy one.
Brad (04:15):
Look at mom wearing her new tights.
It's doing deep squats.
Dylan (04:20):
Especially in today's society, physical representation
of yourself comes with a highdegree of esteem.
You know there's a high valueyou place on your esteem based
on your physical appearance.
Okay, but then there's also theendorphin aspect.
(04:40):
There's the working out.
But people that go to CrossFitthey did a good job of making it
community oriented.
The debates out there for otherepisodes that's not today about
what type of community thatturns into.
But you get someone that's feltunderappreciated, not feeling
(05:02):
the sexiest, whatever it is, andthen they go and then they've
got people cheering them on,They've got a community, maybe a
support system they'd never hadbefore.
They start to see atransformation in a positive way
.
They're getting the physicalbenefits in terms of cardio,
weightlifting et cetera.
Again, that's a map.
(05:23):
We talked about hardware,software.
That's a hardwaretransformation.
But it's also a little bit of,you know, grit in the terms of
I'm making myself go to this gymevery day and do hard things
and I'm not, you know.
Brad (05:35):
I think some of the the software change, though, is the
uh challenge part.
Dylan (05:41):
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.
It goes to grit.
It's like forcing yourself todo this every time, but it's.
Brad (05:47):
I the challenge part in the sense that I think people
start, uh, maybe self-reflectingmore, in the sense that ah,
this is hard.
I didn't think that I could dothis, and now I'm doing it.
Dylan (06:01):
I'm not just doing it.
Brad (06:09):
I'm could do this, and now I'm doing it.
I'm not just doing it I'mexcelling at it.
But like what else can I change?
Yeah, like what else have Ibeen slacking on?
Like what else did I?
Dylan (06:12):
think was insurmountable, that, yeah, that now I think
maybe I can do.
And so, going back to ouroriginal point, was when we saw
this, as um have a lot of babies, people inside of crossfit gyms
, oh, one person would join andif a, if a significant other did
not join after a period of time, there was ultimately some
(06:35):
changes in that relationship.
I would say more than half that.
I would say more than 50, 50yeah but and also again, that's
a small sample size of makingover generalizations right now.
Brad (06:47):
It's also skewed in terms of age right yeah so, like I
think you, we definitely saw umyeah, like in general, like a 25
to 35 where um, you're either.
Maybe you're in a relationship,maybe you're in a youngish
relationship, or maybe you ayoung-ish relationship, or maybe
you've been.
But that's part of what we'resaying, but that's also.
Dylan (07:09):
At a young age you're starting to learn what you are
and aren't capable of.
Brad (07:13):
So it's also some people that I mean, in my opinion, why
divorce may happen more oftenthan not.
That's probably wrong.
I shouldn't even say that.
But yeah, if you are withsomeone, if you're dating
someone at 20 and you've beenwith them for six years and now
(07:33):
you're going through some majorchanges especially if they're
not so you as a person arechanging and them as a person
are still that 20-year-old yeah,that's probably going to be a a
bit of an issue.
Dylan (07:47):
So Firmware is not updating.
Brad (07:51):
Yeah, yeah, you know where .
You know where else things likethat happen all the time.
Motel six no.
Dylan (07:58):
Oh, challenges.
Are you going down the Misogichurch?
You always got to bring it backto religion could happen.
I got in a religious debate theother night uh oh, on what it
was.
It was based on how big Jesus'beard was.
(08:19):
That would have been better.
I thought he was a L'Orealmodel.
No tears the.
Brad (08:28):
That would have been better.
I thought he had just.
I thought he was a L'Orealmodel no tears, the.
What I'm just looking at thatpicture, that's what I'm saying
L'Oreal, no tears.
Dylan (08:33):
Is that what it is?
I don't know.
Look at that, look at thoselocks.
It is an unusual Jesus pictureA memorial of Jesus's death.
What can his sacrifice make?
Brad (08:42):
you.
I got Jehovah's witnesshandwritten note to bring yeah,
to bring the audience in.
Dylan (08:46):
I got a?
Um, this is um fine.
No, not wide ruled.
What's the regular rule?
College rule, college rule.
I got a college rule three ringbinder, a legal pad, or it's
not legal but three ruled Guys.
Brad (09:06):
it's just a piece of paper .
Dylan (09:07):
It's a piece of paper from a woman who just said
DeerStyle family.
I hope this letter finds youand your family doing well.
I'm writing to you and yourfamily.
Unless you worship the devil Toan important upcoming event,
and then they gave us some andthen there was kind of a little
bit more about all the best.
Um, you know, see you there.
(09:28):
Uh, but hey Jesus.
Brad (09:31):
All the people in this pamphlet are white.
Dylan (09:34):
No, they're not.
Brad (09:35):
That's how they're not.
What no?
Dylan (09:40):
I think you're colorblind , oh okay, I am.
I think you're colorblind, ohokay, I am.
Thank you for that you'rewelcome.
Brad (09:49):
Um, I think I think this pamphlet.
Dylan (09:50):
They just went to ai and was like make jesus a soap opera
star yeah, but then he would beblack because, uh, gemini from
google got in trouble because itcouldn't do any white um
generative photos what?
Brad (10:05):
do you?
Dylan (10:05):
mean it.
It only made um people ofethnic races, um yeah, because
that's what everyone's gonna be.
Brad (10:13):
That's yeah, I mean like technically that's kind of what
everyone is.
Dylan (10:17):
But more, more.
So I'm just it's.
That was definitely a pastelartist, no, no, it wasn't.
Brad (10:26):
I don't think so.
Parenting, that's what I'mtalking about.
That's where we're going toafter.
Okay, yeah, we're going toparenting, yeah.
Dylan (10:34):
That's what I was talking about.
That was a good intro toparenting.
Brad (10:37):
Yeah, I was talking about, you know.
Dylan (10:38):
I've come full circle.
Brad (10:39):
All that business.
Okay, kids are hard, hard youknow, are they.
Dylan (10:49):
I don't know people out there that have kids it's super
easy, right?
Brad (10:52):
I um here.
Dylan (10:53):
I don't even like to make joke about jokes about kids,
because I can, I I will not dowell, so I don't speak on the
topic very often because I knowthey're going to be difficult.
Brad (11:15):
It's.
I think the difficult part isthat you are training someone
for the future.
Dylan (11:16):
That's a lot of weight, man.
Brad (11:18):
So it's a lot of weight.
So you are like we were justtalking about grades and things
like that and effort and allthese kind of things, like we
were just talking about gradesand things like that and effort
and all these kinds of things,and you trick yourself into
thinking that you're trying toget them to perform in the
moment, but the reality is isthat you're trying to set them
up to be successful later inlife.
Dylan (11:39):
Okay, it's a little bit of um, a little bit like we
talked about with coaching withMartin.
Um, it's not what's going tomake you successful right now,
it's what's going to make youthe best going forward.
That's gotta be hard butlongterm.
Yeah.
Yes, um, when I was doing thebook grit, or giving you the
(12:00):
resources to understand whatTeaching problem solving.
Brad (12:06):
Yes.
Dylan (12:07):
To take the L now.
To take the W later.
Brad (12:12):
Teaching, problem solving, but in a sense that they're
tiny little monkeys snortingcocaine on a regular basis.
They're like, hey, let's sitdown, let's have a little talk
about logic.
And they're like let's do it.
Dylan (12:33):
I'm in.
I'm in dad.
Brad (12:35):
This doesn't make any sense to you, does it no?
Dylan (12:39):
What do you do when condoms are involved?
What it's coming.
How old is a phoenix?
What no, it's coming.
How old is Phoenix?
What no, it's coming.
No, okay, I mean whether youwant to see.
It's OM or UM.
Brad (12:51):
OM or UM.
I hate you so much.
Took you a minute I hate you somuch so I had sat down and
wrote last night, Just you knowthat fine line you have to walk
between.
You seem overwhelmed Betweenbeing burdensome Over burdensome
(13:17):
, that's too much.
Right, that's redundantOverbearing, yeah, overbearing.
Dylan (13:23):
Burdensome, burdensome, yeah.
Burdensome, overbearing,overbearing, burdensome,
burdensome yeah overbearing.
Overbearing is probably a betterword okay bird man overbearing
to your kids versuslackadaisical what is the
appropriate amount of rope, the,the proverbial amount of rope
to give them to easy?
No, but it is.
(13:44):
It's, how, how far do you letthem go to stretch?
You know, to stretch theirwings, yes, versus where do the
consequences come in?
And then how do you keep thatbalance?
Yeah, there's a balance, uh,because you don't want them,
obviously, to make suchdetrimental choices that, no,
they can't come back from.
Brad (14:04):
But if you're there to catch them before you know I,
I'm kind of feeling now andpeople may disagree with me
because of social media and allthese kind of things.
But what is social media?
Uh, or video games or whateveryou want to talk about.
But in the Sandlot movie in thebeginning this kid's playing
(14:30):
with his Tinker Toys and Erectorsets, erector sets and all that
kind of stuff.
Dylan (14:34):
I was super jealous.
Brad (14:35):
It was such a nice set and his mom comes in and she's like
go outside, get into sometrouble.
And yeah, I kind of feel likesome, some kids need some of
that.
Like they're getting intotrouble, but not really like
they're getting into troubleonline or they're getting in
trouble texting or on Snapchator they're doing stupid shit
(14:58):
that way.
But like, get, go, go out, likeinto the physical world and
make dumb memories.
Do something.
Is that a bad idea?
No, I don't know.
No, I just uh, but maybe I, Idon't know, maybe I was doing
(15:18):
the same shit.
Dylan (15:20):
Um, I mean, you were definitely disappointing your
parents.
Brad (15:22):
But also like In a different way, when you were
like 11, 12, 13,.
What were you doing?
You weren't doing shit.
Where was I going?
I wasn't going anywhere.
I was in the middle of nowhere.
There was a yeah, there wasn't.
Dylan (15:34):
There's a lot of downtime where you're just bored as shit
, Like what am I going to dowith my time?
Where am I going to go?
Brad (15:48):
How do this?
Dylan (15:48):
I'm gonna listen to this cd a hundred times.
Dude, that's a real thing.
Sit in the room and just listento music and ruminate.
I'm gonna learn how to draw afucking suck at drawing.
Yeah, that's what I would do.
God, there's so many emotionsin, yeah, at that age I'm gonna
draw houses, hate houses.
Brad (16:02):
That's what I would do.
Yeah, and look at me now.
I'm totally fine god, I yeah.
Dylan (16:09):
This podcast hasn't been blacklisted at all, they just
need to be alone in theirthoughts more.
Brad (16:14):
That's what they need.
It's so healthy.
So, uh, so I was writing in mylittle blue book here and I
hadn't written Kelly for twoyears.
Okay, and sometimes it's weird,it's uncanny how I can come
back to this thing, andsometimes it's a year, sometimes
(16:36):
it's four years, and in thesite in the same time period,
like same month, similar days,uh, just say you want it.
Dylan (16:44):
You have a cycle and series of two.
Yeah, no.
Multiples of two no yeah, twoyears, four years, use it two
and four multiples of two, thattwo.
Brad (16:54):
That was just an example.
Let's not over generalize.
Okay, all right, do you want toread?
It give me it.
Dylan (17:03):
Okay, it's a couple pages .
Um, maybe paraphrase.
I don't want to read it.
Give me it.
Okay, it's a couple of pages,maybe paraphrase.
I don't want to paraphrase, allright.
Brad (17:08):
Write your thoughts.
This is my monologue Diatribe.
Is it, I don't know, soapbox?
Dylan (17:21):
It's not really a soapbox because it's just definitely a
lot more questions than answers.
We'll ask like a couplequestions and then we'll get
back to it what, what, whatquestions?
Brad (17:28):
never mind, keep going.
Dylan (17:29):
Oh, you want me to stop and we can talk about it yeah,
okay, you get half a page andthen go all right or like yeah,
uh, I'm gonna skip the introthen, because that's boring for
the past several generations atleast, parents have a mantra
that we want our kids to have abetter life than we've had.
Brad (17:46):
I'm not sure when it started, but undoubtedly it was
when times were very hard, sorry.
And parents didn't want theirchildren to endure the hardships
that they did Pain, hunger,homelessness, violence, disease
that transformed, probablypost-World War II in the 50s
(18:06):
Seemed to be a little bit moreof a material plea.
So you know, I grew up poor andwith nothing and I don't want
my children to do the same Again.
It seems to make sense, Mm-hmm,but soon possessions became
more available, cheaper to buy,credit becomes available, even
to some that probably shouldn'thave it or use it the way that
(18:30):
they do.
And now kids have everything andmore that they could want or
need, but still we want a betterand, dare I say, easier life
for our kids, and dare I sayeasier life for our kids.
So they're now without many ofthe physical hardships, say,
(18:51):
from 150 years ago.
They have material possessions,so now we wish for their
feelings to not be hurt.
So we will make up new rulesand new ways to be offended, in
hopes of having a new governingbody that disallows said action
that may cause such hurtfeelings.
All the while we continuesaying it's for the better.
But what is better?
(19:12):
Even as I'm writing this, I'mhearing counter arguments that
say life is better, we arebetter, which is true.
I mean this.
This may be the easiest timesfor some of us ever in history.
Dylan (19:30):
Define better.
Brad (19:32):
Maybe not ancient Greek.
It's probably pretty good.
Yeah, they were getting down.
Dylan (19:37):
Yeah.
Maybe, they had a lot of gayrights, something that we are.
I'm just saying something thatwe struggle with today's age and
something that they don'tstruggle with back then, which
is um interesting to think aboutand is life better?
Brad (19:54):
into this I say nuance those are two years ago, proud
of me, I said nuance, yeah, didyou spell it wrong.
Did I, I don't know NewA-U-N-T-S yes Is that right, new
Chin, new Ants, newton, no Ants.
I know, yeah, the thing that ismissing from today's discourse.
(20:16):
We've gotten better as peoplein many ways, but we've also
lost sight of how we have gottenhere and the properties that
allowed us to achieve thisbetter life.
And a lost sight of how we havegotten here and the properties
that allowed us to achieve thisbetter life.
And maybe it's a cycle thatwe're in.
It's easy to say hard timescreate hard men, hard men create
easy times, easy times createeasy men and easy men create
hard times.
And I'm nervous right now thatwe're in the easy times category
(20:38):
, and for sure these are some ofthe easiest times in history.
The movement that needs to takeplace is a real sense of
self-discipline that createshard men over and over, so that
we continue in a world that iscontinually getting better,
without a weakening of the humanspirit and drive.
I don't know, is that true?
(20:58):
So that in the sense and Ithink we talked about this a
little bit, and maybe probablyMasogi, like about comfort that
if allowed the more.
(21:18):
What do I say?
What's the word I'm trying touse?
All I can think of is blessed.
Dylan (21:21):
I don't want to use that word.
Have a blessed day.
That we are, you know, like youhave stuff.
We need a thesaurus on thispodcast.
You know, Not entitled, noGifted.
Brad (21:39):
No, no, that's not the word.
You know what I'm talking about.
No, god.
Dylan (21:43):
You've been talking this whole time.
Brad (21:58):
It's so late at night, uh lucky, we're getting closer.
Yeah, not lucky.
Dylan (21:59):
Uh, come on people put it in my ear fortunate, fortunate,
fortunate, fortunate, veryfortunate.
We are fortunate living thistime so we don't have to worry
about saber tooth.
So those of us so Veryfortunate, we are fortunate to
live in this time we don't haveto worry about Sabertooth Tigers
and all this other bullshit.
Brad (22:08):
So those of us that are fortunate and there's plenty of
other people that are not asfortunate, that have to deal
with a whole different number ofhardships Fair wage lawyers we
have All this shit, yeah.
But you also have a ton ofpeople that do see violence
daily and do have a hard timefiguring out when they're going
(22:31):
to eat next and where they'regoing to live at and who they
can trust and things of thatnature.
But there is a very largepopulation of us that are
fortunate enough to have a lotof those basic things somewhat
under control.
So in that sense, in thatcategory, we could live a life
(22:53):
where we kind of just choose notto have any hardships, and in
that sense I don't wanthardships.
So, like I don't, I don't wantthings to be difficult and I
don't want my ideas to bechallenged and I don't want
hardship.
So, like I don't, I don't wantthings to be difficult and I
don't want my ideas to bechallenged and I don't want my
feelings to be hurt.
Dylan (23:09):
There's a variance scale there.
Um, it's or I shouldn't sayvariance, it's it's a risk
reward matrix.
I think it's the easiest way Ican think about this and it'll
oversimplify it vastly, but itgives us a framework to work out
of high risk hard times.
Hard times creates a lot ofarbitrage.
(23:31):
Arbitrage is a difference inmarket conditions that allow you
to take advantage, to be ableto.
The easiest term you'll makefun of me is profit.
But profit can be many things.
It can be social profit, it canbe monetary, it can be.
Profit can be many things.
It can be social profit, it canbe monetary, it can be, you
(23:53):
know, favors that are owed.
It's a lot of things.
So when the market is stableand it is easy, you don't make a
lot of easy money in the market.
A little bit different rightnow, with quantitative easing
that happened in 09 to whereverwe were into 2016 and some other
things.
And then you go into thegovernment now playing the
interest rate game, which isnecessary.
But we've had good marketconditions for a long time.
(24:16):
But the way the market works isnot a lot of risk, not a lot of
return, and in some casesthat's good If you've got a good
stockpile.
Do you need a lot of return?
Brad (24:28):
No.
Dylan (24:29):
I just need to get to the next phase and or?
Or what are your goals in life?
Do you want to have a Mercedeswhen you retire or do you just?
Do you just want to have yourmemories and make sure you can
pay your cable bill and see yourgrandkids on the weekends?
There's all these differentwants and needs in the world.
Where we get lost is I want mykids to have a riskless life,
(24:56):
but then I also expect them tobe the next president, or I
expect them to be the nextwhatever.
So you want them to be in aheightened position in the world
, and there are absolutelypeople that there are absolutely
people in the world.
They got the heightenedpositions not by their own merit
.
But that's no different thansaying I want my kid to be
(25:17):
Michael Jordan when they grow up.
The chances are not that great.
So we don't look at the peopleover there that got to where
they're at by not their meritand say, well, woe is me, that
sucks, I can't get there.
You need to look at the reality.
So the more hardships, the morerisk your children endure, the
more opportunity they have togrow and to get ahead in life.
(25:39):
So there's that whole balance.
What do you want?
Do you want them to be?
You want them to be safe.
Just understand that you'recutting their legs off and
they're not going to probably beable to go as far.
Not saying always, not alwaysthe case.
There will always be the.
Brad (25:54):
So that's essentially what I was getting at.
In the past.
These hardships have just beenpart of your natural life.
You have to endure them to keepgoing, and people that endured
them better did better.
You either survived or youthrived, or you got the food or
(26:19):
you got the house, or you gotthe job.
Whatever it was Maybe foodpoisoning Possibly and as
civilization advanced thatchanged.
So you got a better job.
And again, I'm not equating allof these things to fairness or
(26:42):
equality or any of that, butbecause there's a wide range of
that.
But if we can say the topperformers endure a decent
amount of adversity and we areliving in relatively safe times,
(27:07):
how do we as parents engineer acertain amount of that
adversity?
Dylan (27:21):
You're playing Jumanji.
Do we even need to?
Brad (27:23):
I really don't think you need to.
Dylan (27:24):
I think the world's still enough of a dangerous place on
its own.
Brad (27:31):
I mean, the world's not the kindest so I think part of
the issue is is the kids like wewere just talking about, like
they're not necessarily out inthe world anymore?
No, like that's, how do youpush?
Them out there I think that's alittle bit of an issue.
(27:51):
I I mean, I've talked aboutthis with uh, with other coaches
, and we've talked about thisand I think when martin was on
one time we talked about it.
Like kids, don't just go outand and play like pickup in in
decent sized groups anymore, it.
It happens on small scale andthere's definitely like, oh, my
(28:12):
neighbor comes over and we'regonna shoot baskets and and that
kind of stuff.
But not like we organized a sixon six football a game and we
went down to the field and thenwe beat the shit out of each
other for two hours yeah likethat kind of stuff and I don't
see that happen nearly as muchas it used to.
(28:33):
does that mean they're notplaying games?
No, yeah, they're playingfucking more games than they
ever played, but everything isneatly regulated and overseen by
officials and parents andcoaches and and all that stuff
and software and software.
What?
Dylan (28:53):
Oh, you go play call of duty or whatever they play, it's
all.
There's a.
It's a game referee there.
You can't break the rules inthose games, yeah, but you can
talk some shit.
Brad (29:02):
Yeah.
But, that, but see, that's, andthat's exactly what I'm talking
about.
There's zero consequences.
Dylan (29:07):
There's zero consequences you talk shit on the blacktop,
you get put down.
I mean, you could, yeah, youbetter be fast or strong, or so
what we're really saying is youneed to figure out how to let
your kids get punched in theface.
Brad (29:23):
That's a form of adversity , yeah.
Dylan (29:26):
You know or?
Brad (29:27):
or just like, um, uh, not getting everything they want
when they want it, or I mean,and and parents are the the
culprits of this?
Because everything is is easier.
I, oh, you want this thing.
I don't have to.
I don't even have to get up outof my chair right now.
(29:48):
I'm on Amazon Click.
All right, yeah, I'll be herein two days.
Not a problem.
I didn't really have to thinkabout it if the money was not
really an option.
Oh yeah, that was $12.
Yeah, I'll get it for you.
I don't know, I don't knowabout that.
Is that a good thing?
Probably not.
I mean, again, there's nuance.
(30:10):
Yeah, it's super nice to haveshit like that, but also it's
going to be a real problem.
Dylan (30:18):
How do you structure it?
In a way, because there are alot of people in this world that
probably, if they had resources, could probably do a lot of
people in this world thatprobably, if they had resources,
could probably do a lot of good, but just never had the
resources to be able to makethat happen.
So how do you?
How do you cause I don't likethe polar opposites here, which
is I've seen it where people arelike my kids need to know what
(30:42):
it's like for me to grow up andI had a really hard growing up
and I got over adversity and Igot to where I'm at and I'm
going to.
I made something of myself andnow they need to know what
that's like without any help.
And you're like okay one.
You beat the odds, because eventhe even with a tenacious
(31:04):
attitude, the odds are stackedagainst you.
So now you're saying I'm goingto let my kids go out and do it
all on their own.
Absolutely, they shouldunderstand the value of a dollar
, they should understand thevalue of hard work, a lot of
these things.
But if you were able to instillthe right ethics or instill the
right work, value and all thesethings into them, why wouldn't
(31:28):
want.
You want to give them a leg up.
Brad (31:31):
No, I think that's.
That's what we're talking about.
Dylan (31:33):
I was trying to find that median and that's yeah, it's
not like a, this isn't the oh.
I had to walk up to school,uphill both ways, six miles each
way.
It's a how do you make them?
How do you make them understandthe consequences of the world
and the stakes that there is forthe rest of their life, but
then also give them that leg up,because that's been like, oh, I
(31:57):
want my kids to have a betterchance, and it's like there's a
balance between getting them tounderstand the world as it is
but then giving them that leg up, but not in such a way that
they don't still have a drive.
Brad (32:11):
Yeah, and also I think some of us just figuring out
what is actually important andgiving them that leg up, yeah,
you know.
So are we really, when we aretrying to help them, are we
really helping them with thevalues that will cover a broad
range of things, depending onwhat their specific goals in
(32:32):
life are, because you don't knowwhat those are going to be at
10 or 13 or 15.
Dylan (32:37):
And you touched on this earlier.
Am I now causing harm byharping on them over a C plus in
seventh grade, over somethingsilly?
And now I've?
We've created a communicationgap between us because now they
don't trust to talk to mebecause of a weird one-off
(32:59):
instance.
Or was I saying hey, youunderstand that C plus probably
wasn't really your best efforthere, why?
You know what was happening inyour life, where do you need to
go and how do we not make that aC plus next year?
And again, grades aresubjective, by abilities and so
(33:19):
many things.
Um, but understanding thatthere's a longer game than just
the moment.
And just because your son got aB plus and my son got a C minus
doesn't mean I need to bejealous of your son and then
take it out on my kid.
Brad (33:34):
No, and one thing I was thinking of earlier was, um, me
telling stories of raising kidsand you telling stories of, like
, managing people at work.
Same thing, man, it is, and itisn't so like you in the part
that isn't, is the attachmentpart right?
It's like the, the intenseemotion that you feel over
(33:56):
things that you wouldn't feel inany other circumstance.
Dylan (34:00):
I don't know, man, I, I, and maybe that makes me a bad
leader, um, but I, I, I think Iget most angry, and it's not
when there's a screw up, likethe script doesn't bother me,
it's the, it's the thought orit's the belief in them that
you're better, like you.
(34:22):
You have an innate ability, butbetter than that.
So why did we make this mistake?
And there's also a little bitof probably shaming myself, of
like why did I allow this tohappen?
And not in a controlling way oflike I need to control
everything, but how wasn't Iable to better prepare them?
How wasn't I able to put abetter process in place?
Brad (34:40):
So yeah, and that's a, that's a, that's a balance,
that's a definite link toparenting, for sure, um, and if,
if you're not experiencing thatlink, then I think you need to
self-reflect a little bit moreand self-reflect and not
ruminate right, because you aretwo autonomous beings.
(35:02):
So, yes, you have influence anddirection over them to some
extent, and yet they will stillperform their own actions
according to whatever they thinkis going through their monkey
coked out brain at the time, socan we brand that?
Dylan (35:23):
yeah yeah, terribly Unoblivious.
I'm sure Maki Coke, the newestcandy bar.
Brad (35:31):
I'm going to start drawing .
Dylan (35:32):
the cartoon Is it going to be like little square
chocolate chunks with like alittle white powder ball in the
middle.
Brad (35:38):
No, it's a line.
Dylan (35:39):
It's got to be a line.
Okay, a line in the middle.
Brad (35:45):
So this is yeah, yeah, it's a struggle and it's
something that I don't.
I don't get to witness otherpeople giving speeches to their
kids, so I don't know.
Maybe a lot of you are doingthe exact same thing, but I feel
like I'm giving ted talks onthe regular.
You know, on uh I, what I tryto focus on are the, the general
(36:11):
topics.
So you focus things like effort, you know, like can you, can
you put out some effort and beproud of of what you did?
Whatever the outcome is?
This thing was hard and I triedmy hardest and the the result
was mediocre.
Okay, that happens, shit's hard, you know.
(36:34):
Or did you put out no effortand the thing was easy and the
result was mediocre?
Okay, it's different.
That's when we're coachingyoung kids.
We, we try to introduce theconcept of you know you can lose
well and you can win poorly,and what does that mean?
(36:56):
Okay, that's how you startthinking about those things.
That's kind of an easyintroduction to to that, things
like setting goals and andmaking plans and trying to start
understanding really basicsystems.
You know like, hey, this is atrapper keeper.
(37:16):
There's a folder in here foreach subject.
You can put the subject matterin the folder and they're all in
the trapper keeper and if youbring the trapper keeper to
school you have all your fuckingshit together.
Dylan (37:30):
Yeah.
It all goes back to why.
Now, it all goes back to why andreally and this is something
that I thank God, my parentswill listen to my podcast.
I look back and there are manytimes that my dad in particular
(37:56):
told me something and there wasmaybe there was an initial
attempt at a why, but it may be,and don't get me wrong
extremely busy human being wastrying to make a better life for
my brother and I by working hisass off, um, you know, and he
(38:17):
ran some complicated companiesand his attention necessarily
wasn't always a hundred percentgeared towards us.
He was trying to do the best hecould with the resources he had
, but sometimes the Y just nevergot across and you're like,
okay, I see what you're saying,but you're kind of just giving
me the because I said and you'relike okay, I see what you're
saying, but you're kind of justgiving me the because I said and
that it's not just on the onyour child to listen to you,
(38:42):
it's on you learning how tocommunicate with them and get
that why point across.
You know, there's a.
I mean, there is a, there is,there is a level where it's like
okay, we've gone overboard.
You know, i'm'm not saying likethat's chopped down every tree
to get there because they're,they're young, to your point,
they're cracked out monkeys.
Brad (39:00):
I think I'm doing that what I think.
Dylan (39:02):
I'm just what I don't know, chopping every tree, or
just too many wise.
There's too many wise?
Brad (39:08):
yeah then so, and that's the so you're saying you didn't
get a lot of wise and so thecure so this is things I didn't
get a lot of whys.
Dylan (39:14):
So this is the thing I didn't get a lot of whys.
I just had a very aggressiveconsequence and I just did what
I was supposed to because I wasmore afraid of the consequence
than the why.
But it wasn't to the best of myabilities.
It was just enough to scrapepast that consequence, Whereas I
think if I would haveunderstood the implications and
(39:38):
the implication yeah, theimplication if I would have.
I don't know, this is what itthis, there's so many things
that you mean.
It's so easy to armchairquarterback this, again, it's
not.
There's so many variables, butthat's when it's easy for me.
I don't have kids, I have not.
Brad (39:56):
there's so many variables but that's why it's easy for me.
I don't have kids.
I, I have a, I have a group ofof, yeah, but but you were a kid
and you had parents and nowyou're an adult so like you can
look back on that and you cansay and and so uh, going back to
that book grit, like she talksabout this, parenting for grit
or parenting, with grit orwhatever.
And she gave two, two verydifferent examples, and one of
(40:19):
them was Steve, youngquarterback, and his so he's
Mormon and very strict, setrules in the household and but
also very loving, supportiveparents.
Dylan (40:32):
Yeah.
Brad (40:33):
And on the flip side there was another I can't remember
the specifics of it, but it'sanother girl and they kind of
they had really loose, um, Iguess, household rules but also
consequences for for not doingthings as well, and so
(40:56):
essentially that's.
You know, it's a sliding scaleand you're trying to to ride the
middle of that thing.
Where you have you do have tohave consequences, like there
needs to be some structure andsome some reality checks and
some adversity and things likethat.
That, okay, no, you have to dothese things right, and if you
(41:19):
don't do these things, then thisis going to happen, but at the
same time, that encouragementand positivity and support, you
know, for that thing, so thatit's not just do this or else.
Dylan (41:35):
Do you think that with your kids and you were just
saying I feel like I'm alwaysmaking wise for them do they
feel enough consequence?
Probably not.
Okay, I'm just curious to belike okay, well, dad's going to
come in with this and we'll getthrough the diatribe, we'll get
through him pontificating aboutsomething for a while and then
(41:58):
we'll we'll go back to the ideathat we'll give it our best
effort and then we'll just kindof say fuck off and go on
because we've never feltanything.
Brad (42:05):
Yeah, um, yeah, hmm.
And here's the real ball kickeras a parent, what is that?
Dylan (42:18):
Sometimes real ball kicker as a parent, what is that
?
Sometimes, the consequences arethe things that you have to put
up with.
See, and that's one thing I'llgive my parents, I give them a
lot.
They were never afraid toinfringe on their lifestyle to
make sure that my brother and Ifelt pain.
Yeah, no, they weren't my, wehad I.
I forged this.
(42:39):
I.
I bombed a test in fourth orfifth grade I don't remember
fourth or fifth grade and Iforged my dad's signature on the
on the teacher slip.
Was it good, got past him, butit didn't get past the teacher.
What's that?
Say Whoa, yeah, true story.
Brad (43:01):
How did it not get past her?
Dylan (43:03):
There's a whole other thing there.
We had other issues, and that'sa whole other episode.
Okay, but she I, literally mydad caught me forgingging and he
was like what are you doing?
I'm like nothing, you know thewhole thing.
And he was like let me see that.
And he was like this must'vebeen a while ago, cause I don't
remember signing this and I waslike yeah, it was a while ago.
(43:23):
I was really yeah, anyway.
But she called my parents,dylan forged a signature, they
came in and there was a wholemeeting and um.
We had box seats to a packersgame in lambeau field boxes.
(43:44):
Dad's like you're not going,yeah, and he was like he spent a
lot of money on those tickets,yeah, and he was just like you
know.
And he's like you're not doingit, yeah, and that was you know.
And there was many times likethat where that just just one
instance.
But they were never afraid tomake their lives harder to make
(44:07):
sure that we felt something, andthat's uh, that is hard it is
to do.
Brad (44:13):
Uh, because you, whenever I'm arguing with the kids, you
know like, you think I want todo this, you think I want to be
an asshole.
It's like, yeah, I guess somepeople are just naturally
assholes, but for the most partlike no, like, yeah, you, you
want to do fun shit with yourkids and you want to have a good
(44:34):
time, and you know you don'twant it to be, uh, just a
fucking nightmare all the time.
So it it is.
It is work to do that.
Um, I don't know and I and Ithink now, maybe more than ever,
it's it's so easy for parentsto give up, so you're like you
(45:00):
know what?
What do you like?
Ipad parents yeah, what do youlike.
I like my iPad, ipad, parents,I'm going to take your iPad away
.
I want your phone and I wantyour iPad.
And then, all of a sudden, thekids are like hey, what are you
doing?
What are you doing?
Want to do something?
What are doing?
What are you doing?
Want to do something?
What are you doing?
Hey, we'll go outside.
I know it's 20 below zero.
We go outside, can't go outside.
We'll play a game.
You like board games.
You'll play monopoly.
Dylan (45:21):
My my brother and I still tell the story about going to
dinner parties with our parentsor family functions, whatever.
And if we were the only kids,sit in the corner, entertain
yourself.
No phone, no iPad, and guesswhat, if you embarrass us in
(45:42):
front of our friends, it's goingto be miserable for you when
you get home.
And Griffin was always reallygood about stuffing a couple of
matchbox cars in his pants, andI remember, like someone's house
had, um, a crazy amount of like, um house plants, like big
(46:03):
house plants, and we just madeour own matchbox car track and
but it was all in that corner.
We didn't leave the corner ofthat living room because we
weren't allowed to.
Yeah, and then you would raiseyour hand when you need to use
the restroom, like, like.
And then we had a path.
We're like no, you got to gofrom that leaf to that leaf, had
a great time and actually thenight went really fast, but it
(46:27):
wasn't just we're gonna cause aruckus and then people have to
work around us.
We worked around the dinnerparty.
We didn't yell, we didn'tscream, it's just this whole,
it's a whole thing.
And I see people now are likeoh, we just we need to make sure
the kids are included.
You're like, no, you don't.
They can probably learnhierarchy.
Maybe It'd probably be good forthem and figure it out.
(46:53):
Again A little bit bit.
They'll figure it out what theycan't.
You put some parameters on it.
I am interested to see because,again, this is all preparing
for the unknown future were youthe center of your parents lives
, or were you just kind of abyproduct?
Brad (47:10):
no, I don't think, and this, this my parents didn't
stop living their life.
Dylan (47:16):
This still is.
My parents were like we loveyou, we're going to take care of
you, we're going to do as muchas we can for you, but mom and
dad are still going to havenights out.
We're still going to do thisand if you're, you know like our
feelings were really taken intoaccount for a lot.
Brad (47:32):
Yeah, see, we came from different backgrounds.
Dylan (47:37):
so like I think still to this day, although to a less
degree, um, like growing up,your parents just worked yeah
like those my dad would comehome at seven o'clock at night,
like, and he was like, yeah,busy day at the office, or I was
out of town and both my parentswere back early and you know
(47:58):
they were.
Brad (47:58):
They were home at early.
Dylan (48:01):
You know 5, 4, 30, whatever or they checked out for
a little bit, though, whilethey recouped.
Brad (48:06):
Well, they're probably checked out for most of the
night.
Yeah, you know um, and so youjust, I don't know, so no, I
wouldn't say uh, in the sensethat, like, when they got home,
it was just like oh, what do youwant to do?
Whatever you want to do, we'lltake you anywhere.
You want to do this, when youdo that, and it's like that
wasn't a thing and you didn'thave fucking have anywhere to go
.
No, like, where are you goingto go?
Yeah, like you know, I'll comeout when I'm done reading the
(48:38):
entire paper.
Yeah, I didn't.
And then he went, and then hewould and I'm like, yeah, it's
dark out.
I I need this right now, whichis this disconnect time so and
and also, yeah, it's so, it'sdifferent, so it's, it is a
little bit of uh, so what youknow, what was his dad like?
You think he was like superattentive and just like whatever
you want to do, but but that'sthe thing is.
Dylan (48:57):
Your dad making the effort to come up by dark was
probably different.
It was probably a hundred timesmore than his dad ever would
have done for him.
So that's, that's my point, andit's, it's, it's a little bit
every generation but we'retrying to do too much too soon.
Brad (49:19):
You don't have to give them everything.
We're doing that and we'redealing with a lot of.
Obviously, the technology thingis way different.
I mean, we're parenting in away that no one has had to
parent before.
You guys have to parent.
Dylan (49:30):
It's almost 4D man.
It's way different, it's not.
Brad (49:35):
So not only are we doing probably more than what we
should.
So it is a little bit like howdo we retain some of that, some
of the good stuff yeah, not likedon't look at me funny or I'm
gonna break your nose stuff.
You know we don't want thatstuff.
Um, but some of the like, I'mgonna slightly neglect you for a
(49:57):
while, because that's what Imean, yeah, or like my dad did
it, when I mean I've talkedabout this before with cars and
stuff like that, where, like hecould have just come out, I'll
be like, hey, I try, I triedthis thing.
I'm having a problem with it.
I can't figure it out.
He's like, yeah, I'll come outwhen I'm done reading the entire
paper, okay, so, so then I sitout there for three hours and
still try to figure it out and Idon't figure it out, and then
(50:18):
he comes out and then fiveminutes later, good to go.
Dylan (50:23):
Controversial statement.
Hot teaching.
Hot takes teaching yourchildren that while they may be
unique, it doesn't make themspecial.
Yeah, and also because when youteach children that they're
special and I'm not saying you,there's a, there's a whole
(50:47):
meaning special, you can be like, you're my special person, Like
there's all these things likefor close, intimate, fam,
familiar relationships.
You know you're, you bring somuch joy to me as a child.
You know I love that.
But to teach someone thatthey're special and that the
world needs to bow down to thatspecial, that has to be earned
(51:10):
by the whole world.
It's not just what you and yourimmediate family thinks.
You know, and whether you thinkhow some stars in this world
are treated or not, that'sindifferent.
The market speaks.
They sell something thateveryone wants and it's it's
hard, it's it takes hard workyeah, and the special part is
(51:30):
different than being loved yeslike it's, they're two separate
things exactly
Brad (51:35):
so they're not one of the same.
No, all right, so I'll end withthe okay, the end of this
ending.
Ending, ending.
Um, so I do not wish forchildren to be thrown into the
world with no recourse for adultguidance, but the absurd
hand-holding is not the way togo either.
Nuance they must face pain tono empathy.
(51:55):
They must face adversity to noproblem solving.
They must face fanaticism tolearn reason.
They must face hardship to noself-reliance.
They must face disappointmentto no self-worth.
And along the way, the adultsin the room must give guidance
to open their minds to theseideas.
Not so much a ray of sunshineis a low wash of moonlight.
Guidance is not a path so muchas a way of giving vision to see
(52:19):
a path.
Perhaps lately we are givingour kids too many paths and too
little vision it's pretty prettygood way to sum it, man thanks
not enough Thanks, not enoughvision.
Make it a hot take.
Don't give your monkeys cocaine.
Dylan (52:39):
And for that, ladies and gentlemen, look for the new
Wonka Bar coming out tomorrow.
Brad (52:44):
You're still here, it's over, it's over, go home Go.
This is the Terribly Unoblivious Podcast.
Brad (00:03):
Yep.
Dylan (00:05):
I said it before and I'll say it again Life moves pretty
fast.
Brad (00:10):
You don't stop and look around once in a while, you
could miss it.
Dylan (00:22):
Physically present, emotionally unavailable.
I, emotionally that's.
That's the complete opposite ofhow I feel now emotionally
available but physically notpresent oh, I feel emotionally
at the so brad.
If I'm on mars and I'm here,which one's me?
Brad (00:40):
not mars.
You can't live there yet, ohbut.
If you do live there, growpotatoes I thought I was on
elon's.
Dylan (00:48):
I thought I was on elon's .
Uh, tesla, no, you're on elon'sshit list.
I hope not, do you think?
Elon musk is a good dad um, Ithink elon musk is probably a uh
neurodivergent father and heprobably feels some modicum of
emotion for the child.
(01:08):
I think he's emotionallyunavailable, but I just don't
think he knows how.
That is purely Conjecture.
Brad (01:17):
Conjecture.
Dylan (01:18):
Could you see?
Brad (01:19):
him suing his own kids.
Dylan (01:22):
If he thought it was yeah , I could see yes.
Short answer.
Brad (01:26):
short answer yes, okay, that's all I need to know.
Scariest place imaginable.
Dylan (01:31):
I can see my dad suing me like, let's be honest, wow I
don't need wow.
Brad (01:36):
My dad's too smart, he knows he wouldn't get anything I
don't know, I don't.
Dylan (01:45):
That's what.
What's the term we're lookingfor here?
With love, uh, comes greatresponsibility or you just, you
just love somebody unconditional, unconditional love, Is it?
Yeah, I don't know.
I there's a, there's a pointwhere you gotta be able to just
stop and protect yourself.
Brad (02:03):
Yeah, but do you think the people that really do that like
that have that unconditionallove?
Um, I think their brain's okayor they have stockholm syndrome
oh well then their brain's notokay that's what I mean, yeah
yeah, but it would kind of bethe opposite of that, like what
if you were a?
Yeah, that'd be tough.
Uh, like you watch somebodykill somebody else you know and
you love the that'd be tough.
(02:23):
Like you watch somebody killsomebody else you know and you
love the person that.
Dylan (02:28):
I go to the place right away and make sure I tell them
in exact detail what I saw,because, guess what?
You made that choice, not me.
I'm not going to jail.
Brad (02:36):
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not saying that, I'm sayinglike I love them.
Dylan (02:39):
Like it turned you on.
Brad (02:50):
No, no, no, no, no, like they did that in uh the like the
most awful evil, whatever waypossible, and people are still
like I love them.
Dylan (02:53):
I still love them yeah, well, this goes back to our last
episode, which is, um, you'reidentifying certain
characteristics, traits, maybeboards, if people remember that
episode correctly, that aren'tthere anymore.
That maybe aren't there anymore.
They're different, different,yeah, so again, it's that
hardware software debate.
Brad (03:12):
So you're hugging a picture, yeah, sort of.
Dylan (03:16):
I think there are people, um, I don't know.
I think this happens inrelationships.
You get in a relationship withsomebody and, um, you start to
love each other and then afterbabies maybe, and you know some
instances that go for a verylong time, but I totally I
I understand the idea wherecouples just say at some point
(03:40):
we didn't recognize each other,and I'm not saying that there
wasn't work put in that couldhave avoided that you know when
that usually happens.
But it's also that we've talkedabout people change.
It's the theseus ship you knowwhen that happens, minotaur?
What when they joined crossfitgyms?
(04:01):
I've talked about this withsome people recently.
It's funny.
It's funny.
You say that it's not just thatanymore.
Brad (04:07):
I think it covers some more lines.
Dylan (04:12):
The CrossFit gym one is an easy one.
Brad (04:15):
Look at mom wearing her new tights.
It's doing deep squats.
Dylan (04:20):
Especially in today's society, physical representation
of yourself comes with a highdegree of esteem.
You know there's a high valueyou place on your esteem based
on your physical appearance.
Okay, but then there's also theendorphin aspect.
(04:40):
There's the working out.
But people that go to CrossFitthey did a good job of making it
community oriented.
The debates out there for otherepisodes that's not today about
what type of community thatturns into.
But you get someone that's feltunderappreciated, not feeling
(05:02):
the sexiest, whatever it is, andthen they go and then they've
got people cheering them on,They've got a community, maybe a
support system they'd never hadbefore.
They start to see atransformation in a positive way
.
They're getting the physicalbenefits in terms of cardio,
weightlifting et cetera.
Again, that's a map.
(05:23):
We talked about hardware,software.
That's a hardwaretransformation.
But it's also a little bit of,you know, grit in the terms of
I'm making myself go to this gymevery day and do hard things
and I'm not, you know.
Brad (05:35):
I think some of the the software change, though, is the
uh challenge part.
Dylan (05:41):
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.
It goes to grit.
It's like forcing yourself todo this every time, but it's.
Brad (05:47):
I the challenge part in the sense that I think people
start, uh, maybe self-reflectingmore, in the sense that ah,
this is hard.
I didn't think that I could dothis, and now I'm doing it.
Dylan (06:01):
I'm not just doing it.
Brad (06:09):
I'm could do this, and now I'm doing it.
I'm not just doing it I'mexcelling at it.
But like what else can I change?
Yeah, like what else have Ibeen slacking on?
Like what else did I?
Dylan (06:12):
think was insurmountable, that, yeah, that now I think
maybe I can do.
And so, going back to ouroriginal point, was when we saw
this, as um have a lot of babies, people inside of crossfit gyms
, oh, one person would join andif a, if a significant other did
not join after a period of time, there was ultimately some
(06:35):
changes in that relationship.
I would say more than half that.
I would say more than 50, 50yeah but and also again, that's
a small sample size of makingover generalizations right now.
Brad (06:47):
It's also skewed in terms of age right yeah so, like I
think you, we definitely saw umyeah, like in general, like a 25
to 35 where um, you're either.
Maybe you're in a relationship,maybe you're in a youngish
relationship, or maybe you ayoung-ish relationship, or maybe
you've been.
But that's part of what we'resaying, but that's also.
Dylan (07:09):
At a young age you're starting to learn what you are
and aren't capable of.
Brad (07:13):
So it's also some people that I mean, in my opinion, why
divorce may happen more oftenthan not.
That's probably wrong.
I shouldn't even say that.
But yeah, if you are withsomeone, if you're dating
someone at 20 and you've beenwith them for six years and now
(07:33):
you're going through some majorchanges especially if they're
not so you as a person arechanging and them as a person
are still that 20-year-old yeah,that's probably going to be a a
bit of an issue.
Dylan (07:47):
So Firmware is not updating.
Brad (07:51):
Yeah, yeah, you know where .
You know where else things likethat happen all the time.
Motel six no.
Dylan (07:58):
Oh, challenges.
Are you going down the Misogichurch?
You always got to bring it backto religion could happen.
I got in a religious debate theother night uh oh, on what it
was.
It was based on how big Jesus'beard was.
(08:19):
That would have been better.
I thought he was a L'Orealmodel.
No tears the.
Brad (08:28):
That would have been better.
I thought he had just.
I thought he was a L'Orealmodel no tears, the.
What I'm just looking at thatpicture, that's what I'm saying
L'Oreal, no tears.
Dylan (08:33):
Is that what it is?
I don't know.
Look at that, look at thoselocks.
It is an unusual Jesus pictureA memorial of Jesus's death.
What can his sacrifice make?
Brad (08:42):
you.
I got Jehovah's witnesshandwritten note to bring yeah,
to bring the audience in.
Dylan (08:46):
I got a?
Um, this is um fine.
No, not wide ruled.
What's the regular rule?
College rule, college rule.
I got a college rule three ringbinder, a legal pad, or it's
not legal but three ruled Guys.
Brad (09:06):
it's just a piece of paper .
Dylan (09:07):
It's a piece of paper from a woman who just said
DeerStyle family.
I hope this letter finds youand your family doing well.
I'm writing to you and yourfamily.
Unless you worship the devil Toan important upcoming event,
and then they gave us some andthen there was kind of a little
bit more about all the best.
Um, you know, see you there.
(09:28):
Uh, but hey Jesus.
Brad (09:31):
All the people in this pamphlet are white.
Dylan (09:34):
No, they're not.
Brad (09:35):
That's how they're not.
What no?
Dylan (09:40):
I think you're colorblind , oh okay, I am.
I think you're colorblind, ohokay, I am.
Thank you for that you'rewelcome.
Brad (09:49):
Um, I think I think this pamphlet.
Dylan (09:50):
They just went to ai and was like make jesus a soap opera
star yeah, but then he would beblack because, uh, gemini from
google got in trouble because itcouldn't do any white um
generative photos what?
Brad (10:05):
do you?
Dylan (10:05):
mean it.
It only made um people ofethnic races, um yeah, because
that's what everyone's gonna be.
Brad (10:13):
That's yeah, I mean like technically that's kind of what
everyone is.
Dylan (10:17):
But more, more.
So I'm just it's.
That was definitely a pastelartist, no, no, it wasn't.
Brad (10:26):
I don't think so.
Parenting, that's what I'mtalking about.
That's where we're going toafter.
Okay, yeah, we're going toparenting, yeah.
Dylan (10:34):
That's what I was talking about.
That was a good intro toparenting.
Brad (10:37):
Yeah, I was talking about, you know.
Dylan (10:38):
I've come full circle.
Brad (10:39):
All that business.
Okay, kids are hard, hard youknow, are they.
Dylan (10:49):
I don't know people out there that have kids it's super
easy, right?
Brad (10:52):
I um here.
Dylan (10:53):
I don't even like to make joke about jokes about kids,
because I can, I I will not dowell, so I don't speak on the
topic very often because I knowthey're going to be difficult.
Brad (11:15):
It's.
I think the difficult part isthat you are training someone
for the future.
Dylan (11:16):
That's a lot of weight, man.
Brad (11:18):
So it's a lot of weight.
So you are like we were justtalking about grades and things
like that and effort and allthese kind of things, like we
were just talking about gradesand things like that and effort
and all these kinds of things,and you trick yourself into
thinking that you're trying toget them to perform in the
moment, but the reality is isthat you're trying to set them
up to be successful later inlife.
Dylan (11:39):
Okay, it's a little bit of um, a little bit like we
talked about with coaching withMartin.
Um, it's not what's going tomake you successful right now,
it's what's going to make youthe best going forward.
That's gotta be hard butlongterm.
Yeah.
Yes, um, when I was doing thebook grit, or giving you the
(12:00):
resources to understand whatTeaching problem solving.
Brad (12:06):
Yes.
Dylan (12:07):
To take the L now.
To take the W later.
Brad (12:12):
Teaching, problem solving, but in a sense that they're
tiny little monkeys snortingcocaine on a regular basis.
They're like, hey, let's sitdown, let's have a little talk
about logic.
And they're like let's do it.
Dylan (12:33):
I'm in.
I'm in dad.
Brad (12:35):
This doesn't make any sense to you, does it no?
Dylan (12:39):
What do you do when condoms are involved?
What it's coming.
How old is a phoenix?
What no, it's coming.
How old is Phoenix?
What no, it's coming.
No, okay, I mean whether youwant to see.
It's OM or UM.
Brad (12:51):
OM or UM.
I hate you so much.
Took you a minute I hate you somuch so I had sat down and
wrote last night, Just you knowthat fine line you have to walk
between.
You seem overwhelmed Betweenbeing burdensome Over burdensome
(13:17):
, that's too much.
Right, that's redundantOverbearing, yeah, overbearing.
Dylan (13:23):
Burdensome, burdensome, yeah.
Burdensome, overbearing,overbearing, burdensome,
burdensome yeah overbearing.
Overbearing is probably a betterword okay bird man overbearing
to your kids versuslackadaisical what is the
appropriate amount of rope, the,the proverbial amount of rope
to give them to easy?
No, but it is.
(13:44):
It's, how, how far do you letthem go to stretch?
You know, to stretch theirwings, yes, versus where do the
consequences come in?
And then how do you keep thatbalance?
Yeah, there's a balance, uh,because you don't want them,
obviously, to make suchdetrimental choices that, no,
they can't come back from.
Brad (14:04):
But if you're there to catch them before you know I,
I'm kind of feeling now andpeople may disagree with me
because of social media and allthese kind of things.
But what is social media?
Uh, or video games or whateveryou want to talk about.
But in the Sandlot movie in thebeginning this kid's playing
(14:30):
with his Tinker Toys and Erectorsets, erector sets and all that
kind of stuff.
Dylan (14:34):
I was super jealous.
Brad (14:35):
It was such a nice set and his mom comes in and she's like
go outside, get into sometrouble.
And yeah, I kind of feel likesome, some kids need some of
that.
Like they're getting intotrouble, but not really like
they're getting into troubleonline or they're getting in
trouble texting or on Snapchator they're doing stupid shit
(14:58):
that way.
But like, get, go, go out, likeinto the physical world and
make dumb memories.
Do something.
Is that a bad idea?
No, I don't know.
No, I just uh, but maybe I, Idon't know, maybe I was doing
(15:18):
the same shit.
Dylan (15:20):
Um, I mean, you were definitely disappointing your
parents.
Brad (15:22):
But also like In a different way, when you were
like 11, 12, 13,.
What were you doing?
You weren't doing shit.
Where was I going?
I wasn't going anywhere.
I was in the middle of nowhere.
There was a yeah, there wasn't.
Dylan (15:34):
There's a lot of downtime where you're just bored as shit
, Like what am I going to dowith my time?
Where am I going to go?
Brad (15:48):
How do this?
Dylan (15:48):
I'm gonna listen to this cd a hundred times.
Dude, that's a real thing.
Sit in the room and just listento music and ruminate.
I'm gonna learn how to draw afucking suck at drawing.
Yeah, that's what I would do.
God, there's so many emotionsin, yeah, at that age I'm gonna
draw houses, hate houses.
Brad (16:02):
That's what I would do.
Yeah, and look at me now.
I'm totally fine god, I yeah.
Dylan (16:09):
This podcast hasn't been blacklisted at all, they just
need to be alone in theirthoughts more.
Brad (16:14):
That's what they need.
It's so healthy.
So, uh, so I was writing in mylittle blue book here and I
hadn't written Kelly for twoyears.
Okay, and sometimes it's weird,it's uncanny how I can come
back to this thing, andsometimes it's a year, sometimes
(16:36):
it's four years, and in thesite in the same time period,
like same month, similar days,uh, just say you want it.
Dylan (16:44):
You have a cycle and series of two.
Yeah, no.
Multiples of two no yeah, twoyears, four years, use it two
and four multiples of two, thattwo.
Brad (16:54):
That was just an example.
Let's not over generalize.
Okay, all right, do you want toread?
It give me it.
Dylan (17:03):
Okay, it's a couple pages .
Um, maybe paraphrase.
I don't want to read it.
Give me it.
Okay, it's a couple of pages,maybe paraphrase.
I don't want to paraphrase, allright.
Brad (17:08):
Write your thoughts.
This is my monologue Diatribe.
Is it, I don't know, soapbox?
Dylan (17:21):
It's not really a soapbox because it's just definitely a
lot more questions than answers.
We'll ask like a couplequestions and then we'll get
back to it what, what, whatquestions?
Brad (17:28):
never mind, keep going.
Dylan (17:29):
Oh, you want me to stop and we can talk about it yeah,
okay, you get half a page andthen go all right or like yeah,
uh, I'm gonna skip the introthen, because that's boring for
the past several generations atleast, parents have a mantra
that we want our kids to have abetter life than we've had.
Brad (17:46):
I'm not sure when it started, but undoubtedly it was
when times were very hard, sorry.
And parents didn't want theirchildren to endure the hardships
that they did Pain, hunger,homelessness, violence, disease
that transformed, probablypost-World War II in the 50s
(18:06):
Seemed to be a little bit moreof a material plea.
So you know, I grew up poor andwith nothing and I don't want
my children to do the same Again.
It seems to make sense, Mm-hmm,but soon possessions became
more available, cheaper to buy,credit becomes available, even
to some that probably shouldn'thave it or use it the way that
(18:30):
they do.
And now kids have everything andmore that they could want or
need, but still we want a betterand, dare I say, easier life
for our kids, and dare I sayeasier life for our kids.
So they're now without many ofthe physical hardships, say,
(18:51):
from 150 years ago.
They have material possessions,so now we wish for their
feelings to not be hurt.
So we will make up new rulesand new ways to be offended, in
hopes of having a new governingbody that disallows said action
that may cause such hurtfeelings.
All the while we continuesaying it's for the better.
But what is better?
(19:12):
Even as I'm writing this, I'mhearing counter arguments that
say life is better, we arebetter, which is true.
I mean this.
This may be the easiest timesfor some of us ever in history.
Dylan (19:30):
Define better.
Brad (19:32):
Maybe not ancient Greek.
It's probably pretty good.
Yeah, they were getting down.
Dylan (19:37):
Yeah.
Maybe, they had a lot of gayrights, something that we are.
I'm just saying something thatwe struggle with today's age and
something that they don'tstruggle with back then, which
is um interesting to think aboutand is life better?
Brad (19:54):
into this I say nuance those are two years ago, proud
of me, I said nuance, yeah, didyou spell it wrong.
Did I, I don't know NewA-U-N-T-S yes Is that right, new
Chin, new Ants, newton, no Ants.
I know, yeah, the thing that ismissing from today's discourse.
(20:16):
We've gotten better as peoplein many ways, but we've also
lost sight of how we have gottenhere and the properties that
allowed us to achieve thisbetter life.
And a lost sight of how we havegotten here and the properties
that allowed us to achieve thisbetter life.
And maybe it's a cycle thatwe're in.
It's easy to say hard timescreate hard men, hard men create
easy times, easy times createeasy men and easy men create
hard times.
And I'm nervous right now thatwe're in the easy times category
(20:38):
, and for sure these are some ofthe easiest times in history.
The movement that needs to takeplace is a real sense of
self-discipline that createshard men over and over, so that
we continue in a world that iscontinually getting better,
without a weakening of the humanspirit and drive.
I don't know, is that true?
(20:58):
So that in the sense and Ithink we talked about this a
little bit, and maybe probablyMasogi, like about comfort that
if allowed the more.
(21:18):
What do I say?
What's the word I'm trying touse?
All I can think of is blessed.
Dylan (21:21):
I don't want to use that word.
Have a blessed day.
That we are, you know, like youhave stuff.
We need a thesaurus on thispodcast.
You know, Not entitled, noGifted.
Brad (21:39):
No, no, that's not the word.
You know what I'm talking about.
No, god.
Dylan (21:43):
You've been talking this whole time.
Brad (21:58):
It's so late at night, uh lucky, we're getting closer.
Yeah, not lucky.
Dylan (21:59):
Uh, come on people put it in my ear fortunate, fortunate,
fortunate, fortunate, veryfortunate.
We are fortunate living thistime so we don't have to worry
about saber tooth.
So those of us so Veryfortunate, we are fortunate to
live in this time we don't haveto worry about Sabertooth Tigers
and all this other bullshit.
Brad (22:08):
So those of us that are fortunate and there's plenty of
other people that are not asfortunate, that have to deal
with a whole different number ofhardships Fair wage lawyers we
have All this shit, yeah.
But you also have a ton ofpeople that do see violence
daily and do have a hard timefiguring out when they're going
(22:31):
to eat next and where they'regoing to live at and who they
can trust and things of thatnature.
But there is a very largepopulation of us that are
fortunate enough to have a lotof those basic things somewhat
under control.
So in that sense, in thatcategory, we could live a life
(22:53):
where we kind of just choose notto have any hardships, and in
that sense I don't wanthardships.
So, like I don't, I don't wantthings to be difficult and I
don't want my ideas to bechallenged and I don't want
hardship.
So, like I don't, I don't wantthings to be difficult and I
don't want my ideas to bechallenged and I don't want my
feelings to be hurt.
Dylan (23:09):
There's a variance scale there.
Um, it's or I shouldn't sayvariance, it's it's a risk
reward matrix.
I think it's the easiest way Ican think about this and it'll
oversimplify it vastly, but itgives us a framework to work out
of high risk hard times.
Hard times creates a lot ofarbitrage.
(23:31):
Arbitrage is a difference inmarket conditions that allow you
to take advantage, to be ableto.
The easiest term you'll makefun of me is profit.
But profit can be many things.
It can be social profit, it canbe monetary, it can be.
Profit can be many things.
It can be social profit, it canbe monetary, it can be, you
(23:53):
know, favors that are owed.
It's a lot of things.
So when the market is stableand it is easy, you don't make a
lot of easy money in the market.
A little bit different rightnow, with quantitative easing
that happened in 09 to whereverwe were into 2016 and some other
things.
And then you go into thegovernment now playing the
interest rate game, which isnecessary.
But we've had good marketconditions for a long time.
(24:16):
But the way the market works isnot a lot of risk, not a lot of
return, and in some casesthat's good If you've got a good
stockpile.
Do you need a lot of return?
Brad (24:28):
No.
Dylan (24:29):
I just need to get to the next phase and or?
Or what are your goals in life?
Do you want to have a Mercedeswhen you retire or do you just?
Do you just want to have yourmemories and make sure you can
pay your cable bill and see yourgrandkids on the weekends?
There's all these differentwants and needs in the world.
Where we get lost is I want mykids to have a riskless life,
(24:56):
but then I also expect them tobe the next president, or I
expect them to be the nextwhatever.
So you want them to be in aheightened position in the world
, and there are absolutelypeople that there are absolutely
people in the world.
They got the heightenedpositions not by their own merit
.
But that's no different thansaying I want my kid to be
(25:17):
Michael Jordan when they grow up.
The chances are not that great.
So we don't look at the peopleover there that got to where
they're at by not their meritand say, well, woe is me, that
sucks, I can't get there.
You need to look at the reality.
So the more hardships, the morerisk your children endure, the
more opportunity they have togrow and to get ahead in life.
(25:39):
So there's that whole balance.
What do you want?
Do you want them to be?
You want them to be safe.
Just understand that you'recutting their legs off and
they're not going to probably beable to go as far.
Not saying always, not alwaysthe case.
There will always be the.
Brad (25:54):
So that's essentially what I was getting at.
In the past.
These hardships have just beenpart of your natural life.
You have to endure them to keepgoing, and people that endured
them better did better.
You either survived or youthrived, or you got the food or
(26:19):
you got the house, or you gotthe job.
Whatever it was Maybe foodpoisoning Possibly and as
civilization advanced thatchanged.
So you got a better job.
And again, I'm not equating allof these things to fairness or
(26:42):
equality or any of that, butbecause there's a wide range of
that.
But if we can say the topperformers endure a decent
amount of adversity and we areliving in relatively safe times,
(27:07):
how do we as parents engineer acertain amount of that
adversity?
Dylan (27:21):
You're playing Jumanji.
Do we even need to?
Brad (27:23):
I really don't think you need to.
Dylan (27:24):
I think the world's still enough of a dangerous place on
its own.
Brad (27:31):
I mean, the world's not the kindest so I think part of
the issue is is the kids like wewere just talking about, like
they're not necessarily out inthe world anymore?
No, like that's, how do youpush?
Them out there I think that's alittle bit of an issue.
(27:51):
I I mean, I've talked aboutthis with uh, with other coaches
, and we've talked about thisand I think when martin was on
one time we talked about it.
Like kids, don't just go outand and play like pickup in in
decent sized groups anymore, it.
It happens on small scale andthere's definitely like, oh, my
(28:12):
neighbor comes over and we'regonna shoot baskets and and that
kind of stuff.
But not like we organized a sixon six football a game and we
went down to the field and thenwe beat the shit out of each
other for two hours yeah likethat kind of stuff and I don't
see that happen nearly as muchas it used to.
(28:33):
does that mean they're notplaying games?
No, yeah, they're playingfucking more games than they
ever played, but everything isneatly regulated and overseen by
officials and parents andcoaches and and all that stuff
and software and software.
What?
Dylan (28:53):
Oh, you go play call of duty or whatever they play, it's
all.
There's a.
It's a game referee there.
You can't break the rules inthose games, yeah, but you can
talk some shit.
Brad (29:02):
Yeah.
But, that, but see, that's, andthat's exactly what I'm talking
about.
There's zero consequences.
Dylan (29:07):
There's zero consequences you talk shit on the blacktop,
you get put down.
I mean, you could, yeah, youbetter be fast or strong, or so
what we're really saying is youneed to figure out how to let
your kids get punched in theface.
Brad (29:23):
That's a form of adversity , yeah.
Dylan (29:26):
You know or?
Brad (29:27):
or just like, um, uh, not getting everything they want
when they want it, or I mean,and and parents are the the
culprits of this?
Because everything is is easier.
I, oh, you want this thing.
I don't have to.
I don't even have to get up outof my chair right now.
(29:48):
I'm on Amazon Click.
All right, yeah, I'll be herein two days.
Not a problem.
I didn't really have to thinkabout it if the money was not
really an option.
Oh yeah, that was $12.
Yeah, I'll get it for you.
I don't know, I don't knowabout that.
Is that a good thing?
Probably not.
I mean, again, there's nuance.
(30:10):
Yeah, it's super nice to haveshit like that, but also it's
going to be a real problem.
Dylan (30:18):
How do you structure it?
In a way, because there are alot of people in this world that
probably, if they had resources, could probably do a lot of
people in this world thatprobably, if they had resources,
could probably do a lot of good, but just never had the
resources to be able to makethat happen.
So how do you?
How do you cause I don't likethe polar opposites here, which
is I've seen it where people arelike my kids need to know what
(30:42):
it's like for me to grow up andI had a really hard growing up
and I got over adversity and Igot to where I'm at and I'm
going to.
I made something of myself andnow they need to know what
that's like without any help.
And you're like okay one.
You beat the odds, because eventhe even with a tenacious
(31:04):
attitude, the odds are stackedagainst you.
So now you're saying I'm goingto let my kids go out and do it
all on their own.
Absolutely, they shouldunderstand the value of a dollar
, they should understand thevalue of hard work, a lot of
these things.
But if you were able to instillthe right ethics or instill the
right work, value and all thesethings into them, why wouldn't
(31:28):
want.
You want to give them a leg up.
Brad (31:31):
No, I think that's.
That's what we're talking about.
Dylan (31:33):
I was trying to find that median and that's yeah, it's
not like a, this isn't the oh.
I had to walk up to school,uphill both ways, six miles each
way.
It's a how do you make them?
How do you make them understandthe consequences of the world
and the stakes that there is forthe rest of their life, but
then also give them that leg up,because that's been like, oh, I
(31:57):
want my kids to have a betterchance, and it's like there's a
balance between getting them tounderstand the world as it is
but then giving them that leg up, but not in such a way that
they don't still have a drive.
Brad (32:11):
Yeah, and also I think some of us just figuring out
what is actually important andgiving them that leg up, yeah,
you know.
So are we really, when we aretrying to help them, are we
really helping them with thevalues that will cover a broad
range of things, depending onwhat their specific goals in
(32:32):
life are, because you don't knowwhat those are going to be at
10 or 13 or 15.
Dylan (32:37):
And you touched on this earlier.
Am I now causing harm byharping on them over a C plus in
seventh grade, over somethingsilly?
And now I've?
We've created a communicationgap between us because now they
don't trust to talk to mebecause of a weird one-off
(32:59):
instance.
Or was I saying hey, youunderstand that C plus probably
wasn't really your best efforthere, why?
You know what was happening inyour life, where do you need to
go and how do we not make that aC plus next year?
And again, grades aresubjective, by abilities and so
(33:19):
many things.
Um, but understanding thatthere's a longer game than just
the moment.
And just because your son got aB plus and my son got a C minus
doesn't mean I need to bejealous of your son and then
take it out on my kid.
Brad (33:34):
No, and one thing I was thinking of earlier was, um, me
telling stories of raising kidsand you telling stories of, like
, managing people at work.
Same thing, man, it is, and itisn't so like you in the part
that isn't, is the attachmentpart right?
It's like the, the intenseemotion that you feel over
(33:56):
things that you wouldn't feel inany other circumstance.
Dylan (34:00):
I don't know, man, I, I, and maybe that makes me a bad
leader, um, but I, I, I think Iget most angry, and it's not
when there's a screw up, likethe script doesn't bother me,
it's the, it's the thought orit's the belief in them that
you're better, like you.
(34:22):
You have an innate ability, butbetter than that.
So why did we make this mistake?
And there's also a little bitof probably shaming myself, of
like why did I allow this tohappen?
And not in a controlling way oflike I need to control
everything, but how wasn't Iable to better prepare them?
How wasn't I able to put abetter process in place?
Brad (34:40):
So yeah, and that's a, that's a, that's a balance,
that's a definite link toparenting, for sure, um, and if,
if you're not experiencing thatlink, then I think you need to
self-reflect a little bit moreand self-reflect and not
ruminate right, because you aretwo autonomous beings.
(35:02):
So, yes, you have influence anddirection over them to some
extent, and yet they will stillperform their own actions
according to whatever they thinkis going through their monkey
coked out brain at the time, socan we brand that?
Dylan (35:23):
yeah yeah, terribly Unoblivious.
I'm sure Maki Coke, the newestcandy bar.
Brad (35:31):
I'm going to start drawing .
Dylan (35:32):
the cartoon Is it going to be like little square
chocolate chunks with like alittle white powder ball in the
middle.
Brad (35:38):
No, it's a line.
Dylan (35:39):
It's got to be a line.
Okay, a line in the middle.
Brad (35:45):
So this is yeah, yeah, it's a struggle and it's
something that I don't.
I don't get to witness otherpeople giving speeches to their
kids, so I don't know.
Maybe a lot of you are doingthe exact same thing, but I feel
like I'm giving ted talks onthe regular.
You know, on uh I, what I tryto focus on are the, the general
(36:11):
topics.
So you focus things like effort, you know, like can you, can
you put out some effort and beproud of of what you did?
Whatever the outcome is?
This thing was hard and I triedmy hardest and the the result
was mediocre.
Okay, that happens, shit's hard, you know.
(36:34):
Or did you put out no effortand the thing was easy and the
result was mediocre?
Okay, it's different.
That's when we're coachingyoung kids.
We, we try to introduce theconcept of you know you can lose
well and you can win poorly,and what does that mean?
(36:56):
Okay, that's how you startthinking about those things.
That's kind of an easyintroduction to to that, things
like setting goals and andmaking plans and trying to start
understanding really basicsystems.
You know like, hey, this is atrapper keeper.
(37:16):
There's a folder in here foreach subject.
You can put the subject matterin the folder and they're all in
the trapper keeper and if youbring the trapper keeper to
school you have all your fuckingshit together.
Dylan (37:30):
Yeah.
It all goes back to why.
Now, it all goes back to why andreally and this is something
that I thank God, my parentswill listen to my podcast.
I look back and there are manytimes that my dad in particular
(37:56):
told me something and there wasmaybe there was an initial
attempt at a why, but it may be,and don't get me wrong
extremely busy human being wastrying to make a better life for
my brother and I by working hisass off, um, you know, and he
(38:17):
ran some complicated companiesand his attention necessarily
wasn't always a hundred percentgeared towards us.
He was trying to do the best hecould with the resources he had
, but sometimes the Y just nevergot across and you're like,
okay, I see what you're saying,but you're kind of just giving
me the because I said and you'relike okay, I see what you're
saying, but you're kind of justgiving me the because I said and
that it's not just on the onyour child to listen to you,
(38:42):
it's on you learning how tocommunicate with them and get
that why point across.
You know, there's a.
I mean, there is a, there is,there is a level where it's like
okay, we've gone overboard.
You know, i'm'm not saying likethat's chopped down every tree
to get there because they're,they're young, to your point,
they're cracked out monkeys.
Brad (39:00):
I think I'm doing that what I think.
Dylan (39:02):
I'm just what I don't know, chopping every tree, or
just too many wise.
There's too many wise?
Brad (39:08):
yeah then so, and that's the so you're saying you didn't
get a lot of wise and so thecure so this is things I didn't
get a lot of whys.
Dylan (39:14):
So this is the thing I didn't get a lot of whys.
I just had a very aggressiveconsequence and I just did what
I was supposed to because I wasmore afraid of the consequence
than the why.
But it wasn't to the best of myabilities.
It was just enough to scrapepast that consequence, Whereas I
think if I would haveunderstood the implications and
(39:38):
the implication yeah, theimplication if I would have.
I don't know, this is what itthis, there's so many things
that you mean.
It's so easy to armchairquarterback this, again, it's
not.
There's so many variables, butthat's when it's easy for me.
I don't have kids, I have not.
Brad (39:56):
there's so many variables but that's why it's easy for me.
I don't have kids.
I, I have a, I have a group ofof, yeah, but but you were a kid
and you had parents and nowyou're an adult so like you can
look back on that and you cansay and and so uh, going back to
that book grit, like she talksabout this, parenting for grit
or parenting, with grit orwhatever.
And she gave two, two verydifferent examples, and one of
(40:19):
them was Steve, youngquarterback, and his so he's
Mormon and very strict, setrules in the household and but
also very loving, supportiveparents.
Dylan (40:32):
Yeah.
Brad (40:33):
And on the flip side there was another I can't remember
the specifics of it, but it'sanother girl and they kind of
they had really loose, um, Iguess, household rules but also
consequences for for not doingthings as well, and so
(40:56):
essentially that's.
You know, it's a sliding scaleand you're trying to to ride the
middle of that thing.
Where you have you do have tohave consequences, like there
needs to be some structure andsome some reality checks and
some adversity and things likethat.
That, okay, no, you have to dothese things right, and if you
(41:19):
don't do these things, then thisis going to happen, but at the
same time, that encouragementand positivity and support, you
know, for that thing, so thatit's not just do this or else.
Dylan (41:35):
Do you think that with your kids and you were just
saying I feel like I'm alwaysmaking wise for them do they
feel enough consequence?
Probably not.
Okay, I'm just curious to belike okay, well, dad's going to
come in with this and we'll getthrough the diatribe, we'll get
through him pontificating aboutsomething for a while and then
(41:58):
we'll we'll go back to the ideathat we'll give it our best
effort and then we'll just kindof say fuck off and go on
because we've never feltanything.
Brad (42:05):
Yeah, um, yeah, hmm.
And here's the real ball kickeras a parent, what is that?
Dylan (42:18):
Sometimes real ball kicker as a parent, what is that
?
Sometimes, the consequences arethe things that you have to put
up with.
See, and that's one thing I'llgive my parents, I give them a
lot.
They were never afraid toinfringe on their lifestyle to
make sure that my brother and Ifelt pain.
Yeah, no, they weren't my, wehad I.
I forged this.
(42:39):
I.
I bombed a test in fourth orfifth grade I don't remember
fourth or fifth grade and Iforged my dad's signature on the
on the teacher slip.
Was it good, got past him, butit didn't get past the teacher.
What's that?
Say Whoa, yeah, true story.
Brad (43:01):
How did it not get past her?
Dylan (43:03):
There's a whole other thing there.
We had other issues, and that'sa whole other episode.
Okay, but she I, literally mydad caught me forgingging and he
was like what are you doing?
I'm like nothing, you know thewhole thing.
And he was like let me see that.
And he was like this must'vebeen a while ago, cause I don't
remember signing this and I waslike yeah, it was a while ago.
(43:23):
I was really yeah, anyway.
But she called my parents,dylan forged a signature, they
came in and there was a wholemeeting and um.
We had box seats to a packersgame in lambeau field boxes.
(43:44):
Dad's like you're not going,yeah, and he was like he spent a
lot of money on those tickets,yeah, and he was just like you
know.
And he's like you're not doingit, yeah, and that was you know.
And there was many times likethat where that just just one
instance.
But they were never afraid tomake their lives harder to make
(44:07):
sure that we felt something, andthat's uh, that is hard it is
to do.
Brad (44:13):
Uh, because you, whenever I'm arguing with the kids, you
know like, you think I want todo this, you think I want to be
an asshole.
It's like, yeah, I guess somepeople are just naturally
assholes, but for the most partlike no, like, yeah, you, you
want to do fun shit with yourkids and you want to have a good
(44:34):
time, and you know you don'twant it to be, uh, just a
fucking nightmare all the time.
So it it is.
It is work to do that.
Um, I don't know and I and Ithink now, maybe more than ever,
it's it's so easy for parentsto give up, so you're like you
(45:00):
know what?
What do you like?
Ipad parents yeah, what do youlike.
I like my iPad, ipad, parents,I'm going to take your iPad away
.
I want your phone and I wantyour iPad.
And then, all of a sudden, thekids are like hey, what are you
doing?
What are you doing?
Want to do something?
What are doing?
What are you doing?
Want to do something?
What are you doing?
Hey, we'll go outside.
I know it's 20 below zero.
We go outside, can't go outside.
We'll play a game.
You like board games.
You'll play monopoly.
Dylan (45:21):
My my brother and I still tell the story about going to
dinner parties with our parentsor family functions, whatever.
And if we were the only kids,sit in the corner, entertain
yourself.
No phone, no iPad, and guesswhat, if you embarrass us in
(45:42):
front of our friends, it's goingto be miserable for you when
you get home.
And Griffin was always reallygood about stuffing a couple of
matchbox cars in his pants, andI remember, like someone's house
had, um, a crazy amount of like, um house plants, like big
(46:03):
house plants, and we just madeour own matchbox car track and
but it was all in that corner.
We didn't leave the corner ofthat living room because we
weren't allowed to.
Yeah, and then you would raiseyour hand when you need to use
the restroom, like, like.
And then we had a path.
We're like no, you got to gofrom that leaf to that leaf, had
a great time and actually thenight went really fast, but it
(46:27):
wasn't just we're gonna cause aruckus and then people have to
work around us.
We worked around the dinnerparty.
We didn't yell, we didn'tscream, it's just this whole,
it's a whole thing.
And I see people now are likeoh, we just we need to make sure
the kids are included.
You're like, no, you don't.
They can probably learnhierarchy.
Maybe It'd probably be good forthem and figure it out.
(46:53):
Again A little bit bit.
They'll figure it out what theycan't.
You put some parameters on it.
I am interested to see because,again, this is all preparing
for the unknown future were youthe center of your parents lives
, or were you just kind of abyproduct?
Brad (47:10):
no, I don't think, and this, this my parents didn't
stop living their life.
Dylan (47:16):
This still is.
My parents were like we loveyou, we're going to take care of
you, we're going to do as muchas we can for you, but mom and
dad are still going to havenights out.
We're still going to do thisand if you're, you know like our
feelings were really taken intoaccount for a lot.
Brad (47:32):
Yeah, see, we came from different backgrounds.
Dylan (47:37):
so like I think still to this day, although to a less
degree, um, like growing up,your parents just worked yeah
like those my dad would comehome at seven o'clock at night,
like, and he was like, yeah,busy day at the office, or I was
out of town and both my parentswere back early and you know
(47:58):
they were.
Brad (47:58):
They were home at early.
Dylan (48:01):
You know 5, 4, 30, whatever or they checked out for
a little bit, though, whilethey recouped.
Brad (48:06):
Well, they're probably checked out for most of the
night.
Yeah, you know um, and so youjust, I don't know, so no, I
wouldn't say uh, in the sensethat, like, when they got home,
it was just like oh, what do youwant to do?
Whatever you want to do, we'lltake you anywhere.
You want to do this, when youdo that, and it's like that
wasn't a thing and you didn'thave fucking have anywhere to go
.
No, like, where are you goingto go?
Yeah, like you know, I'll comeout when I'm done reading the
(48:38):
entire paper.
Yeah, I didn't.
And then he went, and then hewould and I'm like, yeah, it's
dark out.
I I need this right now, whichis this disconnect time so and
and also, yeah, it's so, it'sdifferent, so it's, it is a
little bit of uh, so what youknow, what was his dad like?
You think he was like superattentive and just like whatever
you want to do, but but that'sthe thing is.
Dylan (48:57):
Your dad making the effort to come up by dark was
probably different.
It was probably a hundred timesmore than his dad ever would
have done for him.
So that's, that's my point, andit's, it's, it's a little bit
every generation but we'retrying to do too much too soon.
Brad (49:19):
You don't have to give them everything.
We're doing that and we'redealing with a lot of.
Obviously, the technology thingis way different.
I mean, we're parenting in away that no one has had to
parent before.
You guys have to parent.
Dylan (49:30):
It's almost 4D man.
It's way different, it's not.
Brad (49:35):
So not only are we doing probably more than what we
should.
So it is a little bit like howdo we retain some of that, some
of the good stuff yeah, not likedon't look at me funny or I'm
gonna break your nose stuff.
You know we don't want thatstuff.
Um, but some of the like, I'mgonna slightly neglect you for a
(49:57):
while, because that's what Imean, yeah, or like my dad did
it, when I mean I've talkedabout this before with cars and
stuff like that, where, like hecould have just come out, I'll
be like, hey, I try, I triedthis thing.
I'm having a problem with it.
I can't figure it out.
He's like, yeah, I'll come outwhen I'm done reading the entire
paper, okay, so, so then I sitout there for three hours and
still try to figure it out and Idon't figure it out, and then
(50:18):
he comes out and then fiveminutes later, good to go.
Dylan (50:23):
Controversial statement.
Hot teaching.
Hot takes teaching yourchildren that while they may be
unique, it doesn't make themspecial.
Yeah, and also because when youteach children that they're
special and I'm not saying you,there's a, there's a whole
(50:47):
meaning special, you can be like, you're my special person, Like
there's all these things likefor close, intimate, fam,
familiar relationships.
You know you're, you bring somuch joy to me as a child.
You know I love that.
But to teach someone thatthey're special and that the
world needs to bow down to thatspecial, that has to be earned
(51:10):
by the whole world.
It's not just what you and yourimmediate family thinks.
You know, and whether you thinkhow some stars in this world
are treated or not, that'sindifferent.
The market speaks.
They sell something thateveryone wants and it's it's
hard, it's it takes hard workyeah, and the special part is
(51:30):
different than being loved yeslike it's, they're two separate
things exactly
Brad (51:35):
so they're not one of the same.
No, all right, so I'll end withthe okay, the end of this
ending.
Ending, ending.
Um, so I do not wish forchildren to be thrown into the
world with no recourse for adultguidance, but the absurd
hand-holding is not the way togo either.
Nuance they must face pain tono empathy.
(51:55):
They must face adversity to noproblem solving.
They must face fanaticism tolearn reason.
They must face hardship to noself-reliance.
They must face disappointmentto no self-worth.
And along the way, the adultsin the room must give guidance
to open their minds to theseideas.
Not so much a ray of sunshineis a low wash of moonlight.
Guidance is not a path so muchas a way of giving vision to see
(52:19):
a path.
Perhaps lately we are givingour kids too many paths and too
little vision it's pretty prettygood way to sum it, man thanks
not enough Thanks, not enoughvision.
Make it a hot take.
Don't give your monkeys cocaine.
Dylan (52:39):
And for that, ladies and gentlemen, look for the new
Wonka Bar coming out tomorrow.
Brad (52:44):
You're still here, it's over, it's over, go home Go.
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