October 16, 2023 • 25 mins
This episode dives into the power of Identity Alignment, a practice for those who are ready to make a transformative shift toward their big dreams and potential. If that sounds like you, this episode is for you!
This conversation explores the concept of Identity Alignment as a continuous commitment to living authentically in harmony with your desired identity.
The key?
1.) Taking a closer look at your life, priorities, and habits through taking Self-Inventory.
2.) Identify and replace habits that weigh heavy on your mental load.
3.) Understanding how the actions you take rewires your brain.
By actively working towards your goals and toward Identity Alignment, you're not only building new habits, but also rewiring your brain to support you!
Let's discuss the neuroscience behind the process, where small, consistent changes lead to HUGE transformation. As you align your actions with your desires, your brain rewards you (we talk about how!), subconsciously reinforcing your commitment.
This conversation is more than just an episode; it's a practical guide to kickstart your personal development journey. From clearing mental clutter to setting the stage for positive changes, Tessa leaves you with actionable steps and a roadmap for lasting transformation.
Tune in, take notes, and join the journey to a purposeful, aligned life!
Don't miss out—hit that subscribe button and let's embark on this journey together!
--------
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello, my loves, and welcome to the Purposeful
Lifestyle Development Podcast,where we discuss all things
thought, work and manifestation,but we use neuroscience and the
study of the brain to do so.
I'm your host, tessa Spizak.
I'm a board-certifiedpractitioner, master, life and
health coach and seasonedexecutive speaker.
If you're ready to create yourhighest value lifestyle and turn
(00:24):
your dream life into a reality,you're in the right place.
Let's get right in to today'sepisode.
Hello, hello, my loves.
Thank you so much for spendingyour time with me here and
welcome in to our new season ofthe Purposeful Lifestyle
Development Podcast.
If you're here with me everyweek, I so appreciate you being
(00:45):
here, and if you're new, welcomein.
Don't forget to hit subscribeso that you never miss part of
our conversation.
But you know, this is actuallymy second time recording this
episode.
I had finished and was about tosend it off to get edited and
posted and, I don't know, itjust didn't work out.
So here we are again.
(01:05):
Maybe a bit more concise thistime, but that is okay.
I'm really excited to talkabout this and I'll take it as
an opportunity to strengthen mycommitment.
Good mindset shift there.
Huh, how do we like that?
But that actually is a bit inline with what I'm talking about
this week, maybe even over thenext few weeks, and that is
(01:29):
creating an unwaveringcommitment to you and the
promises you make yourself,allowing yourself to create a
strong sense of what's calledidentity alignment.
And this will be, in part, ahow-to episode, meaning it's a
really good idea that you listenwhen you can actually have a
pen and paper or you're at yourcomputer or at your favorite
(01:50):
Notes app, so feel free to giveit a listen now, even if you
aren't available to do that.
I know a lot of people listenwhen they're driving or out on a
walk or something, but do makesure that you save it so that
you can come back and write itout for yourself and actually do
this exercise.
Something I talk about all thetime, as you guys know, is
(02:10):
taking inventory on yourself,taking inventory over where you
are right now in life, whatseason you're in, what season
you want to move into, and Italk about that all the time
because it's so helpful and sucha simple, useful tool for
really getting a bird's eye viewfor where you are.
(02:31):
And, as we all know, you can'tknow how to get to your next
destination or where you'regoing without knowing where you
are now.
Think of a map.
You couldn't even use that map.
So that's what I'm talkingabout by taking inventory Again.
It's like having a map Figuringout what your priorities are,
figuring out what you want moreof in your life, maybe what you
(02:53):
no longer want, what is nolonger serving you.
Sometimes those are things thatare potentially what you needed
at one time but now are holdingyou back either from what you
want to do, who you want to be,where you want to go, but
getting an idea of our habits,an idea of our responses and our
thoughts about things, maybethe stories that we have in our
(03:14):
head and deciding how or whereor in what way we want to shift
our focus or grow, what thingswe want to prioritize and
reprioritize.
And I want to add a note herethis is something that I
personally do regularly,something that I'm actually in
the process of right now.
(03:36):
This is definitely not mespeaking from a holier than now
perspective, whether this is tome and you here right.
I did talk in my last episodeabout how I am in a transition
season.
For a while there I really didneed a slower learn rather than
create season, somewhat selfintrospective season, but now
(04:01):
for me, that is over.
I feel it.
I'm listening to my ownintuitive poll and it's really
telling me that it's time forsomething new.
It's time for me to move andgrow and be in that growth
season and create and build andjust expect more on that front
from myself.
So what I'm doing is honestlyjust sharing what works for the
(04:25):
people I work with, for myself,whatever whether you're in a
transition yourself maybe you'vebeen feeling stuck and you need
a transition, maybe you have abig goal that you really need to
focus on and get yourself rightfor, or even just the fact that
we do have a new year coming upand we all want to be on top of
our stuff as that comes around.
(04:45):
Really use that new year energyto catapult us into what we
want.
Whatever the case is, this isthe best starting point for
clarity, and we have to start bygetting a little bit of
introspect, asking ourselves afew questions.
First, you have got to getclear on what it is that you
(05:06):
want, and here's where you wantto think about your own identity
alignment.
But let's talk about that realquick.
What identity alignment is?
I'll start by saying it's notsomething that you figure out
one time.
It's always changing andevolving for each of us, and I
say that because it's also notsomething that you just do once.
(05:28):
Identity alignment is a practice, or I think we can even go as
far to say is it's a lifestyle.
It really involves living andacting in a way that your
actions, your beliefs and thehabits you create are really in
harmony with the identity thatyou aspire to have and the
person that you aspire to be.
It's about living in a waythat's true to your core values
(05:52):
and in line with a person thatyou really envision yourself
becoming.
So that means you also need aclear vision of who you want to
be and how you want to be,because the goal of identity
alignment is creating thatunwavering sense of authenticity
, of fulfillment and purpose,because your actions are in line
(06:15):
with your desired identity,with your higher power that you
esteem, whatever you want tocall it.
So how do we get that?
Well, it's a conscious, mindfuland intentional effort to
really live authentically and tobe so grounded in your sense of
self in a way that's reallytrue to your core values and
(06:38):
true to how you want to live,true to the principles you hold,
and holding those as the mostimportant thing and really being
authentic to the person thatyou are becoming, trusting
yourself to do so.
So ask yourself this what aresome of the things that could be
getting in the way of youachieving that identity
alignment?
The place I suggest you start,honestly, is look at the things
(07:03):
that are keeping you up at night, the things that at the end of
the day, you are saying toyourself like dang it, I didn't
do it again.
Or I did it again, and I wish Iwould just stop doing this.
I wish I would quit doing thisto myself, those nagging
thoughts with those constantannoying reminders that we did
not do what we said we weregoing to do, or we did the thing
(07:25):
that we said we weren't goingto, the thing that we kind of
lied to ourselves a little bitand I don't say that to be harsh
, but you guys know, one of mybiggest lessons here is do not
lie to yourself, do not lie toyour brain.
It teaches your brain not totrust you and just makes
everything we effort at or tryto put our mind to a lot harder.
So start there.
(07:46):
The things that are weighingdown your mental load the
heaviest, the things that arekind of the daily like I'm
kicking myself for this and yourmental load.
That's like that cognitivelabor you do right, all the
mental gymnastics that's alwaysgoing on behind the scenes.
This is really taking over yourexecutive function and that's
(08:07):
the part of the brain that helpsyou plan and decide and figure
out what to do next.
So a big part of being stuck orin that I know what I need to
do, but I don't know how to doit right, it's when that mental
load just gets too heavy.
So let's figure those out first.
What are the things that we canchange now that are weighing
(08:28):
the heaviest on your mental loadand what are the stories that
you tell yourself around them?
So here are some examples.
Think of things like this.
These are some of the thingsthat I've really been hearing
regularly in my coaching andfrom the community.
So we'll use these as examples,but place in what you're
thinking about.
Again, I want you to be writingthis list down.
What are the things that arekeeping you frustrated?
(08:51):
For a lot of people, it couldbe something like a lack of
sleep discipline, right,sleeping in too late, maybe then
staying up too late having acocktail or a glass of wine when
you said you wouldn't do itbecause it's a weekday or maybe
it's not planning ahead andeating the convenience food
which makes you just feel reallycrappy and run down, or just
(09:14):
kind of a general one here, abig one for a lot of us
procrastinating, really puttingoff a project that we need to do
professionally Really we'redrawn to it professionally or a
personal project that's reallyimportant to us, thinking about
it every day and doing nothingabout it.
Now, before we get too far intothis list very important all
(09:36):
the stars and shiny know thisthis is not a judgment moment.
I am not telling you to do thisas an opportunity for
self-judgment Definitely noself-shame, because shame does
nothing, but this is only anopportunity for self-awareness.
To be aware is to gain ourpower in this situation.
(09:57):
So, instead of being mad atourselves for whatever is on
this list or using it as a placeto start making excuses or
start telling yourselves storiesabout what this means, we're
merely going to use this as atool to find the immediate and
most impactful things that youcan do right now to get yourself
(10:20):
into better identity alignment.
We're literally just using thisas a catalyst or a jump off
point, because what we're goingto do is take everything in that
list and find the exactopposite.
So many times we mentallyapproach things that feel so
hard and complicated with thisassumption that the solution has
(10:42):
to be just as hard andcomplicated, and that just isn't
the truth at all.
Simple start not to say easy,because it's not easy but our
simple start here is in thisfirst step of clearing out the
things that weigh the heavieston your mental load and again
make you feel really run down.
And there's a reason that we'redoing this and the reason that
(11:04):
we're starting here is becausewe're shifting your focus.
Instead of giving all thatenergy to what you don't want,
instead we're shifting andgiving that energy and focus to
what you do.
This is going to help resetessentially your mindset, your
mental framing on all of theother things that need to fall
(11:27):
into place.
Simply, we're giving the focusto what you want instead of what
you don't.
And to do that, like I said,simply not easy, but simply
we're going to create anopposite for everything that was
on that list.
So, to use the examples frombefore, to stop the cycle of
feeling guilty or mad atyourself every day for the lack
(11:49):
of sleep discipline.
We know that the most helpfulthing that we can do to get rid
of that mental thought processis to create some kind of
nighttime routine plan for amorning routine.
What can we replace to makethis action more in line with
your goals?
Instead of wine, maybe you haveto get excited about finding
your new favorite relaxing tea,or spend a minute to set an
(12:13):
alarm with a nice chime, a goodsong or a spoken meditation,
something that'll give you arejuvenating wake up time that
you can actually look forward to.
You're planning ahead.
You're going to make it happen.
This alone is significantlygoing to get you closer to the
big goals, to the bigaspirations that you have that
(12:35):
are way more grandiose than justgetting your sleep in line, and
it's going to do it immediately, because, as soon as you get
this down, you're already morealigned to who you want to be
already producing more dopamineand good feeling hormones,
because your brain is happy thatyou did what you promised it to
do, and we're taking away a lotof the things that steal our
(12:57):
energy, because we're notclouded and bogged down by the
thoughts and the frustrations ofjust not doing it again.
So now all that excess energy,all that excess thought power
can go to focusing on what theheck is actually important to
you and if excuses and thestories that we've built up in
(13:18):
our subconscious start to get inthe way like a roadblock,
instead of seeing this asanother assurance that we can't
do it, here's where you get topromise yourself that you will
get creative and you will getcurious and you'll figure out a
way to make it happen, or you'llchoose that you're going to
(13:40):
take your power back from thisand choose to deprioritize it
for whatever reason.
Now, I hope we're not doingthis about sleep, not this
example, but this does give youthe opportunity to say, okay, I
choose not to prioritize this,so that still will clear the
mental load of I wish I did thisthing because you've already
(14:01):
actively chosen not to or to putit off temporarily.
So just a touch on the otherexamples really briefly here.
Instead of feeling really badevery day that we are not giving
our body food that gives itenergy that it deserves, and
maybe we ate the thing thatmakes us feel really run down
and crappy, instead of spendingtime doing that, go ahead ahead
(14:24):
of time, we're making an actionplan.
What are things that you canactually do right now that will
take off the mental load?
What's in that plan?
Does that mean ordering thehealthy things ahead of time?
Does that mean making somethingthe night before?
Does that mean going andgetting educated about it?
You know, doing some googling,taking a class, talking to a
(14:45):
coach right, don't give in tothe negative thoughts that come
up.
You know it could be anythingfrom like.
You know.
I just I don't know how to cookand I can't afford healthy food
because I think healthy food istoo expensive.
You guys, we live in a day andage where, if you don't want
these stories to be true, theydon't have to be for the
(15:06):
majority of people.
We've got Google, we've gotYouTube hell, we've even got
chat GPT Type in one of thosehow to make easy, healthy meals
for $10, or whatever that budgetwas for the fast food that
makes you feel bad.
Get curious, or at leastpromise yourself that you'll get
curious and start to find asolution that works for you,
(15:30):
whatever makes sense for you andyour situation.
But we're going to start toplan out how to match your
identity, how to get alignedwith that identity, how to get
much closer to that you you wantto be.
By doing that, you're going tofeel so much better and the fact
that we are taking off thismental load of something that
has been weighing on you everyday double the energy, double
(15:53):
the impact, twice the speed tothe big things and the big
dreams that you have.
Lastly, our example right, aboutthe passion project, about the
work project, whatever that is.
Promise yourself five minutesat least.
Just look it over, take it outof the drawer, spend some time
thinking about it, googlingabout it.
(16:14):
Do something that gives yourproject attention.
We can even just search forinspiration from others that are
doing the same thing, right?
Maybe record that first, takejust as a first draft, or write
out the first line.
Do anything that is taking onestep, and tomorrow take another
(16:35):
step, and maybe the next day wecan take two or three, but it's
that first step that is thehardest one.
So all you need to do is committo that.
It's like rolling a great bigboulder.
The hardest thing is getting itmoving, but once it's moving,
momentum begets momentum and itgets easier and easier and
(16:55):
easier.
So promise that you'll give itthat first big push, and I know
this might sound like the simplestuff, right, the things like
ah, I'm trying to buildsomething great and crazy, I'm
not so worried about my sleep ormy food or what have you, but
these are the things we tend toneglect the most.
And the point of this exerciseis again really designed to
(17:18):
shift your energy and attentionaway from what you don't want,
right Like, I don't want a badsleep schedule, I don't want to
eat the food that makes me feelbad, I don't want to go another
day avoiding my projects, allthe things that are going on in
your brain, hugging up yourmental and physical energy.
Switch that and focus on whatyou do want.
(17:40):
Maybe you do want, with thoseexamples, quality sleep and a
clear mind.
You do want to feed your bodynourishing foods.
That makes you feel energeticand great.
You do want to feel motivatedand passionate about your
projects and your goals.
Move your focus onto things thatyou do want, the things that
create better identity alignmentfor you, and by framing it in
(18:04):
this way the things that you dowant you are literally engaging
your subconscious mind in a waythat is more constructive for
you, in a way that will make youfeel better internally, feel
more confident in going afterthe things that you want and
again it gets your brain on yourside of working toward doing it
again and building up thatfamiliarity instead of working
(18:27):
against it.
This is an actual retrainingprocess that helps create a
subconscious mindset shiftthat's actively focusing on and
working toward positive changesand things you desire in your
life.
Remember where your energy goesis where your energy flows, and
redirecting your thoughts andactions towards what you want to
(18:50):
bring in your life rather thanwhat you don't is what leads to
that huge transformation.
Your brain really can'tquantify more or less yes or no,
so let's just put the focus onhealth, wellness, feeling good,
feeling creative, passionate, onfire.
(19:11):
That's where you want yourenergy to flow.
This allows you to really havepower over your situation,
rather than being subject to thethings in your situation.
You get to decide what you like, what you don't.
Try different ways, try newthings, which that in itself
helps improve ourneuroplasticity, essentially
(19:34):
making us better at new anddifferent things.
And remember, we can still bekind to ourselves here.
You don't have to get it rightthe first time, but anything
that you're doing that'sactively working and taking
steps toward your personalidentity alignment is exactly
what we need to be doing.
And here's the whole part.
(19:56):
Seriously, I love this.
This is the part that justmakes me like, ooh, yes, when
you are actively working towardsyour goals we know I talk about
this it literally kicks on yourbrain's reward system.
Every single time you take astep towards what you've
committed to, what you'vepromised yourself, your brain
(20:16):
releases those neurotransmitterslike dopamine, the feel good,
do more chemical.
It reinforces this behavior asfamiliar in the brain, making it
more familiar to you.
Aka you are much more likely tocontinue taking that positive
action because it's starting tobe like an impulse.
It's subconscious, or at leastwe have a lot less resistance on
(20:39):
the brain because it's on ourside.
We're literally building outthat neural pathway because, as
you're consistent in the actionsthat you take towards those
goals and the things that youwant, you're literally shaping
those neural pathways.
They're strengthening and theconnection between those
thoughts and your actions andthose goals.
(21:00):
That's all strengthening aswell.
The more aligned these pathwaysare, the more it is inevitable
that you're going to manifestthe changes that you want in
your life.
In essence, you're not onlycreating new habits, but you're
really also rewiring your brainto support these new thought
processes to support thesemindset shifts and it helps move
(21:24):
you in the direction ofmanifesting these goals Because
you experience all the rewardsand all the good things of
aligning your actions with thethings you desire.
You feel good, you feelconfident, you're proud of
yourself.
This process becomesself-reinforcing on a
neurological level, which isjust the coolest thing I know
(21:47):
about this.
The brain takes over and itwants more of that.
It likes it that dopamine isthe hormone of more, so the new,
better habit that is morealigned will start to become the
default literally in your brain.
So, overall, this is the veryfirst step in taking your
(22:08):
inventory.
Outline the specific things thatare taking up your headspace
that you really just need to cutthe bullshit on.
That you need to change.
Plus, get super clear on whatyou're replacing it with and how
you're going to try replacingit.
We can't focus on what you wantless of or none of.
Remember it doesn't work thatway.
(22:28):
So shift your focusintentionally onto what you do
want.
Get clear on the steps thatyou'll take to bring these
shifts into your current reality.
Outline it.
Make a schedule, if that'llhelp you.
That's what I do, literallydown to the minute when I need
it, but be detailed and berealistic.
Again, we're not changingeverything overnight.
(22:51):
We don't want to lie to thebrain.
These are real, realisticthings that we can do and try.
These are the small,foundational things for a reason
Again, we aren't set out with agoal of becoming a whole new
person overnight, but we do havea goal of clearing out our
mental load, clearing out thementally draining things that we
seem to be doing or not doingon autopilot, that don't serve
(23:14):
us because they take up too muchof our headspace, too much of
our thoughts, and we'd ratherallow those thoughts to go to
the things we actually want.
Right, we're getting rid ofthose things and replacing them
with the things that align uswith our identity and who we
deserve to be.
Remember, it's the small,consistent changes that really
(23:36):
lead to the most lasting,transformative moments in the
biggest transformation.
Identity alignment is such afoundational element to personal
development and it's what givesus our roadmap.
It shows us where we need totap in for growth, where we need
to tap in for more authenticityand to our purpose and how we
(23:58):
spend our time and where ourthoughts go.
That's what shapes our mindset,that's what influences our
energy and it's what attractsaligned experiences.
I don't know about you, but Idefinitely only want to attract
and be aligned to things thatare for my highest good and my
highest goals.
Let's start here Clear thebaseline of what's taking up
(24:22):
space for you, and once you getstarted, that's where the good
stuff and all the wonderful,serendipitous little things
really start to fall in line andit feels like it starts to fall
into your lap.
But I'll save the rest for nextweek.
Happy journaling and inventorytaking.
I cannot wait to hear what youlearn about you along the way.
(24:44):
But all right, my loves, that'swhere I'll leave us today.
I want to thank you so much forjoining in on this conversation
with me, and each week, everyMonday, we're going to be
posting a new episode, going alittle bit deeper into the
conversation, of what you can doto train your brain on purpose
to really allow for thelifestyle that you want to live.
(25:05):
Until next time, my loves.
In the meantime, here's to yourhealth and your happiness.
Hello, my loves, and welcome to the Purposeful
Lifestyle Development Podcast,where we discuss all things
thought, work and manifestation,but we use neuroscience and the
study of the brain to do so.
I'm your host, tessa Spizak.
I'm a board-certifiedpractitioner, master, life and
health coach and seasonedexecutive speaker.
If you're ready to create yourhighest value lifestyle and turn
(00:24):
your dream life into a reality,you're in the right place.
Let's get right in to today'sepisode.
Hello, hello, my loves.
Thank you so much for spendingyour time with me here and
welcome in to our new season ofthe Purposeful Lifestyle
Development Podcast.
If you're here with me everyweek, I so appreciate you being
(00:45):
here, and if you're new, welcomein.
Don't forget to hit subscribeso that you never miss part of
our conversation.
But you know, this is actuallymy second time recording this
episode.
I had finished and was about tosend it off to get edited and
posted and, I don't know, itjust didn't work out.
So here we are again.
(01:05):
Maybe a bit more concise thistime, but that is okay.
I'm really excited to talkabout this and I'll take it as
an opportunity to strengthen mycommitment.
Good mindset shift there.
Huh, how do we like that?
But that actually is a bit inline with what I'm talking about
this week, maybe even over thenext few weeks, and that is
(01:29):
creating an unwaveringcommitment to you and the
promises you make yourself,allowing yourself to create a
strong sense of what's calledidentity alignment.
And this will be, in part, ahow-to episode, meaning it's a
really good idea that you listenwhen you can actually have a
pen and paper or you're at yourcomputer or at your favorite
(01:50):
Notes app, so feel free to giveit a listen now, even if you
aren't available to do that.
I know a lot of people listenwhen they're driving or out on a
walk or something, but do makesure that you save it so that
you can come back and write itout for yourself and actually do
this exercise.
Something I talk about all thetime, as you guys know, is
(02:10):
taking inventory on yourself,taking inventory over where you
are right now in life, whatseason you're in, what season
you want to move into, and Italk about that all the time
because it's so helpful and sucha simple, useful tool for
really getting a bird's eye viewfor where you are.
(02:31):
And, as we all know, you can'tknow how to get to your next
destination or where you'regoing without knowing where you
are now.
Think of a map.
You couldn't even use that map.
So that's what I'm talkingabout by taking inventory Again.
It's like having a map Figuringout what your priorities are,
figuring out what you want moreof in your life, maybe what you
(02:53):
no longer want, what is nolonger serving you.
Sometimes those are things thatare potentially what you needed
at one time but now are holdingyou back either from what you
want to do, who you want to be,where you want to go, but
getting an idea of our habits,an idea of our responses and our
thoughts about things, maybethe stories that we have in our
(03:14):
head and deciding how or whereor in what way we want to shift
our focus or grow, what thingswe want to prioritize and
reprioritize.
And I want to add a note herethis is something that I
personally do regularly,something that I'm actually in
the process of right now.
(03:36):
This is definitely not mespeaking from a holier than now
perspective, whether this is tome and you here right.
I did talk in my last episodeabout how I am in a transition
season.
For a while there I really didneed a slower learn rather than
create season, somewhat selfintrospective season, but now
(04:01):
for me, that is over.
I feel it.
I'm listening to my ownintuitive poll and it's really
telling me that it's time forsomething new.
It's time for me to move andgrow and be in that growth
season and create and build andjust expect more on that front
from myself.
So what I'm doing is honestlyjust sharing what works for the
(04:25):
people I work with, for myself,whatever whether you're in a
transition yourself maybe you'vebeen feeling stuck and you need
a transition, maybe you have abig goal that you really need to
focus on and get yourself rightfor, or even just the fact that
we do have a new year coming upand we all want to be on top of
our stuff as that comes around.
(04:45):
Really use that new year energyto catapult us into what we
want.
Whatever the case is, this isthe best starting point for
clarity, and we have to start bygetting a little bit of
introspect, asking ourselves afew questions.
First, you have got to getclear on what it is that you
(05:06):
want, and here's where you wantto think about your own identity
alignment.
But let's talk about that realquick.
What identity alignment is?
I'll start by saying it's notsomething that you figure out
one time.
It's always changing andevolving for each of us, and I
say that because it's also notsomething that you just do once.
(05:28):
Identity alignment is a practice, or I think we can even go as
far to say is it's a lifestyle.
It really involves living andacting in a way that your
actions, your beliefs and thehabits you create are really in
harmony with the identity thatyou aspire to have and the
person that you aspire to be.
It's about living in a waythat's true to your core values
(05:52):
and in line with a person thatyou really envision yourself
becoming.
So that means you also need aclear vision of who you want to
be and how you want to be,because the goal of identity
alignment is creating thatunwavering sense of authenticity
, of fulfillment and purpose,because your actions are in line
(06:15):
with your desired identity,with your higher power that you
esteem, whatever you want tocall it.
So how do we get that?
Well, it's a conscious, mindfuland intentional effort to
really live authentically and tobe so grounded in your sense of
self in a way that's reallytrue to your core values and
(06:38):
true to how you want to live,true to the principles you hold,
and holding those as the mostimportant thing and really being
authentic to the person thatyou are becoming, trusting
yourself to do so.
So ask yourself this what aresome of the things that could be
getting in the way of youachieving that identity
alignment?
The place I suggest you start,honestly, is look at the things
(07:03):
that are keeping you up at night, the things that at the end of
the day, you are saying toyourself like dang it, I didn't
do it again.
Or I did it again, and I wish Iwould just stop doing this.
I wish I would quit doing thisto myself, those nagging
thoughts with those constantannoying reminders that we did
not do what we said we weregoing to do, or we did the thing
(07:25):
that we said we weren't goingto, the thing that we kind of
lied to ourselves a little bitand I don't say that to be harsh
, but you guys know, one of mybiggest lessons here is do not
lie to yourself, do not lie toyour brain.
It teaches your brain not totrust you and just makes
everything we effort at or tryto put our mind to a lot harder.
So start there.
(07:46):
The things that are weighingdown your mental load the
heaviest, the things that arekind of the daily like I'm
kicking myself for this and yourmental load.
That's like that cognitivelabor you do right, all the
mental gymnastics that's alwaysgoing on behind the scenes.
This is really taking over yourexecutive function and that's
(08:07):
the part of the brain that helpsyou plan and decide and figure
out what to do next.
So a big part of being stuck orin that I know what I need to
do, but I don't know how to doit right, it's when that mental
load just gets too heavy.
So let's figure those out first.
What are the things that we canchange now that are weighing
(08:28):
the heaviest on your mental loadand what are the stories that
you tell yourself around them?
So here are some examples.
Think of things like this.
These are some of the thingsthat I've really been hearing
regularly in my coaching andfrom the community.
So we'll use these as examples,but place in what you're
thinking about.
Again, I want you to be writingthis list down.
What are the things that arekeeping you frustrated?
(08:51):
For a lot of people, it couldbe something like a lack of
sleep discipline, right,sleeping in too late, maybe then
staying up too late having acocktail or a glass of wine when
you said you wouldn't do itbecause it's a weekday or maybe
it's not planning ahead andeating the convenience food
which makes you just feel reallycrappy and run down, or just
(09:14):
kind of a general one here, abig one for a lot of us
procrastinating, really puttingoff a project that we need to do
professionally Really we'redrawn to it professionally or a
personal project that's reallyimportant to us, thinking about
it every day and doing nothingabout it.
Now, before we get too far intothis list very important all
(09:36):
the stars and shiny know thisthis is not a judgment moment.
I am not telling you to do thisas an opportunity for
self-judgment Definitely noself-shame, because shame does
nothing, but this is only anopportunity for self-awareness.
To be aware is to gain ourpower in this situation.
(09:57):
So, instead of being mad atourselves for whatever is on
this list or using it as a placeto start making excuses or
start telling yourselves storiesabout what this means, we're
merely going to use this as atool to find the immediate and
most impactful things that youcan do right now to get yourself
(10:20):
into better identity alignment.
We're literally just using thisas a catalyst or a jump off
point, because what we're goingto do is take everything in that
list and find the exactopposite.
So many times we mentallyapproach things that feel so
hard and complicated with thisassumption that the solution has
(10:42):
to be just as hard andcomplicated, and that just isn't
the truth at all.
Simple start not to say easy,because it's not easy but our
simple start here is in thisfirst step of clearing out the
things that weigh the heavieston your mental load and again
make you feel really run down.
And there's a reason that we'redoing this and the reason that
(11:04):
we're starting here is becausewe're shifting your focus.
Instead of giving all thatenergy to what you don't want,
instead we're shifting andgiving that energy and focus to
what you do.
This is going to help resetessentially your mindset, your
mental framing on all of theother things that need to fall
(11:27):
into place.
Simply, we're giving the focusto what you want instead of what
you don't.
And to do that, like I said,simply not easy, but simply
we're going to create anopposite for everything that was
on that list.
So, to use the examples frombefore, to stop the cycle of
feeling guilty or mad atyourself every day for the lack
(11:49):
of sleep discipline.
We know that the most helpfulthing that we can do to get rid
of that mental thought processis to create some kind of
nighttime routine plan for amorning routine.
What can we replace to makethis action more in line with
your goals?
Instead of wine, maybe you haveto get excited about finding
your new favorite relaxing tea,or spend a minute to set an
(12:13):
alarm with a nice chime, a goodsong or a spoken meditation,
something that'll give you arejuvenating wake up time that
you can actually look forward to.
You're planning ahead.
You're going to make it happen.
This alone is significantlygoing to get you closer to the
big goals, to the bigaspirations that you have that
(12:35):
are way more grandiose than justgetting your sleep in line, and
it's going to do it immediately, because, as soon as you get
this down, you're already morealigned to who you want to be
already producing more dopamineand good feeling hormones,
because your brain is happy thatyou did what you promised it to
do, and we're taking away a lotof the things that steal our
(12:57):
energy, because we're notclouded and bogged down by the
thoughts and the frustrations ofjust not doing it again.
So now all that excess energy,all that excess thought power
can go to focusing on what theheck is actually important to
you and if excuses and thestories that we've built up in
(13:18):
our subconscious start to get inthe way like a roadblock,
instead of seeing this asanother assurance that we can't
do it, here's where you get topromise yourself that you will
get creative and you will getcurious and you'll figure out a
way to make it happen, or you'llchoose that you're going to
(13:40):
take your power back from thisand choose to deprioritize it
for whatever reason.
Now, I hope we're not doingthis about sleep, not this
example, but this does give youthe opportunity to say, okay, I
choose not to prioritize this,so that still will clear the
mental load of I wish I did thisthing because you've already
(14:01):
actively chosen not to or to putit off temporarily.
So just a touch on the otherexamples really briefly here.
Instead of feeling really badevery day that we are not giving
our body food that gives itenergy that it deserves, and
maybe we ate the thing thatmakes us feel really run down
and crappy, instead of spendingtime doing that, go ahead ahead
(14:24):
of time, we're making an actionplan.
What are things that you canactually do right now that will
take off the mental load?
What's in that plan?
Does that mean ordering thehealthy things ahead of time?
Does that mean making somethingthe night before?
Does that mean going andgetting educated about it?
You know, doing some googling,taking a class, talking to a
(14:45):
coach right, don't give in tothe negative thoughts that come
up.
You know it could be anythingfrom like.
You know.
I just I don't know how to cookand I can't afford healthy food
because I think healthy food istoo expensive.
You guys, we live in a day andage where, if you don't want
these stories to be true, theydon't have to be for the
(15:06):
majority of people.
We've got Google, we've gotYouTube hell, we've even got
chat GPT Type in one of thosehow to make easy, healthy meals
for $10, or whatever that budgetwas for the fast food that
makes you feel bad.
Get curious, or at leastpromise yourself that you'll get
curious and start to find asolution that works for you,
(15:30):
whatever makes sense for you andyour situation.
But we're going to start toplan out how to match your
identity, how to get alignedwith that identity, how to get
much closer to that you you wantto be.
By doing that, you're going tofeel so much better and the fact
that we are taking off thismental load of something that
has been weighing on you everyday double the energy, double
(15:53):
the impact, twice the speed tothe big things and the big
dreams that you have.
Lastly, our example right, aboutthe passion project, about the
work project, whatever that is.
Promise yourself five minutesat least.
Just look it over, take it outof the drawer, spend some time
thinking about it, googlingabout it.
(16:14):
Do something that gives yourproject attention.
We can even just search forinspiration from others that are
doing the same thing, right?
Maybe record that first, takejust as a first draft, or write
out the first line.
Do anything that is taking onestep, and tomorrow take another
(16:35):
step, and maybe the next day wecan take two or three, but it's
that first step that is thehardest one.
So all you need to do is committo that.
It's like rolling a great bigboulder.
The hardest thing is getting itmoving, but once it's moving,
momentum begets momentum and itgets easier and easier and
(16:55):
easier.
So promise that you'll give itthat first big push, and I know
this might sound like the simplestuff, right, the things like
ah, I'm trying to buildsomething great and crazy, I'm
not so worried about my sleep ormy food or what have you, but
these are the things we tend toneglect the most.
And the point of this exerciseis again really designed to
(17:18):
shift your energy and attentionaway from what you don't want,
right Like, I don't want a badsleep schedule, I don't want to
eat the food that makes me feelbad, I don't want to go another
day avoiding my projects, allthe things that are going on in
your brain, hugging up yourmental and physical energy.
Switch that and focus on whatyou do want.
(17:40):
Maybe you do want, with thoseexamples, quality sleep and a
clear mind.
You do want to feed your bodynourishing foods.
That makes you feel energeticand great.
You do want to feel motivatedand passionate about your
projects and your goals.
Move your focus onto things thatyou do want, the things that
create better identity alignmentfor you, and by framing it in
(18:04):
this way the things that you dowant you are literally engaging
your subconscious mind in a waythat is more constructive for
you, in a way that will make youfeel better internally, feel
more confident in going afterthe things that you want and
again it gets your brain on yourside of working toward doing it
again and building up thatfamiliarity instead of working
(18:27):
against it.
This is an actual retrainingprocess that helps create a
subconscious mindset shiftthat's actively focusing on and
working toward positive changesand things you desire in your
life.
Remember where your energy goesis where your energy flows, and
redirecting your thoughts andactions towards what you want to
(18:50):
bring in your life rather thanwhat you don't is what leads to
that huge transformation.
Your brain really can'tquantify more or less yes or no,
so let's just put the focus onhealth, wellness, feeling good,
feeling creative, passionate, onfire.
(19:11):
That's where you want yourenergy to flow.
This allows you to really havepower over your situation,
rather than being subject to thethings in your situation.
You get to decide what you like, what you don't.
Try different ways, try newthings, which that in itself
helps improve ourneuroplasticity, essentially
(19:34):
making us better at new anddifferent things.
And remember, we can still bekind to ourselves here.
You don't have to get it rightthe first time, but anything
that you're doing that'sactively working and taking
steps toward your personalidentity alignment is exactly
what we need to be doing.
And here's the whole part.
(19:56):
Seriously, I love this.
This is the part that justmakes me like, ooh, yes, when
you are actively working towardsyour goals we know I talk about
this it literally kicks on yourbrain's reward system.
Every single time you take astep towards what you've
committed to, what you'vepromised yourself, your brain
(20:16):
releases those neurotransmitterslike dopamine, the feel good,
do more chemical.
It reinforces this behavior asfamiliar in the brain, making it
more familiar to you.
Aka you are much more likely tocontinue taking that positive
action because it's starting tobe like an impulse.
It's subconscious, or at leastwe have a lot less resistance on
(20:39):
the brain because it's on ourside.
We're literally building outthat neural pathway because, as
you're consistent in the actionsthat you take towards those
goals and the things that youwant, you're literally shaping
those neural pathways.
They're strengthening and theconnection between those
thoughts and your actions andthose goals.
(21:00):
That's all strengthening aswell.
The more aligned these pathwaysare, the more it is inevitable
that you're going to manifestthe changes that you want in
your life.
In essence, you're not onlycreating new habits, but you're
really also rewiring your brainto support these new thought
processes to support thesemindset shifts and it helps move
(21:24):
you in the direction ofmanifesting these goals Because
you experience all the rewardsand all the good things of
aligning your actions with thethings you desire.
You feel good, you feelconfident, you're proud of
yourself.
This process becomesself-reinforcing on a
neurological level, which isjust the coolest thing I know
(21:47):
about this.
The brain takes over and itwants more of that.
It likes it that dopamine isthe hormone of more, so the new,
better habit that is morealigned will start to become the
default literally in your brain.
So, overall, this is the veryfirst step in taking your
(22:08):
inventory.
Outline the specific things thatare taking up your headspace
that you really just need to cutthe bullshit on.
That you need to change.
Plus, get super clear on whatyou're replacing it with and how
you're going to try replacingit.
We can't focus on what you wantless of or none of.
Remember it doesn't work thatway.
(22:28):
So shift your focusintentionally onto what you do
want.
Get clear on the steps thatyou'll take to bring these
shifts into your current reality.
Outline it.
Make a schedule, if that'llhelp you.
That's what I do, literallydown to the minute when I need
it, but be detailed and berealistic.
Again, we're not changingeverything overnight.
(22:51):
We don't want to lie to thebrain.
These are real, realisticthings that we can do and try.
These are the small,foundational things for a reason
Again, we aren't set out with agoal of becoming a whole new
person overnight, but we do havea goal of clearing out our
mental load, clearing out thementally draining things that we
seem to be doing or not doingon autopilot, that don't serve
(23:14):
us because they take up too muchof our headspace, too much of
our thoughts, and we'd ratherallow those thoughts to go to
the things we actually want.
Right, we're getting rid ofthose things and replacing them
with the things that align uswith our identity and who we
deserve to be.
Remember, it's the small,consistent changes that really
(23:36):
lead to the most lasting,transformative moments in the
biggest transformation.
Identity alignment is such afoundational element to personal
development and it's what givesus our roadmap.
It shows us where we need totap in for growth, where we need
to tap in for more authenticityand to our purpose and how we
(23:58):
spend our time and where ourthoughts go.
That's what shapes our mindset,that's what influences our
energy and it's what attractsaligned experiences.
I don't know about you, but Idefinitely only want to attract
and be aligned to things thatare for my highest good and my
highest goals.
Let's start here Clear thebaseline of what's taking up
(24:22):
space for you, and once you getstarted, that's where the good
stuff and all the wonderful,serendipitous little things
really start to fall in line andit feels like it starts to fall
into your lap.
But I'll save the rest for nextweek.
Happy journaling and inventorytaking.
I cannot wait to hear what youlearn about you along the way.
(24:44):
But all right, my loves, that'swhere I'll leave us today.
I want to thank you so much forjoining in on this conversation
with me, and each week, everyMonday, we're going to be
posting a new episode, going alittle bit deeper into the
conversation, of what you can doto train your brain on purpose
to really allow for thelifestyle that you want to live.
(25:05):
Until next time, my loves.
In the meantime, here's to yourhealth and your happiness.
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