Kristen Winters: Trust Yourself and Finding Purpose After Corporate America

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
My name is Kristen Winters.
I am a real estate agent withLong and Foster.
I work primarily out of theoffice in Purcellville,
Virginia, but I actually workall over the place and I am
licensed in West Virginia aswell.
So I serve Northern Virginia,actually, actually all over
Virginia, and then also intoWest Virginia as well, mostly um

(00:22):
Jefferson and Berkeley counties,because that's just
geographically close.

SPEAKER_00 (00:26):
And you have good fashion too with that nice
velvet blue jacket.
Thank you so much.
Tell me a little bit, how didyou get into this whole world of
real estate?
Tell me the story.
Take me back.

SPEAKER_01 (00:38):
Okay.
So I'm so glad you asked me thatquestion.
Um, because the how I got intoreal estate and uh all of the
things that I have done to gethere today at this point uh are
all they all contribute to why Ifeel passionate about my job and

(01:00):
why I love real estate so muchand and the reasons why it
integrates so seamlessly into mylife and the lifestyle that I
have wanted.
So it, I mean, I could, we don'thave that much time, so I won't
go that far back.
Girl, take me as far back as youwant.

(01:22):
So I am I am originally fromKansas, born and raised uh my
whole life.
Uh we moved after 2008, theeconomy was terrible.
My husband at the time lost hisjob.
We um we moved out here for hisemployment and it and then got
divorced.
So it was it was sort of just abig mess.

(01:43):
And so I had this like a longperiod of time um that was sort
of just like swimming with thewreckage of all of that, I feel
like, here in northern Virginiaas a single mom with two small
children.
So during that time, I I hadbeen doing some web design work

(02:05):
in Kansas.
And that's like I've I've done avariety of things in my
lifetime.
And so, and you know, and it'sall ever like one thing leads to
another.
And like I said, we do, wetotally we do not have all day.
But at that time I was doing webdesign work.
And so when I moved here, I gota job with Gannette, the USA
Today company, doing kind of thesame thing I was doing for the

(02:30):
newspaper, this line of journalwhere I worked in Kansas.
And so that was my introductionto the corporate world where I
then stayed for almost 10 years.
And that was, I guess that wassort of like the diamond factory
for me because you know, I'm amore of a creative person, I'm
more of a soft skills person.

(02:52):
All of the skills I feel like Ihave a strength were not needed
at that job.
And so I the whole all thoseyears there, I I I kept that job
because it was a good job.
It was a good salary, the hourswere flex.
The commute was terrible, ofcourse, but with the flex hours,

(03:12):
it was okay.
You know, and I it was a goodatmosphere.
It was, you know, they were sortof into that whole tech
atmosphere.
So, you know, like we had pingpong tables and beanbags and you
know, all of that.
So in a way, it was a cush job,but then at the same time, it
sort of depends on who you are,because it was also it also kind
of felt like a trap, you know,and and that corporate culture

(03:35):
is just unforgiving.
And especially if you're intech, I was one of the few women
that were there.
And being, I was a a housewifefrom Kansas in on teams with,
you know, like like tech broswho were like just got out of
college.
Like they're all in their 20s.

(03:57):
They I don't it's just like so.
I mean, it was fine, it wasfine, it was good, everybody was
nice.
I loved everybody.
Um, I my manager was awesome.
And and there are a lot ofreasons why I got through that.
But anyhow, to make trying tomake this long story short.
So I'm going along in this job,and while it's a really nice
job, it also feels like soul,just soul-sucking torture.

(04:17):
So the whole time I'm trying tofigure out how to get out of it
and wanting more, like somethingmore creative, but also being
like everybody is, you know,you've got to survive, you have
to make a living.
I gotta, you know, my I haveI've got these kids.
I can't, the responsibility isgreat.
You can't starve.
You know, I can't say, oh, well,I'm just gonna go make t-shirts

(04:37):
now, and then I quit, and thenwe don't eat or what you know,
like you just can't do that.
Just the press, you know, likethe pressure of survival just
kept me there.
And the whole time I'm thinking,like, how do how can I get out
of this?
How do I, what can I do?
And nothing seemed to be a rightfit, nothing worked.
Um, I went through, you know,like an entrepreneurial, like a

(04:58):
school, like an online thing.
I was looking, looking, looking.
So uh I have a background in ummy bachelor's degree.
I have a double major in studioart and psychology.
And that's a lot of like I didcounseling when I graduated, and
it seemed like art therapy madea lot of sense.
And so I started grad school forart therapy, but that was in

(05:19):
2018.
And then 2020, it all like theperfect storm of just things,
you know, like culminated.
So I had I was trying to finishup grad school for art therapy
because I got almost all the waythrough it, almost all the way.
I the the COVID hit, my kidswere at home, they were

(05:40):
struggling with their own healthissues, school issues.
Uh, the company, Gannette, wasshrinking.
So we had gone from four peopleon our team to two, and I was
one of the two, and plus takingon some other responsibilities
as well that took up all of mystress and all of my time.
All my neurosis was sucked intotrying to get through, trying
not to look stupid at my job.

(06:01):
So I'm like all these skills Idon't have.
I'm like trying to make themwork.
And then also um just have tosay it, menopause hit at the
time.
So, like everything, so gradschool, all those things, it's
like a I was like my kids, likethat was the main thing.
I'm like, they need me.
I can't, I can't not spend timewith them.

(06:25):
And then the thing that pushedme over the edge, and here's
where the real estate comes infinally, at long last.
So here's where real estatecomes in.
When COVID hit and everybodycould work from home, everybody
was like, I'm gonna buy a housenow, including me.
I'm like, I can finally do this,like this finally makes sense.
There's a house for sale in myneighborhood, which I loved.

(06:45):
I live in a roundhill, kind ofin the older part, and there was
a house for sale, and you know,it was reasonable.
I've had this job that like lovehate with a decent salary the
whole time.
I've been saving money to buy ahouse for down payment because
you know, like, especially ifyou're just one person in
northern Virginia, it's it'salmost impossible to buy a

(07:07):
house, to save money and buy ahouse.
So I had this money saved up.
I'm like, I'm gonna buy a housenow.
And you know, I was lookingaround.
I put an offer in on that one.
I'm like, yes, we're gonna livein this neighborhood forever.
This is gonna be I could finallyget a home for my kids.
Like all my suffering willactually have paid off of it and
worth it, you know, instead ofjust damaging.

(07:27):
I feel like it was kind ofdamaging us this whole time.
Like what family?
Well, of course, I couldn't, Icouldn't buy a house because I
kept getting beat out by Icouldn't buy that one or any of
them because two incomefamilies, they would always
choose this less of a risk.
And I was so angry, so angry.

(07:49):
I was so angry.
And that's kind of when it allcame together.
And a friend of mine had sort ofsuggested kind of offhand, well,
why not do real estate?
And I was like, I don't, Ican't, you know, what are you
talking about?
It was kind of a joke.
And then I started thinkingabout it.
I was like, oh my God, you're soright.
This makes so much sense.
You know, like this is how I canbuild a home for myself and my

(08:11):
kids by helping other peoplealso to get into their homes.
And so there are so many thingsthat go along with that.
There's like, like, okay, solike in the corporate
environment, you're so far,you're like making widgets.
You're so far removed from likewhat's happened.
And I I work for a company whodoes a thing that that adds
value to society, right?
They're like, it's the news.

(08:31):
I work in the tech part.
So I'm like, I'm working on themobile apps, it's you know, like
making the widgets.
So it's it's far removed.
So there's there's not a wholelot of purpose there, but with
real estate, there's a one, likea one-to-one purpose.
Like the purpose of my job is tohelp you build a home for your
family.
So there's a huge amount ofpurpose there.

(08:52):
So is it worth it when I am notspending time at home and when
I'm spending time with otherpeople trying to do that?
Yes, a hundred percent.
A hundred percent it is.
Plus, it allows me time with mykids who are teenagers now, but
but as people who are parents,no, it doesn't matter if your
kids are teenagers or if they'rebabies, I think they still need

(09:14):
you the same amount.
So I have the opportunity to bethere for my kids.
So I do a ton of driving aroundwith them and we do a lot of
talking and spending timetogether, and they're still,
they still are having some.
My kids have um, and this is notlike family identity by any
means, but um they've got umthey have pots and uh ailers dan

(09:39):
los, which is becoming more andmore common now.
So I don't know if anybody outthere hears this can relate, but
um anyway, they that's like wedo a lot of working on that
because it's just it's just acondition that takes a lot to
maintain so that they feelreally good, so that they're
thriving, which they weren'tthriving before.
So I feel like real estate's agift that's given me it back

(10:00):
like time with my kids, apurpose.
I'm helping people, I'm meetingpeople, all kinds of interesting
people.
You go on adventures, which Ilove.
Like I love adventures.
I love it.
Like I and my some of myfavorites are just like raw
pieces of land where it's likeyou have to, some of them don't
even have an address, so youhave to figure it out.

(10:23):
And sometimes you have to hikeup a mountain through brambles,
you know, or um, you know, justgoing in like some of the houses
are literally old, or or they'reabsolutely gorgeous, which most
of them are, you know, like injust like spectacular design.
So you have to see all of thesethings.
So it's really, I don't know, II just love it.
And it folds in, it's not just aa job, it's a lifestyle.

(10:47):
And of course, like it's notperfect and it has such
stressful ups and downs, but butif it has purpose, it's a
hundred percent worth it.
It you know, if it's not, it'snot, you're not suffering for no
reason, you're suffering forthese these major existential
reasons.
Um and you know, and just kindof going back over that and and

(11:10):
you know, like I said, I don't Ijust you know, just to say
things that might be, I don'tknow, insightful or like having
gone through all that, one ofthe reasons why I stayed in the
tech field for so long is I feellike uh overconfidence is one of
my traits.
And I don't necessarily thinkthat that's a good thing because

(11:32):
I think I can do anything, but Idon't think that's a good idea.
You know, if if could I be arocket scientist?
Well, yes, I could do that.
Would I want to be?
No, because it's gonna it hurts.
I'll be a really awful rocketscientist.

(11:53):
I won't be in a culture wherethere are people with my similar
interests, you know.
I'll have to try three times ashard just to do the thing, you
know.
So I heard something reallyinteresting the other day that I
just wanted to kind of mentionbecause I thought it was so it
really resonated.
It was actually uh uh MonicaLewin, and I'm I know we're
running out of time, but MonicaLewinsky has a podcast that's

(12:16):
really good called Reclaiming.
And um, the founder of ItCosmetics was on, and she's
super inspirational.
If you haven't ever heard her,you should, and I can't think of
her name right now, but she'sreally awesome.
And that is a testimony to justkeep going, if I have ever heard
one in my life.
Anyhow, she said there's adifference between

(12:37):
self-confidence and self-worth.
So I think believing that I cando anything builds
self-confidence, but it can hurtself-worth if you're not in the
right lane or if you're notaligned with maybe, you know,
your your skill set, youraptitude set, or kind of even
not it's a privileged thing tosay pursue your joy, or you

(13:03):
know, you like that's just notpractical.
But if even if there's a sliverof that, then you should
resonate with that.
You know, like if you're in aplace that there's just nothing
resonating, if you're in a in anoccupation or you feel stuck or
and there's nothing there foryou and it's just killing your
soul, then yeah, go you need tochange something.

(13:26):
You can make the change, youknow, you don't always have to.
Just because you can doesn'tmean you have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 (13:31):
That's perfect.
And by the way, I was justlooking because I'm like, she's
answering no, she's answeringthat question, she's answering
that question, she's answeringthis question.
Okay, well I was more or lesslike, oh shoot, I don't want to
ask her something that she'salready answered.

SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
No, you can't.
You can.

SPEAKER_00 (13:47):
Because if there was anything, anything else, like
No, no, you're good.
I just went into a where do youso where do you think yourself?
I'm I'm at this point, I'm kindof like screw the questions.
Um what um where do you seeyourself?
Especially you said, did you endup in Roundhill, by the way?
Did you end up finding a housein Roundhill?

SPEAKER_01 (14:04):
Yes, no, I have a house.
So this is also it's uh it's allbeen kind of like a profound
journey.
I I have a relationship.
Like when I stopped, you know,like what I did was during 2020,
I was part of the greatresignation.
So I just I did quit.
And I took that money that I hadsaved for down payment on a
house, and I was able to live onit for a while.

(14:25):
So I got my real estate license,I started dating.
So I have a home, I have arelationship, you know, and I
and like I said, real estate isstill it's very up and down.
And I think if you're working inreal estate and there are days
where you, if you never think,you know, forget it, I'm not

(14:47):
doing this, then I don't thinkyou're doing it right.
You know what I mean?
That comes with the territory.
It comes with the territory, andall of that, you know, like time
and time in tech and reallyfeeling like it's struggling to
just sort of to stay on par withwhere everybody else is.
And you know, it's sort of likeit's like those bathroom floor

(15:08):
moments or the kitchen floormoments, and then the next day
you get up and you go on, youknow, you do that over and over
and over again.
It's sort of like the self,self-confidence, and you know,
and so when so I so let me tellyou, so that was great
preparation for the ups anddowns of real estate, because it

(15:28):
can things can your deal canfall apart, and there's not you
know, it's not there's nothingyou can do.
There are so many people in areal estate deal that and but
you're responsible for it, soyou know that's hard.
So you just you know it's gonnaget better, you know, you're
gonna figure it out, you know,you're gonna get through it and
all of that.
Plus, having, you know, like atherapy background, being a

(15:52):
single mom, finding myselfsomewhat marginalized for a long
period of time.
I have a ton of empathy, andthat's what I always wanted to
do because the one of thereasons I I was pursuing art
therapy was because, you know,with going, you know, anyone
who's gone through a divorceknows it's terrible, it's

(16:13):
painful, you know, all of thethings, trauma, whatever.
You want to take that pain andturn it into something positive.
And that's kind of that's what Iwas trying to do.
I was on the track, but thenjust got too overwhelmed and had
to quit and got knocked off.
But I feel like I've picked itback up again, you know, like

(16:33):
this is what I can use myempathy for, this is what I can
use my soft skills for, this iswhat I love all people.
I'm curious about all people.
It doesn't matter who you are orhow much money you have or don't
have or whatever.
It, you know, that's I thinkthat's at the heart of it.
And I think if you just focus onthat, then everything else will

(16:54):
follow.
That's beautiful.
So you did get a house.

SPEAKER_00 (16:56):
Yes.
So is it in Roundhill though?
Is it in the No, it's inHarper's Ferry, West Virginia.
Oh my gosh, how fun!

SPEAKER_01 (17:01):
Yes, it is, it is.
I love it.
And that's like just this year,actually.
So it took a while.
Congratulations.
Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 (17:09):
Thank you so much.
And the kids, I'm sure, lovehaving well, they do.

SPEAKER_01 (17:13):
My kids are so funny though.

SPEAKER_00 (17:14):
They're like, they're kind of shrug.
You think they're excited?
We got our home.
I had a huge yard.
I'm like, look at all this, andthey're like in their rooms
playing.
I'm like for the love of God.

SPEAKER_01 (17:25):
I know.
I know.
But um for like for me, as longas that's fine.
Like a shrug is fine.
I'm like, good, that good.
Acknowledgement.
Yes, acknowledgement.
If you're not, if you don't hateit, if this isn't stressing you
out, if we can continue like onour same schedule and routine,
which would happen.

unknown (17:44):
It's all weird.

SPEAKER_00 (17:44):
Yeah, I love that.
Exactly.
Um, so what advice would youhave?
I and let me know if you feelcomfortable with this, but
essentially what advice wouldyou give to parents
specifically, whether it'ssingle moms or mom and dad who
do have kids who have differenthealth issues as they're trying
to either have work thatfull-time job, balance it.

(18:07):
Cause I know, because I havefriends who go through it, it's
hard when you feel like you'reby yourself.
Is there a community?
Is there outreach?
Like what advice would you give?

SPEAKER_01 (18:16):
Yes, that's the that's a really, really good
question.
So, number one, I have a verysupportive partner right now,
which is awesome.
So I don't ever feel like I'malone.
So he's willing to pick up someof the slack of the things that
need to be done.
And he loves grocery shopping.
And so diet is a big part oflike the health stuff.

(18:37):
So he's all he's 100% on boardwith finding things that are
gonna help them.
The community, yes.
I would most I think theprobably the best uh feel-good
conversation I've had withanyone recently uh was a broker

(18:58):
I met and had coffee with, andshe had similar health problems,
and so did her kids.
And that felt amazing to talk tosomeone, because most people
don't know what you're talkingabout.
And you're or they or it's kindof a thing where they're like,
you know, you can, I don't know,you like your kids are like
they're tired a lot.
So, like, oh you're gonna stoppushing your kids, or they're

(19:20):
tired, or they're they're lazy,or they're why aren't they doing
sports?
You know, it's like all thoseweird things, and nobody gets
it.
It's just real specific.
But she did.
So, yes, community, find someoneor find a community.
Um, I I have really helpful umthings that I follow on socials.

(19:41):
So there's a there's a NorthernVirginia, they call them zebras,
zebras group for kids withailers down loss and other like
problems.
They call like also likespoonies is a term, but I don't
I feel like that that sounds tooextreme sometimes.
So anyway, so yes, um, socialmedia communities, find a

(20:01):
friend, find support, supportivepartner helps a ton.
But also, you know, like thisdoesn't this, you know, I'm here
and I'm doing this stuff andit's still hard a lot.
It's not like I'm at the top ofthe mountain and I have made it
and everything is fine.
It's you know, it took, it tooka long time, and of course, like
a lot of fails and a lot of alot of relationship fails, a lot

(20:25):
of obviously like job fails andstress and things to get here.
But there's always but likethose social media groups are
always there and they're they'rereally helpful.
Like there's a chat where peopletalk about doctors and things
like that.
So that's been really great.
And uh I was gonna say one morething about that.

SPEAKER_00 (20:46):
No, I don't remember when it is.
You know, it's something that'sinteresting though, is as you
were talking about the the jobsand the transitions, you had to
have enough faith andoverconfidence, overconfidence,
right?
You had to be able to like takethat leap and to put some trust

(21:07):
in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 (21:08):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (21:08):
Which is hard for a lot of people, which is why they
stay stuck, I think.

SPEAKER_01 (21:11):
Yes.
I would say, and thank you forbringing that up, because the
number one piece of advice thatI would give to anyone is to
trust yourself, especiallywomen, because I think it's a
default that we don't for somereason.
I don't I don't know if youknow, I don't know if that's
society, it's biological.

(21:32):
Sometimes I feel like estrogenis an evil thing.
Why do I feel like it makes ushate ourselves and why is that?
That's not fair.
So I think just uh by default,you it's it is important to
trust yourself and uh just trustyour intuition.
Trust yourself, you don't haveto be overconfident, but listen

(21:54):
to your intuition for sure.

SPEAKER_00 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah.
Sometimes it's like it's okay tojump first and trust that there
is gonna be a net.
Yes.
And responsibly jump, obviously,but but sometimes we just don't
feel that we have that safetynet, especially as moms.

SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
That's right.
Because it's not just us.
Well, and the trust yourselfgoes back to that self-worth
versus self-confidence.
The more you trust yourself, themore self-worth you're gonna
have.
And I think, and thank you fortaking me back here too, because
I think that the one key thing II learned from being in that
corporate culture for so long,and just there, and you know, by

(22:34):
no really fault of it, they'rejust because I was there needing
a paycheck and stability.
There's no lane for me, really.
So it's like you're always atthe bottom of the competence
hierarchy.
But I also learned like youcan't let anybody else, no
matter who it is, determine yourvalue.
You have to determine yourvalue.

(22:56):
Don't let your job determineyour value.
You know, somebody else uh don'tlet the hierarchy at work
determine your value.
That is not your worth.
Your worth is trust yours,trusting yourself, caring about
yourself, having your own back,so to speak.
Or as I heard Chelsea Handler onas I follow her on my Instagram,

(23:18):
I've heard her say, have yourown back and trust yourself and
determine your own self-worth.
Because what you I and one ofthe things is like, what do I
what I go to work and see everyday isn't necessarily what I
like I know what my potentialcan be, but there's really no
place to express that here.

(23:40):
Another thing that was happeningduring that 2020 time, I was re
I was well not re-watching, butI'd never watched Game of
Thrones.
So I was watching, I waswatching that, and Daenerys
Targaryen was like a hugeinspiration for a lot of my
decisions.
So I made it.
Fill me in.

SPEAKER_00 (23:56):
I haven't watched Game of Thrones.

SPEAKER_01 (23:58):
Okay, well, she's she uh uh she's mother of
dragons, so she comes from aline of people who they have
dragon blood, and so they cankind of communicate with them,
and so she rides a dragon aroundand she is leading these people
into battle, and like she'sgiving pep talks from the back

(24:19):
of a dragon, and people call hermother, and like she frees all
these people from slavery, sothen they like they love her and
they come fight for her, and allof these things, but like her,
and she has like all of theselike like epic one-liners, like
um, well, I will do what queensdo, I will rule, you know, like
all these things, you know, liketo walk around repeating stuff

(24:42):
like yes, but like but post itin my notes, you know, like the
memes of that, and then look atit and and kind of like the
whole symbolism because she'slike like she rose from these
ashes to become who she is, andall of these things.
And so I'm like, yeah, well, I'mnot you know, I could I I have a

(25:03):
I got a little dragonist targetand a little bit, yes, yes.
So you can kind of use like thatimaginal world for inspiration,
not that I I have it, you know,I don't ride a dragon.
I was gonna say my conqueredanything, but I'm like if it
takes that big of a push.

SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
You've kind of you've kind of you your own
dragons, right?
Like your own battles and yourown like if we want to.
I love metaphors and analogiesand all that stuff.
And it's like everybody kind ofhas their own battles that
they're dealing with.
They do.
We do need to be able to get onour dragon and rule like a

(25:44):
queen.
Yes, yes, absolutely, a hundredpercent.
I love that.
That's a that's so fun.
That's such a fun story.
Is there anything else you wouldlike to touch on or any pieces
of advice that you would like toshare before we wrap it up?

SPEAKER_01 (25:59):
No, just no, I think I think we covered it all.
Just trust yourself, yeah, andkeep going.
Yeah.
Trust yourself and keep ongoing.

SPEAKER_00 (26:11):
Keep swimming, like the what is that finding email?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, exactly.
Thank you so much for being onthe episode today and for
trusting yourself for showing uptoday and to tell your story.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.