August 24, 2020 • 35 mins
Has the soundtrack of silence conditioned the body to experience trauma before sleep? Is it the silence, not the sleep that you might be struggling with?
In this episode I explore silence as the setting for sleep, your relationship to silence, what to do with it, and the concept of being more present with silence in order to be more present to sleep.
If you would like to read the transcript for this episode, check it out here!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to the art of falling asleep.
I'm Derek Lacey and insomniacoach.
I created this podcast.
Insomnia that's could have aspace to come and feel.
I feel like I know you couldshare some concepts that I wish
people had shared concepts thatintegrate sleep with every
aspect of your life.
(00:26):
Physical, emotional, andspiritual.
I believe sleep is not me.
Any other sleep are the oddestartifact and sleep is your
canvas.
And I want to help you expressyourself using the insights from
my sleep coaching practice andmy own journey out of the sound
(00:48):
and by sharing transmissions,that help you bridge the way you
experience life better.
[inaudible] welcome to episodenumber four, which I am calling
(01:09):
weird silence.
Could you feel that weirdness inthat silence?
Yes.
Silence is weird.
Silence has become weird.
And if you struggle with fallingasleep, the soundtrack of
silence can feel reallyunpleasant for an insomniac.
(01:32):
It sounds like the jawssoundtrack, where with a non
insomniac, it's like listeningto chariots of fire.
I'm guessing you've probablynever thought about sleep is
having a soundtrack.
And that's because thesoundtrack is more like the
score that's underneath thoselittle moments in the movie
(01:52):
where you don't even notice thatthere's music because you are so
focused on the story and theactors, but you would notice it
if it were taken out when wefall asleep, it's like that it's
quiet, but it's not silent.
(02:15):
So this episode is about takingthat gap that exists between
what really is absolute silence,which we rarely experience.
And then that comfortable levelof noise that we require to fall
asleep.
(02:36):
And just taking that gap, thatbeautiful soundtrack and getting
more comfortable with it.
The dictionary defines silenceas the absence of sound.
And so I think this is one ofthose words that we've taken and
then taken too much Liberty.
(02:57):
We've been too gratuitous withthe meaning of the word.
And we label moments as silentthat are actually not void of
sound.
So it's like, we've beenprogrammed to categorize moments
with faint sound as silence whenthey really aren't silent.
(03:25):
And then consequently delete thesound and noise that fills the
space that we live our lives in.
Right?
So it's like we can, we can justwalk down the street and not
feel or hear the natural noisethat's being created by life.
(03:51):
One of the things that I'velearned about, about sleep and
what has led me to this, toexamining a concept, I want to
introduce to you, which isessentially kind of reexamining
how we use silence in theformula of falling asleep.
(04:12):
But the thing that led me hereis how active sleep is.
It makes sense to me that wedon't fall asleep to silence
because sleep is so active thatit would jolt us awake.
(04:35):
The moment that we went fromabsolute silence to sleep, you
have gravity, that's signalinghormones to release.
And then, you know, the body'sgoing into repair mode and
there's, there's this level ofmagnetism that's created between
the earth in our brains.
(04:58):
It's like just sucking the sleepout of your pineal gland.
And simultaneously we have themagnetic pool from the moon, and
then there's this, um, thispart, I don't know how
scientific it is, but there'sthis like pool from the opposite
side of the planet.
That's, you know, waking up anddrinking coffee and doing
(05:22):
whatever they do, you know,silence, we're really part of
the sleep formula.
Then all these things that, thatare true to the nature of, of
the planet would actually bedisturbing our sleep.
And I know that's not the way itwas designed to be.
(05:44):
I know that's not the way it is.
So back to silence like thatdefinition to, to really
experience true silence, youalmost have to manipulate sound
or be in a rare space on theearth, or like jumping a cave,
(06:05):
be in a body of water.
That's surrounded by a Valley.
Even when that happens.
True silence would almostrequire that you become
separated from yourself becauseyou are a body of activity.
And there sound in that the onetime, the one time that I
(06:28):
experienced extreme silence was,was in a, um, a saltwater
floating tank.
It's a meditative space for youwhere you just lay down and, and
the there's like a thousandpounds of salt in the water, and
this causes you to float.
And then you put an ear plugs sothat the water doesn't go into
(06:51):
your ears.
And it just creates this likeit's, it's daunting.
Um, and it's kind of spooky, youknow, it's, I know people that
have floated before and quittheir session because the
silence was so scary.
(07:13):
So it turns out that a lot ofpeople just don't know what to
do with silence.
And I think this is becausewe've become too loose with the
definition.
And this has bled into theconcept of needing silence to
(07:34):
fall asleep while simultaneouslybeing uncomfortable with
silence.
So it's like, we need this thingto fall asleep that we don't
like.
And now there's this antagonistprotagonist dynamic that's built
into our sleep systems thatdoesn't really need to be there.
(08:00):
And it doesn't need to be therebecause it turns out that sleep
is a rock concert.
Sleep is really loud, but thefrequencies that surround sleep
are not what you would normallythink of as loud because they
(08:21):
take place below what has becomethe average volume of life.
So most people don't realizethat there's a soundtrack there
and being able to hear thatsoundtrack and appreciate it is
much like learning how toappreciate good jazz.
(08:47):
And when you can do that, thatis what you call being in the
present moment.
This concept can take thatantagonist protagonist dynamic
(09:09):
of needing silence while alsotrying to avoid silence and take
those characters and kind of putthem in tune with each other.
It create, create a harmony fromthat relationship.
(09:32):
When you can't hear that jazz,I'm calling it when you, when
you don't realize that what youtypically experience as silence
actually has sound, then silenceis uncomfortable and you don't
(09:53):
know what to do with yourself tobe present.
We need noise.
We need something to hold on to.
It's like standing on a subway,that's moving, right?
Like you need to hold onto somematter so that you don't fall so
that you have something to dowith yourself.
(10:15):
So it turns out that 99% of thetime there is noise.
When you're falling asleep,there is noise.
We are energy machines withbeating hearts and trillions of
busy cells.
And we experience the presence.
That's necessary to sleep byattaching to the noise we
(10:38):
attached by going inward, we godeeper.
We go inside.
Cause that's where we knowthere's volume.
When we run out of topicalnoise, we turn up the volume
within us.
And then it's, it's likecreating a, like a waterfall of
presence.
It's like a chocolate waterfallof presence.
(11:03):
The reason that this concept isso important for you is that in
the experience of insomnia,there is a correlation between
silence and being awake.
The more time that you've spentin insomnia, the more that
(11:24):
silence is associated with pain.
It essentially creates a levelof trauma that is related to
what may have caused yourinsomnia in the first place.
So the more time and insomnia,the more weary you grow of
(11:46):
silence.
And then the more you try toavoid it.
And so by avoiding it, yourbaseline silence is constantly
getting louder to avoid thesilence that in some cases could
feel like trauma.
So there's this negativeassociation to silence that has
(12:09):
made you numb to the soundtrack.
That's naturally played on theway to sleep in.
This is the case everywhere.
Silence has just gotten louderfor everybody.
Not just insomniacs.
If you went back in time, if youwent to your local downtown and
(12:32):
then typed in the year, like1950 with, with the same amount
of people there with the samedensity, I'm, I'm betting that
you would be shocked at how muchquieter it was.
As things get louder.
I think silence gets moreawkward.
It gets weirder, right?
(12:54):
When I think about weirdsilence, I think about silence
in an elevator or in aconversation where you don't
know where to go.
I think about being like at anightclub where the music just
all of a sudden stops and all ofa sudden the setting is
(13:16):
completely different and itfeels really awkward.
We've become so conditioned tonoise that our lives have become
like a game of hide and seekwhere silence is.
It.
I had a moment the other daythat's that's reoccurring, and
(13:39):
it felt like this game of hideand seek.
I had been driving on thehighway for about five hours
and, you know, after listeningto a couple of podcasts and some
of my favorite playlists and alittle bit of the radio, I just
couldn't handle any more noise.
(14:01):
So I turned off the stereo onlyto turn it on without even
thinking about it.
I turned it back on like twominutes later and right as I
turned it on, I realized that Ihad like violated the contract
that I drew up with myself.
And so I just, I found myselfbothered by the sound and then
(14:27):
bothered by the silence.
There is this moment where itwas like, I just can't win here.
And it turned into me drivingwhile restless.
I was just restless not knowinghow to fill the space.
And it felt like I was in a trapuntil I realized, Oh my God, I'm
(14:50):
driving a truck at 75 miles perhour.
It's a two lane highway.
So I've got cars coming theother way, you know, on top of
this, there's, there's a ton ofdeer.
And so there's this moment whereI realized there was so much
going on yet.
(15:11):
I was perceiving that moment ashaving nothing to do when I
realized that there was so muchto be present to, I realized how
loud and busy the moment that Iwas perceiving as too silent
(15:32):
really was what I think happensin the case of falling asleep is
that before sleep is really partof the story, we go through this
cycle of silence that mostpeople don't know what to do
(15:54):
with.
And if you're an insomniac,there is this subconscious
trauma like association beingmade between that silence and
the pain of being awake.
(16:15):
So the tendency is to use noiseas the window, as the window
into sleep, the televisionmusic, white noise, guided
meditations, maybe even yourthoughts, something has to fill
(16:37):
that void.
So what if your thoughts fillingthat void is just your body's
resistance to sleep.
And it's defense mechanismagainst this weird silence.
And if your thoughts are just areason, your body, your mind is
(17:03):
using to avoid weird silence,then then trying to quiet your
mind to fall asleep is justfighting yourself.
You're consciously trying toforce silence on his
subconscious.
That's absolutely terrified ofit.
(17:23):
And of course, you're going tostruggle with that.
That's really out of concept.
So what I really like about thisconcept of getting to know that
soundtrack that we otherwiseexperienced to silence is that
(17:44):
you can practice this wheneveryou want.
You can practice this whileyou're awake.
This concept takes the focusaway from sleep and focuses on
silence.
Instead, learning how to listento the soundtrack and then form
(18:07):
positive associations that overtime create a new path.
It's a new wiring in the brainthat say, Oh, here's that, that
moment of silence, that proceedssleep.
Let's take this old song thatwas there.
And we are going to add somemore pleasant instruments.
(18:33):
So that's the concept.
And before you, you practicethis before you put this into
action, you have to askyourself, does this resonate?
It has to resonate becauseconcepts aren't tricks.
(18:56):
Concepts are like subscriptions.
You aren't trying this to fallasleep.
As much as you are subscribingto it as a principle of how
sleep works.
The test for me, the reason, thereason I use this concept is
(19:21):
because it feels good to mynervous system.
And so when I take a quietmoment, a moment that most
people would classify assilence.
And I listen for the noise.
I listened for the music.
It feels good everywhere.
When I tap into the noise, it'sactually there.
(19:45):
It's, it's like I'm debunkingsilence and feeling my nervous
system get hugged.
But on the other hand, when Iexperience silence, that really
has noise as absolute silence.
(20:06):
Then I get impatient.
It's unnerving because then theonly place to go from here is
louder, right?
The law of averages says, Oh,well this is absolute silence.
So it's only natural toanticipate noise is on its way.
(20:32):
And really, if I had to definewhat insomnia feels like when
going to sleep, it feels likeexpecting the unexpected.
It's like, it's too silent to betrue.
Like it's too good to be true.
(20:53):
It's like, this is too silenceto be true.
So there must be somethingcoming that I'm not expecting.
There just has to be.
When I, when I first startedsleeping, well, one of the
tactics I used was sitting onthe couch until I felt sleepy
(21:18):
enough to then get into bed.
This is a classic cognitivebehavioral technique where, you
know, spending as little time inbed as possible helps your
subconscious mind make apositive correlation between
being in bed and being asleep.
(21:42):
You don't want your body toexperience awakeness while
you're in bed, right?
The less you can do that, thebetter, but I'll, I'll be
honest.
I've never really liked thisconcept.
I've, I've always found it to bea bit forceful and hard to do
because it actually puts morepressure on having to fall
(22:06):
asleep.
Cause it feels like there's ameter running and the more it
runs, the more it takes awayfrom your confidence to sleep.
So I find that it actually doesthe opposite of what it's
supposed to do and can directyour subconscious mind to
accidentally focusing on beingawake.
(22:28):
There is logic in it.
I just think it could be better.
And that's what I ultimatelyembrace about this concept of
getting comfortable with silenceversus waiting until you're
sleepy enough to go to bed.
I embrace the idea that you cantake the same behavior, like
(22:48):
sitting on the couch or thefloor or wherever, just not in
bed and practicing yourrelationship to silence while
taking sleep out of theequation, right?
It's it's not at this point,it's not asleep issue.
There is no issue.
(23:09):
There's nothing.
There's nothing to, nothing tosee here other than you
practicing this really coolmoment that can only help.
All that can happen is that youlearn how to tune into that
chocolaty jazzy soundtrack ofsilence, insomnia from this
(23:37):
concept is just like watching amovie without having the
appropriate in the background.
Imagine how lame the Supermanmovies would be without the
music that's there.
Every time Clark Kent turnedinto Superman.
(24:02):
So what if one of thefundamental processes of getting
better at falling asleep is justtaking a soundtrack that doesn't
belong there that you didn'teven realize was there and then
changing the radio station.
(24:22):
That makes more sense to me thananything else.
And there's no risk tocontemplating that none.
So this is the, this is thetakeaway from this episode.
The question I want to ask youis how comfortable are you with
(24:47):
silence?
How often do you experiencemoments of silence that are
similar to the silence youexperience while going to bed?
And then when you have thesemoments, what do you do with
them?
(25:07):
Are you like me on the highwayconstantly needing to replace
that silence with noise or doyou embrace it?
And are those moments, is thatmoment right before bed, the
(25:28):
first time that you experiencedthat all day.
So are there, are there severalmoments perhaps that you could
create to actually practicesilence, where you can identify
the silence that takes place?
What you experienced is thesilence taking place before bed
(25:50):
and then relate to it as a songthat you recognize, you know,
maybe that that soundtrack hascreated by the hum of your fan
or air conditioner, or, youknow, if you go really inward
and deep, it's created by thebuzzing of the earth, that's
rotating and the magnetismthat's there and understand what
(26:18):
that sounds like.
Feel it, that way you canidentify it in your days awake
and then start to build rapportwith it.
And then practice embracing thatsoundtrack of silence with zero
expectation of, of sleep oranything else, zero expectation
(26:45):
outside of just creating apleasant experience.
So this could look like takingfive minutes to sit with that
silence and or the sound rather,and just be with it, be with
yourself, measure beforehand,your feeling of wellbeing on a
(27:09):
scale of one to 10, then bealone with that music, doing
whatever feels natural, whateverit takes to take it down a notch
so that when you're done withthat music, listening to that
(27:31):
silence, you just feel a littlebit better.
That's all you have to do.
I'd love for you to feel whatit's like to be held captive by
what you might normallyexperience as weird silence.
(27:52):
And instead of listen for thebeautiful notes that are there.
And if you hear nothing, if youdon't know what that, and what
I'm talking about, if you don'thear anything, remember this is
where you can go deeper andinward.
This is where the music is.
(28:12):
This is where you find thesoundtrack that replaces the
other distracting noise is thetelevision, the audio that are
perhaps just trying to help youavoid the silence, the silence,
(28:38):
that's actually your ticket tothis beautiful music to the
soundtrack.
That over time is going totransform your experience.
If you can get more comfortablein that gap, in those moments of
(29:04):
beautiful silence, withbeautiful music, then you will
get really good at practicingbalance and presence.
How amazing would that be ifsleeping better was possible
just by nurturing yourrelationship to sound and
(29:25):
getting to know that music andbetween true, absolute silence
and the sounds that we create tohelp us sleep better.
I think it would be reallyamazing.
And I also think it's possible.
(30:27):
[inaudible].
Welcome to the art of falling asleep.
I'm Derek Lacey and insomniacoach.
I created this podcast.
Insomnia that's could have aspace to come and feel.
I feel like I know you couldshare some concepts that I wish
people had shared concepts thatintegrate sleep with every
aspect of your life.
(00:26):
Physical, emotional, andspiritual.
I believe sleep is not me.
Any other sleep are the oddestartifact and sleep is your
canvas.
And I want to help you expressyourself using the insights from
my sleep coaching practice andmy own journey out of the sound
(00:48):
and by sharing transmissions,that help you bridge the way you
experience life better.
[inaudible] welcome to episodenumber four, which I am calling
(01:09):
weird silence.
Could you feel that weirdness inthat silence?
Yes.
Silence is weird.
Silence has become weird.
And if you struggle with fallingasleep, the soundtrack of
silence can feel reallyunpleasant for an insomniac.
(01:32):
It sounds like the jawssoundtrack, where with a non
insomniac, it's like listeningto chariots of fire.
I'm guessing you've probablynever thought about sleep is
having a soundtrack.
And that's because thesoundtrack is more like the
score that's underneath thoselittle moments in the movie
(01:52):
where you don't even notice thatthere's music because you are so
focused on the story and theactors, but you would notice it
if it were taken out when wefall asleep, it's like that it's
quiet, but it's not silent.
(02:15):
So this episode is about takingthat gap that exists between
what really is absolute silence,which we rarely experience.
And then that comfortable levelof noise that we require to fall
asleep.
(02:36):
And just taking that gap, thatbeautiful soundtrack and getting
more comfortable with it.
The dictionary defines silenceas the absence of sound.
And so I think this is one ofthose words that we've taken and
then taken too much Liberty.
(02:57):
We've been too gratuitous withthe meaning of the word.
And we label moments as silentthat are actually not void of
sound.
So it's like, we've beenprogrammed to categorize moments
with faint sound as silence whenthey really aren't silent.
(03:25):
And then consequently delete thesound and noise that fills the
space that we live our lives in.
Right?
So it's like we can, we can justwalk down the street and not
feel or hear the natural noisethat's being created by life.
(03:51):
One of the things that I'velearned about, about sleep and
what has led me to this, toexamining a concept, I want to
introduce to you, which isessentially kind of reexamining
how we use silence in theformula of falling asleep.
(04:12):
But the thing that led me hereis how active sleep is.
It makes sense to me that wedon't fall asleep to silence
because sleep is so active thatit would jolt us awake.
(04:35):
The moment that we went fromabsolute silence to sleep, you
have gravity, that's signalinghormones to release.
And then, you know, the body'sgoing into repair mode and
there's, there's this level ofmagnetism that's created between
the earth in our brains.
(04:58):
It's like just sucking the sleepout of your pineal gland.
And simultaneously we have themagnetic pool from the moon, and
then there's this, um, thispart, I don't know how
scientific it is, but there'sthis like pool from the opposite
side of the planet.
That's, you know, waking up anddrinking coffee and doing
(05:22):
whatever they do, you know,silence, we're really part of
the sleep formula.
Then all these things that, thatare true to the nature of, of
the planet would actually bedisturbing our sleep.
And I know that's not the way itwas designed to be.
(05:44):
I know that's not the way it is.
So back to silence like thatdefinition to, to really
experience true silence, youalmost have to manipulate sound
or be in a rare space on theearth, or like jumping a cave,
(06:05):
be in a body of water.
That's surrounded by a Valley.
Even when that happens.
True silence would almostrequire that you become
separated from yourself becauseyou are a body of activity.
And there sound in that the onetime, the one time that I
(06:28):
experienced extreme silence was,was in a, um, a saltwater
floating tank.
It's a meditative space for youwhere you just lay down and, and
the there's like a thousandpounds of salt in the water, and
this causes you to float.
And then you put an ear plugs sothat the water doesn't go into
(06:51):
your ears.
And it just creates this likeit's, it's daunting.
Um, and it's kind of spooky, youknow, it's, I know people that
have floated before and quittheir session because the
silence was so scary.
(07:13):
So it turns out that a lot ofpeople just don't know what to
do with silence.
And I think this is becausewe've become too loose with the
definition.
And this has bled into theconcept of needing silence to
(07:34):
fall asleep while simultaneouslybeing uncomfortable with
silence.
So it's like, we need this thingto fall asleep that we don't
like.
And now there's this antagonistprotagonist dynamic that's built
into our sleep systems thatdoesn't really need to be there.
(08:00):
And it doesn't need to be therebecause it turns out that sleep
is a rock concert.
Sleep is really loud, but thefrequencies that surround sleep
are not what you would normallythink of as loud because they
(08:21):
take place below what has becomethe average volume of life.
So most people don't realizethat there's a soundtrack there
and being able to hear thatsoundtrack and appreciate it is
much like learning how toappreciate good jazz.
(08:47):
And when you can do that, thatis what you call being in the
present moment.
This concept can take thatantagonist protagonist dynamic
(09:09):
of needing silence while alsotrying to avoid silence and take
those characters and kind of putthem in tune with each other.
It create, create a harmony fromthat relationship.
(09:32):
When you can't hear that jazz,I'm calling it when you, when
you don't realize that what youtypically experience as silence
actually has sound, then silenceis uncomfortable and you don't
(09:53):
know what to do with yourself tobe present.
We need noise.
We need something to hold on to.
It's like standing on a subway,that's moving, right?
Like you need to hold onto somematter so that you don't fall so
that you have something to dowith yourself.
(10:15):
So it turns out that 99% of thetime there is noise.
When you're falling asleep,there is noise.
We are energy machines withbeating hearts and trillions of
busy cells.
And we experience the presence.
That's necessary to sleep byattaching to the noise we
(10:38):
attached by going inward, we godeeper.
We go inside.
Cause that's where we knowthere's volume.
When we run out of topicalnoise, we turn up the volume
within us.
And then it's, it's likecreating a, like a waterfall of
presence.
It's like a chocolate waterfallof presence.
(11:03):
The reason that this concept isso important for you is that in
the experience of insomnia,there is a correlation between
silence and being awake.
The more time that you've spentin insomnia, the more that
(11:24):
silence is associated with pain.
It essentially creates a levelof trauma that is related to
what may have caused yourinsomnia in the first place.
So the more time and insomnia,the more weary you grow of
(11:46):
silence.
And then the more you try toavoid it.
And so by avoiding it, yourbaseline silence is constantly
getting louder to avoid thesilence that in some cases could
feel like trauma.
So there's this negativeassociation to silence that has
(12:09):
made you numb to the soundtrack.
That's naturally played on theway to sleep in.
This is the case everywhere.
Silence has just gotten louderfor everybody.
Not just insomniacs.
If you went back in time, if youwent to your local downtown and
(12:32):
then typed in the year, like1950 with, with the same amount
of people there with the samedensity, I'm, I'm betting that
you would be shocked at how muchquieter it was.
As things get louder.
I think silence gets moreawkward.
It gets weirder, right?
(12:54):
When I think about weirdsilence, I think about silence
in an elevator or in aconversation where you don't
know where to go.
I think about being like at anightclub where the music just
all of a sudden stops and all ofa sudden the setting is
(13:16):
completely different and itfeels really awkward.
We've become so conditioned tonoise that our lives have become
like a game of hide and seekwhere silence is.
It.
I had a moment the other daythat's that's reoccurring, and
(13:39):
it felt like this game of hideand seek.
I had been driving on thehighway for about five hours
and, you know, after listeningto a couple of podcasts and some
of my favorite playlists and alittle bit of the radio, I just
couldn't handle any more noise.
(14:01):
So I turned off the stereo onlyto turn it on without even
thinking about it.
I turned it back on like twominutes later and right as I
turned it on, I realized that Ihad like violated the contract
that I drew up with myself.
And so I just, I found myselfbothered by the sound and then
(14:27):
bothered by the silence.
There is this moment where itwas like, I just can't win here.
And it turned into me drivingwhile restless.
I was just restless not knowinghow to fill the space.
And it felt like I was in a trapuntil I realized, Oh my God, I'm
(14:50):
driving a truck at 75 miles perhour.
It's a two lane highway.
So I've got cars coming theother way, you know, on top of
this, there's, there's a ton ofdeer.
And so there's this moment whereI realized there was so much
going on yet.
(15:11):
I was perceiving that moment ashaving nothing to do when I
realized that there was so muchto be present to, I realized how
loud and busy the moment that Iwas perceiving as too silent
(15:32):
really was what I think happensin the case of falling asleep is
that before sleep is really partof the story, we go through this
cycle of silence that mostpeople don't know what to do
(15:54):
with.
And if you're an insomniac,there is this subconscious
trauma like association beingmade between that silence and
the pain of being awake.
(16:15):
So the tendency is to use noiseas the window, as the window
into sleep, the televisionmusic, white noise, guided
meditations, maybe even yourthoughts, something has to fill
(16:37):
that void.
So what if your thoughts fillingthat void is just your body's
resistance to sleep.
And it's defense mechanismagainst this weird silence.
And if your thoughts are just areason, your body, your mind is
(17:03):
using to avoid weird silence,then then trying to quiet your
mind to fall asleep is justfighting yourself.
You're consciously trying toforce silence on his
subconscious.
That's absolutely terrified ofit.
(17:23):
And of course, you're going tostruggle with that.
That's really out of concept.
So what I really like about thisconcept of getting to know that
soundtrack that we otherwiseexperienced to silence is that
(17:44):
you can practice this wheneveryou want.
You can practice this whileyou're awake.
This concept takes the focusaway from sleep and focuses on
silence.
Instead, learning how to listento the soundtrack and then form
(18:07):
positive associations that overtime create a new path.
It's a new wiring in the brainthat say, Oh, here's that, that
moment of silence, that proceedssleep.
Let's take this old song thatwas there.
And we are going to add somemore pleasant instruments.
(18:33):
So that's the concept.
And before you, you practicethis before you put this into
action, you have to askyourself, does this resonate?
It has to resonate becauseconcepts aren't tricks.
(18:56):
Concepts are like subscriptions.
You aren't trying this to fallasleep.
As much as you are subscribingto it as a principle of how
sleep works.
The test for me, the reason, thereason I use this concept is
(19:21):
because it feels good to mynervous system.
And so when I take a quietmoment, a moment that most
people would classify assilence.
And I listen for the noise.
I listened for the music.
It feels good everywhere.
When I tap into the noise, it'sactually there.
(19:45):
It's, it's like I'm debunkingsilence and feeling my nervous
system get hugged.
But on the other hand, when Iexperience silence, that really
has noise as absolute silence.
(20:06):
Then I get impatient.
It's unnerving because then theonly place to go from here is
louder, right?
The law of averages says, Oh,well this is absolute silence.
So it's only natural toanticipate noise is on its way.
(20:32):
And really, if I had to definewhat insomnia feels like when
going to sleep, it feels likeexpecting the unexpected.
It's like, it's too silent to betrue.
Like it's too good to be true.
(20:53):
It's like, this is too silenceto be true.
So there must be somethingcoming that I'm not expecting.
There just has to be.
When I, when I first startedsleeping, well, one of the
tactics I used was sitting onthe couch until I felt sleepy
(21:18):
enough to then get into bed.
This is a classic cognitivebehavioral technique where, you
know, spending as little time inbed as possible helps your
subconscious mind make apositive correlation between
being in bed and being asleep.
(21:42):
You don't want your body toexperience awakeness while
you're in bed, right?
The less you can do that, thebetter, but I'll, I'll be
honest.
I've never really liked thisconcept.
I've, I've always found it to bea bit forceful and hard to do
because it actually puts morepressure on having to fall
(22:06):
asleep.
Cause it feels like there's ameter running and the more it
runs, the more it takes awayfrom your confidence to sleep.
So I find that it actually doesthe opposite of what it's
supposed to do and can directyour subconscious mind to
accidentally focusing on beingawake.
(22:28):
There is logic in it.
I just think it could be better.
And that's what I ultimatelyembrace about this concept of
getting comfortable with silenceversus waiting until you're
sleepy enough to go to bed.
I embrace the idea that you cantake the same behavior, like
(22:48):
sitting on the couch or thefloor or wherever, just not in
bed and practicing yourrelationship to silence while
taking sleep out of theequation, right?
It's it's not at this point,it's not asleep issue.
There is no issue.
(23:09):
There's nothing.
There's nothing to, nothing tosee here other than you
practicing this really coolmoment that can only help.
All that can happen is that youlearn how to tune into that
chocolaty jazzy soundtrack ofsilence, insomnia from this
(23:37):
concept is just like watching amovie without having the
appropriate in the background.
Imagine how lame the Supermanmovies would be without the
music that's there.
Every time Clark Kent turnedinto Superman.
(24:02):
So what if one of thefundamental processes of getting
better at falling asleep is justtaking a soundtrack that doesn't
belong there that you didn'teven realize was there and then
changing the radio station.
(24:22):
That makes more sense to me thananything else.
And there's no risk tocontemplating that none.
So this is the, this is thetakeaway from this episode.
The question I want to ask youis how comfortable are you with
(24:47):
silence?
How often do you experiencemoments of silence that are
similar to the silence youexperience while going to bed?
And then when you have thesemoments, what do you do with
them?
(25:07):
Are you like me on the highwayconstantly needing to replace
that silence with noise or doyou embrace it?
And are those moments, is thatmoment right before bed, the
(25:28):
first time that you experiencedthat all day.
So are there, are there severalmoments perhaps that you could
create to actually practicesilence, where you can identify
the silence that takes place?
What you experienced is thesilence taking place before bed
(25:50):
and then relate to it as a songthat you recognize, you know,
maybe that that soundtrack hascreated by the hum of your fan
or air conditioner, or, youknow, if you go really inward
and deep, it's created by thebuzzing of the earth, that's
rotating and the magnetismthat's there and understand what
(26:18):
that sounds like.
Feel it, that way you canidentify it in your days awake
and then start to build rapportwith it.
And then practice embracing thatsoundtrack of silence with zero
expectation of, of sleep oranything else, zero expectation
(26:45):
outside of just creating apleasant experience.
So this could look like takingfive minutes to sit with that
silence and or the sound rather,and just be with it, be with
yourself, measure beforehand,your feeling of wellbeing on a
(27:09):
scale of one to 10, then bealone with that music, doing
whatever feels natural, whateverit takes to take it down a notch
so that when you're done withthat music, listening to that
(27:31):
silence, you just feel a littlebit better.
That's all you have to do.
I'd love for you to feel whatit's like to be held captive by
what you might normallyexperience as weird silence.
(27:52):
And instead of listen for thebeautiful notes that are there.
And if you hear nothing, if youdon't know what that, and what
I'm talking about, if you don'thear anything, remember this is
where you can go deeper andinward.
This is where the music is.
(28:12):
This is where you find thesoundtrack that replaces the
other distracting noise is thetelevision, the audio that are
perhaps just trying to help youavoid the silence, the silence,
(28:38):
that's actually your ticket tothis beautiful music to the
soundtrack.
That over time is going totransform your experience.
If you can get more comfortablein that gap, in those moments of
(29:04):
beautiful silence, withbeautiful music, then you will
get really good at practicingbalance and presence.
How amazing would that be ifsleeping better was possible
just by nurturing yourrelationship to sound and
(29:25):
getting to know that music andbetween true, absolute silence
and the sounds that we create tohelp us sleep better.
I think it would be reallyamazing.
And I also think it's possible.
(30:27):
[inaudible].
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