I Can Make it Happen for You / 4.16 The Tenth Anniversary

In an episode inspired by Season 4, Episode 16 of Everybody Loves Raymond, “The Tenth Anniversary,” Alex accidentally TiVos over the film of Mike I’s funeral.

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Episode Transcript

Alex (00:00):
Good morning, students and faculty of Lynbrook University.
As you know, each week, you arerequired to watch an episode
of Everybody Loves Raymond.
This week's episode is Season4, Episode 16, 10th Anniversary.

(00:21):
Ray accidentally tapes footballover his wedding, which
resulted Deborah being very mad.
We recommend watching the showas soon as possible to prepare
for what you are about to hear.
Also, I was unaware thattoday was laxative lunch day.
Will someone please bringme some brown pants?

Adam (01:01):
Okay, uh, everyone if you'll just take your seats.
Uh, just fill in, can we get some people?
Come down, come downfrom the, from the back.
Just fill in the frontcouple of rows here.
Uh, attendance is a little less.
Then we thought it was gonna be so justjust everyone kind of come to the front
people in the balconies come down Okay,the screen is coming down now Folks,

(01:24):
we're gonna get started with the screeningof the the funeral Of Mike I's funeral.

Mike (01:31):
Oh man, Alex, I, I just, I can't believe I'm actually
finally able to see it.
You know, I, I know I've had alot of funerals, but like, I've
never actually seen one before.
I can't believe it.

Alex (01:40):
Yeah, you know Mike, we're, we're glad you came back, uh, to life.
And we, we gave you the, just themost respectful and touching funeral.
I'm so excited.
Yeah, no, I I, for you to,to see it on the big screen,

Mike (01:54):
you know, I'm, I'm so glad it, it's never gonna top the time that God
himself told me that I was too boringto be, to be brought into the afterlife.
Uh, but I, I really do appreciate youguys continuing to hold these things.
We're up to, what am I on now?
I'm a, I'm, I'm, we've had like 13of these things, so I'm, uh, yeah.
It's gonna be nice to hearwhat people say about me.

Alex (02:14):
Yeah, we were almost, uh, have enough to get a free sandwich.

Mike (02:18):
Yeah.

Adam (02:19):
Okay, folks, uh, the, the issue with the projector is resolved.
Thank you all so much for your patience.
The screen is coming down.
Uh, the funeral of Mike I, uh, asyou all know, we held it a couple
of, uh, a couple of days ago.
Uh, it was significantly delayed.
Uh, Mike I did die.

(02:39):
A couple weeks back, actually,but, uh, we just got around to it.
Um, I know tickets were limited.
I know you all couldn't makeit, so I appreciate y'all
coming out to the screening.
And, uh, just, you know, be respectful.
Keep your voices down.
Don't talk.
Don't text.
Um, don't, don't ruinthe movie, basically.

(03:00):
Hey, hey, question, question here.
Oh, I didn't know we were doing questions.
This is, the Q& A portion is gonna bea After the, the screening, but I will
take a couple of, as the director,I'll take a couple of questions now.

Mike (03:15):
I got, I got a question for you.

Adam (03:17):
Actually, actually, can we, can we bring the writer out?
Uh, Alex, Alex Scheer, everyone.
The writer of The Funeral of Mike.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mike.
We were gonna come out, uh, at the end,but, uh, just a couple of questions now,
and then we'll, we'll kick things off.

Mike (03:32):
Hey, hi.
I'm, uh, Vito.
I, um, I'm part of the, uh,the, the funeral studies
program here at the university.
I, uh, just wanted to say, do youhave anything to say about the
surge pricing that kept a lot ofmy classmates out of this thing?

Alex (03:45):
Well, Vito, I mean, given that I was in the class with you and someone
decided to flunk me out of it, Ijust didn't think it appropriate to
have, uh, some of the, some of my exclassmates, uh, assist me on this.
It wasn't really, uh, so much as aproving that I can do it better than

(04:05):
you guys could, it's more just likea, more of a suck it type of thing.

Adam (04:11):
Vito, you might have noticed that to get into the funeral, we did have
those Wendy's kiosks that they were tryingto, to roll the surge pricing out on.
And that's why, uh, Mike, Mike,Mike was under Baconator, but I
understand that the sticker shockkinda kept a lot of people out.
We didn't have control over that.
That was still being, uh,controlled by Wendy's Corporate.

(04:34):
So that's what the 30Baconator, uh, slash Mike was.
Uh, but we've worked outthe bugs for next time.
I mean, not that there will be a nexttime, cause he's dead, but for next
time we've worked out the bugs on the

Mike (04:46):
game.
Yeah, just cause like, I mean, I, I, I'msure you did nice work, but I'm just,
you know, I, I'm here, and I, I used thepromo code of Mike fucking eats it, and I
didn't get any reduction in prices, and I,I just wanna express my, my frustration.

Adam (05:00):
Wendy's told us that they're not, the system won't allow you to
put in a promo code with Fucking,fuck, fucker, mother fucker, uh.
Oh, so Wendy's

Mike (05:13):
is a prude, huh?

Adam (05:15):
They will take bacon fucker, which they were testing as like
an after dark kind of menu item.
You know Wendy's,

Alex (05:23):
they don't let you fuck with them, but they'll fuck with you all day.
It's the

Adam (05:25):
Baconator, but

Alex (05:26):
there's a

Adam (05:27):
hole in the center.

Mike (05:28):
Gotcha.
Yeah.
Okay.
I understand.
I understand.
All right, listen, I just wantto say I'm very enthusiastic.
Vito, this is

Adam (05:34):
not really supposed to be a conversation.
I kind of thought you might have like onelike procedural question or something.

Mike (05:45):
No, no, I'm just super interested in the whole thing.
I just, I can't wait to see, I cansmell the formaldehyde from here.
I really appreciate your help.
Okay, goodbye.
I'll get off the mic.

Adam (05:55):
See what I was telling you about Vito.
We gotta stick, my, Alex, wegotta keep Mike from wearing
formaldehyde as a cologne.
I mean, I know he's accustomed toit, but it's not, it's not good.
Oh, we got another question!
We've got another question.
No,

Alex (06:09):
no, I don't Great.
First Vito, and now Yes, ma'am.

Mike (06:14):
Hey, hey, hi, I'm, I'm Jarena.
I just, I, I just wanted to say That's

Adam (06:18):
a beautiful name.
That is a beautiful name.

Mike (06:24):
I appreciate it.
I'm just here because I wantedto see, you know, I'm gonna
die in a few months, I'm sure.
Oh.
Can I

Adam (06:33):
ask?

Mike (06:35):
By

Adam (06:35):
How old?
Couple questions.

Mike (06:38):
Yeah.

Adam (06:39):
How old?

Mike (06:41):
92.

Adam (06:42):
Okay, planned?

Mike (06:45):
Well, nobody gets to nobody knows the date and time.
I just feel it coming, you know, I'veseen the seen the signs I've seen the
vultures perched outside my bedroomwindow, you know, the whole banyans.
The sign

Adam (06:57):
yeah.
Did did the signs say Kevorkianmedical practice on it?
Because that then youwould know the exact date.
If you had the assisted.

Mike (07:06):
Yeah, no, it's, it's great.
I, I mean, I, I get their forms.

Adam (07:10):
Just, just to cut the, cut to the chase, are you planning
an assisted suicide or no?

Mike (07:15):
No, no, I'm not.
I just know that it's coming.
Dr. Kowalki, it is very insistent.
He thinks I should, but I don't.

Adam (07:23):
With K?

Mike (07:24):
No, he's with Special K and he sends me eight, eight mails a day.
And so , he

Adam (07:29):
just, you get direct mail from Dr. Kevorkian?

Mike (07:33):
Yes, I do.
Which makes me really, I don't know whatto do with that information, to be honest.
But anyway, I wanted tosay that I really, so you.
You get

Adam (07:43):
Valpak, and you get like the local dentist, and then you got Kvorkian.

Mike (07:47):
Yeah, that's correct.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, they all got my mailing address.
I'm on everybody's mail.
It's great.
But I have to ask When I finallydo croak, how do I get this level
of spectacle for my grandkids?
Cause they need to knowthat grandma's cool.

Adam (08:04):
Let's talk after.
Our packages are pretty reasonable.
Okay.
Um, as are the prices on our services.

Mike (08:12):
Okay, got it.

Adam (08:13):
Dick dick joke.
Uh, yeah, we'll talk.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
We got another question in the back.
Oh

Mike (08:25):
Hi, hi, I'm dr. Kevorkian.
I just want to say Jarena.
I would really appreciatean RSVP guys This is

Adam (08:32):
not this isn't Jerry Springer.
This is don't you're not supposed tobe working stuff out here We're here to
watch the funeral of our friend, Mike I

Alex (08:41):
Look, just talk quietly

Adam (08:43):
and

Mike (08:43):
I can make
it happen for you.

Alex (08:44):
Oh my god.

Adam (08:45):
Is that your new slogan?
Dr. Kevorkian, I canmake it happen for you.

Mike (08:50):
You
know it.
Yeah, absolutely.

Alex (08:53):
My life's work is on this screen and you are just keeping me from it.
Alex

Adam (08:58):
wrote, spent like an hour writing this funeral.

Mike (09:03):
Hey, if this
is your life's work and you're done,you know, you don't have to wait around.
We can take care of that.

Adam (09:07):
Kevorkian,
leave.
I'm sorry.
Stop, I saw you put your QR code onthe window, take it down, you have
to, no soliciting, it says it on theoutside of the theater, no soliciting.

Mike (09:20):
Okay, okay,
fine, fine, I'll take it down, but hey,just saying, I'll post it somewhere
else, if you guys see a QR code, youwant out, I can make it happen for you.

Adam (09:32):
I can make
it happen for you, he said it.
He said it!

Alex (09:40):
Wow.

Adam (09:42):
Any other questions, or should we?
Okay.
Uh, I didn't, I didn't catch that, sir.

Mike (09:50):
Get on with it!
I spent too much money at Wendy's.
I need, I need this, play the thing.

Adam (09:57):
Okay, we are gonna, uh, take the house lights down, uh, Todd, and
then, uh, just hit play whenever you'reready on, uh, The funeral of Mike I.
Okay, sir,

Alex (10:10):
you got it!
Wow, that's an interesting film.
That's pretty, yeah.
They

Mike (10:20):
really did it in 3, 2, 1.
That was, that's insane.

Adam (10:25):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to pay our respects
to Mike Uh, I. Uh, he wasn't partof our community here for long, but.
He certainly left an impact.
Um, Leviticus says, uh,

(10:52):
There were It's something about footstepsin the sand, and that's what I carry.

Alex (10:59):
Welcome to

Adam (10:59):
Strangling

Alex (11:00):
Dan's Duck Wrestling!
Here we have our two competitors!
Wait,

Mike (11:05):
Alex, this isn't

Alex (11:05):
On to my left we have Mr. Biggs!
Quack!
Quack!
Quack!
And on to my left, we have The Duck!
I am a duck.
Let's get this duck wrestling going!
Hey, hold

Mike (11:21):
on, guys, guys, guys.
I just, this isn't my The, my guys.
Funeral, this is, this is duck wrestling.
What, what the hell is goin on here?
Ooooooooooo Boobs startraining down from the audience.

Adam (11:36):
That, oh, okay, Todd, turn it off.
Turn it off.
Ah That wasn't, that wasn't a funeral.
That was duck wrestling.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're havingsome technical Some technical
difficulties, uh, we will Hi,

Mike (11:49):
hi, hi, it's me, Jarena.
Yeah, I just wanted to say My voicemight have changed, I'm sorry.
Uh, I just want to say, I no longerwant to associate with you guys.
Stay the fuck away from my funeral.
I don't want any ducks.
My grandkids are allergic.
They're gonna be so scared.
I'm out.
You

Adam (12:06):
don't seem like a fun lady.
Jerina and Dr. Kevorkian walk armin arm out of the, uh, theater.
Shit!
We lost another one to Kevorkian, Alex.
Folks, we are so sorry.
I just want to assureeveryone that Hey, how

Mike (12:20):
you doing?
I'm Vito.
Vito!
It's me, Vito, again.
I just want to say, I What was theThis was not covered in the lecture.
Alex, I see why Why Dr.Ferguson kicked you out.
This is This is unacceptable.

Alex (12:32):
Okay, to be fair, I think we are kind of skipping over the fact
That I managed to TiVo an episode ofDuck Wrestling on like a roll of film.
That's pretty impressive.

Adam (12:46):
Folks, I want to assure everyone that this is a pure TiVo accident.
This was not, the Duck Wrestlingwas not part of Mike I's funeral.
I want to make that clear.
That is how he died, butthat's not part of the funeral.
I'm so sorry.
We are gonna look into this.
We are going to contact the videographerand we are going to get the original

(13:09):
copy and we will host a new screening.
I am so sorry for the inconvenience.
There will be no refunds.
Um, and your tickets will not behonored for the rescheduled date.
But, we'll take some questions now.
Now, we'll take some questions.
Oh good, like ten hands.

Mike (13:27):
Hi, um, I'd like a double baconator with cheese, please.

Alex (13:31):
Okay, that'll be 38.
Thank you very

Mike (13:33):
much.

Alex (13:34):
You want fries?
Yeah, that'd be great.
We don't have fries.
We do have chili.

Mike (13:38):
Hey, uh, I got a, I got a question here.
Um, how do I take the over Vito?
No, no, no, no.
That Vito, Vito's myVito's your twin brother?
We get mixed up.
Vito's, Vito's my brother.
Um, I just gotta say, I, uh, how doI take the over on the, uh, the duck?

Alex (13:56):
Uh, I'm afraid that That show happened like five days ago.

Mike (13:59):
The rest of everybody in the audience storms out.
They're all Oh, come on.
As they leave, as they'reNobody else has any questions?
Safe!
I got a question!
Fuck you!
That's not a question.
That's He walks out.
Uh, guys I just gotta say, um,uh, as much as, like, this is

(14:21):
this is Too much this is a little

Alex (14:23):
too art nouveau.

Mike (14:24):
I I hate this I feel like did you like

Adam (14:27):
how the portion of the funeral that was not taped over
was that like a dutch angle?

Mike (14:33):
No, I no I did not to be honest.
Well,

Alex (14:36):
is it that you don't like that?
Will you are you more into fish wrangling?

Mike (14:39):
No, first of all Okay.

Adam (14:41):
Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I misspoke it.
Not a dutch angle a duck angle.

Mike (14:45):
This is so I got a lot of a lot of problems with this scenario.
First of all, Adam's not a priest.
What was he given that speech?

Alex (14:54):
Well, Mike, you always call him daddy.

Mike (14:56):
True, but you don't call it priest daddy.
That's a different thing.

Alex (14:59):
So, okay, that part's on me then.
Yeah, that's second

Mike (15:01):
of all.
My bad.
Second of all,

Adam (15:03):
you saw through the makeup.
You saw through my makeup?
I got Gary Oldman's guide andmade him into Winston Churchill.
You saw through my makeup?

Mike (15:11):
You were quoting a, a, a part of the Bible that A. Oh, that gave it away.
Deals with Jesus and, and, butyou quoted it from Leviticus,
which happens before Jesus.
Second of all, that storydoesn't even appear in the Bible.
This is not, what, what, guys.
I

Adam (15:29):
knew I shouldn't have improvised.

Mike (15:31):
But okay, forgetting all of that.
This is like the pinnacle of my life.
This is like people gather to likemourn and say nice things about you.

Alex (15:42):
Most of them thought this was Wendy's.

Mike (15:44):
It

Alex (15:46):
seemed like, like they really just had a lot of like contingency
pro clerical errors with this.
Like they, they just had questions.
This is Like honestly, like didyou, like look around this room.
Like did you, did you even likerecognize any of these people?
Do you know Jurina?
I know you know

Adam (16:02):
Kevorkian.

Mike (16:04):
Kevorkian?
I'm a customer of Kevorkian, okay?
I'm a regular with him.
Uh, I've, but, listen.
I just, the point is.
This is, I wanted, this is nothow I wanted to be remembered.
I don't want to be remembered as theguy that, any of my, any of myself,
I don't want to be remembered as theguy that got, got bumped in his own

(16:25):
funeral for duck wrestling, okay?
This is, this is like, supposed to be whenpeople say nice things about you and your
life, and I don't care if they thoughtit was Wendy's, I expected some tears,
and I didn't get that, and guys, justYou don't take a funeral away from a man.
It's not something you do.

Alex (16:44):
Yeah, you only get like five

Adam (16:45):
of them in your life.
Yeah,

Mike (16:46):
I know.

Adam (16:48):
Mike, you're right, and I know you're a man, but I I don't
know what we can do about it.
I mean, you're alive.
I mean, Michael B. Jordan is stillalive, and so, wait a second.
Alex, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Probably not, but youthink very weird things.

(17:09):
Don't I know it.
Uh, my twisted mind has just come upwith a, uh, maybe a little Off kilter
idea, but Mike, what if Michael B.Jordan was to meet an unfortunate
end and we had another chance atstaging you the funeral of a lifetime?

Mike (17:32):
You can't kill Michael B.
Jordan He's got too manysecurity guards around him

Adam (17:37):
He is very powerful, yes.
Talking about you, your fake name.

Mike (17:39):
Oh, that's right.
That's right, because I'm Mike BJ.
That's right.
Okay.
Yes.
Um, oh!

Adam (17:45):
That's what it says on your, uh, driver's license, doesn't it?

Mike (17:49):
Yeah, Mike BJ.
Yeah, and the, yeah, it's,it's, it's fucked up because
the, the people were laughing.
And you

Adam (17:54):
have the, the rare driver's license that's waist down.
Driver's license photo.

Alex (18:00):
Yeah, people, people treat it as like an offer or an option, you know?

Mike (18:03):
That's, yeah, no, that's correct.

Alex (18:05):
I, I remember the one time you got pulled over and like, your car has
like the window that is at your waistinstead of your head and it goes down.

Adam (18:13):
Yeah, the window on your car is in the middle, which
I think makes tolls hard,

Alex (18:19):
doesn't it?
The cop was confused until yougave him your, your ID and he
was like, oh, you're Mike BJ.
Yeah.

Mike (18:24):
It's a retractable glory hole.
Let's just call it what it is.
Um, I, I, and, and I love,I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love being Mike BJ.
That retractable glory holecosts a lot of money to put on a,
uh, to put on a Hyundai Sonata.
And I'm sure it

Adam (18:40):
ain't

Mike (18:40):
easy.

Adam (18:40):
And sorry, you, you got a Honda Sonata, which is when you
take half of a Honda and halfof a Honda and put it together?

Mike (18:50):
Yeah, no, yeah, exactly.
I needed it to be special.
I got it, I got the two mostboring car brands, cut them in
half and placed them together.

Adam (18:58):
What's weird is the front half is a Sonata and then the
back half is a Honda motorcycle.

Mike (19:03):
Yeah, that's, yeah.
Yeah, it's actually really coolbecause it's, it, on the one hand,
it's got the free, the freedom ofa motorcycle because you feel like
you're going to fall off at any point.
On the other hand, I can stillhit things with a lot of force.
So that's the, that's the trade off.

Adam (19:21):
Anyway,

Mike (19:21):
I don't know why I'm explaining this to you We talked about this at
length when I bought the car, butI actually like your make remaking
the funeral idea Believe it or not.
I think we're still on that.
Um I actually do that means a lot tome that you would Go through that.
You would do all of that for me?
Because planning afuneral is a lot of work.

Alex (19:43):
Yep!
It's a shame we didn't just dothat and now have to do it again.

Adam (19:50):
Yeah, and we're not allowed to reuse any of the stuff that we've used
from your previous funeral, or No,

Alex (19:57):
the previous funeral Yeah, we have to do it all over.
That's,

Adam (19:59):
what about the one before that?
Can we, I want a

Mike (20:01):
new eulogy.
I want a new priest, new eulogy.
I want a new priest.
I want a new story from the Bible.
I want all three of those things.
Okay.
Let's see what we got.
I wanna see what you can put together.

Adam (20:12):
You got it.
Mike?
Uh, Adam Award.
Okay.
Uh, yeah.
Mike, can you clean, canyou sweep the stage please?
Thank you.
Hey, you got it?

Alex (20:18):
What's up, Alex?
Alright.
Oh, Las Vegas.
So it, it seems like.
Our plan worked, and Mikedoesn't realize that we actually
just never gave him a funeral.

Adam (20:27):
I know.
Was it convincing, me standing infront of that green screen, and then
you put in the, you know, the backof the, the church, and then, yeah.

Alex (20:36):
Luckily For Mike, me being an idiot is very believable.

Adam (20:40):
It was a great idea to close Mike in that coffin and just leave
him in the coffin store while wefilmed this video outside of it.

Alex (20:49):
Absolutely, and I gotta say, like, it gave us like an extra, like,
week and a half to prep the funeral andwe did not take advantage of that at
all because we still have not started.
I mean, I,

Adam (21:00):
yeah, I mean, but at this point it's been like, you know, we've
done how many funerals for Mike?
Like, 12?
We, we really I'm out of ideas.
I don't know.
How do you feel?
Do you feel like you canwe can pull this off?
I don't know.

Alex (21:12):
Yeah, I mean you like here like you write the eulogy.
I'll

Adam (21:17):
I have to do it and come the eulogy that has to include a different
story from the Bible besides thefootprints of the sand I have to do yeah,

Alex (21:25):
and hey look if all else fails When we have Mike like fake lie in the
coffin We'll just roofie him and thenhe'll just be unconscious and when he
wakes up we say we did the funeral I

Adam (21:37):
am only 50 percent comfortable with the roofy thing.
I say What part areyou uncomfortable with?
I think let's do a Tylenol PM tostart and see if that is sufficient.
I just don't like hangovers.
Wait, how is that

Alex (21:52):
different?

Adam (21:53):
Um, uh, potency.

Alex (21:58):
Oh.
Yeah.
Wow, I have been taking the wrongthing to go to bed at night.

Adam (22:03):
Alex, how are you getting on with the script?

Alex (22:06):
I'm not.
Um, so far I only have, We are gatheredhere today to celebrate, uh, And
that I stole from something else.
Yeah.
I think, uh, a wedding.

Adam (22:20):
And I guess the rest is gonna have to come from me, right?
The Bible stuff.

Alex (22:25):
Yeah,

Adam (22:26):
probably.
Alright, I'll do it becauseit's important to Mike and I

Alex (22:30):
Well, okay, when you write this sermon, I'll get to
work on those new Bible verses.
New Bible verses?
That's what he wanted, right?
A new Bible verse?
I'm writing them.
Oh, genius!
I think that is what

Adam (22:42):
he

Alex (22:42):
meant.
I don't think he'll mind if I write,like, on the edges with crayon.

Adam (22:46):
No, illuminate it?
No, illuminate the shit out of it.
Draw some snails.
So yeah, I'm

Alex (22:52):
adding some snails, I'm gonna add another commandment.
Oh good, what, eleven, what do we got?
Uh, I don't know, like, I, I feel likebros before hoes is kinda implied.
Well, it's gotta, you gotta keep the,uh, the syntax though, thou shalt.
Oh yes, thou shalt bros before hoes.

Adam (23:12):
We'll work on it.
Clippy just came up on your,uh, on your screen there.
Oh!
It seems, it seems you caretoo much about your bros.

Mike (23:20):
Hey guys, I just wanted to uh to say hi.
Um, thank you very much for planningthe funeral here at a holy name of
sorrows My name is uh father fatherkevin And I just want to say i'm
going to be Saying the funeral if youguys have any questions or if I can
help out in any way, I would love to

Adam (23:37):
Thank you, Father.
Thanks, Father.
I, uh, I would love a Sprite.

Mike (23:46):
Not quite what I had in Low fat lemonade

Adam (23:50):
for me.
I,

Mike (23:51):
uh, okay Low

Adam (23:52):
fat?
Wow, Alex, that is such a healthy choice.

Mike (23:55):
So I have an issue with I just, well, not really an issue, but I just want
to make sure we're on the same page here.
No,

Adam (24:01):
Starry.
Or if you have old Sierra Mist.
Do you have thoseStarbursts energy drinks?

Mike (24:10):
Can you get me

Adam (24:13):
Can I get a Celsius to mix with my Starry?
Any liquified chicken?
Do you have So you know whenyou buy like a can of tuna
and the water that's in there?

Alex (24:27):
Powdered meteorite in a water bottle?

Adam (24:32):
Blood?
Can I have blood?
You wouldn't happen to have bloodat the church that I could drink.

Mike (24:38):
Weirdly, blood is the only thing that you've listed that we can get you.

Alex (24:43):
Oh shit, yeah.
Get us some blood and can weget some of those Gsits too?

Mike (24:48):
Don't like you referring to them as that, I, but I Blood,

Adam (24:53):
body on the side?

Mike (24:54):
You have ticket vendors at the doors of the church.

Alex (25:00):
Yes.
Oh, let's let them in.
Our contractors, they're already here?

Mike (25:03):
We can't, we can't be selling tickets to a funeral.
That's not how this works.

Alex (25:07):
Oh, right.
You collect money on theinside of the building.

Mike (25:10):
That's correct.
No, it's volunteer.
We collect donations.
It's about donations.
And we don't even typically do thatduring funerals, so that's, you know,
we can if you want to, but I also,

Adam (25:22):
who's the But I went to a funeral once and they turned the,
the POS system around and made metip before I, I greeted the body.

Alex (25:32):
Yeah, they don't have the basket anymore, they just
bring around a little iPad.
Yeah.

Mike (25:38):
Yeah, well, okay.
One way or another, I'm sorry, youseem to have been dealing with terrible
churches, but here at Holy Name ofSorrows, I can't allow for these,
for these ticket vendors, what, whosefuneral is this that you are planning?

Adam (25:51):
It's our friend, Mike.
It's our friend, it's our friend,uh, uh, uh, Michael B. Jordan.

Mike (25:57):
That's right, yes, um, is he the one, the fellow that had the From Black

Adam (26:01):
Panther?
Yes.
Oh!
Uh, Adam,

Alex (26:04):
a word?
They

Mike (26:05):
killed the Black

Adam (26:05):
Panther?

Alex (26:05):
Hold on, priest.
I'll be right back.
Did, did I, did I, am I planningthis for the wrong Michael B.
Jordan?
No, you are

Adam (26:12):
planning it for Mike B. J., but this guy's giving us a fucking
hard time about the tickets.
I figure if he thinks it's Mike,Michael B. Jordan's funeral, he might
get off of our fucking backs andlet us sell tickets to this thing.

Alex (26:26):
Just to clarify, our, our friend Mike is the one
whose funeral this is, not No.
Superstar legend, Michael B. Jordan,who has inspired a generation.

Adam (26:38):
Correct.
Michael B. Jordan, awardwinning actor, is fine.

Alex (26:45):
Well, that's good.
I feel better now.
Okay, let's keep lying to this priest.
Thank you.
Sorry, I got confused.
Hey, I

Mike (26:51):
just got off the phone with SZA.
She's so sad to hear about Michael B.
Jordan dying.
Oh, you don't need to spread the news.
She will come to perform, uh,to perform at the funeral.
It's going

Alex (27:02):
to be great.
Oh, no!
Can you tell her to keep it under wraps?
Cause I don't think the public knows yet.
No,

Adam (27:09):
yeah.
This is going to be an intimate ceremony.
Just for friends and familyand ticket holders and

Mike (27:16):
Okay, okay, yes, understood.
And what about Forrest Whitaker?
He said that he'd come and dothe whole Black Panther ceremony.
Can I see your

Adam (27:23):
Rolodex?

Mike (27:24):
Yeah, you got it right here.
And he has, he has My god.
A list celebrities downthe Wait, I thought

Adam (27:32):
I recognized you.
You used to be that agent, right?
Yes, that's

Mike (27:36):
right.
Yes.
Yeah, that's right.
That's me.
That's me.
I was, uh, I used to work underWeinstein and then he got busted.
So, the only people that wouldtake someone that was okay with
sexual predators was the church.
Who would've thunk?

Adam (27:49):
Yeah, the more I'm looking, I was impressed at first, the more
I'm looking through your Rolodex.
Woody, Spacey, Weinstein, yikes.
Yeah, but you know

Mike (27:59):
who else is there?
Lady Gaga, so I could, I could gether in here too if you would like.

Adam (28:04):
I think, you know, just let us handle the invitations, and um,
And you know what you could work on?
Is getting us those fucking drinks.
I

Mike (28:18):
absolutely will,

Alex (28:19):
sir. Yes,

Adam (28:20):
any of them are fine.
I just need three.
Alex, lying worked.
Now we have the run of the place.

Alex (28:27):
Adam, we just lied in God's house.
I don't know if I'm going tobe able to live with myself.
That's hilarious.
I'm just kidding.

Adam (28:35):
But, you know what this means.
He's on board.
We can really spread ourwings with this thing.
I'm thinking we go big.
Like very big.
Balloons?
Bigger.
What's bigger than a balloon?
Zeppelin.
Exactly.

Mike (28:52):
We cut to the day of the funeral.
The

Alex (28:55):
church is now in the air underneath a zeppelin.

Mike (28:59):
The church is in the air of floating on a zeppelin.
The, the church is super crowded.
The people have the ticket to buy theirticket stubs and then get on Balloons that
take them up to the church where they stepoff and are able to walk down the aisle
and and sit in the funeral uh The only thepeople in attendance are alex Adam, Mike

(29:23):
BJ is also present with, with sunglasseson, but also SZA, also, uh, also Boris

Adam (29:30):
Whitaker.

Mike (29:30):
Boris Whitaker, also Brad Pitt for some reason, also, uh, every
celebrity that you could Chris,um, oh shoot, what's his name?
Chris Rock.
Chris Rock is there.
Will Smith.
Opposite

Adam (29:43):
sides of the aisle.

Mike (29:46):
Will Smith is giving the look to Chris Rock.
He looks very scared.
Uh, we got, we got Henry Cavill who,uh, is wearing a shirt saying, I
would not be Superman without him.
Uh.
Wow.
Which, which,

Adam (29:59):
interesting.
He made that for this.

Mike (30:00):
Yeah.
Wow.
Guys, you really, You've really,uh, uh, stepped up for me here.
Well, I can't believeall these people Yes.
Mike, all

Alex (30:09):
these people are here for you.
And you alone.
No other people.

Mike (30:14):
You got both Drake and Kendrick Lamar in the same room.
In the same

Alex (30:19):
side of the aisle, too.
They squashed it.
And they're not evensinging at each other.

Mike (30:24):
No, they're hugging each other and crying.
This is, this is kind of beautiful.

Alex (30:28):
Yeah, this definitely won't blow up in our faces.

Adam (30:31):
I did just get the word from the stage manager though, Alex, uh,
Chris did, uh, pull out of the eulogy.
He said there's too much of a chancethat he's gonna say Will he's gonna,
he's gonna say Will Smith's wife'sname and, uh, he doesn't, he doesn't
want to upstage the ceremony.
He said Michael BJ istoo important to him.

(30:52):
So, yeah.

Mike (30:54):
I can't believe you were gonna get him to do the eulogy.
I was gonna do

Adam (30:58):
type five.
He's gonna do type five, um, just about.
Your life, and it was a lot ofstuff about Jada, so probably
best that he did pull out.
I've never even

Mike (31:08):
met Jada Smith, and I'm honored to be in the same sentence as her.
This is

Adam (31:13):
Oh, well Will, uh, said that she sends her regards.
I can hardly

Mike (31:17):
blame

Adam (31:17):
him.
Will?
To the, to you.
Oh.
To Mike.

Mike (31:21):
Oh.
So Jada is not here.

Adam (31:24):
No, she couldn't make it.
She wanted to come, butshe couldn't make it.
But Will is here.
Will is here, and he brought the KingRichard shopping cart, he's gonna
give everyone tennis balls at the end.

Mike (31:34):
Does Jada know that I'm dead?
I mean Yes.
Why would she send regards to a dead body?

Adam (31:40):
Well, I maybe she didn't say regards, she said something like
thoughts and prayers or something.
I don't know.
Oh, okay.

Mike (31:46):
Understood.
Understood.
Alright, well listen,I'm, I'm, thank you guys.
This means so much.
You guys put so much work into this.
Can't believe you didthis all on your own.
I'll, I'll take a seat.
I'll see what you guys have in the store.
I can't wait to hear allthese people say, so Mike,

Alex (31:57):
you.
You have the seat of honor.

Mike (31:59):
Oh, I do?

Alex (32:00):
Yeah.

Mike (32:01):
Where's that?
Ehhh.
Alright, get in.
Wait.
Oh.
Oh.
Interesting.
Okay.
Um.
Everyone

Adam (32:09):
happens to be looking at their phones at the same time
as Mike climbs into the coffin.

Mike (32:17):
Can't wait.
And he lies down.

Alex (32:19):
Alex,

Adam (32:23):
this is working, this is totally fine, we're in a zeppelin, nothing
bad has ever happened in a zeppelin.

Alex (32:31):
I feel like the universe is on our side.

Mike (32:34):
Uh, Father Kevin comes in with the agent earpiece in his ear, he's
holding it as he talks and he says,no, you don't understand, Tom Holland
and Zendaya have to be here rightnow, our DJ is sitting alone and he
is not going to be okay with that.
Okay, you need to get guys.
I I understand the funeral is meantto start soon, but we we uh, Need

(32:54):
to need to hold off a few minutes.
Uh, because are people

Adam (32:57):
still on the red carpet?

Mike (32:58):
People are still on the red carpet and the red but they
are only coming up in the redballoons This is this is obnoxious.
This is a problem.

Alex (33:04):
Yeah, we couldn't even get a hundred of them.
Yeah

Mike (33:08):
We have 99 red balloons,

Alex (33:09):
yes.

Adam (33:12):
And she's here.
Whatever her name is.

Mike (33:16):
The German woman?
Yes.
German

Adam (33:19):
lady.
Also Goldfinger is here.
Goldfinger,
Goldfinger is gonna play Supermanat the end of the funeral, um, which
should be great, and is apt, I guess.
It's,

Mike (33:33):
it's gonna be, it's gonna be great.
We have to, we have, we have,okay, so actually, So the

Adam (33:40):
lineup is, uh, Goldfinger's gonna open, and then, Creed,
Creed is headlining, obviously.

Mike (33:49):
C Creed is gonna headline?
Oh!
Creed is headlining.

Adam (33:52):
Yes, of course.
We got him.

Mike (33:55):
We got Sylvester Stallone coming.
Oh, you know what?
I just got Okay, Stallonehas has a heart out.
He's gotta go He'sgotta go film Rocky XII.
Uh, with the new Creed.

Alex (34:06):
I heard about this.
It's the one where he has to to fightoff, uh, in invaders into his home.
It's called, uh, uh, Home Stallone.

Mike (34:15):
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, he's been, he's been talkingnon stop about Holmes Stallone.
This isn't a big issue.
Anyway, we need to get started.
We cut to

Adam (34:23):
the, we, we pan to the back of the, uh, um, what's it called?
Church.
So I would say, I would just, uh, youknow, I would do the thing with the heads.
But I would do it kind of in amore, you know, menacing way.

Mike (34:40):
When you're able to get me in the movie.

Alex (34:44):
It's

Mike (34:46):
me, Christopher Walken.
I wanna know, can I be one of theguys that gets beaten up by you?
Uh, Chris, you really, you

Adam (34:53):
gotta stop asking me for parts.
I know you're struggling.
I really, I empathize.
After sevens of not

Mike (34:59):
getting the work, Celeste, please.
We cut back to the front of the journey.

Adam (35:06):
Home Stallone, you say.

Mike (35:09):
So we got to get going.

Adam (35:11):
Kevin.
Can we do a walk and talk?
Just down the aisle and back?

Mike (35:16):
Sure.
I heard Sorkin is here.
He'll walk us through it.
Sorkin,

Adam (35:20):
Sorkin, get up here.
Just give us a, you know,we need five minutes.
Walk and talk a minute.

Mike (35:25):
Got it, got it.
We'll get the camera.
We're rolling.
You have

Adam (35:28):
your sides?
So, I was, I just noticed You reallyseem to have come alive since you got
kind of back into agent mode, Kevin.
And I wonder maybe that's yourbeen your calling all along.
Maybe this priest thing, you know,maybe, maybe when you go, you go, you

(35:52):
could go back to it and maybe makebetter choices about who you represent.

Mike (35:56):
Guys.
Uh, listen, If we're gonna do AaronSorkin, we gotta, we gotta make sure
that we're, uh, on top of our lyrics.
We can't be stumblingover words like that.
We gotta, we gotta make it clear.
You call these lyrics?
This is a musical piece, okay?
I, yeah, I'm here andI'm, I'm, I'm writing.
You asked me to do thewalk and talk, okay?
This is a prop.

Adam (36:15):
Kevin.
Kevin, I've noticed thatyou've really come alive since
you've been back in agent mode.
Do you think maybe that that was yourcalling all along and this priest
thing was just a little distraction?
You know

Mike (36:32):
He grabs a coffee off

Adam (36:34):
the table.
Maybe, uh, you could go back to beingan agent and just make better choices
about who to represent this time.

Mike (36:43):
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
But all of the good agentsand have the good clients.
How am I supposed to get back into it?
I mean, Michael B. Jordan's dead.

Adam (36:52):
Kevin, I have a confession.
Can we go in this thing?

Mike (36:59):
Uh, Aaron, you kind of need to stay.
This is kind of a private thing.
You can't bring the camera in here.
Oh, okay.
Aaron's working.
Walks away.

Adam (37:07):
Aaron's shooting.
Wow.
Normally he just writes, but yeah.
Forgive me, Kevin, for I have lied to you.

Mike (37:19):
Okay, I'm listening.

Adam (37:20):
Now, I don't feel bad about this, but I just want you to know

Mike (37:25):
That's not how this typically works.
You're telling God.
You're supposed to say thatyou're supposed to be sorry here.

Adam (37:30):
I am not.
I'm telling you.

Mike (37:32):
Okay.

Adam (37:34):
Michael B. Jordan, well, that Michael B. Jordan, is still alive.
What?
Yeah, this is a different guynamed Michael B. Jordan, and
he also isn't actually dead.
So, I, go, spread your wings.
What?
No, it is, it's his funeral, buthe's, this is kind of a Tom Sawyer

(37:57):
situation, uh, if that's right.
I'm,

Mike (38:02):
I'm a fraud.
I'm, I, I can't.
I can't, how am I supposed to showmy face in Hollywood if I'm not, if I
can't, if I, if I'm lying to people?
I can't do that.

Adam (38:10):
Well, I did say you should let us handle the invitations.

Mike (38:14):
You're right, you're right.
I just, I can't get over this.
I, how am I going to Dr. Kevorkian standsout, steps out of the shadows and says,
you know, I can take care of that for you.
Kevorkian,

Adam (38:29):
you just don't, don't pull open the door of the confessional and stick your
head What were you listening out there?

Alex (38:35):
I was supposed to be guarding, sorry.
Come on, Alex.
You gotta I got distracted.
They have low fat lemonade.

Adam (38:42):
All right.
Kevin, this is Dr. Kevorkian, I don't knowif you want to kill yourself, but, I mean,
why, why don't you just kill yourself?

Mike (38:55):
First of all, that's something that you should go to convention about!
That's, that's not cool!
That's not cool!
And Dr. Kevorkian says, yeah,why don't you kill yourself?
Come on!
Oh, is that

Adam (39:04):
the new slogan, Dr. K?

Mike (39:06):
Why

Adam (39:07):
don't

Mike (39:07):
you?
I'm messing around with it,I'm trying to innovate, ok?
Listen, uh.
We cut

Adam (39:12):
to, um, uh, 2 AM on TBS At the Dr.
Kavorky Medical Clinic We want youto ask yourself the question Well,
then why don't I just kill myself?
Has your life been getting you down?
Have you got bills to payand no way to pay them?
Did you make a lasagna for your son and hewas an ungrateful son of a bitch about it?

(39:37):
Why don't you just kill yourself?

Mike (39:39):
Hi, I'm Dr. Kevorkian and I just want to say we can
make it real classy, okay?
We can do anything you want.
We can just make it make itseem like it never happened.

Adam (39:50):
We, we pan out from the TV and see that it is Kevin watching
this, uh, at 2 a. m. on TBS.

Mike (39:58):
Maybe, maybe I should That's all I need to know!
He, uh, you see Dr.
Corky and grabs Father Kevin by thecollar and just yeets him out of the,
out of the, out of the church in the air.
And, uh

Adam (40:13):
Well,

Mike (40:14):
we

Adam (40:16):
should get started.
So just take your seat, Dr. K, andum, okay, Mike's in the coffin, and,
um, alright, I guess, wish me luck.
Alex, do you have the scriptthat you wrote for me?
And the new Bible verses?

Alex (40:30):
Yeah, of course, uh, Alex, uh, takes, takes the Bible and wipes off
like, like various crumbs and likestains and like juices off of it.
And like, as he's moving itclose to Adam, he's like quickly
scribbling in a bunch of stuff.
Here you go.
Works really hard on it.

Adam (40:50):
I can see, yeah.
Okay.
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, if I couldhave your attention, um, thank you all.
What?

Mike (41:03):
It's just Christopher Walken finishing his conversation.
So, so, sorry, I just.
I was I didn't hear in time.
I'll take my

Alex (41:10):
Christopher, you should go from walking to Christopher
sitting down and shutting up.

Mike (41:16):
Dr. Koworkian stands up.
Hey, Chris, why don't you kill yourself?
Okay.
Uh, Mr. K,

Adam (41:22):
I'm sorry, doctor.
Alright, alright, everyone.
I just need some, uh, you know, Ineed your attention just for a second.
We're gonna get started.
Um, go, everyone takeyour seats in the pews.
Um, okay, so, if we could justget the screen down and, um,
Oh, sorry, we've got a Vito?

Mike (41:45):
Yeah, it's me, what's up?
How you doing?
I'm here, I'm just here, yeah.
I, I, we're gonna

Adam (41:49):
do, I told, it's the same situation, we're gonna do question and answer after.
But I will take a couple Thisis Alex Shearer, everyone,
the writer of this piece.
Um, if We'll take a couple ofquestions now, and then we really
have We've got a schedule to keeptoo, so we really have to get to it.
Vito, go ahead with your question.

(42:10):
Can somebody get him a mic?

Mike (42:11):
Yeah, boop.
Hi, uh, yeah, I'm Vito.
I, uh, I just wanna say I'm a bigfan of pretty much everybody here.
Uh, I just wanna know, uh, howdid, uh, so, last time it was
Mike I and now it's Mike B.
J., uh, how did this one eat it?

Alex (42:28):
Uh, you know, It's a funny story, and we fast forward
four minutes into the future.
That's the greatest storyyou've ever heard, right?

Mike (42:37):
I cannot, you shouldn't, hey, every director in here should be, you should
have been taking notes because that isgonna be the Oscar winning movie next
year, I'm telling you that right now.
Too

Alex (42:45):
bad we didn't record this part.
Yeah,

Mike (42:47):
I just, I do wanna, I do wanna ask though, uh, after all that
damage, how did you repair the body?
That's uh, that's pretty

Alex (42:56):
You see, that's a funny story.

Mike (42:58):
Holy crap, you guys are artists.
That's, that's, that's, that's amazing.
Okay.

Alex (43:04):
Now he actually only has four toes on his left foot and six on
his right, but he's still at ten.

Mike (43:08):
Oh, you know, that's great.
I have another question.
Everybody makes mistakes.

Adam (43:13):
Vito, one more question and then we gotta get to it.

Mike (43:17):
I, I just, okay.
Can I, I wanted to ask about a refundon the surge pricing one more time.
Oh,

Alex (43:24):
look at that, we're out of time.
All

Mike (43:25):
right.

Alex (43:26):
Yeah, and actually, before, before Adam begins, I would like to clarify
that yes, I did write this, but I wrotethrough the hand of God, so if you don't
like it, it's like you don't like God.
So, do your best not to thinkabout it, and just enjoy

Adam (43:43):
Geeks.
Thank you for that introduction, Alex.
Ha, no pressure, am I right, folks?
Anyway We are gathered here today, uh,to celebrate the life of Michael BJ.

(44:03):
B Bee Jordan.
Michael Bee Jordan, a man.

Alex (44:08):
Hmm,

Adam (44:08):
that's weird.
I know he's a man, and,uh, you all know that too.
Hmm, that's right, so far, yeah.
A man about, of about averageTo above average height.

Alex (44:21):
Okay, yeah, that's right.
He falls, yeah, that's correct.

Adam (44:25):
He, um, He certainly has been in many places and has certainly
left an impression on all of us.

Mike (44:39):
The guy

Alex (44:40):
whispers to someone next to him, This guy really knew Michael.

Mike (44:43):
I can't believe they got someone

Alex (44:45):
Yeah, it was very personal.

Adam (44:47):
And of course, who could forget the times that we've spent
with this man, looking at himup on the silver screen door.
Yeah.

Mike (45:01):
Uh,

Adam (45:05):
on our televisions.
Yeah, that one time.
Standing on top of our televisions.
Um, And all the laughs we've shared.
Well, not really.
He's funny.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Checks out.
Laughs at him, I guess.
But, um, I want to share withyou all a verse from the Bible.

(45:31):
Um, The New Testament.
Um, flipping through the pages here.
Uh, the book of Matthew.
Well, it's

Mike (45:46):
typically to say gospel, but yeah, that works.
The

Adam (45:48):
Gospel of Matthew.

Mike (45:51):
Okay, yeah, yeah.
The That's one of them.

Adam (45:55):
Chapter 5, verse 25.
Oh, wow,

Mike (46:02):
that's very specific.

Adam (46:04):
Jesus
Jesus stood in the temple and he lookedat all the people doing business in the
temple and he said, I don't like that.
And he, he flipped the tables and, andran all of the guys out of the temple.

(46:28):
And when those guys were runningout of the temple, they looked down.
And they saw that there was onlyone set of footprints in the sand.

Mike (46:41):
The coffin begins rumbling and the coffin begins shaking back and forth.

Adam (46:47):
And they turned back and looked over their shoulder and
said to Jesus, Why are there onlyone set of footprints in the sand?
And Jesus said,
I'm sorry, I just really miss him.
And he

(47:08):
He said, he said, that'swhere I carried you.

Mike (47:13):
Come on, bring it home.
That's where I carried you.
The coffin shatters into a millionpieces as Mike VJ jumps out and
he screams, as Mike jumps out andscreams at the top of his lungs.
That's not the story.
Who the fuck is that?

Alex (47:34):
Hey, who the fuck is that guy?
Oh my god, he's come back as a white guy!

Mike (47:39):
How you Oh my god, is that SZA?

Adam (47:42):
Will Smith walks up to the front of the church and slaps Mike in the face.

Mike (47:51):
Chris Rock stands up in the back and shouts, Now you know how it feels!

Adam (47:57):
Uh, please, people, don't leave, just, it's it's
not what you think, this is we

Mike (48:04):
They start storming out, Dr. Kevorkian's pushing everybody
as they, as they start toapproach the, uh, the balloons.

Adam (48:10):
All the celebrities are fine.
They're all takingballoons down, but, uh, Dr.
K is, is really pushing theHe's just really, really

Mike (48:17):
drop kicking, pushing, and yeah.

Alex (48:20):
Look, I knew this wouldn't work out, but honestly, not
the worst way I saw this going.

Mike (48:24):
Hi, I'm an altar boy.
I'm, I'm, I'm Doug.
Nice to meet you.
Hi, uh, I just Doug.
Yeah.
I don't know, very catholic name.
Hi, nice to meet you.
I, uh,

Adam (48:35):
Hey, listen, altar boy, um, What would it take for us to
Walk away from here, and Nobodyever mentions this ever again.
I mean, luckily Alex was recordingit the whole time, so we have it

(48:55):
for the memories, but we don'twant any Alex you were recording
it the whole time, weren't you?

Alex (49:02):
Uh, Alex, like, subtly takes the lens cap off the camera.
Yeah, of course.

Adam (49:10):
Good.
Good.
So that'll make Mikehappy when he calms down.
Um, Mike, what are youdoing up on the altar there?
You about to stab yourself in the heart?

Mike (49:19):
I'm not doing anything!
You know, I just Go around the
It comes down.
Listen guys, I just gotta say, it meant somuch to me that you put all this together.
You really did a great job.
You got so many awesome people to come.

Adam (49:37):
Alex, I don't think he realizes that they thought he was the other Michael B.
Jordan yet.
Great, let's not say anything.

Mike (49:45):
Adam read part of a Bible passage once, and you know what?

Adam (49:50):
Yeah, the poem about the sand and the footprints.

Mike (49:53):
That's not the one, the other one, the one about Jesus kicking people at
the temple, that one was there, thatone was there, I don't know if that was
Matthew, that actually seems really earlyin the Bible for Matthew, but for true.
Yeah, that's

Adam (50:04):
the first part of the poem.

Mike (50:06):
No, that's not it, it's not it, but, I will say.
This means a lot to me.
Now, I can't be Michael B. J. anymore,but you changed my life, and I also met a
guy down over there that told me that whenlife gets hard, why don't you just kill

Adam (50:30):
yourself?

Mike (50:31):
That's right.
You know what?
That's the message that Iwant to take with me forever.
Because if I'm not going to killmyself, things can't be that bad, right?

Adam (50:40):
Right.
And he adopted you?

Mike (50:42):
By me.
Yeah, you're right.
He adopted me.
He proposed to me, actually,and I'm going to change my name.
I'm gonna change my name tomatch that of my new husband.
My name from now on isMike K, Mike Kvorkian.

Adam (50:56):
Wow, so it really all worked out, huh?
It all came around full circle, didn't it?
I think so.
Alex, uh, I think our work here is done.
Why don't you, um You know what?
Light those candles.
We want to leave this placenicer than we left it.
Light the candles here, and thenwe'll float down from the zeppelin.

Alex (51:14):
Ha, I wouldn't have it any other way, buddy.

Mike (51:22):
Whew!

Alex (51:23):
That worked out.
Honestly, not, not bad at all.

Mike (51:28):
It's not often that you guys would do things for me at all.
So the fact that you were willing todo all that you did, it means a lot.
It really does.

Adam (51:37):
Put a church in the sky.

Mike (51:39):
You put a church in the sky, and you got all these celebrities.
You, you, you, I feel, I feel appreciated.
I feel like I actually have friends now.

Adam (51:46):
You know what I never got?
My fucking starry.
Mike, Mike, can youget me a starry please?
And, you know what?
Nevermind, get me one of thoseold Sierra Mists from the back.

Mike (51:59):
Okay, here you go.

Alex (52:00):
Thanks, Mr. Kevorkian.
Wow, I can't believe we had a,we had a Sierra Miss back there.

Adam (52:07):
Well, just another day of being a college student here, which, uh.
Yeah,

Alex (52:13):
we didn't go to class all week, did we?

Adam (52:15):
No, we were too focused on the, but you did get an A. You used
this as your project for the, themortuary science class, right, Alex?
Yes, that I'm in.
Yeah, that Vito was talking about.
Your partner, your lab partner, Vito.
I definitely didn't get kicked out of

Alex (52:33):
that

Adam (52:33):
class.
And your next assignment for thatclass, uh, is you embalm each other?

Alex (52:39):
Yeah, with, uh, with, like, ChapStick.

Adam (52:43):
Beautiful.
Slippery.
Well, I guess we all learneda little something, didn't we?
Um, if, if your friend dies, theyjust want to know that, that anyone
would show up to their funeral at all.
It's not about, it's notabout the size of the funeral.
It's about the.

(53:03):
It's how you use it.
It's not about who comes to the funeral.
It's about who you leave with.

Alex (53:11):
So many words to say that we didn't learn anything.

Adam (53:16):
It's not about who comes to your funeral.
It's about who you leave with.

Mike (53:23):
I thought it was gonna be who comes at your funeral.

Adam (53:26):
Well, and did you?

Alex (53:29):
I did.

Adam (53:30):
Great, you and Dr. K. Is

Alex (53:32):
that why the coffin exploded?
No coffin.

Mike (53:37):
Let's record this episode, huh?

Adam (53:39):
Okay, yeah, we should record an episode of our
Everybody Loves Raymond podcast.
You guys, you guys are stillinterested in doing that?
Right?

Alex (53:47):
Yeah, we're all, we're, yeah, I just realized

Adam (53:49):
I hadn't checked in with you guys in a while about, you know,

Mike (53:54):
talks about everybody loves Raymond in a very, very long time.
What do you say we get to it?

Adam (53:59):
Yeah.
Welcome back to the barone zone.
We're talking about season four,episode 16, the 10th anniversary
in which Ray accidentally tapesfootball over his wedding.
A truly.
Classic episode.
This is perhaps the archetypalEverybody Loves Raymond episode.
Don't you think?

Mike (54:19):
Fantastic premise.
Very strong execution.
I really like this episode.
This and

Adam (54:23):
The Bull Absolutely classic.
and Robert's Rodeo ahell of a one two punch.

Mike (54:27):
And not to spoil, but the next episode of Hackydoo is also in one
that I remember very, uh, very good.
We're on a solid run ofepisodes here in season four.
Season four, man.

Alex (54:37):
Season four.

Adam (54:38):
What was your, any, any specific overall reflections before we Accordion.

Alex (54:44):
Accordion.
That was hilarious.
I liked it.

Adam (54:47):
Gerard, playing the accordion.

Mike (54:49):
Was the song anything particularly recognizable?

Adam (54:52):
Yes, that's Close to You by The Carpenters.

Mike (54:55):
Oh, no, it was not familiar.

Adam (54:57):
You're not familiar.
I, I, it was

Mike (54:58):
great.

Adam (54:59):
No, no.
It's a, that's a classic song.
Mm-hmm . Should, uh, check it out.
I,

Mike (55:04):
I, I will have to,

Adam (55:05):
uh, he does, uh, close to you by the carpenters.
And then of course, a call back to CousinGerard, the smoke on the water riff.
Um.
No, awesome.
Loved that touch.
I loved that they brought Gerard back.
They got Bernie and Linda in there.
They got Warren and Lois non speaking.
Like, it's, it's funny that they getall these recurring characters in there

(55:29):
and then don't give anyone any lines.

Mike (55:32):
Yeah, did they get Bernie and, uh, I mean,

Adam (55:36):
Bernie probably had one line in the hot clothes where they're
all watching the football tape.
Right, right.
Uh, no, no, uh, no spotlight on Bernie.
Um, one person who, uh, youmight have missed, probably.
Well, Amy's there, also.
That's right, Amy.
Um, but so is Elizabeth Herring,who played Mary slash Carrie Parker

(56:02):
in a couple of earlier episodes.

Mike (56:04):
Oh, look at that!

Adam (56:06):
Uncredited, and, uh, Again, no, no lines, no establishing,
but evidently she's close enoughto Deborah to be invited to this
intimate, uh, vow renewal ceremony.

Mike (56:18):
That's awesome.
Um, I also want to comment, I did love howthey justified not spending money making
another set, uh, in, in this whole thing.
I thought that was It's kind of hilariousactually, uh, that they were just
like, yeah, we'll do it in the house.
Yeah.
Raymond would totally do that.
Yeah.

Adam (56:38):
Totally.
I like

Mike (56:38):
that part.
Yeah.

Adam (56:39):
Where do you think they put the couch?

Mike (56:43):
Outside.

Adam (56:46):
Outside?
Like on the lawn?
There's a,

Mike (56:48):
there's a couch on the lawn.
Yeah, absolutely.

Adam (56:51):
Okay.

Mike (56:51):
I don't understand why they didn't do the English garden outside though.
That was an interesting choice.

Alex (56:59):
Well, they would have to build a whole new set.

Adam (57:01):
Oh yeah, that's true.
We haven't seen an exterior ofRay and Debra's house before.
Not

Alex (57:08):
since, uh, the first intro theme song back in season one.

Mike (57:12):
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
We did see it then, yeah.

Alex (57:16):
Oh yeah.
Um,

Mike (57:17):
what time of year did this, what was the date that

Adam (57:20):
14th, 2000.
Almost exactly 25 yearsago as we record this.
That's actually sweet.
Valentine's Day.
Yeah.

Mike (57:30):
Yeah.
Wow.
Uh, I was gonna, I was gonnacomment, like, was the Super
Bowl recent in their minds?
And the answer is kind of, I the

Adam (57:37):
1991 Super Bowl, though.
It's not

Mike (57:40):
Right.
And we will talk at length about that,because this was a very important
Super Bowl in New York history.

Alex (57:45):
Really?
Mm hmm.

Mike (57:46):
Yeah.

Alex (57:47):
The Bills, uh So, so you're saying that there's some justification
for Raymond wanting to record it?

Mike (57:52):
Oh, yes.
No, he should have recorded it,especially as a sports writer.
He should have that on record.
It's just, you, but then, you know,it's the question of, oh, should
he have, you know, all that stuff.
That's fair.
I also loved that he, uh,I loved the hot clothes.
We'll talk, I know we'll talk in detailabout all the different bits, but I
loved that in the hot clothes, the mosticonic part of the game is also cut

(58:14):
off by the, uh, by the, by the thing.
I thought that was a great touch.
How on

Adam (58:19):
earth did he manage to do that?
I wonder.
Mechanically.
VCR, you put the tapein, you start recording.
Guess the VCR Uh, the VHS tape wasn'trewound all the way, and that's why
it started kind of in the middle.
And then, you watch the game, yougo through the game, you don't get
to the end of the tape, but he musthave done something to stop it from

(58:43):
recording before the end of the tape,but also before the end of the game.

Alex (58:48):
Yeah, exactly.
Somebody

Adam (58:49):
sat on the remote would be my guess.
Yes, yes.

Alex (58:54):
Halfway through.
Or like near the end of the game, Raymondrealized what tape he was recording over.
He stopped.
And then he was like, eh,probably for another day.
That And then forgot about it.
That's possible.
That absolutely could be what it is.
I like that.
I like that

Adam (59:10):
theory.
He looks at the case.
He's like, oh shit.
He stops it, manages to save thevery last bit of the wedding.
All that footage from season 2 episode 25,by the way, they really, this was a good
idea to make it about their wedding video.

Mike (59:26):
Yep.

Adam (59:27):
Because they already shot that wedding footage.

Mike (59:29):
I also will say, so a couple things here.
First of all, they mentioned that theywere, this is their 10th anniversary,
at the time this episode aired,nine years ago was the Super Bowl.
Raymond recorded this episode Recordedthis thing and erased his wedding video
less than a year into the marriage

Alex (59:50):
that is true It's amazing that he fucked up that big that
early Also, they only had one VHSof their wedding anniversary and

Mike (59:59):
also that it took them nine years to realize

Alex (01:00:02):
Yeah, well, like you

Adam (01:00:03):
said, they didn't watch it.

Alex (01:00:06):
Yeah.

Adam (01:00:07):
Oh, wait, sorry.
That wasn't something thatwas said in the episode.
That was something that was said in avery negative IMDb review of this episode.
Oh.
Sorry.
I conflated those things.
Um, there is a fun fact on IMDb,though, um, just to say this episode
was inspired by the writer, Aaron Scher.

(01:00:28):
Uh, who wrote this episode taping over hisown wedding video with several episodes
of Everybody Loves Raymond while hewas trying to get hired for the show.

Mike (01:00:38):
Oh, that's hilarious.
3, 600. Yeah, that's great.
Um, but yeah, so this game, uh, that we'retalking about, the 1991 Super Bowl between
the New York Giants and the Buffalo Bills.
Uh, Bills were far and away the favoriteto win this game, uh, but the Giants ended
up winning off of a, uh, it was a veryclose game, it's still the only Super Bowl

(01:01:01):
to be decided by a single point, it wasGiants 20, Bills 19, it came down to a,
uh, a field goal at the very end of thegame as time ran out by the Bills, which
we saw at the very end of the episode, andit goes Famously wide right and misses and
there's a lot of calls about peep aboutan answer shouting wide right wide, right?

(01:01:22):
The Giants win the Super Bowl.
And so that's what they were referencingthe and Also fun fact the Bills would be
back in the Super Bowl Four straight yearsin a row and they would lose each and
every one of those four straight years.
So this was all Start of a verylong run of bad luck for the Bills.

Alex (01:01:42):
That explains why everyone was so bummed the Bills didn't make it this year.

Mike (01:01:45):
Well, the Bills, the Bills this year is also, the Bills still have never
won the Super Bowl, which is insanegiven how good their teams have been.
But also this year was, the Bills have hadto face, the Bills have arguably been the
second best team in football for the pastlike five or ten years running and they've
just never made it past the Chiefs.
And people just wanted PatrickMahomes to fall on his face and cry.

(01:02:06):
Uh, while Taylor Swift was watching,so that was part of it too.

Adam (01:02:12):
And, uh, the, uh, the Oakland Raiders, how did they do this year?

Mike (01:02:20):
The Oakland Raiders no longer exist.
The Las Vegas Raiders did terrible.

Adam (01:02:25):
What about the San Diego Chargers, how are they doing?
Not a

Mike (01:02:28):
thing anymore either.
They're now the LA Chargers.
And they also were actually, theymight have made the playoffs.
But they were eliminated pretty quick.

Adam (01:02:35):
St. Louis Rams?

Mike (01:02:37):
Not a thing anymore.
LA Rams.
Also pretty good.
Got knocked out by the Eagles.

Adam (01:02:45):
But in baseball though, uh, How, how are the, did the
Oakland A's move to Las Vegas also?

Mike (01:02:53):
The Oakland A's are currently playing in Sacramento while they
prepare the, the stadium in Vegas.
But they're not in Oaklandanymore so they are no, they
don't have a city affiliation.
They're just the Athletics.

Adam (01:03:06):
Wow.
That's a shame.
It's really rooting for theSt. Louis Rams this year.
Hopefully they'll get it,they'll get them next time, but

Mike (01:03:15):
What were your thoughts on how the Milwaukee Braves did this year?

Adam (01:03:19):
You know, I think this was a rebuilding year.
And I think next time,they're coming in sw swinging?

Mike (01:03:26):
Yeah, swinging.
Okay.
Yeah, you got it, you got it, you're good.

Adam (01:03:29):
Dribbling?
Okay.

Mike (01:03:31):
So anyway, that was your sports update for the, uh, for the, for the day.

Adam (01:03:35):
And, how, was, who was the MVP this year?
Tony Romo, or?

Mike (01:03:42):
I feel like you haven't paid attention to this, to football since 2010.
Is that accurate?

Adam (01:03:47):
Pretty much.

Mike (01:03:48):
Yeah, that's what I thought.

Adam (01:03:49):
Pretty, pretty

Alex (01:03:50):
accurate.
To be fair, I've never paid attentionto football except one time a year, and
that's only until the halftime show.

Adam (01:03:57):
OJ Simpson?

Alex (01:03:58):
Did he have a lot of

Adam (01:03:59):
yards?

Mike (01:04:01):
Actually, yes, famously so.
He was, he's, he's still.

Adam (01:04:05):
I know you had one yard where they found the glove.

Mike (01:04:11):
Who doesn't have bloody gloves in their apartment?
You don't know that.
Come on.

Adam (01:04:14):
Well, I've seen you try to Let's just say your home, home,
uh, Homemade enemas have not beenparticularly successful So I know
you have a lot of bloody gloves.

Mike (01:04:26):
Depends on who you ask.

Adam (01:04:31):
Um, so.
Thank you for the sports update.
Um, we 10th anniversary dinner.
Debra's like, let's watch the video.
Ray, of course, wants to have goodold sex, but, uh, Debra makes them
watch the video before they do it.

(01:04:52):
They start the video.

Alex (01:04:54):
And she implies that the video is going to make her
want to, uh, to enjoy Raymond.
Yes.
More.

Adam (01:05:01):
It'll put Raymond in a favorable light for her.
But.
Unfortunately, the video's beentaped over with the 1991 Super Bowl.
Now, Ray, uh, that's the coldopen, they find that out, and then
we come back to the same scene.
Uh, and Ray goes through acouple of different stages

(01:05:22):
of trying to get out of this.
He blames the kids.
I like Debra's, uh, line, uh, that itwasn't the kids, the last thing they
put in the VCR was lemon chicken.
And then Ray Replying, See, I would neverdo that because I love your lemon chicken.
I thought that was funny.
He then blames the guys who were overthere watching the game uh, with him.

(01:05:44):
And then he lectures her onpopping the tab out on the tape to
prevent it from being taped over.
Um At no point does he takeresponsibility in this initial phase.
Uh, so Debra silently storms off.
I like to raise line quietly to himself.
Okay, well, ten years, that's long enough.

(01:06:06):
Pretty good line.
That's the,

Mike (01:06:07):
honestly.
Good, uh, good line, good reactionbecause if, if I had a buddy that
this went through I would kind ofgo through my mind too, of like
this was, uh, this might be the end.
Debra,

Adam (01:06:18):
Debra is perhaps the maddest we've ever seen her.
Like this is the most angrywe've ever seen Debra.

Mike (01:06:26):
But also the next day is Way calmer than I think I
would have been if I were in

Alex (01:06:31):
her shoes.
She scared me with how,like, harsh she yelled.
Yeah, no, she was furious.
And I'm very glad that Marie and Frankand Robert kind of took her side on this.
Because I feel like, way too muchin the show, they Like Raymond goes
to them and tells them his side.
So they usually take hisside, especially Marie.

(01:06:51):
Yeah It's good to know thatthey're not completely biased

Adam (01:07:00):
That Marie is like at first Oh Raymond What did Deborah do like
she's so primed to be on his sideAnd then when she finds out what
he did even she's like, oh my god
What were you about to say?

Mike (01:07:15):
Oh, I was just gonna say, I mean, it would be kinda hard
to actually unironically arguethat Debra screwed up here.

Adam (01:07:20):
Somebody on IMDb did, in that negative review I mentioned, the
title of which was, Debra is a bee.

Mike (01:07:29):
Was the, was it the full word or do they just write the letter B?

Adam (01:07:32):
They write the letter B. You can't say bitch on IMDb, Mike.

Mike (01:07:36):
Oh, I thought IMDb was purposefully for bitching.

Adam (01:07:39):
No, they, well, yes, but you can't say it.
Can't say it.
It's not IMDbitch.

Mike (01:07:44):
Can we get a dramatic reading of this comment or is it just
too hateful to even worry about?

Adam (01:07:50):
It's not too hateful, it might actually be
underwhelming, but, uh, it's long.
Uh, let me pull it up.
It's gonna take me a second.
You're right, show don't tellwhen it comes to IMDB reviews.
This is not something that anyonecan find themselves, either, so it's

(01:08:10):
important that we share it with them.
Okay, user reviews.
This is from ShushuFontana, January 27th, 2020.
So, recent watch.
Oh, recent!
About five years ago.

Mike (01:08:25):
That's, uh, what month was it?

Adam (01:08:28):
January.
Oh, I This is not even a pandemic.
This is not even a

Mike (01:08:32):
pandemic watch.

Adam (01:08:34):
Uh, featured review.
Nine out of ten stars.
So, it's not a bad review.
Oh, I like this though.
Title, Deborah's a Bee.
If the wedding video actually meantthat much to her, why did ten years go
by before she even tried to watch it?
Okay, nine years since thefootball game recorded over it.

(01:08:55):
Obviously not that important untilit became a reason to whine about it.
That being said, It doesn't seemlike Ray cared enough about the game,
either, because he seemed legitimatelysurprised that the game was on
that tape, so he obviously hadn'twatched it since he recorded it.
Helpful, 3.
Unhelpful, 19.

Alex (01:09:15):
Wow, it's amazing to me that, like, he argued for both Raymond and
Deborah, and I thought he was wrong twice.

Mike (01:09:21):
Yeah, I, I'm, I'm with Alex.
He's not had a singlegood point in any of that.

Adam (01:09:30):
Uh, there's, this is, there's only one other review, um, and the
question, the review is a question.
First ever?
I am trying to figure outwhat the original show was
that ever used this joke.
When did the first TV show ever havethe same scenario that a husband, or
whoever, tapes over the wedding video?
It is a common scenario insitcoms, and I imagine it's

(01:09:52):
had to have started somewhere.
Any ideas?
I am trying to figure out Oh, andthen they Then they say the same
thing again, and then in parentheses,had to put it again to meet the
minimum character requirements.
Helpful?
Zero.
Unhelpful?
One.
That's from January 20 That'sfrom January 25th, 2024.

Mike (01:10:16):
Why are so many people reviewing

Adam (01:10:18):
this now?
That's two weeks ago.

Mike (01:10:23):
No, no, no.
That's over a year ago.
Uh, oh shit.
It's 20, 25 comment is morerecent than this podcast.
That's that's

Alex (01:10:33):
yeah, that's crazy.
They made this post when we werelike halfway through season three.

Adam (01:10:38):
This

Alex (01:10:38):
is

Adam (01:10:39):
Mike Redden's only contribution to IMDB.

Mike (01:10:45):
Uh, Adam, I'm going to place a vote that you, uh, mark
both of those as unhelpful.
Um, I would

Adam (01:10:51):
have to, Mike, I would have to log in to IMDB, which I haven't done
in three years of doing this podcast,and I'm not going to start now.

Mike (01:11:00):
Yeah, enough.
Okay.
Okay.

Adam (01:11:02):
So, mad as Debra's ever been.

Mike (01:11:06):
Debra's a bee.

Adam (01:11:07):
According to, uh, Shushu.

Mike (01:11:10):
Shushu.
Shushu says Debra's a bee.

Adam (01:11:13):
Marie and Frank's Kitchen.

Mike (01:11:14):
No, no, she can be a bee.
It's okay to be a bee.
It's

Adam (01:11:17):
okay to be a bee.
It's

Mike (01:11:18):
okay to be a bee.

Adam (01:11:20):
This is what, uh, taping over my wedding video taught
me about bee to bee marketing.
You ever see a LinkedIn post?

Mike (01:11:28):
LinkedIn influencer post, yeah.

Adam (01:11:30):
You ever see a LinkedIn post?
Um, Marie and Frank's kitchen the nextmorning, it seems like Ray slept there?

Mike (01:11:41):
I could understand, well actually no, he should sleep on the couch, but
I can understand why he wouldn't wantto deal with Debra at that moment.

Adam (01:12:00):
Marie and Frank's wearing the same clothes, disheveled.
Frank comes in Marie comes in all chipper.
Frank comes in demanding eggs, criticizingMarie for skimping on the yolks recently.
Daddy gets his yolks.

Mike (01:12:15):
Daddy gets his yolks.
Ever refer to yourself And then Marie

Adam (01:12:17):
has a good retort.
Uh, do you ever in a Uh, Culinaryor, uh, restaurant context,
refer to yourself as daddy or no?
I feel like Depends onwho I'm cooking for.
Yeah.
Not as a Myself?
Absolutely.
So as a chef, you will,but not as a customer.

Mike (01:12:40):
Correct.

Adam (01:12:42):
Depends who's cooking.

Mike (01:12:43):
Oh yeah, actually, you're right.
No.
No, I Yeah, no.
Depends.

Adam (01:12:49):
What?
What are you trying to tell us, Mike?
It's okay.
You can open up.

Mike (01:12:53):
I There are occasions in which I want to fuck the waitstaff,
and in that case, I would love torefer to myself as Daddy, okay?

Alex (01:13:02):
Yeah.
Mike's waiting for that staff.

Mike (01:13:04):
Mm hmm.

Adam (01:13:05):
And has that ever worked?
Nope.
But you do get the yolks, though.

Mike (01:13:10):
I do get all the yolks.
Daddy gets his yolks.

Adam (01:13:16):
Uh, Frank, in addition to complaining about his yokes,
complains about Robert's havingto use a walker post bull goring.
Um, good continuity.
Again, one two punch ofthe bull and this episode.
Uh, they really knowwhat they're doing here.
Robert shuffles in.
He was looking for James Lemus.

(01:13:37):
The guy who videoed Ray's wedding,he's in prison, he went from doing
wedding videos to honeymoon videoswithout the consent of the honeymooners.

Alex (01:13:45):
Which, like, okay, hear me out.
We've talked Raymond's spinoffs,this is the spinoff I want.
James Lemus, or Robertfinding James Lemus.
Oh.
I want, I want, I want thepilot episode of him doing
Raymond and Deborah's wedding.
The backdoor pilot.
And then him being like, you know, I kindof want to see what these two get up to.

Adam (01:14:07):
I'd like to see where this goes.

Alex (01:14:10):
And then, they don't get, he doesn't get caught for their honeymoon,
but he's like, there's like, like afew seasons, like every season's a new
honeymoon, and he almost gets caught.
A whole season?
It's kind of like you,but with honeymoons.
Oh, I get it.
Genius and then like whenever theygot canceled the last honeymoon,
they'll just he'll get caught

Adam (01:14:26):
makes perfect sense You could do 10 seasons 10 years between ray and
deborah's wedding and when and robert will

Alex (01:14:32):
be the beat cop on that case Connect it back.

Adam (01:14:35):
What if it's?
Robert's honeymoon with his firstwife that he gets caught on.
Or, he doesn't get caught, Robert findsout, and then he swears vengeance on the
guy who secretly videotaped his honeymoon.
Yeah, and

Alex (01:14:51):
that plants the seeds for his first wife to be like,
And you didn't even notice?
How can you protect me?
Exactly.

Adam (01:14:59):
This is good, we're gonna cut that out and we're gonna pitch that to CBS.

Mike (01:15:03):
That's the better call Saul of everybody loves Raymond.

Adam (01:15:07):
Better call Lemus.
Better

Mike (01:15:09):
call Lemus.

Adam (01:15:10):
Now there is a crew guy on IMDB named James Lemus
whose first job was in 2002.
He's a craft service guy.
It's possible, but it seems unlikely,that Aaron Schur crossed paths with him.
But it was such a specific name thatI was like, Has to be someone so I

(01:15:32):
didn't know if it was like anotherwriter from something he worked on
earlier or something, but no Probablyjust someone he knew personally.

Mike (01:15:39):
Fair enough.
Okay helpful unhelpful unhelpful,uh, but We move forward so I did like
Just to kind of, uh, go through thisa little bit, I did like that Marie
immediately suggested this thing,which is a genuinely good idea.
I did like that she immediately was like,and I'll take over it, I'll save the day.

(01:16:03):
Um, and I'm actually very happythey didn't dwell on that conflict
between Debra versus Marietaking over the whole thing.
Uh, I thought that, I thought I was alittle worried that that was gonna be,
it was just gonna be another one ofthose episodes of Debra wants Ray to
do something, Marie secretly does it.

Adam (01:16:18):
Yeah, that was wrapped up pretty quick, but it still got a nice payoff
once we actually got to the ceremony.
Agreed.
Yeah.
Um, I do want to call out Marie's line inthis scene, um, when she's yelling at Ray.
You have taken Debra's wedding away,and no matter what people may say
about her, she's still a woman.
And you don't take that away from a woman.

Mike (01:16:39):
That's a great line.
The unnecessariness

Adam (01:16:42):
of it was very funny.

Mike (01:16:44):
One of my favorite things to do when I just want to mess with
people is just in the middle of aconversation, being like, I don't care
what people say about you, you're great.

Alex (01:16:55):
And then walk away.
And then just Wait a second.

Mike (01:16:57):
Yeah,

Adam (01:16:58):
you said that to me earlier today

Mike (01:17:01):
several times.
Yes, and it's true.
I really don't care what they say

Adam (01:17:06):
Thanks, Mike.
That means a lot to me.

Alex (01:17:09):
Yeah what they all say and all the and they comment to

Adam (01:17:14):
The comments are like

Mike (01:17:19):
unhelpful

Adam (01:17:23):
Ray pitches the vow renewal to Debra.
Um, it's clearly not aboutthe tape for Debra, you know?
It's about the considerationof taping over the wedding.
It's not about the wedding tape itself.
And so, I think it's, um, Interesting forher character that she's won over not by

(01:17:44):
the idea of the vow renewal necessarilyBut by the idea of Rey writing new vows
and like putting an effort into it um,I thought that was nice and You know
if Rey were a better man I'd have fullconfidence in him that he could execute
this and make something really special.
But um, yeah No, I Ikind of liked this scene.

Mike (01:18:09):
I liked the scene a lot.
Actually.
I thought it was Well done.
They were funny jokes, butoutside of that, yeah, it was
a good moment for Ray and Deb.
I liked it.

Adam (01:18:18):
Okay.
Ray and Robert planning thewedding on the kitchen table.
Let me ask you a question.
Mike, I know the answer, but Alex,have you ever bought porn to save
face while buying something else?

Alex (01:18:36):
Mmm, it depends.
Have you, what do you think I, okay,well, okay, I've, I've bought porn to
save face from me buying a worse porn.
Where it's like, oh no, I didn't mean toget that one, I meant to get this one.
Dude, that's where you would get

Mike (01:18:54):
You come in with like

Adam (01:18:55):
your wad of hundreds out and you're like, I can afford this, and
you buy like fancy porn to like keep upappearances, is that what you're saying?

Alex (01:19:03):
And then you get the one you really want and it's like, oh
I guess I have a little, I guessI'll give this a try, whatever, I
don't, I don't, I don't need it.

Adam (01:19:11):
Where are you buying porn?
No, seriously, I have

Alex (01:19:13):
not.

Adam (01:19:14):
Where are you buying porn that there are, there's something
that you would be embarrassed aboutgetting but not the other Porn.
The,

Alex (01:19:23):
the, the ceiling fan store.

Adam (01:19:25):
Oh.
Yeah, where they have it at the checkout.

Alex (01:19:29):
Well, yeah, well, they only, there's only fans there.

Mike (01:19:35):
Nice.
Uh, Adam, Adam, can you put in a,a boo soundtrack after that joke?

Alex (01:19:40):
No.
Hey, that was good.

Mike (01:19:43):
was so good.
It was so good,

Alex (01:19:44):
I had to explain it was speechless.
That

Mike (01:19:46):
was rough.
Actually, actually, just that radiosilence just extended for like three
times as long as it actually happened.
Um.
See, this is where you and I differ, Alex.
I don't feel shame about the porn I buy.
Do

Adam (01:20:06):
you wanna

Alex (01:20:06):
Okay, Mike.
Do you wanna expoundon the details of that?
Do you, do you want, like,the national anthem to play
behind you when you say that?
I would

Mike (01:20:13):
love that, actually.
We could, we could put a nationalanthem over that porn statement.
That would be fantastic.

Adam (01:20:20):
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Mike is now going to read his
porn statement and, uh, he will bebacked up by the Marine Corps Band.
Give it up for the MarineCorps Band, everyone.

Mike (01:20:30):
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Uh, my fellow Americans, I justwant to say that I dream of a world
Where no one, anywhere, ever, hasto feel shame about referring me by.

Alex (01:20:44):
Bald eagle.

Adam (01:20:48):
Doing a 21 gun salute.
I was not shooting you in the head.
Working on a, working on a motif.
Robert suggests Cupid.
Ray's brilliant idea is an English garden.
It's classy.
Um.
And Sunday tea.
No dinner.
I don't know if you need a motif.

(01:21:09):
I think just classy is enough.
Like, you know, some nice flowersand decorations and you're sorted.
Maybe if it was different in the90s you needed to have a motif.
Or the 2000s, or 2000.
Well,

Mike (01:21:24):
if you're using specifically your living room, you need to make
it feel like it's not your living

Adam (01:21:30):
room.
That is true.
Andy and Gianni comeover to watch The Game.
Another game.
Another game.
Ray, Andy, and Robert, doyou think this is the same?
Game as what Robert was coming overto watch in the cold open of Robert's
Rodeo like This is the same sport.

Mike (01:21:52):
Oh, definitely.
It's only a week apartMakes sense in timeline.

Adam (01:21:58):
Uh, they come over to watch the game Uh, they got their
invitations to the Vow Renewals.
Ray, Andy, and Robert get reallyexcited about the hors d'oeuvres.
Chicken satay, stuffed mushrooms,chocolate strawberries with little
bow ties, wearing kiwi hats.
Gianni contributes.
And then Marie comes in, holding theinvitation, offended that she didn't

(01:22:20):
get asked to plan it, and, uh, Ray'sresponse is, So is this your RSVP?
Uh, pretty funny.
But, That, I thought set up,I think it was a good idea
to put another beat of Marie.
Uh, or have that beat of Marie beingoffended that she wasn't asked to
plan it so that the payoff in thefollowing scene hits even harder.

Mike (01:22:45):
Nah, it's rule three, so I'm with you.
We, we have a, and then thefollowing scene when she does
the lasagna, it's, it's great.
I loved it.

Adam (01:22:52):
So we see the ceremony, not much to say, I don't, anything you guys
want to say about the wedding planning?
Scene.
I don't, no.
The wedding signing

Mike (01:23:01):
scene was fine.
It wasn't anything.
Give it.
Yeah.

Adam (01:23:03):
Okay.

Mike (01:23:04):
Let's go to the, the, the good stuff.
The big event.

Adam (01:23:07):
So the ceremony, uh, we've got Gerard playing the accordion.
We got Bernie, Linda Warren, Lois,Amy, father Hubley, Mary slash
Carrie Parker, uh, playing close toyou by the carpenters repeatedly.
Robert is furious about the strawberrieswearing regular ties, not bow ties.
Uh, but luckily, Ray has spared hiscomplaints by Marie and Frank coming over.

(01:23:30):
Marie comes in, just, I've got alasagna, everybody, don't worry.
And she just puts it downnext to the hors d'oeuvres.
Ray goes over to her, Ma, I don't need alasagna, please, I have hors d'oeuvres.
Marie, deadpan.
Well, then why didn't I just kill myself?

Mike (01:23:48):
Dr. Kevorkian.

Adam (01:23:49):
The funniest Marie line I've seen thus far.
Just out of nowhere.
Such a great delivery.
I laughed out loud at that.
That was great.

Alex (01:24:02):
That

Adam (01:24:04):
was a good one.
I'm with you.
And as he's talking, Ray realizesthat he forgot to write his vows.

(01:24:27):
Which is such a great payoff because theydidn't hit the vow thing on the head too
much in the initial scene to where it waslike, this is the stakes of the episode.
It was really kind of subtle and then thispayoff felt very Uh, like, strong to me.

(01:24:49):
Um,

Alex (01:24:50):
I agree.
Yeah.
I, I like, it feels very Ray, butin this kind of weird refreshing
way that is not like, it doesn'tmake me go like, ah, damn it.
It's more like, wow, he worked sohard, he forgot like the most important
part, and it's kind of like funny.
Yeah,

Adam (01:25:06):
he worked so hard on the decorations and everything, and he forgot the The
only thing that was important to Debra.

Alex (01:25:13):
It's, it's not like many of the other Ray isms where like he
had to do one thing and he didn't.
It's, no, he, he actually had a lot todo and just like The comedy in there.
It's like the it's ray, you know,

Adam (01:25:26):
it's very he did

Alex (01:25:28):
he did good, but he forgot the most important

Adam (01:25:30):
thing

Alex (01:25:31):
Yeah, it's

Adam (01:25:31):
so it's miles apart from like the checkbook where he's engaged
in this Long screw up that he justkeeps digging himself deeper on this.
Is he legitimately tried?
But just this farcical thing happens,uh, where he forgets to do one
thing that totally screws it up.
Um, Deborah ends her vowswith, I didn't write them down,

(01:25:54):
but they end with, thank you.
And then they look at Ray, and hisfirst words are, You're welcome.
His vows.
I am so happy to be here on this occasion.
Love is in the air.
Today I consider myself the luckiestman on the face of the earth.

Mike (01:26:13):
I so deeply love that he just quoted, uh, he just, he
just started doing Lou Gehrig.
I loved it.
It's such a

Adam (01:26:22):
Is that what that is?
Did you not pick up on that?
Yeah,

Mike (01:26:24):
no.

Adam (01:26:25):
Why would I know a Lou Gehrig quote?
Because

Mike (01:26:29):
it's one of the most famous speeches in, like, American history.
It's like, this one, uh, I had a dream.
Uh, you know, and then this one.
This ranks.
This ranks pretty good.
No, yeah, Lou Gehrig, uh, after beingdiagnosed with ALS, steps out and
addresses his crowd in his last gamesaying, I know you all feel sad for me.

(01:26:51):
Feel sorry for me.
But I can today I consider myself theluckiest man on the face of the earth.
So he starts quoting Lou Gehrig Whichis just I just such a great such a very

Adam (01:27:01):
funny.
Yeah.

Mike (01:27:02):
Yeah,

Adam (01:27:02):
that's such a good joke Debra realizes that he forgot his vows
instantly As she references Lou

Mike (01:27:10):
Gehrig

Adam (01:27:11):
The whole thing melts down.
Uh, Ray never told Robertto tape the ceremony.
So they didn't have Debra's vows, even.
And he starts spiraling, he's talkingabout But I did all this, look at the
hors d'oeuvres and Uh, the lilies of thevalley the damn florist didn't bring.
But Debra's like, lilies of the valley?

(01:27:32):
You remembered my flower?
Father Hubley seizes that moment.
He's like, kiss the bride,

Mike (01:27:38):
kiss her, kiss her.
Kiss her now, kiss her now.

Adam (01:27:41):
You will never get a better opening.

Mike (01:27:42):
Father Hubley's a, uh, uh, Father Hubley's for the dudes.
I love Father Hubley.

Adam (01:27:48):
Well, he follows the eleventh commandment.
Thou shalt bros before hos.

Mike (01:27:52):
Thou shalt bros before hos.
Yeah.
That was a great addition you gave me.

Adam (01:28:00):
The King Alex version.
Uh, as they're kissing, FatherHubley asks, oh, as Ray is giving
his speech, he reveals that he,uh, taped over the wedding video.
Uh, Father Hubley asks Robert as they'rekissing, if I may ask, what game was it?
Ninety one, Super Bowl, Bills and Giants.

(01:28:21):
Good game.
Good game.
Ray mid kiss.
I know, I still have it on tape.
That was funny.
That was like a He tried

Alex (01:28:31):
to, he tried to fuck it up.

Adam (01:28:32):
That was like in a 70s sitcom when they would end a
scene and everyone would applaud.
That's what that felt like.
That was such a good button on the scene.
It was.

Alex (01:28:43):
Well written.
Yeah, and then that end creditscene was also just like fire just
a nice little flip on the beginning.

Mike (01:28:50):
What a wonderful.
I'm with you Yeah, thatwas that was great All the

Adam (01:28:53):
men watching the football tape cuts back to the wedding
right before the my favorite

Mike (01:28:57):
part is you know, what happens?
You know what happens?
I forgot I

Adam (01:29:03):
Really really strong episode

Mike (01:29:06):
All around amazing episode.
I'm with you.

Adam (01:29:09):
I

Alex (01:29:09):
really like this one.
Mike, your insight on footballactually made this episode more
enjoyable for me, retrospectively.
I'm

Mike (01:29:16):
gonna try to not be offended by how surprised you sounded just
then, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Adam (01:29:22):
Mike, you finally came in handy.

Mike (01:29:26):
I know, I did it.
You did it.

Adam (01:29:28):
Speaking of doing it, I'm not talking about good old
sex, I'm talking about I know.
Our classic barometer, if we don'thave any other thoughts on the episode.
Okay?
The barometer, then, we'llturn our attention towards.
It's our, uh, classic scale from 1 to10 on which we rate Ray's performance
as a husband, brother, son, VCR.

(01:29:52):
Uh, with 10 being the great dads ofsitcom history, Danny Tanner, Uncle
Phil, and 1 being the bad men oftelevision, Walter White, Don Draper,
men who actively harm their families.
Uh, I almost called you Ray.
Alex, where is Ray coming in foryou on the barometer this week?

Alex (01:30:14):
Hit it, Ray.
Oh, it has, we will have some problems.
Look.
Honestly, if we are just looking atRaymond in the span of time from the
beginning of the episode to the end ofthe episode, I think he did great, but
do we add to the consideration of pastRaymond from 10 years ago in how we

(01:30:37):
report to how he responded to this now?
I'm gonna say I'm not going totake that into consideration
personally, but you guys can.
The reason I'm not is Uh, I feel likeour system is to rate how he responds
to situations and even though itwas his own doing, I feel like it

(01:30:57):
was so far back that, uh, I can'tfairly add it to this assessment.
Past Ray could get his own score.
He can fuck off.
He gets like a zero.
Uh, Modern Ray, I thinkdoes, like I said, great.
Um, He tries to do as much damagecontrol as possible when Debra finds

(01:31:17):
out, but there's no saving that.
She's going to be angry.
And he, like, you know, um, goingto his parents, I think they helped
him kind of get into perspectiveof how big a deal this is.
Um, And then Raymond really just kindof has this like vibe from that point
on of just like gotta make it right.

(01:31:39):
Now I think his motives are just becauseso Debra's not mad at me anymore.
But I also think it's just like, you know,just, it's just the right thing to do.
Uh, he forgot his vows but Ialready kind of talked about
how I felt about that earlier.
Um, I feel comfortable giving himlike, I'm gonna I'm gonna be pretty

(01:31:59):
high compared to where I usually am.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna give him like,I'm gonna give him a seven and a half.
Alright.
Mike?

Mike (01:32:10):
I'm gonna be all the way on the other end of that spectrum.
Uh, because, so here's my thing, right?
Okay.
Okay.
So.

Alex (01:32:17):
Nice thing, Mike.

Mike (01:32:18):
Thank you.
Can you please

Adam (01:32:20):
just zip up for now?
Oh, that's fine.
Well, no, you can show it off later.
Oh, okay.
I know you don't need my permission.
Hasn't stopped you before, butthis is a professional environment.

Mike (01:32:33):
My lawyer has discussed with me that I need And Dershowitz

Adam (01:32:37):
can go home.
Like, he doesn't have tobe with you all the time.

Mike (01:32:41):
But he's my bud.
He's got, all right, Alan, you can go.

Adam (01:32:46):
He really, without the rest of the dream team, not a great lawyer.
Got to be honest.
Yeah,

Mike (01:32:52):
he's really not.

Adam (01:32:53):
You need Carthash.
Anyway.

Mike (01:32:56):
My, my thought is that his recording over the super, over the, over the
wedding is relevant to this episode.
I can't separate the two picks.
Cannot, because this is thetime we learned about it.
If not now, when else are we goingto judge him on the Superbowl thing?
So I'm going to say it's relevant.
It's number one.
Number two, he, even though he doesindeed put a lot of effort in to

(01:33:23):
making sure this goes off well, heforgot like three or four of like
the most important things to do.
Uh, in the actual ceremony, number onebeing the vows, number two being recording
it, which is, the entire point of doing itwas to like, you know, replace the video,
and he forgot to record it, we'll leavethe values, we're not gonna, we're not

(01:33:43):
gonna care too much about, but it wouldn'tshock me if he also screwed that up, um,
but, and number four, the biggest, thebiggest thing, He got the strawberries
but with ties instead of bow ties.
What the hell's that about?
That's that it sucks.
That's that's not okay now That beingsaid he did put effort in so I can't
give him too low a score But I have toI can't give him more than I can't give

(01:34:06):
him above a five I gotta give him anegative score And I don't know if his
efforts put him all the way up to five.
I'm gonna give him a three and a half

Adam (01:34:16):
Yeah wide berth Um, yeah, it's hard to separate the art from the artist
on this one as, uh, concerns the VHS.
Um, you can't, I, a reasonable person,you know, in this court of law, a

(01:34:37):
reasonable person would look at the,Dershowitz, go home, Dershowitz, go home.

Mike (01:34:48):
If he, if it doesn't quit.

Adam (01:34:50):
If it doesn't quit, what?

Mike (01:34:51):
If it doesn't quit, you gotta go home.

Adam (01:34:56):
I go home.
A reasonable person would not grabthe case for that VHS and look at
it and think, this is a tape I canuse for, uh, recording this game.
So Ray is already starting very low andI, I, I just can't imagine he didn't

(01:35:17):
know what he was doing at the time andhoped that he wouldn't get found out.
I really, and especially with thispiece of the tape, the football
game ending before the tape ends.
That's, that's the smoking gun.
That's the glove.

Mike (01:35:33):
Yeah,

Adam (01:35:34):
that glove does fit.
You can come back, Dershowitz,you can come back in.
That glove does fit.
So, I can't acquit.

Mike (01:35:43):
If this tape stops, you have to acquit.

Adam (01:35:48):
If the tape stops rockin Mom's spaghetti.
Love rap.
I have to imagine heknew what he was doing.
I have I can't acquit.
So, I can't separate that.
I think he made a legitimateeffort to make it up to Debra.

(01:36:08):
But, like you said, Mike,he forgot to record it.
He forgot to write his vows.
I don't want to go exactly between youguys, but I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go
I'm gonna go four.
No.
I'm gonna go three.
Actually, I'm gonna golower than you, Mike.

(01:36:29):
Ooh!
Because I gotta consider that heknew, he knew what he was doing, or
he wouldn't have stopped the tape.

Mike (01:36:36):
Right.

Adam (01:36:38):
It's the only explanation.

Mike (01:36:39):
You're right.

Adam (01:36:40):
Three.

Mike (01:36:41):
Three.
So we got a three, a three anda half, and what was yours?
A seven and a half, Alex?

Adam (01:36:45):
Yep.

Mike (01:36:46):
Okay, so a 3, a 3.
5, and a 7.
5. That brings us to anoverall average of a 4.
7 for this episode.
Whoa,

Adam (01:37:00):
it's kind of disappointing that it kind of ended up right in the middle.

Mike (01:37:04):
Right, right down smack in the middle, yeah.
What if

Adam (01:37:06):
I, what if I change my score to a, a zero?

Mike (01:37:10):
What if I change my score to a negative twelve?

Adam (01:37:12):
What if I change my score, hear me out, a hundred?
For

Mike (01:37:17):
Oh, positive a hundred?

Adam (01:37:19):
Yeah, for lilies of the valley only.
I care that he remembered the flower.

Mike (01:37:24):
So in that case, the score doesn't matter, and it's almost like
this actually doesn't matter thatmuch, the brown is, the barometer
doesn't really matter that much at all.

Adam (01:37:31):
You're right, we should stick with the, the scientific method.
If I'm sticking with three,4.7 sounds right to me.
Um, cool.
Yeah.
I mean that isn't thatthe always the way though?
Like we all, all of us Americanshave different views, but we
always have to end up meeting in

Mike (01:37:51):
the middle.
Get, get the band, get the band to dothe, to do the, uh, the national anthem.
Go, go, go.
Cut that out.
Uh,

Adam (01:37:59):
as all, as, as Americans, we have to bring the, uh, we
have to meet in the middle.
Um.

Alex (01:38:05):
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.

Mike (01:38:06):
Uh.

Adam (01:38:08):
Thank you, Dershowitz.

Mike (01:38:12):
Alan, where'd you get that trumpet?

Adam (01:38:14):
Multitalented.
Mike, are you and Dershowitz an item?

Mike (01:38:21):
Not anymore, I'm with Kevorkian now.

Adam (01:38:23):
Oh right, I forgot you married Dr. Kevorkian.

Mike (01:38:25):
I married Dr. Kevorkian.

Adam (01:38:28):
Is this the only time you've changed your name?
Not from dying or being on therun, but because of marriage?

Mike (01:38:37):
I think, I think it might be, yeah.
I think, yeah, I, I, Ihave a very what might.

Adam (01:38:43):
And just to clarify, you're still a virgin, or?

Mike (01:38:47):
Yeah, we haven't consummated yet.

Adam (01:38:48):
Okay.
What, is the rule like you haveto do it in 24, you have to do
it in 24 hours or it's annulled?

Mike (01:38:56):
I don't think there's a time limit, actually.

Adam (01:38:58):
What am I thinking of?
I don't know.
Oh, I'm thinking of the episode ofFriends where Ross and Rachel get
their Vegas wedding annulled becausethey hadn't consummated it yet.

Mike (01:39:08):
That's, oh, well, that might be a rule in Vegas.
It ain't a rule for, for Kevorkian.
And

Adam (01:39:13):
you're saying I shouldn't get legal advice from Friends.

Mike (01:39:18):
I'm not saying that.
I got a ton of legal advice from friends.
You know what I learned?
Dershowitz taught me that sometimesin law, you have to pivot.

Adam (01:39:28):
All right, that's it then.
I think, uh, on that note, we shouldpivot to Look, I've spent a lot
of time with the Bible this week.

Alex (01:39:40):
I'm gonna kill you guys.

Adam (01:39:41):
So I just thought that maybe we could I hate you.
End this episode with

Alex (01:39:47):
I'm gonna jump off a I'm gonna jump off a

Adam (01:39:50):
bridge.
Kevorkian, sit down.

Mike (01:39:52):
Hey, hey, hey, we can take care of that for you.
Hey, Dr. Kevorkian

Adam (01:39:57):
Kevorkian, Mike, control your husband.

Mike (01:40:01):
Honey, honey, could you just wait outside with Alan?
Oh, all right, okay,I'll take care of him.

Adam (01:40:07):
You know what has to happen now.
I just thought we could, we could, um,pivot to sharing something, you know,
talk about all this serious stuff on here.
What about something inspiring?
Something that The listeners can takewith them into their week as, as sort

(01:40:31):
of a, a little ray of hope, you know?
Just a reminder that God is smiling downon them, and I do believe in God, sorry,
G D now, and he's really important to me,and I just think we should start spreading
the good news here on the Barone Zone.
So, I think what we'll do is we'llA, B this, and Alex, Uh, why don't

(01:40:57):
you share your favorite Bible verse?
And it can be from the KingAlex Virgin, um, version.
Sorry, Mike.
Um,

Alex (01:41:06):
Thank you.
That's my favorite virgin.

Adam (01:41:09):
Um, Rude.
But, yeah, and we'll do that, and thenwe'll have Mike do one, and then we'll
just see, you know, which one probablyresonates the best with the listeners,
given the demographics and everything.
You know, we got CambridgeAnalytica working on it, and we,
we know what people like, so.
What do you got for us, Alex?
Any closing thoughts you want toleave the listener with this week?

Alex (01:41:30):
Sure.
I'll just flip to the random page ofthe Bible because it doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Isaiah 54, 5.
For thy maker is thinehusband, the Lord of hosts.
Kevorkian,

Adam (01:41:44):
sit down.

Alex (01:41:45):
And thy redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of the
whole earth shall he be called.
Oh, okay.

Adam (01:41:54):
So not, just kind of, interesting.
No, I mean, I think that's good.
I think that sets the stagefor Alright, I'm going home.
No, no, come back, come back.
You need to do the sign off.
Come back.
You can't leave.
If you don't do the signoff, you don't get paid.
I know, we signed a contract.
It's gonna

Mike (01:42:12):
be hard to, uh, it's gonna be hard to beat that.

Adam (01:42:15):
It's gonna be hard to beat Isaiah, but I think, Mike,
you gotta try and, uh Yeah.

Mike (01:42:21):
Just speak from the

Adam (01:42:21):
heart and let the Lord speak through you.

Mike (01:42:25):
Yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna go from the Bible because you can't
beat Isaiah as we, as we discussed.
But I, I did read, um, something fromthese spiritual, uh, advisors that
I actually recently subscribed to.
Uh, it's, it's from somethingcalled the Baroness Zonis.
I don't know if you guys have heard of it.

Adam (01:42:39):
What, uh, chapter and verse?

Mike (01:42:42):
It's, it's actually just in this guy's writings.
Uh, it's just, uh, I believe it'ssecond book, chapter four, page seven.
Uh, is, is what it is, what this is.
And it, it, it, just, just a, I can'trecommend this guy highly enough.
Um, if, Baronezonus, by the way, we'llleave a link down in the description.
Um, and you guys should all sign upfor it because it's fantastic and

(01:43:04):
it is a, you know, you pay once.
Lifetime fee.
Lifetime subscription.

Adam (01:43:09):
Lifetime fee, you pay for life.

Mike (01:43:11):
You pay for life.
You pay once, you get lifetime access,uh, you pay what you want, um, one
extra, one extra episode of the Baroness,uh, of the Baron Boys every month.
And, uh, this, this comes from thereading, like I said, the second
book of the, uh, of the, of theOf the spiritual advisor Hang in
there, and I just thought that thatwas so so beautiful And so that's

Adam (01:43:35):
beautiful and i'm looking in the in the book now, and this is a dusty old
tome There's a beautiful illuminated.
It's a beautiful illuminatedmanuscript with in the margin a cat
hanging off a tree branch That's

Mike (01:43:47):
powerful

Adam (01:43:48):
stuff

Mike (01:43:49):
If I if I didn't if it wasn't for the bronizones I think That I would
have finally listened to Gavorkian.
I think it would be me.

Adam (01:43:58):
And are you sure you want to say that?
Like it's real?
Like that the Baroness Zonaskept you from committing suicide?
No, I

Mike (01:44:06):
didn't want to do that actually.
As soon as I said it, I waslike, this is a bad idea.
So, uh, we're gonna cut, we're gonnado a little snip snip on that part.

Alex (01:44:14):
Um,

Mike (01:44:15):
and we're just gonna go, you know what?
I, it's what's keeping me going.
It's what's keeping my marriagewith the doctor pretty,
pretty, going pretty strong.
Uh, and I, uh, I highly encourageeverybody to give it a try.

Adam (01:44:28):
Beautiful.
Alex, to be honest Nah, it's And Iknow you can't beat Isaiah, I know.
Can't beat Isaiah.
It's cool, man.
I've seen the t shirts,it's, they're everywhere.
Everybody knows this, youcan't beat Isaiah, but

Mike (01:44:42):
You

Adam (01:44:44):
To be honest, I feel like, based on our listeners and just the
way that the economy is right now,I feel like people are really going
to be drawn to the Baroness Onus, soI think we gotta go with Mike's this

Mike (01:44:57):
time.
You gotta go with the Baroness Onus.
Mm.

Adam (01:45:03):
Wake up Alex.
I'm sad.
I'm sorry.
I promise.
Next week we will use yours.
No.
Or Mike's one of the two.

Alex (01:45:14):
No, no.

Adam (01:45:18):
Was there any, you say that all the time.
I mean it every time.
Well, I mean, if there'sno other business, oh.
Um, Mike, I am so sorry tobe the one to tell you this.
I just got a text from your husband.
Oh yeah?
He wanted me to tell youthat he's not coming back.

(01:45:43):
He's leaving you for Dershowitz.
Apparently, it fit.

Mike (01:45:54):
No!

Adam (01:45:57):
So

Mike (01:45:58):
Damn it!
Damn it doctor.
I knew this would happen.
I'm gonna keep his last name.

Adam (01:46:05):
You're gonna keep his last name?

Mike (01:46:06):
I'm gonna keep his last name.
He's not getting away from me that easy.

Adam (01:46:08):
Nice.
That's, that's power.
That's, you know, you know, that, yes.
Yes.
Well another, another missedopportunity for Mike to have
sex, but That's a shame, Mike.
I'm so sorry.
But, um, you know, just remember, whydon't you consult with the Baroness Zonis,

(01:46:30):
and, and maybe find some peace there.
But in the meantime, I think weonly have one last thing to do
here, which is our classic sign off.
Isn't that right, fellas?

Alex (01:46:39):
Absolutely.
I guess.

Adam (01:46:41):
Okay.
Everybody

Alex (01:46:43):
loves Raymond, and we love

Adam (01:46:49):
you.
Caw!
Caw!

Alex (01:47:05):
Bald eagle.