July 21, 2025 • 60 mins
In this powerful episode of The Asset Mindset, host Daniel Fielding sits down with transformational coach and creator of Fierce Empathy, David Waldy, for a deep dive into how radical self-awareness and intentional identity shifts can lead to lasting personal growth. David shares his journey from battling emotional darkness and self-sabotage to becoming a leader in behavioral change and mindset mastery.
Discover how clarity, constructs, commitments, and consistency—the four pillars of transformation—can unlock your full potential. Learn about the neuroscience behind habit change, how to use the “Petty List” to pinpoint dissatisfaction, and why self-reflection and emotional honesty are essential for building a life of purpose and authenticity.
🎯 Whether you're a veteran, entrepreneur, or someone seeking to break toxic cycles and level up your life, this episode is a must-listen.
👉 Follow, share, like, and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube for more tools and conversations that build a bulletproof mindset.
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Chapters
00:00 Introduction to David Waldy and the Asset Mindset
00:42 David's Journey: From Struggles to Self-Discovery
04:55 The Shift: Understanding Masculinity and Personal Growth
08:37 The Dark Ages: Overcoming Trauma and Finding Purpose
12:16 Fierce Empathy: Redefining Self-Compassion
17:09 Changing Mindsets: The Power of Belief and Identity
26:14 Empathy and Community: The Path to Transformation
30:47 Identifying Wants and Dissatisfactions
38:09 The Four Pillars of Transformation
52:29 The Science of Change and Neural Pathways
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidwaldy/
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Website: https://www.davidwaldy.com/home
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Asset Mindset Podcast.
Today we have a very specialguest, and when I say special, I
mean super special.
This guy's worked with TonyRobbins.
He's traveled the world.
We have the one and only, davidWalde.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Daniel.
It's an honor to be here, man,and what I usually like to start
with in these type ofconversations is for everyone
listening.
My goal here is there's onesolo goal, and I think it's the
same as you, daniel is that forthis conversation to be useful
to consider.
I don't claim to have all theanswers.
I definitely have made my fairshare of mistakes and failures,
(00:44):
but I hope, today, at theconversation around the asset
mindset and how that canintegrate with what I call
fierce empathy, is somethingthat can not only transform your
entire reality, but it can helpyou cultivate more peace, more
joy, more contentment and moreconnection, most importantly,
more connection with the peoplethat you love and with yourself.
(01:05):
And so thank you for having me,daniel.
I really appreciate it, man.
And so, to start off, we gotsome stories to dive into.
I grew up as a Kansas farm boy.
I'm a Kansas farm boy at heart.
My dad was a veterinarian, momwas a teacher and just working
class family.
So I grew up hunting, fishing,loving every day.
My my childhood was very muchlike Opie Taylor.
(01:27):
If you've ever watched the AndyGriffith show, I was Opie like
I'd have a fishing pole on oneshoulder and a BB gun on the
other and I'd take the dog andjust go.
And so, uh, I had what I feltwas a pretty beautiful childhood
.
But, just like most people,it's not until you become an
adult that you look back at yourchildhood and you start saying
you become an adult, that youlook back at your childhood and
you start saying maybe it wasn'treally supposed to be like that
(01:50):
.
And there were things thathappened and there was a series
of events that I'm sure we'lldive into.
But over the years I was a highperformer.
I worked really hard.
I did all the sports, all theyou know, every class that I
could take.
I tried really, really hard andI adopted a bit of a
performance mindset at an earlyage.
But I didn't realize thedownside.
I didn't realize howdevastating that would become in
(02:12):
my future, because I didn't putperformance-based mindset and
the asset mindset in the rightplace in my mind, and so I was
driven to perform simply becauseI hated myself, I hated who I
was, I hated the man that I wasbecoming.
As I transitioned out of highschool into early adulthood, I
went through a series of eventsthat I would much later realize
(02:36):
formed and shaped me in waysthat were both good and bad.
Just like everyone listening,we've had things happen to us.
We've had pain, we've hadbetrayal, we've had heartbreak,
there's been abuse, there's beena lot of things, and so, for me
, what it led to was about eightyears ago.
I walked into my bathroom afterI was married.
We had our first kid, so thiswas actually seven years ago now
(02:59):
.
Um, and despite having achievedwhat everyone said you're
supposed to achieve to besuccessful right, the six figure
job, the glass corner office,the company car I had achieved
everything Everyone said you'resupposed to achieve to be happy
and successful.
And, um, I was still pluggedinto church.
I loved God through the wholeprocess and, uh, I'm a follower
(03:21):
of Jesus.
It's been a huge part of mylife.
But even in that, I found myselfstanding in front of the mirror
with a Glock in my hand and Iwas ready to end it, because I
felt like, no matter how hard Itried, I wasn't enough.
I wasn't good enough.
I couldn't make my wife happy,I couldn't make my boss happy, I
(03:41):
couldn't make myself happy.
I felt like I was failing onevery front.
I was about 60 poundsoverweight and dealingirking all
of the responsibility for mylife that I had not been
(04:07):
choosing the asset mindset, I'dnot been choosing discipline,
I'd not been choosing to beresponsible, I'd not been
choosing habits that were usefuland conducive to becoming the
man that I wanted to be.
Because, the truth is, daniel,I didn't know who I wanted to be
.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I just knew I didn't want to be who I was oh, that
makes total sense, and I just Ilove that you're so willing to
share your stories.
I mean, we did a phone calllisteners before we even got on
here in the podcast a while agoand, man, we hit it off right
away because you are so raw, soreal and willing to share, and
(04:40):
that to me.
I'm proud of you, man, forhaving so much strength, because
not everybody has that, andyour strength and what you're
doing is helping lead the wayfor so many people, which is why
I'm so thankful and honored tohave you here on the show.
Can you talk a little bit moreabout that shift in your mind
and where it led you to?
So you had all these issues andyou were struggling, but then,
(05:05):
bam, the change happened.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Absolutely so.
For me, a lot of it had to dowith this concept of masculinity
, which is definitely a hottopic in the world we live in
today.
Right, you got toxicmasculinity and you've got the
patriarchy and you've got allthese things, and whether you're
a man or a woman listening, Itruly believe that, although men
have been a huge contributingpart to the problems many of the
(05:31):
problems we see today, I alsobelieve that, in large part, men
are the solution, and whatmessed me up was when I was 13
years old, my family moved fromKansas to Florida.
My parents did it as alast-ditch effort to save their
marriage.
I grew up with them constantlyfighting a lot of emotional,
(05:52):
psychological abuse and just avery volatile situation.
I would much later come to findout both of them were just in
tremendous pain, and there's anempathy for them now that I have
as an adult that I didn't havethen, because as a kid, all you
want is to be safe, all you wantis to feel loved, all you want
is to feel like they care aboutyou, and so my parents packed us
(06:15):
up and sold us on moving closerto Disney World and so got us
on board, and so we moved toTampa, florida, and my parents
struggled for about a year ortwo and then my dad ended up
leaving.
And it was in that season oflife where there was a man that
stepped into my life who wasactually my youth pastor, and so
I was dealing with a lot,especially for teenage boys.
(06:37):
I mean, you know this, I knowthis, we've lived through it,
and you can have a conversationwith any parent that has a
teenage boy.
You don't know who you are, youdon't know what you want, you
just are led by, you're fueledby testosterone and feelings,
and so that can lead to a lot ofpoor decisions.
But for me at that time, I feltlike my father had abandoned me
(06:59):
, and so I was looking for afather figure.
Right, as for anyone that'sgone through their parents
divorcing, or even if you'vegone through a divorce, there's
so much emotion with it, and sothe man that stepped into my
life, like he, became like afather figure to me, like he was
everything to me.
This story is now I'vediscovered is all too common.
(07:30):
I didn't understand at the timewhat was okay and not okay and
all sorts of things.
I won't go into the details,but for about a two year period.
He molested me and I lived inshame and I lived in guilt and I
didn't know who to go tobecause I couldn't go to my dad
and he was my pastor, right,he's supposed to be the guy
who's supposed to point me toGod, and so it was those two
(07:53):
things one, feeling abandoned bymy father and then two, feeling
taken advantage of by a fatherfigure.
I grew up with a really skewedperspective on what masculinity
(08:26):
was, and so I formulatedsomewhat of a hatred towards men
and I vowed that I would bedifferent and I tried to make
those men that were in my life,that had been heroes, that had
been idols that I looked up to,that those type of men either
walk away or they take advantageof other people advantage of
other people right.
(08:46):
And so there was a lot of pain,there was therapy that had to
go into that.
There's a lot of healing that'shad to happen over the last
gosh, a couple of decades.
But to your question, what itled me to this change that
happened is that I was doingreally well in my job.
I had become a top 1% producerand in a sales role in a $400
million a year company.
I was crushing it, I was makingthe money, I was doing the
(09:08):
things and, uh, you know, I Ithought I was on the right track
and then I had, um, I had, uh,someone from my church actually
approached me and, um, she, shesaid, david, have you ever?
Have you ever had, uh?
And she said, david, have youever had or done coaching before
?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Like.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Little League, football, baseball, what are you
talking about?
What are you talking about?
Coaching?
And she said, no, like anythinglike you know personal coaching
, professional coaching,executive, anything like that
where we focus on helping you tobecome, you know, better in
your given field, et cetera.
I was like, no, I've nevertried that before.
I've never done that before.
(09:48):
And she said well, I know thissounds crazy, but I love you and
your family and I believe inyou and I would love to bless
you because I have to puttogether five case studies for a
coaching program I'm developingfor a Fortune 100 company and I
can't share her name or thecompany that she works with, but
(10:08):
if I shared the name of thecompany here, everyone would
know it.
Everyone would know it.
And she had been tasked withcreating an executive coaching
program for their board ofdirectors and their C-suite
executives and above.
She needed five case studiesand she said I would be willing
to give you this for free.
It studies.
And she said I would be willingto give you this for free.
It's about a $300,000 coachingprogram.
(10:29):
And I said I'm sorry, what didyou just say?
Wait, people pay.
What for coaching?
Are you kidding?
What in the world is this thing.
And she said but you have togive me your word that you'll
commit to the process.
And so what that led to was aseries of coaching experiences,
where one we were at this littleMediterranean restaurant
Everyone's got that area on mainstreet with the big glass
windows.
You can hear the cars and thebuzz and the feel, and we're
(10:50):
eating shawarma and a bunch offood I can't pronounce, and she,
she's sitting there at thetable and she looks at me and
she says this one question thatchanged everything.
She said, david, who do youwant to become?
And I didn't even have, likesome people might hear that and
be like well, that doesn't soundlike a profound question.
For me it was becauseeverything had been about what
do I want to do?
What do I want to do with mylife?
(11:11):
What do I want to do when Igrow up?
What do I want to do, like,what's my job, all the stuff.
But something clicked that dayfor me, daniel, when she asked
that question.
But what was interesting isthat I had almost this
involuntary response that justflowed out of me and, as I heard
myself saying, I was like I wasshocked, right.
You ever have those momentswhere you just say something,
you're like I don't know wherethat came from, but you know.
So she says who do you want tobecome?
(11:33):
And I said I'm not allowed todefine.
And so she sat back and shesaid interesting, why aren't you
allowed to define that?
And I sat there and I thoughtfor a moment and I said because
that's God's job, I'm notallowed to define who I want to
become, because God's the onewho defines who I'm supposed to
(11:53):
become.
And I'm supposed to figure itout.
And Daniel was in that momentwhere I realized I had spent the
better part of a decade tryingto figure it out, trying to find
my purpose, trying to find mycalling, trying to and we all
use these phrases, everyone doesLike what's my purpose?
What am I here for?
What am I supposed to be doing?
What's the right path?
What's the wrong path?
How do I know what to do?
What do I need to do to fix mymarriage?
(12:15):
What do I need to do to fix mycareer?
What do I need to do to fix myfinances, my health?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
And it was in that moment wheresomething shifted for me.
It didn't all all the puzzlepieces didn't fall in together,
but it set me on a path that Irealized that I had been
shirking all of theresponsibility for my life onto
(12:36):
God and I had taken thissomewhat altruistic you know,
call it religious mindset.
I was like, well, it's my jobto just, you know, to just this
must be God's will for my life.
Maybe I'm supposed to be broke,maybe I'm supposed to be
unhappy.
Maybe I'm supposed to be fat,maybe I'm supposed to.
Maybe this is God's will for mylife.
(12:57):
And so, in that series of events, what shifted for me was that I
realized I had never givenmyself permission to define the
man that I wanted to be, thehusband I wanted to be, the
father that I wanted to be, theleader that I wanted to be.
I had never had a vision for myfuture and given myself
(13:18):
permission to have that, becauseI was so stuck in survival mode
and I had so much pain that Ihadn't worked through and I had
so much healing that had hadn'tworked through and I had so much
healing that had to happen.
And what I realized throughthat process, daniel, was that
the reason that I had nevergiven myself permission to
define the man that I wanted tobe was not just because I
thought it was God's job.
It's because I hated myself somuch that I was terrified of who
(13:42):
I was going to become.
I was so scared of what wasgoing to happen in my life
because I hated the man in themirror.
And when I looked at my past,all I saw was anger and rage and
resentment for the injusticeand the unfairness and all of
the stuff that shouldn't havehappened.
That happened to me, and it setin motion this process where I
(14:06):
had to start to understand thatmy construct around this word,
empathy, was flawed.
I didn't know how to haveempathy for myself.
All I had was rage and hatred.
I couldn't even look myself inthe mirror, and so fierce
empathy came out of thisdevelopment of a few different
things.
(14:26):
One is that I've probablysimilar to you, daniel, similar
to many people that arelistening, if you tend to be the
person that everyone comes towith their problems.
Right, you're a nice guy, likethey want to vent, they want to
tell you what's going on, andyou think you have empathy, but
what I realized was that for me,much of that was just sympathy.
(14:46):
You feel bad for people whenthey're going through stuff.
It wasn't real empathy.
Real empathy which I came tokind of encapsulate in this term
, fierce empathy this is how Idefine it.
It says being willing to createan environment where someone
feels seen, heard, understood.
To create an environment wheresomeone feels seen, heard,
(15:08):
understood, known and loved,while simultaneously having the
courage to speak the hard truthin love, regardless of whatever
discomfort may follow.
And so, in simpler terms, whatI realized is that I didn't
number one.
I didn't know how to haveempathy for myself, and I didn't
know how to confront myselfwith the truth.
I didn't know how to lookmyself in the mirror and say,
(15:30):
buddy, you've made some reallybad choices, but you, you can
make the decision to commit to adifferent process and become
something different than whatyou are, different than what you
are.
I wasn't willing to face thefacts because I was so wrapped
up in my feelings, and thatwould eventually become the work
that I do to this day, whetherit's in business or with
(15:52):
individuals, and a lot of what Ido is around business
development and systemsprocesses, sales, marketing,
things like that.
But I always infuse this intoit because what I've realized is
that most people really reallystruggle with either empathy for
other people or empathy forthemselves, and it's not just
about feelings.
It's about are you willing toface the facts and put in the
(16:15):
hard work required to transformyour life, which is why I have
such an admiration for you andyour work, daniel.
The asset mindset is that mostpeople are living a life of
liabilities and they're livingin a reactionary state.
They have not invested the time, energy and habits to cultivate
the assets in their life thatcan pay them rich dividends.
(16:36):
So I'll pause there for amoment.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, no, you're dropping a lot of knowledge and
I love it, and I just want toreflect on a few things that you
said.
As far as the becoming, youknow who are you going to become
and I want people to understandit's not where you are, it's
not where you were, it's whereyou're going.
Where are you going in yourlife?
Don't worry about that otherstuff.
(17:01):
Yes, acknowledge it, ithappened, learn from it.
But where do you want to go?
Understand that you haveownership.
We've spoken a little bit aboutGod here and like, oh, that's
God's plan and he'll do.
No, you're created in God'simage.
You are a creator.
He wants you to create.
I'm going to quote someone here, dave Ramsey.
I heard him one time say youknow what God?
(17:23):
I'm going to quote someone here, dave Ramsey.
I heard him one time say youknow what the God?
God feeds the birds, but hedoesn't put the worm in the nest
.
They got to go out and find theworm.
They have to do the work, buthe'll feed them.
Same thing with us as people.
You got to get out there andactually do the work and you'll
be rewarded.
I'm sure you've seen that a lotright Once you changed your
mindset and you started doingthe work.
What happened with the results?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yeah, that's where a lot of people, I find, get stuck
.
And it's a great question,Daniel, because people are like,
well, how do I just change mymindset?
How do I start doing the thingsthat I don't feel like doing?
I'm not motivated, I'm tired,I'm exhausted, I'm overworked,
I'm underpaid, I'm frustrated.
My kids won't listen, my wifehates my guts, whatever it is
(18:07):
right, and they're justoverwhelmed.
And so the question, what Ifound is that I don't remember
who said this, but the qualityof the questions that we ask
determines the quality of ourlife, and I love that, because
most people are asking thequestion what do I need to do?
Like I mentioned earlier, whatdo I need to do to change my
mindset?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
And there's a lot of people outthere that you know I respect,
(18:29):
but I personally I disagree withsome of their approach.
When it's just full-blown DavidGoggins style, Like I'm just
going to get out there and I'mjust going to grind and I'm just
going to do it and what I'verealized, and I think anyone
that's honest with themselves.
When you look at someone likeDavid Goggins as much as I
respect what he's accomplishedthere's no denying that there is
(18:49):
some tremendous pain there.
There's tremendous pain and ifyou've ever read his story or
his books there is because ofwhat he's been through through.
And I think the danger in thatfor the majority of people and
the science even indicates thisthat roughly 2% of the human
population have the capacity andability to brute force their
(19:12):
way through anything, which iswhy I have so much respect for
people like you, Daniel, becausethere are people that serve in
our armed forces that it doesn'tmatter, you have to brute force
it.
Sometimes you have to pushthrough, and I'm not saying that
it's not about that in someoccasions, but for the
overwhelming majority of us, the98% that are left, the question
(19:34):
is is like what do I need to do?
Because it doesn't matter howhard I try, I can't seem to make
the changes, I can't seem tostop snoozing, I can't seem to
get to the gym, I can't seem tocontrol my anger, I can't seem
to.
And so we have this list ofthings that hold us back and
(19:56):
what I've discovered in myresearch and the studies.
I've obsessed over behavioralpsychology and neuroscience for
like the last decade, trying tounderstand why we do what we do,
the beliefs, understand why wedo what we do, the beliefs that
we have and how we actuallychange our lives.
And that came out of the desirethat I wanted to change my life
.
And so to answer your questionwhen it comes to the challenges
(20:17):
and difficulties of changingyour mindset and asking better
questions, I think a betterquestion than asking what do I
need to do is that one wementioned before is who do I
need to become?
Because identity is always thefoundation for behavior and
results identity.
(20:40):
But that's really hard for mostpeople.
For most people like I'm goingto do a budget or I'm going to
do this, I'm going to go tocounseling, I'm going to start
working out every day, I'm goingto write that book, finally,
I'm going to start my business.
You start doing that and theremight be some initial inertia
and momentum, but you get acouple months in and it's like
all the feelings are gone, Right.
(21:06):
And so what I encourage peopleto do is a very simple exercise,
is and before I get into thatexercise, I want to give an
example and I'll ask you Daniel,Daniel, are you a runner?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
No, I am not a runner , I'm a hiker.
I carry big, heavy things and Igo for walks.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I love it.
I love it, okay, and this isnot going to put you down in any
way, so don't.
That wasn't a rigged question.
I promise.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
No, it's fine, I just my lower back does not like
running when I do it.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I'm with you.
I got the.
I got a herniation down theretoo, and so it's.
Running is very challenging forme.
But what's interesting?
Let me ask you a question as afollow-up.
So you're not a runner, okay.
So would it be uncharacteristicand weird for you if you were
to just randomly start waking upevery single day and going out
and running a 5k every day?
Go run would be weird, but forsomeone that does identify as a
(21:57):
runner, it would be weird ifthey never ran.
So I want to tap on thehornet's nest here for a second.
We are dealing with a huge, hugeissue around and questions
(22:19):
around the LGBTQ plus IA, allthe.
Forgive me, I don't know whatall the variables are now, but
the truth is that that communityhas tapped into is something
that the rest of us can tap into, even though I have my own
opinions of good, bad, ugly,like we won't get into that.
But here's what I want peopleto understand, because it's such
a hot button topic.
(22:40):
Okay is that when someonebelieves that they are something
different than what they are,their actions and their
behaviors will come intoalignment with that which they
believe that they are.
And so if you have someone whobelieves that they're a fairy,
princess, butterfly, and that'swhat they say they are and
(23:02):
believe it, and they claim thatover and, over and over again.
Their actions and theirbehaviors will naturally come
into alignment with that whichthey believe that they are.
Now that might be too extremeof an example for some people,
so I'll simplify this If youidentify as a success, your
natural behaviors will bealigned with being a success.
(23:25):
If you believe that you are afailure, your natural behaviors
and what you do will be alignedwith the identity of a failure.
So how do we apply this?
You have to start with who youbelieve you are.
If you believe you're worthless, if you believe you're a
unicorn, if you believe whateverit is about yourself, you will
(23:48):
start to adopt characteristicsand your behavior will naturally
change.
Why?
Because it's second nature.
If you change your nature, thensecond nature is your behaviors
.
An example of this I've got aseven-year-old, I've got a
five-year-old, a three-year-oldand a six-month-old and I love
(24:09):
my three-year-old season of liferight now because he runs
around with Woody from Toy Storyand he pretends he's a cowboy.
And when that kid puts on acowboy hat and he's got bullseye
and Woody, you would be fullyconvinced and believe that in
that moment he believes he's acowboy, he becomes a cowboy, he
(24:30):
talks like a cowboy, he walkslike a cowboy, he pulls his
pistol out like a cowboy right,why?
Because in that moment he isusing the most incredible tool
that we've been given, which isimagination.
And as adults, as grownups, westop using that because we think
it's immature and it's one ofthe most tremendous gifts that
God has given us is because ifyou look at that child that
(24:50):
imagines for a moment that theyare something different than
what they are, their behaviorchanges.
So what we've mistaken, daniel,is that we've looked at what do
I need to do to fix all thisexternal stuff?
What do I need to do to fix mybehavior?
And we try and try and try andtry and it doesn't work.
(25:11):
It works for a very small groupof people roughly 2% where they
can just brute, force their waythrough and eventually become
something different.
But for the overwhelmingmajority of people, it's not
about trying harder.
It's about working on your headand your heart and what you
believe about yourself.
Because when you change whatyou believe about yourself, your
(25:35):
actions, your behaviors andyour results will naturally
change.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Absolutely, and I was totally going to hit on beliefs
and you just slammed it,because the truth is the truth
and that's what we do here onthe Asset Mindset Podcast.
We speak the truth and if youwant to know more about David,
please pause, go into ourdescriptions and you'll have all
kinds of information for himand what he's doing and
connections and you can learnmore.
(26:04):
Follow him, find out aboutFierce Empathy and his programs
that he's doing.
So, again, also give us a likefollow, and please share this
with someone that needs to hearit, because there's a lot of us
out there that need to reallyrealize that you have the power.
You can change your beliefs, andit's who you want to become and
(26:25):
where you are going.
That is important.
So now, getting back to thisbelief, how do we help instill
people that it's possibleBecause I talk about this in my
book that you really can doanything?
People run without legs, we gotprosthetics, people read
without sight, there's Braille.
It's a little harder maybe, butyou can do it.
(26:47):
So how do we help peoplerealize that they have that
power and once they can changethat belief, then their life can
change.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
So the first step there, I mentioned an exercise
earlier and I'm going to giveeveryone that exercise that
anyone can do if they're seriousLike for those of you that are
listening.
If you're serious right nowabout actually wanting to change
, this exercise will beinvaluable for you.
Actually wanting to change,this exercise will be invaluable
for you.
And what I tell people to startwith, daniel, before I get into
the exercise, is you have tostart with empathy for yourself,
(27:18):
but it has to be fierce empathy, and the most effective way to
do that is to find someone thatyou love, someone that you trust
, someone that believes in you.
It can be a leader, a mentor, apastor, like I do.
Encourage people.
Don't let it be your wife oryour husband.
If you're a woman listening,you want to be careful that
(27:40):
they're detached enough fromyour day to day, but they truly
care about you.
Does that make sense?
And you want them to create.
You want to explain this tothem.
You say, hey, I'm working ondeveloping myself, I'm working
on growing, I want to improve, Iwant to get better, I want to
change my life.
And you can ask them this onequestion what do you see about
(28:05):
me that is truly different thaneveryone else.
What makes me different, whatmakes me special?
This isn't ego-driven, thisisn't like butter me up and make
me feel good.
This is no like.
Legitimately.
Can you tell me what's mysuperpower?
What do you see about me that Idon't see about myself?
Right, you start with thatquestion and then you recognize.
(28:28):
The reason I say start withempathy is that unless you can
come to a place where you canforgive yourself and you can
start to like yourself, it'sgoing to be very, very
challenging.
So for anyone that hatesthemselves, that doesn't like
themselves, is frustrated andjust disappointed, you have to
surround yourself with peoplethat will call greatness out of
(28:50):
you, that will tell you who youreally are, just irregardless of
how you feel Irregardless Idon't think that's a word
anymore, I think it's regardlessRegardless right of how you
feel.
And you have to find community,which is why I love so much of
what you do.
Daniel is like you are anadvocate for surrounding
yourself with the right kinds ofpeople, because we've all heard
(29:14):
this a thousand times beforeYou're the average of the five
people that you spend the mosttime with.
So do an audit of your circle.
Who are you spending time with?
Are you spending time withpeople that are creating
actively, that are going out andaccomplishing, that are
achieving, that are pushingtheir limits, that are healthy,
right accomplishing, that areachieving, that are pushing
their limits, that are healthy,right, that have great marriages
(29:34):
, that are emotionally presentand available for their children
?
Are your friends in your circlelike that?
If they're not, then you've gotto be honest with yourself.
They're not going to help youget where you want to go, and
that's going to be challenging.
But here's the exercise.
I tell people to get threepieces of paper and so save this
if you're listening and markthe spot wherever we are in the
(29:54):
recording.
On the first page, what we arewriting at the top of this page
is called my petty list, andit's petty P-E-T-T-Y.
This is your opportunity to beas petty as you want to be, and
you're going to literally listout every single thing in your
life that you're dissatisfied,that you think is not fair, that
(30:17):
you think is wrong, that you'regoing to just complain on a
sheet of paper.
When's the last time you hadpermission to just complain and
not feel better?
All right.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
So that's what we call the petty list.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
You be as petty as you want to be, and if you want
a simple structure, just breakthings down by health, wealth
and relationships.
Okay, Look at your health, lookat your wealth, your career,
your finances.
Look at your relationships,your marriage, your kids, your
friendships.
Right, Use those three bucketsand take 20 minutes and
literally just brain dump, Justcomplain, Just whine, Just be
(30:49):
petty.
Okay, After you've done that,you're going to take the second
sheet of paper and the secondsheet of paper what you're going
to do is one of two things.
You're going to start at thefirst, the top of your line,
right?
So for me, I'll say one thingright now that I'm dissatisfied
with is I'm just, I'm stilldissatisfied with my love
handles.
I got some love handles.
Life's been I got a six monthold gym hasn't been as
(31:09):
consistent.
It's been a challenging seasonand those little suckers came
back and I'm like I'mdissatisfied with that on my
body.
So what I would write on thesecond sheet of paper is one of
two things.
I'm either going to write theexact opposite, right, which
would be like I don't want tohave love handles anymore, right
?
Or what I'm going to do if Idon't do the exact opposite.
(31:32):
I'm going to write what I wantinstead.
Now, this is where it getschallenging because, Daniel, I'm
sure you know this and you'veencountered it Most people, they
don't know what they want.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Absolutely.
I ask people all the time, likewhat's your goal To be rich?
I'm like no, that's not a realyou know.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's not a goal.
Yeah exactly, and you're right.
You asked me like what do youwant?
Well, I want a million bucks,or I want more sex, or I want
this car, I want that house Iwant to take.
What you find very, veryquickly is that, unfortunately,
those people are unaware thatthey're not going to ever have
those things because of whothey're being, not because of
(32:13):
what they those things becauseof who they're being, not
because of what they're doing,because of who they're being.
Their mindset has to shift.
So the reason that we do thispetty list first and then the
next page is what do you wantinstead, or what's the opposite,
is that it's going to bechallenging, but the hack here
is that you have something toreference that you don't want.
So, even if you don't know whatyou do want, all you have to do
(32:34):
is write the opposite.
All you have to do is write theopposite.
You're like I'm dissatisfied inmy marriage, okay.
Well, what do you want instead?
I don't know, I just want tonot be dissatisfied in my
marriage, right, is that?
Okay?
Awesome.
So what would be the opposite?
The opposite would be I'msatisfied in my marriage, okay.
So we don't have toovercomplicate this.
But you go through every singleline from the first page that
(33:00):
you've been petty about, andagain you either write the exact
opposite or write what you want.
What we've discovered and foundis that most people can give you
a long list of everything thatthey don't want very, very, very
few things that they actuallydo want.
Okay, so we start with thesetwo pages and then you come to
the third page and at the thirdthe third page, at the top, you
(33:21):
write the gap.
Okay, this third page you'reactually going to put in the
middle of page one and page two,so technically it becomes page
two.
This is the gap between yourcurrent reality and the reality
that you want, or the oppositereality of one you're
experiencing.
Right, if you don't know whatyou want, and on this page, on
(33:44):
the gap, what you're going to dois you're going to look at this
gap and say, like, let's justtake our dissatisfaction in
marriage, right, I'mdissatisfied in my marriage, and
the opposite of that is I wantto be satisfied in my marriage.
And what you would write downon that line is for you,
specifically, what action canyou take that will shift you
(34:07):
away from the dissatisfaction tothe satisfaction?
What is one thing that I couldstart doing today.
That would help make mymarriage more satisfactory, more
connected, that there be morelove, and this is going to be
different for every person, butwhat's interesting is, if you
take the time to do this, forevery single thing on your list,
(34:27):
you will now have a whole listof action items, of things.
One thing you don't have tolist a thousand, right, because
there's a lot, but you say onething and then you look at those
and from that list, you can nowintroduce that into your
schedule and your calendar andyou can put it down and say,
okay, I know, the one thing thatwould help me be more satisfied
(34:49):
in my marriage is, you know,more conversation with my wife,
like actual heart-to-heartconversation, and so you write
that down and then guess whatyou do.
You put it on your calendar andyou go hey, babe, right, on
Wednesday night, I'd really likefor us to have a date night.
I feel disconnected from youand I want more time where we
can just talk and have aconversation.
(35:09):
So I'm going to get us ababysitter, we're going to pawn
off the kids, we're going to dowhatever you and I, I just want
two hours where we can go andjust have a little bit of time
for ourselves right Now.
Some of these things are goingto work and some of these things
are not going to work right,you're going to try something
and it's going to flop, it'sgoing to fail, but the point is
(35:36):
you've started taking small babysteps and actions that are
aligned with what you want inlife.
And here's what's beautiful,that I find every time someone
does this, daniel, when you cansee your petty list and
everything you're dissatisfiedwith, and then you can see what
you want, or the opposite, andthen you can see the gap between
where you are and where youwant to be, it starts helping
you develop a picture of who youneed to become, to create a
(35:58):
different reality, to completelytransform your life.
Because a lot of times again,we're asking that question what
do I need to do?
And that's where we have tostart, sometimes?
But then you have to look at itand say, okay, that's where we
have to start sometimes, butthen you have to look at it and
say, okay, well, what does thisversion of me that is healthy,
wealthy, wise, connected,successful, what does this
(36:21):
version of me, future version ofme, do differently than the
current version of me, andthat's where people get confused
.
That's how simple it is.
Would the future version of yoube doing what you're doing
right now, yes or no?
And life becomes super binaryreal quickly because you can
(36:42):
just filter everything to thatquestion.
Would future me snooze?
Nope, okay, then I don't havepermission to snooze anymore.
Right?
Would future me be shoveling,like you know, french fries
every single day, fast food forlunch?
No, would future me beshoveling French fries every
single day, fast food for lunch?
No, he wouldn't right, so I'mnot going to do that.
Right?
And you create a very simplebinary, especially for us guys.
(37:02):
We like that.
We don't like complexity.
It's like is this aligned or isit not aligned?
And what it removes is thisquestion we're always asking
ourselves well, is this theright decision or the wrong
decision?
Should I take this job?
Should I not take this job?
Is this the right person?
Is this the wrong person?
Right?
That's a very overwhelming,layered, complex question that
doesn't help us.
But a better question is isthis aligned with who I want to
(37:22):
be or not?
And if it is aligned with whoyou want to be, your feelings
don't matter.
Your feelings disappear.
That's where you talk about.
I loved it.
In chapter eight, you actuallytalked about how to make habits
become assets.
You mentioned this and I lovethis because it's so critical
for our habits.
But we have a hard time adoptingnew habits until we first
(37:46):
define why we want to accomplishwhat we want to accomplish.
And, in our case, here is whyare you wanting to change in the
first place?
Why do you want to accomplishwhat we want to accomplish?
And, in our case, here is whyare you wanting to change in the
first place?
Why do you want to becomehealthier?
Why do you want to have abetter marriage?
Why do you want to be stronger?
Why do you want to be wealthier?
If you don't know why, you'renot going to be motivated to
make the changes.
But this exercise helps you todiscover what you're
(38:06):
dissatisfied with, what you wantinstead, and the steps that you
can start to implement.
And as you start to do that,you'll start to realize yeah,
okay, I think I'm gathering anidea of who I want to be.
And when you start to gatherthat understanding, you can now
create actual alignment versuswhat most of our society does is
like well, this just doesn'tfeel aligned for me.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
No, this is powerful stuff, David, Very powerful, and
thank you for sharing that.
I think the gap part thatyou're talking about is
extremely powerful because, youknow, in my book I talk about
backwards planning.
So you figure out through yourpetty list and then where you
want to be, and then when you gointo that gap, you're creating
the backwards planning.
So it's like, OK, I need to dothis and this to get to here.
(38:53):
So awesome, Thank you forsharing that with my audience.
I think a lot of people aregoing to learn a lot from that.
It's very powerful.
And speaking of other powerfulstuff that you do, can you talk
about your four pillars?
Because I think your pillarsare man, they're just such
(39:13):
powerful things that if you cando that I mean they're called a
pillar for a reason right, theysupport.
These four pillars will supportyou, your life, your dreams and
your peace, and that's what alot of us are really looking for
, Because material things can'tbuy your peace.
We think they can, but theycan't.
But go on and share about thosepillars please.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah, so you talked about the material things that
we're trying to like, trying tobuy our peace, right.
A lot of people, like in theconversations that I have with,
particularly with men, is thatwhat they want more than
anything is they they just wantto be happy, right?
People say that all the time.
Well, I just want to be happy,and I think that the danger in
that is that happiness is amomentary feeling, right?
(39:57):
Sometimes we're happy,sometimes we're sad.
What I truly believe, at thecore of what all of us are after
, is that what we want, what wewant, is contentment, what we
want is peace, what we want isjoy.
What we want is peace, what wewant is joy.
What we want is the ability tolive our lives pursuing our
dreams, supporting and helpingother people.
But what most people seem to beafter is they just want to
(40:23):
constantly feel good, they justwant to constantly feel happy,
right?
And I think the danger in thatis that we adopt this belief
system that if I can just makeenough money, if I can just earn
, if I could just buy that house, if I could just buy the car,
if I could just do whatever itis, then finally I will be happy
(40:43):
.
Finally, I will be able to feelthe way that I want to feel,
and I think the danger, again,is that we can feel the way we
want to feel today.
It just depends on our mindset,it depends on what we're
focused on.
And I'll give a quick littleexample.
I asked somebody the other day.
I said I said I want you toimagine that somebody kidnapped
your child and you had a hundredmillion dollars sitting in the
(41:04):
bank.
What would you do to get thatchild back?
They're like I'd give them allthe money, all of it.
I want my kid.
I said so what you're tellingme is that having your child
with you is worth more than ahundred million dollars.
They're like absolutely, but wedon't take on that mindset, we
don't think about that frame.
I've also heard it said likesomebody said one time if, if,
um, if I gave you a $10 million,would you take it?
(41:27):
Of course I'd take it,absolutely Right.
10 million bucks, awesome, cool.
And then the person said butwhat if there's a catch?
Right?
And they said well, what's thecatch?
And the catch is you don't getto wake up tomorrow.
Would you still take the tenmillion dollars?
The answer is no, right?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
The answer is no, one of the reasons that that is
(42:06):
critically important for us tobe aware of is that we don't
understand how wealthy wealready are.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
We don't understand the fact that we are surrounded
by abundance and we just have tochange our focus.
Okay, so to.
So clarity is the first one,right?
Clarity is one of those thingsthat, um, it's really hard to do
anything and you know this fromthe military like, if you're
not crystal clear on what it isthat you're trying to accomplish
and what you want, then, like,it doesn't matter what you do,
right?
If you're not clear on what youare going to execute and how
(42:29):
you're going to execute, it canget really, really frustrating.
So the first step is you haveto give yourself permission to
rediscover who you want tobecome, what you want, why you
want it and what is required tocreate it.
And that's kind of what we justtalked about in that exercise
is that most people don't knowwho they want to become.
When I ask people that question, they're like I don't really
(42:50):
know, right.
And I remember another time thatmy coach asked me that and she
was like do you have a model?
I was like what do you mean amodel?
She's like do you have someonethat you could look at and say I
want to be like them?
Right, I'd love to have a lifelike them.
And I said, well, I'd probablylike to be like Tony Robbins.
I just, you know, maybe a fewless F words, and I definitely
don't want to travel as much ashe does, you know.
(43:12):
And she's like, okay, that'sinteresting.
Who else?
And I was like, well, jesus,and she said, well, nobody can
be like, fully like him.
But what I started to standardright, and what I discovered,
though, is that most of us havepeople that we admire, right,
(43:32):
whether it's somebody from amovie, or might be a character
from a book and we've neverstopped to ask ourselves why do
we admire them so much?
And oftentimes, it's becausethey embody characteristics that
we want to have or that wethink that we have, and a lot of
times, like if I'm a huge Lordof the Rings fan, there are
characteristics in certaincharacters, like Aragorn, that,
(43:52):
when I look at him, I'm likegosh man, like I want to be more
like Aragorn.
Right, and it's going to bedifferent for every person, but
when you stop and you actuallythink about, okay, what is it
about them that I admire, youcan do exactly what we just
talked about.
You now identify acharacteristic, whether it's
nobility or it's strength, it'sresilience, it's compassion,
(44:13):
right Whatever thatcharacteristic is and then all
you have to do is say, okay, howcould I increase that in my
life?
What's one thing I could doevery single week that would
help me be more aligned withthat virtue, with that value?
And that's where the claritycomes in of defining things.
It's like I'm getting clear onwho I want to become, and then
what follows, obviously, is whatwe need to do to get there.
(44:35):
The next step is constructs, andso constructs is that word
we've all heard constructionbefore right?
Construct is effectively whatyou're building in your mind as
your framework, or your mindset,right for life.
And so you have to redefine andmaster your internal belief
system, emotional intelligenceand thinking patterns to stop
(44:57):
getting in your own way.
Now, that's a fancy way ofsaying that.
You need to have someone whocan challenge you and who cares
about you enough to call you onyour BS.
You've got to be willing tohave someone in your corner that
can say hey, you are getting inyour own way, and here's why
(45:17):
you are believing somethingabout yourself that is not true.
You are saying things toyourself that are not who you
really are, and that's reallychallenging when you try and do
that work on your own, which iswhy I'm such an advocate for
coaching and why I will alwayshave coaches and mentors,
because my perspective islimited.
I can only see what I can see.
(45:37):
I need outside sources to helpme understand what I'm
constructing about, what Ibelieve about myself, because we
can change it, but it's very,very, very hard right.
The next is our commitments.
I love you talk about this alot in the book is your
commitments right?
You just got to realign yourchoices, your habits and your
boundaries and you have tocreate a routine right, and so
(45:59):
this means that a lot of times,people, a lot of times people
are trying to set goals, and I'mall for goals, but the problem
with goals is that I don't thinkthey're as effective as
standards, and a standard issomething that, for example and
you could speak to this betterthan me in the military Right,
these are your non-negotiables.
You do this every day,regardless of how you feel.
(46:21):
I don't care how you feel, youdo this Right.
This is the standard.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
That is great and powerful.
I'm stealing that a little bit.
I'm writing that one rightright now, even myself.
See, we can always learn, wecan get coached.
Come on, man, come on.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Because I found that most people pick these somewhat
arbitrary goals right I want amillion dollars, I want a
six-figure business, I want ahappy marriage, and while those
are great and there are someframeworks that are useful, like
SMART goals specific,measurable, attainable, relevant
, time-based goals those can beuseful, but what I have found is
even it's exponentially moreeffective is this is who I am,
(47:03):
so this is what I do.
It has nothing to do with how Ifeel.
Jocko Willink actually talksabout this all the time.
If anyone's familiar with Jocko, incredible author, he's got a
great podcast as well.
He does some incredible workand I can't remember if he was a
SEAL or a Green Beret.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
He was a SEAL.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
He was a SEAL, yeah, so he talks about this, and I
think it's so criticallyimportant because when you say
this is who I am and this iswhat I do, the feelings don't
matter, I'm just going to do itand I'm going to my standard for
today.
And where that word comes from,I think is really, really
interesting is that there's twoways.
(47:42):
One, when you see the standardin battle, where, like in old,
old, old time war times, they'dhave a standard that they would
hold up, right, and it wouldindicate different things, right
, whether it was the actual armybanner or it was a standard
that was for different parts ofthe like the cavalry versus the
infantry, things like that.
You'd probably know more aboutthat than I do.
But in woodworking there's alsoa thing called a standard where
(48:03):
if you take and you cut a board, and you need to cut a hundred
the same length, a mistake wouldbe cut the first board, set it
aside and then use the secondboard to measure the third board
, and then you set it aside andthen you use every single one
down the line.
Guess what happens After 100,you're going to have 100 boards
that are all slightly differentsizes instead of sticking with
the first one.
This is my standard and this iswhat I match up every single day
(48:27):
so I get the same results.
I go to the gym every day.
I hug and kiss my wife and kidsevery day.
When I walk through the door,there's a smile on my face.
Every single day, I check in onmy parents.
Right, and maybe it's not adaily standard.
Some of these things are weekly.
There's only so much time inthe day.
But if you create a standardthat will more rapidly change
(48:50):
your life than trying to setgoals and trying to accomplish
them, I believe firmly, becauseit's part of what's changing
your identity and it's mucheasier to have accountability in
your life when you say, well,I've committed to do this every
day, or I've committed to dothis every week, and we detach
from.
What most of us do is we lookat the mountaintop and we cling
(49:10):
to it and we're holding on to itlike I just if I could just
succeed, if I could just getthere.
And what we fail to recognizeis that that's putting our joy,
our contentment, our peace, oursatisfaction.
It's putting a delay on thatand saying I'm not allowed to
feel okay until I get there.
On that and saying I'm notallowed to feel okay until I get
(49:31):
there, versus.
A standard says there are goingto be some days I feel great
and there are gonna be some dayswhere I just I don't want to,
right, but this is who I am, sothis is what I do, and so
standards, I think, are critical, especially if you're wanting
to align yourself with higherpurpose and meaning in your life
, because that's part of whatchanges our reality.
(49:53):
And so the last part of it isconsistency, which you talk
about as well.
Is that consistency tiesdirectly to standards, but it's
rededicating ourselves to thisprocess and practicing
discipline.
It's being responsible and it'sbeing accountable, and I
actually have an acronym for ourmen's group that we have called
the ardent man.
(50:14):
It's accountable, responsible,disciplined, empathetic, noble
and true ardent.
And I think, for me, what I'vediscovered is that the best way
to be consistent is to do itwith other people.
You have to have people in yourcorner.
If you're trying to do it onyour own, you're going to lie to
(50:34):
yourself, you're going to getin your own way, you're going to
make excuses, you're going tomake justifications, life's
going to get too busy and it'sjust not going to happen Right.
And so that consistency I havefound is that, instead of being
derailed by your emotions andfeelings in life and all the
stuff that all of us deal withlike it's freaking hard man,
(50:55):
this thing called life is hard,right, yes.
If you have a group of people, aband of brothers, particularly
for men.
If you have that, you areexponentially more likely to
actually not only achieve yourgoals but to transform and
create a beautiful new realityin your life, because you're
doing it with other peopleinstead of trying to do it on
(51:15):
your own.
But those are the four pillarsand I'm glad that you brought
those up.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Yeah, no, it's a pleasure and they're powerful
and I love like I wrote downstandards.
We all know there's standards.
Like you said, I was in themilitary, I get standards.
We all know there's standards.
Like you said, I was in themilitary, I get standards.
But I never associated goalsand standards Like my goal is to
(51:41):
be, you know, super fit orwhatever your goal may be.
Well, my standard is I'm goingto exercise 20 minutes a day or
five days a week or whatever.
You create that standard thatsupports the goal.
If you just have the goalwithout a standard, then it's
just a goal, it's a far offthing.
That's oh, I'd love to be overthere.
But if the standard is I'mtaking five steps every day,
(52:04):
it's a mild journey but I'mgoing five steps every day.
That's my standard.
Maybe someday I'll go 10, butI'm going to take at least five
steps every day.
You create that standard towork towards your goals.
That's what I think is verycompelling and powerful, because
that's where you start to getthe asset of time building
things up.
I talk about it all the time.
(52:24):
Writing one page on a piece ofpaper is not a big deal.
You do that consistently andthat's your standard.
At the end of a year you have a365 page book and time flies.
I mean, if you've got childrenout there, you know, I know, you
know, david, it doesn't apply.
You look blank, you're likewhat you were a baby and now
you're what it's.
It's crazy.
(52:45):
And before we go cause I wantto dive into something else that
I'm really impressed by you isyou've gone into a lot of the
science.
You know your curiosity thatyou've had for learning about
behavior and whatnot.
Can you share any of thescience that has really, I guess
, impacted your life or impactedyour beliefs that you're like,
(53:07):
wow, this, this is life-changing.
It's not just a thought or notjust a thought or not just
something in my head.
So what science can you sharewith the asset mindset listeners
?
Speaker 2 (53:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
And um, I'll share it with kindof a uh, um, an example, or uh,
I don't know if you call it anallegory or a metaphor or
something that to help everyonepicture this, but I want you to
imagine that, um, cause I'm aKansas farm boy.
Imagine you're a farmer with me, all right, and imagine that
every single day for 20 years,what you've done is you got up,
(53:42):
you had breakfast, kiss yourwife, send your kids off to
school, you walk out the frontporch, come off the porch, you
hop on your tractor and you headout to the fields.
Now, you've done thisconsistently for five years, 10
years, 20 years.
You've just done it.
It's just.
That's your life, right?
Well, what's really interestingis that, if you've taken the
same path every single day on atractor as that farmer, there
(54:06):
came a point in time very earlyon that you started creating
ruts in the road because youdrive the same path every single
day and it's like you know it'snot every day, but 80% of the
time.
Like maybe you take Saturdaysoff, but consistently, 80% of
the time you're taking that samepath and you've got to drive
out to the same field whereyou're doing all your work.
(54:27):
Right, you're accomplishingwhat you want to accomplish, and
then you're driving back right.
Over years, those ruts becomedeeper and deeper and deeper and
there very rapidly comes apoint where that farmer you're
the farmer you jump out and yougo, you hop on your tractor, you
turn it up and you put it onthe road and the ruts are so
(54:50):
deep you don't even have to holdthe steering wheel anymore
because the tires are perfectlyaligned inside of the ruts and
you just have to hold the gasdown.
That's it.
It's going to go the same placebecause you've gone the same
way every single day.
Right?
And for those that are farmerslistening, you know that exactly
what I'm talking about.
(55:11):
that like it happens Even ifyou've driven a vehicle or four
wheeler like when you're in aset of dry, fixed ruts and it's
the perfect width for yourwheelbase well, you don't have
to hold the steering wheel, youcan just push the gas and kick
back and you just go.
And what I discovered, daniel,is that that is how the
(55:31):
overwhelming majority of humanbeings operate, because they've
done the same thing over andover and over and over, that
you've created these ruts inyour life, that you're no longer
at the wheel.
You're sitting at the wheel andyou're deciding to wake up and
you're deciding to eat, andyou're no longer at the wheel.
You're sitting at the wheel andyou're deciding to wake up and
you're deciding to eat andyou're deciding to go to bed.
(55:53):
But the science has proven andshown that 80% of the thoughts
that we have every single dayare the exact same thoughts that
we have every single day, andso your thoughts about your
marriage, your thoughts aboutyourself, your thoughts about
your All of these things arejust constantly inundating it.
80% we're not in control of.
(56:17):
They're just happening.
And so my question was I waslike, well, how do I change that
and how do I fix that, and howdo I, how do I get out of the
rut Right?
And what's really, really,really beautiful is that they
have now proven what I think alot of the mystics believed for
a long time is that if you willcommit to something, a new habit
(56:40):
, whatever it is and what Irecommend for most people is
something that I call is very,very simple is gratitude and
affirmation.
It's waking up every single dayand focusing on the good and
what you can be grateful for,and then affirming yourself,
meaning that you speak truthover yourself about the version
of you that you know, that youcan be, that you want to be,
(57:01):
regardless of how you feel.
You do those two things.
What the science has now provenis it's somewhere between 21 and
90 days Somewhere between 21and 90 days of consistently
doing something like that.
The average is 66.
It takes the average person 66days, but you got to do it every
day.
Right, you will create newneural pathways in your brain.
(57:23):
They've studied this and seenit.
You will create new neuralpathways in your brain and
literally rewire your brain.
So why does this matter?
Because the current wiring thatyou have, it's just programming
, it's just a road, it's just arut that you have driven down
(57:44):
every single day for years.
And here's what's beautiful youhave these roads carved in your
brain.
It's nothing more than like anelectrical signal going down the
same path that's the farmerevery single day.
And we're getting kind of nerdyhere, right.
But the beauty in that is if youimagine again that you're the
(58:04):
farmer and one day you justdecide, you know what, I'm going
to turn that steering wheel onedegree, one degree.
Now what's going to happen Ifyou're stuck in those ruts?
It's going to be really, reallyhard to get up over the hump
and out of that initial rut.
Right, anybody who's ever donethat and stuck in a rut, that
(58:25):
getting out of it is hard, right.
But what's fascinating is justa one-degree correction, a
one-degree change, a willingnessto start practicing gratitude
every day, a willingness tostart affirming yourself, a
willingness to do this exercisewe talked about, a willingness
to define, give yourselfpermission of who you want to
become, a willingness to stopsnoozing, a willingness to get
(58:47):
up an hour earlier, awillingness to kiss your wife
and kids when you get home.
One simple action, a 1%correction and change.
And here's what's magical isthat when you can do that and
you make that 1% correctionevery single day, if you were to
drive that same distance thatthe farmer did every day,
driving a mile out to the farm.
If you go one mile and you knowthis from the military, daniel
(59:11):
one mile, one degree off, youwill end up at a completely
different location, completelydifferent.
And that's how simple it is isthat it takes between 21 and 90
days to create a new set ofneural pathways in the brain.
It takes the average person 66days, but most people aren't
even willing to give it thatthree months and say, okay, I'll
(59:33):
try it, I'll test it andactually commit to doing one
thing differently, to changingthe pattern, to changing that
programming, to trying somethingdifferent, to turn the steering
wheel one degree.
And it's true for everyone andit's available to everyone.
Sadly, most people don't takeadvantage of it, but that's
literally, from a scientificperspective, how you rewire your
(59:55):
brain.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
Fantastic, David.
Thank you so much.
Anybody listening.
You want to know more aboutDavid and what he's doing Fierce
Empathy, Solutions.
Again, pause, go in thedescription.
There's all kinds of linksthere for you to get more from
David.
David, this hour has flown by.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you for sharing theknowledge.
God bless my friend.
(01:00:17):
I can't wait to connect withyou again in the future.
It's always just such apositive experience and, like
you, I believe we shouldsurround ourselves with good
people.
And for all you listeners outthere, don't forget to share
this episode, like and subscribe, and get out of your rut and
own your power.
Welcome to the Asset Mindset Podcast.
Today we have a very specialguest, and when I say special, I
mean super special.
This guy's worked with TonyRobbins.
He's traveled the world.
We have the one and only, davidWalde.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Daniel.
It's an honor to be here, man,and what I usually like to start
with in these type ofconversations is for everyone
listening.
My goal here is there's onesolo goal, and I think it's the
same as you, daniel is that forthis conversation to be useful
to consider.
I don't claim to have all theanswers.
I definitely have made my fairshare of mistakes and failures,
(00:44):
but I hope, today, at theconversation around the asset
mindset and how that canintegrate with what I call
fierce empathy, is somethingthat can not only transform your
entire reality, but it can helpyou cultivate more peace, more
joy, more contentment and moreconnection, most importantly,
more connection with the peoplethat you love and with yourself.
(01:05):
And so thank you for having me,daniel.
I really appreciate it, man.
And so, to start off, we gotsome stories to dive into.
I grew up as a Kansas farm boy.
I'm a Kansas farm boy at heart.
My dad was a veterinarian, momwas a teacher and just working
class family.
So I grew up hunting, fishing,loving every day.
My my childhood was very muchlike Opie Taylor.
(01:27):
If you've ever watched the AndyGriffith show, I was Opie like
I'd have a fishing pole on oneshoulder and a BB gun on the
other and I'd take the dog andjust go.
And so, uh, I had what I feltwas a pretty beautiful childhood
.
But, just like most people,it's not until you become an
adult that you look back at yourchildhood and you start saying
you become an adult, that youlook back at your childhood and
you start saying maybe it wasn'treally supposed to be like that
(01:50):
.
And there were things thathappened and there was a series
of events that I'm sure we'lldive into.
But over the years I was a highperformer.
I worked really hard.
I did all the sports, all theyou know, every class that I
could take.
I tried really, really hard andI adopted a bit of a
performance mindset at an earlyage.
But I didn't realize thedownside.
I didn't realize howdevastating that would become in
(02:12):
my future, because I didn't putperformance-based mindset and
the asset mindset in the rightplace in my mind, and so I was
driven to perform simply becauseI hated myself, I hated who I
was, I hated the man that I wasbecoming.
As I transitioned out of highschool into early adulthood, I
went through a series of eventsthat I would much later realize
(02:36):
formed and shaped me in waysthat were both good and bad.
Just like everyone listening,we've had things happen to us.
We've had pain, we've hadbetrayal, we've had heartbreak,
there's been abuse, there's beena lot of things, and so, for me
, what it led to was about eightyears ago.
I walked into my bathroom afterI was married.
We had our first kid, so thiswas actually seven years ago now
(02:59):
.
Um, and despite having achievedwhat everyone said you're
supposed to achieve to besuccessful right, the six figure
job, the glass corner office,the company car I had achieved
everything Everyone said you'resupposed to achieve to be happy
and successful.
And, um, I was still pluggedinto church.
I loved God through the wholeprocess and, uh, I'm a follower
(03:21):
of Jesus.
It's been a huge part of mylife.
But even in that, I found myselfstanding in front of the mirror
with a Glock in my hand and Iwas ready to end it, because I
felt like, no matter how hard Itried, I wasn't enough.
I wasn't good enough.
I couldn't make my wife happy,I couldn't make my boss happy, I
(03:41):
couldn't make myself happy.
I felt like I was failing onevery front.
I was about 60 poundsoverweight and dealingirking all
of the responsibility for mylife that I had not been
(04:07):
choosing the asset mindset, I'dnot been choosing discipline,
I'd not been choosing to beresponsible, I'd not been
choosing habits that were usefuland conducive to becoming the
man that I wanted to be.
Because, the truth is, daniel,I didn't know who I wanted to be
.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I just knew I didn't want to be who I was oh, that
makes total sense, and I just Ilove that you're so willing to
share your stories.
I mean, we did a phone calllisteners before we even got on
here in the podcast a while agoand, man, we hit it off right
away because you are so raw, soreal and willing to share, and
(04:40):
that to me.
I'm proud of you, man, forhaving so much strength, because
not everybody has that, andyour strength and what you're
doing is helping lead the wayfor so many people, which is why
I'm so thankful and honored tohave you here on the show.
Can you talk a little bit moreabout that shift in your mind
and where it led you to?
So you had all these issues andyou were struggling, but then,
(05:05):
bam, the change happened.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Absolutely so.
For me, a lot of it had to dowith this concept of masculinity
, which is definitely a hottopic in the world we live in
today.
Right, you got toxicmasculinity and you've got the
patriarchy and you've got allthese things, and whether you're
a man or a woman listening, Itruly believe that, although men
have been a huge contributingpart to the problems many of the
(05:31):
problems we see today, I alsobelieve that, in large part, men
are the solution, and whatmessed me up was when I was 13
years old, my family moved fromKansas to Florida.
My parents did it as alast-ditch effort to save their
marriage.
I grew up with them constantlyfighting a lot of emotional,
(05:52):
psychological abuse and just avery volatile situation.
I would much later come to findout both of them were just in
tremendous pain, and there's anempathy for them now that I have
as an adult that I didn't havethen, because as a kid, all you
want is to be safe, all you wantis to feel loved, all you want
is to feel like they care aboutyou, and so my parents packed us
(06:15):
up and sold us on moving closerto Disney World and so got us
on board, and so we moved toTampa, florida, and my parents
struggled for about a year ortwo and then my dad ended up
leaving.
And it was in that season oflife where there was a man that
stepped into my life who wasactually my youth pastor, and so
I was dealing with a lot,especially for teenage boys.
(06:37):
I mean, you know this, I knowthis, we've lived through it,
and you can have a conversationwith any parent that has a
teenage boy.
You don't know who you are, youdon't know what you want, you
just are led by, you're fueledby testosterone and feelings,
and so that can lead to a lot ofpoor decisions.
But for me at that time, I feltlike my father had abandoned me
(06:59):
, and so I was looking for afather figure.
Right, as for anyone that'sgone through their parents
divorcing, or even if you'vegone through a divorce, there's
so much emotion with it, and sothe man that stepped into my
life, like he, became like afather figure to me, like he was
everything to me.
This story is now I'vediscovered is all too common.
(07:30):
I didn't understand at the timewhat was okay and not okay and
all sorts of things.
I won't go into the details,but for about a two year period.
He molested me and I lived inshame and I lived in guilt and I
didn't know who to go tobecause I couldn't go to my dad
and he was my pastor, right,he's supposed to be the guy
who's supposed to point me toGod, and so it was those two
(07:53):
things one, feeling abandoned bymy father and then two, feeling
taken advantage of by a fatherfigure.
I grew up with a really skewedperspective on what masculinity
(08:26):
was, and so I formulatedsomewhat of a hatred towards men
and I vowed that I would bedifferent and I tried to make
those men that were in my life,that had been heroes, that had
been idols that I looked up to,that those type of men either
walk away or they take advantageof other people advantage of
other people right.
(08:46):
And so there was a lot of pain,there was therapy that had to
go into that.
There's a lot of healing that'shad to happen over the last
gosh, a couple of decades.
But to your question, what itled me to this change that
happened is that I was doingreally well in my job.
I had become a top 1% producerand in a sales role in a $400
million a year company.
I was crushing it, I was makingthe money, I was doing the
(09:08):
things and, uh, you know, I Ithought I was on the right track
and then I had, um, I had, uh,someone from my church actually
approached me and, um, she, shesaid, david, have you ever?
Have you ever had, uh?
And she said, david, have youever had or done coaching before
?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Like.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Little League, football, baseball, what are you
talking about?
What are you talking about?
Coaching?
And she said, no, like anythinglike you know personal coaching
, professional coaching,executive, anything like that
where we focus on helping you tobecome, you know, better in
your given field, et cetera.
I was like, no, I've nevertried that before.
I've never done that before.
(09:48):
And she said well, I know thissounds crazy, but I love you and
your family and I believe inyou and I would love to bless
you because I have to puttogether five case studies for a
coaching program I'm developingfor a Fortune 100 company and I
can't share her name or thecompany that she works with, but
(10:08):
if I shared the name of thecompany here, everyone would
know it.
Everyone would know it.
And she had been tasked withcreating an executive coaching
program for their board ofdirectors and their C-suite
executives and above.
She needed five case studiesand she said I would be willing
to give you this for free.
It studies.
And she said I would be willingto give you this for free.
It's about a $300,000 coachingprogram.
(10:29):
And I said I'm sorry, what didyou just say?
Wait, people pay.
What for coaching?
Are you kidding?
What in the world is this thing.
And she said but you have togive me your word that you'll
commit to the process.
And so what that led to was aseries of coaching experiences,
where one we were at this littleMediterranean restaurant
Everyone's got that area on mainstreet with the big glass
windows.
You can hear the cars and thebuzz and the feel, and we're
(10:50):
eating shawarma and a bunch offood I can't pronounce, and she,
she's sitting there at thetable and she looks at me and
she says this one question thatchanged everything.
She said, david, who do youwant to become?
And I didn't even have, likesome people might hear that and
be like well, that doesn't soundlike a profound question.
For me it was becauseeverything had been about what
do I want to do?
What do I want to do with mylife?
(11:11):
What do I want to do when Igrow up?
What do I want to do, like,what's my job, all the stuff.
But something clicked that dayfor me, daniel, when she asked
that question.
But what was interesting isthat I had almost this
involuntary response that justflowed out of me and, as I heard
myself saying, I was like I wasshocked, right.
You ever have those momentswhere you just say something,
you're like I don't know wherethat came from, but you know.
So she says who do you want tobecome?
(11:33):
And I said I'm not allowed todefine.
And so she sat back and shesaid interesting, why aren't you
allowed to define that?
And I sat there and I thoughtfor a moment and I said because
that's God's job, I'm notallowed to define who I want to
become, because God's the onewho defines who I'm supposed to
(11:53):
become.
And I'm supposed to figure itout.
And Daniel was in that momentwhere I realized I had spent the
better part of a decade tryingto figure it out, trying to find
my purpose, trying to find mycalling, trying to and we all
use these phrases, everyone doesLike what's my purpose?
What am I here for?
What am I supposed to be doing?
What's the right path?
What's the wrong path?
How do I know what to do?
What do I need to do to fix mymarriage?
(12:15):
What do I need to do to fix mycareer?
What do I need to do to fix myfinances, my health?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
And it was in that moment wheresomething shifted for me.
It didn't all all the puzzlepieces didn't fall in together,
but it set me on a path that Irealized that I had been
shirking all of theresponsibility for my life onto
(12:36):
God and I had taken thissomewhat altruistic you know,
call it religious mindset.
I was like, well, it's my jobto just, you know, to just this
must be God's will for my life.
Maybe I'm supposed to be broke,maybe I'm supposed to be
unhappy.
Maybe I'm supposed to be fat,maybe I'm supposed to.
Maybe this is God's will for mylife.
(12:57):
And so, in that series of events, what shifted for me was that I
realized I had never givenmyself permission to define the
man that I wanted to be, thehusband I wanted to be, the
father that I wanted to be, theleader that I wanted to be.
I had never had a vision for myfuture and given myself
(13:18):
permission to have that, becauseI was so stuck in survival mode
and I had so much pain that Ihadn't worked through and I had
so much healing that had hadn'tworked through and I had so much
healing that had to happen.
And what I realized throughthat process, daniel, was that
the reason that I had nevergiven myself permission to
define the man that I wanted tobe was not just because I
thought it was God's job.
It's because I hated myself somuch that I was terrified of who
(13:42):
I was going to become.
I was so scared of what wasgoing to happen in my life
because I hated the man in themirror.
And when I looked at my past,all I saw was anger and rage and
resentment for the injusticeand the unfairness and all of
the stuff that shouldn't havehappened.
That happened to me, and it setin motion this process where I
(14:06):
had to start to understand thatmy construct around this word,
empathy, was flawed.
I didn't know how to haveempathy for myself.
All I had was rage and hatred.
I couldn't even look myself inthe mirror, and so fierce
empathy came out of thisdevelopment of a few different
things.
(14:26):
One is that I've probablysimilar to you, daniel, similar
to many people that arelistening, if you tend to be the
person that everyone comes towith their problems.
Right, you're a nice guy, likethey want to vent, they want to
tell you what's going on, andyou think you have empathy, but
what I realized was that for me,much of that was just sympathy.
(14:46):
You feel bad for people whenthey're going through stuff.
It wasn't real empathy.
Real empathy which I came tokind of encapsulate in this term
, fierce empathy this is how Idefine it.
It says being willing to createan environment where someone
feels seen, heard, understood.
To create an environment wheresomeone feels seen, heard,
(15:08):
understood, known and loved,while simultaneously having the
courage to speak the hard truthin love, regardless of whatever
discomfort may follow.
And so, in simpler terms, whatI realized is that I didn't
number one.
I didn't know how to haveempathy for myself, and I didn't
know how to confront myselfwith the truth.
I didn't know how to lookmyself in the mirror and say,
(15:30):
buddy, you've made some reallybad choices, but you, you can
make the decision to commit to adifferent process and become
something different than whatyou are, different than what you
are.
I wasn't willing to face thefacts because I was so wrapped
up in my feelings, and thatwould eventually become the work
that I do to this day, whetherit's in business or with
(15:52):
individuals, and a lot of what Ido is around business
development and systemsprocesses, sales, marketing,
things like that.
But I always infuse this intoit because what I've realized is
that most people really reallystruggle with either empathy for
other people or empathy forthemselves, and it's not just
about feelings.
It's about are you willing toface the facts and put in the
(16:15):
hard work required to transformyour life, which is why I have
such an admiration for you andyour work, daniel.
The asset mindset is that mostpeople are living a life of
liabilities and they're livingin a reactionary state.
They have not invested the time, energy and habits to cultivate
the assets in their life thatcan pay them rich dividends.
(16:36):
So I'll pause there for amoment.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, no, you're dropping a lot of knowledge and
I love it, and I just want toreflect on a few things that you
said.
As far as the becoming, youknow who are you going to become
and I want people to understandit's not where you are, it's
not where you were, it's whereyou're going.
Where are you going in yourlife?
Don't worry about that otherstuff.
(17:01):
Yes, acknowledge it, ithappened, learn from it.
But where do you want to go?
Understand that you haveownership.
We've spoken a little bit aboutGod here and like, oh, that's
God's plan and he'll do.
No, you're created in God'simage.
You are a creator.
He wants you to create.
I'm going to quote someone here, dave Ramsey.
I heard him one time say youknow what God?
(17:23):
I'm going to quote someone here, dave Ramsey.
I heard him one time say youknow what the God?
God feeds the birds, but hedoesn't put the worm in the nest
.
They got to go out and find theworm.
They have to do the work, buthe'll feed them.
Same thing with us as people.
You got to get out there andactually do the work and you'll
be rewarded.
I'm sure you've seen that a lotright Once you changed your
mindset and you started doingthe work.
What happened with the results?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Yeah, that's where a lot of people, I find, get stuck
.
And it's a great question,Daniel, because people are like,
well, how do I just change mymindset?
How do I start doing the thingsthat I don't feel like doing?
I'm not motivated, I'm tired,I'm exhausted, I'm overworked,
I'm underpaid, I'm frustrated.
My kids won't listen, my wifehates my guts, whatever it is
(18:07):
right, and they're justoverwhelmed.
And so the question, what Ifound is that I don't remember
who said this, but the qualityof the questions that we ask
determines the quality of ourlife, and I love that, because
most people are asking thequestion what do I need to do?
Like I mentioned earlier, whatdo I need to do to change my
mindset?
What do I need to do?
What do I need to do?
And there's a lot of people outthere that you know I respect,
(18:29):
but I personally I disagree withsome of their approach.
When it's just full-blown DavidGoggins style, Like I'm just
going to get out there and I'mjust going to grind and I'm just
going to do it and what I'verealized, and I think anyone
that's honest with themselves.
When you look at someone likeDavid Goggins as much as I
respect what he's accomplishedthere's no denying that there is
(18:49):
some tremendous pain there.
There's tremendous pain and ifyou've ever read his story or
his books there is because ofwhat he's been through through.
And I think the danger in thatfor the majority of people and
the science even indicates thisthat roughly 2% of the human
population have the capacity andability to brute force their
(19:12):
way through anything, which iswhy I have so much respect for
people like you, Daniel, becausethere are people that serve in
our armed forces that it doesn'tmatter, you have to brute force
it.
Sometimes you have to pushthrough, and I'm not saying that
it's not about that in someoccasions, but for the
overwhelming majority of us, the98% that are left, the question
(19:34):
is is like what do I need to do?
Because it doesn't matter howhard I try, I can't seem to make
the changes, I can't seem tostop snoozing, I can't seem to
get to the gym, I can't seem tocontrol my anger, I can't seem
to.
And so we have this list ofthings that hold us back and
(19:56):
what I've discovered in myresearch and the studies.
I've obsessed over behavioralpsychology and neuroscience for
like the last decade, trying tounderstand why we do what we do,
the beliefs, understand why wedo what we do, the beliefs that
we have and how we actuallychange our lives.
And that came out of the desirethat I wanted to change my life
.
And so to answer your questionwhen it comes to the challenges
(20:17):
and difficulties of changingyour mindset and asking better
questions, I think a betterquestion than asking what do I
need to do is that one wementioned before is who do I
need to become?
Because identity is always thefoundation for behavior and
results identity.
(20:40):
But that's really hard for mostpeople.
For most people like I'm goingto do a budget or I'm going to
do this, I'm going to go tocounseling, I'm going to start
working out every day, I'm goingto write that book, finally,
I'm going to start my business.
You start doing that and theremight be some initial inertia
and momentum, but you get acouple months in and it's like
all the feelings are gone, Right.
(21:06):
And so what I encourage peopleto do is a very simple exercise,
is and before I get into thatexercise, I want to give an
example and I'll ask you Daniel,Daniel, are you a runner?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
No, I am not a runner , I'm a hiker.
I carry big, heavy things and Igo for walks.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I love it.
I love it, okay, and this isnot going to put you down in any
way, so don't.
That wasn't a rigged question.
I promise.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
No, it's fine, I just my lower back does not like
running when I do it.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
I'm with you.
I got the.
I got a herniation down theretoo, and so it's.
Running is very challenging forme.
But what's interesting?
Let me ask you a question as afollow-up.
So you're not a runner, okay.
So would it be uncharacteristicand weird for you if you were
to just randomly start waking upevery single day and going out
and running a 5k every day?
Go run would be weird, but forsomeone that does identify as a
(21:57):
runner, it would be weird ifthey never ran.
So I want to tap on thehornet's nest here for a second.
We are dealing with a huge, hugeissue around and questions
(22:19):
around the LGBTQ plus IA, allthe.
Forgive me, I don't know whatall the variables are now, but
the truth is that that communityhas tapped into is something
that the rest of us can tap into, even though I have my own
opinions of good, bad, ugly,like we won't get into that.
But here's what I want peopleto understand, because it's such
a hot button topic.
(22:40):
Okay is that when someonebelieves that they are something
different than what they are,their actions and their
behaviors will come intoalignment with that which they
believe that they are.
And so if you have someone whobelieves that they're a fairy,
princess, butterfly, and that'swhat they say they are and
(23:02):
believe it, and they claim thatover and, over and over again.
Their actions and theirbehaviors will naturally come
into alignment with that whichthey believe that they are.
Now that might be too extremeof an example for some people,
so I'll simplify this If youidentify as a success, your
natural behaviors will bealigned with being a success.
(23:25):
If you believe that you are afailure, your natural behaviors
and what you do will be alignedwith the identity of a failure.
So how do we apply this?
You have to start with who youbelieve you are.
If you believe you're worthless, if you believe you're a
unicorn, if you believe whateverit is about yourself, you will
(23:48):
start to adopt characteristicsand your behavior will naturally
change.
Why?
Because it's second nature.
If you change your nature, thensecond nature is your behaviors
.
An example of this I've got aseven-year-old, I've got a
five-year-old, a three-year-oldand a six-month-old and I love
(24:09):
my three-year-old season of liferight now because he runs
around with Woody from Toy Storyand he pretends he's a cowboy.
And when that kid puts on acowboy hat and he's got bullseye
and Woody, you would be fullyconvinced and believe that in
that moment he believes he's acowboy, he becomes a cowboy, he
(24:30):
talks like a cowboy, he walkslike a cowboy, he pulls his
pistol out like a cowboy right,why?
Because in that moment he isusing the most incredible tool
that we've been given, which isimagination.
And as adults, as grownups, westop using that because we think
it's immature and it's one ofthe most tremendous gifts that
God has given us is because ifyou look at that child that
(24:50):
imagines for a moment that theyare something different than
what they are, their behaviorchanges.
So what we've mistaken, daniel,is that we've looked at what do
I need to do to fix all thisexternal stuff?
What do I need to do to fix mybehavior?
And we try and try and try andtry and it doesn't work.
(25:11):
It works for a very small groupof people roughly 2% where they
can just brute, force their waythrough and eventually become
something different.
But for the overwhelmingmajority of people, it's not
about trying harder.
It's about working on your headand your heart and what you
believe about yourself.
Because when you change whatyou believe about yourself, your
(25:35):
actions, your behaviors andyour results will naturally
change.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Absolutely, and I was totally going to hit on beliefs
and you just slammed it,because the truth is the truth
and that's what we do here onthe Asset Mindset Podcast.
We speak the truth and if youwant to know more about David,
please pause, go into ourdescriptions and you'll have all
kinds of information for himand what he's doing and
connections and you can learnmore.
(26:04):
Follow him, find out aboutFierce Empathy and his programs
that he's doing.
So, again, also give us a likefollow, and please share this
with someone that needs to hearit, because there's a lot of us
out there that need to reallyrealize that you have the power.
You can change your beliefs, andit's who you want to become and
(26:25):
where you are going.
That is important.
So now, getting back to thisbelief, how do we help instill
people that it's possibleBecause I talk about this in my
book that you really can doanything?
People run without legs, we gotprosthetics, people read
without sight, there's Braille.
It's a little harder maybe, butyou can do it.
(26:47):
So how do we help peoplerealize that they have that
power and once they can changethat belief, then their life can
change.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
So the first step there, I mentioned an exercise
earlier and I'm going to giveeveryone that exercise that
anyone can do if they're seriousLike for those of you that are
listening.
If you're serious right nowabout actually wanting to change
, this exercise will beinvaluable for you.
Actually wanting to change,this exercise will be invaluable
for you.
And what I tell people to startwith, daniel, before I get into
the exercise, is you have tostart with empathy for yourself,
(27:18):
but it has to be fierce empathy, and the most effective way to
do that is to find someone thatyou love, someone that you trust
, someone that believes in you.
It can be a leader, a mentor, apastor, like I do.
Encourage people.
Don't let it be your wife oryour husband.
If you're a woman listening,you want to be careful that
(27:40):
they're detached enough fromyour day to day, but they truly
care about you.
Does that make sense?
And you want them to create.
You want to explain this tothem.
You say, hey, I'm working ondeveloping myself, I'm working
on growing, I want to improve, Iwant to get better, I want to
change my life.
And you can ask them this onequestion what do you see about
(28:05):
me that is truly different thaneveryone else.
What makes me different, whatmakes me special?
This isn't ego-driven, thisisn't like butter me up and make
me feel good.
This is no like.
Legitimately.
Can you tell me what's mysuperpower?
What do you see about me that Idon't see about myself?
Right, you start with thatquestion and then you recognize.
(28:28):
The reason I say start withempathy is that unless you can
come to a place where you canforgive yourself and you can
start to like yourself, it'sgoing to be very, very
challenging.
So for anyone that hatesthemselves, that doesn't like
themselves, is frustrated andjust disappointed, you have to
surround yourself with peoplethat will call greatness out of
(28:50):
you, that will tell you who youreally are, just irregardless of
how you feel Irregardless Idon't think that's a word
anymore, I think it's regardlessRegardless right of how you
feel.
And you have to find community,which is why I love so much of
what you do.
Daniel is like you are anadvocate for surrounding
yourself with the right kinds ofpeople, because we've all heard
(29:14):
this a thousand times beforeYou're the average of the five
people that you spend the mosttime with.
So do an audit of your circle.
Who are you spending time with?
Are you spending time withpeople that are creating
actively, that are going out andaccomplishing, that are
achieving, that are pushingtheir limits, that are healthy,
right accomplishing, that areachieving, that are pushing
their limits, that are healthy,right, that have great marriages
(29:34):
, that are emotionally presentand available for their children
?
Are your friends in your circlelike that?
If they're not, then you've gotto be honest with yourself.
They're not going to help youget where you want to go, and
that's going to be challenging.
But here's the exercise.
I tell people to get threepieces of paper and so save this
if you're listening and markthe spot wherever we are in the
(29:54):
recording.
On the first page, what we arewriting at the top of this page
is called my petty list, andit's petty P-E-T-T-Y.
This is your opportunity to beas petty as you want to be, and
you're going to literally listout every single thing in your
life that you're dissatisfied,that you think is not fair, that
(30:17):
you think is wrong, that you'regoing to just complain on a
sheet of paper.
When's the last time you hadpermission to just complain and
not feel better?
All right.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
So that's what we call the petty list.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
You be as petty as you want to be, and if you want
a simple structure, just breakthings down by health, wealth
and relationships.
Okay, Look at your health, lookat your wealth, your career,
your finances.
Look at your relationships,your marriage, your kids, your
friendships.
Right, Use those three bucketsand take 20 minutes and
literally just brain dump, Justcomplain, Just whine, Just be
(30:49):
petty.
Okay, After you've done that,you're going to take the second
sheet of paper and the secondsheet of paper what you're going
to do is one of two things.
You're going to start at thefirst, the top of your line,
right?
So for me, I'll say one thingright now that I'm dissatisfied
with is I'm just, I'm stilldissatisfied with my love
handles.
I got some love handles.
Life's been I got a six monthold gym hasn't been as
(31:09):
consistent.
It's been a challenging seasonand those little suckers came
back and I'm like I'mdissatisfied with that on my
body.
So what I would write on thesecond sheet of paper is one of
two things.
I'm either going to write theexact opposite, right, which
would be like I don't want tohave love handles anymore, right
?
Or what I'm going to do if Idon't do the exact opposite.
(31:32):
I'm going to write what I wantinstead.
Now, this is where it getschallenging because, Daniel, I'm
sure you know this and you'veencountered it Most people, they
don't know what they want.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Absolutely.
I ask people all the time, likewhat's your goal To be rich?
I'm like no, that's not a realyou know.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's not a goal.
Yeah exactly, and you're right.
You asked me like what do youwant?
Well, I want a million bucks,or I want more sex, or I want
this car, I want that house Iwant to take.
What you find very, veryquickly is that, unfortunately,
those people are unaware thatthey're not going to ever have
those things because of whothey're being, not because of
(32:13):
what they those things becauseof who they're being, not
because of what they're doing,because of who they're being.
Their mindset has to shift.
So the reason that we do thispetty list first and then the
next page is what do you wantinstead, or what's the opposite,
is that it's going to bechallenging, but the hack here
is that you have something toreference that you don't want.
So, even if you don't know whatyou do want, all you have to do
(32:34):
is write the opposite.
All you have to do is write theopposite.
You're like I'm dissatisfied inmy marriage, okay.
Well, what do you want instead?
I don't know, I just want tonot be dissatisfied in my
marriage, right, is that?
Okay?
Awesome.
So what would be the opposite?
The opposite would be I'msatisfied in my marriage, okay.
So we don't have toovercomplicate this.
But you go through every singleline from the first page that
(33:00):
you've been petty about, andagain you either write the exact
opposite or write what you want.
What we've discovered and foundis that most people can give you
a long list of everything thatthey don't want very, very, very
few things that they actuallydo want.
Okay, so we start with thesetwo pages and then you come to
the third page and at the thirdthe third page, at the top, you
(33:21):
write the gap.
Okay, this third page you'reactually going to put in the
middle of page one and page two,so technically it becomes page
two.
This is the gap between yourcurrent reality and the reality
that you want, or the oppositereality of one you're
experiencing.
Right, if you don't know whatyou want, and on this page, on
(33:44):
the gap, what you're going to dois you're going to look at this
gap and say, like, let's justtake our dissatisfaction in
marriage, right, I'mdissatisfied in my marriage, and
the opposite of that is I wantto be satisfied in my marriage.
And what you would write downon that line is for you,
specifically, what action canyou take that will shift you
(34:07):
away from the dissatisfaction tothe satisfaction?
What is one thing that I couldstart doing today.
That would help make mymarriage more satisfactory, more
connected, that there be morelove, and this is going to be
different for every person, butwhat's interesting is, if you
take the time to do this, forevery single thing on your list,
(34:27):
you will now have a whole listof action items, of things.
One thing you don't have tolist a thousand, right, because
there's a lot, but you say onething and then you look at those
and from that list, you can nowintroduce that into your
schedule and your calendar andyou can put it down and say,
okay, I know, the one thing thatwould help me be more satisfied
(34:49):
in my marriage is, you know,more conversation with my wife,
like actual heart-to-heartconversation, and so you write
that down and then guess whatyou do.
You put it on your calendar andyou go hey, babe, right, on
Wednesday night, I'd really likefor us to have a date night.
I feel disconnected from youand I want more time where we
can just talk and have aconversation.
(35:09):
So I'm going to get us ababysitter, we're going to pawn
off the kids, we're going to dowhatever you and I, I just want
two hours where we can go andjust have a little bit of time
for ourselves right Now.
Some of these things are goingto work and some of these things
are not going to work right,you're going to try something
and it's going to flop, it'sgoing to fail, but the point is
(35:36):
you've started taking small babysteps and actions that are
aligned with what you want inlife.
And here's what's beautiful,that I find every time someone
does this, daniel, when you cansee your petty list and
everything you're dissatisfiedwith, and then you can see what
you want, or the opposite, andthen you can see the gap between
where you are and where youwant to be, it starts helping
you develop a picture of who youneed to become, to create a
(35:58):
different reality, to completelytransform your life.
Because a lot of times again,we're asking that question what
do I need to do?
And that's where we have tostart, sometimes?
But then you have to look at itand say, okay, that's where we
have to start sometimes, butthen you have to look at it and
say, okay, well, what does thisversion of me that is healthy,
wealthy, wise, connected,successful, what does this
(36:21):
version of me, future version ofme, do differently than the
current version of me, andthat's where people get confused
.
That's how simple it is.
Would the future version of yoube doing what you're doing
right now, yes or no?
And life becomes super binaryreal quickly because you can
(36:42):
just filter everything to thatquestion.
Would future me snooze?
Nope, okay, then I don't havepermission to snooze anymore.
Right?
Would future me be shoveling,like you know, french fries
every single day, fast food forlunch?
No, would future me beshoveling French fries every
single day, fast food for lunch?
No, he wouldn't right, so I'mnot going to do that.
Right?
And you create a very simplebinary, especially for us guys.
(37:02):
We like that.
We don't like complexity.
It's like is this aligned or isit not aligned?
And what it removes is thisquestion we're always asking
ourselves well, is this theright decision or the wrong
decision?
Should I take this job?
Should I not take this job?
Is this the right person?
Is this the wrong person?
Right?
That's a very overwhelming,layered, complex question that
doesn't help us.
But a better question is isthis aligned with who I want to
(37:22):
be or not?
And if it is aligned with whoyou want to be, your feelings
don't matter.
Your feelings disappear.
That's where you talk about.
I loved it.
In chapter eight, you actuallytalked about how to make habits
become assets.
You mentioned this and I lovethis because it's so critical
for our habits.
But we have a hard time adoptingnew habits until we first
(37:46):
define why we want to accomplishwhat we want to accomplish.
And, in our case, here is whyare you wanting to change in the
first place?
Why do you want to accomplishwhat we want to accomplish?
And, in our case, here is whyare you wanting to change in the
first place?
Why do you want to becomehealthier?
Why do you want to have abetter marriage?
Why do you want to be stronger?
Why do you want to be wealthier?
If you don't know why, you'renot going to be motivated to
make the changes.
But this exercise helps you todiscover what you're
(38:06):
dissatisfied with, what you wantinstead, and the steps that you
can start to implement.
And as you start to do that,you'll start to realize yeah,
okay, I think I'm gathering anidea of who I want to be.
And when you start to gatherthat understanding, you can now
create actual alignment versuswhat most of our society does is
like well, this just doesn'tfeel aligned for me.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
No, this is powerful stuff, David, Very powerful, and
thank you for sharing that.
I think the gap part thatyou're talking about is
extremely powerful because, youknow, in my book I talk about
backwards planning.
So you figure out through yourpetty list and then where you
want to be, and then when you gointo that gap, you're creating
the backwards planning.
So it's like, OK, I need to dothis and this to get to here.
(38:53):
So awesome, Thank you forsharing that with my audience.
I think a lot of people aregoing to learn a lot from that.
It's very powerful.
And speaking of other powerfulstuff that you do, can you talk
about your four pillars?
Because I think your pillarsare man, they're just such
(39:13):
powerful things that if you cando that I mean they're called a
pillar for a reason right, theysupport.
These four pillars will supportyou, your life, your dreams and
your peace, and that's what alot of us are really looking for
, Because material things can'tbuy your peace.
We think they can, but theycan't.
But go on and share about thosepillars please.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Yeah, so you talked about the material things that
we're trying to like, trying tobuy our peace, right.
A lot of people, like in theconversations that I have with,
particularly with men, is thatwhat they want more than
anything is they they just wantto be happy, right?
People say that all the time.
Well, I just want to be happy,and I think that the danger in
that is that happiness is amomentary feeling, right?
(39:57):
Sometimes we're happy,sometimes we're sad.
What I truly believe, at thecore of what all of us are after
, is that what we want, what wewant, is contentment, what we
want is peace, what we want isjoy.
What we want is peace, what wewant is joy.
What we want is the ability tolive our lives pursuing our
dreams, supporting and helpingother people.
But what most people seem to beafter is they just want to
(40:23):
constantly feel good, they justwant to constantly feel happy,
right?
And I think the danger in thatis that we adopt this belief
system that if I can just makeenough money, if I can just earn
, if I could just buy that house, if I could just buy the car,
if I could just do whatever itis, then finally I will be happy
(40:43):
.
Finally, I will be able to feelthe way that I want to feel,
and I think the danger, again,is that we can feel the way we
want to feel today.
It just depends on our mindset,it depends on what we're
focused on.
And I'll give a quick littleexample.
I asked somebody the other day.
I said I said I want you toimagine that somebody kidnapped
your child and you had a hundredmillion dollars sitting in the
(41:04):
bank.
What would you do to get thatchild back?
They're like I'd give them allthe money, all of it.
I want my kid.
I said so what you're tellingme is that having your child
with you is worth more than ahundred million dollars.
They're like absolutely, but wedon't take on that mindset, we
don't think about that frame.
I've also heard it said likesomebody said one time if, if,
um, if I gave you a $10 million,would you take it?
(41:27):
Of course I'd take it,absolutely Right.
10 million bucks, awesome, cool.
And then the person said butwhat if there's a catch?
Right?
And they said well, what's thecatch?
And the catch is you don't getto wake up tomorrow.
Would you still take the tenmillion dollars?
The answer is no, right?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
The answer is no, one of the reasons that that is
(42:06):
critically important for us tobe aware of is that we don't
understand how wealthy wealready are.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
We don't understand the fact that we are surrounded
by abundance and we just have tochange our focus.
Okay, so to.
So clarity is the first one,right?
Clarity is one of those thingsthat, um, it's really hard to do
anything and you know this fromthe military like, if you're
not crystal clear on what it isthat you're trying to accomplish
and what you want, then, like,it doesn't matter what you do,
right?
If you're not clear on what youare going to execute and how
(42:29):
you're going to execute, it canget really, really frustrating.
So the first step is you haveto give yourself permission to
rediscover who you want tobecome, what you want, why you
want it and what is required tocreate it.
And that's kind of what we justtalked about in that exercise
is that most people don't knowwho they want to become.
When I ask people that question, they're like I don't really
(42:50):
know, right.
And I remember another time thatmy coach asked me that and she
was like do you have a model?
I was like what do you mean amodel?
She's like do you have someonethat you could look at and say I
want to be like them?
Right, I'd love to have a lifelike them.
And I said, well, I'd probablylike to be like Tony Robbins.
I just, you know, maybe a fewless F words, and I definitely
don't want to travel as much ashe does, you know.
(43:12):
And she's like, okay, that'sinteresting.
Who else?
And I was like, well, jesus,and she said, well, nobody can
be like, fully like him.
But what I started to standardright, and what I discovered,
though, is that most of us havepeople that we admire, right,
(43:32):
whether it's somebody from amovie, or might be a character
from a book and we've neverstopped to ask ourselves why do
we admire them so much?
And oftentimes, it's becausethey embody characteristics that
we want to have or that wethink that we have, and a lot of
times, like if I'm a huge Lordof the Rings fan, there are
characteristics in certaincharacters, like Aragorn, that,
(43:52):
when I look at him, I'm likegosh man, like I want to be more
like Aragorn.
Right, and it's going to bedifferent for every person, but
when you stop and you actuallythink about, okay, what is it
about them that I admire, youcan do exactly what we just
talked about.
You now identify acharacteristic, whether it's
nobility or it's strength, it'sresilience, it's compassion,
(44:13):
right Whatever thatcharacteristic is and then all
you have to do is say, okay, howcould I increase that in my
life?
What's one thing I could doevery single week that would
help me be more aligned withthat virtue, with that value?
And that's where the claritycomes in of defining things.
It's like I'm getting clear onwho I want to become, and then
what follows, obviously, is whatwe need to do to get there.
(44:35):
The next step is constructs, andso constructs is that word
we've all heard constructionbefore right?
Construct is effectively whatyou're building in your mind as
your framework, or your mindset,right for life.
And so you have to redefine andmaster your internal belief
system, emotional intelligenceand thinking patterns to stop
(44:57):
getting in your own way.
Now, that's a fancy way ofsaying that.
You need to have someone whocan challenge you and who cares
about you enough to call you onyour BS.
You've got to be willing tohave someone in your corner that
can say hey, you are getting inyour own way, and here's why
(45:17):
you are believing somethingabout yourself that is not true.
You are saying things toyourself that are not who you
really are, and that's reallychallenging when you try and do
that work on your own, which iswhy I'm such an advocate for
coaching and why I will alwayshave coaches and mentors,
because my perspective islimited.
I can only see what I can see.
(45:37):
I need outside sources to helpme understand what I'm
constructing about, what Ibelieve about myself, because we
can change it, but it's very,very, very hard right.
The next is our commitments.
I love you talk about this alot in the book is your
commitments right?
You just got to realign yourchoices, your habits and your
boundaries and you have tocreate a routine right, and so
(45:59):
this means that a lot of times,people, a lot of times people
are trying to set goals, and I'mall for goals, but the problem
with goals is that I don't thinkthey're as effective as
standards, and a standard issomething that, for example and
you could speak to this betterthan me in the military Right,
these are your non-negotiables.
You do this every day,regardless of how you feel.
(46:21):
I don't care how you feel, youdo this Right.
This is the standard.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
That is great and powerful.
I'm stealing that a little bit.
I'm writing that one rightright now, even myself.
See, we can always learn, wecan get coached.
Come on, man, come on.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Because I found that most people pick these somewhat
arbitrary goals right I want amillion dollars, I want a
six-figure business, I want ahappy marriage, and while those
are great and there are someframeworks that are useful, like
SMART goals specific,measurable, attainable, relevant
, time-based goals those can beuseful, but what I have found is
even it's exponentially moreeffective is this is who I am,
(47:03):
so this is what I do.
It has nothing to do with how Ifeel.
Jocko Willink actually talksabout this all the time.
If anyone's familiar with Jocko, incredible author, he's got a
great podcast as well.
He does some incredible workand I can't remember if he was a
SEAL or a Green Beret.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
He was a SEAL.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
He was a SEAL, yeah, so he talks about this, and I
think it's so criticallyimportant because when you say
this is who I am and this iswhat I do, the feelings don't
matter, I'm just going to do itand I'm going to my standard for
today.
And where that word comes from,I think is really, really
interesting is that there's twoways.
(47:42):
One, when you see the standardin battle, where, like in old,
old, old time war times, they'dhave a standard that they would
hold up, right, and it wouldindicate different things, right
, whether it was the actual armybanner or it was a standard
that was for different parts ofthe like the cavalry versus the
infantry, things like that.
You'd probably know more aboutthat than I do.
But in woodworking there's alsoa thing called a standard where
(48:03):
if you take and you cut a board, and you need to cut a hundred
the same length, a mistake wouldbe cut the first board, set it
aside and then use the secondboard to measure the third board
, and then you set it aside andthen you use every single one
down the line.
Guess what happens After 100,you're going to have 100 boards
that are all slightly differentsizes instead of sticking with
the first one.
This is my standard and this iswhat I match up every single day
(48:27):
so I get the same results.
I go to the gym every day.
I hug and kiss my wife and kidsevery day.
When I walk through the door,there's a smile on my face.
Every single day, I check in onmy parents.
Right, and maybe it's not adaily standard.
Some of these things are weekly.
There's only so much time inthe day.
But if you create a standardthat will more rapidly change
(48:50):
your life than trying to setgoals and trying to accomplish
them, I believe firmly, becauseit's part of what's changing
your identity and it's mucheasier to have accountability in
your life when you say, well,I've committed to do this every
day, or I've committed to dothis every week, and we detach
from.
What most of us do is we lookat the mountaintop and we cling
(49:10):
to it and we're holding on to itlike I just if I could just
succeed, if I could just getthere.
And what we fail to recognizeis that that's putting our joy,
our contentment, our peace, oursatisfaction.
It's putting a delay on thatand saying I'm not allowed to
feel okay until I get there.
On that and saying I'm notallowed to feel okay until I get
(49:31):
there, versus.
A standard says there are goingto be some days I feel great
and there are gonna be some dayswhere I just I don't want to,
right, but this is who I am, sothis is what I do, and so
standards, I think, are critical, especially if you're wanting
to align yourself with higherpurpose and meaning in your life
, because that's part of whatchanges our reality.
(49:53):
And so the last part of it isconsistency, which you talk
about as well.
Is that consistency tiesdirectly to standards, but it's
rededicating ourselves to thisprocess and practicing
discipline.
It's being responsible and it'sbeing accountable, and I
actually have an acronym for ourmen's group that we have called
the ardent man.
(50:14):
It's accountable, responsible,disciplined, empathetic, noble
and true ardent.
And I think, for me, what I'vediscovered is that the best way
to be consistent is to do itwith other people.
You have to have people in yourcorner.
If you're trying to do it onyour own, you're going to lie to
(50:34):
yourself, you're going to getin your own way, you're going to
make excuses, you're going tomake justifications, life's
going to get too busy and it'sjust not going to happen Right.
And so that consistency I havefound is that, instead of being
derailed by your emotions andfeelings in life and all the
stuff that all of us deal withlike it's freaking hard man,
(50:55):
this thing called life is hard,right, yes.
If you have a group of people, aband of brothers, particularly
for men.
If you have that, you areexponentially more likely to
actually not only achieve yourgoals but to transform and
create a beautiful new realityin your life, because you're
doing it with other peopleinstead of trying to do it on
(51:15):
your own.
But those are the four pillarsand I'm glad that you brought
those up.
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (51:20):
Yeah, no, it's a pleasure and they're powerful
and I love like I wrote downstandards.
We all know there's standards.
Like you said, I was in themilitary, I get standards.
We all know there's standards.
Like you said, I was in themilitary, I get standards.
But I never associated goalsand standards Like my goal is to
(51:41):
be, you know, super fit orwhatever your goal may be.
Well, my standard is I'm goingto exercise 20 minutes a day or
five days a week or whatever.
You create that standard thatsupports the goal.
If you just have the goalwithout a standard, then it's
just a goal, it's a far offthing.
That's oh, I'd love to be overthere.
But if the standard is I'mtaking five steps every day,
(52:04):
it's a mild journey but I'mgoing five steps every day.
That's my standard.
Maybe someday I'll go 10, butI'm going to take at least five
steps every day.
You create that standard towork towards your goals.
That's what I think is verycompelling and powerful, because
that's where you start to getthe asset of time building
things up.
I talk about it all the time.
(52:24):
Writing one page on a piece ofpaper is not a big deal.
You do that consistently andthat's your standard.
At the end of a year you have a365 page book and time flies.
I mean, if you've got childrenout there, you know, I know, you
know, david, it doesn't apply.
You look blank, you're likewhat you were a baby and now
you're what it's.
It's crazy.
(52:45):
And before we go cause I wantto dive into something else that
I'm really impressed by you isyou've gone into a lot of the
science.
You know your curiosity thatyou've had for learning about
behavior and whatnot.
Can you share any of thescience that has really, I guess
, impacted your life or impactedyour beliefs that you're like,
(53:07):
wow, this, this is life-changing.
It's not just a thought or notjust a thought or not just
something in my head.
So what science can you sharewith the asset mindset listeners
?
Speaker 2 (53:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
And um, I'll share it with kindof a uh, um, an example, or uh,
I don't know if you call it anallegory or a metaphor or
something that to help everyonepicture this, but I want you to
imagine that, um, cause I'm aKansas farm boy.
Imagine you're a farmer with me, all right, and imagine that
every single day for 20 years,what you've done is you got up,
(53:42):
you had breakfast, kiss yourwife, send your kids off to
school, you walk out the frontporch, come off the porch, you
hop on your tractor and you headout to the fields.
Now, you've done thisconsistently for five years, 10
years, 20 years.
You've just done it.
It's just.
That's your life, right?
Well, what's really interestingis that, if you've taken the
same path every single day on atractor as that farmer, there
(54:06):
came a point in time very earlyon that you started creating
ruts in the road because youdrive the same path every single
day and it's like you know it'snot every day, but 80% of the
time.
Like maybe you take Saturdaysoff, but consistently, 80% of
the time you're taking that samepath and you've got to drive
out to the same field whereyou're doing all your work.
(54:27):
Right, you're accomplishingwhat you want to accomplish, and
then you're driving back right.
Over years, those ruts becomedeeper and deeper and deeper and
there very rapidly comes apoint where that farmer you're
the farmer you jump out and yougo, you hop on your tractor, you
turn it up and you put it onthe road and the ruts are so
(54:50):
deep you don't even have to holdthe steering wheel anymore
because the tires are perfectlyaligned inside of the ruts and
you just have to hold the gasdown.
That's it.
It's going to go the same placebecause you've gone the same
way every single day.
Right?
And for those that are farmerslistening, you know that exactly
what I'm talking about.
(55:11):
that like it happens Even ifyou've driven a vehicle or four
wheeler like when you're in aset of dry, fixed ruts and it's
the perfect width for yourwheelbase well, you don't have
to hold the steering wheel, youcan just push the gas and kick
back and you just go.
And what I discovered, daniel,is that that is how the
(55:31):
overwhelming majority of humanbeings operate, because they've
done the same thing over andover and over and over, that
you've created these ruts inyour life, that you're no longer
at the wheel.
You're sitting at the wheel andyou're deciding to wake up and
you're deciding to eat, andyou're no longer at the wheel.
You're sitting at the wheel andyou're deciding to wake up and
you're deciding to eat andyou're deciding to go to bed.
(55:53):
But the science has proven andshown that 80% of the thoughts
that we have every single dayare the exact same thoughts that
we have every single day, andso your thoughts about your
marriage, your thoughts aboutyourself, your thoughts about
your All of these things arejust constantly inundating it.
80% we're not in control of.
(56:17):
They're just happening.
And so my question was I waslike, well, how do I change that
and how do I fix that, and howdo I, how do I get out of the
rut Right?
And what's really, really,really beautiful is that they
have now proven what I think alot of the mystics believed for
a long time is that if you willcommit to something, a new habit
(56:40):
, whatever it is and what Irecommend for most people is
something that I call is very,very simple is gratitude and
affirmation.
It's waking up every single dayand focusing on the good and
what you can be grateful for,and then affirming yourself,
meaning that you speak truthover yourself about the version
of you that you know, that youcan be, that you want to be,
(57:01):
regardless of how you feel.
You do those two things.
What the science has now provenis it's somewhere between 21 and
90 days Somewhere between 21and 90 days of consistently
doing something like that.
The average is 66.
It takes the average person 66days, but you got to do it every
day.
Right, you will create newneural pathways in your brain.
(57:23):
They've studied this and seenit.
You will create new neuralpathways in your brain and
literally rewire your brain.
So why does this matter?
Because the current wiring thatyou have, it's just programming
, it's just a road, it's just arut that you have driven down
(57:44):
every single day for years.
And here's what's beautiful youhave these roads carved in your
brain.
It's nothing more than like anelectrical signal going down the
same path that's the farmerevery single day.
And we're getting kind of nerdyhere, right.
But the beauty in that is if youimagine again that you're the
(58:04):
farmer and one day you justdecide, you know what, I'm going
to turn that steering wheel onedegree, one degree.
Now what's going to happen Ifyou're stuck in those ruts?
It's going to be really, reallyhard to get up over the hump
and out of that initial rut.
Right, anybody who's ever donethat and stuck in a rut, that
(58:25):
getting out of it is hard, right.
But what's fascinating is justa one-degree correction, a
one-degree change, a willingnessto start practicing gratitude
every day, a willingness tostart affirming yourself, a
willingness to do this exercisewe talked about, a willingness
to define, give yourselfpermission of who you want to
become, a willingness to stopsnoozing, a willingness to get
(58:47):
up an hour earlier, awillingness to kiss your wife
and kids when you get home.
One simple action, a 1%correction and change.
And here's what's magical isthat when you can do that and
you make that 1% correctionevery single day, if you were to
drive that same distance thatthe farmer did every day,
driving a mile out to the farm.
If you go one mile and you knowthis from the military, daniel
(59:11):
one mile, one degree off, youwill end up at a completely
different location, completelydifferent.
And that's how simple it is isthat it takes between 21 and 90
days to create a new set ofneural pathways in the brain.
It takes the average person 66days, but most people aren't
even willing to give it thatthree months and say, okay, I'll
(59:33):
try it, I'll test it andactually commit to doing one
thing differently, to changingthe pattern, to changing that
programming, to trying somethingdifferent, to turn the steering
wheel one degree.
And it's true for everyone andit's available to everyone.
Sadly, most people don't takeadvantage of it, but that's
literally, from a scientificperspective, how you rewire your
(59:55):
brain.
Speaker 1 (59:56):
Fantastic, David.
Thank you so much.
Anybody listening.
You want to know more aboutDavid and what he's doing Fierce
Empathy, Solutions.
Again, pause, go in thedescription.
There's all kinds of linksthere for you to get more from
David.
David, this hour has flown by.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Thank you for sharing theknowledge.
God bless my friend.
(01:00:17):
I can't wait to connect withyou again in the future.
It's always just such apositive experience and, like
you, I believe we shouldsurround ourselves with good
people.
And for all you listeners outthere, don't forget to share
this episode, like and subscribe, and get out of your rut and
own your power.
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