40: From Questions to Connection: Remmy Stouracs Journey to Authentic Living

Episode Transcript
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Cha'Lea (01:48):
Welcome back everyone.
It's Shalia here.
I am beyond thrilled to get intoour conversation today as we
explore the power of asking andexploring deep and thought
provoking questions that help usbetter create alignment with our
authentic stories.
Explore what it is that we wantin this chapter in our life, and

(02:09):
into the next chapters that weare creating, and better
understand some of theuncomfortable feelings that can
arise.
As we explore the profoundquestions that we will today and
here to help me is a new friendof mine that I'm so excited to
say that I met on the internetof all places, right?
Two, 2023, where else Rimmy,what I want to do, and this is a

(02:31):
little bit different for thestyle of podcast that we've
done, this is gonna be moreinformal.
I want the conversation to justflow in wherever we take it.
We're, we're gonna do a briefintro on you and then we're also
going to do some fun fire awayquestions.
But before we get started,'causeI wanna go in a million
directions with you and I wannamake sure that I slow it down

(02:51):
'cause my brain can go so fast.
It's, it's exciting.
Let me ask you a question of allquestions.
When it comes to the episode.
What is an intention that wewanna create for this episode?

Remmy (03:04):
Okay.
Shaleah, thank you so much forhaving me.
Yeah.
I have been excited for this forweeks and weeks.
Um, the intention of this, andit's so wonderful beyond the
title, uh, exactly that thecomplex that we have, we are all
leaders, and what it means toactually lead your own life and
how to actually envisionyourself as a whole person.

(03:26):
Because there's three differentcomplexes that we have, the
public, the private, and thesecret.
We're constantly torn betweenthese different versions of us,
and if we can explore thatfearlessly, either for ourselves
and with other people, we candeepen relationships within
instantly.
Essentially.
Like even when we kicked it off,like our hour flew by and we
were hitting the deep stop likeimmediately, it was wonderful.

Cha'Lea (03:50):
It's gonna be even more exciting as we bridge for our
audience that are listeningtoday, what it looks like to use
the foundation of askingquestions to bridge an
understanding of how do Iincubate what matters most to me
today?
What does matter for me today?
How do I listen to the call, tothe adventure to evolve and to

(04:11):
allow myself to go intoexperiences that push my comfort
zone, that help me understandwhat are true values that I
have, as opposed to, forexample, subconscious values
that we create through ourstory.
How do we evolve our story?
What does that look like?
My intention with you today is Ijust wanna flow.
I wanna flow and step back fromthe formality of the structure

(04:33):
that we typically create.
Let's play a little game herebecause some of our audience may
not be aware of who you are andwhat you do.
So, and just a fun little way tokind of learn more about what
you do.
If we were to bump, into eachother at the supermarket of
life, what would I find in yourshopping cart that tells me more
about what you do?

Remmy (04:54):
Ooh.
Um, my first instinct ofresponse, I don't wanna say
survival food.
Um, the survival food isdefinitely the wrong word.

Cha'Lea (05:08):
So we're at Costco,

Remmy (05:10):
where I call a hundred percent.
It's almost exclusively where Igo.

Cha'Lea (05:12):
I, yeah.
Um,

Remmy (05:14):
But I treat my body like an engine.
If I give it better fuel, then Iget a better output.
And so for the longest time it'slike, you need to save money.
And so that meant eating junkfood or whatever, the cheap
stuff, right?
But it's like I'm changing myrelationship and so no, I'm
getting the higher quality food.
I'm getting rich meats.

(05:35):
I'm not afraid of the price tagbecause the feeling that I come
home with is, uh, like, it'salmost a spiritual, mental,
emotional experience.
It's like I have enough and I'mgiving myself enough so I can
produce more.

Cha'Lea (05:47):
Yeah.

Remmy (05:48):
He was, was supposed to look at my cart, I guess, and be
like, wow.
Like they're on a mission ofsome sort.

Cha'Lea (05:53):
That's right.
Our body is a vessel in thisadventure, and we have to treat
it right.
Okay.
as a tradition on the show, wetypically have some fire away
questions to get to know you alittle bit better.
What are you curious abouttoday?

Remmy (06:07):
Ooh, I'm always curious if, because you have a structure
of sorts, but then we're like,we're gonna be in the flow.
That's even better for me, um,because then people can see us
like actually say ah, and um,and, you know, take the extra
couple seconds.
But if I can, yeah.
Let the flow take us to a placewhere my curiosity in itself

(06:30):
allows for that moments whereyou are finding more of yourself
through my curiosity, if thatmakes sense.

Cha'Lea (06:36):
Yes, absolutely.

Remmy (06:38):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (06:40):
What is something that you'll never do?

Remmy (06:42):
That'll never do.
Ooh,

Cha'Lea (06:45):
Ooh,

Remmy (06:47):
what is the quote?
I think, uh, the biggest growthlessons you'll ever have is in
doing the things that you'll sayyou'll never do.
And I, so to answer that, Ithink, uh, I'd say I don't want
to be the person who says I willnever do something.
'cause I want to have the fullhuman experience.
Now, I'm not gonna do harddrugs, let's say, like the easy
stuff, moral stuff, per se.

(07:09):
Um, but yeah, my, I think theanswer I want to give is that

Cha'Lea (07:14):
is that

Remmy (07:15):
never, just never say never's way too corny.
Um, but if I think I'm too goodfor something, it's now probably
the important thing for me todo.

Cha'Lea (07:22):
to, what is an experience that you're seeking
that is gonna help evolve acomfort zone that you have that
shows up in your life today?

Remmy (07:32):
Ooh.
Um, my birthday's coming up inlike five days and I've now
created like birthday tobirthday goals.
And if I give myself a wholeyear to do something, it goes
from like nervous to gettingbetter, to like effortless
almost.
And I have a big fear ofperforming musically and

(07:54):
especially singing.
And so I wanna have a betterrelationship with my voice
because I feel like I'm gettingreally comfortable in speaking.
But as for like genuinelyexpressing the capacity that my
voice has in a more emotionalway absolutely terrifies me.
And so that's the next step forme, for sure.

Cha'Lea (08:12):
What do you think terrifies you about it?

Remmy (08:16):
Uh, ironically, I would say it's being heard,

Cha'Lea (08:20):
heard.
Mm.

Remmy (08:21):
um, because it's always a volume issue that I've noticed.
Um, because for like thevulnerable answer would be like,
if you made too much noise orheard having too much fun as a
kid, like that was like, youwere about to be reprimanded,
like tone down your joyessentially.
And so that.
Expression is almost the mostdirect way for me to crash

(08:42):
through that exact sensation.
That's like hardwired almost tosay like, tone down your joy.

Cha'Lea (08:48):
joy.
Mm.

Remmy (08:50):
And somebody said, music is the most, uh, all art aspires
to what music does.
And so everything is trying tocaptivate into a harmonizing of
all these different elementswhere nothing matters.
But being in that moment, it'snot like, oh, the only important
part of this song is the drop orthe chorus.
The whole buildup to that chorusis absolutely just as necessary

(09:12):
as that.
So that present moment is theaspiring of what music is for
all art.

Cha'Lea (09:17):
all us.
I noticed when we logged in, youwere playing, is it the piano
that you were playing?

Remmy (09:22):
Yeah.
So I got this like six monthsago, and now I used to just like
sit here and twiddle and almostlike build this anxiousness.
And so now I'm like, oh, I havesomewhere for my hands to be and
I can't be.
Board's the wrong word, but, um,it allows, uh, my sensations to
just live differently and so Ican explore and I'll be like

(09:44):
even more in the moment.
So I'm like, I don't have timeto be nervous.
I'm just like exploring thepotential of like this new fear
that I have essentially.
And then if you come on and youcatch me playing and it's like,
oh no, this is what youliterally were asking for Remy.
Like, don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid to get caught.
Being in the moment.

Cha'Lea (10:01):
Yes.
It's beautiful that you'recreating a space to explore that
for yourself and to lean into itand to also have that awareness
of knowing where some of theresistance comes from.

Remmy (10:12):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (10:13):
So that you can challenge yourself to go in the
alignment of what you feel istrue to you and naturally, you
know, that doesn't feel true toyou, to not be able to express
your joy.

Remmy (10:22):
Yes, there's again, I'm just gonna be pulling quotes.
That's just how my brain kind ofworks and I stem.
Um, but the definition, I lovethe definition of the Latin, uh,
root of words and desire is des,which means from the stars.
And when see, people say, I wantthe stars to align.
It means I want the cosmicpowers to bestow something upon

(10:45):
me.
But desire, meaning like, oh,instead I can align the stars.
That's how powerful we are.
And so by me crashing throughthat fear, that's the equivalent
of me aligning my own stars.
And so desire was, uh, like aspiritual thing from the
beginning.
'cause we don't know where ourwants come from.
Initially.
We can say, oh, our parents, andit was bestowed upon us

(11:07):
experientially.
But then it's like, why have Inever.
Lived close to the ocean, but Ihave such a yearning to deep sea
dive or something to be justamidst of new chaos that I have
no actual concept of.
Right.
And so these desires as I findit to be a very spiritual, uh,
experience.

Cha'Lea (11:25):
It is and our ability to be able to go after them.
So if you

Remmy (11:28):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (11:28):
have a desire to be close to the ocean, would you be
willing to go closer to theocean to explore it?

Remmy (11:34):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (11:35):
Yeah.

Remmy (11:35):
The e especially as like a cowboy by nature, it's like
almost the opposite.
Like, I can handle thewilderness, but that's the
absolute epitome of a wildernesswhere I can't ride a horse, I
can't bring my gun, you know?
And so everything that I have asa safety net doesn't exist in
that capacity.
And so I actually have to builda new courage just to be in that

(11:58):
area.

Cha'Lea (12:00):
Remi, I wanna pick your brain.
Since you have been so eloquentand thoughtful in your approach
to asking stimulating questions,when I think about.
Asking you about what it is thatyou do, your bio, in essence, I
wanna find a different way toapproach that question because
we're not our work, right?

(12:22):
But we, we do have opportunitiesto illuminate some of what we
want to create within thislifetime through our work.
How can I create a morestimulating question that allows
us to get to the heart of why wedo what we do, as opposed to,
what's your title?
Tell me the fancy stuff, make itsound good.

(12:43):
But really at the heart of whydo you do what you do, what
inspires that?

Remmy (12:48):
oh, um, I just finished this book called Lost
Connections, and it's the mostextensive deep dive on.

Cha'Lea (12:55):
dive on,

Remmy (12:57):
Overcoming depression and the science on antidepressants
and stuff.
But what that immediateimmediately made me think of is
that we are asking the wrongquestions to people who do find
themselves depressed when theygo to the doctor.
We say, what's wrong with you?
Or What's the matter with you?
Instead of asking what mattersto you.

(13:18):
And so I can't imagine going tothe doctor and saying, oh,
things aren't really good rightnow.
Can you supplement me something?
And they say What matters toyou?
And just deer in the headlights.
Right?
How often are people asked thatat home, let alone why the time
it feels too late.
Um, and now you're looking forhelp, right?
In a substance or anything likethat.

(13:40):
And so, yeah, if I could justsay like, what matters to me, I
think that would slowly expandinto everything that I am.
Because if I say, here's myvalue, it's like, okay, how do
you live it out?

Cha'Lea (13:53):
it up?
Yeah,

Remmy (13:54):
You can talk about it, but what are you doing?
And then it becomes thatintegrity into juror.
The, the root meaning of theword is to be whole is your
integrity.
Saying and doing the exact samething.

Cha'Lea (14:05):
thing.

Remmy (14:06):
And any space that is dividing those two things is
where you are not whole.
And so I think that's the, yeah.
Beyond our title is what keepsus whole and all these things
that are making me exaggeratethe stories that I'm saying.
It's like, is my own story notgood enough to tell?
Do I have to inflate the detailsjust to get, Just to get a head

(14:31):
nod from you, right?
Is that like a weird little,like anxiety underneath that
I've predetermined before Iactually even came to you with a
story I've decided myself as,uh, inadequate prior to.
So the story is different thanthe truth, right?

Cha'Lea (14:47):
Right.

Remmy (14:48):
And so all these tiny little ways that, uh, the lack
of wholeness manifests.
So what matters to you?
Yeah, absolutely.
And if you were living that out,if what I say I want, what I'm
doing is the same thing.

Cha'Lea (15:01):
How did you discover what matters to you?

Remmy (15:05):
Uh, trial and error.
Uh, I think the childlikecuriosity is probably the most
important element of me being anadult, uh, when we're going
through the education system andit's about being right or wrong.
It's this thing that's embeddedinto us.

(15:25):
Whereas like, it's not right orwrong.
It's like,

Cha'Lea (15:30):
uh,

Remmy (15:30):
lesson or redirection, or, ah, it's a little bit
different than that.
Or you are right.
Or it's a redirection of sorts.
Just because like what, uh,Tesla messed up the light bulb
10,000 times.
It's not failure.
That's not a fact.
It's redirection.
Redirection over and over andover until you get bored with
it.
Fine.
Totally.
Start over.

(15:51):
You're free to do that too.
Um, but if you can have thatcomfort and curiosity is the
win, the courage to be curious,then I'm playing a different
game.

Cha'Lea (15:59):
Yes.

Remmy (16:00):
And so to live a life of Yeah, that curiosity in
everything, even askingquestions like what you're doing
here feels like, uh, I'm gonnasay it quite often, but a
spiritual experience where thatenthusiasm comes out.
And I'm so invested in whatyou're saying to me, and I wanna
give something of substance thatcan pick people's brain.
Oh my gosh.

(16:20):
Like if I can just look at theworld a different way, I can act
a different way.
Right?
Um, going from right or wrong tobeing like, uh, curiosity is the
goal and messing it up with agood attitude.
I can win that every single day.
Right?
But if I'm looking for a winfail, then you can chalk up
loss, loss, loss, loss, lossover and over, right?
And anybody can look into theirpast and it's gonna be massively

(16:43):
failures.
That's how everybody stumblesinto the future.
Everybody, even ev

Cha'Lea (16:48):
like it's how

Remmy (16:50):
everybody that you admire, absolutely.
Baby legs, the, the musclesaren't even formed yet.
And it's the fact that you arestumbling, that builds a
strength and everybody overlooksthat.
I think,

Cha'Lea (17:02):
When it comes to your story, what matters most to you?

Remmy (17:06):
oh, that's, you got me because I'm, I'm used to telling
such an expansive story andbecause you've heard it, you
know, it's like 10 plus minutes.
Um, but what matters most to meis trying to embody my human
potential and trying to be astruthful and courageous as

(17:29):
humanly possible with the bestattitude I possibly can.
Knowing that if I'm being astruthful and courageous, I'm
almost constantly going to beafraid because I can't be
courageous without the fear.
And so if I can just valueliving a story worthy life more
than my own comfort.
Then I'll find the properinspiration.

(17:51):
I am more inspired to not be acoward than I am to not show up
for this moment.
Right?
And so it's almost like anegative inspiration in a sense,
but that's what I'm gonna tellmyself after anyways.
So I know the aftermath already,right?

Cha'Lea (18:06):
right?

Remmy (18:07):
And so I'm like, I'm, I know I'm narrating my story.
Am I living a story worthy life?

Cha'Lea (18:11):
Yes.

Remmy (18:12):
Doing that step by step by step.
And I know I will immediatelyhold myself accountable and be
like, you know, you could have,you could have said, hi, how
scary is that?
Are you really?
And you know, then it becomeslike a quite aggressive, like,
oh, are you too small to sayhello?
And stuff like that, right?
It's like, okay, go back to thenarrative.
Like what's the properinspiration?
Um, because eventually you dohave to just throw yourself into

(18:34):
a moment because there's noamount of cognitive processing
that will equip me for whateverquestion you could possibly give
me, right?
There's only so muchpreparation.
But if you ask, be a good one,like you just did what, uh,
matters to me, I'm like, ugh.

Cha'Lea (18:46):
like,

Remmy (18:48):
think

Cha'Lea (18:49):
right.
So much, so much.
Here's the thing.
Someone like you comes on who isvery insightful about your
journey and the experiences thatyou've had and where you're
going and working towards alwayscoming back home to your essence
when others hear you speaking.
And just to kind of give alittle bit of backstory in how

(19:10):
Remy and I met again, it wasthrough TikTok.
He has a series.
If you haven't already checkedit out, check it out.
Go check it out.
It is wonderful.
I'm telling you.
When I watch your TikTok, I havemy pen and paper and I'm pausing
and repeating and watching andtaking notes, and then it's, I
love it.
It's so many great insightfulquestions that really help you
dive into your inner compass,and better understand where it

(19:34):
is that you wanna go with thosequestions.
You do it so effortlessly.
And so Ian and I got togetherand we were talking about what
kind of conversation we wantedto have when it comes to these
stimulating questions and whatit invoked in us and what it's
invoking in others.
'cause you are invoking somewonderful experiences and others
who are part of watching yourseries.
But there's two into thespectrum.

(19:56):
And we were thinking aboutpeople's experiences when it
comes to questions.
Questions in general, but morespecifically in this regard,
profound, deep, soulfulquestions that sometimes shake
us to our core.
That make us question life,explore other possibilities, and
maybe even create some veryuncomfortable and awkward

(20:16):
moments within ourselves as wereason with uncertainty
sometimes and unknown.
Some of us get really excited atthe idea of these questions,
like love it, and others feellike I don't even know what to
say and I wouldn't even want toask somebody because I would be
terrified of what they wouldwant of me if they asked the
question back.

Remmy (20:35):
For sure.

Cha'Lea (20:37):
So when it comes to questions, what's your thought
process when it comes toquestions and how we use them to
create more powerful connectionswithin our story and connecting
with others?

Remmy (20:49):
I have some rules.
Okay.
First I have to say thank youbecause it means so much to say
that like you're there with apen and paper, because I think
some of the most profoundmoments was being in a room
listening to somebody I.
And, you know, maybe they talkfor a whole hour, but then there
was one sentence that's like,oh, I just need to sit in this
and absorb why this affected myspirit so much.

(21:12):
And so for you to say that Ihave some noteworthy things to
say, that means so much to me.
Um, but yeah, and, uh, asexploring questions with those
people who are so excited andpeople who are just become a
ghost in the sense of like,where do I begin?

(21:32):
I have rules in this.
Again, almost like I wouldrather not be a coward than try
to be courageous.
It's more inspiring for me totell myself that I'm more afraid
of being a coward.
So there's like some negativeinspiration.
Some people are more positivelyinspired, um, but

Cha'Lea (21:52):
as

Remmy (21:54):
as they were doing these questions, if there's things
that I've been afraid of myself,Then it's almost like an entire
portion of reality is blockedoff.
And if I stay afraid of aquestion, then I am the reason a
part of the human experiencedoesn't exist.
And so let's say I'm afraid of,I've been wronged in a bunch of
relationships, and so I justdon't want to talk about how

(22:16):
I've been wronged.
Um, and so I'm just consideringit a fact that women are just
out to hurt me or something likethat, right?
Just make an extremely boldstatement when people say, men
are this or women are that.
Um, and they've just declared asa fact and they're created their
reality for the rest of timethat things are gonna be this
way.

(22:36):
But then it goes back to thatchildlike curiosity.
Do I trust somebody enough tochange my experience for me?
Do I want this to be the storyfor the rest of my life?
If I'm constantly writing mybook?
Is this the last sentence I'mever gonna write on this
specific thing?
And then if somebody's gonnacome to like my gravestone or
anything like this, and they'regonna share that story, it's

(22:57):
like this person wanted hismemory to be like, this fact
their pain was a fact.
Do I want to put forefront myjoys, my pains again?
Like what matters to you?
Um, yeah.
Back to the question so I'mlike, ah, so much.

Cha'Lea (23:13):
So many different directions.
Yeah.

Remmy (23:16):
I'll just go ahead.
Go ahead.

Cha'Lea (23:18):
ahead.
Yeah,

Remmy (23:19):
home.

Cha'Lea (23:19):
yeah.
Okay.
So I, I think that when somebodyhas a perspective like you do,
the idea that you can play inthe pool of curiosity and trust
is a beautiful and magicalaspect of the journey, but it is
one that is hard earned throughexperiences that we have lived
in life because this humanexperience, while I believe in
the magic of the adventure,there also is realities of the

(23:42):
human experience that we have tocome to face with, and
complexities that we have to,that we have to lead, that
sometimes create these shifts inperspectives that allow us to
continue to ascend towards whatwe believe is true to ourselves.
I'm curious because I want theaudience to learn more about
your personal journey, yourstory, and what's influenced you

(24:02):
to think and feel the way thatyou do today to create that
shift in perspective and fuelthe journey that you have ahead
of you.
So to help break that questiondown.
I want you to think aboutbreaking up your life up to this
point into three chapters andgive each one a title and then
let's explore each of thosechapters, what you've learned

(24:24):
about yourself as you continueto evolve.

Remmy (24:28):
Okay.
Full transparency.
I appreciate so much that youhelped preface this one question
because it took me like threedays and me being a writer, I'm
like, chapter titles are themost provocative thing and I
need it to be right.
And so,

Cha'Lea (24:42):
So,

Remmy (24:44):
I'm coming into like a more poetic side, and so I'm
like, I need it to flow in asense even because three
chapters, man, life is so muchbigger than three chapters.
But that's the question.
That's the rules.
I'm playing your game,

Cha'Lea (24:56):
game, that's the game gotta play by the rules.

Remmy (24:59):
And so I came up with my three chapters, which would be
surprise, surrender, andSerendipities.

Cha'Lea (25:09):
Okay.
Give us a timeline.
What was, how old were you inthe surprise?

Remmy (25:14):
I would say.
I would say like beginning orage four up until 21 is
surprise.

Cha'Lea (25:23):
surrender.

Remmy (25:24):
Surrender would be like 20, 21 to About 24.

Cha'Lea (25:29):
That was four years.
But it sounds like that was abig chapter in a short time.
Correct.
And serendipity is

Remmy (25:37):
And, and Serendipities is then until, yeah, the present

Cha'Lea (25:40):
present for sure.
Okay, so take us into surprise.
Why?
Surprise.

Remmy (25:45):
I had say surprise.
I kind of dumbed it down almost.
Now I'm just thinking about thisaccidentally.
I think I put it into like thehero's journey of you are
bestowed into a world.
Things are a certain way, yousee a problem.
And the hero's journey is thatyou have to extract yourself
from normalcy to become thesolution to the problem.

(26:06):
But as you become the solution,you have to get your ass whooped
you.
And so the surprise is the worldthat I was brought into and
being a cancer survivor, um, andbeing diagnosed at the age of
four.
And for a super quick version ofthis story, uh, it wasn't until

(26:26):
I was 20 that my mom was able totell me that my bloodstream was
95% cancer cells when I wasdiagnosed, and I had 24 hours to
live if I didn't get a bloodtransfusion.
And so bone marrow transplantsand all these blood transfusions
later, Um, and three heartprocedures and three and a half
years of chemotherapy later, Iam as healthy as can be.

(26:48):
And I get to say that's the mostwonderful thing that ever
happened to me because a nursetold my mother about kids'
Cancer Care Camp Kindle, whichis a camp where a nonprofit
helps, uh, survivors andsiblings age seven to 17 get to
be kids again.
And so I got to be there fromthe youngest age seven, and my

(27:09):
best friends were double braintumor survivors, amputees, uh,
blind in one eye.
Um, and it just put my gratitudeinto perspective that like, wow,
even though the world is lookingat me and saying like, oh,
that's the worst thing ever.
I'm like, I'm surrounded bypeople who had it worse and
they're the happiest people Iknow.
What is the psychology behindthis?
How is this possible?

(27:31):
And so every time I went to thiscamp, I.
Uh, I had to become mature soquickly because the main focus
wasn't about play.
It was like, make sure you'rehealthy.
Your immune system is the mostimportant conversation all the
time.
And I was wearing a mask beforeit was cool.
Um, the having to see this worldwhere survivors get to celebrate

(27:53):
their scars, it wasn't somethingthat made you different.
It's now the thing that you arebigger than.
And cancer was just thisterrible or terrifying word to
have, vast part of thecommunity.
And getting to see this was onlyabout a week of the summer.
And so every year I wouldcirculate and I was like, I
cannot wait to get back to thisplace where I just get to
witness all these people andthese kids cracking, open their

(28:16):
shell and, um, defying the odds.
Like I saw my friend, uh, whoalready had cerebral palsy, had
a brain tumor, um, and in thatoperation to get rid of it, he
became paralyzed from the waistdown, was told he would never
walk again.
And then three and a half yearslater we're at camp together
doing this time to remember,which is everybody's kind of

(28:37):
sharing their story and youknow, saying so grateful to be
here and stuff.
And just having that opportunityto have conversations like we're
having now and just like, okay,we're playing, but we're also
here for a very profound reason.
And this is a time where you canjust flesh out your feelings.
And as we're going around thiscircle, there's like 11 or 12 of
us and, uh, this guy, Corbin, Ithink he was 15, 16 at the time,

(29:00):
I see his toe wiggle for thefirst time in three and a half
years.
And by the end of this week, twodays later, he pushes himself
out of the wheelchair and fallsinto his mom's arms.
And so I was a counselor for thefirst time at this point, at the
age of 18, full-time giving, uh,my summers back.
I'm like, I don't care if I amworking 10 months a year.

(29:20):
Like this is my heart and soul.
Like I am so good at.
Bringing the charisma, thesafety, and the curiosity to
these kids who've kind of beenhardened by life and bringing
that zest and that joy andshowing that them, that like
adults can be the happiestgoofiest people in the room.
And that's what value is.
It's not money.
Right?
And you can bring thateverywhere.

Cha'Lea (29:39):
everywhere.

Remmy (29:41):
And, uh, then my brothers, as we're pushing into
like the end of surprise thingsthat I wasn't in control of,
like this life was beingbestowed upon me in these
adventures, me and all myfriends promised, uh, because we
had some friends, uh, friendDavis who I tried to remember
and pay homage to every chance Ican.

(30:03):
He had the same cancer leukemiathat I did, and he survived it
about the same time I did.
But when we were 11, we all gaveeach other our mom's phone
numbers.
Like, Hey, like, make sure youend up at this week and stuff.
And it was all aligned.
We get off the buses and we'relike, oh, like we're all here.
And Davis didn't show up and theyounger sister, Jesse, who was
nine, had to tell us that Davisrelapsed and he wasn't here with

(30:26):
us anymore.
And so all these 11 year oldkids are having survivor's
guilt.
Right.
And I don't want,

Cha'Lea (30:33):
have goosebumps

Remmy (30:35):
I don't wanna say me especially, but it was because I
had the same cancer that therewas this,

Cha'Lea (30:42):
was this, of

Remmy (30:43):
of course, 11 year old kid can't say I'm having a
spiritual experience, but it'slike, why could it possibly be
that?
Am I more important than Davis?
I don't wanna say this out loud,but I'm here and he's not.
Right?
And so what is this chance tostart having like these like
screw you God, and like thesethings, right?
But it's like, oh, I'm so luckyto be around these people where
we could make the promise wehave to live twice as much life

(31:05):
because David can't, Davidcan't.
Right.
And so fast forward to thissummer where I'm like, this is
my jam.
Like I'm so valuable here.
I just get to celebrate otherpeople.
And I've gone from being thisinsecure teenager to being in my
prime where it's not about meand I can be a man of service
and it's not about the money.
And it's like, this is the lifeI wanna be in.

(31:26):
Like I just wanna, I don't carewhat the price is, like this is
what I'm meant for.
And so I got the first taste inthat, but I was like, I will pay
the price if it's 10 months ofwork every single year to come
back and keep doing this.
But then my old two olderbrothers

Cha'Lea (31:39):
older brothers

Remmy (31:40):
offered for us to be the first horseback guides in the
Northwest Territories in 40years, because 40 years ago,
four guys tried to do it, andtwo of them got caught in
blizzard and died.
And all the 18 horses they hadgot left in the wilderness and
the other two got medevaced out.
And so they're like, let's doit.

Cha'Lea (31:57):
do it.

Remmy (31:59):
And so, uh, me and my brothers like, rose to the
occasion.
I'm like, okay, well, I.
I promised these kids that Iwould come back, but I also
promised my friends in Davisthat like, if there was an
adventure, I had to rise to theoccasion and it scared me,
right?
So I'm like, okay, like thiswill never be bestowed upon me
again.
So I have to rise to thisoccasion.
And so I missed kids' cancercare for the first time in 13

(32:21):
years to go do this.

Cha'Lea (32:23):
do this.

Remmy (32:24):
And it broke my heart basically immediately, because
I'm like, I'm not being ofservice here.
I'm just getting my butt whoopedby these horses.
Where like, in all these crazyexperiences, I had standoffs
with grizzlies, I was surroundedby wolves, I was swept down
glacier rivers, I borderlinehypothermic.

(32:44):
Uh, just doing these exoticcons, like literally paving down
the airstrips in this land thathasn't been touched in over four
decades, and calling thesecoordinates to our guy in a bush
plane and be like, touch downhere, man, has not been here
yet.

Cha'Lea (32:58):
been here yet.

Remmy (32:59):
And so there's a glamor aspect to it, and it was my
brother's dreams.
But then I'm there being like, Imiss camp, I miss camp, I miss
camp.
How can I break my arm or my legin the least painful way so I
can get out of here and go be ofservice?
And so I was so bitter to be inthis different environment where
it's like, I don't feel like I'mbeing of value even though I'm

(33:20):
having this glamorousexperience.
And everyone would say like,wow, like big game horseback
guide.
How crazy.
Right?
And it's like, it, it almostfelt like being a celebrity in a
sense because it's like a thingthat's so foreign in this world
now to like have a job oranything like that.
And people were treating me likethat.
And so it kind of created an egocomplex that I had to take on by
default of my insecurity that Ibetrayed what was most important

(33:43):
to me to go make money and dothe family thing,

Cha'Lea (33:47):
handling thing.

Remmy (33:48):
right?
And so I, I realized when I camehome getting to the end of this
surprise chapter that.

Cha'Lea (33:57):
that

Remmy (33:58):
The most grateful I had ever been was when I was the
most terrified I'd ever been.
And I came to this conclusionout there when maybe 30 days
into this like 110 day off-gridseason, where I just was like,
had the darkest thoughts I'dprobably almost ever had.
Um, like, how can I break my armor my leg in the least painful
way so I can get medevaced outof here?
Like, screw my brothers.
I wanna go be somewhere whereI'm appreciated and loved and I

(34:20):
can go and love and appreciateothers.
Um, but then I just had thismoment where I'm like, I didn't
come here to die and I can besustained off of this one
thought I didn't come this far.
Like, uh, again, back to Davisand like there's a weird reason
that I'm here and I have to livewith a certain amount of
audacity that I am meant for astory worthy life.

(34:42):
But the story worthy thing wouldbe like, oh, I would have to
have the guilt that I actuallydid break my arm or my leg in a
way so I could abandon mybrothers.
Right?
It's like, no, you came this far

Cha'Lea (34:53):
this far

Remmy (34:54):
figured out.
Uh, survive it.
And somebody of all things whois a very spiritual woman,
before the day that I left,she's like, I've had this
spiritual experience where Ihaven't read these books on my
shelf, but God's telling me togive you this book.
And she, and the title of itsays, God, thank you for the
experience.
Send somebody else was the titleof it.

Cha'Lea (35:14):
the title of it.

Remmy (35:15):
And so,

Cha'Lea (35:16):
Wow.

Remmy (35:17):
and so I read that book and I think by the time I
finished that, that's when I hadthe, I didn't come here to die.
And so that was, that moment initself, like that woman was
something that bestowed itselfupon me.
Once again, I didn't ask for anyof these things.
It's like, God told me do this.
I'm like, I trust you.
You know how freaky.

Cha'Lea (35:34):
How,

Remmy (35:36):
um, but yeah.
So I would think I wouldfinalize that surprise.
It's like, okay, here's a lifethat's been bestowed upon me.
Um, but yeah.
I'll let you, I'll end that.
There

Cha'Lea (35:46):
wow.
That's a big chapter.
That's a lot to happen from fourto 21, going through cancer,
going through traumaticsurgeries and hospital
experiences that aren't any fun.
Losing a dear friend and, andhis name was Davis.
Is that what was Davis's?
Uh,

Remmy (36:06):
Davis Wisener.

Cha'Lea (36:08):
Wise Davis Wisener.
We'll dedicate this podcast to

Remmy (36:11):
let's go.
I,

Cha'Lea (36:14):
That is a lot to take on as still a child, right?
And developing your identity andwho you are.
What do you think you came outof that chapter having to
unlearn in your surrenderchapter?
That

Remmy (36:32):
being, that life would continue to bestow story worthy
life to me, that life would giveme other versions of kid cancer
care, or that I would find otherfriends who'd be like, wow, I
love you so much.
Here's a.
Job that you didn't ask for, orbesides your childhood may or
may not be qualified for,figured out as you go.

(36:54):
Um, when I, the surrender wasvastly around undoing that ego
complex where it's like, okay,life just keeps providing.
Every time I'm lazy for anextended amount of time, I'm
just in the middle of being akid who's having like his
drinking habits and stuff.
Eventually someone will come andsay, dude, you're great.
Let's go on an adventure.

(37:15):
Uh, but then that stopped and Iwas so guilt ridden when I came
back from my first season ofguiding that I was like, I need
to make my life worthwhilebecause even though I'm getting
these like ego pumps about beinga big game guide, I'm like, it's
not what matters to me.
I wanna talk about kids' cancercare and be somebody of service.
But now I'm just in thisposition that like, as much as

(37:36):
it taught me about resilienceand like overcoming and my
capacity is so much deeper thanwhat my mind is just telling me,

Cha'Lea (37:44):
Um,

Remmy (37:44):
um,

Cha'Lea (37:46):
I

Remmy (37:46):
I wanted to become somebody that I respected.
And I was so torn in thatcapacity because I'm like, okay,
I want people to like me and Iwant to tell these big game
guiding stories.
Um, but then nobody knew how toask me about kids cancer care
or, you know, talk aboutemotional intelligence and
things that I had an inklingtowards.
But people weren't living thatservice-based life or that
leadership stuff.

(38:07):
They're like, I'm just trying tofigure out how to make money and
stuff.
Right?

Cha'Lea (38:11):
And

Remmy (38:11):
so as it continued, and I was like, I need to be around
people who aren't just like atkids' cancer care, but living
philanthropy as a livelihood.
And I got surrounded by likeJohn Maxwell's inner circle of
leaders who are doingphilanthropy and funding
surgeries all over the world andhave more than they have.
And so it's just giving beyondtheir capacity, but they're not

(38:32):
just like rich.
They like have wonderfulmarriages.
And that was the first time Iever saw husbands and wives
having like,

Cha'Lea (38:38):
like,

Remmy (38:39):
uh, Exposing not exposing vulnerable conversations in a
public space, intentionallysaying, here's where we messed
up.
I am so overjoyed to have anopportunity to be a cautionary
tale so you can do even better.
So this year of struggling withmy wife and reading these 10
books, there's something, here'sthe the, the absolute soul

(39:00):
shattering concept that actuallymade me humble enough to change,
because I wanna win my wife.
I don't wanna win my ego and allthese different things.
And so I'm like, okay, I wannabe somebody who is of service,
but as I'm trying to become thisperson, I'm like, I'm just so
riddled with all theseinsecurities, but I'm masking it
with this.
Like, oh, he's a big gamehorseback guide.
He must be courageous.

(39:21):
He killed a bear inself-defense.
And people love that stuff, butit's like, man, but it's not
saving lives.
It's not helping people havebetter relationships.
And so when it comes to likethese questions, it was people
who were asking me things that Ihad never had the capacity for,
people that didn't have thecuriosity to be like, Are you
happy in yourself?
People like, oh, what's thesestories?

(39:42):
And they would just go onto themomentum that was served them.
But when it came to like, oh,but are you even proud of these
experiences?
It's the ego that comes up.
It's like, well, I'm telling youthis way because I'm already
getting all these dopaminepumps, so I'm just gonna go for
the ride.
Um, but when people say like,what's next?
And I don't know, they don'thold space, they're like, nah,

(40:03):
I'm sure it's just gonna be thesame thing.
And they just like kind of makean assumption of me as like,
okay, well I think, I think it'ssafer to have them assume that
I'm this courageous personrather than tell them I'm
terrified of what's next becauseI haven't figured it out yet.
I haven't figured out how to bea man of service or that I'm
trying to overcome addiction ofdrinking and pornography and all

(40:23):
these things that make me feelincapable of being somebody of
service.
'cause how can I go say, here'swhat's happiness is if I am not
a happy person myself.
And so I thank God every, sorry.
I, yeah, I just like.
Grateful every day that I wassurrounded and stumbled upon
these people who romanticizedvulnerability in a way where

(40:46):
it's like if you go and pursueyour own soul, by default, you
will find all the pieces thatbring it back together.

Cha'Lea (40:54):
and the people.

Remmy (40:55):
Yeah.
Correct.

Cha'Lea (40:56):
people that you'll attract on your journey.
You know, it's interestinghearing you say that because as
I think about my journey growingup, it was people who could also
be very vulnerable and authenticwith the rawness of, what it was
like to be a human.
The fact that I have triggersthat I have coping mechanisms, I
don't always put the cart backat Publix.

(41:19):
I get irate sometimes.
I have bad days.
I don't know what I'm gonna dowithin my next five years of
life.
But, but, and, and I'm still ahuman and I still believe in the
ability for me to try to createthe life that I want, but to
also hold space for thecomplexities to coexist with the

(41:39):
rawness and the magic of theadventure.
How do we hold space for twothings?
Because you have the traps ofpersonal development, even to
some aspects, some, somecomponents of leadership
development.
There's the traps of toxicpositivity, Where the idea of
leadership can be romanticized,where it's just do it.
Be a good person.
Always have the right answers.

(41:59):
But that reality is that's notwho we are as people.
We don't come with a guide, whenwe come out of being 18 and we
step into being adults tounlearn and rewire the parts of
us that were imposed throughsocietal norms or through ways
in which we learned, through ourexperiences that no longer serve
us.
And when people can speak on therawness of their experience,

(42:20):
like what you said, the factthat you were struggling with
addiction and that you aretrying to overcome aspects of
you that you learn no longerserved you.
There's beauty in that.
There is beauty because that'swhat it is to be a human.
That's what it is.
That's going to inspire the nextman who is undoubtedly gonna
experience the same thing,whether it's a man or a woman
who has gone through that samepath, they need to hear that

(42:42):
other people have reckoned withthis in their life.
And can hold space while they'recreating more.

Remmy (42:48):
There's a, when you're saying that difference of being
a product of the life that youcame up in, I wrote at the
bottom of these lines of likethings that I'm like, feel like
a must As I share this, thequestion is, are you a product
of others' wishes or your trueself-exploration?

Cha'Lea (43:03):
Oh, I love that.
Whew.
It depends.
What chapter of my life are youspeaking about?
Because undoubtedly, I think theidea that I'd like to have, that
I'd like to believe is that,it's an expression of my own
exploration.
But the truth is that a bigcomponent of it in the beginning
was what I thought I wassupposed to do because of how I

(43:25):
was programmed growing up.
Right?
We develop a normalcy in howlife functions based on our
environment.
My environment was chaotic andfor me, it wasn't so much that
I.
Dove deep into the chaoticnessof it.
I swung the pendulum all the wayto the other side of the
spectrum where decisions andbehaviors and mindsets were

(43:46):
being formed out of a fear-basedmindset, out of a scarcity
mindset.
And that is not where theessence shine.
That is not true to what it isto be in my divine essence.
And it creates resistance.
And so there was a lot ofcomponents that came out of
duty, out of programming, out ofunconsciousness, out of fear,
out of coping mechanisms thatI've had to work to unravel and

(44:11):
to really sit with theuncomfortable truths of what it
feels like where you wanna go,take a bath and just wipe it all
away because it's like, ugh,it's the truth.
But I have to sit with it and itdoesn't feel right.
But I'd rather front load.
Those truths anytime if it meansI'm gonna feel uncomfortable,
I'm gonna feel awkward, if I'mgonna feel small, I want it more
than anything, so that I canhold it feel into it, and be

(44:33):
able to unravel it, and thencreate what is true to my
essence.
Now, today, I am more closerthan ever in exploring what is
in my authentic self, but it'sstill a practice, right?
Because when we have adversityin life and we go through
traumatic events, And we'reworking towards healing those

(44:53):
belief systems and the actionsthat are created from that.
They don't just pop pop awayever in life, because all it
takes is doing something thatcreates fear, doubt, and
uncertainty, which is everythingthat involves being courageous
and evolving and going after newthings.
And so the moment that we startto go into new environments and
we're faced with new stories tocreate, and we're doing things

(45:14):
that we don't feel competent andsecure, and it's going to evoke
at a certain level of stress anduncomfortability that trigger,
and we're gonna go back intothat tunnel, we have the ability
to reduce the impact that itcreates and attune to it better
each and every time, but itnever fully disappears.
And when we can learn to have arelationship with it, then we

(45:35):
can learn to attune to it andreduce the impact that it
creates in the lives of thepeople that are all around us.

Remmy (45:41):
Yes.
The, as you're saying, all ofthis, the one quote that I want
to express is that our fear isthe sharpest definition of who
we are.
Because we can say, I can dothis, I can do that, I can do
that.
Yes, you can literally do allthese things, but where you stop
is the most realistic definition

Cha'Lea (45:59):
Yeah.

Remmy (46:00):
because you are limited potential.
But where you stop yourself isthe honest answer.
Right?
And so if I continue to crashthrough, then I create this own
identity of limitlessnessbecause I refuse to be defined
by the fear.
And so then you kind of justlike almost start buzzing why?
It's like, okay, well if I cando this once, what if I can keep

(46:20):
doing it over and over and over?
Because otherwise I am creatingthe facts.
But I, it's, it is a factlesslife in a major way, right?
I don't want people to drawconclusions about me.
Oh, good.
I'll have to reintroduce myselfevery six months.
Good luck keeping up, you know.

Cha'Lea (46:35):
help.
Yeah, I love going into networksettings and being able to play
with the introductions of whoyou are and allowing to see what
comes of that.
Because if people can findhumanness in me, then they find
the essence of their path

Remmy (46:57):
no kidding.
Uh, with the, that networknetworking aspect, and I, I
think I'm saying this sentencefor the first time, so I'm
getting so excited, but I thinkthat childlike curiosity is, as
far as I'm concerned, the mostrespectful thing I can do when
meeting somebody so I can helpthem define themselves, give

(47:18):
them the opportunity to definethemselves, and if they say it a
little bit off, then continue.
I am patient enough to like helpyou keep refining it.
I'm just gonna stay curious.
That's my goal.
You tell me who you are and ifyou don't like it, great.
More conversation.
Right?
Um, but when people are saying,oh, what you do, they wanna take
one word, like horseback guide,leadership, development,

(47:42):
anything like that, and theywanna draw a conclusion of your
whole life.
People want the simplicity andthen that's why they feel so
alone when they're like, but I'ma complex person, but everybody
else is simple.
How did we get so diluted thatwe could believe that?

Cha'Lea (47:56):
that Yeah.
You know, Remy, it's interestingbecause I hear myself saying
this to you, but I know that inthis journey it has been hard at
certain points For me, when Imade a transition in my career
and to show up to differentevents and to be able to fully

(48:16):
settle into what I'm doing

Remmy (48:18):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (48:18):
and not into what I knew I've done before in the
past that was familiar to me.
It showed up in resistance tonot wanting to go out to certain
events and to do certain things.
I still eventually would get toit, but I certainly would
question myself and it wouldtake some time to sit with
myself and asking, what is itthat I'm afraid of here?

(48:41):
What do I think that's gonnamean about myself?
And if it were true, then whatdo I think that means about my
worth or my identity?

Remmy (48:47):
absolutely.
And then it goes back to whatmatters to you.
And then maybe that old versionwas so tied to, oh, my value
comes from the fact that I havethis title.
But when you have to redefinethat by default, you have to
surrender part of your value toredefine that.
And so

Cha'Lea (49:05):
so yeah,

Remmy (49:06):
again, you have, you have to say, by default, I am making
myself less valuable to exploreit in a different aspect.
And some people might just say,okay, well you're not making the
same amount of money, so I'mgonna peg you down in some
sense.
But we're not here to cater tolike, oh, I want you to think
about me a certain way.
Right.
My goal is to be curious andfollow this desire, this message

(49:27):
from the stars, because it'slike it's eating me alive in
this wonderful and terrible waywhere I can't not, you know?

Cha'Lea (49:34):
you know, and then ultimately, would I be able,
when I get to the end of myrainbow, would I be able to make
my 80 year old self proud to saythat I want to live while I am
here and I want to create whileI am here.
And that means reducing theamount of resistance that I feel

(49:55):
in the work that I do and how Iget to be of service in the work
that I do.
And using my experiences tofurther that and what I've
learned and what I've createdand what I want to create and
what I see possible for others.

Remmy (50:10):
yeah.
That.
And as I'm learning this throughthese questions, um, even in the
conversation that we wereinitially connecting through
that curiosity of like askingthe question like, am I, is my
80 year old self happy whenpeople are in like a survival
state?
They can't be curious aboutthese grand visions because

(50:31):
they're like, I'm focusing ontwo weeks, man.
This is, that's where I'm at.
You know?
And so when I'm like, gimme yourfive-year plan, and I'm looking
them dead in the face becausethat's my normalcy, my curiosity
when I say like, oh, mycuriosity is the most respectful
thing I can do.
I'm like, it's an opportunitythat I'm hoping to provoke of
somebody.
But then by my excitement of myvision, per se, of like, I think

(50:56):
about five years ahead all thetime, but then I accidentally
make somebody feel insecurebecause they're like, man, I
can't think that far.
You know?
And so, Of course, I'm not gonnabe able to know like, oh, you
look insecure.
I'm gonna ask small questions.
You know, I wanna go biginitially.
And then if it goes, if it's alittle, I don't wanna say

(51:18):
lifeless, um, you can alwayslike backtrack a little bit.
But again, it's, it's curiosity.
It's, uh, every relationship isa playground of self-discovery.
And when I set it up as a game,it's like we're playing, this
isn't like a life or deathsituation where this
conversation has to demand like,oh, I failed this conversation.
I'm not gonna have a friendanymore.
Or, you know, like, I can't goback to this social gathering in

(51:41):
case I bump into this person.
I mean, a bad impression, it's aplayground.
We're all just playing a game,you know, and I'm gonna say
answers every now and then.
Oh my God, I wish I said alittle bit better than that.
I'm the questions guy now.
You know, like, I should havethese banger answers all the
time.
Um, but yeah, to be able to slipup and be like, I'm redefining
myself every single day and toknow that conversations are a

(52:03):
playground, oh, I wanna startover.
Can we play again?

Cha'Lea (52:06):
Yes.

Remmy (52:07):
And so cool, let's play.
Like what, how do you have themost courageous day of your life
next?
Anybody can play that game,right?
And so like, change the scale ofit.

Cha'Lea (52:18):
of it.

Remmy (52:19):
And so instead of having these grand vision plans is
like, okay, well I can win thenext hour, let's say, how can me
and you get uncomfortable forthe first time in a couple years
or something?
And, and that's, that

Cha'Lea (52:30):
that brings up like the essence again.
Yeah.
I'm ready to go with justhearing that question.
I'm thinking, why can I do, I'mcurious, how can you get
uncomfortable today?
What is something that wouldmake you feel uncomfortable?

Remmy (52:42):
um, I planned to meet somebody for the first time as
soon as this con, as this soonas this podcast is over.

Cha'Lea (52:49):
Oh, how fun.
Hey, I know somebody who hassome great questions that you
can use

Remmy (52:55):
Hey,

Cha'Lea (52:55):
through the conversation.

Remmy (52:58):
I'll just get you to be like my hype man

Cha'Lea (53:00):
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
You got this.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
You have to be playful with it.

Remmy (53:05):
Yeah, but my capacity even earlier today was like, I'm
doing a 10 hour labor day.
It's so hot outside.
If I just do this podcast, Iwin.
But then I'm like, I know thatthe last question on this book
is like, what's the next, whatcould be the next most
courageous day of your life?
Every other question builds upto this massive self sense of
self knowing that you can takeall of this information about

(53:26):
yourself and create something.
You can redefine all thesequestions, all it takes is the
next most courageous day of yourlife.
Tiny little step by step.
And so I'm like, okay, I'mactually gonna have to be this
person in integrity, say and dosame thing.
And so I went from being tiredto like so jazzed, knowing
here's the man that I'm sayingI'm gonna be, and now I have to

(53:49):
live it out.
And so I like Presum thatEarlier today I was like, I
probably want my space after Ihave this conversation.
That's the win for the day.
I was like, Nope, I have waymore energy than I'm saying.
This is a temporary tirednessthat is not defining the rest of
my day.
So in that constant state oflike, okay, here's this
opportunity.
I know we haven't been talkingsuper long, would you be open to
watch a sunset tonight and justget in the chatting?

(54:12):
And they said yes.
I'm like, okay, let's go.

Cha'Lea (54:14):
You said that.

Remmy (54:16):
Yeah,

Cha'Lea (54:17):
and that's what it's all about.
Those beautiful connections thatwe get to create regardless of
where it goes is the fact thatwe get to express ourselves and
connect with other beautifulpeople on this

Remmy (54:26):
exactly.
Yeah.
And that's it.
That's the chapter.
That's the present.
It's serendipities.
It's like, it's just a constantstate of like no day is made the
same.
If I can just see that this daywill bring something that's
never happened before, just likemeeting you.
I'm just like throwing.
I'm like, God, I hope this helpssomebody out on TikTok.
And then something profoundlyaffects you.

(54:47):
You're like, I need to answerthis.
I need to say hello to thisperson.
I'm like, oh, like the universespoke back and now it's Shaleah
and look at this coolconversation we're having.
And then there's just like themomentum that we have and I'm
like, we're still just skimmingthe surface.

Cha'Lea (55:01):
Yeah.

Remmy (55:01):
Ah,

Cha'Lea (55:03):
And then the, the ripple effect that it's gonna
have with others who arelistening to this episode,

Remmy (55:10):
yeah, it's, I think that's something we will never
be able to properly quantify.
because I've just been trying todo this digital diary thing,
like after my gratitude book,published at like the end of
2020.
I haven't missed a gratitudejournal day in four and a half
years.
I've written 7,000 notes ofindividual gratitude.

(55:31):
And so I'm like taking all theselittle self-reflection moments,
and if I learn something, I'mlike, that's what I'm basing all
of my videos off of, is like,okay, here's a life lesson.
Now, instead of me just thinkingit, I want to articulate it in a
fashion that I'm like, I thinkthis is a universal experience.
There's no way I'm alone inthis, and just in case I am
alone, Whoopi do, I still gotout of my own fear of seeing

(55:52):
myself on camera because I usedto be so anxious about it.
Um, and so I'm like, I'm gettingover my fear.
I hope I'm adding value and I'mjust throwing into the universe.
This is my gamble at the sametime.
And so like that's being a fullyalive in that moment too, and
it's helping me sharpen myability to articulate at the
same time.
And then all of a sudden, threeyears go by and people are like,

(56:14):
Hey man, we haven't talked in 10years, but I've watched you for
six months and you helped me getout of an abusive relationship.
I'm like, whoa.

Cha'Lea (56:21):
You know,

Remmy (56:22):
You know, I'm saying things like in 32nd snippets at
a time because I'm like,something, this sentence dropped
a bomb on me.
And so I'm like, it could helpsomebody else.
But then I'm like, oh, now Ijust have this profound
friendship.
After a decade of not talking tosomebody, I'm like, oh man.
I'm so glad that me taking thetime to get out of my own way

(56:42):
and share something mightactually mean somebody else
feels a little bit better at theend of the day.
And I'll even doubt myself.
I have all of this proof andI've written it in hundreds of
notes of gratitude, and I'll goback.
I'm like, you profoundlyaffected that day just by
thanking me.
For doing this and like sendingnotes out there and quotes and
stuff like that.
It's like, okay, like we areinterconnected.
It is leaving a mark because astupid little doubt muscle in

(57:06):
here.
It's kind of strong because Inurtured it for 20 something
years.
Right.
And if I'm living thiscourageous life, I'm constantly
like, the doubt muscle isn'tgetting smaller, it's still
alive and well, let me tell you,you know, but that's the only
way the courageous is possible.
It's'cause I'm sping thissensation of me that

Cha'Lea (57:23):
that wants to play small.
What does a winter season inlife look like for you?
Where nothing is happening,where there's no projects,
there's no creating, it's just acalm, restful state, and you
have to really just attune toresting, relaxing, and being
with, without the next project.

Remmy (57:45):
We're both like because we're like, we don't like this
season,

Cha'Lea (57:49):
no,

Remmy (57:50):
anything but winter.
I think, ah, okay.
Well this is fantasticinformation because my initial
reaction is I'm not proud thatmy answer is not extensive in
the sense of like, I knowexactly how to calm down and,
and put things away.
That's, I'm not good at that inthe sense of like, but man, if I

(58:12):
put like another 20 minutes intothis, then I'm 0.1% closer to a
five-year goal, like these booksand stuff, right?
It's like, okay, I can thinkabout it all day, but I know
there's a difference of themagic that happens when I put
myself in the chair, open up thelaptop and start to channel
something, and then that like 10minute goal.
I'm like, if I can sit down for10 minutes, then I'm there for

(58:33):
an hour and a half later.
I'm like, like the magic is justwaiting.
I just need to position myselfproperly.
But then it totally negates mypriority to have a winter season
and be like, you are allowed torest.
I very often find myself in theseason of.
Burnout because I'm like, but Ican't, I, I say I have more.

(58:56):
I have more.
I have more.
And that's a mentality thathelps me not have guilt because
I'm rearranging my dopaminecomplex because I messed up my
own gratitude by saying I'mallowed to play a video game
after I write.
And so the reward was notattached to writing.
It became a necessary evilbetween me and my gaming.

Cha'Lea (59:17):
Yes.

Remmy (59:18):
And so I was like, wow, like this.
I'm not even, even though I'd beproud of my writing per se in
that session, I'm attaching allof the joy to the aftermath.

Cha'Lea (59:27):
Yeah.
So the outcome.

Remmy (59:29):
Yeah.
And so when the outcome was thethings that, it's like, I know
I'm not super proud of this andthe amount of time that I give
it, it's my reward system.
But when my reward system is nowshowing up to a story worthy
life, it's way easier to dropthese habits that I wasn't proud
of because like the narrative isdifferent instead of like just
chasing the reward system.

(59:49):
Um, Yeah, I will admit that Iend up in burnout far more often
than I would like to admit.
And I think that would be amajor thing alongside this new
goal of like learning to playmusic and stuff, just to be in
that moment and as soon as I hitlike the lack of flow state,
like, okay, your body is nowsaying you're out of the moment.

(01:00:12):
You know the flow will come backwhen you're fully manifested
your health and all these otheraspects.

Cha'Lea (01:00:18):
Yes,

Remmy (01:00:19):
Yeah,

Cha'Lea (01:00:20):
aspects.
I'm curious, what's been themost powerful question that
you've ever been asked, and whydid it have such an impact on
you?

Remmy (01:00:30):
for sure.
Because it was the pivotalmoment between going from this,
it started going from surpriseinto surrender because I was
almost in like a subconsciousstate of like, life will bestow
me a story.
And then surrender is like, oh,I am actually the master crafter
of this story and I amembarrassed of my own state of

(01:00:52):
being.
And I kept pinning it up to I'mnot happy because God hasn't
forgiven me for my lack ofwillpower and these things that
I'm not proud of, like drinkingor pornography and stuff like
that.
And so when the main person thatconnected me to all these other
entrepreneurs andphilanthropists that just shook
my spiritual tree, everything,and I was expressing this

(01:01:14):
spiritual guilt, well, I Said,uh, I don't think I'm where I
wanna be'cause I'm waiting forGod to forgive.
me.
And this woman Rachel said, areyou open to considering that God
has already forgiven you but youhaven't forgiven yourself?
And by the logic that God is aforgiving entity?
I was like, the only way thatthat makes sense is that has to

(01:01:36):
be factually true.
I am absolutely the only thingin my way.
And so the surrender story beganand I am the only thing that's
in my way.
Because if I'm a spiritualperson, I believe God, universe,
whatever spiritual powerwhatsoever is a part of me, I
can move forward courageously.
That is the whole point ofspirituality and moving in
faith, I will be okay despiteit.

Cha'Lea (01:01:58):
It,

Remmy (01:01:59):
Yeah,

Cha'Lea (01:02:02):
What's your approach when a question makes you
uncomfortable?

Remmy (01:02:07):
I, I,

Cha'Lea (01:02:09):
And then thinking about how others, especially those who
listen to your, your series onstimulating questions, how can
we allow ourselves to navigatethat situation so that we can
get those gold nuggets?

Remmy (01:02:24):
yeah.
You, you're just like watchingmy facial expressions being
like, oh, blank void of so manythings at once to be like, oh,
revelation, now I have to saythis.
I have to admit it.
Um, I wanted to be like,initially I'm like, I don't
think I feel that way anymore.
'cause I'm just excited thatsomebody just might be curious
enough to wanna get to know meas like being.
Somebody in like the very, I'lljust say like the masculine

(01:02:46):
energy.
I feel myself navigating so manyconversations, um, that very
often I am the one, it's like,okay, like let's get a little
bit deeper and stuff, right?
Um,

Cha'Lea (01:02:58):
if

Remmy (01:02:58):
anybody freaks me out with a question, now I know it's
because it might be revealingthe point that I wanna lie.
I wanna fabricate the detailsjust a little bit, so I might be
more proud of myself.
And so when people are having aconversation like you and me
right now, it's almost liketennis, like back forth, back
forth, back forth.
We have like a one or two secondbracket before you people expect

(01:03:22):
a reaction right before texting.
It's like, I have all day forsending letters.
I have a whole month to thinkabout this.
But in that thing, it's like Ihave a second to define who I am
and then I accidentallysometimes fall into a stream of
I'm exaggerating this story.
And now even though I think I'mconnecting, I respect myself
less.
And that's a very, very humanexperience.

(01:03:43):
That I definitely am still inlearning and I have so many
friends in like the sobrietycommunity that have now made a
practice where they're like,stop themselves
mid-conversation.
I'm like, I'm sorry, that's juststraight up dishonest.
I want to be better.
Please let me start over.
And that's so scary, man, to in,I can't, there's two, two times
I know for a fact I can count ittwo times in 27 years where

(01:04:05):
people have said, I'm sorry I'mlying to you.
I've caught myself.
You know, people just like, evenwith best intentions, they'll be
like, ah, it's just a white lie.
It's just a tiny littlefabricated detail.
Right?
But when the integrity is such alike, I just wanna win, I wanna
respect myself.
Somebody be like, I am stoppingthis story so I can respect
myself still.
It's like, oh, this is cool.

(01:04:27):
You know?
Now this story's interesting.
It's, it holds way more valuebecause this experience of
self-discovery, this playgroundof this back and forth now holds
a lot of weight.
It's not just this subconsciouslike, oh, how is the weather and
stuff.
It's like I'm trying to buildmyself as a human being right
now.
And there's like these gamesgoing on in the background of

(01:04:48):
like, maybe I want this personto feel this way about me.
Maybe I want, if they respectme, maybe I will help fabricate
my own self-respect, right?
And so all these different gamesconverging at once in that back
and forth of the one or twoseconds we have.
And so to take a deep breath,just here's how I want to show

(01:05:09):
up.
Here's how I'm afraid to answerthis question because initially
like that, uh, that anxiety,because I have to reveal myself
as somebody that I am or I amnot.
Am I willing to lie to you tosustain this version of you that
I hope you think I am?

(01:05:29):
Or am I more interested in youfalling in love even as a
friend, family, whatever,falling in love with my reality
or your fantasy of who I hopeyou think I am.
I think that if there I've everruined a relationship, it's
because I've been hoping thatthey become the fantasy that I
think of them rather than lovethem for who they are.

Cha'Lea (01:05:48):
yes,

Remmy (01:05:48):
But all my loneliness has derive from me wanting people to
see me as like the ultimate biggame, horseback guide, cancer,
survive, and philanthropist, allthese immaculate things.
But then when I have thesewonderful conversations with
you, it's like I'm seen, I amhurt, I'm respected for messing
up all the time.
And I'm like, God, I can, I canshare so much with this person,

(01:06:11):
but like not in a, oh, I'm justgonna dump my crap on you.
It's like I, I, I have thispureness in me that's trying to
fall out, but I keep stumbling.
And if I express a little bit toyou, I am saying, I want to win
this game.
You could help me win this gamejust by saying, are you who you
say you are?
I'm like, it's because I'moffering to help you hold me

(01:06:32):
accountable to my

Cha'Lea (01:06:33):
whole life, to what matters to me.

Remmy (01:06:34):
We made it full circle.

Cha'Lea (01:06:36):
Yes.
Calling you into your highestself.
Yeah.

Remmy (01:06:38):
Yes.

Cha'Lea (01:06:39):
Right.
And into, into your essence.
And that sometimes feelsuncomfortable.
It doesn't always feel good.

Remmy (01:06:45):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (01:06:46):
And being able to have a relationship with that because
we tend to think that sometimeswhat is good for us will feel
good for us, and that's notalways the case.
Even with some questions thatcan be uncomfortable because of
the depth of where they go,well, they may make us feel
uncomfortable.
That does not, then by naturemean that they are not good for
us.
I was thinking as you weretalking about when we are not

(01:07:08):
able to share the rawness of whowe are as humans, when we are
connecting and sharing ourstories with one another, we
really cheat ourselves out onthe opportunity to experience
humanity in the best wayspossible.

Remmy (01:07:22):
yes,

Cha'Lea (01:07:22):
And because when you show your humanity, you get to
experience what we came here toexperience each other and the
feelings of that.
And so it allows someone else toopen that door to their humanity
for.
You to share in that experienceand or gives you the opportunity
to realize if this persondoesn't accept you for the

(01:07:45):
rawness of your humanity,perhaps this is that signaling
for you that this is not someonethat you want to have or invest
your energy and time into,

Remmy (01:07:54):
Yeah, that's like full circle on like the beginning
part as well.
It's like if I'm too afraid toeven enter this conversation,
I'm blocking off a whole aspectof my human experience.
And some people, like you and I,let's say we're hyper receptive
to, like, I know you havesomething to share with me.
We might talk for three hours,but if you gimme one sentence
that shakes my tree, you gave medays and weeks and months worth

(01:08:16):
of spiritual content, let's say.
Right?
And so then it's like, again,Chile note, 7,104 on this date.
I'll, I'll, I'll text you sixmonths from now.
Thank you so much for sharingthe space with me.
You helped start a conversationbased off of my questions and
you asked me some that shook mytree.
Thank you.

(01:08:37):
Endlessly.
Right?
And so I, I just refuse to belimited in my human experience
and that will exclusively comethrough, uh, maybe not
exclusively, but throughnavigating conversations that
crack open up perspectivementally, spiritually,
emotionally, that hasn't beentouched yet.
Right.
And then you are forever a partof my story of like, I am a new

(01:08:59):
part of myself.
Thanks to A simple

Cha'Lea (01:09:01):
simple conversation Yes.
with friend.
with the TikTok friend.
It's a small world.
It feels like a big world outthere.

Remmy (01:09:09):
No doubt.

Cha'Lea (01:09:10):
that you still can connect with people in that kind
of regard.
,and on the basis of somethingso magical and the adventure of
what it is

Remmy (01:09:17):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (01:09:18):
beings.

Remmy (01:09:19):
And for you to have such a like, rock solid, I am helping
people live bigger than theirtitle.
I'm like down.
You said like two sentences.
There's so much power in that,because I know to actually break
into that, we're 10 hours plusof content, you know, because
we're gonna meet parts of eachother that provoke, you know, if
I gave you goosebumps, like wow,you know, a tiny little bit of

(01:09:42):
story just like cracked into notjust your mind, but your body.
That's crazy.

Cha'Lea (01:09:48):
Yes.

Remmy (01:09:48):
You know, like we think, oh, we can pass by, and it's
like, I can eat, uh, this apple,or I can get away with these
things that, um, you know, Ilose my self respect for what's
the, what's the price of thisone little moment?
And it's like, man, it meanseverything.
It's a whole story, right?
Even these conversations, it istaking up the precious time that
is very limited.

(01:10:09):
But when we get to be like, I amcelebrating every single moment
as this conscious expression ofwho I want to be.

Cha'Lea (01:10:16):
Yeah.

Remmy (01:10:17):
Yeah.
I'm, I'm defining that in everysingle moment.
And that'll be conversations.
I'm bigger than the title thatpeople wanna dummy down into.
They just wanna have a betterconversation.
They can see that part of me.
I wanna see that

Cha'Lea (01:10:28):
see that part.
So, Rumi, as we get close towrapping up the episode, let's
play what's

Remmy (01:10:34):
Let's play, did you ask your sons for those numbers?

Cha'Lea (01:10:38):
I did.

Remmy (01:10:39):
Oh, that's amazing.
Okay.
It's so crazy

Cha'Lea (01:10:42):
so crazy that

Remmy (01:10:44):
you said three and 76.
Correct.

Cha'Lea (01:10:47):
yes,

Remmy (01:10:48):
I, it's been my favorite conversation, which so happened
to be number 76.
I was like, this is my favoriteone.
I need to throw it in theresomewhere because I don't wanna
make it number one because I'mso biased to that.
And then 76 happened to be myfavorite question.
That's ridiculous.

Cha'Lea (01:11:04):
That is so funny.
So,

Remmy (01:11:06):
And so it's because it's a unique to everybody's story.
It's a fingerprint of a story.
But number 76 is what is themost afraid you've ever been?

Cha'Lea (01:11:16):
oh.
Goodness.
That's a great question.
So many things.
Oh, you know, it's afraid in thesense of questioning who we are
and why we're here has been oneof my, my biggest fears to have

(01:11:37):
to explore.
And that was in the time inwhich my grandmother passed
away.
And I realized the fragility oflife then you have to reckon
with the why's.
Why did it have to be that way?
Then it throws you on thisspiritual war zone of
questioning so many aspects ofyourself and life and being

(01:12:00):
fearful to some extent, that youare this little.in, the vastness
of nothingness.
We are more than what we camehere, and that this journey is
for us to create.
And I've always been soconnected to that essence, even
without fully understanding.
But that was the first time inmy life that I had to come face

(01:12:20):
to face with the fear of notjust my own existence, but that
in which of the people that Ilove and that I protect and that
create in this lifetime with.

Remmy (01:12:30):
Yes.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, that, um, so in thatmoment of fear though, was it,
how long was it, would you saythat you had this aspect of fear
that now

Cha'Lea (01:12:42):
now created

Remmy (01:12:43):
wonderful perspective that you have?

Cha'Lea (01:12:44):
Yeah, it was short.
It was almost a subconsciousthought that came into presence
for a small timeframe I had toreckon that this anger was so
strong because of what I didn'tunderstand.
My fear of not understanding theunknown, my fear of the reality
of how life can turn over soquickly.

(01:13:08):
But in that, Through that angerand discovering that fear was
connected to that emotion what Ihad to do is dive deeper into
that experience and it threw meinto spirituality even further
down the line, and really cominginto presence with every moment
that we have here today, knowingthat tomorrow is not guaranteed

(01:13:29):
and we don't know what canhappen in five years from now,
but I know that I have today,and today when I walk up the
stairs, I can experience lifetoday when I have dinner, I can
experience life in the mostfruitful of ways and and to
challenge myself, to be inalignment with the people that I
love and how I show up in theworld, because that's all that I

(01:13:50):
have is my presence today.

Remmy (01:13:55):
You said this was your grandma grandmother, right?
Oh my goodness.
Like I just imagine being inthat position and knowing, we'll
never know the aftermath of whathappens after we're gone.
But to know even you areaffected in such a profound way
where it's like, I will be herein this moment with my sons
having dinner,

Cha'Lea (01:14:13):
Yeah.

Remmy (01:14:13):
and that's a message coming from her life.
That's such a win.
That is such a win of a life.

Cha'Lea (01:14:18):
It's,

Remmy (01:14:20):
That's wonderful.

Cha'Lea (01:14:23):
but this morning our cat also brought in, um, a
hamster, one of those littlethings that run around outside,
I

Remmy (01:14:28):
let's go.
That's being present too.
That's, uh, those momentsthough, again, that bestows upon
you.
It's like nothing matters, but.
Being terrified of this hamster,the smiles, whatever.

Cha'Lea (01:14:40):
Yes,

Remmy (01:14:42):
yes, That is so good.
Unreal.

Cha'Lea (01:14:46):
yes,

Remmy (01:14:46):
I I got answer too though, eh?

Cha'Lea (01:14:48):
yes.

Remmy (01:14:49):
Okay.
So I, I am so biased that it ismy favorite question because
I've used it as a networkingopportunity.
Were people like, whoa,

Cha'Lea (01:14:57):
So you have practice in this one?

Remmy (01:14:59):
absolutely like you literally said 76 and my jaw
dropped when I was like, Iliterally tried to avoid this
question.
Yeah, so I'm gonna give it theCliff Notes version because it
is ex extended in my gratitudebook.
But my moment that I was mostafraid for sure was season two
of guiding up North Day 67 whenmy brother, we promised to never

(01:15:22):
split up and.
He says, I'm gonna take thehunter.
I'm gonna go down the valley forthree days.
I'll be back in three days, Ipromise.
And that was my first break in67 days.
I said, go ahead, have awonderful time.
And so that was my first timetruly being alone in the
wilderness essentially.
And I was just sitting thereeating caribou steaks, having a

(01:15:44):
baller time, just, uh, readingGame of Thrones with six horses
behind me in a semicircle.
And my brother's gone with eightand day two of three, this
grizzly comes from a hundredyards away and it casually walks
right up to the other side ofthe river and stands up on its
hind legs and is smelling mycaribou steaks that I'm eating

(01:16:04):
right in front of it.
And so I know this is a do ordie moment where I'm like, okay,
I don't wanna kill something Idon't have to.
Bears are protected.
I respect its life.
Most 95% of bears are good, likethey will walk away, but I'm
still there with my shotgunshell ready, like.
Do something screaming, like dosomething knowing I have the

(01:16:24):
upper hand.
If it charges me, I have 25 feetof river between me and this
bear.
If it comes to that.
And as I'm screaming at thisbear, I remember it looking over
my head in a semicircle, and myhorses are looking back at it
doesn't look me in the eyes onceas I'm screaming at it and it
gets back on four legs and walksoff.
I'm like, that's way scarierthan it just looking at me.

(01:16:45):
It was so not concerned with me.
And so I'm like, okay, I knowit's coming back in the middle
of the night for my food.
It knows something's great hereand I have to let my horses go.
And so the Cliff Notes versionof this being I was really alone
for the first time and I waswaiting for this grizzly to come
back.
And as I'm waiting for thisgrizzly, I fell asleep with a
headlamp on my head and Ithought I was having a nightmare

(01:17:08):
when I finally fell asleep at2:00 AM and I heard wve howling
all around me.
Not howling, but yapping likeexcited.
And so, okay, just, just anightmare.
Closed my eyes, but it was soloud, it was screeching in my
ears and I'm like, they'recircling me.
And so I'm prepared for thisbear.
I open up my tent headlight onthree sets of eyes to my left,

(01:17:29):
two sets of eyes to my right,more behind me.
I only have four bullets, and soI just have this moment of like
pure exasperation where likeabsolute clarity.
I just, wow.
Just like howl fire shot to theair.
Everything goes dead quiet.
Eyes just like bat out from thelight.
I had everything set up to makethis bonfire and so I'm hugging

(01:17:51):
this fire like franticallylooking for eyes in the night
and I'm like, Ben is never gonnabelieve this.
My brother's never gonna believethis.
And so as I'm going to wranglemy horses that morning, instead
of following horse tracks, I wasfollowing wolf tracks on top of
them.
I.
And my horses got harassed.
They didn't get hurt, but theywere mad.
I was like, me too.
Ben's coming back today.

(01:18:12):
He's never gonna believe this.
And so I'm waiting.
Anxiously all day, can't sitstill.
I'm like, there's the track,everything to prove it.
This is nuts.
And then my brother does notcome back for five more days.
And so all I had in the wholeworld was his promise that he's
coming back.
And so I'm thinking he's deadhurt hunter's dead or hurt.
And every way around it, I waspinned down.

(01:18:33):
I couldn't take all the horsesand pick up camp.
All these animals wanted myfood.
I had to hold down the fort.
And so I was having thisspiritual moment of like what
could justify this stress?
And I realized the only thing Ican do.
In that time, I had a Game ofThrones book that I carried 600
kilometers, 300 miles byhorseback to have something to
relax to.

(01:18:53):
And I had the epiphany, what ifI had the audacity to write
something that I could give 10%to kids cancer care?
And that moment birthed whatbecame my authorship.
Not that I was a writer or anerd.
Of any capacity with books priorto it was like, I see something
of value that can touch thewhole world.
And this moment out of pureterror worrying that my brother

(01:19:15):
was dead, I, I started writingdown the ideas for my first
fantasy book.
I was like, maybe I could dosomething that could change the
world, even if it's a tinylittle fragment.
If I do die out here, I canleave something behind that
makes a difference.
When I was gone, and that wasthe birth of like, my
entrepreneurial story.
And so it was five days later,my brother came back and he had

(01:19:36):
a world record book Caribou.
It was like number a hundred andsomething, but he was all smiles
and swag.
I'm like, I don't care.

Cha'Lea (01:19:43):
don't care.
Wow.

Remmy (01:19:47):
I was like, I was so, it's like, you know, I was like,
I'm so stressed out, man.
It's like, I don't care aboutthat.
But uh, yeah.
So that always ends up likecreating a whirlwind of
different conversations, right?
There's so many elements to thatstory.
And so that was the mastercrafted question.
What's the most afraid you'veever been?
And yeah.
Everybody has a unique story andthey don't tap into that.

(01:20:08):
'cause it's kind of safe to say,I'm not afraid right now, but I
was then.
Right.
And so it starts the momentum ofa little bit more vulnerable
conversation.

Cha'Lea (01:20:16):
momentum.
Yeah, it does.
I'm curious, what is somethingthat feels like you're being
surrounded by bears and coyotesthat isn't that that happens in
your everyday life today, withinthe past 30 days that made you
feel fearful, if anything atall.

Remmy (01:20:37):
playing piano right now.
As soon as you came on.
Ooh.
Hands up.
And I, I, I quit touching it.
Right?
And so I'm like, now I couldconsciously like start putting
my hands on it, but it's stilllike I have to take such a
cognitive effort to slow downand just like take the shake
outta my hands.
Right?
That's absolutely it.

(01:20:58):
And so going from, oh, big, uh,Horse.
Big, big game horse, big game,horseback guiding man to is
afraid of singing, has weirdfears, you know?
It's like, oh, you should bebigger than that.
People were making theseassumptions that I'm a
courageous person, but I hadthese fears and it made me feel
even smaller.
Right?
And so them celebrating acertain part of like, who they

(01:21:20):
assume I'm to be a courageousperson, my fears became even
bigger because I'm like, I'mgonna let them down if I'm not a
courageous person all the time.
And so that was another aspectof like, just, man, I hope
people just see me for who I amand just are cool with that, you
know?

Cha'Lea (01:21:35):
yeah.

Remmy (01:21:36):
Yeah.

Cha'Lea (01:21:37):
But you are a courageous person in honoring
the parts of you that do feelhuman.
That in itself

Remmy (01:21:46):
It, it takes a couple years for sure.
Yeah.
And it's a everyday thing.
It's never like you arrive to amoment, you're like, I'm just a
courageous person now.
It's like, no.
If you arrive to a genuinelycourageous opportunity, the fear
is fresh all over again.
It's the whole point of being animposter.
I am posing as somebody whoknows what they're doing in this
situation.

(01:22:07):
That's the whole point of the,the story beginning.
Oh, a new chapter.
That's the definition of a newchapter is I'm posing as
something I'm not.

Cha'Lea (01:22:17):
I love

Remmy (01:22:17):
Okay.
We gotta, okay.
We can send this home with thelast question though, because it
wraps everything up wonderfully.
So number three.
Number three was what promiseshave you made to yourself and
others right now in the seasonof your life?
So this is gonna bring ourintegrity right back to the

Cha'Lea (01:22:34):
to,

Remmy (01:22:34):
center.

Cha'Lea (01:22:35):
yeah.
So I think for me, it's beencalling in my divine presence
when I am doubting, showing up.
So speaking into one of thefears, I don't quite enjoy being
on camera.
I don't enjoy public facingmuch, and so I'm challenging
myself on that notion and wherethat comes from and why, and

(01:22:57):
making sure that when I do showup, that I'm connected to my
intention and grounding myselfin that bigger picture so that I
can continue to do the work thatI envision doing.

Remmy (01:23:11):
Yeah, that's, see, will you say that?
I say it too.
I'm like, I'm afraid of beinghere in this moment.
And then people are like, it'sso effortless.
No, it's not.

Cha'Lea (01:23:20):
No, it's not, It's not.
No, not especially not.
When you've lived, some chapterscalled surprise and Surrender

Remmy (01:23:29):
Yeah.
And

Cha'Lea (01:23:31):
in you.

Remmy (01:23:32):
so it's a conscious effort to live in the
serendipity season.
But I'm still living thesurrender chapter every day.
It's my, it's my humbling factorbecause if I act like I'm done
surrendering, I will fall apartall over again.

Cha'Lea (01:23:46):
absolutely.
Being an evolved person takes somuch conscious effort.
Not only does it take consciouseffort to remind yourself that
you have to show up but to alsoallow the other parts of you to
integrate that have lived otherexperiences beyond what you are
creating

Remmy (01:24:04):
Yeah,

Cha'Lea (01:24:05):
coming chapters.

Remmy (01:24:06):
no doubt.
Ah, yes, yes.
All day.

Cha'Lea (01:24:11):
So we're gonna have to have a part two.
I'd love to have anotherconversation with you and do
follow up.
But as we wrap up the show, we'dlove to have our guest experts
leave our audience with achallenge.
And in your case, I want you tothink about one question out of
all the questions that you haveexplored with Explored that
could help our audience connectto their essence.

Remmy (01:24:34):
Uh, I think the grounding question that will bring you the
most opportunity at every singlepoint, no matter where you are,
is how can I make this the nextmost courageous day of my life?
It will change your eyesight tolook at opportunity everywhere,
even if it's as childish assaying hello, going and kicking

(01:24:54):
a ball around with somebody, andjust like entering any state of
not normalcy, and then it'sgonna be extra freaky because
you'll know how much fear issurrounding you all the time.
I'm afraid of all of thesethings.
You're like, okay, here's alsoan opportunity in every

Cha'Lea (01:25:12):
every single

Remmy (01:25:13):
I look.

Cha'Lea (01:25:15):
time.
So as others are looking tocreate connection, not just with
themselves but with others, canyou tell them more about your
book that's coming out and wherethey can find it?
And I placed my pre-order thismorning, so I'm excited.

Remmy (01:25:28):
you're a sweetheart.
Thank you so much.
Uh, yeah, compass of connection,100 questions for introspection
and deeper relationships.
It's on pre-order right now.
It will be out June 15th.
Um, so yeah, I'm so close tobeing done, and if it that's the
case, I can get it out evensooner.
It's on Amazon everywhere.
It will be exclusively ebook asof right now.

(01:25:49):
Um, but if it becomes somethingof more grandeur, then it could
be potentially in a hardback aswell.

Cha'Lea (01:25:57):
As an explorer of all things introspection and
self-discovery and growth, Ihave to say, for those who are
listening, Remy has done such anamazing job with bringing soul
into his questions to reallyhelp people connect to their
adventure.
And I'm so excited for you guysto experience what we've been

(01:26:20):
able to experience following hisseries on stimulating questions
and how can people get incontact with you?

Remmy (01:26:27):
Yeah.
Uh, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook,Remy, stork, across the board
for everything.
And I would be so honored ifpeople do reach out, share that
they have any breakthroughs,curiosities the opportunity to
have an individualized, like, Iam invested in your growth.
Please let me have that becauseI'm still in a season of my life
to share that space.
And then if, man, if we have anopportunity to create a

(01:26:50):
relationship like Shaleah and I,it happens in a few back and
forth messages.
So take the chance That could bethe next most courageous day of
your life is saying hi to somestranger on TikTok.
That's literally how thishappened.

Cha'Lea (01:27:01):
this happened, being a human.
Yeah.
I

Remmy (01:27:07):
But thank you so much.
I'm so honored to share thisspace with you.
I hope we have moreopportunities to do this.
But yeah, you've been a totalblessing in my life.
I brag about you all the timesince I met you.

Cha'Lea (01:27:17):
oh, thank you.
That means a lot to me.
Thank you for saying that.
I appreciate it.
And we're gonna have to think ofsome more ideas.
I'm sure we're not gonna havetrouble doing that, but I'd love
to have you back on for the nextround and best of luck and you
don't need it.
But best of luck in youradventure and in your meeting.
I'm, I'm so excited to hear howit

Remmy (01:27:36):
no doubt.
Okay, so much love.

Cha'Lea (01:27:39):
To our listeners, the ball is in your court.
I challenge you to take action,dive deeper into the
conversations that will call youinto your alignment with your
most authentic self.
Stay curious.
Stay brave and above all, staytrue to yourself.
We'll see you on our nextepisode.
Thank you again, Remi.

Remmy (01:27:55):
Let's go.
Thank you so much.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}40: From Questions to Connection: Remmy Stouracs Journey to Authentic Living

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40: From Questions to Connection: Remmy Stouracs Journey to Authentic Living

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