Stop Chasing Your “Best Self” And Start Liking Who You Are

Send us a text

A crackling fire, a quiet room, and a loud truth: sometimes “working on yourself” is just a clever way to avoid yourself. We pull on that thread and unravel the difference between meaningful growth and restless avoidance, from journaling and therapy binges to the seductive trap of endless prep with no action. If you’ve ever felt unworthy when you’re not producing or performing, this one hits close to home.

We talk through holiday pressure, why December feels like a stress test for the soul, and how youth mental health stats can be both alarming and easily distorted without nuance. That leads us into a candid exploration of conditional love—how many of us learned that doing equals deserving—and why stillness can feel unsafe. The question keeps repeating: do we chase our “best self” because we don’t like our real one? Or is the real move learning to like who we are while we grow?

From the so-called “Berlin paradox” to radical therapy riffs, we thread practical takeaways through the jokes. Preparation is only useful if it ends in action. Authenticity doesn’t mean oversharing; it means knowing who you are, choosing your moments, and refusing to build a life around rooms you don’t even want to be in. The healthiest people aren’t the ones who “heal” the most; they’re the ones who stop seeing themselves as broken, then take small, concrete steps that align with their values.

Pull up a chair and sit with the quiet for a minute. Ask yourself where you’re fixing instead of feeling, prepping instead of doing, performing instead of being. Then take one step—any step—that belongs to you. If this conversation resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review to help more people find it.

Episode Transcript

Dylan (00:00):
This is the Terribly Unoblivious Podcast.

Ferris (00:03):
Yep.
I said it before, and I'll sayit again.
Life moves pretty fast.
You don't stop and look aroundonce in a while.
You could miss it.

Dylan (00:21):
And the button's been hit.
You can go wherever you want to.
This is the most cozy podcastwe've ever done.
Too bad we don't have video.
I know.
I was just thinking that.
I was taking some pictures.

Shannon (00:34):
Is that okay?

Dylan (00:35):
Shannon, yeah.
Shannon will we'll re-tagShannon or we'll steal your
we'll also cite you as theartist in question.

Brad (00:42):
I I also probably look best in this low light.

Dylan (00:46):
You work best in the low light?

Brad (00:47):
I look best.

Dylan (00:49):
Oh, yeah.

Brad (00:49):
You have a face radio.
Yeah.
I mean, preferably uh heavymoonlight.
Dancing in the moonlight?
Is my preferred setting.

Dylan (00:58):
You wanna we've got a actual real fire going.
So wood wood burning fire.
Nice.
I forgot my laptop, which isawesome.
So you can't yell at me formaking so much delayed time.
So what I don't think theaudience understands is that I
spend a tremendous amount oftime going through the podcast
and finding the dead spots andshortening them.

(01:20):
You can't delete them because itsounds like a robot when you
delete them.
You have to take basically thehuman I was doing research on
this, the human body, or I guessit'd be yeah, the human body
here, human neuro, neurologicalsystem, whatever.
I don't know, which I don't knowactually what we're in charge of
here.

Brad (01:36):
Neurology.

Dylan (01:37):
Anyway.
Okay.
So 0.3 milliseconds?
Point three seconds, which is300 milliseconds.
Okay.
Um that was a delay.
Yeah, it was a delay.
And what you do is you look fordelays that are over the sweet
spot, is about they say about ahalf a second, 500 milliseconds

(01:59):
to about 600 milliseconds, andyou shorten that to 300
milliseconds.
So that just kind of it kind ofcups cusps on the edge of, oh,
it's uncomfortable, it's almosttoo long of a pause.
But when you start going down tothat 100 and 200, that's where
it gets really jumpy.

Brad (02:14):
I love talking audio technicals with you.

Dylan (02:17):
I have learning on the floor.
I'm sorry.
I'm learning on the fly.
I chat GPT a lot about how to dothat.

Brad (02:24):
If you could put that in a spreadsheet, I would I would
probably have a broner.

Dylan (02:29):
You would never even know how to open it.

Shannon (02:31):
I would help him.

Dylan (02:32):
No, no, you can't help him.

Shannon (02:33):
No.

Dylan (02:34):
You can't help him.
I just love because his career,like what a spreadsheet would
actually do for him if he I makethem for him sometimes.
And he doesn't follow him, doeshe?
No, I don't think.

Shannon (02:44):
No.
I actually make something reallybecause I think one of the goals
was last year to have like trackyour um receipts or something.
Because you know what he doesduring taxes is he just starts
adding them all up right attaxes.
Where I'm like, why don't youjust do this as you go?
And then you could break it alldown.
And so I think I did make it bymonth, by store, by job.

(03:05):
How many did you enter?

Brad (03:07):
I did I didn't enter any.

Shannon (03:08):
None.

Dylan (03:09):
We've got it.
Dude, QuickBooks is like$35 amonth.
And you take a picture of theapp on the app of it, it
itemizes it for you, and you cando this like you're saying, job,
all that stuff.
So when you go to invoice, it'sall there.
And then we're not, and then atthe end of the year, you're just
running your books and you'relike, this is expensive, this
isn't, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah.

Shannon (03:27):
Yeah.

Dylan (03:27):
I I keep telling him I'll help him with it, but he just he
he keeps telling me to fuck off.

Shannon (03:31):
I know.

Dylan (03:32):
I didn't I don't say those words.
You say it with your eyes.
I do you know what I'm talkingabout?
You know what I'm talking about?
Shannon knows.

Shannon (03:39):
But I'll say something like, Well, what's wrong with
that?
And he'd be like, I didn't sayanything.
I'm like, you don't have to sayanything.
Your face says it for you.

Brad (03:46):
It doesn't hide well.
I think I don't either, though.
I think some kids at soccernoticed that yesterday.

Dylan (03:50):
Coach, Coach Child's a dick.

Brad (03:52):
Like, like there would be a play that would happen and
they would just like fuck up areally easy play, and I wouldn't
say anything, but the way theywere looking back at me made me
think that I said it enough witha face.
And I was like, Did I say thatout loud?

Dylan (04:06):
Yeah, I have to question myself sometimes.
I did not, by the way.
Did I not?

Brad (04:10):
There were some times I said it out loud.

Dylan (04:12):
What is here comes the ball?
The other guys, uh, when uh WillFarrell's like, no, I I now that
is asking me to mask myemotions, and I will not do
that.
It feels like that sometimes.
Okay, I gotta find a we canpause if we need a pause.
We need to pause.

Shannon (04:27):
Just one second.

Dylan (04:28):
Okay, we're pausing.
Okay.
Easy, quick break.

Shannon (04:31):
Sorry.

Dylan (04:31):
Don't don't be.
You gotta take care of thekiddos.

Shannon (04:34):
Gotta keep the kids fed.

Dylan (04:35):
So we are in your guys' what room do you guys call this?
We call it the playroom.

Shannon (04:40):
We call it the playroom because way back when it was a
playroom.

Dylan (04:42):
We're in the playroom.
We've got lazy boys, we've got afire, the dogs are somewhat
behaved right now.
We have a Christmas tree and atreadmill, just in case.

Shannon (04:53):
A treadmill and lots of balls.

Dylan (04:54):
And lots of balls.

Shannon (04:55):
This is the oh no, I didn't.

Brad (04:57):
Oh, this is a utility room, essentially.

Dylan (05:00):
It's just it's a podcast studio right now.

Brad (05:01):
Yeah.

Shannon (05:02):
This is my supposed to be MySpace because there's not
one spot in the house that isMySpace.

Brad (05:07):
Did you know me and Shana met on MySpace?

Shannon (05:09):
No, we didn't.
Shut up.

Brad (05:11):
Was she in one of your top friends?

Dylan (05:12):
Yeah.

Shannon (05:13):
We did not find it.

Dylan (05:14):
That's how you knew that's how you knew you were.
She didn't start out there, butshe got there.
That's how you know you'reflirting when you're like, I
edited you as a top friend andbe like, oh, I didn't know we
were moving that fast.

Shannon (05:23):
We didn't, Brad.

Dylan (05:24):
I put our favorite song on.
You know how you could likeYeah, you can make a song.
Make the songs.
What was yours?

Brad (05:30):
I can love you like that.

Shannon (05:32):
You are such a liar.

Dylan (05:33):
I would give you the world.

Shannon (05:35):
I don't even know what he's talking about.

Dylan (05:37):
Shannon, what was your MySpace song?
Oh, that one almost went.

unknown (05:41):
Sorry.

Shannon (05:42):
I don't even remember.
But I do know back in the daywhen you could have ringtones
like as a song.

Dylan (05:48):
You can't do that anymore.
So stressful.

Shannon (05:50):
You know what Brad's song was?

Dylan (05:51):
We tried to add one the other day.

Shannon (05:53):
Hard to love.

Brad (05:54):
Yeah, the country song.

Shannon (05:55):
That's that's that was his ringtone.

Brad (05:57):
That's you know you know what Shannon's song was?
What?
Literally any two short song.
That's funny.
That's funny.

Dylan (06:08):
Shout out to two short fans.
So we got Shannon back in twoepisodes.
We only had one episode withouther, and now we got her back.
I will say, from the few peoplethat listen to this from my
side, they're like, you shouldwork Shannon in more.
She's good.

Brad (06:23):
I don't have any feedback, so I'm glad that you have two
people.
Yeah, no.

Dylan (06:27):
I still don't understand what we're doing.

Shannon (06:28):
I give you feedback.
That's fine.
I was just I just listened toyour most recent one, the short
version, but on my way home.

Dylan (06:33):
But Shannon's supposed to be our new marketing director as
well.

Shannon (06:36):
Oh boy.

Dylan (06:37):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Shannon (06:38):
Initially that's not that was kind of two.

Brad (06:40):
Maybe maybe this is a twofer toofer tonight because I
promised her last time that wecould do like a an actual
Christmas episode that turnedinto a Mongolia episode.

Shannon (06:51):
Yeah.

Brad (06:51):
Oh, okay.

Shannon (06:52):
I showed up downstairs in the basement thinking we were
talking Christmas traditions,and two hours later we were
talking about She walks intoMongolia and Don't Kill Yourself
books.

Dylan (07:00):
You know, the don't kill yourself books will get you
everything.

Shannon (07:03):
Oh yeah, that was the other piece of it.
That's right.
Sex and what's it like livingwith someone that has ideation?
You were a real that was a realpretty Christmassy to me.

Dylan (07:14):
It felt real pretty Christmassy to me.
Hey, just because it's a presentdoesn't mean it's one of the
hardest times of the year forpeople struggling with mental
health.
So it's true.

Shannon (07:22):
I don't want to make I'm not making light of it.
It's okay to it's just not whatI was mentally prepared to walk
into.
Making light of it.

Dylan (07:29):
It's just good to let everyone know that they're not
the only ones struggling somuch.
They're not the only ones.
I think I I was actually well Iusually get sick around
Christmas.
I don't get sick the rest of theyear, and I always get sick
around Christmas.
I think it's because my bodyknows there's a little bit of a
break.
And I think it's just thebuildup and the expectations and
like physically sick?

Shannon (07:46):
You get physically sick?
Yeah, I didn't get like sick.
You're also around more peopleand gathering.

Dylan (07:51):
Yeah.

Shannon (07:51):
But I think my body just But you travel a lot, so
you should have a pretty goodimmune system.

Dylan (07:55):
I I do.
I uh alcohol works against that.

Shannon (07:57):
Yeah, no, I work in a petri dish, so I have an amazing
immune system.

Dylan (08:01):
Does it kill everything or does it it kills something?

Shannon (08:04):
Brad the liar.
He doesn't know what he'stalking about on his part.

Dylan (08:07):
Proven to kill brain cells.
Yeah.
So I woke up Friday, the 206th.

Shannon (08:15):
Okay.
Day after Christmas.

Dylan (08:16):
And then you couldn't get me out of my bed or out of the
couch until Sunday.
I did get out of bed for alittle bit with Brad.

Shannon (08:23):
I was gonna say, what day did you guys do your thing?

Dylan (08:25):
Yeah, we were in bed for a long time, we were in bed
hanging out.
Um watching watching the JTChristmas special.

Brad (08:31):
That's what that sounded like.
Dick in a box.

Dylan (08:35):
But uh I think my body just was like, fuck you.
And I just it was and for thefirst time in a long time, I did
nothing and I didn't feel guiltyabout it, which was I thought a
nice thing.

Shannon (08:45):
I love Christmas break.
That's like my favorite.

Brad (08:48):
I also love anytime she's on break.

Dylan (08:50):
So let's give Shannon a little time from the last
episode.
And what Christmas traditionsdid we want to talk about?

Brad (08:56):
Well, that was gonna be a different one.
Oh, a different one.

Dylan (08:58):
Never mind, never mind.
We're we're we're pivoting,pivoting back.

Brad (09:01):
Uh what did you write about?
Well, Bubble Boy when we were,you know, uh talking about
Christmas and suicide.
Um, she had sent me not thatthat uh directly correlates to
the thing that I wrote down, butshe had sent me a a uh something
about the youth and uh mentalhealth and today?

(09:22):
Yeah, and I I read through thatand it said even though therapy
and the the ability to diagnosemental health conditions and the
the awareness and what do I wantto say, the things that would
help you out, the the resources,resources supports the resources
that you have available comparedto e even say 20 years ago is

(09:45):
much greater.
There is still a growing trendin uh anxiety and depression.
And that was up I think that Ithink the stat was high
schoolers.
Yeah, it was up from like 18% to23% have experienced uh
depression.
I think it was higher than thatif it was in the 30s.
Uh I don't think it was thathigh.

(10:05):
Suicidal like ideation, youknow, or thoughts of suicide.
But then the the percentage ofwho's gonna be our fact checker,
by the way.
Like we're gonna at some pointwe're gonna have we're gonna
have to have a fact checker thatlike this isn't an article that
could be complete bullshit,which we're gonna get to your
Instagram share in a bit here.
It can also be completebullshit.

Dylan (10:24):
Which one?
Oh my god.

Brad (10:26):
I'll talk about it.
But the I've been sending yousome absolute fire reels to
stop.
The the suicide attempt rate hadgone from eight percent to ten
percent.
Two percent increase in highschoolers.
That's crazy.
That's one in ten.
I know.
That's a banana's number.
Yeah.
Which 400 people in your class40?

(10:46):
Which makes yeah.
I mean that's a big, big yeah.
That makes me want to fact checkthat.

Dylan (10:52):
That seems aggressive.
Well, what do they what do theyconsider an attempt?
Is an attempt.
I mean then Well, it's uh Is itlike grabbing a knife and
thinking about it?
Is it actually putting a knifeto your skin?
Right.
Is it actually like where how dowe classify that?

Brad (11:05):
Well, there yeah, because there's a gradient of of that, I
suppose.
Any of it's bad, by the way.

Dylan (11:10):
We're not not justifying that it's less it's less harmful
or more harmful the more.

Brad (11:15):
No, but like standing in the kitchen with a bottle of
pills compared to swallowing thebottle of pills, it's is a
different yeah, it's different.
Uh in terms of research, not interms of where your headspace is
at.
Yeah.
Um, but so that was, if true,shocking.

Dylan (11:29):
You need to check your shit before you get on the show.

Shannon (11:32):
And also alarming to drop it.
Hey, you know what?

Brad (11:34):
I didn't send it to me.
Okay, that's true.

Shannon (11:36):
I don't know.
I'm trying to I send you a lotof stuff, so I'm trying to
remember which article it wasin.

Brad (11:40):
So Dylan sent me one, and it had to do with people that
were obsessed withself-improvement.

Dylan (11:45):
What was it called again?
The what paradox?

Brad (11:47):
The Berlin paradox.
Okay.
And again, didn't fact-check itbecause I uh I didn't have to.
I didn't fact-check it, sothat's my bad.
But it I don't really care ifit's true or not because it
brings up some interestingpoints I want to talk about.
And Shannon is here because Ifeel like she's the uh stable,
stable one in the trio here.
Where I don't while she works onherself, I don't feel like she

(12:10):
has the same need to improveherself that we do in the same
way.
Does that make sense?
Does it make sense to you?

Shannon (12:17):
Yeah.
I mean or no.

Brad (12:18):
Yes, we feel like we have to improve ourselves because
we're not worthy.

Shannon (12:22):
Oh.

Brad (12:23):
You improve yourself because you just want to be a
better version of it.

Shannon (12:27):
Yes, yes.

Brad (12:28):
Right?

Shannon (12:29):
Yes.

Brad (12:29):
Um, so the Dr.
Lena Hoffman.
Do you have some history on thatright there?
Yeah.
Okay.

Shannon (12:35):
Which one?
The one you were looking up?
Because I found our points too.

Brad (12:38):
This is the one that he sent me.
Um so this is the Berlinparadox.

Dylan (12:41):
Chat GPT's pretty not okay with it.
Doesn't like it?
It says she's not a very popularpsychologist, and it says it's
not formal.

Shannon (12:49):
Well, I will tell you the data that you were looking
at.

Dylan (12:51):
But then there's some there's a lot of different
things.
But then you go to the AIoverview and Google, and it's
like, wow, it's right here.

Shannon (12:56):
So I don't the data that you were referencing was
from like actually a 2021 thing.
So it's went up from like 2019to 2021.
There's a lot of years.

Dylan (13:07):
It seems to be just a social media craze, which is
fun.
Like all the all the firstarticles that pop are social
media.

Brad (13:17):
And I don't really care.

Dylan (13:19):
Which makes me feel like it's fucking shit.

Brad (13:21):
Probably.
And when I talk about some ofthe things, we can talk about
how it can immediately bemisconstrued.
But the it starts out withpeople that are obsessed with
self-improvement, how theyjournal every thought, they
consume therapy, like it's goingout of style.
They have they feel a need tostay busy with healing
themselves so that they neveractually have to feel like

(13:44):
potentially what the the realitycan better themselves before
they actually feel anything.

Dylan (13:52):
Essentially, you can keep if you keep working on yourself,
you can't get hurt.

Brad (13:56):
So it's a really so it says most people don't want to
heal, they want to becomesomeone who was never hurt.
So they they just want to takeout the bad like the the
self-improvement is taking outthe bad parts and making them so
that they never existed.
Is what she what she's saying,additionally.

Dylan (14:16):
How obsessive self-improvement can become a
form of restless avoidance,keeping people stuck by
preventing them from acceptingtheir current selves and
fostering a subconscious beliefthat they are never enough,
leading to a constant state ofsurvival mode and drifting from
their real selves.
So that part it was actuallysaying that the more they do
like quote unquote work onthemselves, the further they get
away from their true selves.

(14:37):
Yes.
Which I don't that one's fuckingwith my head.

Brad (14:40):
So the the setup to it, and this could come from a lot
of different ways, but thatgrowing up that there was some
sort of conditional love, and sothat you felt loved when you did
something well or worthwhile,and then the nothingness or
stillness becomes unsafe becauseyou don't feel like your default
mode network.

(15:01):
When I'm not doing anything, I'mI'm not being worthy of
receiving love.
Does that make sense?

Dylan (15:06):
And I think that's what Brad and I are saying, if we're
not doing anything, we don'tfeel lovable.

Shannon (15:10):
So not is that because that's your love language?

Brad (15:12):
Like my love language is okay, the different episode.

Dylan (15:17):
Okay.

Shannon (15:18):
Wow.

Dylan (15:18):
Can we get Dr.
Drew for that one?
Yeah.

Shannon (15:20):
I don't know.
He he went a little off therails for a little while here.

Brad (15:24):
But she did really.

Shannon (15:25):
I really loved Dr.
Drew back in his day, especiallyduring like celebrity rehab.
Yeah, but you know whathappened.

Dylan (15:31):
You know what happened?
TRT.
Oh once you go on, you're nevercoming off.
Yeah.
Your testy stopped making it forreels reels.
Okay, back to the part of thesix year old.
Let's go back.
Let's go back.

unknown (15:43):
Yeah.

Brad (15:43):
So not improving equals feeling unworthy.
And by fixing myself, I earnlove.
Yes.
That's that's the theory.
Okay.
That's her theory.
Now, is that true?
I don't know, but uh Idefinitely feel a need to fix
myself.

Shannon (15:59):
You're a fixer.

Brad (16:00):
Often he is a fixer.
But does that lead to the thereason that I want to fix myself
is so that I don't have to feelor acknowledge or be okay with
the things that I think arequote unquote wrong with me.

Shannon (16:12):
I don't know about that.

Dylan (16:14):
I when you and and that's when you when was the last time
you actually just sat in yourthoughts and didn't write,
didn't you just sat right now?

Shannon (16:24):
This is like he sits in his thoughts a lot.

Brad (16:26):
When she walks out into the garage and I'm just staring
at the door.

Shannon (16:30):
He did that several times this past week.
I'm like, or one day, and I'mlike, this is like the second or
third time I've came out to thegarage and you're just like
staring off into space.

Brad (16:39):
I was eating mushrooms.
What were you processing?
I was like, I'm on mushrooms.
He was overwhelmed.
Those are portobellas, dumbass.

Shannon (16:45):
Shut up.

Brad (16:46):
These are dry shiiting.
Fuck.

Shannon (16:48):
He I think was overwhelmed with his space.

Dylan (16:51):
I was.
I was.
So you're analyzing your space.
So you were fixing a problemnow.
You were fixing a problem.

Brad (16:57):
I wasn't even really analyzing that, but I was just
like uh floating.
Like I didn't feel grounded inthat space.
It was just chaos.
What'd you do to get out of it?
Uh I came inside and atemushrooms.

Shannon (17:09):
You are a liar.
No, you didn't.

Brad (17:10):
There are those little ones.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That you put on the steak.

Shannon (17:14):
He is a liar.

Brad (17:15):
Yeah, okay.
Real I know I'm doing the sidequest right now.
But since we talked aboutmushrooms, I've had this I've
had this thought several timesbecause since she's on Christmas
break and we have leftovers, shelikes to cook asparagus and or
mushrooms.

Shannon (17:30):
I like sauteed vegetables in the morning.

Brad (17:31):
Yes.
In the morning?
Yes.
Very French of you.
I like it.

Shannon (17:35):
I love a vegetable sauteed in the morning.

Brad (17:37):
She is very French.
That's right.
We should like one of them.
Several things about her veryFrench.

Dylan (17:40):
I'm thinking bread.
I'm thinking a nice classicFrench omelet.
A little rare, some asparagus.
Yeah.
That'd be nice.

Shannon (17:47):
Sometimes I don't always mix eggs.
I kind of got away from theeggs.
I do like that.
What did I get that at theHollandaise?
How was I that I got that?
With you?
Say it out loud, Brad.
Say woman.
Go to the garage and get it.
It's right behind you.
Oh, okay.

Brad (18:00):
But I bring up the mushrooms because there is a
very very what?

unknown (18:05):
Oh my god.

Brad (18:06):
I don't like the smell of it when it's being cooked.
And hear me out.
I I know we're gonna go down thetree route a little bit here,
but I think mushrooms might betoo close to people and it
smells like you're cookingpeople.

Shannon (18:23):
No.

Brad (18:25):
I just made that up.

Shannon (18:26):
It smells like I'm cooking people.
Are you sure you're not justsmelling like the garlic and the
pepper?
It doesn't smell like you'recooking people, but is it the
asparagus or is it themushrooms?
Which one is it, Brad?
Because the asparagus are likelittle trees.

Brad (18:38):
No, asparagus is I don't mind asparagus.
But be a moron.
Stupid ass jack.

Dylan (18:46):
Sorry, not like a dick of this.
Tropic thunder.

Brad (18:50):
Oh.
But what are uh what are thosethings called where like you're
afraid of spiders because yourancestors would get killed by
spiders thousands of years ago?
What are they called?
Genetic genetic geneticbiomarkers?
Something uh genetic ancestry.
No, it's like psych it's likepsychology through genetics,

(19:10):
like it's passed down.

Shannon (19:12):
Yeah, that's above my pay grade.
So someone in the child familyhad an aversion to mushrooms.

Brad (19:16):
No, no, no, no, no.
Not not like the family, but uhin the sense that we don't uh
people don't like steaks becauseof uh like how they move, and
it's just it's not somethingthat you learn, it's something
that's built into you almost.
Okay.
That's how I feel about cookedmushrooms.

Shannon (19:31):
Like I'm sorry, I cooked the mushrooms.

Brad (19:33):
Something doesn't feel right.
Like maybe that mushroom couldgrow into something else.

Shannon (19:37):
Could it?

Brad (19:38):
More fungi, genetic predisposition.

Shannon (19:40):
Thank you.
There you go.

Dylan (19:41):
I don't like that.
That's not what it is.
Okay, never mind.

Shannon (19:44):
I don't know that that's it though.
Well, maybe it is.

Dylan (19:46):
I don't know meaning you have inherited tendencies
towards the body.
Why are we talking aboutmushrooms, Brad?

Shannon (19:50):
Because this was about Brad being in the garage staring
off into space.
Because I brought up mushrooms.
Circle back.

Dylan (19:56):
Let's circle back.
Sorry.
So Brad doesn't feel valuable.
Unless he's doing something.
I like how you only put this onmy name.
Oh no, I Dylan feels the exactsame way.
But it's more fun to analyzeyou.
Yes.
So I mean so much so you were ina funk that day.
So much so that I bought agoddamn airplane that I have to
fucking build because what'smore value than that.

(20:16):
Is that why you bought it?
I needed something for myself,and I didn't have something that
was purely just doing it formyself, and that was I was in a
little bit of funk because Seandied as well.
I think I was in a little it wasa combination of things.
I felt like I was doing thingsfor people at work, I was doing
things for the relationship Iwas in at the time.
Felt like I was doing things formy parents, and I really feel

(20:37):
like I had anything for myself.
Yeah.
And I think really the sole factwas I did it because I heard my
parents' voices in my head.
I shouldn't say parents, I won'tthrow that on them.
Oh, parents' voice in my headsaying, Why the hell would you
do that?
And I was like, that's the exactreason why I need to do this.
I needed to break free a littlebit.

Brad (20:56):
Um what is Do you get that?

Shannon (20:58):
What?

Brad (20:59):
Do you get that feeling like when somebody says you
can't do that?
Oh yeah.

Shannon (21:02):
But that wasn't that wasn't it.

Dylan (21:03):
Yeah.

Shannon (21:04):
No, I get that feeling.

Dylan (21:05):
Huh?
It wasn't like I'll prove youwrong.
It was uh I why did you I'm 34years old, why am I allowing you
to have any say in what I do anddon't do?

Brad (21:15):
But that seems like a version 2.0 of that feeling.

Dylan (21:18):
Uh yeah.
It's maybe a little bit more ofa mentally fucked version of
that, you know.
Yeah.

Brad (21:23):
I yeah.
I always and I I have to I haveto wait around that feeling a
little bit, especially as acoach.

Dylan (21:31):
Ooh, yeah, I guess yeah, that get difficult.

Brad (21:34):
Just because I feel like I want to fuck people up all the
time.

Shannon (21:38):
Oh, do you?

Brad (21:39):
I I want to prove that like I can hang with whoever.
And the fact that you don't feelthat way makes me kind of upset.

Dylan (21:47):
What that everyone around you wants to be a freaking
all-star?

Brad (21:50):
No, that everyone else around me is just like okay with
being mediocre.

Dylan (21:53):
That's what I'm saying, that they don't want to rise to
the occasion or they don't wantto they don't want to elevate.
So Jesus know ahead of time.

Shannon (22:01):
You were tapping away on your mic, so I just thought I
could move mine.

Dylan (22:04):
Yeah, but I have a nice mic.

Shannon (22:06):
I didn't know if it would be better if I tilted it
down.

Brad (22:09):
So the next part of this is the the part that I have an
issue with.
And you touched on it a littlebit already.
The harder people chased theirbest self, which I we we've
talked about, the Arata in theGreek, uh, the further they
drifted from their real one.
And so if you're talking aboutthis on an Instagram level,

(22:29):
there's a lot of fuckingproblems with that.
Yeah, what is your real self?
Well, what is your best self?

Dylan (22:34):
What is your best self?
What's your real self in thesense of- What's your best self?
Your real self, though.
But if you're journaling everyday, that's fine, but what the
fuck is your real self?
That's the thing is if you'rejournaling every day, you're
picking up new skills, you'regrowing.
So is that wrong?
I mean, you you have a thousand,I mean, unless you're a and
we're not gonna get into SamHarris right now, okay?
We're just going to make certainassumptions, which there's no

(22:57):
predestination, okay, becauseI'm not ready for that
conversation.
I don't want to do it.
Okay.
But if we believe that freewill, your world's going your
way, you it is the multiverse.
You have inflection points everymillisecond of your life where
you can pivot and go somewhere.
So it's like, yeah, I if Ididn't learn Spanish, I wouldn't
be in this situation, but I madethe decision one day to learn

(23:20):
Spanish.

Brad (23:21):
If it weren't for that horse, I never would have
finished college.
There you go.
That's a Lewis Black joke.

Dylan (23:26):
I know.

Brad (23:26):
Okay.

Dylan (23:27):
Yeah.
And it just isn't half you knowthat's just not funny in this
context.
I know.
It is actually.
Um, but I can't give you creditbecause I want to keep you under
my thumb.
Oh, I didn't make the joke, sookay, that's true.
I don't deserve credit.
But I think where it goes wrong,as we talked on this a little
bit in the last episode, whichis you're prepping, prepping,

(23:47):
prepping, prepping, but you'renot actually doing anything.
So it's like I'm constantlylearning, I'm constant.
My dream is this, so I'm gonnado all the studying and all the
hard work ahead of time, butthen you never actually go get
after the dream, whatever thatis.
Yes.
I think a lot of people will belike, I want to start a
business, and they start buyingbusiness books and they read,
they listen to businesspodcasts, and god forbid they
listen to this podcast.

(24:08):
Um, but they never actually gomake the first step.
And that can be something assimple as going to legalzoom.com
and getting an LLC and like,okay, we're on the path.
We now what's the next stepafter that?
Um what is that?
We could open up a business bankaccount.
Okay.
You've got an EIN.
Okay.
So there's all these like littlethings, and it's like, yeah, you

(24:29):
can study all you want, but Ithink anyone that has a degree
that they use in their job rightnow, you're not you.
I mean you do, maybe to anextent.
No, no.
But it's like formal educationdoesn't prep you necessarily for
the things you're I mean, thisis doctors, lawyers, everything.
There's like there's the bookway, and then there's real life.

(24:50):
And until you step into it,there will be concepts you can
apply, but it's very everythingis very nuanced.
So you have to just throwyourself in at some point and do
it.
So I think if you're growing andyou're doing things, then that's
a positive.
Okay.
But if you're quote unquotegrowing but not doing anything,
are you actually growing?
You're just studying.
Yes.
Which I guess if you just wantto be a student, that's fine.

Brad (25:11):
So that's a good lead in because what it made me think of
a little bit was shrinking.

Shannon (25:16):
I love that show.

Brad (25:17):
It's so good.

Shannon (25:18):
So I need to watch it again, actually.

Brad (25:21):
And now that I've won therapy, you didn't win for
therapy.
I won it.

Shannon (25:26):
Winning.
Winning.
I let you in the winningtherapy.

Brad (25:32):
The biggest biggly winner.

Shannon (25:34):
I wasn't referencing winning like that.

Brad (25:37):
But it it does make me think a little bit if uh God, I
almost said Jason Sadecas.
Um who is it?

Shannon (25:45):
Oh my god, blanking on his name right now.
Isn't it Jason?
It's not Jason's Sedakus.
Jason Sudakis, that's Ted Lasso.

Dylan (25:50):
Jason.
Um why are you doing this to menow?
I think we've said it we've saidhis name so many times on this
episode.

Shannon (25:58):
I'll tell you.
It's Jason Seagal.
Seagull.

Brad (26:02):
No relation to the Zen Master.

Shannon (26:05):
There's three seasons.
We gotta get Apple TV back.

Brad (26:08):
There's another season?

Shannon (26:09):
It says three seasons.
Is it out?

Dylan (26:11):
It's no, it's not out yet.
It's coming out rude.
But it makes me just just tellme what you want and I'll get it
on it.

Brad (26:17):
I'll get you copied it on it.
Oh my god.
Hey, you know what?
Let's not let's not talk aboutthat.
It makes me wonder if mytherapist was him, where where
that would have went.

Shannon (26:28):
That'd be something.

Brad (26:28):
What?

Shannon (26:29):
If she talked to Brad the way Jason's character I
can't think of radical.

Dylan (26:33):
What does he call it radical therapy?

Brad (26:35):
What does he call it?
Because he's like, it's gonnacatch on.
It's gonna catch on.

Dylan (26:39):
What's he?

Shannon (26:40):
I gotta rewatch it.
We should rewind it.
We gotta rewatch it.

Dylan (26:43):
He calls it radical something.
Uh so good.

Brad (26:46):
But and Harrison Ford's like, that's not a fucking
thing.

Dylan (26:49):
No, and it's it's um it's interesting because uh there's a
documentary on Netflix and it'snot in vogue right now, I don't
think, because of Jonah Hill.
Excuse me.
Jonah Hill produced it.
Jonah Hill's in it.
For what?
What?
Is in what?
This show called it's adocumentary called Studsman.
No, I saw it.

(27:10):
And it's his therapist.
I saw it.
And his therapist is that guy.
No, I know.
And it's he's very controversialin the fact where it's like,
just fucking listen to me andyour life's gonna be a lot
better.
Um uh but that documentary iskind of fucked too.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, that's why there'sflaws in it.

Brad (27:28):
So well, it's it is Hollywood.
It is produced and it's notquite as raw as this, but well,
this is raw.

Dylan (27:38):
I mean, this is a$30 microphone and a$40.
Fuck you, that microphone's on$30.
Okay.
I mean, this is very low, low,lowbrow budget we're working
with compared to what they have.
But highbrow intelligence.
Fuck, that's being generous.

Shannon (27:53):
We need to make t-shirts.

Dylan (27:55):
Highbrow intelligence?

Shannon (27:56):
High low, what do you call it?

Dylan (27:57):
Lowbrow budget, highbrow intelligence.

Shannon (27:59):
That's actually a really ugly unoblivious lowbrow
budget.

Dylan (28:04):
Get on it, marketing director.
We will give away exactly five.

Shannon (28:08):
Why are we giving them away?
We need to sell them.

Dylan (28:10):
Nobody's gonna fucking buy it.
Hey.
Oh, sorry.
You gotta get the interest inthe streets.
You gotta peach the interests orfree shit.
Shannon is our marketingdirector.
No, I forgot.

Shannon (28:18):
Okay.

Brad (28:18):
I got a big van.
I'll put stickers on.

Shannon (28:20):
Make some shirts.
I mean, I just see other thingspop up that people buy.
I can't imagine.

unknown (28:24):
Yeah.

Brad (28:25):
Kona would wear one.

Dylan (28:26):
She likes sweaters.

Shannon (28:27):
She does like don't talk to her.

Dylan (28:30):
Maybe that would be maybe that would be our in as we do
dog apparel first.
Love it.
Dog parties?

Shannon (28:35):
When are we getting sponsors?

Dylan (28:37):
I'm working on it.

Brad (28:38):
Uh, we're gonna need several zeros in listeners
first.
Yes.

Shannon (28:44):
How many listeners do you have?

Brad (28:46):
I had not enough.

Dylan (28:47):
It's I don't know.

Brad (28:49):
Well, you were one.
I gotta scratch my ear.
Is it gonna mess up?
Not zero, but it's gonna messup.
Don't do that.
That sounds terrible.

Shannon (28:56):
Did it?

Brad (28:56):
Yeah.
Oh, good.
You could hear it.
She's peeking.

Dylan (28:58):
She's peeking.

Shannon (28:59):
I just had to scratch my ear.

Brad (29:01):
Just say it in the mic like this.

Dylan (29:02):
Um on topic.
So what were we talking about?

Shannon (29:05):
Being your best self versus your real self.
And maybe your best self is awork in progress.
It doesn't have to be a finishedproduct.

Brad (29:13):
Do we want to get real with Dylan right now?
Mm-mm.

Shannon (29:15):
Ooh, this could be fun.

Brad (29:17):
Sober Dylan.

Dylan (29:18):
Yeah, Sober Dylan.
That's an that's a new thing,right?
What?
Sober Dylan?

Shannon (29:22):
No.
I just not podcasted with you.
I mean, not that you're drunkwhen you podcast, but maybe.

Dylan (29:27):
We've both done it.
We've both done it.

Shannon (29:29):
That shape of your head looked really uncomfortable,
Dylan.

Dylan (29:31):
We both do it all the time.
There's a little bit of stagefright on the microphone.
Not on the microphone.

Shannon (29:37):
No, for me.
Tell me more about that, Dylan,as you can.
Oh shit.

Brad (29:41):
She said tell me more about that.
I know.
That's some counselor shit.

Dylan (29:45):
It's you know, it's interesting having your thoughts
out in the open.
And uh that that I mean, I won'tlie, that's one of my biggest
hangups with this.
And I don't I mean it doesn'treally stop me anymore, but when
we first started, Brat wouldcall me out.
I was reserved.

Shannon (29:57):
But you get to control whether it goes on the air or
not.

Dylan (29:59):
Yeah, I don't really do that anymore.
I don't think it's fair to theaudience if we talk.
I mean, part of part of why onlyput out Bratz.
No, part of what we talk abouthere is being open and honest
and helping each other andtrying to find solutions to
things that don't really havesolutions or finite solutions.
And I don't think it's fair tocensor that.
There was some wacky shit thatwas said in a few episodes at

(30:20):
the very beginning that wasdefinitely cut.
Um but other than that, we don'tcensor probably me.

Brad (30:26):
Um and I'll just leave it at that.
I gotta send you the Jonah Hillmeme every once in a while.
I'm like, Yeah, exactly.

Dylan (30:33):
Um it's it's hard knowing that this is out there, and then
you know, not that I ever wantednever I never want to be in
politics or be famous, but ifsomething were to ever happen,
it's like, oh, people can goback and look at this.
It kind of sticks in the back ofmy head.
That's true.

Brad (30:47):
Yeah, that's fine, but I'm also a a little bit of the you
know 70s outlaw country whereit's like fuck you.

Dylan (30:55):
Yeah, I'm getting more and more like that the older I
get.

Shannon (30:58):
I think age does that to people.

Brad (31:00):
I think you get the older you get, the more you uh it does
that, and I don't feel like theviews that we are putting out
are controversial.
Yeah, I mean controversial inthe sense that they can be
debated for sure.
Yeah, but not controversial inthe sense of like polarizing
really hurting like somepeople's feelings.

Dylan (31:18):
I don't know.

Shannon (31:18):
I probably can't talk about feelings.

Dylan (31:20):
Yeah, I had a I have two parents.
All I want to I have a parentthat is very keep things close
to the chest, don't give peopleany reason for anything.
And apparently you're parents,that's a whole other issue.

Brad (31:33):
That's um that's MM, by the way.

Dylan (31:35):
But uh so it's a hard, it's kind of a hard childhood
habit where it's like we justdon't voice things sometimes.
So this is cathartic that way.

Brad (31:45):
Is it all right?
Buckle up, okay.

Shannon (31:47):
I could see the uh symbolism in that.

Brad (31:50):
So I notice okay.
Let me start.
Let me soft lunch this.

Dylan (31:55):
I have an endy, I've I have a I had an Eddie Van Halen
complex where I was definitelyhaving drinks before to chill my
nerves, but that's okay.

Brad (32:02):
Uh that's fine.
I drank a whole bottle of winebefore I asked her to marry me.

Shannon (32:05):
That you literally left me as the most French thing I've
ever heard.
Moscato Diosti, baby.

Dylan (32:10):
I left her, I left her a glass.
The most Italian thing I've everheard.
Is it?
I was like, what if she doesn'tlike this?
And by this I mean me.
Did you have acid reflux?
Dude, with your Crohn's disease,drinking Moscato like that?
It's like candy.

Shannon (32:24):
He was the sickest he's ever been right before we got
married.

Dylan (32:27):
Almost died.
Yeah.
Well, this I mean, it's onlyit's only fitting that your
engagement went off the railsjust like your wedding.
The wedding didn't.

Shannon (32:34):
No.
Uh, but he was in the hospital.
He had not been in the hospitalat all when we dated and went in
a month before.

Brad (32:40):
Yeah, and then they tried to think there's a correlation.
No.
Oh.
They tried to blame it on mywedding as I'm saying.

Dylan (32:48):
I was like, no, I'm stressed because I can't fucking
go to work.
Yeah.
So is that when your first majorflare-ups happened?
No.
Oh, a month.

Shannon (32:57):
Uh hospitalized.
When we were when we weretogether.
I'm sorry, when we weretogether.

Brad (33:01):
Yeah.
Before that, it was just mildflare.

Shannon (33:04):
But he had also gone through college and decided to
maybe stop some medication anddrink.

Brad (33:10):
Medication always works.
Drinking smoke.
Huh?
What kind of medication?

Shannon (33:14):
Any medication?
Of course, Crohn's.
I don't know what it was.

Brad (33:17):
Probably like a I was on like pills.
Anti-inflammatory or something.

Shannon (33:20):
I don't know.
I don't know.
I never saw him take it.

Brad (33:23):
I'm not an internalist.
Well, because as a uhadolescent, which we watched
what did we watch?
Can we put we need a littlesound thing when I go on side
quests.

Shannon (33:32):
What am I doing?

Dylan (33:32):
Ooh, sidequests.

Brad (33:33):
Yeah, side quests.

Shannon (33:36):
Survive!

Brad (33:37):
Please survive the side quest.
Survive the side quest.

Shannon (33:39):
You're going through.
Go through.

Brad (33:40):
It is we were watching The Devil's Climb, which I'm maybe
I've talked about it.
Mentioned before.
Uh we watched it again and shewatched it with me.
Which I'm last night?

Shannon (33:50):
Yeah, I was kind of reading too because it's like a
highly anxiety, high anxietyproducing.

Brad (33:56):
The cinematography and on it is so bananas that it's hard
not to watch it.

Shannon (34:02):
It's I feel like I would lose it in a theater.

Brad (34:05):
It's a climb in Alaska, and it's just, I mean, it feels
like you're in the Himalayas.
Um, it's really, really pretty.
And the fact that they're on topof these mountains is really,
really insane.
But is it Kyrgyzstan?
It's Alaska.
Alaska, Delic.

Shannon (34:20):
Come on, stick with it.

Brad (34:21):
And you know who's not there?

Shannon (34:24):
There's a they do talk about it in the show, though.
They talk about his little ohsorry.

Brad (34:30):
They do they talk about accidental bump.
They talk about Tommy Caldwell'suh need to overcome adversity.
Like that's what drives him.
So there's the kidnapping, andthen there's the cutting the
finger off.

Shannon (34:42):
Cut his finger off I thought I Tommy Caldwell myself
the other day.

Dylan (34:45):
And then I forgot about that nubbins that he has.
Yeah, on his index.

Shannon (34:48):
One finger on his index.

Dylan (34:49):
Which is nuts too, because when you watch him climb
the walls, it's insane.
It just he sticks it in theretoo, and you're like, holy fan.

Brad (34:56):
Not only that, but like if you're talking about fingering
holds, yeah.
Can I say that?
You can say that.
Okay.
Your index and middle mind outof the gutters.
Your index and middle are gonnabe your go-to.

Dylan (35:06):
Yep.

Brad (35:07):
Normally, yeah.
And so when you remove that, hewrote does he rotate over?

Dylan (35:12):
Does he go middle uh ring?

Brad (35:14):
Dude, yeah, he just goes Yeah, boom.
Yeah.
But it's it changes the wholedynamic of your grip.
Oh, obviously.
Uh but he yeah, he has this realthing of like, I kind of like
Alex Honnell does when he wasyounger.
Like he and he talks about thisin the end of that movie.
Like, I have to have this angstto think that I'm climbing well,

(35:34):
and now that I'm older, like Irealize I can just do hard shit
and be happy.
Like, I don't have to be thisbrooding, you know, uh kind of I
think a lot of maybe that's yourguys's.

Shannon (35:44):
We don't need to be these angsty, brooding old men.

Dylan (35:46):
As I I've been working on that lately, I'm not nearly as
angsty as I used to be.

Shannon (35:51):
You guys are kind of like grumpy old men.

Dylan (35:52):
That's true.

Brad (35:53):
The movie wait, I can't wait to put fish in your fucking
truck.
It's just dead fish.
Please don't do that.

Shannon (35:59):
Why?
Like you put dead fish in thistruck.

Brad (36:01):
Have you not seen grumpy old men?

Shannon (36:03):
Well, not in a long time.
It's an old movie.

Dylan (36:05):
What is that smell?
Yeah.
No, I I but a lot of highperformers find a chip because
that's the only it's easier tolean into anger and adversity, I
think.
It gives you something to rallyaround.
It's it's easier to rally aroundnegativity than it is positivity
for whatever reason.
But for them with I mean it'sMichael Jordan, dude.
And he no making up shit.

(36:26):
Like no, I understand that.
But they were even at the samerestaurant together.

Brad (36:30):
He made it up just to f but there but there is a
difference in when what they'redoing at the highest level is
defying death, and as they getolder, they have families.
So I have a wife.
Now I have two kids, and uh Ihave to be careful about using
that angst to it'll push it'llpush you over the edge

(36:50):
eventually.
Um but it sounds awesome.
Anyways, I I felt uh did I saythat out loud?
I felt kind of good about itbecause at 45 he blew his
Achilles and then he's out thereclimbing in a climbing boot and
popped it like three more timesto the point where it's bolted,
which I don't even understandhow that works.
Yeah, I understand what a boltis, but how you bolt an Achilles

(37:14):
is kind of odd.

Dylan (37:15):
I don't know.

Brad (37:16):
Um, and I'm like, yeah, I learned that in my 20s when I
had my third hernia surgery andwent from ran a 5k like three
days later.
You're like, oh, that's you youshould probably back off that a
little bit.

Dylan (37:26):
So it felt good to learn that these guys don't have the
angst the angst anymore?

Brad (37:30):
It felt good to learn that I maybe have learned some things
that they hadn't yet.
Wow.

Dylan (37:34):
Potentially.
Dude, all the time you're like,we gotta go do hard shit.

Brad (37:37):
I'm like, yeah, but I'm not broken, but I'm not broken.

Shannon (37:40):
Maybe you're doing hard stuff right now.

Brad (37:42):
Oh yeah.
So down to Dylan.

Shannon (37:45):
See, that's hard stuff.

Brad (37:47):
There we go.
It's gonna get hard.

Dylan (37:48):
Okay.
Can't wait.
Listen to it.

Shannon (37:50):
I immediately saw the panic.
Let's go.
Dylan's face and his heart ratespike.

Brad (37:58):
Just for a little bit.

Shannon (37:59):
Do you know how easy this is for me?

Brad (38:00):
Yeah, how easy this is how easy this is.
And I'm sorry you can't do this.
I really am, because I wouldn'thave to fucking sit here.

Shannon (38:08):
I told you we could just do this and pretend
podcast.

Dylan (38:10):
No, this is good.

Shannon (38:11):
You wanted.
This is what you wanted.

Dylan (38:14):
I don't remember signing up for this.

Brad (38:16):
This is this is directly related to best self, real self.
Okay.
And and that they're uh maybe,maybe they're the same, maybe
they're different in yourviewpoints.
So we had a holiday party here.
Okay.

Shannon (38:28):
Hey.

Brad (38:29):
But what was that, like two weeks ago now?

Shannon (38:30):
Yes.
No, it was the Sunday before.
It was the winter solstice.

Brad (38:35):
It was winter solstice.

Shannon (38:36):
It was the two.
And the moon was rising far inthe east.
It was December 21st.

Dylan (38:41):
Things were happening.
Oh, do we need a pause before weget into it?
Yep, now we do.
Uh-oh.
All right.
A little pausey pause.
That's two.

Shannon (38:50):
All right.
So it was the winter solstice.

Dylan (38:52):
We're back.

Shannon (38:53):
Party.
December 21st.
Sure.

Brad (38:57):
Okay.
It was December 21st.
Okay.
Winter solstice.
Two days after my amazingbirthday.

Shannon (39:01):
Winter solstice.

Brad (39:02):
45.
Okay.
Nope.
44.

Shannon (39:04):
Continue on.
Holiday party.

Brad (39:05):
And Tommy Caldwell's done more.
And Dylan got invited becausehe's part of the family.

Shannon (39:09):
Dylan.

Brad (39:10):
I did.
It was awesome.
I felt so loved.
And this was a family party.

Shannon (39:13):
It was a family party.

Brad (39:14):
Literally, nobody else from the outside of the family.
No.

Shannon (39:16):
I had invited uh my best friend Jennifer, but she
had another holiday party.
Why didn't you?

Brad (39:20):
Uh uh, but she didn't show up.
So she's not part of the family.

Shannon (39:23):
She said she would have if she could have.

Brad (39:24):
Well, she might be part of the family if she listens to
this.

Shannon (39:26):
She actually just sent I sent her a picture and she
guess what uh picture she sentme, the OG podcasters.
What?
I think you know what it is.

Brad (39:34):
I don't know who's at.

Shannon (39:35):
Well, this is a really special time for us.
She's also someone that enjoysshuddy balls.
Okay.
Okay.

Brad (39:43):
That's actually a radio show, by the way.
Um okay.

Shannon (39:46):
So, anyways, Dylan was invited to the family party.

Dylan (39:50):
Uh oh.

Shannon (39:50):
Why didn't I he's he's under it.
He's oh he's caught on the corn.

Dylan (39:54):
He he is that was close.
We had the dogs rip the podcastgears off.
The table.

Shannon (40:01):
It was really kilo, let's be honest here.

Dylan (40:04):
I was able to hit the pause button beforehand, but I
can't wait to listen to thisone.
The playback that it would bereally funny.
So this is our life.
Oh, what how did I get so dusty?

Brad (40:12):
So Jesus.
Oh, fine home building.

Shannon (40:15):
Oh, Dylan.

Brad (40:16):
Yeah, it's been down there a while.
Sorry about that.

Dylan (40:18):
Pardon my language to all the Christians out there.
Happy Hanukkah.

Shannon (40:21):
Jesus will forgive you.

Dylan (40:22):
Dylan was at the party.

Shannon (40:24):
Was at the family party.

Dylan (40:25):
Your microphones and I've been listening to you right now.
What do you mean?
Oh no.
Oh no.
Uh-oh.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
It's been recording.
I just couldn't hear you.

Brad (40:32):
You were okay.
You're good.
Oh, all right.
And when you are around newpeople, oh, I was gonna soft
launch this.
When Shannon talks to somebodythat's kind of new or doesn't
really know us great, and thisis not just you, this is most
women.
I feel like you're going to giveme a really bad grade for my
entry into your family.
No, no, I'm not gonna give you abad grade.

(40:53):
Okay.
They use a different voice.
Have you noticed this?

Shannon (40:56):
You said that when we did like when we were COVID and
like I'd have to work from homeor whatever, you would talk
about my voice, my school voiceis different than my home voice.

Dylan (41:05):
Okay.

Brad (41:06):
And and men do it too.
Like if I was on a call with aclient, yeah, you my voice would
be a little bit like.

Shannon (41:11):
If you have your client voice, when I meet you and
you're new, I would be nicer toyou.

Brad (41:16):
But women have a noticeably different level of
that, I feel like.
Oh, do we?
Yeah, well, you can go higher.
Oh like your voice goes higher.

Dylan (41:24):
God, and I just want to play creed in the worst way
right now.

Brad (41:27):
Higher?
Okay, I got it.
I got it.
Okay.
Don't do it.

Dylan (41:30):
Okay, I won't.

Brad (41:31):
Um so you don't go higher per se.
You do go louder.
I'm a I'm a really I'm a reallyloud person.
I don't know what to do.

Dylan (41:42):
Not all the time.

Brad (41:43):
Not all the time, but just when you're not comfortable.

Dylan (41:45):
Uh I was comfy.

Brad (41:47):
Which is kind of ironic.
I was not not comfy at your no,I under I understand.

Shannon (41:52):
You did squat on the floor for a while, which made me
uncomfortable.

Brad (41:55):
Yeah, I because I like doing things to make the just
uncomfortable.

Shannon (41:58):
I got that.

Brad (41:59):
There is a noticeable difference between uh uh let's
even say podcast Dylan versuspeople that don't know you,
Dylan.

Dylan (42:07):
Okay.

Brad (42:08):
That makes sense?
Yeah.
And w what are you what are youbreaking down?
What do we what are yourthoughts?
I I think in the so we've we'vetalked about consistency and
patterns.

Dylan (42:18):
Okay.

Brad (42:18):
In the two I mean, we've almost been doing this two
years, not quite two years.
I think in April or somethingwas was maybe our first
recording.
Not published, but recording.
Yeah, I'd have to.
So getting close.
We're getting there.
Uh there's there's been a lot ofgrowth, I think, in both of us,
but in you in particular,finding and being more

(42:39):
comfortable in the real self.
And uh I see that maybe a lotmore than anybody else.
Potentially.
Does that make sense?

Dylan (42:49):
No, it doesn't make sense.
I I don't try to think of whatcontext.
The protective layers on the onthe podcast, like when I'm here
at your house with new people.

Brad (42:57):
No, just kind of in general, like when we yeah, I
mean, I I feel like I get moreof that than maybe maybe anybody
else does.
So there's a comfort level ofyou just being you.
And you've said this recentlywith some happenings in your
personal life where you're like,you know, uh there's no judgment

(43:18):
and and this and that.
And and I'm like, yeah, that'sfantastic.
That's that's what you're goingfor, right?
Like that's that's where youwant to be at.
Like it's it's not it's not ashow, it's not uh uh a thing to
impress anyone, it's notsomething to just talk about so
that you know you and and again,we all do this.
Like we all I did this at at aChristmas thing very recently,

(43:42):
where you just do the thing sothat everybody else feels
comfortable.
You play the bit, you know?
Yeah, it's it's not even reallyabout you feeling comfortable,
it's just about everybody else.
Like, I don't want to fuckingdeal with this, so like I'm just
gonna make you feel comfortableso that I don't say the shit
that's actually on my mind,which is gonna blow this entire
thing up.
Right.
Yeah, no, I know I know that forsure.

(44:05):
So yeah, so there's some of theand and not like you you have to
do would have to do that all thetime or whatever, but that's the
the role that we fall intosometimes, and it's it's been
really nice seeing more of thatout of you.
Yeah.

Dylan (44:21):
I kind of want to talk about earlier.
I so yeah, I definitely actdifferently depending on the
groups.
I I'm very contextual and verywhat are my what are my
parameters, what are myboundaries, what are the social
circumstances?

Shannon (44:34):
Um but I think a lot of people do that.
A lot of people do that, yeah.
I think most people do.

Dylan (44:38):
Yeah.
Um, but uh it was, you know,kind of like I was talking about
raising a fuss or you know,staying reserved in some sense,
and you don't need to tell allyour stuff and you know keep
things close to the chest.
I've always been kind of raisedthat way, so it's just probably
the German side of my family.
Uh but a Schlieffen?
It's definitely not theSchlieffen plan.

(45:00):
Yeah.
We're definitely talking aboutSchlieffen.
We're definitely talkingpost-World War One, pre-World
War II right now.

Brad (45:06):
Oh, yeah, the real like angsty.

Dylan (45:09):
Yeah, the brooding, uh post-mustard gas.
You don't think we're goodenough?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Uh maybe not like exactly, butyes.
Um but uh yeah, I don't know.
It's something I've been workingon the past six, eight months in
particular has been I don't likeI I seek validation.
And one of the things like beingbusy and like you and I talking

(45:29):
productivity is I seekvalidation to those closest to
me.
There's maybe eight people inthis world that I genuinely care
there about their opinion of me.
I think the vast majority ofpublic, I I will say I don't.
That's probably a five orsix-year thing.
I used to really kind of beconcerned about that when I was
younger, but I've just kind oflearned that you're never gonna

(45:50):
make anyone happy and you'rejust gonna drive yourself nuts.
But I do seek validation fromthose closest to me.
And when I don't feel like I'mreceiving it, one of the reasons
that I I work as hard as I work,and one of the reasons that I
pick up as many hobbies as I canand do wild and crazy shit
sometimes where it's like, oh,you did this or you've
accomplished this.
And it's like, yeah, I don'teven know if I'm doing it for

(46:11):
myself half the time.
I just want I need people to beproud of me for whatever reason.
Those eight-ish people.

Shannon (46:15):
Do you think you need to be proud of you?

Dylan (46:17):
Oh, yeah.
I need to be.
Yeah, no, and that's somethingI've been working on the past
six-ish months is doing thingsfor me and not compromising with
who I am for other people andjust being okay with loss that
comes with that, that you know,accepting whatever happens.
And you know, when you start toit's that stupid thing, which is
it's it's better to be dislikedfor who you are than it is to be

(46:39):
liked for who you're not,because it's and you know, I
think uh Atlas Shrugged getsinto this.
There's that diatribe of HankReardon talking about not
wanting to be a liar and I'm notgonna hide this.
It's that it's when him andDagny sleep with each other,
right?

Shannon (46:54):
Oh, I hadn't got to that part yet.

Dylan (46:56):
Did it whoopsie, and spoiler alert No one told me it
was a romance novel.

Shannon (47:00):
I would have been a little bit more than that.

Dylan (47:01):
It's been out for 60 years.
But it's it's the whole like themoment you create a lie, the
people that you lied to now ownyou.
You've given your you've givenyour power away because Okay, so
here here's what I will say.
And I'm just I'm going a littlebit deeper than what it is.
Like I don't I've never lied toanyone, but it was always like I
just be a little bit morereserved about who I was or my

(47:22):
thoughts on things.

Brad (47:24):
Uh I think the difference is not the lying, because I
don't because you don't do that.
Hopefully.
I know.
But I would say like I I thinkbased on the past and and
upbringing and all, I mean allthe things that we've talked
about in the past, like thethings that you talk about in a
social gathering with peoplethat are unfamiliar with you are

(47:45):
things that sound good and arenot yeah, they're not lies.
Yeah, they just sound good,right?
Yeah, but the things that wewould say in a similar
conversation, you say differentthings and give examples.
I want examples.
I find more more interesting andmore uh I definitely speak my

(48:08):
mind more on here than I usedto.

Shannon (48:10):
I think it just depends on who you're around and who
you're comfortable with.
I think everyone does thatthough.
Like we could be around youguys, probably talk differently
to each other when I'm sittinghere versus when that's a bad
example.
You're the one that came up withit.

Brad (48:26):
I I just I just mean that like I find who I believe your
true self to be or truer self,not true, you know, truer self,
uh, to be more uh worthy thanthe person that you portray
yourself to be to people thatdon't know you.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I self-deprecate to anextent.

Shannon (48:47):
Basically, Brad's saying before you settle down
with anyone, he needs to vet theperson and be around how you act
around them before things get.
I think that's what needs tohappen because he's gonna be
that's that's obviously whatshe's saying.

Brad (49:03):
That was a joke, okay, but so so there's that, and then I
think compared to not comparedto, but like it in in contrast
to me, I don't know.
Maybe maybe my best self versusreal self is something that's
like my best self is m hiddenmore so because I I I'm what do

(49:25):
you try to say?
Terrifying.
I don't know.
I'm very confused right now.
But yeah, but I've seen yours.

SPEAKER_05 (49:31):
Mine's just like, I don't know if I can be good
enough to get anything, buddy.

Dylan (49:35):
So I'm like, shut up, Brad.
Are you real are you real selfEddie Murphy?
Yeah, yeah, I am.

Brad (49:42):
Um no, no, Jesus.
This is about you.
This is not about me.
Okay, so last statement.

Shannon (49:47):
Oh my gosh.

unknown (49:48):
Okay.

Brad (49:48):
Yeah.
How do you feel about this?
Do you feel like you have a realself, best self?
I feel like Shannon's Shannon.

Shannon (49:53):
I feel like everyone does a little bit of code
switching depending on whothey're around.

Brad (49:56):
No, that's for sure.
That's that's really obvious.

Shannon (49:59):
I don't think that there's a final best self.
That's what I'm saying.
I think it's a constant work inprogress.

Dylan (50:04):
No, I understand that.
And it's a little bit bravingthe wilderness in the sense of
being authentic in everysituation.
You can I think you you have tobe fully authentic all the time.
You have to socially adapt.
Yes.
But you can also be authenticwith inside that adaptation.
Yes.
Which you know there's a timeand a place.
And it's it's one of those.
It's like, why am I going toengage this person in this

(50:26):
conversation?
Because I already know ahead oftime it's not going to be, it's
not going to end well.
And is anything gonna beaccomplished?
No.
So like you don't need to alwayshit people head on with your
authentic self.
It's like my authentic self is Iknow who I am, what I am, what
I'm rooted in.
I also am smart enough to knowthat this is going to go
nowhere, and I'm gonna be thebigger person.

Shannon (50:46):
I mean, maybe somebody's real self is just
they like to they like conflict.

Dylan (50:50):
And then every once in a while, people need to get bitch
slapped.

Shannon (50:52):
They might.

Dylan (50:53):
Yeah, let them.

Shannon (50:54):
What if they think that's their best self though?
So that by whose perspective arewe going from?

Brad (51:00):
This is the very this is the very last statement.
We've become the best self-zars.
Done right now.
The healthiest people aren't theones who takes he was on a roll.

Shannon (51:08):
Let him go.
Okay.
Which one?
You okay.

Brad (51:11):
The healthiest people aren't the ones who heal the
most, they're the ones who stopseeing themselves as broken.

Dylan (51:18):
Yeah, no, that's that's real.

Brad (51:20):
Okay, but also what if you never see yourself as broken and
you're a real piece of shit?
You're a narcissist then.

Shannon (51:26):
Ah, there we go.

Brad (51:27):
So so then that's where uh the farther along you get into
this, then you see all thesethings where it's like, yeah,
but we can go down so many lanesand self-down.
There's some pretty nuancedroads down here.
Yeah, I mean, I could think ofsome people right off the bat
where like some.

Dylan (51:43):
Oh no, where's Martin at?

Brad (51:44):
Well, it was oh god.
You want to come on here and doa real real self-talk?
Uh no.
He would he would hide hardpass.

Shannon (51:56):
Yeah, he would go silent.
Silence.
Radio silent.

Brad (52:00):
What's that guy?
But there, but there's yeah, Imean, true narcissists.
It's like, I'm I am not just myreal self.
I'm my best self.
I can't be a better self.
And I was like, Yeah, but you'rea fucking piece of shit.
Yeah, I don't I don't see itthat way.
So there there there is uh thereis that a little bit uh you

(52:20):
gotta have some self-awareness.

Dylan (52:21):
Okay.
But life lessons.
No, that's not bad, I guess.
Yeah.
I I don't that was that wasn'tthe hot seat.
That was easy.
Uh you guys pumped me up fornothing.
Now I got an adrenaline spike.
Did you miss that part?

Shannon (52:36):
Soft launch.
She's just building you up forsome of the.

Dylan (52:39):
I felt like I was pretty funny at your guys' Christmas
party.
I'm not saying I feel like Italked about things.

Shannon (52:44):
I mean, I you know what?
I think my lot of sexualinnuendos.
Give me 30 seconds and I'll I'llmake up on it.
I think we said I think I made acomment about maybe becoming
Buddhist, and then my mom saidmaybe she would look into being
uh Jewish, and then somehow westarted talking about
circumcision.

Dylan (53:01):
I did bring that up.
That was my bad.

Shannon (53:03):
No, that was actually my favorite part of the whole
party because we all went in forit.
And yeah, we did.

Dylan (53:09):
It was funny.

Shannon (53:09):
And I was there for it.

Dylan (53:11):
The ladies loved it, by the way.

Shannon (53:12):
The ladies were into it.

Dylan (53:13):
But it was all started asking me questions.
Who knew?
Who knew it was socontroversial?
I think it was just it was agreat combo.
It's a great party.

Shannon (53:22):
And just like that, as my grandpa would say.

Dylan (53:24):
The title of this episode is How to Be Circumcised.

Shannon (53:27):
Okay, but just tell me when you're ready to go out,
because I've got the closing.

Dylan (53:31):
Okay, we're I think we're ready to go.
You give me the closing.

Shannon (53:34):
Uh, in the words of my grandpa Russell, we're wow.

Dylan (53:39):
Okay.
I I think that one's okay to puton the air.
We'll be good.
Yeah, we're we're good.
We're good.
We're good.

Shannon (53:44):
Am I gonna get in trouble for that?
Nope.
Okay, okay.
I mean, I need my job.

Dylan (53:48):
We'll we'll we'll figure that out.