October 6, 2025 • 59 mins
Some conversations change how we move through the world. This one starts with a simple idea—showing up—and expands into a working model of compassion you can practice today: presence over fixing, empathy with boundaries, and community care that protects everyone’s safety and dignity.
We share why self-compassion is the first step toward sustainable support, then map the bridge from connection to compassionate action. Through four real-life scenarios, we rehearse what to do when a friend keeps canceling, how to respond to a stranger in public distress, ways to help a colleague who unloads every day without becoming their sole outlet, and how to address a harmful mental health comment from family without igniting a fight. Along the way, our team offers grounded tools: assess risk before engaging, name your capacity out loud, ask “Do you want listening or feedback?,” use simple, impact-focused language, and avoid enabling by returning agency to the person who owns the story.
We also play with “Compassion in Color,” a creative exercise that surfaces how each of us experiences care—yellow light for warmth, lavender for open-hearted talk, sky blue for steady shelter, gray for endurance together, and red for the lifeblood urge to help. That spectrum becomes a practical insight: different people need different forms of compassion, and together we can cover more ground. We close with a three-time compassion pledge—one act for yourself, one for someone close, and one for a stranger or difficult relationship—turning intention into habits that actually change lives.
If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who needs a little courage, subscribe for next month’s topic on building structure, and leave a review to help more people find these tools. Want to fuel the work? Grab a digital dozen in our Krispy Kreme fundraiser and support our documentary and community programs.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_02 (01:26):
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to our monthlycommunity conversations.
Super excited for September.
Super excited to have you here.
Really quick, just a couple ofthings.
We have our merch online on ourstore going on right now.
So please go check it out.
Go pick up a piece.
We love it.
I love it.
I know you love it too.
And we've got a few thingscoming up that if you are
(01:49):
looking through and are readingthrough and are listening,
you'll hear a few announcementsand a few raffle opportunities
coming up for you to be able toparticipate in a few things.
As well as we have our KrispyKreme campaign, uh donuts
campaign going on right now.
So we have a goal of 700 dozento sell to raise a uh to raise
some money for our organizationand for the documentary.
(02:12):
So if you're in for somethingsweet, we'll definitely share
the link and information withyou here.
And at the end, towards the end,we have a slide for you to be
able to just scan as you'rewatching or listening, and or go
onto our website and it's rightthere for you to just click the
button and buy yourself a nicedozen or two of hot fresh donuts
that you can pick up at any timeat your local Krispy Kreme
(02:33):
Donuts.
Okay.
Now, Seth, take it away.
SPEAKER_00 (02:42):
Okay.
Uh hi, my name is Seth.
I'm the operations officer forProject Human, affectionately
referred to as FINC.
I'll be moderating the meetingtonight.
This is our fourth 2025 monthlycommunity conversation.
These are ongoing monthly onlineevents where members of FINC and
our widespread community discusskey themes important to our
(03:02):
organization and mission.
Each conversation includes abrief introduction of FINC,
information and resourcesrelated to that month's theme
and testimony from someone inthe community.
SPEAKER_02 (03:14):
Hey Seth, you're breaking up really bad.
So really quick, while he'sfixing that, we're just gonna um
each month it includes a briefand sort of let me know when
(03:36):
you're when you you're poppingin and out.
So uh I mean you there you go.
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
I really don't know what's going on, so I can't pass
the book.
SPEAKER_02 (03:45):
I got you.
So I'll take over real quick.
All right.
So uh every month, uh eachconversation includes a brief
introduction to Fink, whichwe'll talk about then in a
second, and uh and resourcesrelated to that last month,
Siemens.
Um and we are now we startedwith a testimony, now we are
doing uh some activities, whichI'm really, really excited,
which we have to give a shoot,huge shout out to our team
(04:07):
member Jen for this.
Disclaimer, disclaimers, we arenot medical professionals.
If you are in crisis, reach outto your local mental health
resource or dial 911 forimmediate assistance for
national suicide prevention,support dial 988.
We are recording and livestreaming tonight's event on our
YouTube channel.
So if you do not wish to be onvideo, please take a moment to
turn off your turn off yourcamera.
(04:29):
And if you do not wish toparticipate in the activities
that we do have tonight, as weget ready to do them, we will
ask you.
And if you do so, we appreciatethe participation.
That would be great.
Um, we will be using tonight'sconversation to promote and
raise awareness about the aboutthink organization and our
mission.
By participating in our Zoommeetings, you give us permission
to use any and all audio videocontact for promotional purposes
(04:53):
and educational purposes.
And there is that.
Alright, so as we get ready togo, I want to share with you
guys really quick what we'regonna be talking about today.
Um, thanks to our great teammember Jen.
We have a little slideshowpresentation for those of you
(05:14):
who are watching live.
And we our topic of conversationis compassion.
Uh so, Jen, uh, we're gonna takethat away.
Well, I'll take that awaybecause that's my script moment
in there.
So, for those of you in there,we have that compassion.
For those of you who are in ourZoom, you Zoom call, please
click the link that we havethere for you so you can follow
the slides as well.
(05:35):
All right, so let's talk aboutcompassion, you guys.
Um let me talk to you reallyquick about Project Human, just
a quick intro.
Uh, for those of you who arecoming in and new and listening,
Project Human is an organizationthat is dedicated to bridging
the gap between mental andemotional health.
And we really are in we useeffective communication through
(05:56):
arts and tangible work that wedo in creative uh expression.
Um, our our whole goal really isjust to let human beings know
that they're worth existing andthat they have value and that
they're capable of working andcreating and building something
because they just exist.
It's really the ultimate likeunderlining in any of that to
where it comes in, which takesus back to our last month's
(06:19):
conversation for a second, whichwas about connection.
And there's certainly a tie inhere with compassion because
compassion, connection, as wementioned last last month, we
talked about it being a bridge,right?
Being it being this fiber ofthat that at any minuscule
level, you can make thatconnection with somebody.
(06:40):
And once you make thatconnection, the next step to me,
or to at least in the process ofhow you build a bridge or build
something, is to have anunderstanding through compassion
of the human being and of thatconnection.
And compassion bridges that umcreates that bridge through true
connection for human beings.
When we act with compassion,even towards what someone we
(07:02):
don't know, we signal safety,care, and presence.
That doesn't require deepemotional vulnerability, just a
willingness to acknowledge thatsomeone else is someone else's
humanity.
I say that part really with somuch emphasis on the humanity
part because the whole reason Istarted the organization is
because I didn't see thehumanity within me.
(07:24):
I did not see my own human selfand the worth and the value of
that humanity.
And it took a lot of compassionto get there for that.
And the acknowledgement of thatis really powerful, right?
It softens as it softens thedefenses, it invites openness,
and it says that you matter,even if you don't know your
whole story.
For those of you, you guysreally don't know my whole
(07:44):
story, but you know bits andpieces, and it matters because
you've realized that I matterand because I've made myself
matter and I've made myselfimportant, and not in a way
that's big or anything, but myhumanity, my existence, my
breath is important, and I dobelieve that from for every
human.
And last month we said toachieve a deeper connection, it
requires an action of trulyshowing up.
(08:07):
And I want to thank my team herefor showing up every single
month and every single time thisyear for me and for Project
Human to really be able to makethese things happen and to have
enough compassion for me too inthis process that we've had to
learn and navigate, because itdoes take that, and it takes
(08:27):
that um willingness to show upfor a human being and be there
for one another.
And I want to really remind youof an important distinction here
when we say showing up and howit relates to both compassion
and connection.
To truly show up for anotherperson means that you are, it
means more than just beingphysically present, right?
It means emotionally, mentally,energetically, energetically
(08:50):
present in a way that says, Hey,I see you, I hear you, I feel
you as a human being.
I may not know or understand oreven agree or have any fortitude
to even engage any further thanthis moment, but for this moment
in this time, I see you, I seewho you are, I see your space,
(09:14):
and I feel you, and I want tounderstand more of you.
Um, and I want to create thatspace without trying to fix you,
without trying to create a a newnarrative for you because you
are in control of your ownnarrative and how you write it.
And when you have theopportunity to feel safe and to
(09:38):
create that narrative and towrite that narrative for
yourself that way, it it givesyou also an opportunity as
somebody who's giving thatcompassionate space to someone
to learn how to listen andobserve and learn and be in the
presence of someone to take intheir words, to decipher through
the language that they may noteven understand yet, and then
(10:00):
maybe guide them and help themand be the light in their way.
And so it's choosing to stay,right?
It's choosing to be here forhuman beings, even when it's
uncomfortable, even when youdon't want to, even when you
don't like it, even when itstinks in the most like deepest
depths of stink, and you go, youknow what?
I am just not equipped for this.
So let me be honest, I'm notequipped for this.
(10:23):
So here's where my capacity is.
Are you willing to accept it?
And then you also give that upthat human an opportunity
through that understanding aswell of your own compassion, of
your own self, to let them knowwhere you are, what your
capacity is, and and let themchoose then to what level they
(10:43):
can express themselves as well.
Because if you give that tothem, then they don't also feel
like maybe, you know what,you're gonna fix their problem.
If you're like, hey, I'm not, Ihave no way to solve anything
for you, but I'm willing tolisten, man.
So go for it.
And that changes and saves.
It takes seven to twelve minutesof your time and of your moment
(11:06):
to listen to a human being, toshow some compassion and to
connect to save a life.
That's proven.
Go look it up.
I don't have the study, I don'thave a team right now to pull it
up for me, but I'm letting youknow it's somewhere.
There's studies.
So just letting you know thatthat's how important that
conversation is.
Um, so it's so important to thatuh to know that neither
(11:27):
connection nor compassion demandto have for you to again have
all the answers or have all thefixes.
And it just requires you to be ahuman being and show for another
human being.
And with Project Human, when wetalk about uh compassion as an
act of practice, it's somethingthat not not only that we decide
on as like, or not only do wechoose, but we make a decision
that it's part of our dailyaction, right?
(11:50):
And not only towards someoneelse, but literally towards
ourselves.
If we don't practice dailyaction and or daily compassion
and taking steps of that towardsourselves, so when we speak
negatively towards ourselves, orwhen we are mean to ourselves
for some things, or when we'rejust hard on ourselves, or
whatever way you may think ofyourself, and you don't give
(12:13):
yourself that moment to becompassionate, to have grace, to
have understanding, you do nothave then the capacity built up
for someone else.
So it really starts with you andwithin you.
Um, and it's understanding it.
Um, Project Cubid, with that, weview it as a bridge again that
understands with action,empathies with boundaries, and
individual healing withcommunity support.
(12:35):
You can't do this alone, itrequires everybody.
And my team constantly,constantly reminds me, Adela,
you can't do it alone.
It we have you, we got you too,and that eases and gives me the
opportunity to keep going andkeep pushing.
So it takes not only justyourself and the person next to
you, but it takes thatcommunity.
And it's the one that you build,it's the one that you decide is
(12:57):
worth the effort because you'reworth the effort of building
that and finding humans aroundyou that will build that in
there.
Um, true compassion iscourageous and it dares to hold
space for someone with else'sexperience without ever again
needing to fix it or judge it.
I may not, um, we have to havecompassion, as I as like I said,
for self-care first andforemost.
(13:18):
So uh that is that's my orthat's our that's my segue into
what compassion is, how itmeans, where it comes from, and
why it's important and why we'vemade it part of our conversation
this year.
And uh, Jen, take it away.
SPEAKER_04 (13:38):
I think um I think want to riff off of one thing
that you said about takingcourage.
Um re-emphasizing that havingcompassion does not mean you
know how to fix what you seegoing on with someone or that
you have the right answers forthem.
Um having true compassion isbeing brave enough to say, you
(14:01):
know, I'm with you.
I may not fully understand, butI'm here, I'm present.
You're not alone.
You can even go further and say,What do you need?
Maybe there's something I cando.
It doesn't require you to doanything, but the willingness to
just be present, the willingnessto say, I'm not here to tell you
(14:22):
how to do it, but I'm here withyou, um, is express true
compassion human-human.
And I think it's important thatwe also understand that it might
require boundary setting.
Being compassionate does notrequire you to become a doormat
or to overextend yourself ifyou're not feeling up to it.
(14:44):
Uh, you can be compassionatewithout giving away time,
energy, or money.
It is it is completely possible.
You can just be a human with ahuman.
Um, so just remember compassiondoesn't mean losing or abusing
yourself.
Um, I would like to uh talkabout some differences in words
because I know words matter.
(15:04):
Uh, and for those of youfollowing along on the slides,
we're gonna look at the secondslide.
Uh, we're gonna take a look atsome synonyms.
Um, sympathy, empathy, andcompassion are not all the same.
(15:39):
Um, you really resonate withsomeone, but it doesn't take any
kind of action.
Uh the third image that you seehere, compassion, is is someone
standing up and it's saying, Notonly do I feel with you, I want
to do something about it.
Maybe I don't know exactly whatthat something is.
Maybe that something is justbeing here with you so that you
(16:00):
know that you're not alone, butI want to help in some way.
Uh so compassion takes sympathy,I feel bad, empathy, I feel
with, and um compassion is Ifeel and I want to help in some
way.
So um I wanted to I wanted todifferentiate this so that as
(16:24):
we're thinking about whatcompassion means to each of us,
we're focusing on compassion asa verb of something that is
lived out through intention,through action or through
presence.
Uh so the next activity that wehave uh tonight is called
compassion in color.
What I'm going to ask is thateveryone on the line or
(16:46):
virtually um do a creativevisualization to bring the verb
of compassion as you think of itto mind.
So we're going to briefly closeour eyes and we're going to
think of the whole colorspectrum, anything in nature or
created by machine, all thecolors that are possible.
What color representscompassion, or if compassion
(17:11):
were a color, what what colorwould compassion be for you and
why?
Just take a minute to thinkabout it.
No wrong answers, just what itlooks like or feels like and
resonates inside of you.
And as you're ready, just openup your eyes and we'll take a
turn going around the horn, andI'll just go clockwise what I
(17:33):
see on screen and just say, youknow, what's your color and why?
So Adela, you're my 12 o'clock.
What is your color forcompassion and why?
SPEAKER_02 (17:42):
Well, if you uh yeah, oh uh, I don't know why I
just lost my old voice andthought.
Uh, but my color for compassionis a very, very bright yellow.
And it's like, and it's not thesun yellow, it's just a bright
yellow.
It's like this translucency of ayellow.
(18:05):
And the reason it is, is becauseI think that, and through my
experience, um I have found itthat when I have given my time
of compassion or just my time toa human and just been there,
that is what I've envisioned andwhat I've felt like I've wanted
to produce, I've wanted totransfer, I wanted to make it
(18:29):
light because it's so dark,right?
Like life and everything is justso heavy, or it feels heavier.
And then when when a human's inthat need, what what takes out
the dark, right?
Light.
And so when I think of that, itit's it's really just and and my
own aura now is an internalyellow too.
So everything around that is anessence of that yellow lightness
(18:53):
and and just encompassing warmthand love and and just
compassion.
It hugs.
SPEAKER_04 (19:06):
Thank you.
Uh going clockwise, I see Alicianext.
SPEAKER_03 (19:12):
Um, this one's tough.
I feel like I'm a little partialbecause it might be my favorite
color.
So I think that's the reason Ibut um I think of like a purple,
like a lavender, because blue islike um, you know, about
communication.
And um, I don't know.
(19:32):
I think purple is just moreabout like a like opening like
your like communication and loveto someone.
So it kind of just feels like acombination of things to me.
So that's what I think of when Ithink of compassion.
SPEAKER_04 (19:46):
That's awesome.
Uh going clockwise again, I seeYolanda.
SPEAKER_05 (19:53):
Hey.
Uh well, I was gonna say babyblue, uh um, more like a sky
blue on a really beautiful, likecloudy, sunny day.
Um, and the reason I thought ofthat is like today um sitting
there looking at the sky andthinking about like clouds and
(20:16):
how they hold the weight of allthis water, but yet they still
float in the air because I dostuff like that all the time.
And I just thought it was reallycool that their burden was so
light that they could stillfloat that high in the sky, but
they carry so much weight tonourish our earth.
And then I kept looking at howblue the sky is, and when you
(20:36):
said to think about it, thatentered my head because I kind
of think of compassion as thesky, like it has the potential
to always be there and coveryou, let the light shine, or
maybe clouds will come and andshade your life in certain
areas.
But the sky has a has a has ahas like a base, a foundation
(20:58):
that's just there.
And if you choose compassion,that means you're choosing to be
that for someone else.
Like you're choosing to say, youknow what, I'm just gonna be
here if I just need to be here.
Um and wait with you until theclouds pass, or maybe I just
need to let the sun shine alittle bit and say some sweet
(21:20):
things, or maybe we just need tolike watch some birds.
Who knows?
I don't know.
I this is what I thought.
SPEAKER_04 (21:27):
A very beautiful description, Yolanda.
Highly, highly visual.
Loved it.
Uh next, in oh, go ahead, butdon't.
SPEAKER_02 (21:37):
Like what depth that is?
It just made me go like, oh mygod, like my face scrunching
with like disgustingly goodawesomeness because I'm like,
what what depth that just had?
SPEAKER_01 (21:52):
Sorry, like I had to share that.
SPEAKER_04 (21:57):
Next on our clockwise turn, Seth, what color
do you think of with compassionand why?
SPEAKER_00 (22:04):
I hope you guys can hear me okay.
Um excellent.
Um so maybe in contrast toeveryone else's colors, I'm
coming up with gray.
And uh I was kind of thinkingabout the etymological roots
that go with the word compassionand you know COM, meaning
(22:25):
together and uh or with, andthen passion coming from the
root Latin uh passio, whichmeans endurance or suffering.
So it literally means uh toendure suffering together.
And for some reason that uhsentiment kind of came it came
in as a sort of a stoic gray.
SPEAKER_04 (22:44):
Um so and never say you don't learn something in a
project human call.
Thank you for busting out theLatin.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
I know, dude.
My whole heart is like burstingwith so much like I'm like,
what?
Endure together.
Endure together.
That's just compassion.
Endure together.
SPEAKER_05 (23:10):
Did we realize that all of us together just
described like a beautifullysunshiny, rainy day on some
flowers?
SPEAKER_01 (23:19):
Yes, we sure did.
We sure did.
Now, Jen, tell us yours so weknow where you're gonna sprinkle
your color on.
SPEAKER_04 (23:27):
Oh, maybe I'm the poppies in the field.
When I think of compassion, Ithink of like fire engine red,
and it's the root of passion.
Um, like Seth, I divide theword, I think about what it
means, and for me, it is like aburning fire to want to help.
(23:47):
It is lifeblood to want to help.
It's a part of who I am, and thepassion of wanting to do that,
to be there with someone, thatis a fiery red for me.
And each of us feels and seesthese colors in our head, and
they might be full spectrumdifferences, and yet we each
(24:12):
grasp something aboutcompassion.
So we're opening up this space,accepting all of these colors
and all of these thoughts andall of these expressions, and
just realize what that does fromthe spectrum of showing up for
others, what we bring with uswhen we bring our understanding
of compassion to a humanrelationship.
(24:33):
It might not be what someoneelse expected, but it might be
exactly what they need.
SPEAKER_01 (24:39):
I'm crying over here, you guys, so let's keep
moving.
So contain myself, you guys.
It's just whatever.
SPEAKER_04 (24:49):
It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
It's beautiful, it's so beautiful.
Sorry, my moment of just anyway.
Yes, beautiful.
SPEAKER_04 (24:59):
Thank thank you.
So I I want to I want to reachus into another activity that
builds off of compassion incolor and think of this one kind
of instead as compassion inaction.
And so this is a brain exercisethat helps us challenge
ourselves to think what couldcompassion be in a certain few
(25:23):
scenarios.
So uh together, Adela and I haveput together some uh scenarios,
four scenarios that couldtotally happen in real life.
And we're going to read throughthem and call on one of you and
uh just ask you what could be acompassionate response or action
uh in that moment or in thatsituation.
(25:44):
So uh Adela, if you would justread the first scenario and then
pick anybody on the phone, andwhoever gets picked, think about
what a compassionate responsemight look like.
SPEAKER_02 (25:54):
Awesome.
Okay, so uh this one will go touh let's see, Alicia.
This one's to you.
The repeat canceller.
Uh so let's say a friend cancelsat the last minute again and
again and again, and you're justlike frustrated and hurt at this
point.
Um, what's a compassionateresponse in this moment towards
(26:18):
your friend and yourself?
If the text message, hey, we'regetting ready to go out, you're
ready, you've done your stuff,all the things, and then it goes
not doing it, and it's an hourbefore, two hours before, even
the day of, and it's acontinuous habit of this friend
of yours.
How do you compassionately atthis point?
SPEAKER_03 (26:38):
I've had this before, and I think that I have
learned from my mistakes.
So um probably could still learnmore.
Um, always learning, right?
Um, so in the past, I think itwas one of those where I was
more compassionate to the otherperson rather than myself.
So I just said, okay, surething.
(27:01):
Let me know, you know, and justkind of let it go and just do it
on it.
Um, and I don't think that thatis necessarily the right
response because okay, the firsttime, yes, the second time,
okay, yes, totally.
But like after a while, you'relike, really?
Like, why are you even makingplans with me if you're just
gonna cancel?
Um, so I think the compassionatething here is, you know, after
(27:25):
you've given the other person acouple of times, you know,
things happen.
Like obviously, life happens,you know.
Um, I definitely have lifehappen.
But like after so many times ofcanceling, I think at some point
you have to kind of like do likea pulse check with the other
person and say, um, you know,hey, this seems to be like an
(27:46):
issue.
Is there something that you needto tell me?
Is there a problem you have withme?
You know, kind of like just callthem out on it so that that way
they're realizing that this hasbecome a repeat behavior because
the person might really just bein their own world and not
realize that it's beenrepeatedly towards you.
It might be something thatthey're going through in their
(28:08):
life, but I think, you know,opening up that conversation can
be really hard, but it's acompassionate thing to I think
open it up to actually be strongenough to open that
conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (28:22):
No, I agree totally.
And I think uh the other part ofit is the I'd like to add on to
that is the boundary of how ofthe self, right?
And so having the clearcommunication with the humans
around you, with the peopleyou're interacting with being
saying, hey, you know, Iunderstand this is there's a lot
going on, so I'm checking inwith you, like you said, and
want to see where we're goingon.
(28:42):
Is there something going onbetween us or whatnot?
But my own boundaries are beingcrossed right now, and I'd like
to communicate that with you andlet you know that, you know, it
takes me hours to prepare forthis, it takes so much time away
from this and all of that, andto be, you know, canceled on
continuously is it it makes mefeel also that my time, my
(29:03):
existence, my as a human beingand your life isn't isn't
valuable.
And if that's okay, that'sthat's fine, or there's not room
for it, that's okay.
We just let me know when thetime is available, or when that
room is in space, or capacity,when you have the capacity for
me, right?
Um, or if you just want to calland chat, you don't have to meet
up.
But the idea to kind of, I'vehad to learn that as you said
(29:26):
through my own is the number onething is to set the boundary of
where you're at, to let theother person know how you're
also feeling and processingthat.
Because again, as you mentioneda lot of times, they don't even
we don't I've done it a thousandand one times, a thousand and
one times.
He's used to be a later and acancellor.
So I know I know what that otherrespect is until somebody told
me, Adela, you don't value me ormy time.
(29:48):
You don't value the boundariesthat I set and that we put in
this format because my time ismy currency.
And if I'm giving it to you, itis not a luxury that I can just
afford to be throwing aroundbecause.
My time is very limited.
And that really hit me.
And so really understanding thatand setting that boundary, but
it has to again, like you said,a compassion for yourself of
where that is and opening thatdialogue up in those ways.
(30:12):
So I'd like to add that on inthere just because we'd like to
be there for everyone else too,but we'd like to state those
clear boundaries of where that'sgoing to be future, right?
Because you don't want to leaveit open-ended.
SPEAKER_03 (30:22):
You want to have a conversation of what the next
action step would be and will itbe And it's kind of like even
though you're setting yourSorry, I don't know if you hear
the lightning here.
Um, so the I don't know if it'sreally like it seems like it's a
boundary for yourself, but it'salso kind of opening up that
relationship a little bit too,and trying to like mend a
(30:44):
possible riff in thatrelationship too.
So I think that that'simportant.
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
100%.
It keeps the scales, I think, alittle bit even in both ways.
It gives the opportunity forsomething to be move forward,
make a decision.
It also keeps the ball into thecourt and the responsibility
into the person who's initiatinginto and the accountability for
the person who is that you know,and that you're not not gonna be
there, but at the same time thatyou have some spaces and places
(31:09):
to be.
Anyone else I want to add tothat before we move on to the
next thing?
SPEAKER_04 (31:13):
I just want to express gratitude that the first
reaction wasn't anger.
Um being aware that there aretwo people, at least two people,
in this situation, and not justcentering it on self and
assuming attack, it is an act ofcompassion.
And while it may be frustratingand we may be angry because it
(31:37):
makes us feel a certain way,checking in with ourselves gets
to where Alicia and Adela weregoing.
Checking in and saying, youknow, I'm making assumptions
here openly by my perspective.
I'm going to give some space,check in with the person, give
an honest assessment of what I'mseeing, and let them process to
(31:58):
see if in fact this is apersonal attack, not a personal
attack.
Maybe they're, you know, notaware, but the fact that it
there wasn't an initial reactionof anger, uh, I want to express
gratitude.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
That's what humanity is about.
Humanity.
Yolanda, you ha you popped on.
SPEAKER_05 (32:20):
Oh yeah.
Well, Jen, she she summed thatup really nicely.
So um, I was gonna say I thinkit I think it depends on the
people too, because like whenyou asked that particular
question, I kind of giggledbecause I know a couple people
that have gone through thisstuff.
And um I just don't take itseriously.
(32:41):
Like, and not that's the wrongword.
Hold on.
I don't take it to heart, right?
I don't ever take when peopledrop plans that they have with
me to heart because you neverknow what's going on in their
life.
Like, if they're sick, maybethey just need a minute, maybe
maybe they're being selfish,maybe they're whatever.
Who cares?
Like, personally, this is apersonal viewpoint because my
(33:05):
time and my energy and my peaceare not controlled by anybody
else's viewpoint or their theirtheir uh their decision making
on my part.
So my part is to like if I viewthis person as someone who's
important to me, I'm gonna givethem the benefit of the doubt.
Now, if it keeps happening, I'mgonna talk to them at some point
(33:27):
when they want to make plansagain and be like, hey, well,
what's going on?
Because it canceled the lastfour times.
And honestly, I just I just needto know if you really want to
hang out.
That's it's really that simple.
And if you don't, that's cool.
I don't know.
Conversation.
A conversation.
Yeah, it's just just justtalking.
Like I don't it's not as to me,I don't see it as a big deal
because I don't view it as a bigdeal because I know with my life
(33:50):
and my ADHD and everything elsethat I I don't make people a
priority in my life, and I'vehad to learn to make people a
priority in my life.
Uh, it's just not how my brainis wired.
So it's like um when people likeinterrupt me when I'm speaking,
I don't get upset.
And I know a lot of people getupset.
(34:10):
I don't get upset because Iunderstand it.
I do it too.
So I never take anything toheart, and I don't know if
that's a superpower or if that'sa limitation, but like I'm not
mad at it.
SPEAKER_02 (34:23):
I mean, it just goes to show that you're not the
center of somebody else's world,and that's the thing.
And if we understand that we'renot the center of someone else's
world, we're the center of ourown world, and we just have to
understand that our world has tobe functioning as best as
possible.
And then if we again, if we havethe capacity, let's do it.
If not, be honest.
It's that simple.
All right, great conversation onthis one.
I like this scenario.
All right, go ahead, Jen.
(34:44):
Number two.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
Um, I'd I'd like to ask Seth, would you be okay with
answering one?
unknown (34:52):
Cool.
SPEAKER_04 (34:52):
Um, this scenario is called the public struggle.
So, say you're walking down thestreet or you're in a subway or
you're in a public place and yousee somebody who is visibly
distressed.
Maybe they're crying, maybethey're shaking, and other
people are acknowledging butlooking away, feeling awkward
about it, walking past them.
(35:13):
What would a compassionate actbe here?
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
Um, this is kind of tricky because if if it's a
stranger that we're talkingabout, it's not always sometimes
the most compassionate thing isto not engage.
Um uh, but also, you know, if ifit if it catches my attention,
I'm I'm going to take an extracouple of breaths to decide if I
(35:41):
want to engage or interact withsomebody who's having an episode
like that.
Um, because it again it may notbe appropriate.
But I mean, even just observingthem for a minute to see if they
uh are sort of going throughsomething alone and where they
need they need space, uh, themost compassionate thing might
be to not not really approachthem.
(36:01):
But if they look like they'reconfused and maybe need an
advocate in that moment, uh, youknow, I might be compelled to to
walk over and at least ask if ifyou know if they're okay or if
they you do they need help withsomething, or you know, just a
couple of questions to get alittle bit more information
about the context of whatthey're going through.
Um and then you know makedeterminations about how to act
(36:24):
from there, uh, depending on howcritical the situation is.
SPEAKER_04 (36:28):
I think what Seth has uh touched on is is super in
tune in tune with the many sidedfacets of public expression.
If someone is in such a crisissituation that they're crying in
public or that they're shakingor very visibly disoriented in
(36:50):
public, we don't know theirmental or emotional health
background.
We don't know what they're goingthrough, if public outbursts are
part of their MO or completelyout of character for them.
We don't know if they couldpotentially become violent if
confronted with their outbursts.
So, compassion here, thinkingabout both of ourselves and the
(37:12):
individual.
Um, I think there's a borderlineand it could be argued in any
situation.
I think, Seth, you had the bestapproach with take a few breaths
to continue observing and tryand ascertain is this person at
risk?
Are they a risk to themselves?
(37:33):
Are they a risk to other people?
Is there anything that I can dowithout putting myself at risk?
Um, you know, it it's it couldalso be the context of where you
are.
Are you at like a public concertwhere the song may have reminded
them of something or someonespecial?
Are you in uh a graveyard?
(37:53):
Obviously, then it's publicspace would be totally
appropriate.
You don't approach the person,they're in their element.
But you know, in a subway orsomething, it might be it might
be different.
Um I think just looking at them,holding the compassionate face,
this one.
Is there something you need?
(38:15):
Are you in distress?
Do you need help?
And let them react.
And maybe there's an outburst.
But you know, again, like whatYolanda said, not taking it
personally, just showing up andletting them know they're seen,
that they're heard, that they'refelt, that somebody actually
cares enough to ask.
(38:36):
Um, not gonna super hypercomplicate it, but I just want
to put a bean in your mind of arecent stabbing that occurred uh
on camera, uh, where people werenot willing to even acknowledge
that something critical hadhappened, that this potential
(38:58):
issue had occurred, not evenwith physical evidence, that uh
that fear of getting involved orgetting messy.
You don't have to solve theproblem.
You don't have to takeresponsibility for the problem.
You are not the reason that theyare crying, but acknowledging
them as a human.
Hey, I've suffered, and I canimagine suffering enough to have
this kind of an outlet inpublic.
(39:21):
And I would love for somebody tojust say, Hey, you know, I see
you, I know what that feelslike.
Well, maybe I have a tissue.
Can I get you some help?
SPEAKER_02 (39:30):
And I would just like to add on to that the part
of this portion, and I'm reallyglad that we got this one, like
the struggle, especially thepublic struggle, not necessarily
the personal one or the thequiet one where no one sees.
Safety is the biggest part ofthis portion.
Um, and one of the reasons Iwant to touch back, uh touch
base on this is because I'vereally I've had to learn 100%
(39:53):
how not to engage or how to do,as Yolanda had mentioned in the
comments, assess the situation.
Because my compassion runs justI can put myself in any place
anywhere.
Like I am, I'm not allowed towalk out down dark alleys, I'm
not allowed to go outside in thedark by myself.
I'm just not allowed to that.
I have a lot of rules for myselfand others and and and you know,
(40:13):
people about for that reason.
Why?
Because you don't know whatsituation you're gonna put
yourself in.
So here's what I have learned inthe experience and through the
work I've had to do in ProjectHuman with this.
Three things that are thepriority.
Number one, assess the situationof your own safety.
Are you safe enough in theenvironment, in the space and
place to be able to even justtake a breath to acknowledge
(40:33):
anything that's happening?
Number two, if you have thecapacity to reach out to
somebody around you, uh, youknow, of authority or something
and say, hey, there's asituation, I just like to
acknowledge it, I'd like to havethat going on for that.
That is like one of the mostcompassionate things to do that
you can do, that you don't evenhave to get yourself involved in
that situation, right?
But and make, as Jennifermentioned, as acknowledge it.
(40:55):
Acknowledge it whether youacknowledge it with authority
around you, no matter whereyou're at, acknowledge it with
somebody in there of a potentialthat you can see if you have the
capacity.
And number three is that if youare in a position and you assess
the situation in which you canapproach, the distance has to be
six feet, period, and adiscussion.
(41:15):
You do not know the situation,you do not know what's going on,
and as much as I preach and wepreach that whole love and hug
and compassion and all thatmental health struggles, humans,
anywhere that you're at, youdon't know what breaks someone,
you don't know what happenedsomewhere.
And as we pointed out, a caseand multiple cases in any shape
or form, you don't know thesituation.
(41:36):
So again, safety of the selfbecause if you can't be safe,
you can't provide the safety toeverybody else or those around
you.
So safety of the self is in thisscenario number two, the
struggle in that and thatpartner, how do you create that
compassion?
That part is the border and theand the boundary that you have
to have, and it it can't be anemotional compassion, it has to
be a logical and very just againassessed portion where you take
(42:00):
that breath and go, I feel foryou, I really do, but I cannot
put myself in this position inwhich that I have assessed that
we would not be able to have aconversation, but I will put,
you know, talk to someone or Iwill if I can do that.
So I just wanted to point thatout because this is Jen, you
just freaking rock with all yourshit.
(42:20):
You're just a genius in howeverything works, but safety,
safety, safety, safety.
So safety is the number onething because if you can't be
safe and you can't secure safetyof uh uh of others around you or
the environment, then everythingwe're doing is is just it's in
vain.
So, all right, that was mytidbit on that.
SPEAKER_04 (42:41):
Uh, why don't you pick somebody for the third
scenario?
SPEAKER_02 (42:45):
It's still me.
I still get to keep talking, youguys.
You get to hear me.
Okay, so the third uh scenariois the emotional drainer, and
I'd like to pick uh Jen on thisone.
Uh so Jen.
Actually, no, let me uh let meadd Yolanda in this one, and I I
(43:06):
I would like uh scenario numberfour for Alicia to read to you,
and there's this reason why, andI would like that to happen.
So, so that's gonna happen thatway.
All right, Yolanda number three,uh scenario number three, a
coworker or a peer often unloadstheir emotional burdens onto
you.
Um, so I call you daily and I'mlike, oh my god.
(43:28):
I didn't even realize this wouldwork.
But it is, but it it, you know,uh you care about them, right?
Like you really care about them,but at some point it just starts
to wear you down.
It starts to eat at you when youget off the phone with them, you
feel so drained.
You start to think negativelyabout them, right?
Or when you he see their phonecall or see their messenger pop
(43:49):
up or see a text message fromthem or anything like that, you
start to get anxiety, right?
SPEAKER_05 (43:54):
Like you start to feel like you're are they
literate, are are they just acoworker?
Is this just at my job orthey're communicating with me at
home as well?
SPEAKER_02 (44:01):
It's it it could be communicating with you at home
too.
This is a coworker or a friend,you know, it's and you could put
it too, you know, i in that way,but um, if you if you have your
boundaries, that's fine.
But this is this is somebody wholooks at you as their safe
space, this is somebody wholooks at you as their trusted
source, and this is somebody wholooks at you as I can call her
(44:23):
at any given moment to just youknow do that.
And so how can you actcompassionately and support
them, but also protect yourenergy and set boundaries?
Okay, so emotional dumpingground.
What I do for a living everyday.
SPEAKER_05 (44:43):
Yeah, but that's the see here's okay, that's why I
asked, okay, because if you'remy friend, that's a whole
different scenario, okay?
If you're my friend, so and ifI've allowed them, okay, this is
me again, personally, not foranybody else, for me personally,
if I've allowed them to do sucha thing, which I find hilarious,
but if if I if I personallyallowed that, it's with the
(45:05):
understanding that I know theyneed to get it something going,
but if it becomes a point, it'sa burden, like it seems like
it's heavy, I just tell them.
Like I don't sugarcoat anything.
I'm just like, whoa, because ifthey're if I'm their person,
their safety person, they knowme.
They know how straightforward Ican be and I will how I am.
(45:27):
I don't sugarcoat anything foranyone.
And I find that personallycompassionate because I'm not
gonna be fake with you, whetheryou're happy or you're sad or
you're angry or you're joyful.
I'm the same throughout.
Like I said, I'm kind of likewhen I think about it, I am kind
of like I'm the same.
I don't, I'm the same onlinethat I'm in person.
Like I don't change when I game.
I am who I am, and that's justwhat it is.
(45:49):
And so for me, it's really easybecause I would just be like,
whoa, hey, what's going on?
Like, I will just head rightinto it.
Forehead just plowed right intotheir forehead.
We need to have a conversation.
What's going on with you?
Like, this is this is too much.
You're being too, I mean, I knowyou're emotional, but geez, like
let's we need to talk.
(46:10):
Like, are we not talking?
Are we not having conversations?
Because I don't see how thiscould happen personally, because
I this would mean that I'm nothaving a conversation with
somebody.
This would mean that I'mignoring them and they're just
trying to get my attentionrepeatedly.
And I don't find thatcompassionate at all.
Like, if you don't want to havea discussion with somebody, the
(46:32):
most compassionate thing you cando is put them out of their
misery and be like, listen, Iappreciate the fact that you
want to get close to me, but wedon't have that kind of a
relationship.
And at this moment in time, I'mnot looking for that.
So as as I as much as I valueyou as a coworker or as a human
being, I cannot be like that'sso your shoulder.
(46:57):
You know what I mean?
Like, I can't be that for you.
SPEAKER_02 (47:00):
You have to have that, you have to have that
because if you don't have that,and and I so 100% agree with a
plus or minus a percent on on away, because again, I have I
have approached it in a littlebit differently.
But I the compassionate thing isto always be authentic to who
you are.
But here's the thing in orderfor you to be that, you have to
(47:20):
know your capacity in order tobe able to take it on to do
that, right?
For me, you need to be able to,when that call comes in, and
I've had it plenty of times,you've had that call where it's
a continuous same conversationand you're just on the other end
going, we've talked about it thesame thing, the same thing, same
thing, same thing, same thing,same thing.
Maybe you should look in themirror.
Maybe the conversation is aboutanywhere else.
(47:42):
I've said that to people andI've lost friendships over that.
And if people lose yourfriendships over that, they did
they don't want to look in themirror because if it's the same
conversation, again, from theirend, as Yolanda just pointed
out, you're not having aconversation.
It's a one-sided person goingoff inventing nonstop, never
taking responsibility,accountability, never wanting to
change any kind of thing, neverwanting to take your your advice
(48:03):
or never blaming everything.
That's fine.
That's who you want to be.
That's cool.
My boundaries, that's not who Iam.
I want to elevate because I wantto, I want to be better.
And again, it's always startswith as she said that clear
boundary.
Which I have one.
Which Adela do you want?
Do you want the honest Adela?
Or do you want the Adela thatjust listens?
SPEAKER_05 (48:25):
You laugh.
You don't get to pick that withme.
You don't get to pick that.
SPEAKER_02 (48:29):
I am who I know, but I have I have to, I, I have a
bit I have a business to run.
I have an organization.
Well, no, I know you haveimmunity.
But that's the thing is what doyou need?
Because that's really theconversation.
What do you need?
Do you need me to be your spacepreventing?
Or do you need honest truthbecause you really just want
somebody to be honest with youand not like whatever?
(48:50):
Because that's why you calledme.
Because you know that like yousaid, you know who I am.
SPEAKER_03 (48:53):
So which one do you want?
And I don't think I don't thinkit's compassionate to just be a
yes man and just say, yes,you're right, you're right,
you're doing everything right ifthey're not doing like I don't
think that's compassionate.
Like I don't think it'senablement.
SPEAKER_05 (49:10):
Yes, yes, 100%.
I think what a lot of times, andthis is why I said it's
different.
Like if it's if it's a coworker,you're you're developing a
relationship, right?
It's a new thing.
You you assess situationsdifferently than you would like
like if Adela's talking to me.
That's a totally differentconversation.
Like if she's emotional orirrational or whatever, I
(49:32):
already know her.
I already know, I already knowher foundation.
So when she's acting a certainway, I'm just gonna be like,
hey, what's what's going on?
Like, let's get down to it.
And if she tells me nothing, I'mgonna call her out and call her
a liar.
SPEAKER_02 (49:45):
And now Adela's gonna interrupt you and let you
know that we have a time checkit.
I love it.
And that's the wholeconversation point.
Be honest, be in there, be whereyou need to be.
And this is the example of partof that.
So let's do this next onebecause it's really important.
Because I really do want to getto this one.
Okay, Alicia, take it away.
SPEAKER_03 (50:02):
A harmful comment.
A family member makes aninsensitive or harmful comment
about mental health.
It hurts, but you know they'vebeen through their own pain.
What would a compassionateresponse look like?
One that respects your valuesand still offers grace or space.
SPEAKER_04 (50:19):
Um, what I would say is don't let the frustration or
the anger or the defensivenessof yourself or someone you know
that's suffering or has sufferedfrom whatever mental health
situation influence yourcomments.
Compassion is being a peacefuladvocate for humanity and
(50:46):
understanding from person toperson, and what the end goal in
this situation is is toencourage growth.
So it may be a calm word or ahalf smile that says, I
appreciate your perspective.
I would love to offer youanother one, or just maybe even
(51:08):
silence in that moment and thenaddressing that person in
private calmly, peacefully,quietly later, and saying, Hey,
you know, when you said this,here's how I felt, and that's
not to condemn you, but it's toremind you that other people's
struggles are more than real,and that acknowledging that
(51:28):
other people suffer is part ofwhat we do as humans, uh, in
recognizing that the humancondition changes from person to
person, and it would mean somuch to me.
And I know others who might nothave had the bravery to stand up
and say this.
If you would either keep youropinion to yourself or maybe
(51:50):
give others the grace that theymight be going through something
real.
So that would be how I would tryto approach that.
And if I were flaming mad, Imight go journal, rip that right
up, burn the pages, distributethe ashes, get it off my chest,
and then go have a quietconversation.
And it could be days later, whoknows?
SPEAKER_02 (52:11):
Yeah, and the reason why I wanted you to answer that
is because one of the thingsthat you have, and I've
mentioned this to you inprivate, you have this angelic
voice to you, and it's like asong siren when you sing or you
say, and when you have somethingthat you want to say that
bothers you in the way you sayit, it's so melodic.
Like it's so, it really is justso compassionate.
It comes from, hey, here'ssomething here, and here's where
(52:34):
I'm not, and I really want to,and part of what I learned
through knowing you over thisthis year is the compassionate
accountability of words, right?
I am the accountability of wordsbecause we speak words we do not
understand, and we just keepblah blah blah blah blah.
Was there done it, and to watchyou and see you, even with me in
(52:56):
some ways, and in in theslightest way direct me or in my
wording, or in the way, or someways, because again, I can be
who it and say some things or dosome things as others can or or
vice versa.
And I just think it's one of thethings that is so amazing to
have that because you have thatway of again holding that
(53:21):
accountability of somebodyaround you to that and not being
afraid to have that conversationwhen it is required to have it,
and putting that, as youmentioned, that fire to them
through that compassion.
And I think it's just sobeautiful because most people,
again, are so afraid to have aconversation.
And we call it confrontationbecause it feels like a
(53:42):
confrontation, but it is.
You have to confront your own,you have to confront your own
stigmas, your own uh biases,your own everything, and look at
that being as a human being whohas a thousand and one years of
billions of traumas and builtinto this one little being who
has no idea the capacity to tofunction or have a conversation,
(54:06):
as neither do you, that you'reboth in the same field and it
you all the only conversationyou know is hi, how are you?
I'm not good, neither am I.
Okay, let's just sit together,cool, let's be here.
Like, really.
And the like knowing how tobecome knowing your worth,
knowing how to have compassionfor your worth, and then turns
(54:26):
for you to have the discipline,the commitment to the words you
say, which turn into action,which turn your own soul into
the compassion into light justfor the people around you.
So I appreciate that.
And that's I'm very glad thatthat's how that ended.
All right.
Last thing we have to pop inreally quick, you guys.
We have three minutes.
(54:48):
So, what I'd like to do is umwe're gonna do a quick pledge.
We're gonna do a three timethree three uh step or three
time pledge.
What is it called?
Three time, three takeaway?
The three compassion pledge?
That's it.
The three-time compassionpledge, okay?
We're asking you to do to takethree actions in compassion.
One action towards yourself, andit could be, you know, giving
(55:11):
yourself grace for somethingyou're carrying.
Um, it could be forgivingyourself for not meeting coming
to the meeting tonight becauseyou couldn't do it.
Like, it's okay, have somecompassion.
You have a life.
Uh, compassion towards someoneelse, someone close to you, not
just a stranger, but someoneclose to you, someone you really
deeply genuinely care about, youknow, and and you you understand
that they're struggling, ormaybe you haven't talked to
(55:33):
them, but you care about themand you haven't seen them in
recent years, but you care aboutthem and they're they pop up.
So maybe you should reach outand show some compassion and
say, just you're thinking aboutyou want to send some love and
let you know I have a space foryou to to to be here.
And then again, uh, compassiontowards a stranger or a
difficult relationship in theworld, um, or just the social
media spectrum that we are in inthe world.
(55:55):
Um let's just be morecompassionate altogether in that
area, because that number thirdone, I think we all need it.
And and and maybe that could bethe biggest challenge is that if
we can't do the first two onesof being challenged or being
compassionate to ourselves orsomeone we care about because we
hold too much feelings and toomuch whatever, but at least we
can start online because we'reonline all the time.
We have our phones in our hands,we're talking to everybody all
(56:17):
the time, strangers, people weknow.
Maybe we start with acompassionate comment,
compassionate gesture,compassionate, you know, hello,
just a compassionate moment.
So that is my challenge uh toyou to be in there.
Um in there.
I have a comment I wanted to popin and read because we popped
on.
Uh Yolanda said discipline is uhdiscipline self-worth.
(56:38):
And uh Alicia said, one of thethings I love about Fink is that
I get to learn so much.
And I will show patience forchildren, compassion for their
experience.
That's what Jen uh said.
And it's we are all children.
We're all we're all children ofGod, and I don't know what you
believe in, that's fine, butwe're all children of God, and
we all should have the patiencethat he has and the grace he has
(56:58):
and the compassion he has for usand for what we do on a daily
basis that we can't even live upto.
So that's all I'm saying onthat.
Last but not least, finally, uhfinally, we have a crispy cream
donut thing going on reallyquick.
Go ahead, Jen.
Okay, popping it up.
Popping it up really quick, youguys.
But but before we do this, holdon really quick.
On our thing, I gotta pop it up,but I didn't put the um uh the
the the the the volume thing.
(57:19):
So hold on a second, popping upa slide.
Don't go anywhere, you guys.
And then Jen, give it a second,you guys popping up the slide.
Krispy Kreme donuts.
I need you to look at this, andthen we're gonna have to be
popping it off.
Two seconds to looking at it.
There you go.
Scan it with your phone, take alook at it for those of you who
are watching right now.
And there you go, there you go,there you go.
There you go.
(57:40):
There you go.
Scan it, look, um crispy cream,you guys, and we'll attach it to
all we'll attach the link to ourcomments on the bottom on our
description page as well.
Um, but we have a donate, wehave a uh campaign going on.
Thank you to Krispy Kreme forfor letting us do this and being
a partner with us on that.
And thank you for to group racefor doing that as well for us.
And thank you to our teammembers who are participating
(58:01):
and to everyone who's bought adozen donuts so far right now.
Upcoming events, really quick.
We're almost on our time.
Upcoming events, now we walk onSunday.
I'll be there, come check meout.
And we have November 15th, markit in your calendar.
Our quarterly mental health dayis officially on the books.
We're gonna be having a goodconversation there.
We look forward to seeing you.
All right, any last 30 secondsor 10 second thoughts?
(58:22):
Nobody, good, good, good.
Seth, take it away.
SPEAKER_00 (58:26):
You put me on the spot at the last minute.
Uh sorry, one minute.
Oh, here we go.
Uh, that's all the time we havetonight.
Sorry for the delay.
Uh, next month's discussion willbe on building structure in our
lives.
Please check out our website, uhwww.think.org.
(58:51):
It's p-h-in-c-in-g.org.
SPEAKER_02 (58:56):
It's right here on our web on the top of our heads.
SPEAKER_00 (59:00):
Perfect.
Uh, and you can reach us uh viaemail at infothinking.org.
SPEAKER_02 (59:08):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (59:09):
That's all we got.
SPEAKER_02 (59:10):
All right, thank you, everybody.
Thank you guys so much.
Oh, really quick, you guys as ateam.
Thank you, Jen, for an awesome,awesome community conversation
this time.
Just seriously dope.
That's all I got.
Until next time, you guys.
All right.
SPEAKER_04 (59:28):
Hope to see y'all next month.
Bye.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to our monthlycommunity conversations.
Super excited for September.
Super excited to have you here.
Really quick, just a couple ofthings.
We have our merch online on ourstore going on right now.
So please go check it out.
Go pick up a piece.
We love it.
I love it.
I know you love it too.
And we've got a few thingscoming up that if you are
(01:49):
looking through and are readingthrough and are listening,
you'll hear a few announcementsand a few raffle opportunities
coming up for you to be able toparticipate in a few things.
As well as we have our KrispyKreme campaign, uh donuts
campaign going on right now.
So we have a goal of 700 dozento sell to raise a uh to raise
some money for our organizationand for the documentary.
(02:12):
So if you're in for somethingsweet, we'll definitely share
the link and information withyou here.
And at the end, towards the end,we have a slide for you to be
able to just scan as you'rewatching or listening, and or go
onto our website and it's rightthere for you to just click the
button and buy yourself a nicedozen or two of hot fresh donuts
that you can pick up at any timeat your local Krispy Kreme
(02:33):
Donuts.
Okay.
Now, Seth, take it away.
SPEAKER_00 (02:42):
Okay.
Uh hi, my name is Seth.
I'm the operations officer forProject Human, affectionately
referred to as FINC.
I'll be moderating the meetingtonight.
This is our fourth 2025 monthlycommunity conversation.
These are ongoing monthly onlineevents where members of FINC and
our widespread community discusskey themes important to our
(03:02):
organization and mission.
Each conversation includes abrief introduction of FINC,
information and resourcesrelated to that month's theme
and testimony from someone inthe community.
SPEAKER_02 (03:14):
Hey Seth, you're breaking up really bad.
So really quick, while he'sfixing that, we're just gonna um
each month it includes a briefand sort of let me know when
(03:36):
you're when you you're poppingin and out.
So uh I mean you there you go.
Let's see.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
I really don't know what's going on, so I can't pass
the book.
SPEAKER_02 (03:45):
I got you.
So I'll take over real quick.
All right.
So uh every month, uh eachconversation includes a brief
introduction to Fink, whichwe'll talk about then in a
second, and uh and resourcesrelated to that last month,
Siemens.
Um and we are now we startedwith a testimony, now we are
doing uh some activities, whichI'm really, really excited,
which we have to give a shoot,huge shout out to our team
(04:07):
member Jen for this.
Disclaimer, disclaimers, we arenot medical professionals.
If you are in crisis, reach outto your local mental health
resource or dial 911 forimmediate assistance for
national suicide prevention,support dial 988.
We are recording and livestreaming tonight's event on our
YouTube channel.
So if you do not wish to be onvideo, please take a moment to
turn off your turn off yourcamera.
(04:29):
And if you do not wish toparticipate in the activities
that we do have tonight, as weget ready to do them, we will
ask you.
And if you do so, we appreciatethe participation.
That would be great.
Um, we will be using tonight'sconversation to promote and
raise awareness about the aboutthink organization and our
mission.
By participating in our Zoommeetings, you give us permission
to use any and all audio videocontact for promotional purposes
(04:53):
and educational purposes.
And there is that.
Alright, so as we get ready togo, I want to share with you
guys really quick what we'regonna be talking about today.
Um, thanks to our great teammember Jen.
We have a little slideshowpresentation for those of you
(05:14):
who are watching live.
And we our topic of conversationis compassion.
Uh so, Jen, uh, we're gonna takethat away.
Well, I'll take that awaybecause that's my script moment
in there.
So, for those of you in there,we have that compassion.
For those of you who are in ourZoom, you Zoom call, please
click the link that we havethere for you so you can follow
the slides as well.
(05:35):
All right, so let's talk aboutcompassion, you guys.
Um let me talk to you reallyquick about Project Human, just
a quick intro.
Uh, for those of you who arecoming in and new and listening,
Project Human is an organizationthat is dedicated to bridging
the gap between mental andemotional health.
And we really are in we useeffective communication through
(05:56):
arts and tangible work that wedo in creative uh expression.
Um, our our whole goal really isjust to let human beings know
that they're worth existing andthat they have value and that
they're capable of working andcreating and building something
because they just exist.
It's really the ultimate likeunderlining in any of that to
where it comes in, which takesus back to our last month's
(06:19):
conversation for a second, whichwas about connection.
And there's certainly a tie inhere with compassion because
compassion, connection, as wementioned last last month, we
talked about it being a bridge,right?
Being it being this fiber ofthat that at any minuscule
level, you can make thatconnection with somebody.
(06:40):
And once you make thatconnection, the next step to me,
or to at least in the process ofhow you build a bridge or build
something, is to have anunderstanding through compassion
of the human being and of thatconnection.
And compassion bridges that umcreates that bridge through true
connection for human beings.
When we act with compassion,even towards what someone we
(07:02):
don't know, we signal safety,care, and presence.
That doesn't require deepemotional vulnerability, just a
willingness to acknowledge thatsomeone else is someone else's
humanity.
I say that part really with somuch emphasis on the humanity
part because the whole reason Istarted the organization is
because I didn't see thehumanity within me.
(07:24):
I did not see my own human selfand the worth and the value of
that humanity.
And it took a lot of compassionto get there for that.
And the acknowledgement of thatis really powerful, right?
It softens as it softens thedefenses, it invites openness,
and it says that you matter,even if you don't know your
whole story.
For those of you, you guysreally don't know my whole
(07:44):
story, but you know bits andpieces, and it matters because
you've realized that I matterand because I've made myself
matter and I've made myselfimportant, and not in a way
that's big or anything, but myhumanity, my existence, my
breath is important, and I dobelieve that from for every
human.
And last month we said toachieve a deeper connection, it
requires an action of trulyshowing up.
(08:07):
And I want to thank my team herefor showing up every single
month and every single time thisyear for me and for Project
Human to really be able to makethese things happen and to have
enough compassion for me too inthis process that we've had to
learn and navigate, because itdoes take that, and it takes
(08:27):
that um willingness to show upfor a human being and be there
for one another.
And I want to really remind youof an important distinction here
when we say showing up and howit relates to both compassion
and connection.
To truly show up for anotherperson means that you are, it
means more than just beingphysically present, right?
It means emotionally, mentally,energetically, energetically
(08:50):
present in a way that says, Hey,I see you, I hear you, I feel
you as a human being.
I may not know or understand oreven agree or have any fortitude
to even engage any further thanthis moment, but for this moment
in this time, I see you, I seewho you are, I see your space,
(09:14):
and I feel you, and I want tounderstand more of you.
Um, and I want to create thatspace without trying to fix you,
without trying to create a a newnarrative for you because you
are in control of your ownnarrative and how you write it.
And when you have theopportunity to feel safe and to
(09:38):
create that narrative and towrite that narrative for
yourself that way, it it givesyou also an opportunity as
somebody who's giving thatcompassionate space to someone
to learn how to listen andobserve and learn and be in the
presence of someone to take intheir words, to decipher through
the language that they may noteven understand yet, and then
(10:00):
maybe guide them and help themand be the light in their way.
And so it's choosing to stay,right?
It's choosing to be here forhuman beings, even when it's
uncomfortable, even when youdon't want to, even when you
don't like it, even when itstinks in the most like deepest
depths of stink, and you go, youknow what?
I am just not equipped for this.
So let me be honest, I'm notequipped for this.
(10:23):
So here's where my capacity is.
Are you willing to accept it?
And then you also give that upthat human an opportunity
through that understanding aswell of your own compassion, of
your own self, to let them knowwhere you are, what your
capacity is, and and let themchoose then to what level they
(10:43):
can express themselves as well.
Because if you give that tothem, then they don't also feel
like maybe, you know what,you're gonna fix their problem.
If you're like, hey, I'm not, Ihave no way to solve anything
for you, but I'm willing tolisten, man.
So go for it.
And that changes and saves.
It takes seven to twelve minutesof your time and of your moment
(11:06):
to listen to a human being, toshow some compassion and to
connect to save a life.
That's proven.
Go look it up.
I don't have the study, I don'thave a team right now to pull it
up for me, but I'm letting youknow it's somewhere.
There's studies.
So just letting you know thatthat's how important that
conversation is.
Um, so it's so important to thatuh to know that neither
(11:27):
connection nor compassion demandto have for you to again have
all the answers or have all thefixes.
And it just requires you to be ahuman being and show for another
human being.
And with Project Human, when wetalk about uh compassion as an
act of practice, it's somethingthat not not only that we decide
on as like, or not only do wechoose, but we make a decision
that it's part of our dailyaction, right?
(11:50):
And not only towards someoneelse, but literally towards
ourselves.
If we don't practice dailyaction and or daily compassion
and taking steps of that towardsourselves, so when we speak
negatively towards ourselves, orwhen we are mean to ourselves
for some things, or when we'rejust hard on ourselves, or
whatever way you may think ofyourself, and you don't give
(12:13):
yourself that moment to becompassionate, to have grace, to
have understanding, you do nothave then the capacity built up
for someone else.
So it really starts with you andwithin you.
Um, and it's understanding it.
Um, Project Cubid, with that, weview it as a bridge again that
understands with action,empathies with boundaries, and
individual healing withcommunity support.
(12:35):
You can't do this alone, itrequires everybody.
And my team constantly,constantly reminds me, Adela,
you can't do it alone.
It we have you, we got you too,and that eases and gives me the
opportunity to keep going andkeep pushing.
So it takes not only justyourself and the person next to
you, but it takes thatcommunity.
And it's the one that you build,it's the one that you decide is
(12:57):
worth the effort because you'reworth the effort of building
that and finding humans aroundyou that will build that in
there.
Um, true compassion iscourageous and it dares to hold
space for someone with else'sexperience without ever again
needing to fix it or judge it.
I may not, um, we have to havecompassion, as I as like I said,
for self-care first andforemost.
(13:18):
So uh that is that's my orthat's our that's my segue into
what compassion is, how itmeans, where it comes from, and
why it's important and why we'vemade it part of our conversation
this year.
And uh, Jen, take it away.
SPEAKER_04 (13:38):
I think um I think want to riff off of one thing
that you said about takingcourage.
Um re-emphasizing that havingcompassion does not mean you
know how to fix what you seegoing on with someone or that
you have the right answers forthem.
Um having true compassion isbeing brave enough to say, you
(14:01):
know, I'm with you.
I may not fully understand, butI'm here, I'm present.
You're not alone.
You can even go further and say,What do you need?
Maybe there's something I cando.
It doesn't require you to doanything, but the willingness to
just be present, the willingnessto say, I'm not here to tell you
(14:22):
how to do it, but I'm here withyou, um, is express true
compassion human-human.
And I think it's important thatwe also understand that it might
require boundary setting.
Being compassionate does notrequire you to become a doormat
or to overextend yourself ifyou're not feeling up to it.
(14:44):
Uh, you can be compassionatewithout giving away time,
energy, or money.
It is it is completely possible.
You can just be a human with ahuman.
Um, so just remember compassiondoesn't mean losing or abusing
yourself.
Um, I would like to uh talkabout some differences in words
because I know words matter.
(15:04):
Uh, and for those of youfollowing along on the slides,
we're gonna look at the secondslide.
Uh, we're gonna take a look atsome synonyms.
Um, sympathy, empathy, andcompassion are not all the same.
(15:39):
Um, you really resonate withsomeone, but it doesn't take any
kind of action.
Uh the third image that you seehere, compassion, is is someone
standing up and it's saying, Notonly do I feel with you, I want
to do something about it.
Maybe I don't know exactly whatthat something is.
Maybe that something is justbeing here with you so that you
(16:00):
know that you're not alone, butI want to help in some way.
Uh so compassion takes sympathy,I feel bad, empathy, I feel
with, and um compassion is Ifeel and I want to help in some
way.
So um I wanted to I wanted todifferentiate this so that as
(16:24):
we're thinking about whatcompassion means to each of us,
we're focusing on compassion asa verb of something that is
lived out through intention,through action or through
presence.
Uh so the next activity that wehave uh tonight is called
compassion in color.
What I'm going to ask is thateveryone on the line or
(16:46):
virtually um do a creativevisualization to bring the verb
of compassion as you think of itto mind.
So we're going to briefly closeour eyes and we're going to
think of the whole colorspectrum, anything in nature or
created by machine, all thecolors that are possible.
What color representscompassion, or if compassion
(17:11):
were a color, what what colorwould compassion be for you and
why?
Just take a minute to thinkabout it.
No wrong answers, just what itlooks like or feels like and
resonates inside of you.
And as you're ready, just openup your eyes and we'll take a
turn going around the horn, andI'll just go clockwise what I
(17:33):
see on screen and just say, youknow, what's your color and why?
So Adela, you're my 12 o'clock.
What is your color forcompassion and why?
SPEAKER_02 (17:42):
Well, if you uh yeah, oh uh, I don't know why I
just lost my old voice andthought.
Uh, but my color for compassionis a very, very bright yellow.
And it's like, and it's not thesun yellow, it's just a bright
yellow.
It's like this translucency of ayellow.
(18:05):
And the reason it is, is becauseI think that, and through my
experience, um I have found itthat when I have given my time
of compassion or just my time toa human and just been there,
that is what I've envisioned andwhat I've felt like I've wanted
to produce, I've wanted totransfer, I wanted to make it
(18:29):
light because it's so dark,right?
Like life and everything is justso heavy, or it feels heavier.
And then when when a human's inthat need, what what takes out
the dark, right?
Light.
And so when I think of that, itit's it's really just and and my
own aura now is an internalyellow too.
So everything around that is anessence of that yellow lightness
(18:53):
and and just encompassing warmthand love and and just
compassion.
It hugs.
SPEAKER_04 (19:06):
Thank you.
Uh going clockwise, I see Alicianext.
SPEAKER_03 (19:12):
Um, this one's tough.
I feel like I'm a little partialbecause it might be my favorite
color.
So I think that's the reason Ibut um I think of like a purple,
like a lavender, because blue islike um, you know, about
communication.
And um, I don't know.
(19:32):
I think purple is just moreabout like a like opening like
your like communication and loveto someone.
So it kind of just feels like acombination of things to me.
So that's what I think of when Ithink of compassion.
SPEAKER_04 (19:46):
That's awesome.
Uh going clockwise again, I seeYolanda.
SPEAKER_05 (19:53):
Hey.
Uh well, I was gonna say babyblue, uh um, more like a sky
blue on a really beautiful, likecloudy, sunny day.
Um, and the reason I thought ofthat is like today um sitting
there looking at the sky andthinking about like clouds and
(20:16):
how they hold the weight of allthis water, but yet they still
float in the air because I dostuff like that all the time.
And I just thought it was reallycool that their burden was so
light that they could stillfloat that high in the sky, but
they carry so much weight tonourish our earth.
And then I kept looking at howblue the sky is, and when you
(20:36):
said to think about it, thatentered my head because I kind
of think of compassion as thesky, like it has the potential
to always be there and coveryou, let the light shine, or
maybe clouds will come and andshade your life in certain
areas.
But the sky has a has a has ahas like a base, a foundation
(20:58):
that's just there.
And if you choose compassion,that means you're choosing to be
that for someone else.
Like you're choosing to say, youknow what, I'm just gonna be
here if I just need to be here.
Um and wait with you until theclouds pass, or maybe I just
need to let the sun shine alittle bit and say some sweet
(21:20):
things, or maybe we just need tolike watch some birds.
Who knows?
I don't know.
I this is what I thought.
SPEAKER_04 (21:27):
A very beautiful description, Yolanda.
Highly, highly visual.
Loved it.
Uh next, in oh, go ahead, butdon't.
SPEAKER_02 (21:37):
Like what depth that is?
It just made me go like, oh mygod, like my face scrunching
with like disgustingly goodawesomeness because I'm like,
what what depth that just had?
SPEAKER_01 (21:52):
Sorry, like I had to share that.
SPEAKER_04 (21:57):
Next on our clockwise turn, Seth, what color
do you think of with compassionand why?
SPEAKER_00 (22:04):
I hope you guys can hear me okay.
Um excellent.
Um so maybe in contrast toeveryone else's colors, I'm
coming up with gray.
And uh I was kind of thinkingabout the etymological roots
that go with the word compassionand you know COM, meaning
(22:25):
together and uh or with, andthen passion coming from the
root Latin uh passio, whichmeans endurance or suffering.
So it literally means uh toendure suffering together.
And for some reason that uhsentiment kind of came it came
in as a sort of a stoic gray.
SPEAKER_04 (22:44):
Um so and never say you don't learn something in a
project human call.
Thank you for busting out theLatin.
SPEAKER_01 (22:55):
I know, dude.
My whole heart is like burstingwith so much like I'm like,
what?
Endure together.
Endure together.
That's just compassion.
Endure together.
SPEAKER_05 (23:10):
Did we realize that all of us together just
described like a beautifullysunshiny, rainy day on some
flowers?
SPEAKER_01 (23:19):
Yes, we sure did.
We sure did.
Now, Jen, tell us yours so weknow where you're gonna sprinkle
your color on.
SPEAKER_04 (23:27):
Oh, maybe I'm the poppies in the field.
When I think of compassion, Ithink of like fire engine red,
and it's the root of passion.
Um, like Seth, I divide theword, I think about what it
means, and for me, it is like aburning fire to want to help.
(23:47):
It is lifeblood to want to help.
It's a part of who I am, and thepassion of wanting to do that,
to be there with someone, thatis a fiery red for me.
And each of us feels and seesthese colors in our head, and
they might be full spectrumdifferences, and yet we each
(24:12):
grasp something aboutcompassion.
So we're opening up this space,accepting all of these colors
and all of these thoughts andall of these expressions, and
just realize what that does fromthe spectrum of showing up for
others, what we bring with uswhen we bring our understanding
of compassion to a humanrelationship.
(24:33):
It might not be what someoneelse expected, but it might be
exactly what they need.
SPEAKER_01 (24:39):
I'm crying over here, you guys, so let's keep
moving.
So contain myself, you guys.
It's just whatever.
SPEAKER_04 (24:49):
It's beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
It's beautiful, it's so beautiful.
Sorry, my moment of just anyway.
Yes, beautiful.
SPEAKER_04 (24:59):
Thank thank you.
So I I want to I want to reachus into another activity that
builds off of compassion incolor and think of this one kind
of instead as compassion inaction.
And so this is a brain exercisethat helps us challenge
ourselves to think what couldcompassion be in a certain few
(25:23):
scenarios.
So uh together, Adela and I haveput together some uh scenarios,
four scenarios that couldtotally happen in real life.
And we're going to read throughthem and call on one of you and
uh just ask you what could be acompassionate response or action
uh in that moment or in thatsituation.
(25:44):
So uh Adela, if you would justread the first scenario and then
pick anybody on the phone, andwhoever gets picked, think about
what a compassionate responsemight look like.
SPEAKER_02 (25:54):
Awesome.
Okay, so uh this one will go touh let's see, Alicia.
This one's to you.
The repeat canceller.
Uh so let's say a friend cancelsat the last minute again and
again and again, and you're justlike frustrated and hurt at this
point.
Um, what's a compassionateresponse in this moment towards
(26:18):
your friend and yourself?
If the text message, hey, we'regetting ready to go out, you're
ready, you've done your stuff,all the things, and then it goes
not doing it, and it's an hourbefore, two hours before, even
the day of, and it's acontinuous habit of this friend
of yours.
How do you compassionately atthis point?
SPEAKER_03 (26:38):
I've had this before, and I think that I have
learned from my mistakes.
So um probably could still learnmore.
Um, always learning, right?
Um, so in the past, I think itwas one of those where I was
more compassionate to the otherperson rather than myself.
So I just said, okay, surething.
(27:01):
Let me know, you know, and justkind of let it go and just do it
on it.
Um, and I don't think that thatis necessarily the right
response because okay, the firsttime, yes, the second time,
okay, yes, totally.
But like after a while, you'relike, really?
Like, why are you even makingplans with me if you're just
gonna cancel?
Um, so I think the compassionatething here is, you know, after
(27:25):
you've given the other person acouple of times, you know,
things happen.
Like obviously, life happens,you know.
Um, I definitely have lifehappen.
But like after so many times ofcanceling, I think at some point
you have to kind of like do likea pulse check with the other
person and say, um, you know,hey, this seems to be like an
(27:46):
issue.
Is there something that you needto tell me?
Is there a problem you have withme?
You know, kind of like just callthem out on it so that that way
they're realizing that this hasbecome a repeat behavior because
the person might really just bein their own world and not
realize that it's beenrepeatedly towards you.
It might be something thatthey're going through in their
(28:08):
life, but I think, you know,opening up that conversation can
be really hard, but it's acompassionate thing to I think
open it up to actually be strongenough to open that
conversation.
SPEAKER_02 (28:22):
No, I agree totally.
And I think uh the other part ofit is the I'd like to add on to
that is the boundary of how ofthe self, right?
And so having the clearcommunication with the humans
around you, with the peopleyou're interacting with being
saying, hey, you know, Iunderstand this is there's a lot
going on, so I'm checking inwith you, like you said, and
want to see where we're goingon.
(28:42):
Is there something going onbetween us or whatnot?
But my own boundaries are beingcrossed right now, and I'd like
to communicate that with you andlet you know that, you know, it
takes me hours to prepare forthis, it takes so much time away
from this and all of that, andto be, you know, canceled on
continuously is it it makes mefeel also that my time, my
(29:03):
existence, my as a human beingand your life isn't isn't
valuable.
And if that's okay, that'sthat's fine, or there's not room
for it, that's okay.
We just let me know when thetime is available, or when that
room is in space, or capacity,when you have the capacity for
me, right?
Um, or if you just want to calland chat, you don't have to meet
up.
But the idea to kind of, I'vehad to learn that as you said
(29:26):
through my own is the number onething is to set the boundary of
where you're at, to let theother person know how you're
also feeling and processingthat.
Because again, as you mentioneda lot of times, they don't even
we don't I've done it a thousandand one times, a thousand and
one times.
He's used to be a later and acancellor.
So I know I know what that otherrespect is until somebody told
me, Adela, you don't value me ormy time.
(29:48):
You don't value the boundariesthat I set and that we put in
this format because my time ismy currency.
And if I'm giving it to you, itis not a luxury that I can just
afford to be throwing aroundbecause.
My time is very limited.
And that really hit me.
And so really understanding thatand setting that boundary, but
it has to again, like you said,a compassion for yourself of
where that is and opening thatdialogue up in those ways.
(30:12):
So I'd like to add that on inthere just because we'd like to
be there for everyone else too,but we'd like to state those
clear boundaries of where that'sgoing to be future, right?
Because you don't want to leaveit open-ended.
SPEAKER_03 (30:22):
You want to have a conversation of what the next
action step would be and will itbe And it's kind of like even
though you're setting yourSorry, I don't know if you hear
the lightning here.
Um, so the I don't know if it'sreally like it seems like it's a
boundary for yourself, but it'salso kind of opening up that
relationship a little bit too,and trying to like mend a
(30:44):
possible riff in thatrelationship too.
So I think that that'simportant.
SPEAKER_02 (30:48):
100%.
It keeps the scales, I think, alittle bit even in both ways.
It gives the opportunity forsomething to be move forward,
make a decision.
It also keeps the ball into thecourt and the responsibility
into the person who's initiatinginto and the accountability for
the person who is that you know,and that you're not not gonna be
there, but at the same time thatyou have some spaces and places
(31:09):
to be.
Anyone else I want to add tothat before we move on to the
next thing?
SPEAKER_04 (31:13):
I just want to express gratitude that the first
reaction wasn't anger.
Um being aware that there aretwo people, at least two people,
in this situation, and not justcentering it on self and
assuming attack, it is an act ofcompassion.
And while it may be frustratingand we may be angry because it
(31:37):
makes us feel a certain way,checking in with ourselves gets
to where Alicia and Adela weregoing.
Checking in and saying, youknow, I'm making assumptions
here openly by my perspective.
I'm going to give some space,check in with the person, give
an honest assessment of what I'mseeing, and let them process to
(31:58):
see if in fact this is apersonal attack, not a personal
attack.
Maybe they're, you know, notaware, but the fact that it
there wasn't an initial reactionof anger, uh, I want to express
gratitude.
SPEAKER_02 (32:12):
That's what humanity is about.
Humanity.
Yolanda, you ha you popped on.
SPEAKER_05 (32:20):
Oh yeah.
Well, Jen, she she summed thatup really nicely.
So um, I was gonna say I thinkit I think it depends on the
people too, because like whenyou asked that particular
question, I kind of giggledbecause I know a couple people
that have gone through thisstuff.
And um I just don't take itseriously.
(32:41):
Like, and not that's the wrongword.
Hold on.
I don't take it to heart, right?
I don't ever take when peopledrop plans that they have with
me to heart because you neverknow what's going on in their
life.
Like, if they're sick, maybethey just need a minute, maybe
maybe they're being selfish,maybe they're whatever.
Who cares?
Like, personally, this is apersonal viewpoint because my
(33:05):
time and my energy and my peaceare not controlled by anybody
else's viewpoint or their theirtheir uh their decision making
on my part.
So my part is to like if I viewthis person as someone who's
important to me, I'm gonna givethem the benefit of the doubt.
Now, if it keeps happening, I'mgonna talk to them at some point
(33:27):
when they want to make plansagain and be like, hey, well,
what's going on?
Because it canceled the lastfour times.
And honestly, I just I just needto know if you really want to
hang out.
That's it's really that simple.
And if you don't, that's cool.
I don't know.
Conversation.
A conversation.
Yeah, it's just just justtalking.
Like I don't it's not as to me,I don't see it as a big deal
because I don't view it as a bigdeal because I know with my life
(33:50):
and my ADHD and everything elsethat I I don't make people a
priority in my life, and I'vehad to learn to make people a
priority in my life.
Uh, it's just not how my brainis wired.
So it's like um when people likeinterrupt me when I'm speaking,
I don't get upset.
And I know a lot of people getupset.
(34:10):
I don't get upset because Iunderstand it.
I do it too.
So I never take anything toheart, and I don't know if
that's a superpower or if that'sa limitation, but like I'm not
mad at it.
SPEAKER_02 (34:23):
I mean, it just goes to show that you're not the
center of somebody else's world,and that's the thing.
And if we understand that we'renot the center of someone else's
world, we're the center of ourown world, and we just have to
understand that our world has tobe functioning as best as
possible.
And then if we again, if we havethe capacity, let's do it.
If not, be honest.
It's that simple.
All right, great conversation onthis one.
I like this scenario.
All right, go ahead, Jen.
(34:44):
Number two.
SPEAKER_04 (34:46):
Um, I'd I'd like to ask Seth, would you be okay with
answering one?
unknown (34:52):
Cool.
SPEAKER_04 (34:52):
Um, this scenario is called the public struggle.
So, say you're walking down thestreet or you're in a subway or
you're in a public place and yousee somebody who is visibly
distressed.
Maybe they're crying, maybethey're shaking, and other
people are acknowledging butlooking away, feeling awkward
about it, walking past them.
(35:13):
What would a compassionate actbe here?
SPEAKER_00 (35:19):
Um, this is kind of tricky because if if it's a
stranger that we're talkingabout, it's not always sometimes
the most compassionate thing isto not engage.
Um uh, but also, you know, if ifit if it catches my attention,
I'm I'm going to take an extracouple of breaths to decide if I
(35:41):
want to engage or interact withsomebody who's having an episode
like that.
Um, because it again it may notbe appropriate.
But I mean, even just observingthem for a minute to see if they
uh are sort of going throughsomething alone and where they
need they need space, uh, themost compassionate thing might
be to not not really approachthem.
(36:01):
But if they look like they'reconfused and maybe need an
advocate in that moment, uh, youknow, I might be compelled to to
walk over and at least ask if ifyou know if they're okay or if
they you do they need help withsomething, or you know, just a
couple of questions to get alittle bit more information
about the context of whatthey're going through.
Um and then you know makedeterminations about how to act
(36:24):
from there, uh, depending on howcritical the situation is.
SPEAKER_04 (36:28):
I think what Seth has uh touched on is is super in
tune in tune with the many sidedfacets of public expression.
If someone is in such a crisissituation that they're crying in
public or that they're shakingor very visibly disoriented in
(36:50):
public, we don't know theirmental or emotional health
background.
We don't know what they're goingthrough, if public outbursts are
part of their MO or completelyout of character for them.
We don't know if they couldpotentially become violent if
confronted with their outbursts.
So, compassion here, thinkingabout both of ourselves and the
(37:12):
individual.
Um, I think there's a borderlineand it could be argued in any
situation.
I think, Seth, you had the bestapproach with take a few breaths
to continue observing and tryand ascertain is this person at
risk?
Are they a risk to themselves?
(37:33):
Are they a risk to other people?
Is there anything that I can dowithout putting myself at risk?
Um, you know, it it's it couldalso be the context of where you
are.
Are you at like a public concertwhere the song may have reminded
them of something or someonespecial?
Are you in uh a graveyard?
(37:53):
Obviously, then it's publicspace would be totally
appropriate.
You don't approach the person,they're in their element.
But you know, in a subway orsomething, it might be it might
be different.
Um I think just looking at them,holding the compassionate face,
this one.
Is there something you need?
(38:15):
Are you in distress?
Do you need help?
And let them react.
And maybe there's an outburst.
But you know, again, like whatYolanda said, not taking it
personally, just showing up andletting them know they're seen,
that they're heard, that they'refelt, that somebody actually
cares enough to ask.
(38:36):
Um, not gonna super hypercomplicate it, but I just want
to put a bean in your mind of arecent stabbing that occurred uh
on camera, uh, where people werenot willing to even acknowledge
that something critical hadhappened, that this potential
(38:58):
issue had occurred, not evenwith physical evidence, that uh
that fear of getting involved orgetting messy.
You don't have to solve theproblem.
You don't have to takeresponsibility for the problem.
You are not the reason that theyare crying, but acknowledging
them as a human.
Hey, I've suffered, and I canimagine suffering enough to have
this kind of an outlet inpublic.
(39:21):
And I would love for somebody tojust say, Hey, you know, I see
you, I know what that feelslike.
Well, maybe I have a tissue.
Can I get you some help?
SPEAKER_02 (39:30):
And I would just like to add on to that the part
of this portion, and I'm reallyglad that we got this one, like
the struggle, especially thepublic struggle, not necessarily
the personal one or the thequiet one where no one sees.
Safety is the biggest part ofthis portion.
Um, and one of the reasons Iwant to touch back, uh touch
base on this is because I'vereally I've had to learn 100%
(39:53):
how not to engage or how to do,as Yolanda had mentioned in the
comments, assess the situation.
Because my compassion runs justI can put myself in any place
anywhere.
Like I am, I'm not allowed towalk out down dark alleys, I'm
not allowed to go outside in thedark by myself.
I'm just not allowed to that.
I have a lot of rules for myselfand others and and and you know,
(40:13):
people about for that reason.
Why?
Because you don't know whatsituation you're gonna put
yourself in.
So here's what I have learned inthe experience and through the
work I've had to do in ProjectHuman with this.
Three things that are thepriority.
Number one, assess the situationof your own safety.
Are you safe enough in theenvironment, in the space and
place to be able to even justtake a breath to acknowledge
(40:33):
anything that's happening?
Number two, if you have thecapacity to reach out to
somebody around you, uh, youknow, of authority or something
and say, hey, there's asituation, I just like to
acknowledge it, I'd like to havethat going on for that.
That is like one of the mostcompassionate things to do that
you can do, that you don't evenhave to get yourself involved in
that situation, right?
But and make, as Jennifermentioned, as acknowledge it.
(40:55):
Acknowledge it whether youacknowledge it with authority
around you, no matter whereyou're at, acknowledge it with
somebody in there of a potentialthat you can see if you have the
capacity.
And number three is that if youare in a position and you assess
the situation in which you canapproach, the distance has to be
six feet, period, and adiscussion.
(41:15):
You do not know the situation,you do not know what's going on,
and as much as I preach and wepreach that whole love and hug
and compassion and all thatmental health struggles, humans,
anywhere that you're at, youdon't know what breaks someone,
you don't know what happenedsomewhere.
And as we pointed out, a caseand multiple cases in any shape
or form, you don't know thesituation.
(41:36):
So again, safety of the selfbecause if you can't be safe,
you can't provide the safety toeverybody else or those around
you.
So safety of the self is in thisscenario number two, the
struggle in that and thatpartner, how do you create that
compassion?
That part is the border and theand the boundary that you have
to have, and it it can't be anemotional compassion, it has to
be a logical and very just againassessed portion where you take
(42:00):
that breath and go, I feel foryou, I really do, but I cannot
put myself in this position inwhich that I have assessed that
we would not be able to have aconversation, but I will put,
you know, talk to someone or Iwill if I can do that.
So I just wanted to point thatout because this is Jen, you
just freaking rock with all yourshit.
(42:20):
You're just a genius in howeverything works, but safety,
safety, safety, safety.
So safety is the number onething because if you can't be
safe and you can't secure safetyof uh uh of others around you or
the environment, then everythingwe're doing is is just it's in
vain.
So, all right, that was mytidbit on that.
SPEAKER_04 (42:41):
Uh, why don't you pick somebody for the third
scenario?
SPEAKER_02 (42:45):
It's still me.
I still get to keep talking, youguys.
You get to hear me.
Okay, so the third uh scenariois the emotional drainer, and
I'd like to pick uh Jen on thisone.
Uh so Jen.
Actually, no, let me uh let meadd Yolanda in this one, and I I
(43:06):
I would like uh scenario numberfour for Alicia to read to you,
and there's this reason why, andI would like that to happen.
So, so that's gonna happen thatway.
All right, Yolanda number three,uh scenario number three, a
coworker or a peer often unloadstheir emotional burdens onto
you.
Um, so I call you daily and I'mlike, oh my god.
(43:28):
I didn't even realize this wouldwork.
But it is, but it it, you know,uh you care about them, right?
Like you really care about them,but at some point it just starts
to wear you down.
It starts to eat at you when youget off the phone with them, you
feel so drained.
You start to think negativelyabout them, right?
Or when you he see their phonecall or see their messenger pop
(43:49):
up or see a text message fromthem or anything like that, you
start to get anxiety, right?
SPEAKER_05 (43:54):
Like you start to feel like you're are they
literate, are are they just acoworker?
Is this just at my job orthey're communicating with me at
home as well?
SPEAKER_02 (44:01):
It's it it could be communicating with you at home
too.
This is a coworker or a friend,you know, it's and you could put
it too, you know, i in that way,but um, if you if you have your
boundaries, that's fine.
But this is this is somebody wholooks at you as their safe
space, this is somebody wholooks at you as their trusted
source, and this is somebody wholooks at you as I can call her
(44:23):
at any given moment to just youknow do that.
And so how can you actcompassionately and support
them, but also protect yourenergy and set boundaries?
Okay, so emotional dumpingground.
What I do for a living everyday.
SPEAKER_05 (44:43):
Yeah, but that's the see here's okay, that's why I
asked, okay, because if you'remy friend, that's a whole
different scenario, okay?
If you're my friend, so and ifI've allowed them, okay, this is
me again, personally, not foranybody else, for me personally,
if I've allowed them to do sucha thing, which I find hilarious,
but if if I if I personallyallowed that, it's with the
(45:05):
understanding that I know theyneed to get it something going,
but if it becomes a point, it'sa burden, like it seems like
it's heavy, I just tell them.
Like I don't sugarcoat anything.
I'm just like, whoa, because ifthey're if I'm their person,
their safety person, they knowme.
They know how straightforward Ican be and I will how I am.
(45:27):
I don't sugarcoat anything foranyone.
And I find that personallycompassionate because I'm not
gonna be fake with you, whetheryou're happy or you're sad or
you're angry or you're joyful.
I'm the same throughout.
Like I said, I'm kind of likewhen I think about it, I am kind
of like I'm the same.
I don't, I'm the same onlinethat I'm in person.
Like I don't change when I game.
I am who I am, and that's justwhat it is.
(45:49):
And so for me, it's really easybecause I would just be like,
whoa, hey, what's going on?
Like, I will just head rightinto it.
Forehead just plowed right intotheir forehead.
We need to have a conversation.
What's going on with you?
Like, this is this is too much.
You're being too, I mean, I knowyou're emotional, but geez, like
let's we need to talk.
(46:10):
Like, are we not talking?
Are we not having conversations?
Because I don't see how thiscould happen personally, because
I this would mean that I'm nothaving a conversation with
somebody.
This would mean that I'mignoring them and they're just
trying to get my attentionrepeatedly.
And I don't find thatcompassionate at all.
Like, if you don't want to havea discussion with somebody, the
(46:32):
most compassionate thing you cando is put them out of their
misery and be like, listen, Iappreciate the fact that you
want to get close to me, but wedon't have that kind of a
relationship.
And at this moment in time, I'mnot looking for that.
So as as I as much as I valueyou as a coworker or as a human
being, I cannot be like that'sso your shoulder.
(46:57):
You know what I mean?
Like, I can't be that for you.
SPEAKER_02 (47:00):
You have to have that, you have to have that
because if you don't have that,and and I so 100% agree with a
plus or minus a percent on on away, because again, I have I
have approached it in a littlebit differently.
But I the compassionate thing isto always be authentic to who
you are.
But here's the thing in orderfor you to be that, you have to
(47:20):
know your capacity in order tobe able to take it on to do
that, right?
For me, you need to be able to,when that call comes in, and
I've had it plenty of times,you've had that call where it's
a continuous same conversationand you're just on the other end
going, we've talked about it thesame thing, the same thing, same
thing, same thing, same thing,same thing.
Maybe you should look in themirror.
Maybe the conversation is aboutanywhere else.
(47:42):
I've said that to people andI've lost friendships over that.
And if people lose yourfriendships over that, they did
they don't want to look in themirror because if it's the same
conversation, again, from theirend, as Yolanda just pointed
out, you're not having aconversation.
It's a one-sided person goingoff inventing nonstop, never
taking responsibility,accountability, never wanting to
change any kind of thing, neverwanting to take your your advice
(48:03):
or never blaming everything.
That's fine.
That's who you want to be.
That's cool.
My boundaries, that's not who Iam.
I want to elevate because I wantto, I want to be better.
And again, it's always startswith as she said that clear
boundary.
Which I have one.
Which Adela do you want?
Do you want the honest Adela?
Or do you want the Adela thatjust listens?
SPEAKER_05 (48:25):
You laugh.
You don't get to pick that withme.
You don't get to pick that.
SPEAKER_02 (48:29):
I am who I know, but I have I have to, I, I have a
bit I have a business to run.
I have an organization.
Well, no, I know you haveimmunity.
But that's the thing is what doyou need?
Because that's really theconversation.
What do you need?
Do you need me to be your spacepreventing?
Or do you need honest truthbecause you really just want
somebody to be honest with youand not like whatever?
(48:50):
Because that's why you calledme.
Because you know that like yousaid, you know who I am.
SPEAKER_03 (48:53):
So which one do you want?
And I don't think I don't thinkit's compassionate to just be a
yes man and just say, yes,you're right, you're right,
you're doing everything right ifthey're not doing like I don't
think that's compassionate.
Like I don't think it'senablement.
SPEAKER_05 (49:10):
Yes, yes, 100%.
I think what a lot of times, andthis is why I said it's
different.
Like if it's if it's a coworker,you're you're developing a
relationship, right?
It's a new thing.
You you assess situationsdifferently than you would like
like if Adela's talking to me.
That's a totally differentconversation.
Like if she's emotional orirrational or whatever, I
(49:32):
already know her.
I already know, I already knowher foundation.
So when she's acting a certainway, I'm just gonna be like,
hey, what's what's going on?
Like, let's get down to it.
And if she tells me nothing, I'mgonna call her out and call her
a liar.
SPEAKER_02 (49:45):
And now Adela's gonna interrupt you and let you
know that we have a time checkit.
I love it.
And that's the wholeconversation point.
Be honest, be in there, be whereyou need to be.
And this is the example of partof that.
So let's do this next onebecause it's really important.
Because I really do want to getto this one.
Okay, Alicia, take it away.
SPEAKER_03 (50:02):
A harmful comment.
A family member makes aninsensitive or harmful comment
about mental health.
It hurts, but you know they'vebeen through their own pain.
What would a compassionateresponse look like?
One that respects your valuesand still offers grace or space.
SPEAKER_04 (50:19):
Um, what I would say is don't let the frustration or
the anger or the defensivenessof yourself or someone you know
that's suffering or has sufferedfrom whatever mental health
situation influence yourcomments.
Compassion is being a peacefuladvocate for humanity and
(50:46):
understanding from person toperson, and what the end goal in
this situation is is toencourage growth.
So it may be a calm word or ahalf smile that says, I
appreciate your perspective.
I would love to offer youanother one, or just maybe even
(51:08):
silence in that moment and thenaddressing that person in
private calmly, peacefully,quietly later, and saying, Hey,
you know, when you said this,here's how I felt, and that's
not to condemn you, but it's toremind you that other people's
struggles are more than real,and that acknowledging that
(51:28):
other people suffer is part ofwhat we do as humans, uh, in
recognizing that the humancondition changes from person to
person, and it would mean somuch to me.
And I know others who might nothave had the bravery to stand up
and say this.
If you would either keep youropinion to yourself or maybe
(51:50):
give others the grace that theymight be going through something
real.
So that would be how I would tryto approach that.
And if I were flaming mad, Imight go journal, rip that right
up, burn the pages, distributethe ashes, get it off my chest,
and then go have a quietconversation.
And it could be days later, whoknows?
SPEAKER_02 (52:11):
Yeah, and the reason why I wanted you to answer that
is because one of the thingsthat you have, and I've
mentioned this to you inprivate, you have this angelic
voice to you, and it's like asong siren when you sing or you
say, and when you have somethingthat you want to say that
bothers you in the way you sayit, it's so melodic.
Like it's so, it really is justso compassionate.
It comes from, hey, here'ssomething here, and here's where
(52:34):
I'm not, and I really want to,and part of what I learned
through knowing you over thisthis year is the compassionate
accountability of words, right?
I am the accountability of wordsbecause we speak words we do not
understand, and we just keepblah blah blah blah blah.
Was there done it, and to watchyou and see you, even with me in
(52:56):
some ways, and in in theslightest way direct me or in my
wording, or in the way, or someways, because again, I can be
who it and say some things or dosome things as others can or or
vice versa.
And I just think it's one of thethings that is so amazing to
have that because you have thatway of again holding that
(53:21):
accountability of somebodyaround you to that and not being
afraid to have that conversationwhen it is required to have it,
and putting that, as youmentioned, that fire to them
through that compassion.
And I think it's just sobeautiful because most people,
again, are so afraid to have aconversation.
And we call it confrontationbecause it feels like a
(53:42):
confrontation, but it is.
You have to confront your own,you have to confront your own
stigmas, your own uh biases,your own everything, and look at
that being as a human being whohas a thousand and one years of
billions of traumas and builtinto this one little being who
has no idea the capacity to tofunction or have a conversation,
(54:06):
as neither do you, that you'reboth in the same field and it
you all the only conversationyou know is hi, how are you?
I'm not good, neither am I.
Okay, let's just sit together,cool, let's be here.
Like, really.
And the like knowing how tobecome knowing your worth,
knowing how to have compassionfor your worth, and then turns
(54:26):
for you to have the discipline,the commitment to the words you
say, which turn into action,which turn your own soul into
the compassion into light justfor the people around you.
So I appreciate that.
And that's I'm very glad thatthat's how that ended.
All right.
Last thing we have to pop inreally quick, you guys.
We have three minutes.
(54:48):
So, what I'd like to do is umwe're gonna do a quick pledge.
We're gonna do a three timethree three uh step or three
time pledge.
What is it called?
Three time, three takeaway?
The three compassion pledge?
That's it.
The three-time compassionpledge, okay?
We're asking you to do to takethree actions in compassion.
One action towards yourself, andit could be, you know, giving
(55:11):
yourself grace for somethingyou're carrying.
Um, it could be forgivingyourself for not meeting coming
to the meeting tonight becauseyou couldn't do it.
Like, it's okay, have somecompassion.
You have a life.
Uh, compassion towards someoneelse, someone close to you, not
just a stranger, but someoneclose to you, someone you really
deeply genuinely care about, youknow, and and you you understand
that they're struggling, ormaybe you haven't talked to
(55:33):
them, but you care about themand you haven't seen them in
recent years, but you care aboutthem and they're they pop up.
So maybe you should reach outand show some compassion and
say, just you're thinking aboutyou want to send some love and
let you know I have a space foryou to to to be here.
And then again, uh, compassiontowards a stranger or a
difficult relationship in theworld, um, or just the social
media spectrum that we are in inthe world.
(55:55):
Um let's just be morecompassionate altogether in that
area, because that number thirdone, I think we all need it.
And and and maybe that could bethe biggest challenge is that if
we can't do the first two onesof being challenged or being
compassionate to ourselves orsomeone we care about because we
hold too much feelings and toomuch whatever, but at least we
can start online because we'reonline all the time.
We have our phones in our hands,we're talking to everybody all
(56:17):
the time, strangers, people weknow.
Maybe we start with acompassionate comment,
compassionate gesture,compassionate, you know, hello,
just a compassionate moment.
So that is my challenge uh toyou to be in there.
Um in there.
I have a comment I wanted to popin and read because we popped
on.
Uh Yolanda said discipline is uhdiscipline self-worth.
(56:38):
And uh Alicia said, one of thethings I love about Fink is that
I get to learn so much.
And I will show patience forchildren, compassion for their
experience.
That's what Jen uh said.
And it's we are all children.
We're all we're all children ofGod, and I don't know what you
believe in, that's fine, butwe're all children of God, and
we all should have the patiencethat he has and the grace he has
(56:58):
and the compassion he has for usand for what we do on a daily
basis that we can't even live upto.
So that's all I'm saying onthat.
Last but not least, finally, uhfinally, we have a crispy cream
donut thing going on reallyquick.
Go ahead, Jen.
Okay, popping it up.
Popping it up really quick, youguys.
But but before we do this, holdon really quick.
On our thing, I gotta pop it up,but I didn't put the um uh the
the the the the volume thing.
(57:19):
So hold on a second, popping upa slide.
Don't go anywhere, you guys.
And then Jen, give it a second,you guys popping up the slide.
Krispy Kreme donuts.
I need you to look at this, andthen we're gonna have to be
popping it off.
Two seconds to looking at it.
There you go.
Scan it with your phone, take alook at it for those of you who
are watching right now.
And there you go, there you go,there you go.
There you go.
(57:40):
There you go.
Scan it, look, um crispy cream,you guys, and we'll attach it to
all we'll attach the link to ourcomments on the bottom on our
description page as well.
Um, but we have a donate, wehave a uh campaign going on.
Thank you to Krispy Kreme forfor letting us do this and being
a partner with us on that.
And thank you for to group racefor doing that as well for us.
And thank you to our teammembers who are participating
(58:01):
and to everyone who's bought adozen donuts so far right now.
Upcoming events, really quick.
We're almost on our time.
Upcoming events, now we walk onSunday.
I'll be there, come check meout.
And we have November 15th, markit in your calendar.
Our quarterly mental health dayis officially on the books.
We're gonna be having a goodconversation there.
We look forward to seeing you.
All right, any last 30 secondsor 10 second thoughts?
(58:22):
Nobody, good, good, good.
Seth, take it away.
SPEAKER_00 (58:26):
You put me on the spot at the last minute.
Uh sorry, one minute.
Oh, here we go.
Uh, that's all the time we havetonight.
Sorry for the delay.
Uh, next month's discussion willbe on building structure in our
lives.
Please check out our website, uhwww.think.org.
(58:51):
It's p-h-in-c-in-g.org.
SPEAKER_02 (58:56):
It's right here on our web on the top of our heads.
SPEAKER_00 (59:00):
Perfect.
Uh, and you can reach us uh viaemail at infothinking.org.
SPEAKER_02 (59:08):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (59:09):
That's all we got.
SPEAKER_02 (59:10):
All right, thank you, everybody.
Thank you guys so much.
Oh, really quick, you guys as ateam.
Thank you, Jen, for an awesome,awesome community conversation
this time.
Just seriously dope.
That's all I got.
Until next time, you guys.
All right.
SPEAKER_04 (59:28):
Hope to see y'all next month.
Bye.
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