Healthy vs. Harmful Conflict: Understanding the Difference

In this episode, Chris and Alisa Grace explore the crucial distinction between healthy and harmful conflict in relationships. They discuss common signs of unhealthy conflict—like harsh startups, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt—and offer practical strategies to help you de-escalate tension, communicate effectively, and foster greater emotional connection.

They dive into topics such as recognizing emotional flooding, using gentle startups, labeling emotions accurately, taking healthy time-outs, and practicing gratitude and repair after conflict. With Scripture, psychology, and personal stories, they provide a clear roadmap to transform conflict into a tool for growth and deeper understanding.

Whether you're dealing with roommates, coworkers, extended family, close friends, or a spouse, this episode offers valuable advice to improve your communication, regulate emotions, and build lasting relational trust.

Resources Mentioned:

• Understanding Feelings and Emotions in Conflict — Resource that helps couples identify and express their emotions during conflict, using a feelings word list, the Speaker-Listener Technique, and a conflict cycle exercise to promote empathy, clarity, and healthier communication.
• Blue Trust (Colby Gilmore) – Biblically-centered financial planning and investment management for couples and individuals.

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• Website: cmr.biola.edu
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About the Hosts:

Chris Grace, Ph.D., and Alisa Grace are passionate about helping people build and sustain healthy relationships. As leaders of the Biola University Center for Marriage and Relationships, they combine the wisdom of Scripture with scholarly research to offer practical advice and insights. Learn more about their work at cmr.biola.edu.