Finding Balance with Mark Metze

Have you ever felt like you're constantly over-correcting?

Maybe one day you're doing too much for your team, becoming the bottleneck rather than the enabler. The next, you swing too far toward directing rather than guiding. I visualize this struggle as an old-fashioned gold scale—add a little too much weight to either side, and the whole thing crashes to the ground.

Through years of inspecting and adapting, I've developed five practical steps that have transformed my approach to leadership and life. These aren't theoretical concepts but battle-tested practices: learning to listen between the lines, asking questions that create safety rather than defensiveness, gathering feedback from multiple angles, embracing the experimental mindset, and maintaining momentum through continuous improvement.

The most powerful transformation came when I began using the phrase "I'm asking, not telling" during team discussions. This simple clarification created a ripple effect, changing not just how my team received my questions but how they communicated with each other. Similarly, framing decisions as experiments removed the paralyzing pressure of perfectionism, allowing us all to embrace the mantra "sometimes you win, sometimes you LEARN."

Ready to find your own balance? Join me in this episode where vulnerability meets practical wisdom. You can find The Agile Within on your favorite podcast app. Links to listen to this episode will also be added to the comments.

Connect with Mark on LinkedIn:
linkedin.com/in/markmetze

Listen to Tesla's song "Gettin' Better":
https://youtu.be/uee-aYUA0u4

Support the show

Follow us on LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-agile-within

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Agile Within.
I am your host, mark Metz.
My mission for this podcast isto provide Agile insights into
human values and behaviorsthrough genuine connections.
My guests and I will sharereal-life stories from our Agile
journeys, triumphs, blundersand everything in between, as

(00:29):
well as the lessons that we havelearned.
So get pumped, get rocking.
The Agile Within starts now.
Before we dive into today'sepisode, I'd like to take a
moment to thank our sponsor,impact Agility.

(00:50):
Impact Agility specializes intraining and coaching through
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Their classes are designed todeliver actionable insights,
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(01:13):
Matt Domenici, who has guidedover 50 organizations toward
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With his hands-on experience,matt helps teams and
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To explore free learningresources, check out their
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impactagilityco Once again.

(01:35):
That's impactagilityco.
Welcome back to the AgileWithin.
I am your host, mark Metz, andtoday I want to talk about
something that I've beenthinking about a lot lately
Finding balance.
So often in life we get caughtup in extremes.

(01:57):
We go all in on one side or theother and before we know it,
we're either burning ourselvesout or missing the bigger
picture, and I found this to beespecially true as a servant
leader.
Picture an old-timey scale, youknow the kind used to measure

(02:17):
gold.
Often I feel like I'm trying tofind equilibrium only to add
too much weight to one side,sending it crashing to the
ground, and in my effort tocorrect it, I add too much
weight to the other side andsoon enough that side hits the
floor too.
It's this constant back andforth, trying to find that

(02:39):
perfect middle ground, and moreoften than not I find myself off
balance.
This happens especially in myrole as a servant leader.
There have been times when I'veleaned so hard into the servant
part that I ended up doing toomuch Scheduling meetings, taking
minutes, handling small tasksthat in the moment felt like

(03:04):
they were helping, but over timeI realized I was becoming a
bottleneck.
The team didn't actually needme to do those things.
They needed me to teach andmentor.
Other times I swung too far inthe other direction, stepping
too much into the quote-unquoteleadership role making decisions

(03:25):
for the team, assigning tasksor inserting my own opinions
before really listening.
Again, this wasn't the rightbalance.
The magic I've found issomewhere in between.
It's a delicate balancing actand, honestly, I don't always
get it right.
But maybe that's the point.

(03:47):
Maybe there is no perfectbalance.
Maybe it's about experimenting,adjusting and learning along
the way.
That's what I tell my teams,and yet I still struggle with it
myself.
It makes me feel like ahypocrite sometimes, but I've
learned to acknowledge that,because if I don't, I start

(04:07):
spiraling into self-doubt andnegativity.
So today I want to talk abouthow can we find that middle
ground, whether it's inleadership, work or just in life
in general.
So how do we find that middleground, that sweet spot, if you
will?
Well, I'm going to give youfive steps that have helped me

(04:29):
in my journey.
Perhaps they'll help you aswell.
Number one listen between thelines.
Finding balance starts withawareness, but here's the tricky
part Sometimes the mostimportant signals aren't the
ones you hear directly.
It takes careful observation tonotice what's not being said.

(04:54):
The invisible cues, the bodylanguage, hesitation, patterns
of behavior.
Those can tell you just as muchas words.
But and this is key if youdon't validate those
observations, you might bemaking incorrect assumptions,
and that can honestly do moreharm than good.

(05:15):
So when you think you've pickedup on something, ask, don't
assume.
Check in with your team.
Give them space to confirm orcorrect what you're seeing.
Number two ask the rightquestions the right way.
Another way to find balance isthrough asking good questions,

(05:41):
but how you ask them reallymatters.
One thing I've learned is thatwhen I ask probing questions,
people sometimes misinterpretthem as commands in disguise,
like I'm subtly telling themwhat to do.
To avoid that, I've startedusing a phrase I'm asking, I'm

(06:02):
not telling.
Try it Seriously.
Next time you're in aconversation, throw that out
there, see if it changes thetone.
For me, it helps reframe thediscussion so that your team
knows that you're genuinelycurious, not issuing directives
and what's really cool.
Over time, I've found that whenI use this phrase enough, my

(06:26):
team members start using it too,and it creates a culture where
people feel safe to ask thosetough questions without fear of
stepping on each other's toes.
Number three seek multipleperspectives.
One of the biggest lessons I'velearned is that balance isn't
something you figure out on yourown.

(06:47):
It comes from seeing throughdifferent lenses.
That's why I make it a point toask for feedback in both team
settings and in one-on-oneconversations, and you know what
the responses I get are oftendrastically different.
In a group, people may holdback or just follow the loudest

(07:10):
voice, but in a one-on-onesetting, they open up in ways
that they wouldn't otherwise.
This practice has given meinvaluable insights and has
shown vulnerability, somethingthat helps build trust Now, at
the same time, remember youdon't have to take every piece
of advice as gospel.
It's a balancing act Listen,consider and then decide what

(07:34):
makes the most sense.
Number four frame everything asan experiment.
Here's something that's helpedme a lot treating everything as
an experiment.
If you approach leadershipdecisions and even personal
growth with a mindset that someexperiments succeed, some fail,

(07:56):
it takes the pressure of gettingit perfect the first time.
Rarely do we nail it right away, not the first time, not even
the second or the third, andthat's okay.
There's a saying that's reallystuck with me Sometimes you win,
sometimes you learn.
I've repeated this to myself somany times that I literally

(08:21):
catch myself whispering it undermy breath, because it's true,
if you're experimenting andlearning, you're always moving
forward, and that's a win initself.
Number five keep pushingforward.
It's about momentum.
And, finally, don't stop.

(08:42):
Finding balance isn't aboutarriving at a perfect formula.
It's about continuous progress.
Keep making small adjustments,keep improving.
For me, this mindset is bestcaptured by a song from one of
my favorite 80s hair metal bandsTesla.
Decades before the car company,they wrote the song Getting

(09:03):
Better, and the lyrics thatinspire me most go like this
Been a change in the scene.
If you know what I mean, goodthings are coming my way Now.
I'm living my life and I'mdoing it right, sun shining
every day.
That's the attitude I strivefor.
It's not about being perfect.

(09:25):
It's about getting better everysingle day.
If you're interested, I'llleave a link to the song in the
show notes.
While it's definitely 80s hairmetal, tesla has been called the
thinking's man hair band, sowho knows, maybe you'll find
some inspiration in it too.
So, as we wrap up, findingbalance isn't about getting it

(09:49):
perfect.
It's about constantly adjusting.
It's about listening, asking,experimenting and keeping up the
momentum.
And, honestly, you're going tomess up.
I mess up, but the worst thingyou can do is to let that stop
you from trying.
So take a step forward, trysomething new.

(10:10):
Keep getting better.
Thanks for listening to theAgile Within.
If you enjoyed this episode.
Please be sure and subscribe,leave a review and check out the
show notes for that Tesla song.
Until next time, keep evolving,keep improving and, as always,
we're in this together.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks for joining us foranother episode of the Agile

(10:38):
Within.
If you haven't already, pleasejoin our LinkedIn page to stay
in touch.
Just search for the AgileWithin and please spread the
word with your friends andcolleagues.
Until next time.
This has been your host, markMetz.