May 10, 2025 • 62 mins
In today's episode Jack and Cris sit down with Natalie from Hail Philly to discuss one of the strangest works of fiction ever.....the Bible.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Intro/Exit Music (00:00):
Satan, satan, satan, our Lord and Master.
I acknowledge thee as my Godand Prince.
I promise to serve and obeythee as long as I shall live.
I renounce the other God andall the saints.
Don't listen to them.
Don't listen to them.
Jack Violently (00:29):
What's going on cheese balls?
Welcome back to the Ave Satanaspodcast.
My name is Jack Violently.
I'm going to be your host today.
The Ave Satanas podcast is aproduction of the Free Society
Satanists.
We are a worldwide collectiveof anarchistic Satanists under
the banner of the global orderof Satan.
For more information, check outthe websites in the show notes.
(00:51):
If you would like to shoot usan email, you can do that at
AveSatanasPodcast at gmailcom.
One final thing if you like thepodcast, if you get value out
of what we're doing here, makesure to drop us a five-star
review on whatever platformyou're listening to.
As you get value out of whatwe're doing here, make sure to
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All right, guys, we have anawesome show for you.
(01:12):
Today we're going to do a deepdive into one of the strangest
works of fiction ever writtenthe Bible.
Here to help us today is myfriend and yours, the Grand
Inquisitor of the Free SocietySatanists, Cris.
What's going on, dude?
Cris (01:28):
It's going pretty good.
It's going pretty good.
Everything is you know.
I honestly can't say much morethan going pretty good.
I don't have anything tocomplain about.
Jack Violently (01:38):
So yesterday, my old ass, I sneezed and I threw
my back out.
44 years old, much of my beardis gray.
I sneezed and my lower back Icaused a sciatic.
Cris (01:53):
Honestly, I've been there bud.
Jack Violently (01:56):
So our co-host or guest today you guys can't
see this because this is anaudio format Natalie is shaking
her head in disbelief and alsokind of a great segue.
Also with us today we haveNatalie from Hale Philly.
Natalie is an admin for HalePhilly and is also a literal
Bible scholar.
Natalie, have you ever sneezedand thrown your back out?
Natalie (02:20):
No, you got some years on me Just a few.
That's a special for you.
Cris (02:26):
One there, bud, so how are you doing today?
Natalie (02:29):
I'm good Excited to be talking about one of my favorite
books, as a Satanist Makes itweird, but it's something I've
always loved to talk about.
I did my thesis on it incollege.
Did my thesis on it in college,I went to school for book arts,
so my whole thing was to careabout books, so this is one of
(02:51):
the most impactful books I knewin my lifetime, and especially
in my life growing up Christian,and so I studied it very hard
and made art about it.
And now I have an incrediblyannotated Bible that was
annotated by someone who didnmade art about it.
And now I have an incrediblyannotated Bible that was
annotated by someone who didn'tbelieve in it, which was a fun
(03:12):
read.
Jack Violently (03:13):
So yeah, the term Bible scholar.
You literally studied it.
It is the Bible, I think themoniker fits.
So would you kind of agree?
You're, you're, I guess, morelearned than the average bear on
the book.
Natalie (03:31):
I would say so I have sat down with it.
I have read a lot of its fanfiction as well, like Dante's
Inferno and Paradise Lost andmany of the Catholic renditions
of why the saints and angels areall certain things.
But it is such.
I find it really interesting.
I study it like people studyGreek mythology.
(03:53):
I just think it's really neat.
The art is such a big deal.
The books are a really big deal.
They're some of the oldestbooks that people actually cared
about, so it is something Ideeply love.
Cris (04:06):
Have you ever gotten into any of the sequels, like the
book of mormon?
Natalie (04:10):
oh, we've.
I have read parts of the bookof mormon.
Cris (04:13):
I've not read it in its entirety because, um well, you
don't have the golden plate, soyou can read all of it, I
suppose we all are missingsomething when you had said the
sequel I was like did they writea follow up to the bible?
Jack Violently (04:26):
like the bible 2 ?
Electric boogaloo, like whatwas going on.
Like joe's return just when youthought you were safe to walk
down the streets of galilee ohgod, somebody needs to write
that right now In a world.
So much like the introductionto this show.
(04:57):
Here we're going to be talkingabout some goofy shit that they
actually left in the Bible forsome fucking reason, matt.
Natalie (05:02):
You're our guest of honor.
Man, let's kick it off with youhere.
Okay, so we're going to startwith my favorite Bible verse
that I used to be able to quote,uh, word for word, but I've
gotten a little rusty.
It is from I'm gonna read thisone to you guys.
It's two kings to 23 to 25.
From there, elijah went up tobethel and he was walking up the
.
As he was walking up the path,some small boys came out of the
(05:23):
city and jeered at him, chantingGo up Baldy, go up Baldy.
He turned around, looked atthem and cursed them in the name
of the Lord.
Then two female bears came outof the woods and mauled 42 of
the children.
From there, elijah went toMount Carmel and then returned
to Samaria.
Cris (05:40):
So basically, fuck them kids, yeah, fuck them.
Jack Violently (05:45):
So I have a couple of thoughts about this.
Why did they have to specifythat they were female bears?
That's kind of a wilddistinction.
They're more vicious and alsokids are kind of spry man.
They can move about like twofemale bears, like what were
they?
Cris (06:00):
I think 42 kids.
Jack Violently (06:02):
Kids could take on two bears, I mean you're a
kid 38 and 39 and you're seeingthis bear just tear through kid
18, 19, and 20, aren't youthinking let's get the fuck out
of here?
Are you just going to sit thereand stand and wait for your
turn, like the bear had enoughkilling by the time it got to
you?
No, I'm out of there, man.
Once I see one kid get killed,I am out the fucking door.
Natalie (06:25):
All you got to do is be be faster than the slowest kid
trip, like that's yeah.
Yeah, I'm not above trippingsomebody fucking right, 42 kids
were slow as hell.
Jack Violently (06:31):
And and here's my thing too of all the
different versions of the biblethat have come out since the
millennia.
But niv, king james.
Well, blah, blah, blah.
The, the spongebob edition, whydid they keep this one story?
Does it drive the plot like itis never spoken about?
Cris (06:49):
again the all right, hold on.
You said something about aspongebob edition, and the only
thing that went through my mindis when the bears came out.
Are you ready, kids?
Jack Violently (07:01):
who kills lots of children up in Galilee.
Sponge Bob.
.
God, that's even better than aCreed reference.
We just tied in Sponge Bob tothe Bible, fuck yeah.
Since it's not referenced againand it doesn't drive the plot
(07:22):
of the story along, it just kindof reminds me of this weird cut
scene in like a john watersfilm with, like she bears a bald
guy in just a sea of bloodshed.
And now back to your story.
Like the fuck does it have todo with anything?
Natalie (07:34):
yeah, and it's just this, like random dude walking
around and it's like they pickedthe wrong guy to fuck with.
It was just kids being kids.
Kids say wild shit, and now 42of them, or I don't know if maul
means dead, but look as afellow bald person.
Cris (07:53):
I get it, but you know, I gotta wonder, like the bible is
full as far as the apologeticsgo of like uh, analogies and you
know, metaphors and all of that.
What could possibly be themetaphor for this?
Like what could be the lesson?
Natalie (08:12):
that's what I've asked so many people about that,
because I know a lot of peoplewho are still super into the
bible and believe in it.
I'm like, okay, what's thelesson here?
And no one's been able to pullit out of for me.
I had a professor who was bornand raised Jewish and he was
like this because it's in theOld Testament, he's like this
isn't in the Torah, it's in theTorah as well, and he was
(08:36):
floored that he had never heardit before and could not
understand why it was in bothbooks.
Jack Violently (08:43):
What's this guy's name?
Elijah?
Yeah, so I, why it was in bothbooks.
What's this guy's name, elijah?
Yeah, so I know chris has seenthis movie.
Natalie, have you ever seenfalling down, michael douglas?
Falling down, it's a movie fromlike 1990, like early 90s.
Uh, michael douglas, it'sbasically about a movie about a
guy who was just given the fuckup the.
The straw that broke thecamel's back just happened to
(09:06):
him and he is here to unleashhell on the city.
So I could just see this guyand this reference will be lost
on you.
But like he goes into the store, he's like this bread costs
three shekels.
Yesterday it was one shekel andhe starts bashing the fuck out
of the store, just causingmayhem.
He walks out of the store andnow we catch up to him.
The town kids are calling himbaldy and that's when the bears
(09:29):
come out.
So we're catching him a tailend of the worst day of his life
and then, like that's when thebears happen.
We don't know what happened toset up the bears.
We just know that the bearswere is what made it in the
bible.
I don't know, it's a littlefalling down for you guys.
Natalie (09:43):
So that's fun, because it is a bad day for him, because
before this um this is a lieshot with an S H and before this
, uh.
In the same like little section, elijah secedes Elijah with a J
um, who I'm pretty sure is hisfather, who dies, and then he
(10:07):
takes the mantle for him andthen proceeds to go on as a
scholar.
He says the spirit of Elijahrests on Elijah.
It gets really confusing.
Jack Violently (10:20):
To kind of further that point, I think the
catalyst for Michael Douglashaving the worst day of his life
.
I think like early that day hiswife wants a divorce or he
loses his job or both, and thenwe just see him go through the
city unleashing terror.
So yeah, I mean we could havebeen watching falling down
biblical days.
I guess, I don't know, I'mgoing to back away from that
(10:41):
reference, cause that's I don'tknow.
I've beat that horse as much asI can.
What do we got next?
Cris (10:48):
I got one of my favorite.
What the fuck moments from theBible, first Samuel 1825.
I'm not going to go throughlike reading the verses, but
basically the story is is thatKing Saul promises his daughter
Michelleal to Saul, or rather toDavid, and King Saul asks David
(11:13):
.
Basically David says you knowwho am I to be worthy of a
princess, right?
And King Saul says well, bringme the foreskins of a hundred
Philistines as dowry.
So David goes above and beyondand brings them 200 foreskins,
(11:34):
because he's a company man, yeah.
Like all I can imagine is he'sgot them like strung up on like
a necklace, like rings or someshit.
Rung up on like a necklace,like rings or some shit.
Like what the hell is it withthe bible and genital mutilation
?
Natalie (11:50):
in the first place.
Jack Violently (11:51):
200, you make a coat the coat, the coat of many
foreskins.
Um, my original thought wasokay when, when cris brought
this up to him, I was like well,for the longest time the US
dollar has been like thestandard for economic prosperity
.
Before that it was sterling,and I think before sterling it
(12:12):
was gold.
Are we still on the goldstandard?
Cris (12:16):
We haven't been on the gold standard in a long time.
Jack Violently (12:18):
Right, right, right, yeah, I think it was gold
sterling, now dollar.
Now who's to say, you know, athousand, two thousand years in
the past, we were on like aforeskin economy.
Cris (12:33):
like you know, everything was traded on on foreskins, I
don't, I mean who's to say,that's just, that's just one
idiot speculating.
I mean imagine, if you imagine,if we were, and you were trying
to buy something, you were, andyou were just one short right,
right you're like damn it.
Jack Violently (12:42):
I gotta pull out my knife hold on you know some
dude just sitting on the edge oftown, like you know the stone
city walls, and he's reading thetablet not the paper but the
tablet and he goes man, theforeskin is going to drive up
everything.
I remember when you could get agallon of gas for two foreskins
.
Now it's like 350.
So he's like really bitchingabout the way the foreskin is
(13:06):
going these days.
I don't know like, yeah, that's, that's what I got from it.
Uh, do you know anything aboutif they treated foreskins as a
economic currency or what they?
Natalie (13:15):
the bible talks so much about foreskins and
circumcision it's almostunsettled.
It is not almost, it is veryunsettling, um.
I'm gonna reference one of myuh second favorite verses that I
used a lot in my thesis becauseit's funny and it's related uh,
from jeremiah.
It is circumcise yourself tothe lord, remove the foreskins
(13:36):
of your heart.
So now they're using it even asa metaphor wow, I don't
remember reading that one uh,it's jeremiah four okay, like I
read the bible.
Cris (13:51):
I read it like twice, but that's been 20 years ago, so I'm
kind of coming at it reallyrusty at this point.
Jack Violently (13:59):
I okay the foreskin of your heart.
That sounds like like a weirdpsychedelic band, like from like
the 60s, like they would havebeen on the side stage of
woodstock.
Intro/Exit Music (14:10):
The foreskin of your heart I need you to know
when I'm doing my thesis.
Like I said, I made artworkabout it.
I have letterpress printed likeversions of this, this bible
verse that I Remove theforeskins of your heart.
I need to find them and I'mgoing to mail you all some
because they're delightful Iwould put that up on my wall in
(14:35):
a second Holy shit as long asthey're not printed on actual
foreskins, I will put it on myaltar, no questions asked.
Jack Violently (14:44):
And plus, where are you gonna get them?
Cris (14:46):
nowadays, yeah, inflation is hitting us.
Natalie (14:48):
I mean, we can't really afford that nowadays destroyed
the value of a foreskin, youknow foreskins in this economy
really nah all right, nat um, Ithink I think you think you're
back up.
Okay, so we're going to talkabout one of my favorite books
(15:08):
in the Bible as a whole, whichis the book of Job.
So Job is this guy who is well,let's start off with entering
the story.
God's just hanging out, youdoing whatever god does, um, and
(15:29):
there's people standing infront of god and satan walks up
and he's like yo, what's up?
And god asks him what he'sdoing.
He said just wandering aroundon the earth enjoying myself.
And he said, like just justtalking to him, hanging out.
And then god like, look at thisguy over here, job, he is one
of my favorite followers, heloves me so much, he's the best.
(15:52):
And he's like do you want totest that?
And so then they make a bet onthis dude's life, like, if I, if
you ruin his life, will he loveyou just as much?
So God's like, yeah, do it.
And he lets you ruin his life,will he love you just as much?
So god's like, yeah, do it.
And he lets satan ruin his life.
He doesn't let him touch himphysically.
But then a second time, satanrolls up and it's like yo, god,
(16:15):
what's up?
And they're hanging out again,I guess, because that's what
they do.
And he's like well, joe stillloves me.
What do you think about that?
And he's like I'm going to doeverything I can to him except
kill him, and Satan lets himhave it.
It's just, it's a story aboutGod and the devil making a bet
(16:37):
on this poor man's life.
Cris (16:40):
So basically, god doesn't play with dice, but he'll
definitely play roulette.
Jack Violently (16:44):
Whoa, so this is wild, you know.
So, god being the all knowingand all seeing and all loving,
basically just for the lulls, hewas having like a, a slow day
with Satan Also, yeah, fuck withthis guy for me, let's, let's,
let's see how much he can takealso what a dick, yes, man so I
(17:04):
did like, yeah, go ahead, ruinhis life completely, trashed his
entire existence.
Cris (17:11):
Let's see what happens you can't that is that's
sociopathic.
Jack Violently (17:15):
You can't touch him, you can't kill him.
Other that have fun.
You can do a lot with that.
I mean, those are two prettysmall caveats to avoid, I think.
Other than that it's on thetable.
So I never knew this Enduringhis torture and enduring the
onslaught that was beset uponhim by his favorite guy or on
(17:35):
the word of word, of hisfavorite guy.
That's where the phrase thepatience of job comes from.
I've heard that like my wholelife and I've never really read
into the story.
I just thought job was apatient dude.
Maybe he lived to be 300 orsomething like that, like they
say people did in the bible backthen.
But no, it's literally youpatience for just getting fucked
with over and over and over byyour best mate.
(17:56):
Wow.
Cris (17:58):
So do we have any details of what specifically Satan did
to Job?
Natalie (18:03):
So in the first round they burned down his house.
I think they killed his wifeand children.
Wow.
Jack Violently (18:15):
Starting out strong man.
Cris (18:17):
Man, how do you escalate from that damn?
Natalie (18:22):
and then they just uh, his household, everything he
owns, just just ruins everythingand he's just.
And then they give him afterthat, on the second one, skin
for skin, a man give ofeverything he owns in exchange
(18:44):
for his life.
But stretching out your handand striking his flesh and bones
, he will surely curse you inyour face.
And then they give him likeboils and stuff and like no,
just absolutely near death.
And it's insane that he, hejust.
(19:05):
And then, mind you, this isjust the first like little bit
of the bible, not the bible, thestory of job.
The rest of it is his threebros, uh, job's three friends
that are like you must have donesomething wrong, this is 100
your own fault.
And job's like I've donenothing, I'm just, I'm, I love
(19:27):
god, I've been doing the wholething.
Jack Violently (19:29):
And they're like you did this this is your fault
, have you, though?
I mean getting gas lit by yourbros, after god greenlit the
entire destruction of your life.
What the fuck, man?
Cris (19:42):
Sociopathic man.
Jack Violently (19:44):
Damn, that goes fucking hard.
Natalie (19:47):
But then at the end the Lord speaks to Job and is like
how fucking dare you?
Because Job was questioning himlike why are you doing this to
me?
And god literally says who isthis?
Who obscures my counsel withignorant words?
Get ready to answer me like aman.
When I question you, you willinform me.
(20:07):
Where were you when Iestablished earth?
Tell me if you haveunderstanding who fixes
dimensions?
Certainly you know.
And it's just like why are youfronting on the man so hard that
you just ruined his life?
Cris (20:22):
that's like the why do?
Why do you make me hit youfucking line like?
Jack Violently (20:26):
right, oh, exactly, see what you're making
me do.
And also the phrase get readyto answer me.
Natalie (20:31):
Like a man, like god, trying to square up on this dude
like what the fuck stand up bud, stand up bud like this man is
near death, covered in boils anddying, and everything in his
life has gone, and it's justlike how dare you talk down at
me?
Jack Violently (20:47):
I am god, god's like yeah, we can just a kid
with an ant farm we can takethis shit outside if you want.
Bud, basically telling him totake it to the parking lot.
Man, what the fuck, dude?
Oh shit, wow man.
Natalie (21:02):
But yeah, no hate, like god's love, as we like to say
and like at the end they givehim everything back, like they
restore his life, and it's justlike but did.
Cris (21:12):
But did he bring back his wife and kids?
Jack Violently (21:15):
I I know he's got a new one, I can see like
we're going to upgrade you pal.
The first iteration.
Like you know, god's just likelearning his powers.
And he cast his hand andthere's your house back and his
house looks normal.
And he goes and there's youroxen back and his oxen looks
good.
And then he waves his hand andwe're going to give you back
your wife and kids.
And he tries it.
And then they just come back aslike fucked up looking zombies
(21:36):
and he's like, ah, let me trythat one again, hold on.
And then he wipes those awayand he comes back again.
He makes like the joke a copyof a copy is never as as strong
as the original.
He's like let's just give you anew wife.
And then he does that shit.
Um, wow, before we continue,let's take a little bit of a
break.
Um, chris, do you want to?
(21:58):
You want to tell everybodyabout our fundraising efforts
for the Atlanta Mutual Aid Fund?
Cris (22:03):
Absolutely, I would love to.
So.
As our listeners who have beenlistening to our podcast for the
last few months probablyalready know and if you're a new
listener I want to let you knowabout we are the Free Society
of Satanists.
We are undertaking our firstofficial fundraiser, and this
fundraiser is going to benefitthe Metro Atlanta Mutual Aid
(22:27):
Fund.
The Metro Atlanta Mutual AidFund is a grassroots initiative
created by community membersfrom the Metro Atlanta area who
have witnessed the needs oftheir neighbors and decided to
affect positive change in theworld for those that they can
help.
They put a lot of their effortsinto meeting the needs of those
people who are the mostvulnerable in the current
(22:47):
economic climate, with the focusof the people in the BIPOC
community, as well as members ofthe LGBT community, people with
disabilities, the undocumentedand the refugee community, and
with the world going, withAmerica going like it is right
now, that type of help is sorely, sorely needed.
(23:12):
You can learn a lot more aboutthe Metro Atlanta Mutual Aid
Fund at their website atwwwAtlantaMutualAidorg.
If you want to join us in thisfundraising effort, I encourage
you to come on over into ourDiscord.
All of that information isgoing to be in the show notes
and in our Discord, once you getin, there's a channel called
FSS Fundraising where you canread more about this effort.
(23:37):
You can read our firstquarter's financial statement on
the fundraising effort that Ijust put out.
I do these quarterly financialstatements so that we have an
absolute accounting and completetransparency of where your
money's at and where it goes,all right.
(23:57):
So, again, if you want to joinus on this, uh, in the show
notes you can find links to ourwebsite, our discord and all of
that, and we would love to haveyou.
Jack Violently (24:10):
And yeah, and also to like in the discord,
there's another channel calledmerch.
Uh, everything that we make andsell, 100% of the proceeds from
the profits goes to thefundraising efforts.
We make $0.00 on our merch.
So if you want to help out theshow, go buy a shirt or
something.
Your purchase will go to help avery good cause.
Cris (24:31):
And it does stand to be said that, to become a member of
our discord or just alignyourselves with FSS in general,
we ask, and we'll never ask, forany type of membership dues.
No patreons, nothing like that.
Uh, we are.
We want to be a big tent foryou right.
Jack Violently (24:51):
Yeah, I'm not trying to buy a Tesla with my
patron money over here, so we'renot going to have a patron.
Um, I work a full-time job,don't need your money.
So, yeah, no, teslas will bepurchased with any Patreon money
that I do not make.
Yeah, so who do we have comingup next?
Is it Nat or Chris, who we got?
Cris (25:13):
I'll take this one.
Another one and it kind of to meproves the impotency of God is
Judges 1.19.
So this chapter of the Bible istalking all about Judah and
talking all about how Judah isGod's boy, right.
(25:34):
And Judah goes on just rampageafter rampage, with God's
blessing, with his army, andhe's conquering all over right.
And he comes across at onepoint, these people of the
plains, as the verse says, andJudah couldn't win with his army
(25:56):
, blessed by God, because thesepeople had chariots fitted with
iron.
So basically, if you ever wantto beat God, show up in a tank.
Like how impotent, right?
But yeah, like.
I always thought that one to beso telling because the common
(26:18):
refrain is God's got everything.
God can do anything, yada, yada, yada, but he can't handle
chariots fitted with iron armorbehind horses.
Jack Violently (26:30):
He would only make it so far in Minecraft.
Cris (26:37):
And it's again one of these things like, as you'll
hear, the apologetics, that thebible's full of metaphors and
allegory and all of that.
And what possible metaphor orallegory could this be other
than just saying, yeah, goddoesn't is not all powerful how
far do you have to stretch it tomake that one work Right?
Jack Violently (26:58):
Most certainly.
Natalie (26:59):
Yeah, noted, silver is for werewolves, iron is for God.
Keep that mark down.
Jack Violently (27:07):
I think I have a cast iron.
Yeah, you can go to anysouthern granny's house and get
the biscuit pan and just beatGod to death with it.
Intro/Exit Music (27:15):
Cast iron also works on the inevitable on the
all-being.
Jack Violently (27:19):
God too.
Yes, that that joke wasn't.
Don't laugh at that.
That's a pity laugh.
That was, that was a week, man,never mind.
Don't fucking laugh at thatshit it's done, man it's done.
Save me from this natalie.
What do you got here?
Natalie (27:36):
oh, what we got next?
Oh my, uh, my least favoriteperson in the bible.
So my least favorite person inthe bible comes down to our boy,
moses, who everyone knows.
Moses, moses led them out ofegypt and away from the pharaoh
and he was like this big guy.
(27:57):
He split the what, what?
One of the seas, I forget whichone it was, um, and he led the
people out.
People love moses.
Um, I, oh gosh.
In my final thesis, I need youto know there was a uh on the
wall.
It was just projected.
That's a thing that said Idon't trust, and it said Moses,
(28:20):
jesus, and it would flashbetween the names.
But Moses is a big one in this.
I don't like this man.
He had no business doing any ofthis.
He didn't do any of the talkingto Pharaoh.
It was his brother, aaron, whodid pretty much everything,
which is okay.
This guy's got issues, he's gothis minion his minion yeah, you
(28:41):
can't speak in front of crowds,he has anxiety or whatever.
But then they leave egypt,right, and they're walking to
the promised land and this takesforever and just he starts
making the most insane rules forthese people.
He starts making rules aboutwhat they can and can't do.
(29:02):
The commandments come out ofthis section and people are
really aware of those, but thenyou start looking at things like
you can't eat certain animalsfrom the ocean like clams off
the table.
New England is fucked.
It keeps going deeper anddeeper into what they can't do
(29:23):
and uh, and then they starttalking about come, you can't.
You if you come where you come,if you, if you think about it,
but you don't, moses got rulesabout that so every teenage boy
is just fucked there will be.
Jack Violently (29:39):
There will be.
No.
No man past the age of like 12or 13 in in heaven or in this
tabernacle, no way okay, no,this is all, mind you, for the
tabernacle which is my otherfavorite thing, the tabernacle,
is this thing that moses waslike.
Natalie (29:55):
God needs us to build the tabernacle.
Mind you, he's the only onethat talks to God and it is made
out of the finest materialsthat they have at the time.
It's gold, silver and bronzeand blue, purple and scarlet
yarn and fine linen and goathair and all of this really
fancy stuff.
And God, why does God need that?
(30:16):
I think Moses just reallywanted a fancy building to live
in and he had them build it inthe name of God, and they
couldn't.
No one stopped him.
Cris (30:30):
So the timeline of this?
This is supposed to be duringthe 40 years that they're lost
in the desert, right, yeah, sohow the hell did they find any
of that to begin with, if you'rein a fucking desert, right?
Did they have trade routes like?
Natalie (30:48):
they have.
Everyone need like they.
He built this tabernacle tool.
Mind you, all these rules thathe's making is if you're clean,
makes you clean or unclean.
And that means like if you canenter the tabernacle.
Mind you, he made so.
In the end, he just made allthese rules so no one else can
enter his tabernacle.
He's just like this is my fancygold house.
(31:10):
Fuck all of you.
You're dirty, you're coming toomuch, stop I see what's
happening.
Jack Violently (31:16):
He made them build his own goon cave well, I
was gonna say like 40 years inthe desert is a long time.
There's not much stimulation ifyou got to get off, man, like
you know, there's also not manyplaces to hide in a desert.
So I can just imagine likemoses leading the the 40 year
jaunt through the desert andevery time he looks back you
just see some dude with his dickin his hand.
(31:36):
He's like motherfucker man.
Every time I around you guysare just jerking off, what the
fuck?
So he made the rule Like it wasmore out of like necessity for
him not having to see peoplelike jerking it in the desert
rather than it being actuallyunclean.
He just got sick of hearing it.
Natalie (31:51):
Stop touching your dick , guys.
Can you go?
Jack Violently (31:53):
one fucking day and day, and you know to be fair
, uh, but it's a lesson as oldas time.
I think it still holds up today.
Cris (32:00):
I don't know, I, I, but I digress and the thing is like
I've seen like a map wheresomebody was talking about the
40 year lost in the desert thingand they kind of mapped and
with a radius around like thegeneral area.
Natalie (32:16):
There is literally nowhere in that area where you
can walk in a straight line andit takes 40 years to reach
anything so it's like one ofthose like when you're watching
a scooby-doo thing and they'relike running in circles and oh
yeah, they're looping they'recrossing over their own paths.
Cris (32:32):
At some point in time, somebody's gotta say I've seen
this rock 17 other times.
We've walked around thismountain 87 times.
What's going on?
Jack Violently (32:43):
And then the last guy with his dick in his
hand, he's just jerking.
He's like hey Moses, do youknow where we're going?
Stop touching your fucking shitman.
Natalie (32:50):
Of course I know where I'm going.
Oh, we're there yet, yeah.
Jack Violently (32:52):
You start hearing the grumblings of the
back.
I'm getting hungry.
I got to use the restroom.
I want to jerk it.
Hey, are we there yet, man,this is getting kind of hot out
here.
Natalie (33:04):
Yeah, like, mind you, the only way to get clean is to
like sacrifice animals and likedo all this stuff so like I
don't know where they're gettingall of this stuff.
They're just murdering goatsand pigeons and other things
constantly.
No one can come.
It's wild.
Jack Violently (33:24):
Or, if you want to, you gotta have a goat Just
because a dude can't keep it inhis pants.
And really once again story allthis time how much more
destruction needs to be madejust because a dude can't keep
it in his pants.
Really, come on man.
Natalie (33:37):
Crazy stuff man.
I again hate Moses, my partnerin his pants.
Really, come on, man, crazystuff man.
I I again hate moses.
I could, um.
My partner often tells me Icould talk for an hour about how
awful moses is.
Um, my favorite part, though,is at the when they finally
reach the promised land andthey're looking on it.
God says moses, you know,you're not, you've been not
(33:57):
super great, um, you can look onthe promised land, but you
cannot enter it.
And he dies right before theyget there.
Jack Violently (34:06):
And that's it.
The same dude that was fuckingwith Job on a whim.
You know what?
You haven't been such a goodguy.
Now you're being gaslit by onceagain another instance of being
gaslit by your savior.
Cris (34:17):
I love the fact that God apparently decided to cuck moses
with that, like I love thatpart it's.
It's so good you can look at it.
He pulled the uno reverse cardyou made this moses sitting over
there in that chair that facesthe bed in the darkness.
Jack Violently (34:35):
Chris, do you, do you have another one?
Cris (34:45):
Yeah, I got one, and it's actually the same one that that
Natalie had brought up in ourshow notes and it is probably
one of the funniest to me, andit is Matthew 21, 18.
Yeah, it's 18 to like 21.
So I'll actually read it.
(35:08):
Early in the morning, as Jesuswas on his way back to the city,
he was hungry.
Seeing a fig tree by the road,he went up to it but found
nothing on it except leaves.
Then he said to it may younever bear fruit again.
Immediately, the tree withered.
When the disciples saw this,they were amazed.
How did the fig tree wither soquickly?
(35:29):
And Jesus replied truly, I tellyou, if you have faith and do
not doubt, not only can you dowhat was done to the fig tree,
but you can also say to thismountain go throw yourself into
the sea and it will be done.
All right, jesus was a dick toa fig tree because it had the
(35:50):
gall to not bear fruit out ofseason.
How dare that fig tree, what adick, right.
But also saying the believerscould say hey, mountain, go jump
in the ocean, I want to seewhat that's like.
And the mountain's like yep,all right, cool, here we go.
Natalie (36:11):
If you believe in anything, it'll come true.
Cris (36:17):
What in the Twilight Sparkle like if you believe
it'll happen like and I was, Iwas talking with, I was talking
to a friend of mine um, they'rea elapsed jehovah's witness and
I was talking to her about thisspecific verse and she sent me a
(36:37):
link to I guess it's jworg orwhatever their website is and
it's talking about this specificthing, and at least from what I
was reading there, becauseagain, the Bible is apparently
full of allegory and metaphor.
Some people believe that thefig tree represents Israel.
Somehow I don't understand thatone.
(37:00):
But then I've also read otherthings of like the fig tree
represents someone who saysthey're Christian but doesn't
bear fruit.
Yada, yada, yada.
And I okay, that's a stretch,but I can get there Right, but
otherwise you just have toaccept that Jesus was a petulant
man, child getting mad at a figtree.
Jack Violently (37:21):
And you know it's one of the sort it's really
the actual, the source of oneof my all-time favorite memes.
Around the time the WestboroBaptist Church fuckheads were
making those protest signswhereas I say saying God hates
fags.
You know, like I think thedipshits just read a
misinterpreted version of theBible, like to where he has his
head in his hand.
He's like damn it.
(37:42):
I said I hated figs, what thehell is so hard to understand
here.
But you know, like the longestgame of telephone ever invented,
the Bible.
It's been changed and processed, all you know, to hell and back
.
So it was like yeah, theoriginal story was probably him
saying like like you know, hereally hates figs, but somewhere
(38:02):
down the line westboro probablythought he said fags and that's
where it came from.
So yeah, he's like he doesn'thate gay people at all, he hates
figs it says so right in thebible.
Cris (38:09):
It has to be that yeah, so yeah, what I what I found was
really interesting, though, isthere is a similar story in the
Quran about Muhammad.
There's a Hadith in the Quran Ican't remember the specific
call-out book or whatever, butbasically Muhammad was rocking
(38:31):
through with his followers andthey came up on some date
farmers that were I think in thetext it says grafting, but I
think that really means likefertilizing or something like
that these date palm trees.
And Muhammad basically said,hey, that doesn't make any sense
, you should abandon thispractice.
(38:54):
And the date farmers were likeoh yeah, of course you're
Mohammed, of course we need toabandon this practice, right?
So when the date palm harvestcomes around and the farmers got
almost no dates, that messagegot back to Mohammed and
Mohammed was like, yeah, bro,you shouldn't have listened to
me, I don't know anything aboutfarming.
(39:14):
Like, listen to me about, likethings that have to happen with
Allah, but you know everythingelse.
Use your own judgment.
Jack Violently (39:22):
You took what I said seriously.
What the fuck's wrong with you?
Cris (39:25):
Like Muhammad, was just being a troll at that point.
Natalie (39:31):
Shout out to Muhammad, though, for being like ooh yeah,
no, I'm not right abouteverything, don't?
No?
Yeah, I know.
Cris (39:39):
Like I could get right about everything, don't know.
Yeah, I know Like I could getbehind that.
That part of it Like yeah, bro,I don't know everything, but
it's the other part where hesays abandon the practice.
And they're like, yeah, okay,and Muhammad had to have known
that they were like they weregoing to believe them, right.
Jack Violently (39:55):
Right, right, let me see.
Right, right um.
Let me see.
God, we had another one here.
Um, let me see I'm trying tofind it the hypocrisy of modern
evangelicals oh yeah, this is alittle bit more serious.
Cris (40:11):
33, 34, we've been leviticus, not leviathan bud the
book of leviathan once again umwe need that book.
Jack Violently (40:18):
Yes, it's one of the books it's one of the books
that they cut out of the Bible.
It tells you how much I knowabout this, it's in the
Apocrypha, definitely.
There we go.
Natalie, do you want to readfrom Leviathan?
No, leviticus, that's it, notthe book of Leviathan.
However, we should be readingfrom that one.
Natalie (40:35):
Oh, give me two.
Mind you, I have my Bible infront of me.
Cris (40:50):
Yeah, the famously visual media of podcasting.
Natalie has shown us her Bibleand imagine, like a standard
size, like kind of soft cover,is a little bit larger than a
standard size Bible, right, butit looks like a post-it note
factory exploded in the pages.
It is so heavily annotated.
I think there's more Post-itthan page.
Jack Violently (41:07):
It looks like a Staples office supply store,
threw up on your Bible.
It is amazing and I love it.
Natalie (41:15):
It's a little bigger because it has note-taking uh
margins in it.
And, mind you, I was not asatanist when I did this project
.
I was just like, I guess, anatheist.
At this point I was just like Idon't believe in this stuff
anymore, but I I'm researchingit.
I think it's interesting.
There's so many things in here.
That's just like what the fuckis happening.
(41:36):
It's like like if I ever Ican't go back.
Do you know how much sacrilegeis in here?
Goodness, okay, so leviticus1928 not, not.
Cris (41:49):
You are not sorry, my bad oh, no, no, not leviathan it's
sad I think it's 33 about theforeigner oh, we're on the
foreigner.
Sorry, I was on tattoos oh yeah, yeah, we can, we can talk
about that one yeah, we can leadinto in whichever one oh,
there's.
Natalie (42:05):
Leviticus has some weird shit in it, uh, but the
tattoo one is you are not tomake gashes on your body for the
dead or put tattoo marks onyourself.
I am the lord.
Uh, he says that.
Cris (42:17):
He just kind of like finishes sentences with that
sometimes just gotta leteverybody know he talks about
himself in the third personlet's go for it, right like the,
the whole thing with thetattoos thing, and especially
because, like, in differenttranslations of the bible you'll
see it worded differently, likeuh.
I think king james says uh, youshall not make uh marks, or
(42:44):
you're not not make cuts ormarks on thy body for the dead,
or something like that.
Um, I take that as um.
As far as I know, I am not ahistorical scholar on this and
I'm definitely not a scholar onthe mourning practices of 2000
years ago, right, but we can seein other, even modern, called
(43:07):
modern day, cultures where theact of mourning one's dead is a
very physical action.
Rending the clothes, um,rending the clothes, um, and
I've heard, I've read that backthen it was not uncommon for
cutting, cutting the skin as amark for the dead, right and
(43:28):
like.
There's a lot of things inleviticus that, if you just take
it on the context of what washappening at the time, were
actually pretty good ideas,right, you know, obviously, if
you cut your, cut your body,back then we didn't have
antibiotics.
Right, there's a, there's achance you could die from that,
right, yes, like all sorts ofshit, right.
(43:51):
And then like some of the, thefood, the food aspects in
leviticus, the laws of kosher,like if you take it on the
context of history, you know,you can see like at some point
in time they would have figuredout that if you prepared food in
this way or didn't treat a fooditem in a specific way, you
would get sick, right.
(44:12):
So you can look at parts ofLeviticus as like the first food
safety regulations and you know, couching it in that religion
is what, like I guess, how theyenforced it, I suppose.
But there's other parts of itthat make literally no sense.
And then we get into the, theparts where modern Christians,
(44:35):
especially American Christians,go completely heretical and in
their hypocrisy.
Yeah, so, natalie, if you wantto take that one away, at verse
33 33 to
Natalie (44:50):
34 it says when a foreigner resides
among you in your land, do notmistreat them.
The foreigner resides among youmust be treated as your native
born.
Love them as yourself, for youwere foreigners in egypt.
Jack Violently (45:03):
I am lord, your god again, once again has to
remind you, in case you forgot,from five passages ago he's got
to put that weight on it I lovethis one because this will let
you know and there are manycracks in the armor of modern
Christianity and Christiannationalism to where they don't
really walk it like they talk it.
If they are treating this bookas holy writ, as they think it
(45:27):
should be, when a foreignerresides among you in your land,
do not mistreat them In today'sworld.
Who is the foreigner residingin our land?
It is our neighbors to thesouth Mexico.
No, but those are the dangerouspeople bringing fentanyl and
rape with them.
Shouldn't mistreat them.
Treat them the same as yournative born.
Are you talking about yourneighbor that way?
(45:50):
And another thing that I thinkabout this is you know, treat
your like.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
You know that type of thing,natalie, you would know more
about this, but this is athought that I've had, that I
have said in other podcasts.
What I believe that they meantwas you know, love your neighbor
as yourself is not so much theperson living next to you,
because back in the day, youcould leave the city walls and
(46:13):
travel five miles and you couldfind a group of people who spoke
a different language, helddifferent customs, worship
different gods just the way itwas back then what I think that
(46:34):
that passage meant was not lovethe guy living beside you in
town, but love the people livingaround you, like your neighbors
.
So, to that end, if Christiannationalists want to live it
like they, like they, talk it,treating like Mexicans, with
with, with love and care, ratherthan blaming like fentanyl and
rape on them, build the wall,send them back, deporting people
.
You should be loving yourneighbors.
Um, would I be too far off themark in assuming that that's
(46:55):
probably what that passage meant?
Natalie (46:58):
I think you're correct with that, honestly, because
this was a different world whenLeviticus was written.
It was a whole different world.
A lot of these things, like youwere saying the food ones
probably is because they learnedthat if you don't do it like if
you cook this thing, there's alikelihood you're sick, probably
because there's not a lot ofclams in the desert and stuff
(47:20):
like that and you have to becareful and it's just.
It was a different world.
But the way that people love topick and choose what they want
to believe out of the bible anddecide which things are metaphor
and which things are word forword, the word of god, is always
(47:40):
been really interesting to methat they have this ability,
this need to just write offthings that they don't feel like
doing yeah yeah because,
Cris (47:52):
and like the the, the apologetics that you'll hear
from a lot of, especiallyamerican evangelical christians,
um, like, let's take their,their hatred of, uh, of not
straight people right andthey'll.
They'll say, like, oh, thebible says gays are are going to
(48:14):
go to hell.
You know that gays are to behated or cast out or whatever.
And and the same breath thenthey'll say but we follow the
New Testament.
Okay, but you're getting all ofthat shit from the Old
Testament, right, right, it's socherry picked and like.
(48:34):
If they were going to beintellectually and like
consistent in their views, Iwould be much more okay with
them, because if they wereintellectually consistent in
their views and took the wholeof the Bible as writ, they would
be perfectly reasonable people.
Jack Violently (49:00):
Is that gas station Bob in the background
speaking up to you?
Cris (49:04):
No, that's my cat Every time I sit down at the chair to
record with y'all.
He needs to be on the recordingfor some reason.
He never, ever bothers me,except when I'm in the computer
chair.
Jack Violently (49:17):
He has a voice too and wants to be heard.
Let it be known, all right.
Natalie (49:21):
Bobby Boy's asleep underneath me.
He's actually being really nice.
Before we signed on here, hewas biting my ankles, so I was
worried that he was going tocontinue.
I have a spray bottle next tome that are strategically placed
around my apartment because helikes feet too much.
Cris (49:41):
So he's Quentin Tarantino.
Natalie (49:44):
Yeah, it's a problem.
It's a problem.
Jack Violently (49:48):
Man.
Do we have any others?
I think we've pretty much goneover everything in the notes.
Cris (49:54):
Yeah, I was actually going to ask have y'all heard of
what's called the JeffersonBible?
Jack Violently (50:00):
Nice.
No, I have not.
No, have you not?
Cris (50:06):
Maybe in passing, but not super well uh, maybe in passing,
but not super well, thejefferson bible is a really,
really interesting book.
Um, thomas jefferson, one ofamerica's founding fathers, um,
we, we have discussed on a uh, Ithink it's actually the episode
just previous to this one abouthow a lot of our founding
(50:27):
fathers were deists and thedeist belief in that time was
basically yes, there is a God,he created everything, he
created us, but as soon as thecreation was done, he handed
over dominion of everything tous and he was completely
hands-off, right.
So Thomas Jefferson, followingsome of this deist kind of, I
(50:51):
guess, beliefs or whatever, heedited the New Testament of the
Bible and took out all of thesupernatural, all of the
miraculous, entitled it theJefferson Bible, the life andals
of Jesus of Nazareth.
So, basically, taking all ofthe actual good things, like the
(51:13):
radical ideas of lovingeverybody, acceptance and all of
this that Jesus taught whichwas really really radical at the
time, to be honest andcondensed it down into like a
hundred-page book and you canpick up a copy of the Jefferson
Bible for a few dollars frommost online retailers.
(51:35):
Go to your local bookstore.
Definitely I support going toyour local bookstore and asking
them to order you a copy of theJefferson Bible and just read
through it, like reading throughthat it paints such a picture
and it's it's such an upliftingpicture of it so you said he
took out all these supernaturalportions of the bible and, just
(51:58):
kind of like, left the meat andpotatoes and it was just over
100 pages yeah, something likethat uh, natalie, how many?
Jack Violently (52:04):
just off the top of your head I don't know if
you know right off hand or not,like just guesstimate, ballpark
it how how many pages are in theBible.
Natalie (52:12):
Well, the one I have in front of me, which is the
Christian Standard Bible, whichis a modern English adaption of
the Bible, is 1327.
Jack Violently (52:24):
1327 pages in the Bible, pages in the Bible,
and Thomas Jefferson took outthe supernatural woo-woo, the
cussing out fig trees andjacking off in the desert, and
really just left the good stuffand it's like 100-some odd pages
.
Cris (52:39):
Yeah, and specifically he just took the story of Jesus,
like in the New Testament.
He obviously left out all ofthe Old Testament and all of
this.
But yeah, it's like100-something pages and
conversely, the mass marketpaperback of the Satanic Bible
is like 270-something pages.
(53:00):
But a good portion of that wasplagiarized from Midas Wright.
Natalie (53:09):
I could use a good edit .
It's like a good removal of thebullshit.
Cris (53:14):
Let's do a FSS satanic Bible and just take out all the
weird shit.
Jack Violently (53:20):
The Jefferson satanic Bible.
It would be a pamphlet, I feellike.
Cris (53:24):
Yeah, it would be a chick track.
It would be a chick track.
Jack Violently (53:28):
Natalie, I'm going to charge you with that.
I'm going to see if you can getthat done for us.
Cris (53:32):
We really need to hire somebody to start writing and
illustrating satanic Chicktracks.
Jack Violently (53:38):
Nice.
I think the people at satanicBay area at one time were
selling um satanic Chick tracksand, like I think, on their
website like like I don't know,maybe it wasn't them like I
remember hearing them talk aboutit on the show um, but I've
seen some before.
But yeah, we definitely need toget more out there there was a
(53:59):
youtube uh channel a long timeago.
Cris (54:02):
um, I can't remember the the name of the youtube channel,
though, but they took it Just.
Jake is the YouTube channel.
I just looked it up.
All of the chick tracks theydid an episode each on.
Going through these chicktracks from like an atheistic,
(54:23):
atheist perspective and justripping on them, it is hilarious
.
Jack Violently (54:28):
That's awesome, Absolutely a delight.
Well, guys, we've been goingfor about 54 minutes.
What do you say?
We kind of wrap this up, kindof the way we usually always do.
This is kind of a harken backto the Ave Satanas podcast 1.0,
where we would actually addmusic into the podcast.
Now we just like to end everyepisode.
(54:49):
We're just asking our guestsyou know who are some bands that
we're listening to now.
Who are we enjoying?
We'll let you know.
We'll start off with you,Natalie.
Is there anything new thatyou've been listening to that
you've really been jamming on.
Natalie (55:01):
I'm kind of all over the place sometimes because I
have no self-control and mymusic taste depends on my mood.
But, um, I'm going to a bunchof shows in the coming month, so
a lot of my music has beenbased around that.
So, uh, I guess, in theme withthe satanist thing, I'm going to
see bridge city, sinners andthe devil makes three on friday.
Jack Violently (55:24):
Um, which is super exciting.
Also, huh, this coming upFriday.
Natalie (55:29):
Yeah, and on Monday actually I'm also going to see
Kendrick Lamar, which is superoff from those two, and I think
the week after that I'm going tosee a local metal band called
trunk, who is great, way deeplyenjoy.
If you guys don't know him, Isay check them out.
Jack Violently (55:48):
Right, really running the gauntlet of genres
there.
Heck, yeah, I dig it See noself-control.
Well, spotify premium and noself-control.
This is what happens.
Yeah, bridge City Center is forsure, chris.
Cris (56:02):
They're a great group.
Jack Violently (56:02):
What about you, man?
Cris (56:05):
I've been turned on by a friend of mine to a smaller band
called Trench Lung,t-r-e-n-c-h-l-u-n-g.
All one word.
He described this band asnapalm technical.
Napalm death technical.
Jack Violently (56:24):
All right.
Cris (56:26):
Like I listened to some of it last night.
Um, he was actually at.
Uh, I play magic every Fridaynight at my local game store.
And he was there.
I started talking to him aftereverything was wrapping up and
he's actually the lead singer ofa, a local Atlanta band called
void eater, which I'm actuallygoing to go see this coming
(56:46):
Saturday.
Um, so we were talking aboutmusic and all that and he was
talking about, uh he, they hadtheir, his band had gone on
after trench lung had gone on,and he started describing their
music as like technical death inthe vein of napalm death right.
So I listened to the album onthe way back home last night and
(57:07):
it is amazing.
It is just an absolute bangerof an album.
So, yeah, I've been kind ofgetting into them.
The album is called HirethH-I-R-E-T-H, so if you want to
look that up on Spotify, thatwould be a great listen.
(57:29):
If you like Napalm Death, yeah.
Jack Violently (57:31):
I've been kind of traveling back to the 90s
kind of when my musical tastefirst started, been getting into
some more sharp bands fromaround that time, but not really
of the sharp vein is like theold grunge and metal like Helmet
and Tad I think I referencedthem last episode Really been
jamming on Helmet Like the Crowsoundtrack was one of my first
(57:55):
ever CDs.
That like really expandedbeyond just like one band at a
time and then the Tonnagecompilation was the other.
I'll be a Helmet Tad startingto slowly integrate back into
the Melvins.
They're a hard band to get intobut I'm trying.
I was a huge Melvins fan when Iwas a kid, loved them to death.
Cris (58:21):
But I'm now getting back into some of those old 90s
grunge.
And didn't they just playAtlanta like a week ago?
Jack Violently (58:25):
or something.
Cris (58:27):
They did.
Jack Violently (58:28):
They were on a tour with Napalm, I believe, and
that was the thing when you hadtold me about that concert.
It freaked me the hell out.
Natalie, are you familiar withthe Melvins?
Natalie (58:38):
Can't say I'm sorry there.
Jack Violently (58:39):
So Kurt Cobain referenced the Melvins back in
the 90s has one of his favoritebands and they were grunge at
the time.
They were a bit more sludgygrunge um kind of has a very,
very helmet sound to them, butso they were in the grunge vein.
So napalm death is absolutelyfucking metal there's no other
(59:00):
way to describe it.
So I lost track of the melvinsaround 98 99 and I just now
started picking them back up.
when Cris told me that like themelvins were playing with
napalm death, I'm like that's aweird fucking ticket, like those
two bands shouldn't be together.
And I've been listening to thenew stuff and sure enough
they've kind of merged into thiskind of metal-esque but a
(59:21):
melvin's metal um thing and it'sreally interesting.
So, um, being a fan of buzzo,the lead singer, and the, the
main guitar player guy like I, Ilove them but I I could not
rationalize going to go seenapalm death, who I really don't
just never had a thing for, butyeah, going back and listening
(59:42):
to some of the old 90s uh,melvins and helman, stuff like
that I will say I've seen napalmdeath in concert with behemoth
and arch enemy.
Cris (59:53):
Yeah, it was an amazing show and I really hadn't
listened to a lot of napalmbefore that, and this is a
couple of years ago.
Yeah, um, I've really gotten.
They put on an amazing show.
So our listeners out there, ifyou like that style of go catch
Napalm Death, if they're goingto be anywhere near you, it's
(01:00:14):
well worth your ticket price.
Jack Violently (01:00:17):
Well, guys, it has been a lot of fun.
Natalie, I appreciate youcoming on and sharing your
advanced knowledge of the Biblewith us and showing us your
annotated versions and all theBible of many colors, with all
the post-its strung throughout.
It's been a lot of fun.
Cris (01:00:35):
Now you just need to decorate it with four skins.
Natalie (01:00:38):
Yes, oh, fantastic.
Jack Violently (01:00:39):
It could look like the weird Army of Darkness.
What was it?
The Necronomicon or somethingJust looks like make a pentagram
of four skins on your Bible.
Oh, okay, we're getting in theweeds here, oh God, we're
getting in the weeds here.
God damn it.
Listen here, cheese balls.
We're really glad you've beenlistening to the Ave Satanas
podcast.
Thank you so much for stickingwith us.
Shoot us an email if you havean idea for a show you want to
(01:01:02):
hear about, and also, if you'rein the Philly area go hit up
Hail Philly.
They're the best satanicorganization in Philadelphia.
You should definitely checkthose guys out.
They do a lot of good.
We will have a link to theirDiscord server as well in the
show notes, but until next time,Hail Satan and Hail Thyself
Intro/Exit Music (01:01:24):
Well, let's go .
(01:01:55):
Satan, Satan, Satan, our lordand master.
Satan, satan, satan, our Lord and Master.
I acknowledge thee as my Godand Prince.
I promise to serve and obeythee as long as I shall live.
I renounce the other God andall the saints.
Don't listen to them.
Don't listen to them.
Jack Violently (00:29):
What's going on cheese balls?
Welcome back to the Ave Satanaspodcast.
My name is Jack Violently.
I'm going to be your host today.
The Ave Satanas podcast is aproduction of the Free Society
Satanists.
We are a worldwide collectiveof anarchistic Satanists under
the banner of the global orderof Satan.
For more information, check outthe websites in the show notes.
(00:51):
If you would like to shoot usan email, you can do that at
AveSatanasPodcast at gmailcom.
One final thing if you like thepodcast, if you get value out
of what we're doing here, makesure to drop us a five-star
review on whatever platformyou're listening to.
As you get value out of whatwe're doing here, make sure to
drop us a five-star review onwhatever platform you're
listening to, as it just greatlyhelps out the algorithm.
All right, guys, we have anawesome show for you.
(01:12):
Today we're going to do a deepdive into one of the strangest
works of fiction ever writtenthe Bible.
Here to help us today is myfriend and yours, the Grand
Inquisitor of the Free SocietySatanists, Cris.
What's going on, dude?
Cris (01:28):
It's going pretty good.
It's going pretty good.
Everything is you know.
I honestly can't say much morethan going pretty good.
I don't have anything tocomplain about.
Jack Violently (01:38):
So yesterday, my old ass, I sneezed and I threw
my back out.
44 years old, much of my beardis gray.
I sneezed and my lower back Icaused a sciatic.
Cris (01:53):
Honestly, I've been there bud.
Jack Violently (01:56):
So our co-host or guest today you guys can't
see this because this is anaudio format Natalie is shaking
her head in disbelief and alsokind of a great segue.
Also with us today we haveNatalie from Hale Philly.
Natalie is an admin for HalePhilly and is also a literal
Bible scholar.
Natalie, have you ever sneezedand thrown your back out?
Natalie (02:20):
No, you got some years on me Just a few.
That's a special for you.
Cris (02:26):
One there, bud, so how are you doing today?
Natalie (02:29):
I'm good Excited to be talking about one of my favorite
books, as a Satanist Makes itweird, but it's something I've
always loved to talk about.
I did my thesis on it incollege.
Did my thesis on it in college,I went to school for book arts,
so my whole thing was to careabout books, so this is one of
(02:51):
the most impactful books I knewin my lifetime, and especially
in my life growing up Christian,and so I studied it very hard
and made art about it.
And now I have an incrediblyannotated Bible that was
annotated by someone who didnmade art about it.
And now I have an incrediblyannotated Bible that was
annotated by someone who didn'tbelieve in it, which was a fun
(03:12):
read.
Jack Violently (03:13):
So yeah, the term Bible scholar.
You literally studied it.
It is the Bible, I think themoniker fits.
So would you kind of agree?
You're, you're, I guess, morelearned than the average bear on
the book.
Natalie (03:31):
I would say so I have sat down with it.
I have read a lot of its fanfiction as well, like Dante's
Inferno and Paradise Lost andmany of the Catholic renditions
of why the saints and angels areall certain things.
But it is such.
I find it really interesting.
I study it like people studyGreek mythology.
(03:53):
I just think it's really neat.
The art is such a big deal.
The books are a really big deal.
They're some of the oldestbooks that people actually cared
about, so it is something Ideeply love.
Cris (04:06):
Have you ever gotten into any of the sequels, like the
book of mormon?
Natalie (04:10):
oh, we've.
I have read parts of the bookof mormon.
Cris (04:13):
I've not read it in its entirety because, um well, you
don't have the golden plate, soyou can read all of it, I
suppose we all are missingsomething when you had said the
sequel I was like did they writea follow up to the bible?
Jack Violently (04:26):
like the bible 2 ?
Electric boogaloo, like whatwas going on.
Like joe's return just when youthought you were safe to walk
down the streets of galilee ohgod, somebody needs to write
that right now In a world.
So much like the introductionto this show.
(04:57):
Here we're going to be talkingabout some goofy shit that they
actually left in the Bible forsome fucking reason, matt.
Natalie (05:02):
You're our guest of honor.
Man, let's kick it off with youhere.
Okay, so we're going to startwith my favorite Bible verse
that I used to be able to quote,uh, word for word, but I've
gotten a little rusty.
It is from I'm gonna read thisone to you guys.
It's two kings to 23 to 25.
From there, elijah went up tobethel and he was walking up the
.
As he was walking up the path,some small boys came out of the
(05:23):
city and jeered at him, chantingGo up Baldy, go up Baldy.
He turned around, looked atthem and cursed them in the name
of the Lord.
Then two female bears came outof the woods and mauled 42 of
the children.
From there, elijah went toMount Carmel and then returned
to Samaria.
Cris (05:40):
So basically, fuck them kids, yeah, fuck them.
Jack Violently (05:45):
So I have a couple of thoughts about this.
Why did they have to specifythat they were female bears?
That's kind of a wilddistinction.
They're more vicious and alsokids are kind of spry man.
They can move about like twofemale bears, like what were
they?
Cris (06:00):
I think 42 kids.
Jack Violently (06:02):
Kids could take on two bears, I mean you're a
kid 38 and 39 and you're seeingthis bear just tear through kid
18, 19, and 20, aren't youthinking let's get the fuck out
of here?
Are you just going to sit thereand stand and wait for your
turn, like the bear had enoughkilling by the time it got to
you?
No, I'm out of there, man.
Once I see one kid get killed,I am out the fucking door.
Natalie (06:25):
All you got to do is be be faster than the slowest kid
trip, like that's yeah.
Yeah, I'm not above trippingsomebody fucking right, 42 kids
were slow as hell.
Jack Violently (06:31):
And and here's my thing too of all the
different versions of the biblethat have come out since the
millennia.
But niv, king james.
Well, blah, blah, blah.
The, the spongebob edition, whydid they keep this one story?
Does it drive the plot like itis never spoken about?
Cris (06:49):
again the all right, hold on.
You said something about aspongebob edition, and the only
thing that went through my mindis when the bears came out.
Are you ready, kids?
Jack Violently (07:01):
who kills lots of children up in Galilee.
Sponge Bob.
.
God, that's even better than aCreed reference.
We just tied in Sponge Bob tothe Bible, fuck yeah.
Since it's not referenced againand it doesn't drive the plot
(07:22):
of the story along, it just kindof reminds me of this weird cut
scene in like a john watersfilm with, like she bears a bald
guy in just a sea of bloodshed.
And now back to your story.
Like the fuck does it have todo with anything?
Natalie (07:34):
yeah, and it's just this, like random dude walking
around and it's like they pickedthe wrong guy to fuck with.
It was just kids being kids.
Kids say wild shit, and now 42of them, or I don't know if maul
means dead, but look as afellow bald person.
Cris (07:53):
I get it, but you know, I gotta wonder, like the bible is
full as far as the apologeticsgo of like uh, analogies and you
know, metaphors and all of that.
What could possibly be themetaphor for this?
Like what could be the lesson?
Natalie (08:12):
that's what I've asked so many people about that,
because I know a lot of peoplewho are still super into the
bible and believe in it.
I'm like, okay, what's thelesson here?
And no one's been able to pullit out of for me.
I had a professor who was bornand raised Jewish and he was
like this because it's in theOld Testament, he's like this
isn't in the Torah, it's in theTorah as well, and he was
(08:36):
floored that he had never heardit before and could not
understand why it was in bothbooks.
Jack Violently (08:43):
What's this guy's name?
Elijah?
Yeah, so I, why it was in bothbooks.
What's this guy's name, elijah?
Yeah, so I know chris has seenthis movie.
Natalie, have you ever seenfalling down, michael douglas?
Falling down, it's a movie fromlike 1990, like early 90s.
Uh, michael douglas, it'sbasically about a movie about a
guy who was just given the fuckup the.
The straw that broke thecamel's back just happened to
(09:06):
him and he is here to unleashhell on the city.
So I could just see this guyand this reference will be lost
on you.
But like he goes into the store, he's like this bread costs
three shekels.
Yesterday it was one shekel andhe starts bashing the fuck out
of the store, just causingmayhem.
He walks out of the store andnow we catch up to him.
The town kids are calling himbaldy and that's when the bears
(09:29):
come out.
So we're catching him a tailend of the worst day of his life
and then, like that's when thebears happen.
We don't know what happened toset up the bears.
We just know that the bearswere is what made it in the
bible.
I don't know, it's a littlefalling down for you guys.
Natalie (09:43):
So that's fun, because it is a bad day for him, because
before this um this is a lieshot with an S H and before this
, uh.
In the same like little section, elijah secedes Elijah with a J
um, who I'm pretty sure is hisfather, who dies, and then he
(10:07):
takes the mantle for him andthen proceeds to go on as a
scholar.
He says the spirit of Elijahrests on Elijah.
It gets really confusing.
Jack Violently (10:20):
To kind of further that point, I think the
catalyst for Michael Douglashaving the worst day of his life
.
I think like early that day hiswife wants a divorce or he
loses his job or both, and thenwe just see him go through the
city unleashing terror.
So yeah, I mean we could havebeen watching falling down
biblical days.
I guess, I don't know, I'mgoing to back away from that
(10:41):
reference, cause that's I don'tknow.
I've beat that horse as much asI can.
What do we got next?
Cris (10:48):
I got one of my favorite.
What the fuck moments from theBible, first Samuel 1825.
I'm not going to go throughlike reading the verses, but
basically the story is is thatKing Saul promises his daughter
Michelleal to Saul, or rather toDavid, and King Saul asks David
(11:13):
.
Basically David says you knowwho am I to be worthy of a
princess, right?
And King Saul says well, bringme the foreskins of a hundred
Philistines as dowry.
So David goes above and beyondand brings them 200 foreskins,
(11:34):
because he's a company man, yeah.
Like all I can imagine is he'sgot them like strung up on like
a necklace, like rings or someshit.
Rung up on like a necklace,like rings or some shit.
Like what the hell is it withthe bible and genital mutilation
?
Natalie (11:50):
in the first place.
Jack Violently (11:51):
200, you make a coat the coat, the coat of many
foreskins.
Um, my original thought wasokay when, when cris brought
this up to him, I was like well,for the longest time the US
dollar has been like thestandard for economic prosperity
.
Before that it was sterling,and I think before sterling it
(12:12):
was gold.
Are we still on the goldstandard?
Cris (12:16):
We haven't been on the gold standard in a long time.
Jack Violently (12:18):
Right, right, right, yeah, I think it was gold
sterling, now dollar.
Now who's to say, you know, athousand, two thousand years in
the past, we were on like aforeskin economy.
Cris (12:33):
like you know, everything was traded on on foreskins, I
don't, I mean who's to say,that's just, that's just one
idiot speculating.
I mean imagine, if you imagine,if we were, and you were trying
to buy something, you were, andyou were just one short right,
right you're like damn it.
Jack Violently (12:42):
I gotta pull out my knife hold on you know some
dude just sitting on the edge oftown, like you know the stone
city walls, and he's reading thetablet not the paper but the
tablet and he goes man, theforeskin is going to drive up
everything.
I remember when you could get agallon of gas for two foreskins
.
Now it's like 350.
So he's like really bitchingabout the way the foreskin is
(13:06):
going these days.
I don't know like, yeah, that's, that's what I got from it.
Uh, do you know anything aboutif they treated foreskins as a
economic currency or what they?
Natalie (13:15):
the bible talks so much about foreskins and
circumcision it's almostunsettled.
It is not almost, it is veryunsettling, um.
I'm gonna reference one of myuh second favorite verses that I
used a lot in my thesis becauseit's funny and it's related uh,
from jeremiah.
It is circumcise yourself tothe lord, remove the foreskins
(13:36):
of your heart.
So now they're using it even asa metaphor wow, I don't
remember reading that one uh,it's jeremiah four okay, like I
read the bible.
Cris (13:51):
I read it like twice, but that's been 20 years ago, so I'm
kind of coming at it reallyrusty at this point.
Jack Violently (13:59):
I okay the foreskin of your heart.
That sounds like like a weirdpsychedelic band, like from like
the 60s, like they would havebeen on the side stage of
woodstock.
Intro/Exit Music (14:10):
The foreskin of your heart I need you to know
when I'm doing my thesis.
Like I said, I made artworkabout it.
I have letterpress printed likeversions of this, this bible
verse that I Remove theforeskins of your heart.
I need to find them and I'mgoing to mail you all some
because they're delightful Iwould put that up on my wall in
(14:35):
a second Holy shit as long asthey're not printed on actual
foreskins, I will put it on myaltar, no questions asked.
Jack Violently (14:44):
And plus, where are you gonna get them?
Cris (14:46):
nowadays, yeah, inflation is hitting us.
Natalie (14:48):
I mean, we can't really afford that nowadays destroyed
the value of a foreskin, youknow foreskins in this economy
really nah all right, nat um, Ithink I think you think you're
back up.
Okay, so we're going to talkabout one of my favorite books
(15:08):
in the Bible as a whole, whichis the book of Job.
So Job is this guy who is well,let's start off with entering
the story.
God's just hanging out, youdoing whatever god does, um, and
(15:29):
there's people standing infront of god and satan walks up
and he's like yo, what's up?
And god asks him what he'sdoing.
He said just wandering aroundon the earth enjoying myself.
And he said, like just justtalking to him, hanging out.
And then god like, look at thisguy over here, job, he is one
of my favorite followers, heloves me so much, he's the best.
(15:52):
And he's like do you want totest that?
And so then they make a bet onthis dude's life, like, if I, if
you ruin his life, will he loveyou just as much?
So God's like, yeah, do it.
And he lets you ruin his life,will he love you just as much?
So god's like, yeah, do it.
And he lets satan ruin his life.
He doesn't let him touch himphysically.
But then a second time, satanrolls up and it's like yo, god,
(16:15):
what's up?
And they're hanging out again,I guess, because that's what
they do.
And he's like well, joe stillloves me.
What do you think about that?
And he's like I'm going to doeverything I can to him except
kill him, and Satan lets himhave it.
It's just, it's a story aboutGod and the devil making a bet
(16:37):
on this poor man's life.
Cris (16:40):
So basically, god doesn't play with dice, but he'll
definitely play roulette.
Jack Violently (16:44):
Whoa, so this is wild, you know.
So, god being the all knowingand all seeing and all loving,
basically just for the lulls, hewas having like a, a slow day
with Satan Also, yeah, fuck withthis guy for me, let's, let's,
let's see how much he can takealso what a dick, yes, man so I
(17:04):
did like, yeah, go ahead, ruinhis life completely, trashed his
entire existence.
Cris (17:11):
Let's see what happens you can't that is that's
sociopathic.
Jack Violently (17:15):
You can't touch him, you can't kill him.
Other that have fun.
You can do a lot with that.
I mean, those are two prettysmall caveats to avoid, I think.
Other than that it's on thetable.
So I never knew this Enduringhis torture and enduring the
onslaught that was beset uponhim by his favorite guy or on
(17:35):
the word of word, of hisfavorite guy.
That's where the phrase thepatience of job comes from.
I've heard that like my wholelife and I've never really read
into the story.
I just thought job was apatient dude.
Maybe he lived to be 300 orsomething like that, like they
say people did in the bible backthen.
But no, it's literally youpatience for just getting fucked
with over and over and over byyour best mate.
(17:56):
Wow.
Cris (17:58):
So do we have any details of what specifically Satan did
to Job?
Natalie (18:03):
So in the first round they burned down his house.
I think they killed his wifeand children.
Wow.
Jack Violently (18:15):
Starting out strong man.
Cris (18:17):
Man, how do you escalate from that damn?
Natalie (18:22):
and then they just uh, his household, everything he
owns, just just ruins everythingand he's just.
And then they give him afterthat, on the second one, skin
for skin, a man give ofeverything he owns in exchange
(18:44):
for his life.
But stretching out your handand striking his flesh and bones
, he will surely curse you inyour face.
And then they give him likeboils and stuff and like no,
just absolutely near death.
And it's insane that he, hejust.
(19:05):
And then, mind you, this isjust the first like little bit
of the bible, not the bible, thestory of job.
The rest of it is his threebros, uh, job's three friends
that are like you must have donesomething wrong, this is 100
your own fault.
And job's like I've donenothing, I'm just, I'm, I love
(19:27):
god, I've been doing the wholething.
Jack Violently (19:29):
And they're like you did this this is your fault
, have you, though?
I mean getting gas lit by yourbros, after god greenlit the
entire destruction of your life.
What the fuck, man?
Cris (19:42):
Sociopathic man.
Jack Violently (19:44):
Damn, that goes fucking hard.
Natalie (19:47):
But then at the end the Lord speaks to Job and is like
how fucking dare you?
Because Job was questioning himlike why are you doing this to
me?
And god literally says who isthis?
Who obscures my counsel withignorant words?
Get ready to answer me like aman.
When I question you, you willinform me.
(20:07):
Where were you when Iestablished earth?
Tell me if you haveunderstanding who fixes
dimensions?
Certainly you know.
And it's just like why are youfronting on the man so hard that
you just ruined his life?
Cris (20:22):
that's like the why do?
Why do you make me hit youfucking line like?
Jack Violently (20:26):
right, oh, exactly, see what you're making
me do.
And also the phrase get readyto answer me.
Natalie (20:31):
Like a man, like god, trying to square up on this dude
like what the fuck stand up bud, stand up bud like this man is
near death, covered in boils anddying, and everything in his
life has gone, and it's justlike how dare you talk down at
me?
Jack Violently (20:47):
I am god, god's like yeah, we can just a kid
with an ant farm we can takethis shit outside if you want.
Bud, basically telling him totake it to the parking lot.
Man, what the fuck, dude?
Oh shit, wow man.
Natalie (21:02):
But yeah, no hate, like god's love, as we like to say
and like at the end they givehim everything back, like they
restore his life, and it's justlike but did.
Cris (21:12):
But did he bring back his wife and kids?
Jack Violently (21:15):
I I know he's got a new one, I can see like
we're going to upgrade you pal.
The first iteration.
Like you know, god's just likelearning his powers.
And he cast his hand andthere's your house back and his
house looks normal.
And he goes and there's youroxen back and his oxen looks
good.
And then he waves his hand andwe're going to give you back
your wife and kids.
And he tries it.
And then they just come back aslike fucked up looking zombies
(21:36):
and he's like, ah, let me trythat one again, hold on.
And then he wipes those awayand he comes back again.
He makes like the joke a copyof a copy is never as as strong
as the original.
He's like let's just give you anew wife.
And then he does that shit.
Um, wow, before we continue,let's take a little bit of a
break.
Um, chris, do you want to?
(21:58):
You want to tell everybodyabout our fundraising efforts
for the Atlanta Mutual Aid Fund?
Cris (22:03):
Absolutely, I would love to.
So.
As our listeners who have beenlistening to our podcast for the
last few months probablyalready know and if you're a new
listener I want to let you knowabout we are the Free Society
of Satanists.
We are undertaking our firstofficial fundraiser, and this
fundraiser is going to benefitthe Metro Atlanta Mutual Aid
(22:27):
Fund.
The Metro Atlanta Mutual AidFund is a grassroots initiative
created by community membersfrom the Metro Atlanta area who
have witnessed the needs oftheir neighbors and decided to
affect positive change in theworld for those that they can
help.
They put a lot of their effortsinto meeting the needs of those
people who are the mostvulnerable in the current
(22:47):
economic climate, with the focusof the people in the BIPOC
community, as well as members ofthe LGBT community, people with
disabilities, the undocumentedand the refugee community, and
with the world going, withAmerica going like it is right
now, that type of help is sorely, sorely needed.
(23:12):
You can learn a lot more aboutthe Metro Atlanta Mutual Aid
Fund at their website atwwwAtlantaMutualAidorg.
If you want to join us in thisfundraising effort, I encourage
you to come on over into ourDiscord.
All of that information isgoing to be in the show notes
and in our Discord, once you getin, there's a channel called
FSS Fundraising where you canread more about this effort.
(23:37):
You can read our firstquarter's financial statement on
the fundraising effort that Ijust put out.
I do these quarterly financialstatements so that we have an
absolute accounting and completetransparency of where your
money's at and where it goes,all right.
(23:57):
So, again, if you want to joinus on this, uh, in the show
notes you can find links to ourwebsite, our discord and all of
that, and we would love to haveyou.
Jack Violently (24:10):
And yeah, and also to like in the discord,
there's another channel calledmerch.
Uh, everything that we make andsell, 100% of the proceeds from
the profits goes to thefundraising efforts.
We make $0.00 on our merch.
So if you want to help out theshow, go buy a shirt or
something.
Your purchase will go to help avery good cause.
Cris (24:31):
And it does stand to be said that, to become a member of
our discord or just alignyourselves with FSS in general,
we ask, and we'll never ask, forany type of membership dues.
No patreons, nothing like that.
Uh, we are.
We want to be a big tent foryou right.
Jack Violently (24:51):
Yeah, I'm not trying to buy a Tesla with my
patron money over here, so we'renot going to have a patron.
Um, I work a full-time job,don't need your money.
So, yeah, no, teslas will bepurchased with any Patreon money
that I do not make.
Yeah, so who do we have comingup next?
Is it Nat or Chris, who we got?
Cris (25:13):
I'll take this one.
Another one and it kind of to meproves the impotency of God is
Judges 1.19.
So this chapter of the Bible istalking all about Judah and
talking all about how Judah isGod's boy, right.
(25:34):
And Judah goes on just rampageafter rampage, with God's
blessing, with his army, andhe's conquering all over right.
And he comes across at onepoint, these people of the
plains, as the verse says, andJudah couldn't win with his army
(25:56):
, blessed by God, because thesepeople had chariots fitted with
iron.
So basically, if you ever wantto beat God, show up in a tank.
Like how impotent, right?
But yeah, like.
I always thought that one to beso telling because the common
(26:18):
refrain is God's got everything.
God can do anything, yada, yada, yada, but he can't handle
chariots fitted with iron armorbehind horses.
Jack Violently (26:30):
He would only make it so far in Minecraft.
Cris (26:37):
And it's again one of these things like, as you'll
hear, the apologetics, that thebible's full of metaphors and
allegory and all of that.
And what possible metaphor orallegory could this be other
than just saying, yeah, goddoesn't is not all powerful how
far do you have to stretch it tomake that one work Right?
Jack Violently (26:58):
Most certainly.
Natalie (26:59):
Yeah, noted, silver is for werewolves, iron is for God.
Keep that mark down.
Jack Violently (27:07):
I think I have a cast iron.
Yeah, you can go to anysouthern granny's house and get
the biscuit pan and just beatGod to death with it.
Intro/Exit Music (27:15):
Cast iron also works on the inevitable on the
all-being.
Jack Violently (27:19):
God too.
Yes, that that joke wasn't.
Don't laugh at that.
That's a pity laugh.
That was, that was a week, man,never mind.
Don't fucking laugh at thatshit it's done, man it's done.
Save me from this natalie.
What do you got here?
Natalie (27:36):
oh, what we got next?
Oh my, uh, my least favoriteperson in the bible.
So my least favorite person inthe bible comes down to our boy,
moses, who everyone knows.
Moses, moses led them out ofegypt and away from the pharaoh
and he was like this big guy.
(27:57):
He split the what, what?
One of the seas, I forget whichone it was, um, and he led the
people out.
People love moses.
Um, I, oh gosh.
In my final thesis, I need youto know there was a uh on the
wall.
It was just projected.
That's a thing that said Idon't trust, and it said Moses,
(28:20):
jesus, and it would flashbetween the names.
But Moses is a big one in this.
I don't like this man.
He had no business doing any ofthis.
He didn't do any of the talkingto Pharaoh.
It was his brother, aaron, whodid pretty much everything,
which is okay.
This guy's got issues, he's gothis minion his minion yeah, you
(28:41):
can't speak in front of crowds,he has anxiety or whatever.
But then they leave egypt,right, and they're walking to
the promised land and this takesforever and just he starts
making the most insane rules forthese people.
He starts making rules aboutwhat they can and can't do.
(29:02):
The commandments come out ofthis section and people are
really aware of those, but thenyou start looking at things like
you can't eat certain animalsfrom the ocean like clams off
the table.
New England is fucked.
It keeps going deeper anddeeper into what they can't do
(29:23):
and uh, and then they starttalking about come, you can't.
You if you come where you come,if you, if you think about it,
but you don't, moses got rulesabout that so every teenage boy
is just fucked there will be.
Jack Violently (29:39):
There will be.
No.
No man past the age of like 12or 13 in in heaven or in this
tabernacle, no way okay, no,this is all, mind you, for the
tabernacle which is my otherfavorite thing, the tabernacle,
is this thing that moses waslike.
Natalie (29:55):
God needs us to build the tabernacle.
Mind you, he's the only onethat talks to God and it is made
out of the finest materialsthat they have at the time.
It's gold, silver and bronzeand blue, purple and scarlet
yarn and fine linen and goathair and all of this really
fancy stuff.
And God, why does God need that?
(30:16):
I think Moses just reallywanted a fancy building to live
in and he had them build it inthe name of God, and they
couldn't.
No one stopped him.
Cris (30:30):
So the timeline of this?
This is supposed to be duringthe 40 years that they're lost
in the desert, right, yeah, sohow the hell did they find any
of that to begin with, if you'rein a fucking desert, right?
Did they have trade routes like?
Natalie (30:48):
they have.
Everyone need like they.
He built this tabernacle tool.
Mind you, all these rules thathe's making is if you're clean,
makes you clean or unclean.
And that means like if you canenter the tabernacle.
Mind you, he made so.
In the end, he just made allthese rules so no one else can
enter his tabernacle.
He's just like this is my fancygold house.
(31:10):
Fuck all of you.
You're dirty, you're coming toomuch, stop I see what's
happening.
Jack Violently (31:16):
He made them build his own goon cave well, I
was gonna say like 40 years inthe desert is a long time.
There's not much stimulation ifyou got to get off, man, like
you know, there's also not manyplaces to hide in a desert.
So I can just imagine likemoses leading the the 40 year
jaunt through the desert andevery time he looks back you
just see some dude with his dickin his hand.
(31:36):
He's like motherfucker man.
Every time I around you guysare just jerking off, what the
fuck?
So he made the rule Like it wasmore out of like necessity for
him not having to see peoplelike jerking it in the desert
rather than it being actuallyunclean.
He just got sick of hearing it.
Natalie (31:51):
Stop touching your dick , guys.
Can you go?
Jack Violently (31:53):
one fucking day and day, and you know to be fair
, uh, but it's a lesson as oldas time.
I think it still holds up today.
Cris (32:00):
I don't know, I, I, but I digress and the thing is like
I've seen like a map wheresomebody was talking about the
40 year lost in the desert thingand they kind of mapped and
with a radius around like thegeneral area.
Natalie (32:16):
There is literally nowhere in that area where you
can walk in a straight line andit takes 40 years to reach
anything so it's like one ofthose like when you're watching
a scooby-doo thing and they'relike running in circles and oh
yeah, they're looping they'recrossing over their own paths.
Cris (32:32):
At some point in time, somebody's gotta say I've seen
this rock 17 other times.
We've walked around thismountain 87 times.
What's going on?
Jack Violently (32:43):
And then the last guy with his dick in his
hand, he's just jerking.
He's like hey Moses, do youknow where we're going?
Stop touching your fucking shitman.
Natalie (32:50):
Of course I know where I'm going.
Oh, we're there yet, yeah.
Jack Violently (32:52):
You start hearing the grumblings of the
back.
I'm getting hungry.
I got to use the restroom.
I want to jerk it.
Hey, are we there yet, man,this is getting kind of hot out
here.
Natalie (33:04):
Yeah, like, mind you, the only way to get clean is to
like sacrifice animals and likedo all this stuff so like I
don't know where they're gettingall of this stuff.
They're just murdering goatsand pigeons and other things
constantly.
No one can come.
It's wild.
Jack Violently (33:24):
Or, if you want to, you gotta have a goat Just
because a dude can't keep it inhis pants.
And really once again story allthis time how much more
destruction needs to be madejust because a dude can't keep
it in his pants.
Really, come on man.
Natalie (33:37):
Crazy stuff man.
I again hate Moses, my partnerin his pants.
Really, come on, man, crazystuff man.
I I again hate moses.
I could, um.
My partner often tells me Icould talk for an hour about how
awful moses is.
Um, my favorite part, though,is at the when they finally
reach the promised land andthey're looking on it.
God says moses, you know,you're not, you've been not
(33:57):
super great, um, you can look onthe promised land, but you
cannot enter it.
And he dies right before theyget there.
Jack Violently (34:06):
And that's it.
The same dude that was fuckingwith Job on a whim.
You know what?
You haven't been such a goodguy.
Now you're being gaslit by onceagain another instance of being
gaslit by your savior.
Cris (34:17):
I love the fact that God apparently decided to cuck moses
with that, like I love thatpart it's.
It's so good you can look at it.
He pulled the uno reverse cardyou made this moses sitting over
there in that chair that facesthe bed in the darkness.
Jack Violently (34:35):
Chris, do you, do you have another one?
Cris (34:45):
Yeah, I got one, and it's actually the same one that that
Natalie had brought up in ourshow notes and it is probably
one of the funniest to me, andit is Matthew 21, 18.
Yeah, it's 18 to like 21.
So I'll actually read it.
(35:08):
Early in the morning, as Jesuswas on his way back to the city,
he was hungry.
Seeing a fig tree by the road,he went up to it but found
nothing on it except leaves.
Then he said to it may younever bear fruit again.
Immediately, the tree withered.
When the disciples saw this,they were amazed.
How did the fig tree wither soquickly?
(35:29):
And Jesus replied truly, I tellyou, if you have faith and do
not doubt, not only can you dowhat was done to the fig tree,
but you can also say to thismountain go throw yourself into
the sea and it will be done.
All right, jesus was a dick toa fig tree because it had the
(35:50):
gall to not bear fruit out ofseason.
How dare that fig tree, what adick, right.
But also saying the believerscould say hey, mountain, go jump
in the ocean, I want to seewhat that's like.
And the mountain's like yep,all right, cool, here we go.
Natalie (36:11):
If you believe in anything, it'll come true.
Cris (36:17):
What in the Twilight Sparkle like if you believe
it'll happen like and I was, Iwas talking with, I was talking
to a friend of mine um, they'rea elapsed jehovah's witness and
I was talking to her about thisspecific verse and she sent me a
(36:37):
link to I guess it's jworg orwhatever their website is and
it's talking about this specificthing, and at least from what I
was reading there, becauseagain, the Bible is apparently
full of allegory and metaphor.
Some people believe that thefig tree represents Israel.
Somehow I don't understand thatone.
(37:00):
But then I've also read otherthings of like the fig tree
represents someone who saysthey're Christian but doesn't
bear fruit.
Yada, yada, yada.
And I okay, that's a stretch,but I can get there Right, but
otherwise you just have toaccept that Jesus was a petulant
man, child getting mad at a figtree.
Jack Violently (37:21):
And you know it's one of the sort it's really
the actual, the source of oneof my all-time favorite memes.
Around the time the WestboroBaptist Church fuckheads were
making those protest signswhereas I say saying God hates
fags.
You know, like I think thedipshits just read a
misinterpreted version of theBible, like to where he has his
head in his hand.
He's like damn it.
(37:42):
I said I hated figs, what thehell is so hard to understand
here.
But you know, like the longestgame of telephone ever invented,
the Bible.
It's been changed and processed, all you know, to hell and back
.
So it was like yeah, theoriginal story was probably him
saying like like you know, hereally hates figs, but somewhere
(38:02):
down the line westboro probablythought he said fags and that's
where it came from.
So yeah, he's like he doesn'thate gay people at all, he hates
figs it says so right in thebible.
Cris (38:09):
It has to be that yeah, so yeah, what I what I found was
really interesting, though, isthere is a similar story in the
Quran about Muhammad.
There's a Hadith in the Quran Ican't remember the specific
call-out book or whatever, butbasically Muhammad was rocking
(38:31):
through with his followers andthey came up on some date
farmers that were I think in thetext it says grafting, but I
think that really means likefertilizing or something like
that these date palm trees.
And Muhammad basically said,hey, that doesn't make any sense
, you should abandon thispractice.
(38:54):
And the date farmers were likeoh yeah, of course you're
Mohammed, of course we need toabandon this practice, right?
So when the date palm harvestcomes around and the farmers got
almost no dates, that messagegot back to Mohammed and
Mohammed was like, yeah, bro,you shouldn't have listened to
me, I don't know anything aboutfarming.
(39:14):
Like, listen to me about, likethings that have to happen with
Allah, but you know everythingelse.
Use your own judgment.
Jack Violently (39:22):
You took what I said seriously.
What the fuck's wrong with you?
Cris (39:25):
Like Muhammad, was just being a troll at that point.
Natalie (39:31):
Shout out to Muhammad, though, for being like ooh yeah,
no, I'm not right abouteverything, don't?
No?
Yeah, I know.
Cris (39:39):
Like I could get right about everything, don't know.
Yeah, I know Like I could getbehind that.
That part of it Like yeah, bro,I don't know everything, but
it's the other part where hesays abandon the practice.
And they're like, yeah, okay,and Muhammad had to have known
that they were like they weregoing to believe them, right.
Jack Violently (39:55):
Right, right, let me see.
Right, right um.
Let me see.
God, we had another one here.
Um, let me see I'm trying tofind it the hypocrisy of modern
evangelicals oh yeah, this is alittle bit more serious.
Cris (40:11):
33, 34, we've been leviticus, not leviathan bud the
book of leviathan once again umwe need that book.
Jack Violently (40:18):
Yes, it's one of the books it's one of the books
that they cut out of the Bible.
It tells you how much I knowabout this, it's in the
Apocrypha, definitely.
There we go.
Natalie, do you want to readfrom Leviathan?
No, leviticus, that's it, notthe book of Leviathan.
However, we should be readingfrom that one.
Natalie (40:35):
Oh, give me two.
Mind you, I have my Bible infront of me.
Cris (40:50):
Yeah, the famously visual media of podcasting.
Natalie has shown us her Bibleand imagine, like a standard
size, like kind of soft cover,is a little bit larger than a
standard size Bible, right, butit looks like a post-it note
factory exploded in the pages.
It is so heavily annotated.
I think there's more Post-itthan page.
Jack Violently (41:07):
It looks like a Staples office supply store,
threw up on your Bible.
It is amazing and I love it.
Natalie (41:15):
It's a little bigger because it has note-taking uh
margins in it.
And, mind you, I was not asatanist when I did this project
.
I was just like, I guess, anatheist.
At this point I was just like Idon't believe in this stuff
anymore, but I I'm researchingit.
I think it's interesting.
There's so many things in here.
That's just like what the fuckis happening.
(41:36):
It's like like if I ever Ican't go back.
Do you know how much sacrilegeis in here?
Goodness, okay, so leviticus1928 not, not.
Cris (41:49):
You are not sorry, my bad oh, no, no, not leviathan it's
sad I think it's 33 about theforeigner oh, we're on the
foreigner.
Sorry, I was on tattoos oh yeah, yeah, we can, we can talk
about that one yeah, we can leadinto in whichever one oh,
there's.
Natalie (42:05):
Leviticus has some weird shit in it, uh, but the
tattoo one is you are not tomake gashes on your body for the
dead or put tattoo marks onyourself.
I am the lord.
Uh, he says that.
Cris (42:17):
He just kind of like finishes sentences with that
sometimes just gotta leteverybody know he talks about
himself in the third personlet's go for it, right like the,
the whole thing with thetattoos thing, and especially
because, like, in differenttranslations of the bible you'll
see it worded differently, likeuh.
I think king james says uh, youshall not make uh marks, or
(42:44):
you're not not make cuts ormarks on thy body for the dead,
or something like that.
Um, I take that as um.
As far as I know, I am not ahistorical scholar on this and
I'm definitely not a scholar onthe mourning practices of 2000
years ago, right, but we can seein other, even modern, called
(43:07):
modern day, cultures where theact of mourning one's dead is a
very physical action.
Rending the clothes, um,rending the clothes, um, and
I've heard, I've read that backthen it was not uncommon for
cutting, cutting the skin as amark for the dead, right and
(43:28):
like.
There's a lot of things inleviticus that, if you just take
it on the context of what washappening at the time, were
actually pretty good ideas,right, you know, obviously, if
you cut your, cut your body,back then we didn't have
antibiotics.
Right, there's a, there's achance you could die from that,
right, yes, like all sorts ofshit, right.
(43:51):
And then like some of the, thefood, the food aspects in
leviticus, the laws of kosher,like if you take it on the
context of history, you know,you can see like at some point
in time they would have figuredout that if you prepared food in
this way or didn't treat a fooditem in a specific way, you
would get sick, right.
(44:12):
So you can look at parts ofLeviticus as like the first food
safety regulations and you know, couching it in that religion
is what, like I guess, how theyenforced it, I suppose.
But there's other parts of itthat make literally no sense.
And then we get into the, theparts where modern Christians,
(44:35):
especially American Christians,go completely heretical and in
their hypocrisy.
Yeah, so, natalie, if you wantto take that one away, at verse
33 33 to
Natalie (44:50):
34 it says when a foreigner resides
among you in your land, do notmistreat them.
The foreigner resides among youmust be treated as your native
born.
Love them as yourself, for youwere foreigners in egypt.
Jack Violently (45:03):
I am lord, your god again, once again has to
remind you, in case you forgot,from five passages ago he's got
to put that weight on it I lovethis one because this will let
you know and there are manycracks in the armor of modern
Christianity and Christiannationalism to where they don't
really walk it like they talk it.
If they are treating this bookas holy writ, as they think it
(45:27):
should be, when a foreignerresides among you in your land,
do not mistreat them In today'sworld.
Who is the foreigner residingin our land?
It is our neighbors to thesouth Mexico.
No, but those are the dangerouspeople bringing fentanyl and
rape with them.
Shouldn't mistreat them.
Treat them the same as yournative born.
Are you talking about yourneighbor that way?
(45:50):
And another thing that I thinkabout this is you know, treat
your like.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
You know that type of thing,natalie, you would know more
about this, but this is athought that I've had, that I
have said in other podcasts.
What I believe that they meantwas you know, love your neighbor
as yourself is not so much theperson living next to you,
because back in the day, youcould leave the city walls and
(46:13):
travel five miles and you couldfind a group of people who spoke
a different language, helddifferent customs, worship
different gods just the way itwas back then what I think that
(46:34):
that passage meant was not lovethe guy living beside you in
town, but love the people livingaround you, like your neighbors
.
So, to that end, if Christiannationalists want to live it
like they, like they, talk it,treating like Mexicans, with
with, with love and care, ratherthan blaming like fentanyl and
rape on them, build the wall,send them back, deporting people
.
You should be loving yourneighbors.
Um, would I be too far off themark in assuming that that's
(46:55):
probably what that passage meant?
Natalie (46:58):
I think you're correct with that, honestly, because
this was a different world whenLeviticus was written.
It was a whole different world.
A lot of these things, like youwere saying the food ones
probably is because they learnedthat if you don't do it like if
you cook this thing, there's alikelihood you're sick, probably
because there's not a lot ofclams in the desert and stuff
(47:20):
like that and you have to becareful and it's just.
It was a different world.
But the way that people love topick and choose what they want
to believe out of the bible anddecide which things are metaphor
and which things are word forword, the word of god, is always
(47:40):
been really interesting to methat they have this ability,
this need to just write offthings that they don't feel like
doing yeah yeah because,
Cris (47:52):
and like the the, the apologetics that you'll hear
from a lot of, especiallyamerican evangelical christians,
um, like, let's take their,their hatred of, uh, of not
straight people right andthey'll.
They'll say, like, oh, thebible says gays are are going to
(48:14):
go to hell.
You know that gays are to behated or cast out or whatever.
And and the same breath thenthey'll say but we follow the
New Testament.
Okay, but you're getting all ofthat shit from the Old
Testament, right, right, it's socherry picked and like.
(48:34):
If they were going to beintellectually and like
consistent in their views, Iwould be much more okay with
them, because if they wereintellectually consistent in
their views and took the wholeof the Bible as writ, they would
be perfectly reasonable people.
Jack Violently (49:00):
Is that gas station Bob in the background
speaking up to you?
Cris (49:04):
No, that's my cat Every time I sit down at the chair to
record with y'all.
He needs to be on the recordingfor some reason.
He never, ever bothers me,except when I'm in the computer
chair.
Jack Violently (49:17):
He has a voice too and wants to be heard.
Let it be known, all right.
Natalie (49:21):
Bobby Boy's asleep underneath me.
He's actually being really nice.
Before we signed on here, hewas biting my ankles, so I was
worried that he was going tocontinue.
I have a spray bottle next tome that are strategically placed
around my apartment because helikes feet too much.
Cris (49:41):
So he's Quentin Tarantino.
Natalie (49:44):
Yeah, it's a problem.
It's a problem.
Jack Violently (49:48):
Man.
Do we have any others?
I think we've pretty much goneover everything in the notes.
Cris (49:54):
Yeah, I was actually going to ask have y'all heard of
what's called the JeffersonBible?
Jack Violently (50:00):
Nice.
No, I have not.
No, have you not?
Cris (50:06):
Maybe in passing, but not super well uh, maybe in passing,
but not super well, thejefferson bible is a really,
really interesting book.
Um, thomas jefferson, one ofamerica's founding fathers, um,
we, we have discussed on a uh, Ithink it's actually the episode
just previous to this one abouthow a lot of our founding
(50:27):
fathers were deists and thedeist belief in that time was
basically yes, there is a God,he created everything, he
created us, but as soon as thecreation was done, he handed
over dominion of everything tous and he was completely
hands-off, right.
So Thomas Jefferson, followingsome of this deist kind of, I
(50:51):
guess, beliefs or whatever, heedited the New Testament of the
Bible and took out all of thesupernatural, all of the
miraculous, entitled it theJefferson Bible, the life andals
of Jesus of Nazareth.
So, basically, taking all ofthe actual good things, like the
(51:13):
radical ideas of lovingeverybody, acceptance and all of
this that Jesus taught whichwas really really radical at the
time, to be honest andcondensed it down into like a
hundred-page book and you canpick up a copy of the Jefferson
Bible for a few dollars frommost online retailers.
(51:35):
Go to your local bookstore.
Definitely I support going toyour local bookstore and asking
them to order you a copy of theJefferson Bible and just read
through it, like reading throughthat it paints such a picture
and it's it's such an upliftingpicture of it so you said he
took out all these supernaturalportions of the bible and, just
(51:58):
kind of like, left the meat andpotatoes and it was just over
100 pages yeah, something likethat uh, natalie, how many?
Jack Violently (52:04):
just off the top of your head I don't know if
you know right off hand or not,like just guesstimate, ballpark
it how how many pages are in theBible.
Natalie (52:12):
Well, the one I have in front of me, which is the
Christian Standard Bible, whichis a modern English adaption of
the Bible, is 1327.
Jack Violently (52:24):
1327 pages in the Bible, pages in the Bible,
and Thomas Jefferson took outthe supernatural woo-woo, the
cussing out fig trees andjacking off in the desert, and
really just left the good stuffand it's like 100-some odd pages
.
Cris (52:39):
Yeah, and specifically he just took the story of Jesus,
like in the New Testament.
He obviously left out all ofthe Old Testament and all of
this.
But yeah, it's like100-something pages and
conversely, the mass marketpaperback of the Satanic Bible
is like 270-something pages.
(53:00):
But a good portion of that wasplagiarized from Midas Wright.
Natalie (53:09):
I could use a good edit .
It's like a good removal of thebullshit.
Cris (53:14):
Let's do a FSS satanic Bible and just take out all the
weird shit.
Jack Violently (53:20):
The Jefferson satanic Bible.
It would be a pamphlet, I feellike.
Cris (53:24):
Yeah, it would be a chick track.
It would be a chick track.
Jack Violently (53:28):
Natalie, I'm going to charge you with that.
I'm going to see if you can getthat done for us.
Cris (53:32):
We really need to hire somebody to start writing and
illustrating satanic Chicktracks.
Jack Violently (53:38):
Nice.
I think the people at satanicBay area at one time were
selling um satanic Chick tracksand, like I think, on their
website like like I don't know,maybe it wasn't them like I
remember hearing them talk aboutit on the show um, but I've
seen some before.
But yeah, we definitely need toget more out there there was a
(53:59):
youtube uh channel a long timeago.
Cris (54:02):
um, I can't remember the the name of the youtube channel,
though, but they took it Just.
Jake is the YouTube channel.
I just looked it up.
All of the chick tracks theydid an episode each on.
Going through these chicktracks from like an atheistic,
(54:23):
atheist perspective and justripping on them, it is hilarious
.
Jack Violently (54:28):
That's awesome, Absolutely a delight.
Well, guys, we've been goingfor about 54 minutes.
What do you say?
We kind of wrap this up, kindof the way we usually always do.
This is kind of a harken backto the Ave Satanas podcast 1.0,
where we would actually addmusic into the podcast.
Now we just like to end everyepisode.
(54:49):
We're just asking our guestsyou know who are some bands that
we're listening to now.
Who are we enjoying?
We'll let you know.
We'll start off with you,Natalie.
Is there anything new thatyou've been listening to that
you've really been jamming on.
Natalie (55:01):
I'm kind of all over the place sometimes because I
have no self-control and mymusic taste depends on my mood.
But, um, I'm going to a bunchof shows in the coming month, so
a lot of my music has beenbased around that.
So, uh, I guess, in theme withthe satanist thing, I'm going to
see bridge city, sinners andthe devil makes three on friday.
Jack Violently (55:24):
Um, which is super exciting.
Also, huh, this coming upFriday.
Natalie (55:29):
Yeah, and on Monday actually I'm also going to see
Kendrick Lamar, which is superoff from those two, and I think
the week after that I'm going tosee a local metal band called
trunk, who is great, way deeplyenjoy.
If you guys don't know him, Isay check them out.
Jack Violently (55:48):
Right, really running the gauntlet of genres
there.
Heck, yeah, I dig it See noself-control.
Well, spotify premium and noself-control.
This is what happens.
Yeah, bridge City Center is forsure, chris.
Cris (56:02):
They're a great group.
Jack Violently (56:02):
What about you, man?
Cris (56:05):
I've been turned on by a friend of mine to a smaller band
called Trench Lung,t-r-e-n-c-h-l-u-n-g.
All one word.
He described this band asnapalm technical.
Napalm death technical.
Jack Violently (56:24):
All right.
Cris (56:26):
Like I listened to some of it last night.
Um, he was actually at.
Uh, I play magic every Fridaynight at my local game store.
And he was there.
I started talking to him aftereverything was wrapping up and
he's actually the lead singer ofa, a local Atlanta band called
void eater, which I'm actuallygoing to go see this coming
(56:46):
Saturday.
Um, so we were talking aboutmusic and all that and he was
talking about, uh he, they hadtheir, his band had gone on
after trench lung had gone on,and he started describing their
music as like technical death inthe vein of napalm death right.
So I listened to the album onthe way back home last night and
(57:07):
it is amazing.
It is just an absolute bangerof an album.
So, yeah, I've been kind ofgetting into them.
The album is called HirethH-I-R-E-T-H, so if you want to
look that up on Spotify, thatwould be a great listen.
(57:29):
If you like Napalm Death, yeah.
Jack Violently (57:31):
I've been kind of traveling back to the 90s
kind of when my musical tastefirst started, been getting into
some more sharp bands fromaround that time, but not really
of the sharp vein is like theold grunge and metal like Helmet
and Tad I think I referencedthem last episode Really been
jamming on Helmet Like the Crowsoundtrack was one of my first
(57:55):
ever CDs.
That like really expandedbeyond just like one band at a
time and then the Tonnagecompilation was the other.
I'll be a Helmet Tad startingto slowly integrate back into
the Melvins.
They're a hard band to get intobut I'm trying.
I was a huge Melvins fan when Iwas a kid, loved them to death.
Cris (58:21):
But I'm now getting back into some of those old 90s
grunge.
And didn't they just playAtlanta like a week ago?
Jack Violently (58:25):
or something.
Cris (58:27):
They did.
Jack Violently (58:28):
They were on a tour with Napalm, I believe, and
that was the thing when you hadtold me about that concert.
It freaked me the hell out.
Natalie, are you familiar withthe Melvins?
Natalie (58:38):
Can't say I'm sorry there.
Jack Violently (58:39):
So Kurt Cobain referenced the Melvins back in
the 90s has one of his favoritebands and they were grunge at
the time.
They were a bit more sludgygrunge um kind of has a very,
very helmet sound to them, butso they were in the grunge vein.
So napalm death is absolutelyfucking metal there's no other
(59:00):
way to describe it.
So I lost track of the melvinsaround 98 99 and I just now
started picking them back up.
when Cris told me that like themelvins were playing with
napalm death, I'm like that's aweird fucking ticket, like those
two bands shouldn't be together.
And I've been listening to thenew stuff and sure enough
they've kind of merged into thiskind of metal-esque but a
(59:21):
melvin's metal um thing and it'sreally interesting.
So, um, being a fan of buzzo,the lead singer, and the, the
main guitar player guy like I, Ilove them but I I could not
rationalize going to go seenapalm death, who I really don't
just never had a thing for, butyeah, going back and listening
(59:42):
to some of the old 90s uh,melvins and helman, stuff like
that I will say I've seen napalmdeath in concert with behemoth
and arch enemy.
Cris (59:53):
Yeah, it was an amazing show and I really hadn't
listened to a lot of napalmbefore that, and this is a
couple of years ago.
Yeah, um, I've really gotten.
They put on an amazing show.
So our listeners out there, ifyou like that style of go catch
Napalm Death, if they're goingto be anywhere near you, it's
(01:00:14):
well worth your ticket price.
Jack Violently (01:00:17):
Well, guys, it has been a lot of fun.
Natalie, I appreciate youcoming on and sharing your
advanced knowledge of the Biblewith us and showing us your
annotated versions and all theBible of many colors, with all
the post-its strung throughout.
It's been a lot of fun.
Cris (01:00:35):
Now you just need to decorate it with four skins.
Natalie (01:00:38):
Yes, oh, fantastic.
Jack Violently (01:00:39):
It could look like the weird Army of Darkness.
What was it?
The Necronomicon or somethingJust looks like make a pentagram
of four skins on your Bible.
Oh, okay, we're getting in theweeds here, oh God, we're
getting in the weeds here.
God damn it.
Listen here, cheese balls.
We're really glad you've beenlistening to the Ave Satanas
podcast.
Thank you so much for stickingwith us.
Shoot us an email if you havean idea for a show you want to
(01:01:02):
hear about, and also, if you'rein the Philly area go hit up
Hail Philly.
They're the best satanicorganization in Philadelphia.
You should definitely checkthose guys out.
They do a lot of good.
We will have a link to theirDiscord server as well in the
show notes, but until next time,Hail Satan and Hail Thyself
Intro/Exit Music (01:01:24):
Well, let's go .
(01:01:55):
Satan, Satan, Satan, our lordand master.
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