A Playbook For Bold Growth with the Unapologetic Carolyn Nolan

Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Bamboo Lab Podcast with your
host, Peak Performance Coach,Brian Bosley.
Are you stuck on the hamsterwheel of life, spinning and
spinning, but not really movingforward?
Are you ready to jump off andstore?
Are you finally ready to sculptyour life?
If so, you've landed in theright place.

(00:21):
This podcast is created andbroadcast just for you.
All of you drivers, thrivers,and survivors out there.
If you'd like to learn moreabout Brian and the Bamboo Lab,
feel free to reach out toexplore your true peak level at
www.bamboollab3.com.

SPEAKER_01 (00:40):
Welcome everyone to this week's episode of the
Bamboo Lab Podcast.
As always, I'm your host, Brian.
And this is an interesting storytoday of the guest that we have
on.
Because uh this guest, we justbecame friends on Facebook like
two or three months ago.
I I probably requested afriendship, and um we have a lot
of mutual connections, and thenwe were kind of reading each

(01:03):
other's posts and memes andstuff we were putting up, and
and uh we reached out to eachother and said, Hey, how about a
virtual coffee?
Now, folks, I've never donevirtual coffee in my life, so um
I'm like, yeah, that soundsgreat to me.
So we did maybe three weeks ago,we did a virtual coffee, talked
on the phone for probably anhour, and during the course of
that conversation, I'm like,this lady is iconoclastic and

(01:26):
unique.
And I have to get her on becausethis is exactly what all of you
like to hear is people who aredoing amazing things, but doing
it on their terms.
And that's exactly what we havetoday.
So, Carolyn Nolan, my newfriend, welcome to the Bamboo
Lab Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 (01:43):
Hi, thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:45):
You've never been called unique before, have you?

SPEAKER_02 (01:47):
Oh my god, never.
I'm like, wow.
I'm just like everybody else,but not trying to be unique, but
it just keeps getting thatunsolicited for different
people.
They're like, you're kind ofoutside the box, huh?
I'm like, I guess I've I've beenaway from the box a long time.

SPEAKER_01 (02:03):
I would almost call you unfiltered.
Unfiltered a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 (02:07):
I'm definitely unfiltered.
I'm very much unapologetic, somuch so I tattooed it on my arm,
just so in case I forgot.
Um, and I think that wouldactually be kind of fun for us
to touch upon today, even inpart, um, because I think it's a
very misunderstood thing, too.
Of like, does unfiltered andunapologetic mean you can like

(02:28):
say whatever you want and dowhatever you want with no
consequence?
So, like, oh no, that's not whatthat means, actually.
So that would be kind of fun forus to touch on.

SPEAKER_01 (02:37):
I'm all about that.
I like I share with you beforewe start recording, probably not
gonna go through all thequestions.
I think you and I have enoughkind of uh chemistry in our
conversation that we could justgo talk about any subject and
just roll with it.
We might rely on some questions.
I don't know.
I'm gonna rely on the first onebecause I really want the
audience to get to know you.
So can you share what you'd liketo share about us, where you're
from, a little bit aboutyourself?

(02:58):
You take it from there.

SPEAKER_02 (03:00):
Yeah.
Um, so you called me a lady,which makes me feel like 110
years old.
I called you a lady.
You call you think you soundlike I talked to this lady.
I'm like, who's the lady?
I mean, it's like I'm like, issomeone else on the line?
Um so I am a young mother.
No, I'm not.
I'm always gonna say I'm young.

(03:21):
I tell all of our clients too,like anytime we're talking about
young people, like, of course,us.
Um, so I'm a mom of three.
I have an eight, eleven, andthirteen-year-old.
I'm a hockey mom, which means Ilive in really cozy clothes that
can be weared with blankets andjackets.
And I now wear my new puppy asanother blanket and thing of

(03:42):
warmth in the rink that theytell you is not allowed in the
rink.
And I said, Well, rules are justsuggestions, unless it has to do
with safety.
So puppy joins us in the rink.
That's where we live.
Um, I'm the CEO, visionary,private wealth advisor.
I personally don't work withclients anymore directly and now
lead our team of nearly 20,mostly women.

(04:04):
Um, not because we're againstmen, but there's something
really special when you get theright women in the right room
together working on the samestuff.
Um I am located in the burbs ofWinchester, just north of
Boston.
I grew up south of the city,which, if you're from Boston,
you know, like going over theDakum Bridge, you might as well
be going to like Maine.

(04:25):
I'm like, you want me to gonorth of the city?
Um, my husband's going to be ex.
I'm in the middle of gettingdivorced, which is not so fun,
but I guess half the peoplelistening can probably relate.
Um, and let me think.
I studied psychology and Italianin college at Georgetown, so
obviously I became a financialadvisor.
That's that's just what you do,right?

SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
Um you have a pretty interesting pedigree.
What was interesting, folks, isI was we winded our virtual call
three weeks ago.
What is your dog's name?
Cooper.

unknown (04:59):
Cooper.

SPEAKER_01 (05:00):
Cooper, that's right.
And I remember that because myex-girlfriend's pup or dog is
named Cooper.
You know what's funny?
I was rocking on a trail inMarquette, Michigan, well, over
the last couple of months, and Ido this trail like five or six
times a week, and I kept runningthis this guy, then a lady, then
the then they're together, andthey have a big old lab named
Cooper.

(05:20):
So I've I've got to know th I'veknown three Coopers in the last
like four months.

SPEAKER_02 (05:24):
Yeah, there's a lot of Coopers.
It was like the one name thatstuck with my kick my kids.
I tried to make him tater taut,didn't stick.
So I'm gonna have to get anotherdog.

SPEAKER_01 (05:32):
Is he still tearing up papers in the back?

SPEAKER_02 (05:35):
No, he's he's actually he's at he loves
cardboard.
Nope, he's currently sneezing,but he'll likely join us if we
start, if he starts hearingpapers.
But nope, currently sleeping.
It's too bad it's not a video.
He's pretty stinking cute.

SPEAKER_01 (05:48):
Well, we're gonna do one on video, you and I, when in
26 when I go up to YouTube.

SPEAKER_03 (05:54):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (05:54):
So in fact, you're the first person.
I think I told somebody, whoeverI was commit connecting with
with your firm, that we will dothis one audio, but you'll be
one of the first ones we dovideo in 26.

SPEAKER_02 (06:05):
So I love that.
Well, like half of how I speakis I'm half Italian, so like
there's a lot of hands moving,so getting me on video is a
whole other dynamic.
But you can probably hear myfacial expressions, I'm very
expressive, except when I likejust get Botox.
It's a little tighter.
No, I'm just kidding.
Not kidding, but kind ofkidding.

SPEAKER_01 (06:24):
Okay, so I have a question for you before we go
further.
So I've called women ladiesbefore, and some people have
actually been offended by that.
And I so I know you weren't, butwhat is a good term?
Woman?

SPEAKER_02 (06:37):
Um just yeah, not broad.
Not broad, not dame not broad.
So this broad, dame, no, I don'tknow.
I think it's probably more Ithink you can almost say it more
like with a tone, like thislady.

SPEAKER_03 (06:51):
Oh, a little salty.

SPEAKER_02 (06:53):
Yeah, a little more play, a little more playful.
Yeah, maybe.
Because then you can kind oftake it how you want.
No, there isn't there isn'twell, even with my friends, like
I I'm 44, um, almost 44.
This this month is my birthday.
Um, but I don't yeah, I I evenwhen I talk about my
girlfriends, it's girlfriends,and like I can't be like we

(07:13):
women, like women are like 40years older than us.
This we can't be women.
We're just girlfriends.
Girlfriends, I know.
Girl code.
I don't know.
I went to an all-girls Catholicschool.
That's also my background.
So there's um there's somethingjust really special that happens
with women, I think, especiallywhen you do, there you go,
women, when you do, as girlsconnect at that age when you're

(07:38):
otherwise like you're stillsuper awkward, but you're way
more unfiltered when it's justthe girls.
But it'd be funny, like someonewould come into school, all
girls gav at school, kilts, youname it, and someone would come
in with makeup, and you're like,Who are you seeing after school?
You always knew when someone wasup to something.
But it was cool to be anathlete, it was cool to be

(07:58):
smart, it was cool to bewhatever you wanted to be.
And that was like a really neatthing to be exposed to at such a
young age.

SPEAKER_01 (08:05):
So I know you've done some interesting things in
your life, and you are obviouslydoing more and more.
And you're it seems to me whenour based on our conversation
and getting to know you, you'rekind of always looking for that
next step in the in theevolution of your life and your
practice and your business.
And what was it, or who was itwhen you were younger, who that
inspired you to be this persontoday, of this kind of always

(08:29):
looking to grow?

SPEAKER_02 (08:31):
Um, I don't think there was like I don't think
there was like one person.
I think it's like constantexposure to just different
people's stories.
So even uh you brought up thisquestion, and the first thing,
honest to God, that came to mindthat I wrote myself a note, and
I just started laughing when Iwrote it down.
As a kid, I used to get introuble by reading in my closet

(08:53):
at night when I was supposed tobe in bed, and I was reading,
because this is like when you're12.
I was reading the BabysittersClub series.
And I just thought it was reallycool that these group of girls
would get together and startthis business and they're
running it out of their bedroom,and but they're also like
talking about like theirteenager things, and they were

(09:14):
just being girls, but they werealso running a business.
And I think that was somethingthat kind of early on just
resonated with me, and it's notsomething I've thought about in
maybe 30 years, but I was like,Oh, that was something that like
first peaked.
Like, I've always been anentrepreneurial person, but I
never um I never thought ofmyself that way.

(09:36):
And it was actually a wholesalerin our business on some
wholesaler meeting, they came tomy office and they're like, Oh,
wait a second, I think I getyou.
You're an entrepreneur that justso happens to be in financial
services.
And I was like jaw-dropped,like, holy shit, this person,
that's the first time someonejust like saw it, like in our
industry.
Because I think in our industrytoo, people like people really

(09:57):
try to put people in boxes.

SPEAKER_03 (09:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (09:59):
Um, and I just fell into it.
Like I wasn't seeking it out,and um, and I'm still here, and
I love our business, but I alsothere's so many things in our
business that bother me.
And I can't help it but to tryto fix it.
Like, not just for me, like inour team, that's a lot of what
we do.
We just make things better.
Like there's something screwedup, and we're like, there's

(10:21):
gonna be a better way, butthere's a reason there isn't a
better way.
It's really freaking hard.
Solve the thing, and that's whatwe've been doing a lot of, which
no one sees, but that's beenlike really fun.
So that's part of what we havenext is starting to share a lot
of these, like it's not rocketscience, but like practical
tools and ways of engagingpeople beyond their finances in

(10:42):
ways that like really stick.
So, like, you know, our ourindustry has the reputation,
like, people want to go to theiradvisor as much as they want to
go get like a root canal, likeit's not like an exciting
meeting for a lot of people.
But frankly, I'm like with theright advisor in conversation,
this can be some of the mostexhilarating conversations you
can have because it's not justtalking about what I might do

(11:05):
someday and how do I do it.
It's all those things.
I'm like, how can that not beone of the best meetings?
But I think a lot of advisorswere never taught.
I know we were taught to besalespeople.

SPEAKER_03 (11:16):
You were taught to be salespeople or weren't?

SPEAKER_02 (11:18):
Yeah, we were taught to be salespeople.
I didn't know how anythingworked, but that's that was our
background.
That's how the industry workedat the time.
And so no wonder a lot ofadvisors with the best of
intentions are just kind ofsubpar.
Um, and that's the elephant inthe room, and no one will say
it.
And I unapologetically will saythat I see that.
Is that what I don't even thinkit's their fault?

(11:39):
I know, and I I don't even thinkit's their fault.
So I think it's pretty neat tothink about um the opportunity
of like again being able toengage people in really exciting
conversations of what they wantto do, um, and without filter.
And that's again thatunapologetic.
I think that most people, and wesee a lot with women because we

(12:01):
see it a lot with just ourteammates.
And like, even just my a lot ofmy role within the team is now
mentoring like my clients aremore my teammates, and I'm kind
of I don't know if I'd say likethe coach or the I don't know,
whatever.
Call me Ted Lasso.
Ha, I love that freaking show.
Um, but my my role is inspiringconfidence and in action and

(12:22):
positive action.
And it was for clients, and nowit's for our teammates, so they
can then 10x do that with allthe clients that we engage.
But um, but I found that a lotof women especially have a
really hard time saying whatthey want.
And what often happens isthey'll say, like, even if I'm
talking to a teammate about whatthey want to do, like in their

(12:43):
role or what they imagine whattheir role could evolve to, and
they'll start saying something,and it's almost like when they
start getting excited, they theyfold back and they're like, But
I'd be willing to do this.
Like, it's fine.
I don't need too much.
And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa.
Like, no one gets harmed.
There's nothing wrong withsaying what you want.
You're not saying you'reentitled to it, you're not

(13:03):
demanding it, you're just likedreaming and like playing and
like trying on.
Like, even like think of like areally expensive store that
maybe you feel like way out ofyour league and you're just like
trying stuff on, and like yousee if it feels right.
And sometimes you go in, thinkof like even like a like you're
going into like a cardealership.
Personally, I could give a shitabout cars, like it doesn't

(13:24):
excite me.
Like, I was talking to a friendthe other day, and we're saying,
like, if you had unlimitedresources, what car would you
buy?
And I'm like, I'd probably havethe same car, like, I don't
care.
Right.
It's just not my thing.
Yeah, like I just don't care.
And that's some people's thing,but my point is like, what is
something that is like yourthing?
And it doesn't have to be money,it could be also like freedoms

(13:46):
associated with time or purposeor who you get to hang out with,
and or all of the above.
And just to like marinate inthat, and I think that um never
mind clients or teammates, butadvisors, professionals, I don't
think like almost anyone reallygives it a consistent um focus.

(14:08):
And instead, what oftentimeshappens is we get shitted to
death of what you should do.
And it started like, like again,for me, I was I was at
Georgetown, I was reluctantlyfor my parents, a psychology, an
Italian undergrad, they're like,What what happened?
I started as a biopremed, andthey're like, Whoa, whoa, whoa,

(14:28):
what's happening here?
And I'm like, I'll figure itout, it'll be fine.
And I fell into this, and um,and frankly, like for anyone
that doesn't know, like youdon't need to study.
And I tell every collegestudent, I'm like, just study
what sounds exciting for you.
It doesn't freaking matter.

SPEAKER_03 (14:44):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (14:44):
Like you're there to just like grow up and explore.
It's just as it's just asimpactful to know what you don't
want to do as much as it is whatyou do want to do.
And frankly, I don't even thinkyou know what you want until you
experience it's kind of likelike when someone talks about
when they go on like a bad date.
I'm like, a bad date is justgood data.
It's not, it's not a badexperience.
It's not, oh, I shouldn't havegone on that.

(15:06):
That was a waste of my time.
It just gave you goodinformation and hopefully you
can just have a good time, evenif it's not the right thing for
you.
The same applies to like whenyou have a job you don't love or
a class that you take that isn'tyour favorite.
What's what's the good you canget out of it?
So a lot of my perspective inlife is just how do you make
whatever you're doing as good asit can be?

(15:27):
Because there's a lot of crapthat's gonna happen that's
totally out of your control.
Um, a lot misunderstand thatwith me is like being um just
kind of toxic positivity.
And I'm like, whoa, whoa, that'sthat's not what I'm saying.
But instead, when you're in asituation, you know, right now
I'm in the middle of a divorce.
I've witnessed it with myparents.

(15:48):
Um, you see it in others, andit's you're not happy that it's
happening.
That wasn't the plan.
But how can you like reallytrust that there's gonna be
something, not that's even gonnahappen in the future, but right
now that's happening that'sserving me, despite this bad
thing that's resonant that I'mwitnessing right now.
And I've I found it just givesme incredible peace.
That's like the biggest thing Ifeel like I've learned is life

(16:10):
has gone on.

SPEAKER_01 (16:11):
Do you think like because I know you know you
talked about the divorce andthis do you have a and I
recognized this a few weeks ago,you have a very realistic yet
positive mindset of thedirection you're going.
Do you find that when you'regoing through you know, we all
know the the things.
Um I study stoicism, I'm a bigfan of stoicism.
Of you know, d we don't controlwhat happens on the outside, we

(16:34):
only control what's in our mindand heart.
Do you find that there's aperiod after a turning event in
your life, whether it's adisaster, a catastrophe, or just
something negative that happens,a divorce or you know, financial
scare or whatever, um breakup ina relationship.
Do you find there's a periodwhere you can't quite grasp that

(16:55):
philosophy?
Like you still can't go, I know,I know I have to be, I should be
feeling this way, that it's alla lesson, and there's gonna come
I'm gonna come out better thanthis.
I you know, I can only focus onhow I react to this.
Like I find there's like a monthtime frame after something
happens to me, three to fourweeks where I just can't I can't
convince myself that I've gottawallow in it.
I gotta feel sorry for myself,I've gotta cry, I've gotta run

(17:17):
from it by doing you know,extracurricular, like running it
harder or working out harder, orreading.
I have to do things to get mymind off it.
Then it clicks, like, okay, nowI understand that that was a
lesson.
Now I can work on me handlingthe change in my life and how I
react to it.
Do you find that or right away?
Are you like, nope, I get it,I'm sad, but I know I know I can

(17:38):
I can control my inner self onthis.
Does that make sense?
Did I phrase that?

SPEAKER_02 (17:42):
Uh yeah, totally.
And I think that's the part thatlike sometimes people
misunderstand with me becausethey only see the when I'm good.
Like when it's not good, it'sI'm just and I'm not hiding, but
like like for me earlier thisyear it was dark.
Yeah, it was really dark andspinning, and like social media

(18:02):
in those times, politics and allthat shit, like doesn't help.
I'm just like, whoa.
Um, and I know for me though,too, that it sometimes has to be
an internal experience that likeI'm not looking to get the
perspective of others or theirfeedback or reassurance.
And sometimes you just need tokind of beat something up and do

(18:26):
your own purging.
I know for me, I just kind ofget sick of it at some point,
and it's uh I'm like, I'm sickof feeling sad.
Okay, let's go and start withone thing.
And I actually I almost fouryears ago now engaged a coach.
I sought out an accountabilitycoach because I've never had
like a real boss, and I'm like,gosh, I really could use a boss,

(18:47):
or like someone that's asking methe question, what did you say
you're gonna do today?
Did you do it?
And it calls me out of my stuff.
And um, my coach Lindsay, um, Ifound her through a friend of
her friend of her friend, andit's not even what she does, but
she's like, This is interesting,that would be cool, and she's
become a friend over the years.
And even more recently, becausethe you know, over the summer, I

(19:10):
moved out of my house in June uminto a new place.
And like, I if anyone that knowsme, I do a lot of real estate
stuff and I need another anotherhouse, like I need a hole in the
head, but um that's just likehere we go, and two days later,
got a puppy.
That sounds like a really smartthing to do.
Um, but this dog has saved meemotionally.

(19:32):
But the cool thing um in theprocess, what I found is that
often um it re I I almost needto be full stop to actually
witness what I'm feeling,thinking inside.
And one of the questions yougave me that I love um is the

(19:52):
the kind of what would the whatthe what's what advice would you
give your younger former self?
And it's I don't even know ifit's like advice per se, but
someone said to me, this isn'tmy original idea, um, all the
answers that you're looking foryou already have inside.
You like you already know.
And I think that we often justget ourselves busy or numbing,

(20:14):
whether it's busy with work orthe gym or our family, or for
me, I do a lot of stuff withcrazy real estate and interior
design because it's more like areally expensive art project.
That's what I do for fun.
Um, expensive hobbies.
Um, but I find that I would justbusy, I would just busy myself

(20:35):
to not feel, and it justrequired just like slowing down,
but in order to speed up throughlike the sadness, the grief, the
confusion.
It it was required of me to slowdown and just stop.
Um and it's the hardest and likebest muscle, I feel like, in the

(20:57):
really shitty experiences oflife that I now can think back
to and see like, you know what,Carolyn, like the best thing you
do do is say no, can't rightnow.
Trust that it's temporary.
I've been calling this period ofmy life the Twilight Zone.

SPEAKER_03 (21:11):
Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_02 (21:12):
I'm like, I'm like, it's not good, it's not bad,
it's very Twilight Zone.
I'm purging every part of mylife, um, but with intention.
And I think what's reallyempowering is again doing it
with intention instead of whenwe were younger.
Like fortunately, I had someamazing mentors in our industry
and otherwise, and I was justdumb enough or smart enough to

(21:33):
do what they said, and itworked.
Um and but then like atdifferent chapters of your life,
it I like that's almost there asa guidance, but you need to
start looking within of what ismy internal monologue telling
me.
Um and then kind of testingthat.
Because what I found is that alot of stuff like I had thought

(21:54):
many years ago, but I justdismissed it.
So trusting yourself, likelearning to trust yourself, I
think is a really amazing muscleto work on.

SPEAKER_01 (22:04):
And that's hard to do when you're going through a
difficult emotional situation.
Because you're because you'requite, I mean, you know, one of
the things that I you everwatched were you a Seinfeld fan
at all?

SPEAKER_02 (22:15):
No, not really.
Like parts.
All right.

SPEAKER_01 (22:18):
Well, there's a famous uh episode where George
does the George Costanza doesthe opposite of what he would
ever do.
And he finds a girlfriend, hegets a job, you know, everything
works out for him.
And I wasn't thinking of this,but when I went through a
breakup a few months ago, I wentI was in a dark space.
And typically when I'm goingthrough something challenging, I
I had to look back on my lifeand say, what did I normally do?

(22:39):
And which was normally I'm gonnaspend a ton of time with
friends.
With that, probably more alcoholconsumption.
I'm gonna kind of let go of mycore, what I call my my
conscious living um activitiesthat I do on a daily basis, and
and I track those things so Ican look back on a chart that
I've carried for years, and Iknow look at how bad I was back
then.
And so I kind of did the GeorgeCostanza this time.

(23:01):
I did the opposite.
I spent a lot of time alone.
I put alcohol completely out ofmy life.
I worked, I really startedworking out of the eating
better.
I've always been a good eater,but I mean I just kind of took
everything that was good to thenext level reading, you know,
journaling, exercise, you know,nutrition, and spending more
time alone, which was thescariest damn thing I've ever

(23:23):
done.
It was scary to be alone, likenot not physically alone
necessarily, but emotionallyalone, mentally alone, where I
had to I had to stop and andreally let the stench of my life
catch up to me.
And that was that wasterrifying.
But my god was it has it beenrewarding?
I I've never felt stronger in mylife.
Literally, I'm 58 years old,I've never felt stronger in

(23:45):
multiple capacities.
And it was just it was likethat, it was right there.
I had to try used to kind oftrust myself a little bit.
And so maybe whoever's goingthrough a challenge, maybe look
back at what you did before andjust do the opposite.
I'm not saying that's my advice,but it worked for me.

SPEAKER_02 (23:59):
Yeah, and I mean every situation's different, and
I think it's good to just I Iknow I found it really helpful
to look back, like and on somejournals that I would only
maintain when there was reallycrappy things happening in life,
and just being like, okay, youwent through that, like here,
we're fresh on how that felt,and you got through that.
So, like, I think the biggest umthing that just chills me out

(24:24):
when I'm totally losing it isjust saying to myself, it sucks
now, but this is temporary.
Like, this is temporary.
And guess what?
Like, so is when it's good.
So when you're in somethinggood, instead of being freaked
out, it's gonna end, it's likejust revel in it.
Don't be be it it ultimatelycomes down to how do we get to
being present?

unknown (24:45):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (24:45):
Because when we're present, we're at peace.
And otherwise, we're justregretting things of the past or
we're worried about the future.
And that's like all the, youknow, I've been recently
studying universal laws, and Iwasn't seeking it out, but it's
just really cool as I've gotteninto different circles.
Um, as life has gone on, I'vejust I just follow what sounds

(25:06):
interesting for me.
And you know, I've engaged indifferent groups.
There's this one group calledWayfinders.
We go on these wack-adoo tripsaround to weird places around
the world.
I was in Laos last year.
Like, when the hell else am Igonna go to Laos?
And you go on these trips andthey give you a packing list,
and you don't know where you'restaying, what you're doing, how

(25:26):
many different places you'regonna stay, who's in the room
with you.
You know nothing.
So it is like the ultimate umgiving up control for like type
A entrepreneurs.
So it's all entrepreneurs, youdon't talk about business, which
is also super cool because it'sthe first time I've really
gotten to know the people andnot their business, like even
months and months after thetrip.

(25:47):
But some were like, What do youdo for a living, by the way?
Like, I don't even know what thehell you do.
Um, but it was so awesomebecause typically we go to these
group meetups and it's the firstquestion, and it doesn't come up
at all.
It was more like, so are youlike, do you want to go to the
pool or do you want to just likego meditate, or do you want like
we're more talking about whatare your interests and your

(26:08):
hobbies and stuff like that,which is really neat.
And um, I found as life has goneon, like it's just been really
important and necessary also tomaintain like healthy
relationships with people thatI've had forever and ever, but
as I've evolved in differentways and they have to make new
friends, and it's not to saylike you replace your friends,

(26:29):
but like to have differentpeople that serve different
parts of your life and yourinterests, I think it's just
like a really healthyengagement, but it requires, and
it was actually in Mel Robin'snewest book, um, The Let Them
Theory, and she there's a partthat she talks about adult
friendships, and I was justlaughing listening to this
because it's like suggesting,and I I do this all the time

(26:53):
with certain mom friends, like Ihad met in my town when we had
little babies, and you end upbeing default friends because
your babies are the same age,and then as time goes on, you
oftentimes find, okay, our kidsaren't friends, so then we don't
end up being friends, and weprobably wouldn't be friends
anyway.
It's not bad, but there's otherpeople that your kids aren't
friends, they're not even thesame age, but you recognize I
think we have a lot in common,and it's it's almost like asking

(27:16):
women out on dates.
Um, and like, do you want to befriends?
Do you want to go to a concert?
But it requires someone doingthat because until like I don't
I don't know, your whole life upto a certain point, your friends
are all just like put next toyou, like you don't really go
out of your way to make them,and it's college, high school,
work, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (27:36):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (27:37):
Like, think how many people their best friend was
their roommate that they wererandomly assigned to, or the
person on their sports team.
Um, that you're just put in aroom with people that you're
interested in.
But there's like so many coolpeople in the world, and now
with the way technology is, andeven you and I, like, I like we
we're totally just like, oh, Ilike your thing, I like your
thing, I like your thing onsocial media.

(27:58):
And I'm like, you want to getvirtual coffee?
You want to be friends?
We like the same stuff.
And it's like, and it's totallyinnocent and not creepy, but
some people don't get it, andum, I think it's so fun when
other people you find are likealso open, but it requires just
someone to initiate that, andthen it's easy, you know.

(28:19):
You just you just have to openyour mouth though.
And I've made like some of thebest friends in the last, you
know, I'm going through thisreally crappy stage in life,
it's very unpleasant.
Um, but I've also made some oflike the best friendships in the
last year that have likehappened like pretty seamlessly,
because I'm just in circles andin communities with people that

(28:41):
we like the same stuff.
So it's like I had to seek outthose things and be engaging in
the things I like to do, andthen you meet more of those
people.
But it's uh yeah, it's it's justreally interesting.

SPEAKER_01 (28:53):
I think one of the things we don't realize,
especially with the way mediaportrays people, all media, um,
that there are so many amazingpeople in this world.
Like you we see the bad stuff onTV.
And obviously, you know, if it'sbleed what is it, if it's
bleeding or whatever, it leadsto it.

(29:13):
It leads.

SPEAKER_03 (29:14):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (29:16):
But I think, you know, I think I've done 163
shows on this podcast.
We've only aired 158, um, butthis is number 159.
But uh that's the thing I'velearned in four years of doing
this is the people are amazing.
And like you and I connecting,you're only like one step away
from meeting an amazing person.
And you have no idea, like upuntil that moment, you didn't

(29:38):
even know they existed.
And then either through socialmedia or a group that you go to,
whatever.
And if you just put yourself outthere a little bit and and talk
to them, you're gonna find evenpeople who you disagree with on
things, you're gonna find ninetynine percent of the time maybe
nine maybe ninety two percent ofthe time, you're gonna find an
amazing human being on the otherend of that.
And that gives hope, I think.

(29:59):
Like when you meet Meet newpeople and connect and build
friendships and relationships.
You know, I I just think there'ssomething that it to me it has
been the most optimistic um partof my exploration these last
four years is that, oh my God, Iwe have nothing to worry about.
Our world is filled with reallycool people.
Um we just have to get theirstories.

(30:21):
I like what you said earlierabout and I and I wanted to
bring this up.
Um you when I asked you what orwho inspired you, and you said
the stories about it was a lotof people and their stories.
And I think that's the key.
When we learn other people'sstories, I mean we there's
always a connection.
There's always something thatthey're going through that you
did, or that you're goingthrough something they went

(30:43):
through, or there's some type ofconnection, tight or loose.
And when you hear that, yourealize how similar we all are
in so many ways.
We all cry, we all fart, we alllaugh, we all stay in the
shower.
Everyone poops, everyone poops.
You know, and we and when youget to know that person, you

(31:03):
realize that they're not afacade, they're not a danger,
they're not a threat, they'rejust people going through shit
like we go through.
And I I I think that is just Ithink there's something magical
about just connecting withpeople.
And that's you know, I waslistening to a podcast while I
was running this afternoon orthis morning, and they talked
about social media is overall anet positive.

(31:26):
And you know, there's a lot ofnegative shit on social media,
but the the net positive is wecan connect with people from all
over the globe and and get toknow them, hear their stories,
lit learn about their culturewithout traveling.
Now, traveling is better, yes,and talking to them on the phone
or face to face, much better,but at least it's a glimpse into
lives across the planet.

(31:46):
And I think that is really whatwe need more of.
We need some of that, whetherit's a loose or a tight
connection, we just need moreconnection.

SPEAKER_02 (31:54):
Yeah, well, and that's where I think like even
when we talk to clients about umfinancial products and people
ask, what do you think aboutthis?
I'm like, I don't think anythingis bad.
It's all about there's sometimesbad recommendations for people
or there's bad uses of differentthings.
And the same thing with socialmedia, it's it's literally as
recent as yesterday, talking toa friend about this who is like,

(32:15):
I think Carolyn, you might wantto take a pause.
And I don't think there'sanything wrong with that.
And I found when I was in areally bad place, that was
actually a very productive thingto do.
And that's what I've beenactually trying to do is make
myself my own bespoke checklistof kind of how Carolyn works and
in different situations, what'sa good kind of go-to, so I don't

(32:38):
have to think.
That's like one of my favoritethings is to create and edit and
update different littlechecklists.
So I'm like, oh, like written byme for me, so I don't have to
remember.
Like if my brain is not acomputer and I remember nothing.
And the more I remember, theless creative I actually can be.
Because our brain is meant to becreative.
Not we we have computers thatcan do the thinking, the

(33:00):
remembering, the math for us.
We just have to know when thecomputer's broken or recognized.
That doesn't look right.
Um, but yeah, I don't know.
I I I think that the netpositive is for sure.
And so even like if you look atmy social media in COVID, I
started just randomly one daysharing the and through stories.

(33:21):
I used to post a lot with mykids because my my siblings live
in California, so they would getupset with me if I didn't post
about their babies, about theirnieces and nephews, um, their
niece and nephews.
But then it turned into I juststarted following anytime
someone would post somethingpositive or inspirational or
just really goopy funny, like mysocial media is a combination of

(33:44):
um puppies, babies, hot guyswith great abs, um ingrown
toenails.
What else do I have on there?
And a lot of inspirationalstuff.
But anytime someone postssomething that I am drawn to and
I'm not already following it, Ijust start following it.
So I love in the same way I lovehow Pinterest does that with my

(34:07):
interior design stuff.
I just start creating my ownalgorithm.
And you know, Facebook orInstagram will send me these
ads, and I'm not gonna get intoa freaking debate with people
because I don't do the just sowe're clear, Brian, I will never
debate you on anything.
I will have an open, honestconversation.
I'm not looking to be right, I'mjust curious about stuff.

(34:27):
Like that's at the end of theday.
You know what too I find, and itconfuses the hell out of my team
for sure.
And I have to almost preface andremind them four times in the
midst of conversation.
I'm just brainstorming.
Like sometimes I need to justhear the words said out loud,
like out of my brain, to go, doI even believe that?
Do I actually feel that way?

(34:48):
And um, and often I'm like, Idon't, I don't know, but that's
something that I'm trying tolike better understand, just so
people know it's something I'mcurious about.
Um, but social media I think issomething that um it's great to
just figure out what are yourboundaries with it, whether it's
time, whether it's what you'rechoosing to watch.

(35:08):
Um and in okay, so in COVID, Istarted sharing a lot of stories
that were just the inspirationalthings, and I started getting
from random people that I neverknew were even looking at it.
Because I was just trying to behelpful in some way of this is
helping me, let me share it, andit might help someone else.
I don't know.
And then I stopped at some pointand I was getting these messages

(35:31):
from random people that arelike, I so look forward to that.
Like, is there a reason youstop?
I'm like, oh, and I didn't feelobligated, but it's just nice to
know, like, I'm just helpingsomeone.
And for me, like, what's next?
I I don't know exactly how itcomes to be, but that's like my
unique gift.
I go in rooms and people tell methere's something just about

(35:51):
your energy.
I keep getting it from all thesedifferent groups of people,
unsolicited, random, likeunexpected.
And I'm like, so there'ssomething there, and it's not
about me, my ego, how can I befamous or known?
I'm like, no, but if I can helpto inspire, encourage as many
people to positive action, likeI I've I've done what I've I've

(36:16):
been created to do.
I think that's why I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 (36:19):
So I would like to reiterate what you just said
because I I want the audience tohear what you just said, because
er so many people that I've metwho I would say are successful
in life, you being one of them,have said that repeatedly to me
or on the sh on the podcast orin conversation.
If you're out there to seeksuccess or fame or to be

(36:41):
noticed, it's gonna backfiremost of the time.
I and I know because I triedthat and it's it backfires.
When you really just say, I'mdoing this, I'm I want to do
this because I'm gonna help oneperson.
Maybe I can make an impact on asmall group of people's lives.
When you focus on that, you stopchasing the go the golden eggs
and you're focusing on thegoose.

(37:02):
And that makes all thedifference.
And I've heard that for 15 yearsafter starting this business,
maybe 20, and I didn't believeit.
I I was chasing the golden eggsall the time, the success, the
the recognition, you know,whatever it is, love, whatever.
And it always eluded me.
It always did.
And then it's and when I said,okay, I want to do this for the

(37:24):
right reasons, and I still fuckup.
I mean, but I mean I messed up ayear and a year ago when I
started focusing so much on thepodcast and how big it was
getting that I lost passion forit.
Then I shut it down for threemonths.
Because I just said I l I I'mnot doing it for the right
reasons.
Um and then when you but whenyou do it for the right reasons
and you really want to try justtry to help people, make

(37:45):
connections, bit bettersomeone's life, and it could be
even better in your own life.
Like, you know, do somethinggood for yourself, take care of
yourself more.
All of a sudden, those goldeneggs start popping up where you
least expect them.
And uh so I what you I thinkthat was profound what you said.
I want to make sure the audiencehears that right there.

SPEAKER_02 (38:03):
Um Yeah, what you said, that yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (38:08):
Okay, we I do want to talk about this idea of being
unapologetic and kind ofunfiltered.
Because what the way youexplained it at the beginning of
the of the of the interviewhere, the conversation, was how
I always thought of myself asbeing unfiltered or whatever,

(38:28):
you know.
I I think we called it umradical honesty back in the day.
And I would just say aboutanything to anybody.
And there was a badge of honorback then for in the when I was
in the corporate world or when Iwas, you know, when I was with
uh certain group of AmericanExpress back in there, American
American Express back in theday.
And I realized 10 years laterthat it was completely wrong.

(38:49):
Like I was just saying what Iwant.
I get kudos for it.
So I can you talk about that alittle bit?
How do you use that for how doyou carry the title unapologetic
and unfiltered?

SPEAKER_02 (39:00):
So it's something I've been told my whole life,
not like literally with thosewords, um, but I've always just
kind of done my own thing.
Um, and people say you'resupposed to do this, or like
even at school, it's my friendsare going to apply for these
jobs in New York.
And I I was like, that justdoesn't sound exciting to me.

(39:22):
So I think I think for me it wasalways resonant, resonant to
follow what was exciting me.

unknown (39:30):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (39:30):
Um, whether I understood how it would work or
what the path was.
I was like, I'm just gonna tryit, and until it's not exciting
or doesn't feel authentic to me,like I I I'm gonna just keep
doing it.
And that's how I got into thecareer.
I mean, I was interviewing, itwas America Express Financial at
the time.
I was like, I don't knowanything about this, but like my
parents told me I have to get ajob, so I'm just gonna go start

(39:53):
interviewing at places.
And I bumped into a friend'ssister's husband, and he's like,
Carolyn, what are you doinghere?
I'm like, I don't know.
You tell me about this job.
And um, it just it reallyexcited me that they're like,
you can have unlimited incomeand run your own business and
work like a dog for like five toeight years and then live the
rest of your life like a kingand queen.

(40:13):
And I was like, Well, thatsounds cool.
And then my friend Pete, he waslike, Listen, and if you don't
like it, he like walked me inhis office for an hour and he
got some commission for gettingme to say yes.
But but he was, I believe,because he's still in the
business too.
And I believe what he was sayinghe meant that he's like, if you
don't like it, you'll be 23 andyou'll do something else.

(40:33):
And if you do like it and yousucceed in it, it will change
your whole life.
And I was like, that soundsreasonable.
Let's go.
And my parents were like, Thisis crazy.
You're not gonna, you you know,what what are you doing?
You don't even know how thisworks.
And I was like, but I'll figureit out.
And what I see now is, and it'slike pretty fucking wild when

(40:58):
you witness in all businesseswhen you start to see there's
some people that are crazysuccessful that aren't remotely
in the traditional sense smart,they're not necessarily nice,
honorable.
There's like all differentshapes and sizes.
So, what I think is like reallyimportant and necessary is to

(41:19):
gauge for yourself how do youyourself define success in a way
that literally lights you upinside, and that changes as your
life changes.
Like, I have very differentvisions of my future before I
was married, before I had kids.
Now that I've had a taste of allthis stuff, it's like, you know,
again, we're talking about thecars.

(41:39):
I'm like, I could buy anything Iwant.
I don't care about that.
Yeah, but like, but but I do Ido like to have the means that I
can do whatever the hell I wantwhen I want.
I was very motivated to create aself-managing company, which I
did successfully create.
Um uh that has helped a lot whenI needed to step back the summer
and still and take some space tojust honor what my family needs

(42:03):
as I'm figuring out this nextchapter of life.
But it's not um, it's like it'skind of like even when we talk
with clients about the thereasons you have different
products, in particular, likeyour insurance.
And we talk about with clientsthat they're life insurance,
like you may be getting this nowfor this purpose, and then once
you get married, it serves thatpurpose, then once you have kids
and have a house, it's servingthat purpose.

(42:24):
And then even when the kids areout of the house, it serves a
different purpose, but it's thesame product.
So I think it's I'd rather havemore tools in the toolbox than
less, but I don't want to have atool that's just taking up space
and is heavy, and so I'm findingI'm doing like a huge purge of
just where I spend time, what Isay yes to, because there's so

(42:45):
much I do want to say yes to.
And when you start to actuallylook at your calendar and
encoded, that became reallyclear.
You see, like your calendarrepresents what you're
prioritizing, and we oftencreate our own prisons for
ourselves.
Um, I was I remember when thekids were little, I felt like I
was supposed to like run thePTO, and I hated it.

(43:07):
Me and this other mom, thisother advisor did it, and we
would just crush line and likeplan things and then promise
ourselves like you will we willnever volunteer for this again.
You'll just write the check,like never again.
And um, it's like, but there'ssomeone that loves to do that,
so I think, and it's a DanSullivanism about talking about
your unique ability.

(43:28):
He was my first coach andstrategic coach, which was like
really cool to have him as adirect coach.
And um flipping phenomenal andintroduced me, and I like got I
dove in deeper to understandmore of just my unique gifts,
and none of them really had todo with being a financial
advisor, it was more just aboutbeing a person that inspires

(43:51):
confidence, encourages positiveaction.
Um, and yeah, you do that as anadvisor, but that wasn't like
what like I'm very good at that,but my unique ability that I
could do in my sleep withouteven paying me is doing it more
broadly.
So that's when I became inspiredto really create my
self-managing company when Iunderstand, when I understood I

(44:12):
had a bigger purpose that Ibelieve is like my God-given
like gifts, um, God, theuniverse, whatever the hell you
want to call it.
I don't care.
And frankly, I don't even knowwhat I believe anymore.
I don't know.
But um, but what I knew was thatI don't want to do this anymore,
which I've been doing for 18years.

(44:33):
But by the way, Carolyn, why areyou apologizing about that?
Like, who the hell stays in thesame job for 40 odd years?
Um, and that resonated withclients.
And I was like, but I but I Itake the the promises I've made
to you very seriously, and I'mcontinuing to build out a team
of people that are excited tohave these conversations and are
flipping awesome at them.
And frankly, I believe with mein these other positions within

(44:55):
our company, I'll be able tomake it even better.

SPEAKER_03 (44:56):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (44:57):
Because there's so much stuff that isn't happening
because I'm the person thatwould do it or make it happen
and make it real.
And what I found was that itjust becomes a total win-win-win
for everyone.
There's no downside because younever want someone doing
something that they're notexcited to do.
You're just not gonna get asgood of a result, or you'll end
up feeling bad if you're like,oh, they did that, but they

(45:17):
hated doing that.
So when it comes tounapologetic, I it's more about
like what is it that youpersonally want for yourself?
Not I'm gonna be unapologetic ofwhere I want my kid to go to
school or what team they make.
No, no, no, no, no.
Like when I talk about it, I'mtalking about what is it that
inside your gut, your heart,your soul, your spirit feels

(45:39):
real and alive.
And I think often you can figurethat out by also seeing the
opposite.
When when when you witness theopposite, and then you take it
from that negative to thepositive, and often that ends up
being your answer.
And that also ties back to forme, I talk a lot about, and I'm
actually starting to write aboutlike your own discovery to your

(46:00):
your own bespoke core values,not what your teachers, your
parents, your church, yourfriends, your community says is
supposed to be important and themost important things to you,
but just what is for you, likeyour compass to help you make
good decisions to lead yourauthentic life.
And that said, that doesn't meanfuck everybody else.

(46:24):
That's not what that means.
Um, and in our team, we talkabout having open and honest
conversations, but it's candorwith care.
So pair that with, you know,golden rule, which is another
one of my team's values.
So open, honest conversationspaired with golden rule is
candor with care.
And that's where I look, I'm I'mtrying to continue to be better

(46:46):
because I'm not looking to hurtsomeone in the midst of being
honest with myself.
Um, but you have one life, and Ijust think it's a real waste if
you live it on someone else'sterms.
I also think the biggest mistakepeople make, and Dan Sullivan
shared this, is not that yourgoal is too big, but your time
frame's too small.

SPEAKER_01 (47:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (47:05):
Is typically the problem.

SPEAKER_01 (47:07):
Well, I you know, I I like what you said with the
the candor with care comment.
Um because I think w w one ofthe things I tell people is when
you associate with other people,whether it's in a team, whether
it's a friend group, you know,family sometimes you can't
really pick your family, butwhen you're picking and choosing
who you associate with, youknow, because I talk a lot about
toxic people and nourishingpeople and toxic and nourishing

(47:30):
behaviors in ourselves as well.
And people say, Well, how do youdetermine whether someone's
toxic or nourishing?
Because it they can a toxicperson or behavior can be very
uh it can be camouflaged verywell.
And I said, Well, think aboutthis.
If you can if you have threequalities in a relationship,
professional or personal, and ifyou have these three, number

(47:52):
one, do you the both of youcelebrate each other's successes
together?
You're l authentically happywhen something good happens to
the other.
That's number one, so celebrate.
Number two, support.
Do you support each other whenthe shit hits the fan, when
things aren't going well for oneor the other?
How supportive are you to eachother?
And the third one is challenge.
How well do you challenge eachother when the other person's

(48:13):
doing something stupid?
You know, and that's kind ofthat candor that support and
celebr or I'm sorry, it's thatum uh care that we support and
celebrate, but that candor whenthere's challenges challenges to
be made.
Um and I think so.
I think that's a good way tokind of um summarize a pretty
damn good solid personality.

(48:34):
Candor with care.
Because a lot of people have oneor the other.
Most people have one or theother.

SPEAKER_02 (48:39):
Yes.
Yes.
I think um yeah, it really isthe extreme.
And and you see a lot withwomen, especially, the the care
part, but they don't say whatthey actually mean.
Right.
And sometimes they themselvesdon't even know it.
So again, I like I literallywhen I'm very challenged with
something, will have aconversation with myself in the

(49:00):
mirror.
I'll sometimes just talk openlythe free form to chat GPT.
And I'm like, can you give me ashort version of what the hell
I'm actually trying to say here?
And that's been an incrediblefilter for me.
Um, but I think, and thenthere's the other side that I
think we're we're all prettyaware of, or we witness the
like, oh my god, will they shutup?

(49:21):
Like they'll just say anything.
And I I I'd like to think Iprobably have evolved to more
candor with hair as opposed tojust saying anything.
I think that's part of justgrowing up or not even growing
up.
Like, I I'm seeking tocontinually be more self-aware.
When I think of growth, I thinkself-awareness is one of the
most like you can't uh not you,but anyone.

(49:44):
I think there's I can't think ofsomething someone would say to
me that would surprise me, evenif it's like not a nice thing.
Someone could say, like, you'rereally blah blah blah.
And I'd be like, Well, screwyou, but I know.
Um, but it's just about uh, andthen our team will actually say
instead of being just boomawkward, we'll literally say,

(50:06):
Hey, permission to be open andhonest here for a second, like
I'm gonna fumble around here.
I don't even know what I'msaying.
And it's like, yep, carry on.
But it takes a lot of practicewith people, yeah, um, to build
trust, to understand.
Um, like if you witness me andmy business partner Jen having a
meeting, because we're both verypassionate.

(50:27):
We carry, we we um hold verysimple, we hold the same values
within our company.
We have different values aspeople, but we honor and respect
each other's.
But if you witnessed us in ameeting, you'd think we're
fighting.

SPEAKER_03 (50:38):
I remember you saying that.

SPEAKER_02 (50:41):
Yeah, and I think that's where, but we've had
we've had so much practice.
It didn't start like that.
Like we've grown to trust eachother that we understand the
other isn't gonna take itpersonally or think it's a low
blow.
And that just take that takesexperiences.
Um for me, I think one of thethings that's been helpful when
it comes to like yourexpectation, like you know,

(51:03):
people are disappointed whentheir expectations or their
experience falls below theirexpectations of something.
And I think um my girlfriend andI were talking about this
recently that there's thisnuance between the word uh for
me, I say the difference betweenlike my people, like are you my
people?
Like you're one of my people.

(51:23):
Like we speak the same language,we understand each other, we're
new friends, but it's like nah.
Like I don't have to, I I know Icould say anything, and we're
gonna try to understand oneanother, and we kind of see the
world in a similar way.

SPEAKER_03 (51:37):
Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 (51:37):
But then and there's but there's I think the word
friend is really confusing.
Um, and I'm not saying don't useit, but I think there's hundreds
of people that we would probablycall our friends are like we're
friendly, blah blah blah.
But then you go through likeshit hitting the fan, and 99% of
them you couldn't actually counton, but if you expected to, and

(51:58):
that was your expectation,you're gonna be greatly
disappointed.
So one of my uh verbiage changeswith my own core values that I
came to, and ChatGPT helped meto kind of come up with some
words that resonated, was one ofmy core values is that my people
are my power.
So identifying like who are likejust like when I'm kind of doing

(52:21):
my own filter, like, are they mypeople?
So if someone kind of like letsme down, I'm like, but are they
my people?
And if they're not, it's like,well, you know, you kind of
can't you just can't hold thesame expectation of certain
people in my divorce, in my, youknow, miscarrying a baby, and um
just like crappy lifeexperiences.

(52:43):
Um, it's also important to justidentify like what you what you
do and should or shouldn'tnecessarily expect of people, or
what's your your own personal ummeasure of that?

SPEAKER_01 (52:58):
I like the one of the things I did I don't know
how many years ago, five, sixyears ago, maybe, is I I'm a big
fan of the food versus poison,nourishing versus toxic.
I do a lot of coaching on thesubject I have for 29, 28 years
now.
And I never thought well, here'show it worked.
I was I I I have a group offriends, uh I did, and one of my

(53:20):
friends who's kind of in thatgroup, but really was more of a
uh on the fringe of the groupmore, but he and I are super
close, we think alike, we youknow, we have a lot of really
in-depth conversations, and hesaid, I don't understand.
You talk about this food it musthave been in the last four
years, because I did a podcaston it, so it must have been
since I've started the podcast.
You talk about food and poison,Brian, and how it's important to

(53:43):
make sure you're surroundingyourself with nourishing people
and you yourself are nourishing.
Yet you accept this behavior inyour life.
So what I did is, so I guess itmust have been three and a half,
four years ago, I put together,and I carry it with me in my in
my binder that I carryeverywhere I go, a list of three
columns nourishing slash food,question mark in the middle, and

(54:04):
toxic slash poison.
And I literally have a the listof the nourishing people in my
life.
I have a list of people I don'tknow yet, like I'm just I don't
know, I don't know people wellenough, or sometimes they kind
of vacillate, and then I have alist of toxic people.
And it's based on experience andthe years of experience.
Really, it's based on when Iwalk away from them in a
conversation or text orface-to-face or whatever phone

(54:28):
call, how do I feel?
Do I feel like a better personor a lesser person?
And um and what I do now is Ihave a I can only connect
proactively with the nourishingpeople.
And what I have found in doingthat is number one, the
relationships have just in justsolidified.

(54:48):
And I've met more people likethat because now I only accept
that type in my life.
And I don't mean that I'm gonnashun people if they don't meet a
certain criteria.
It's it's it's more just whereI'm gonna allocate my resources,
which is my time and energy.

SPEAKER_02 (55:01):
Oh, it's your time.
That's exactly it.
Well, and that's where I thinkthere's just so many things
people do out of obligation.
Even um, you know, in financialservices, there's these
different conferences, andsometimes I'm just like, why am
I going to this?
And I finally just startedsaying no.
Or there's certain groups thatpeople would ask to be a part,

(55:22):
ask me to be in, and I'm like, II hate to sound like so selfish,
but I'm like, I don't reallyknow what I'm gonna get out of
this.
Like I I know what I can bringto it, but um no, I don't think
that sounds exciting.
And again, I I just use thesimple brometer of like, does
this sound exciting?

SPEAKER_03 (55:38):
That's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 (55:38):
And if it doesn't, I'm just like, no, thanks.
I don't think it's a good fit.
Someone asked me recently to beon like the it was some finance
committee in our town, andthey're like, it's a good, it's
a good service, and you would beso great at it.
I'm like, I'm sure, but itdoesn't sound that fun to me.
And the guy said, Well, don'tyou sometimes have to do things
you don't like?
And I'm like, no.

(56:01):
I'm like, I uh uh no, I'veactually created an experience
so I don't because there'ssomeone in Sullivanism that
loves doing the thing that youhate.
So why the hell would youcontinue doing the thing you
hate?
Like, frankly, it's kind ofselfish because there's someone
that really actually wants to dothat thing.
So let them do it.

(56:22):
Go find them.
That's your job.
Go find them.

SPEAKER_01 (56:24):
Do not how.
Do you think that holds truewhen you're younger in a career?
Because I can I would you weretalking, I remember thinking, I
remember I was thinking, Iremember I remember doing cold
calling out of the yellow pagesand the and the white pages back
in the day.
I hated every second of that.
I'm glad I did it because itgave me some thick skin.
But I I but I think there's apoint where you start to pay
every every year you pay moredues, so to speak, into the

(56:46):
universe.
And it's like at a certainpoint, yeah, it's like I don't
know if that it's notinteresting, what you said
exciting or interesting.
No way, man.
It's not worth it.
One thing I'm known for is and Iit pisses people off and it's
not a good quality, but I don'tcommit to anything.
I really don't.
I'm very non- Oh my god, I'm thesame.

SPEAKER_02 (57:03):
It's it's like tentative.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (57:06):
Don't invite me to a wedding six months in advance
because I'll decide the week of.
And if I said yes, I still mightnot show up.
I might not go to a graduation,even though I said yes six
months.
So I just stopped saying yes.
I don't RSVP for anything,unless it's immediate family, of
course.
I don't say yes.
And you want to would you wantto do something Friday?
Check with me Friday.

(57:27):
Because I don't know how I'mgonna feel.

SPEAKER_02 (57:28):
Again, but that's also where it like depends on
like the level of your people.
Right, exactly.
Yeah, one of my best friggin'friends and who I haven't seen,
I'm like, yes, I don't care whatthe hell we're doing.
Like, we have that date incommon, yes, we're just gonna do
something.
I don't care.
But I just got back from JacksonHole with two girlfriends, and
two of them had never metbefore, and I like connected

(57:49):
them as girlfriends.
It was so funny because we'vebeen on this like chat for six
months and whatever.
It was hilarious.
Because I was like, oh, right,you guys have never met.
But we the first night just madea list of like this sounds fun,
and then just throughout theweekend, and you know, between
the three of us, there's fivekids that we didn't have.
So every anything when you don'thave your kids with you is just
easier.
So we were like, let's just wingit, we can never do this.

(58:11):
But also, like for me, it's sucha gift to be able to practice
spontaneity because I feel likethat got lost as life went on,
or like the more I said yes tothings, there was less free time
to even have the ability to sayyes without canceling on someone
last minute.
So it's also nice, I find, tonot overcommit because you leave
no room for spontaneity andadventure.

(58:33):
And like I miss, I startedmissing that, and it was my own
fault.
Again, we create our ownprisons, it's like generally our
own fault.
But but getting back to thatearlier in your career, I think
it's a huge disservice toyourself to think that you just
know yourself.
I'm like, listen, 22-year-old,you friggin' don't.

(58:55):
Because what you what youstudied in school and what you
actually do in your job and andor in your entrepreneurial
endeavor and you're creatingsomething for yourself, and
every person that you work foror team that you work in, an
office that you're in, is gonnabe apples and oranges.
So, like, until you've hadenough experiences, like it

(59:16):
doesn't even make sense.
And frankly, I think like someof the best times I've learned
what I liked was again fromtrial and error and learning
what I didn't like.
Like, I remember in college Idid an um internship for this
event um company because I loveto go into parties.
Oh, it's right.
Maybe I'll love planningparties.
Well, come to find out, I loveto attend.

(59:40):
I hate to plan.
Good to know.
Good data.

SPEAKER_01 (59:45):
I've lost a couple of girlfriends because I'm a bad
planner in a non committer ofthe event.
So it is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 (59:52):
Well, and I yeah, and it's just figuring out like
what is the it doesn't have tobe all or none.
I'm a very all or none person.
Um, I'm not judging.
It.
I'm very much that, but it'sjust figuring out what matters
and what doesn't.
I think that's the biggestthing.
It's not about getting itperfect.
Like you may have your idealwork week and your ideal work
plan, but it's what are thethings that have to happen no

(01:00:13):
matter what?
And just make sure that happensand you can't screw it up.
Like that's it.
That's like the only thing thatactually matters.
And then when you have a greatweek, you can refer to your
ideal.
So especially when I've beenfeeling kind of junky in the
last year, I'm just clear whathas to happen no matter what.
Let me make sure to do that.
Give myself some grace.
The dog has been flipping greatbecause it's like you need to

(01:00:35):
take some walks, Carolyn.
The dog needs to walk, or youknow, it's your fault when he
pees on the floor because youdidn't take the thing out for
four hours and he's a puppy.
Um, but that has just calms mynervous system.
Oh my god.
And I'm not saying it's foreverybody, but it's like figure
out what works for you, likeyour own little formula.
Um, and when something's reallyexciting, like don't ignore it,

(01:00:58):
like create space for it.
It's just like when you, youknow, I move to a much smaller
place.
It's a silly analogy, but it'sit's it's or if you have a
smaller handbag, like you haveto make some decisions.
If you have a huge bag or youare traveling in your car versus
an airplane, you can throw moreshit in the car than you know
what to do with.
But when you have just acarry-on, you're only gonna
bring the essentials and or thethings that you really love.

(01:01:21):
And what you quickly find out islike you have way more crap than
you need, and you say yes to waymore things than you actually
want to.
And there's there's actually alot fewer people that really
light you up inside and justfocus on the good.
Like, don't let the bad things,the bad experiences, the bad
people, the bad 10 seconds ofyour day, like consume all of
the otherwise good things.

(01:01:42):
And that doesn't mean you haveto be like toxic positivity,
convincing yourself otherwise,but it's like don't focus on
what is good, and that'sactually how we kick off every
team meeting.
That's how I try to startconversation with my kids of
what happened to me that wasgood, or like fun, or what's
just good in life.
Sometimes it's as simple as, andit gives you so much information
about people when they eitherhave something to celebrate that

(01:02:04):
they're really psyched tocelebrate and share.
And sometimes they'll you'llfind that they have a really
hard time finding something, andthat in itself gives you a lot
of information of like just howyou can support them or that you
may want to keep an eye on them.
Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:20):
I heard a thing that you'd you'll con you would
relate to.
Um, I've heard this a few timesin the last few months.
I haven't used it yet, though.
Is never say how are you whenyou are when you come up when
you're talking with somebody.
Ask them what exciting thing areyou working on in your life?
Totally different.
And I'm like, that's gotta work.
Because how are you?
You know, good.
How are you?

(01:02:40):
Good.
Family's growing, yep.
My family's getting they get thebullshit stuff that nobody cares
about.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:45):
Weather, weather, baseball, basketball, football,
whatever.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:49):
That right there ignites a spirit, it ignites the
soul when you somebody isthinking, what exciting thing am
I working on?
Then it maybe they talk abouttheir family, maybe like myself,
who just had his fifthgrandchild uh last Friday.
I shout out to Little Otto 1222last Friday.
Um but so maybe that is what'sexciting right now.

(01:03:10):
So that that would be my answerright now.
But it doesn't it it it givesthat person an opportunity to
really think what's po excitingusually means positive.
You know, you're not gonna sayexciting in my life, well I'm
going through a divorce.
No, you're probably gonna bypassthat statement.
You're gonna say, Oh, I'mworking the business, you know,
we're working on these new coolthings in the business, or
whatever.

(01:03:30):
You know, I just took a trip towhere'd you go, Jackson Hole?
Yeah.
Did you run into an avalanche bythe way?

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:37):
No, but I was wearing fluorescent or I was
safe.
I had my fluorescent orangepuppy outfit and boots, and I
worked to the dog park today,and my ladies of the fields were
like, Okay, you have arrived.
You have nothing arrived.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:53):
That that that stands out, man.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:55):
Yeah, but I will not be lost in an episode.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:58):
No, you won't.
You know what?

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:00):
I saw you loved or hated.
Loved or hated, never ignored,Brian.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:03):
Oh, that's a great that might be the title for our
podcast.
I I want to comment on a I Ipulled up on my iPad, I have it
here, your meme that you postedtoday on.
I don't know if it was Facebookor Instagram, I don't know.
Maybe it's your story.
And it said, My five-year planlive so fully that my future
self never has to wonder whatif.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:26):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:27):
Dude, that's good.
That kind of sums you up.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's something, you know, Ihave to keep reminding myself
too.
And I think it's um uh as muchas there's all this stuff I'm
exciting, excited about, there'sthen this balance of you'll
speed up if you slow down alittle bit.
And it's so counterintuitive,but the more I've leaned into
that, you can just be moreintentional and present to that

(01:04:54):
voice that's inside of youthat's saying like yes, or like
no.
Like I know you think it mightbe a good idea, but um, and you
have the answer.
Like, you have the answer.
So there's a trip like with mycrazy wayfinders people that I
went to Wow's last year for twoweeks, and uh coming up, I was

(01:05:15):
signed up for a trip toPatagonia, and you know, it's my
kids, it's their first holidayswith all this cluster of divorce
stuff, and I'm the house that'snot as familiar for them, and
just trying to come up withstructure with my student to be
ex, and it was just clunky.
And and in my gut, I was like, Idon't know if I should go.
And no one was saying this tome, but it kept coming at me.
And once I made a decision, Iwas just at peace.

(01:05:38):
I was like, Oh, like it wasalready there, I just wasn't
giving it any space.
I actually I stopped drinking, Ithink I told you this.
I stopped drinking four yearsago.
Yeah, and thankfully it was myidea, but my business partner
was like, Carolyn, I was aboutto say something to you.
I would have been so pissed ifit was someone else's idea, it
had to be my idea.
Um, but it was something thathad been bothering me for years,

(01:05:59):
and I had been curious aboutwhat would life be like because
that was part of my identity wasdrinking.
It's part of my it was a bigthing, it was just the habit.

SPEAKER_03 (01:06:08):
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:09):
Um, and but once I made a decision, and when you
100% 100% commit to anything,it's easy because your decision
is the mate, there's nothingelse to think about.
So whether it's, you know, somepeople they're runners and you
look at them and you're like,look at these crazy people.
They get up at five o'clockevery morning and they run like
10 miles, but they don't thinkabout it.

(01:06:31):
They don't it's not like I don'tknow if today I'm gonna do it.
It's just what they do.
Um, other people, again, justsome things that you're not
gonna do.
Or um, like for me, it wasdrinking.
And once I stopped and peoplelike, do you miss it?
Honestly, no.
I still do the same crazy stuff.
I'm still as insane as I waswhen I was drunk.

(01:06:51):
But now I'm not gonna get introuble when I'm driving, and I
can drive you too.
You're welcome.
Um I just saved you your Uberfare.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:01):
I went out with my son and his friends two weeks
ago on a Saturday.
Well, I went to his house towatch the Michigan football
game.
We couldn't get it on hisprojection in his garage, so
we're like, let's just go to thebar, we'll watch it.
And I drank, we literally wewere I was here at noon.
I ended up we ended up cominghome around 10.
And then his friends kind offollowed us home, and then I
ended up going to bed.

(01:07:21):
So for 10 hours, I drank, Ithink it was at least 14,
probably 15 non-alcoholic beers.
Those um, I forget what thething is.

SPEAKER_02 (01:07:29):
I thought you were saying you were drinking, and I
was like, Brian, you sure youwant to say this in your
podcast?

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:33):
Oh, I would talk about it if it was beer.
I'm like, oh my god, where am Igoing with this?
But what I learned though was Ihad a lot of fun.
Like it was fun.
Like I felt good.
Obviously, the next day I got upearly.
I went for a uh went for a walk,and then I came back and I went
for a hike later on.
I mean, I felt great.

(01:07:53):
And but it was like no, I don'tI don't miss it.
But it's only I've only been ina couple of meals.
But I mean, I I'm not liketotally done drinking.
I don't think I'll have a fewbeers here and there, I'm sure.
Um, I did after my son grandsonwas born because the middle aim
is named after me.
So um I had a littlecelebration, but I'm like, that
doesn't feel good.
That doesn't feel naturalanymore.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:15):
And teach his own.
It's like whatever works foryou.
Like it's it if I could, and Idid, I tried for me because I
really enjoyed it.
I love being buzzed, beingdrunk, I love it.
But I can't just have twodrinks, and I don't even really
feel much after two drinks, soit just quickly goes from all to
none and or none to all.
And I'm like, this is so I foundanother filter that I really

(01:08:37):
love when I'm stuck.
I try to come up with simplethings to fall back on.
And um, it was originally mybrother that introduced it to me
by way it was he was talkingabout it more in the context of
from marketing and yourmessaging like, might it be
helpful or may it be harmful?
And so I started to just thinkabout different decisions I
made, and by no means does thismean, or am I trying to suggest

(01:09:00):
I make the perfect decisions?
It's more of like how can I bemore intentional?
And and that's where I was Istarted just thinking, might
this be helpful or may it beharmful?
And with booze, I'm like for me,never is this helpful.
Like, never have I ever donesomething better when I'm drunk,
and I just take it to anotherlevel, so it just doesn't serve

(01:09:22):
me, it doesn't work for me.
But the cool thing was it itdoesn't uh oftentimes people
associate giving something upwith giving something up, and
I'm like, no, no, no, like Igained so much, including not
risking relationships, likepossible dangerous situations.
I should be dead, like the dumbstuff we do in college, never
mind beyond.

(01:09:42):
And like as our professionalcareer really took off, my
business partner when she wasalmost gonna branch me, she's
like, You could blow up thewhole thing by doing something
really stupid.
And I'm like, Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:54):
Well, that's what makes successful people
successful is that kind of thatedgy mentality, and it can be
used for a lot of good, but itcan also it can it can you can
get you it can create a darkside that can really be
damaging.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:07):
Yeah, well, and again, it's just like one bad
thing, and never was never am Iam I giving up some great
opportunity.
Like, in fact, like it's moreit's more acceptable if I want
to do something really late andI was out at some crazy, like
I'm what am I like 22 going outat this industrial party in the
middle of Toronto till four inthe morning.

(01:10:29):
I'm like, who am I?
But I'm dead sober, so I'm like,ugh.
Whereas if I'm should face, likethat's a really dangerous
situation to put myself in.

SPEAKER_01 (01:10:37):
It really is, it really is.
It's I think it's a little moredangerous for women.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:40):
Um for sure, but in our business, and to be fair, in
our business, like it stinks,but part of my message to
younger women sometimes, I'mlike, it sends a message if
you're out at certain hours, andyou can say it's unfair or
whatever, but it is what it is,it is what it is.
But I'm like, honestly, I ifyou're sober, you're just gonna
be tired and you'll want to goto bed.

(01:11:04):
So you won't want to be outanyways.
But uh, I can't believe thestuff I used to do, and I was
able to do it, but everything isclear for me.
Um, and I feel things more.
I found that I was probablyusing drinking at a certain
point for numbing of a lot ofthings I didn't want to feel.
Sure.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:11:24):
Well, that's the thing is when you stop and you
like the I used the phraseearlier, which was a phrase of
my good friend Kevin in college,and he he and I were on the same
team together, we were alsoroommates.
Um, and we would draw, we wouldpedal our bikes to this thing
called the I think it was calledthe dams or something.
It was a kind of a some rapids.
And I remember one time himsitting out there, and he and I
were both pretty crazy on theteam, and and um I was kind of a

(01:11:47):
violent guy, he wasn't, but weboth got crazy at parties and
stuff.
And he said, You and I arerunning so fast in our younger
life here in college because hisquote was, We're afraid if we
stop, the stench of our liveswill catch up with us.
And I always carried that quote.
I used it earlier before we atthe beginning of our
conversation.
I think that, you know, and Ithink that's where alcohol comes

(01:12:08):
in for a lot of people.
It's you don't have to let thestench of life catch up to you.
Even if it does, you don'tnotice it, you don't sense it.
But when you sit there and sitin it and relish and kind of
wallow in it a little bit, thenmaybe even relish in it later
on, you realize, okay, thisisn't so bad.
And then all of a sudden there'sa turning point.
I told a friend of mine whodrinks pretty quite often, I
said, if you just go three dayswithout alcohol, the third day

(01:12:30):
things look prettier.
The colors are more vibrant.
And it literally happened.
And because I'd go long periodswithout drinking, and then I'd
go a week and I'd have a fseveral drinks, and I'd go
another three weeks.
You know, I did that, and um,and I'd say a third day by like
Tuesday, I feel great.
Like I might I'm colors areprettier, I can smell better, I
feel great in the morning, I'mmore productive.

SPEAKER_02 (01:12:51):
I'm like, why I mean you literally sleep in ways that
you physiologically like aren'tcapable of sleeping and alcohols
in your system.
Like, there's so many, there'sso many reasons.

SPEAKER_01 (01:12:59):
Because it processes the bot the sugar later on in
the in the night, and that'swhen you wake up.

SPEAKER_02 (01:13:04):
All the things, but but honestly, how I ended up
finally getting to it was in themidst of it was 2021.
It's like you know, year two ofCOVID, and that year, because my
husband and I are just freakingcrazy, and we had done eight
real estate transactions,including two reverse 1031
exchanges, bought a financialadvice practice, we had got
renovated our house, we hadmoved by I was like, oh boy.

(01:13:28):
And I was looking at it and I'mgoing, there's no room for
error.
Like, we can't mess any of thisup.
And it was like 24-7.
And so even we were talkingbefore from a positive sense of
like how do we create room forgood?
It was like, I don't have timeto be hungover, sleep deprived,

(01:13:50):
drinking like an asshole, when Ishould be hanging out with my
kids or sleeping, or I don'tknow, or doing one of these real
estate transactions that I can'tdelegate to someone else.
And it was like, no, I just justby you know process of
elimination was like thisdoesn't fit.
But also recognizing you've beenkind of annoyed about this for a
while, Carolyn.
Maybe, and it was funny.

(01:14:11):
I I initially was like, That'sit, I'm done with drinking.
And I read this book that wasexcellent for women, especially
um This naked mind.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:19):
I read that, yeah.
I I l I actually I listened tothat on audio, like me too.

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:23):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me too.
And she kept talking, and I'mlike, Oh, damn it, that's what I
do too.
Oh, I know.
Of like, you're gonna try for amonth or you're gonna make
rules.
And one of my rules was like, ohyeah, Tim, one of my rules, I
saw my husband, I'm like, so oneof my rules is I can't drink
alone, and the kids don't count.
So, and then I'd be like, Socould we have a glass of wine?

(01:14:44):
He's like, I don't really wantto drink today.
I'm like, But don't you want aglass of wine?
He's like, Okay.
Because I had I couldn't bedrinking by myself, and um, but
you make all these rules andthey're stupid.
And finally, it's like, this isexhausting.
Like, this is stupid.
What am I doing?
So then I just I realized aftera week, like, oh, I haven't
drank for a week.
I think I'm done.
And I told one of my friends, Ithink I said I'm done forever.

(01:15:07):
And um she's like, Well,Carolyn, that's dream.
Um, what if you just decide toquit for the quarter and see how
it goes?
I'm like, Oh, I think that's agood idea.
And then after the quarter, Iwas like, why would I go back?
Like, I don't miss it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:23):
This is stupid.
You don't hear of anybody whoquit drink.
My brother quit cold turkey, I'mgonna say 13 years ago, and he
was a heavy drinker.
Um, and he quit, and I have justbeen able, he's my older brother
by 10 years, and I've done I'vejust watched him become the man
he always was when he wasyounger, and then when he was
always destined to be as a as aas a fiance, as a father, as a

(01:15:47):
as a grandfather, as a son, as abrother to me, as an uncle, just
as in a business person.
I just he's just a completelydifferent human being.
It's a big inspiration um for alot of people just to watch.
He just stopped one day, and Ireally didn't think he'd be able
to.
He just said, No, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:02):
And well, and we're talking about alcohol right now,
but I think this is like a greatlike inventory for people to
take for themselves of like whatis something I'm doing that's
just like it's just an honestquestion that you can just ask
yourself.
You don't have to talk about itout loud of just what is
something I'm maybe doing umthat I don't realize has become
a habit that's kind of capturedme, that's something that

(01:16:25):
probably isn't actually servingme.
So that helpful, harmful, it'slike actually not helpful.
It might be harmful, even if itisn't every day harmful.
And sometimes that'soverworking, sometimes it's
overworking out, like justyou're obsessed with is there
something you're obsessed with?
Is it it could be social media?
And again, I'm not saying itfrom a place of judgment.
I I find that I just constantlyuse this filter and it helps me

(01:16:48):
call me out on my own shit whenI'm finally ready to do
something about it.
Because sometimes you're justnot ready, and that's that's
like okay.
But I find like if I keep comingback to these between knowing my
core values, knowing my people,because my people are who I
listen to.
Because I know to your point,they give a shit about my

(01:17:08):
success and my happiness and mythey're cheering me on, and they
want to help me, and they knowI'll do the same for them.
So I know when I hear it fromthem, there's no filter.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:17):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:18):
So um yeah, so I just these little, these little
rules of thumb uh that like it'snot like oh I read it and it
just made sense.
It's like as life went on, Ijust found these little tools in
my toolbox that I keep comingback to.
But the biggest thing for me forsure has been my own discovery
to my core values because then Iknow it's authentic to me.

(01:17:42):
Um, it's not someone else toldme it's what you're supposed to
do.
I'm like, no, I know and I amliving in this way, I feel alive
and human and like one, like Ifeel present and feel like this
is why I was created to be doingthis.

SPEAKER_01 (01:17:59):
Your highest level, your highest potential.
I call it the true peakidentity.
You know, and I do want to,before I wrap up, I do want to,
again, I'm gonna talk to theaudience directly of what
Carolyn just said is so crucial.
Your uh whatever you might beholding on to that's m didn't
isn't serving you right now.
Maybe it's alcohol, maybe it'sdrugs, maybe it's addiction to

(01:18:20):
exercise, maybe it's a foodaddiction.
I don't know what it is.
Um whatever it is, take a goodlook at that.
Give yourself a good self-auditand ask yourself, is this
currently serving my highestpotential?
Because it it can sometimes thething that destroys us most is
the thing we did yesterday thatactually worked for us
yesterday.

(01:18:41):
It could be things that reallywere good for you at one point
in time and no longer are.
So don't take the word alcoholout of that, our conversation,
if that's not your your vice oryour your challenge, and put
anything in there.
It could be love, it could be,you know, the obsession, I mean,
it could be self-de or uh whatdo you call it, dependency, you

(01:19:01):
know.
So all right, my friend.
Give us one last nugget.
Could you just throw I I mean Istopped taking notes because I'm
gonna go back and listen to it.
I'll get the I'm gonna print outthe transcripts, is what I'm
gonna do after I listen to itagain.
What's a good nugget you want toleave the bamboo pack with?

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:19):
Oh man.
Something new.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:21):
I said I could ask you anything.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:23):
I know.

SPEAKER_02 (01:19:24):
Shoot.
Shoot, shoot, let's think.
I mean, I just I I again I keepcoming back to so much, I'll say
it again, I tattooed it on myarm so I can't escape it.
Know what it is that you want tobe, that you are, not you wanna
be, that you just areunapologetic about, like that

(01:19:45):
you want for yourself, that youdesire, that you don't deny
yourself your dream and yourlike your real human desire,
whether it's in relationships,in your work, and your where you
live and how you spend yourtime, it doesn't mean you are or

(01:20:05):
aren't um entitled to it ordeserving or undeserving, but
like know what the heck it isthat's really important to you
because it's gonna be yourguiding light of how you start
to make other decisions, goals,et cetera, that you know are
authentic to you.
And as you get more clarity,start sharing it with your
people.
They're gonna give you differentideas, resources, introductions.

(01:20:30):
Um, don't try to do it allyourself.
But the first step start is withjust asking yourself the
questions.
Sometimes it's in the mirror,chat GPT, your journal, whatever
it is.
It's a lot of the stuff thatsince you've been a little kid
that you've just been like, thatmaybe you forgot in the shooting
of adulthood that everyone elsehas been telling you to do.

(01:20:52):
Um, and I think that's a hugepart that comes like as people
like start to approach thesecond mountain of their life
that they've had this incrediblefinancial success and accolades,
etc.
It's like in the secondmountain, it's like you start to
realize like, oh, I haven't evenreally started my real life yet.
Like I feel a lot like ateenager right now.
Um which is really refreshing,also kind of scary, but it's

(01:21:16):
like, well, I'm a teenager, butI actually have money and like I
know I kind of know some of thewisdom, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:22):
You got some experience behind you and some
wisdom.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:24):
And so do my people.
And uh yeah, so I I think that'slike that's my best takeaway I
can give to anyone in anycontext because it applies to
your life, your business, youname it.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:34):
I think it's the perfect last hunt little nugget.
And I gotta tell you anyway, Ilike you.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:41):
I'm perfect, Brian.
I know you're awesome, man.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:44):
You are.
I'm so glad we're we're we'redepending on the book.
I know this is so fun.

SPEAKER_03 (01:21:46):
I'm so happy I reached out to you.

SPEAKER_01 (01:21:48):
Yeah, that's the thing I I like when I can tell
if a podcast is doing well is amI having fun?
Am I enjoying it?
Yeah, you know, and that's true99% of the time.
The podcast does well if it justit's an authentic conversation
between two people who are justtrying to who have some
experience behind them, somewisdom, some some road behind
them, but are still alwayslooking for what's next.

(01:22:10):
What can we do better?
How can we serve others?
How can we make connections?
I mean, whatever it is.
So hey, can you stand a littlebit after that?

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:16):
It's for another day.
I have to say, it's for anotherday, but I can't stress enough.
There's so many of our friends,our colleagues, people we know,
and they're just like podcastjunkies, but they listen,
listen, listen.
Like, if you don't executesomething, it doesn't matter how
much you listen to it.
Exactly.
You gotta do something.
And just start with just startwith one thing.

SPEAKER_01 (01:22:37):
It's like every book you read, every podcast, or
every speech you hear, watch,every talk, TED talk.
Just take one thing out of itand write it down.
Like put a little journal andlike, okay, I got this out of
that.
I mean, there are I read a lotof books, and there's some books
I get one lesson or one learningout of, but you know, it's worth
it.
It's one thing that may I may ormay not use, but I'm I'll I'll
try to implement and see if itworks, you know.

(01:22:58):
So my friend, can you stand fora few minutes after we wrap up?

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:02):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:02):
Oh awesome.
All right, I can't say thisenough.
I mean, I really enjoyed this,Carolyn.
I know you're busy, and I'm soglad grateful when I asked you
in our our coffee virtualcoffee, virtual coffee, yeah, if
you'd come on and you said yesright away.
So it's been an honor, and I'mso looking forward to continuing
to get to know you anddeveloping this friendship
because you are one of mypeople.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:23):
We're each other's people.
We stick together.

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:26):
All right.
Thank you for coming on.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:27):
Thanks, Brian.

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:28):
You're welcome.
Everyone, thank you for tuningin.
I mean, I'm gonna ask you, Iknow this one's gonna this
podcast is gonna strike a lot ofpeople in a very positive way.
Um, so I'd like you to do this.
I'd like you to listen to it.
And then I'd like you to shareit with three people, please.
And smash that like button.
Please rate and review us.
Tell me how I'm doing, let meknow if I'm sucking or if I'm
doing well on this and what Ican improve on.
I might not listen, but I meanI'm actually I probably might

(01:23:51):
not even read it, but Ishouldn't say that.
I will read it.
Um and again, thank you fortuning in.
I know everybody out there isbusy.
We appreciate the time you getyou've given to us.
I'll see you next week.
Same time, same place.
In the meantime, please get outthere and strive to give it and
be your best.
Show love and respect to others,but bring it on to yourself as
well.
And please, by all means, liveintentionally and with purpose.

(01:24:12):
Until next time.

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