January 18, 2023 • 47 mins
In episode 112 of Thanks, I Hate It! Brittany and Windsor get serious and raw as they discuss intrusive thoughts. They discuss what they are, what they are associated with, the common symptomatology with nuerobioloigal disorders and the previlence.
As Megan said: Bad bitches have bad days too.
CW: Mentions of pedophilic actions (nonexplicit) as an example of a type of intrusive thought), mentions of selfharm (again - nonexplicit).
Sit back, take your Zoloft, smoke your .... and unpack some shit with us.
As Megan said: Bad bitches have bad days too.
CW: Mentions of pedophilic actions (nonexplicit) as an example of a type of intrusive thought), mentions of selfharm (again - nonexplicit).
Sit back, take your Zoloft, smoke your .... and unpack some shit with us.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Already ready with dance Dance, Dancewith my Hands resolutions. Hi, it's
Brittany and Windsor and you're listening toThanks I Hate It, a weekly social
bi weekly social commentary podcast. We'retwo friends shoot the shit about social issues.
Tharocheated on suspecting targets today it's us. It is USUM and we expected
(00:24):
this to happen and have intrusive thoughts. Mm hmm good. Thank clink clink,
(00:45):
And what an episode to have whenI'm doing a dry January. Oh
are you still on that I fromalcohol? Yes? Oh yeah, sorry
girl, Sorry girl. So I'mraw dog in this episode and life at
(01:07):
this moment. But never fear February. It's just around the corner, and
never fear. The struggle bus ishere. Ye. So today we're going
to be talking about intrusive thoughts.We're gonna give you a little bit about
what they are, a little bitabout what they are not. Some information
(01:30):
on TikTok. We're looking at youTikTok, some information on how it overlaps
with UM, some really big setof words that winds are used, a
little bit of neurobiological disorders. Neurobiologicaldisorders, and then maybe we'll like end
this by shoving some of our intrusivethoughts into your brain holes, and you're
(01:52):
you're welcome for that. You're welcomefor them, because I mean, honestly,
if you're you're listening to this podcast, you're probably just as mentally ill
as we are. So are andso commiserate your zan's ready, maybe a
little bit of woid so you cankind of ponder the ponderance. Oh all
right, but let's get into witso, yes, I'm going to bring
(02:15):
us in. I'm gonna tell usa little bit about what intrusive thoughts are
and what they are not so intrusivethoughts or thoughts, hey yo, that
they are they are and according tothe Anxiety Depression Association of America, they
pop into people's minds, their heads, whatever you want to call it,
(02:36):
out of nowhere and generally cause agreat deal of distress, anxiety, fear,
etc. These thoughts can comment intoyour head in the form of words,
images, anything that is going totrigger a stress reaction out of you
that comes into your head and maylead just as quickly but likely that you
(02:57):
dwell on. We're going to callan intrusive thought. So Intrusive thoughts are
actually something that people work very hardto try to keep out of their minds.
I and I was thinking about thiswhile I was writing my notes.
I will literally like if I haveone, pick that shit up and throw
it away, like I have toimmediately stop, Like has the second I
(03:20):
aw to focus on it. Iam now fucked up for days, Like
yes, commissions, especially those onesabout the kids, I can't talk about
it. Yeah, that on Ido not get into detail about. And
here's the thing, Um, thesethings come into people's heads and there is
(03:42):
an immediate beginning of work to getthem out of people's heads. It's an
immediate trauma response exactly, and thatis why they're considered to be intrusive.
So, according to the Anxiety andDepression Association of these here, United States,
someone wanted. Intrusive thoughts consist ofrepetitive doubts about relationship, ships,
decisions will urgent small sexual orientation andidentity, intrusions of thoughts about safety,
(04:06):
religion, death, or we're raisedabout questions that cannot be answered with certainty,
like is there a God? Thisis a question. So basically,
the ponderance when you ponder, whenyou think when you are elevated to another
(04:26):
spiritual plane. Those are intrusive thoughts, not the cute ones. Because we're
over here thinking about the existence ofGod. We're just said, listen,
I don't make the news. Ijust reported baby girl, make the rules.
Period. According to Harvard Health Publish, which is basically the publishing entity
(04:48):
of the Harvard Medical School, Ie. Fancy, approximately six million Americans
are impacted by intrusive thoughts. Thatmeans that of all of the people in
these here United States, with somany people, there are a lot many,
too many, I know, that'sright. In the United States.
(05:11):
There are three hundred thirty one pointnine million persons in the United States,
so six million of those people areimpacted with intrusive thoughts, which is really
sitting with me right now because Idefinitely thought there were one fewer people in
the US and two more people thatexperienced intrusive thoughts. This is where TikTok
gets me fucked up, because itbrings things that are literally for me,
(05:33):
and it makes me think that otherpeople, like a wide range of people
are dealing with it. It's alllies. Yeah, it's like, oh,
you're on the mentally illside of TikTok, because this isn't trending exactly exactly.
So also, according to Harbard,there are certain factors that let you
(05:54):
know that your thought is intrusive andthat we should only view that thought as
such. So one, the thoughtis unusual to the individual. And I
give an example, Oh my gosh, So i am outwardly kind of a
bit, which I'm very like stonefaced. I with people I don't know,
obviously, fuck off, um etcetera. I'm very like outwardly stone
(06:18):
faced. But I will have inTrusia thought sometimes of me purposely making people
cry, and that shit kills meevery time. I like, it's in
my head like circling, and I'mjust like, no, I would never
do that. It makes it makesme so fucking like everyone thinks I'm like
a complete bitch. But then I'mlike, I'll give them the shop.
(06:39):
They're like, oh my god,they're like the nicest mean person I ever
met, exactly kind. I'm notnice, I'm kind. And so that's
the first one. It has tobe distressful to that individual. So there
are some people meet that are meanin the world, and they really do
like making other people cry. SoI gonna look at the GOP. I
(07:02):
know that's free. They are onebig intrusive thought. There's what happens when
you act on your intrusive thoughts.There what happens when you act on somebody
else's interstive thoughts. Hey, Ithink I should be a president today,
and here we are. Anyways,So about those gas stoves, Thanks Obama,
(07:24):
Thanks Obama. But if it's stressfulfor the individual that is having the
thought, it is intrusive. Nextwe've got the thought is bothersome to the
individual. So I, oh mygod, So I have what is it?
Tripophobia? Triple phobia? Where Ilike it, I don't like it.
I don't like it. I don'tlike it. It's it's yes,
(07:45):
So I have it. I willliterally vomit. I'm not gonna tell you
anything like weird. Well it isweird. I have it. Um.
I saw a picture a couple ofyears ago. I will not read the
description because I also didn't know youhad it, um, And so I
wouldn't have said this had I knownit. Um No, it's fine.
I just like I couldn't do thatAmerican horror story. Is that American Horror
(08:09):
story season Absolutely not? No,And I do have it, and now
we know Winter has it too.This is like new news for me.
I love it anyway I have.I saw this picture in twenty fifteen where
they'd basically done something. It wasfake news, it was a fake picture,
(08:33):
it was photoshopped. It doesn't matter. All of these years later,
I still think about this picture inan intrusive thought motion. And this is
where I right before we started recording, we were talking about how we didn't
go into things like I went downthis rabbit hole. It is distressing for
me. Um, it is cyclingin my head and quite disgusting. Um.
(08:56):
I don't know, but it issomething that is bothersome to me and
that I now have on repeat inmy head. It's like when you listen
to your favorite song over and overand over and over and over and over
and over again. Yeah, it'sthe same thing. It's like when like
whatever embarrassing thing happened to you whenyou were like twelve at school and you
wanted to die and you think aboutit, ran pops into your head and
(09:18):
you get embarrassed all over again.That's intrusive thoughts, Like the time I
told my second grade teacher that Icalled her mom and everybody laughed at me.
And every now and then I'll stilljust get that, like, yes,
or the time that all of myfriends were sitting on a folded up
cafeteria table it was a last fiveschool or it was, and I sat
(09:39):
on it and it fell down andeverybody laughed. I want to laugh right
now. I know it's okay,But it's the I get into the space
where I think about how I feltin that moment, and that's when it
bothers him because I'm just like,oh my god, I was mortified,
and yeah, A normal thoughts areoh my god, can you believe this
(10:00):
happened to me? It's so funnynow that I look back at it.
The intrusive part is the you're backinto your emotions at that time. Yep.
Also, intrusive thoughts are hard tocontrol and they just come out of
nowhere or they repeat as they tendto to do in my head. So
I'm still thinking about the image thatI had to search for this picture that
(10:22):
I saw on Facebook two, andI will likely be thinking about it until
I am blazed out of this worldnext. The thought is identified by the
thinker as intrusive thoughts. So aspersons that have in truth of thoughts,
we know when our thoughts are beingintrusive. That doesn't always mean that it's
okay and then we can make itbetter. But we're aware, Yeah,
(10:45):
we know that it's not us.We know that when we have that thought
to just, you know, driveoff the bridge, it's not us wanting
to drive off the bridge. It'sjust like that brain part of you that's
just like, oh, what wouldhappened if I did that? Is that
the Yeah, I guess that's thedifference. It's not we're not sewer slidal.
We just have those thoughts of whatwill happen slidal? Nope, Nope.
(11:11):
Additionally, there are categories to intrusivethoughts. So these there are six
categories that you're most likely to experiencean intrusive thought in. Obviously there will
be outliers somewhere in there. Please, if you're an outlier and you don't
have one of these six categories,do not tell us what you're in truth
of thought about your therapist. Tellyour therapist, tell your psychiatrists. Don't
(11:33):
tell us because we've already got ourown problems. Yeah, because then we're
gonna have your problems too, andthat's not fair to put your problems on
someone else exactly. So also,I am having an intrusive thought right now
that I have shingles, so Idon't that's the tea. And you know
what contaminant because you read that oneabout contamination, which is number five on
(11:54):
my list, and I'm pretty surewe're on the same website. Um,
yeah, you're on good our RexHealth. I was number one self harm.
Usually if I'm having an interest ofsolid it's about myself and all the
ways things can go wrong driving yourselfoff a bridge. Number two, harming
(12:18):
others if that's your you know,your vibe, your interests of thoughts.
Five you know we feel for you. A lot of them are sexual,
and that can be a grun thegamut of sexuality. Yeah, usually pretty
much anything that is usually considered taboo, either by yourself or society as a
(12:39):
whole, and ever want to acton them and that they are there exactly.
And one of the things that Iread was that this woman she would
literally just every time she was onthe room, she would just start having
thoughts about having consensual sex with allof the people in the room, despite
the fact that it was completely inappropriate. She was there with her house and
(13:00):
so sometimes it doesn't have to necessary. It's taboo in the sense that she
shouldn't be fun everybody. But itwasn't something that she wanted. And again
it was something that came into herhead. It caused her distress and that's
where um it went for her.Religious blasphemous things that again are very taboo
(13:20):
people are very emotional about. Soif I am at like a Catholic pre
no, no, no, aCatholic person act on it. Okay,
there's a difference. Wolf If Iam a Catholic person and maybe I go
to church and I start having blasphemousthoughts about Jesus, um, and this
(13:43):
can cross a lie like not justlines, but like you can have a
blasphemous thought about Jesus that's also sexual. Like these things, they don't have
to necessarily stay in their own lane. Um, so exactly the brain.
Our brains are still messed up healthand health fears and contamination. I literally
(14:05):
just told you guys that I'm ona roller coaster where I believe I have
shingles. Here's the tea. Idon't have shingles, but the thought keeps
coming up, you would know fadshingles. I would know I've had shingles
before. I would absolutely fucking noif I had shingles, because it would
be a big goddamn problem. Heygirl, Hey, okay, um,
(14:31):
and self doubt, mistakes, previousevents that were very very distressing to the
individual. I e. That tablefalling. I will never get over that,
and that happened in like the thirddegree, or when you just like,
are you as adult you did somethingor you said something that made a
(14:54):
bad impression and you know, asa neurodivergent, that's like the worst thing
you could do, and then randomnobody cares anymore. The person probably doesn't
even remember you exist. In yearslater, you'll sit there in bed and
you'll be like, I can't believeI did that at three o'clock in the
morning. Yep, at the witchand hour. Goddamn it, three o'clock
(15:15):
in the fucking morning. So thatis the you know, just a brief
overview of what intrusive thoughts are.If you want more information about in thoughts,
talk to your doctor. We arenot psychiatrists or psychologists or therapists or
social workers or anything like that.Now we're gonna talk about what introduce of
(15:35):
thoughts are not, because this isthe one that it pisces me off that
we even have to have the conversation. So intrusive thoughts are not intentions.
There not things that the individual wantsto think about and or do in their
real life in the real world.This is evident because the thought brings distress
in some form as opposed to euphoriaand or relief. Yeah, there's a
(16:00):
trauma response. There is a traumaresponse. It feels like a trauma bond
with the fucking intrusive thought, likeI can't get rid of you. You
can't get rid of me, bitch. Nothing about intrusive thoughts is what the
individual wants. In fact, manypeople are embarrassed, ashamed, and irritated
(16:22):
by their intrusive thoughts. They arevery, very very upset by them.
People with intrusive thoughts aren't having agood time. It's not fun and wind.
You did bring up the girl,I didn't. I couldn't find her
exact TikTok, But there was ayoung woman on TikTok who discussed some of
the intrusive thoughts that she has,and she's a brave for it too.
(16:48):
She's very brave for it. Shoutout to you, random girl whom I
couldn't find your fucking TikTok, butI'll find it whatever. Anyways, one
of the things that she discussed isshe has intrusive thoughts about pedophilia and or
pedophilic actions. I will actually saythat pedophilic actions is where she is.
She will have these intrusive thoughts andbecause she cannot control them and they are
(17:12):
not things that she wants, itis something that causes her great distress when
it posts into her mind. Andhere's the real tea, you guys,
A number of people that have intrusivethoughts have those types of intrusive thoughts.
It's very it's pretty common, andit's pretty common, and it's pretty distressing.
(17:33):
Yeah. And so the difference betweena pedophile, a person who experiences
pedophilia, and a person who hasintrusive thoughts about pedophilic actions is the one
wants to act on it and theother knows it's wrong. It causes trauma.
But your brain, because we areso engrossed by all this honestly,
(17:55):
this ridiculous, horrible media and thingshappening all the time, that it just
randomly pops into your head. It'sthere, and she talked about some of
the distress that she felt as aresult, but it was literally the fact
that she hadn't said anything because mostpeople would not. Nope, and it
doesn't mean that most people would wantto engage in those actions. It's because
(18:18):
it is very distressing to have thosethoughts come into your mind. I've read
another thing about how there was amother and she wasn't going through postpartums or
anything along those lines, but shewould still have images pop into her head
of harming her children. And thisis very distressing because these are children that
she loves with all of her heartand soul. And so for those of
(18:42):
you who don't experience this, imaginethat, like put yourself in those shoes.
You've got this thing that you loveso much, but your brain isn't
telling you to do these things.It's not forcing you in that direction,
but it's definitely putting it in there. Yeah, it's like exactly, once
(19:04):
you see that flash of that image, now your brain is like, oh
my god, I can't believe itholds on tight to it. And because
you were so, they can't holdonto my fucking keys. But it could
hold onto that. Literally me,I lose my wallet and my keys once
a fucking week. I can't holdonto those, but I can hold onto
(19:26):
the feeling of these fucking actions.Get the fuck out of here. So
Additionally, in truces of the thoughtsthemselves are not mental illnesses and or any
type of like neurodivergent diagnosis or anythinglike that. Um, I wrote it
and hear that they're not always aindicator of mental illness, but the fact
(19:48):
that only six million of us aredealing with it, I'm just going to
retract that whole statement. Um.Oftentimes you'll hear about in truces of thoughts
in relation to like obsessive compulsive disorder, and with that, basically the person
suffers an intrusive thought and then they'lllikely do something physical or whisper something to
themselves, have some type of behavioralreaction to try to appease that that wash
(20:12):
hands, wash hands, wash hands, like you're you have to. Like
I said, like the germs,people who obsessively compulsively wash are clean or
sanitized that's caused by intrusive thoughts,or who can't eat um taco or not
taco, not your cheese out ofa jar because once it looked like that
(20:36):
something that really grows to me outand now I can't eat food, not
her doing her head with me,um out of a fucking jar. Yep,
it's even if you pour it out. No, I can't, Like
I can't eat that. I can'teat apples from the store. Like the
food I can eat gets very thinbecause like, I'm so stressed out about
(21:00):
food all the time. Think,girl, how you big? Because the
food I can't eat it is horriblefor you. It's bad for me because
I am the same thing. I'mlike, I don't ever. I was
like, I don't even eat thatmuch, had myself bat well, bitch
yesterday you um, oh my god, I mean he'sa want to taco hell
yeah Thursday, right or yeah Thursday. Literally we sat there waiting forever for
(21:23):
this food and then he was like, here's the first bag. Here's the
second bag. And I'm like,Lisa, he didn't even ask us what
kind of hot sauce we wanted.He's like, here's the first thing in
hot sauce. Here's the second thingof hot sauce. Here's the third thing
of hot sauces. Like anything else. That is why I am getting together
(21:45):
right Cechurios. On Friday, Ithought about Cetario's all day as an intrusive
thought, but I acted on thatmotherfucker because that was really a want and
not an intrusive thought. But yes, that is um you know, just
a little bit of information on interestivethoughts, what they are and what they
are not. Okay, Hey,so I am going to continue the OCD
(22:10):
conversation and kind of discuss a littlebit about intrusive thoughts and neurobiological disorders,
which do include ADHD, autism,OCD, anxiety. Those are all neurobiological
disorders, so we don't it's notnecessarily neurodivergency, just it's neurobiological because it's
(22:33):
hormones. Dopamine is a big onefor ADHD. Don't do dope, kids,
So you know, ask me andBrittany are both learning more about the
way that our brains function personally.We're learning more about the overlaps of like
ADHD, autism, and OCD,and so this is purely spec elating from
(23:00):
two years of psychology courses. Ikind of wonder if those things are all
overall part of the autism spectrum disorder, and this is why obsessive compulsal disorder
OCD can affect anyone, but researchsuggests that autistic people may be more likely
(23:21):
to experience it. What Yeah,ADHD and OCD are among the most commonly
diagnosed neuropsychiatric disorders and have substantial coremorbidity rates at about thirty percent comorbidity.
That's incredibly high. And not onlythat, but to enhance the symptoms of
(23:42):
each other. Thanks, Oh mygod, Windsor, I just looked at
this thing you sent me. I'msorry. I'm about to talk about it.
So I have a Ven diagram andwhen I tell you it, it's
pretty much a circle. Let's talkabout it, that's for real. So
it's a Van diagram of the threecircles as ADHD on top, o,
(24:07):
c D on the left, andautism on the right. So in the
center, a big old fat centerwhere they all meet is insomnia, skin
picking and hair pulling, intrusive thoughts, executive functioning difficulty, censorians, sensory
differences, high rate of depression,anxiety, eating disorders, self harm,
(24:30):
substance abuse, and GI issues.The di issues is where I started.
Yep, because this is all thisisn't you know something we hit our head
and you know our personalities changed.No, this is something that is caused
by hormones and different things in ourhead. The way that our brain is
(24:55):
snapsing with each other, that iswhat's causing this. So uh for And
then you have the part that overlapswith OCD and autism is repetitive behaviors and
thoughts, difficulty tolerating, uncertainty,risk, avoidance and craves, routine and
familiarity. Amen girl, m hm. So I mean obviously we know the
(25:22):
other stuff, but so when Itell you this is almost a circle and
with in truce the thoughts being thecenter of it. This is also why
there is so much misdiagnosis and underdiagnosisin the community, especially in women and
especially with people of color like that. It is like if you if you
(25:48):
are ever diagnosed with borderline personality disordermixed with autism, I mean sorry,
I'm mixed with OCD mixed with generalizedanxiety to order, more likely than not
you have autism, uhtism, autism. And I think that once we start
to kind of like deplete the stigmasof these, we will be in a
(26:15):
much better place as a society toaccept these and get treatment for these and
just be able to overall function better. So this is also some more hypotheticals.
So like ADHD used to have twosubtypes ADD which is the attention deficit
disorder non hyperactive, and ADHD whichis which is with hyperactivity. And as
(26:40):
science progresses we see the hyperactivity isn'talways outwardly visible, which is why they
took like they just added the Hand just took out the ADD. So
could autism just really be a largeumbrella like example, ASD one is ADHD,
ASD two is ASD, ASD threeis like ADHD. ADS four is
(27:04):
like a crossover disorder where we havethe instances of these overlaps. You have
autism, but not OCD. Thetreatment and the way that you take you
treat your in truth of thoughts,and you take care take care of your
and truth of thoughts. It's goingto be different from someone who is not
(27:26):
ASD but only ADHD, is notthose but only OCD because OCD behavioral cognitive
behavioral help therapy tends to help alot. Whereas when you have autism as
well, regardless of how high functioningyou are, you're going to have a
(27:48):
special customized cognitive behavioral therapy for itto work a show. So now that
we're gonna we went on that pathof let me be your doctor tuesday,
you are my doctor. Also beforeI go, let's struggle back to anxiety.
(28:14):
Anxiety saying us and choose the thoughtsare most commonly associated with OCD.
It is also seen in anxiety disorders. When we are anxious, our cortisol
level and creases, and high cortisolis also associated with OCD. Also high
cortisol it helped it hinders weight lossand women especially like if you're carrying not
(28:38):
maybing, a fat bitch that cannever get time. We kind of like,
you know, like you kind oflook pregnant, but you're not.
That is that kind of weight,you know? Weight retention is usually caused
by high cortisol levels. Damn mmhmm. Uh so it is really an
(29:00):
anxiety disorder. So oh so isit really an anxiety disorder or is it
your body reacted to chemical changes inyour body brought on by how your brain,
brought on by how your brain processesthings differently. So people with ADHD
and autism, for example, processthings differently than a neurotypical person. So
(29:23):
could be the brain how it's processingthat and increasing these overall, like,
for example, the lack of dopamineor too much dopamine or too much cortisol
or any of these hormones that yourbody is misfiring. Could that really be
what your anxiety is? So doyou really have generalized anxiety disorder or do
(29:48):
you have a trauma response to thedaily stressors of masking your neurobiological disease or
disord rather m m hmmm. Given, then, although they start in the
brain, it's not surprised when wesee that that diagram have so much overlap.
(30:10):
And yeah, so there was that. And so that's really all I
have on that. I mean,obviously, I'm we're gonna share this um
graph, this Ben diagram. There'sBen circle here. I got this circle.
I got the circle. Yes,she left this whole fucking thing on
(30:32):
my place, on my Listen,my attrusive thought is to eat this all
is so do it. Let's let'stalk about some examples. Yes, So
one big thing I'm not going toget into detail because I do know that
this triggers people, especially if theydo have children. One big symptom as
(30:56):
Brittany talked about uh is intrusive thoughtsof either harming your child or your child
being harmed. So I will spiralsometimes where I will get an intrusive thought
that something bad happened to my kids, and like say they were in a
(31:17):
car accident or something. And therehave been times in my life, especially
when I was not as medicated asI am now. Yeah, we say
that I would not go to workfor days at a time, and I
would not let them leave the housebecause I in my head, I saw
a car accident. So in myhead, the way to deal with that
(31:37):
was to prevent it from even beingable to happen. Right, you keep
them home, then it can occur. But that's not healthy. It's also
not reality, and it's not atall. But thankfully I am much better
now about that. We were talkingabout contamination and you're talking about shingles.
(32:00):
I think the last three years hasreally shown how intrusive that particular thought can
be. It it's rough, rough. I mean I already talked about my
other examples like throughout the episode,So let's prepare to be traumatized, Brittany.
(32:24):
Yes, I have some that Iwrote down that are they're pretty current
or you know, recurrent for me. So I did talk about my food
one um during when I was talkingabout the nacho cheese. I also cannot
eat any like frozen meals or meatthat's been frozen. I don't know why,
(32:44):
it's just my mind is telling methat there's something wrong with the meat.
So I do not eat like andit has to like a package frozen
meal can be like I threw somemeat in the freezer. It like literally
has to be like a whole canonly eat like vegetarian vegan um. So
like you can buy your meat andput it in the freezer. Yes,
(33:06):
I can buy it, but ifI cannot deal with the fact that this
entire little meal was packaged in onefactory with some weird flash frozen meat and
then together put into a box shipsand it's expensive anyway, so you're not
(33:27):
missing anything. It's so irrational.But I have to if there's going to
be a meat in it, Igotta do it myself. Like I cannot
eat chili out of a can.That would have been so easy. I
gotta make that ship up some chiliout of a can because I'm poor.
So you know that chili Mac usedto be busting do it, I will
die in my mind? Um alsoChili Mac, Now sorry that just popped
(33:52):
into my head. I'm like,that sounds good as though it does sound
amazing. It does sound amazing,um, but it can't eat it unless
I make it myself. It's distressing. Also, the we talked a little
bit about self har I'm like,I love to see us. I don't
love. It's intrusive thought, butmy brain apparently loves to have this thought
(34:12):
every single time I see like acement barrier on the road. And this
is so specific trigger warning. No, not even that. It's like I'm
gonna keep my car straight, butmaybe leaning my face off the window,
scrape the whole face off. Ihave this thought every time I drive to
Orlando, which I'm doing next Monday, so that will have a mentally ill
(34:35):
day. That would be a horribleway to die. Oh absolutely, But
in it I don't. I neverdie. I didn't want to should do
it because I would never do it. But it is distressing every fucking time.
And you guys, I'm on alot of zoloft, so that is
the only way that I'm literally makingit through this conversation. I'm on so
much of it. There is nomore, there's no nothing higher. So
(35:00):
if I get low, I'll beable to get back up. That's when
we that's when we get the weed. Seriously. Um. Also, this
one's really sad, but I'm alreadygonna say it. Um. I love
to traumatize myself that I I mustbe a massachus. But um, recently
(35:22):
I had to use someb my doghe went to be with Jesus and I.
And this is how I knew thatthat moment was very traumatizing for me.
There was a moment that I lookedat his face right before he died,
and that moment plays in my headon repeat, over and over and
(35:45):
over again. I can't get awayfrom it. Um. It doesn't matter
how many pictures I look at orwhatever. Huh. He just looked very
tired. So he looked super exhausted. Um. And like that moment,
(36:06):
I the woman was just like doyou need in a moment And I had
already started having a panic attack andlike crying and putting all my sunglasses and
basically running out. Yeah, Likethe most important part was that you stayed.
Yea, he it was you knowit was about him in that moment
and being there for him. Butonce it was done and he was gone,
(36:30):
I couldn't anymore and I leave.Look, bit you got me crying.
I'm like, I'm sorry, Likewhen Charles died exhastly, when I
see, um, it's when Ihad to take his harness time, my
god, when I put it away, yea mine hanging on the spices on
(36:54):
the fucking door, like six monthsand when I finally put it away,
I don't know what I'm ever gonnaget there, But like that moment,
and it was a serene moment.It wasn't like it was almost like a
breath of fresh air, like,oh, he's finally like he didn't have
to fight anymore. Because earlier inthe day this one also sits in my
(37:14):
mind, he had gotten so sickthat he had started having like nose bleeds,
and so that I see, andthen like the moment he let go.
And even though I knew exactly likeI know that logically, but it
doesn't stop me from by definition,are not are illogical? Oh exactly exact?
(37:38):
Literally the whole point of that moment. It's a completely illogical thing.
But it's still like it's something thathurts me emotionally, like winter, you
know, like I'm not a crier, I don't do a lot of that,
but it is something that it bringsall of my emotion to the forefront,
and it makes me like a humanfirst. I think sometimes though,
(37:59):
like our body just kinds of needsto release. So we'll talk of something
and then it's just we'll have theseout of proportion responses because it's just our
bodies being like, you know whatyou've been even keeping this inside. You're
literally going to kill somebody, sowhy don't you get a good cry out
so you go back to being abad bitch. And that's literally just have
(38:22):
bad days too to do, LikeI feel like I have never cried that
hard in my entire life. Megansaid, it's okay, and it is
okay, and it is okay.But yeah, those are some of my
intrusive thoughts. I'm Some other peoplediscussed there's UM. I got it off
of the Mighty website, which Iused to love them obviously, talked about
(38:44):
pedophilic actions, lots of driving intotraffic and them walking out and traffic exactly.
UM one of the ones that Inever thought about as an intrusive thought.
I literally just thought it was anxiety. Was everyone was laughing at me,
or everyone is talking behind my back? Like I never thought of that
(39:05):
as an intrusive thought. That also, I think is a common intrusive thought
for people who are neurodivergent. Yes, yes, and because their brain doesn't
process neurotypical interactions as just being interactionslike okay, So immediately when that that
interaction doesn't go the way that theyhad it scripted in their head, yep,
(39:29):
it immediately is oh my god,they hate me exactly. That induces
a trauma response. So that oneI never thought about it, and I
was like, damn, how oftendo I fucking say that? I sound
fucking paranoid at this point, whichI mean, let's embrace the paranoia.
There was one from a mother andshe said she's often she's not suicidal,
(39:53):
but she thinks about like how muchbetter her kid's life would be if she
wasn't there. Oh, which thatone I was just like, whoa.
The one that really fucks me upthat I get about is what happened if
I died? Like, like,what happened if I died today? Like
those type of thoughts and then thatjust sucks me up for the day.
(40:15):
Like I feel like I don't knowif here's the thing, and this is
gonna sound fucked up. I hadnever thought about if I died because it's
gonna sound char because I feel like, I, you know, I can't
die. This ship's gonna fall apart, and I can't think about that.
But I do think about, likewhat if Charles. I can't. I
can never have a thought about ifJay died because I will die in that
(40:36):
moment. Oh yeah, like myend. But yeah, exactly, it
doesn't matter because at that point,like I like it over anyway, so
fuck it. Um. But likeif my spouse died, and I mean
sometimes i'd be like, fuck thatmotherfucker. I fucking hay him. I
can't stay in his ass, butyou don't want him to die. But
I can't like that. No,that'll fuck me up. So it's thoughts
(41:00):
like that that, you know,they do make our lives a lot more
difficult. Also, I have avery gruesome one that I can't believe.
I actually wrote this down on paper, so I'm not going to say it,
um, but she's bad. SoI'm going to bring us out with
a ponderance to ponder Okay, Andobviously I didn't have time to fully research
(41:22):
this because a quick Google search didnot help because we wrote our notes like
an hour before we recorded. Sodo people who not who do not have
an inner monologue and they have intrusivethoughts? One, I still don't believe
(41:43):
when people say that they don't havean internal monologue. I think that they're
all I don't think that they're alllying. I think they didn't don't understand
what an internal monologue is. Butlike, so if like I have pictures
in my head as well as theinternal dialogue, and not only can I
have two pictures running at the sametime and have two dialogues and be singing
(42:07):
a song because of ADHD all thosetabs are open, every single fucking one
of them. How would so ifthey have a picture, So if they
see pictures, what is that picturejust telling them to jump off a bridge?
Like just like what if I didthat? That's the thing now that
(42:30):
I'm thinking about this. When theysee or hear something, they don't translate
that into their head. Yeah,Like I don't. I don't understand how
that happens. My gas are flatbored, right, now is yes, Like,
(42:52):
not only will I have a conversationwith myself in my head, I
also have a different one out loudwith myself. Basically yeah. And you're
like like, if you don't getthere, ass up and do this shit,
oh my god, I hate dD. And then in my head
I'm like chocolate Ray, that's becauseI have broken brain syndrome. So now
(43:23):
that we have gone down this rabbithole, we I do want to end
out by saying that these diagnosis area all diagnoses of privilege, period fucking
hell. So if you can geton the internet and you have these and
(43:44):
you say, you know what,I think that I fit the the diagnosis
criteria for autism, I think Ifit the diagnosis criteria for ADHD, I
think I fit the diagnosis criteria forOCD, Then you know what, those
are valid diagnoses. And as longas you're doing like a cognitive thing with
it, if you're figuring out howto better yourself through vitamins or through you
(44:09):
know, just changing your behaviors,that's completely valid. You know, unfortunately
can't get medicinal therapy until you geta diagnosis. But just for an example,
you want to know how much myADHD autists diagnosis cost one hundred thousand
dollars. Do you know how muchmy anxiety diagnosis cost? She'd about to
(44:34):
pay me to diagnose me with thatshit. I don't know how much it
costs. Because I was diagnosed asa child, as a privileged child,
wellstary stay yeah, yes, andso autism is the most privileged diagnosis of
them. Oh and also it canbe a problematic diagnosis to have. You
(45:00):
could be you can lose custody ofyour kids, you can, you can
yeah, you could be banned fromgoing to certain countries. You know,
not having a medical diagnosis of autismis okay, yep, you know as
long as you're doing the best thingyou could do for yourself. You know,
(45:22):
you could be actually autistic and nothave that official piece of paper because
that's a very expensive piece of paper. And all that piece of paper is
going to do is be like,oh, hey, look what I have.
No, it's literally look what Ican do. Yeah, it's literally
a piece of paper. Because there'sthe treatment for autism is symptomatic, and
(45:45):
you don't need a diagnosis to betreated for your symptoms. That's right.
So that being said, remember Megansaid bad bitch. Just have bad days
too, I know, that's right. Don't let them thoughts get you down.
You know, having grown up withmental illness, literally I had chronic
(46:08):
depression since I was two years old. Yeah, like, so as growing
up with it, especially as achild a girl of the nineties, we
had to figure it out for ourselvesand we had to mask and we had
to, you know, figure outhow to fit in society by ourselves.
Take advantage of any services you haveaccess to. But don't be ashamed if
(46:32):
you can't do it. That's right, that's right. And remember don't do
it. Don't do it, kids, Don't do it because it's not something
that you want to do it.It's just something that popped into your head.
Yeah, this I immediately like,if I get it, I'll like
try to listen to like a podcast, or I'll try to listen to some
songs or but my brain has tabsso I can still be playing in the
(46:57):
background. But yeahs As always,guys, thank you for listening to this
week's episode. Remember that you werethat bitch. I'll forever be that bitch.
Drink your water and take your xanaxclanks quick. Good night.
Already ready with dance Dance, Dancewith my Hands resolutions. Hi, it's
Brittany and Windsor and you're listening toThanks I Hate It, a weekly social
bi weekly social commentary podcast. We'retwo friends shoot the shit about social issues.
Tharocheated on suspecting targets today it's us. It is USUM and we expected
(00:24):
this to happen and have intrusive thoughts. Mm hmm good. Thank clink clink,
(00:45):
And what an episode to have whenI'm doing a dry January. Oh
are you still on that I fromalcohol? Yes? Oh yeah, sorry
girl, Sorry girl. So I'mraw dog in this episode and life at
(01:07):
this moment. But never fear February. It's just around the corner, and
never fear. The struggle bus ishere. Ye. So today we're going
to be talking about intrusive thoughts.We're gonna give you a little bit about
what they are, a little bitabout what they are not. Some information
(01:30):
on TikTok. We're looking at youTikTok, some information on how it overlaps
with UM, some really big setof words that winds are used, a
little bit of neurobiological disorders. Neurobiologicaldisorders, and then maybe we'll like end
this by shoving some of our intrusivethoughts into your brain holes, and you're
(01:52):
you're welcome for that. You're welcomefor them, because I mean, honestly,
if you're you're listening to this podcast, you're probably just as mentally ill
as we are. So are andso commiserate your zan's ready, maybe a
little bit of woid so you cankind of ponder the ponderance. Oh all
right, but let's get into witso, yes, I'm going to bring
(02:15):
us in. I'm gonna tell usa little bit about what intrusive thoughts are
and what they are not so intrusivethoughts or thoughts, hey yo, that
they are they are and according tothe Anxiety Depression Association of America, they
pop into people's minds, their heads, whatever you want to call it,
(02:36):
out of nowhere and generally cause agreat deal of distress, anxiety, fear,
etc. These thoughts can comment intoyour head in the form of words,
images, anything that is going totrigger a stress reaction out of you
that comes into your head and maylead just as quickly but likely that you
(02:57):
dwell on. We're going to callan intrusive thought. So Intrusive thoughts are
actually something that people work very hardto try to keep out of their minds.
I and I was thinking about thiswhile I was writing my notes.
I will literally like if I haveone, pick that shit up and throw
it away, like I have toimmediately stop, Like has the second I
(03:20):
aw to focus on it. Iam now fucked up for days, Like
yes, commissions, especially those onesabout the kids, I can't talk about
it. Yeah, that on Ido not get into detail about. And
here's the thing, Um, thesethings come into people's heads and there is
(03:42):
an immediate beginning of work to getthem out of people's heads. It's an
immediate trauma response exactly, and thatis why they're considered to be intrusive.
So, according to the Anxiety andDepression Association of these here, United States,
someone wanted. Intrusive thoughts consist ofrepetitive doubts about relationship, ships,
decisions will urgent small sexual orientation andidentity, intrusions of thoughts about safety,
(04:06):
religion, death, or we're raisedabout questions that cannot be answered with certainty,
like is there a God? Thisis a question. So basically,
the ponderance when you ponder, whenyou think when you are elevated to another
(04:26):
spiritual plane. Those are intrusive thoughts, not the cute ones. Because we're
over here thinking about the existence ofGod. We're just said, listen,
I don't make the news. Ijust reported baby girl, make the rules.
Period. According to Harvard Health Publish, which is basically the publishing entity
(04:48):
of the Harvard Medical School, Ie. Fancy, approximately six million Americans
are impacted by intrusive thoughts. Thatmeans that of all of the people in
these here United States, with somany people, there are a lot many,
too many, I know, that'sright. In the United States.
(05:11):
There are three hundred thirty one pointnine million persons in the United States,
so six million of those people areimpacted with intrusive thoughts, which is really
sitting with me right now because Idefinitely thought there were one fewer people in
the US and two more people thatexperienced intrusive thoughts. This is where TikTok
gets me fucked up, because itbrings things that are literally for me,
(05:33):
and it makes me think that otherpeople, like a wide range of people
are dealing with it. It's alllies. Yeah, it's like, oh,
you're on the mentally illside of TikTok, because this isn't trending exactly exactly.
So also, according to Harbard,there are certain factors that let you
(05:54):
know that your thought is intrusive andthat we should only view that thought as
such. So one, the thoughtis unusual to the individual. And I
give an example, Oh my gosh, So i am outwardly kind of a
bit, which I'm very like stonefaced. I with people I don't know,
obviously, fuck off, um etcetera. I'm very like outwardly stone
(06:18):
faced. But I will have inTrusia thought sometimes of me purposely making people
cry, and that shit kills meevery time. I like, it's in
my head like circling, and I'mjust like, no, I would never
do that. It makes it makesme so fucking like everyone thinks I'm like
a complete bitch. But then I'mlike, I'll give them the shop.
(06:39):
They're like, oh my god,they're like the nicest mean person I ever
met, exactly kind. I'm notnice, I'm kind. And so that's
the first one. It has tobe distressful to that individual. So there
are some people meet that are meanin the world, and they really do
like making other people cry. SoI gonna look at the GOP. I
(07:02):
know that's free. They are onebig intrusive thought. There's what happens when
you act on your intrusive thoughts.There what happens when you act on somebody
else's interstive thoughts. Hey, Ithink I should be a president today,
and here we are. Anyways,So about those gas stoves, Thanks Obama,
(07:24):
Thanks Obama. But if it's stressfulfor the individual that is having the
thought, it is intrusive. Nextwe've got the thought is bothersome to the
individual. So I, oh mygod, So I have what is it?
Tripophobia? Triple phobia? Where Ilike it, I don't like it.
I don't like it. I don'tlike it. It's it's yes,
(07:45):
So I have it. I willliterally vomit. I'm not gonna tell you
anything like weird. Well it isweird. I have it. Um.
I saw a picture a couple ofyears ago. I will not read the
description because I also didn't know youhad it, um, And so I
wouldn't have said this had I knownit. Um No, it's fine.
I just like I couldn't do thatAmerican horror story. Is that American Horror
(08:09):
story season Absolutely not? No,And I do have it, and now
we know Winter has it too.This is like new news for me.
I love it anyway I have.I saw this picture in twenty fifteen where
they'd basically done something. It wasfake news, it was a fake picture,
(08:33):
it was photoshopped. It doesn't matter. All of these years later,
I still think about this picture inan intrusive thought motion. And this is
where I right before we started recording, we were talking about how we didn't
go into things like I went downthis rabbit hole. It is distressing for
me. Um, it is cyclingin my head and quite disgusting. Um.
(08:56):
I don't know, but it issomething that is bothersome to me and
that I now have on repeat inmy head. It's like when you listen
to your favorite song over and overand over and over and over and over
and over again. Yeah, it'sthe same thing. It's like when like
whatever embarrassing thing happened to you whenyou were like twelve at school and you
wanted to die and you think aboutit, ran pops into your head and
(09:18):
you get embarrassed all over again.That's intrusive thoughts, Like the time I
told my second grade teacher that Icalled her mom and everybody laughed at me.
And every now and then I'll stilljust get that, like, yes,
or the time that all of myfriends were sitting on a folded up
cafeteria table it was a last fiveschool or it was, and I sat
(09:39):
on it and it fell down andeverybody laughed. I want to laugh right
now. I know it's okay,But it's the I get into the space
where I think about how I feltin that moment, and that's when it
bothers him because I'm just like,oh my god, I was mortified,
and yeah, A normal thoughts areoh my god, can you believe this
(10:00):
happened to me? It's so funnynow that I look back at it.
The intrusive part is the you're backinto your emotions at that time. Yep.
Also, intrusive thoughts are hard tocontrol and they just come out of
nowhere or they repeat as they tendto to do in my head. So
I'm still thinking about the image thatI had to search for this picture that
(10:22):
I saw on Facebook two, andI will likely be thinking about it until
I am blazed out of this worldnext. The thought is identified by the
thinker as intrusive thoughts. So aspersons that have in truth of thoughts,
we know when our thoughts are beingintrusive. That doesn't always mean that it's
okay and then we can make itbetter. But we're aware, Yeah,
(10:45):
we know that it's not us.We know that when we have that thought
to just, you know, driveoff the bridge, it's not us wanting
to drive off the bridge. It'sjust like that brain part of you that's
just like, oh, what wouldhappened if I did that? Is that
the Yeah, I guess that's thedifference. It's not we're not sewer slidal.
We just have those thoughts of whatwill happen slidal? Nope, Nope.
(11:11):
Additionally, there are categories to intrusivethoughts. So these there are six
categories that you're most likely to experiencean intrusive thought in. Obviously there will
be outliers somewhere in there. Please, if you're an outlier and you don't
have one of these six categories,do not tell us what you're in truth
of thought about your therapist. Tellyour therapist, tell your psychiatrists. Don't
(11:33):
tell us because we've already got ourown problems. Yeah, because then we're
gonna have your problems too, andthat's not fair to put your problems on
someone else exactly. So also,I am having an intrusive thought right now
that I have shingles, so Idon't that's the tea. And you know
what contaminant because you read that oneabout contamination, which is number five on
(11:54):
my list, and I'm pretty surewe're on the same website. Um,
yeah, you're on good our RexHealth. I was number one self harm.
Usually if I'm having an interest ofsolid it's about myself and all the
ways things can go wrong driving yourselfoff a bridge. Number two, harming
(12:18):
others if that's your you know,your vibe, your interests of thoughts.
Five you know we feel for you. A lot of them are sexual,
and that can be a grun thegamut of sexuality. Yeah, usually pretty
much anything that is usually considered taboo, either by yourself or society as a
(12:39):
whole, and ever want to acton them and that they are there exactly.
And one of the things that Iread was that this woman she would
literally just every time she was onthe room, she would just start having
thoughts about having consensual sex with allof the people in the room, despite
the fact that it was completely inappropriate. She was there with her house and
(13:00):
so sometimes it doesn't have to necessary. It's taboo in the sense that she
shouldn't be fun everybody. But itwasn't something that she wanted. And again
it was something that came into herhead. It caused her distress and that's
where um it went for her.Religious blasphemous things that again are very taboo
(13:20):
people are very emotional about. Soif I am at like a Catholic pre
no, no, no, aCatholic person act on it. Okay,
there's a difference. Wolf If Iam a Catholic person and maybe I go
to church and I start having blasphemousthoughts about Jesus, um, and this
(13:43):
can cross a lie like not justlines, but like you can have a
blasphemous thought about Jesus that's also sexual. Like these things, they don't have
to necessarily stay in their own lane. Um, so exactly the brain.
Our brains are still messed up healthand health fears and contamination. I literally
(14:05):
just told you guys that I'm ona roller coaster where I believe I have
shingles. Here's the tea. Idon't have shingles, but the thought keeps
coming up, you would know fadshingles. I would know I've had shingles
before. I would absolutely fucking noif I had shingles, because it would
be a big goddamn problem. Heygirl, Hey, okay, um,
(14:31):
and self doubt, mistakes, previousevents that were very very distressing to the
individual. I e. That tablefalling. I will never get over that,
and that happened in like the thirddegree, or when you just like,
are you as adult you did somethingor you said something that made a
(14:54):
bad impression and you know, asa neurodivergent, that's like the worst thing
you could do, and then randomnobody cares anymore. The person probably doesn't
even remember you exist. In yearslater, you'll sit there in bed and
you'll be like, I can't believeI did that at three o'clock in the
morning. Yep, at the witchand hour. Goddamn it, three o'clock
(15:15):
in the fucking morning. So thatis the you know, just a brief
overview of what intrusive thoughts are.If you want more information about in thoughts,
talk to your doctor. We arenot psychiatrists or psychologists or therapists or
social workers or anything like that.Now we're gonna talk about what introduce of
(15:35):
thoughts are not, because this isthe one that it pisces me off that
we even have to have the conversation. So intrusive thoughts are not intentions.
There not things that the individual wantsto think about and or do in their
real life in the real world.This is evident because the thought brings distress
in some form as opposed to euphoriaand or relief. Yeah, there's a
(16:00):
trauma response. There is a traumaresponse. It feels like a trauma bond
with the fucking intrusive thought, likeI can't get rid of you. You
can't get rid of me, bitch. Nothing about intrusive thoughts is what the
individual wants. In fact, manypeople are embarrassed, ashamed, and irritated
(16:22):
by their intrusive thoughts. They arevery, very very upset by them.
People with intrusive thoughts aren't having agood time. It's not fun and wind.
You did bring up the girl,I didn't. I couldn't find her
exact TikTok, But there was ayoung woman on TikTok who discussed some of
the intrusive thoughts that she has,and she's a brave for it too.
(16:48):
She's very brave for it. Shoutout to you, random girl whom I
couldn't find your fucking TikTok, butI'll find it whatever. Anyways, one
of the things that she discussed isshe has intrusive thoughts about pedophilia and or
pedophilic actions. I will actually saythat pedophilic actions is where she is.
She will have these intrusive thoughts andbecause she cannot control them and they are
(17:12):
not things that she wants, itis something that causes her great distress when
it posts into her mind. Andhere's the real tea, you guys,
A number of people that have intrusivethoughts have those types of intrusive thoughts.
It's very it's pretty common, andit's pretty common, and it's pretty distressing.
(17:33):
Yeah. And so the difference betweena pedophile, a person who experiences
pedophilia, and a person who hasintrusive thoughts about pedophilic actions is the one
wants to act on it and theother knows it's wrong. It causes trauma.
But your brain, because we areso engrossed by all this honestly,
(17:55):
this ridiculous, horrible media and thingshappening all the time, that it just
randomly pops into your head. It'sthere, and she talked about some of
the distress that she felt as aresult, but it was literally the fact
that she hadn't said anything because mostpeople would not. Nope, and it
doesn't mean that most people would wantto engage in those actions. It's because
(18:18):
it is very distressing to have thosethoughts come into your mind. I've read
another thing about how there was amother and she wasn't going through postpartums or
anything along those lines, but shewould still have images pop into her head
of harming her children. And thisis very distressing because these are children that
she loves with all of her heartand soul. And so for those of
(18:42):
you who don't experience this, imaginethat, like put yourself in those shoes.
You've got this thing that you loveso much, but your brain isn't
telling you to do these things.It's not forcing you in that direction,
but it's definitely putting it in there. Yeah, it's like exactly, once
(19:04):
you see that flash of that image, now your brain is like, oh
my god, I can't believe itholds on tight to it. And because
you were so, they can't holdonto my fucking keys. But it could
hold onto that. Literally me,I lose my wallet and my keys once
a fucking week. I can't holdonto those, but I can hold onto
(19:26):
the feeling of these fucking actions.Get the fuck out of here. So
Additionally, in truces of the thoughtsthemselves are not mental illnesses and or any
type of like neurodivergent diagnosis or anythinglike that. Um, I wrote it
and hear that they're not always aindicator of mental illness, but the fact
(19:48):
that only six million of us aredealing with it, I'm just going to
retract that whole statement. Um.Oftentimes you'll hear about in truces of thoughts
in relation to like obsessive compulsive disorder, and with that, basically the person
suffers an intrusive thought and then they'lllikely do something physical or whisper something to
themselves, have some type of behavioralreaction to try to appease that that wash
(20:12):
hands, wash hands, wash hands, like you're you have to. Like
I said, like the germs,people who obsessively compulsively wash are clean or
sanitized that's caused by intrusive thoughts,or who can't eat um taco or not
taco, not your cheese out ofa jar because once it looked like that
(20:36):
something that really grows to me outand now I can't eat food, not
her doing her head with me,um out of a fucking jar. Yep,
it's even if you pour it out. No, I can't, Like
I can't eat that. I can'teat apples from the store. Like the
food I can eat gets very thinbecause like, I'm so stressed out about
(21:00):
food all the time. Think,girl, how you big? Because the
food I can't eat it is horriblefor you. It's bad for me because
I am the same thing. I'mlike, I don't ever. I was
like, I don't even eat thatmuch, had myself bat well, bitch
yesterday you um, oh my god, I mean he'sa want to taco hell
yeah Thursday, right or yeah Thursday. Literally we sat there waiting forever for
(21:23):
this food and then he was like, here's the first bag. Here's the
second bag. And I'm like,Lisa, he didn't even ask us what
kind of hot sauce we wanted.He's like, here's the first thing in
hot sauce. Here's the second thingof hot sauce. Here's the third thing
of hot sauces. Like anything else. That is why I am getting together
(21:45):
right Cechurios. On Friday, Ithought about Cetario's all day as an intrusive
thought, but I acted on thatmotherfucker because that was really a want and
not an intrusive thought. But yes, that is um you know, just
a little bit of information on interestivethoughts, what they are and what they
are not. Okay, Hey,so I am going to continue the OCD
(22:10):
conversation and kind of discuss a littlebit about intrusive thoughts and neurobiological disorders,
which do include ADHD, autism,OCD, anxiety. Those are all neurobiological
disorders, so we don't it's notnecessarily neurodivergency, just it's neurobiological because it's
(22:33):
hormones. Dopamine is a big onefor ADHD. Don't do dope, kids,
So you know, ask me andBrittany are both learning more about the
way that our brains function personally.We're learning more about the overlaps of like
ADHD, autism, and OCD,and so this is purely spec elating from
(23:00):
two years of psychology courses. Ikind of wonder if those things are all
overall part of the autism spectrum disorder, and this is why obsessive compulsal disorder
OCD can affect anyone, but researchsuggests that autistic people may be more likely
(23:21):
to experience it. What Yeah,ADHD and OCD are among the most commonly
diagnosed neuropsychiatric disorders and have substantial coremorbidity rates at about thirty percent comorbidity.
That's incredibly high. And not onlythat, but to enhance the symptoms of
(23:42):
each other. Thanks, Oh mygod, Windsor, I just looked at
this thing you sent me. I'msorry. I'm about to talk about it.
So I have a Ven diagram andwhen I tell you it, it's
pretty much a circle. Let's talkabout it, that's for real. So
it's a Van diagram of the threecircles as ADHD on top, o,
(24:07):
c D on the left, andautism on the right. So in the
center, a big old fat centerwhere they all meet is insomnia, skin
picking and hair pulling, intrusive thoughts, executive functioning difficulty, censorians, sensory
differences, high rate of depression,anxiety, eating disorders, self harm,
(24:30):
substance abuse, and GI issues.The di issues is where I started.
Yep, because this is all thisisn't you know something we hit our head
and you know our personalities changed.No, this is something that is caused
by hormones and different things in ourhead. The way that our brain is
(24:55):
snapsing with each other, that iswhat's causing this. So uh for And
then you have the part that overlapswith OCD and autism is repetitive behaviors and
thoughts, difficulty tolerating, uncertainty,risk, avoidance and craves, routine and
familiarity. Amen girl, m hm. So I mean obviously we know the
(25:22):
other stuff, but so when Itell you this is almost a circle and
with in truce the thoughts being thecenter of it. This is also why
there is so much misdiagnosis and underdiagnosisin the community, especially in women and
especially with people of color like that. It is like if you if you
(25:48):
are ever diagnosed with borderline personality disordermixed with autism, I mean sorry,
I'm mixed with OCD mixed with generalizedanxiety to order, more likely than not
you have autism, uhtism, autism. And I think that once we start
to kind of like deplete the stigmasof these, we will be in a
(26:15):
much better place as a society toaccept these and get treatment for these and
just be able to overall function better. So this is also some more hypotheticals.
So like ADHD used to have twosubtypes ADD which is the attention deficit
disorder non hyperactive, and ADHD whichis which is with hyperactivity. And as
(26:40):
science progresses we see the hyperactivity isn'talways outwardly visible, which is why they
took like they just added the Hand just took out the ADD. So
could autism just really be a largeumbrella like example, ASD one is ADHD,
ASD two is ASD, ASD threeis like ADHD. ADS four is
(27:04):
like a crossover disorder where we havethe instances of these overlaps. You have
autism, but not OCD. Thetreatment and the way that you take you
treat your in truth of thoughts,and you take care take care of your
and truth of thoughts. It's goingto be different from someone who is not
(27:26):
ASD but only ADHD, is notthose but only OCD because OCD behavioral cognitive
behavioral help therapy tends to help alot. Whereas when you have autism as
well, regardless of how high functioningyou are, you're going to have a
(27:48):
special customized cognitive behavioral therapy for itto work a show. So now that
we're gonna we went on that pathof let me be your doctor tuesday,
you are my doctor. Also beforeI go, let's struggle back to anxiety.
(28:14):
Anxiety saying us and choose the thoughtsare most commonly associated with OCD.
It is also seen in anxiety disorders. When we are anxious, our cortisol
level and creases, and high cortisolis also associated with OCD. Also high
cortisol it helped it hinders weight lossand women especially like if you're carrying not
(28:38):
maybing, a fat bitch that cannever get time. We kind of like,
you know, like you kind oflook pregnant, but you're not.
That is that kind of weight,you know? Weight retention is usually caused
by high cortisol levels. Damn mmhmm. Uh so it is really an
(29:00):
anxiety disorder. So oh so isit really an anxiety disorder or is it
your body reacted to chemical changes inyour body brought on by how your brain,
brought on by how your brain processesthings differently. So people with ADHD
and autism, for example, processthings differently than a neurotypical person. So
(29:23):
could be the brain how it's processingthat and increasing these overall, like,
for example, the lack of dopamineor too much dopamine or too much cortisol
or any of these hormones that yourbody is misfiring. Could that really be
what your anxiety is? So doyou really have generalized anxiety disorder or do
(29:48):
you have a trauma response to thedaily stressors of masking your neurobiological disease or
disord rather m m hmmm. Given, then, although they start in the
brain, it's not surprised when wesee that that diagram have so much overlap.
(30:10):
And yeah, so there was that. And so that's really all I
have on that. I mean,obviously, I'm we're gonna share this um
graph, this Ben diagram. There'sBen circle here. I got this circle.
I got the circle. Yes,she left this whole fucking thing on
(30:32):
my place, on my Listen,my attrusive thought is to eat this all
is so do it. Let's let'stalk about some examples. Yes, So
one big thing I'm not going toget into detail because I do know that
this triggers people, especially if theydo have children. One big symptom as
(30:56):
Brittany talked about uh is intrusive thoughtsof either harming your child or your child
being harmed. So I will spiralsometimes where I will get an intrusive thought
that something bad happened to my kids, and like say they were in a
(31:17):
car accident or something. And therehave been times in my life, especially
when I was not as medicated asI am now. Yeah, we say
that I would not go to workfor days at a time, and I
would not let them leave the housebecause I in my head, I saw
a car accident. So in myhead, the way to deal with that
(31:37):
was to prevent it from even beingable to happen. Right, you keep
them home, then it can occur. But that's not healthy. It's also
not reality, and it's not atall. But thankfully I am much better
now about that. We were talkingabout contamination and you're talking about shingles.
(32:00):
I think the last three years hasreally shown how intrusive that particular thought can
be. It it's rough, rough. I mean I already talked about my
other examples like throughout the episode,So let's prepare to be traumatized, Brittany.
(32:24):
Yes, I have some that Iwrote down that are they're pretty current
or you know, recurrent for me. So I did talk about my food
one um during when I was talkingabout the nacho cheese. I also cannot
eat any like frozen meals or meatthat's been frozen. I don't know why,
(32:44):
it's just my mind is telling methat there's something wrong with the meat.
So I do not eat like andit has to like a package frozen
meal can be like I threw somemeat in the freezer. It like literally
has to be like a whole canonly eat like vegetarian vegan um. So
like you can buy your meat andput it in the freezer. Yes,
(33:06):
I can buy it, but ifI cannot deal with the fact that this
entire little meal was packaged in onefactory with some weird flash frozen meat and
then together put into a box shipsand it's expensive anyway, so you're not
(33:27):
missing anything. It's so irrational.But I have to if there's going to
be a meat in it, Igotta do it myself. Like I cannot
eat chili out of a can.That would have been so easy. I
gotta make that ship up some chiliout of a can because I'm poor.
So you know that chili Mac usedto be busting do it, I will
die in my mind? Um alsoChili Mac, Now sorry that just popped
(33:52):
into my head. I'm like,that sounds good as though it does sound
amazing. It does sound amazing,um, but it can't eat it unless
I make it myself. It's distressing. Also, the we talked a little
bit about self har I'm like,I love to see us. I don't
love. It's intrusive thought, butmy brain apparently loves to have this thought
(34:12):
every single time I see like acement barrier on the road. And this
is so specific trigger warning. No, not even that. It's like I'm
gonna keep my car straight, butmaybe leaning my face off the window,
scrape the whole face off. Ihave this thought every time I drive to
Orlando, which I'm doing next Monday, so that will have a mentally ill
(34:35):
day. That would be a horribleway to die. Oh absolutely, But
in it I don't. I neverdie. I didn't want to should do
it because I would never do it. But it is distressing every fucking time.
And you guys, I'm on alot of zoloft, so that is
the only way that I'm literally makingit through this conversation. I'm on so
much of it. There is nomore, there's no nothing higher. So
(35:00):
if I get low, I'll beable to get back up. That's when
we that's when we get the weed. Seriously. Um. Also, this
one's really sad, but I'm alreadygonna say it. Um. I love
to traumatize myself that I I mustbe a massachus. But um, recently
(35:22):
I had to use someb my doghe went to be with Jesus and I.
And this is how I knew thatthat moment was very traumatizing for me.
There was a moment that I lookedat his face right before he died,
and that moment plays in my headon repeat, over and over and
(35:45):
over again. I can't get awayfrom it. Um. It doesn't matter
how many pictures I look at orwhatever. Huh. He just looked very
tired. So he looked super exhausted. Um. And like that moment,
(36:06):
I the woman was just like doyou need in a moment And I had
already started having a panic attack andlike crying and putting all my sunglasses and
basically running out. Yeah, Likethe most important part was that you stayed.
Yea, he it was you knowit was about him in that moment
and being there for him. Butonce it was done and he was gone,
(36:30):
I couldn't anymore and I leave.Look, bit you got me crying.
I'm like, I'm sorry, Likewhen Charles died exhastly, when I
see, um, it's when Ihad to take his harness time, my
god, when I put it away, yea mine hanging on the spices on
(36:54):
the fucking door, like six monthsand when I finally put it away,
I don't know what I'm ever gonnaget there, But like that moment,
and it was a serene moment.It wasn't like it was almost like a
breath of fresh air, like,oh, he's finally like he didn't have
to fight anymore. Because earlier inthe day this one also sits in my
(37:14):
mind, he had gotten so sickthat he had started having like nose bleeds,
and so that I see, andthen like the moment he let go.
And even though I knew exactly likeI know that logically, but it
doesn't stop me from by definition,are not are illogical? Oh exactly exact?
(37:38):
Literally the whole point of that moment. It's a completely illogical thing.
But it's still like it's something thathurts me emotionally, like winter, you
know, like I'm not a crier, I don't do a lot of that,
but it is something that it bringsall of my emotion to the forefront,
and it makes me like a humanfirst. I think sometimes though,
(37:59):
like our body just kinds of needsto release. So we'll talk of something
and then it's just we'll have theseout of proportion responses because it's just our
bodies being like, you know whatyou've been even keeping this inside. You're
literally going to kill somebody, sowhy don't you get a good cry out
so you go back to being abad bitch. And that's literally just have
(38:22):
bad days too to do, LikeI feel like I have never cried that
hard in my entire life. Megansaid, it's okay, and it is
okay, and it is okay.But yeah, those are some of my
intrusive thoughts. I'm Some other peoplediscussed there's UM. I got it off
of the Mighty website, which Iused to love them obviously, talked about
(38:44):
pedophilic actions, lots of driving intotraffic and them walking out and traffic exactly.
UM one of the ones that Inever thought about as an intrusive thought.
I literally just thought it was anxiety. Was everyone was laughing at me,
or everyone is talking behind my back? Like I never thought of that
(39:05):
as an intrusive thought. That also, I think is a common intrusive thought
for people who are neurodivergent. Yes, yes, and because their brain doesn't
process neurotypical interactions as just being interactionslike okay, So immediately when that that
interaction doesn't go the way that theyhad it scripted in their head, yep,
(39:29):
it immediately is oh my god,they hate me exactly. That induces
a trauma response. So that oneI never thought about it, and I
was like, damn, how oftendo I fucking say that? I sound
fucking paranoid at this point, whichI mean, let's embrace the paranoia.
There was one from a mother andshe said she's often she's not suicidal,
(39:53):
but she thinks about like how muchbetter her kid's life would be if she
wasn't there. Oh, which thatone I was just like, whoa.
The one that really fucks me upthat I get about is what happened if
I died? Like, like,what happened if I died today? Like
those type of thoughts and then thatjust sucks me up for the day.
(40:15):
Like I feel like I don't knowif here's the thing, and this is
gonna sound fucked up. I hadnever thought about if I died because it's
gonna sound char because I feel like, I, you know, I can't
die. This ship's gonna fall apart, and I can't think about that.
But I do think about, likewhat if Charles. I can't. I
can never have a thought about ifJay died because I will die in that
(40:36):
moment. Oh yeah, like myend. But yeah, exactly, it
doesn't matter because at that point,like I like it over anyway, so
fuck it. Um. But likeif my spouse died, and I mean
sometimes i'd be like, fuck thatmotherfucker. I fucking hay him. I
can't stay in his ass, butyou don't want him to die. But
I can't like that. No,that'll fuck me up. So it's thoughts
(41:00):
like that that, you know,they do make our lives a lot more
difficult. Also, I have avery gruesome one that I can't believe.
I actually wrote this down on paper, so I'm not going to say it,
um, but she's bad. SoI'm going to bring us out with
a ponderance to ponder Okay, Andobviously I didn't have time to fully research
(41:22):
this because a quick Google search didnot help because we wrote our notes like
an hour before we recorded. Sodo people who not who do not have
an inner monologue and they have intrusivethoughts? One, I still don't believe
(41:43):
when people say that they don't havean internal monologue. I think that they're
all I don't think that they're alllying. I think they didn't don't understand
what an internal monologue is. Butlike, so if like I have pictures
in my head as well as theinternal dialogue, and not only can I
have two pictures running at the sametime and have two dialogues and be singing
(42:07):
a song because of ADHD all thosetabs are open, every single fucking one
of them. How would so ifthey have a picture, So if they
see pictures, what is that picturejust telling them to jump off a bridge?
Like just like what if I didthat? That's the thing now that
(42:30):
I'm thinking about this. When theysee or hear something, they don't translate
that into their head. Yeah,Like I don't. I don't understand how
that happens. My gas are flatbored, right, now is yes, Like,
(42:52):
not only will I have a conversationwith myself in my head, I
also have a different one out loudwith myself. Basically yeah. And you're
like like, if you don't getthere, ass up and do this shit,
oh my god, I hate dD. And then in my head
I'm like chocolate Ray, that's becauseI have broken brain syndrome. So now
(43:23):
that we have gone down this rabbithole, we I do want to end
out by saying that these diagnosis area all diagnoses of privilege, period fucking
hell. So if you can geton the internet and you have these and
(43:44):
you say, you know what,I think that I fit the the diagnosis
criteria for autism, I think Ifit the diagnosis criteria for ADHD, I
think I fit the diagnosis criteria forOCD, Then you know what, those
are valid diagnoses. And as longas you're doing like a cognitive thing with
it, if you're figuring out howto better yourself through vitamins or through you
(44:09):
know, just changing your behaviors,that's completely valid. You know, unfortunately
can't get medicinal therapy until you geta diagnosis. But just for an example,
you want to know how much myADHD autists diagnosis cost one hundred thousand
dollars. Do you know how muchmy anxiety diagnosis cost? She'd about to
(44:34):
pay me to diagnose me with thatshit. I don't know how much it
costs. Because I was diagnosed asa child, as a privileged child,
wellstary stay yeah, yes, andso autism is the most privileged diagnosis of
them. Oh and also it canbe a problematic diagnosis to have. You
(45:00):
could be you can lose custody ofyour kids, you can, you can
yeah, you could be banned fromgoing to certain countries. You know,
not having a medical diagnosis of autismis okay, yep, you know as
long as you're doing the best thingyou could do for yourself. You know,
(45:22):
you could be actually autistic and nothave that official piece of paper because
that's a very expensive piece of paper. And all that piece of paper is
going to do is be like,oh, hey, look what I have.
No, it's literally look what Ican do. Yeah, it's literally
a piece of paper. Because there'sthe treatment for autism is symptomatic, and
(45:45):
you don't need a diagnosis to betreated for your symptoms. That's right.
So that being said, remember Megansaid bad bitch. Just have bad days
too, I know, that's right. Don't let them thoughts get you down.
You know, having grown up withmental illness, literally I had chronic
(46:08):
depression since I was two years old. Yeah, like, so as growing
up with it, especially as achild a girl of the nineties, we
had to figure it out for ourselvesand we had to mask and we had
to, you know, figure outhow to fit in society by ourselves.
Take advantage of any services you haveaccess to. But don't be ashamed if
(46:32):
you can't do it. That's right, that's right. And remember don't do
it. Don't do it, kids, Don't do it because it's not something
that you want to do it.It's just something that popped into your head.
Yeah, this I immediately like,if I get it, I'll like
try to listen to like a podcast, or I'll try to listen to some
songs or but my brain has tabsso I can still be playing in the
(46:57):
background. But yeahs As always,guys, thank you for listening to this
week's episode. Remember that you werethat bitch. I'll forever be that bitch.
Drink your water and take your xanaxclanks quick. Good night.
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