May 27, 2025 • 44 mins
This week on The Air We Breathe Pod, Tracey and Lauren dive into the world of contrived pleasures — the things we pretend to love (or even actually start loving!) because we want to fit in, impress, or feel connected.
💡 Key topics covered:
Playing pool to prove you’re the alpha in a bar full of men (and how that flex eventually becomes self-powered).
The classic “Pick-Me” chameleon phase – from fake sports fan to your dad’s movie marathon buddy.
Navigating the thin line between learning something for the hell of it vs. performing for someone else’s approval.
Family dynamics and forced group movie nights – the nostalgia of pre-Netflix bonding!
💬 Quotes to Remember:
“I get a real kick out of being unexpectedly masculine.”
“It’s a weird dichotomy of feeling comfortable with being soft and also feeling empowered by being masculine.”
“Stop wearing yourself out to make somebody else happy.”
Follow us on our socials! We love to hear from you!
📸 Instagram: @theairwebreathepod
📘 Facebook: @theairwebreathepod
🎵 TikTok: @the.air.we.breathe.pod
📺 YouTube: @theairwebreathepod
📚 Mentions & References:
New Girl (Jess & the Pistons)
Parks & Rec (Ann Perkins: pick-me in full cowgirl attire)
The Godfather & You’ve Got Mail — how to fake it till you make it in movie references.
The Pacifier & The Tooth Fairy — our top-tier Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson picks.
Reading Rainbow (the theme song of our childhood… and Little John’s remix!)
The episode’s satirical ad break: shoutout to CringeNotes, the fake app for catching up on what’s “cool” so you’re never out of the loop.
🔗 Links to check out:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
When I was in second grade, I taught myself how to draw
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so that I could show off to the
boys, and I drew a damn good one, too.
I told John that story and had drawn him a picture of a teenage
muted turtle with the pizza box and everything.
You're trying to get like, married.
It had worked in second grade. I thought it might work.
Again. And it did.
(00:25):
Hi breathers, this is Tracy and Lauren and this is The Air We
Breathe. The topic for today is contrived
pleasures. Last week we did guilty
pleasure, guilty pleasures. Is something that you have
(00:45):
pleasure in that you don't want to share with the masses?
Exactly. So if you're interested in that
and haven't listened, you can goback to our previous episode
today. We're talking about kind of the
opposite, which we're going to call contrived pleasures, which
is like I'm cultivating an interest for others so that
people will be impressed with me.
So I'm going to learn about football so I can talk to my guy
friends about football. If anybody's watched the show
(01:07):
New Girl, there is a time where Jess is the main character and
she wants her boyfriend's best friend to like her.
She wants Nick's friend coach tolike her.
So she pretends to be a Pistons fan so that she can be friends
with him, even though she could not care less about basketball.
And then she's like suffering through just because she wants
to be his friend. So for our Chicago fans, her
boyfriend is a Bulls fan. So being a Pistons fan was a
(01:27):
real slap in the Dick. Kicking the ball, correct.
So I guess my version of that would be my last relationship
was a big he was like the antithesis of my marriage.
He was the token bad boy, made motorcycles.
He was mechanic. I wanted to take interest.
What he took interest in. I wanted to learn about it.
(01:50):
And I was like, let's play a game.
You're going to pull a tool out and I'm going to see what you
use it for as a game. What?
Yeah. And.
You came up with this? Yes.
Was it sexual? No.
Were you watching him work on a vehicle?
I most of our together time was in the shop.
(02:13):
That was me being like, I want it.
I want to integrate your world into my life willingly Did it?
Do you look back on that as I learned a lot about cars then?
Yes, because I dated a mechanic and I feel like I learned a lot
about. Cars and I can hold a
conversation is one of those things where I took him like a
method actor and now it's a partof my knowledge on things.
(02:36):
So I can hold a conversation that they're talking about cars.
And I knew a little bit about cars too, before I met him,
where I could make it look like I knew what I was talking about.
And it furthered that knowledge to a point where I can hold my
own in another conversation to try and impress members of the
opposite. Sex.
I think you get a real kick out of being unexpectedly masculine.
(02:58):
Yes. You love when people find out
you can shoot a gun, Yes. I can light a cigar.
I don't like them, I don't like the scent, but I can definitely
like 1 better than most men. Are you proud of that?
Even if it's in front of a bunchof other women, does it hit the
same or is it for dudes and yourself?
It's for yourself. For myself.
Is it for yourself to impress dudes or it's just for yourself
(03:18):
so it feels equal though? There you go.
There's a moment where you want to be a girly girl and you want
to look like that damsel, but there's also a level of I also
want to look or not. I also want to feel and look
empowered enough to be able to hold my own with the opposite
sex. It's a weird dichotomy of
feeling comfortable with being soft and also feeling empowered
(03:41):
by being masculine. Do you think in your mind,
masculinity and power are go hand in hand?
And so when you're around dudes,you're like, I'm just as
powerful as you. But when you're around women,
it's like they're going to thinkI'm powerful.
Like I'm, that's how you're projecting power.
Yes, By being like I'm the daddyof the group kind of thing.
(04:03):
But yeah, it's weird, like playing pool, like I was told
once in my early 20s it's sexy when I think it was this old,
like pool shark, he was like 70 years old.
Is it sexy when a woman can light a cigar and she knows how
to play pool well? And you held.
On and I held on to that I was like that's how I can get
(04:25):
attention it's. Weird, but I think it also made
you feel powerful. Yeah, I think it didn't.
It doesn't sound like you were like suffering through it.
Oh no, it gave me a lot of dopamine when I could play pool
with a man and beat him at his own game.
That was just I loved it and or to underestimate me.
(04:47):
Oh, let's play pool. Oh, let's do you want to put
money on it? Oh, what are you a shark?
No. And then play into that that
trope and then beat their fucking ass to apple butter.
Do you? I'm fascinated by this, by the
way. I don't know if you can tell.
Do you think that things like smoking a cigar and playing pool
(05:08):
because they were already pre sanctioned as sexy by this 70
year old? Those were the places where you
weren't worried about making yourself small.
So he would like you. Like I know that he's going to
enjoy watching me play, so I getto just be myself and kick his
ass. Yes.
Whereas there are aspects of your, when you're in a
relationship you don't speak of necessarily or you haven't
(05:28):
historically, it's like you needed the confirmation from a
man that this was a sexy thing to do.
And so you're like, all right, you're welcome.
So now I get to just put like, I've done my duty to you.
Yes. So now I get to be myself for a
little bit. Yes, and it was still sexy,
right? Yeah, guaranteed sexy.
Now I can be myself. Correct.
It's a comfortable place to be in and it's a powerful place to
(05:49):
be in. Like me and my one of my
friends, we used to go to this bar in the city and they had
what is it like free pool Wednesdays or some shit.
And if they were quarter tables,but they were free all night and
we used to go there almost everyWednesday and just play because
it was free. And the amount of men that we
(06:12):
emasculated was delightful. Like I remember one time a bunch
of these Irish kids came into the bar and we had already had
the table and we're like, yeah, you guys can play.
We can play double S And they'relike, what do you guys pull
sharks? And we're like, no, So we played
straight for the first game. We beat them and then they're
(06:36):
like, yeah, you guys are shark in your.
I was like, no, we didn't play for money.
And they're like, OK, we'll playfor drinks.
And I'm like, OK, we'll give youone.
We'll play one handed. So me and my friend played one
handed the whole game, beat themfor drinks and then crowds would
come up and we would have other guys.
So it'd be like what we're goingto play next.
And it was where it started at the at this level of I want to
(07:01):
look attractive to, I want you to be impressed and I want to
beat you at something that you claimed was your own game.
Like it was delightful. Like it went from being about
the men to being like, oh, this fucks you up in a real weird way
and. Triggers you and it love every
(07:22):
fucking second of it. We would play tournaments and
because we're women we were automatically put in on the
tournament as a handicap. So yes.
So if you play 9 ball or you play tournaments for pool, you
get put in on like you have a number.
Those were how many sets you'd have to win 1st to beat the set,
(07:45):
to beat the to go on to the nextlevel.
So I would go in the first game and I was automatically entered
in a three because I was a female.
And the men I would play would be at sevens and fives and
nines. And I would walk in and blaze
the first couple rounds because I was at a three.
I can beat three games. Fuck you.
(08:05):
And what would happen would be somebody would pay our entrance
fee, we would have a high chanceof winning the whole tournament,
which we did, and we would splitthe winnings with the guy.
These are the kind of men, they have connections.
After the tournament, we would just want to shoot the shit and
get a table and just play for fun.
And we would catch attention andwe would be courted.
(08:25):
Not sexually, monetarily like a lot of them were like we'll pay,
we'll play your and we'll pay your entrance fee.
We'll play your entrance fee. Like a Trojan horse.
Correct, correct. Because they, all the pool
players knew that if you're a female, you get put in a three.
And if you actually got good pool players, yeah, you would
have people. Sponsor you and you're stacking
the deck. Correct.
And that was the first time I actually thought to myself, I'm
(08:47):
like, I am valuable. This is a valuable tool, but it
was a world I didn't want to be a part of because it was slimy.
There was a lot of like shadiness.
It wasn't wasn't legit, but thatwas the first time in my life
where I was like, it's not my looks, It's not the job.
You don't need to have words. You don't need to have words.
(09:08):
You don't you this playing pool and playing pool was a hot
commodity for being a female. And I thought that was really
interesting. Even to this day, if I say on a
date, where do you want to go? Let's go play pool.
And they're like, oh, do you know how to play?
I'm like a little bit haven't played in a long time and that's
always attractive thing to a manbecause now you're competition.
(09:29):
My husband did like Second City and IO and all that stuff when I
first met him, so it's like a big a bunch of improvisers and
his sketch shows and his improv group was always really good.
But that's like what we did every week on Basement and not
all of them were good. There was 1.
(09:51):
Like, they're all perfect. There was one where they didn't
have any actual jokes. It was just a lot of like dry,
like hipster humor. And the two dudes were in bear
costumes. And I kept being like, why?
Why are they and my husband and our other friend That was with
just the the fact that I was so annoyed by it was the only thing
that was making them laugh. So they couldn't like answer me,
but I was like, I just lost an hour and a half of my life.
(10:13):
I'm that bitch that if you if people are like, OK, we're going
to go out to dinner and then we're going to go see this
movie. And I don't want to see that
movie. I will say great.
And I will go to dinner and be like, Hey, I'm not going to go
to the movie. I don't want to see it.
And the looks I've gotten from people before, but this is the
movie we're going to. And I'm like, and that is
wonderful for you, but I'm not. Ever since I fell asleep during
deep blue sea, poor LL Cool J inhigh school, I'm like, you know
(10:36):
what, I got better. Horrible movie.
I wouldn't know who actually, I'll tell you who.
The first man that I ever tried to like stuff for to impress was
my dad, because he was yes, he was like would tell you what you
wanted to watch. So the amount of Charlie Chaplin
I saw as a child and one time itwas like.
(11:01):
Dude, real talk though. When I was like, I guess I was
like sitting there watching it on my own and they're like, what
are you doing? And I'm like in 5 minutes I'm
going to be, I'm going to be hilarious.
I'm going to be, I'm going to becracking up.
Just give it 5 minutes. I didn't.
I did give it 5 minutes. I did not, in fact.
You couldn't imagine. I didn't.
It was never. The amount of obsession this man
(11:23):
had with Laurel and Hardy. And The Beatles.
Oh fuck. And then actually, interestingly
enough, as I got older, if I hada bit, like, if I had a band I
liked, like the Bare, like I love the bare Naked Ladies.
I was that bitch. I do not care what that said
about me. We would listen to it in my
friend Lauren's Rav 4 after we've been up all night
(11:45):
partying. We were going out to the IHOP
and we would listen that song Alcohol.
Not just like there's another. One Oh yes no, I'm sorry she's
she does not live in the state. But I do remember, yeah, as a
kid, like wanting to. And I think that's a weird thing
now that we're talking about it as a parent is because my my
kids will do that a little bit. Like they love to make us laugh.
But the amount of times that my children have full on refused to
(12:08):
watch Star Wars with my husband and I'm like, just tell them
they have to and he's no. I don't want to, but we didn't.
Get a choice and I love it. And oh, the Barenaked Ladies
thing, to go back to it, is I introduced that to him and then
it became his obsession and thenit was his thing.
And so it was like that was the that was when I was done trying
to. That's a really, that's a really
funny kind of spin on it though.Following his brain worm, we're
(12:31):
going to flip the script with your dad.
You like the bare naked ladies? And all of a sudden it became
his obsession. What would happen if you had an
obsession with something or a life hobby or something and your
significant other, your husband,were to become entirely obsessed
with that same thing? Would you be like, oh, cool, or
would you like ick? That's a really good question.
I think it depends on what The thing is and how they handle it.
(12:55):
My husband and I, when I was teaching on summer break, we had
no kids. I'm talking living in the city
still. I had no patience for the fact
that he would have to go to work.
So I'm like, I am going to continue watching Lost and I
wish you the best of luck because my capacity to just
binge these programs was much higher.
I would put away a Harry Potter book in two days and he would
savor it for six weeks. And he's big.
(13:16):
I don't want to be done with it so fast.
I'm like, what do you mean? Why?
I want to download this thing into my brain and then just
think about it for the amount ofhours you're spending.
I can't get where he's talking about though, because sometimes
you're reading a book and you'relike, you know, it's coming too
close to the end and you want toput it down because you want to
savor that shit. Listen, Joey, who's putting the
(13:37):
book in the freezer from friends?
You're not wrong, but there's nopart of my brain that listens to
that. My brain just thinks, Oh no,
it's almost over. Oh.
No, it's 3:00 in the morning. I could maybe get some sleep.
I cannot like people say. Did that with Twilight and 50
Shades. I think I read 4 Twilight books
in three days. Yes I would agree there was a
(13:58):
lot of sleep. There was 4 exact 4 to 5
sleepless nights and I read the whole.
Thing because I had to know. I had to.
And I am no better for it. No, not at all.
But you better believe when theycame out with midnight sun I was
like drink, drink. OK, my husband read those after
I did like Twilight and that I love when he gets into stuff
(14:18):
that's like inherently girly tickles me especially like a
teen girl thing like I used to. OK, so back to forced to watch
things sometimes the most interesting thing on the
television. I'm sorry to tell you husband
was Top Model marathons on fucking VH1.
I lived for those. And one day it's on whatever.
I don't know what he's doing, but we're in the same room and
(14:39):
they walk into judging and he just go like unsolicited, just
looks up and goes, what are you doing?
You come to judging with your hair in a ponytail, a tank top
and jeans. Obviously they're going to be
mad at you. What are you wearing?
And I was like, pause the program.
Let me appreciate. You because I was like, bask in
your beauty. Because that was it was so
(15:01):
genuine. I think that's it.
If it's like a genuine hey I like this too thing, then it's
good. But if it's a I'm now the
biggest fan right then I'm like,it's not a competition bro.
Correct, Yes. So it's strange because I think
I liked Game of Thrones so much that in my last relationship I
(15:23):
would talk about it, that he started watching it and I took
that as like an interest, yeah, to share an interest with you.
And that was. Attractive.
Did it go well? Yeah, it was great until it got
to the end. And ain't nobody, I don't care
who you are, ain't nobody happy with how that shit ended.
Prove me wrong. Nobody here can do that.
(15:45):
Nobody can do that in this room.Lauren call to action breathers.
Lauren wants somebody to tell her why she should like the end
of Game of Thrones. Thank you.
Who wants to bet that if anybodyresponds, it's a dude?
And now a quick word from Internet famous makeup
influencer Beige Camry, who is sponsoring this week's episode.
Take it away, Beige. Hey guys, come check out my new
(16:09):
tutorial on how to paint on eyeballs on your eyelids so you
can sleep through the sports ball game, the Zack Snyder Cut,
and whatever else you are obligated to watch but still
rack up those girlfriend point. Don't forget to click like and
(16:30):
subscribe. When it comes to one off things
like watching like a movie I'm not interested or like a show
I'm not interested in, I won't do it.
I just won't do it. There is a which is.
You find a movie you like that references another movie, and
then you don't have to watch that movie.
I've never seen any of the Godfather movies, but what I
(16:51):
have seen probably 50 times is You've Got Mail and do you know
what movie they reference constantly and You've Got Mail,
The Godfather. To the mattresses.
I have been conning the world into believing that I knew
Godfather references from watching it when I don't.
(17:11):
Everybody knows the horse head. The minute it's Godfather
appropriate, I'm going in with the horse head so I can grab
that easy low hanging fruit. And then I got leave the gun,
take the cannoli. And take it to the mattresses.
Yes. That's but that's it Monday.
Tuesday, Thursday. Wednesday.
I don't even know what I'm saying.
Why isn't it an order? And why is only one of the days
(17:33):
out of order? You know why I don't know?
Because I've never seen The Godfather.
Ladies and gentlemen, Are you ready for another episode of
Would You Watch It Anyway with your host Lauren?
Showtime, I want to rail off a couple of films for you that
were a top 100 male loved beloved movies, and you're going
(17:56):
to tell me if you just watch it anyway or wouldn't even try it?
OK, Scarface. No, thank you.
The Godfather. Fake it by quoting You've got
mail. All right, Fight Club.
Would have watched it anyway. Nice.
I certainly didn't watch Fight Club for anyone.
I wanted to watch Fight Club because it was very quotable and
(18:16):
it was cool. I feel like I watched it maybe
with you. And yeah, it had a psychological
thriller, kind of. Aspect yeah, like that did like
I wasn't like a dude that does Isee why I do.
I know dudes love that movie, but it didn't feel like a dude.
Right. It was like a psychological
thriller. Yeah.
Yeah. Feel that?
They do the next. The Terminator.
Terminator 2 specifically. Would watch it anyway.
Loves Terminator 2. Watched it on my own for my own
(18:38):
Terminator. One have watched it at the
behest of usually people who were older and so thought that
was the better Terminator, because they were.
See I'm Terminator one and Terminator 30.
My. God, get out.
I'm sorry. OK, but who I just liked?
It when the robot was nice, whenArnold Schwarzenegger was not a
bad like I liked it when he's a bad guy.
(19:00):
That was the four and then you go, he's a nice guy.
He just wants to protect her. He was reprogrammed.
The combination of just constantsexual innuendo mixed with the
childlike wonder with which you approach the world is astounding
to me, because either your nipples are hard for something,
(19:22):
or the only thing you remember from something is that something
sad happened to a dog and you cannot abide by it.
So that's all they have to talk.About Oh my God.
Yes, you also have to factor in that she makes room for daddy.
So it's. Either always her nipples are
hard, a dog died, or she's making a plate for dad.
Damn. Papa, can you hear me?
(19:42):
Don't listen because my nipples are hard.
I feel wrong and bred for filth at the same time.
Dirty Harry. Never saw.
Yeah, same Animal House. I faked that one so many times.
I. Would not have watched it anyway
and watched it for my husband but I'm not.
I wasn't mad about it, but I don't think I'd watch it again.
I think I faked it into the relationship until I got married
(20:04):
and then I was forced to watch it and I could never get those
minutes. Back Animal House is one of
those that you really walk a dangerous line of being asked if
you just didn't get it. 1000% itwas a cult classic.
Quote UN quote. I'm like, OK, there was some
funny parts. And I'm happy.
For you, I'm not in that cult. I'm not drinking that Kool-aid.
There's a line from Mike Birbiglia where if somebody's
(20:25):
do, you know, the show, blah, blah, blah, and you, like, try
to pretend that you do what you're really saying is no, but
I love you. You're so pretty.
Yeah. And so I feel like that was the
no. But I love this for you.
Enjoy. This one's the good, the bad,
the ugly. I dated all three.
Oh my, same. That was one that my dad liked.
I don't even know. Is that a Western?
Yeah, I do not. The only Western that I in my
(20:48):
known memory enjoyed was, was itcalled Godless?
That the one that's a town of all women?
Oh yeah. That was a good one.
That was great. That was a good.
One. But otherwise it's not really my
genre. It's just like between the
racism and the misogyny, it's I don't even know where to look.
Oh, 1000% yeah. But there, there was one western
that I fucked with that Mcclintock I don't know, and the
(21:11):
other one Tombstone, that's the other one I like.
I like their pizza. Pure hilarious first blood.
Oh God, is that a Rambo? Movie no Rambos for me.
God, yeah, not me either. Sit you down and watch.
That no. I think perhaps I give off a
vibe where people just not try to get me to do shit.
(21:31):
Yeah. Because Rambo especially like
our I'm a little slightly younger, but like our age.
Because it wasn't like Westerns,right?
Like. Guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Your uncles or your dads,
whatever. I'm just, I'm happy for you.
I'm happy I had. I've had Rambo forced on me like
that. I'm going to say a small prayer
(21:52):
for you, but I would say for Rambo.
I was never like I could not be forced that in boxing, but it's
the predator. My household was very much that
was our Sylvester Stallone go towas predator and that when I get
behind. But Rambo Nah.
OK, Do you want to talk about a contrived pleasure?
How about going over to this woman's home where her mother
(22:14):
was in control of the TV set on Easter and trying to explain to
your new boyfriend we're doing our Easter watching of Predator
versus Alien, and it's like, what are you going to do?
It's not a big home. Oh my God I love that movie.
I like the guy with the dreads. That's what I kept.
Saying Oh my God, Candy Glover. Man, that was a good movie.
(22:34):
What? The Bible says on thy Easter day
thine will celebrate. With.
Alien and Predator. Yeah, you mean?
Revelation in the name of the alien.
Listen, it was your mom's love language.
OK. And I'm glad that you felt that
(22:55):
way. And you have to.
Fake it in the beginning or are you just?
I don't think I ever faked it. I just didn't complain, correct.
And would just those kind of action movies.
I feel like this about a lot of sports too.
I grew up watching enough sportsthat if somebody says to me,
hey, you want to go, we're to goto this bar to watch the
basketball game, I'll be like, OK, tell me who we're rooting
(23:17):
for. Like I know enough of the rules.
I can get into it. I can get in the mix.
I have been known to be watchingmy child's show over their
shoulder and audibly gasp at thecorrect times.
Like I just will let myself get into it.
Which is why I like those, like the Goodfellas and that kind of
stuff. It's harder for me to fake
because there's not a lot of action predator.
It's like an easy thing to just be like, I'm going to zone out
(23:37):
and then oh, they're running. Why are they running?
I'm scared. I will say a guy I dated in my
like late teens, early 20s, we were always a Cubs family, but
he was like super in wanted to watch every game.
And at first I was kind of like,all right, we'll see.
But I like it made me because I have a body double.
I had somebody else to like tellme the like stuff.
(24:00):
I didn't know, but I enjoyed it that it was like I was like
being, I felt like I was being Sherpa back into something our
family love. Because like now I don't follow
it anymore because it wasn't enough for me to want to keep up
with the players and stuff like that.
I'll follow the scores and I canjump into a game at any time.
I think that was like at your house with whatever movie was
on. Yep, it was just like it's going
(24:20):
to be. But we didn't.
We didn't have a choice either. We would wake up on a Saturday
and freaking Men in Black would be on or Relic or Independent
Independence Day. I don't know if my mom.
Those are I would rather wake upto that than Goodfellas.
Welfare, yeah. But yeah, I think we just that
is a muscle that is atrophying with the current generation of
(24:42):
you're going to just watch what's on because the your other
option is watching paint dry. They have supercomputers in
their hand, they can watch YouTube with an earbud and all
that. Even if they don't, even if they
don't, there's enough TV's in our house for them to figure
out. Listen, I respect the game.
Like they'll get real crafty. YouTube disappears from 1
device. Figured out how to get their
(25:03):
T-81 calculator to play it. I got to respect the game.
Jesus. So everyone's so creative, but
do you OK, here's a side question, side quest, let's go.
Do you think that is helpful or hurtful on family dynamics?
Do you think it was part of bonding that we got together
when we were forced to watch a movie into the same roof where
we didn't have any other options?
(25:24):
Or do you think it's helpful that you do have the ability to
be independent and watch your own shit, not be forced to watch
it? Yes.
Because and we keep meaning to implement it.
We came up with it as a family acouple weeks ago because it was
the little one's birthday. And so we said we're all going
to. We don't usually let them eat in
the living room. I know that I say things that
give the impression that I live in a very clean and organized
(25:45):
home. Let the Internet think that it's
fine. Yes, it's that is it.
And it's not just that. Like I'm like, I'm going to
salvage what rug I have left. No, I love.
You No, it's that I'm so organized and tough and a great
disciplinarian. Anyway, so for the little one's
birthday, he wanted Chinese food.
So we all ate Chinese food. He got to pick what was on TV.
(26:07):
We all had to watch it. Nice.
That's he had a few options and that is what he chose.
We then agreed to, as I said, weshould, somebody should pick
each week and we can't argue when we just have to watch it.
That's awesome. Which my husband, I just saw the
glint of Star Wars in his eye and I'm like.
You got to wait. You can't fangirl it.
You got to just slip it in there.
Yeah, it can't be the first one.They have to get used to the.
Program. Of stop complaining about this.
(26:29):
Correct, it has to be a ritual before you slip that in.
You said a mouthful air sister. And then you maybe, I know maybe
like warm them up with an ordivore of.
An ordivore. Of Ewok Adventures, That was
such a cute movie. That would make them not want to
watch any Star Wars. Really, Ewoks.
Listen, I love any I like. Adventures of the shit man, that
(26:51):
fucking show slapped. Yeah, no, that's probably not
going to happen. But I'm not going to have to
watch extra Star Wars because I like Star Wars.
Then you can come over that Sunday.
You can tap in. OK Shot.
She's here. She's picking today.
Ewok Adventures, by all means. They're afraid of you.
They won't say anything. Bet bitch, bet bet.
Everyone is in the room watchingand enthralled by what's on the
(27:12):
TV. The boy would have A and then
silence and everybody's entranced, entranced by the
movie, and he would join us. He can't help himself.
He can't help himself, he doesn't want to have any FOMO.
I know that's none of them got my Jomo, my joy of missing out.
So anyway, I think I'm going to go with Goonies first.
And then anytime they complain, I'm just going to yell their
(27:32):
name and say you're a Goonies. Goonies never say I don't like
this movie. I like it, yeah.
I like it, thank you. For asking and then fly to the
navigator. I do though in answer to your
the other side of that coin is. She is.
I do think for the kids, it is nice that they have stuff that
speaks to them developmentally. It's like funny to them and it
(27:55):
is really cute to watch how embarrassed they get.
Now talk about like guilty pleasures.
Like you want to both make and ruin my daughter's day.
Sing the theme song to Sofia theFirst.
You want to get an entire group of middle schoolers to just go
ham, especially if it's a lot ofgirls.
Start singing Sofia the First. You will have a sing along on
(28:16):
your hands in no time. How many times did you sing the
Reading Rainbow theme today? Do you know how many times?
I have attacked. I have listened to the Reading
Rainbow version that has Lil John in it.
Just take a look. It's in a book.
It's reading Ring. So one more.
I'm going to give you one more movie and you're going to let me
(28:37):
know, OK? Full Metal.
Jacket. I can fake it because of your
dad, but I have never seen it because I was busy watching City
Lights with Charlie Chaplin. Oh my God, your dad was the
champ and I was the Tramp. Oh my God, I've I can't tell you
how many times I've I and I actually.
Gay palm in the morning. Oh my God.
(28:57):
Isn't. The like very violent only thing
that comes out of Texas quares and stairs and we're fresh shot
out of. Stairs.
Let's get gay. What was it that sounds like a
comma? That's a your ass looks like 250
lbs of chewed up bubble gum. Arlie Ermi lived in my house.
He was an uncle I never met. OK, all I'll do to your father.
(29:20):
Yes, most of his personality wasmovie.
Quotes. Oh my God.
But they were old movie quotes you didn't know.
You couldn't Fact Check them. So you're just like, OK, he
would tell stories like what have you told us about eating
like however many hard boiled eggs?
And my mom was like, that's coolhand loot.
Because I think I'd remember hard boiling in 50 eggs.
(29:40):
Where did we get 50 eggs? How did our mom not freak out
that we were wasting 50? And like, really think about it.
Eggs were a lot cheaper back then.
Oofty no. One's wasting.
I understand that. I'm just damn you, really.
You're like, I will defend Daddy.
Listen, Daddy could have done it.
Daddy did it. Daddy ate all the eggs.
Daddy deviled them first himself.
(30:01):
He. Definitely lived his life as if
it was a movie. Quote every like stories he
would say like that reminds me of a movie.
I know and you know what, there are some stories of his that my
mom would be like. I think that's from I go, don't
you dare. That is from my childhood and
that is something that my. Uncle did leave.
Let him loom large in my rearview.
(30:23):
OK. All right.
So this whole time, you know what I've been thinking about
your favorite kind of girl you love to discuss.
Love it. The pick me pick.
Go ahead. Pick Misha.
You love to call her Pick Misha.Judge Parks and Rec.
So there's a character, Anne Perkins.
That was the Leslie. What was her last name?
Leslie Knope's best friend. She was a beautiful Unicorn
(30:45):
narwhal Angel L and she has thiswhole series where she dates a
bunch of different guys and we're talking like full cowgirl
outfit one day, the next day like full workout.
Gear like method actor. Extraordinary like yeah, she's
just this is what we're into nowand it just immediately becomes
a we and it's all the guys things and as good they read her
(31:08):
for filth and she's oh God, I really am like as she's got like
these weird pink streaks in her hair that and that is really
resonated with me. You know those girls that like
literally you can look back at pictures and be like, oh,
there's your you were with a guywho loved football phase.
Oh, there's your with grunge. Oh, yeah.
You could definitely clock different areas of your life,
(31:31):
dating history wise, with what you look like, where you were,
where the picture was taken, like you had completely
enveloped yourself in that I that ideal.
Like football. I was a cheerleader in high
school. That's the only way I learned
anything about football. You asked me to go to a football
game. Nah, fam.
(31:52):
Like I'll go if it's like everyone's going.
It's a big group thing and it's going to be fun for that one
time. Yeah, you're there for the
conversation. Correct, I'm not there for the.
Game. Oh my God, As much as I don't go
to that many baseball games, when I do go, I'm there for the
game. And a lot of my girlfriends,
even the ones that that actuallylike baseball, are not there for
the game. They're there to chit chat.
And sometimes I have to be like,you're pretty here.
(32:13):
Same thing with concerts. If I'm like really in it, like I
don't want to chat, I want to bein the concert.
I'm like that with concerts. I think with football, I know
how to watch a game and I know how to get excited if it's like
a Notre Dame. I went to my first Notre Dame
game a couple months ago and I think that was because I, it was
a memory based Here Comes Daddy.I used to watch a game with my
(32:35):
dad and there was a first Notre Dame game I've ever been to.
And that was more of a sentimental thing.
And I was into the game like I was watching the game for the
game. But it's like when there's the
TV's on innocuous football game is on with teams I don't care
about. I don't care like it.
There's nothing about that game that's going to catch me.
(32:55):
Oh, a minute touchdown. Nothing I don't.
Your ADHD and my ADHD or different ADHD, yes, because if
I'm like, if you want me to pay attention to you, you probably
shouldn't see me where and I won't even I don't care.
I'm not like one of those peoplethat's you're in the middle of
talking to me and I'm like, lookat that play.
I'm not that. My father, yes.
Well, if I, my mind will just wander.
Yes, there's all this other movement like.
(33:16):
Oh my God, yes. So I'll go around so like I know
enough to know to be like that was.
That was a good play. That's.
Going to be there excited peopleabout that I bet.
Or people are yelling in the bar, in the sports bar.
I can look over and generally know why.
We'll validate the yelling. I understand that's a good move.
I hear you're yelling. I hate you're yelling, but I
understand you're yelling. Yeah, but I never.
(33:37):
I remember when we were young and I knew about football, and
one of my older cousins had a crush on a boy who liked
football. And so she was going to give me
tips on boys, which I realize inretrospect, when you're asking
somebody four years younger thanyou for tips on football, like
maybe you don't have any of it together in terms of the boys
either. So she, like, literally took out
her notepad. And I was like, all right, so
(33:57):
here's like a first down. And I'm like, I don't know,
short of my children, I don't know who I've ever loved enough
to be like. I'm going to seek out the
foremost expert in this living room to explain to me football
so I can impress. Like why you're going to get
caught. And that brings you're going to
get caught. But why?
(34:18):
This is my thing. Men inherently like to mansplain
things, right? They like to teach, they like to
explain things. So why not play the I don't.
Can you explain this to me? Like I'm not really.
I would love to be into this sport.
Can you help me? Yeah, but there's a power
dynamic to that. That's fair.
That's like you have a boyfriendor you like, no, but if you're
(34:39):
trying to catch his eye. How can I?
Stand out and be the one that. Likes That's the cool girl, the
cool girl. How can I be the I'm going to do
I'm in the tomboy playbook, but not even I'm not going to
actually play. I just want to know.
That's another like dichotomy, right?
It's like you're supposed to know everything about it, but
you shouldn't play it. Whereas my angle was I knew the
basis of the game, but I didn't know all of the details.
(35:02):
I would be in a situation watching a game like a Bears
game, and I would try really hard to pay attention.
And I'm like, OK, so there's a they made a first down because I
passed the line of scrimmage andI would ask for validation.
And then they would be like, Oh yeah, you're right.
You actually do know some of theterms.
Actually do know some of the. Terms and it it would be more of
me wanting to seek out information for my own benefit
(35:23):
rather than can you tell me whatthat big line is in the middle
of the field? I don't know what it is, boobs,
boobs. And it's like I came at it from
a different angle of knowledge, whereas I don't want to come
into a situation and act like I know and get called out for it.
That's fucking embarrassing. And that's what especially with
sports, yes, because. Die hard sport fans will fucking
(35:44):
read you for Phil. Anything like bands or whatever,
yes. Sports is especially one where
if you're trying to pretend because you've already got these
people whipped up into a competitive frenzy. 1000%.
I do remember one time talking to some like old white dude
about baseball for some reason in the line of the grocery
store. Probably because I cannot stop
myself. The curse of our family.
(36:06):
It's like what Aura about me says strike up a conversation.
You and all of us. And then what about me in my
brain is don't answer anything, don't say anything.
And then I'm talking because Moise Salu hit for the cycle and
he's like, oh all. Right.
Oh, you said you know. I was straight up showing off
for you like it's flip to switchright away because I'm like,
you're underestimating me. I'm going to go hard.
(36:27):
Yep. Because like and then it like
felt good but also I'm like whata waste of my time.
Who the fuck? What the fuck do I care if Harv
thinks I fucking? Right.
You're never going to see him again.
Who cares? But it is a line of dopamine
when somebody underestimates youand you're like, Oh no, hold my
beer and. But he wasn't even
underestimating me. It's like I preemptively
expected him to underestimate meand just like info dumped until
(36:50):
he looked impressed. Wow, that's profound.
Why? It's because you info dumped and
until he looked impressed, so your validation was per his
impression. Yeah, but like, I didn't even
need it for him to show his ass.I already intrinsically was
like, you think I'm dumb? Let's get this out of the way.
Yeah, yeah, you. Know what I mean?
(37:12):
Because if it had been somethingthat didn't spark my interest, I
just would have been like, Oh yeah.
No, you're pretty. Yeah.
Yeah, I sports is a hard one. I think that golf is.
I don't think I would ever get into golf for anybody.
I feel like unless I always think that golf is fun with
alcohol and having golf carts. That's I think that's kind.
Of wild the golf, am I right? Hold the fucking yeah who needs
(37:35):
those A good. Walk spoiled.
Really. But some people love it.
And do you? I'm cool, but I you can't catch
me watching anything about golf on television.
You can't catch me. There's nothing interesting
about it. It is brilliant of the men to
have created this sport, tied itto business so it seems like
(37:55):
they have to go and made it likea six hour marathon game.
It is probably one of the smartest things to come out of
the patriarchy. And they dressed like Peacock
sometimes, with those pastel colors and that Plaid and those
little hats. For each other.
Little shiny shoes with a little.
Look at that ladies, we need ourgolf.
(38:15):
And if you talk to somebody thatloves golf, it's like there's so
much more about golf that you don't understand.
You have to hit it with the right club at the right speed,
at the right angle. And I'm like, OK, cool.
So you're basically grabbing a different stick, hitting a very
small ball till you get it closer and closer to the hole.
And whoever gets it in the hole with the less hits, you win.
(38:37):
Bet. Cool, the last thing I need to
do is spend 4 hours on a Sunday quietly watching a man struggle
to find a hole. We could do that at home, baby.
I can get that 4 strokes. That's three too many.
That was gold. I just that was dude, what's the
flag? Is the flag, the clip Don't.
(38:58):
Do this. I'm sorry.
Hey breath heads, this episode is brought to you by Cringe
Notes. Tired of being left out and
being called cringe? Overwhelmed by all the societal
norms of what to stream and watch?
Then you need Cringe Notes, the app that gives you a quick
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Your bottomless need to feel included is finally satiated
(39:20):
Cringe Notes. What advice would you give to a
younger generation on how to avoid those contrived pleasures?
Or if you were going to, how would you tell them if you're
going to learn something or activate that part to either?
Better to incorporate into your person, your identity or for the
(39:41):
better. Like learning how to do
something and actually having a skill or a tool in your toolbox.
This is interesting because I think it's not cut and dry.
It's a barometer, right? Listen, I know how to juggle
because I had a mild crush on a boy who could juggle and felt
well. This is it.
This is how I'm going to get him.
Do I remember that? So I asked for the juggling ball
(40:02):
set for Christmas. I spent all of winter vacation.
You got good at it too, I. Did and I, you know what?
Today, to this day, I can, there's a level of mediocrity,
but I can juggle. And so I think it's that thing
of are you doing it? If this doesn't work, how are
you going to feel like you're going to be happy that you learn
to juggle? Or are you going to be like, I
can't believe I just watched 27 Fast and Furious movies and
(40:26):
like, I don't even own a car because here's the thing, it's a
slippery fucking slope, children.
Because you watch one Vin Dieselmovie and you didn't like it,
but you pretend to like it. You're a Vin Diesel fan.
It's the same thing with older relatives, right?
Like you mentioned, Harry Potteronce to an older person who has
to buy you gifts and then for every subsequent year you have
(40:49):
every kind of Harry Potter item.Because Oh my God, you have a
Harry Potter cookbook. Harry Potter, Oh my God.
Calendar. Oh my God.
Mouse pad, my God. I'm like, I didn't even open the
Harry Potter calendar. You got me last Christmas.
I forgot. What am I going to do with this
one that I can only use in Orlando anyway?
So I think that's the thing, like it's a slippery slope.
(41:10):
You're going to find out a little bit about football and
act like an expert. You're going to get caught up a
real fucking. Fan now your Sundays are fucked
for the rest of your life. If a man asks me what my
favorite Vin Diesel movie is, the Pacifier, that should give
you all the information you needand I stand by that.
I would watch that movie right now.
That movie slap Lauren Graham, God lover favorite Dwayne the
(41:32):
Rock Johnson movie, The tooth fairy.
That was a good one. But you know me, I have trouble
like we've been sat down and been like you guys are going to
love this comedian. And I even know when I'm trying
I'm I'm not an easy laugh. I'm just not unless I am like.
And so I think that's The thing is be true to yourself.
Authenticity I think is the keyword, right?
If you do it and it's inauthentic, eventually it will
(41:55):
run out and you will be exhausted.
If you are authentic to yourselfand you do actually enjoy it,
then get into it. But if you're not going to wear
the T-shirt and go to the concert and have the stub, stop
wearing yourself out to make somebody else happy.
True words were never spoken. Stop wearing yourself out to
make somebody else happy and like some people like to be the
(42:15):
expert on something. Let them.
Let them be the expert. It's fine.
Let them. And if they wouldn't like you.
Unless you like football and youdon't like football.
They ain't your person, they're not for you.
No, go to the 7th grade dance with someone else, you'll be
fine. Has there been anything that you
thought that you wanted to add to your toolbox that you and
(42:38):
looking back in retrospect, you actually did waste your time but
it took you years to figure it out.
You like now I have a toolbox that I you never going to use
and this is bullshit. Heterosexuality I.
Was going to say blowjobs, but yes.
Yeah, that's a really good question.
I don't know cars. Yeah.
(43:00):
Because I dated a mechanic for awhile and I developed strong
opinions about cars and I don't give a Bugatti any.
Fucking more motorcycles all day.
Like I like a pretty motorcycle and if a good looking guy is on
one yes but don't get me on it. I don't enjoy riding bikes.
I don't enjoy putting my life in.
Correct. And I feel like I I do have
(43:21):
strong opinions on that and I feel like I wasted my a little
bit. I wish I had more of an identity
four years ago, five years ago, six years ago.
But I think that I learned a lotand I enveloped myself into that
world. And looking back in retrospect,
I'm like, yeah, it impresses dudes, but it's useless fucking
information that I don't need. I don't retain it.
(43:41):
You don't retain it because it doesn't interest you.
What a waste. I but the fact that I tried to
retain it, it's in my head now living rent free and there's a
neural pathway and it's got a motorcycle run through it so.
I think every time. I like learn like I when I was
in this, yes, I definitely want to talk about a dual overhead
Cam. Then it was like, hey, do you
want to get motorcycle licenses?I'm like, I'm going to.
(44:05):
Absolutely. That's.
A no for me, Doug, and I'm not going to get on the back of that
thing. And so I think that's The thing
is trust your instincts, know your line.
Don't do it.
When I was in second grade, I taught myself how to draw
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles so that I could show off to the
boys, and I drew a damn good one, too.
I told John that story and had drawn him a picture of a teenage
muted turtle with the pizza box and everything.
You're trying to get like, married.
It had worked in second grade. I thought it might work.
Again. And it did.
(00:25):
Hi breathers, this is Tracy and Lauren and this is The Air We
Breathe. The topic for today is contrived
pleasures. Last week we did guilty
pleasure, guilty pleasures. Is something that you have
(00:45):
pleasure in that you don't want to share with the masses?
Exactly. So if you're interested in that
and haven't listened, you can goback to our previous episode
today. We're talking about kind of the
opposite, which we're going to call contrived pleasures, which
is like I'm cultivating an interest for others so that
people will be impressed with me.
So I'm going to learn about football so I can talk to my guy
friends about football. If anybody's watched the show
(01:07):
New Girl, there is a time where Jess is the main character and
she wants her boyfriend's best friend to like her.
She wants Nick's friend coach tolike her.
So she pretends to be a Pistons fan so that she can be friends
with him, even though she could not care less about basketball.
And then she's like suffering through just because she wants
to be his friend. So for our Chicago fans, her
boyfriend is a Bulls fan. So being a Pistons fan was a
(01:27):
real slap in the Dick. Kicking the ball, correct.
So I guess my version of that would be my last relationship
was a big he was like the antithesis of my marriage.
He was the token bad boy, made motorcycles.
He was mechanic. I wanted to take interest.
What he took interest in. I wanted to learn about it.
(01:50):
And I was like, let's play a game.
You're going to pull a tool out and I'm going to see what you
use it for as a game. What?
Yeah. And.
You came up with this? Yes.
Was it sexual? No.
Were you watching him work on a vehicle?
I most of our together time was in the shop.
(02:13):
That was me being like, I want it.
I want to integrate your world into my life willingly Did it?
Do you look back on that as I learned a lot about cars then?
Yes, because I dated a mechanic and I feel like I learned a lot
about. Cars and I can hold a
conversation is one of those things where I took him like a
method actor and now it's a partof my knowledge on things.
(02:36):
So I can hold a conversation that they're talking about cars.
And I knew a little bit about cars too, before I met him,
where I could make it look like I knew what I was talking about.
And it furthered that knowledge to a point where I can hold my
own in another conversation to try and impress members of the
opposite. Sex.
I think you get a real kick out of being unexpectedly masculine.
(02:58):
Yes. You love when people find out
you can shoot a gun, Yes. I can light a cigar.
I don't like them, I don't like the scent, but I can definitely
like 1 better than most men. Are you proud of that?
Even if it's in front of a bunchof other women, does it hit the
same or is it for dudes and yourself?
It's for yourself. For myself.
Is it for yourself to impress dudes or it's just for yourself
(03:18):
so it feels equal though? There you go.
There's a moment where you want to be a girly girl and you want
to look like that damsel, but there's also a level of I also
want to look or not. I also want to feel and look
empowered enough to be able to hold my own with the opposite
sex. It's a weird dichotomy of
feeling comfortable with being soft and also feeling empowered
(03:41):
by being masculine. Do you think in your mind,
masculinity and power are go hand in hand?
And so when you're around dudes,you're like, I'm just as
powerful as you. But when you're around women,
it's like they're going to thinkI'm powerful.
Like I'm, that's how you're projecting power.
Yes, By being like I'm the daddyof the group kind of thing.
(04:03):
But yeah, it's weird, like playing pool, like I was told
once in my early 20s it's sexy when I think it was this old,
like pool shark, he was like 70 years old.
Is it sexy when a woman can light a cigar and she knows how
to play pool well? And you held.
On and I held on to that I was like that's how I can get
(04:25):
attention it's. Weird, but I think it also made
you feel powerful. Yeah, I think it didn't.
It doesn't sound like you were like suffering through it.
Oh no, it gave me a lot of dopamine when I could play pool
with a man and beat him at his own game.
That was just I loved it and or to underestimate me.
(04:47):
Oh, let's play pool. Oh, let's do you want to put
money on it? Oh, what are you a shark?
No. And then play into that that
trope and then beat their fucking ass to apple butter.
Do you? I'm fascinated by this, by the
way. I don't know if you can tell.
Do you think that things like smoking a cigar and playing pool
(05:08):
because they were already pre sanctioned as sexy by this 70
year old? Those were the places where you
weren't worried about making yourself small.
So he would like you. Like I know that he's going to
enjoy watching me play, so I getto just be myself and kick his
ass. Yes.
Whereas there are aspects of your, when you're in a
relationship you don't speak of necessarily or you haven't
(05:28):
historically, it's like you needed the confirmation from a
man that this was a sexy thing to do.
And so you're like, all right, you're welcome.
So now I get to just put like, I've done my duty to you.
Yes. So now I get to be myself for a
little bit. Yes, and it was still sexy,
right? Yeah, guaranteed sexy.
Now I can be myself. Correct.
It's a comfortable place to be in and it's a powerful place to
(05:49):
be in. Like me and my one of my
friends, we used to go to this bar in the city and they had
what is it like free pool Wednesdays or some shit.
And if they were quarter tables,but they were free all night and
we used to go there almost everyWednesday and just play because
it was free. And the amount of men that we
(06:12):
emasculated was delightful. Like I remember one time a bunch
of these Irish kids came into the bar and we had already had
the table and we're like, yeah, you guys can play.
We can play double S And they'relike, what do you guys pull
sharks? And we're like, no, So we played
straight for the first game. We beat them and then they're
(06:36):
like, yeah, you guys are shark in your.
I was like, no, we didn't play for money.
And they're like, OK, we'll playfor drinks.
And I'm like, OK, we'll give youone.
We'll play one handed. So me and my friend played one
handed the whole game, beat themfor drinks and then crowds would
come up and we would have other guys.
So it'd be like what we're goingto play next.
And it was where it started at the at this level of I want to
(07:01):
look attractive to, I want you to be impressed and I want to
beat you at something that you claimed was your own game.
Like it was delightful. Like it went from being about
the men to being like, oh, this fucks you up in a real weird way
and. Triggers you and it love every
(07:22):
fucking second of it. We would play tournaments and
because we're women we were automatically put in on the
tournament as a handicap. So yes.
So if you play 9 ball or you play tournaments for pool, you
get put in on like you have a number.
Those were how many sets you'd have to win 1st to beat the set,
(07:45):
to beat the to go on to the nextlevel.
So I would go in the first game and I was automatically entered
in a three because I was a female.
And the men I would play would be at sevens and fives and
nines. And I would walk in and blaze
the first couple rounds because I was at a three.
I can beat three games. Fuck you.
(08:05):
And what would happen would be somebody would pay our entrance
fee, we would have a high chanceof winning the whole tournament,
which we did, and we would splitthe winnings with the guy.
These are the kind of men, they have connections.
After the tournament, we would just want to shoot the shit and
get a table and just play for fun.
And we would catch attention andwe would be courted.
(08:25):
Not sexually, monetarily like a lot of them were like we'll pay,
we'll play your and we'll pay your entrance fee.
We'll play your entrance fee. Like a Trojan horse.
Correct, correct. Because they, all the pool
players knew that if you're a female, you get put in a three.
And if you actually got good pool players, yeah, you would
have people. Sponsor you and you're stacking
the deck. Correct.
And that was the first time I actually thought to myself, I'm
(08:47):
like, I am valuable. This is a valuable tool, but it
was a world I didn't want to be a part of because it was slimy.
There was a lot of like shadiness.
It wasn't wasn't legit, but thatwas the first time in my life
where I was like, it's not my looks, It's not the job.
You don't need to have words. You don't need to have words.
(09:08):
You don't you this playing pool and playing pool was a hot
commodity for being a female. And I thought that was really
interesting. Even to this day, if I say on a
date, where do you want to go? Let's go play pool.
And they're like, oh, do you know how to play?
I'm like a little bit haven't played in a long time and that's
always attractive thing to a manbecause now you're competition.
(09:29):
My husband did like Second City and IO and all that stuff when I
first met him, so it's like a big a bunch of improvisers and
his sketch shows and his improv group was always really good.
But that's like what we did every week on Basement and not
all of them were good. There was 1.
(09:51):
Like, they're all perfect. There was one where they didn't
have any actual jokes. It was just a lot of like dry,
like hipster humor. And the two dudes were in bear
costumes. And I kept being like, why?
Why are they and my husband and our other friend That was with
just the the fact that I was so annoyed by it was the only thing
that was making them laugh. So they couldn't like answer me,
but I was like, I just lost an hour and a half of my life.
(10:13):
I'm that bitch that if you if people are like, OK, we're going
to go out to dinner and then we're going to go see this
movie. And I don't want to see that
movie. I will say great.
And I will go to dinner and be like, Hey, I'm not going to go
to the movie. I don't want to see it.
And the looks I've gotten from people before, but this is the
movie we're going to. And I'm like, and that is
wonderful for you, but I'm not. Ever since I fell asleep during
deep blue sea, poor LL Cool J inhigh school, I'm like, you know
(10:36):
what, I got better. Horrible movie.
I wouldn't know who actually, I'll tell you who.
The first man that I ever tried to like stuff for to impress was
my dad, because he was yes, he was like would tell you what you
wanted to watch. So the amount of Charlie Chaplin
I saw as a child and one time itwas like.
(11:01):
Dude, real talk though. When I was like, I guess I was
like sitting there watching it on my own and they're like, what
are you doing? And I'm like in 5 minutes I'm
going to be, I'm going to be hilarious.
I'm going to be, I'm going to becracking up.
Just give it 5 minutes. I didn't.
I did give it 5 minutes. I did not, in fact.
You couldn't imagine. I didn't.
It was never. The amount of obsession this man
(11:23):
had with Laurel and Hardy. And The Beatles.
Oh fuck. And then actually, interestingly
enough, as I got older, if I hada bit, like, if I had a band I
liked, like the Bare, like I love the bare Naked Ladies.
I was that bitch. I do not care what that said
about me. We would listen to it in my
friend Lauren's Rav 4 after we've been up all night
(11:45):
partying. We were going out to the IHOP
and we would listen that song Alcohol.
Not just like there's another. One Oh yes no, I'm sorry she's
she does not live in the state. But I do remember, yeah, as a
kid, like wanting to. And I think that's a weird thing
now that we're talking about it as a parent is because my my
kids will do that a little bit. Like they love to make us laugh.
But the amount of times that my children have full on refused to
(12:08):
watch Star Wars with my husband and I'm like, just tell them
they have to and he's no. I don't want to, but we didn't.
Get a choice and I love it. And oh, the Barenaked Ladies
thing, to go back to it, is I introduced that to him and then
it became his obsession and thenit was his thing.
And so it was like that was the that was when I was done trying
to. That's a really, that's a really
funny kind of spin on it though.Following his brain worm, we're
(12:31):
going to flip the script with your dad.
You like the bare naked ladies? And all of a sudden it became
his obsession. What would happen if you had an
obsession with something or a life hobby or something and your
significant other, your husband,were to become entirely obsessed
with that same thing? Would you be like, oh, cool, or
would you like ick? That's a really good question.
I think it depends on what The thing is and how they handle it.
(12:55):
My husband and I, when I was teaching on summer break, we had
no kids. I'm talking living in the city
still. I had no patience for the fact
that he would have to go to work.
So I'm like, I am going to continue watching Lost and I
wish you the best of luck because my capacity to just
binge these programs was much higher.
I would put away a Harry Potter book in two days and he would
savor it for six weeks. And he's big.
(13:16):
I don't want to be done with it so fast.
I'm like, what do you mean? Why?
I want to download this thing into my brain and then just
think about it for the amount ofhours you're spending.
I can't get where he's talking about though, because sometimes
you're reading a book and you'relike, you know, it's coming too
close to the end and you want toput it down because you want to
savor that shit. Listen, Joey, who's putting the
(13:37):
book in the freezer from friends?
You're not wrong, but there's nopart of my brain that listens to
that. My brain just thinks, Oh no,
it's almost over. Oh.
No, it's 3:00 in the morning. I could maybe get some sleep.
I cannot like people say. Did that with Twilight and 50
Shades. I think I read 4 Twilight books
in three days. Yes I would agree there was a
(13:58):
lot of sleep. There was 4 exact 4 to 5
sleepless nights and I read the whole.
Thing because I had to know. I had to.
And I am no better for it. No, not at all.
But you better believe when theycame out with midnight sun I was
like drink, drink. OK, my husband read those after
I did like Twilight and that I love when he gets into stuff
(14:18):
that's like inherently girly tickles me especially like a
teen girl thing like I used to. OK, so back to forced to watch
things sometimes the most interesting thing on the
television. I'm sorry to tell you husband
was Top Model marathons on fucking VH1.
I lived for those. And one day it's on whatever.
I don't know what he's doing, but we're in the same room and
(14:39):
they walk into judging and he just go like unsolicited, just
looks up and goes, what are you doing?
You come to judging with your hair in a ponytail, a tank top
and jeans. Obviously they're going to be
mad at you. What are you wearing?
And I was like, pause the program.
Let me appreciate. You because I was like, bask in
your beauty. Because that was it was so
(15:01):
genuine. I think that's it.
If it's like a genuine hey I like this too thing, then it's
good. But if it's a I'm now the
biggest fan right then I'm like,it's not a competition bro.
Correct, Yes. So it's strange because I think
I liked Game of Thrones so much that in my last relationship I
(15:23):
would talk about it, that he started watching it and I took
that as like an interest, yeah, to share an interest with you.
And that was. Attractive.
Did it go well? Yeah, it was great until it got
to the end. And ain't nobody, I don't care
who you are, ain't nobody happy with how that shit ended.
Prove me wrong. Nobody here can do that.
(15:45):
Nobody can do that in this room.Lauren call to action breathers.
Lauren wants somebody to tell her why she should like the end
of Game of Thrones. Thank you.
Who wants to bet that if anybodyresponds, it's a dude?
And now a quick word from Internet famous makeup
influencer Beige Camry, who is sponsoring this week's episode.
Take it away, Beige. Hey guys, come check out my new
(16:09):
tutorial on how to paint on eyeballs on your eyelids so you
can sleep through the sports ball game, the Zack Snyder Cut,
and whatever else you are obligated to watch but still
rack up those girlfriend point. Don't forget to click like and
(16:30):
subscribe. When it comes to one off things
like watching like a movie I'm not interested or like a show
I'm not interested in, I won't do it.
I just won't do it. There is a which is.
You find a movie you like that references another movie, and
then you don't have to watch that movie.
I've never seen any of the Godfather movies, but what I
(16:51):
have seen probably 50 times is You've Got Mail and do you know
what movie they reference constantly and You've Got Mail,
The Godfather. To the mattresses.
I have been conning the world into believing that I knew
Godfather references from watching it when I don't.
(17:11):
Everybody knows the horse head. The minute it's Godfather
appropriate, I'm going in with the horse head so I can grab
that easy low hanging fruit. And then I got leave the gun,
take the cannoli. And take it to the mattresses.
Yes. That's but that's it Monday.
Tuesday, Thursday. Wednesday.
I don't even know what I'm saying.
Why isn't it an order? And why is only one of the days
(17:33):
out of order? You know why I don't know?
Because I've never seen The Godfather.
Ladies and gentlemen, Are you ready for another episode of
Would You Watch It Anyway with your host Lauren?
Showtime, I want to rail off a couple of films for you that
were a top 100 male loved beloved movies, and you're going
(17:56):
to tell me if you just watch it anyway or wouldn't even try it?
OK, Scarface. No, thank you.
The Godfather. Fake it by quoting You've got
mail. All right, Fight Club.
Would have watched it anyway. Nice.
I certainly didn't watch Fight Club for anyone.
I wanted to watch Fight Club because it was very quotable and
(18:16):
it was cool. I feel like I watched it maybe
with you. And yeah, it had a psychological
thriller, kind of. Aspect yeah, like that did like
I wasn't like a dude that does Isee why I do.
I know dudes love that movie, but it didn't feel like a dude.
Right. It was like a psychological
thriller. Yeah.
Yeah. Feel that?
They do the next. The Terminator.
Terminator 2 specifically. Would watch it anyway.
Loves Terminator 2. Watched it on my own for my own
(18:38):
Terminator. One have watched it at the
behest of usually people who were older and so thought that
was the better Terminator, because they were.
See I'm Terminator one and Terminator 30.
My. God, get out.
I'm sorry. OK, but who I just liked?
It when the robot was nice, whenArnold Schwarzenegger was not a
bad like I liked it when he's a bad guy.
(19:00):
That was the four and then you go, he's a nice guy.
He just wants to protect her. He was reprogrammed.
The combination of just constantsexual innuendo mixed with the
childlike wonder with which you approach the world is astounding
to me, because either your nipples are hard for something,
(19:22):
or the only thing you remember from something is that something
sad happened to a dog and you cannot abide by it.
So that's all they have to talk.About Oh my God.
Yes, you also have to factor in that she makes room for daddy.
So it's. Either always her nipples are
hard, a dog died, or she's making a plate for dad.
Damn. Papa, can you hear me?
(19:42):
Don't listen because my nipples are hard.
I feel wrong and bred for filth at the same time.
Dirty Harry. Never saw.
Yeah, same Animal House. I faked that one so many times.
I. Would not have watched it anyway
and watched it for my husband but I'm not.
I wasn't mad about it, but I don't think I'd watch it again.
I think I faked it into the relationship until I got married
(20:04):
and then I was forced to watch it and I could never get those
minutes. Back Animal House is one of
those that you really walk a dangerous line of being asked if
you just didn't get it. 1000% itwas a cult classic.
Quote UN quote. I'm like, OK, there was some
funny parts. And I'm happy.
For you, I'm not in that cult. I'm not drinking that Kool-aid.
There's a line from Mike Birbiglia where if somebody's
(20:25):
do, you know, the show, blah, blah, blah, and you, like, try
to pretend that you do what you're really saying is no, but
I love you. You're so pretty.
Yeah. And so I feel like that was the
no. But I love this for you.
Enjoy. This one's the good, the bad,
the ugly. I dated all three.
Oh my, same. That was one that my dad liked.
I don't even know. Is that a Western?
Yeah, I do not. The only Western that I in my
(20:48):
known memory enjoyed was, was itcalled Godless?
That the one that's a town of all women?
Oh yeah. That was a good one.
That was great. That was a good.
One. But otherwise it's not really my
genre. It's just like between the
racism and the misogyny, it's I don't even know where to look.
Oh, 1000% yeah. But there, there was one western
that I fucked with that Mcclintock I don't know, and the
(21:11):
other one Tombstone, that's the other one I like.
I like their pizza. Pure hilarious first blood.
Oh God, is that a Rambo? Movie no Rambos for me.
God, yeah, not me either. Sit you down and watch.
That no. I think perhaps I give off a
vibe where people just not try to get me to do shit.
(21:31):
Yeah. Because Rambo especially like
our I'm a little slightly younger, but like our age.
Because it wasn't like Westerns,right?
Like. Guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Your uncles or your dads,
whatever. I'm just, I'm happy for you.
I'm happy I had. I've had Rambo forced on me like
that. I'm going to say a small prayer
(21:52):
for you, but I would say for Rambo.
I was never like I could not be forced that in boxing, but it's
the predator. My household was very much that
was our Sylvester Stallone go towas predator and that when I get
behind. But Rambo Nah.
OK, Do you want to talk about a contrived pleasure?
How about going over to this woman's home where her mother
(22:14):
was in control of the TV set on Easter and trying to explain to
your new boyfriend we're doing our Easter watching of Predator
versus Alien, and it's like, what are you going to do?
It's not a big home. Oh my God I love that movie.
I like the guy with the dreads. That's what I kept.
Saying Oh my God, Candy Glover. Man, that was a good movie.
(22:34):
What? The Bible says on thy Easter day
thine will celebrate. With.
Alien and Predator. Yeah, you mean?
Revelation in the name of the alien.
Listen, it was your mom's love language.
OK. And I'm glad that you felt that
(22:55):
way. And you have to.
Fake it in the beginning or are you just?
I don't think I ever faked it. I just didn't complain, correct.
And would just those kind of action movies.
I feel like this about a lot of sports too.
I grew up watching enough sportsthat if somebody says to me,
hey, you want to go, we're to goto this bar to watch the
basketball game, I'll be like, OK, tell me who we're rooting
(23:17):
for. Like I know enough of the rules.
I can get into it. I can get in the mix.
I have been known to be watchingmy child's show over their
shoulder and audibly gasp at thecorrect times.
Like I just will let myself get into it.
Which is why I like those, like the Goodfellas and that kind of
stuff. It's harder for me to fake
because there's not a lot of action predator.
It's like an easy thing to just be like, I'm going to zone out
(23:37):
and then oh, they're running. Why are they running?
I'm scared. I will say a guy I dated in my
like late teens, early 20s, we were always a Cubs family, but
he was like super in wanted to watch every game.
And at first I was kind of like,all right, we'll see.
But I like it made me because I have a body double.
I had somebody else to like tellme the like stuff.
(24:00):
I didn't know, but I enjoyed it that it was like I was like
being, I felt like I was being Sherpa back into something our
family love. Because like now I don't follow
it anymore because it wasn't enough for me to want to keep up
with the players and stuff like that.
I'll follow the scores and I canjump into a game at any time.
I think that was like at your house with whatever movie was
on. Yep, it was just like it's going
(24:20):
to be. But we didn't.
We didn't have a choice either. We would wake up on a Saturday
and freaking Men in Black would be on or Relic or Independent
Independence Day. I don't know if my mom.
Those are I would rather wake upto that than Goodfellas.
Welfare, yeah. But yeah, I think we just that
is a muscle that is atrophying with the current generation of
(24:42):
you're going to just watch what's on because the your other
option is watching paint dry. They have supercomputers in
their hand, they can watch YouTube with an earbud and all
that. Even if they don't, even if they
don't, there's enough TV's in our house for them to figure
out. Listen, I respect the game.
Like they'll get real crafty. YouTube disappears from 1
device. Figured out how to get their
(25:03):
T-81 calculator to play it. I got to respect the game.
Jesus. So everyone's so creative, but
do you OK, here's a side question, side quest, let's go.
Do you think that is helpful or hurtful on family dynamics?
Do you think it was part of bonding that we got together
when we were forced to watch a movie into the same roof where
we didn't have any other options?
(25:24):
Or do you think it's helpful that you do have the ability to
be independent and watch your own shit, not be forced to watch
it? Yes.
Because and we keep meaning to implement it.
We came up with it as a family acouple weeks ago because it was
the little one's birthday. And so we said we're all going
to. We don't usually let them eat in
the living room. I know that I say things that
give the impression that I live in a very clean and organized
(25:45):
home. Let the Internet think that it's
fine. Yes, it's that is it.
And it's not just that. Like I'm like, I'm going to
salvage what rug I have left. No, I love.
You No, it's that I'm so organized and tough and a great
disciplinarian. Anyway, so for the little one's
birthday, he wanted Chinese food.
So we all ate Chinese food. He got to pick what was on TV.
(26:07):
We all had to watch it. Nice.
That's he had a few options and that is what he chose.
We then agreed to, as I said, weshould, somebody should pick
each week and we can't argue when we just have to watch it.
That's awesome. Which my husband, I just saw the
glint of Star Wars in his eye and I'm like.
You got to wait. You can't fangirl it.
You got to just slip it in there.
Yeah, it can't be the first one.They have to get used to the.
Program. Of stop complaining about this.
(26:29):
Correct, it has to be a ritual before you slip that in.
You said a mouthful air sister. And then you maybe, I know maybe
like warm them up with an ordivore of.
An ordivore. Of Ewok Adventures, That was
such a cute movie. That would make them not want to
watch any Star Wars. Really, Ewoks.
Listen, I love any I like. Adventures of the shit man, that
(26:51):
fucking show slapped. Yeah, no, that's probably not
going to happen. But I'm not going to have to
watch extra Star Wars because I like Star Wars.
Then you can come over that Sunday.
You can tap in. OK Shot.
She's here. She's picking today.
Ewok Adventures, by all means. They're afraid of you.
They won't say anything. Bet bitch, bet bet.
Everyone is in the room watchingand enthralled by what's on the
(27:12):
TV. The boy would have A and then
silence and everybody's entranced, entranced by the
movie, and he would join us. He can't help himself.
He can't help himself, he doesn't want to have any FOMO.
I know that's none of them got my Jomo, my joy of missing out.
So anyway, I think I'm going to go with Goonies first.
And then anytime they complain, I'm just going to yell their
(27:32):
name and say you're a Goonies. Goonies never say I don't like
this movie. I like it, yeah.
I like it, thank you. For asking and then fly to the
navigator. I do though in answer to your
the other side of that coin is. She is.
I do think for the kids, it is nice that they have stuff that
speaks to them developmentally. It's like funny to them and it
(27:55):
is really cute to watch how embarrassed they get.
Now talk about like guilty pleasures.
Like you want to both make and ruin my daughter's day.
Sing the theme song to Sofia theFirst.
You want to get an entire group of middle schoolers to just go
ham, especially if it's a lot ofgirls.
Start singing Sofia the First. You will have a sing along on
(28:16):
your hands in no time. How many times did you sing the
Reading Rainbow theme today? Do you know how many times?
I have attacked. I have listened to the Reading
Rainbow version that has Lil John in it.
Just take a look. It's in a book.
It's reading Ring. So one more.
I'm going to give you one more movie and you're going to let me
(28:37):
know, OK? Full Metal.
Jacket. I can fake it because of your
dad, but I have never seen it because I was busy watching City
Lights with Charlie Chaplin. Oh my God, your dad was the
champ and I was the Tramp. Oh my God, I've I can't tell you
how many times I've I and I actually.
Gay palm in the morning. Oh my God.
(28:57):
Isn't. The like very violent only thing
that comes out of Texas quares and stairs and we're fresh shot
out of. Stairs.
Let's get gay. What was it that sounds like a
comma? That's a your ass looks like 250
lbs of chewed up bubble gum. Arlie Ermi lived in my house.
He was an uncle I never met. OK, all I'll do to your father.
(29:20):
Yes, most of his personality wasmovie.
Quotes. Oh my God.
But they were old movie quotes you didn't know.
You couldn't Fact Check them. So you're just like, OK, he
would tell stories like what have you told us about eating
like however many hard boiled eggs?
And my mom was like, that's coolhand loot.
Because I think I'd remember hard boiling in 50 eggs.
(29:40):
Where did we get 50 eggs? How did our mom not freak out
that we were wasting 50? And like, really think about it.
Eggs were a lot cheaper back then.
Oofty no. One's wasting.
I understand that. I'm just damn you, really.
You're like, I will defend Daddy.
Listen, Daddy could have done it.
Daddy did it. Daddy ate all the eggs.
Daddy deviled them first himself.
(30:01):
He. Definitely lived his life as if
it was a movie. Quote every like stories he
would say like that reminds me of a movie.
I know and you know what, there are some stories of his that my
mom would be like. I think that's from I go, don't
you dare. That is from my childhood and
that is something that my. Uncle did leave.
Let him loom large in my rearview.
(30:23):
OK. All right.
So this whole time, you know what I've been thinking about
your favorite kind of girl you love to discuss.
Love it. The pick me pick.
Go ahead. Pick Misha.
You love to call her Pick Misha.Judge Parks and Rec.
So there's a character, Anne Perkins.
That was the Leslie. What was her last name?
Leslie Knope's best friend. She was a beautiful Unicorn
(30:45):
narwhal Angel L and she has thiswhole series where she dates a
bunch of different guys and we're talking like full cowgirl
outfit one day, the next day like full workout.
Gear like method actor. Extraordinary like yeah, she's
just this is what we're into nowand it just immediately becomes
a we and it's all the guys things and as good they read her
(31:08):
for filth and she's oh God, I really am like as she's got like
these weird pink streaks in her hair that and that is really
resonated with me. You know those girls that like
literally you can look back at pictures and be like, oh,
there's your you were with a guywho loved football phase.
Oh, there's your with grunge. Oh, yeah.
You could definitely clock different areas of your life,
(31:31):
dating history wise, with what you look like, where you were,
where the picture was taken, like you had completely
enveloped yourself in that I that ideal.
Like football. I was a cheerleader in high
school. That's the only way I learned
anything about football. You asked me to go to a football
game. Nah, fam.
(31:52):
Like I'll go if it's like everyone's going.
It's a big group thing and it's going to be fun for that one
time. Yeah, you're there for the
conversation. Correct, I'm not there for the.
Game. Oh my God, As much as I don't go
to that many baseball games, when I do go, I'm there for the
game. And a lot of my girlfriends,
even the ones that that actuallylike baseball, are not there for
the game. They're there to chit chat.
And sometimes I have to be like,you're pretty here.
(32:13):
Same thing with concerts. If I'm like really in it, like I
don't want to chat, I want to bein the concert.
I'm like that with concerts. I think with football, I know
how to watch a game and I know how to get excited if it's like
a Notre Dame. I went to my first Notre Dame
game a couple months ago and I think that was because I, it was
a memory based Here Comes Daddy.I used to watch a game with my
(32:35):
dad and there was a first Notre Dame game I've ever been to.
And that was more of a sentimental thing.
And I was into the game like I was watching the game for the
game. But it's like when there's the
TV's on innocuous football game is on with teams I don't care
about. I don't care like it.
There's nothing about that game that's going to catch me.
(32:55):
Oh, a minute touchdown. Nothing I don't.
Your ADHD and my ADHD or different ADHD, yes, because if
I'm like, if you want me to pay attention to you, you probably
shouldn't see me where and I won't even I don't care.
I'm not like one of those peoplethat's you're in the middle of
talking to me and I'm like, lookat that play.
I'm not that. My father, yes.
Well, if I, my mind will just wander.
Yes, there's all this other movement like.
(33:16):
Oh my God, yes. So I'll go around so like I know
enough to know to be like that was.
That was a good play. That's.
Going to be there excited peopleabout that I bet.
Or people are yelling in the bar, in the sports bar.
I can look over and generally know why.
We'll validate the yelling. I understand that's a good move.
I hear you're yelling. I hate you're yelling, but I
understand you're yelling. Yeah, but I never.
(33:37):
I remember when we were young and I knew about football, and
one of my older cousins had a crush on a boy who liked
football. And so she was going to give me
tips on boys, which I realize inretrospect, when you're asking
somebody four years younger thanyou for tips on football, like
maybe you don't have any of it together in terms of the boys
either. So she, like, literally took out
her notepad. And I was like, all right, so
(33:57):
here's like a first down. And I'm like, I don't know,
short of my children, I don't know who I've ever loved enough
to be like. I'm going to seek out the
foremost expert in this living room to explain to me football
so I can impress. Like why you're going to get
caught. And that brings you're going to
get caught. But why?
(34:18):
This is my thing. Men inherently like to mansplain
things, right? They like to teach, they like to
explain things. So why not play the I don't.
Can you explain this to me? Like I'm not really.
I would love to be into this sport.
Can you help me? Yeah, but there's a power
dynamic to that. That's fair.
That's like you have a boyfriendor you like, no, but if you're
(34:39):
trying to catch his eye. How can I?
Stand out and be the one that. Likes That's the cool girl, the
cool girl. How can I be the I'm going to do
I'm in the tomboy playbook, but not even I'm not going to
actually play. I just want to know.
That's another like dichotomy, right?
It's like you're supposed to know everything about it, but
you shouldn't play it. Whereas my angle was I knew the
basis of the game, but I didn't know all of the details.
(35:02):
I would be in a situation watching a game like a Bears
game, and I would try really hard to pay attention.
And I'm like, OK, so there's a they made a first down because I
passed the line of scrimmage andI would ask for validation.
And then they would be like, Oh yeah, you're right.
You actually do know some of theterms.
Actually do know some of the. Terms and it it would be more of
me wanting to seek out information for my own benefit
(35:23):
rather than can you tell me whatthat big line is in the middle
of the field? I don't know what it is, boobs,
boobs. And it's like I came at it from
a different angle of knowledge, whereas I don't want to come
into a situation and act like I know and get called out for it.
That's fucking embarrassing. And that's what especially with
sports, yes, because. Die hard sport fans will fucking
(35:44):
read you for Phil. Anything like bands or whatever,
yes. Sports is especially one where
if you're trying to pretend because you've already got these
people whipped up into a competitive frenzy. 1000%.
I do remember one time talking to some like old white dude
about baseball for some reason in the line of the grocery
store. Probably because I cannot stop
myself. The curse of our family.
(36:06):
It's like what Aura about me says strike up a conversation.
You and all of us. And then what about me in my
brain is don't answer anything, don't say anything.
And then I'm talking because Moise Salu hit for the cycle and
he's like, oh all. Right.
Oh, you said you know. I was straight up showing off
for you like it's flip to switchright away because I'm like,
you're underestimating me. I'm going to go hard.
(36:27):
Yep. Because like and then it like
felt good but also I'm like whata waste of my time.
Who the fuck? What the fuck do I care if Harv
thinks I fucking? Right.
You're never going to see him again.
Who cares? But it is a line of dopamine
when somebody underestimates youand you're like, Oh no, hold my
beer and. But he wasn't even
underestimating me. It's like I preemptively
expected him to underestimate meand just like info dumped until
(36:50):
he looked impressed. Wow, that's profound.
Why? It's because you info dumped and
until he looked impressed, so your validation was per his
impression. Yeah, but like, I didn't even
need it for him to show his ass.I already intrinsically was
like, you think I'm dumb? Let's get this out of the way.
Yeah, yeah, you. Know what I mean?
(37:12):
Because if it had been somethingthat didn't spark my interest, I
just would have been like, Oh yeah.
No, you're pretty. Yeah.
Yeah, I sports is a hard one. I think that golf is.
I don't think I would ever get into golf for anybody.
I feel like unless I always think that golf is fun with
alcohol and having golf carts. That's I think that's kind.
Of wild the golf, am I right? Hold the fucking yeah who needs
(37:35):
those A good. Walk spoiled.
Really. But some people love it.
And do you? I'm cool, but I you can't catch
me watching anything about golf on television.
You can't catch me. There's nothing interesting
about it. It is brilliant of the men to
have created this sport, tied itto business so it seems like
(37:55):
they have to go and made it likea six hour marathon game.
It is probably one of the smartest things to come out of
the patriarchy. And they dressed like Peacock
sometimes, with those pastel colors and that Plaid and those
little hats. For each other.
Little shiny shoes with a little.
Look at that ladies, we need ourgolf.
(38:15):
And if you talk to somebody thatloves golf, it's like there's so
much more about golf that you don't understand.
You have to hit it with the right club at the right speed,
at the right angle. And I'm like, OK, cool.
So you're basically grabbing a different stick, hitting a very
small ball till you get it closer and closer to the hole.
And whoever gets it in the hole with the less hits, you win.
(38:37):
Bet. Cool, the last thing I need to
do is spend 4 hours on a Sunday quietly watching a man struggle
to find a hole. We could do that at home, baby.
I can get that 4 strokes. That's three too many.
That was gold. I just that was dude, what's the
flag? Is the flag, the clip Don't.
(38:58):
Do this. I'm sorry.
Hey breath heads, this episode is brought to you by Cringe
Notes. Tired of being left out and
being called cringe? Overwhelmed by all the societal
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Then you need Cringe Notes, the app that gives you a quick
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Your bottomless need to feel included is finally satiated
(39:20):
Cringe Notes. What advice would you give to a
younger generation on how to avoid those contrived pleasures?
Or if you were going to, how would you tell them if you're
going to learn something or activate that part to either?
Better to incorporate into your person, your identity or for the
(39:41):
better. Like learning how to do
something and actually having a skill or a tool in your toolbox.
This is interesting because I think it's not cut and dry.
It's a barometer, right? Listen, I know how to juggle
because I had a mild crush on a boy who could juggle and felt
well. This is it.
This is how I'm going to get him.
Do I remember that? So I asked for the juggling ball
(40:02):
set for Christmas. I spent all of winter vacation.
You got good at it too, I. Did and I, you know what?
Today, to this day, I can, there's a level of mediocrity,
but I can juggle. And so I think it's that thing
of are you doing it? If this doesn't work, how are
you going to feel like you're going to be happy that you learn
to juggle? Or are you going to be like, I
can't believe I just watched 27 Fast and Furious movies and
(40:26):
like, I don't even own a car because here's the thing, it's a
slippery fucking slope, children.
Because you watch one Vin Dieselmovie and you didn't like it,
but you pretend to like it. You're a Vin Diesel fan.
It's the same thing with older relatives, right?
Like you mentioned, Harry Potteronce to an older person who has
to buy you gifts and then for every subsequent year you have
(40:49):
every kind of Harry Potter item.Because Oh my God, you have a
Harry Potter cookbook. Harry Potter, Oh my God.
Calendar. Oh my God.
Mouse pad, my God. I'm like, I didn't even open the
Harry Potter calendar. You got me last Christmas.
I forgot. What am I going to do with this
one that I can only use in Orlando anyway?
So I think that's the thing, like it's a slippery slope.
(41:10):
You're going to find out a little bit about football and
act like an expert. You're going to get caught up a
real fucking. Fan now your Sundays are fucked
for the rest of your life. If a man asks me what my
favorite Vin Diesel movie is, the Pacifier, that should give
you all the information you needand I stand by that.
I would watch that movie right now.
That movie slap Lauren Graham, God lover favorite Dwayne the
(41:32):
Rock Johnson movie, The tooth fairy.
That was a good one. But you know me, I have trouble
like we've been sat down and been like you guys are going to
love this comedian. And I even know when I'm trying
I'm I'm not an easy laugh. I'm just not unless I am like.
And so I think that's The thing is be true to yourself.
Authenticity I think is the keyword, right?
If you do it and it's inauthentic, eventually it will
(41:55):
run out and you will be exhausted.
If you are authentic to yourselfand you do actually enjoy it,
then get into it. But if you're not going to wear
the T-shirt and go to the concert and have the stub, stop
wearing yourself out to make somebody else happy.
True words were never spoken. Stop wearing yourself out to
make somebody else happy and like some people like to be the
(42:15):
expert on something. Let them.
Let them be the expert. It's fine.
Let them. And if they wouldn't like you.
Unless you like football and youdon't like football.
They ain't your person, they're not for you.
No, go to the 7th grade dance with someone else, you'll be
fine. Has there been anything that you
thought that you wanted to add to your toolbox that you and
(42:38):
looking back in retrospect, you actually did waste your time but
it took you years to figure it out.
You like now I have a toolbox that I you never going to use
and this is bullshit. Heterosexuality I.
Was going to say blowjobs, but yes.
Yeah, that's a really good question.
I don't know cars. Yeah.
(43:00):
Because I dated a mechanic for awhile and I developed strong
opinions about cars and I don't give a Bugatti any.
Fucking more motorcycles all day.
Like I like a pretty motorcycle and if a good looking guy is on
one yes but don't get me on it. I don't enjoy riding bikes.
I don't enjoy putting my life in.
Correct. And I feel like I I do have
(43:21):
strong opinions on that and I feel like I wasted my a little
bit. I wish I had more of an identity
four years ago, five years ago, six years ago.
But I think that I learned a lotand I enveloped myself into that
world. And looking back in retrospect,
I'm like, yeah, it impresses dudes, but it's useless fucking
information that I don't need. I don't retain it.
(43:41):
You don't retain it because it doesn't interest you.
What a waste. I but the fact that I tried to
retain it, it's in my head now living rent free and there's a
neural pathway and it's got a motorcycle run through it so.
I think every time. I like learn like I when I was
in this, yes, I definitely want to talk about a dual overhead
Cam. Then it was like, hey, do you
want to get motorcycle licenses?I'm like, I'm going to.
(44:05):
Absolutely. That's.
A no for me, Doug, and I'm not going to get on the back of that
thing. And so I think that's The thing
is trust your instincts, know your line.
Don't do it.
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