Bill Burr

Bill Burr (F Is for Family, Glengarry Glen Ross) joins Ego as her dad for the day to discuss his father’s temper, what he's learned about relationships over the years, and the difference between his kids respecting him versus fearing him. He also offers advice on how Ego should approach blind dates.

Guest: Bill Burr

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is a headgun podcast. My guys, not mega wond
have been welcome to Thanks Dad. I was raised by
a single mom and don't have a relationship with my dad.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm shutting up to the intro.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Okay, so on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father
figures who are old enough to be my dad or
are just dads themselves. I'll get to ask the questions
I've always wanted to ask a dad, like, Hey Dad,
how do I know if this guy I'm dating is
right for me?

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Hey dad?

Speaker 1 (00:45):
With a fuck Ben, I said, I'll get to ask
the questions. No, I'll get to ask the questions I've
always wanted to ask a dad, not my dad and
the other any wa wait, you get it. You get
the picture, guys. In twenty twenty five, my next guest
will premiere his next stand up special on Hulu and

(01:07):
we'll be making his Broadway debut in Glengarry Glenn Ross
alongside Kieran Culkin and Bob Odenkirk. Please welcome my Dad
for the day, Bill Burr. Bill, don't act like you
just got here?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (01:20):
No, don't act like you just got here? I'm good?

Speaker 2 (01:23):
How are you? I I'm good.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
You think I'm uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
No, I get it. I get it. It's like what happened.
He was traumatic. So now you feel you need to
control every inch of things.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Look at me surrendering control.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
You're just doing yoga perces.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
I'm surrendering control again. I do think that.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Do I seem calmer now?

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Okay, all right, we're calm.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
You missed it, nail.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Shut the hell bill. Do you think you have a
little black in you? No? None, I say that because
you noticed my nail. I feel like white guys don't
notice things like that.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
They're glitter gold on one and just one. And then
it's also the middle finger, which is weird because you
think you want you'd have the Yeah, you'd want to
like if you flip somebody off, Yeah, that you would
want people to see.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, yeah, okay, no I did it. This one fell
off this morning on my way here, and I remember
thinking I really need to get them done. But I
also thought the dads I'm talking to today are not
even they're not even gonna notice. And the first thing
you say, well maybe not first, but early thing you
notice right away A dad an attentive dad. I guess
I'm gonna put a positive sech.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
I can't have you going to school looking like that
because people are going to say, you gotta get picked on.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Listen, I am by my dad by you? Okay, Bill,
what's going on? Did you have a dad yeah, that
you had a relationship with.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (03:04):
What was he like?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Uh? He was an old school dad.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
And like you know, like before all of all of
whatever this is now, there was no like self help.
There was, like you know, there was like basically, you know,
a guy is this, this is what a guy is,
and a woman is that, and this is what a
woman is, and this is what it is. And you
get married at this age and you have this amount

(03:31):
of kids and then you do this, you know, go
to college, pick a career, blah blah blah blah. So
there wasn't a lot of like attention on his generation
as far as like people the word is a lot
like checking in. So my dad, as well as all
the dads in my neighborhood growing up, they were very
like vault. They were quiet people and then they would

(03:52):
just blow their stacks and then it would just be
chill again. So there was a lot of There was
a lot of that was volatile, right.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
What would make your dad blow his stack? What types
of things?

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Oh? What cause it?

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah? Like for instance, like it's a Tuesday, dad's quiet
night blows a stack's what's the type of thing that
would have made him pop off?

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Anything?

Speaker 1 (04:19):
Really? So did you was it unpredictable for you? Or
you didn't know? Like I know, if I do this,
Dad's gonna pop off. It would be like it would
truly be unpredictable.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
He would walk in the front door and we would
go out the back door.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Really, it's like how many of how.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Many depending on how fast his car came into the driveway?
You knew where his mood was.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
So out of straight up out of a movie, a
TV show like Skirt, like Hit the Curb.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Oh my dad could get a car into third gear
by the end of the driveway.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Oh really?

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Oh yeah, okay, yeah. And it was like a piece
of shit too, and he you.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Know, do you think that was upsetting him that he
was driving a piece of shit?

Speaker 2 (04:56):
I have no idea what goes on. It's those old
school guys don't talk, so you don't have any idea
where any of it is. Coming from all you know
is you want to get away from it.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, and so everyone would go all at the back
door when DA would come. I'm not laughing at that.
I'm laughing at now you seem tense. I'm laughing at you.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't know that this was
going to be like, I'm gonna have to put out
all this information about you, didn't I know?

Speaker 1 (05:22):
You know what? Honestly, I was going to say that
because I'm like, I was going to ask you while
you were telling that little anecdote about his card and
third gear, I was going to go, Bill, do you
know you were going to have to talk about your
dad on this podcast? Did you read the description when
you got asked?

Speaker 2 (05:35):
No, you said that you were going to be talking
to me like hours your dad and help you answer
some questions.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
You missed the first part. The first part is I
talked to everyone about what their dad was like.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
And then I'm a stand up comedian. What do you
think my dad was like? Playing catch with me every day?

Speaker 1 (05:53):
Reading his dad was like, well, I'm fascinating.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
If I liked myself, I wouldn't do I do for
a living.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
Stop that's not truthless to stop it. That's not don't
say that. No, you like yourself building by now you
like yourself right now more than you did then more? Okay, okay,
that's great. More.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
I'm like this, this is going to take beyond the
the years I have to. I'm never gonna work this
ship out. I can just more most as much of
it out as I can, and then, like you know,
my job in life is it ends with me. That's
that's my thing. I don't look to, uh go back

(06:41):
in time with anybody and fix anything. Sure, okay, so
my ship is like you know, I always use the
reference of the priest in the Exorcist where the devil
goes into him and he just jumps out the window
and kills himself, which is stupid because the devil. You
can't kill the devil killed devil.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
Still, I'm going to jump in another body.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
No, probably go back to Linda Blair. Yeah, it didn't
make any sense, but it was. It was a good
metaphor whatever. So that's just how I view it. It's
just like I just you know, all of that stuff.
Back porch stuff is what I call it, because I
sit on the back porch every once in a while
and I think about it. It's the reason why I
have all these hobbies and everything, because if I sit still,
the thoughts of the shit that made me become a

(07:23):
comedian comes in and it's it's, uh, yeah, it's just sad.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
It is I feel like it. Yeah, I mean there
are a lot of sad I feel like anecdotes in
general on this podcast. I'm not you don't even have
to rehash that. Do you go to therapy though? Because
even that that line of reasoning is fascinating and I
also understand it. But do you just go I'm blocking
all this shit. I don't want to think about it.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
No. I've gone to therapy in hardcore for sometimes on
and off other times and just not right now.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
I'm not did you have a long one?

Speaker 2 (07:54):
No?

Speaker 1 (07:55):
And you know what, I can you know what? You
don't go to therapy right now? And it shows, and
it shows.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Why did you ask me if I was in therapy?
Because I wanted to ask what the answer is?

Speaker 1 (08:06):
Because I wanted to hear because I wanted to so
I made I presumed one thing, but I needed to
hear it.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
If I knew you were going to say, you presumed that.
I just want to hear it and guess.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Bill, So Bill, your dad, you'd run? Okay, I understand that.
Were you guys cool at all? Anything you connected on?

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Uh, comedy, war, movies, sports, cars, music, There was a
lot of that. No, there was a lot of stuff
that we connected on. It's just that he was a
raving lunatic, like every dad. Like I'm not, I don't
want to shit on my dad, like, but just every dad, everybody,
this is what you heard down And then you see

(08:50):
the windows closing, because you know, way back when I
was a kid, most houses didn't have central air conditioning,
so you had your windows open, and then everybody's business
was going out into this street, and it was like
you just closed the windows and uh yeah. And then
then it fucking ended and there was no apology and
people just sort of awkwardly started talking to one another again.

(09:11):
But I hated it for a while, but then I
just sort of realized after a while, just going like,
all right, well this, once you become an adult, you
don't really feel like one. You just feel like it's
so then I was just going like, oh, so that's
that's what. And it wasn't just my dad. There was
a bunch of lunatics I was growing up. I was

(09:32):
just looking at all of them, was like, Oh, all
all of these fucking people had fucked up shit that
happened to them, So now they're fucked up, so and
now I'm fucked up. So my job is to to
minimize that ends with you, which which I have, Which
at which I I have because my kids are allowed.

(09:52):
That's one of my favorite things. They're allowed and they're
not afraid of me, and they liked chilling out and
that is because they know they loved and they're not scared. Whereas,
like I remember, you know, the first few times, like
having a vacation, like I just was like bouncing off
the walls. I didn't like to just sit still. I
didn't know what to do, and I didn't realize that

(10:13):
all of that. I couldn't because when I sit still,
I call it the fog comes in. It's all the
ship from the past. And I'm like, oh, you know
you need help with that, or I just want to
you just want to go do something, and so it's
like it's why, like you know, people will say stuff,
going for a drive is therapeutic. Doing this, you know,
painting is therapeutic. It isn't. It doesn't fix you, right,

(10:36):
it's kind of wrong. What it is. It's a great
activity to not think about all of the pain that
you have. So that's really what it's. So it's therapeutic
in it give in that, it gives you a break.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
But there's something meditative about those actions though too, also
just inherently, like if you're riding along the pch or
something and there's no traffic and you're just cruising, it's
there something meditative about.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
Just like being avail you at it, no traffic, no trial. Yeah, everybody.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
Being in traffic. There's nothing meditative about being in traffic.
You're saying though that the other dads were also like that.
So did you like dream of a different reality when
you were younger, Like, I'm not trying to go back.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
I'm just hereous to look at other Yeah, other families, Yeah,
my friends families, and I would just romanticize them in
my head, like, oh, here's the perfect house.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
And da da da da da and all that stuff.
And and I found out, you know, you know, through
growing up or maybe even years later. I would just
run into somebody I went to high school with. They
came to a show, and they would start telling me,
you know, what their relationship, and I was like, oh,
that's the way it was. Yeah, you know because like
you know a lot of my friends growing up, my
friends were like divorce products of divorce. Yeah, they had

(11:55):
like one parent there. So and they used to always
make fun of my family, going like, oh, yeah, you
up in the morning and you got like two pieces
of toast with the square piece of butter. Like I
had this dream thing and I remember thinking like, wow,
that's because they see us all getting a station wagon
and drive to church and it looks like a Chevrolet
commercial that you really have no fucking idea what is

(12:18):
going on. So, and it was just through going over
my friend's houses, you know. I remember playing whatever Army
guys or something with the buddy of mine. Yeah, when
I was like in the second or third grade and
his dad came home and didn't know I was home,
and I heard him start in on his wife, and
I saw the panic on my friend's face, the embarrassment,
and then I was like I was like, you know,

(12:40):
I just remember I have to go play it. And
he's like oh, and once again was going out the
back door and this angry dad was coming in, and
I remember I'm walking home cutting through the woods, which
is what all suburb kids did, cutting through the woods.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
I did too. I remember laughing, Yeah, why were you laughing?

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Because I thought it was funny.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
That that happened that or that like, oh, the look.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Of panic on his face. I had empathy, and I
also thought it was funny. And then also, no, maybe
not feeling alone. I don't know, I was processing it
as a third grader. Yeah, I just I was laughing
because you know, his dad was an asshole too, well, yeah,
but which isn't even fair. It was more like he

(13:23):
just was in a bad mood. He came home because
I don't know, you know, his wife probably did something.
You deserve to be.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Shut up right now, No, he shut up, shut up,
but keep talking. No, but wait, that's sincerely Bil. For
a while, I have the podcast because I don't have
the relationship with the dead right. My parents got divorced
when I was a baby, and I feel like at
times people have tried to assign me a feeling which
is like, oh, you must have felt like you were

(13:53):
really really missing out. But I'm like the friends I have,
not all of them. I feel like two friends have
an amazing like and the rest while their fathers are present.
I'm like, sounds pretty fraught and chaotic. So I don't
know if I people I feel like want me to
feel like, yeah, I just had this big void, but
I'm like, I don't know that I did honestly, Like, yes, uh,

(14:16):
it would have in theory been nice to have two healthy,
measured parents, as God intended, But I'm like, that wasn't
going to be the case if my dad was around,
and his absence sometimes in my you know, I think
sometimes in general, absence is a better thing than having
a person who's sort of seemingly, from what I gathered,
just kind of chaotic around. And so that moment you're

(14:41):
describing to me sounds like sort of what I want
to explore with the podcast where I'm like, well, what
was going.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
On when I was a kid, Well, my dad would
be threatening to leave. He used to just have my
stomach and notts thinking I would never see my dad again.
And then as I got a little older, you'd started thinking, like,
you know, you know, do it, maybe do what you.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
How old were you for the first time you thought,
maybe do what you gotta do, Like if you had
to guess. Was it like high school where you're like,
if he's he's starting.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Before that, oh wow, right around sixth grade? Okay, yeah,
right around sixth grade it was it stopped being this
scary thing, and you know, it'd be kind of cool.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
If he wasn't because it was your mom called like
a pretty calm person or like sweet tender, like what
was her vibe?

Speaker 2 (15:26):
I don't really know. Okay, it was all just sort
of like dealing with him. You know, she was she
she was dealing with the situation. I don't I don't.
I don't want to do I don't want to do
this to my parents, Like, you know, this still together,
everything's fucking cool or whatever. But it was, you know,
it was a it was a It's definitely, uh, you
could have made a series out of it, I can

(15:47):
tell you that. Definitely a lot of storylines going.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
On, sure, But also then I feel like hearing that
again that this is the ship.

Speaker 2 (15:54):
When they die, I'll tell the stories.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
Okay, but they're still alive, will they listen to this podcast?

Speaker 2 (16:00):
Know what other people do, and people don't look at
you when you're on these things as a human being.
They look at you.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
As a thing that's I agree with, just.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
This thing for them to make a comment and do
whatever so they can get likes and get friends, whatever
the fuck is. Yeah, i'd be honest with you, Like, yeah,
I don't. Like I went to the gym this morning,
and if you heard the fucking music that they were
playing that everyone was just accepting. It was just this
fun It's sound like a cat doing auto tune and
everyone's just listening to It's like, this is fucking horrible.

(16:31):
Like technology is so out of control that people who
can't fucking sing are singing on records and people are
listening to.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
It and accepting it and just accepting shit. Yes, okay,
it's just fucking We do live in strange times. We
do live in strange times. I understand the vulnerability and
having these conversations, especially if your parents are still alive
and you don't want people formulating their like I respect
for my parents.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
I love my parents. I don't know. I don't have
a problem, but like, and you.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Don't need to disparage them. It's like, if there's something you.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
Keep as no way to frame this, I'm trying to
be a gentleman. There's really no way to frame. Like
I said, there's a reason I became a comedian. There's
a reason I have the need to fucking do that.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Do you think that's true of everyone who's a comedian, though,
that there's a reason inside of them that's sort of
like a traumatic reason.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
What I've learned about human being? Yes, yes, they are
unbelievably complex. Sure, and nobody is one event or one thing, right,
just like that's just like marketing. So I have no
idea why. I just know why I did it.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well in the interest of not feeling like you're disparaging
your parents, because I don't think you have to edit
and bring you here to do you Is there something
you learned from your dad that you carry today still
in terms of the way you parent.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
Oh, I learned a bunch of things to him.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Can you share any of them?

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Whatever he did? Do the opposite?

Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yes, Bill, I'm trying. I want to paint the I'm
trying to paint the pretty picture of your dad. Now,
I'm trying to know. I'm trying to lead you.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Down one path. But I had a decent joke and
you had to tell and we know why you have
to do it.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
No, No, do the joke.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
That's okay, Yeah, that's just it's.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Like, okay, but what are your values now as a parent?
Then you like that your kids aren't scared of you? Right? Yeah? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (18:16):
And I've been doing uh really really really well with
my temper, okay, I uh. And it was funny, after
all of these years, trying all of this ship, I
saw George Saint Pierre this this UFC Hall of Famer.
He put up this Instagram video that changed my life,
and all he was talking about was road rage and
he was saying, it's you know, stupid to do it,

(18:39):
and it can lead to horrible things. So he's saying,
if you feel it coming on, he goes inhale, then exhale,
which I've heard a million times, and then this is
the way, and then smile. Oh. And I was like, what, because.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
You can trick your mind, you can trink your your
mind doesn't know the difference.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
If you smile when you are livid, if you start
grinning ear to ear like you're happy to see somebody,
it's it's bizarre and it lets off this chemical of
like happiness while and then immediately what you're mad at
seems ridiculous. You seem ridiculous. This is what apps to me,
and I just start laughing at myself, like why am
I fucking losing my mind over this? What am I

(19:15):
really upset about or whatever? I just sort of like stop. So,
you know, like I've noticed a lot of things that
like trigger me with me and my wife is it
really has not what she's doing. It doesn't take much
for me to feel like I'm not being listened to
because I grew up in the sit down, shut the
fuck up, sit down and eat it. You don't like it,

(19:37):
you know, tough shit, and eat it. And if you
don't finish it, We're just gonna fucking put it in
the fridge and you finish it for breakfast. That's how
I was. So yeah, so I kind of have like
I have to like I've noticed I have to be like,
all right, my wife is not the people I grew
up with. This is a completely different situation. But like

(19:58):
you have like these uh you know, like a fighter, right,
a fighter just learns instinctively how to move, how to
slip punches and everything, and like psychologically you do the
same thing. So like like it's your brain just goes
oh this, so this is the response and it's just
like if you're not focusing on it, I think you don't.
Your brain just keeps like, you know, like the worst,

(20:19):
the saddest traumatized kid who's now an adult is you
just watch somebody who is just literally their own worst enemy.
And that's because every instinct that they were taught and
all this shit they learn is just completely wrong, right right,
And like you, I'm sure you have friends like you
know those people like no matter every job they get,

(20:41):
they fucking psyched to get it, and then within a
week they have a problem with one person and two
people and then the whole thing goes to hell. And
the job and the people the job are all those
people were terrible. It's it's just like, you know, twenty
of those things in a row, and then you got
to sort of, like with like kid gloves, be like, Okay,
what are the odds you'd work in twenty different places

(21:04):
and everybody there where assholes and they were out to
get you. So you've got to figure out why you
keep ending up, you know, at odds with everybody. But like.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
You've done a better job with your temper and you
have awareness now it sounds like you've just.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, but I got this childish thing where I want
to get credit for my wife, like, hey, I haven't
flipped out in four days, huh, which you know? How
about it? How about a no because I need.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
The ATA boy okay, okay, affirmation, you need the affirmation
of the pot.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, because I didn't get any of that growing up,
so I need So I am constantly like I remember
one of the worst things when I first started getting
acting jobs. Yeah, you know, and they would and cut
and then I'd have to it was that good? Was
that all? Because it was completely opposite of comedy, where
comedy it's like, you know and punchline and laugh. Okay,
it was good and punchline and nothing.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
Okay, that's so.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
Yeah, we're like, you know, when somebody's directing something like
you don't realize when you first get your first acting job,
like the director has to answer every question on said yes,
So they're only going to talk to you if it's
not going well. So if you were like insecure like me,
they weren't talking to me. So I was kind of
like and then and then you go up to them
and then they're looking at you, like, where's that confident

(22:16):
guy from the audition. I'm not going to hold your
hand through this shit. So I kind of learned after
a while, like that was like a big thing for me,
Like with acting, where it's just like all right, Bill,
nobody's talking to you, don't freak out. That means they
liked what you did. And because I grew up in
an era of like it was just adults, well like
like this, you know, doing this shit that like, uh,

(22:38):
I don't like being controlled, and I don't like controlling people.
So I like people like it's a weird thing, you know,
it's a weird thing to kind of have that vibe
and also not take shit. Those three things don't control me.
I'm not trying to control you, but I'm also not
taking shit from you, right, So then you kind of
have to be like, you know, sort of assess the
information that's coming at you, where is it coming from.

(23:02):
But like I definitely I had a great time to
both times that I directed, although it was an overwhelming
amount of work the first time I did it because
I had no idea what I was walking in.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
Sure, Okay, Well, speaking of that and how you are
as a director and what you're describing where you're like
I don't like being controlled. I'm not going to control you.
I won't take shit. Are you like that as a
dad where you're like, are you kind of like do
your thing.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
One hundred percent? Do this thing? But then there is
a line. But the thing about it is I overcorrected
a little bit a lot of times. Three times I
have to say it like I'll be like I'm serious
and they kind of look at me like you no,
I'm sitting then you know. I don't like raising my voice,
but I do if I have to, you know, because
at the end of the day, they are kids, and

(23:44):
it's just like they do need boundaries and stuff like that.
So I'm definitely I would say more of the of
the two of us, I'm probably the more of the pushover.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
You're more of the pushover. Yeah, so when your wife
says it one time, they know, like Mom's not playing.
When there when mom says to do something, we know
Mom's not playing my wife is.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
The thing about me and my wife is are both
very silly, funny people, so where you know, and so
our kids are silly and funny. So it does sometimes
my wife.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
Just you know, she has to clap Okay, Yeah, I'm
not playing.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh yeah, that's what I do to my dog.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yeah, so she claps like like sometimes yeah, they just
get like you know, they're all amped up on whatever.
They just ate or they're just they're overtired or something
and they're not focusing. So she has to do something
to get them to Uh. Oh, mom's talking and she's serious,
but it's My wife sent me a picture of my son.

(24:45):
It was hilarious, like he was at a playdate and
they had this little inflatable like bed type of thing
that you lay in the pool in. Yeah, and he
had sunglasses on. He had his legs Crasy's four years
old legs cross and he was laying like that with
the sunglasses on. It literally looked like FBI surveillance, like
a mob boss. And I remember looking at it going

(25:05):
like I was so happy as a dad, going like
he doesn't have trauma, so he can chill.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Ah, yes, he can chill.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
So that's the thing where I say like it like
you know where it ends with me, Like anytime I
go on a vacation, like yeah, it takes me like
two and a half days to realize why people go
on vacation, And then I get so relaxed that by
the end of it, I don't want to.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Go back right, So wait when you say, okay, I
understand the whole sentiment that it ends with you and
like that must have felt good to be like, oh, yeah,
he's getting he's getting to relax because we haven't fucked
him up so bad that he's stressed and he's laying
he's got his arms crossed behind his head. Were you
like scared to be a dad because of what you

(25:46):
had experienced? Did you, like, and you said it about
directing too, You're like, I didn't know what I was doing.
Did you have any of that about becoming a parent?
Where you're like, I have no idea. I'm kind of no.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
I always knew I was going to be a great dad.
I just didn't know how to do it. I didn't
know how to like, yeah, sustain. I mean I was
completely like all of my emotions were like paved over.
So I was romantic and could totally fall head over
heels in love with somebody in my head, but to
actually like be with somebody, it took me a long

(26:15):
time to figure out, like how to do it.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
One of my first girlfriends back when I had hair,
she went to like rubber hands.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
Were you a redhead by the way, Yeah, she.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
Went to rubb her you know, put her hands through
my hair and the second hand came up like that,
I like flinched or whatever. And I didn't even know
I did it. Yeah, And I asked to rub my
head one day. You never rub my head, she goes,
I didn't think you liked it because there was because
you flinched, but like it was just from growing up, if.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Someone reached for you, it was not to rub your head.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Yeah, and that wasn't like necessarily my parents that were
more like you know, kids were wild, like they were
just let outside and you just like you know, everybody
like I grew up, everybody had at least three to
six or seven kids. Yeah, So the dad would go
to work and the mothers would be going nuts. So
they would just open the door, just go outside and play.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Get out of here right right, don't come.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
Home till it's lunch. And they would just send you
out there, and you would just go out there with
your and you it was funny, like there was no
calling people up. You just went outside and then you
saw your friends and then you hung out and then
you met other friends and then you just with your
little kid brains decided what you were going to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yeah, truly, going outside was the activity it was. I
remember that from my childhood too, and I'm like, street lights,
come on, you're going back home, But you go outside.
We would play in the woods. We would just we
would make up games. It was a very very different.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
Then you'd run into bigger kids and then they would
bully you, beat the shit out of you, break your toys,
and it was just like it was just that you
did just like what it was. It was like the
fucking serengetti, you know during the dry season. You know,
it's like you just sitting head on a swivel, bigger cakes.
Oh little kids. Oh now I get to be the asshole,

(27:59):
you know. It was just it was just this sort
of what is what is that? What is that fucking
that book about the kids that all end up on
the island together and yea very lord of the flies strong,
you know, survival of the fittest sort of thing. When
you went outside.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah, I remember that days, and I bet you it
was even more that when you were coming up, truly than.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Oh yeah, you used to hear even big kids. That
was the thing. What happened to you big kids, right,
and you would just run, You would run from them,
you would hide, and then they would walk by and
be like oh thank god, you know, like literally like
a tiger just went by and you were definitely that
was the weird thing like of that because it was
just kids of all age groups. So at one moment

(28:43):
you were predator. At other moment you will pray. It's
just like and then you appears and it was just
like it changed, you know, and and other people's dads
could hit you and ship.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
It just was I heard stories about that, by the way,
which I'm like disciplined.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
It's what they said. They she thought.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
It was normal back then, right if someone else's dad
hits you, you'd be like, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Just in general was uh chill and quiet around dad's.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Okay, that was my thing because they will. You just
thought dads were voltile from your understanding. You're like, dads
are unpredictable and violence.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
I'm just trying to knock you across the fucking room
and uh, two seconds later, like tell you a joke.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Well, that shit doesn't feel safe.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
No, it didn't. Yeh. Here's the thing too, it probably
wasn't like that. This is me remembering it as a kid.
That's what it felt like. Sure, sure, because you know
they like was when I actually realized a long time
because my memory of my childhood and the adults I
interacted with their memory like it's two completely different things
and neither one of them is real.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Because you're like two sides of the truth.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, it's it's somewhere in the middle. Is really what happened,
right right?

Speaker 1 (29:50):
But you don't want your kids to fear you at all,
Like that's you don't want them to no, not yet,
but like you want them to respect you of course
or I'm guessing I don't want to put that on you.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
Yeah. No, my kids they definitely respect me. But like
one of my stronger points as a parent, I got
a lot of weak points, but one of my stronger
points is sey it's not liking myself. I can't compliment
myself unless I share on myself.

Speaker 1 (30:12):
When people compliment you, do you like, yeah?

Speaker 2 (30:15):
I literally like my I guess one of my sneakers
because I go, oh, thanks a lot, thank you.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Saying yeah, deflect, do you deflect? You don't do deflect
do like I feel like I used to do a thing.
If someone was like I like your shirt, I'm like,
thank you. Oh it was five dollars from whatever place.
Because now I don't want to talk about it, but yeah, yeah,
but so okay, you're strong. One of your strong suits
as a parent.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
You were going to say, I remember what it was
like to be a kid. Okay, So like just little
things like if you know my daughter or my son
is getting ready to go to school and they don't
like this shirt, like I go, all right, change it,
because I don't want you going to school not liking
what you're wearing. Because if you don't like what you wear,
you're not going to be confident and the other kids

(30:57):
are going to sense it and then you're going to
become frank. Yeah. And I also tell you know, I
teach them how to stick up for themselves.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Sure, sure are you do? You know you know about that?

Speaker 2 (31:09):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
I don't know if it's a meme, if it's a
trope form movies, if it's a real thing from childhood.
People's parents who were like, if that person tries to
fight you, you fight them, and if they beat you, up.
I'm beating you up, So go up there.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
No, I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Of course, you would not beat a kid up.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
Although defense to the people that did that, the stakes
in my neighborhood weren't as high.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Okay, okay, So like.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
That was the thing that I noticed that I grew
up in the suburbs of Boston, and the closer you
got to Boston, the further the line was as far
as what you would do in a fight.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
M okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Yeah, Because they were playing the game, it was almost
like playing sports. It's like we're playing at the junior
high level. Now it's high school. Now, it keeps getting faster,
it hits a harder. Can you still compete? So?

Speaker 1 (31:59):
Uh, can them are ruthless? But what are your other
strong suits? As a parent, so knowing.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
What was involved, I learned a lot of things through
doing stand up as well as far as like how
my brain works. So I sort of apply things that
I've learned through like stand up and working on weaknesses
and stuff like that. So like with sports. So I
do a lot of shit with my kids. So we

(32:26):
ride bikes, we play drums. You know, I played drums
and I got guitars and stuff, so they're interacting with instruments.
And then what I do with them with like sports,
was they're both naturally right handed, so when I first
took them out to play baseball, I set them up
left handed so they're more comfortable left handed. But then
when I get them to try and switch hit, it

(32:46):
doesn't feel not familiar, And I feel like it's a
it's a good thing for their their brain, that it's growing,
that it's accessing like both sides or whatever, if that's
even how that your brain works. But I just know
it exposing them with different languages and stuff like that,
as far as like trying to keep as much of
the stuff open to you know, gain like more knowledge.

(33:10):
So and I do a lot of things through like
making it funny and making it like a game. And
then when they're done with it, I let them be
done with it. I don't be like you're going to
take twenty jump shots from Oh you're not going back
in the house. I never do that type of stuff.
I always keep it fun and like, you know, my

(33:32):
daughter likes to do that that ninja those ninja warrior
like things.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Challenges, Yeah, like those what do you call those things
are obstacle course.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, and that's like blowing up and there's all these
kids out there that want to get on that TV
show and then you just see it. It's I'm looking
at it like like when I was growing up, or
all of a sudden, like when you know, sports really
exploded in the seventies as far as like multi million
dollar contracts and all of a sudden, athletes making a
million dollars a year was like insane. Just a million

(34:05):
was insane back then. So then you started getting the
overbearing parent, and then you started seeing kids that were
twelve years old getting Tommy John surgery from throwing fucking curveballs,
and it's just like, what are you doing? So I'm
seeing a little bit of that, yah with the Ninja training,
where there's there's you know, my daughter will see something,
you know where a dad like builds some insane obstacle course.

(34:27):
You know, I come out here every day and dada
da da da da, and I train and it's like, yeah,
all right, what are you doing? Right? Like why does
everything have to be that shit we were talking about earlier?
Get the bag? Yeah, And it's just like I am
a big believer that your kids should have a fund,
should have fun, yes, and play, and there shouldn't be

(34:49):
like these crazy amounts of steaks and all of that
crap and press yeah and all of that dumb shit,
Like there's all of this stuff on the internet about
like see this is why kids a so so today
and that basically you have to like low level abuse
your kids to make them tough enough to go out there.
It's really a reaction to how heartless the corporate world

(35:12):
is and what they're doing to people and how like
and the shit that corporations do that is somehow legal,
like firing somebody, Like I fired ten people, and I
saved the company all this money because there's twenty people
here and I just fired ten of them, and then
I make ten people do twenty people's work. Look at
all the money I saved. And then the ten people

(35:34):
I fire, I take their salaries is my bonus at
the end of the year. Like how is that fucking legal?

Speaker 1 (35:40):
You know? And I don't have the answers. I'm gonna
go ahead and say I don't.

Speaker 2 (35:44):
And that's why what I fucking drives me up the
wall is all these people they sit there and they
look at like homeless people and people in the street,
people doing like breaking entries and all how like that shit, Oh,
because it's so obvious that you shouldn't do that, right,
But like that corporate stuff is so clean, it's so clean,
and it's it's like this, it's this quite like that

(36:04):
crime happens. It's this quiet, but it's not it's not
like a crime.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
So it to become normalized, is what you're saying. It's
we accept it. It's another thing that you seem.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, So I kind of pulled back from politics and
everything where I'm just like these these people screaming at
the left and the right. It's just it's like you
should be trying to unite people to then look at
the handful of fucking assholes with insatiable greed at the
top of a lot of these corporations, what they're doing
to people in h Like I don't know, I've limited

(36:37):
understanding of how economy works or whatever, but the money's
out there, the money, it just shifts hands. So it's
just like money's tight right now, money's this right now.
That just always means somebody took too much.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
I'm right, somebody took too much.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
And then everybody, and then it becomes the Lord of
the Flies thing. Yeah, and then people blame. What they
can see is.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
That you have two kids, is it I should ask
that earlier, but I got the sense is that really
something important to you though, to like instill political awareness
or or this this sort of thing in the minds
of your kids. Obviously I don't.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
I don't know. I don't talk from about politics, but
I do answer their questions honestly.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Really, okay, you don't try to sugarcoat anything. Do your
kids believe Santa exists? Or are they? How old are they?

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah? They they figured out they figured out the Easter bunny.
My daughter did, but she was just going, like, you know,
I was at school, like, is Easter Bunny real? This
kid said, the Easter Bunny isn't real?

Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Is it real? My wife was like hemn and haunts.
She goes, no, I want to know. I want to know,
and she looked at me. I went so she got that,
and then she and then she goes like I knew it,
and then she laughed and she I swear to God,
my daughter's really mature. How old is She's seven? But
thank you for being honest with me.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Oh, we love it.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
But I was relieved because I thought, like, I fucking
hate those stupid stories and I hate and I think
it's this really fucked up thing that they have, these
these fairy tale fucking kid It's not even for them,
it's for adults to watch them get all excited. But
then it's like, I'm starting this relationship with this person

(38:09):
that like you like, you know, as a parent, you'd
like the love you have for your kids. It's like boundless,
and I'm starting this relationship with a fucking lie. Yeah
it's and it's just like as I'm telling the kid
not to lie and tell the truth and all of
that stuff, so I like, you know, my daughter talks
about Sanna, I like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Like I

(38:30):
don't go like, oh yeah, And then he's coming down
the chimney and he's fucking gonna do all of this shit.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
Huh you think Santa will get me?

Speaker 2 (38:37):
But blah blah blah blah. I'm like, you know, I
don't know. I don't know, like.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Who was responsible for telling her about Santa? Did she
learn about it from you? Your wife? Just zeit geist?
How did she learn about Sanna?

Speaker 2 (38:50):
No? We we still did it, sure, but like, who,
so you did you didcause I've just seen people who
like from the jump say there is no Santa Claus.
It's all bullshit, and then people go, well that's cruel
because then they don't get them.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
So you don't know how to handle that lie though
you're like the way you're you so you participated in,
I'm not You're not. You're not in court here. I'm
just fascinated. I'm aware of that you're not in court.
You look tense. He got really tense.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
He's a visioned I always look tense.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
No, No, I saw you were. You looked relaxed, like
roughly I would say.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
Just support your point.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
No, you did, This is not confirmation. Bis you truly looked.
I thought, I don't even want to call it out.
You know when a kid's napping and you don't want to,
you just you kind of don't want them to be napping,
but you're like, ah, they're in a good place. I
don't want to actually.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
Just what I'm tense about?

Speaker 1 (39:39):
You no, tell me.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
It's one of the things. I followed the herd on
and it was like, I remember the excitement of believing
in Santa Claus okay, but I also when I found
out there was no Santa Claus, I found it out
from an older sibling. My older sibling was upset, okay,
like how could they lie? I just felt like a

(40:02):
big kid because he knew when he told me and
told me not to tell my other siblings. So it
made me feel like, oh wow, I'm like I'm one
of the adults. Yeah, it felt like, yeah, you know,
sitting in the front seat the first time he did that,
driving down the street, you know, right in a car. However,
I will say if my daughter would be like, why
would you say that, I would just be like, you
know why, because it's this fucking stupid thing that they

(40:25):
came up with. I don't know why, and now somehow
capitalism is involved, and it just it just got out
of control. It's like, it's like I hated doing that
to you, but also didn't want you to miss out
on it.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Because you enjoy You enjoyed it as a kid believing
in Xanta for the beach joy and I like that
she gets.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
Excited and all of that type of stuff. But it's
it's it's just one of those things like is this
really necessary?

Speaker 1 (40:50):
It makes you uncomfortable. It clearly it's making you bill
visibly uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
My kid makes me uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah's just good. Listen. But then you did participate in it,
which I feel like that doesn't make you a bad
parent or a bad man because also, I mean, it's
hard to use this as a metric, but as a society,
as a whole ass participating in this lie. Frankly, but
I don't know that makes it right wrong Santa claus One, Yeah,
I mean because you see you went.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Well, yeah, if you're a Christian, yeah you are. I
can't imagine what that must look like. But because I
got to ask one of my friends that Jewish, like,
what do you tell your kids? Do you sit there?
Go and listen? I don't know why, but this other
religion thinks this old man comes down to fucking chimney. Listen,
just don't say anything. Okay, we already get enough ship.
You just don't don't be going in there ruining Christian Christmas.

(41:41):
But Christmas isn't it.

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Christmas isn't even Christian anymore. When you talk about capitalism,
I'm like, Chris, Christmas is now just a commercialized holiday, Frankly,
Like at least in my opinion, I have Jewish friends
who do Christmas, you know, like I don't think I
have friends who are not Christian in any way, shape
or form.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
We don't like Christmas. I like the tree, I like
doing all of that, the lights on the house, the
gifts and everything, and uh, and I don't even mind.
I'll be honest with you. The kid's excitement about Santa
Claus is fun to see and they get all excited
and all of that, And maybe there's an argument to
be like, why can't they have this nice little fairy

(42:21):
tale before they go out into the cruel world. It's like,
maybe it's sad. I don't know. I don't know what.
I don't know. It's probably my issue, to be honest,
I'm probably making too big a deal out of it.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Probably honestly. Probably I feel like all the adults.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
About you went with me, and now you're like, all right, yeah,
you probably are, no.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Because I don't want you to be stressed. I think
like it sounds like you you don't have to worry
about me. Well, this is my nature. I can't help myself.
You could be any person sitting here on this couch
who has talked to me. For now, I'm going to
be a little concerned about you, not in a like
your troubled way, just to like human to human way.
But I do want to know how old your son is?

Speaker 2 (42:56):
Four?

Speaker 1 (42:57):
Four? Okay, so the daughter is older. He's got a
big sister. Do you want your kids to be able
to talk to you about anything?

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Uh? Within reason. I didn't like how you asked that.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
No, I did it on purpose. I asked it like
that on purpose because anything.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
You're in control here, Bill, I don't.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
I just simply need to host my podcast.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
I did that. I did that. I deliberately did it
that way.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
I good.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Bill just got me on a string over here, don't
you I do and you just do what?

Speaker 1 (43:28):
You're just doing whatever I want as planned? No, you're not.
Actually you're being your own person. I'm proud of you,
and I love that for you, King for real, it
is funny. What silence.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I don't like that for you. I love that for you.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
You don't like when people say that.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
In general, it's microaggressive. They have a book, a gig
and all that.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
I'm black. I can't micro aggress. Oh I'm black. I can't.
I can't microaggress.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
I don't know what that means, and I don't want
to know what that means.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
I don't mean anything, but I just want to.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
See somebody goes with somebody you get, oh, yeah, that's
good for you.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
Can I like, what?

Speaker 2 (44:03):
Would it be fucking mediocre for you? Am I like
happier with less than? Like? What the fuck does that mean?
That's good?

Speaker 1 (44:09):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (44:09):
Can?

Speaker 1 (44:10):
I say? Bill? Hold on, you and I are going
to see id to eye on something here, Bill, I
do agree with you about the good for you. When
I was growing up and people said good for you,
I thought it was so insulting, Like I'm talking like
seven years old. I'm like, that's so like rude. And
adults would say, oh, you're doing a valet re settle,
good for you, and I'd go something about that always
like made me bristle.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
I didn't mind good for you. I don't like that's good,
that's good, that's good.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
So you're saying that as oposed you to say.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Oh that that's good for you. It's the that's good,
but for you? Would it not be good for you?
Are you existing on some higher fucking thing? This is
probab of me being defensive, But like I I remember
this fucking asshole said that to me. Mm hmmm, Oh,
that's good for you. I remember thinking like it'd be
fucking good for you and your bullshit.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Charith, that's that's good for you. So if someone said
to you this is good.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
For you, it's good for you, feel different.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Bill, You're bullshitting. I'm not You're bulls I don't believe you.
I don't believe you. I don't believe you. All right, Okay,
all right, well I have I don't already have established it.
I don't trust my dad for the day he's lying
about Santa Claus. I don't believe.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Him, esus and would be the classic dad. I never said.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
That you have felt like a dad today, which is
good for you. That you that is good for you.
Did I make you mad?

Speaker 2 (45:35):
No, because I know you were doing that to do that.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
Okay, Okay, you can see through, right Bill? Fuck okay,
I know my episodes do.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
All your sort of apologies and with you.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
I didn't say sorry, it was an apology.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
It was a little.

Speaker 1 (45:57):
But you've put that. You've put that on me. I
haven't you've put that on me. You've interpreted my tone,
and that could lead that could lead to some problems
in life.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
You are fucking walled the fuck off you are fucking wait.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
I do have one more question for you about your
kids and you as a parent. Do you cuss in
front of your kids?

Speaker 2 (46:20):
I try not to, but I do at.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Least when you do. Do you feel like you shut
up at.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
Least five times? Is costing me a fortune?

Speaker 1 (46:27):
What do you have a jar? A jar for when
you cuss?

Speaker 2 (46:31):
How much is that making good money? So it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Exactly, it's not punitive enough.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
It's not I just stop on the wrist. Five bucks here,
five bucks there. It's sort of like the cursing jar
is the Christian Barmitz.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
The cursing he's just making stuff up.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
They get, they get, they get money that day when
you turn dirt, you become a man or a woman whatever,
you know. With Christians, it's the cursed. Listen as your
kid gets to keep it.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
It's over the years.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
But you don't even feel yeah, because you're not feeling it.
You're not feeling the little five bucks you have to
put in there. You're doing well, you're doing well right now.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
But I do understand, like, uh, like I shouldn't be
doing it, But like I just I grew up that way.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Do you want them to be exposed? Like, obviously you
don't want to lie to your kids, You're and so,
which is that's important you to not lie to them,
to tell them the truth? Do you feel like part
of it though, too, is like, hey, this is what
the real world. If I don't cuss in this house
and and I keep them from curse words in the house,
They're going to go out in the world and hear it.
So what's the big idea to do?

Speaker 2 (47:36):
Is Okay, Yeah, that's the excuse for doing it now.
I'm doing it because I have an inability to express
myself without using those words, because I've been doing it
my entire life.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Do they go when you do that? Do your kids go, Daddy,
you're not supposed to say that.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
My son repeats it. My daughter says, you shouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 (47:51):
Oh wow, The younger one repeats, yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
He uh. You know, he's a boy. He knows being
bad as funny, and like, you know.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
He's just he's being bad. He's a boy who knows
being bad is funny. You can get yourself in trouble.
People are gonna be upset because you said he's a boy.
You kind of said boys will be boys.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and
girls will be girls.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
Yes, binary people will be non binary people, and an
orange will be an orange. And Bill Burr has been
my dad for the day, but I do need to
ask him advice. Bill in every episode asking my guests
my dad for the day for a piece of advice.
I have advice I need from you. People are trying

(48:38):
to set me up on blind dates. How do you
feel I should approach blind dates? What is your advice
for me on that front?

Speaker 2 (48:44):
Meeting a public place?

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Okay, well sure, I was always going to do that.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Just meet them there.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
Okay, that's it man. A few words.

Speaker 2 (48:57):
Well, yeah, well i'd have to I don't know anything
about this person. I would just say, you don't know
this person from Adam, I would say, meet them in
a public place. They don't know where they don't need
to know where you live, they don't need to have
your phone number.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
But then how do we would email it better? Or
like you want the person who's setting me up with
them to just like give them an address? And then
I don't.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Fucking know how that shit works. I just know that, like,
I don't understand why someone of why you would have
to have a blind date.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
What's wrong with because dating is hard because I don't
have a dad? Is what's wrong with me?

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Well, that's probably why relationships don't work out. It's not
why you can't like see a person and actually see
if you vibe with them, rather.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
Than do you think I should be asking guys out? Seriously,
I'm asking. I don't have a take. I just want
your take.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
I am so fucking old. I don't know how it
works with you younger people, Like is that acceptable?

Speaker 1 (49:51):
I have no idea people do? People do? I just
whatever your take is, but that is that is a
take being like, I'm so fucking old. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (49:59):
Like when when I was growing up, the guy asked
the woman up. So I don't know what happens now, okay,
And I don't know how you was a woman. If
you want to go out with a guy, you guys
always had to do like like playing like flirty games
or something and hoping this guy would understand that you
were giving him signals that you liked him. M hm.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
So that's what I need to should I should do
more of that. I'm not the biggest flirt, so I
should flirt more. Is that what you're saying. I'm asking
you could say, no, eggo, you gotta be all wrong.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
No, I don't know what you need to do to
be honest with I don't know. I mean, maybe take
up an activity hobby, take up a volleyball where you
can like meet.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
People, okay, volleyball.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
I mean it's all changed, like now people just go
on like dating app.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
If you don't want to go into your hard no
to dating app exactly.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
It's a meat market.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
But it feels like back in the day, people were
setting people up with each other. Like it feels like
back in the I have I've romanticized back in the
day myself, but I feel like people when I talked
to people who are older than me, they're like, oh,
my friend, were people.

Speaker 2 (51:08):
Set up people if it was getting late in the
draft and they didn't get signed by.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
That was the only How did you meet your wife?

Speaker 2 (51:18):
That's how they did it.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
If you have you told this story publicly already, because
I don't want to make you okay, okay, how did
you meet your wife? Just the the the log line
version of how you met your wife?

Speaker 2 (51:32):
My wife was working on a show called Tough Crowd
and she was the talent coordinator. Okay, and I was
the talent one day.

Speaker 1 (51:39):
Great okay, and how old were you? Just if you
gave me contexts here late in the game or no,
in your opinion, oh yeah, late in the game. So
you didn't even have to get set up. No, God
just had your back. That's pretty dope.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
No, it wasn't. No. I had to ask her out
numerous times. She was not having it at all, and
then uh, then she was and here we are and yeah,
so that's that's how it was. It wasn't God, it
wasn't Santa Claus. I think if you want something in life,
you got to go after it, okay, okay, and if
it's if you know, for a long time, my relationships

(52:17):
with women were not working out. And it wasn't until
I looked at myself like what I'm my brother and
be oh chicks to psychos, Like if I had to
see what I was doing.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Okay, that feels like good dad advice, Thank you. I
appreciate that. We take that time.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Dad had a long day.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Dad, it's fucking eleven, it's twelve thirty. It's twelve thirty,
what time do you wake up today?

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Sick something? My kid came in?

Speaker 1 (52:44):
Okay, that's sweet, all right, dang thinks that's so amazing.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Wait a minute, I thought you were going to ask
me all of this advice. It was one fucking question
and it was basically you didn't. You didn't.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
Yes, I would have said.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
They were going to ask you about your life and
then she was going to ask you about.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
How each one piece of question piece of advice.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
That sucks because I was really bad at.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
That one about the advice. But that's okay. The whole
thing is like, dads are imperfect, just like everyone's imperfect.
Moms are imperfect, like you're not. I'll ask people a piece.
I'll ask people advice about stuff that I'm like, I
think I could ask a dad this, like how do
I change my oil? And they'll be like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
Because I change you what oil? That's for the Baltimore.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
Can't because the way I said, oh change my oil,
change my yeah oil, Look how do I change my oil?
And they go, I don't know, So you don't have
to be it's the it's the it's the exchange.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
I answer that one.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
You know how to change oil. See how, and I'm.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Being yes, you do. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
No Bill, do you have anything you want to plug
before you go?

Speaker 2 (53:54):
I think you just plugged that. I'm doing that, Glen Garry,
Glenn Ross on Broadway. I think it's going to start
in March.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Okay, March twenty twenty five. Okay, check out Bilberg here.
Great to see you. All right, all right? Thanks. Dat
is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me Ago Wilhem.
The show is produced and edited by Amita Flores and
engineered by Anita Flores and Anya Kanamskaya, with executive producer

(54:21):
Emma Foley. Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.
Special thanks to Jason Athini for our show art and
Feris Manshi for our THEU song. For more podcasts by Headgum,
visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,
just maybe we'll read it on a future episode.