September 4, 2025 • 39 mins
After years of suffering with debilitating symptoms, Kate has just emerged from life-changing surgery with renewed health, clarity, and perspective. This deeply personal episode takes you through her journey with Stage IV endometriosis – from mysterious symptoms that doctors struggled to diagnose, to finding specialized care, to the transformative surgery that revealed just how extensively this disease had infiltrated her body.
The pathology results were staggering: endometriosis had invaded Kate's ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, appendix, colon, rectum, and more. Multiple organs were fused together by adhesions, explaining why even simple movements felt excruciating. Most surprising has been the dramatic improvement in her mental clarity, energy, and emotional stability since surgery – demonstrating how profoundly this chronic inflammation was affecting her brain chemistry and entire well-being.
Throughout this health battle, Kate's faith has been both tested and strengthened. Some might wonder how anyone would want to worship a God who "allowed" such suffering, and in this episode Kate answers by sharing her biblical understanding of brokenness, healing, and unconditional faith. The transformation Kate experienced hasn't just been physical – it has reinforced her conviction that even in our darkest moments, God remains present and faithful.
For anyone suffering with endometriosis or chronic illness, this episode offers both practical insights and spiritual encouragement. And for those questioning where God is in their pain, Kate's story provides a framework for understanding suffering through a lens of hope rather than despair. Join her in celebrating this new chapter and the miracle of waking up each day without chronic pain for the first time in over a decade.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey guys, this is Kate from Abitablecom and you're
listening to the AbitablePodcast.
I'm just a regular wife and momwho's had my life transformed
by learning to study the Bibleon my own.
If I can, you can.
On this show, I help you knowand love God more by abiding in
Him through His Word yourself.
(00:21):
Hello, I've broken away, snuckinto my office and I'm sitting
down attempting to do a sneakattack podcast that nobody knows
(00:43):
about, just because I can'twalk by this office one more
time without coming in and atleast giving you guys an update.
I miss talking to you so much.
It's been so hard to walk by myoffice and see my microphone
and my desk collecting dust andcollecting gifts and cards from
(01:04):
you guys.
Oh my gosh, you've prayed forme.
You have loved me so wellduring this pre-surgery, surgery
and post-surgery period.
I would love to give you anupdate.
I know some of you follow me onsocial media, but I know some of
you don't, and so, other thanwhat you hear on the podcast,
you may not have any idea howthings went.
(01:26):
If you had been following thepodcast for any period of time,
you knew that I had been dealingwith all kinds of health
complications, for I mean 10years, over 10 years, with
doctors trying to figure outdifferent things that could be
causing it.
Lots of blood tests, lots ofchanges, including personal
lifestyle, health, exercise,diet, it.
Lots of blood tests, lots ofchanges, including personal
(01:46):
lifestyle, health, exercise,diet, mattress, sleep all that
kind of um attempts, all thosekinds of attempts that I made to
try and see if I could feelbetter and overall, I just would
describe how I had been feelingfor a long time as garbage.
Now, um, you may have heard mesay during the lead up to my
surgery, which happened onAugust 19th, that I knew I had
(02:06):
endometriosis.
They had discovered it when Iwent through all my infertility
treatments with my son around2010.
But the doctor did an ablationprocedure at that time when he
was in there laparoscopicallydoing other things and gave me a
heads up that it would comeback with a vengeance after
pregnancy.
But I did not understand justhow serious endometriosis can be
(02:30):
.
I just thought it was like ohwell, I'm just going to have bad
weeks a couple of times a monthand that's just how it is and
I'll need to endure and that'sjust my life.
I had no idea that there was analternate procedure, and I also
didn't know that it couldaffect so many areas of your
life, including your mentalhealth, your digestive health,
(02:51):
um, your muscular and nervehealth.
Like inflammation is no joke,and that's what endometriosis is
.
And so, through the gracioushand of God, he led me.
First of all, the pain got sobad that there really wasn't an
alternate option.
I had to find something, and so, when we took my IUD out in
(03:15):
January, my symptoms just likeexploded.
It got way worse, worse andworse each month.
And, lo and behold, godreminded me of a Facebook group
that I had been added to likeeight years ago, when I had been
, in passing, had a conversation, having a conversation with a
friend who also hadendometriosis and had had
(03:38):
surgery to remove it as well asa hysterectomy, and she had said
oh, do you know about Nancy'sNook?
I want to say it here on thepodcast in case you or anyone
you know has endometriosis,because you need to send them to
this Facebook page, nancy'sNook Endometriosis page.
It's like a self-guided with225,000 women.
One in 10 women haveendometriosis, by the way.
(04:01):
I didn't know.
That Makes sense why there's somany women in this group, and
more and more people arebecoming aware about how
invasive and destructive andpervasive this disease is.
Anyway, I don't want to makethis a podcast about
endometriosis, but it's a greatresource.
And so I went on there andstarted reading and started
(04:21):
seeing these women describe theall-encompassing, life-altering,
destructive power ofendometriosis and I was like
that is me.
I didn't realize that the painI was waking up in every single
morning across my back and myshoulders and my mood swings and
my low energy and my brain fogand my dietary stuff like
(04:46):
digestive, like just bloating,like feeling I was like like I
was four or five months pregnantafter eating a meal, just like
constant discomfort andexhaustion and then terrible
sleep.
I was like, oh, all these womenare describing my story.
So I went into the resources fordoctors to see, okay, well, is
(05:07):
there a doctor?
And I had done this, like Ithink briefly, several years ago
when I was like I wonder if Ishould look more into the
endometriosis thing, and I hadseen that there was a doctor
local but realized that she wasout of network.
So I quickly moved on because Ididn't think it was important
enough to spend that kind ofmoney and so I had briefly, like
(05:28):
, looked at this resource.
But circling back now, whathappened is, as I'm going
through the states and the listof the states on the list of
doctors internationally, butalso just in the US, I'm
realizing, oh my gosh, like moststates only have one, some
don't have any, and so I'mscrolling, scrolling, scrolling
to Washington and sure enough,there's only one doctor, and it
is that same doctor.
(05:48):
She's still in practice andshe's only 15 minutes from my
house.
And so I think, oh my gosh,like I need to look into this,
and I did.
They were amazing at the office,they had a cancellation.
They got me in in two weeks formy consult.
She did a ultrasound.
I had just had an ultrasounddone a month prior with my own
(06:09):
OB and they found like one 10thof what this doctor, who is
skilled and trained I'm notslamming my OB, cause I really
liked her but they found, youknow, 10 times more than what my
own doctor had just seen withan ultrasound that I had had a
month prior.
Um, and she, you know, answeredall of my questions and looked
at me and finally was the firstperson that understood and was
(06:30):
like you know, it makes a lot ofsense.
I this is the reason you'vebeen feeling the way you've been
feeling and we can help and wecan fix you.
So I scheduled my surgery forAugust and leading up to it, um,
things got worse and worse andworse.
And April, when I had met withher, she was like, do you need
any like hormone help or anyother medication, help with the
(06:52):
pain?
And I was like I'll be fine.
But by the time I made it toand I said that to her the
morning of my surgery, I said Iam barely hanging on.
It had gotten so much worseeven in those few months, and so
I was just really ready, I wasapprehensive, I knew God had me.
I'm really grateful that I'vebeen abiding with God and I want
to talk about that here withyou in a minute.
(07:13):
But I'm really grateful thatI've been abiding with God in
the way that I have, because ithelped prepare me to go through
that.
It's scary to be put under.
It's scary when you're a mom to, yeah, go through that kind of
procedure and be put to sleepand know that complications and
scary things can happen.
This is not necessarily aroutine procedure, but it's not.
Like you know, people do well,people do fine.
(07:35):
It's just a long over fivehours, at least for me, is what
they had me scheduled for.
So it was a little bit hard tobe put under, but like I just
and my husband knew, like Jasonknew, my family knew my friends
it's like I needed to have thisprocedure done and so I did, and
it was a little over five hours, and when man it's still like
(08:00):
it's hard to take a deep breathbecause I was intubated for so
long and I haven't talked thismuch.
So when I take a deep breathI'm still working on my
breathing exercises.
Full confession, I should bedoing it more frequently,
blowing into that little thing.
I don't know if you guys know,if you ever had surgery, but
(08:21):
yeah, they came out andconfirmed everything that they
had anticipated Seeing in there.
Endometriosis is tricky becauseit's not easily detected,
confirmed, apart from surgery,and this was a robotic surgery.
And so it just was amazing formy family to hear I was still
groggy and waking up, but for myfamily to hear that it was bad
(08:44):
and the surgery needed to bedone.
This doctor performs excisionof endometriosis, and so not
only was she going to be cuttingout any spots where she saw
endometriosis, which sheanticipated would be all over,
but also to take my uterusbecause of adenomyosis.
The tissue was on the insideand my uterus was three times
(09:06):
too big, and so we knew that shewas going to be doing that.
But there were several otherthings that they found.
So it was just necessary andamazing.
And God his hand in bringing meto this conclusion.
You know he had tried prior,the resources had been there
prior, but I didn't.
I didn't know, I didn't know itwas this serious and that I
(09:28):
would need to.
Um, I wish I had you know.
So spread the word.
If you know anybody who hasmassive um painful monthly
cycles and knows that they haveendometriosis, it's only going
to get worse.
Like, spread the word for themto go take care of it and take
care of it.
It's worth the money.
I mean I'm telling you, likeI'm, it is every um, every cent
(09:49):
well worth it for how I alreadyfeel, um, which I want to talk
to you about.
So yesterday I got my pathologyback.
Um, I know this isn't like aBible study podcast, so I'm
having like a little bit of ahard time talking in this detail
about it, but I guess whathappens like this is what I'm
told.
I hope is that you know when wedo life the way that we have.
(10:12):
I mean, we've done 60 plusepisodes together here on the
Abideable podcast and I do sharea lot of my life and my story
as we learn the Bible and as westudy the Bible together, and so
certainly you don't have tolisten to all these details if
it, if it's not interesting toyou, but this is my story and
it's also a testimony of whatGod has done.
I did not realize how sick I was.
(10:32):
So yesterday I got my pathologyback from the doctor's office
and had my phone call with thenurse and they do these cases
all the time and I'm not sayingthat she was saying that this
was the worst case that she everhad, but she confirmed for sure
that it was stage four, theworst kind of endometriosis that
you can have, and there wereseveral times where she actually
had to look up words that shehad not seen used before by
(10:56):
pathology.
And also one thing that reallystuck out to me was that my
adenomyosis in my uterus, whichis again where uterine tissue
grows I'm reading their reporthere grows deep into the muscle
of the uterus.
It's super rare, I guess, forthe pathologist to officially
call it that in the report, evenwhen the surgeon knows it's
(11:18):
there Usually the sample.
That's because usually thesample isn't significant enough
to warrant a formal diagnosis.
But she listed mine pathology Imean listed mine as deep
adenomyosis, and so the nursesaid that she had never once
seen a pathologist document itthat way.
So it was pretty bad.
Here's the list of the rest ofwhat they found inside.
(11:41):
Both of my ovaries containedendometriomas, which are cysts
filled with endometriosis tissueand blood.
One even had hemosodesserin.
I can't even pronounce a lot ofthese words, you guys, but
these are deposits, irondeposits from repeated bleeding.
So if you've ever had anovarian cyst which I've had all
(12:03):
throughout my life they're verypainful.
I've been to the ER before withovarian cysts and so I had
these massive cysts filled withendometriosis on both of my
ovaries.
I also had endometriosis on mypelvic sidewalls, both
utero-sacral ligaments, myuterus.
(12:23):
So I had to add no inside, butthe endometriosis was covering
the outside of my uterus,Fallopian tube, appendix they
had to take my appendix, sigmoidcolon rectum and the mesentery.
I don't know if that's the sameas the cecum, but it's the
connective tissue, I think, thatholds the intestines in place.
Endometriosis had literallyinvaded the muscle layers of my
(12:44):
intestines and my appendix.
My rectum was fused to mycervix with dense adhesions
requiring a bowel resection.
They had to cut a portion of mybowel out and then reconnect it
.
My uterus had multiple fibroids, so it had the adeno and the
deep adenomyosis and it had theendometriosis adhesions on the
(13:05):
outside, but it also hadmultiple fibroids.
She said it was like bumpy onthe top too.
One fallopian tube wasshortened and diseased with
paratubal endometriosis.
My appendix had endometriosisgrowing through its muscular
wall.
My rectum and sigmoid colon hadendometriosis inside their
muscle layer.
And I think she also mentionedthat there was a kink.
(13:26):
Multiple organs were stucktogether by fibrous adhesions,
which makes a lot of sense,because I would like try to roll
over at night and it would feellike my body, my insides, were
tearing.
That's because everything wasstuck together because of my
endometriosis.
So and if you, oh my gosh, it'sjust overwhelming to like read
it all back, because everywhereit was everywhere, but, praise
(13:51):
God, none of those tumors ormasses were malignant.
Everything was clear for scarystuff, and so it's like, wow,
that is what was going on thatmade me so exhausted Like I.
I have been tired for a verylong time and my moods go up and
down and, um, my energy is justlike I would always feel, like
(14:15):
what you know, I'm such a loser,like I'm just being honest,
like I'd get so frustratedbecause I didn't really, which
you may think, oh, but you'vedone Abitable on the podcast,
and like you guys know me onthis front, and like that's just
an absolute testimony to the,the incomprehensible power of
(14:38):
God in me, of Christ in me,because I have not felt well for
so long and so being able to dothe things that I've been able
to do are a testimony to God inme.
I've been studying too, likejust asking to learn and
understand better, like what wasgoing on because of this
(15:02):
disease in my body, and so likean example is how chronic
inflammation was affecting mybrain.
So I've learned that it justmeans endometriosis, and
adenomyosis means that my bodywas constantly inflamed.
The lesions secretedinflammatory molecules,
cytokines that didn't just staylocal, they entered my
(15:23):
bloodstream and crossed into mybrain.
That neuroinflammationscrambled the balance of
neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine
Norepinephrine, I can't say.
The result was depression, lowmotivation, fatigue and a
constant heaviness.
That felt like living in a fogafter surgery, with
(15:45):
endometriosis excised andadenomyosis removed with my
uterus, the inflammatory burdendropped because I started to
feel better.
Immediately, you guys, neuroinflammation began to calm, my
neurotransmitters reset andsuddenly and this is exactly
what happened I could feel likeoverwhelming joy again.
It's like a sickness induced,darkness lifted and my brain
(16:06):
could finally see light.
Then there's the hormone chaosthat happens because of
endometriosis.
It thrives, I learned, onestrogen.
So month after month, hormonalswings fueled more growth and
more inflammation.
This is what I was trying todescribe, was happening to me
for a long time, but itamplified when I took my IUD out
(16:27):
, which I had had put in from agyno who was trying to suggest,
like, let's put your cycle tosleep and that'll help.
It's very common for womenwithout endometriosis to be
diagnosed or, excuse me, to betreated with birth control, and
so that's what I had tried andit had helped for a while.
But then I was having stabbingpain, you know, breaking through
(16:49):
anyway.
So when I took out my IUD, itamplified, and that's what it's
saying here, that myinflammation just grew more and
more.
So these surges alsodestabilize your brain chemistry
and the chronic stress of thatover-activated my HPA axis,
(17:09):
which is my body's stressresponse system.
So cortisol flooded my brainand suppressed the very regions
that regulate mood and hope.
By removing my uterus and theadenomyosis that lived inside it
and excising the diseasedtissue, my hormones are finding
a steadier rhythm.
There's no more destructivemonthly cycle, no more
unpredictable storms.
(17:30):
The steadiness has calmed mystress response, lifted my mood
and brought clarity of thoughtthat I have not experienced in
years.
It's amazing.
And then there's the gut factor.
Endometriosis had infiltratedmy rectum, sigmoid, colon and
appendix.
This wasn't just painful, itwas disruptive to the gut-brain
(17:53):
axis.
About 90% of the body'sserotonin is made in the gut.
My diseased bowels werecontributing to dysbiosis,
unhealthy gut bacteria andinflammation, which leaked
through to my bloodstream andbrain.
Post-surgery, with diseasedbowel segments removed and my
appendix taken out, my gut hasbeen able to start healing.
Inflammation is down.
(18:13):
My microbiome can rebalance.
Serotonin production in my gutis recovering.
Serotonin production in my gutis recovering, which again means
my mood, energy and clarity arerecovering too.
So, in short, my surgery resetmy whole body.
I just keep waking up like inthe middle of the night.
I'm in this like motorizedchair that I'm borrowing from my
(18:36):
dad.
It's a recliner.
It's amazing.
It's like been so helpful in myrecovery and just getting up
and getting back down, which I'mdoing with much more ease as
each day passes, and I'm out forlong walks.
I walked all the way to myparents' house yesterday, but
like I'll just sit up.
I like you know, like I'm an85-year-old woman, but I'll sit
(18:58):
up in the middle of the night.
I'll just like smile in thedark and I wake up and I'm not
in pain.
I wake up and I feel rested andI wake up and I feel like a
brand new person.
I feel like I have energy, likeI could conquer the world, and
I feel that way even though I'mstill I mean, I still have.
I had like eight holes in mybody, in my, in my stomach, my
(19:21):
abdomen eight incisions, um, oropenings in my abdomen after the
surgery, and so there's likereal incisions and real, like
I'm still bruised and still, youknow I got to take it easy.
Still, um, I'm only two, twoand a half weeks past my surgery
, but I'm just a totallydifferent person, um, and I'm
(19:44):
overwhelmed with gratitude.
You know I was thinking about,like when I make a post like
this on Facebook.
You know, like I said, um, youknow I was just giving credit.
You know like this is notcredit to me.
I know that I'm a quitter.
I know I wouldn't have enduredlike abidable or homeschooling
or life or showing up in any way, like I know myself well enough
to know that I just would havestayed in bed.
(20:06):
So the only explanation is theLord was literally
supernaturally carrying me andany good that came out of my
life in those years was not me,but Christ in me.
Like someone who's not abeliever maybe that's you and
you're here just listening tothe story Like you're, like no,
you're strong, kate.
Like you, that's you.
Like you chose, and Iappreciate, like I know, that
you're trying to encourage me,um, and you know, like we like
(20:29):
to tell each other that we'restrong.
And there is an element yes,like I've chosen, I had a choice
, um, but even that, I would say, was a God empowerment, a Holy
Spirit empowerment, to choose tokeep showing up for my life and
in spite of the fact that I wasin pain because, again, like I
know myself, and so I just wassaying like how God has answered
(20:54):
my cry for deliverance, notspiritually only, but also
physically.
He used doctors, one of thebest in the world, right down
the street, medicine and surgeryto heal me.
He made a way where there wasno way and sprung new streams in
the desert.
My God still works miracles.
You know, when I said Isaiah 43, 18 to 19,.
Remember, not the former things, nor consider the things of old
.
Behold, I am doing a new thing.
(21:16):
Now it springs forth, do younot perceive it?
I will make a way in thewilderness and rivers in the
desert.
I said at the end of this posthere on my this is just my
personal Facebook page I put ablog post.
If you want to read the rest ofthis, this is up on biteablecom
on the blog.
But I just ended by saying,like, my God still works
(21:36):
miracles and if he can do it inme, he can do it in you.
He is everything you need forwhatever you need.
I have tried to live lifewithout him so many times, but
knowing what I know now, afterfour years of clinging to him,
like my life depended on it,because it did, and through his
word, I will never let go of himagain.
Today I remember, I give thanksand testify the Lord has healed
(21:58):
me and I was thinking, like youknow, I have a lot of people
who I love, who don't love Jesusfor whatever reason, and they
might read a post like this andsay, like how can you worship a
God that let you, that gave youendometriosis, like you've
suffered for 10 years, more than10 years?
(22:19):
Like, why are you worshiping aGod who allows disease like that
to happen in the world?
And I understand that question.
But I don't agree theologicallywith that question.
I don't believe that God is theoriginator or creator of
disease.
I believe that sin is the causeof disease.
(22:41):
And I'm not saying my specificsin led to endometriosis, though
I am sinful.
I'm saying that sin entered theworld when Adam and Eve chose
to completely turn their back onthe God who had created
paradise.
Eden means paradise, aluxurious, extravagant paradise
(23:06):
with everything that they everneeded.
They turned their back on him.
You know he wanted relationshipwith them.
He walked with them, he knewthem personally, intimately, and
he made them in his image to dolife together.
And they didn't want that.
They wanted to do life on theirown terms.
And the one thing you know, hegave them free will.
(23:29):
And the one thing that theywere not allowed God made
everything.
So God can say you can havethis and you can't have that.
And what they were not allowedto have, they took.
And sin entered the world.
Right, and that's the I mean.
If you don't agree with that,and it's because maybe you don't
have a biblical worldview ofthe creation of the world and
(23:49):
how brokenness and you wouldn'tsay sin, how trouble or the
reason.
I don't know if you.
How do you explain the way thathumans treat each other?
I don't know what you call itviolence.
What's the reason for it?
What's the origination of it?
Do you think that man isinherently good?
Have you ever been around atoddler for more than 10 minutes
(24:11):
?
I don't know how you can thinkthat.
But sin entered the world andit's my belief, biblical belief,
that part of that, a part ofthat, is disease, like
endometriosis, so it's notsomething that God caused.
Now I do believe that God, inhis wisdom, allows things to
cross our doorstep for multiplereasons, some which we may know
(24:34):
on this earth and some which wemay not.
I think for me there's amillion different reasons, not a
million, I like to exaggerate,but there are plenty of reasons
that I can see why God hasallowed this in my life.
The greatest two would be as anopportunity to suffer well for
(24:55):
Him, for His glory, to tellother people that I don't serve
God conditionally based on Himgiving me everything that I want
, whatever I want.
Like if he had never healed meof this, if I had continued to
feel this way, he still.
The cross alone is reason andevidence and proof for me that
he is worthy of all my worshipand worthy of me living my life
(25:16):
for Him and for His glory.
And so I want to tell otherpeople that I want to testify
about His goodness and who he isand what he's done.
Certainly, all throughoutScripture and in the Bible
leading up to and culminating inthe cross, seeing that we had a
sin problem and immediately inthe garden, putting a plan in
place and a rescue mission inplace through the seed of the
(25:37):
woman who would crush the headof the serpent.
Um, through the promiseeventually fulfilled in Jesus,
our Messiah, who died on thecross for our sins, to take away
our sins, the sins of the wholeworld, and set us free.
So, um, yeah, like for me,that's a huge reason why tough
(25:57):
stuff, and I know so manybelievers.
You know Christians get thingswrong, but you know the media
and social media also don't do agood job.
I've been in the church for along time and the way that I
have seen Jesus-loving,christ-following,
bible-believing Christiansrespond to hardship, trial, not
(26:21):
just in their own lives, but inthe ways that they love and
serve each other through that,there's nothing like the body of
Christ on the face of the earth.
When the body of Christoperates the way that it's
supposed to, when the church isas the bride of Christ, who we
are called to be, there'snothing like it.
And I have seen people doamazing things, whether they
themselves were suffering orwhether they were coming
(26:41):
alongside others who weresuffering, and there's a lot of
beauty.
Now, I'm not saying thatnon-believers don't do beautiful
things and serve each other andbe incredible Oftentimes
sometimes maybe even better thanChristians, because they are
striving for goodness.
That's their identity.
If that's you, I love you.
(27:02):
I know that you are tryingreally hard to be a good person
because you feel like it's areally important thing to do.
Where does that desire comefrom, I would ask you?
But also, none of us can befully good all the time.
And what do we do with thethings that we screw up and when
we sin and when we blow it,like, what do we do with that?
And also, what's the standard?
(27:25):
How do you know if you're goodenough?
How do you know if you aregoing to cross the finish line?
There's no race course, there'sno finish line, there's nobody
to tell you.
That is good enough, and youcould say, I guess maybe, that
you just are going to set yourown course and run your own race
and be good enough according toyour own standards and that's
good enough for you.
(27:46):
But what if you're wrong?
You know what if you're wrong?
That's what scares me for peoplethat I love, who don't give
Jesus a chance, because I mean,at least I know myself and I
know that I can never be goodenough, consistently enough, to
meet a standard of a holy Godwhich he allows to set.
He is holy and he can't bearound sin, and yet he chose to
(28:10):
come down and be man and turn tothe world and be the God-man,
jesus Christ, and live a sinless, perfect life in our place, to
do the things that we couldn'tdo and fulfill the laws that we
could not fulfill, and then todie in our place.
I mean, it's justincomprehensible, and so that's
(28:34):
what I believe in terms of likehow could a God, good, loving
God, allow you to suffer likethat?
How could you worship a Godthat has allowed you to suffer
like that?
And I would say, well,suffering like this is the
result of sin in the fall, andhe came and sent his son to do
something about it.
(28:54):
He's not Buddha sitting upabove it telling us to stop
feeling and reach nirvana and,you know, remove ourselves from
the world and from the pain ofthe world through our own
meditation and efforts.
He came down into it and heexperienced it and he felt it
and he was crucified for it andhe overcame sin and death by
(29:17):
dying on the cross and thenresurrecting three days later.
So God I would say my God iscoming to fix the sin problem
that we created and there arestill effects of it while this
earth remains and while we'rehere.
But even in it, he does thingslike he did for me by providing
me with this group and leadingme in this direction and giving
me this doctor and making anopening where there was none and
(29:40):
providing the finances andgiving this doctor the doctors I
had too I had a second surgeongiving them the skill that they
needed to be able to perform thesurgery that I needed.
I would say that all of thatcomes from the hand of God.
And then he's also been veryactive and present in my
recovery and giving meeverything that I need to help
me with my pain and recoveryprocess, and is working even now
(30:04):
.
I would say my God is amazingbecause he's knitting my body
back together after all thesethings were cut out of it and I
was able to walk.
At 5 am the day after mysurgery, I was already up
walking to the nurse's station.
Like our bodies that he createdare amazing.
And so I would say that's notscience, that's not medicine
(30:27):
alone, that is God, throughscience and medicine.
Like, I believe that he's theone who gives everyone the minds
and the skills, um, to figurethat kind of stuff out, cause
science and medicine are amazing.
But they're amazing because Ibelieve God's behind all of that
.
Even if somebody, he usespeople, even if they're not a
believer.
He gives them you know, that'scommon grace he gives.
(30:49):
He gives gifts and um grace topeople who don't even don't even
believe in him, and he usesthose people to do amazing
things.
And so that's what I would saythat God didn't create my
endometriosis.
It's a result of the fall, buthe absolutely actively did
(31:10):
something about it, first in theperson of Jesus and then second
in all the ways that he hascome alongside me and helped me
through it.
And he's just by my side and Ilove him and I will worship him.
And and I also would say that,like I mentioned briefly in this
I'll just wrap this up my um,what I've learned has taken some
(31:34):
time and years, is that I amnot going to just choose him if
everything in my life goes theway I want it to, when I want it
to.
Like that's not, that's a guythat's fashioned in my own image
(31:54):
because I don't even know.
It's like I don't know what'sbest for me.
And then everybody around melike the decisions that I make,
how they impact the world aroundme and all the ripple effects
of that.
Like I am one person.
I'm not sovereign, I'm notomnipotent.
I am not, I'm not sovereign,I'm not omnipotent, I am not
(32:20):
able to make those kinds ofeternal decisions.
And so I want to worship Godfor what I know to be true about
him in the word, which neverchanges, because he never
changes, and I want to build myhouse.
That's why this song was sosignificant from foundation for
me, because that line, rain came, winds blew, but my house was
(32:44):
built on you.
That's not always been my story.
There've been a lot of seasonswhen my love hi Brody, my little
pup, wants to be with me, wheremy love for God was conditional
, based on him giving me what Iwanted when I wanted.
And so the reason I can worshipGod, even if I have
endometriosis, is becauseendometriosis or pain or
(33:09):
suffering cannot.
Now that I know him I've beenstudying my Bible for four years
Now that I know him that cannoteven begin to taint who he is
and what he's done.
It doesn't matter.
Like that is insignificant.
(33:30):
Like I have enough reason topraise him for the rest of my
life, like I said, just for thecross alone, just for the fact
that he saw my sin problem andhe made a plan and he left
heaven and he came to earth andhe lived a perfect, sinless life
and he died in my place for mysins and then offered me the
gift of eternal life by grace,through faith in Christ.
(33:53):
That's enough to praise him.
I don't care.
It's like endometriosis sucks,pain sucks.
I'm not minimizing suffering,because suffering is hard and my
suffering may be nothingcompared to your suffering.
It's certainly nothing comparedto some of the suffering that
people are experiencing rightnow in the world.
Suffering is really hard, butit's also just part of the
(34:17):
package deal that we got when wechose to turn our back on him
and do things our way.
He gave us what we wanted andif it wasn't Adam and Eve, it
would have been you and I, so wecan't blame them, like my son
likes to do.
He plans on having a stronglyworded conversation with Adam
and Eve when he gets to heaven,but we're helping him understand
(34:39):
that he would have made thesame decision.
So, anyway, I just wanted tocome say hello.
It's kind of took a differentdirection.
I ended up probably talkingmore about I guess that was just
what was on my heart.
I thought you know there'sprobably people who are seeing
me say this and thinking likeshe's just.
You know, faith is the opiateof the masses.
(35:01):
She's just, like you know,sucked into this cult of
Christianity, like havingsuffered for 10 years and saying
God is good.
That is a lunatics argument.
You know to turn around and notbe mad at the God who,
supposedly, if you believe inGod, like where was he?
(35:22):
That kind of question andsomebody asking that might be
asking that also from a painpoint, where they wonder in
their own life why God allowedcertain things to happen and
where he was when those thingshappened.
And I've been there.
I've been there, I've askedthose questions and I've turned
my back on him and I've walkedaway to go do my own thing.
And those were the worstseasons of my life.
(35:44):
I will never, ever again walkaway from him.
I can't now, because of what Iknow, because of what I've
learned as I've studied his wordabout who he is and what he's
done, I cannot.
Where else would I go?
Peter says this you know, whenJesus has given some hard
teaching like following Jesus ishard, being a believer is hard.
He had given some hard teaching.
People had walked away from him.
(36:04):
He looked at the rest of hisdisciples and he said are you
going to leave me too?
And Peter said where would wego?
Lord, you have the words oflife, and that's what I've
learned.
He has the words of life andthat's what I've learned.
He has the words of life.
He is the resurrection and thelife.
He is the way, the truth andthe life, and there is no way to
the father but through him, andso I choose him.
I choose him regardless of whatI might face in this world, and
(36:25):
that is what was on my heart, Iguess, to share today, in
addition to just giving you anupdate and thanking you for
praying and letting you know I'mdoing okay.
I've had a few setbacks.
I had a really bad rash thathad to be treated with a steroid
that was unbelievably painful,even for my shirt to touch it.
I think I might have a eitherbladder and or kidney infection
(36:49):
going on right now, which isbeing treated by antibiotics.
I'm trying to wean off mymedication.
It's still a little bit hard.
I'm actually right now, praiseGod, a couple hours past my
normal time and I'm sitting heretalking to you, so that's a
miracle in and of itself and I'mout walking.
I'm sleeping really great.
(37:10):
I'm still on a very restricteddiet, but God is sustaining me
through that and providingthrough local friends and family
, especially my amazing mom,who's been making all my meals
for me since I'm on a restricteddiet.
Um, I just feel like reallyloved, really seen Um, and I'm
(37:30):
bursting at the seams withcreativity and things that I
want to share.
So thanks for letting me comeon with, like an unfiltered,
unedited I'm not sending thisoff to my buddy, ian, because
he's on a break too right nowfor all the time that he helped
edit, so I'll just kind of stickthis one together with tape and
glue and get it out there.
Brody's really mad at me forignoring him, and so he says
(37:51):
it's time to be done, um, withthis episode, and so I just
wanted to come on, say hello,give you an update, let you know
that I will be back with mybest friend.
Jason's going to be joining meon the podcast, our first
episode of the, our firstepisode of our ask us anything
series.
The questions have now closed.
(38:12):
We've got tons of questionsfrom you guys, from our
listeners, um, that we are goingto be answering.
So that should launch on Monday, september 15th, if all goes
well.
Ian's coming over with his wife,kelsey, this weekend to hang
with us and he's going to helpset up the two microphones for
us, and I cannot wait to bringhim on the podcast because he's
the wisest person I know.
(38:33):
He is the reason that I havebeen able to remain so steadfast
in the Lord.
He just encourages me always tokeep going.
When he opens his mouth, likeI'm either dying laughing which
has been a problem duringsurgery, because it hurts to
laugh, um, not during surgery,during surgery, recovery, um or
(38:54):
he just has some incrediblenugget of wisdom.
He sees situations really welland I'm very excited to bring
him on because I think he's thebetter half, um, and you're
going to benefit so much fromhearing from him, so we'll be
back soon.
I miss you guys.
Hope this was just a fun littleupdate and thanks for listening
.
We'll see you next time.
(39:15):
Until then, let's abide.
Hey guys, this is Kate from Abitablecom and you're
listening to the AbitablePodcast.
I'm just a regular wife and momwho's had my life transformed
by learning to study the Bibleon my own.
If I can, you can.
On this show, I help you knowand love God more by abiding in
Him through His Word yourself.
(00:21):
Hello, I've broken away, snuckinto my office and I'm sitting
down attempting to do a sneakattack podcast that nobody knows
(00:43):
about, just because I can'twalk by this office one more
time without coming in and atleast giving you guys an update.
I miss talking to you so much.
It's been so hard to walk by myoffice and see my microphone
and my desk collecting dust andcollecting gifts and cards from
(01:04):
you guys.
Oh my gosh, you've prayed forme.
You have loved me so wellduring this pre-surgery, surgery
and post-surgery period.
I would love to give you anupdate.
I know some of you follow me onsocial media, but I know some of
you don't, and so, other thanwhat you hear on the podcast,
you may not have any idea howthings went.
(01:26):
If you had been following thepodcast for any period of time,
you knew that I had been dealingwith all kinds of health
complications, for I mean 10years, over 10 years, with
doctors trying to figure outdifferent things that could be
causing it.
Lots of blood tests, lots ofchanges, including personal
lifestyle, health, exercise,diet, it.
Lots of blood tests, lots ofchanges, including personal
(01:46):
lifestyle, health, exercise,diet, mattress, sleep all that
kind of um attempts, all thosekinds of attempts that I made to
try and see if I could feelbetter and overall, I just would
describe how I had been feelingfor a long time as garbage.
Now, um, you may have heard mesay during the lead up to my
surgery, which happened onAugust 19th, that I knew I had
(02:06):
endometriosis.
They had discovered it when Iwent through all my infertility
treatments with my son around2010.
But the doctor did an ablationprocedure at that time when he
was in there laparoscopicallydoing other things and gave me a
heads up that it would comeback with a vengeance after
pregnancy.
But I did not understand justhow serious endometriosis can be
(02:30):
.
I just thought it was like ohwell, I'm just going to have bad
weeks a couple of times a monthand that's just how it is and
I'll need to endure and that'sjust my life.
I had no idea that there was analternate procedure, and I also
didn't know that it couldaffect so many areas of your
life, including your mentalhealth, your digestive health,
(02:51):
um, your muscular and nervehealth.
Like inflammation is no joke,and that's what endometriosis is
.
And so, through the gracioushand of God, he led me.
First of all, the pain got sobad that there really wasn't an
alternate option.
I had to find something, and so, when we took my IUD out in
(03:15):
January, my symptoms just likeexploded.
It got way worse, worse andworse each month.
And, lo and behold, godreminded me of a Facebook group
that I had been added to likeeight years ago, when I had been
, in passing, had a conversation, having a conversation with a
friend who also hadendometriosis and had had
(03:38):
surgery to remove it as well asa hysterectomy, and she had said
oh, do you know about Nancy'sNook?
I want to say it here on thepodcast in case you or anyone
you know has endometriosis,because you need to send them to
this Facebook page, nancy'sNook Endometriosis page.
It's like a self-guided with225,000 women.
One in 10 women haveendometriosis, by the way.
(04:01):
I didn't know.
That Makes sense why there's somany women in this group, and
more and more people arebecoming aware about how
invasive and destructive andpervasive this disease is.
Anyway, I don't want to makethis a podcast about
endometriosis, but it's a greatresource.
And so I went on there andstarted reading and started
(04:21):
seeing these women describe theall-encompassing, life-altering,
destructive power ofendometriosis and I was like
that is me.
I didn't realize that the painI was waking up in every single
morning across my back and myshoulders and my mood swings and
my low energy and my brain fogand my dietary stuff like
(04:46):
digestive, like just bloating,like feeling I was like like I
was four or five months pregnantafter eating a meal, just like
constant discomfort andexhaustion and then terrible
sleep.
I was like, oh, all these womenare describing my story.
So I went into the resources fordoctors to see, okay, well, is
(05:07):
there a doctor?
And I had done this, like Ithink briefly, several years ago
when I was like I wonder if Ishould look more into the
endometriosis thing, and I hadseen that there was a doctor
local but realized that she wasout of network.
So I quickly moved on because Ididn't think it was important
enough to spend that kind ofmoney and so I had briefly, like
(05:28):
, looked at this resource.
But circling back now, whathappened is, as I'm going
through the states and the listof the states on the list of
doctors internationally, butalso just in the US, I'm
realizing, oh my gosh, like moststates only have one, some
don't have any, and so I'mscrolling, scrolling, scrolling
to Washington and sure enough,there's only one doctor, and it
is that same doctor.
(05:48):
She's still in practice andshe's only 15 minutes from my
house.
And so I think, oh my gosh,like I need to look into this,
and I did.
They were amazing at the office,they had a cancellation.
They got me in in two weeks formy consult.
She did a ultrasound.
I had just had an ultrasounddone a month prior with my own
(06:09):
OB and they found like one 10thof what this doctor, who is
skilled and trained I'm notslamming my OB, cause I really
liked her but they found, youknow, 10 times more than what my
own doctor had just seen withan ultrasound that I had had a
month prior.
Um, and she, you know, answeredall of my questions and looked
at me and finally was the firstperson that understood and was
(06:30):
like you know, it makes a lot ofsense.
I this is the reason you'vebeen feeling the way you've been
feeling and we can help and wecan fix you.
So I scheduled my surgery forAugust and leading up to it, um,
things got worse and worse andworse.
And April, when I had met withher, she was like, do you need
any like hormone help or anyother medication, help with the
(06:52):
pain?
And I was like I'll be fine.
But by the time I made it toand I said that to her the
morning of my surgery, I said Iam barely hanging on.
It had gotten so much worseeven in those few months, and so
I was just really ready, I wasapprehensive, I knew God had me.
I'm really grateful that I'vebeen abiding with God and I want
to talk about that here withyou in a minute.
(07:13):
But I'm really grateful thatI've been abiding with God in
the way that I have, because ithelped prepare me to go through
that.
It's scary to be put under.
It's scary when you're a mom to, yeah, go through that kind of
procedure and be put to sleepand know that complications and
scary things can happen.
This is not necessarily aroutine procedure, but it's not.
Like you know, people do well,people do fine.
(07:35):
It's just a long over fivehours, at least for me, is what
they had me scheduled for.
So it was a little bit hard tobe put under, but like I just
and my husband knew, like Jasonknew, my family knew my friends
it's like I needed to have thisprocedure done and so I did, and
it was a little over five hours, and when man it's still like
(08:00):
it's hard to take a deep breathbecause I was intubated for so
long and I haven't talked thismuch.
So when I take a deep breathI'm still working on my
breathing exercises.
Full confession, I should bedoing it more frequently,
blowing into that little thing.
I don't know if you guys know,if you ever had surgery, but
(08:21):
yeah, they came out andconfirmed everything that they
had anticipated Seeing in there.
Endometriosis is tricky becauseit's not easily detected,
confirmed, apart from surgery,and this was a robotic surgery.
And so it just was amazing formy family to hear I was still
groggy and waking up, but for myfamily to hear that it was bad
(08:44):
and the surgery needed to bedone.
This doctor performs excisionof endometriosis, and so not
only was she going to be cuttingout any spots where she saw
endometriosis, which sheanticipated would be all over,
but also to take my uterusbecause of adenomyosis.
The tissue was on the insideand my uterus was three times
(09:06):
too big, and so we knew that shewas going to be doing that.
But there were several otherthings that they found.
So it was just necessary andamazing.
And God his hand in bringing meto this conclusion.
You know he had tried prior,the resources had been there
prior, but I didn't.
I didn't know, I didn't know itwas this serious and that I
(09:28):
would need to.
Um, I wish I had you know.
So spread the word.
If you know anybody who hasmassive um painful monthly
cycles and knows that they haveendometriosis, it's only going
to get worse.
Like, spread the word for themto go take care of it and take
care of it.
It's worth the money.
I mean I'm telling you, likeI'm, it is every um, every cent
(09:49):
well worth it for how I alreadyfeel, um, which I want to talk
to you about.
So yesterday I got my pathologyback.
Um, I know this isn't like aBible study podcast, so I'm
having like a little bit of ahard time talking in this detail
about it, but I guess whathappens like this is what I'm
told.
I hope is that you know when wedo life the way that we have.
(10:12):
I mean, we've done 60 plusepisodes together here on the
Abideable podcast and I do sharea lot of my life and my story
as we learn the Bible and as westudy the Bible together, and so
certainly you don't have tolisten to all these details if
it, if it's not interesting toyou, but this is my story and
it's also a testimony of whatGod has done.
I did not realize how sick I was.
(10:32):
So yesterday I got my pathologyback from the doctor's office
and had my phone call with thenurse and they do these cases
all the time and I'm not sayingthat she was saying that this
was the worst case that she everhad, but she confirmed for sure
that it was stage four, theworst kind of endometriosis that
you can have, and there wereseveral times where she actually
had to look up words that shehad not seen used before by
(10:56):
pathology.
And also one thing that reallystuck out to me was that my
adenomyosis in my uterus, whichis again where uterine tissue
grows I'm reading their reporthere grows deep into the muscle
of the uterus.
It's super rare, I guess, forthe pathologist to officially
call it that in the report, evenwhen the surgeon knows it's
(11:18):
there Usually the sample.
That's because usually thesample isn't significant enough
to warrant a formal diagnosis.
But she listed mine pathology Imean listed mine as deep
adenomyosis, and so the nursesaid that she had never once
seen a pathologist document itthat way.
So it was pretty bad.
Here's the list of the rest ofwhat they found inside.
(11:41):
Both of my ovaries containedendometriomas, which are cysts
filled with endometriosis tissueand blood.
One even had hemosodesserin.
I can't even pronounce a lot ofthese words, you guys, but
these are deposits, irondeposits from repeated bleeding.
So if you've ever had anovarian cyst which I've had all
(12:03):
throughout my life they're verypainful.
I've been to the ER before withovarian cysts and so I had
these massive cysts filled withendometriosis on both of my
ovaries.
I also had endometriosis on mypelvic sidewalls, both
utero-sacral ligaments, myuterus.
(12:23):
So I had to add no inside, butthe endometriosis was covering
the outside of my uterus,Fallopian tube, appendix they
had to take my appendix, sigmoidcolon rectum and the mesentery.
I don't know if that's the sameas the cecum, but it's the
connective tissue, I think, thatholds the intestines in place.
Endometriosis had literallyinvaded the muscle layers of my
(12:44):
intestines and my appendix.
My rectum was fused to mycervix with dense adhesions
requiring a bowel resection.
They had to cut a portion of mybowel out and then reconnect it
.
My uterus had multiple fibroids, so it had the adeno and the
deep adenomyosis and it had theendometriosis adhesions on the
(13:05):
outside, but it also hadmultiple fibroids.
She said it was like bumpy onthe top too.
One fallopian tube wasshortened and diseased with
paratubal endometriosis.
My appendix had endometriosisgrowing through its muscular
wall.
My rectum and sigmoid colon hadendometriosis inside their
muscle layer.
And I think she also mentionedthat there was a kink.
(13:26):
Multiple organs were stucktogether by fibrous adhesions,
which makes a lot of sense,because I would like try to roll
over at night and it would feellike my body, my insides, were
tearing.
That's because everything wasstuck together because of my
endometriosis.
So and if you, oh my gosh, it'sjust overwhelming to like read
it all back, because everywhereit was everywhere, but, praise
(13:51):
God, none of those tumors ormasses were malignant.
Everything was clear for scarystuff, and so it's like, wow,
that is what was going on thatmade me so exhausted Like I.
I have been tired for a verylong time and my moods go up and
down and, um, my energy is justlike I would always feel, like
(14:15):
what you know, I'm such a loser,like I'm just being honest,
like I'd get so frustratedbecause I didn't really, which
you may think, oh, but you'vedone Abitable on the podcast,
and like you guys know me onthis front, and like that's just
an absolute testimony to the,the incomprehensible power of
(14:38):
God in me, of Christ in me,because I have not felt well for
so long and so being able to dothe things that I've been able
to do are a testimony to God inme.
I've been studying too, likejust asking to learn and
understand better, like what wasgoing on because of this
(15:02):
disease in my body, and so likean example is how chronic
inflammation was affecting mybrain.
So I've learned that it justmeans endometriosis, and
adenomyosis means that my bodywas constantly inflamed.
The lesions secretedinflammatory molecules,
cytokines that didn't just staylocal, they entered my
(15:23):
bloodstream and crossed into mybrain.
That neuroinflammationscrambled the balance of
neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine
Norepinephrine, I can't say.
The result was depression, lowmotivation, fatigue and a
constant heaviness.
That felt like living in a fogafter surgery, with
(15:45):
endometriosis excised andadenomyosis removed with my
uterus, the inflammatory burdendropped because I started to
feel better.
Immediately, you guys, neuroinflammation began to calm, my
neurotransmitters reset andsuddenly and this is exactly
what happened I could feel likeoverwhelming joy again.
It's like a sickness induced,darkness lifted and my brain
(16:06):
could finally see light.
Then there's the hormone chaosthat happens because of
endometriosis.
It thrives, I learned, onestrogen.
So month after month, hormonalswings fueled more growth and
more inflammation.
This is what I was trying todescribe, was happening to me
for a long time, but itamplified when I took my IUD out
(16:27):
, which I had had put in from agyno who was trying to suggest,
like, let's put your cycle tosleep and that'll help.
It's very common for womenwithout endometriosis to be
diagnosed or, excuse me, to betreated with birth control, and
so that's what I had tried andit had helped for a while.
But then I was having stabbingpain, you know, breaking through
(16:49):
anyway.
So when I took out my IUD, itamplified, and that's what it's
saying here, that myinflammation just grew more and
more.
So these surges alsodestabilize your brain chemistry
and the chronic stress of thatover-activated my HPA axis,
(17:09):
which is my body's stressresponse system.
So cortisol flooded my brainand suppressed the very regions
that regulate mood and hope.
By removing my uterus and theadenomyosis that lived inside it
and excising the diseasedtissue, my hormones are finding
a steadier rhythm.
There's no more destructivemonthly cycle, no more
unpredictable storms.
(17:30):
The steadiness has calmed mystress response, lifted my mood
and brought clarity of thoughtthat I have not experienced in
years.
It's amazing.
And then there's the gut factor.
Endometriosis had infiltratedmy rectum, sigmoid, colon and
appendix.
This wasn't just painful, itwas disruptive to the gut-brain
(17:53):
axis.
About 90% of the body'sserotonin is made in the gut.
My diseased bowels werecontributing to dysbiosis,
unhealthy gut bacteria andinflammation, which leaked
through to my bloodstream andbrain.
Post-surgery, with diseasedbowel segments removed and my
appendix taken out, my gut hasbeen able to start healing.
Inflammation is down.
(18:13):
My microbiome can rebalance.
Serotonin production in my gutis recovering.
Serotonin production in my gutis recovering, which again means
my mood, energy and clarity arerecovering too.
So, in short, my surgery resetmy whole body.
I just keep waking up like inthe middle of the night.
I'm in this like motorizedchair that I'm borrowing from my
(18:36):
dad.
It's a recliner.
It's amazing.
It's like been so helpful in myrecovery and just getting up
and getting back down, which I'mdoing with much more ease as
each day passes, and I'm out forlong walks.
I walked all the way to myparents' house yesterday, but
like I'll just sit up.
I like you know, like I'm an85-year-old woman, but I'll sit
(18:58):
up in the middle of the night.
I'll just like smile in thedark and I wake up and I'm not
in pain.
I wake up and I feel rested andI wake up and I feel like a
brand new person.
I feel like I have energy, likeI could conquer the world, and
I feel that way even though I'mstill I mean, I still have.
I had like eight holes in mybody, in my, in my stomach, my
(19:21):
abdomen eight incisions, um, oropenings in my abdomen after the
surgery, and so there's likereal incisions and real, like
I'm still bruised and still, youknow I got to take it easy.
Still, um, I'm only two, twoand a half weeks past my surgery
, but I'm just a totallydifferent person, um, and I'm
(19:44):
overwhelmed with gratitude.
You know I was thinking about,like when I make a post like
this on Facebook.
You know, like I said, um, youknow I was just giving credit.
You know like this is notcredit to me.
I know that I'm a quitter.
I know I wouldn't have enduredlike abidable or homeschooling
or life or showing up in any way, like I know myself well enough
to know that I just would havestayed in bed.
(20:06):
So the only explanation is theLord was literally
supernaturally carrying me andany good that came out of my
life in those years was not me,but Christ in me.
Like someone who's not abeliever maybe that's you and
you're here just listening tothe story Like you're, like no,
you're strong, kate.
Like you, that's you.
Like you chose, and Iappreciate, like I know, that
you're trying to encourage me,um, and you know, like we like
(20:29):
to tell each other that we'restrong.
And there is an element yes,like I've chosen, I had a choice
, um, but even that, I would say, was a God empowerment, a Holy
Spirit empowerment, to choose tokeep showing up for my life and
in spite of the fact that I wasin pain because, again, like I
know myself, and so I just wassaying like how God has answered
(20:54):
my cry for deliverance, notspiritually only, but also
physically.
He used doctors, one of thebest in the world, right down
the street, medicine and surgeryto heal me.
He made a way where there wasno way and sprung new streams in
the desert.
My God still works miracles.
You know, when I said Isaiah 43, 18 to 19,.
Remember, not the former things, nor consider the things of old
.
Behold, I am doing a new thing.
(21:16):
Now it springs forth, do younot perceive it?
I will make a way in thewilderness and rivers in the
desert.
I said at the end of this posthere on my this is just my
personal Facebook page I put ablog post.
If you want to read the rest ofthis, this is up on biteablecom
on the blog.
But I just ended by saying,like, my God still works
(21:36):
miracles and if he can do it inme, he can do it in you.
He is everything you need forwhatever you need.
I have tried to live lifewithout him so many times, but
knowing what I know now, afterfour years of clinging to him,
like my life depended on it,because it did, and through his
word, I will never let go of himagain.
Today I remember, I give thanksand testify the Lord has healed
(21:58):
me and I was thinking, like youknow, I have a lot of people
who I love, who don't love Jesusfor whatever reason, and they
might read a post like this andsay, like how can you worship a
God that let you, that gave youendometriosis, like you've
suffered for 10 years, more than10 years?
(22:19):
Like, why are you worshiping aGod who allows disease like that
to happen in the world?
And I understand that question.
But I don't agree theologicallywith that question.
I don't believe that God is theoriginator or creator of
disease.
I believe that sin is the causeof disease.
(22:41):
And I'm not saying my specificsin led to endometriosis, though
I am sinful.
I'm saying that sin entered theworld when Adam and Eve chose
to completely turn their back onthe God who had created
paradise.
Eden means paradise, aluxurious, extravagant paradise
(23:06):
with everything that they everneeded.
They turned their back on him.
You know he wanted relationshipwith them.
He walked with them, he knewthem personally, intimately, and
he made them in his image to dolife together.
And they didn't want that.
They wanted to do life on theirown terms.
And the one thing you know, hegave them free will.
(23:29):
And the one thing that theywere not allowed God made
everything.
So God can say you can havethis and you can't have that.
And what they were not allowedto have, they took.
And sin entered the world.
Right, and that's the I mean.
If you don't agree with that,and it's because maybe you don't
have a biblical worldview ofthe creation of the world and
(23:49):
how brokenness and you wouldn'tsay sin, how trouble or the
reason.
I don't know if you.
How do you explain the way thathumans treat each other?
I don't know what you call itviolence.
What's the reason for it?
What's the origination of it?
Do you think that man isinherently good?
Have you ever been around atoddler for more than 10 minutes
(24:11):
?
I don't know how you can thinkthat.
But sin entered the world andit's my belief, biblical belief,
that part of that, a part ofthat, is disease, like
endometriosis, so it's notsomething that God caused.
Now I do believe that God, inhis wisdom, allows things to
cross our doorstep for multiplereasons, some which we may know
(24:34):
on this earth and some which wemay not.
I think for me there's amillion different reasons, not a
million, I like to exaggerate,but there are plenty of reasons
that I can see why God hasallowed this in my life.
The greatest two would be as anopportunity to suffer well for
(24:55):
Him, for His glory, to tellother people that I don't serve
God conditionally based on Himgiving me everything that I want
, whatever I want.
Like if he had never healed meof this, if I had continued to
feel this way, he still.
The cross alone is reason andevidence and proof for me that
he is worthy of all my worshipand worthy of me living my life
(25:16):
for Him and for His glory.
And so I want to tell otherpeople that I want to testify
about His goodness and who he isand what he's done.
Certainly, all throughoutScripture and in the Bible
leading up to and culminating inthe cross, seeing that we had a
sin problem and immediately inthe garden, putting a plan in
place and a rescue mission inplace through the seed of the
(25:37):
woman who would crush the headof the serpent.
Um, through the promiseeventually fulfilled in Jesus,
our Messiah, who died on thecross for our sins, to take away
our sins, the sins of the wholeworld, and set us free.
So, um, yeah, like for me,that's a huge reason why tough
(25:57):
stuff, and I know so manybelievers.
You know Christians get thingswrong, but you know the media
and social media also don't do agood job.
I've been in the church for along time and the way that I
have seen Jesus-loving,christ-following,
bible-believing Christiansrespond to hardship, trial, not
(26:21):
just in their own lives, but inthe ways that they love and
serve each other through that,there's nothing like the body of
Christ on the face of the earth.
When the body of Christoperates the way that it's
supposed to, when the church isas the bride of Christ, who we
are called to be, there'snothing like it.
And I have seen people doamazing things, whether they
themselves were suffering orwhether they were coming
(26:41):
alongside others who weresuffering, and there's a lot of
beauty.
Now, I'm not saying thatnon-believers don't do beautiful
things and serve each other andbe incredible Oftentimes
sometimes maybe even better thanChristians, because they are
striving for goodness.
That's their identity.
If that's you, I love you.
(27:02):
I know that you are tryingreally hard to be a good person
because you feel like it's areally important thing to do.
Where does that desire comefrom, I would ask you?
But also, none of us can befully good all the time.
And what do we do with thethings that we screw up and when
we sin and when we blow it,like, what do we do with that?
And also, what's the standard?
(27:25):
How do you know if you're goodenough?
How do you know if you aregoing to cross the finish line?
There's no race course, there'sno finish line, there's nobody
to tell you.
That is good enough, and youcould say, I guess maybe, that
you just are going to set yourown course and run your own race
and be good enough according toyour own standards and that's
good enough for you.
(27:46):
But what if you're wrong?
You know what if you're wrong?
That's what scares me for peoplethat I love, who don't give
Jesus a chance, because I mean,at least I know myself and I
know that I can never be goodenough, consistently enough, to
meet a standard of a holy Godwhich he allows to set.
He is holy and he can't bearound sin, and yet he chose to
(28:10):
come down and be man and turn tothe world and be the God-man,
jesus Christ, and live a sinless, perfect life in our place, to
do the things that we couldn'tdo and fulfill the laws that we
could not fulfill, and then todie in our place.
I mean, it's justincomprehensible, and so that's
(28:34):
what I believe in terms of likehow could a God, good, loving
God, allow you to suffer likethat?
How could you worship a Godthat has allowed you to suffer
like that?
And I would say, well,suffering like this is the
result of sin in the fall, andhe came and sent his son to do
something about it.
(28:54):
He's not Buddha sitting upabove it telling us to stop
feeling and reach nirvana and,you know, remove ourselves from
the world and from the pain ofthe world through our own
meditation and efforts.
He came down into it and heexperienced it and he felt it
and he was crucified for it andhe overcame sin and death by
(29:17):
dying on the cross and thenresurrecting three days later.
So God I would say my God iscoming to fix the sin problem
that we created and there arestill effects of it while this
earth remains and while we'rehere.
But even in it, he does thingslike he did for me by providing
me with this group and leadingme in this direction and giving
me this doctor and making anopening where there was none and
(29:40):
providing the finances andgiving this doctor the doctors I
had too I had a second surgeongiving them the skill that they
needed to be able to perform thesurgery that I needed.
I would say that all of thatcomes from the hand of God.
And then he's also been veryactive and present in my
recovery and giving meeverything that I need to help
me with my pain and recoveryprocess, and is working even now
(30:04):
.
I would say my God is amazingbecause he's knitting my body
back together after all thesethings were cut out of it and I
was able to walk.
At 5 am the day after mysurgery, I was already up
walking to the nurse's station.
Like our bodies that he createdare amazing.
And so I would say that's notscience, that's not medicine
(30:27):
alone, that is God, throughscience and medicine.
Like, I believe that he's theone who gives everyone the minds
and the skills, um, to figurethat kind of stuff out, cause
science and medicine are amazing.
But they're amazing because Ibelieve God's behind all of that
.
Even if somebody, he usespeople, even if they're not a
believer.
He gives them you know, that'scommon grace he gives.
(30:49):
He gives gifts and um grace topeople who don't even don't even
believe in him, and he usesthose people to do amazing
things.
And so that's what I would saythat God didn't create my
endometriosis.
It's a result of the fall, buthe absolutely actively did
(31:10):
something about it, first in theperson of Jesus and then second
in all the ways that he hascome alongside me and helped me
through it.
And he's just by my side and Ilove him and I will worship him.
And and I also would say that,like I mentioned briefly in this
I'll just wrap this up my um,what I've learned has taken some
(31:34):
time and years, is that I amnot going to just choose him if
everything in my life goes theway I want it to, when I want it
to.
Like that's not, that's a guythat's fashioned in my own image
(31:54):
because I don't even know.
It's like I don't know what'sbest for me.
And then everybody around melike the decisions that I make,
how they impact the world aroundme and all the ripple effects
of that.
Like I am one person.
I'm not sovereign, I'm notomnipotent.
I am not, I'm not sovereign,I'm not omnipotent, I am not
(32:20):
able to make those kinds ofeternal decisions.
And so I want to worship Godfor what I know to be true about
him in the word, which neverchanges, because he never
changes, and I want to build myhouse.
That's why this song was sosignificant from foundation for
me, because that line, rain came, winds blew, but my house was
(32:44):
built on you.
That's not always been my story.
There've been a lot of seasonswhen my love hi Brody, my little
pup, wants to be with me, wheremy love for God was conditional
, based on him giving me what Iwanted when I wanted.
And so the reason I can worshipGod, even if I have
endometriosis, is becauseendometriosis or pain or
(33:09):
suffering cannot.
Now that I know him I've beenstudying my Bible for four years
Now that I know him that cannoteven begin to taint who he is
and what he's done.
It doesn't matter.
Like that is insignificant.
(33:30):
Like I have enough reason topraise him for the rest of my
life, like I said, just for thecross alone, just for the fact
that he saw my sin problem andhe made a plan and he left
heaven and he came to earth andhe lived a perfect, sinless life
and he died in my place for mysins and then offered me the
gift of eternal life by grace,through faith in Christ.
(33:53):
That's enough to praise him.
I don't care.
It's like endometriosis sucks,pain sucks.
I'm not minimizing suffering,because suffering is hard and my
suffering may be nothingcompared to your suffering.
It's certainly nothing comparedto some of the suffering that
people are experiencing rightnow in the world.
Suffering is really hard, butit's also just part of the
(34:17):
package deal that we got when wechose to turn our back on him
and do things our way.
He gave us what we wanted andif it wasn't Adam and Eve, it
would have been you and I, so wecan't blame them, like my son
likes to do.
He plans on having a stronglyworded conversation with Adam
and Eve when he gets to heaven,but we're helping him understand
(34:39):
that he would have made thesame decision.
So, anyway, I just wanted tocome say hello.
It's kind of took a differentdirection.
I ended up probably talkingmore about I guess that was just
what was on my heart.
I thought you know there'sprobably people who are seeing
me say this and thinking likeshe's just.
You know, faith is the opiateof the masses.
(35:01):
She's just, like you know,sucked into this cult of
Christianity, like havingsuffered for 10 years and saying
God is good.
That is a lunatics argument.
You know to turn around and notbe mad at the God who,
supposedly, if you believe inGod, like where was he?
(35:22):
That kind of question andsomebody asking that might be
asking that also from a painpoint, where they wonder in
their own life why God allowedcertain things to happen and
where he was when those thingshappened.
And I've been there.
I've been there, I've askedthose questions and I've turned
my back on him and I've walkedaway to go do my own thing.
And those were the worstseasons of my life.
(35:44):
I will never, ever again walkaway from him.
I can't now, because of what Iknow, because of what I've
learned as I've studied his wordabout who he is and what he's
done, I cannot.
Where else would I go?
Peter says this you know, whenJesus has given some hard
teaching like following Jesus ishard, being a believer is hard.
He had given some hard teaching.
People had walked away from him.
(36:04):
He looked at the rest of hisdisciples and he said are you
going to leave me too?
And Peter said where would wego?
Lord, you have the words oflife, and that's what I've
learned.
He has the words of life andthat's what I've learned.
He has the words of life.
He is the resurrection and thelife.
He is the way, the truth andthe life, and there is no way to
the father but through him, andso I choose him.
I choose him regardless of whatI might face in this world, and
(36:25):
that is what was on my heart, Iguess, to share today, in
addition to just giving you anupdate and thanking you for
praying and letting you know I'mdoing okay.
I've had a few setbacks.
I had a really bad rash thathad to be treated with a steroid
that was unbelievably painful,even for my shirt to touch it.
I think I might have a eitherbladder and or kidney infection
(36:49):
going on right now, which isbeing treated by antibiotics.
I'm trying to wean off mymedication.
It's still a little bit hard.
I'm actually right now, praiseGod, a couple hours past my
normal time and I'm sitting heretalking to you, so that's a
miracle in and of itself and I'mout walking.
I'm sleeping really great.
(37:10):
I'm still on a very restricteddiet, but God is sustaining me
through that and providingthrough local friends and family
, especially my amazing mom,who's been making all my meals
for me since I'm on a restricteddiet.
Um, I just feel like reallyloved, really seen Um, and I'm
(37:30):
bursting at the seams withcreativity and things that I
want to share.
So thanks for letting me comeon with, like an unfiltered,
unedited I'm not sending thisoff to my buddy, ian, because
he's on a break too right nowfor all the time that he helped
edit, so I'll just kind of stickthis one together with tape and
glue and get it out there.
Brody's really mad at me forignoring him, and so he says
(37:51):
it's time to be done, um, withthis episode, and so I just
wanted to come on, say hello,give you an update, let you know
that I will be back with mybest friend.
Jason's going to be joining meon the podcast, our first
episode of the, our firstepisode of our ask us anything
series.
The questions have now closed.
(38:12):
We've got tons of questionsfrom you guys, from our
listeners, um, that we are goingto be answering.
So that should launch on Monday, september 15th, if all goes
well.
Ian's coming over with his wife,kelsey, this weekend to hang
with us and he's going to helpset up the two microphones for
us, and I cannot wait to bringhim on the podcast because he's
the wisest person I know.
(38:33):
He is the reason that I havebeen able to remain so steadfast
in the Lord.
He just encourages me always tokeep going.
When he opens his mouth, likeI'm either dying laughing which
has been a problem duringsurgery, because it hurts to
laugh, um, not during surgery,during surgery, recovery, um or
(38:54):
he just has some incrediblenugget of wisdom.
He sees situations really welland I'm very excited to bring
him on because I think he's thebetter half, um, and you're
going to benefit so much fromhearing from him, so we'll be
back soon.
I miss you guys.
Hope this was just a fun littleupdate and thanks for listening
.
We'll see you next time.
(39:15):
Until then, let's abide.
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