June 5, 2023 • 26 mins
In this week's episode, we are diving deep into your comfort zone, signs from your body that it's time to level up, and how to handle it when you actually ACHIEVE your greatest desires.
Host Tessa Spisak uses a visual directly from nature that symbolizes the need we feel for expansion in our own lives. From personal experiences to thought-provoking insights, she explores how our desires for more, our dreams, and our goals can create some serious uneasiness when we outgrow what we once thought was our greatest potential. (Pursuing new goals and dreams can be daunting, especially when you've already achieved your BIG goals!)
Achieving our goals and dreams doesn't always come with the satisfaction we might have expected -- but can instead open up new doorways for more delicious growth.
This episode also includes:
-the stages of our Comfort Zones (from Comfort to GROWTH!)
- practical tips on reframing stress
- understanding the power of neuroplasticity
- how to prioritize our growth
- how to move forward with new growth while honoring your past achievements
- addressing the fear that comes with change
- *the breakdown*: stepping out of our comfort zones can lead to SO MUCH MORE
If you're ready to challenge yourself, break free from self-imposed limits, and explore the untapped potential within you, this episode is a must-listen!!
---
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tessa Spisak (00:01):
And this quote is exactly how I want you to feel
about this.
He says "My comfort zone islike a little bubble around me
and I've pushed it in differentdirections and made it bigger
and bigger until theseobjectives that seemed totally
crazy eventually fall within therealm of the possible.
(00:21):
Hello, my loves, and welcome tothe Purposeful Lifestyle
Development Podcast, where wediscuss all things thought, work
and manifestation, but we useneuroscience and the study of
the brain to do so.
I'm your host, tessa Spiesak.
I'm a board certifiedpractitioner, master, life and
health coach and seasonedexecutive speaker.
(00:43):
If you're ready to create yourhighest value lifestyle and turn
your dream life into a reality,you're in the right place.
Let's get right in to today'sepisode.
Hello, my loves.
Thank you so much for joiningme and spending your time with
me today here on the PurposefulLifestyle Development Podcast.
However, and wherever you arelistening in from, i'm so happy
(01:06):
to spend this time chatting withyou today At a really lovely
morning.
I just got done planting somelittle baby seedlings and
playing in my garden Perfectspring activities, if you ask me
.
Last summer, my project wasfixing up the backyard, the
landscape around the pool, andthis year, my fun little focus
(01:27):
has been on the front yard, sideyard, and I have this beautiful
little bean, like I like tocall it, but basically just this
little garden spot at thecorner of our house that I am
currently trying to fill withbutterfly and hummingbird
friendly flowers.
I've got a little table andchair set up over there now and
(01:48):
if you know me, you know thatone of my favorite things to do
is absolutely romanticize allthe parts of my life, and what
better way to do that thanwalking through my own pretend
English garden with thebutterflies and the hummingbirds
and things right, and it wasjust so nice, made me feel so
good.
And as I was working with myplants, just kind of lost in
(02:11):
thought, i noticed that some ofmy happiest, healthiest little
guys were literally about togrow out of their pots.
Like they were healthy andthriving and growing super
strong in the pot that they werein, but they did too much and
were literally about to breakoff and die.
Right, they were just toosuccessful to keep thriving
(02:34):
where they were.
And I am sorry if this feelscheesy at first, but hear me out
because, as you know, this gotme thinking, because it is such
dang good symbolism And it gotme thinking about this feeling
that I have definitelyexperienced myself A big one at
that And this visual was prettyperfect.
(02:56):
So I want to walk you throughit.
I want you to think of thislittle seed, a little plant seed
, and after it's planted in itscozy little pot, it's all snug
and comfortable and it's theperfect place for it to start to
grow.
It starts to spread its roots,it's finding all the nourishment
it needs within the boundariesthat it knows.
(03:17):
At this point it's thriving andeverything seems great.
But here's what anyone who'skept some potted plants alive
knows Sometimes that littleseedling, just like my plants
right now, can't stay in thattiny pot forever.
Now, for some seeds, the firstpot you put it in, it's the only
(03:38):
one it'll ever need.
It grows and it's perfectlyfine and it's healthy and will
never feel the need to leave itspot.
It's good to go just like that.
But for some plants, as theygrow they start to push against
the edges, trying to create moreroom to stretch their branches
and spread their roots.
And if these seeds and theseplants aren't given a bigger pot
(04:01):
, then eventually it grows andstumbles tips over or, worse, it
can break off entirely.
It needs a new, spacious hometo continue flourishing.
And I'm sorry, but is that notjust like us, just like those of
us who know there's more, thedreamers, the strivers, the
(04:24):
goal-oriented?
I feel like that feeling issomething this group of people
can really relate to.
And we all start off by growingwithin the confines of what we
know, what we see.
You know our childhood years.
We learn what the people aroundus teach us.
We eat what they eat, we talklike they talk, we retell the
(04:45):
stories that they've told us anddo basically what they do for
the most part, and for somethat's totally enough and
there's absolutely nothing wrongwith that.
They can thrive and flourishall that they need to throughout
their life.
In the first place they've beenplanted.
But for some They need to growin a new way.
(05:07):
They need to expand in a newdirection.
They need more room to meettheir potential.
That their current reality,that current situation that
they're in it just can't be madehappen.
This reality can't make thathappen, and I think most people
are really good at recognizingthe first one at the first time,
(05:29):
when they know they need thefirst proverbial new pop right.
For most people when thathappens, that's when you move
out of your parents' house ormove to a new town or leave for
college on the other side of thecountry.
Many people do that one.
But I think where people can gettripped up is recognizing when
it's time to do it again, whenyou need to do it again, if you
(05:54):
should really go for it And, ifso, figuring out how to do it
again, how to get into a biggerpot, so to speak, and think what
happens when you achieve thethings you really want, when you
get the big goal, when thethings you used to visualize and
hope about and work onmanifesting for yourself and
(06:14):
creating what happens when youhave it.
I think that's kind of the samething For some.
This need for more doesn'talways happen.
It doesn't happen again becausethey're already where it feels
comfortable and good.
That's.
All they need is.
They're in a place wherethey're comfortable to stop
(06:35):
growing.
Their roots don't need toexpand anymore.
Maybe it's not going to get anylarger, but it's thriving here
And that's fine.
And if you feel good, that'sprobably where you are And when
you feel fulfilled and like wedon't need to strive anymore.
But there are some that, thatfeeling of wanting to stop
(06:57):
growing or to fall into thatcomfort zone.
Maybe that's not here, maybethat doesn't even come, because
for others there's a time whenyou really feel it.
You know you need that new,bigger, bolder, quote, unquote
pot to grow into, to stretch outmore, and there may be a few
times in your life where thathappens.
The dreamers, the doers,creators there's a good chance
(07:21):
that you're going to get achance that, if you feel this
feeling of stuck or confined insome way, or just like you know
that there's something that youwant to build, you want to
create something bigger orgreater, you can feel that
feeling like you're breaking outof your pot, so to speak, when
(07:41):
maybe before this time, beforeyou're right now, you couldn't
even imagine actuallysuccessfully filling the one
you're in where that was just adream.
So what I'm saying is thissometimes, even after a huge
accomplishment and a huge levelup, we can get that feeling,
(08:02):
that urge, that uneasiness, andsometimes it just means we need
to do it again And if you don't,you're going to feel like our
little plants that are going togrow and break right out of its
pot.
The same thing happens to us.
We feel it, we feel theanxiousness or uneasiness when
we know we're meant for more butaren't actively doing more or
(08:26):
working toward the things thatwe want, that are in that next
level or next pot right,especially when we can't imagine
what that is or can't imaginehaving more.
You can't really visualize whatthat is.
That can really create thatuncomfortable feeling.
Or even when you know what thatis, you know like dang, this
(08:46):
feels good, but wouldn't this begreat?
What happens if I really wentall in with this thing, that I
can feel it, it's a desire forme?
Well then we can get that fearof.
You can't imagine theresponsibility that could come
with that new or that more orthat greater.
And sometimes this happens at avisceral level, like I'm talking
(09:08):
about.
You feel it in the body, wefeel somewhat out of sorts if we
can't figure it out.
And that, i think, is the signand the signal that we're ready
to get out of what has nowbecome our comfort zone.
And that's not always easy.
And I don't mean that yourentire life is one comfort zone.
You can be totally comfortablein one area, don't need to
(09:32):
adjust that.
That's perfect for you.
But in something else, you'vegot that inkling, you've got
that desire, but, like I said,it's not an easy thing to
pinpoint that, and especiallywhen you have worked really hard
to get what you originallythought was this greatest
potential, your most ideal, itcan kind of give you that
(09:52):
feeling like wait, who me?
I'm supposed to do more thanthis.
I feel like my purpose is morethan this.
To be fulfilled is more.
That can feel a little scary,because as humans we can create
and I mean subconsciously here.
This isn't intentional, but wecan create these limiting
(10:13):
thoughts or beliefs that doingsomething towards our biggest
purpose or our Dharma, thatcould uproot an unintentional
little pun there.
But technically it could feellike it could uproot you from
all the things that you'veworked so hard to accomplish and
grow into already.
And so you might find yourselfpotentially asking could I even
(10:36):
do that again?
Is it safe?
Could I really grow beyond herewhen I didn't know that this
was truly possible?
But whatever it is, whateverthat mental dialogue or mental
uneasiness that comes with it,knowing this is, i think, what
helps.
Know that it's not your fault.
Those limits that wesubconsciously place on
(10:56):
ourselves, they're notintentional.
We didn't choose them and wedidn't choose to maybe be
holding ourselves back fromsomething.
It's just our mind's way ofprotecting us.
It's protecting us from theunknown, from taking risks and
stepping out of our cozy comfortzones.
And I tell you this all thetime Our brain's only job, the
(11:18):
only reason it's formed in theway that it's formed, is to keep
you safe and keep you alive.
But unfortunately for us, thatmeans it fears the unknown.
It will work and work to try tokeep you from something that it
doesn't know or doesn'tunderstand, in effort to keep
you safe.
And that's the problem with thisis, unfortunately, when we
(11:42):
listen to that littlesubconscious limit and we stay
within those limits, it meanswe're denying ourselves the
chance even to fully embrace ourpotential, our truest desires,
our dharma and our purpose,which is what I think our soul
yearns for.
And it creates that uneasyfeeling.
It's super uncomfortablebecause we have a knowing of it
(12:05):
on some level.
It feels like we're growingoutside of our reality and it
can cause some really strongcognitive dissonance when your
thoughts don't meet your actions, because you want and you
desire to do more, but you'renot acting with it accordingly,
if you're not actually doing it,much like our example of the
(12:26):
dang plants outgrowing theirpots.
And so if this resonates, ifthis is you and you're like yep,
i can totally.
I know that feeling.
That is me.
I know I'm meant for more inwhatever area I got to do it.
Then here's where I really wantyou to listen.
I want to talk to you aboutwhat that comfort zone actually
is, because it's been somethingthat's really been embedded in
(12:48):
our conversation.
But this metaphor of leavingyour comfort zone it actually
became popular back in the 90s.
The phrase comfort zone wascoined by a management thinker
named Judith Bardwick in her1991 book called Danger in the
Comfort Zone.
In it she says it like thisjust so, again, i always like to
(13:09):
put us on the same page with abit of a definition that we all
can know It's the comfort zoneis a behavioral state within
which a person operates at ananxiety neutral condition.
They're using a limited set ofbehaviors to deliver a steady
level of performance, without asense of risk usually.
(13:31):
But as we talked about for some, that in itself that sitting in
the comfort zone is whatcreates anxiety, because the
risk is understanding that rightnow there's a lack of growth
And this could be as simple.
As you know, your biggest goalwas the one job that paid a lot
(13:52):
of money that you could work onsomething that you really cared
about, and for the longest timethis has been your biggest
vision, the biggestmanifestation and the biggest
goal.
But then you get it And it'samazing and exciting and
stimulating at first, and thenyou continue to learn and you
grow and you discover new partsof you And maybe other things
(14:13):
become important.
Maybe learning something newbecomes important, that you've
used everything, all thenutrients out of this pot, so to
speak And now you find yourselfstruggling with the feeling of
you know there's somethingdifferent meant for you out of
this work or this job.
And what do you do then?
(14:34):
if you've spent your whole lifewanting this job and now you
have it and now you wantsomething different, that can
feel super conflicting.
Or if all you've ever set yoursights on was having a spouse
and a kids and you know a homethat's really safe for them.
That was your biggest vision Andthat's all you dreamed about
was creating your family and asafe place for your family.
(14:58):
And then you do it And then youhave your dream family and your
safety for your family, and youwere successful at it.
But now you have room for moredesire.
It's open your eyes and now youhave available energy to other
dreams and goals and wants foryou.
And maybe now that creativeside of you that we haven't
(15:21):
really tapped into, that wedidn't pay much mind, now it's
really yelling up that thatsinging or voiceover or the
painting or whatever, somethingfilling the blank for you that
now that's pulling a little bitmore of your attention.
This can really create this tugof war between what you want
(15:42):
now and those past desires ofwanting this so much And maybe
the fear that going after thisnext thing, this next level of
you, well, maybe it leaves thelast one with less.
You know, in this situation youwant to do something for you,
you want to tap into yourcreativity, but you don't want
to give less attention to thefamily you worked so hard to
(16:04):
give to and create.
That can really create some tugof war.
That totally makes sense.
The thought that maybe you'dhave to hurt something that
you've already created to getmore.
And while that is totally notthe case, when we step out of
the picture and hindsight is2020, we know that's not the
case it definitely makes sensewhy we could feel that way Again
(16:26):
, even if it's a subconsciousthought we're not even fully
realizing it, why we can feelthis way in the body.
And if you talk with me or coachwith me, then you know I talk
about the comfort zone astechnically having four layers.
And this is a way to reallycheck in with yourself, take
some inventory and see ifthere's a place that you, on
(16:51):
whatever level, just know you'reready to grow.
So I want you to have thisvisual.
It's a visual from positivepsychology and it's the truest
thing I know on the topic.
So you start, you picture thislittle bubble.
It's your initial comfort zone.
It's where you feel safe andsecure.
But to expand that comfort zonethere's a next layer that's
(17:15):
kind of like a fear zone.
The fear zone is where we candefinitely be affected by other
people's opinions, what theythink about what we're doing.
You know they can definitelychange our opinion of what we're
going after if we're doing itsuccessfully.
We're just kind of susceptibleto it.
We might still be workingthrough all of the excuses here
(17:36):
Really play in that cat andmouse in your own head And maybe
we really don't have fullconfidence.
But we're stepping out, we'reout of the comfort zone.
But unfortunately that nextarea typically is a fear zone.
But if you can stick that outright after the fear zone, if
(17:56):
you can just hold through it andtrust yourself enough.
Next comes the learning zone.
That's where you actually startto deal with some of the
challenges that come up.
You've acquired new skills.
You really feel some of thesethings that once were in the
fear zone starting to feel morelike the comfort zone, feel more
(18:21):
familiar.
That's where you start movinginto what is called the growth
zone.
This is where you find yourpurpose.
You feel it again Like you'reliving your dreams, like you are
realizing and seeing again allthe things that you found
yourself manifesting andvisualizing.
(18:43):
But sometimes here's what yougotta know In the growth zone,
where we've learned so much,we've learned more about
ourselves and what we're able todo, that's where another set of
goals and another set ofvisualized potential it might
start creeping up once again.
(19:04):
So I have some tips for you.
If you find yourself, you know,once you do this inventory and
you're looking, you're like man.
I know I can do more, different, bolder, bigger, whatever here.
This is how I want you to start.
Going through.
This process Cause again someof this uneasiness or this just
feeling out of sorts.
It comes with not knowing whatto do about it.
(19:27):
So we know where it's comingfrom, we know what it is and
this is how we want to deal withit.
So first you gotta reframe yourstress.
I've said this before, but thisis a great reminder
Psychologically and in the body,there is no difference between
anxiousness and excitement.
(19:48):
They're both a very similarstress response.
Our body responds the same way,but the main difference here is
whether they're perceived as apositive or a negative.
Regardless the visceral, thebodily feelings, those are very
similar, almost exactly the same, and society tends to
conceptualize all stress as bad.
(20:10):
But I want you to think of theidea of you stress.
Have you heard of that one?
E-U-S-T-R-E-S-S?
this is also positive stress.
You stress proves that not allstress is bad.
This is what gives us theenergy to get through a public
(20:30):
speech, to go on a first date,to do something that we've never
done before, but we're excitedabout it.
It's that type of thing And wedo have the ability to reframe
these things as exciting andthat's what helps move us out of
the comfort zone.
Anytime you feel that stress,you feel anxious about moving
forward.
Take some note of how you'refeeling in your body and see if
(20:54):
we can just reframe this.
Is this excitement instead, now, next, after we're reframing
what that stress feels like?
another important part why Ialways talk about the brain is
understanding yourneuroplasticity.
It's why I teach on this,because one of the easiest ways
to create a growth mindset, youknow, get into that growth zone
(21:17):
and be excited about gettinginto that growth zone is to
understand and embraceneuroplasticity research and
what we know about the brain,understand how it works and how
to make it work for you.
Once you understand the thingsthat I talk about all the time,
like your reward system, how toget a dopamine drip, kind of how
(21:39):
to hack your brain to get onyour side it really does take a
lot less courage, i guess wecould say, to make that first
move to step out of the comfortzone, because it allows you to
be more focused on the journey.
You're aware that the scarythings, the uncomfortable things
, that's just your brain.
It's just trying to keep youthere Instead, understand that
(22:01):
that'll change along the way andget excited for it.
Know that the more we do thethings we know we need to do,
the less our brain's gonna fightus and the more it's going to
get excited and want to do thatagain.
Thank goodness for our brain'saddiction to dopamine, right.
But three of this list, it'slearning where you should and
(22:21):
want to prioritize Because, asI've mentioned before, being in
the comfort zone is not a badthing and it's not always
detrimental.
And, like I said, you can havedifferent comfort zones and
different parts of your life.
Like, maybe you are already inthe perfect, perfect comfort
zone when it comes to yourphysical health.
(22:43):
You are in the groove of yourworkouts, you love it, your body
feels good, it responds,everything is great and you
don't wanna push further becauseyou're already perfect.
Okay, then stay in your comfortzone there.
But, as we talked about beforein our example of the person who
created their dream family, butnow that creative side of their
(23:07):
brain, it's itching, it reallyneeds to break out more.
So, having the courage to go,create that painting that you
want to sell, or choreograph thedance, start the podcast, write
the book, whatever that ishaving the courage to do that
and prioritizing it's mycreative side.
I don't need to adjust theseother pieces.
(23:28):
I'm fine where I am, but thisis where I feel it in my body.
Here's what I need to do.
And my last one not glamorous,i know it, guys, but please,
this is one that everyone knows,but the one that not everybody
does.
So remember, put this in yourbrain It is okay to take small
(23:49):
steps, to take sideways,adjacent methodical steps, as
well as the really big, boldones.
Right, they all count, even ifit's just a simple thought
change, if it is a five minutesomething.
Leaving the comfort zone doesnot mean recklessly throwing
(24:09):
caution to the wind, right, butit just means choosing to grow,
choosing to actively put thethings that you desire where
they should be in the forefront,and choosing to grow in that
direction.
And just by choosing to growsomewhere, i promise it doesn't
mean that any other area of yourlife is going to suffer.
(24:31):
I really believe it's actuallythe opposite that the more we
feed into us and our potentialwhen we grow in one area, really
we grow in others.
We take that knowledge, we takethat confidence and everything
that we learned along the wayand that proof to ourselves and
to our brains that we can go onthis journey and we can do it
(24:55):
real nicely.
We can definitely get exactlywhere we want to go with this,
even when it's scary, it's okay,and I want to leave you with
two quotes to think on this week.
The first is by Alex Honold,where he says my comfort zone is
like a little bubble around me.
I pushed it in differentdirections and made it bigger
(25:17):
and bigger until theseobjectives that seemed totally
crazy eventually fall within therealm of possible.
And lastly, this one is myabsolute favorite.
You know you have calibratedlife when most of what you fear
has the titillating prospect ofadventure.
(25:38):
But all right, my loves, that'swhere I'll leave us today.
I want to thank you so much forjoining in on this conversation
with me, and each week, everyMonday, we're going to be
posting a new episode, going alittle bit deeper into the
conversation, of what you can doto train your brain on purpose
to really allow for thelifestyle that you want to live.
(25:58):
Until next time, my loves.
In the meantime, here's to yourhealth and your happiness.
And this quote is exactly how I want you to feel
about this.
He says "My comfort zone islike a little bubble around me
and I've pushed it in differentdirections and made it bigger
and bigger until theseobjectives that seemed totally
crazy eventually fall within therealm of the possible.
(00:21):
Hello, my loves, and welcome tothe Purposeful Lifestyle
Development Podcast, where wediscuss all things thought, work
and manifestation, but we useneuroscience and the study of
the brain to do so.
I'm your host, tessa Spiesak.
I'm a board certifiedpractitioner, master, life and
health coach and seasonedexecutive speaker.
(00:43):
If you're ready to create yourhighest value lifestyle and turn
your dream life into a reality,you're in the right place.
Let's get right in to today'sepisode.
Hello, my loves.
Thank you so much for joiningme and spending your time with
me today here on the PurposefulLifestyle Development Podcast.
However, and wherever you arelistening in from, i'm so happy
(01:06):
to spend this time chatting withyou today At a really lovely
morning.
I just got done planting somelittle baby seedlings and
playing in my garden Perfectspring activities, if you ask me
.
Last summer, my project wasfixing up the backyard, the
landscape around the pool, andthis year, my fun little focus
(01:27):
has been on the front yard, sideyard, and I have this beautiful
little bean, like I like tocall it, but basically just this
little garden spot at thecorner of our house that I am
currently trying to fill withbutterfly and hummingbird
friendly flowers.
I've got a little table andchair set up over there now and
(01:48):
if you know me, you know thatone of my favorite things to do
is absolutely romanticize allthe parts of my life, and what
better way to do that thanwalking through my own pretend
English garden with thebutterflies and the hummingbirds
and things right, and it wasjust so nice, made me feel so
good.
And as I was working with myplants, just kind of lost in
(02:11):
thought, i noticed that some ofmy happiest, healthiest little
guys were literally about togrow out of their pots.
Like they were healthy andthriving and growing super
strong in the pot that they werein, but they did too much and
were literally about to breakoff and die.
Right, they were just toosuccessful to keep thriving
(02:34):
where they were.
And I am sorry if this feelscheesy at first, but hear me out
because, as you know, this gotme thinking, because it is such
dang good symbolism And it gotme thinking about this feeling
that I have definitelyexperienced myself A big one at
that And this visual was prettyperfect.
(02:56):
So I want to walk you throughit.
I want you to think of thislittle seed, a little plant seed
, and after it's planted in itscozy little pot, it's all snug
and comfortable and it's theperfect place for it to start to
grow.
It starts to spread its roots,it's finding all the nourishment
it needs within the boundariesthat it knows.
(03:17):
At this point it's thriving andeverything seems great.
But here's what anyone who'skept some potted plants alive
knows Sometimes that littleseedling, just like my plants
right now, can't stay in thattiny pot forever.
Now, for some seeds, the firstpot you put it in, it's the only
(03:38):
one it'll ever need.
It grows and it's perfectlyfine and it's healthy and will
never feel the need to leave itspot.
It's good to go just like that.
But for some plants, as theygrow they start to push against
the edges, trying to create moreroom to stretch their branches
and spread their roots.
And if these seeds and theseplants aren't given a bigger pot
(04:01):
, then eventually it grows andstumbles tips over or, worse, it
can break off entirely.
It needs a new, spacious hometo continue flourishing.
And I'm sorry, but is that notjust like us, just like those of
us who know there's more, thedreamers, the strivers, the
(04:24):
goal-oriented?
I feel like that feeling issomething this group of people
can really relate to.
And we all start off by growingwithin the confines of what we
know, what we see.
You know our childhood years.
We learn what the people aroundus teach us.
We eat what they eat, we talklike they talk, we retell the
(04:45):
stories that they've told us anddo basically what they do for
the most part, and for somethat's totally enough and
there's absolutely nothing wrongwith that.
They can thrive and flourishall that they need to throughout
their life.
In the first place they've beenplanted.
But for some They need to growin a new way.
(05:07):
They need to expand in a newdirection.
They need more room to meettheir potential.
That their current reality,that current situation that
they're in it just can't be madehappen.
This reality can't make thathappen, and I think most people
are really good at recognizingthe first one at the first time,
(05:29):
when they know they need thefirst proverbial new pop right.
For most people when thathappens, that's when you move
out of your parents' house ormove to a new town or leave for
college on the other side of thecountry.
Many people do that one.
But I think where people can gettripped up is recognizing when
it's time to do it again, whenyou need to do it again, if you
(05:54):
should really go for it And, ifso, figuring out how to do it
again, how to get into a biggerpot, so to speak, and think what
happens when you achieve thethings you really want, when you
get the big goal, when thethings you used to visualize and
hope about and work onmanifesting for yourself and
(06:14):
creating what happens when youhave it.
I think that's kind of the samething For some.
This need for more doesn'talways happen.
It doesn't happen again becausethey're already where it feels
comfortable and good.
That's.
All they need is.
They're in a place wherethey're comfortable to stop
(06:35):
growing.
Their roots don't need toexpand anymore.
Maybe it's not going to get anylarger, but it's thriving here
And that's fine.
And if you feel good, that'sprobably where you are And when
you feel fulfilled and like wedon't need to strive anymore.
But there are some that, thatfeeling of wanting to stop
(06:57):
growing or to fall into thatcomfort zone.
Maybe that's not here, maybethat doesn't even come, because
for others there's a time whenyou really feel it.
You know you need that new,bigger, bolder, quote, unquote
pot to grow into, to stretch outmore, and there may be a few
times in your life where thathappens.
The dreamers, the doers,creators there's a good chance
(07:21):
that you're going to get achance that, if you feel this
feeling of stuck or confined insome way, or just like you know
that there's something that youwant to build, you want to
create something bigger orgreater, you can feel that
feeling like you're breaking outof your pot, so to speak, when
(07:41):
maybe before this time, beforeyou're right now, you couldn't
even imagine actuallysuccessfully filling the one
you're in where that was just adream.
So what I'm saying is thissometimes, even after a huge
accomplishment and a huge levelup, we can get that feeling,
(08:02):
that urge, that uneasiness, andsometimes it just means we need
to do it again And if you don't,you're going to feel like our
little plants that are going togrow and break right out of its
pot.
The same thing happens to us.
We feel it, we feel theanxiousness or uneasiness when
we know we're meant for more butaren't actively doing more or
(08:26):
working toward the things thatwe want, that are in that next
level or next pot right,especially when we can't imagine
what that is or can't imaginehaving more.
You can't really visualize whatthat is.
That can really create thatuncomfortable feeling.
Or even when you know what thatis, you know like dang, this
(08:46):
feels good, but wouldn't this begreat?
What happens if I really wentall in with this thing, that I
can feel it, it's a desire forme?
Well then we can get that fearof.
You can't imagine theresponsibility that could come
with that new or that more orthat greater.
And sometimes this happens at avisceral level, like I'm talking
(09:08):
about.
You feel it in the body, wefeel somewhat out of sorts if we
can't figure it out.
And that, i think, is the signand the signal that we're ready
to get out of what has nowbecome our comfort zone.
And that's not always easy.
And I don't mean that yourentire life is one comfort zone.
You can be totally comfortablein one area, don't need to
(09:32):
adjust that.
That's perfect for you.
But in something else, you'vegot that inkling, you've got
that desire, but, like I said,it's not an easy thing to
pinpoint that, and especiallywhen you have worked really hard
to get what you originallythought was this greatest
potential, your most ideal, itcan kind of give you that
(09:52):
feeling like wait, who me?
I'm supposed to do more thanthis.
I feel like my purpose is morethan this.
To be fulfilled is more.
That can feel a little scary,because as humans we can create
and I mean subconsciously here.
This isn't intentional, but wecan create these limiting
(10:13):
thoughts or beliefs that doingsomething towards our biggest
purpose or our Dharma, thatcould uproot an unintentional
little pun there.
But technically it could feellike it could uproot you from
all the things that you'veworked so hard to accomplish and
grow into already.
And so you might find yourselfpotentially asking could I even
(10:36):
do that again?
Is it safe?
Could I really grow beyond herewhen I didn't know that this
was truly possible?
But whatever it is, whateverthat mental dialogue or mental
uneasiness that comes with it,knowing this is, i think, what
helps.
Know that it's not your fault.
Those limits that wesubconsciously place on
(10:56):
ourselves, they're notintentional.
We didn't choose them and wedidn't choose to maybe be
holding ourselves back fromsomething.
It's just our mind's way ofprotecting us.
It's protecting us from theunknown, from taking risks and
stepping out of our cozy comfortzones.
And I tell you this all thetime Our brain's only job, the
(11:18):
only reason it's formed in theway that it's formed, is to keep
you safe and keep you alive.
But unfortunately for us, thatmeans it fears the unknown.
It will work and work to try tokeep you from something that it
doesn't know or doesn'tunderstand, in effort to keep
you safe.
And that's the problem with thisis, unfortunately, when we
(11:42):
listen to that littlesubconscious limit and we stay
within those limits, it meanswe're denying ourselves the
chance even to fully embrace ourpotential, our truest desires,
our dharma and our purpose,which is what I think our soul
yearns for.
And it creates that uneasyfeeling.
It's super uncomfortablebecause we have a knowing of it
(12:05):
on some level.
It feels like we're growingoutside of our reality and it
can cause some really strongcognitive dissonance when your
thoughts don't meet your actions, because you want and you
desire to do more, but you'renot acting with it accordingly,
if you're not actually doing it,much like our example of the
(12:26):
dang plants outgrowing theirpots.
And so if this resonates, ifthis is you and you're like yep,
i can totally.
I know that feeling.
That is me.
I know I'm meant for more inwhatever area I got to do it.
Then here's where I really wantyou to listen.
I want to talk to you aboutwhat that comfort zone actually
is, because it's been somethingthat's really been embedded in
(12:48):
our conversation.
But this metaphor of leavingyour comfort zone it actually
became popular back in the 90s.
The phrase comfort zone wascoined by a management thinker
named Judith Bardwick in her1991 book called Danger in the
Comfort Zone.
In it she says it like thisjust so, again, i always like to
(13:09):
put us on the same page with abit of a definition that we all
can know It's the comfort zoneis a behavioral state within
which a person operates at ananxiety neutral condition.
They're using a limited set ofbehaviors to deliver a steady
level of performance, without asense of risk usually.
(13:31):
But as we talked about for some, that in itself that sitting in
the comfort zone is whatcreates anxiety, because the
risk is understanding that rightnow there's a lack of growth
And this could be as simple.
As you know, your biggest goalwas the one job that paid a lot
(13:52):
of money that you could work onsomething that you really cared
about, and for the longest timethis has been your biggest
vision, the biggestmanifestation and the biggest
goal.
But then you get it And it'samazing and exciting and
stimulating at first, and thenyou continue to learn and you
grow and you discover new partsof you And maybe other things
(14:13):
become important.
Maybe learning something newbecomes important, that you've
used everything, all thenutrients out of this pot, so to
speak And now you find yourselfstruggling with the feeling of
you know there's somethingdifferent meant for you out of
this work or this job.
And what do you do then?
(14:34):
if you've spent your whole lifewanting this job and now you
have it and now you wantsomething different, that can
feel super conflicting.
Or if all you've ever set yoursights on was having a spouse
and a kids and you know a homethat's really safe for them.
That was your biggest vision Andthat's all you dreamed about
was creating your family and asafe place for your family.
(14:58):
And then you do it And then youhave your dream family and your
safety for your family, and youwere successful at it.
But now you have room for moredesire.
It's open your eyes and now youhave available energy to other
dreams and goals and wants foryou.
And maybe now that creativeside of you that we haven't
(15:21):
really tapped into, that wedidn't pay much mind, now it's
really yelling up that thatsinging or voiceover or the
painting or whatever, somethingfilling the blank for you that
now that's pulling a little bitmore of your attention.
This can really create this tugof war between what you want
(15:42):
now and those past desires ofwanting this so much And maybe
the fear that going after thisnext thing, this next level of
you, well, maybe it leaves thelast one with less.
You know, in this situation youwant to do something for you,
you want to tap into yourcreativity, but you don't want
to give less attention to thefamily you worked so hard to
(16:04):
give to and create.
That can really create some tugof war.
That totally makes sense.
The thought that maybe you'dhave to hurt something that
you've already created to getmore.
And while that is totally notthe case, when we step out of
the picture and hindsight is2020, we know that's not the
case it definitely makes sensewhy we could feel that way Again
(16:26):
, even if it's a subconsciousthought we're not even fully
realizing it, why we can feelthis way in the body.
And if you talk with me or coachwith me, then you know I talk
about the comfort zone astechnically having four layers.
And this is a way to reallycheck in with yourself, take
some inventory and see ifthere's a place that you, on
(16:51):
whatever level, just know you'reready to grow.
So I want you to have thisvisual.
It's a visual from positivepsychology and it's the truest
thing I know on the topic.
So you start, you picture thislittle bubble.
It's your initial comfort zone.
It's where you feel safe andsecure.
But to expand that comfort zonethere's a next layer that's
(17:15):
kind of like a fear zone.
The fear zone is where we candefinitely be affected by other
people's opinions, what theythink about what we're doing.
You know they can definitelychange our opinion of what we're
going after if we're doing itsuccessfully.
We're just kind of susceptibleto it.
We might still be workingthrough all of the excuses here
(17:36):
Really play in that cat andmouse in your own head And maybe
we really don't have fullconfidence.
But we're stepping out, we'reout of the comfort zone.
But unfortunately that nextarea typically is a fear zone.
But if you can stick that outright after the fear zone, if
(17:56):
you can just hold through it andtrust yourself enough.
Next comes the learning zone.
That's where you actually startto deal with some of the
challenges that come up.
You've acquired new skills.
You really feel some of thesethings that once were in the
fear zone starting to feel morelike the comfort zone, feel more
(18:21):
familiar.
That's where you start movinginto what is called the growth
zone.
This is where you find yourpurpose.
You feel it again Like you'reliving your dreams, like you are
realizing and seeing again allthe things that you found
yourself manifesting andvisualizing.
(18:43):
But sometimes here's what yougotta know In the growth zone,
where we've learned so much,we've learned more about
ourselves and what we're able todo, that's where another set of
goals and another set ofvisualized potential it might
start creeping up once again.
(19:04):
So I have some tips for you.
If you find yourself, you know,once you do this inventory and
you're looking, you're like man.
I know I can do more, different, bolder, bigger, whatever here.
This is how I want you to start.
Going through.
This process Cause again someof this uneasiness or this just
feeling out of sorts.
It comes with not knowing whatto do about it.
(19:27):
So we know where it's comingfrom, we know what it is and
this is how we want to deal withit.
So first you gotta reframe yourstress.
I've said this before, but thisis a great reminder
Psychologically and in the body,there is no difference between
anxiousness and excitement.
(19:48):
They're both a very similarstress response.
Our body responds the same way,but the main difference here is
whether they're perceived as apositive or a negative.
Regardless the visceral, thebodily feelings, those are very
similar, almost exactly the same, and society tends to
conceptualize all stress as bad.
(20:10):
But I want you to think of theidea of you stress.
Have you heard of that one?
E-U-S-T-R-E-S-S?
this is also positive stress.
You stress proves that not allstress is bad.
This is what gives us theenergy to get through a public
(20:30):
speech, to go on a first date,to do something that we've never
done before, but we're excitedabout it.
It's that type of thing And wedo have the ability to reframe
these things as exciting andthat's what helps move us out of
the comfort zone.
Anytime you feel that stress,you feel anxious about moving
forward.
Take some note of how you'refeeling in your body and see if
(20:54):
we can just reframe this.
Is this excitement instead, now, next, after we're reframing
what that stress feels like?
another important part why Ialways talk about the brain is
understanding yourneuroplasticity.
It's why I teach on this,because one of the easiest ways
to create a growth mindset, youknow, get into that growth zone
(21:17):
and be excited about gettinginto that growth zone is to
understand and embraceneuroplasticity research and
what we know about the brain,understand how it works and how
to make it work for you.
Once you understand the thingsthat I talk about all the time,
like your reward system, how toget a dopamine drip, kind of how
(21:39):
to hack your brain to get onyour side it really does take a
lot less courage, i guess wecould say, to make that first
move to step out of the comfortzone, because it allows you to
be more focused on the journey.
You're aware that the scarythings, the uncomfortable things
, that's just your brain.
It's just trying to keep youthere Instead, understand that
(22:01):
that'll change along the way andget excited for it.
Know that the more we do thethings we know we need to do,
the less our brain's gonna fightus and the more it's going to
get excited and want to do thatagain.
Thank goodness for our brain'saddiction to dopamine, right.
But three of this list, it'slearning where you should and
(22:21):
want to prioritize Because, asI've mentioned before, being in
the comfort zone is not a badthing and it's not always
detrimental.
And, like I said, you can havedifferent comfort zones and
different parts of your life.
Like, maybe you are already inthe perfect, perfect comfort
zone when it comes to yourphysical health.
(22:43):
You are in the groove of yourworkouts, you love it, your body
feels good, it responds,everything is great and you
don't wanna push further becauseyou're already perfect.
Okay, then stay in your comfortzone there.
But, as we talked about beforein our example of the person who
created their dream family, butnow that creative side of their
(23:07):
brain, it's itching, it reallyneeds to break out more.
So, having the courage to go,create that painting that you
want to sell, or choreograph thedance, start the podcast, write
the book, whatever that ishaving the courage to do that
and prioritizing it's mycreative side.
I don't need to adjust theseother pieces.
(23:28):
I'm fine where I am, but thisis where I feel it in my body.
Here's what I need to do.
And my last one not glamorous,i know it, guys, but please,
this is one that everyone knows,but the one that not everybody
does.
So remember, put this in yourbrain It is okay to take small
(23:49):
steps, to take sideways,adjacent methodical steps, as
well as the really big, boldones.
Right, they all count, even ifit's just a simple thought
change, if it is a five minutesomething.
Leaving the comfort zone doesnot mean recklessly throwing
(24:09):
caution to the wind, right, butit just means choosing to grow,
choosing to actively put thethings that you desire where
they should be in the forefront,and choosing to grow in that
direction.
And just by choosing to growsomewhere, i promise it doesn't
mean that any other area of yourlife is going to suffer.
(24:31):
I really believe it's actuallythe opposite that the more we
feed into us and our potentialwhen we grow in one area, really
we grow in others.
We take that knowledge, we takethat confidence and everything
that we learned along the wayand that proof to ourselves and
to our brains that we can go onthis journey and we can do it
(24:55):
real nicely.
We can definitely get exactlywhere we want to go with this,
even when it's scary, it's okay,and I want to leave you with
two quotes to think on this week.
The first is by Alex Honold,where he says my comfort zone is
like a little bubble around me.
I pushed it in differentdirections and made it bigger
(25:17):
and bigger until theseobjectives that seemed totally
crazy eventually fall within therealm of possible.
And lastly, this one is myabsolute favorite.
You know you have calibratedlife when most of what you fear
has the titillating prospect ofadventure.
(25:38):
But all right, my loves, that'swhere I'll leave us today.
I want to thank you so much forjoining in on this conversation
with me, and each week, everyMonday, we're going to be
posting a new episode, going alittle bit deeper into the
conversation, of what you can doto train your brain on purpose
to really allow for thelifestyle that you want to live.
(25:58):
Until next time, my loves.
In the meantime, here's to yourhealth and your happiness.
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