Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to The
Artist is In, where creativity
doesn't stay inside the lines.
We're your hosts, Kat Collinsand Nina Buthansing, two artists
sharing real, unfilteredconversations about the creative
life.
SPEAKER_02 (00:14):
Whether we're
chatting with each other or
interviewing fellow artists,we're here to explore the heart
of making art and what it meansto keep showing up.
Let's dive in.
SPEAKER_00 (00:25):
Hey friends, welcome
back to The Artist is In with
Nina and Kat.
How are you guys doing today?
We've been thinking about how wecompare our work, our practices,
even ourselves to other artists.
When is it too much?
Can it paralyze our creativeflow?
How does it affect how we viewourselves?
SPEAKER_02 (00:46):
In this episode,
we'll discuss the impact
comparing ourselves and our workto others has on our body and
mind.
How can we positively usecomparison without beating
ourselves up or wishing we couldor should do more?
Do you ever find yourselfscrolling through social media
or surfing the web desiringsomething better, something
(01:07):
more, or asking yourself, whycan't I do it like that?
Let's take a moment and see whatunfolds.
So how are you today, Kat?
SPEAKER_00 (01:17):
Doing all right.
Battling the allergies andragweed, which is lovely.
SPEAKER_02 (01:22):
Ragweed season is
the worst.
SPEAKER_00 (01:25):
It is.
It is.
Trees are the worst for me, butthis doesn't help.
SPEAKER_02 (01:29):
Yeah.
Trees and ragweed are, I think,my top
SPEAKER_00 (01:35):
two.
I
SPEAKER_01 (01:36):
hear
SPEAKER_00 (01:37):
you.
Yeah.
No, it's not.
How are things going with you?
SPEAKER_02 (01:41):
Pretty good.
I will be able to share someexciting news, hopefully with
our next episode.
Yeah,
SPEAKER_00 (01:49):
I can't wait.
Very excited for you.
SPEAKER_02 (01:51):
Thank you.
It's so slightly hush-hush.
And my solo show opens thismonth, which I'm super stoked
about.
That's right.
So many good things.
Yeah, I'm very excited.
You have a lot coming.
Yeah, I'm...
I'm feeling good.
SPEAKER_00 (02:12):
Good, good.
Are you as exhausted as youwere?
SPEAKER_02 (02:15):
No, I had a nice
weekend to recharge and I went
down to...
Forsyth National Wildlife Refugein New Jersey.
And I saw a ton of amazing birdsthat I never even knew existed.
(02:37):
So that was a really nice,relaxing, fun day.
And then I've just been kind oftying up some loose ends and
enjoying the last bits ofsummer.
It
SPEAKER_00 (02:49):
is that.
It's already cooler.
Fall is coming.
I don't need it.
No, I don't either.
I don't either.
I was kind of sad the other day,though, when I saw leaves
starting to fall.
And I was like, oh.
SPEAKER_02 (03:04):
I know.
I do get sad because especiallyit's quieter in the mornings.
There's not many birds becausemigration already started.
But that cool air in the morningand the evening, it's just, it's
so comforting.
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
Yeah, this is my
kind of weather.
Forget that 90 and above crap.
SPEAKER_02 (03:23):
And we're both
September babies.
SPEAKER_00 (03:26):
Yes, we are.
So
SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
happy birth month to
both you and me.
SPEAKER_00 (03:30):
Yes, yes.
Happy birth month.
We won't tell anyone our age.
No, no.
I honestly, I forget.
Somebody asked me the other dayand I said, I don't know.
I think it's this age, but I'dhave to actually do the math to
remember.
And I actually, I asked my wifelater and she said, no, you just
(03:50):
made yourself a year older.
I said, well, okay.
SPEAKER_02 (03:55):
I didn't think that
it was a real thing that you
start to forget, but definitelyafter 30, I started to forget.
SPEAKER_00 (04:06):
Yeah.
Yeah, mine was when I hit my40s.
So
SPEAKER_02 (04:11):
yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (04:11):
All good.
We're not discussing anymore.
Let's discuss comparisoninstead.
Yes.
That's what we're here fortoday.
Yes.
So it's impossible not tocompare our artistic past to
that of others.
We all do it.
It can be beneficial at times,but if we're not mindful, we can
(04:32):
cause disruption within ourcreative self.
Comparison is, for a definitionis the process of analyzing two
or more artworks, artists, orstyles to identify similarities
and differences.
And it can help reveal insightsinto unique qualities,
(04:52):
historical context, culturalinfluences, and artistic trends.
However, if we do it too much,then it can become a problem.
Correct.
So when have you causeddisruption within your creative
self by comparing your work toanother artist?
(05:12):
What were the effects of that?
SPEAKER_02 (05:13):
For me personally, I
fill myself with self-doubt and
that feeling of not being worthyor inadequate and So I'm a
perfectionist, but I'm also aprocrastinator.
And sometimes, especially whenprocrastinating, I will doom
(05:39):
scroll on social media.
And I start questioning my ownskills.
I question my path as an artist.
You know, am I doing the rightthing?
Why is this person seeminglysucceeding so much and I feel
(06:03):
like I'm sometimes stuck inreverse?
And that's when it can actuallyfeel like you're paralyzed.
And I don't know if that's partof having a creative block or if
that's just beating myself up somuch.
(06:24):
Because not only do I startcomparing my work to other
artists' work, but I'll startcomparing myself.
And when we start comparingourself to others, I think that
really damages us even morementally.
SPEAKER_00 (06:42):
How do you
SPEAKER_02 (06:44):
feel about
SPEAKER_00 (06:45):
that?
No, I agree.
I agree.
I had this problem a few monthsago.
specifically with another artistthat I got very envious of on
social media.
And it's funny because I adoreher as a person.
I know her personally.
I love her artwork.
I think it's amazing.
And I was feeling this.
(07:06):
It was so weird, but I wasfeeling this beating.
I don't know how to describe it.
I'm beating myself up orsomething like that because I
wanted to create work like hers.
and be that expressive andemotional in my work because she
does it in such a fluid, moreabstract way than what I do.
(07:29):
And I was like, well, now I suckas an artist.
I kept spiraling and saying whatI do isn't good enough and all
of those kinds of things.
And then I had to remind myselfthat I don't need to create
artwork like hers.
There is room for both of us.
(07:49):
And I do express emotion just inmy own way.
And it takes on more of alandscape feel where I realized
her is more loud and outspoken.
Mine tends to be a little bitquieter and more subtle in the
way we express things.
And we need both of that.
(08:11):
But it definitely took a toll onmy thinking about myself and
about what I'm doing.
Same with when I see an artistsucceed or get into a show that
I want to be a part of and Ididn't.
Or they made it to an art fairthat I'm not a part of.
And even though I have done alot of successful things, it's
(08:33):
in those moments I'm like, oh,well...
I must suck as an artist becauseI'm not doing as well as they're
doing.
Or I'm not selling a paintingthat they're selling as much as
they are.
And I will tell you what, socialmedia is the biggest driver of
this.
Because when you're scrollingthrough it and you start seeing
(08:54):
all these successful posts, andwhile I am super excited for
people and happy that they'resucceeding, there's always that
little twinge that I'm not doingenough.
And I'm not good enough and I'mnot making it.
I'm not creating art that peoplelike enough to buy, you know.
And it's this cycle that I getstuck in.
SPEAKER_02 (09:16):
It is.
It is a vicious cycle.
And I definitely relate toeverything that you said,
especially when it comes to artshows.
There was actually one recentlythat I had applied for and a lot
(09:38):
of my artist friends had made itinto the show and I didn't.
And I was legitimately butthurt.
And I mean, there were a fewpeople that said that they were
surprised I didn't make it, butI took a step back and I
reminded myself, you know, thereare hundreds of works that are
(10:05):
being submitted to a lot ofthese shows and one person
curating.
UNKNOWN (10:12):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02 (10:13):
And it doesn't
necessarily mean that your work
is good or bad or, you know, itcould simply be that it just, it
wasn't the right fit.
It wasn't the style maybe thatthe gallery or the curator was
leaning towards.
(10:35):
Also, if you can only select somany, I'm sure the curator or
the gallerist has a difficulttime selecting the work as well.
And I've experienced thatrunning my own gallery, where
sometimes I have to reallynarrow it down to what's going
(10:57):
to get into a specific show.
And it pains me sometimes to notaccept certain works.
But it's just, I think what I'mtrying to say is we have to be
mindful of all of the factorsinstead of attacking ourselves
right away and saying, well, I'mnot good enough.
(11:19):
I'm not worthy.
My art sucks.
This person is doing it better.
Look at all the stuff they'veaccomplished.
We really have to look at thewhole picture.
And I always try to remindmyself and I'll remind Thank you
(11:39):
so much for joining us.
A lot of social media is wellthought out and staged or
(12:00):
planned so that we just see thissmall piece into somebody's
world.
We rarely see the blood, thesweat, the tears, the grit, the
rawness.
And I think it's important toremember that we all have
sleepless nights.
We all go through battles,trauma, have frustrations that
(12:22):
lead up to the happy moments.
And I think it's okay to compareour work to others.
I think it can be a good thing,but we don't want it to eat at
us.
UNKNOWN (12:41):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (12:41):
Yeah, I think it's
helpful at times to compare our
art.
And maybe compare is not thebest word for that, but at least
to critique it so that we keepgrowing and getting better.
Because some of this sometimesis we may be upset we're not
hitting certain goals that wesee other artists getting, but
(13:05):
it could just be where we at inour journey.
Maybe we're not as advanced assomebody else is.
I have have to look at the factthat, well, yes, this person's
doing this, but they've alsodone this, this, this, and this,
and I didn't.
So, you know, am I putting thework in to get where I want to
be too?
SPEAKER_02 (13:25):
And it's not a
competition.
It's not a race.
You know, we all go at our ownpace.
SPEAKER_00 (13:31):
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02 (13:32):
And I personally
tend to forget that.
UNKNOWN (13:40):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (13:40):
Yeah, I always want
to be like 30 steps farther than
where I'm at at the moment.
And I have to remind myself,take it step by step and you
will get there eventually.
Doesn't matter when.
SPEAKER_02 (13:55):
Exactly.
I mean, you will.
And looking back at things thatboth you and I have
accomplished, I think that we'redoing a pretty
SPEAKER_00 (14:07):
great job.
I would say so.
I think that's important, too,to remind yourself that.
like keep a journal or somethingor a word document or a note
somewhere listing all the thingsthat you have done
SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
and
SPEAKER_00 (14:26):
keeping track of
accomplishments positive things
people have said like often ifsomebody comments on an artwork
or something on social mediathat's positive for me I'll
screenshot it and save it justso I can look back and say oh
well yeah I did do that oh yeahthey did like that and you know
instead of so I don't Yeah.
(14:48):
You know, it reminds me that,hey, you are doing good things.
You are.
Well, thank you.
We are.
We are.
We are.
Absolutely.
I did want to mention youbrought up art shows and I see
this a lot from artists.
(15:09):
Yeah, exactly.
(15:35):
As an artist who has applied tohundreds of shows, For every one
I get in, there's like 20 thathave said no.
And I have learned, yes,sometimes it's crushing.
There is a show starting soonthat I didn't get in.
And I was pretty upset about itbecause a lot of people I know
(15:56):
are in it.
SPEAKER_02 (15:57):
I wonder if it's the
same one we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00 (15:59):
It probably is, yes.
I believe so.
I'm so happy.
I'm excited for the show and I'mso happy.
I know.
I am.
SPEAKER_02 (16:09):
But yeah, sometimes
Sometimes you're like,
SPEAKER_00 (16:11):
ah, I know, like,
I'll see an ad for it.
I'm like, well, foodie on you.
You know, but then at the sametime, I'm really excited for a
lot of my friends who are in it,you know, because they're very
excited.
It's a big thing for them.
So sometimes it's a bitter pillto swallow.
And it's okay to be upset.
There's nothing wrong with that.
(16:32):
It's what you do with that thatis what matters.
Yes.
You know, turn that into actionin how can I improve on the next
one?
Maybe it's choosing one of yourother paintings for something or
artwork or, you know, findingout from somebody if they could
critique what you do or maybeit's how you wrote your artist
statement.
(16:53):
It can be anything.
Or it's just you don't fit thetheme of what the juror had in
their head for that moment.
But I think the biggest thing isI've learned is don't take it
personally.
It's nothing against you.
SPEAKER_02 (17:07):
And a lot of times,
too, it can also do with...
While a curator is selectingwork, they're thinking about how
these pieces will work togetheras a whole.
And I never thought much aboutthat until I started doing it
(17:32):
for a living.
And it's like, okay, well, Ican't have this one that maybe
is, you know, dark and gloomywhen everything else is happy
and vibrant and joyful.
You know,
SPEAKER_00 (17:49):
just it doesn't
work.
Right.
And I think as artists, we don'tthink of those things.
You know, we just think, oh,well, they hate me.
SPEAKER_02 (17:59):
You know, there's a
lot of self-loathing.
I'm terrible.
I know.
I should have never gone to high
SPEAKER_00 (18:11):
school.
Everyone hates me.
I know.
Anybody who's in the arts, weall have this emotional drama.
It happens a lot.
SPEAKER_02 (18:21):
I hope everyone
enjoys my angry, raspy voice.
SPEAKER_00 (18:27):
Oh, goodness.
SPEAKER_02 (18:29):
So, this is...
A little side thought that Ihad.
Well, I shouldn't say that Ihad.
I was looking through Reddit andthen someone made a metaphor
about art and like your work ina sandwich.
And I thought it was funny andactually relatable.
(18:54):
So I want to share it witheveryone and then discuss a
little bit.
They said, You know, that's areally good sandwich.
(19:27):
Use Dijon mustard instead ofplain yellow.
I should try some of that.
Or, they slice the ham superthin with that one.
I wonder if that makes adifference.
So I laughed when I saw this.
And I really just want to take aminute and talk about our art as
if it were a sandwich.
SPEAKER_00 (19:48):
I have to say, this
is a new perspective.
SPEAKER_02 (19:52):
Maybe I was hungry
when I read this.
But I also do really like a goodsandwich.
But I mean, I think, you know,when we're talking about
comparisons, this is a goodmetaphor.
I mean, you know, Maybe you likea lot of mayo on your sandwich.
The mayo could be like gelmedium.
(20:16):
Some artists use a lot of gelmedium and texture.
You know, does that make theircomposition better or worse than
yours?
Or is it just the style and howit's presented?
I also thought of bagels.
You know, how can you, like,spruce up a plain bagel?
(20:39):
I don't know.
Maybe add a little bit of mixedberry cream cheese.
Or if you're feeling reallyfancy, get the cream cheese that
has the chopped walnuts in it.
SPEAKER_00 (20:50):
Now I'm going to
have to get a bagel today.
I
SPEAKER_02 (20:52):
just had an
everything
SPEAKER_00 (20:55):
bagel.
Oh, love me a good bagel.
SPEAKER_02 (20:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (20:58):
No, I agree.
Especially in comparison, youcould take this as the good part
of comparison, where if you'retrying to find new ways to
enhance your work or dosomething different, and you see
somebody else's work, that didsomething different.
And you're like, maybe I can trythat and incorporate it into
(21:20):
what I do.
Like I do that a lot because Ido mixed media.
And sometimes I don't think ofother mediums that beyond the
ones I use all the time.
And so sometimes it gives methat idea and I'm like, oh, they
layered this kind of paper orthin paint over something else.
(21:41):
You know, just like you wouldlayer the thin ham, which, by
the way, I don't like ham.
So for me, it'd be like turkeyor roast beef.
Yeah.
You know, and yeah, and I knowwe can talk about food and make
this a food podcast.
Anyway.
But yeah, so I mean, I can seethat.
I'm
SPEAKER_02 (22:01):
going to start.
painting with ham slices.
SPEAKER_00 (22:07):
Hey, they do it in
fashion.
Wasn't it Gaga who wore a meat
SPEAKER_02 (22:10):
dress?
I was just going to say.
Yes.
Lady Gaga and the meat dress.
SPEAKER_00 (22:15):
Yep.
It can be done.
I
SPEAKER_02 (22:17):
loved Lady Gaga, but
I couldn't look at that meat
SPEAKER_00 (22:19):
dress.
No, that was a little rough.
Yeah, I don't know if I'd useactual meat in my paintings
either, but you never know.
People use everything.
People have used poop.
They've used urine.
They've used blood.
They You know, it could be.
You'd have to find a way topreserve it unless it rotting is
(22:39):
an aspect you want.
SPEAKER_02 (22:42):
I mean, you might
find some dog hair in my pieces.
SPEAKER_00 (22:45):
Well, I know I have
cat hair, so...
SPEAKER_02 (22:48):
Not intentionally.
SPEAKER_00 (22:51):
All right, we can
move on from the sandwich thing
because one, it's making mehungry, and two, the rotting
part is making me grossed out,so...
SPEAKER_02 (23:01):
Sorry about that.
SPEAKER_00 (23:03):
No, it's all good.
It's all good.
That is funny, though.
SPEAKER_02 (23:07):
So...
I'd like to talk a little bitabout what we can learn through
comparison and how we find ourcreative voice.
There's a quote that I'd like toshare by T.S.
Eliot.
Immature poets imitate, maturepoets steal.
Bad poets deface what they take,and good poets make it into
(23:28):
something better, or at leastsomething different.
The good poet welds his theftinto a whole feeling which is
unique, utterly different fromwhich it was torn.
So...
It takes me 84 years to finish abook.
I am the world's slowest reader,but I love to read.
(23:52):
And I love, I love books.
I sound like Ron Burgundy fromAnchorman.
There you go.
I have a desk of mahogany.
So a lot of these, I have, Ihaven't, handful of books that I
(24:13):
haven't gotten all the waythrough yet, but I like to use
them as research.
I'll skim through them, etc.
And I have one book calledFinding Your Artistic Voice by
Lisa Condon.
And in chapter four...
Lisa highlights navigatinginfluence, and there's a few
different key points that shetouches on, but there's two that
(24:36):
I'd like to discuss with youtoday, Kat.
And their influence is allaround us, and nothing is
original.
So I'm going to start withnothing is original, and then we
can bounce back to the otherpoint.
But I really saw that when Istarted art school.
(24:58):
We are learning techniques andstyles from the beginning of
time.
It's hard to come up with yourown original style, and there's
nothing wrong with that.
I think sometimes we're like,well, I have to be the only one
that does this particular thing.
(25:20):
How do you feel about that?
SPEAKER_00 (25:22):
Yeah, I agree.
I think we feel pressuresometimes as artists to be quote
unquote original.
And you may be in the way thatyou're thinking about your
artwork.
But I do agree that nothing isoriginal anymore.
I think when art movementstarted back in the day and
hundreds of years ago, it wasoriginal because it hadn't been
(25:45):
thought of yet when thingschanged and you go from realism
to impressionist to pop art andabstract expressionism and all
these things, they weredrastically different.
Now we take a lot of what we'velearned and kind of mesh them
all together is how I feel.
(26:05):
We don't, yeah, some peoplestick within certain boundaries
of certain styles and, But likein my case, I don't, I pull from
a lot of different aspects.
I tend to gravitate towards theexpressionist intuitive style,
but that doesn't, My paintingstyle doesn't really fit a
(26:27):
class, which is good and bad, Isuppose.
I understand that.
But yeah, so I agree thatnothing's original.
You're bouncing ideas off ofeverything.
You're learning from what yousee and what you've come before.
I mean, most artists learn fromcopying other people's work.
(26:50):
Yes.
I mean, even when I went to artschool, we did it.
We would learn from the masters.
And we would create work thatwas similar to their work to
learn how they did what theydid.
And I think the key to that isyou then translate it into your
own work.
Yes.
(27:11):
But I agree,
SPEAKER_02 (27:12):
yeah.
I mean, I remember one of thefirst pieces that I did In high
school, we were learning aboutVan Gogh, and now I went to a
private school, and we didn'thave much of an art program at
all.
So the art instructor justprinted off a few pictures of
(27:37):
Van Gogh, and it was kind oflike, okay, now paint this, but
your way.
So we weren't really learning.
We didn't really learn techniquefrom our teacher or much of the
history.
But I was able to look at thatphoto and pull from it what I
(28:00):
felt maybe Van Gogh wanted.
Yeah, I mean,
SPEAKER_00 (28:06):
and that's how we
learn.
I still do it now.
If I see an artist that did atechnique that I'm amazed by,
and I'm like, oh, how in theworld did she do this?
Or he do this?
You know, I'm...
I will sometimes try to recreatewhat they did.
Now, it will never look exactlythe way that they made because I
(28:27):
don't have that ability to dothat because I always end up
putting my own twist on itanyway.
But doing that allows me tolearn new techniques and new
ways of seeing and doing things,which I think is important for
all of us to do.
And that is how– number one,using comparison in a good way,
(28:48):
and then helps you find yourcreative voice because It's kind
of like finding your clothingstyle.
You're trying on differentthings.
We all go through those periodsas elementary school and
teenagers and in college.
Maybe one year we're goth, thenext year we're nerdy, the next
year we dress as ballerinas orthe 80s where we wore the leg
(29:12):
warmers and the tights.
Back when I was in school in the90s, which are coming back in
style now, and I'm like, I don'twant to wear this now.
I wore this back then.
I know.
But we used to peg our jeans atthe bottom, which is where we
would fold them and be tightagainst our ankles.
But the rest of our jeans werebaggy.
(29:32):
It was really the dumbestlooking thing when I look at
pictures now.
But I kind of see it as likethat where you're trying on
different things until you findwhat really fits and expresses
your voice and what you want tosay.
SPEAKER_02 (29:47):
And I agree with,
you know, it is okay to Copy
people's work in the sense ofusing it as a tool.
Using it as a tool to grow yourskill set.
Now, obviously, it is completelywrong to copy somebody's work
(30:11):
explicitly and sell it as yourown.
SPEAKER_01 (30:14):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02 (30:17):
But...
There is always, I mean, Iremember, again, back in art
school, you know, we used otherartists' work as reference all
the time.
I had a lot of pieces, probably,I think it was my junior and
senior year at Kutztown.
(30:39):
I was studying artists GerhardRichter and Laura Owens.
And I...
use them as reference for a lotof my works in undergrad.
I wasn't copying what they weredoing, but I was influenced by
(31:00):
them.
That goes back to the influencesall around us.
What is influencing us and whereare we pulling some
SPEAKER_00 (31:12):
of our ideas from?
It makes me think of the book Iread not too long ago called
Steal Like an Artist by AustinKleon.
If you haven't read it, I highlyrecommend it.
SPEAKER_02 (31:22):
I've seen that book
and I am Very interested.
SPEAKER_00 (31:25):
It's a very easy
read.
So you could read it reallyquickly.
Are you sure?
Yes, I am absolutely positive.
But his whole idea is the factthat nothing's original.
Nothing is entirely new.
All art's built on what camebefore.
But it's about being selectiveand having inspiration from the
(31:48):
previous works and notimitation.
You know, the key is totransform it and encourages
artists to collect whatresonates with them and
transform it into somethingunique from their own
perspective.
And that recognizing that allcreative work is a remix of
previous ideas.
I also...
SPEAKER_02 (32:09):
That term, remix of
previous ideas.
SPEAKER_00 (32:12):
Yeah.
So, I mean, so he's not sayingliterally steal somebody's work
and make it your own.
Because, number one, that'swrong.
Ethically, morally, and legally.
You'll go to jail.
Yes, you can.
And violate copyright laws.
But...
What it involves, he calls itgood theft.
(32:33):
It involves transforming thestolen material into your own
unique creation.
So much like an artist adapts aborrowed move to their own body
type, like he refers to NBAlegend Kobe Bryant.
He described stealing aparticular move from another
basketball player and made ithis own.
(32:55):
And then it became actually akey aspect of him and his
performance.
So it's the idea that we shouldalways be actively consuming and
curating and collecting ideas,passages from books, interesting
situations.
creating a file for inspirationbecause that's the influence
(33:15):
that's all around us.
But then take that and make itinto our own voice and to put
that back out there.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
SPEAKER_02 (33:31):
I'm probably going
to order that book now.
SPEAKER_00 (33:34):
Yes, you should.
I like there's a line that saysessentially stealing like an
artist is a permission to be acreative kleptomaniac.
I was like, yeah, I can be that.
You know, taking what inspiresyou from everywhere and making
it your own, which is what weall do as artists.
SPEAKER_02 (33:55):
Yeah, I mean, it's
the same with, I mean, this
Slightly off topic, but it's thesame with like cooking.
You know, you're borrowing,especially like you're borrowing
from other cultures, baking aswell.
But I think that we can tie thatinto many aspects of our life.
UNKNOWN (34:18):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02 (34:19):
We're here to talk
about art.
And sometimes sandwiches.
SPEAKER_00 (34:25):
Yeah, everything
else we could be talking forever
in a day.
So
SPEAKER_02 (34:31):
with that, I want to
take a little turn to go along
with comparison.
We also, many times, we also mayfeel big or small.
And what I mean by that is, sorecently I took a movement class
at the Calm Space.
It's a holistic center in theLehigh Valley.
(34:52):
And during part of that class,we talked about making space for
ourselves and making space forothers.
And we discussed situations inwhich we might feel big or
small.
our work to other artists, otherindividuals, we might feel big,
(35:16):
we might feel small.
And big meaning confidence,assertiveness, you know, you're
taking up space.
And then small, there's positiveand negative to both.
But with small, a lot of timesthat can, when we say, oh, I
feel small, it can stem from lowself-esteem or anxiety or maybe
(35:38):
feeling unworthy.
But the healthy side ofsmallness is greater generosity,
pro-social behaviors.
Not shaming yourself, notshaming others, no
self-loathing.
But also, when it comes to beingyour big self, it's okay to
(35:59):
embrace it.
Kat, has there ever been a timewhere you felt big or maybe you
felt small or both in your artcareer?
SPEAKER_00 (36:14):
Yeah, definitely
both, I would say.
I find I often make myselfsmall.
SPEAKER_02 (36:21):
Me too.
SPEAKER_00 (36:23):
You know, and it's
not so much as like I'm trying
to get out of the way of otherpeople.
It's more I don't think I'mworthy enough or I don't think
I'm good enough.
And I know where it stems fromand things like that.
But it's kind of I have.
My personality can be a littledifferent sometimes.
(36:45):
I think differently from people.
I tend to have a very dry senseof humor, a little sarcasm.
Sometimes I say things atinappropriate times.
Me too.
Yeah.
And I feel like my artwork isdifferent, that it doesn't fit
(37:07):
anything in the norm ortraditional.
And so I find at times I makemyself smaller because of all of
that.
You know, that I feel I am notgoing to be accepted, that I
don't fit in.
And so it's kind of aself-protective measure to make
(37:29):
myself small before somebodyelse can make me feel that way.
Yeah.
And it holds me back, to behonest with you.
It's something I've dealt with alot this past year.
in trying to figure things outand where I want my work to go,
what I'm really wanting tocreate.
I don't think I've ever reallyshared this with people a whole
(37:52):
lot.
There was a painting I createdlast year in January that was
purely abstract, veryexpressive, extremely different
for me.
And I was so excited by it.
And I didn't show it to anybodyfor months.
I hid it.
(38:13):
I'm really uncomfortable withthis.
Because I don't think people aregoing to like it.
I felt like it was me.
Truly me.
And I was afraid that it wasgoing to not be accepted at all.
(38:34):
And Oh, wow.
Yeah.
(38:59):
And I thought, I'll put a reallylarge price on it because it was
a large painting.
It was like a 30 by 40.
So it's not little.
And I thought, well, I'll takeit as just a bigger piece to
have there that people will seeand catch their attention.
I'll put a big price on itbecause I really didn't want to
get rid of it to start with.
And then brought some other workwith me.
And a woman approached me andsaid she loved it.
(39:21):
And I was like, oh, well, that'sreally cool.
You know, it's the first timeI've seen the light of day.
And she's like, I want to buyit.
And I laughed thinking she waskidding.
And she's like, no, here's mycredit card.
I'm like, what?
I was in shock.
And I sold it to her.
That's amazing.
So it's a little bittersweetbecause I wish I still had it.
SPEAKER_02 (39:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (39:43):
But I was stunned
because I was like, I, for the
first time, felt like I puttruly me out there.
And it was immediately accepted.
SPEAKER_02 (39:53):
You embraced your
big self.
SPEAKER_00 (39:56):
I did.
And then what did I do?
I went backwards in what Icreate.
And I have never created apainting like that since.
Really?
Yep.
I stepped backwards, went backto what I was comfortable with.
Did a series that sort ofembraced that, but not
(40:16):
completely.
And that series has not beenaccepted that well.
And I think it's because Ididn't put my full self in it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:24):
And
SPEAKER_00 (40:26):
I think people can
tell.
So it's that whole idea, I justmade myself small again because
now I'm like, okay, that wasscary.
I'm not going to do this again.
You know, so, you know, itdefinitely affects the work we
create as artists when we dothis to ourselves.
(40:46):
And I've been...
Trying to push myself to go backto that route or at least a
version of it and step back intothat space.
You know, what I create now Ithink is great, but I know
there's more that I can do.
SPEAKER_02 (41:03):
Yeah.
I would love to see this.
Peace at some point if you havea picture of it.
SPEAKER_00 (41:09):
I do.
I have a picture.
It's not the greatest picturebecause it was in my basement.
So the lighting sucked.
But yeah, I can show it to youat some point.
Maybe I'll share it on socialmedia to let people see.
I have shared it since then, butnot very much.
Okay.
I think it was like right afterI sold it, I shared it.
And that was the last time Ishared it.
So, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (41:31):
It's interesting how
we...
can make ourselves feel sosmall.
And this is not necessarily artrelated, but I was working in a
non-art career prior to runningthe gallery.
(41:52):
And I was held back from a lot.
Unfortunately, it was from dueto management above me.
And I felt every day, I justfelt so small, felt like I
couldn't do enough for them tobe satisfied.
(42:14):
And I had gone to leadership atone point because it got to a
point where it was getting sobad that it was eating away at
my mental health.
And I kept a little journal inmy desk drawer just to write my
thoughts and feelings down.
And I still have some of thosejournal entries.
A lot of them I actually rippedup and threw out after I left
(42:39):
because I didn't want to thinkabout it anymore.
But I have these journal entriesthat I repeatedly wrote down
that I felt like I was beingstuffed into a box that I didn't
fit into, that I didn't belonginto.
And I think that was probably mybrain saying, hey, you're bigger
(43:06):
than this.
But I was too afraid to.
to like give myself the spacebecause there there was there
was someone else that was takingup so much space in my life that
I needed I felt that I needed tomake myself so small and I
(43:27):
struggled for a long time withit and I mean yeah it does
reflect in my artwork because Istill have these thoughts that
creep up in my head sometimes.
It's like, you're not worthy ofthis.
What are you doing?
And that's where that bigfeeling comes in where it is
(43:53):
okay.
As long as you're not being ana-hole, it's okay to make
yourself big.
And great things can come frommaking yourself big as you
experience with that piece.
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (44:10):
Yeah, I think about
in the corporate world where I
used to be as well, a lot of thetimes when I made myself big, I
was punished for it becausesomebody didn't like it.
SPEAKER_02 (44:21):
Yep.
SPEAKER_00 (44:21):
And usually it was a
boss.
Mm-hmm.
And then they felt threatenedby, you know, that I would take
their job or I have no idea.
Who knows?
Breach.
At this point.
But, you know, so when thathappens several times- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
(44:50):
When it comes to art, it's thefear of not being accepted.
Even though I'm a big proponentof create authentic work and
create for yourself and all ofthat kind of thing, doing that
is also super freaking scary.
Because you're putting yourvulnerable self out there.
And now it's out there to bejudged by everybody and their
(45:14):
brother.
SPEAKER_02 (45:14):
And people will
judge it.
Oh, absolutely they will.
And people will be mean.
SPEAKER_00 (45:20):
Yes, they will.
You know, that's where limitingsocial media sometimes comes in
handy.
So, you know, in talking aboutthis, it, There is healthy ways
to do this and ways to comparewith a healthy mindset.
We've mentioned a few as we'vebeen talking and using our own
creative voice and embracing ourbig self.
(45:42):
You know, I took that step ofputting that painting out there
and just say, okay, I'll try alittle step and went much bigger
than I thought it was.
I'm proud of you for that.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
My hope is to get back therebecause now it's been a year of
making myself smaller again.
SPEAKER_01 (46:01):
Even
SPEAKER_00 (46:02):
though I'm creating
good work, I'm not where I want
to be.
I
SPEAKER_02 (46:07):
understand that.
It also might...
Be you being a little hard onyourself because, again, I'll
say it again, your Submerge showwas phenomenal.
Well, thank you.
Thank
SPEAKER_00 (46:21):
you.
SPEAKER_02 (46:22):
But I know that we
always want to do more.
And you know what's in yourheart.
UNKNOWN (46:29):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (46:29):
Well, I think as
artists, it's always important
that we're staying curious,being willing to grow all the
time and expand what we do andpush ourselves.
You know, frankly, I would getbored if I did the same thing
over and over and over again.
I don't have the mindset forthat.
SPEAKER_02 (46:45):
Neither do I.
Always something new.
SPEAKER_00 (46:51):
Yes.
So, I mean, we talked aboutcomparing for self-improvement,
not self-destruction, and thehealthier ways of comparing and
using that to grow our ownunique voice, focusing on our
own creative journey, notsomebody else's journey, because
everybody's in a differentplace.
And just because I want to bewhere somebody else is, it
(47:16):
doesn't mean I'm ready to bethere either, too.
I think sometimes we want tojump ahead and skip several
steps to get certain places.
I'm very impatient.
So it's like, no, I want thisnow.
And I'm like, no, wait, I'm notreally not ready for it now if I
look at it in reality.
SPEAKER_02 (47:38):
I'm the same way.
That impatientness just sits onmy shoulder.
SPEAKER_00 (47:44):
Practicing
consistently.
is a good way to embrace yourbig self.
I always think about something Iread and for life me, I cannot
remember the book I read it in,but it's creating every day and
showing up in the studio, evenwhen you don't want to.
And just keep practicing, keeptrying, you know, it's not, make
(48:10):
one painting and you expect tobe successful.
And I think this happens withyoung artists a lot where they
create one great work and thenthey expect great things at that
moment, which can happen.
It does happen, but it's rare.
That's less than 1%.
Being consistent in the studioand getting that practice in
(48:30):
really will build that.
Plus it helps you find yourvoice more when you do that.
SPEAKER_02 (48:36):
Oh yeah.
I have, I mean, I have...
I'm looking right now in mystudio.
I have at least three or fourpieces on the wall that I
consider just straight poopright now.
But then I have one piece thatI'm like, I love where this is
going and I'm afraid to touchit.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
(48:56):
But we have to take those risks.
Yes.
Trust our gut.
SPEAKER_00 (49:01):
Yep.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I think...
That's a big one is willing totake those risks and being
willing to fail and accept thatwe have paintings that will
never work or artwork that willnever work.
And that's okay.
You need the failures to getbetter.
But one thing you can do isshare your work, have critique
(49:24):
groups, people you trust whowill offer honest critique
without tearing you down, whichI think is important.
SPEAKER_02 (49:32):
I'm very open to
that, by the way.
If anyone's out there and wantsto do something like that,
because I'm afraid of critiquegroups.
Yes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (49:46):
I get afraid of it
because I don't want it to be an
attack on me.
Yes.
You know, there, there is a wayyou do this without being
degrading to the artist.
But there's healthy critique.
SPEAKER_01 (50:01):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (50:01):
So make sure whoever
you trust to do that, they
understand that.
And letting go of limitingperceptions.
I think that's part of why I'mstaying small
SPEAKER_01 (50:14):
and
SPEAKER_00 (50:16):
needing to let go of
some things that aren't true.
But
SPEAKER_02 (50:22):
yeah.
And we also, to that point, wealso have to accept the
imperfections.
SPEAKER_00 (50:29):
Yeah.
And we have to set healthyboundaries.
And I think it's important thatjournaling is a big part of this
for me is identifying what youlove about yourself and your
work and being vulnerable aboutit.
A lot of what I paint, I willsit down and journal about it,
especially if I'm working on aseries and, because it helps me
figure number one figure outwhat the heck I'm doing and what
(50:51):
is tying everything together butthen it's also finding out what
the thread is what the theme iswhat I like what I don't like
why don't I like something andwhy do I like something and it
gives me ideas to explorefurther after this series too
when I come back to it and so Ithink that's an important thing
(51:12):
to do so
SPEAKER_02 (51:15):
Earlier this year, I
started writing, like putting
little sayings or thoughts orsmall, like super short poems on
the backs of my canvases as Iwas working.
And that kind of became a formof journaling for me.
(51:35):
And sometimes I'll startpainting and then I'll flip the
painting over and I see theselittle quotes that I wrote down
and it ends up inspiring morefor the piece.
So I do agree with that 100%with the journaling.
Any type of journaling you cando, even if it's 30 seconds,
(51:57):
just jot something down.
I think it really helps open thedoors for new ideas.
SPEAKER_00 (52:03):
Yeah, and it doesn't
even have to be written.
If you want to leave a voicenote for yourself, you could do
that too.
I know there's a lot of peoplewho don't like to write, but
leaving a voice note or make avideo or whatever,
SPEAKER_01 (52:16):
however
SPEAKER_00 (52:18):
you choose to
journal is up to you.
So let's recap.
talking about comparison today,that it's okay to compare, but
don't allow it to paralyze yourcreative flow and your artistic
voice.
Let go of perceptions, trustyour gut and set boundaries.
And allow yourself to be
SPEAKER_02 (52:39):
big,
SPEAKER_00 (52:40):
but stay
SPEAKER_02 (52:40):
humble.
SPEAKER_00 (52:42):
Thanks for spending
this time with us today as we
talk about comparison.
We hope this conversationreminded you not to be so hard
on yourself and that we learnfrom one another.
Remember to make space foryourself and others, and it's
okay to embrace your big self.
We highly recommend it.
SPEAKER_02 (53:00):
Yes, we do.
This week, take a moment to jotdown artwork, artists, or other
things around you that haveinfluenced your work.
Reflect on what you've learnedfrom it and how it's encouraged
your growth.
Think about a time that you madeyourself small for someone else.
Compare that feeling to a timeyou were your true
SPEAKER_00 (53:24):
big self.
If you enjoyed this episode,share it with a friend who might
need that same push.
And we'd love to hear from you.
What's one accomplishment fromthis week or month?
You can tag us on social mediaat hashtag the artist is in or
email us at info at Kat Collinsstudio dot com.
(53:44):
Until next time, keep creating,keep noticing and take care.