Homemaking Rhythms | Jenn Darnold - The Art of Home: A Podcast for Homemakers

Episode Transcript
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Allison (00:01):
Have you established rhythms in your homemaking life?
At first glance rhythms, alsoknown as routines, can seem
restrictive, but the opposite isactually true. Today's Homemaker
Portrait explores how having settimes and seasons and our
homemaking frees our minds toremain focused on the "why" of
practicing The Art of Home.

(00:25):
Hello, homemakers, and welcometo season three of The Art of
Home Podcast, where we areexploring how homemakers
cultivate a place to belong. I'myour host, Allison Weeks. I'm a
wife,a mom,and I've beenpracticing the art of home for
over 29 years.
Thank you so much for tuninginto The Art of Home today. We

(00:46):
are thrilled to have you with usas we present another Homemaker
Portrait. That's what we'recalling this type of episode now
as we are making exciting plansto add some new types of
episodes to the podcast in 2022!We're still going to be doing
the homemaker stories that youhave come to know and love. And
we will round out our contentwith other offerings that also

(01:08):
focus on inspiring andencouraging you in your practice
of The Art of Home. Now that'sjust a little teaser, we will
have more information coming onthat in the very near future.
In today's episode, I'm chattingwith my friend Jenn Darnold,
about her practice of The Art ofHome. Throughout our
conversation, we kept comingback to the idea of establishing

(01:30):
rhythms to keep things simpleand focused on the why of home.
Rhythms are all around and evenwithin us. The sun, moon and
stars, the weather the tides,even the beating of our own
hearts remind us that we weremade to live and thrive in the
context of rhythms. Withoutrhythms we tend to flit from one

(01:51):
thing to the next, never landinglong enough to make an impact or
complete our endeavors. Withoutrhythms, we are easily
distracted and derailed in ourpractice of the art of home.
Rhythms are like guardrails,keeping you from ending up in
the ditches of distraction oroverwhelm. Over the years, Jenn
has learned how rhythms allowher to keep moving forward

(02:12):
toward the goal of herhomemaking; to cultivate "a
place of provision wherepeople's spiritual, emotional
and physical needs are beingmet." So whether you're filling
up the bird feeders or cleaningout the car, settle into a
rhythm as you enjoy Jenn's storyof home.

(02:33):
Alright, I'm here with my friendJenn. And Jenn, before we go
back to the beginning of yourstory of home, why don't you
tell us just a little bit aboutwho you are today.

Jenn (02:41):
Wonderful. Thanks, Allison. So my husband, Lee, and
I, we've been married about 24years. And we have two sons. Our
oldest is starting his sophomoreyear in college at Baylor
University in Waco. And ouryoungest is embarking on his
senior year of high school,starting all of the college

(03:03):
application process, figuringout what's next for him. And I
currently serve full time with aministry helping with their
leadership development efforts.

Allison (03:15):
Okay, do you have any hobbies?

Jenn (03:18):
You know, in this season of life, probably my main hobby
is reading. I love to read. Andso I actually probably have more
books at any given time than Ican get to. But if I can sneak
away and get some reading time,okay, fills me up.

Allison (03:33):
You're a girl after my own heart. I am a big reader. Do
you read fiction, nonfiction?
Both?

Jenn (03:39):
I read. I don't read a whole lot of fiction. And I
think that's just my personalitybent. So, you'll find me, if you
look at my current list oftitles, it's a lot of leadership
books, because that feeds intomy ministry work a lot of books
about you know, theology ordifferent things or biographies.

(04:02):
Usually on a practical reading.

Allison (04:04):
Okay,I'm gonna put you on the spot here just a little
bit. What's your favoritebiography that you've ever read?

Jenn (04:09):
Oh, that's a big question.
I think one of the ones fromrecent years that I loved was
Chuck Colson book about just thetransformation in his life and
what happened going from theWatergate scandal to starting
prison ministry. I just, I likestories about life change.

Allison (04:33):
Yeah, that was that was a dramatic life change.

Jenn (04:35):
Yes. Yeah. Good choice.
All right. So let's go back tothe beginning. When did you
first become a homemaker?
I think that's a great question.
I think initially, I thought Iwould answer, "Well in 1997 when
I got married," but as I thoughtmore about it, I really think
it's earlier than that probablyabout 1991, early 90s when I
first moved into a my firstapartment off campus with a

(05:00):
friend. Because all of a suddenthere, we had to do grocery
shopping and cook and we couldhost parties at our home. And so
really, that was probably thefirst time I was on my own. No
mom or grandma helping take careof things.

Allison (05:19):
Yes. And I love that you point that out because a
homemaker is anyone who hastheir own space that they
cultivate and take care of. So Imean, technically, you could be
a homemaker, even if you justrent a room in somebody's house.
So even as a teenager, thiscomes up a lot in our
conversations on this show,letting our kids sort of

(05:40):
decorate their own space so thatthey feel comfortable there.
They do their own littlehomemaking in their room.

Jenn (05:47):
Well, yeah, cuz home isn't just for married couples with
kids. I think we all have homes,whether you're single, married,
not married, kids, no kids. It'sthe place where you reside. And,
and there's so much value and inthat in how you create that
space, yeah.

Allison (06:06):
Did you have any skills when you first started
homemaking? Or were you justkind of thrown into the deep
end?

Jenn (06:11):
Yeah, I think a little of both. I think in some areas,
there were skills andothers-definitely not. But I
think just growing up in a homewhere my mom had me help her,
you know, with things. And mymom was a school teacher, and my
grandmother came over everymorning made us breakfast, she

(06:33):
helped keep our house up withour house and would make dinner.
So kinda had watched two womenwho has, you know, care for our
home. And so I learned thingsfrom them. And then also, I was
in Girl Scouts when I waslittle. And I feel like we did a
lot of like learning practicallife skills. Sure, through Girl
Scouts, too, but it's different.
I mean, when you're inelementary school, learning

(06:54):
those things versus young adultand having to do them for real.

Allison (07:00):
Yeah. So yeah, all those little patches that you
have to earn the little sewingpatch and the little cooking
patch.

Jenn (07:05):
Yeah, that the sewing patch was probably like my
highest point and sewing in mylife was was getting that patch
I haven't developed since then.

Allison (07:15):
Oh, well, that's okay.
Which skill was the steepestlearning curve for you? In
homemaking?

Jenn (07:21):
You know, I think for me, it was just how to organize it
all. Like, I feel likeespecially once I got married,
and then kids came around, and Iremember feeling a little
overwhelmed of how does this allfit together? Like there's all
these tasks that need to bedone. And I don't know how you
get to them all. So I wentthrough a lot of searching and

(07:45):
just asking friends, like how doyou organize your day? Like how
do you organize your week ofthings to get done in the home.
And that was really helpful forme to to come up with some sort
of schedule or plan that wouldwork for me. And it was
interesting, because I used towork full time in the accounting
world and then went part timewhen my sons were born. And I

(08:10):
really had a steeper curve, onceI was home, not working as much
to try to figure out how to fitit all together.

Allison (08:19):
I wonder that's interesting. Because was it that
because now you had this before,when you were working, you had a
limited amount of time withwhich to get it all done. And so
you had to sort of forceyourself to be very regimented.
So then when you came home, nowyou have this vaster, vaster,
that's not a word. But now youhave this vast amount of time?
[Yes]. In comparison.

Jenn (08:40):
Yeah. And I think more I think when I was working, before
kids came along, there was lessto do because kids weren't in
the picture. And I had to kindof pick and choose, right, you
know, these key things have toget done. But when kids came in
the picture, and I had thattime, but it was just a lot of
figuring out how to make surethings got done [Yeah], the key

(09:03):
things [Yeah].

Allison (09:05):
So that goes right into our next segment, which is all
about balance and resourcemanagement and challenges and
expectations. And you said youdid work outside the home. That
and I'm sorry, was that beforethe kids came?

Jenn (09:18):
That was before before kids came, I worked outside the
home and then when my firstborncame along, I went part time.
But I had a lot of help. I hadboth grandma's came for a day to
be at the house kind of likewhat I had growing up, the
grandmas would come and helpwith laundry and help with

(09:40):
cooking and. But then thesecond boy came along and the
plan didn't work so wellanymore. And I retired at that
time and the grandmas kind ofgot released from helping as
much and that's that's probablywhen too I had to figure out
more how to [right] to keep aschedule. And as I talked to

(10:02):
friends, one of the things thathelped me and this is just the
way my maybe my accounting brainworks is I had to have order.
And so I started setting up likeMonday in our house is known as
clean sheet day. And so thesheets are washed on Mondays,
because if I don't do that Iforget and I don't remember how
long has it been since thesehave been washed. And so when I

(10:24):
kind of got on a schedule andknew Tuesday was grocery
shopping day, Wednesday was thisday, and it didn't always work
out like that. But it helped mebring some peace, as I knew when
things were gonna get done[right].

Allison (10:39):
It brings peace in in the moment when it gets done,
and then actually movingforward, because it kind of
helps, it's almost like pillarsto just sort of help build the
rest of your schedule around.
[Yes] You know, so I know I needto set aside time on Tuesday
because I have to go to thegrocery store or go pick up the
order nowadays. Or on this day,this is my bathroom cleaning
day. So I need to make sure Ihave a little chunk of time set

(10:59):
aside.

Jenn (11:01):
Well, yeah, and that was that was another piece of it,
too, was just learning that itwas okay to like schedule things
related to my what I needed toget done in the home into my
calendar, just like anythingelse [right]. And I don't know
why that was a struggle atfirst. But I was I remember
being at, I went to a moms ofboys group back in the day,

(11:23):
because I did not know how toparent boys. And I remember one
of the older mentor moms, theretalking about how she did her
calendar. And she said, Youcan't look at just the day at
hand and see, oh, I have spacethis day, I can do this. It
helps to look at your wholeweek, zoom out, look at your
whole week, look at your wholemonth. And she said it's okay to

(11:44):
protect time just for you. Andjust for your family and
schedule that like you wouldother things. And that was a big
aha. Like, if I don't build intime to know, okay, Monday
mornings, I can't jump intoother things right away because
I need to get the sheets goingor other things. It just helped
me have some rhythm to what wasgoing on.

Allison (12:06):
Yes, I think rhythm is a really good word to describe
that. When your kids started toget older, did you ever go back
into accounting work?

Jenn (12:14):
There was definitely times, the nice thing that we've
seen about my accounting degreeis there were times where maybe
it would help our familyfinances for me to work a little
so I could could pick up somecontract work or do other
things. And so there wereseasons where I picked up more

(12:34):
work. We when when our boysentered elementary school, we

Allison (12:36):
Was that a challenge for you when you started? Now
made the choice to send them toprivate school. And we never
thought we were going to dothat. But it's where we were
led. And so at that season, itwas going to help for me to get
to work more you know to helpwith the finances for that. And
they were in school so I feltlike I had more time. So I was

(12:58):
able to do work from homeaccounting work that I could do
in between dropping them off atschool and picking them up. And
so it's kind of ebbed andflowed, [right] and then as they
hit probably upper elementarymiddle school, I started being
called to be more involved withministry. And that became more

(13:20):
full time as as the boys gotolder. And my accounting work
has as I've retired, basicallyfrom that as the ministry work
was ramping up [okay]you're now you were at a place
where you had to also balancethe work of the home with the
side work of accounting, evendoing it in your home? Maybe

(13:40):
that had some unique challenges?

Jenn (13:44):
Yeah, I think I think for me to fit it all together for
caring for the boys and reallywanting to be intentional about
relationship building with them,I had to let go of how things
were going to work maybe in thehome. And so I'm pretty simple
when it comes to to most of whatI do for the home. If it's

(14:07):
decorating, meal prep, anythinglike that, I don't get filled up
by it. And so I'm not one who'sgoing to be looking for hours on
Pinterest or on blogs to find agreat new recipe. I'll stick to
my tried and true simple to geteveryone fed but and so I don't

(14:29):
spend maybe as much time youknow, on that, or, or things
like decorating the home is notmy favorite thing to do. And so
a lot of our decorations havebeen the same over the years.
And so I think I think keepingthat end of things simple
allowed me to just spend thetime whether it was the part

(14:51):
time accounting work, or now themore full time ministry work, it
helped me have that balancebecause something had to get.

Allison (14:58):
Exactly yeah, that's a really great point, we can't do
all the things. [Right] Andthat's great that you
recognized, Hey, you know,decorating and, and complex meal
preparation is just not mything. Like you said it. What
did you say it didn't fill youup?

Jenn (15:12):
Right. It's not a passion of mine. And I saw and maybe
it's especially like havingboys. Yeah, they just didn't
care a whole lot [just feed themsomething]. Yeah. And it's
interesting because even eventhe simple things that were done
just to, to, you know, kind ofsurvive some of the crazy years

(15:32):
with everything. I'm now hearingas my boys are older, how much
they latched on to these thingsand have memories of those
things. And, you know, we woulddo something simple, like pies
for holiday, we'd have like apie contest. And Lee and one of
the boys would always make thischocolate pie and the other boy

(15:55):
and I would make the lemon pieand we use the premade graham
cracker crus. It was a simplelike four ingredient recipe. But
they loved those pies, you know,and they didn't really know the
difference that it wasn't ahomemade crust. And I'm sure
that homemade crust would havebeen delightful and I love my
friends who love doing that. Butfor us, we've just kept it

(16:18):
simple.

Allison (16:19):
That's great. That's really good advice. Let's talk a
little bit about expectations.
How well did the day to dayreality of keeping a home full
time match any expectations youmight have had about what it was
going to look like?

Jenn (16:34):
That's a great question. I think I probably had some warped
expectations. Growing up withbasically two women running our
home with my mom, we had mygrandma, they got a lot done
[I'm sure] between the two ofthem. And so when it was on me

(16:54):
and my family, I was like wait,and I did have some help from
the grandmas early on. But whenthey were gone and I was on my
own, I think I had to, to getpast kind of being overwhelmed
by the volume of stuff. And mypersonality is very achievement

(17:14):
oriented and very task oriented.
And so I zoomed in on thedetails and love getting things
done. I'm one of those that willadd an item to a checklist so I
can cross it off. And I don'talways zoom out to like see big
picture. And so I think myexpectations early on, I would
think about just getting thingsdone and keeping the house

(17:36):
clean, making sure people arefed. And at that time hadn't
really zoomed out to see theimportance of home like the why,
like, what's the heart behindthis and that our home is a
gift. And it's a place ofprovision where people's
spiritual and emotional andphysical needs are being met.
And this work I'm doing whichseems like toil because it's

(17:59):
never ending and that was adiscouragement I think I had to
get past that the laundry justdoesn't end. I can't check it
off my checklist and be doneforever with it. Like it's
always there or the the dirtydishes or the dusty, you know.
And so I think I had to gothrough a process of just

(18:20):
learning to zoom out and kind ofthink about the why behind it,
which I think brought moredelight into the work than just
oh my goodness, I've got to dothis again today.

Allison (18:36):
Yeah, exactly. That's a great perspective. What about
challenges? Were there anyspecial challenges that you
faced in your homemakingjourney? And how did you learn
to manage those?

Jenn (18:47):
You know, I think just I think like early in marriage, I
would think just Lee and Isettling in to who was going to
do what, and not maybe expectingthat we're going to do
everything, every chore togetherall the time. Like every night
cleaning dishes, we're going tobe there the sink doing it
together. And I think justsettling into those kind of

(19:11):
roles. Not that we don't helpeach other out at times. But I
went down a trip, a trip downmemory lane preparing for our
time together today and lookedback. Lee and I took a marriage
equipping class before we gotmarried. 13 weeks, probably the
best thing we did to start ourmarriage strong. And one of the

(19:34):
exercises was like expectationsfor the home. And we had to go
through at the time and say whowas going to do this and that.
And I didn't realize how helpfulthat would be it's kind of funny
looking at it now because noteverything has played out in
reality like he was going tocommit to take always taking out
the trash all the time. Well,he's not here when the trash

(19:55):
needs to go out. So that's beenme. But I think I think
overcoming that challenge ofjust who does what, how is going
to be done, it was nice to getpast that and kind of settled,
that every time he's out in theyard doing stuff, he's not
expecting me to always be rightthere. And every time I'm doing

(20:15):
things inside, we kind of that'show we divided things up. He's
kind of the outside guy, I'mmore the inside person. And it
helped me kind of settle that,hey, this is my territory. This
is my lane. I want to ask himwhen I need help, and he's happy
to help. But I'm not going toget resentful if he's sitting on
the couch after a long day ofwork and I'm still working on

(20:36):
dishes. And so I think in theearly years of marriage, it was
just settling in [Right] tothat.

Allison (20:43):
Was it hard for you when you came home? Like,
retired from your job is whatyou said. Was it difficult for
you to make that transition?
Were there, you know, visionsyou had of what that was going
to look like and or even lettinggo of your career that you had
as an accountant?

Jenn (21:01):
Yeah, it was definitely a transition. And I think I
remember thinking, wow, I wasreally competent at my
accounting role, and did well inmy career. And I got home and I
didn't feel very competent. Andthere were just more failures.
And I was like, wait a sec,like, I'm used to being high

(21:21):
achieving and, and doing thingswell. And I remember one day, I
think it was changing someone'sdiaper, just almost in tears,
like, I'm better in my corporaterole than I am at this because
it was just all so new. And I ws trying to figure out things a
d wanted to do them the right, nw I know there's not reall

(21:43):
always a right way. But I waone where it was time for m
kids first bath. And I had thnotes from the parenting clas
at the hospital about how tproperly give a bath. And that'

Allison (21:55):
That's a good realization to come to. So do
with the firstborn, you knowand then you realize, okay
you're not going to hurt youkid by giving them a bath th
other way. But it just, it wasbit of a transition, jus
settle, into a whole nefrontier, where I didn't hav
experience. And then alsquickly realized, hey, jus
because I'm home, raising mkids does not mean there's

(22:17):
beautiful dinner, likbeautifully decorated with th
house perfectly cleaned up evernight. And I had to kind of le
go of those expectationsBecause Lee definitely wasn'
putting those expectations ome. It was more me of Oh, I'
not working now. So this shoulbe just magical every evening,

(22:38):
nd it didn'you remember when when was the
point where you kind of feltlike, okay, I feel like I have
some competency in this newrole now?

Jenn (22:51):
I would say it was a year or two. You know, after that
transition from working, I wasworking part time to be
completely at home, I thinkprobably a year or two, where
the amount of help we werehaving from the grandmas was
kind of decreasing to where itwas really me. And I think I

(23:15):
finally got to a place, it wasstill chaotic in that season of
life, but I had rhythms, I hadstructures. I had realized, you
know what boundaries that weregoing to be good for me were.
That I'm not going to maybe cooklike my friends cooking, or I'm
not going to decorate my home orhave dinner parties that look

(23:36):
like hers. Because that's notme. And it just took some
discovery time to to realizewhat was going to work for our
family. And it was okay if thatlook different than the family
that we were doing life withfromfrom church.

Allison (23:51):
Absolutely. That's such a good point. Because comparison
can just be a huge trap foranybody but particularly as
homemakers. And even in this dayand age for the younger women
who are just starting their homemaking journey and they have
Instagram and they havePinterest and all of those
things that say it should looklike this. [Yes] And that's just
not realistic.

Jenn (24:11):
I'm very grateful that I didn't start my homemaking
journey as a mom and wife today.
I think there would have beenthose challenges of just guilt.
Like my my thing doesn't looklike this or, I mean, there's so
many ideas out there that Ithink I might have been

(24:32):
overwhelmed by so many choices.
Whereas I didn't have theinternet as a resource, and so
my my options to go to foradvice and ideas was a much
smaller group of moms from mySunday school class at church or
from a mom's mentoring groupthat I was in. So there weren't

(24:54):
as many ideas to have to wadethrough.

Allison (24:57):
Yeah, exactly. And then really what we should be doing
with those relationships issharpening one another and
encouraging one another andlearning from one another rather
than doing the comparison thing.

Jenn (25:07):
Exactly,exactly. And as we've moved on in life and
things have gotten busier, wealso we hire help like where we
need to, you know, and so we'rein a season right now where Lee
travels a bunch. And so gettinghelp cleaning the pool was a way

(25:29):
that we could get things done.
And still

Allison (25:33):
Yeah. And that's actually very applicable to what
we were just talking about, youknow, how do we get it all done?
How do we establish theserhythms in our homes? Because
the other temptation, one of theother temptations that we have
to deal with as homemakers is Ihave to do this all by myself.
[right] And I can't havesomebody come and help me with
x, or Y, or Z. Sometimes budgetconstraints, you know, you just

(25:57):
have to find a way to make itwork, because you can't afford
to bring in help in a particulararea, or you can't afford to
send the dry cleaning out, orwhatever. But one of the things
we want to encourage here islisten to these homemaker
stories, right, and then go findsomeone in your community that
you can sort of latch on to, andpartner with, whether it's an

(26:19):
older woman or a peer or bothactually would be great to learn
from the older women to partnerwith them and partner with your
peers and help one another out.

Jenn (26:31):
Absolutely. I think there's so much value in that.
And I think that's how we learnfrom others. And I think for
everyone, just to realize thattheir family is going to have a
unique rhythm and things thatare important to them. And so
Lee and I knew early on inmarriage, having a clean house
was super important to us. Andit's not always clean, clean.

(26:56):
But when I started, as I wasworking, and then went into
pretty much that full timeministry work, in order to have
the clean house that was superimportant to us that's an area
where we chose to allocatebudget dollars to get help. So
we've had people who come help,like do deep cleans on our
house. There's other things thataren't as important to us and so

(27:20):
we might not allocate budget. Orthere's certain things that we
enjoy doing that we doourselves. And there's
definitely been seasons alongthe way where there was no
budget for any kind of help andwe did it all, you know. So it's
definitely been a journey.

Allison (27:37):
Yeah. And just being intentional about sitting down
and saying what is important toour family? And what is it that
we're willing to invest in,whether it's our own sweat, and
time or allocating budget funds,because that's important to us.
And then what's not importantand that that will help bring
some balance into your rhythm.
We're going to talk abouthospitality for a little bit

(27:58):
now. We want to cultivate anatmosphere of belonging for the
people who live here, obviously.
And then the people who visithere, who come in and out of
these doors. How do you in yourfamily show hospitality towards
one another, maybe throughmemories, or traditions or fun
things that you've done orrelationship building type
activities?

Jenn (28:21):
Yeah,I think we've always tried to be intentional about
making our home, just a refugeand a place of rest where
everyone feels valued. And soduring different seasons of
life, it's looked differently.
But I would say like, when theboys were younger, we did
something we called them like,they were family nights, Darnold

(28:44):
family nights. And again, in mykind of spirit of keeping things
simple, we just always did thesame thing. So we had pizza, we
had rainbow sherbert fordessert. And we did some sort of
activity those nights. And wegot these workbooks from a group
called heritage builders. And sothey had these fun exercises for

(29:06):
kids that had a meaning andpurpose and message and it was
so simple, it was easy to puton. We had the workbooks. I
would kind of find one, buy thesupplies, flag it to show Lee.
But our boys still have so manymemories of those because it was
an intentional time set aside.

(29:30):
The fact that I ordered pizzaand picked up some rainbow
sherbert kept it easy. But wejust wanted those times together
as a family. And so you know itdidn't last forever. As they got
older there was you know, otherinterest, but we definitely
tried to do things simple likebirthdays. I have a little

(29:55):
container of birthdaydecorations and so they're the
same each time. Someone will geta banner up above the kitchen
counter, they'll get some partyhats, I make pancakes with the
number that they're turning onthere and they have a special
plate, you know. And so that'skind of our birthday ritual. And

(30:16):
it keeps it simple for me too,where every year I'm not, oh,
what's the latest way torecognize my kid's birthday. And
so we try to make a big deal outof birthdays. We also do, we
just have tried to start littletraditions like we had a season
that was hard back with thegreat recession in 2007. And so

(30:39):
as we came out of that time, wedidn't want to forget what what
we went through. And so we havean annual night each year where
we remember God's faithfulnessduring that time and what he
carried us through and we callit the Darnold Family Feast of
Tabernacles. And we read alittle sheet that talks about

(31:00):
all the ways people helped ourfamily at that time. And so,
again, just simple, but it's atradition that we just wanted to
connect our family togetherthrough.

Allison (31:13):
That's awesome. Those are awesome activities to do.
And I love that you've letyourself off the hook. You pick
up a pizza, and you pick up somesherbert. And it doesn't have to
be homemade, it's just simple.
Just keep it simple. And it'smore about the the
intentionality of creating thatmemory that, again, that rhythm
word keeps coming up. I reallylike that. I would love to talk

(31:35):
about your marble jar.

Jenn (31:38):
Yeah. So I am one, I always say I'm not creative.
Others would say that I am. ButI'm not always the one to like,
first generate an idea. But Ihave no problem borrowing ideas
from others. And so there's aparenting app that I used to
follow that had great ideas likeyou would plug in your kid's

(32:01):
specific age and where they werein high school. And it gives you
some intentional things,conversations to have with them.
And I think it was from that appthat I got this idea. And what
they were encouraging parents todo is to get a marble jar for
their high school aged kid, andto put a marble in for every

(32:22):
week that the kid had until highschool graduation. Instead, I
started my boys' junior year iswhen I did it. And so in the
kitchen, in a prominent place,there's the marble jar with a
marble for each week. And thenevery Sunday, I take out a
marble and the parenting appencourage you to just speak life

(32:45):
giving words to your kid thatday to be intentional about
it-not that I don't other daysof the week. But the marble just
helps you remember it. And sowith my oldest son, we got to
where there was one marble leftin the jar, and we were getting
ready to drive him to college tomove into the dorm. And there

(33:06):
were a lot of tears taking outthat last marble. But it was
neat for him to see too, becausehe knew it was his time to fly,
you know, as that marble cameout and he was excited and
ready. And so when we got homefrom moving him into college,
we've filled the marble jarbackup for my youngest and he

(33:26):
knew, so he's kind of had funatching it. I think as I get
eary eyed they get excited athe marbles go down. But it's
just been a nice visual to me tremember the time is shor.

Allison (33:41):
Yes, absolutely. That is such a wonderful idea. Thank
you for sharing that with us. Sonow what about hospitality to
other people, the people thatdon't live inside these four
walls?

Jenn (33:52):
Yes, that has been something that has been a
mission for our family that wehave felt called to you. And I
feel like on my side of thefamily I grew up with the rich
legacy of that. If I think backto my grandmother on my mom's
side, she was known for herparties, she would host for

(34:12):
people and having people overand I think back before it was
probably called a supper club.
Like she had a supper club groupand I knew those people and they
were at her house. And she shewas a mess. Her kitchen was
always crazy, like but shedidn't care because she got to
have people over. And then whenI moved into elementary school,

(34:34):
my grandmother ended up living10 minutes from us, and so she
would hold what our family callscookie bakes at her house and we
didn't really bake the cookies.
I don't know why they werecalled cookie bakes. But she
would have them made and we getwould get to invite friends over
and we would decorate thecookies and we'd have little

(34:55):
coffee tins that we woulddecorate to take them home in.
And it became a big deal to getto come to one of these cookie
bakes. So when my boys wereelementary age, my mom started
hosting the same cookie bakesfor them. And in my family, we
grew up always having, we werethe house to go to at Christmas.

(35:16):
All my aunts and uncles andcousins would come over, my mom
would host a big Christmas openhouse. And with my mom being a
high school teacher, we hadstudents at of the house a lot.
So I think I just grew up withthat mentality of larger
gatherings. And so for ourfamily, we've always wanted to

(35:38):
be a place like where kids couldgather, especially as our kids
got older. And we started aministry when we lived in
Philadelphia. So we're nativeTexans, but spent about six
years living on the east coast.
And we birthed this idea fromfriends, we had watched do it in
Dallas, Fort Worth. But westarted a ministry that we
called Man Up, and we had theninth grade boys come over, and

(36:01):
they would be fed because thatwas a big deal. They would learn
some sort of man skill, whichreally a lot of the skills were
just life skills that certainlywomen need to know too. But it
might be like car care, orgrooming, or how to do plumbing
in the house or how to paint ashed. And then there'd be a

(36:23):
message and my husband would doa devotion at the end. And so it
was important to us to invitethe whole grade, and my boys
were at a school small enoughthat it wasn't hundreds and
hundreds of kids. And so weended up doing the Man Up
ministry for four years straightbetween the two boys both in
Philadelphia. And here. And sowe were like, et's invite the

(36:46):
whole grade to this. And thatwas important to us. We also
have just wanted our home to beopen, I was sharing with you
that we have a group of collegestudents that come into town,
they're in San Antonio on aleadership trip from Texas a&m,
and they bring a charter bus toour house and get to hear about

(37:10):
life after college. And so wehave to move all the furniture
out when that group comes. Itprobably maxes out how many [how
many people?] there's probablyabout 60 or so, when they come
for that. We do a lot of likelarger scale gatherings. But we
also like to do, my street Ilive on we have a book club and

(37:32):
so we hadn't met in a year and ahalf right with COVID and we all
missed each other and I justthrew it out there as like Hey,
who's ready to start back bookclub. And we didn't read,we
don't always read a book. Butit's you know, community
gathering. It was so great.
People stayed for hours.
Swapping stories about therecent ice storm and just

(37:54):
catching up and just to see thelaughter, joy. And I kept it
simple. I kept the snack simple.
It was more important to getpeople here in community.

Allison (38:07):
Yes, that is wonderful.
I'm a big fan of book clubs.
I've been in a couple over theyears. I'm in one right now.
Actually. It's a virtual club.
So it's with people all over theplace, my mom, my stepmom, some
friends, my aunts. And so we'reworking our way through
classics. [Oh, that soundsgreat.] Because these are the
kind of books that you're notgoing to normally pick. Oh, I

(38:28):
think I'm gonna read, you know,David Copperfield, which is one
that took us a couple of monthsto get through that this summer.
But to go through that journeywith other others. And that's
what I love about the group iswe do a zoom meet at the end of
the month to talk about thebook. And it's just really fun.
And when I've been in communitybook clubs before where we
actually met in person, thesewere people that I probably

(38:49):
would have never gravitatedtowards naturally. But we just
came together under that commonlove of reading and formed some
relationships that were lasting,and really meaningful.

Jenn (39:05):
I think what I love about hosting things is in just being
willing to open up our homebecause I think a lot of it is
just willingness. Willingness tocreate a space for people to
come is just the communityaspect for it and getting to
hear what's going truly going onwith people. Like in the book
club a few weeks ago for ourstreet, we found out about a

(39:28):
neighbor going through a prettybig health challenge. And just
driving by people's homes ormaybe waving while they're out
walking, you don't get to knowtruly what's going on in
people's lives. And I think backto some of the times we hosted
Man Up and there might have beena boy here whose dad had passed

(39:48):
away the year before, or a boywho just didn't feel connected
at school. But it was the onenight of the month that he was
invited. Something that everyonewas invited to. And so we've
really tried to have thatmindset with hospitality. It's
interesting. Speaking ofhospitality, just having to

(40:09):
consider and respect thedifferent personality types
within my family, because I'mprobably the most extroverted.
So if it were up to me, everyweekend, we would have a dinner
party, large gathering, and I'malone in that with our family.
Hospitality is important tothem. But I have to understand

(40:33):
Lee, who, like this week, forexample, he's traveled all week.
He lands at eight o'clocktonight and so, I'm already
thinking about this evening howto create a space for him to
rest and refresh after beinggone. Where I'm kind of ready to
go out because I've been homeall week with him on the road.

(40:54):
But I need to give him space.
I'll probably have dinner here.
Go pick up food to have here forhim. My oldest loved large scale
gatherings for lots of friends.
We hosted a dinner before theirChristmas ball senior year, and
we got to decorate and do photobooths. We had probably 30 kids
here. But for my youngest, he'svery much an introvert. And

(41:18):
that's not fun for him. So Iwill suggest, hey, can we have a
big group of guys and girlsover? And all he wants are his
five or six tight buddies. SoI've had to adjust hospitality
for him. I just tried to make,when his five or six tight group
guys are here, try to make itreally special for them. Like I

(41:39):
know what drink they like. Iknow what their food preferences
are. And it's funny with thatgroup. They love Rice Krispies,
homemade Rice Krispie treats and[who doesn't?]. I guess they've
been raised on like theprepackaged ones. And so I make
sure at all times I havemarshmallows and rice krispies

(42:03):
here because I never know whenthat group will land here. Yeah,
but if they're here, you see mewhipping them up, and they think
they're the best thing ever. Iwas like boys, I'm just
following the recipe onn theback. [They are the best thing
ever]. I have to watch myselfwhen I make them. But just
trying to make them feel thatthis is a space they want to

(42:26):
come to and it's a simple wayjust having the rice crispy
materials on hand for them.

Allison (42:34):
Yeah, being prepared and then being aware of what's
meaningful for each person. It'sa really great hospitality
skill.
We will get back to Jen's storyin just a few minutes. Right now
it's time for historicalhomemaker hints. This is the
part of the podcast where wehighlight some of the helpful
and not so helpful hints doledout to homemakers throughout

(42:54):
history. Today's hints come fromthe 1898 publication, The Art of
Homemaking in City and Countryin Mansion in Cottage by
Margaret E. Sangster. From thechapter entitled order and
system, Margaret advises thefollowing. Every sensible person
knows that the affairs of lifeare carried on to much better

(43:14):
advantage when they are managedwith a certain regard to routine
than when the duties of the dayare left to accident, especially
in the beginning ofhousekeeping. It is a good plan
to regulate the various datesaccording to system to have
certain days for certain work,and as a rule, not to vary much
in the schedule laid down.
I agree wholeheartedly Margaret!Rhythms are so crucial to a

(43:41):
successful practice of the artof home. We thrive with rhythms;
of work of rest of play, andcreativity. Rhythms help us
decrease mental clutter andavoid decision fatigue by
setting up a framework ofnecessary housework around which
we can build the rest of ourschedule. Rather than flying by

(44:02):
the seat of our pants and havingto decide every single week when
we're going to do whathousework, we just need to make
the decision once. Establish abasic rhythm of housework and
stick to it, tweaking asnecessary based on seasons and
circumstances. While myhousework schedules have changed
over the years, I've alwaystried to establish regular
rhythms to make sure the basicswere getting done. I have daily

(44:26):
rhythms and I have weeklyrhythms. Currently my weekly
housework rhythm is as follows.
I clean on Monday, I do laundry,ironing, mending anything
related to clothing on Tuesdays.
I grocery shop on Wednesdays, orI pick it up curbside. I wash
sheets on Thursday, and I tendto my plants and tidy my porches

(44:48):
on Fridays. I do larger projectsor catch up on Saturday. This
rhythm does not cover everysingle task on my to do list but
it usually ensures that thebasics are going to done, and
frees up my mind to think aboutother aspects of my practice in
the art of home.
It's interesting to hear whatMargaret considers an acceptable

(45:09):
house cleaning rhythm in 1898.
"Monday buy time honored customis in most families devoted to
washing. If the housekeeperrises early and has taken the
precaution to sort her clothesthe night before, putting those
which are most soiled into waterto soak, keeping the fine and
the course things apart, andtaking this hardest labor of the
house with a cheerful spirit,she will find it a good thing

(45:31):
out of the way when Monday's sungoes down. Tuesday is ironing
day. Wednesday may be taken formending and putting in needful
stitches before laying away thefreshly laundered clothes.
Thursday and Friday dividebetween them washing windows and
sweeping and general cleaning.
While Saturday is by commonconsent appropriated to baking

(45:53):
enough in the way of bread, piesand cakes being easily prepared
then for the wants of anordinary household. If one must
bake twice a week, thenWednesday is the better day for
the second campaign of thiskind."
Did you catch that friend? Anentire DAY was needed for
washing! And in that, the wellprepared homemaker would have
had the foresight to sort theclothing and pre-treat the

(46:14):
stains the night before. Thenadd two more days to fully
complete the clothing careroutine with ironing, mending
and putting away. I know many ofyou like me have had times when
the laundry required all day toget completely caught up.
However, that was with theamazing luxury and convenience
of a washer and dryer, not washboards and hand ringers. So next

(46:35):
time you're tempted to groan atthe pile of dirty clothes
awaiting you think of those poorwomen of old and the toil that
was "wash day" and offer aprayer of thanks as you toss
those clothes into the wash andpress start. Well, that's it for
today's historical homemakerhints. As always, please
remember this segment is forentertainment purposes only. And
I leave it to you, the listener,to determine the safety and

(46:58):
soundness of this advice. Nowback to Jen's story.
Let's talk a little bit aboutseasons and homemaking. So how
has your role as a homemakerchanged over time?

Jenn (47:11):
It definitely has changed.
And I liked that you used theword season. And that another
learning curve for me, justunderstanding seasons. I think
early on in my homemakingjourney I would hear these moms
at all stages of life talk aboutdifferent things they were
doing. And again, I felt alittle overwhelmed. Like am I

(47:32):
supposed to be doing all thesethings at once? And I remember
being in a Bible study at achurch we were at in Dallas Fort
Worth. And they were veryintentional with a study they
offered for for women about alldifferent parts of being a
woman. And one of the keytakeaways I had from that study

(47:56):
was about seasons of life. Andthere was actually a chart
someone shared from a book thatwalked through seasons, and it
had like possible things youmight have in that season or
focus on in that season. And forsome reason, seeing that helped
me relax, like, oh, there willbe a time when my kids aren't in

(48:16):
the home. And I have more timeto even think about this or
that. But right now I'm in thisvery specific season and I'll be
intentional here. And so thatkind of helped me to realize,
because I think especially earlyon in the journey of motherhood,
you just don't see how it's evergoing to end, right. And I

(48:39):
remember even you know, from dayone, the early weeks thinking my
kids never gonna sleep. Theywill never sleep. And I remember
my mom who, I talked to my mommost every day, I'd call her
about parenting things andrecipes, but I would call her at
that time just in tears likewill he ever sleep? And she kept
assuring me. You'll get there.

(49:02):
He'll get there. And so and thenpeople start to say enjoy these
times, because they'll be inschool before you know it. And
you're like, I don't know ifthat's going to happen.

Allison (49:11):
And you just want to punch them in the face when they
say that.

Jenn (49:14):
So yeah, you're like, but it doesn't seem like it's going
to end now. And so now havingone in college and one we have
... the marble jar's lookingthin now. You know, we don't
have that many more months withhim. So now we're on the edge of
a big season shift to emptynester. And so I think the early

(49:34):
years of homemaking were verylabor intensive. There's so much
laundry, so many dirty dishes,sippy cups. Now I kind of see
some of that slowing down,especially as our boys got
older, and we keep saying we'reworking them toward
emancipation, so we're not goingto do as much for you right now.

(49:55):
So we've had them doing theirown laundry for years and that
has cut back somewhat on mylaundry and teaching them to
cook. Or they're busy and we'renot home for family dinners in
quite the same way. So some ofthose things have, I think the
day to day like buisiness hasstarted to decrease. So I'm just

(50:21):
kind of trying to prepare myselfnow for this next journey of
empty nest. And we had a littletaste of it Fourth of July this
year, my oldest was working at asummer camp. So he was gone, my
youngest got invited to go tothe lake with a friend's family.
So it just left Lee and I. Andit's a first time maybe for a
holiday, like a major holiday,we were alone. And it was really

(50:44):
fun. We enjoyed each other. ButI still put on a little spread
and party and put out a fewlittle Fourth of July
decorations. Just because it'sjust the two of us doesn't mean
it can be a celebration, withsome decorations and typical
holiday food.

Allison (51:03):
I think that's really important to maintain an
atmosphere of celebration andnot let go of some of those
things just because it's nowjust you and your husband.
That's something I am learningright now.

Jenn (51:14):
Yes. But it's such as the shift because so much energy and
thrust has been put into theraising kids season. And it's
just this transition to the nextplac. But it's good. It's a good
transition.

Allison (51:32):
How are you preparing, do you think for the big
transition to the empty nest?

Jenn (51:37):
I think I think more like mindset like preparation, that I
still want some of theprinciples that have been
important to us over the years,to, to carry through that we're
not going to all of a sudden eatout every night. And we know we
can eat out more but just to tryto start getting my head around

(51:59):
still making things special.
Still making your home, youknow, a refuge. We anticipate
that I'll be able to travel withLee when he goes on work trips.
I'm kind of excited about that.
I'm having to contain myexcitement so my one still at
home doesn't think we're ready,like your mom and dad to have a
party planned the next fewyears. But I see too, like we're

(52:24):
definitely in the sandwichgeneration right now where we
have aging parents that haveneeded a lot of help this year.
And I always knew this wascoming from being around women
in a season ahead of me, whichwas helpful. So it didn't catch
me by surprise. But this year, abig thrust for us has been
helping clean out Lee's parentshome, getting it on the market,

(52:45):
getting them moved to assistedliving, and then memory care.
And so I am grateful as the boysget a little more self
sufficient, and they still haveplenty of needs. But we do have
that time to help care for ouraging parents, as well.

Allison (53:01):
That's so good that you bring that up because sometimes
we would we feel like we'vepoured out, we've poured out
we've poured out so much on ourkids. And then now it's time to
rest. And it's time to take abreak. And it's me time but not
so much because there's morework for us to do. Like you said
being in that sandwichgeneration. It's now we get

(53:22):
to-we get to, not we have to-but we have an opportunity to
turn around and serve thosepeople who poured out into us
and raised us at a time thatthey need us. And it's an honor
really.

Jenn (53:35):
It's been a lot of work and a lot of extra time figuring
things out, but it's an honor.
And I've loved that my boysespecially that they've gotten
to watch their dad care for hisparents in such a tender way.
And I hope they're taking notesbecause it will be us one day,
you know that it'll be theirturn to care for us most likely

(53:58):
at some point.

Allison (54:05):
Can you give us an example of a difficult
transition in your homemakinglife from one season to another?

Jenn (54:11):
I think so. I think there's definitely been a
transition period some have gonesmoother than others. And I
think a really big transitionfor me was when our family was
called to move away from fromTexas. We had a pretty nice
setup in the Dallas Fort Wortharea in that my parents and

(54:31):
Lee's parents were within like20 minutes from us. So we had a
lot of help. We had a lot ofsupport. We had never had to pay
for a babysitter. If I wasputting on a big party, there
was a grandma there like helpingme with food prep or watching
the boys so I could could getthe hospitality ready. And we

(54:55):
ended up in 2010 we were calledto Northern Virginia, of all
places, for work for my husband,and it was very clear that we
needed to take that job. And inmy mind, I thought I was gonna
live in Texas forever have thegrandparents right near us. And

(55:17):
I wasn't one, I'm not one thatlooks for change, like my
husband thrives on change. And Iam like, steady, like, I could
do the same thing forever. Andso all of a sudden, we land in
the Washington, DC area. Ourboys were, let's see, they were
like, eight, and six, they werepretty young. And they had had a

(55:41):
pretty cozy life, you know,before we moved there, and so we
ended up in this new place. Andit was a lot of hard work to get
settled, we didn't know anyone.
And I remember, the first time Ihad to, I had to find a
babysitter for the first timeever. And I was terrified, like
figuring out who to leave mykids with. And thankfully, it

(56:06):
was a great opportunity there toconnect with a neighbor whose
daughter was awesome. We endedup using her the whole time. But
I didn't know which grocerystore to use, I just, I had to
be patient to kind of start allover. And I had to set new
rhythms and, as we talked aboutbefore, like rhythms and

(56:26):
structure, and somewhat of aschedule is really important for
how I operate, and it was allthrown out. And it was like,
okay, what's the Virginiaschedule going to be? It's a new
house, I knew how to take careof the other house. And, and so
it took some time, and I had tolearn just to give myself some

(56:48):
time. But when we look back now,at that time, in Virginia, away
from family having to create newrhythms, it's special to us. And
it was just the four of uswithout you know a lot of impact
or influence from extendedfamily. And we had so much fun
in that season of life. Therewas so much to see and explore,

(57:11):
you know, we would take themetro in to DC and go see one of
the Smithsonian's and we wouldgo to the mountains, we'd go to
Annapolis and see the NavalAcademy. And it was just a
special time of really bondingin a way we hadn't before. But
it took some time. And then justas we were feeling settled in

(57:32):
Virginia, after just two years,we got called to move to
Philadelphia, further north. Andso there again, new rhythms, new
places to figure out how to getour home pulled together. And
then you add snow in and havingto deal with all the snow. And
so now I'm better attransitions. I think now that

(57:56):
we've moved different places.
I'm like, okay, it takes sometime, these things will get
figured out, it's a great way tomeet people to ask for help. But
where where do you go for this?
Or that?

Allison (58:09):
Yeah, yeah, it's it is an opportunity, we can look at
it either as a burden and anobstacle, or we can look at it
as an opportunity. And givingyourself grace to say this is
going to take a little bit oftime, and I can't force a square
peg in a round hole by trying totake my rhythm from Texas and
apply it in, you know, Virginia.
Yeah, it's not going to work. Ihave to figure something new

(58:30):
out. And then also, I love thatyou pointed out that that's an
opportunity to really bond as afamily unit. Because you're sort
of forced to do that.

Jenn (58:39):
Yeah, we just had each other, you know. But I think our
family looks back now, and wewouldn't be who we were today
without that time on the eastcoast. And we have special
special friendships from thatseason. And it just added some
neat flavor. To our lives.

Allison (58:58):
So what is homemaking look like in the season that
you're in right now. How are youstill challenging yourself to
grow and learn as a homemaker?

Jenn (59:06):
That's a great question, too. Because it does, it does
look different. And I'm home bymyself more with a teenager
who's with his friends and ahusband who travels and so it
can look a little different. AndI think I'm striving to still be
intentional. And I've seen timeswhere, recently where if I got

(59:29):
real busy and there were a lotof ministry projects going on, I
might kind of forsake some ofthe things that are really
important to keeping our homehow we hope. An example of that
would be last year we were in avery busy ministry year with
reacting to COVID. Ourorganization was rolling out

(59:51):
some strategic planning and itwas just a lot of hours each day
and Cooper came home one eveningand he's like, "Mom I figured
you're too busy to cook againtonight. So I stopped at the gas
station and got dinner." Oh, andthat's where it hit me. Like, oh
my goodness, because again, mypersonality type likes

(01:00:12):
achieving, like doing. I'll justkeep doing doing doing and I can
forget, oh, yeah, there's peoplehere that need to eat. So the
gas station dinner comment kindof woke me up. So I have been
trying to be more intentionalabout getting back to the basic
like the the structure thathelped when the boys were little

(01:00:32):
of planning the meals for theweek, you know, and I've been
trying to now because I'm not achauffeur anymore, I'm not
driving the kids around. So I dohave more time. I've tried to
grow in my cooking knowledge,like not fancy, but just trying
new recipes. And so that's beenkind of fun because we've found

(01:00:54):
some new favorites.

Allison (01:00:57):
Can you give us an example of a new favorite?

Jenn (01:00:59):
Yes. So one. I like the website, I think it's called
Skinny Taste. great recipes andthere's a soup on that website
And it's turkey meatballs, andtortellini, and spinach in the
soup. And that became a favoritethis past year with my boys. So

(01:01:22):
now I've gotten them involved inmaking the meatballs and such.
Just trying some new recipes.
And what I love about looking atrecipes online, is you can see
the reviews. Have they workedfor other people. So I'm trying
to kind of grow in in that area.
And I think in this season ofhomemaking where we're in a

(01:01:44):
season where Lee's travelingmore just trying to be
intentional, really intentional,about the aroma of the home when
he gets back from being out oftown. So as I mentioned tonight,
he flies in and so I will try tohave the laundry put away and
not all over our bed. And justto know that he's expected and

(01:02:07):
valued and appreciated for whathe did working for us on the
road. And I think having thenext season so close, I have
some things that I have neverinvested the time in working on
that I'm kind of excited. Oh,okay, maybe in this next season,

(01:02:29):
I can do this. So an example ofthat is gardening. And I've not
had good success with that. AndI love the idea of gardening,
but it just hasn't fit in witheverything else. And so in our
current home, we actually on theside of the house, the previous
homeowners built three beautifulgarden boxes, and I was like

(01:02:59):
researching what to plant whenand it was overwhelming to me
and I tried and it failed. Andso we haven't done anything with
those beds, but I was like whata great opportunity even just to
plant flowers because I lovefresh flowers in the home. And
so I kind of have some thingslike that when we get through

(01:03:21):
this year, get number two out ofthe nest guess that I am kind of
excited to venture into some newhomemaking areas.

Allison (01:03:32):
That is wonderful. And that is a really great word to
speak to other ladies who aremaybe looking straight down the
barrel of an empty nest coming.
Part of I think what will helpus in our transitions is to
don't just ignore it like it'snot coming, but really think
about, set some goals foryourself and what are some
things like you said that maybeI didn't have time for before

(01:03:54):
but now I might want to exploreand use it as an opportunity to
do something new.

Jenn (01:04:00):
Yeah, so we'll see you can check back with me here and see
how my garden doing. But I thinkour garden is one that's always
been on my radar. There's othersthat I just never will aspire
to. So even in this empty nestseason, and my whole family
makes fun of me about sewinglike they just know not to come

(01:04:20):
to me if a button has gone offor if pants need to be hemmed. I
have tried. My mom bought me asewing machine and it's been in
a closet a long time. Like Isaid I don't think since the
Girl Scouts sewing badge have Ireally...I don't even I don't

(01:04:41):
even hope to get good at sewingone day and my mom's wonderful
at it. When we lived closer toher she did all of the buttons
and the mending and now she'sinto quilting and our family
fights for her next quilt tocome to us and I it's beautiful

(01:05:03):
what she does, but I'm not surethat that will be in my
wheelhouse. I had to get okaywith that.

Allison (01:05:11):
Yeah, yeah. Like we said, we can't do all the things
and we shouldn't try to do allthe things and we don't have to
do all that. We have freedom inour homemaking journey.

Jenn (01:05:21):
Yeah, sewing has not been a priority and probably won't
be.

Allison (01:05:26):
We are going to go into a time now of some rapid fire
questions. This is one of myfavorite parts of the interview
about homemaking tasks. So howabout a homemaking tasks that
you love?

Jenn (01:05:39):
I love just organizing the to do's of homemaking is
probably my favorite part of it.

Allison (01:05:46):
Okay, how about when you hate?

Jenn (01:05:48):
I absolutely hate pairing socks. And I can't explain why.
But I it's the last thing I doputting laundry away. And
actually Lee knows that I don'tlike it. So if he's watching TV,
he's like, bring me the socks.
Like he knows. And I don't knowwhat my barrier is about pairing
socks, but it is my I just don'tknow, I don't enjoy it. And I

(01:06:09):
dread it.

Allison (01:06:14):
Well, there's a lot of obstacles to successfully
pairing socks, especially if youlive with three men. Because
they get confused about whosesocks is whose and you don't
remember who has this kind ofsock and that kind of sock. And
then there's not a match forthat sock. And oh, it's very
frustrating.

Jenn (01:06:28):
It's very complex, and so I just put it off. And so you
will see usually just piles ofsocks around our house.

Allison (01:06:37):
I just got to the point with my boys where I just quit
messing with all that. And wehad a big basket in the laundry
room and all the socks went inthere. Make your own pairs.
All right, how about a task thatyou grew to love.

Jenn (01:06:55):
I think I grew to love laundry, just laundry in
general, not the pairing of thesocks. But when I I started
thinking about it more, becauseI had to find some sort of
delight in it. Because it's justit's never ending, like I said,
and when I kind of zoomed outfrom the task at hand, to think

(01:07:17):
about how I could be grateful asI was doing laundry. And so as I
am putting laundry, and I triedto just express some sort of
things like, you know, thank youthat we have clothes to wear, or
thank you for this family memberthat wears these clothes. And so
I'll pray for that person. Andso I think when I started
coupling that with the laundryitself, it it helped. And so I

(01:07:42):
think I grew to love. I don'tknow if I'd say love, but I grew
to appreciate

Allison (01:07:49):
appreciate, not not dread it but maybe even look
forward to that opportunity.
How about your worst home makingfail?
That's a really interestingquestion. Because there's so
many, I mean, there's so manyfails. Probably my biggest,

(01:08:09):
largest scale fail, was one ofthe times it was here in San
Antonio, we were hosting one ofthe man up groups for the boys.
And those were big nights likewe had to feed sometimes 40 or
50 people. And so again, I wouldtry to keep things simple, and

(01:08:30):
there wouldn't be big themedinners. You know, it was I had
plates silverware from Costco, Iwould get food from Costco or
parents would would donate food.
I had to keep it simple to feedthat many kids. And so one of
the nights I was serving mac andcheese from Costco and we have
served it in the past like everyyear it shows up at man up and

(01:08:54):
boys love it. So yeah, this isthere's no way this doesn't
work. And so I heated it all upin the oven, 40 boys come
through the line they're all inthe backyard spread out eating
and then the adults start eatingand I take a bite of it and
something is very wrong with themac and cheese. I have never had
a taste quite like that beforeand I was horrified because

(01:09:19):
everyone was eating. And I said,"Lee smell this, like something
is wrong." And I said, "Go no!Go quickly. Like get a trash
bag." He went outside and wewere scraping mac and cheese off
of every boys play and some ofthem were like, "Mrs. Donald I
was wondering, this just didn'ttaste right." And I don't know

(01:09:42):
if more of the seasoning got in.
I don't know what happened toit. But then I started thinking,
getting carried away like, whatif everyone gets sick? I was
thinking 40 kids who theirparents have entrusted them to
me get sick from failed mac andcheese. And it wasn't even
something I had invested intrying to make. I was like,

(01:10:05):
simple, but the Costco peoplewere really sweet and gave us a
refund. And thankfully, no onegot sick. But that's probably my
biggest fail that impacted themost people. But there's fails
like all the time. Like everyweek, and I kind of learn, you
know, you learn, you failforward, and you learn and I had

(01:10:28):
a fail preparing for book club afew weeks ago, and I learned,
it's probably not the best timefor me to try a new recipe. So I
was trying something new. And ittotally failed and doing these
little Mediterranean skewers,but I didn't have time to get
the proper type of skewer. So Iwas trying to use these other
ones and I'm trying to assemblethem before the ladies are

(01:10:50):
coming and they're just fallingapart. And I was like, you know,
I probably should have practicedor these in a smaller scale
before doing it. So now allknow, that's a good word of
advice.
Yeah. generally not a good ideato try new recipe right before
company is coming.

Jenn (01:11:07):
That's now like one of my rules for homemaking.

Allison (01:11:13):
Alright, how about a memorable achievement in
homemaking.

Jenn (01:11:16):
I think this is one that just recently has come to light.
And it's with my boys. Now thatthey express like the traditions
or the things we did that Ididn't even realize that they
were picking up on that areimportant to them. And an
example of that is when theywere younger, I had a candle

(01:11:40):
that I just loved, like acertain scent. And so I just
kept our house stocked with thatone scent. And then for whatever
reason, I think with one of ourmoves, I just forgot about it or
stopped ordering it. And so thenlast year, I was like, Oh yeah,
I used to love this candle. Andso I got another one. And they

(01:12:03):
both went crazy. "Oh mom, thissmells like my childhood!" And I
had no idea these boys had evennotice that aroma. And so now
it's like on auto ship fromAmazon. Yeah, cuz I'm like, this
makes a difference for them. Itreally does. It's the scent of

(01:12:25):
our home. And we've talked a lotgrowing up about just wanting to
have a good aroma not only inour home, but in our lives. And
so that was just special to meto see how much they cared. You
know about that. That theyremember, that it made a
difference. It symbolizes homefor them. And in that same

(01:12:49):
light, there's beensome, holidaytraditions that we did that the
kids are like, wait, we have todo this at Easter. And I'm like,
oh, they were paying attention.
This mattered. And so I wouldsay that's just a memorable
achievement in something Ididn't even know I was trying to
achieve. But it was a specialoutcome.

Allison (01:13:12):
Yeah, that's a great example. What are your top three
homemaking tips?

Jenn (01:13:18):
I'm happy to share these.
And most of these have beenpicked up from others along the
way, which I'm thankful for. Soone of them that was passed on
to me when I was a young mom wasto prepare the night before for
the next morning. And that'sjust stuck with me. And has
saved countless hours of stress,just taking a little bit of time

(01:13:42):
the night before, whether it'sto get breakfast planned and
start to get the ingredients outor their clothes or get that
lunch box. You know, to have aplan was a big deal. I think the
second one I would offer being amom of teens these days. And
this was passed on to me by amentor mom, whose boys are like

(01:14:05):
five or six years older, was tokeep food on hand. You know,
whether it's just in the freezeror in the pantry. But just to be
ready for when these boys comeand because they're always
hungry, food is a great way tolove on them. And so kind of
like the rice krispie treats Italked about earlier, whatever
it is that kids like, that hasbeen really helpful. And then

(01:14:31):
the third is just again, becausemy bent is organizing and
scheduling was to figure outwhich days of the week to do
what that was just so helpful toknow I don't have to wash the
sheets every day. I don't haveto think about washing the
sheets every day. I know onMondays, that's happening most
weeks. And so I think just kindof knowing what was gonna

(01:14:55):
happen.

Allison (01:14:58):
Yeah, I love that you said, "I don't have to think
about washing the sheets everysingle day because I know it'll
happen on Monday." And thenbeing disciplined to do it on
Monday, because that frees ourbrains up of all that... it
takes up space in our brain whenwe're constantly thinking, I
need to wash the sheets, I needto wash the sheets, I need to
wash the sheets

Jenn (01:15:15):
Right. When did I wash the sheets? It just takes the
guesswork out. And so that wouldbe my third tip.

Allison (01:15:22):
Those are great tips.
Thank you for sharing those. Allright, we're going to end our
time with a little bit ofreflection on the art of home,
which is what we're all abouthere on this show. How do you
believe that homemaking is anart?

Jenn (01:15:37):
I definitely would see it as an art. And when I think
about art, I think about notalways having rules. And what
I've learned over the years isthat what my homemaking journey
might look like can be verydifferent from a real good
friend of mine. And so I thinkof art, like not being the same

(01:16:00):
across the board for people andhaving to realize what that art
looks like for you.

Allison (01:16:08):
It's very individualistic. By the person.
It's unique.

Jenn (01:16:12):
Yeah. Because I remember early on in homemaking, like I
would, I would hear a reallygood idea that works so well,
whether it was meal prep orother things, and I'd share it
with a friend because I justknew that it was going to be
life changing for her too. Andshe's like, I'm not sure that
would work for my family. AndI'm like, "What? But it's so
great." And I have I learnedover the years wait, just

(01:16:35):
because it's great for me doesnot mean everyone else thinks
exactly that it'll be great.

Allison (01:16:41):
And vice versa.

Jenn (01:16:42):
That's right. That's right.

Allison (01:16:45):
Well, how about beauty in the home? A lot of what we do
can be considered sort of menialwork. How do we find beauty in
that?

Jenn (01:16:55):
Yes, I think it's important to zoom out and look
beyond the task at hand andreally think about the why and
what's being accomplished.
Because anything, any outcomethat is achieved takes work. And
so if you step back to thinkwhat am I trying to achieve in
my home? What am I hoping toachieve? And then you link the

(01:17:19):
work to it like, "Oh, well, thisis a way to get there." It makes
it a bigger deal than just thelaundry or the dirty dishes or
dusting. And I think having thatmindset that your home is a
gift. It is a provision and whatare your goals for it? You know,

(01:17:40):
for us, in our family, we wantedour home to be a refuge and a
place of peace. Because outsideof the walls, there's a lot
going against us. you know. Andwe wanted people no matter what
kind of battles they were facingout there during the day, when
they got home that it was aplace of...you know, "I'm safe

(01:18:02):
here." I was asking Cooper as Iwas preparing for our talk
today, about what he valuesabout our home. And I think he
just said he likes that it'spicked up and organized. Just
anything to reduce noise inlife. Like there's so much

(01:18:25):
noise. So when I have a mealplan and I'm not at dinnertime,
like I don't know what we'regoing to do. We have plenty of
nights like that. But it just itbrings peace to the home.

Allison (01:18:38):
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
We know that homemaking isvaluable to us individually to
our family. How do you feel likehomemaking adds value to
communities and society as awhole?

Jenn (01:18:50):
I think as you think about a community and society and
always think about taking careof your people, right? You know,
and if you think about if, ifall the homes in a certain
community were refuges, whatdifference that would make, what

(01:19:10):
impact it would make. We've haddefinite connections with people
over the years and people who'vebeen inside our home, that their
home growing up was not arefuge, or maybe they didn't
have a home growing up and justthe difference it can make to
have that place of acceptanceand strengthening and people

(01:19:34):
cheering for you. And even forsomeone who's single, like
having a place to come home tojust for respite. I think
there's ripple effects to thecommunity and society at large
when people are operating fromthis place of peace and being

(01:19:55):
filled up and provided for. Ithink it would make a lot of
changes.

Allison (01:20:04):
If you could give one piece of advice to a young mom
out there that's listening. Whatwould that advice be?

Jenn (01:20:11):
I would encourage the young mom to find community. And
not just digital community, butin the flesh community. And I
think it's so easy, right now,to first say that, because you
can get so much information fromthe next blog or podcast or just

(01:20:34):
ask a question online and youget 1000s of answers. But I
think being face to face, voiceto voice is, is how we're
wired.... for that, for needingthat. And I don't think anything
can replace that. And I thinkfor a young mom, it can be a

(01:20:56):
season of thinking you're alone.
And I'm the only one dealingwith this. And when you're in a
community, you hear those otherpeople going through similar
things. And you're like, "Oh,you too. It's not just me." And
it makes what you're goingthrough seem a little more
normal. And you can share greattips for the journey with each

(01:21:18):
other.

Allison (01:21:21):
Yeah. That's a great, great word of advice. Well,
thank you so much for spendingtime with us today and sharing
your story.

Jenn (01:21:30):
It's been a real pleasure.
I've loved our visit. And Iappreciate you comeing to our
home today.

Allison (01:21:38):
Thank you so much for joining us today for this
Homemaker Portrait of JennDarnold. We hope you are leaving
here encouraged and inspired toestablish some rhythms in your
practice of The Art of Home.
Maybe you already have some wellestablished housework rhythms.
But how are you doing in otherareas of The Art of Home? Do you
have rhythms for rest and play,for personal growth and

(01:21:59):
development? Whatever yoursituation, start simply, start
with the basics and allowyourself time to grow into your
rhythms. And remember, they areYOUR rhythms not to be compared
with anyone else's. Effectiverhythms are based on what's
important to your family andwhat meets the needs of your
unique circumstances.

(01:22:20):
Jenn shared some fabulous tipsand resources with us in this
Homemaker Portrait today. All ofthose are listed below in the
show notes, as well as on ourwebsite,
theartofhomepodcast.com. Asusual, you can get a peek into
Jenn's home over at the website.
Just go totheartofhomepodcast.com/blog and
click on the link to thisepisode, season three episode
one Homemaking Rhythms with JennDarnold. Connect with us on

(01:22:44):
Instagram @theartofhomepodcast.
We're fairly active over there.
And we would love to meet withyou in those beautiful little
squares. Also, I have somereally big news. We have a
Twitter account! Be patient withme. I've never ever ever had a
Twitter account. So I'mlearning. But what I would
really love to do is engage withyou guys in some conversations
about homemaking on Twitter. Andlet us know what you think over

(01:23:07):
there about these episodes. Whatwas one big takeaway that you
had from Jenn's story toda? Findus on Twitter @TheArtofHome. Now
it is case sensitive. So if youwant to make sure you're getting
the right username, go down tothe links below in the show
notes under "stay in touch withThe Art of Home Podcast" and we
have links to all our socialaccounts there including

(01:23:28):
Twitter. Leave us a reviewwherever you're listening. We
love to hear your reviews. Anykind of feedback is so helpful.
Send us an email if you'd ratherwith questions or comments. We
love to hear from listeners whenyou tell us what specifically
impacted you from a particularepisode or how you were
encouraged or especially how wecould do better with the show,

(01:23:49):
what things you'd like to hearon the show.
contact@theartofhomepodcast.com.
Until next time, keep practicingyour art of making a home

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Homemaking Rhythms | Jenn Darnold

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